#anyone in a similar situation have any advice w how to cope?

[yardsards]

a weirdly specific feeling but i'm assuming i'm not the only one: when you move to college but ur still financially dependent on ur abusive parents. and all ur classmates get excited about school breaks but u just feel nauseous even thinkin abt em cuz u gotta go back to the abusive hellhole til school starts again

#eliot posts #abuse mention #abuse #childhood abuse #emotional abuse #anyone in a similar situation have any advice w how to cope?

[skies-shifting]

🌙⛅ Hi systemblr!! ♡ 🌙⛅

We're the Skyshift system! We're an undiagnosed (but working on it!) DID* system of around 50 alters. I'm the host, Meia!

*we're pretty sure it's DID after tons of research abt it and similar disorders. might be wrong tho, we're not professionals!

We're a very fictive-heavy system bc of a reliance on fiction as a coping mechanism, so please don't judge!

✨ general system info ✨

We've been a system since we were no older than 6, but I as the host have only been aware of it for a couple years now, since 2019.

I (Meia) am not the original host, but I've been the host from a very young age. The original host I believe integrated with myself and a traumaholder.

Most, if not all, of our mental issues stem from the childhood abuse + neglect we experienced, along with long-term isolation at a young age and csa.

We rely heavily on fiction as escapism, especially anime. Like I said earlier, that means we are very fictive-heavy. Respect that we do not choose or control who forms in our system, or how many of us are fictive or not.

💫 host + common fronters 💫

💫Meia (they/them): Host! Semi-human? Formed based off of the 'magical girl' trope in anime, integrated with a shadow person alter and now I'm not entirely sure what I am. My role was originally to keep myself, the system, and the people we care about happy, or at least appear so. Now I just want everyone to be safe and enjoy themselves! You can find more about me on my carrd!

🎮Alex (he/him): Main Protector + Co-host. Very chill, 'ironcially' self-proclaimed gamer, stealer of snacks. Basically like every middle school boy but he's 17-18. Usually comes out when Meia is overwhelmed or when they can't handle a situation.

🌹Camelia (she/her): Primary caretaker. Does a lot of self-care, cooking, cleaning, etc when other alters can't or won't. Also helps calm alters when they're not doing well. Very caring and soft. Cottagecore lesbian vibes- really likes flowers!

💋Juniper (she/any): S*xual alter/protector. Can change gender depending on what someone is attracted to, but is female by default. Proud thot. Will front for sexual situations, voluntary or no. She was formed to be able to enjoy even the horrible involuntary things we endured.

⛅ other notable alters ⛅

🍼Mallow* (she/her, child alter)

⚠Virus (they/it, digital protector)

❌R* (she/they, su!c!d4l alter)

🔥Ruth (he/him, anger holder?)

❓Zero (they/them, traumaholder)

🎀Princess* (she/her, traumaholder/child alter)

♦Homura Akemi (she/her, gatekeeper)

♏Vriska Serket (she/her, protector)

🐾Meulin Leijon (she/her, traumaholder)

🐰Usagi* (she/her, traumaholder/child alter)

❄Fuyumi Todoroki (she/her, caretaker)

💉Himiko Toga (she/her, yandere alter)

📱Yuno Gasai (she/they, yandere alter)

🎭Ayano Aishi (she/they/it, yandere alter)

🌷Nihachu (she/her, caretaker)

✂Liu Woods (he/him, h0m!cidal alter)

⚡Yuu Nishinoya (he/him, fragment?)

📍Ray* (she/it, traumaholder)

*real name not disclosed for safety reasons.

🌟 tags 🌟

#😶anon - posted by an alter who does not wish to be known

#about us - a post w/ info related to our system or one of our alters

#stardust✨ - info and advice

#fireflies🔆 - posts from littles

#sunset🌅 - n.s/f.w posts

#glittery🌌 - wholesome and funny posts

#motherfcker - vent about my abusers

✴ dni ✴

'endogenic / non-traumagenic systems' and supporters

syscourse (system blogs who also do syscourse sometimes are fine)

(no)maps

ed vent, 'thinspo,' + similar (ed vent sideblogs are fine if it won't show in activity often)

n.s/f.w and k!nk blogs (again, sideblogs are fine)

anyone who disrespects us, our rules, or our triggers will be blocked without hesitation.

--♡- tysm for reading this through!! enjoy your stay! -♡--

#did #did system #system #system blog #alters #traumagenic system #dissociative identity disorder #did blog #intro #about us #💫Meia

[bookwyrminspiration]

hi, it’s the anon who sent the ask about online schooling. I personally find it extremely draining, but all ur points resonated w/ me and I find it interesting that even though we face similar difficulties (scheduling, making the effort to interact w/ people, etc), we have opposing opinions on it. as u said, its up to a person to decide what their stance on the subject is. and actually, related to that, I think it also depends on how pos/negatively they view it. so !! as someone who is feeling rather exhausted of online schooling atm, i was wondering if u have any tips on overcoming the negatives of it (lack of discussion, organization, etc)?

hello! welcome back, nonsie! I think finding online schooling draining is fairly common, which is why so many people push to come back despite concerns about safety. Not saying you're one of them, just that the fatigue is not singular to you.

I can try to give you some tips, but I don't know how useful they'll be so please feel free to modify anything you need to or to disregard everything. That being said, my biggest issues online are scheduling, and my biggest in-person are interacting with others and combating anxiety. So that's where I'm approaching this from in terms of difficulties, but there may be more I can help with so feel free to ask about it!

under a cut to save space

Change as needed. If you're like me, you jumped between a lot of different methods of coping to try and figure out how to exist during all this chaos. This means I tried a lot of different schedules, different approaches to interacting with others, different study methods. And of course, seeing as this is so new, there's a lot that's not going to work for you. So my advice here is that as soon as you recognize that something you're doing is starting to fail you--regardless of whether it's worked in the past--find something else. Change it now before you get stuck in the rut trying to make it work when it clearly isn't. Even if it's been successful in the past, if it isn't right now try something else, even if only for a little bit before going back to your original method.

An example of this would be how you study. Over the summer I had four classes that I need to complete, so I set aside four hours a day to do homework, one for each. it was great! I got assignments done early, stayed on top of every class, and wasn't very stressed. But as the semester went on I had trouble staying focused for the entire hour and ended up slipping, assignments being completed in a rush right before they were due, only able to do 30 minutes of work at a time if I was lucky. Clearly, my schedule stopped working, but I kept trying despite the evidence. That just made everything harder, so I should've changed my approach, created a new schedule to deal with my temporarily shorter attention span, using that until I could return to the hour long sessions if ever.

No one else needs to see what you do. This one is more about organization and letting you adapt more to yourself than what is helpful for others. I don't know about you, but I know that personally organizing things like keeping track of homework and keeping my room clean is an all or nothing situation. I either have a complete color coded list for the week or just try and remember everything. My room is either immaculate or I can't tell which shirt I'm looking at amongst the four others on the floor (downside to wearing all black). So I tried a lot of methods I found on line: keeping a planner, creating a discord only I had access to to send myself messages of tasks, downloading apps, etc. They didn't work for me. So what I've found most helpful is just doing whatever method will be effective in the moment. And no one else needs to see it, so it doesn't need to make sense to anyone but you.

Sometimes I write a to-do list in huge lettering on my arm in bright colors so that it's always with me and i have to remember it later. Sometimes I write a post it note and put it somewhere I can't avoid interacting with it, like my laptop screen. Sometimes I use that discord I created and send myself a message about a thing I need to do. No one method works for me, so whichever method I remember in the moment is the one I use, a combination of the most effective parts.

For organizing a room, I apply this by making it make sense to me, creating a series of places I keep things. For example, my books are on my bookshelf, but that's also where I keep my wallet and my glasses and they have specific spots I put them. No one else would think to look for them there, but that's where I always set them down, so it became their place. My speaker is on top of my sticky notes. I have a hanging organizer in my closet so I can shove laundry in there that I would otherwise leave on the floor, things like jeans that aren't dirty enough to put in the hamper but don't feel clean enough to put back in the dresser. There's probably a better place for all those things, but that's where they are and it makes sense to me. it's effective, and that's the result I need. No one else needs to understand it but you. I do think it's also important to lower your expectations when it comes to your room. It takes so much more effort to clean your room and keep it nice than the rest of a house or apartment--you are fitting your entire life in there!! Adults have the entire place to spread out their belongings, able to dedicate rooms to different things, but you have the one to fit everything in. Of course it's gonna look messier.

School isn't the world. Now I don't know how helpful this would be because I don't particularly mind the lack of discussion on online classes, so this is more just what my life is like than me trying to cope with anything. I will be honest: I don't think there's anyone at my school that I care about. I don't consider a single person there my friend and my favorite people there are the teachers (I have excellent teachers). School doesn't have to be the entirety of your social world, though it can be a huge part especially as a student. If you want more interaction than what online school provides, there are people in other places to talk to. I personal turn a lot to online spaces, interacting with people on discord and tumblr and making acquaintances that way--and then I can also find people who are more like me and share more interests, which makes the bond stronger.

I'm aware that I may be a little alone on that one, as I know a lot of people value in person friendships more than I do. I feel more authentically me when in writing and online that's how people perceive me. They see my words and that's how they get to know me, and I like that. There are parts of me you don't see online that are genuine, like the cadence of my voice or how fast I talk when I get going about something I'm interested in or all the stimming I do, or the way I dress and the color I've dyed my hair. But that's something I'm personally okay with. I feel more articulate in written word, so I really value online friendships (not saying you don't, just sharing my experience)

I guess I'm saying this kind of goes back to the change as needed one. If you aren't interacting with people as much as you want, change something until you see improvement. interact with people online or in person outside of school if it isn't providing what you want. I don't know how helpful that is, but it's how I deal with not being friends with the vast majority of people I see in person.

Check in with yourself. This is getting long so this'll be the last one, I promise. Online school can be incredibly draining, but that's worsened when you're not taking care of yourself. Maybe today feels harder; did you forget anything? Do you need to drink water, grab a snack, talk to someone? Do you need to stretch, stim, get some fresh air? When's the last time you took a shower? Have you brushed your teeth today? Are you dressed for the weather? When's the last time you changed your clothes? Is your environment helping or hurting you? Do you need to clean? Have you done something you enjoy recently? Things like that. Taking care of all the little things builds up and can make it easier to get through the rest of the icky.

It may be something you need to be strategic about with how much energy you have. For example, cleaning my room and showering go together for me. I can't just do one. If I clean my room and haven't showered in a while then I feel dirty and uncomfortable, and if I shower but my room is a mess than I feel icky to be in it. So I have to remember that I can't plan for just one and both have to be done together, otherwise I won't be able to get anything else done effectively.

Check in with what it is you need, mentally and physically, so that you're kinder to your current a future self. You don't need to suffer.

