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aceinmyveins · 6 days
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Partners - Lose Yourself @ Build Up: Vocal Boy Group Survivor ep. 9
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lqleedonghun · 7 days
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slowlydiving · 22 hours
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Partners, fighting!
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boysplanetrecaps · 2 months
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Build Up Ep 1, Part 1
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Hello and welcome to my latest project -- recapping Build Up: Vocal Boy Survival from MNET. The show features some familiar faves from Boys Planet -- Jay, Wumuti, and Hwanhee -- as well as members of CIX, Just B, Up10tion, KNK, Newkidd, Ab6ix, Vanner, A.C.E. Fave1, BDC, IMFACT, M.O.N.T., WEi, and Pentagon. Don’t worry, it’s not Hui this time! I already wrote some posts in which I introduce you to the 40 participating contestants, divided up by their chosen category: Allround, Soul, Power, and Unique. Now, I’ll start actually recapping Episode One. Come join me, won’t you?  
It's tough to find a video link for the full show, and the one that seems most stable doesn't have English subtitles, so I'm going to try my best to write the recaps in such a way that even if you can't see the show yourself, or if the feed you have doesn't have subtitles, you'll be able to understand what's going on.
We begin with a woman playing with little glowing metal bricks. You know, as you do.
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Also, those ombre nails kind of slap. 
The woman is our MC, Lee Dahee, who you might recognize (or might not) as one of the hosts of Road to Kingdom. I know her because she played the female second lead in one of my top five K-dramas of all time, I Can Hear Your Voice. (It’s not about singing -- it’s a courtroom drama/noona romance about telepathy and revenge. You guys, if you need a kdrama to watch, just watch this one, ok? Ok thanks.) She’s stunningly beautiful in that show. 
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She looks… different now, I guess I’ll say. 
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I wish that there wasn’t so much plastic surgery pushed in this business, because I genuinely wouldn’t recognize her, and I’ve watched that drama all the way through at least three times. Anyway. 
She begins to speak, and we hear snippets of various singers as she does. The snippets that we’re hearing are the 40 brief performances that were uploaded to Youtube to tease the show. 
She says, “There are various voices in this world.  Unique voice: A voice that is a genre itself. Soul voice: Voice that moves people with its unique sentiment. Power voice: A voice that solidifies its presence.  All ‘round voice: A voice that can harmonize with anything. When they come together and gain chemistry, a new harmony is created.”
I can’t help but think of Exo. Baekyhun has a unique voice; D.O. has a soulful voice; Chen has a powerful voice, and Suho has a sweet all ‘round voice. Hey, what do you know - the lady is right! It does create a new harmony! 
She explains that they’ve gathered together 40 vocalists for this show, looking for the best combination. It’s a bit of a Queendom Puzzle vibe, but vocal based. And out of the 40, we’ll be picking four. 
We hear from some of these 40 vocalists, speaking over each other, their faces hidden in shadow. We’re going to have to go with these MNET subtitles, that say things like “Catharsis is created when voices are stacked, especially when there are four.” I think it is supposed to mean, “A four part harmony can really bring out the emotions of a song.” 
It’s an MNET show, so it begins with some of the contestants walking in and commenting on how big and cool the set is. They think it looks like the Colosseum, which, meh, not so much but I mean, ok. 
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We can’t know who they are yet. It’s dark in the studio and they can’t even see each other. They still bow and greet each other politely, chatting about how nervous and excited they are as they take their spots on their… I don’t know, transporter pads. Beam them up, Dahee!
They’re walking in in small groups, made up of members of the same “category”, and their name tags are color coded to their category: unique is green, soul is blue, power is purple, and allround is orange.
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Left to right: Bain, Jay, Jung Soomin 
I love this Korean thing of just shouting at each other, “You’re good looking!” Even in the dark. 
Eagle eyed (and owl-eared) Boys Planet fans probably recognize this guy:
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It’s Jay Chang, from Boys Planet! As I said in my other recaps, I love Jay's vocal color, which is clean and lovely, and though I think he could work on his technique, he's definitely a great singer. He also seems like basically a nice guy, though he gives off slight fuckboi vibes to me. Is it just me?
Hong Seongjun (former BDC), in the white jacket that makes him look like a waiter, recognizes his neighbor in the brown jacket as Seunghun from CIX. Hong Seongjun says, “excuse me… aren’t you from CIX?” Seunghun bows to acknowledge it, and Hong Seongjun says, “But you’re way too famous,” ie, to be on this show, and Seunghun says, “no, I’m not, I’m really not.” 
Another group enters, led by a mop of light colored hair that I think belongs to Geonu, also known as Lee Geonwoo from JustB, who you may have seen on I-land. 
Some more people come in, and one of the trainees -- this red haired fellow, my darling Bain -- says “oh my God! Sunbaenim!”
