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zukadiary · 1 year

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10 years, 10 top stars

Today is my blog's 10TH BIRTHDAY 🥳🥳🥳

To celebrate, I'm going to do 10 streams showcasing 10 of my all time favorite top stars!

(This will be done over, idk, some amount of time, at absolutely not a regular cadence, because unfortunately I live a busy life).

BUT! We're gonna start this week. In no particular order other than I decided to go recent first...

10 years 10 top stars profile #1: Nozomi Fuuto

A few reasons I love Daimon:

My like, very first glimmer of a zuka crush in the infant beginnings of my fandom, before Takawiki existed, when you had to personally know someone on livejournal or in a yahoo group who recorded physical DVDs off TV while they were on JET to watch anything ever, was Minoru Kou. Circa my 2013 re-entry into fandom, I noticed Daimon because I thought she looked like Noru.

The voice, obviously. If you haven't heard it live, put it on your bucket list (and make sure your long awaited exposure isn't in Theater Orb). It hits you in the chest and reverberates in your mitochondria.

The juxtaposition of the raw talent with a relatable combo of crippling perfectionism and general anxiety. Like, really, you can play a Death good enough to resurrect me from clinical depression, but you can't flirt with a musumeyaku in QR without having a meltdown? Terrible (affectionate).

While she mostly comes off as a lowkey, v. profesh, relatively buttoned-up person, she is afflicted by what one of my friends once called "silly o'clock," i.e., she gets funnier, less inhibited, and more human as she approaches exhaustion. This has manifested in two of the most unexpectedly delightful ochakai I've ever been to (watch Yukigumi College—the thing where she's dressed as Beethoven—for a filmed and preserved example).

Top Daimon memories:

On the 20th Century, IMO her Takarazuka peak, sadly lost to the ages (you can read a scene by scene here if you want)

The way her songs in Gaisenmon made her voice float into the corners of the Grand Theater like butterflies on a gentle breeze

The last Daimon ochakai I ever went to, Bakumatsu Taiyouden, which I'm hoping is beyond the statute of limitations now, where she sang a duet with a recording of Gaori's voice and then burst into tears (wasn't supposed to be the last but alas, global pandemic).

ANYWAY,

Choosing a show was hard because, actually, while I am obsessed with Daimon, I am specifically most obsessed with nibante Daimon, and Chigigumi is peak Yukigumi for me. However, every other fave top is getting their top era streamed, and since my all-time fave Daimon show is lost forever...

Stream #1 will be 『fff / Silk Road』 (Snow 2021)

(fff subbed by adorare)

WHEN: Friday, April 7, 9PM EST (that's NY time, join me while I try to stay awake for Stella Voce but maybe fall asleep after the stream anyway lmao)

WHERE: cytu.be/r/pom-pa-lalala

I'll definitely be shaking up the time zones over the course of these streams, so if this doesn't work for you, stay tuned! Next we'll be going back in time...

#takarazuka #streams #nozomi fuuto #10 years 10 top stars

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nerves-nebula · 2 months

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i have a biiiiig problem. i need to get a lot of work done today, but i'm tired and i want to sleep. i know if i take a nap i'll prolly end up asleep for like at LEAST 3 hours, probably morel like 5 hours, and then my sleep schedule will be weird and messed up. but i dont know how productive i'll be right now because i'm miserable so i might just end up wasting 5 hours fucking off getting distracted anyway.

also, BECAUSE I'm fucking miserable i currently hate being alive but i can't kill myself because i have two people in a refugee camp relying on me and i have friends & family who would be sad if i died. but every day is a fucking slog. stuff that's supposed to be fun is a slog. lying in bed for a while and being unconscious would at least fix this a little bit, but i'd still have to work after that. and idk what to do. i don't want to DO anything.

i showed my therapist one of my vents and he tasked me with figuring out where or when I DO feel connected to anything or anyone, even if it's not fully. and i don't know what to tell him. so far the only thing i've come up with is fiction.

like, there are moments with people too, of course. talking to people, but a lot of those moments get spoiled in my memories of them. and i can't trust people. the only places i feel connected to anyone or anything is fiction. but there's not really anywhere for me to go with that.

i think i'm gonna nap. i know it's a bad idea, but i can't stay awake rn.

#nnstuff #vent

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luckywolfsbane · 5 months

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*hugs you if that's ok rn and if it's not then making comfort food and sitting u on the couch. we're either gonna watch a movie or play mariokart or smth*

how're u feeling rn?

I'm... I'm okay. It took me a bit. Apparently, I've been phased out for at least the last week, probably longer. A lot of recent events are fuzzy as all hell. I simply know they happened, but not really what happened during them. The closest I had to being conscious this last week was when Bella passed. That was... not easy. I was awake for the moments we were at the vet. I can remember it in graphic detail, but the ride to and from, as well as the rest of the day, is one painful blur of fuzzy, nearly blacked out images.

I do this sometimes. It's like my brain, somewhere along the line, decides to occasionally take my real personality and about 3/4 of my consciousness and just check them out for a bit. I did it most as a kid. I'm missing one *full* year when I was 6 to 7. Then there were chunks where I got my hair cut, then went to sleep and woke up with it long again bc I essentially blurred the days and went through months on autopilot.

Anyway. Idk what finally flipped the last switch this time, exactly. I took a wrong turn and woke up to a pocket of rage in my chest in the middle of driving home. I slammed on the brakes at the first stop sign and had a bit of a moment, but I'm fully conscious again.

I got home, and my dad looked up at me, his eyes opened wide, and he said it was nice to see the real me back with them. Apparently, whatever mask I'd been wearing had deteriorated to the point that it was essentially someone else. A bit of a surprise, honestly. He rarely notices when I phase out. It must have been really bad.

But yeah. I'm back! I'm frustrated at myself for failing, but I try again next Monday, and nothing is going to stop me. I know what I did wrong. I'm going to correct those mistakes. If I don’t pass, then I'm not done learning. Simple.

As for going through my page, you're always welcome to! I use consistent tags on 90% of my original posts. If you're looking for anything that might have a tag like that, you should be able to search for it!