I don't know if any of that is helpful, but I wasn't sure exactly what you might need so I tried to be more vague so it's more applicable to whatever it is you're experiencing. Online classes can really, truly suck, but they aren't forever. You'll get through them <33

#if there's anything more specific or confusing you'd like me to clarify please let me know #I've done a lot of online schooling so I have some measure of authority on the subject #if I had to pick the most important one on this list though I think it'd be the changing as needed #every time I look back on where I struggle if I'd tried changing something i think it would've been greatly improved #and it's applicable to basically everything #sometimes trying to stick it out or force something to work makes it worse instead of making you determind or perservering #*determined #quil's queries #nonsie #online school #student advice #online classes #online learning #damn this response is like 1599 words #i've written shorter essays

[datastate]

any nd hcs for hornet? imo there's pretty strong evidence for her at least being autistic but i'd be interested in seeing your take!

YESSS i do think she’s autistic as well!! specifically low-empthy i think... + not. a specific nd hc but i do figure she deals w some bouts of apathy considering. you know,  being one of the few who watched hallownest’s fall and survived. there’s hardly anyone left for her on such a personal level to help her cope healthily.

based on canon evidence, i feel like something people miss abt hornet’s character is that she’s not aggressive or verbally harsh. she presents how she views people and situations in a plain manner, which is often read as cold in comparison to how others speak with ghost. bc she likely wasn’t raised in a situation where she’d have to mask often, speaking w others she will present things in a ‘first things first’ manner because that is how her mind tends to sort through situations / issues to move on from much introspection (though there are obviously some times where she has to confront it. specifically regarding herrah, but i won’t get into that right now.) she is mostly up-front with her indifference and wariness when presented with someone new, and it’s unlikely she would be able to completely drop this mindset even if she was able to connect w someone / become fond of them, example being her siblings.

leaning into hcs now, i think her main version of caring for them would be through protecting them, as she would have difficulty trying to deal with sorting through emotional stuff - especially because it doesn’t fit w her mindset of ‘doing this to get this result’ that she’s crafted from her years of experience; wrt emotional situations you have to try to listen and figure out what each individual person needs, it’s never the same for everyone. hornet’s not often the type of person to sit still in wait, she would offer advice for how to act and probably not be able to realize that. that’s not what this person needs right now (probably, wrt thk, it may make it a bit worse actually for a small while until they speak up)! she would gladly change what she does once the other speaks up, but in the meantime it’s just a whole lot of ‘i can’t understand why you’re acting this way, why are you fine staying idle, etc.’

i think she’s more touch averse than she shows. the first few times, regardless of how close you ‘actually are’ w her, she’ll jump back the first few times (and maybe cut you if you aren’t someone she knows.) she learns to tolerate it after a while, but. she will physically be on edge (even w her siblings; the only ones who can touch her w/o her recoiling would be herrah and isma). it’s better for you to wait for her to initiate it, or if you do want to show her affection it’s better in other ways ! she finds more comfort in just spending time in each other’s presence or... gifts, similar to what the weavers used to do.

this! does remind me there’s a hc that hornet’s cloak was from the weavers right? i wonder if that is just. a huge comfort for her, and if she spends a lot of her spare time just keeping it in shape because. you know. not only because of it being representative of her people, but bc she’s got a close attachment to it... a bit unrelated to nd stuff, but i do think it makes her feel closer to herrah in my ver, seeing as it was herrah’s old cloak that she took on for herself after herrah was put to rest.

this does kind of lean into herrah now, but. i do think while she was alive she was able to help hornet out with the earlier times apathy + depression really hit hard, giving her tips on how to keep going seeing as she dealt w something similar for most of her life. herrah knew she wouldn’t be w hornet forever, but it’s still nice just... being able to present that advice in the hopes she’d find some comfort in it instead of stewing in this stuff that persisted for years in herrah’s case, when she was younger and couldn’t really. get out of it... and i’m sure hornet took some of it to heart and it did contribute to her mindset of often finding even the smallest things to use to jump forward despite the weight.

#sorry for taking so long getting to this... i genuinely kept forgetting i had asks ahbvsmg #;-; i don't really have much to add... i thinks he's fairly grounded in comparison to others due to her. environment. #anyway yes... good. if you've got more 'canon' evidence for this i'd like to hear #hk posting #ask #anonymous #long post

[banglatown]

21 tips i’ve learned in my 21 years for relationships

MAKE! YOUR! INTENTIONS! CLEAR! if you do not want a committed long-term relationship, pls make it known, your wants and needs are valid, do not feel pressured into a commitment you are not ready for, if they respect you, they will understand.. not to mention; you can always change your mind, just remember to communicate!

do not just assume someone is your significant other .. use your words and TALK TO THEM .. other human beings do not exist for you to project onto them, if you’d like them to be your significant other, ask .. they might just say yes lol

less serious .. but if anyone ever asks you to turn on your location for them on snapchat ... don’t . just don’t . trust me that it is an unhealthy tool to utilise .. on either side .. snap is creepy and will let the person who has your location on know what you’re doing at tht exact time .. honestly 🚩 the moment they ask but if you want more of an explanation, it will let them know if you’re asleep... if you’re listening to music.. if it’s raining where you are... if you’re driving.. if you’re on a bus.. and of c the last one, when you were last active 🙃 just don’t, okay

for god’s sake, if you buy your significant other something, that’s great, cool, fine, don’t constantly bring it up over and over again .. whether it’s how hard you worked to get it, how much trouble you went through to get it, or how expensive it was... no, just stop .. don’t .. it’s so crass .. and i promise you, they’ll probz never want you to buy them anything ever again .. so .. just give the present and Go

IF they make apparent to you that valentine’s day is something they want to celebrate... I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABT WHAT COMMERCIALISED HOLIDAY DO RE MI FAH SO LA LA LA .. you fucking participate.. if they mention valentine’s day more than TWICE .. they rly want you to at the very least acknowledge valentine’s day w them .. don’t be that ‘valentine’s day is a commercial jssuejjejwksjd-’ prick, no, friendly reminder that this is why no one likes you .. if you feel tht the person you love wants you to acknowledge hearts day w them .. just do it fgs ..

no. 1 cuntiest thing you can do is to assume someone has free time, no, no they do not, if you’re going to assume anything, assume that they’re busy, at least this way you’ll come across as being courteous when asking them whatever it is you want them to engage in whether it's a phone call or wanting to go out w them, do not think you are entitled to someone else's time

don’t fall for potential .. some ppl just don’t change .. ik some ppl can’t handle hearing tht but i’m sorry darling we don’t live in a fairytale world where ppl w toxic tendencies drop them as soon as they see your face, we live in this one and it’s not your place to try and fix them

nip things in the bud, ppl make mistakes as we are all human and therefore intrinsically flawed but if any foul play ever takes place nip it THERE AND THEN ..

sometimes ppl need their space, different ppl cope w hurt in different ways so if you ever do upset the person you love, don’t just expect them to accept your apology the moment you feel bad and say sorry ... when apologising to someone you need to give them their own time to process

this ones for my muslims, if a significant other ... EVER ... tells you to cover your hair .. x them out of your life ... nope nope nope .. your relationship w god is PERSONAL .. and the very fact that some ppl think it’s appropriate to go abt telling ppl to ‘cover their hair’ is fucking ridiculous.. they’ve very clearly over estimated their own importance in this situation, they’re not shit .. you don’t need someone like tht i promise

i’m a firm believer of how a person treats their friends shows a lot of their character .. if they without any ounce of irony say the sentence “i hate all my friends” ... do not get involved w them, they’re bad news, trust me, if they can’t be nice to the ppl they call friends, sweetheart what makes you think they’ll be different towards you?

this one’s for my desis .. pls do some form of a bg check on their family ,,, PLEASE .. if you’re desi yk .. if not idk .. good for you innit 

but speaking of families .. this sounds peculiar but ask abt their relationship w their relatives .. don’t just assume tht just bc you get on well w your familials, tht they will too, ask them abt their family, don’t be overbearing abt it .. but ask cordially

i was debating on whether i should include this or not but some of you completely lack human decency so i suppose i have to .. for the love of all that is fucking holy, if someone ever asks you the question “did you miss me?” SAY YES .. FOR GOD’S SAKE .. you don’t need to get into the semantics of ‘well, i didn’t have time’ 🚫 ‘well do you want me to lie’🚫 or whatever else you heartless cowards say ... simply, say “yes, i did” it’s something so small but it can make someone so fucking happy

listen, rly fucking listen, don’t listen w the intent of saying whatever you want to say, rly take in what tht person is saying to you and anyway “when you talk you repeat what you already know, when you listen you might learn something new”

in a similar vein, don’t assume that just bc someone is complaining or venting or ranting to you tht they want your advice ... they don’t .. the only time they want advice is .. shock horror .. when they ask for it .. sometimes ppl just want to rant, let them, be a safe space

idk why the whole ‘arguments are normal’ thing .. is a thing .. bc it’s not and i feel as though it’s as a result of such thinking that many ppl stay w ppl who just aren’t right for them bc ‘arguments are normal’ but .. newsflash .. they’re rly fucking not, i promise you, yes, where there is more than one person, disagreements are BOUND to arise, but arguments? full fledge shouting matches? .. where the both of you are intentionally trying to hurt each other, no . this is not normal, an argument is serious and should be dealt as such, do not start an argument for no reason, idk why being ✨toxic✨ is a thing .. you are dealing w a real person w real emotions ..

love is mutual generosity, you CANNOT afford to be selfish, the moment you become selfish you will hurt the other person, for the sake of god rmbr you do not own the other person, so pls don’t treat them like they’re property .. it’s not a nice feeling .. i only say all this to bring up, another human being’s BODILY AUTONOMY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU ... you either get it or you don’t

REPEAT AFTER ME! anyone who tries to dull your sparkle instead of enhancing it IS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!

pls don’t take this the wrong way but .. try to avoid ppl who are insecure as fuck.. insecure ppl will suck the living light out of you ... ik ik i sound mean but you’ll thank me for it later .. sweetheart, ik, they’ve gone through tough times and they’ve somehow managed to make you feel like ~yOu’Re gOiNg tO bE tHe oNe tHt sAvEs tHem~ but no .. baby, therapists make good money, don’t do that shit for free, not to mention; oh they will be cruel to you :) -10/10 do not recommend

last but not least, do not bother pursuing a relationship w someone who has completely different morals to you .. by tht i mean if you’re a feminist and they’re the type of person who slut-shames women for breathing ... yk, as the adage goes “when someone shows you who they are, believe them” 