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That hangul there says “oh my God” phonetically. 
My darling Bain, also member of Just B , has recognized Jeon Woong from Ab6ix. I don't have any data on where they would have met, but they probably have a lot of friends in common at the very least. I think a lot of idols know a lot of other idols since they all train together at different agencies and go on these reality shows together all the time.
People are surprised that Woong and Seunghun are on the show, but not as surprised as they are to see Yeo One from Pentagon, who enters to the strains of Pentagon’s biggest hit, Shine. One of the other guys says, “It was so dark, but he was so handsome that I could see his silhouette.” I think the translation is a little wonky here, but I love the idea that if someone is really handsome, you can see them better in the dark.
My darling Bain says to Jay, “I’m shocked to see such big players.” Jay replies, in English, “Big time players make big time plays,” and do you see what I mean about the fuckboi-ness? Even if you like him, you have to admit that’s a bit cringey. Sigh. Jay, honey, why'ya gotta say things like that?
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Jung Soomin replies, in English, “I’m a small time player. I just started!” Soomin is American, specifically from Chicago, and I guess his head was cold that day. 
They’re all present now, each one standing on his own transporter pod bay. Oh, MNET. 
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They all applaud in excitement for the beginning of the show, and my darling Bain interviews, “Welcome to Survival!”
The lights come up in the studio and now the boys can see each other. So now it’s time for them to react to how handsome and famous they all are.
Yoon Inhwan in his gray suit interviews, “When I looked around, I thought I was in trouble. Everyone was too handsome.” Look at all the handsome fellas, including Kim Minseo, in blue, and a bunch of idols, including Seokhwa from WEi, and two members of Just B: my red-haired darling Bain, and pink-mop-headed Geonu.
Just FYI: I’m going to keep calling Bain my darling, because I listened to his stunning cover of Driver’s License by Olivia Rodrigo and now you know I still love him, baby. I talk more about it in my episode zero recap.
Hilariously, our old friend Lee Hwanhee (from Boys Planet) says he’s intimidated by the other guys. Hwanhee is always a little insecure, isn’t he? I think he’s had a lot of setbacks as an idol, and it’s wearing on him. 
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Neon, in green, tells his neighbor Hong Sungwon in the half gray, half white sweater that he feels defeated in terms of looks. Aww, you’re fine, Neon! I think you have a cute smile. 
Seokhwa from WEi voice-overs that he’ll dominate with music, not looks, and this fellow on the left…
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… says, “this is about voices, right?” He is Park Jeup, from IMFACT, who is also a solo artist. I just have to say, omg, his bow. That is a full on pussy bow, you guys. That square, lantern jaw juxtaposed against that bow is a sight to see and I am here for it. (The guy on the right, wearing the red suit, is Hyukjin, from a nugu group called Fave1.)
Everyone’s excited to hear each other’s voices. 
Sunyoul (in the pink sweater) from Up10tion, same group as Hwanhee, is looking around the room and sizing up the other people, wondering if he can tell who is or isn’t a good singer based on their looks.
Then there’s a bit where a few people notice Jay. Kim Minseo, in blue, who sang Rolling in the Deep, kicks things off. He interviews that he was wondering if Jay would be there. Guess he watched Boys Planet too! Or Under 19, perhaps.
There’s this cute moment, where Hwanhee points Jay out to his neighbor, Seunghun from CIX. 
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Hwanhee is like, “That guy over there with his hands in his pockets? He’s really good.” I bet that Hwanhee and Seunghun have met before, since they both have been in the game for several years.  Hwanhee is a year older than Seunghun and debuted around four years before him, so he's both hyung and sunbae to his nervous neighbor.
Then there’s a mini montage of them all recognizing each other -- Hyukjin noticing Jay, Hwanhee noticing Hyukjin, Bain noticing Hyukjin and pussy-bow Park Jeup. Hwanhee says that they’re “vocal monsters.” Hey, man, so are you! Where is your confidence, my friend?
But a lot of the contestants are intimidated by each other. 
Suddenly…the lights go down again! And to make it even scarier, the subtitles punk out for a few minutes! This happens at about 6 minutes into the episode. So, let me give my google translate a real workout until the subtitles come back. Here we go. 
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A fanfare of glittering light heralds the entrance of MC Lee Dahee. The boys freak out. On screen, it says, “IS THIS TRUE?” as the trainees all stare open mouthed.
The camera does a full pan up her legs to her body, and on the Bilibili site -- now sadly denied to us all -- something in Chinese scrolls across the top, which my phone translated as “The English subtitle is so tiring.” I know that’s not quite what it meant, but I love it.
As Wumuti stares, open mouthed, it says “LIke a goddess!” 
