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Apparently Catwoman is gonna be pregnant now

Wait, hold on, I’m gonna guess:

They will play this entirely straight like they mean to make it stick, and the on month 8 and ¾ she decides Batman can’t be Batman if he has anything that makes him happy and so she gives herself an abortion and escapes, leaving Bruce to mope and beat up his kids in increasingly OOC manners

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Bruce: Kids, Selina and I are getting a divorce.
The Kids [unsurprised as this is the 5th time they've gotten married, divorced, then back together]: Okay.
Bruce [somehow still shocked]: ...
Bruce: Is that...
Bruce: Is that all you have to say?
Tim: *clears throat*
Jason: *snickers*
Dick [groaning]: Don't you freaking say it--
Tim: ...
Tim: May divorce be with you?
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In an absolutely miraculous and never-to-be-seen-again series of events, inspiration struck twice in the course of 24 hours, so you get another Batcat story adapted from a Taylor Swift song and thousands of words in various chats about the meaning of home to Selina.

Summary: Selina has a motto: “You can’t have a home if you don’t have a house.”

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Once again I have committed the fandom version of a hit-and-run by delivering a single story based on a Taylor Swift song and then fleeing the scene of the crime. This one is based on/around Cruel Summer and there are a few little hints buried throughout the story that reference it. I hope you enjoy.

Summary: That summer was particularly hot and cruel and it hadn’t rained since May. (Or Bruce wants to label his relationship with Selina and she is adamantly against such an idea.)

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Sorry this took so long

part 2 confessions

Kate: why are doing this again?

Bruce: because I promised Alfred and Dick that we would

Helena: no offense but I never wanted anyone in this room to know my fears

Lucius: I don’t think any of us wanted this

Kate: alright, let’s get this over with. Bruce you can go first

Bruce: why should I go first?

Helena: your kid is making us do this so you have to take the first bullet

Bruce: fine, my worst fear is that my children will never know peace and they are going to be fighting my demons until it kills them

Helena: (offhandedly) that’s understandable

Kate:(stares at her) Helena!

Helena: what?

Kate: be nice.

Helena: I was, I said I understand what he was talking about.

Kate: oh my god. its …. whatever, let’s just move on.

Lucius: alright then, I believe it’s my turn. my worst fear is that if my heart condition becomes worse and I die my family will be destroyed by the debt.

Helena: that is the most adult fear I have ever heard

Bruce: (glares at Helena) Helena.

Helena: what? It’s true. It’s a very practical fear.

Kate: alright then, Helena I believe it’s your turn

Helena: fine. My worst fear is that one day someday someone will take their revenge on me like I’ve been doing to Stefano Mandragora

Lucius: you know a lot of our problems could have been avoided if you guys didn’t seek revenge every time something mildly inconvenient happens

Kate: we don’t want revenge all the time

Lucius: last week you spent 5 days days trying to prove bruce wrong about who was selling black market opioids

Kate: in my defense I was right about it being penguin

Bruce: you were just lucky

Helena: guys can we just get this over with

Kate: whatever, I guess it’s my turn then. So my worst fear is that even though I’ve accepted who I am and all of my friends and family have accepted me, all of it is some kind of sick joke that will leave me more scarred than I already am and deeply lonely

Bruce: I hope you know we would never let that happen

Kate: I know, I just feel it sometimes you know m?

Helena: well I think that’s it, is there anything else?

Bruce: no

Helena: great than we can go

The door busted open and Harper Row burst in

Harper: I missed team building!

Helena: damn your lucky

Bruce: why did you miss it?

Harper: I was bust in an after school project

Helena: so detention?

Harper: obviously

Kate: do you want to share your fear with us then

Harper: that’s what the team building exercise was?

Lucius: yes indeed

Harper: Nevermind then, I’m just go eat the leftover coffee cake

She leaves and closes the door

Helena: God, I wish I had her life

Kate: why?

Helena: because then I would have never had to do this

They all nod in agreement, then all their phones go off and they run to save Gotham

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