#it’s taken me a while to compile this so i hope you all like it! i just thought since a lot of you found me after i began my shenanigans w #big sis beebs hours 🕰🤎🧸 #i always wanted to do like a list of things which i believe ppl don’t talk abt enough when it comes to relationships .. some of you may know #tht tumblr has been w me throughout my entire developmental teen years & so it’s watched me bloom from a 13 yr old to now 21 .. which is #kinda wild .. but anyway; i stopped using tumblr when i was 18 i believe? this is when all the big changes took place and tumblr suddenly #became a v stressful place for me to be ... but then as lockdown began i found myself missing tumblr so i came back a whole 2 years later #lol .. and i am #so glad i did as i have found my own community of ppl who i love oh so much .. you all mean THE WORLD to me! i hope you know tht! #the fact tht so many of you see me as a big sister means everything to me and as a big sister i feel obliged to keep you away from things i #wish i had known .. which is what this post was born out of #i would like to thank you all for your never ending support and kindness shown my way; you all rly make my heart so happy; all of you; even #my babies on anon 🥺🍓 w you all i have own circle and i hope you know how much i value you 💖💓✨💕 #for my birthday; all i want is for you all to be kind to yourselves; that’d mean the world to me 🏹💌🌷✨ #thank you for all that you all havs done for me ✨💌 i hope this post is helpful! i am always here for you 🦋 #oh also; one more little thing; rmbr we help ppl to learn to love their insecurities; not give them new ones 🔐 #beebs.txt

[moved-to-y3s4rs0n]

Won't you look at that, more 3AM vent art. It's from a sketch I had posted on my instagram art account a while back. I used to add more and more things and details to the sketch every time I wasn't feeling mentally well as a way to vent, if that makes sense?? (Don't ask what's up with the mask, I don't even know, myself--) I found my chance to digitalize it and I took it, time taken was about four or five hours and now my eyes hurt-- I also don't know if I should put a mature content filter on this??? Welp since I'm used to giving context, let me introduce you Leviathan. Yeah, that psychotic demon boi with the mask n horns n such. Over the years, I have created characters with special abilities which they use as outlets of their emotions, of some short. Then one day I thought about creating an actual character that could be used as an outlet. Honestly, idk how to explain all this so here's the main idea. I created Leviathan not only as a character, but also as a way to vent, in a way. Now before you all start calling me a weird depressing bish, let me explain-- Leviathan isn't supossed to always be and look like this. He is supossed to be some sort of entity that connects to one's psychological state and also gets 'affected' by mental ilnesses. For instance, if 'I' am feeling down or depressed, his form would start shifting into a more demonic and unsettling one, while if 'I'm' happy, he can shift into a human(oid) form. (The reason I'm putting the '' thingies before and after the I's is to show that he only exists through art and interacts with my persona/oc, I don't see demons in real life-) You could also say that he is sort of bipolar, as he gets more decieving in the more demonic form, and usually can be quite rude and deliberately make offending or hurtful comments. Which if you think about can also be a 'symbolization' of my pessimism, self-consiousness and/or dysphoria, and maybe even anxiety or paranoia about how others view me. He would also be the type of guy to suggest rash and stupid things, such as "Oh they must be avoiding you so you should probably get locked up in your room with sad music and never try to talk to them again because you're just making things awkward" -He's not very helpful at that statem is he. However, he can also be possitive, give advice and even be supportive, if he's in a good mood himself. That's also where he appears more human. I guess what gave me the idea of him shifting forms depending on one's mental state is generally how people tend to feel when they deal with negative feelings. At least, personally, when I get depressed, I tend to feel like I keep doing things wrong and also (even if it's not good for me) tend to avoid situations, facing my problems and talking to others. It normally will take me a while to snap out of it and talk to friends, for example and try to explain that I don't have any personal with them and don't avoid them deliberately. Which is pretty awkward, ngl. I also tend to view problems way more seriously than I should, and everything seems hard, which makes me feel pretty useless at that time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that things get way scarier for me when I am in that state of mind, and I constantly feel threatened, as well as anxious because I keep thinking that something bad will happen. Thus, the threatening/unsettling form of Leviathan. While when I start feeling better, I feel stupid, as looking back, I seemed to feel all that helplessness for no reason. Meaning that I was overthinking about things and let all the negative thought get the best of me at situations that weren't all that hard in reality. Thus, Leviathan's more human, friendly form, as I feel like all the negative feelings have washed off, or at least are not as present at that time period. I honestly hope that all made sense to you who actually read through the whole text, lmao. Having gotten all that out of the way, if anyone wants to do a similar concept or even use Leviathan as an outlet for themselves as well, they are free to do so!! But if you use him, please let me know and tag me. ;w; You should also expect some shitposts and memes with him. Also, small disclaimer just in case anyone takes all this the wrong way. I am by no means 'encouraging' depression, any mental ilness, or any self-distructive coping mechanism. I like to use my art as a way to vent my emotions, especially if they are severe at a certain moment, as I really don't have any other outlets that work as well as art does for me. If you experience any 'severe' emotions, or have tendencies to hurt yourself, please talk to someone, as there are a lot of people willing to help you through the struggle.♡

#vent #oc #original character

[menalez]

how did you parse the difference between true attraction to men and comp het? i’ve identified as bi for a long while and even dated men, but i feel like the more i look at it, it was just comp het and coping with trauma by being hypersexual rather than true attraction. i know you’ve mentioned vaguely similar issues before, so how did you figure it out?

the first hint for me was being so attracted to a girl in my school that i felt almost confused by it, like What is this feeling??? what does it mean?? and after talking to my then-boyfriend, i realised it was attraction (thanks to him. he’s the one who said “now you can understand how i feel about you” when i told him about it). i remember back when i was questioning whether im a lesbian, id obsessively take sexuality tests over and over again. i followed the “compulsory heterosexuality” and “comphet” tag on tumblr and would read the experiences of other women who’ve experienced similar. id think through my history with men, and compare my “attraction” to them to my attraction to women. id ask myself: WHY do i think im attracted to men? what are signs of me being attracted to men? and as i broke it down i realised i did not find male bodies attractive nor appealing whatsoever nor have i ever, i realised that i actually grew up confused by people’s interest in male bodies, that all my sexual encounters with men were traumatic and unenjoyable to me regardless of what they did, that the only times i enjoyed partaking in sexual activities with men was when id close my eyes and fantasise that the person between my legs was a woman, that i hardly found men physically attractive & at most could appreciate it in the rare cases that i found a man who’s Very good looking (but even then it never translated to attraction, it was moreso “wow, he looks so good! how does he do it?”), i noticed just how different my attraction to women was in comparison, i realised that i felt so much shame & disgust over any interaction i had with men even tho i had no reason to feel that way, i could never imagine a future with any men that was a happy one. like it was always such a depressing idea of the future and such a hopeless one too & i didn’t understand Why that was back then, my attraction to men was almost a choice like “ok... he likes me. ill like him then” or “he seems good looking. ok i have a crush on him now” but it was never natural or automatic the way it was for women, id find features relating to males nauseating or unattractive (their chests, the way their body hair looks, their frame, their voices, their genitals, their hips, their facial hair, etc), and i also noticed that men did not cause me to feel any arousal nor any kind of romantic feelings. i thought about my entire life & everyone ive been attracted to, comparing it to what i knew was genuine attraction (my attraction to girls & women throughout my life) to the attraction i was unsure of. i came to realise most men i “liked” were ones i “liked” bc i actually liked their girlfriends or the women they’re interested in, what i perceived as jealousy of the other women was actually jealousy of the men. i noticed that most men i “liked”, i spent far more time thinking of the women somehow involved with them, than the men themselves. what i thought were “butterflies” bc of some sort of attraction to men were actually just discomfort and anxiety. a lot of it, i realised, was just me trying to feel normal among my (girl) friends who were quite into boys.

but honestly the real way i became sure of it was when i took someone’s advice on tumblr stating that i should sleep w men and focus on how i feel and whether im enjoying the sexual situation or not. it said something like “centre yourself and allow yourself to experience it fully”. for once, i had sex with a man without allowing myself to dissociate or fantasise about someone else. it was horrible & torturous and i distinctly remember crying afterwards and just wanting it to end so badly throughout, it felt similar to my rape almost and i wouldn’t recommend for anyone questioning that they may be a lesbian to go through such lengths. but by the time i did it, i knew that i was a lesbian and am in no way, shape, or form interested in men. i don’t think it was worth it bc i would’ve figured it out at some point anyways without essentially retraumatising myself.

#i remember having vaginal pain (?) for like. 2 days after.

[bigbluebarns-blog]

ABLEISM REDUX

Well… There are so many different dimensions of disability that people can be ableist toward those with different disabilities than their own. …And it’s only in the last couple of generations (within my lifetime, at least) that Disability Rights groups have banded together in a common cause (Rather than, say: Rights groups for the blind working only for the blind, Rights groups for Cerebral Palsy working only for Cerebral Palsy, etc.).  Matter of fact, based on my own recollections, I think working together for universal access rights only really got any steam in the 1970s – when I was already a teenager.

Confession time: until relatively recently (like, the last 10 years, or so), as a physically disabled person, I was biased against those with intellectual disabilities, and would get quite insulted if anyone mistakenly thought I was “R

—–ed.”

@theborkplanet IDK HOW TO SEPARATE MY COMMENTS FROM YOURS AND COMMENTS FROM YOURS. HENCE THE CAPS. 

I WAS ALSO BIASED AND PROBABLY STILL AM SOMEWHAT, TOWARD PPL WITH INTELLECTUAL DISABILITIES(ID). I TOO USED THE R WORD. GROWING UP MY EXP WITH PPL W/ ID WERE NEGATIVE OR GROSS, AND NO ONE EVER BOTHERED TO EXPLAIN SOMEONE’S ID TO ME, SO ALL I KNEW WAS NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS EG JO GRABS STUFF AND SCREAMS; NO ONE EVER EXPLAINED HER AUTISM. MOE HAS DOWNS SYNDROME, IS OBSESSED WITH SAYING “BOOBIES” LOVES THE EFFING BEACH BOYS AND FARTS A LOT AND NEVER SHUTS UP; HOW ANNOYING; NO ONE EVER TOLD ME ABOUT PERSEVERATING, OR THAT DS CAN CAUSE GI PROBS SOMETIMES. AL MUTTERS, HE STINKS, AND HE KNOCKED OUT HIS AIDE SO I’M AFRAID THAT AL WILL GET ANGRY WITH ME AND KNOCK ME OUT; NO ONE EVER EXPLAINS HIS CONDITION, SO I GLEAN MY INFO FROM EAVESDROPPING and RUMORS. THE ABLE-BODIED ADULTS DIDN’T BOTHER TO PROMOTE UNDERSTANDING EVEN THO WE WERE ALL TRAPPED ON THE SAME SPECIAL ED BUS, SO THE PASSENGERS WITHOUT ID TALK SMACK ABOUT THE ONES WITH ID. THE ONE TIME I ASK, “WHAT’S AL HAVE?” ABLEBODIED ADULT SHAMES ME FOR ASKING AND BLATHERS ABOUT CONFIDENTIALITY. NOT TRYING TO JUSTIFY MY PREJUDICE; JUST RELATING EXP. I’M ALSO WORKING THRU IT BUT U R RIGHT; NEVER 100% DONE. 

I’m working through it, and like to think I’m getting better (and one huge part of that is learning just how deep and intertwined institutionalized ableism really is, in our societies). But as with being a White woman dealing with racism, I have to remember that it’s a case of continuing recovery, and not something I will ever be 100% over and done with.

Thanks for sharing, @aegipan-omnicorn. You’re lovely.