I love "spam-liking." It makes me feel like I'm doing something right. I got to wake up to multiple notes from you, and I'd be lying through my teeth if I said they didn't help me get out of bed today.

Thank you for the smile, Illeg. You truly are a marvel 💛💛💛💛💛💛

#achievement unlocked: ask box #illeg!!!#tw: mental health #i'm okay #i'm not my best yet #but im okay

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dwn024 · 1 year

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i love uuu im so sorry you had to deal with that guy

thank you anon have i made it explicitly clear that i straight up was only regularly talking to him for maybe about six months before he asked me out and All of our interaction at that point had been within the context of RP or talking about OCs like i barely knew this dude personally and vice versa before he asked me out, then a week later i was like "actually i don't think i'm ready for this and would like it if it stopped" but in response he went "noooo let's try to make it work:(" and then got mad at me when it didn't

he also repeatedly assured me he would be patient and understanding about the AvPD thing but then that was his primary reason for ending it and actually might've been basically the Only reason now that i think about it?? idk i don't have the Fucking Essay he wrote memorized and i don't want to look at the discord DMs in case he sent more shit after i blocked him. also seriously he literally sent a whole goddamn multiple paragraph essay that did not have even the Slightest indication he would accept blame for anything He did wrong too like it was 100% "you suck as a person you are completely the only one at fault for everything going wrong you're childish i can't believe you wouldn't get over a personality disorder for my sake and was too busy with animation crunch to look at DMs for a second"

sorry i don't mean to vent about it so much but i literally have been keeping my mouth shut about how miserable i was with him The Entire Time cuz i was paranoid about him stalking my tumblr and Hey Guess What Happened. also i was mutuals with one of his friends who almost definitely is the one that was like reporting back to him about shit i was posting on my close friends instagram story or posting At All on tumblr so i have had so much goddamn shit bottled up i'm sorry for unleashing it all suddenly right now in multiple paragraph form and taking up the whole dash if the readmore doesn't work i'm putting a readmore beyond this point but tumblr has been breaking readmores lately so i hope it actually works and i deeply deeply apologize in advance if it doesn't

like the INSTANT not exaggerating INSTANT i agreed to go out with him (which by the way i only agreed to because at the time for the first couple days i genuinely did think it was mutual attraction but in hindsight it was Definitely just being happy to have a friend i interacted with semi regularly that's literally it he was just the Only Person i spoke to with that much frequency and 100% of it was talking about OCs or RP) INSTANTLY he suddenly increased the interaction frequency by like 400% and constantly nonstop DMed me every single second he was awake and ALL of it was extremely intimate lovey dovey shit like to an overwhelming degree i was NOT prepared for the friendship to suddenly turn into "actually now i want all your attention all of the time and i am going to message you the instant you pop online or start posting and it's all going to be Way more personal intimate shit than you're used to with me" like i probably overreacted but that shit scared me off BAD that's why i wanted to break it off after a week i had to stop using social media and pretend i was just Not Active for a few days just to get a break from him constantly messaging me and even then he'd still be like "hey i notice you're not online yet today but i'm gonna message you anyway^_^"

like granted he eventually Realized he was probably overwhelming me and agreed to back off a bit but that was in exchange for Not Ending The Relationship Immediately, like i TRIED to break up with him at that point because i got soooo scared but he didn't want to, he Agreed to stop demanding 100% of my attention all the time and said he understood why AvPD might make that more difficult and that's STILL the reason he wanted to end it!!!! because i was too busy with animation crunch to keep paying attention to him!!!! we literally talked about it and he said he was fine with it!!!! if something changed there and he Stopped being fine with not getting 100% of my attention all the time he should have told me instead of getting mad at me for ignoring him when i was fucking working!!!!

and he would always start really REALLY sexual conversations with me in semi-public discord servers that i Was Not Comfortable With granted i totally should have maybe asked him to stop but i didn't want to be the weird one for being uncomfortable with NSFW conversations happening in a designated NSFW channel it was just like. daily, and other people could see the messages DMs exist for a reason i really wish i had the spine to have asked him to not do that it kinda makes my skin crawl in retrospect

there's also the whole "constantly treating my self insert OC like shit in RP specifically as punishment for the OC showcasing AvPD traits that i have explicitly and repeatedly stated are me projecting my own AvPD traits onto the OC" thing. like the worst i've done to that character is made him get forced to eat a lizard and there's a running joke of him getting mugged all the time but my ex literally and unambiguously had his own OC beat the shit out of mine for apologizing too much and being a spineless pushover that got freaked out making decisions for other people and never wanted to state any of his own opinions in case they were the wrong ones, that is all shit i have stated repeatedly i was projecting onto him and my ex's OC berated and again Literally Beat The Shit Out Of Him for. and this wasn't just One of my ex's characters every time my OC had an AvPD moment no matter which of my ex's characters he was interacting with they would Always shit on him for it that does not feel good

i know there's other shit i've been bottling up i just can't remember it at the moment my memory totally sucks in general. uh he asked for my address after like two months of regular conversation and then again when i moved to my current apartment that feels weird i think that's too quickly to ask for an internet acquaintance's address

#again sorry if the readmore doesn't work i'll try to edit after posting to fix it if that's the case

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kira-the-whump-enthusiast · 1 year

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From this ask game :D

17. Manipulation/Gaslighting

Okay this took me really long lol. But it is!! Finished!!! Tbh Idk if this is exactly whump. I literally just. Okay I feel like this writing is a very straightfoward metaphor for depression. Like I'm just gonna say it. It's not whump in the traditional sense, I guess? It does include a sad girl tho so

Also tysm to @whump-queen and @whump-in-the-closet for beta reading this you guys are awesome >:)

Content: Severe depression, self-loathing, suicidality, death wish, lady whumpee with male whumper, toxic/abusive relationship

---

He's truly the sweetest, so reliable and caring. He whispers sweet nothings to her as they lie in bed together.

"You're just the worst."

"You're horrible. You're a disappointment."

"Why are you alive? You should have never been born."

