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#avengers 4

Marvel characters as lines from Rhett and Link’s “I am a thoughtful guy”

Tony: I am a thoughtful guy, I think a lot of thoughts about a lot of things. I think about space and the vastness of it

Peter: I think about cake and how much I love it

Clint: I think about if Walmart is good or evil

Natasha: I think tattoos are cool… On other people *glances at Clint*

Stephen: I think about the unexplored depths of the ocean. I think about the difference in ointment and lotion

Drax: I think about if I should wax my back

Nebula: I think a handful of nuts is a healthy snack

Bruce: right now I’m thinking about the millions of microorganisms living on my body. Just like I’m a mothership. A 100% male mothership.

Hulk: I think about how I could get on the local news if I strolled into a McDonald’s and stripped down nude

Wanda: I think about a hotdog while I’m eating it but then I pause because I’m thinking about its ingredients

Rhodey: I think about the first guy who ever shaved, and how many times did he shave before the second guy caved?

Steve: I think about if a friend were choking on ice, “just be patient” would be the best advice

Gamora: I think about that moment when I’m drifting off to sleep and then my body jerks and I’m falling suddenly. I wonder if that’s a defense mechanism for something, like when you’re sleeping on a cliff or just top-bunking

Yondu: sometimes I think how old guys like to whittle and how if I start now and just whittle a little my whittling skills will hone before I get old and I’ll PWN all my friends at the retirement home

Luis: I think about the places that a penny’s been. Like seriously, think of all the places that a penny’s been. It could’ve been in the pocket of the president’s suit but it’s probably also been in some toddler’s poop because little kids eat pennies like their Flintstone vitamins, accruing no interest while traveling inside of them. Re-entering circulation might boost the economy but I’d rather not be with a penny that’s performing a colonoscopy.

Wong: I think that our universe is really one of many with many parallel me’s stretching to infinity, doing activities similarly to me yet at the same time done slightly differently. Seemingly right now they could be thinking this same thought as me. Well, a similar thought but not the same thought exactly

Bucky: right now I’m thinking about the people who invented words. Did they just look at stuff and say the first thing that came into their minds, and if so, how do you explain “dufflebag”?

Thor: I think, how do I know that you and me see the same colors the same way, when you and me see? Is my red blue for you, or my green your green too? Could it be true we see differing hues? Then say we do, then how would we discover this fact? And even if we did would there be any impact? I don’t think this would affect us personally, but I think it’d have ripple effects throughout the interior design industry

Scott: I think about if I was turned into an ant, I’d want my loved ones to know, so I thought of a plan: I’d gather twigs and leaves and write my name on the ground, then I’d wait for my family and friends to crowd around. But now I’m thinking that when they saw it, they’d think the human me wrote it and an ant was crawling on it. Then, not realizing the ant me is really the real me, in a strange twist of fate I think they’d probably kill me

Quill: right now I’m thinking about what if I was abducted by aliens when I had a really bad farmer’s tan?

Rocket: the aliens might incorrectly conclude that your species was two-toned

Quill: that’s exactly what I thought. And then somehow, through this error, my tan line would save the human race

Mantis: I like that thought

Quill: yeah, I think a lot of thoughts like that

Groot: I am Groot (translation: me too)

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Telemarketer: Where are you at this holiday season?

Peter Parker: somewhere between will Farrell pushing every button on the elevator while enthusiastically saying it looks like a Christmas tree and Chevy chase chugging eggnog while repeated saying “good, good, good” mid breakdown.

Telemarketer:…. is that in Ohio?

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Endgame Writers: “Natasha needs to die because of ALL her HORRIBLE sins she committed when she was brainwashed even though she spent the last decade making up for it and was the only one who led the Avengers after everyone else just gave up. She’s a BROKEN woman and the reason she existed in the MCU is to DIE”

Also EW: “anyway we all love Hawkeye fresh off a murdering spree because he has kids and he’s a sad boy”

Also EW: “Bucky’s a sad cute boy too. He was brainwashed to kill too but like… he’s different now”

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