Someone says, “Is this true? Isn’t this AI?”
“She’s a celebrity!" “Wow, she’s so pretty.”
As Hyukjin -- wearing that red leather suit jacket -- looks on, it says “Angel’s Descent.”
Hwang Inhyuk in his ombre pink sweater says “It’s a good thing you came out.”
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Dahwee says, “Hello!” and they all say hello back. “I will go on this journey with all of you. I am the MC, Lee Dahwee.”  
On screen, as they all frantically bow, it says “Thank you very much <3 “
As our old friend Hwanhee gives the thumbs up, it says “Best MC-nim.”
I’ll give a sort of interpretation of the on-screen words’ translation since they don’t make a ton of sense. Basically, she’s telling them what’s going to happen next. There’s 40 of them and, through various musical missions, they’ll build a 4-member team. At the end, only one team will be selected to debut. This group will be an opportunity for the whole world to enjoy a kpop group with proven vocals.
Choi Suhwan in the black jacket over a white shirt and with parted bangs, says, “Ah… only 4…” 
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This is Bitseon (from M.O.N.T.), on the left, and Taehwan (from Vanner) on the right. One of them is voice-overing, “I’m sure there will be a big fight over the song.” 
Lim Junhyeok, wearing a white hoodie that I guess he picked off the top of his laundry pile, voice overs, “there are many people who are good at singing.” Junhyeok was kicked out of Day6 after only being in it for six months -- I talk about it in my episode zero recap.
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Donghun from A.C.E. is wondering what songs they’ll sing, I think. As I was writing these recaps, it was always so funny to me that Donghun is from ACE, because based on the way he’s dressed and his demeanor, he looks like he’s a detective in a noir movie who just got off shift and is about to order a whiskey at the bar. I hope you don't mind if I call him Detective Donghun in honor of that.
Dahee goes on that there are 40 participants, who chose what voice color represents them. 
And right around here the subtitles come back, bless ‘em!
Yoonseo in the red and black leather jacket says, “Allround voices go well with many genres,” and we see a few of the various Allrounders.
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Next, we take a look at the Soul singers:
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Then the Power singers:
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And finally, Unique.
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The weird LED stage they're standing on turns into a pie chart showing the breakdown of the categories, and that is delightful.
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Then, Dahee announces that they’re going to dive into their first major mission: Voice Check. “You’ll listen to voice files,” Dahee says, referring to the teaser songs we already heard. “If you want to build up with that voice, press the button.” 
So this is a bit like the beginning of Queendom Puzzle, when the girls each performed for the others one at a time, and they all voted on whether each girl was good or not, essentially. Here, though, the boys are deciding who they want to work with in their teams of four. They’re choosing solely by the voice -- no looks, no sympathy.  
It’s worth noting that them wanting to work with someone isn’t necessarily equivalent to thinking someone is good singer. They’ll be looking for people who they think their voices would harmonize well with. Regardless, Dahee explains that “the outcome of the evaluation will impact your first mission greatly, so make careful choices.”
The boys are nervous -- what if someone gets zero votes?!? 
We see some staff members scurrying around giving them all some really uncomfortable looking plastic stools to perch on.
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And as they’re settling in, Lim Junhyeok (former Day6) turns to his neighbor, Woong (AB6IX), and says, “Your name is Woong, right?” 
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“That’s right,” says Woong.
“I knew you when you were at JYP,” Junhyeok says, putting his hand on Woong’s shoulder. 
Woong immediately gets really excited, jumping out of his chair. “Wait, you were at JYP?! When were you a trainee?” 
“Day6,” Junhyeok says, simply. 
“HYUNG!!!” Woong says, recognizing his old friend and giving him a hug. 
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Filmed on MNET's very finest Idaho russet.
Aww! This is exactly the stuff I watch shows like this for. FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST SHIP, you guys. 
They’re all asking each other what songs they sang, and from what we see, no one is telling anyone. Soomin, our friend from Chicago, asks Jay “Whad’ja’sing, whad’ja’sing?” They’ve got that English speaking connection. Jay, who is definitely feeling his oats, says “It’s part of the surprise.” 
Meanwhile, Hwanhee cannot take his eyes off the MC, Dahee. He’s like, this show is scary and I never do well on the 8 million survival shows I keep forcing myself to go on, but this gorgeous emcee is making it all worth it. I am going to use this as an opportunity to stare at her as much as possible before an actual bodyguard appears to drag me away. She’s 38 to his 25, but I believe in the power of love, don’t you?
They’re all nervous, especially CIX's Seunghun, who busies himself staring at the floor. Yeo One voiceovers, “How many of these people will like me just from hearing my voice?” Aww. As we'll see, that is Yeo One's major storyline -- he is used to being a good looking backup dancer in Pentagon, and wants people to actually like his singing voice.