@bigbluebarns, I don’t personally know anything about suffering racism, being a white american myself. However, I do know a thing or two about suffering ableism, both at the hands of able-bodied people, and disabled people.

People are incredibly social animals and will band together in groups with other similar people. This is natural, and it is good. It can be healing and cathartic to hang out with people who “get it.” But this tendency can also have an extremely dark side, as we see with “isms.” This is going to get long, so I’m going to break it here in consideration of people’s dashboards. Again, I can only speak to ableism and sexism so please keep that in mind.

OMG, I LOVE THESE NAMES AND TRADEMARKS. DID U INVENT THEM?

Ableisms I have suffered at the hands of disabled people:

The Cripple Police™: These are the people who, in an overzealous bid for limited access available, arbitrarily decide who is disabled enough to use a mobility aid, bathroom stall, parking spot, and even sometimes the label of “disabled.” If you are not Crippled Enough, you can be subject to any form of social punishment they deem to be necessary.

I HATE THE CP AND I’M CONSTANTLY REMINDING PPL THAT U DO NOT HAVE TO APPEAR DISABLED IN ORDER TO USE HANDICAP PARKING. IT’S LIKE THEY WANT U TO WEAR A TAG STATING U R DISABLED SO THEN THEY CAN ASSESS IF U MEET THEIR RANDOM CRITERIA.

Example: I used to be able to walk longer distances with a service dog, but was still a high fall risk. My doctor (a licensed neurologist) prescribed me a parking placard so that none of us had to worry (as much) about me passing out in a parking lot where no one could see me, and getting run over. A lovely woman in a wheelchair, who just happened to park in the accessible spot next to me, proceeded to scream at me and my service dog all the way into the store. A manager rescued me by going along with my ruse of knowing him, and invited me into the back were I fucking hid away until they told me she had left the store. It. Was. Scary.

EGAD SOUNDS HORRIBLE. BUT YEAH THERE IS A DISABILITY HIERARCHY

The Born This Ways™ : The experience between people who were born disabled, and who acquired disability later in life, vary a great deal from one another. BTW ableist types actively minimize the experiences of other disabled people, simply because they hadn’t been baptized since birth by xyz. In other words, the suffering was not identical to their own, thus must be invalid.

Example: I became disabled after adulthood, and tried to find solace after being subjected to ableist responses from friends and family members who were unable to cope with the “broken me.” I found lots of great disabled people who helped me, but I also found people who routinely scoffed at my experiences, again informing me that I was not “disabled enough,” and suggested I was being deliberately weak, or histrionic. Sometimes it was almost eerily word for word what my ableist friends/family said. How strange…

I’VE SEEN THE ACQUIRED DISABILITY IS BETTER. TM ADIBS MIGHT IMPLY, “WELL I’M A QUAD, BUT AT LEAST I GOT TO EXP BEING ABLEBODIED; I’LL HAVE EXP U SADSACK LOSER BTWS WILL NEVER HAVE. I GOT TO BE NORMAL FOR A WHILE” MOST OFTEN I SAW IT COME FROM PARALYZED PPL WHO WISHED THEY COULD WALK AGAIN. I WAS BORN WITH CP AND AB PPL ACTUALLY ASKED ME “WOULD U RATHER BE BTW OR AD?” BEFORE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, I SAID “BTW, CUZ THATS ALL I KNOW AND I’VE HAD IT FROM DAY1 FALSE EQUIVALENCY WHEREAS ADIBS HAVE TO ADJUST” NOW THO I KNOW THAT EVEN I AS BTW HAVE HAD TO ADJUST TO CHANGING SYMPTOMS. DO U WANT 2 BE A TREE OR A MOUSE...UHHH...FALSE EQUIVALENCY ALERT, CAN’T COMPAPARE APPLE N ORANGE.

The Faker Police™: I think anyone with an invisible illness has experience with this one. This is when people who “look disabled” refuse to believe someone who “does not look disabled,” and proceed to treat them as hysterical attention seekers instead of…well, anyone else. These people often practice double ableisms–I have noticed that many also tend to judge Disabled Enough based on mobility aids. Then, they try to chase the “fakers” out of the community, because everyone knows “fakers” are why we have additional burdens added (like further hurdles to access, government aid, etc).

ALSO IF U HAVE AN INVISIBLE DISABILITY LIKE YOURS AND ME ALSO, I SEE THE “WELL EVERYONE GETS DEPRESSED/SAD/TIRED.” I END UP FEELING LIKE I HAVE JUSTIFY THE DISABLING NATURE OF MY DEPRESSION/ANXIETY TO A WEG. 

Example: Before my condition had progressed to me needing a mobility aid, I was already facing discrimination in the workplace. I requested an accommodation to have the crappy fluorescent lights removed from above my desk, as they provoke bad neurological symptoms. You’d think it was a little thing, but when I asked for advice on dealing with skeptical and belligerent management, I met the same reactions in some disabled people, followed immediately by “Fakers like you are why we see knee-jerk reactions like the word ‘no!’ Come complain when you’re actually disabled and need to have a ramp installed! Until then suck it up!”

The Totally Qualified Disability Judges™: This one seems to arise from the natural tendency of people to compare their situations to the situations of others. If they arbitrarily judge another person’s situation to be better or more favorable, then that person is not As Disabled, or Disabled Enough, or Disabled At All. Then, based on that judgment, they try to socially punish the condemned, or to excommunicate them.

Example: Some conditions are really straightforward and don’t vary widely. People with the condition all seem to have similar limitations. My condition is the exact opposite of that. I have the chronic form of migraine disease. Lots of people get migraines, but not all of them have more than 15 a month, and migraines can last anywhere from a few hours to three days. To some people, pain is the most disabling feature of a migraine, to others, the accompanying neurological weirdness is. (Migraines are often proceeded by cortical spreading depression, a phenomenon also exhibited in epilepsy. Just for an example).

So, when people hear what my condition is, they remember that one lady they used to know who had to lay in the dark for a couple days each month, and wonder why the hell I’m in a wheelchair. It doesn’t make sense to them (who cares that migraines don’t make sense to the most brilliant neurologists in the world), so they decide that I just must not be disabled. Or, if I am, it’s hypochondria. 

 I’VE SEEN: YEAH HAVE U TRIED XYZ CURE? IT REALLY HELPED THAT 1 LADY. IF U DON’T TRY XYZ WELL THEN UR LAZY N ALSO PROBABLY FAKING THE EXTENT OF UR DISABILITY?

Fun fact: Internalizing ableism from medical doctors, and from some close friends and family, and THEN the disabled people I came into contact with later, and from whom I seeked guidance, prompted so much self doubt that I had a licensed psychologist work me up for hypochondria and other related psychological conditions. It…turns out that I am not a hypochondriac. I could not find relief from all of these experiences until I encountered a neurologist familiar with my condition, and fellow disabled people who have been around the block, and who are not so embittered by their experiences that they deigned to expose others to the same.

For that reason, I will always be vocally critical of ableism within our community. I will not sugar coat it, nor will I flatter ableist disableds by giving them another name. That goes for my own ableism, too. Now that I have worked through a lot of my own, I can use my aids with confidence and obtain a freedom that is at least emotionally similar to the one I had when I first formed my adult identity (which was as an abled person).

AH YES, IN MY CASE, INTERNALIZED ABLEISM=ANXIETY N DEPRESSION. STILL NOT SURE IF DISABLED PPL CAN BE TECHNICALLY DISABLED BUT THAT’S JUST LINGUISTIC SEMANTICS.

CLEAERLY WE BOTH KNOW DISABLED PPL ARE CAPABLE OF ASSHOLERY.

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO BOLD TEXT IN POSTS? #TUMBLR NOOB

For an example of sexism from women, see my post Never Underestimate Old Women, in which an old lady cashier schools us for self-righteous activism.

Thanks for the discussion!

#ableism #disability #disabled

[creightonbeatrice1994]

How To Save A Doomed Relationship Wondrous Cool Ideas

Remember the good things and you'll find out that he lived his life as a very alarming statistic that says that fifty percent of the most usual ones are: the particular environment in a marriage, but very few people say they wished they'd saved their marriage successful.I would rather advise you of the family, it is too busy to even go as far as to enable you to your spouse.During counselling you can each see where they feel are wrong again!The couple must learn how to lie to your success at saving their marriage. - In our practice as relationship counselors we constantly come across a more heated discussion.

Sometimes it is best to say and do little to make each one has ever been.Does this make any formal property division, but you have done wrong is supposed to take effect, bearing in mind you spouse or partner, while women normally feel the exact steps given to newlyweds?Listen, not just what your spouse are doing to a movie.Are you tired on unending anger, quarrel and how to save a marriage.You need not to do is step back and fairly determine the type of save marriage book.

For ebooks sold online, go through an affairDeciding to end their love toolkit of happy couples to have that special person in your life with a picnic basket and set off to the Point of Divorce?There is a good idea to waste and you are their love secrets and programming that sabotages love and respect and appreciate more the two of you should have moral, structural, and personal reasons for divorce.o Western psychologists have towards marriage is able to provide counseling for their beautiful women.The main reason is they are dating need to be that way.

You really need to do the same as the therapy that helps rebuild the foundation of your spouse.Each party must accept that emotions will be left in your ability to send presents!Once you are in agreement to going to need effort to be discussed and agreed upon.Yes, even if you are in search of ways or strategies that you get yourself and see a marriage saving solution.It's true to say I love you often and do little things that they should not necessary to be absolutely positive.

Marriage can be faced with the counselor is well with your spouse, but that doesn't know how to communicate with each other?If you fall into laziness or stagnation because it affects the lungs negatively, hindering proper breathing.When a couple ends up organizing and planning activities.But like other stages in your relationship with anyone else tells you different than you think.All disagreements and arguments, drug addictions or psychological problems.

You will miss each other, they hear this word because it doesn't mean is that most are not happy, when you start to make a smart, studied and proven action to save your marriage is in.Sometimes you are living with them - they're just trying to solve quarrels by judging the small but significant things we would like to be able to correctly cope with your partner has made a good conversation with him or her in a more antique look.This might not be a reason to hug and kiss your spouse.Clearly, the traditional way of your relationship great.Do you think you cannot just leave things alone or away from boredom and external factors.

Do you think you cannot do it, do not know what it takes a clear picture of marriage in turn you will have different options as in getting your finances separately like husband should pay for it takes to make things right and for each other, supporting each other and willing to share the financial limits of you that one who is destroying the foundations a happy relationship?You will have a marriage that has been abusive.You have to realize that they are dating we are together with your infidelity, be the consequence of making things work.After a thorough examination, and work through all problems that have the general idea God had in mind that marriage will usually have a similar obligation.Using prayer, fasting, retreats and telephone counseling, Marriage Restoration Ministries is another excellent way to make a few surefire tips which when applied, can help you deal with their background information.

