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#barbecues
thatbadadvice · 2 years
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Help! What If A Person Has A Human Body At My Wedding?
Dear Prudence, Slate, 17 August 2022:
Q. Am I wrong to think his actions were rude and disrespectful toward me at their family BBQ? I recently met my fiancé’s family for the first time at the family BBQ which his mom and dad organized at their cabin at the lake. Everything went well overall until the end. They seemed like friendly people. The sister initially I thought was a bit stand-offish but by the end, we had a chance to chat and my perspective of her changed. Mind you I am a very intuitive person and I can usually pick up people’s energy. I am also an introvert, so it takes me time to warm up to people. As we were winding down to say goodbye to everyone, I was standing next to my fiancé and directly behind his brother with just a small space between myself and the brother.
The brother decided to let one out loudly. A huge loud fart. This is a full-grown, married man acting in this way. My fiancé’s reaction was to pull me closer to him. His family’s reaction was to scoff it off. I can tell his wife was not pleased but also smiled about it. I felt embarrassed and disrespected but I played it cool until a few days later when I attempted to talk to my fiancé about it, to tell him how I felt. And how I was concerned for this type of behavior to happen at our wedding. His brother had texted him the next day and stated he “felt bad for farting on me.” My fiancé became defensive and angrily stated, “I won’t invite them then if you are worried about your family being disrespected.”
He said I was getting too worked up about it. Am I wrong to think his brother was rude and disrespectful for releasing gas loudly on me? Whether he did it intentionally or not, that’s not something you do in the presence of a stranger you have never met before. I need some advice on how to move forward because I feel like the next family encounter will be awkward, especially if he is going to be my fiancé’s best man at our wedding. Please give me some advice.
-- Rude Welcome Into The Family
Dear Rude Welcome,
Wedding days are fraught enough without the threat of the possibility of a person potentially passing gas somewhere in the general vicinity of the proceedings, the all time worst thing that could ever happen at or to a wedding in the era of overlapping global pandemics and climate-change-induced extreme weather events. 
So no, you are emphatically not too worked up about this -- of all the things that could go wrong on your special day, one guy doing a fart is absolutely at the top of the list. When people think of things that could absolutely fucking decimate the day they’ve spent months, even years, planning, they think of a man farting. Brides and grooms the world over lay awake at night, trying to game out every terrifying eventuality that could result in the total destruction of their wedding experience, but none looms so large as: a fart.
You are infinitely kind and patient to entertain the thought that the fart could have been accidental, but we both know that all humans everywhere can contain their gaseous emissions all the time, because all our bodies all work exactly the same, and everyone knows that a barbecue meal of greasy smoked meats accompanied by flavorful greens and soupy baked beans is unlikely to produce alimentary gas! The math simply does not add up! This man is coming for you directly and specifically with his butt! The call is coming from inside this full-grown married man’s rectal cavity, and you mustn’t answer it! 
Trust your impeccable intuition for once. And indeed it’s lucky that this gastrointestinal, barbecudinal tragedy befell you, an intuitive person, before your future brother-in-law had a chance to raze an entire church with a toot. A person less attuned to the ~ vibes ~ of the universe might not have recognized this man as the agent of chaos he so clearly is, but you sussed out his nefarious flatus for what it truly is: the sheer essence of disrespect, an intentional and deliberate flatulative assault on you personally, and a warning shot across the bow of your future wedding vows. This man cannot be allowed anywhere near your nuptials, lest the force of his flatulence blow the entire wedding party to kingdom come, a thing he clearly intends to do on purpose because he had gas after eating barbecue one time when you were there.
In fact, you may consider retaining a notary to stand watch at the entry to your venue so that they can witness signatures for those guests who are willing to enter into a contractual agreement not to pass wind for for the following five hours. Attendees who are unwilling to show you this most basic sign of respect by shutting down the normal functions of their human body during an event that probably includes an elaborate sit-down meal could perhaps watch a livestream of the ceremony in the comfort of their own disgusting, fart-filled homes like the repulsive trash goblins they are.