Ma Jaekyung, in his too-big-for-him gray blazer, asks KNK's Inseong if he’s nervous. CIX’s Seunghun says his heart is beating like crazy. Taewoo wonders who the first one up will be.
The first song that plays -- at least, the first song we hear play -- is V02. Jaekyung and Inseong both recognize the song immediately and look at each other and say “Baby Baby!” in unison, almost like it was an improv exercise. 
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Everyone recognizes the song -- we even see Dahee mouthing along -- and those of us who watched Boys Planet probably recognize the voice: Jay. 
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The editors do this cute thing where they superimpose the image on the floor, but I really don’t think it was shown live.
I have to wonder if Wumuti at least recognized the voice? This is his third reality show in a row with Jay! But all we see is him saying, “well done.” 
Everyone seems to really like the performance. It is really good, naturally, though it wasn't completely perfect. (See my episode zero recaps for more info on what I thought of each performance. And please don’t get mad at me!) A lot of people are pressing the button to indicate that they’d like to perform with Jay. Can't blame them at all.
Hong Seongjun from BDC interviews, “He has a trendy singing style. He’d make up for what I lack.”
Everyone wants to know who the voice belongs to, but first, they’re going to reveal the votes, reveal the votes, reveal the votes, reveal the votes! The guys immediately realize that this will be their fate -- to have their vote talley revealed in front of everyone! Someone says, “oh no, this is like a public execution.”
The vote is revealed: 23 people voted that they’d like to work with V02 (Jay). Those who voted for him are surprised that only 23 voted for him out of 39, when to them, the voice seemed so good. Are people just way too strict? No. 
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Kang Hayoon explains that he thought about voting for the voice, because it was amazing, but he didn’t think that it would harmonize with his. (Spoiler alert: I think he's right.) I think a few others had a similar thought. I’m pretty sure if the vote was “did you like this?” everyone would get 39 out of 39. Well... most people.
Of course, this voting criteria is a bit of a problem, because the show is using this voting system as a way to rank the contestants by quality, and yet the metric they're using isn't necessarily identical to the issue of quality. I guess it's better than voting whether the person is "better" or "worse" than you, like the girls had to do on Queendom Puzzle.
Dahee reveals that the voice belonged to Jay , and Hwanhee’s neighbor, Seunghun  from CIX, gestures as if to say, yep, you got that. Looks like Hwanhee at least recognized Jay’s voice!
Jay voiceovers that he was on an idol survival show (we see clips from Boys Planet) but didn’t get many chances to show his vocal skills. I mean, he did, but people just hated him for being foreign, mainly. Or for whatever random reason, IDK. Here at least people appreciate him -- his neighbors tell him he did a great job. 
Next up: V16, End of the Sea by Choi Baekho, as performed by musical actor Kim Seongjeong, the one in the tan jacket and striped tie. It’s a lovely performance, if not exactly to my personal taste, and everyone immediately reacts to his deep, rich tone. It’s a “real voice” that “fills the studio.” 
Seongjeong gets 25 votes, again, not an indictment one way or another on his quality. 
After that deep voice and sentimental performance, everyone is really surprised when he gets up and says he’s going to dance. He dances a bit while people clap, then unexpectedly just launches himself into the air with an amazing spinning leap. 
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When he's done, he bows and says: “Dance, physique, and song. I’m the new actor, Kim Seongjeong.”
Dahee asks him if anyone has ever told him that he looks like well known actor Kim Woobin, and I guess I kind of see it. Seongjeong interviews, “Where do I look like him, exactly? What part of my face? My eyes? Is it because I look like a dinosaur?” and he offers us a huge grin that completely transforms his face. Aww!
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What a cutey. 
Ok, in honor of his jump spin, and the fact that he said he looks like a dinosaur, I’m going to call him the “leaping lizard.” But I don’t mean that in a mean way. Like I said, I think he’s got a great smile! I like him. 😀 This is just to remember who I’m talking about. Cool? Cool.
Alright, I've used up my allotment of 30 pictures, so it's time to wrap up this segment of the recap.
And just as a note, the first 30-45 minutes of one of these shows are always really, really slow going for me as I get to know who is who. I have to do research, read Korean name tags, etc, etc, and it takes forever. I'm not going to promise to catch up to the show, but I hope to at least gain on it a little.
Thanks for following me on this ride! I'll see you in the next one!
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han-gyul · 1 year
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🍭 you got me sugarcoated baby 🍭
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bbaenghee · 19 hours
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wait, hun dropped the tag #완소남 under his post that means "very precious to me people" TTTT
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herbertlangethings · 2 months
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happy B-Day 29th January to our handsome Daehwi from AB6IX and Wanna One right now !!!!!!
