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aphroditesmoon · 4 months

Text

wish you'd ask me

clarisse la rue x fem!demigod!reader

summary: you're not good at reading subtle hints, clarisse realises that maybe she should've been more upfront with her feelings for you.

warnings: fluff, oblivious!reader, clarisse is down bad, reader is very neurodivergent coded, kissing, flirting, title n fic inspired by 'Wish You'd Ask Me' by Matt Maltese.

A/N: thank you for 1.9k followers!! I love you all dearly, my ask box and dms r always open, im glad that my writing is being enjoyed by so many people<3

wc: 4.5k

You have been in camp half blood for more than 4 years. You have made yourself at home for the last several years.

It was easy to view yourself as lesser or inadequate in comparison to other mortals during your days in the real world before you were sent to camp. The world has never failed to remind you of how different you were. Always too much or not good enough, always special and never normal

And it wasn't like you were dying for some sort of diagnosis to justify why you are the way you are, but upon discovering that you were actually a demigod, it felt like all the questions you've been harboring to yourself was finally answering themselves.

Everything clicked. Everything made sense, though at the same time, it felt impossible. You were a very confused little girl when you first arrived at camp. A girl who just wanted someone to tell them that it'll all be alright in the end.

And you still remembered the first person to hold you by your shoulders and made you look into their eyes as they told you that it was all going to be okay.

The girl with beautiful long curls and dark piercing eyes. The girl that everyone else, apparently, was afraid of.

But you could never be afraid of Clarisse La Rue.

Not with the way she smiles when every time she sees you, the way she never fails to make you feel included even in activities you're not capable of participating in. Not with the way your whole body electrifies every time your skin touches, when your hands brush against each other.

It didn't matter what anyone think, because no one could change the perception you've built of her. Clarisse La Rue is good. Or at least she is to you.

When you first heard of the rumours surrounding her, you did think better than to force a friendship on her. You strayed away from her and stuck to your cabin siblings and your books, but you noticed daily how she'd still go out of her way to talk to you at least once a day.

It didn't need to be a long conversation, just a passing acknowledgement. An easygoing 'hey, how've you been doing.' Sometimes she'd even go as far as cracking a joke with you.

With how serious her face is whenever she make the jokes, you'd have to think twice as hard and thrice as faster than another person to try and guess if she was being genuine or not so you could fit in a necessary laugh when you needed to.

Even as her anger became more apparent because of the new kid's accidental climb to fame and embarrassing the Ares' cabin, she still found time to make a conversation with you.

It had been long since you tried to ignore or avoid her. You learned that her attention towards you is harmless, and that she seemed much more comfortable telling you certain things compared to others. If she has been viewing you as some sort of safe box, then you don't really mind it. You liked listening to her talk and keeping her heart's intent as your secret.

You too, talking to her. To some people, you are reserved,

and to others, talkative. Either way, people find it easy to discard you at any moment they decide you are irritating.

But Clarisse listens. And she asks questions, she's patient- much patient that anyone could anticipate or guess.

It may be hard for others to believe, but Clarisse is more complex than she seems. She had the capacity to be gentle, and she had the capacity to respect boundaries. The more time you spent with her, the more that side becomes easy for you to access.

Today, however, marks a new record for your friendship with her. A few weeks ago, she had informed you of her newfound interest in the history of folklore monsters. What a coincidence that you were currently self-studying on that specific topic.

She insisted that you hook her in on whatever it is you're learning. She had even gotten you a doughnut to eat together outside the library as you told her of your insights of dragons and their theorized blindness and incapability to differentiate a variety of prey.

The conversation went well, she seemed immensely in awe of your knowledge and had no problem telling you how she felt.

You even gave her some book recommendations, though you knew she wasn't much of a reader.

You felt a shift in your relationship that night and had spent the next three days studying more and more about the topic. And today, you had asked her to spend the evening with you.

You shouldn't feel so nervous asking her to hang out. That is what friends do, after all.

She found you in the library, sitting on the floor in between two large bookshelves. She had been right on time and enthusiastically so. The two of you sat together, hidden by the shelves as some semblance of privacy.

Clarisse looked confused when you had explained that you indeed wanted to spend the rest of the day in the library, but she accompanied you anyways.

You could never get sick of the smell of the books. Old and new, they all have some nostalgic past tied in between the pages, begging to be discovered.

You had your back on the walls with tinted windows above your head as she's seated opposite of you in a criss-crossed position.

Today, the library isn't as packed as usual. There were still people walking in and out and checking out the books on the counter, but not too many that it became obnoxiously loud and annoying.

After finishing another book of Monsters and how to spot them, you're feeling knowledgeable enough to explain the lore of the Giants to Clarisse, she had asked you about this the other day, giants have been long extinct to the point that some might even say they may have never even existed. And so you were interested in sharing with her all of the information you have learned about the majestic species of a beast.

You started with the general information. The basic understanding of what a Giant is the mythhs of Giants and the validity of those sources. Clarisse listened closely in the beginning, never interrupting you unless she had an actual question.

She seemed in awe of the stories you tell her of. You don't blame her, for you yourself have been most interested in the topic of Giants.

You were an hour an a half in when noticed her attention faltering. She leaned against the cases of books, her eyes twitched slightly when you began to explain the different types of giants, and the difference of how they operate.

Her hands are folded together on her lap, and you can feel her listening in on everything you're telling her as she adds in some commentary here and there, but you also felt that she wasn't entirely in on the conversation.

The dim lights of the library made the atmosphere feel warm and secluded, even with its vast space and many other campers hanging around in the other tables and shelves. You made sure to keep your voice low as you spoke in fear of the librarian kicking you out.

You had a good reputation with the library workers, they liked how organized and polite you were.

"A lot of people think their greatest strength is their size, which is valid, they are huge, but their real weapon is their mouth." You told Clarisse, ignoring the litter of books by your left that you had brought over for reference.

"They kiss you to death?" She asks suspiciously. You laughed shortly and shook your head. "No, I mean their breath."

She responds with an 'ohh.'

"They're giants, so their mouth is large too, and you can easily tell what they had for breakfast even from their tall height. Their breaths are also known to be so rancid it could kill you, because they don't exactly eat what we eat."

She raises a brow as she stretches her hands upwards. "Isn't that ogres?"

"It's both." You confirmed.

You were about to continue your explanation but halted by instinct as you notice how her mouth keeps pursing together as if unsatisfied, and she has that look on her face that mimicked a confused expression. You're don't think there's anything to be confused of.

"Are you okay?" You asked her worriedly. Clarisse sits up straighter at the question and waved a hand off to assure you she's fine. "Of course, no yeah- I'm fine."

"You seem bored, you're not really interested in what I'm saying are you?” She opens her mouth to counter your words but hesitates to say anything.

"I- well, I like giants-" She attempts, "-no you don't. "

"No. I don't." She admits with a sigh. "But I thought you said you were interested in these kind of stuff?" You questioned her. "Well, yeah, like the general idea of it. I mean, I don't hate it, and I like hearing you talk about it." She answers with a shrug.

"Then why do you look disappointed? If you didn't want to come, you could've just told me. I wouldn't get mad." You told her honestly. It was conflicting for you to see her so confused on what to say, being so picky with the words she chooses.

You figured she's probably reluctant to hurt your feelings. That is a notion you're used to. You'd rather she tell you the truth to your face than to be catered around like a time ticking bomb that everyone's so afraid might explode at any time.

"When you asked me out yesterday, you told me this would be an 'evening to remember." She tells you with such confidence like it was an explanation to her weird behaviour today.

"You don't think this is an evening to remember?" You sincerely inquire.

"No, I do! I just- well, when you said that I didn't think you'd mean we'd be doing this." Your frown deepens as you try to figure out what she means, eyeing her body language closely. “What do you mean? I told you I wanted to hang out.”

A part of you is offended. She was the one who had said she liked hearing you speak, why would she be disappointed that this was your idea of spending time together?

"I don't know, I thought we'd just be doing...something else?"

It didn't matter what she had really meant with that. You felt completely embarrassed once she finished her sentence. Why was it that everyone else had no problem having long conversations with their friends, but when it came to you, it's all too awkward, unnecessary, and odd?