She stares at her lover and sighs. The worst part is that she can't argue, can't shut out the words. His voice stings with utter, destructive truth.

Despite it all, they embrace tightly under the messy covers. She doesn't hold him, but his arms are wrapped around her, almost strangulatory. She's used to it. But does she want to be used to it? Does she even want this? She asks these questions, but it's not like it matters. Deep down, she knows the answer is no, but it doesn't matter. It has never mattered.

They'll be together forever, and every day his presence only gets more and more inescapable.

Making tired eye contact, she whispers to him, "Why do you do this to me?" The words fall from her lips, silent and resigned.

"You know I only say this because I love you. And I want what's best for you."

It doesn't feel like it. It has never felt like it.

Her eyes wander around the room. It's the middle of the day, but still dark inside her bedroom. The blinds are drawn and the lights are off. Discarded clothing, forgotten papers for work, and dirty paper plates litter the floor. The door is locked, although no one else is home. It's been locked for a week.

There's so much she needs to do that she hasn't been doing. "I have places to go," she laments to him.

"I know."

"Let me go, then," she pleads.

"It's not my fault that you can't get out of bed."

He grips her even tighter, nails digging into her flesh. She would be afraid her shirt would tear, if not for the fact that it's old and she hasn't changed in days.

"You're useless, huh? Stay here a while. It's less embarrassing. It's not like you could ever face them, anyways."

"I guess…."

They fall silent, no words exchanged, although her mind is running, running with thoughts that she has no energy to think about.

The silence is interrupted by her stomach growling. She clutches her abdomen with her hands.

"I'm hungry."

"But you don't deserve to eat."

He finishes her sentences. They're truly meant for each other.

"Are you tired, dear?' he asks her.

She nods. She's always tired. There aren't many times she's at full energy.

He runs a hand through her oily hair. "Go to sleep, then."

"I woke up an hour ago." But truth be told, she wished she could fall asleep. He's never there in her dreams. It's more than she could wish for when she's awake.

"Do you have anything else to do today?"

"I…."

Her eyes well up with tears.

"I want to."

"I want to read. I want to sing. I want to draw. I-I want to see my friends." Her voice cracks, but she doesn't care.

"Are you sure?" He cocks his head to the side.

"You're not good at those, anyways. And your friends don't really like you. I've told you this, haven't I?"

You're a dirty liar, is what she thinks, but in her heart of hearts, she doubts whether that's true.

"This is sad, isn't it? What a sad fucking life."

She can only nod in agreement. Because you make it like this, she thinks.

But… it's her fault too. She can't deny it, she knows it, she lives it. Every failure is simply her own responsibility.

She's a horrible artist, a horrible friend, a horrible daughter, and she's never been able to do anything right. She'll never escape anything she wants to escape. Everything weighs down on her so much--how the fuck is anyone supposed to live like this?

He grasps her hand tightly, pinning her down with his gaze. His eyes are empty except for sheer determination and poisoned love.

"Let's end this here."

"It'll be quick. It'll be easy. And then it'll be over. And then you can finally stop. You can stop being a bad person. And this is the closest to happiness you'll ever get."

It's tempting. It's so tempting. He makes this offer to her every day.

"Let me kill you."

She wants it. She wants it, right? But it terrifies her and makes her sick. It would be quick and it would be easy and that scares her. But she has to end it here. She has to end it because she doesn't know what else to do. Despite it all, she doesn't want it to end.

"No, please, no." Her voice is quiet. She shakes her head, tears falling down her cheeks.

He looks crestfallen.

"It'll be for the best."

"I don't want that. Not today. Please." It comes out as almost a whisper. She's petrified, glued to the bed with terror and self-loathing.

He sighs. He's not like most parasites. He can't kill her, not without her hands. It's the one mercy she has in this life. Or maybe it isn't? Maybe it'd be easier if she just died and didn't need to decide that.

"Okay. Maybe later," he concedes, words empty and disappointed.

She releases a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. She's alive. Today, she's alive, and she thinks that she wants that. She doesn't really want that. But she's too scared to want anything else.

He turns away from her, taking some of the blanket with him, and she's almost relieved.

She's not going to die. He won't kill her. Not today. Maybe one day.

But if she's lucky, maybe never. Maybe one day he'll even leave.

---

AN: Hope you guys enjoyed this! Also I'm mentally okay I promise

Consider this a Christmas gift to you all btw <2

#whump #whump writing #writeblr #writing #idk what to tag this as tbh #I'm actually kinda proud of this one? hope it doesn't die lol #my writing

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mcrmadness · 1 year

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I would love to know how to turn my brain off. I went to bed between 1-3am last night cos I was so tired after last week, and I slept all the way to 2pm. Right now it's 6am, I have been trying to talk myself to go to bed since 2am but I just. My brain is refusing to turn off again. I have been watching a tv series, I ate, I brushed my teeth, yet my mind keeps being like "but there must still be something we can do before bed???" and like. There ISN'T even anything, I am tired already, I want to go to bed, I feel like I'm gonna fall asleep almost immediately when I do, but yet my brain is still on overdrive. I am sure it must be because I slept about 12 hours last night and while mentally tired, I still haven't activated my adhd brain enough today. The whole night I wanted to continue a video game which I refused to do cos I knew I'd be awake even later than now. Instead, I played several mobile games WHILE watching the tv series.

Idk, I don't know what to do to make my brain calm down. Nothing works. Turning my computer off does nothing cos I have my phone. Putting my phone away does nothing because I have my TV. TV does nothing because there's never anything on TV and Netflix is just hours of browsing and choosing not to watch this or this or this after all. Honestly I don't even know why I have a TV anymore when I only use Netflix and one free Finnish streaming service, basically I'm wasting money every months when I pay for service I don't even use for anything but those two streaming services and which I can access from my PC anyway. So basically I wouldn't even need that TV service at all...