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ace-net · 23 hours
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2024.03.28 동업자들
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lilyrennifer · 9 months
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Groups
♞ AB6IX
🥇 A.C.E
🏴‍☠️ Ateez
💖 BAE173
🎶 BTOB
🔑 Ciipher
🎥 CIX
💝 Cravity
👓 DKB
💦 Drippin
🐺 E'Last
🧛 Enhypen
🌆 EVVNE
⚡️ EXO
🧟 Golden Child
🐦 Got7
🤟🏻 Ikon
🔥 Just B
🌙 Lune8
🕴🏿Monsta X
💚 NCT 127
💚 NCT Dream
❌ Omega X
⚔️ Oneus
🏳️‍🌈 OnlyOneOf
⬟ Pentagon
☮️ P1Harmony
💍 Seventeen
☀️ SF9
👦🏻 Stray Kids
🍭 The Boyz
💎 Treasure
📈 TrendZ
🎱 8Turn
🪄 TXT
🏝️ VAV
👬 VeriVery
⏳ Victon
💚 WayV
🐱 WEi
💫 ZB1
🐺 &Team
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mytrsr · 2 years
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ab6ix ⑀ "a to b" mood preview
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ab6ixpics · 2 years
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AB6IX (에이비식스) 5TH EP 'A to B' CONCEPT PHOTO #2 2022.05.18. 6PM (KST) RELEASE
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aceinmyveins · 6 days
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Partners - Lose Yourself @ Build Up: Vocal Boy Group Survivor ep. 9
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lqleedonghun · 18 hours
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slowlydiving · 4 months
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let's hold out hope that this is all some grave misunderstanding!1!!11!! but also it already seems official lololol 🙃🙃🙃
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seokmatthewz · 2 years
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220823 ✧ #HAPPY_HAN_DAY!
happy birthday to my favourite person ever, the other half of my braincell, my favourite fellow hater, number one bamtori of all time, han!! <3<3<3 @hoyounq
happy birthday my dearly beloved bestie!!!! icb ur 21 :’) they rlly grow up so fast FLKDSLFD but srsly i hope u have the most wonderful day ever!! every day i am so grateful for the friendship we have, you really are one of my closest friends and with my horrid emotional capacity i really cannot convey how much that means to me. i am so so excited for whenever we will inevitably meet because it Will happen and we will ride the train from one end of the line to the other and clown around and ill tackle you to the ground at the airport so you dont have to determine who i am due to your face blindness LKFDSLK but in all seriousness i love you very dearly and theres nobody id rather spend like 90% of my day messaging and bickering with, i hope every day from here on out for you is better than the last!!! here’s to you getting that bread and flying me across the country so i can finally visit my honourary hometown, the canada away from canada. i am so so so happy we decided to message each other about the shitshow that was road to kingdom, because i honestly dont know what id be doing without you. i love you, and happy birthday again!!!! <3<3<3<3
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midnightdonghyun · 9 months
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Butterfly 。˚ ° KDH
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Pairings 。˚ ° Donghyun x Daehwi
Characters 。˚ ° Omega Donghyun (ab6ix), Alpha Daehwi (ab6ix)
AU 。˚ ° Omegaverse
Genre 。˚ ° character exploration, friends to ??? kinda lovers, childhood friends, forbidden romance kinda
Warnings 。˚ ° None
Word count 。˚ ° 3k
Summary 。˚ ° Donghyun is not happy with his presentation and has withdrawn from the world and from the friend he met in the woods as a child. Seeing a reminder of said friend has him out in the forest again... and the two get to talking after a few years of separation.
Notes 。˚ ° Not proof read lol. Sort of a plot in this one. Idk if i wanna keep this concept like canon? It's a fun dynamic to play with for sure and i like both their charcters but dunno if i should mate them or not
Masterlist Masterlist
Omegaverse Masterlist
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Sometimes Donghyun would wake up and feel like he was suffocating on his own scent. He smelled like an isle of fruit, and everytime anyone commented on it he felt nothing but shame. It was a constant reminder. Anywhere he went, anything he touched, it smothered him. He picked up a pen and it was left with a coat of jelly. He smoothed the wrinkles in his pants and they were smeared with jello. He stopped touching other people years ago. He would feel so guilty leaving them with red and orange fruit stains.
A person can’t smell their own scent, but Donghyun was convinced otherwise. Why else would he wake up choking on perfumed air? Maybe it was in his head. Maybe it was his own fear. Or maybe it was the handful of plums the Lord so graciously handed him.
Donghyun didn’t want plums and oranges and strawberries. He prayed for tall glasses of salt water. But this is what he was given. This is what he had to live with.
Even now, staring at the black ceiling waiting until his breathing slowed he had to lie in a bed with apples and grapefruit.  