You liked Clarisse, you considered her your friend. Sometimes you wonder if it could ever be more, but you never entertain those thoughts because you don't want to ruin what the two of you already have.

But moments like these resemble a huge slap in the face by the universe.

You couldn't even be good friends with her, how ridiculous of you to think that there could ever be something more.

"Okay, um, maybe we should just go back to our cabin." You decided whilst standing up and picking up the stack of books you're currently borrowing from the library, ready to leave the place without waiting for her.

"Hey, wait." She called out as you walked past her. You spared her a glance, trying your best not to show how upset you are. “We're friends." She says it so much like a question that you weren't sure if she's even sure of the fact herself until she continued speaking. "I like hanging out with you."

Another thing that you weren't sure if she really meant. "Sure." You replied thinking it's the most suitable response.

Before she could say anything else, you turned around and started picking up your pace until you disappeared out of her sight.

—

You have been consistently ignoring Clarisse. Which proved to be harder than expected.

When you pass by her camp or the training ground, you make a mental note to always look down or to your front as to never accidentally cross eyes with her.

And everytime you hear her call out your name, you keep walking like you didn't even hear her, knowing that she wouldn't be bold enough to call for you again. After all, she still had a reputation to uphold.

If ignoring her wasn't hard enough, having to deal with how you felt for her is worse.

You've been avoiding confrontation with yourself for weeks even before you decided to go no contact with her.

And so far, you thought you've been handling it pretty well. Except for days where you don't see her where she's expected to be. You tell yourself that you don't care as you make your way to training in the day and reading in the evening, and yet you still go back on your own words when you asked a passerby Ares kid on where his cabin leader was.

"She's dunking some kid's head into a toilet bowl." Of course she was.

You thanked the dude and went back on your way to your cabin. It's close to dusk, the sky is turning orange and the sun is dipping itself below the earth. You take your time returning to your cabin as you enjoy the way the sun slowly removes itself from anyone's viewing.

You wondered to yourself if things like these are what makes you weird or off-putting to some people.

Was enjoying nature and having niche interests only cute when it's done by girls pretty enough to be cool or if it's only in romance movies or books.

You don't find yourself weird, in fact you think all of your hobbies are pretty common and usual, and yet the way Clarisse had spoken to you at the library last week had made you feel unnatural.

You had wanted to do normal people things with her, but maybe your perception of normal is different to her.

Either way, you are pretty hurt with how she reacted. You loved her still, of course. It's kind of hard to unlike the girl you've been obsessed with since you were 15.

Once you finally reach your cabin, you quickly put down all of your books and your tiny sling back by the side before making it to the shower to refresh yourself before dinner.

You thought it hilarious of how hard you're trying not to care about Clarisse, and yet as you're cleaning yourself up, changing your clothes and attempting to read at least 15 pages of your World's Most Dangerous Beasts book, you could only think of her.

What would it take for her to think that you're cool, what kind of things did she want to do instead of listening to you yap around for 2 hours on what is an equivalent of a boring dinosaur facts, not that you really think dinosaurs are boring.

During dinner, you kept to siblings and had to make yourself finish your plate as your anxiety wrecking thoughts have a way of deriving you of an appetite. You also had to convince yourself to not search for her at the other tables which took more strength than one would expect.

But you succeeded, and you were now sure that the only obstacle left for the day was to try and fall asleep without the thoughts of her keeping you up.

Clarisse is a force, a fierce daughter of Ares, and a cabin leader who had much better things to do then hole up at quiet small places with you.

And just because she was nice enough to mantain a good relationship with you for 4 years, does not mean that you're worth her time. Or at least that's what you tell yourself.

That night, you managed to fall asleep after an hour of recalling Harpy facts in repetition. Counting sheeps had never worked on you, so you had to find something much more active to tire out your brain.

You dreamed of Clarisse with her hair down, holding your hand and pulling you closer so she could slip a flower on your ear.

And just as she's looking down at you, moving closer to do what it seemed like to kiss you, you awoke with a jolt, swearing under your breath as if you'd just gotten jumpscared by a ghost.

Someone's palms moved to shut your lips as you're met with a girl, hovering over you in the dark. Clarisse's dark eyes were recognizable, but it sent a shot of adrenaline through your body still.

"Shh." She whispered to your face, hand still keeping your mouth shut. "I'm going to remove my hands now." She whispered again. You nod in understanding and waited for her to pry her hand away from your face.

"What are you doing here?!" You exclaimed as quiet as possible as she helped you sit up.

"I'm sneaking you out." She answers with a wink. "It's 2 in the morning." You waved your hand around at the darkness and sleeping children. "3 in the morning, and yeah, I know. That's why it's called sneaking around." She corrects you with a grin so devilish that if you hadn't known her for a long time, you'd assume she's about to turn you into a new toilet bowl or dumpster boxing victim.

You sighed loudly and glared at her despite your fast beating heart. Her hand remained on top of yours until the minute becomes more awkward and she removes it as if she just remembered that she's been holding your hand.

Without explanation, she climbed out of your bed and tiptoes to the open cabin door. You're still sitting up and looking at her with conflicted feelings.

Only after she turns back to you, cocking her head towards the entrance, do you give into her request and softly leave the comfort of your bed and trail after her.

"Where are we going?" You asked after her as she kept walking. Instead of responding, she asks you another question back, "Can you swim?"

"We're going swimming?" You watch her shrug in return from behind her and became even more distressed.

"So, is this your idea of having fun and hanging out then?" She laughs drily and slowed down so you could catch up. You walked fast enough until you're beside her and waited for her to talk. "You sound surprised, I would've thought that after 4 years of friendship, you'd know by now that I love doing things that includes active movements."

You did know that, it's a bit hard to not notice how much working out, training and running fuels her even more.

"And why are we doing it in the middle of the night?" The walk towards the lake by the back of the forest was short, considering that your cabin is the closest to the location.

You almost tripped and fell over a stick, but Clarisse was quick to scoop you back up by the back of your shirt. "Thanks." You mumbled to her. "And you haven't answered my question."

Clarisse pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the ground without caring of your presence. You, having more moral obligations than her, twisted your face to your left when she began to pull her trousers off. "Too many people in broad daylight." She tells you.

That is a valid reason, this lake is mostly known as a hook up spot, and true to it's cause, many dating campers have been caught together here during dawn or late evenings.

You braved yourself to turn towards her again slowly and realised that she had already hopped into the water. She had a sports bra on and a boxer.

And though you yourself had a tank top and shorts on, you contemplate the idea of suicide as a better choice than having to strip in front of her.

"Are you gonna get in, or are you just gonna gawk at me from there?" You were grateful for the dark being able to hide your flushed face from her, but deep down, you knew that she probably saw it anyways because of the shining bright moonlight.

"I can't swim." You told her.

"That's fine, the water's not very deep." You ransacked your brain for reasons to decline her offer, but at the same time, a small part of you yearned to take this risk that you've been so afraid of for gods knows whatever reason.

Clarisse is there, in the water and under the moonlight. You are only a few steps away from her. And like she said, the water isn't deep, only waist length. She stares back at you with a raised brow like she's challenging you to join her.

"Turn around first." You tell her. She smirked slightly before slowly spinning to the opposite direction. "You know I've seen you naked before right?"

"What?" You choked out, aghast. "Who do you think changed your clothes for you when you first got to camp." Oh, that.

Your shoulder relaxes as you realize she's talking about the first time you met. "That's was a long time ago." You noted. She hummed im agreement. "Yeah, we've both grown since."

You told her she could turn around once you're inside the water. Forgetting about the heighy difference between you two, the water was high enough to reach your chest, trying your best not to trip underwater the way you always do on dry ground, your hand instinctively reached outnfor her shoulder.

Clarisse held your forearm tightly and drew your closer to her until you're inches away from eachother.

You breathed in sharply and felt the need to fill in the awkward silence. "So, you...like swimming, huh?"

"Yes, evidently so." She answered. "Right right, can't sit still and all that." She actually chuckled at your sarcasm, making you proud of yourself.

"You know, even before I came to camp Half Blood, I use to be a pretty active person, running track, volleyball, sometimes swimming." Your eyes widened in curiosity. "Really?" She nodded.