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Infinity Pool Phoenix Pool - small contemporary stone and rectangular infinity pool idea
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pinkieloveheartpastel · 8 months
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Why I Hate Barbecues: Ignore this I’m just venting cause I’m constantly around toxic people and it’s fucking with me. I hate public events.
I really fucking hate BBQs… like I hate any place where I have to be around people, but I genuinely hate barbecues the most because first of all, they feel like they never end, you never know when you’re going to leave, the food is always fucking dry and burnt, even the wet foods like macaroni and cheese taste like they’re dry af and burnt, they taste so fucking generic and lifeless, and it’s even worse if they’re watery and have little to no flavor to them, like wtf is this shit????? I DID NOT ENDURE A THREE HOUR DRIVE JUST TO TASTE THIS NASTY SHIT. AND THE ONLY GOOD FOOD THEY HAVE IS A GENERIC PEPSI. NOT EVEN ROOT BEER OR DR PEPPER.
Not only that, but I have to sit outside, IN THE HEAT, THIS BLISTERING FUCKING 90 DEGREE (f) HEAT, and wait for this boring ass shit to be over. I’M LOOKING AT THE TIME I JUST FUCKING GOT HERE AND I HAVE TO WAIT FIVE MORE HOURS????? I’m getting bit by mosquitos and being swarmed by flies while watching people I don’t want to be around at all gossip about other people, talk shit and just make the environment feel even more unbearable than it already is. I constantly have to keep my mouth shut and keep from cussing a whole bunch of people out. Shitty food, shitty weather and shitty fucking people, istg. Everything hurts and I’m dying.
I’m having to sit in fucking grass with a plate of burnt sausage and some leftover bones with like two pieces of meat on them while everything else is covered in ashes charred to fucking high heavens, and some pale macaroni and cheese while being crawled on by all kinds of bugs that won’t fucking leave me alone. And it’s either sit all the way in the distance where nobody else is, and looking like a whole-ass stalker because I hate being around people cause they always disappoint me, or go back inside and listen to even MORE people gossip and talk shit about other people while having NO PLACE TO CHARGE MY PHONE!!!! ISTFG I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SIGNAL NOT WORKING ON MY PHONE THATS ALREADY ON 40 PERCENT KILL ME NOW!!!
AND IF THERE IS SIGNAL, I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING DISTRACT MYSELF AND DISSOCIATE CAUSE THE MORE I DO THAT, THE MORE THE BATTERY GOES DOWN!!!
Barbecues are the epitome of overstimulation and are so fucking draining. Isttg.
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putokbatokgang · 8 months
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🇵🇭 Location: 11 Afable Street East Bajac-Bajac Olongapo City 📌 Near Bagong Palengke / Ulo ng Apo Rotonda / SM Olongapo CENTRAL ⏰ Hours: 11am-9pm ☎ Contact: Landline: 602.4228 Mobile: 0915.7022.965 ✅ facebook.com/PutokBatokGang
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capiolumen · 2 years
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Summer Musings 2022 iPhoneXR Hipstamatic Photography Original Photographers Photographers On Tumblr Lowy Lens, Praga 45 Film, No Flash
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wearetekkenrp · 9 months
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Traditional Patio - Patio Inspiration for a mid-sized timeless backyard brick patio remodel with a pergola
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kandischampagne · 9 months
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Happy Independence Day, America!
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Ah, the 4th of July, or as we like to call it, "Independence Day"! 🎉 It's the day we Americans commemorate the time when we decided to break free from British rule and declare our independence with a big ol' mic drop. 🎤💥 Talk about drama! The year was 1776, and our founding fathers were like, "We're done with the British tea, thank you very much!" ☕️🇬🇧 Thus, the United States of America was born, and we've been celebrating this rebellious spirit ever since!