Donghyun always wondered why he was plagued with nightmares. Why he woke multiple times a night trembling and drenched in sweat. He can’t even remember what he dreamed about. If there were faces or demons, if they were bloody with guts or traumatic with lost family members. He just… can’t sleep.
He sat up. Imaginary cherries rolled across the warped wooden floor. 
What was the point of trying again? He would just stay awake. Everything was so fitful. Ghosts that he couldn’t remember in his sleep. The crushing weight of failure during the day. It’s like he was stuck in limbo. One foot in the Garden another in Hell. God even gave him a pomegranate to remind him. Look at what you did to man.
The floor was cold, and the light outside was blue and silver. A full moon.
Yellow and blue, Donghyun turned his desk lamp on. Its light was soft, but it took a second for his eyes to adjust to the sudden warmth. His room was small. All of their rooms were small. That’s just how boarding school is, he supposed. Twin bed, desk, a dresser, a radiator, garbage can. 
He had been inside other rooms before. They had cork boards with memories bottled into tickets and pictures of their pets. They had framed photos of their parents, siblings, aunties and uncles. Some had old family crests. Some of them had gifts from home. Hand knitted blankets that smelled like their dams, small baskets of their favorite snacks they couldn’t in this small town tucked away deep in the pines.
Donghyun was an orphan. His walls had a calendar and a crucifix. His bed had a synthetic blanket that the school provided. His desk had textbooks and notebooks. 
He felt so very alone, and when he started smelling so sweet he understood why he was abandoned. Who would want this?
The few personal items he had weren’t much. There was a bible bound in leather with gold lettering. There was a rosary with white, pearly beads. There was Celery, a worn stuffed rabbit. And then there was Celery’s rosary, of course, currently wrapped around his plush neck. That one had plastic yellow beads. He had a few books of his own. A few outfits. 
It’s not like he needs much. It’s not a very holy thing to have so many possessions, anyway. Donghyun was content with his minimalistic room, but… maybe one family photo would be nice. 
He’ll have to repent for the jealousy later. 
But there was one more thing. His eyes fell on it standing all alone in the dim yellow light that washed over the desk. It was pushed a little farther back, a memory lost to a corner, school and bible studies had taken precedence. 
It was a butterfly. Blue. Carefully pinned inside its black frame. It was easy for Donghyun to see the care that went into it. It was a gift from someone special to someone special. Truth be told he hadn’t thought of this person in years.
They were kids when they met. Donghyun had crawled out of the window after one of his nightmares. Lost himself deep in the forest. He was a child then. So was the boy he met. Skinny. Pale. Donghyung was afraid of him at first. Some kind ghost. An evil spirit to entice him into sin or lead him into a lake and drown him. But he was just a boy. A strange boy unnaturally comfortable in the dark woods. 
He said his name was Daehwi. He said he was from a village farther up the mountain. He said his family thought of Donghyun’s boarding school as a religious cult. A place full of false prophets and lies. Donghyun was deeply offended at first, but it didn’t last long. They met nearly every night for a long time. He would go into the forest and talk to his friend under the moon. It didn’t matter that Daehwi thought Donghyun was living in religious bondage and following lies and it didn’t matter that Donghyun thought Daehwi was a heretic spreading harmful pagan ideas and living secluded in the woods like a freak. They just worked somehow, and they both learned not to question it much.
Things fall apart when you question.
Daehwi loved butterflies. He pinned their corpses and hung them around his cabin. That’s what he told Donghyun, who thought it was a little strange at first. But Daehwi gave him a gift. And Donghyun wasn’t one to question gifts. It was like a piece of his soul that he entrusted Donghyun with. 
Donghyun swayed, still looking at the little soul in the black frame. It was important to Daehwi. Why hadn’t he gone into the forest recently? Why did he stop years ago? If he went back would this small child still even be there? And what would he look like now?
Donghyun was moved to pull on proper pants, socks, shoes, and a jacket before he even really considered what he was doing. Sister Catherine said that sometimes the Lord works in hidden ways. That He pulls you into actions you would never take and when that happens all you have to do is trust Him and follow what He’s pulling you towards. Donghyun steeled his faith as he pulled his first floor window open. 
In a last thought he pocketed the white rosary, and then he swung his feet out his window and carefully lowered himself into the shrubs below.
It was a dream, or maybe a memory. He always conflated the two. 
The air had a bite to it. Needles swayed in the wind above his head. His feet worked from memory, and everything was bundled in the silver gauze spun by the moon herself. Donghyun started to fret. Would Daehwi even be there anymore? Had he forgotten too or was he bitter with Donghyun’s sudden abandonment? What would he say to him if he was there? He hoped they wouldn’t fight. 
