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marvel-lous-guy · 3 months

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Peter: Mr Stark I'm going to hell

Tony: You're not religious, Pete. You don't even believe in hell

Peter: I beat up a blind man

Tony: What. The. Fuck.

Clint: Not cool, man

Peter: I didn't know he was blind!

Tony: how could you not tell he was blind!?

Peter: he was wearing a costume and I thought he was trying to mug some guys so I stopped him but it turns out he was stopping them from chasing this other guy!

Tony: A blind man was beating people up? Thats pretty impressive

Peter: Right!? Then he went to a dumpster-

Clint: Oh don't worry about that Pete- that's just Matt

Peter: you know him?

Clint: yeah he's a great guy, we shared a dumpster once. He always loses his canes

Tony: a deaf guy is friends with a blind guy? How do you talk?

Clint: we usually just skip the talking and get straight to the vigilante stuff

Peter: awesome

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emmedoesntdomath · 10 months

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wade, loudly clearing his throat and shaking out a VERY long sheet of paper: my dearest petey-pie

peter, glancing up: yes?

wade, assuming a strong stance like he’s about to serenade him: my dearest spidey-poo, words cannot express my adoration for you, nor my dedication to your side. nay, but I shall attempt anyways. your hair is silky like a really nice pillow, your eyes as deep as a river. your nose was drawn by the gods, and your mouth was painted with a rose.

peter, turning to wade’s literal girlfriend, eyes wide: you aren’t going to stop him???

vanessa, wade’s aforementioned literal girlfriend, turning the page in her book: if I stop him now, he’ll just start over

wade, getting louder: YOUR HANDS-

#hehe #i wonder how many of these I can do before someone stops me #let’s find out #this is number three #marvel mcu #marvel #wade wilson #deadpool #spiderman x deadpool #peter x wade #wade wilson x peter parker #spideypool #spiderman #peter parker #vanessa carlysle #emme’s bad ideas #emme’s incorrect quotes

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crybabycunt · 6 months

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Kate: I think I'm going to start gaslighting you.

Yelena: You're going to start gaslighting me?

Kate: That's not what I said.

#gaslighting is bad but this joke is hilarious #bishlova #bishova #yelena belova #kate bishop #funny #crack #hawkeye #black widow #incorrect quotes #incorrect marvel quotes #marvel incorrect quotes #bishova incorrect quotes #bishlova incorrect quotes #yelena belova incorrect quotes #kate bishop incorrect quotes #source: tiktok

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cissa-calls · 5 months

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Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 628

Agatha: “I’ve seen fashion come and go, trends recycle and begin anew time and time of again…but THIS is something special!”

Wanda: “What is it? Don’t leave us in suspense?!”

Y/N: “Is it a gown? Some beautiful 16th century Renaissance dress with robes and jewels sewn in the bodice?”

Wanda: “Or maybe a cloak! Lined with velvet and plush wool with embroidery on the hood!”

Agatha:…

Wanda: “That’s what it is, right? Right?”

Agatha: “I’m gonna take my frog onesie and go.”

#btw it definitely has one of those frog hoods where the mouth zips close so you look like a frog #i want one so bad #wandavision #agatha harkness #house of harkness #agatha all along #hahndavision #house of harkness counter #marvel #wanda maximoff #agatha harkness x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #coven of chaos counter #coven of chaos #incorrect marvel quotes #agatha: darkhold diaries #Darkhold diaries counter #Darkhold diaries

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incorrectpeterparker · 2 years

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Peter: *quietly gazing out of a window*

Pepper: Is he okay?

Tony: He may just be thinking about life.

Pepper: But what if he’s sad?

Tony: Maybe he’s planning what to do tomorrow.

Peter: *has the Wii music playing on loop in his head*

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lesbian-deadpool · 1 year

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(During a field trip to the Avengers Compound)

Y/N: Stand back kids. Our insurance policy doesn’t cover blown minds.

#source: bad education #incorrect marvel quotes #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #avengers #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #MCU x reader #MCU imagine #marvel #MCU

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incorrect-multiverse · 11 months

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*at some point, probably*

Daisy: In my defence, I was left unsupervised.

May: Wasn’t Simmons with you?

Simmons: I was also left unsupervised.

#incorrect multiverse #incorrect quotes #source: tumblr #agents of shield #marvel #daisy johnson #jemma simmons #melinda may #bad girl shenanigans strike again

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the-sprog · 2 years

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Green lantern: "You are a child! You can't possibly ask us to keep putting you in so much danger!"

Captain Marvel: "One of your weaknesses is the colour yellow"

GL: "Well I-"

Captain Marvel: "I am immune to everything but magic. I have one less weakness than Superman over there"

Superman: "Why am I getting dragged into this?"

Captain Marvel: "Magic is a lot harder to come by than, say, a fucking yellow sweater! What happens when you have to fight aliens that are yellow by nature, huh? What happens then? You call Supes? And how many other heavy hitters do you think you should have available at all times? Just him? And you- no wait, you're getting your ass handed to you by the yellow aliens, I forgot"

GL: "..."

GL: "Damn kid"

Flash: "I'm not gonna lie to you GL. You lost this fight. I was going to side with you, but kid's got a point. Brutal."