Anyhow maybe I'll go to bed now. I need some sleep. Sure I could always try turning my PC off and read books but my ability to focus on them depends on a day so much, and some days I just can't focus on anything that goes on in a book cos I keep getting distracted by words and then my own thoughts. There's a crossword mobile game I downloaded a while back so maybe I'll play that for a while before I try to sleep... (I also hate sleeping whenever I don't know what to think before falling asleep. It makes sleeping so boring. Last night I had an idea that I should try thinking about something original like try out character creation instead of fanfic scenarios but I was so tired I fells asleep in like 2 minutes and didn't even have time to think anything but that idea of planning something original lol)

But yeah. Bed ->

#mcrmadness' random stuff

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deadcrybabysmut · 1 year

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took two tabs of acid 12 hours ago and im still reeling. today has been a chaotic rollercoaster of laughter, tears, and anger—so much fucking anger.

i don't know how I would have managed to make it through the day if it weren't for the two people who understand me and see me and resonate with me the most. they grounded me. especially when i couldn't handle my trip going south when their shitty mom came home and fucked up the vibe.

anyway i wanna sort of get out what happened tonight in this post so i can essentially look back on it later 🤸🏽‍♀️

also, every one of our seven cats avoided me like the plague while tripping and that made me so fucking sad, until i realized i was probably freaking them out lmao which is understandable and if I were them I'd have told me to go fuck myself too tbh

ok so when i initially took the tabs, i was already twenty minutes into watching I Am a Hero which I lowkey was expecting to be horrific—boy was I fucking WRONG 🤡🤡🤡 this movie was too fucking funny FOR WHAT?

—had me crying about what I would do if the only foods available during the apocalypse were all the ones I hated (i would simply die bc ain't no way im eating eggs or pork or seafood like what kind of shit is that?? 😵🤮🤮) THEN I started thinking about the mfs who would get bit and not say anything! like BITCH HELLO????? WHY MUST WE SUFFER BC YOU WERE THE WEAK LIIINK???!! but then I was like lol same 🤭 bc fuck you lucky mfs. yeah, im butthurt and y'all ain't gon know until it's too late oop 💁🏽

there was also some weird "i shouldn't be a creep bc she's a high schooler and it's a crime" type moment which led to me giggling about how Hideo really almost became a meal for copping a feel??? idk shit was funny in the moment really and hearing HOW the girl got bit before all that, made it so much funnier (spoiler: it was by some stupid baby lol what a loser. to get turned by someone with six baby teeth lmfaoo couldn't be me. anyway...)

there's only one zombie I have to talk about—THAT FUCKING ATHLETIC ONE. bitch ain't no way mans was training that entire time for that fucking hard, and no one put it together???!?! I saw dude's caved in head and how he would THROW HIMSELF onto his head FOR FUN and I just KNEW we needed to keep an eye on that mf. he killed that shit tbh 🤣🤣

anyway by the end of the movie i had already cried twice about having to eat eggs if zombies were running rampant lmao and i damn near had a stroke laughing at ol girl becoming half a zombie bc of the six baby teeth that scraped the back of her neck. LIKE????? idk. fortunately, 10/10 recommend watching on acid / would do again! maybe! 👉🏼👉🏼

*just gonna throw in here that we started watching Robin Hood Men in Tights immediately after this, and if you've seen that movie, you KNOW that shit was hilarious! throw in an acid trip and it's a fucking masterpiece 💀 unfortunately we didn't get through it all because shitty mom showed up and pissed everyone off bc she refused to eat anything all day and decided it would be everyone's problem! we made her food, she didn't eat it. her husband bought her food, she didn't eat it. instead, she cried about feeling nauseous, picked a fight with her husband over nothing, then told us she was leaving to her mom's house. 😐😐 After reassuring me they were ok, I made my siblings go to bed and spent two hours talking myself down I was so fucking livid. I'm still very much wide awake and functional, but I really don't want to be soo I'm going to force myself to crash I guess???

#shut up rae #dont do drugs kids #lmao #jk don't listen to me #do what you want #but be safe #or don't #i don't know nor give a fuck just do u bro #bro i love acid lmao #psychedelics make things better #ok its 7am i need to sleep omg #bye

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aamethyst000 · 1 year

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Nov 1, 22 3:10pm

our internet has been out for 3 days now, my little brother is getting impatient and I am starting to feel bored. I am reading my books but it doesn't feel the same as I am on my phone. i am also listening to music a lot more that I normally do, and I am getting bored from that. I almost want to take a nap but I don't want to. I am just bored and u just may have to put up with it for now. the wiring is broken somewhere in the waters. I found out from the lady at the front desk (clinic) and they are waiting for some dude to come up from Vancouver to fix the thing. so it may be longer than we all like. oh well, I think I just may nap anyway. gor stuff to do but I can't seem to get up and do them.

I noticed I seem to put myself on a time limit when it comes to my own chores. I have to remind myself every now and again when I do realize this.

3:25pm - we are just having a toke, I almost had a nap. and hoo boi is it ever chilly in the house. on my second cup of coffee, I think coffee is starting to make me sleepy, however, I get a headache if I don't drink my usual amount of coffee. I may have to think about slowing down a bit before picking back up again. oh, yeah, and I woke up really late this morning. I woke up at 11am, lately, I have been waking up late. yet, I have been going to bed at like 1-2am and my alarm clocks are L O U D man. my phone is even on my bed, I mean, cmon. I wanna know what is going on.

5:35pm - I. am. bored. I know what I can do, but idk if I can find the energy to do so. I also have to cook dinner, so, there's that. u was very tempted to take a nap, I was tired enough and I was not doing anything. as you can tell. I did not, in fact, take a fckn nap. I'm thinking I should go make another pot of coffee in a bit. just so I can keep myself awake. it has been very quiet in the house, quite fascinating when you are experiencing it. my cat has been napping by me all day today, I have been listening to music nonstop. been feeling really fidgety too, I think that is why I want to nap.

10:22pm - managed to stay up to cook. we had BBQ chicken and rice! it was so fckn yummy~ I am just now piling the dishes to clean and put away tomorrow. assuming that the internet won't go back on until who knows when. so I'll be finding ways to keep myself busy until the internet is back on. I am on my fourth cup of coffee, over my limit on coffee intake. oh well, needed it for tonight. I have been listening to music all fckn day just to keep my thoughts somewhat calm, I was gonna say in line but that felt wrong to say lol so, yeah. that has been my day today. slow and boring. I actually had to deal with my boredom and I didn't like that at all. no wonder we as humans get really upset when we are not kept busy. like damn, my brain cannot rest for shit.