The tree they met under was still there. Daehwi said it was a bigleaf maple. It was massive and covered in moss. Thick branches sprawled in all directions and seemed to encompass the entire sky when you stood under it. A leafy Atlas bearing the brunt of the stars on its bark. A few of those branches had collapsed recently, breaking off from the trunk and horrid angels. They were still attached by a few woody tendons, and the entire scene made Donghyun think that something had died in that tree, even though it remained alive above its dragging limbs. 
“Softwood rots in humid places like this.”
Donghyun started and turned towards the sudden voice. He appeared silently, as if he had melted from the moonlight. He did that the first time too, when Donghyun was lost and on the verge of tears. He stared for a second, a little awed at the moonghost standing in front of him with his hands in his pockets. 
He wasn’t very tall and nor had he bulked up. He was still fairly pale and his eyes still had that clear, freezing gleam. 
Donghyun didn’t know what to say. The words that came out were a little stupid, but what was he supposed to say?
“You’re still here.”
Daehwi narrowed his eyes. “I haven’t been. I gave up awhile ago.”
“Fated,” Donghyun took a step closer. “God wanted us here. Together.”
Daehwi cocked an eyebrow. “Your god, maybe.”
Donghyun shrugged, lowering himself into a squat. They used to sit here for ages. Neither one of them cared about how damp their pants got or how the cold would start burning into their bones. They would be too focused on each other. Too busy listening and talking. Daehwi always did all the talking back then. He would tell Donghyun about the stars they couldn’t see under the tree. The butterflies he liked the most. The saints and gods of his religion. How to slaughter a lamb ethically and painlessly. He was without God, but he was fascinating. 
He was silent now, regarding Donghyun cooly. Was he angry they stopped meeting? Had he waited in the forest night after night in vain? Donghyun had told him he might stop coming. That things were getting more and more complicated the more he thought about puberty. About presenting. About his future. Did he understand? 
“I like to think of Him as everyone’s god,” Donghyun said softly. 
Daehwi scoffed. “Of course you do.”
An owl hooted somewhere in the distance. Daehwi looked off in its direction as if he could watch it take flight from here. Even the air around him felt icy and tense. Donghyun traced his angular jawline, eyes moving from his small ear to the tip of his chin. He had grown well. Donghyun wondered about him. His identity, his education, what had happened in the few years they cut each other out. 
“My friend, talk to me.” Donghyun’s voice was almost a whisper in the cedars, tangling in the small vine maples and getting lost. “What have you been up to these days? What happened?”
Daehwi’s gaze turned back to him. Donghyun winced. It was dripping with something he couldn’t exactly put a word to. Apathy? Hatred? An unsanctioned marriage between the two? 
“I waited, for one thing. I waited for my friend to come back, but he ran off with my gift.”
Donghyun could only flinch and grimace. Gifts were so important, in both of their secluded little sects. Pieces of the soul. A promise from one person to another. The start of a dialogue between the two. He had ghosted a courtship.
“Of course then I realized we were kids mimicking things we knew nothing about and that it never meant anything in the first place. And that hurt for awhile. But you get over it eventually.” He shrugged stiffly looking off into the black distance again.
Donghyun was silent for a few moments. These things had to be navigated so carefully. He was crossing a river by jumping from one small rock to another. They were so wet… covered with wigs of algae and robes of fresh water. A quick sign of the cross and he had to jump.
“So much happened. So much I wanted to die.”
Daehwi’s head turned slowly back in Donghyun’s direction. His gaze was still pained, but a little softer. Donghyun wondered if he ever really got over it. 
“What happened?”
“I wanted to be a priest.”
“And why can’t you?”
Donghyun sighed and stood up. There were so many smells in the air. Moss. Water. Wet bark. The forest was alive with scent. It was easy to hide out here where the wind blew everything away so quickly you could barely catch a whiff of it. It’s not like a classroom behind stone walls where you could smell everyone in nearly every adjacent room. So he stepped closer, almost closing the gap between them, and pulled down his coat collar a little and baring his neck in a dramatic flair.
Fruit.
Daehwi’s nose twitched.
“They won’t let us in. Too… compromised. Prone to sin. Made to serve God in other ways.”
“An old stereotype.”
“Religions are full of that.”
Another awkward silence. Daehwi cast his gaze downwards. Donghyun wondered if apathy was his protection the way isolation was his. The wind was picking up, and the treetops were rocking now. Donghyun crossed his arms and shivered. The air started to smell a little bit like rain. 
“Do you hate me?” Daehwi’s tone was flat. Emotionless. 
“No… why would you say that?”
He shrugged, the leaf litter seemingly more interesting than Donghyun’s face. “I just thought you were supposed to.”
Donghyun didn’t know what to say and hugged himself tighter. 
“When you left, I guess I thought you were tired of hanging out with someone your people damn to hell.”