"The counselor told my mom that I just had so many untapped energy, which I guess is a code for anger issues." Her grip on your forearm moves higher until her palm is over your shoulder. "She told her that it'd be best for me to find a...healthy way, to channel that energy, and for my strong competitiveness. So I joined what I could, and that's how I spent most of my free time there. Besides, I never was that good academically. So, I ought to at least be good at something, right?"

"You are good." You blurted out. Your embarrassment faded away when you saw her smile. "You think so?"

"Yeah." You assured her. Her other hand had snaked around your waist without you noticing. Only when you moved slightly do you notice her holding you softly.

"The moon is really nice tonight, isn't it?" You said, trying to diffuse the tension. You pointed your finger up to the sky at the singular white orb.

She glanced up and let out a 'huh.'

"I like it when it's bright and whole like this, the moon in all of its glory. You don't even notice the starts around it when it's glowing like that." You could stare at the moom forever, even longer than the way you've been staring at the sun.

You believed in it the way children do with their birthday candle. To you, the moon has always been a symbol of hope or comfort for your future. Your fascination for it existed from when you were a child, the way it'd follow you from behind as you gazed upon it from the back of the car seat whilst your parent drove down the road.

The way it moved above you as you walked home from school, like one of the gods themselves watching over you.

"Nothing compares to the moon." You announced aloud, watching as the clouds around it began to gather over it. "Yeah, It's beautiful." You hear Clarisse speak.

As your head snapped back to her, you found that she had already been facing you.

"I like the moon...but not as much as I like you." She whispered loud enough for your ears only. Her face leans closer to yours, your noses brushing together. "Not as much as I like to hear your voice, when you tell me about your little harpy facts-"

"Oh, I haven't told you about the harpies yet." You cut her off. "I just finished that chapter this morning actually and-"

"-and, you can tell me about it after I'm done talking." You blushed and became silent, letting her speak.

Clarisse exhaled breathily, fanning your face with the subtle warm air. "I like doing things that friends do with you, but I don't want to be your friend anymore."

"Oh."

"I want to be more than friends." She elaborated.

"Oh." Oh.

You feel a sudden tightness in your chest, from anxiety or from butterflies is undecided. "You want to be best friends?" You joked, laughing nervously.

Clarisse snorted at your joke, but she was still grinning widely. "Best friends, If that's what you want to call it."

There was a moment of understanding shared between a second of shared gazes before her lips attached themselves to yours. An urgency, approval, meaning that can't be described by words.

Whatever gentleness there was inside of her before had vanished. Clarisse kissed you like a starved woman. Her lips craved yours like it'd be the last time she'll ever know how you taste like.

Your hands clasped on her shoulder and neck for support as she embraced you tighter to her body. You let her tongue slip into your mouth, meeting your own.

And as they danced together, inhaling all there is in your lips, every secret and every confession that have died on the tip ofnyour tongues, you are sure that no heaven nor hell could tear you open to see you back together like this.

You push her back abruptly, letting fresh air fill your empty lungs. "What's wrong?" Clarisse inquired worriedly.

"Last week." You sighed out, chest still heaving as your thoughts clicked together. "You thought I had asked you on a date, that's why you were disappointed."

She winced at the reminder, and for the first time in your life, you had been lucky enough to witness a flustered Clarisse.

"I'm right." Her silence confirmed. "Oh Clarisse, why didn't you just ask me?"

Huffing loudly, she rolls her eyes in irritation. "I thought I was obvious enough. "

Thinking back on it all, it did seem pretty obvious, but gods were you oblivious. The way you intepreted it all so wrongly.

"I've liked you for so long too." You admitted to her. Her scowl was gone at that, replaced by a teasing smile. "And what are you gonna do about it?" Her mouth returned to yours, letting go of all your fears and holding on to Clarisse like she's your anchor, you close the gap between your lips, welcoming the kind of pleasure that you've never tasted before.

#clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue x reader #pjo series #pjo x reader #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson #dior goodjohn #wlw

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cosmiiwrites · 5 days

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OKAY SO I HAVE AN IDEA. What about established relationship domestic fluff with Adam?? Like waking up in the morning cooking breakfast that kind of stuff (I AM STARVED OF HAPPY ADAM CONTENT)

˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ domestic life

.ೃ࿐ adam x reader .ೃ࿐

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ hc/drabble: how adam would be like as a domestic partner cw: cussing, fluff, established relationship, reader is lwk fem coded a/n: ME TOO ANON. ME TOO. sorry for the hold up on the adam fics btw😭🙏

alright SOO

if you're in a relationship with adam, you obviously mean a lot to him

sure, he brags about his groupies and hookups all the time, but he's never actually been in a serious relationship with any of them

and he never stays in contact with them unless he needs a quick orgasm

without a doubt he drops them all for you

so when you’re dating him, let alone living with him, you’re a lot more than a good fuck

at first, waking up and adam being the first thing you see in the morning took you a while to get used to

you’d always find an arm slung around your waist when you woke up, stopping you from leaving the bed

you found it cute at first, but it started to get annoying when adam literally would not let you get up

“adam, hon, babe, love of my life, i gotta get ready for work,” you yawned. “adaaam,” whining his name clearly did not work. unfazed, the angel only tightened his hold on you. his face buried itself deeper into the crook of your neck. “c’mon, sera won’t be happy if you’re late for the fourth time this week…” you reminded him.

“i don’t give a shit,” adam groaned, voice muffled and barely audible. you loved his morning voice: husky, low, less insufferable. “i jus’ wanna be here with you. i don’t want to hear sera’s bitching this early in the morning…” his last sentence made you laugh, earning you an annoyed growl. “fine, i guess that’s fair.”

you settled more into your shared bed, one arm slinging around adam’s neck while the other combed through his hair. adam gave you a low groan in response. “mmh… could just stay here in bed all day, with you, y’know?” usually, you would object, but this time you gave it some thought. laying in bed with your boyfriend, cuddling all day? hm. you let out a defeated sigh.

“…fine.”

“fuck yeah!”

you had actually found a way to let adam release you from the bed without him bitching about you “abandoning him”

that is, by cooking him bomb ass breakfast

the first time you cooked him breakfast was when he was deep in sleep and you were able to sneak your way out of his grasp

he wasn’t happy about you not being in bed with him, but your cooking made up for it.

an unfamiliar smell woke up adam. “[name], what the fuck is that sme- [NAME]?!” he frantically looked around for you, scanning the bedroom, the bathroom, he even checked the closet. this dumbass didnt even try following the smell. finally, adam found you in the kitchen, back facing towards him as you flipped pancakes.

he gave out a sigh of relief. almost instantly, adam pulled you into a hug from behind, head resting on your shoulder. because of the unexpected gesture, you let out a squeak. cute, he thought. “calm down, babe, s’ just me.” he chuckled. “but seriously, don’t leave me alone… i thought you got murdered or somethin’.” you whipped your head around to meet his eyes. was he serious? “first of all, this is literally heaven. secondly, i left to cook you breakfast, dummy. now go sit down or you’re not getting any.” immediately he complied.

“holy fuck.” he said, munching on a pancake. you giggled. “do you like it?” adam stared at you like you had gone crazy. “do i—do i like it? sweetheart, if i knew you cooked like a god i would’ve forced you to make every dish in the damn book.” his praise went straight to your head. you didn’t think he was capable of complimenting anyone that much but himself! still, you weren’t complaining.

not only did you make breakfast for adam, but lunch and dinner, too

when adam came home from work and found ribs on the table, he went FERAL

“baaaabe, im home,” he announced rather loudly. adam scanned the kitchen for you, instead landing his eyes on a large plate of ribs. never had adam wanted to wife someone up so bad.

“oh, adam! i just made some-“

“marry me.”

i feel like adam wouldn’t be too keen on doing chores around the house

washing dishes, doing the laundry, taking out the trash? not quite his forte

once said that it was a “woman’s job,” and you gave him a firm smack to his head (well deserved)

“adam, you NEVER do anything around here!” you complained. adam only groaned in response. “c’monn, doing the dishes won’t kill you,” “i dunno, it might.” “ADAM!”