1:40am - welp, I thought I was going to go to bed early, apparently not. Danny was late going to bed, only because we ate pretty late. I get the feeling danny snooped around in my room again for my stash. he is not going be my roommate if he keeps this up. the citywest website says the estimated time it'll be fixed is sometime after 2pm, im thinking it'll go back on late at night again. I wonder what the damage was after the literal storm we had a few days ago. and it's only Wednesday for crying out loud lmao

#happy #photographer nature #photographer amethyst000 #photographer #photography #nature #2spirit #journalist amethyst000 #journalist #journaling #journal #blog #blogger #queer

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t0shii · 3 years

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% comforting them when they're upset

.! oikawa, tsukishima, matsukawa (sep) x gn!r

.! angst + fluff/ breakdowns, crying, etc. lightly proofread bc im lazy so sorry for any mistakes.

.! im so sorry if this is absolute word vomit or horse shit 😭 i tried my best though 😌 uhhh sorry for not posting yesterday i got my daith pierced and i was in a lot of pain after that so i didnt feel like writing anywho enjoy this 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 p.s. i was originally gonna write for mad dog but i was struggling so i went with mattsun instead sorry. also idk why matsuns ended up being so short i didnt do him justice i apologize 😩

oikawa

— always gets discouraged when his knee bothers him. today was one of those days. his coach had made him sit out of practice because he had been limping a bit. he came home distraught and you noticed right away.

"what's the matter toru?" you asked opening your arms for a hug, which he accepted, wrapping his arms around your middle quite tightly. "my knee is bothering me again 'n coach made me sit out. it's just not fair." he mumbled into your shoulder. you could feel his tears soak through your shirt. you nodded and responded, "baby, he just doesn't want you to hurt yourself. i know it's not fair but-", "but i wanna play volleyball, i wanna get better and practice." he said, aggravated that you weren't exactly on his side, still he held you tighter.

"toru, baby, look at me." he does as told, and you bring your hands up to wipe his tear stained cheeks,"toru, you can't strain your knee anymore than you already do, you know this. i know you only want to play volleyball, baby i know, but you have to be patient." he nods in agreement and you do the same, then guiding his head back to your shoulder, "i know it's frustrating toru, but you can't force it, y'know? he wouldn't make you sit out if it wasn't for your best interest. you know that, deep down."

the two of you had been cuddling on the couch, his back against your chest when you heard him sniffling again, "toru, what's wrong?" you ask softly, sitting up slightly. "i'm so useless, my own knee can't even work right. the team deserves someone better and so d-do you" he hiccuped, hiding is face in his hands. you felt guilty for not comforting him more earlier. "toru, that's not true at all." you stated, forcing his hands into yours, "take it back right now." he looked at you confused. "toru oikawa i said take it back right this instant." you said a little sterner than before.

"no." he managed to get out through sobs, and you knew the stern method wasn't going to work this time around. "toru, please. you're not useless at all, not to anyone, not to the team, and especially not to me. you're the best teammate, friend and boyfriend anyone could ever ask for and your knee just needs a break sometimes, you just need a break sometimes and thats okay. needing a break doesn't make you useless or weak, toru." you say softly, guiding him to a sitting position, hugging him closely and tracing small, comforting shapes on his back.

"you're so so strong toru, and you're an amazing person, an amazing boyfriend, you're such an amazing volleyball player and i'm so proud of how far you've come since highschool." you say, kissing the crown of his head. "you mean it?" he asks leaning back to look at you, "i always do, toru. i love you more than anything, and i'm so so fucking proud of you, but you have to know, it's okay to need a break sometimes and it doesn't change who you are as a person and it definitely doesn't make you weak or useless. he nods in response, burrying his head into the crook of your neck. you both stay like that, you whispering words of affirmations, him listening fondly until he feels better a little while later.

tsukishima

— he usually didn't let the stress of professional volleyball get to him like this, but he couldn't help it he would be lying if he said he wasn't overwhelmed, from interviews, to extra practice to prepare for the overseas games he had coming up, he was exhausted, to add onto it all he had been neglecting you and he felt horrible for it.

you knew practice was going to be running late since your boyfriend had told you in advance, so you weren't initially worried as to why kei had been coming home late at night. this night in particular was the fourth night in a row kei been home late and you starting to grow concerned. you hadn't seen him hardly at all that week, which was unusual because he always made time for you no matter what. worried, you decided to stay awake and wait for him to get home.

when the time finally comes, your heart dropped at his appearance, he looked absolutely horrible, as if he hadn't slept right in weeks. "why are you up?" he mumbled, taking his shoes off rather sloppily, uncharacteristic of him. you made your way closer to yoir exhausted boyfriend, "kei, i'm worried about you. i know you don't like me meddling with your career, and please don't misunderstand my concern for that. i'm just worried you aren't getting enough rest and i've barely seen you at all this week." you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

you knew something was wrong when you saw the tear swell in his eyes, but he just stood there awkwardly, you walked closer toward him, "kei, what's wrong?" you ask, extending your arms toward him, which he basically fell into, he started sobbing immediately, shocking you initially. "i'm s-sorry for neglecting you this week, i didn't mean to i-i just-", "kei, i'm not worried about that, i'm worried that you aren't taking care of yourself properly." you mumble, patting his back comfortingly. to which he shakes his head no."work has been too much recently, i can't sleep and i barely have time to even think. its just practice, interviews, practice, interviews i-i can't handle it all anymore, y/n." he sobbed into your shoulder, you were speechless at his vulnerability.

"kei,-", "but i can't stop now because that'll make me a failure and i don't want to let you down and the team too, i just want to make everyone proud but i think i'm falling behind." he cried, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. "kei, you could never let me down. actually, i think i've been letting you down recently, i don't tell you this enough but, i'm so so proud of you kei, so proud you don't even understand, i'm sorry for not expressing that enough to you. i understand that you feel as if you're falling behind but overworking and stressing yourself out isn't going to help you improve, kei, and i know you also know that."

