When you notice that Bruce has been much less cranky since he started dating Selina:
Because here at DC Comics, the soap opera bullshit literally never ends.
Selina: I have a best selling book, great boobs, I’m literally eating pasta on a lake in Italy, and I married rich
Aaaaaah!!!!! EVEN MORE SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRUCE ^__^!!!
looks like baby helena is on her way!!!
ARE YOU F KIDDING ME AHHHHHHHH
A classic case of when you go out to eat at a resturant but you’re also too anti-social and wanna stay in the car.
In an absolutely miraculous and never-to-be-seen-again series of events, inspiration struck twice in the course of 24 hours, so you get another Batcat story adapted from a Taylor Swift song and thousands of words in various chats about the meaning of home to Selina.
Summary: Selina has a motto: “You can’t have a home if you don’t have a house.”
Once again I have committed the fandom version of a hit-and-run by delivering a single story based on a Taylor Swift song and then fleeing the scene of the crime. This one is based on/around Cruel Summer and there are a few little hints buried throughout the story that reference it. I hope you enjoy.
Summary: That summer was particularly hot and cruel and it hadn’t rained since May. (Or Bruce wants to label his relationship with Selina and she is adamantly against such an idea.)
melissa de la cruz writing the batjokes/batcat love triangle:
Sorry this took so long
part 2 confessions
Kate: why are doing this again?
Bruce: because I promised Alfred and Dick that we would
Helena: no offense but I never wanted anyone in this room to know my fears
Lucius: I don’t think any of us wanted this
Kate: alright, let’s get this over with. Bruce you can go first
Bruce: why should I go first?
Helena: your kid is making us do this so you have to take the first bullet
Bruce: fine, my worst fear is that my children will never know peace and they are going to be fighting my demons until it kills them
Helena: (offhandedly) that’s understandable
Kate:(stares at her) Helena!
Kate: be nice.
Helena: I was, I said I understand what he was talking about.
Kate: oh my god. its …. whatever, let’s just move on.
Lucius: alright then, I believe it’s my turn. my worst fear is that if my heart condition becomes worse and I die my family will be destroyed by the debt.
Helena: that is the most adult fear I have ever heard
Bruce: (glares at Helena) Helena.
Helena: what? It’s true. It’s a very practical fear.
Kate: alright then, Helena I believe it’s your turn
Helena: fine. My worst fear is that one day someday someone will take their revenge on me like I’ve been doing to Stefano Mandragora
Lucius: you know a lot of our problems could have been avoided if you guys didn’t seek revenge every time something mildly inconvenient happens
Kate: we don’t want revenge all the time
Lucius: last week you spent 5 days days trying to prove bruce wrong about who was selling black market opioids
Kate: in my defense I was right about it being penguin
Bruce: you were just lucky
Helena: guys can we just get this over with
Kate: whatever, I guess it’s my turn then. So my worst fear is that even though I’ve accepted who I am and all of my friends and family have accepted me, all of it is some kind of sick joke that will leave me more scarred than I already am and deeply lonely
Bruce: I hope you know we would never let that happen
Kate: I know, I just feel it sometimes you know m?
Helena: well I think that’s it, is there anything else?
Helena: great than we can go
The door busted open and Harper Row burst in
Harper: I missed team building!
Helena: damn your lucky
Bruce: why did you miss it?
Harper: I was bust in an after school project
Helena: so detention?
Kate: do you want to share your fear with us then
Harper: that’s what the team building exercise was?
Lucius: yes indeed
Harper: Nevermind then, I’m just go eat the leftover coffee cake
She leaves and closes the door
Helena: God, I wish I had her life
Helena: because then I would have never had to do this
They all nod in agreement, then all their phones go off and they run to save Gotham