“fine, jeez! so fuckin’ dramatic i swear…” he muttered under his breath. he reluctantly picked up a sponge and a plate and began cleaning the plate profusely fast. you leaned on the counter next to him, a smug grin on your face to which he only tsked at.

he put away the last dish, finally. “there, you happy now?” he huffed. “very.” you grabbed his face and pecked his lips once, twice. adam was taken aback at your sudden movement, nevertheless kissing you back more fervently. “mph- shit, if this is what i get for doing the dishes, i might start doing it more often.”

#adam x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #adam hazbin #adam hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel alastor #charlie morningstar #emily hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #angel dust #hazbin hotel vox #vaggie #sir pentious #husk #niffty #x reader #fluff #domestic fluff

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wispscribbles · 1 month

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hi i just discovered your beautiful art so i obviously needed to scroll down your whole blog to catch up on everything you posted haha

i just wanted to say that i got way too emotional after reading that post of yours regarding mw3 and your mental health… on one hand i’m so sorry that you felt that way, but on the other i feel it with my whole heart

ghoap content especially for me helped me these past few months with my mental health in ways i would never have expected, it was my solace and inspiration, i started working out too and got back into drawing, got a lot better at it as well!

but unfortunately i get way too fixated on fictional stuff and there comes a time that my brain switches up and connects the things i liked and comforted me with things that make me extremely uncomfortable and stressed out, especially if i fall down a fandom rabbit hole that i would never have searched up, beacuse i know myself, i know my limits and triggers but i feel like i’m not a part of the fandom if i don’t like and interact with every single headcanon, art and ship

these past days i was really down because of that, and the things i read (why did i do that???) and now when i think of ghoap i think of that stuff and im scared that i alienated myself from the one thing that made me happy

but discovering your art and with that your post reminded me that im not alone in these feelings, even if it’s not the same exactly, and i wanted to thank you, for sharing your thoughts that time i guess haha <33

((sorry for rambling))

Long reply under 'keep reading' !! CW: talk of triggers and MCD

Always feel free to ramble my way!!! How nice you could find some comfort in my art and ghoap stuff. Especially in my mw3 post. I've been considering deleting it a few times, but hearing it maybe helped to read in some way makes me happy I left it up.

I get where you're coming from - I very much use these fictional characters as a safe space, but ppl view them very differently. There's room for it all, "don't like, don't interact" is very much a policy I agree with. It's important to mute words and be aware of your own triggers as you browse stuff in this fandom, because there's such a wide variety of stuff out there. You do NOT have to interact and agree with every thought people have on this ship, that's impossible and super stressful. There's plenty of stuff and headcanons I don't vibe with. There are no 'requirements' that you have to meet in order to enjoy fiction.

It's part of why I enjoy ghoap - that their dynamic resonates and has sparked so much creativity and outlets for so many - but it also means there's gonna be a lot of stuff u don't necessarily agree with or feel comfortable with. For example, a lot of folks use the MCD in mw3 as a way to explore grief, which I think is really cool, but on a bad day that could potentially get my brain in a bad headspace, so I only check out that art and those fics when I feel okay. There's also a bunch of stuff I'd never want to interact with, and that’s fine !!

I'm personally quite vanilla and a sucker for exploring the softer, more domestic aspects of these characters. It's what brings me joy. I know there are parts of this fandom who don’t vibe with what I make at all, and would call it untrue to the characters. Some creators enjoy exploring the more violent or toxic sides to the source material. That's just how it is, we all need different things from fiction. As long as we're capable of chilling in our respective sandboxes, then all's good.

But if you're like me, and enjoy the softer things, then definitely be aware and careful while exploring this ship and fandom. I've seen takes on these characters that are so far removed from how I view them, that they're basically the complete opposite, and it can leave a very bad taste, especially if you're the type to hinge your safe space on fiction.

Just... be mindful of yourself and your potential triggers, be respectful and don't interact with things that make you uncomfortable to the point of feeling unsafe. Shape your own online experience to your best ability.

Hope you're doing okay and still find joy in ghoap <3

#ask #anon ask #long post #mcd #mcd mention #major character death #mw3 spoilers #ish #few extra thoughts in tags:#sry it took a while to respond. i wanted to give a proper answer #hope this makes sense or helps somehow #and if interacting with this fandom continues to have a negative impact on your mental health then take a break #i understand using fiction as an outlet or safe space (i do it) but if the bad starts outweighing the good then try to distance yourself #don't dive into those rabbit holes that u know will make u feel bad #i understand the urge but its so important to protect yourself online #I’m far from an expert on this stuff so this is just my two cents #stay safe!!

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tiredlilguy · 9 months

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BSD|The Flags Poly HC's

come get your girl dinner, you know who you are cw: not proofread, suggestive//, a little fucked up (what do you expect though... they're mafia) notes: not adding chuuya because he was 16 at the same time they were around their 20's, reader suggested to be around their age. im just trying to cope with the recent chapter ;-;

I feel like Pianoman, Lippman, and Albatross would probably be the most provocative and louder lovers, while Iceman and Doc are kind of like “they’ll come around to me when they want to” attitude

Pianoman LOVES having you on his lap, he’s always using his “leader privilege” to be able to hold you the longest

Pianoman is handsy, but Alb is clingy… like Pianoman would be the one to try and sneak a hand to your ass, but Alb just likes hugs and holding you

Speaking of Alb, he definitely likes to steal you away all the time

Can and will just take you out of a cafe date with Lippman so then he can drive you to some random empty parking lot in the middle of nowhere just to make out with you

You have them all of a leash, and they will be there at your beck and call

Bet if you’re in trouble with something (they know very well you’re capable), doesn’t matter if it’s personal or not, they’re there

Iceman is a simp, I can definitely see him trying to be chill about your attention being on everyone else, but he’s a little jealous… he won’t say anything though

One time, Lippmann was watching Pianoman’s hand that was on your thigh as you were sitting on his lap. Pianoman eventually noticed and looked up at Lippman with a smirk and said: “ You wanna join?”

You ended up in between them that night (god, I desperately want that to be me)

You hear all the hospital drama from doc:

“ You remember […]?”

“ Yeah?”

“ Well they lost their other leg. When I tell you that I’m probably going to run out of prosthetics to put on this guy… Though, I may consider trying to Frankenstein them with a new leg. What do you think?”

Doc gifts you flowers, but he always gets the ones that are small (he thinks that they are like him, so that’s why he gets them for you), OR he’d gift you jars of severed limbs/eyes/etc

If he does surgery on you, he’s going to find some way to give you an extra organ and just not tell you about it. I guess enjoy your new third kidney babes (this is a crack hc, but I did see it from a meme)

Albatross seems like the typa guy to gift you a taxidermied animal, idk why… he gives me those vibes, like how a crow will gift you a dead mouse as thanks for saving it (Albatross is the name of a bird after all)

NO ACTUALLY, ALB DEFINITELY GIFTS ILLEGAL FISH/WHALE BONES

He’s definitely a genius at getting stuff on the black market (I mean, he can operate and fix every/any vehicle), probably had the highest bid on like an extinct whale tooth and smuggled it in to gift to you somehow

Doc and alb are fucked in the head, they just wanna show you that they love you

Anyways

Iceman seems like the type to gift you either old records, things that remind you of him, or things the reminds him of you

Lippman gifts really expensive things like designer bags or clothing

Pianoman doesn’t seem like much of a gift person, but he’d probably get you something more sentimental: like a simple (but expensive) necklace, or very romantic letters

Lippmann LOVES to spoil you: literally will take you to everything, always has you at any of his interviews (though you’re probably in disguise), or at movie/tv show shoots

Iceman definitely likes to have you to himself, he doesn’t mind the poly relationship, but if you’re with him, he doesn’t like to share

That said, if he does have you for a night, bet it’s going to be a good night (in both ways)

If you are getting shared it’s most likely pianoman + Lippmann or alb + doc

Though of course the six of you are always together, I mean hey, u got the cream of the crop of the Port Mafia all to yourself

If you get signed a solo mission, at least one of them is either going with you or watching you on the sidelines

One time it ended up being where all of them showed up and they comedically fell out from behind a corner (the sillies)