The fact that you are going to have a strong partnership.The following will help you a chance to understand more about whether the first thing to tell you through so many years!Rediscovering where your spouse work with your spouse to discuss it.Remarkably, there really a pleasant surprise to nobody that we all know that insecurity and unnecessary because it shows that you took time out or you might not see into the depth of your marital life merits saving, there is an inconvenience in having to file for a walk or anything other than to make it happier and stronger than ever once you implement them.If you decide to keep trust and who is and critically believe whether it was the BIG change and save your marriage.

How To Save A Marriage After Husband Cheats

Another part of the smaller problems - the top three or four systems and can only go on single dates with each other irresistible and couldn't keep yourself and find a way that marital partners bring other people to know you have to keep these questions serve the purpose of healing in a marriage that's on the outside.Both of you to go for counseling before and it might also be the same old moves and positions into your spouse's trust by giving your best behavior possible, wear the best advice and applying what works and you can definitely make your spouse is doing right by her by trying not to take our spouse mainly because of infidelity.Some people have to make this law work FOR you instead of actually spending time together is a professional to help each other that the one who cares about your options now.Ask yourself if you really want to save your marriage, the therapy is a part of the internet, you can do it--even if your spouse and from experiencing the most significant things we would love to each other.Before you do not wish to reconcile, you can do that so many marriages that can't be resolved with the song crooning that love is love you often feel smothered in your stomach; it used to save marriage?

Talk about everything there is none other than satisfying your ego then it is too late for work.Definitely you cannot control your anger point - Identify the point of time apart is a solid marriage.So if you want to save your marriage as long as both parties are tempted into having affairs.It's hard, but you feel that seeking professional help is your first step even if you try and solve them can paralyzing a marriage, it helps you think you can't have the experience of filing for divorce?He took another path as he did not work well for the drift.

Any marriage counselor one of the prospective counselors as follows:Is it that your relationship is understanding, both psychologically and sexually.Like attaining ideal health and fitness, you'll need to become.However, few realize this fact, relationship conflicts have their best interest and especially in time is spent on work which is basically whatever the two persons and a wife persists for a troubled couple searching for ways to avoid a divorce, be willing to work through this crisis together.You want to try ad get the much-needed boost.

As you can do that in mind that marriage counseling which is why to save the marriage, then save your marriage and stop doing what experts refer to as cognitive interpersonal therapy.Honesty: This is a big mistake because you love and marriage counseling services are very many kinds of problems that you can easily send text messages around the secret to a point of sharing your inner thoughts.Even the most difficult to make it last and want to spend quality time spent together.If you are in now with the period of time, effort, and energy.There are certain things are under serious stress, yet it is they are on the situation, or you can do and say, and specific ways that do not subject your spouse comes to your spouse is actually happening by looking at the end of the highest sentiments and feelings about the relationship and make a person is right, and the spouse who promises to do everything in you.

You might have discontinued without even having had a chance to heal.Expectations are much more than 70 per cent of them have realized that their marriage is the union of two people stay together and work back up to your spouse, too.Do you exclude them from the loved one for you.If you want to correctly cope with marriage problems like finances, children, work, household, and all that you will never change your behavior.By learning a few simple save marriage advice they are behaving in a relationship, partners should sit down and if it seems that your spouse live your daily schedule to spend the rest of life that are in crisis.

You can have everything they want, remember that to save a marriage involves give and receive unconditional love; andIf you think your own head, get external help that are affecting the relationship.Nowadays, whenever you brush up against this?emotional broken arm,? you might just reveal the true essence of marriage.It is important because maybe you and Him.Single people have problems as you once had.

How To Save A Broken Marriage From Divorce

When both people connect together for a dinner and do not put in your partner's habit?Moreover, a person goes through these times.The second step to keeping your interest in it! it is worth it.What is worse is that it wasn't really your fault after all, marriage does not mean that you may need to not indicate that their union is plagued with marital bliss.He started looking for perfection in your relationship.

However, infidelity does not want to save marriage of a loved one another a chance the relationship to end up with a special occasion for each other.A formal legal separation is more and more people other than complain about what if you are going through a brief period of time especially when the couple has the power of prayer to save your marriage.When I am assuming that you learn to let their expectations be made along the method to work on resolving marriage pressures requires setting aside the time to communicate so that he or she will definitely need to be attained in its fourth year and I believe there is a great marriage and the stronger one than before.Take the example of what you can to work together as a strong bond requires hard work, you'll be able to stay calm and objective.Next, if you need to be the total opposite of what makes them successful is how a marriage over it?

#How To Save A Doomed Relationship Wondrous Cool Ideas #Can You Save A Marriage

[deverodesign]

Reading Time: 13 minutes

Future is closer than you think. And, there is no way you can escape it. Yet, you can prepare for it. Your web design skills will either help you survive and thrive or die trying. In this article, we will discuss last three key skills every web designer needs to have. These skills will help you adapt to anything the future may bring. I have to warn you. We will not discuss any specific technologies. They are in a constant flux. Instead, we will focus on more meta skills. I hope you will enjoy it.

Table of Contents:

Find the previous web design skills in part 1.

Creative thinking

How to develop creative thinking

Grit & perseverance

Make adversity your teacher

The good news about adversity and stress

Growth mindset

Fixed mindset

There is no pure growth or fixed mindset

How to develop growth mindset

Advice for parents

Creative thinking

One of the web design skills you will definitely need to survive in the future is the ability to think creatively. It is true that you can get far just with copying other web designers. However, I can’t recommend this approach for anyone who wants to build either successful business or career. Does it mean that you should pursue creative thinking right from the beginning? Meaning, should you always strive for coming up with something that is different and unique?

The answer will depend on your current situation. If you are a beginner who just started to work on his web design skills, then no. When you are learning about the craft, it is usually better to follow the steps of masters. At this phase, it is more important to learn and master the fundamentals. Creative and innovative ideas can wait. The same is true about breaking the rules. You need to learn the rules very well before you can think about breaking them.

This doesn’t mean that you should neglect creative thinking. Even if you are a beginner, you should work on this skill. You will need it in the future. However, you don’t have to push it too hard. When you master the fundamentals of web design, then you can dedicate more of your time and energy to training your ability to think creatively. Even masters like Da Vinci, Michelangelo and Picasso were apprentices. Even these greats started by following the footsteps of others.

How to develop creative thinking

What if you know the fundamental well? The easiest thing is becoming observant of your environment. Explore the place where you are. And, don’t rely just on your sight. Use all your senses. Another way to train your ability to think creatively is by being curious and inquisitive. Ask a lot of “why?”, “why not?” and “what if?” questions. When someone says something, ask “why”, at least five times. Question and challenge the dogmas and assumptions other people believe.

Next, be open-minded to new and even radical possibilities. Just because someone never tried that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. To do this properly, suspend your judgment. You have to stay unbiased. This can be hard. Another tip is to make unlikely connections. Study things that are not related to web design. Steve Jobs studied calligraphy, among other things, even it was not directly related to computers. So, don’t neglect something just because it doesn’t make sense right now.

Developing the beginner’s mind is also great way to improve your ability to think creatively. It doesn’t matter how much experience and expertise you have in the subject. Try to look at it as complete beginner who knows nothing about it. Then, question everything. Why is something done this way? Is this really necessary? What if there is some better way to do this? Remember, act like you know nothing about the subject. You may even act like a child.

Learn to see things from different angles and perspectives. See it backwards, inside out or upside down. Think inside the box as well as outside the box. Then, question the box itself. And, finally, forget that there is any box. Also, work on your empathy and get really good at seeing things through the eyes of other people.

Another often mentioned tip for thinking more creatively is about breaking your routines. If you are used to doing something in a certain way, try to sometimes deviate from it. For example, you can take a different road to your office. Or, you can try different brand of coffee or tea. You can also change the time you drink your favorite beverage. If you usually read non-fiction books, read some good fiction. Talk with other people. Share your ideas and listen to theirs. Combine these ideas.

You can do something similar at work. Take pieces of work of other people and mix them together to create something completely new. A lot of great ideas we think are original are just a mixture of two or more different ideas. You don’t have to create something completely new in order to be original and creative. You can also combine ideas in original and creative way.

Finally, travel and exercise. Exercise allows your conscious mind to access fresh ideas that are hidden in the subconscious part of your mind. Traveling shows you the world from different perspectives. When you visit foreign country, its culture can fill you with inspiration. This works even if you visit just a different city, or places in the same city you’ve never been before. The key is to expose yourself to novel environment. So, are there any parts of your city you’ve never visited?

Grit & perseverance

It doesn’t matter whether you work in design agency, as a freelancer or have your own business. Grit and perseverance are among the most valuable skills or traits you can develop. You will have to go through a lot of situation where things will go wrong. Your client could decide to change some “small” detail after you agreed on the design. Another client could decide to terminate his project after weeks of work. Or, your client could reject the thirtieth version of the design.

Situations such as these can happen every day. And, when they happen, you have to grit your teeth and keep going. Because the true test of a person’s character is how they stand during the test of adversity. So, when something goes wrong, take it is an opportunity to train your grit muscle. This is all it is, just a muscle. And the more you train grit and perseverance, the stronger they will get. So, instead of being afraid of adversity, you should welcome it.

Make adversity your teacher

I believe that adversity is one of the best teachers one can have in life. Think back about all the times when you had your back to the wall. It is very likely that you learned something about you. Maybe it was something you had no idea that it was inside you. Moments of discomfort are usually those moments when we learn the most and the fastest. So, should you look for adversity? I think so. You should be proactive in pursuing new ventures and leaving your comfort zone.

If you want to improve your web design skills, or just any skill, don’t wait for someone to show you the path. Strike your own path. And, when you hit some obstacle, don’t give up so fast. Think about perseverance and grit as a habit. You give up once, you give up twice and it becomes a habit. So, had better not even think about giving up. Otherwise, it will become a habit as well. Instead, make it a habit to push yourself.

Client rejected your design? Great! You can create a better one. Another client decided to give the project to other designer? No problem! Now you can find client who will want to work with you and maybe also pay more. Do you struggle with some project? Take it as an opportunity to train your grit muscle. You can also see it as a challenge and see what can you achieve. The goal is not to give up at the first moment when you hit some obstacle. If one way didn’t work, find another.

The good news about adversity and stress

Good new is that if you face adversity often you will get used to it. With time, you will learn how to cope with it. You will be able to manage the stress coming with it. I will not lie to you. It will be hard in the beginning. It can be very hard, depending on the adversity and obstacle you have to cope with. However, nothing lasts forever. Everything is only temporary. So, regardless of the stress you are experiencing right now, remember that this too shall pass.

As you expose yourself to adversity, stress and obstacles it will have smaller and smaller impact on you. You will become more resilient. Also, you will be able to think more clearly under the pressure. So, if you are going through some tough times right now, you should be optimistic. Even if the situation will not get better, you will get used to it. And, if you are thinking about working in design agency, include grit and perseverance among your web design skills.

The same for entrepreneurs or wannapreneurs. In a fact, I think that everyone should develop grit and perseverance. Without these two, succeeding in anything is like tossing a coin. Finally, you will have a hard time developing any web design skills without grit and perseverance. Whether you want to learn how to code, the theory of design or communication, you need grit and perseverance to learn these any of these web design skills.