"you're working yourself sick, kei and i can't stand here and continue to let that happen so you're taking a day off whether you like it or not. tomorrow will be a me and you day, how does that sound? i'll call your coach in the morning." honestly, you wouldn't have let him say no anyways, and he knew that so he just nodded his head. "look at me kei, you have to tell me when you're feeling overwhelmed. it's not good to keep things in like this, it's just like you tell me." he nods his head, but avoids eye contact, "and i'm not disappointed or upset at you, you know. but i can't read your mind, so please just tell me when things start to feel like they're crashing down on you 'kay? i'll help you just like you help me." you smile, he looks at you and nods, hugs you closer and whispers an "i love you" into your ear, which you return.

matsuwaka

— you knew his work was stressful and emotionally and mentally exhausting, so there were always worries in the back of your mind that he would become too overwhelmed, well today your worries became reality.

"welcome home issei." you called from the kitchen as your boyfriend walked through the door, though he offered you no response, which made you frown. "issei?-" you gasped when you felt a pair of strong arms sneak their way around your waist, "jesus, issei, you scared me!" you giggle placing your hands atop of his own, but you realized he was not laughing with you. "issei, baby?" concern laced in your tone as you maneuvered your way around to face him, "what's wrong baby?" you ask, taking his face in your hands to wipe at escaping tears.

"work was rough today." was all he said as he melted at the feeling of your thumbs running back and forth on his cheeks. "oh issei, i'm sorry." you mumbled, kissing the tip of his nose lightly, "is there anything i can do to help?" he didn't know why but something inside of him snapped when you asked him that, and sobs escaped his lips, he could only hide his face in the space between your neck and shoulder because for some reason he felt... ashamed to be crying in front of you like this. "please just hold me." he cried, so you did just that, shushimg him when his sobs got violent, rubbing your hand up and down his back soothingly.

the both of you stood there for a good 15 minutes before you spoke up after he had calmed down a bit, "is there anything you need to get off your chest? you don't have to tell me now or even at all but i want you to know that whatever is bothering you, you can tell me, anything at all. i know your job is mentally exhausting and honestly i dont even know how you do it but i dont want you thinking you have to carry the burden of it alone, okay? i'm so proud of you, so so so proud of you issei, i just wanted you to know that."

you felt him nod in the crook of your neck, a soft, "thank you." sounding shortly after, "of course." you responded, kissing his shoulder a few time.he wasn't sure when he would feel completely ready to get things off his chest but he felt loved knowing that you would always be there to comfort him, and for that he was forever grateful.

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byulsgrease · 3 years

Text

duly noted

you've never been one to obsess about your soulmate, assuming you'll figure it out when the time is right. but seriously, what kind of nonsense has yours been writing about recently?

(eventual moonbyul / wheein x gender neutral reader, soulmate!au, trainee/idol!au, ~1.2k words)

a/n: wheein bias wrecker anon! I might've had too much fun with your req and so this is gonna be my first soulmate au 🤠 while byul and wheein don't actually appear in this part (does that make this a prologue? idk), I promise they'll make their appearance soon enough :)

cw: struggles of being a trainee (weight + food talk)

The claps from your dance instructor ring out in the mirrored studio, calling everyone to attention before they send you off for the day. Everyone stands around listening to whatever niceties they're talking about, asking the rhetorical questions of whether all of you want this, how everyone needs to work harder, etc. How many years has it been now, almost three? Evaluations went pretty well recently and you've certainly demonstrated signs of growth since you started, but debut? Who knows. Does anyone, really?

But right now it's late and you're hungry, hoping that your growling stomach isn't loud enough to pierce through the lecture. You're respectfully tuned out anyway, since it's all old news. Nothing you haven't heard before. They clap again once their spiel ends and everyone disperses. Your eyes catch Hyejin's on your way out of the studio, sharing a funny face and an eyeroll before disappearing into the herd of trainees shuffling to the lockers.

Your locker opens with a routine spin of the dial, taking care to slow down and line up the numbers properly so you're not stuck having to do it over again. The inside's pretty cute for a metallic rectangle— it's really the only space of your own besides your notebook. Pictures of your family, old school friends, and fellow trainee friends line the sides beneath a tiny string of battery-powered fairy lights. It's not much, but always a humbling reminder of why you're here.

Unzipping your bag, you take out a pair of slides and drop them on the floor while stepping out of your sneakers. There's not much else in your bag, just a change of clothes and your notebook, of course. Everyone has one. Anything inside could be drawn, written, scribbled, painted. It’s your personal creative space and no one else's, but with two conditions:

You can't write your name in it, not even your initials. Of course everyone tried to as kids against their parents commands, but letters simply sink into the page, disappearing as if they'd never been written at all.

You can only mark up one side. Pages on the right side are for you, and the left side pages fill themselves. Fill themselves with what? you asked your parents. They gave you a non-answer, saying you'd figure it out someday. Great. Only other thing they bothered to tell you was that your right-hand pages were someone's left-hand ones. So someone can see what I put here? Their confirmation sounded rather casual, which you found weird. Someone out there was watching what you put in? But you got used to it, especially since every person owns one. It's a novelty for children anyway. Mark up a page however you want, knowing that someone out in the would will see, and sit back to watch whatever randomness shows up on the left side.

Your left side pages were actually empty for quite a while, save for the occasional "UGGHHH" followed by a typical childish annoyance scrawled messily across the entirety of the page in marker. Not that notebook use was mandatory, but parents usually encouraged it because it kept their kids occupied. There wasn't much you could do about empty pages, nor did you care most of the time, but it did leave you a little jealous of other kids at school who'd sometimes open theirs and be greeted with cute watercolor paintings, mini murals, or skillfully written poetry.