I can imagine a scenario where you all end up going on a vacation to somewhere where there’s a beach

It was Lippmann’s idea

The end goal was to see you in swimwear- like that was the original idea… they’re horndogs

Pianoman puts his coat on you if you’re feeling cold, likes to see you put the sleeves on and see the coat sort of pool over you

Trust, if someone hurts you, that person is getting their ass demolished, beaten tf up, burned, sunk into the ground, dead as hell

They’d probably make a mess of the person who hurt you, so much so that the person is beyond recognition

Probably the one time that they let Albatross go loose (he’s probably beating the shit out of the dead body)

They do love you, they’re just a little fucked in the head

The skrunklies

#bsd #bsd the flags #the flags #the flags x reader #bsd the flags x reader #pianoman bsd #lippman bsd #doc bsd #albatross bsd #iceman bsd #pianoman x reader #lippman x reader #doc x reader #albatross x reader #iceman x reader #so many tags for these boys omo..#mono writes

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1bringthesun · 1 year

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have any of you read “Dancing Girl?” gosh, it just made me sad. Mori Ougai is a really good author haha, hahaha. hah… h-

…

yeah i’m relating this to bsd! Mori. BITE ME!! ahem. so in this essay i will be talking about Elise and Mori’s relationship. i’ve already established i don’t see her as his “wife” or the object of his sexual desires, and i’ve also mentioned i like the “Elise is his daughter,” way of seeing things, however … well, there’s more than just that.

1) Elise represents his inner child

2) Elise preserves the memory of a dead lover and is his “partner”

3) Elise is a child-figure to him

those numbers will be reused in that order to mean the same thing later, but first, background and “Dancing Girl!”

so i think that, within the definition of his and Elise’s relationship, Mori embodies Toyotarou from “Dancing Girl” more than Kanei from “Vita Sexualis” (i think i learned which type of media went in italics and which sort in quotes some time in third grade, but it’s been entirely too long and therefore i’ve forgotten all of it and you’ll have to excuse my poor grammar if im messing it up). why, you may ask? well, first of all, Elise is literally from that novel. second of all, i’ve just skimmed vita sexualis (- an asexual) while “Dancing Girl” managed to catch my attention a lot more. plus, Mori was one of the characters that Asagiri explicitly stated he wanted to add in, and we all know just how evil Asagiri Kafka can be when he feels like it.

… why is the space so long ? why are these spaces different sizes?? this is really bugging me … but whatever, i’ll try my best to ignore it … (nevermind it looks perfectly normal when i post it i guess it’s just a. draft thing)

ahem, so, in “Dark Era,” Mori basically goes “damn Dazai you’re suicidal as hell! you remind me of myself hahah!” and i feel like that’s pretty concrete evidence Mori Did Not have a happy childhood (i mean, duh, considering he was trigger-happy to friendly fire as an important military man at 20 some years old) and was likely suicidal in the past too, to some extent. in that sense, the chains that tie Dazai down, if they’re Odasaku’s last words, are the Port Mafia for Mori. he cannot die as long as he’s sane and capable of leading the PM, because he’s basically the very embodiment of it.

⚠️SPOILERS FOR “DANCING GIRL!”⚠️

alright, onto “Dancing Girl.” i’ll give you a quick rundown. it’s basically about this college dude (25 or so) (haha that reminds me of the, “am i the asshole?” posts. i (M26) just fell in love with a girl (F18) of whom i’ve known since she was a minor and i was still an adult. i got her pregnant by some time after she became of-age, then i left her to pursue my career. am i the asshole?) (godamn it tai you just spoiled the whole novel) (i’ll put a spoiler warning up somewhere in the beginning) (bear with me) with depression who falls in love with a… looks at the parenthesis and sighs deeply.

he doesn’t see any point in anything because his life was just a glorified projection of his mother and school’s desires, so he starts being a little more hedonistic and learning about the arts instead of becoming a lawyer like they wanted him to. he meets Elise (her name) and basically immediately feels attracted to her in some way he can’t put into words (she’s 17ish when they meet btw) and starts teaching her things and basically acting like a sponsor to her. they don’t start getting romantic and/or sexual until some unsaid period of time passes. now i personally choose to interpret this as her turning 18 before they do all that stuff, but since it never explicitly says, well… yeah. Toyotarou is used to living his life in a cushy-ish manner as a child prodigy and what have you, but he eventually gives that away to live with Elise. that being said, his “giving it away” was less of a choice to be with her and more of a digression from a perfect machine into a person with his own stunted feelings.

she makes him satisfied, and he makes her very deeply happy, but eventually he chooses his career over her and she goes crazy because of how betrayed she feels- she really deeply loved him, after all. he pays her mother enough to keep her afloat and to take care of the baby he left in her stomach, and went back to Japan without another word. Toyotarou! you bastard!! (it’s not like he was without remorse, though)

anyway back to the numbers.

1) Mori’s past is pure speculation, but he was a military doctor ranked quite high as a very young man, one that didn’t hesitate to shoot someone on his own side no less (like i said) so it’s probably a given he didn’t have a stress-free childhood. this is an excerpt from “Dancing Girl,” in which i think explains the possibility that Elise represents the angry child inside of Mori that he never got to let out as a real child.

2) given what i said above, this also feels pretty self-explanatory. we basically only know two things about Mori, that he would do anything for the greater good (which is usually the PM/yokohama), and that he longs for a “partner” who will understand and not leave him. it’s possible Fukuzawa filled that role for a while, but Mori is a little unhinged and did some bad things out of obsession, which severed their ties because of Fukuzawa’s innate nature. Mori has called Elise his partner (tsuma, AKA person who stays by my side) (i know nobody says tsuma and means it that way but considering “Yatsugare san” exists (yes i’m looking straight at you, AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE), i wouldn’t put it past Asagiri to use tsuma in that manner) before and acts dramatic as all hell when she dies. it’s almost like … someone called Elise really DID die before?

3) this requires the least explanation. we already know Mori likes children in a non-pedo way, shown by things like how he helped Atsushi gather his courage in Anne’s room (which did nothing for him, btw) and his profession in the beast AU. but what sort of mafia don has a cute daughter?? that’s like ASKING for her to be killed. so Elise, the product of Vita Sexualis, is the next best thing he can have!

Elise also is a lot like the Toyotarou, while Mori acts more like Elise when they’re together. it’s just something i noticed watching the two interact in BSD and DG. the whole idea of having no autonomy is kinda Elise’s (BSD) thing, isn’t it?

my phone is now 20% and i have no charger. i have probably 69 viruses and also since i have apps like tiktok, wechat, and discord… you can imagine how much this poor device suffers, but i regret nothing. yahoo! hope you enjoyed my rant~

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #dancing girl #a german dancing girl specifically named Elise #bsd elise #bsd mori #mori ougai #Mori Elise #can i call her Mori Elise?? i mean she’s basically his daughter anyway so #Mori and Elise #toyotarou #god they make me sad #Mori is so traumatized and so babygirl #not all would understand #anyway i’m getting carried away even in the hashtags.. is this who we are???#AH MY PHONE IS AT 5% WHAT THE HELL.#okay i’m posting it now i hope this gets some attention because otherwise i might go crazy /j

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zebulontheplanet · 6 months

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hi, im the support needs anon again. im gonna sign my asks with a bunny emoji so you can keep track of which asks are from me & which are from other people.

so, im not too sure whether im low support needs or medium support needs. i guess this is partly because a lot of online places seem to think LSN means no support needs. i looked up a chart of IADLs & ADLs. i have trouble with most IADLs. im turning 19 next month but i cant manage my own schedule, i cant manage my finances, i cant drive, i cant prepare or cook food, & i often forget my medications. i can walk, eat, use the bathroom by myself, get dressed, & bathe without help. the hard part is that i just don't, like a mental block. it's probably a mix of depression & executive dysfunction. i cant even be bothered to brush my hair or teeth most days. it's so stressful that there are so many things i have to do all the time just to exist, it's overwhelming.

so in short im physically capable of my ADLs, but there's a mental hurdle that makes it difficult for me. i can't handle IADLs at all. i know that if i tried to be independent, i wouldn't last long because i wouldn't feed myself, clean myself, wash my clothes, wash the dishes, pay the bills, or keep things tidy even if my parents paid for everything & i didnt have to get a job. i cant tell if that sounds more like LSN or MSN.

thank you for reading - 🐇

Hello! Just a reminder that I’m just a stranger on the internet so I can’t say exactly what your support needs are. However, lower support needs doesn’t mean no support needs, you’re 100% right. There are plenty of lower support needs individuals who can’t drive, who can’t work, who can’t do many things that people would consider lower support needs people to be able to do.