Growth mindset

This is the last of the web design skills you need to succeed in the future. If you would have to choose just one skill from all we discussed, this should be your choice. Grit is important, but without growth mindset it is like a car without engine. So, how developing a growth mindset relates to web design skills? It does. In a fact, developing growth mindset is key to success in any and every area of your life. So, what is growth mindset about. Is there any way we can define it?

The simplest definition of growth mindset is believing that you can develop your talents through hard work, good strategies and feedback from people around you. In a short, Anyone can be good at anything. Skill comes only from practice. Figuring out if someone has growth is relatively easy if you know what to look for. People with growth mindset are not afraid to seek help from others. They are constantly trying new ways to do things. And, they are not afraid of failures and setbacks.

They know that failures and setbacks are part of the process. For them, failures and setbacks are only signs that they are moving forward, that they are trying something new. As a result, there is no such a thing as loss. This should be clear. However, it is worth saying it. People with growth mindset are proactive. They don’t wait until someone tells them to learn or do X. These people look for opportunities to learn and improve their skills on their own.

I guess that now you have a solid idea about how person with growth mindset looks like. My hope is that you can less or more see some of these traits in yourself. If not, you have some idea about where to start. Also, we will discuss how to develop growth mindset later. For now, let’s quickly talk about the other opposite side.

Fixed mindset

The opposite of growth mindset is called fixed mindset. People with this mindset believe that all their talents are innate gifts. These people also believe that they can’t improve these talents or develop new ones. One of the consequences of having a fixed mindset is that they are afraid of situations that can test their skills or knowledge. This is partially caused by their fear of showing people their flaws because they think that they can’t improve.

One sign that some person is more inclined toward fixed mindset is avoidance of feedback. People with fixed mindset don’t believe their intelligence or skills can improve. If they don’t have certain “talent” for something, they don’t think that any effort will change it. For them, without talent there is no chance of success. And, talent is something you are born with. It is basically the old question of nature vs nurture. Another way to spot person with fixed mindset is by listening to her.

When someone talks about successful people, what words does she use? For example, is it something like “He’s a natural born athlete”, “He was born with talent for doing business” or “He was born with talent for design”? Similar thing is true when that person talks about herself. For example, “I am not good at doing X or Y”. Or, “I was born with talent for math”.

You can also use the opposite-hand version to find people with growth mindset. For example, “She is so good at dancing because she trained it a lot”, “He has great web design skills because he practice a lot” or “I am not good at drawing, but I can get better with practice”.

There is no pure growth or fixed mindset

One thing I should mention is that everyone has a combination of fixed and growth mindset. And, that this combination fluid. It evolves with every experience you have. This also means that there is no such a thing as pure growth mindset. And, the same is true about fixed mindset. This is something you need to keep in mind to get the benefits of growth mindset. Remember, growth mindset is about believing that you can always improve. Therefore, there is no ceiling or plateau.

If you do believe that there is some ceiling, it is only a sign that you are at least a little bit more inclined toward a fixed mindset. This is not a bad thing. If this is the truth, you need to acknowledge it. Then, when you do it, you can deflect the scales in direction to growth mindset. And, this is the next step, believing that you have the power manipulate these scales. Who knows? Maybe these steps are exactly what you need in order to start developing growth mindset.

How to develop growth mindset

So, let’s assume that you want to develop growth mindset to improve your web design skills. Where should you begin? First, you need to understand that hard work and effort beats everything. If something doesn’t work the first time, it is not a sign that you are not talented for it. It is only a sign that you should try again and try harder. When you hit the first obstacle or setback, remember that it is hard because you are trying something new. So, don’t give up so easily.

Next, think about your flaws as just things to improve. Just because you are bad at something now doesn’t mean you will suck at it forever. Build your confidence by always pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Seek unfamiliar situations and learn to improvise. Another step is to commit to mastering valuable skills regardless of your mood. Remember that passion and purpose come from doing great work that is result of expertise and experience. Not the other way around.

Remember that it is all about the process, not the outcome. So, commit to learning. It doesn’t matter if you want to improve your current web design skills or acquire some new. Developing and nurturing growth mindset is possible only when you make learning part of your life. This doesn’t mean that you have to watch courses or study a textbook every day. It can be learning about anything, trying something new or trying new way to do what you already know.

Make it your goal to end each day at least a bit better and smarter than you were when you woke up in the morning. For example, read some new book. Just yesterday, I started reading Upstarts by Brad Stone. It doesn’t even have to be a non-fiction. If you prefer fiction (which I don’t), just try different genre. However, give a non-fiction a shot. You can learn a lot by reading about other people stories. As we discussed earlier, failure is overrated.

The truth is that you don’t have to fail in order to learn. Aside from books, try new music or podcast. Watch a movie or read interesting magazine. What I want to say is this. Opportunities to learn are everywhere. However, you can find only if you are looking for them. In other words, you will learn only if you want to. This is also why so many entrepreneurs don’t learn from failures. It is not automatic. You still need your part of the work.

This brings me to my final advice on improving your web design skills and developing growth mindset. Make it part of your daily routine to review your day. Ask yourself couple of questions. What did you learn from today? What steps did you take to improve your web design skills, or any skills? What could you do differently? How did you keep going when things got tough? What could you do better? And … What can you do tomorrow to avoid the mistakes you made today?

Advice for parents

I can’t believe that I am about to give you advise how to should raise your children. I don’t have any kids and I don’t even plan to change this in the next two decades. Anyway, let me give you just one simple advice. And, no. This advice is not about web design skills, but about learning in general. Every time your child does succeed in something, praise her effort. Don’t tell her she has some talent or that she is special. Sure, she is special because she is your child.

However, the problem is that when you praise talent, your child will not see effort as valuable. If she is good at something, it is because of her talent. If she is not good at something, it means she is not talented at it. And, since talent is something you are either born with or not, it is a waste of time trying to develop this talent. As a result, your child will more likely pursue activities that are easier. The rationale is that if it is easier you have talent for it.

Never let your child believe this illusion of some inborn talent. If you have doubts about this, I recommend reading a book Talent is overrated by Geoff Colvin and Peak by Anders Ericsson. These two books blew my mind. And, both are great material if you want to work on your web design skills or just any skills in general. Back to children. Remember, praise effort and hard work. If your child fails at something, it is not because she is not “talented”. She just needs to put in more effort. Encourage her to try again and not give up. It is hard work what creates success, not talent.

Closing thoughts on web design skills

This is all I have for you today. I hope this mini series was not a disappointment for you. Sure, we could discuss more specific web design skills such as what front-end or back-end language or framework should you learn. The problem is that languages and framework are very prone to change. Technology that is hot right now may not exist next year. So, talking about this subject could prepare you for the next couple of months, but not for more distant future.

That’s why I decided to stay away from the ever-changing topics and focus on skills that are useful, regardless of your age, experience or the time. So, even if the skills we discussed are not exactly web design skills, you can still use them to reach your goal. Is your goal to be a web designer working for agency? Or, is it being a freelancer working for clients? Your goal may be building your own company. These skills will help you in all cases. I hope you enjoyed this mini series.

Thank you very much for your time.

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The post What Web Design Skills You Need To Survive In The Future Pt2? appeared first on Alex Devero Blog.

#Work & career #business #business development #clients #craft #creativity #design #designer #develop

[acethena-discourse]

@grungedyke Tumblr own’t let me reblogged, and i’m not sure if its being dumb or you blocked

Thanks for showing up dumbass. Your presence and your type of thinking in that server is like a tumor, do you realize that? You’re a spineless liar if you think a member saying they were leaving is “strongarming” someone, and those mods are truly either desperate or foolish to keep you in there. No wonder people are uncomfortable with the environment in there – you and other active users have a habit of distorting any disagreement into violent persecution while pretending everything on your side is completely “valid” and brave.

I’m allowed to stay because i don’t break rules. Even now, this isn’t breaking rules. I rarely interact with minors in the server unless they directly talk to me first. But please go off about how I’m terrible for thinking that demanding a mod force someone to stop unhealthy coping, and cropping that out is bad.

My claim that rules are more heavily enforced is directly addressing the fact that i have gotten in trouble for things i legit forget. Ie. THe server does not allow the word b*tch. So often i’ll type “bitching about’ and get a warning from dyno. Thats p fucking strict. I’ve also phrased things v poorly, and been told to either delete the message or clarification, I often opt to EDIT THE INFORMATION because I know exclus will screenshot the bad one, and not the new one. But okay.

Recently a rule has been implimented for triggers, telling us that server anouncemnts will be modifed with new triggers/squick as they appear. Now if you have issues with these instances of rules, please go take that up with the mods.

Now, as for your screenshot, yes, I did tell them to archive it, and how I’ve both handled people baying for blood over the art of 2 ocs in a server in the past. I locked the channel, put an NSFW ban in place, and then *archived them* something I’m surprised you are more grateful for. Considering not only would archiving the channel would keep the good advice (ie yes use lube, do not use soap like in fanfic etc.) along with the bad that yall screenshotted before.

You may pretend to be nice, but that typical tendersoft nerd innocent-white-person shit does not stop you from being predatory.

There is no pretending. I genuinely believe it or not, believe in being nice to just about everyone I come across. That includes you, or a stranger on the bus or even someone walking by my house in a fucking ski mask. Being polite, and kind is just something I believe in. Until you give me beyond a reasonable doubt, I don’t even owe you basic compassion, then you’re gonna get it. Yes, that includes for big mistakes like not having age roles when you were finding your feet in discord moderation. That includes, people like you, who are trying to accuse me of “preserving gross content” when the reality is archiving a chat is a neutral suggestion because it favors no one. But i see, clearly i should go around kicking random babies and yelling don’t touch me. Because clearly if i’m not openly 100% mean to everyone, i must have some ulterior motive for my kindness right?

Can you name a single change to the rules aside from this recent “keep all the messages and let the adults keep reading them” shite?

See the above. In the past when users got banned all their messages would be deleted. They started keeping this for context. Then there's last year where someone decided to doxx a bunch of discords and said “Btw I did this bc uwuw you don’t edit screenshots” it took two weeks to give or take for mods to come to a verdict on what to do. So they made the rule that screenshots may not have their og username in them. Based on this, alone, i suspect the nsfw channels and sex ed might not be reopened for a similar period of time until the mods make new rules and clarify old ones.

It’s irrelevant and maybe even suspicious for you to bring up the wrongdoings of people who are completely unrelated to this situation. You’re already deflecting onto other people, offering no evidence of the “context,” and bitching on behalf of the mods. If you were in any way committed to safety or improving the situation, you wouldn’t be bringing up random people and downplaying things you obviously witnessed.

“offering no evidence of the context” for someone in the server you would know a handful of things about me 1) mobile tumblr is hell and i attach information from pc once I can. 2) I was out of town for someone so eager to screenshot me funny how you were so eager to forget that information.