Donghyun kicked at the rotting leaves. He guessed it was true. Daehwi wasn’t even baptized. Where else would he go? But that’s not what the religion is about either. There are core tenets of understanding. Of love. Of forgiveness. Donghyun forgave Daehwi the day they met. Shouldn’t He have?
“Well… what do you think of me?”
Daehwi finally shot him another glance. “I think you’re misguided.”
Donghyun sighed again. 
The world around them grew steadily darker. Clouds were blowing in blocking the weak rays the moon could provide them. Donghyun began to dread the walk home. Daehwi was a always a mindreader. He smirked a little, finally lightening out of his pensive and emotionless mask. “Need me to walk you home? Gonna get lost again, little kid?”
“I’d appreciate it. I can’t see well.”
They walked in a single file line. Donghyun was cold and unsettled. He wasn’t sure where they stood. They were talking at least, but it didn’t feel like how it should. Daehwi was upset. Their religions were a wall. All Donghyun wanted to do was climb over it, but he was too scared to find a foothold. He was on one side of the river, and he was too busy fussing over the stones in the middle to even try to cross.
Stone walls and lights in the distance. Daehwi walked him all the way up to his open window, and the rain finally started to fall. 
Donghyun swayed, unsure, but desperate to extend some sort of olive branch. 
“It’s gonna pour.”
Daehwi grunted in agreement.
“You should… come inside.”
The smaller man studied him for a moment, eyes traveling across Donghyun’s facial features, scrutinizing. Looking for something. But God had other plans. The rain picked up quickly, going from a drizzle to something steadier with threats to let loose into a storm.
“Yeah,” Daehwi agreed, and they climbed into Donghyun’s dark room before they could be drenched. Donghyun shut the window. Daehwi loitered until Donghyun turned the desk lamp back on.
The shrubs outside rustled and rubbed against the wall. Daehwi sniffed.
“It’s bare in here.”
Donghyun shrugged. “What did you picture?”
“A nest at least. You’re such a fucking monk.”
Donghyun let himself laugh a little. “I was raised by nuns, I guess it shows.”
Donghyun could smell him in here. He smelled like a mass on the beach. Incense, pews, salt water, sand. It was infinitely better than fruit, but Donghyun briefly wondered what they smelled like together. Cranberries growing in the ocean? Pineapple on white sand? A hidden apple underneath a church pew?
The butterfly on his desk. Daehwi was running his fingers across the top of the frame. “This was my first one. It’s crooked. I’m better now.”
“Make me a new one.”
“If I do, you can’t leave again.”
Donghyun reached into his coat pocket, feeling the beads he stashed earlier. The rain outside persisted, running down the window like steady lanes of traffic. 
“Do you forgive me?” Donghyun asked gently. 
Daehwi turned to him, crossing his arms. “For leaving? If you don’t do it again.”
“You said we were kids.”
“We were. It didn’t mean anything except hurt feelings then. If we do it now,” he quirked a brow again. “It’s for real.”
Donghyun took a deep breath. “And you don’t… care? About me?”
A brief look of confusion crossed the younger man’s face before it was back to apathy. “What’d you mean?”
“That I… that I’m… like this.”
Daehwi’s brow creased. “If I cared I wouldn’t have even walked you home. Shouldn’t you be more worried about God?”
Donghyun shook his head. “I don’t think so.” 
Silence.
“I prayed to be a beta.”
“That sounds like you.”
“I wanted to preach so badly, Daehwi. I don’t know what to do now.”
Daehwi shrugged. “I don’t know either.”
Donghyun wasn’t even sure a courtship between them would work. It was a matter of religion. They weren’t converting each other. One wasn’t about to drop his belief entirely. They were both feverish with faith. And that made Donghyun afraid. But he pulled out the white rosary anyway and offered it to Daehwi.
“It’s important to me.”
Daehwi looked at it pointedly before slowly taking it from him. 
“And if I decide you aren’t for me?”
“Give it back to me.”
Daehwi nodded. “I’ll hold onto it for now.” He hesitated before stepping closer, twisting his head towards the shell of Donghyun’s ear. “You smell good, by the way.”
Donghyun shivered. 
Daehwi glanced outside. The rain weakened a little. The night was growing old. “It’s the full moon, Donghyun. I have things to attend to.”
Donghyun nodded. “Just come back?”
“Yeah.”
Silence. A heavy pause, each unsure of how to proceed around the other. Each made a little dizzy by the other’s scent, each afraid of spitting at their faith, each terrified of ending up alone. 
“Lend me an umbrella?”
A cloth torch passed from one hand to another. Sound and wind filled the room when the window open and then Donghyun was alone again, just as suddenly as he had left the room earlier that night.
Deep down he knew they wouldn’t last. He just hoped their fling would be worth it.
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