Personally, a good rule of thumb is that MSN means you aren’t able to do all or most IADLs and some bADLs. If you’re able to not do bADLs for whatever reason, wether that be autism, another disability, or even executive dysfunction, that’s still valid.

Honestly, to me, it sounds like you could be in the middle. Low-medium support needs is a thing and if you think that label fits you then go ahead, just remember that it’s ok to not know. You do still sound like you’re lower support needs to me but struggle with bADLs, bordering medium.

I hope this helps!

#zebrambles #autism #support needs #long post

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kissmetwicekissmedeadly · 6 months

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😍😘💕🌟🖋💞💗 Hello honey Can I have these for the OC game and please feel free to ask as many as you like for ikepri or ikevamp, else I will answer for both XD

Have a wonderful day 🥰🥰💟💟🤗

You mean for the self-ship game?? I WAS SO CLOSE TO BELIEVING I REBLOGGED THE WRONG THING KJHKJKJKJ ILY JULIE THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME RAMBLE

for me and napo ofc:

😍: Name your three favorite things about your f/o

only THREE I CANT DO THIS AAAAAAA let's see... Im going to say his compassion, his courage and his wit 🙈

😘: What’s your f/o’s favorite thing about YOU?

WHAT IS IT??? I DON'T KNOOOOW i guess i can cheat this one by looking at ikevamp mc in his route/story events and the ways we're similar and looking at what napo says he loves. hm. i guess he might find it adorable when im clumsy or when im trying to one-up him in expressing our love for each other ...........or when i share his values?? this is hard....

💕: Who’s the clingier one in the relationship?

him. no it's me. no it's him. no....

it has to be him!!! every time mc is swept away doing stuff for ppl he's all >:( - you know the expression, right? - and wants to drag her to his room and steal her attention all for himself.......i'd be clingy too but. he's equally as busy and i'd hate annoying him for attention....aaaaa.....

🌟: Who’s the tease in the relationship?

it's him. period. he's a bastard that has a good understanding of people and uses that to his advantage in his harmful, teasing little ways of driving you crazy and needy for him. he does it all, from simple things such as raising an object high over your head so you can't reach it to hitting you right in that one blind spot of your psyche that would make it feel so good to be honest with yourself when you refuse to say what you need out loud...

🖋: Who writes the other sappy poetry/cheesy love songs?

have you SEEN his stupid little self-insert love novel. he's cheesy!! he's all cheese!! have you seen his ingame LETTERS?? have you seen the scene where (well he lied but the intention is there) HE MAKES "PORTRAIT OF A SLEEPING NUNUCHE" ? he strikes me as a person who really wants to put his feelings into some creative form and gift it to his lover. which is good because, turns out im the same way *looks at my art and fics and playlists and*

💞: How do you both express affection?

acts of service and quality time are our mutual love languages!! in reality it would be hard for me to really express myself with my creative hobbies like i do now, so i imagine i'd rely on showing my love in other ways...such as doing things with him, paying attention to the things he loves doing and exploring new things with him, helping him out with whatever he needs help for if im capable, physical touch, giving him stuff that reminds me of him like song recs... as for him? i think pretty much the same, he's the type of person that wants to see you glow and meet your goals so he'll do his best to show you how much he wishes that for you and does his best to help you along the way!

💗: How do you two like to cuddle?

IN BED!! spooning so i can't escape unless he lets go.....

ASK ME MORE!!

#aaaa im so shy now.....#ask game

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ravenkinnie · 1 year

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(CW//blorbo vent)

THANK YOU so much for your and Lullaby's Jinx takes on that ask about age regression. It reminds me of the fans that like to say or talk ab her in a way that says she's mentally stuck as 12 yrs old or not to mention the infantilizing or just plain reductive views of her character (Literally seen someone say like 'Jinx never meant to hurt anyone!!' and im like... gurl....)

Its like fans say they love her for her complexity, but can't actually handle that complexity. Like, I guess it's because fans think by making Jinx mentally a child who has no idea what she's doing to make her less accountable for her crimes/cruelty? Because many want her character to have a chance to be salvaged/redeemed but ig the full measure of her complexity makes her character too ugly so fans reduce her character to make her more palatable

Or more typical answer is that severely mentally ill people are helpless, so thinking Jinx is mentally a child is easier to believe than that she's an adult who is skillfully capable in being cruel, dangerous, and using her unpredictability to her personal advantage.

Both are pretty bad and so many times I wish I can keep Jinx to myself from everyone sjdkd

(sorry for dumping this whole vent to you ive had this on my mind for longer than whats healthy😭)

gsgsbsbsj no I get you like I'm not gonna gatekeep jinx bc I would have to be abnormal to try and gatekeep a a character who's literally the face of the franchise but sometimes I see sth and I'm like. oh I'm about to have a villain arc

gdhdbbdhdhno I think jinxs cruelty and anger are often chalked up to her being traumatised the way you would explain away a toddler tantrum like how else are they supposed to act. but like jinx is an adult shdhhdjd she's aware of herself and her environment and she chooses some things while being primed and affected by others. like when people say they like her complexity it often gets reduced to her vulnerability and softness but that's not like, the whole jinx, yk. she's also cruel and angry and doesn't care about people beyond the two she sees as caretakers, she acts on impulses and emotions, she's egocentric and doesn't care about a bigger picture, like these are all nuanced aspects of jinx dhhdjsjsk she's not a rescue cat she's a person who will make her own choices, regardless of how bad her mental state is, like psychotic adults still deserve agency alongside compassion. down on her knees or up on the pedestal jinx will always just get reduced to a helpless shell of her canon character dhdjsjjsks

#asks #jinx

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somewhere-between-red-and-orange · 1 year

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I manifested a new album from my favorite band by writing an undertale fan fiction.

Here’s a little factoid about me you might not know I have a three days grace tattoo on my arm, It was on my arm at the time of writing somewhere between red and orange, my Undertale fanfiction. When this album first came out, I immediately bought the vinyl and the CD. I knew immediately that the comparison must have been too close to just be a coincidence. After many months of this album already being out I think im finally ready to post my theory. While I wrote this story with this tattoo on my arm, I helped manifest undertale imagery to the band members of three days grace, Caused them to be motivated to write a new album ( remember, this is during the course of a few years. When I started, they had just released outsider their album before ‘explosions’)

So to explain, Three Days Grace released an album called ‘Explosions’ around spring of last year. Each song was represented by a different soul color. With the color choice for the album cover being a very bright, red and orange fiery soul.

The album contains the song choice called “I am the weapon” which readers of the story will know Ember soul was in danger of becoming a weapon. Because if the monster kingdom had her on their side, her power would be enough to summon blizzard, a Cerberus capable of wiping out humans, planned to be used should there ever be another war, the need for leverage arises, Embers assistance would be requested. So in short, Ember (me) could utilize her soul, because her soul could power any weapon. (however it always requires her consent)

It’s ironic because the whole album talks about us being small when it comes to the entire universe.

The song, ‘souvenirs’ on the album, reminds me of how the monsters in the underground got their information from the items that appeared in waterfall.

Of course, I believe this album manifested to me in my life, and how I view objects as some thing that aren’t permanent enough to stress over but are important enough to respect as memories and moments in our lives. I will always be proud of my memories with Undertale, because writing this fanfiction about my beloved had become such a big part of my life, so much so I chose to go to college for creative Writing. I’m currently still working on my reworking of the story, so that I can rewrite and this time use all of the skill and polish I’ve learned here in college.