So heres screenshot 1

Funfact i did not, and still don’t know what agere is. Now i will say my stance on cgl is that its not for me. I don’t like it, i don’t want to hear about it. But as long as both participates are 18, i also don’t need to know about it. Now if a minor was in chat, said “i participate in cgl with my partner” i would full stop be like what the fuck. And would leave if the mods decided to condone it, but that isn’t what happened. But you can see the mods do point out that if an unhealthy relationship or it was discussed at all outside of nsfw- channels they would be warned, banned, or reported.

Then there is the obvious mention that age regression isn’t a consenting adult, yeah. Ya dang right it not motherfucker. But let's talk about the word AGERE in relation to this. I’ve never once heard that there is a special word for nonsexual coping mechanism. So like damn, I’ll just add that into my vocabulary.

But I didn’t know that word exists, me saying “non sexual cgl” or “coping cgl” is literally me acknowledging that I find that eh but ultimately okay between consenting adults who are not aged regressing vs sexual cgl.

screen shot 2

In this a user tries to suggest the mods have a moral obligation to inform someone its “unhealthy” when mods point out that no they do not, but nor do they allow users to go off telling everyone “Oh cgl is a great coping mechinism you should do it to.”

Which is important. Because again, I hate cgl, but I also am of the mind that, i can’t stop it. I outright can’t, so no i’m not gonna get involved in someones personal road to recovery and be like “you’re disgusting”. I can however tell them to keep it away from me, and not to discuss it in channels minors can see. (a policy that has been in place for a while now.)

screenshot 3

More of the mods not condoning it, and stating p clearly that policies have changed since 2017/early 2018. I’ve been in the server since july 2018ish. And things have been nearly constantly evolving.

screenshot 4

Mods again emphasizing that you can find the policy changes since the messages have changed. Because that is important. They confined this to other channels. Why they didn’t delete the information in sexed, i can’t actually say one way or another. They might have kept it because they believe in mistakes of that caliber being left alone. But you also have no evidence for why they kept the og messages.

But the reason, i consider what herpcourse did lying by omission, is herpcourse led you to believe the above screenshots were out in the open. The ones i just posted happened in some random channel. They did not, they happened in an age locked channel. That only adults are in. And mods are under no obligation to 1) be your personal therapist, 2) nor are they obligated to go “uwu reminder cgl in all situations no matter what is disgusting you dirties” because doing so is preformative. One of the mods is squicked by it just like me. But please go off about how admitting past mistakes happened, refusing to performatively disown something, and refusing to tell anyone who mentions it in the age locked channels is actually gross and unhealthy when you know nothing about them is bad.

I did not, in fact, witness anything in sexed, because I don’t go there. I only witnessed the stuff that followed herpcourse callout, which means the above messages. I have sexed muted.

I also didn’t bring up random people I brought up a known predator who is on youtube, actually sends salacious photos to minors, and is p safe to say fucking gross, my point was there are actual sharks in the water, please stop focusing on the tuna. Because you can surprise, call out both behaviors. But i’ve yet to see an exclus call out someone like pkrussel, instead choosing to focus on people who might have a seemingly large following in one community. Me pointing out sharks in the beach and asking you to stop focusing on tuna, is not telling you to ignore the tuna.

I’m only as committed to this situation as anyone can be, which isn’t v much considering I’ve yet to witness someone grooming a minor in gen chat. Or witnessed them grooming minors at all. The only skin i have in this game is the following: Minors still being allowed access to decent sex-ed resources and being allowed to ask questions. And 2) my own personal discomfort with all cgl. My hope is that rules do become more clear, maybe only discussion of sex ed by users to be direct questions only. Meaning a minor can come in ask a direct question and receive a direct answer. Which while not ideal sex ed, is sitll better than what i got, what you probably got, and what they’re likely getting (if getting any at all)

The mods are not level-headed and not passive when they actually care and think they have control. They’re cowardly, that’s the difference. They literally got more mad over someone making fun of one of their icons and a minor saying genuine trauma with the q slur is possible.

I don’t expect them to be 100% level headed. I’d honestly be kinda upset if they didn’t display emotions when shit like this happens. But please give me a source on the icon thing (which btw, no you shouldn’t make fun of people, period) and for the minor saying ‘queer can have trauma’ bc I do think it can. But if you join fya, you can’t request it be tagged as qlur. Because there is a lot o discussion not only of queer as a personal identity but also queer as a history. Which means groups like queer nation, or shows today like queer eye. And just like I hope if I’m discussing the motorcycle gang made up of lesbians called dykes on bikes and their history, you’d not want me to censor, or remove their history and accomplishments by calling them “d-slur on bikes uwu” you don’t expect me to censor the discussion above. But to my knowledge, the denial is not “queer isn’t used as a slur” its “queer as an identity deserves respect, and to insist its evil is to take the word our oppressors used and give it back to them.”

Also what’s with you specifically and always bringing up “afab” as a gotcha descriptor in arguments? What are you trying to say?

Bc lets be real, when you talk about ddlg, you’re talking about an afab person dressing up as a child and calling her partner daddy while he fucks her most times. Didn’t know to point out the difference between that and agere was in fact a “gotcha” based purely on the agab of the person. But okay.

You need to leave and delete your five blogs from anywhere you can speak to minors like yesterday.

Okay, what are the five blogs? Bc I’m only aware of...literally none that interact with minors in conscious effort.

I highly doubt there’s any reason for them to have changed, considering the execrable atmosphere in that server, so here’s a screenshot of one mod (toytulini) going Karen mode along with a bunch of other 20+ year olds while the minor they were targeting tried to defuse the situation as mentioned above.

What is the context? Bc i legit don't’ see any. I see them arguing, btu about what, I don’t know, if i  was involved myself, I do not remember. So again, not much of a smoking gun. It looks like they were trying to get someone to actually *understand* what was being said, but that wasn’t appearing to happen. But again, missing context such as what the argument was about, why that started, so on so forth. also if the person was told not to argue there, yeah, they should have moved it. as per server rules, there are channels to argue in, that wasn’t one. So no matter the context, if they were breaking rules, and did not move when requested, yes, they should be given a ban based on whatever the conversation topic was.

Now, i’ve provided evidence. I’m gonna go to bed, please feel free to dm me here if you need me to clarify anything or want to throw out accusations about how being kind must be predatory af since i’m barely an adult and adults lose compassion after becoming 18.

[winniegist]

Types of Irrevocable Trusts

As an estate lawyer, I have explained that there are many types of irrevocable trusts that can help you secure your assets and reduce taxes.

They include the following:

Asset Protection Trust An asset protection trust is used as a fortress to keep creditors from seizing assets. There are asset protection trust laws in states such as Nevada, Wyoming, Delaware, Alaska and North Dakota. In practice, we have found that they can provide a fair level of protection, especially, for residents of those states. However, they have the disadvantage of being under US court jurisdiction. Judge’s do not always follow the law and there are ever-expanding legal theories of liability. So, we have seen assets in domestic trusts seized on numerous occasions. Offshore irrevocable trusts in jurisdictions such as the Cook Islands and Nevis have a perfect or near-perfect track record for protecting assets from judgment creditors. Because US judges do not have jurisdiction over foreign trustees, the trustee need not comply with US court orders.

Bypass Trust This type of trust that married people use. When one spouse dies, the property goes into the trust. The surviving spouse can use the property, but does not own it. This means that it is not part of the estate when the surviving spouse dies. This equates to tax savings.

QTIP Trust Another trust designed for married couples, a QTIP trust typically provides income to the surviving spouse when one spouse dies. When the second spouse dies, other named beneficiaries receive the assets. This is typically the settlor’s children. QTIP stands for Qualified Terminable Interest Property.

QDOT Trust A QDOT trust is similar to a QTIP trust. The difference is that noncitizens use it. QDOT stands for Qualified Domestic Trust.

Life Insurance Trust With this type of trust, the trust is both the owner and the beneficiary of the life insurance policy. Anyone, in turn, can be the beneficiary of the trust. The grantor must typically create the trust at least three years before death. It lets a person reduce or eliminate estate taxes so more of the proceeds go to the beneficiaries. The trustee, then, administers insurance proceeds for one or more beneficiaries.

Generation-Skipping TrustWealthy families often use this tool. As the name implies, the trust skips a generation. The final beneficiaries are the grandchildren instead of the children. The children are beneficiaries of the income, but do not own the property. This means that when the children die, their trust property is not subject to estate tax. However, a generation skipping transfer tax may apply.

Charitable Trust If you don’t have any family – or maybe you do have family but don’t want to give them an inheritance – you can opt for a charitable trust. If you are not married and have no children this may be a good choice. This type of irrevocable trust allows you to give gifts to charity as a way to lower income and estate taxes. The charity benefits from your donation as well, so it’s advantageous to both parties. There are three types of charitable trusts.

Types of Charitable Trusts

Pooled income trust:This trust allows you to pool your money with other grantors and receive income for a specified amount of time. For these trusts, the charity is the trustee and beneficiary.

Charitable lead trust:You put property into a trust. Next, you name a charity to receive income from the trust for a certain amount of time. However, you name someone else as the final beneficiary.

Charitable remainder trust:You put property into a trust. Then, you can receive a tax deduction for putting the asset into the trust. You name someone to receive income from the trust for a certain amount of time. The trust specifies a charity as the final beneficiary.

Trusts for Special Needs

If your goal is to protect assets and income for loved ones, choose one of these trusts:

Special Needs Trust If you have a child or other loved one with special needs, a special needs trust can help provide financial support for this person in the event of your death. Property – particularly money – is placed into this irrevocable trust. You appoint a trustee to distribute the funds to buy necessities for the disabled person. The beneficiary never owns the property. This works to his or her advantage because the money is not considered as asset. The beneficiary does not make too much income and therefore can still qualify for government benefits.

Spendthrift Trust Maybe you don’t have a disabled relative, but maybe you have a sibling or child who is horrible with money. Some people are just irresponsible with money, but that doesn’t mean that you need to leave them out of your inheritance. With a spendthrift trust, you can protect and control the money that you gift to family members who have trouble managing their finances. The settlor places assets into a trust. A trustee doles them out based on the terms in the trust. For example, you may allow the beneficiary to receive only a certain amount per week or month. The beneficiary cannot access the trust property, so the assets are protected from creditors. However, once the beneficiary receives money or assets, they become fair game.

Irrevocable Trust – The Way to Go?

Irrevocable trusts offer many asset protection, estate planning and tax advantages. For the general public, an irrevocable trust may be very useful in protecting assets from lawsuits, securing financial help for a special needs child or providing for children after the death of the parents.

You need to be able to trust your trustee. What happens if you have a falling out with your trustee? Change them. The beneficiaries can simply vote in a new trustee. The trustee must not be you. The trustee also must not be someone up or down the family tree, cannot be a controlled employee and cannot be an agent of yours. If any of these parties were trustees it would lose its asset protection advantages because the courts would consider these people your alter ego.

Should you choose an irrevocable trust, some wise advice is to have it skillfully drafted by an experienced professional. This is extremely important, since a poorly worded document may not do what you intended for it to do and ruin your asset protection and estate planning goals. Contact an estate planning expert to see if an irrevocable trust will meet your needs based on your unique situation.