Wonder woman: "And I feel that, the moment the young Captain decides to put himself into the superhero fights, it would be more of an hindrance to try and stop him"

Flash: "Yeah. And also I feel like we might not even be able to. Dude's a tank with powers given by the gods. I'm not touching that"

#i had this conversation in my head for a while #sorry #its very bad #but i think its funny #and i love hating on gl #billy batson #captain marvel #dc #shazam #justice league #justice league incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #green lantern

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capsicleunderoostank · 2 years

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Steve: Did your dad drop you on your head as a child?

Tony: Bold of you to assume I was even held by my father.

Clint:

Thor:

Natasha:

Bruce: Tony, we’ve talked about this

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kelconfetti · 7 months

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peter: a theif.

tony: thief?

peter: theif.

tony: i before e, except after c.

peter: thceif.

tony: ..pete

#🧃　˗ˋ ୨ zephs rambling (＞。☆)#spiderman #irondad #spiderson #iron dad #marvel #mcu #incorrect quotes #incorrect marvel quotes #peter is bad at spelling

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incorrect-starbula · 2 months

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Gamora, giving a speech at Starbula’s wedding: When Nebula first told me that she was dating Peter I told her “that's not going to last and you know it.”

Gamora: Unfortunately for me, Nebula lives her life out of spite and responded by having a healthier and longer-lasting relationship than I ever thought she could manage.

Gamora: When Peter proposed to her, she just sent me a message that said “Bitch, you were wrong.”

#i always feel bad when i include gamora in these quotes because i love her and i want to but i don't want to upset any star/mora shippers #because there's no bad blood there but i don't want anything to be misinterpreted that way #starbula #guardians of the galaxy #gamora #incorrect quotes #marvel #source: incorrect homestuck quotes

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marvel-lous-guy · 1 month

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Tony: what the hell happened to you!?

Peter: Well this guy tried to steal a bike so I stopped him but he stabbed me with some scissors

Tony: I thought you had spidery senses and could sense danger?

Peter: well I stopped the guy then there was a dog so I was busy petting the dog and then he stabbed me with the scissors.

Tony: ...

Peter: thats not the worst part

Tony: theres more!?

Peter: There was still some paper on them so I have a papercut too

Tony: THAT'S the worst part to you!?

#it was a bad papercut #in peters defence #they guy also didnt appreciate being told he couldnt run with scissors #peter needs some stranger danger training #peter parker #spiderman #ironman #irondad #tony stark #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #incorrect mcu quotes #incorrect mcu #marvel incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #mcu #incorrect peter parker

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emmedoesntdomath · 8 months

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harley, facedown on the table: I’m so stupid

tony, laughing at him: yes, yes you are-

peter, from across the room: no

harley:

tony:

harley, sitting up and clearing his throat: you know, I suddenly feel better. the world is such a beautiful place. I’m doing great, actually.

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crybabycunt · 11 months

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Yelena: (over earpiece) KB, you're up. We need to gain access to the security desk. Do your thing.

Kate: Do I get to improvise?

Yelena, sighing: Yes, fine. Improvise. But please be subtle.

Kate: I'm having a baby! Is there a doctor?! Or perhaps several security guards that could leave their post and help me?!

Yelena: Why? Just why?

#bishova #bishlova #yelena belova #kate bishop #hawkeye #black widow #crack #funny #incorrect marvel quotes #incorrect quotes #marvel incorrect quotes #bishova incorrect quotes #bishlova incorrect quotes #yelena belova incorrect quotes #kate bishop incorrect quotes #inspo: the bad guys #.jpeg

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cissa-calls · 6 months

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Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 602

Wanda and Y/N: *on a mission*

Wanda, summoning a wave of red chaos magic mid battle: “I SUMMON FORTH THE APOCALYPSE IN MY NAME AND ALL THOSE WHO WORE THE CROWN OF THE SCARLET WITCH BEFORE!” *releases with a flourish and causes the ground to quake*

Y/N: “WANDA NO! DON’T LOSE YOURSELF AGAIN TO THIS! YOU BURN BRIGHTER EACH DAY NOT BECAUSE OF YOUR POWER BUT BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE!”

*meanwhile*

Señor Scratchy: *rabid demon noises of worry*

Agatha: “No, no. I’m sure they’re fine. They’ll be back in time to watch jeopardy - I promise”

*meanwhile*

Wanda: *curbstomping cosmic entities with her heeled boots*

#I wanna draw Wanda curb stomping demons soooooo bad now #wandavision #agatha harkness #house of harkness #agatha all along #hahndavision #house of harkness counter #marvel #wanda maximoff #agatha harkness x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #coven of chaos #coven of chaos counter #incorrect marvel quotes #agatha: Darkhold diaries #Agatha: Darkhold diaries counter #Darkhold diaries #Darkhold diaries counter

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lotusxpop · 7 months

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Peter: the ceo of ikea was elected president of sweden.

Tony: that's great Peter.

Peter: I heard he is still assembling his cabinet.

Tony, laying his head on the table: these jokes gotta stop.

#peter makes bad jokes #tony is so done with them #it only encourages Peter to do more #peter parker and the avengers #peter parker #spiderman #tony stark #iron man #tony and peter #avengers #mcu #incorrect avengers quotes #incorrect marvel quotes

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