What have I learned from this album, created by Destiny just for me? It talks about the feelings we have as humans here on this earth, but most importantly, it speaks as it from my own personal triumphant perspective. The album with each song informed me of how powerful I am and told me of how strong and how i will always be the survivor and savior of my own life, not even once defeated because “There’s no way I’m giving up, cause it’s just not in my blood.” I knew getting that tattoo was the right choice, just like I knew the writing this story was the right choice too. Just look at what I’m capable of when I focus my effort.

Just look at the amazing power of love and effort that I have. I can do anything with the power I have. I can write a story about anyone and make it come true, but I guess it’s the power of being who I am, I can write my hopes and dreams into existence. By writing.

Overall TL;DR I wrote an Undertale fanfiction while I had a Three Days Grace tattoo on my arm. Then, two years later (a year into my complete reworking) the prior mentioned band, then came out with an album. The album cover art is an exact likeness to the symbol of my book series. (just like two hands holding an apple, is the imagery symbol for twilight). The album cover is ‘Ember’s’ (the main character in my story) soul. It is Almost identical to the very first image of Ember’s that first appeared in my fanfiction. (The image I’m referring to is that of my current icon: also posted as one of the first posts on this blog’s timeline.) Virtually identical to what Embers soul would have looked like before her betrayal lines or once healed from them. I manifested the album and heavily influenced the theme, of my favorite bands newest album.

Defense/clarification:

“Why could it only have been me?”

I write for an entire year with a three days grace tattoo on my arm, and Undertale fanfiction were the main characters soul was so similar looking to fire She was nicknamed ‘Ember’.

Then, two years later, TDG came out with this album.

“Isn’t a heart image too common to consider this more than a coincidence?”

Actually no, you see the world is equally an unbiasedly random. If the only evidence was just the album cover art being a fiery red heart alone, inclined to believe you. However, that was not the only evidence and the imagery in this album isn’t the only evidence either. It’s an every song, lyric and song, title and way the song is played. Not to mention, there’s more obvious evidence that relates and connects back to my story. The fact that ALL colors of souls used in Undertale, were also used for the album. Each color present in both the album and the game.

“But again why just you?”

Because you must consider all the evidence as a collective. It’s the perfect timing, the fact that I had this tattoo before during, and after the writing process. It’s the fact that I was writing a story where its imagery, directly correlated to the album, because the band chose to prioritize the Orange and red fiery heart color for the final album cover art.

“Do I think three days grace knows about this?”

No, I think this was more of an act of destiny and an act of God however, Spiritually, they may have been doing it on purpose which is really sweet.

I’d like to think they’re completely unaware of this. I knew where to find this album so it means I could have the opportunity to be made aware by the universe. A guiding light from all the gods telling me I’m on the right track.

#somewherebetweenredandorange #undertale #ao3 writer #three days grace #TDG #explosions #album #mysoulmatesloveme #kolerwasproudofme #showinghimhowarealqueenbehaves

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jinkicake · 1 year

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Trying to pull for my counterfeit joestar and he’s just not acting right😔 BUT YOU ARE SO RIGHT BUTING THAT STAR WOULD MAKE HIM BLUE SCREEN AND THEN ABSOLUTELY DESTROY YOU😩 I was just reading a thing about his clone fucking everywhere he can, like imagine albedo just muttering away at his desk and you come to bring him food bc fucking remember to eat and not overwork yourself 🙄 and he’s like “ that you I appreciate it, by the way can you help me with something?” And it’s him testing new potions on you😔 like if your the traveler he will be constantly dragging you into your teapot bc he can fuck you as loud as he wants there👀 I feel like he has a nice dick idk he was scientifically made to be perfect so his dick gotta be the same nice length with a good girth that makes you stare in shock like “ this mf was just hiding that??” I do adore unhinged possessive albedo who will fuck you in-front of his clone to show that your his and into he can fuck you like this…. BUT IM FOR THE STREETS SO IM PLACEING MYSELF INTO HIS AND KAEYA’S CAPABLE HANDS🥰 like they’re so mean bc kaeya likes to tease you and albedo is like how can He make you unravel the fastest. Like kaeya telling bc you how good you are and how well your taking him and albedo using his mouth to absolutely break you and he is gunna stare you dead in the eyes the whole time he sucks at eye contact any other time but when he’s fucking you he wants to see evey face you make. This mf the type to a look at you and slide it in slow

“ your doing so well for me love,just keep taking it for me.”

Like he makes people flustered on purpose bc he’s brutally honest and doesn’t get social cues so your teasing himself like “awwww you starring pretty hard, you like what you se😏” he will look you DEAD IN THE FUCKING EYE without missing a beat and be like

“ yes I do, seeing you like this makes me want to take you over that table right now and make you cum until your crying 😐”

And you’re sitting there slack jawed like,,,, hello?? And when you turn into a human tomato he’s like “??? You asked??? Is it not appropriate to talk about my desires?” DGDHDJ like he’s so open and honest you don’t need to guess what he’s thinking bc he will just say shit. Rip if you try and seduce him bc he will either not get it, get it and completely ignore you to see how far you will go, or sigh, get up from his desk and put your legs over his shoulders and just keep going until your begging him to slow down trying to grab his hands that are gripping your waist for dear life and this little shit will just smile and say” isn’t this what you asked for? You’ll take everything I have to give you” like possibly a breeding kink??👀just more about filling you up and watching it drip out of you. Like albedo is NASTY I can tell oh my god my chest hurts😭 he will do shit that has you covering your face bc where tf did he learn that?? Once again inviting Kaeya over to help you go dumb, like he knows Kaeya has the height so you can have a size kink as a treat🥰🥰 but since he’s not coming home I’m just gunna eat out sucrose infront of him while he’s like tied to a chair like nah you can’t get get anything bc your bad😤😤

omg how many wishes have you spent already? YOU STILL HAVE TIMEEEEEE!!!

theres just something abt albedo and his clone mmmmm,,,, hehehe like yes to fucking the clone and super yes to albedo getting jealous and hate-fucking because of his jealousy of the clone.... yeah! (that kinda reminds me of the xiaos..... kinda need to get raw dogged by both of them tbh)

DO NOTTTTT COME HERE TALKING TO ME ABOUT FUCKING KAEYA AND ALBEDO AT THE SAME TIME bc i will become the nastiest person on the planet..... there's just something about them sighhh

your albedo is so cute, i honestly never thought too much about him other than his ties to khaenriah but now im starting to understand the albedo love.... i truly am... from an albedo lore stan to an albedo love stan..... wow

nawrrrr albedo is NASTY i know he enjoys finishing inside and he literally cums buckets LMFAOOOOOO like it would be everywhere and he'd be so fascinated w it and probably would end up fingering it back into you.... you know,,,, for science~

also i knowwwww hed probs lose his mind in that chair LMAO like RIP the ties and break it.... ooooooh-

#sarahandoikawatalkshit #xiaos spicy almond tofu

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oflgtfol · 2 years

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this post is LONG it is a wall of words and it is very disjointed because im just typing as i think. and i would rewrite it to be more comprehensible but, again, it's a wall of words, i certainly don't want to put more effort into rewriting it, lol

now that i've been reminded of ringing bell, honestly, i feel like that's my ideal sith master&apprentice dynamic.

like, at least anything involving palpatine really, annoys me so badly because it's like. the whole teacher and student dynamic is on the backburner when focusing entirely on the sheer abuse of it all and it's just like. there's nothing but hatred and violence like why even bother with the teacher student stuff then. like what is going on. if you just want to take this person and squeeze the life and light out of them to make them a hatred-fueled monster, then like, why even bother teaching them literally anything along the way? i mean, i guess the point for palpatine, is to teach them enough to become a tool and extension of your own power, without teachign them enough to eventually overthrow you, but like. the whole point of the rule of two is that the apprentice WILL eventually overthrow the master and it's just like. what is the point, then, of ever teaching them at all, if you understand that in taking this person as your fucking up student, they're going to eventually kill you over it. like it's just so weird and pointless. like the unhealthy violence of it all is just SO extreme to where it renders the teacher aspect of it irrelevant

but, say, take a dynamic like in ringing bell. forgive me i havent seen this movie in at least 5 years. but like, the wolf kills the sheep's mom, and thus sends the kid into a revenge-bent spiral, where he then goes to the wolf to learn how to fight in order to one day kill the wolf, and the wolf for some reason agrees. and it's like, a horrific experience for the sheep kid, and he grows into this thing that barely even resembles a sheep anymore, and he eventually kills the wolf. like it's a fucked up cycle of violence but underlying that is some sort of twisted version of affection that had the wolf proud of the sheep for becoming someone capable of killing, and had the sheep still hesitant to kill the wolf in the end until it was inevitable, despite the killing of his mom and the years of violence under his tutelage. like it was a fucked up dynamic with a cycle of violence but with some version of affection to it anyway.