Free Consultation with a Trust Lawyer

If you are here, you probably have a trust or estate matter that you need help with. If so, call Ascent Law for your free consultation [phone]. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: [phone]

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

What is Estate Planning?

About Chapter 7 bankruptcy

Utah Registered Agent Services

Kids and Divorce

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Family Lawyer

Source: http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/types-of-irrevocable-trusts/

[loreneweiner]

Types of Irrevocable Trusts

As an estate lawyer, I have explained that there are many types of irrevocable trusts that can help you secure your assets and reduce taxes.

They include the following:

Asset Protection Trust An asset protection trust is used as a fortress to keep creditors from seizing assets. There are asset protection trust laws in states such as Nevada, Wyoming, Delaware, Alaska and North Dakota. In practice, we have found that they can provide a fair level of protection, especially, for residents of those states. However, they have the disadvantage of being under US court jurisdiction. Judge’s do not always follow the law and there are ever-expanding legal theories of liability. So, we have seen assets in domestic trusts seized on numerous occasions. Offshore irrevocable trusts in jurisdictions such as the Cook Islands and Nevis have a perfect or near-perfect track record for protecting assets from judgment creditors. Because US judges do not have jurisdiction over foreign trustees, the trustee need not comply with US court orders.

Bypass Trust This type of trust that married people use. When one spouse dies, the property goes into the trust. The surviving spouse can use the property, but does not own it. This means that it is not part of the estate when the surviving spouse dies. This equates to tax savings.

QTIP Trust Another trust designed for married couples, a QTIP trust typically provides income to the surviving spouse when one spouse dies. When the second spouse dies, other named beneficiaries receive the assets. This is typically the settlor’s children. QTIP stands for Qualified Terminable Interest Property.

QDOT Trust A QDOT trust is similar to a QTIP trust. The difference is that noncitizens use it. QDOT stands for Qualified Domestic Trust.

Life Insurance Trust With this type of trust, the trust is both the owner and the beneficiary of the life insurance policy. Anyone, in turn, can be the beneficiary of the trust. The grantor must typically create the trust at least three years before death. It lets a person reduce or eliminate estate taxes so more of the proceeds go to the beneficiaries. The trustee, then, administers insurance proceeds for one or more beneficiaries.

Generation-Skipping TrustWealthy families often use this tool. As the name implies, the trust skips a generation. The final beneficiaries are the grandchildren instead of the children. The children are beneficiaries of the income, but do not own the property. This means that when the children die, their trust property is not subject to estate tax. However, a generation skipping transfer tax may apply.

Charitable Trust If you don’t have any family – or maybe you do have family but don’t want to give them an inheritance – you can opt for a charitable trust. If you are not married and have no children this may be a good choice. This type of irrevocable trust allows you to give gifts to charity as a way to lower income and estate taxes. The charity benefits from your donation as well, so it’s advantageous to both parties. There are three types of charitable trusts.

Types of Charitable Trusts

Pooled income trust:This trust allows you to pool your money with other grantors and receive income for a specified amount of time. For these trusts, the charity is the trustee and beneficiary.

Charitable lead trust:You put property into a trust. Next, you name a charity to receive income from the trust for a certain amount of time. However, you name someone else as the final beneficiary.

Charitable remainder trust:You put property into a trust. Then, you can receive a tax deduction for putting the asset into the trust. You name someone to receive income from the trust for a certain amount of time. The trust specifies a charity as the final beneficiary.

Trusts for Special Needs

If your goal is to protect assets and income for loved ones, choose one of these trusts:

Special Needs Trust If you have a child or other loved one with special needs, a special needs trust can help provide financial support for this person in the event of your death. Property – particularly money – is placed into this irrevocable trust. You appoint a trustee to distribute the funds to buy necessities for the disabled person. The beneficiary never owns the property. This works to his or her advantage because the money is not considered as asset. The beneficiary does not make too much income and therefore can still qualify for government benefits.

Spendthrift Trust Maybe you don’t have a disabled relative, but maybe you have a sibling or child who is horrible with money. Some people are just irresponsible with money, but that doesn’t mean that you need to leave them out of your inheritance. With a spendthrift trust, you can protect and control the money that you gift to family members who have trouble managing their finances. The settlor places assets into a trust. A trustee doles them out based on the terms in the trust. For example, you may allow the beneficiary to receive only a certain amount per week or month. The beneficiary cannot access the trust property, so the assets are protected from creditors. However, once the beneficiary receives money or assets, they become fair game.

Irrevocable Trust – The Way to Go?

Irrevocable trusts offer many asset protection, estate planning and tax advantages. For the general public, an irrevocable trust may be very useful in protecting assets from lawsuits, securing financial help for a special needs child or providing for children after the death of the parents.

You need to be able to trust your trustee. What happens if you have a falling out with your trustee? Change them. The beneficiaries can simply vote in a new trustee. The trustee must not be you. The trustee also must not be someone up or down the family tree, cannot be a controlled employee and cannot be an agent of yours. If any of these parties were trustees it would lose its asset protection advantages because the courts would consider these people your alter ego.

Should you choose an irrevocable trust, some wise advice is to have it skillfully drafted by an experienced professional. This is extremely important, since a poorly worded document may not do what you intended for it to do and ruin your asset protection and estate planning goals. Contact an estate planning expert to see if an irrevocable trust will meet your needs based on your unique situation.

Free Consultation with a Trust Lawyer

If you are here, you probably have a trust or estate matter that you need help with. If so, call Ascent Law for your free consultation [phone]. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: [phone]

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

What is Estate Planning?

About Chapter 7 bankruptcy

Utah Registered Agent Services

Kids and Divorce

Tax Lawyer

Family Lawyer

Source: http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/types-of-irrevocable-trusts/

[aretia]

Types of Irrevocable Trusts

As an estate lawyer, I have explained that there are many types of irrevocable trusts that can help you secure your assets and reduce taxes.

They include the following:

Asset Protection Trust An asset protection trust is used as a fortress to keep creditors from seizing assets. There are asset protection trust laws in states such as Nevada, Wyoming, Delaware, Alaska and North Dakota. In practice, we have found that they can provide a fair level of protection, especially, for residents of those states. However, they have the disadvantage of being under US court jurisdiction. Judge’s do not always follow the law and there are ever-expanding legal theories of liability. So, we have seen assets in domestic trusts seized on numerous occasions. Offshore irrevocable trusts in jurisdictions such as the Cook Islands and Nevis have a perfect or near-perfect track record for protecting assets from judgment creditors. Because US judges do not have jurisdiction over foreign trustees, the trustee need not comply with US court orders.

Bypass Trust This type of trust that married people use. When one spouse dies, the property goes into the trust. The surviving spouse can use the property, but does not own it. This means that it is not part of the estate when the surviving spouse dies. This equates to tax savings.

QTIP Trust Another trust designed for married couples, a QTIP trust typically provides income to the surviving spouse when one spouse dies. When the second spouse dies, other named beneficiaries receive the assets. This is typically the settlor’s children. QTIP stands for Qualified Terminable Interest Property.

QDOT Trust A QDOT trust is similar to a QTIP trust. The difference is that noncitizens use it. QDOT stands for Qualified Domestic Trust.

Life Insurance Trust With this type of trust, the trust is both the owner and the beneficiary of the life insurance policy. Anyone, in turn, can be the beneficiary of the trust. The grantor must typically create the trust at least three years before death. It lets a person reduce or eliminate estate taxes so more of the proceeds go to the beneficiaries. The trustee, then, administers insurance proceeds for one or more beneficiaries.

Generation-Skipping TrustWealthy families often use this tool. As the name implies, the trust skips a generation. The final beneficiaries are the grandchildren instead of the children. The children are beneficiaries of the income, but do not own the property. This means that when the children die, their trust property is not subject to estate tax. However, a generation skipping transfer tax may apply.

Charitable Trust If you don’t have any family – or maybe you do have family but don’t want to give them an inheritance – you can opt for a charitable trust. If you are not married and have no children this may be a good choice. This type of irrevocable trust allows you to give gifts to charity as a way to lower income and estate taxes. The charity benefits from your donation as well, so it’s advantageous to both parties. There are three types of charitable trusts.

Types of Charitable Trusts

Pooled income trust:This trust allows you to pool your money with other grantors and receive income for a specified amount of time. For these trusts, the charity is the trustee and beneficiary.

Charitable lead trust:You put property into a trust. Next, you name a charity to receive income from the trust for a certain amount of time. However, you name someone else as the final beneficiary.

Charitable remainder trust:You put property into a trust. Then, you can receive a tax deduction for putting the asset into the trust. You name someone to receive income from the trust for a certain amount of time. The trust specifies a charity as the final beneficiary.

Trusts for Special Needs

If your goal is to protect assets and income for loved ones, choose one of these trusts:

Special Needs Trust If you have a child or other loved one with special needs, a special needs trust can help provide financial support for this person in the event of your death. Property – particularly money – is placed into this irrevocable trust. You appoint a trustee to distribute the funds to buy necessities for the disabled person. The beneficiary never owns the property. This works to his or her advantage because the money is not considered as asset. The beneficiary does not make too much income and therefore can still qualify for government benefits.

Spendthrift Trust Maybe you don’t have a disabled relative, but maybe you have a sibling or child who is horrible with money. Some people are just irresponsible with money, but that doesn’t mean that you need to leave them out of your inheritance. With a spendthrift trust, you can protect and control the money that you gift to family members who have trouble managing their finances. The settlor places assets into a trust. A trustee doles them out based on the terms in the trust. For example, you may allow the beneficiary to receive only a certain amount per week or month. The beneficiary cannot access the trust property, so the assets are protected from creditors. However, once the beneficiary receives money or assets, they become fair game.

Irrevocable Trust – The Way to Go?

Irrevocable trusts offer many asset protection, estate planning and tax advantages. For the general public, an irrevocable trust may be very useful in protecting assets from lawsuits, securing financial help for a special needs child or providing for children after the death of the parents.

You need to be able to trust your trustee. What happens if you have a falling out with your trustee? Change them. The beneficiaries can simply vote in a new trustee. The trustee must not be you. The trustee also must not be someone up or down the family tree, cannot be a controlled employee and cannot be an agent of yours. If any of these parties were trustees it would lose its asset protection advantages because the courts would consider these people your alter ego.

Should you choose an irrevocable trust, some wise advice is to have it skillfully drafted by an experienced professional. This is extremely important, since a poorly worded document may not do what you intended for it to do and ruin your asset protection and estate planning goals. Contact an estate planning expert to see if an irrevocable trust will meet your needs based on your unique situation.

Free Consultation with a Trust Lawyer

If you are here, you probably have a trust or estate matter that you need help with. If so, call Ascent Law for your free consultation [phone]. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: [phone]

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

What is Estate Planning?

About Chapter 7 bankruptcy

Utah Registered Agent Services

Kids and Divorce

Tax Lawyer

Family Lawyer

Source: http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/types-of-irrevocable-trusts/