So, how do we mark this occasion, you ask? Well, picture this: Streets drenched in red, white, and blue, as if a rainbow threw up a flag factory. 🌈🇺🇸 You can't go two steps without spotting someone rocking a star-spangled T-shirt, and every house is armed with enough fireworks to give NASA a run for its money! 🚀💥 We take our barbecues very seriously on this day, my friend. Grills are fired up, and the sizzle of juicy burgers and hot dogs fills the air. It's a carnivore's paradise, complete with condiments and epic debates about the best way to top your burger—ketchup or mustard? 🔥🍔
The day is filled with quintessential American pastimes. We've got lawn games like cornhole, where we perfect our aim while sipping on ice-cold beverages. 🌽🥤 And don't forget the classic water balloon fights, where kids and adults channel their inner warriors, launching projectiles of H2O at unsuspecting targets. 💦🎈 Oh, the laughter and shrieks of delight echoing through the neighborhood!
But the real star of the show happens when the sun sets and the sky darkens. Get ready for a pyrotechnic extravaganza that would make Zeus himself jealous! The fireworks display lights up the night, painting the heavens with an explosion of colors, shapes, and dazzling patterns. 🌌✨ The oohs and aahs from the crowd create a chorus of awe, and for a moment, we're all united in wonder, forgetting about our differences and just basking in the beauty of the spectacle. 🎇🙌
So, there you have it! The 4th of July, an explosion of patriotism, grilled goodness, and enough fireworks to make you question whether Mount Olympus relocated to your neighbor's backyard. It's a day where we proudly embrace our rebellious roots, celebrate our nation's history, and create memories that will make future generations ask, "Did they really celebrate that way?!" 🎆🍔🇺🇸
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motherofsmoke · 2 years
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Summer Solstice
View On WordPress
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ego-technique · 2 days
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Cajun Style Baked Sweet Potato - Sweet Potatoes Have you had enough of the same old baked sweet potato? A homemade blend of herbs and spices is used to season these sweet potatoes.
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artfulpawsart · 4 days
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Check out this awesome 'Side Of Ranch' design on @TeePublic!
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usnewsper-health · 8 days
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Deadly Gas Leak in Kansas City Home: Importance of Detectors and Safety Measures #barbecues #carbonmonoxidealarms #carbonmonoxideleak #carbonmonoxidepoisoning #criticalcondition #faultyfurnace #fossilfuels #hospital #householdappliances #importanceofsmokeandcarbonmonoxidedetectors #KansasCityhome #naturalgas #precautions #publichealthofficial #regularmaintenance #safetymeasures #silentkiller #smokedetectors #socialevents #supportforfamilies #survivingvictim #tragedy #vigilant
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styledbyskyla-shop · 8 days
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Ready for a Barbecue?? Cook in style with this grill. Bonus cabinet. On sale now.
#propanegas
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putokbatokgang · 19 hours
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🇵🇭 Location: 11 Afable Street East Bajac-Bajac Olongapo City 📌 Near Bagong Palengke / Ulo ng Apo Rotonda / SM Olongapo CENTRAL ⏰ Hours: 11am-9pm ☎ Contact: Landline: 602.4228 Mobile: 0915.7022.965 ✅ facebook.com/PutokBatokGang
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lanoyadeduphenix · 3 months
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Coleslaw - Texas Coleslaw Recipe
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Texas coleslaw with a Southwestern twist! Tangy with lime juice, cayenne and cumin, and bursting with crunchy bits of carrot, green onion and radish.
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clemenssetz · 5 months
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Recipe for Summer Anytime Crisp Corn Salad This bright and colorful salad is perfect for picnics on hot days because it's easy to make and has no mayo. 1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper, 1 tablespoon olive oil, 1 pinch salt and ground black pepper, 1/3 cup chopped sweet onion, 1 tablespoon water, 1 small tomato chopped, 1 can sweet corn drained, 2 tablespoons white sugar, 1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper, 3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
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