For you, the notebook's served many uses. As a kid it was random doodles and poorly-drawn fantasy scenarios— escapism, perhaps. In middle school it was angsty poems and random journal entries about the random happenings of your life. For the first half of high school it became your to-do list, keeping track of school assignments. And on the rarest occasion, song lyrics. Visual art was never your medium of choice, music came more easily. But drawing staff lines for music notation in the notebook usually ended up being too tedious, so your original stuff was mostly relegated to voice memos on your phone. And now? Who knows. Trainee life may as well be a blur. Sing, dance, talk, eat if you can afford to, sleep, repeat. It's hard to find the energy to write anything most days. Whenever you feel like checking, the left side has random jottings, nearly illegible most of the time.

It wasn't until you got older that you realized that whoever read your entries on the was the same person generating content on the left. And supposedly the person you're supposed to be with for the rest of time? What kind of system is that? I'm just supposed to trust blindly? having asked your parents in exasperation after figuring it out. Again with more non-answers— it had worked for them, didn't it? There's also the obvious question of why people don't just write directly to each other, but whatever. You're still young, no need to obsess over "the one" unlike some of your classmates. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, you figure. And it obviously is, you've got a notebook with (semi-)filled left side pages. What more could you ask for?

The cacophony of clanging lockers opening and closing starts to die down as people leave. Hyejin's head pops out from behind the locker door, laughing in your face when you flinch.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, one sec. Man, I'm starving,” you remark while slipping the bag straps on your back and closing the locker door. You don't even want to know how strapped for cash you are, probably in for another night of boiled eggs and canned kimchi.

“Wanna go out for food?” she immediately asks, eyes alight at the prospect of getting to eat something besides convenience store food.

"I wish. Actually, you wish," you smirk with longing in your eyes. The "no" doesn't even have to be said, weigh-ins are way too soon to risk it. She hangs her head, jokingly dejected as you swing an arm around her shoulder to walk out of the company building together.

~~~~

After scrounging up whatever food you call dinner, taking a shower, and flopping into bed, you open up your notebook and grab the random pen laying on your dresser, unsure of what you'll write about tonight. There's chicken scratch on the left page already, ballpoint pen. It's actually legible today, though: In my room every day I see your smile.

What the hell does that mean? Whose smile, yours? You haven't even met yet.

Call me everyday every night, hug me everywhere every time

Utter nonsense. Maybe meeting soulmates is just a huge game of catch-up once everything's finally revealed, surely yours will be. There’s just so many questions. Moving to the right side, you jot down a list of cheat meal ideas along with some assorted notes and pointers from practice that you want to work on tomorrow, drawing little characters next to each list item for fun. After accidentally drawing a random squiggle from jolting yourself awake and feeling the heaviness in your eyelids, you cap your pen and shut your notebook, placing it back in your bag. With the lights out, the last thought you have before sleep consumes you is why haven't you ever tried writing directly to each other after all this time?

[next]

#using their real predebut photos feels like a disservice lmaoo #girl crush is my fave cf tho :D #requested #💥 anon #mamamoo imagines #gg fic #mamamoo x reader #hwasa x reader #mamamoo fanfic #kpop fic #girl group fic #moonbyul imagines #hwasa imagines #wheein imagines #mamamoo scenarios #soulmate au

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mull3ts · 4 years

Text

Quarantine Boyz, Part 2

Pairing | NCT's 00 line x Reader

⚠ Warnings! | Smut, Orgy (5some), Swearing, Voyeurism, Yangyang now included!, Double penetration, squirting, Dirty talk, spanking, Degration, Anal, *unprotected sex (wrap it up kids!), this goes from 100 to 0 real quick, There's no smut on Yangyang coz idk how to feel abt that 😔

· Part 1

Week 2: Day 8/14, 9:42 pm

"Wider" Jaemin demanded, "Spread you legs wider princess-"

"Look who's having all of the fun over there" Donghyuck teased from the doorframe along with Renjun. "It wouldn't be very nice to not share, would it Y/N?" Renjun questioned. You shook your head, "If you two wanna join then do something" Jeno said before shoving his fingers back into your mouth along with Jaemin finally entering inside of you.

"Fine" The two boys said stripping themselves from their clothes and joining the rest of you on the bed. Jaemin slowly entered you to help you adjust to him, as Jeno removed his fingers from your mouth now also entering your stuffed hole.

"A-ah, wait Jeno are you gonna-" You asked scared you actually might split in two, Jeno gently caressed your cheek. "Don't worry babe, I'll try to be gentle. No promises though" He said as he was trusting himself inside of you.

"Wow, look at what a dirty girl you are. Taking two cocks in that small pussy of yours" Donghyuck whispered in your ear. "Maybe we should tie your hands together, how does that sound?" Renjun taunted as he watched your face react to Jeno and Jaemin ruining you.

Spank

"Answer him, princess. You want your hands tied together?" Jaemin groaned.

You nodded, "P-please, do it.". "Good girl" Renjun cooed as Donghyuck went through Jaemin's closet to find a necktie. "Here" Donghyuck said as he threw the necktie to Renjun to tie around your wrists. They all chuckled a bit looking at your now tied hands.

"Look at how pretty your hands are now babygirl, all tied up so you can't do anything" Donghyuck teased. "You can't do a single thing to us while we wreck your little pussy" Renjun chuckled.

"I think I'm gonna c-cum" You said weakly. Jeno cocked his head to the side and gave you a lazy smile, "Cumming so soon?". "Aw, that's cute princess. Are our cocks really that good?" Jaemin cooed from behind you. Renjun leaned closer to your ear. "Why don't you beg to cum, hm?".

Jeno chuckled at Renjun's suggestion, "C'mon babe, tell us how much you wanna cum". "I-i wanna cum, please. Ah, please let me cum I'll be g-good I-i promise!".

"Promise, huh?" Donghyuck teased. "Y-yes, please just let me cum!" You moaned making Jeno smile at your eagerness. "What do you think, Jaemin? Wanna let our little girl cum?". Jaemin nodded. "Do it princess. But when you cum, look at Jeno and don't you dare take your eyes off of his eyes."

Donghyuck leaned closer to your ear, "Go on babygirl, make a mess on their cocks, Don't hold back". When you reached your high it made you clench hard causing Jeno and Jaemin to cum not long after you. You squirted causing the 2 boys still deep inside of you to curse under their breath. First Jaemin, then Jeno pulled out admiring your pussy stuffed with their cum.

Jeno reached down to collect some on his fingers and pushed it back into your hole causing you to gasp a little at the sudden contact. Jaemin lazily chuckled at your reaction before looking at Renjun and Donghyuck who were staring at you.

"Did she just-"

"Squirt? Yeah"

"Hot" Donghyuck complimented

"Our turn" Renjun said proudly. First Donghyuck lined up with your entrance. But then Renjun was lining up with your asshole. "A-ah, Renjun! Be careful, p-please" You whimpered making Renjun chuckle a little. "I'll try my best, angel".

Donghyuck was thrusting himself inside of you making sure to go as deep as he could. "Fuck babygirl, h-how are you still so tight after 2 cocks rammed your pussy?" He asked. "That's cause she's our good little girl, right princess?" Jaemin whispered in your ear. "Y-yeah, a-ah! Renjun!". Your nails were creating little marks in your hands as you couldn't grip onto anything. "Calm down, angel, the pain'll go away" Renjun said softly trying to easy your pain. Donghyuck on the other hand, was now thrusting in you relentlessly. "You like that, babygirl? Hm? Tell me" Donghyuck taunted. "S-slow down! Please" You begged as Renjun now started to thrust in your ass adding to the pleasure that you couldn't handle. "You want me to speed up? Ok" Donghyuck teased. "God, you're so hot"

With Donghyuck and Renjun's dicks both inside of you at once, you couldn't help but cum quickly. "M'gonna c-cum! Please l-let me cum!" You moaned. "Not yet, babygirl, us first" Donghyuck said sternly. Eventually the 2 boys filled you with their cum resulting in you squirting again. "Look at you..." Jeno said looking at your cum filled pussy, "All fucked out from 4 cocks, what a little whore you are for us. What do you say after we fucked you so well, babe?" Jeno questioned cocking his head to the side.

"T-thank you" You mumbled "Thank you for what princess?" Jaemin said lifting your chin to make you look at him.

"Thank you all f-for fucking me so well"

Day 9/14, 11:33 am

You woke up, with excruciating pain.

"Hi there, hot stuff. Glad to see you awake"

Jeno.

"I am pain Lee Jeno"

"Wonder who's fault is that?"

"Yours"

"25% of it is, babe" He smirked then kissed your forehead. "Can you get up?" He questioned.

You shook your head ask he lazily laughed at you. "Aw, here, I'll carry you". He scooped you up in his arms and brought you to the kitchen where the rest of the boys were eating

"Hi there, cutie" Cooed Donghyuck while eating a sandwich earning a glare from you as Jeno sat you down then taking a seat for himself. "I see that you can't walk" Jaemin said smiling at you. "Sush, Na Jaemin" You mumbled as Donghyuck cleared his throat.

"So," Donghyuck began, "What happens now?". "I guess we could take turns?" Renjun suggested. "DIBS ON HER FIRST!" Yelled Donghyuck followed by Jaemin, Jeno, then Renjun. "So, Donghyuck first, then Jaemin, Jeno, and last is Renjun?" You questioned, they all nodded. "I'm gonna be adventurous and take you in the kitchen" Donghyuck whispered to you, "NU UH NOT IN MY GOSH DANG KITCHEN LEE DONGHYUCK. I rule this kitchen, therefore I can fuck in this kitchen, not you" Said Jaemin sternly causing laughter to erupt in the kitchen.

"So when do "the turns" begin?"

"Today"

"W-what?"

And so that's how it went from days 9/14 to 13/14

They all took turns as they said they would and you were fine with it

Then there was the last day where you supposedly "Could go outside"

But I know what you're thinking

"WHERE'S THE TURNS?"

Ladies and Gentlemen, that will be added, in time

I'm letting you recover ;D

Day 14/14, 11:11 am

"So we can't go out?"

Renjun shook his head, "Nope"

"Listen here, Smurfette, I need some weird special detergent for this Peppa Pig apron because the little tag said so. What am I gonna do?" Jaemin snapped. "Chill out Jaemin, it's only an apron" Donghyuck retorted. "What did you do to that apron anyway?" Renjun asked.

"I might've got cum on the apron" Jaemin mumbled.

"Huh?" Renjun and Donghyuck blurted in confusion.

"I got semen on the apron" Jaemin hissed. The two boys infront of him bursted out in laughter, "You got cum, on your Peppa Pig apron?" Donghyuck said in disbelief.

"Yeah" Jaemin mumbled while Renjun was laughing hysterically.

"You got what on your apron?" You exclaimed walking down the stairs with Jeno.

"I got cum on my fucking apron" Jaemin sighed, as now you and Jeno started laughing. But you stopped laughing, followed by Renjun, then Jeno. Donghyuck was the only one left laughing.

He cleared his throat, "Oh, we're not l-laughing anymore. Uh, w-why?" Donghyuck stammered out.

"I-"

"J-jaemin and Y/N f-fucked in the- the-" Renjun said with caution

"Oh just say it"

"JAEMIN AND Y/N FUCKED IN THE DAMN KITCHEN"

The room was filled with eyerolls and groans of disbelief. "W-we sanitized it if it makes you feel b-better?" Jaemin hesitantly spoke.

"Will you all, stop? Or else I'll sing that Justin Timberlake song in German"

"How do you even know that song-"

"Ten showed me" Yangyang whispered

Day 14/14, 11:11 pm

"Oh, fuck" You moaned

The light turned on.

Yangyang was met with his 5 naked roomates looking straight at him.

"I'm assuming Jaemin didn't close the door, again"

Jaemin nodded, "You wanna do this, Y/N?" he asked looking at you with a knowing look.

"Come here"

*a/n: And tada ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the long awaited Quarantine Boyz part 2 🤧 Sorry if that ending was a bit rushed because I honestly didn't know how to end this. Anyways I hope you enjoyed reading this~~~ 💖💖💖 -Abi~ <3

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