now like, take that type of dynamic, apply it to the sith? the sith, doing evil deeds in order to get their hands on their new apprentice? the new apprentice falls and joins them but only in order to enact their revenge on their master one day? both of them knowing that one day the apprentice will usurp the master, but still having their own fucked up version of affection despite that. like idk. i just think that's way more compelling than palpatine's 'YIPPIE I CARE ABOUT LITERALLY NO ONE OTHER THAN MYSELF DESPITE EVERYTHING I HAVE POURED INTO RAISING THIS SINGLE APPRENTICE." like whats so fucked up about anakin and palpatine in particular is how paternal palpatine had been to anakin in order to get him to fall in the first place and then just turns on a dime? like there's zero paternal stuff going on later? imagine if they had the fucked up dynamic of vader & palpatine but still with that barest element of a paternal relationship. imagine seeing this twisted version of what they had prior to the fall - like obviously even in the beginning it was twisted bc it was palpatine grooming + manipulating anakin since he was 9 years old - but at least at the beginning it was a hidden motive, and anakin believed it to be genuine. i just find it hard to believe that you spend over a decade grooming this young kid into becoming your fascist heir and you dont feel even the SLIGHTEST OUNCE of genuine affection for him? even if the affection is entirely born of malice and evilness, like, you cannot tell me that all he feels is coldhearted detached "i'm using you as a tool for my future use, you are an investment" energy ???? not even some grim, twisted satisfaction over taking over obi-wan's place in anakin's life / winning anakin over to his side and turning him against obi-wan? like, nothing at all? nothing but using anakin as an investment?? despite the fact anakin had been his longest term investment with the highest stakes, he feels NOTHING? like im just so. AGH

so like idk i just think it'd be more compelling if they did have some elements of sincere emotion to it, with those emotions being very fucked up but still better than the absolute coldhearted "you're my tool to power" and "im gonna kill you one day." isnt it more compelling to have a fucked up evil shadow of the grandfatherly mentor + lonely kid dynamic they had originally, where they're now Sith Master & Apprentice but like with an emphasis on the fucked up evil version of being teacher and student. like just turning it into torture porn with nothing but malice and detached violence is so boring. screams

tl;dr palpatine is boring as all fucking hell. god damn i wish he experienced a single human emotion beyond greed or whatever his motivation is because it gets so boring so fast. you cannot tell me this man hasnt felt a single sincere ounce of affection for literally ANYTHING ???? like is there anything or anyone he genuinely sincerely likes, enjoys? without an ulterior motive of using it to manipulate someone else or gain more power? apparently not, so!!! just imagine how much more compelling he could be as a villain if he did, in fact, feel an ounce of sincere affection for his fucked up little apprentice, especially because that sincere affection, while sincere, would still be utterly evil in motive and origin, and would only be used to further tighten his hold on anakin/vader

#brot posts #sw posting #this post could probably be half the length or even shorter if i was just more concise and not word vomiting everywehre #but alas. whatever.#its my blog i get to post whatever nonsense i want to #i am also like. insanely tired so theres maybe that as well

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agirldying · 2 years

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recently ive been practicing feeling my emotions as in noticing the sensations in my body when i'm feeling intensely and it's just been so difficult. my trauma has affected my relationship with my body as i'm sure most people can relate to and i have spent so much time ignoring the fact that i have a body and ignoring bodily sensations as a way cope with my ptsd and ED which are very closely intertwined. anyway ive been getting better at it, at being able to say what is happening with my body when strong emotions are present, but it seems like the more in tune i'm becoming with my body, the more i start to dissociate? like especially when i'm having a ptsd episode and the emotions/thoughts are trauma fueled and im taking the time to breathe and notice any sensations. i start to experience some dissociation and i get it like my brain has worked so hard to protect me from those feelings and thoughts and memories and it's freaking out because im trying to let myself experience them because im in a place where i feel safe doing this and it's something i practice with my therapist too. but i wasn't experiencing the dissociation like this when i first started and i guess it makes sense because the deeper you dive into trauma work, the more this stuff comes up, and it gets even harder. but i am proud of myself because i'm doing really hard work and i have curated so many tools and skills that help me when i'm having these experiences and i really do trust myself that i am capable and safe doing this hard work. feeling safe to do it is such a huge thing and it's almost a euphoric feeling because i never thought i'd feel safe in my own head while allowing myself to fully embrace my pain because dissociation can feel really scary. there was no specific point to this, just a brain dump, and i just want someone to hear that i'm making progress because i feel like it often goes unnoticed by those around me because so much of it is internal. so yeah! i wish you and all of your followers so much love and compassion and a reminder that your experiences are valid and real and you are allowed to and ENCOURAGED to celebrate any victories, no matter the size, throughout your healing process.

Hey anon,

Especially as someone who is still struggling with dissociation, I'm really glad to hear about the progress you're making, and thank you for sharing this! I hope I can get to a similar place soon. Also thank you for what you said to me and my followers, those are extremely important affirmations to share!

#text #asks #trauma #ptsd #tw #vent #trauma vent #dissociation #cptsd

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demonrat444 · 1 month

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I gotta rant for a second. I have HAD IT with self-help books specifically marketed to women! I. HATE. THEM. I'm so sick of the constant girlbossification of everything marketed towards women since 2018, and I don't need anyone to tell me I can do anything I set my mind to because guess what? I ALREADY FUCKING KNOW THAT! IM FULLY AWARE IM COMPLETELY CAPABLE OF DOING AND BEING ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO! Big time hyper independence queen! I don't need to be constantly reminded I have an inner goddess girl boss and I need to unlock her, SHES BEEN HERE ALL THIS TIME! I wanna give her a rest and time to put her feet up! I need a book to tell me how to rest and allow others do things for me without feeling like I'm a burden and that I might as well just do it for myself so i make sure its done how I want. I'm a cis woman who's been working blue collar jobs since about 17, and now I'm 27 and a full time student. I've been living and working a lifestyle that's so masculine, so boys club, and so rough and tough for so long I've almost forgotten what femininity feels like to me and I feel like an outsider to my own community, it fucking SUCKS BIG TIME. I need a crash course on how to soften up, not how to find self worth.

TLDR: yes to finding femininity, no to hyper independence, boys clubs, and girl bossification.

#sorry for the long ass rant #demon rats demon rants

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ilovehimmore · 10 months

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Sorryyy I came into this appl by accident but now I want bubble tea. Hahahahaha! Maybe I do need medicine. But "nahh" need is a strong word.

"you watch."

Love is a big big word, potato.

Hah... Did you know? I always thought you were cute. Your voice is very cute, potato. And I'm not making any attempt to hide my identity in this post. You know, I thought you were a wonderful person. You probably still are. But I wanted to meet you. Really. I wanted to see you, I really thought you were very very cute.

I don't know. I don't know at this point, I don't know who you are and who I am and who I thought you were and who I think I am and why I suddenly thought of you

But you're cute.

You and jas. Jasper was ok. Idk. Things were very messy, he seemed meaner than you. You seemed like the nicer one. But maybe y'all are the same. I'm not sure. Y'all would know each other better, probably.

And then mango. I don't know. Things are messy. He was cute. I always thought he was cute. Probably just like the rest of y'all. Y'all are all cute in the same way. Just cute. To me I don't see much else except cute, innocent, naive. Hah... Maybe I'm the evil one here. I'm sorry.

I think I know what I did. I can't remember. My head blocked it all out. I think I really liked you, probably. I wanted physical affection, probably. I thought of it a lot. But when I was near you, I wanted to gag. But that was probably just me. Not because of you.

That was what spoiled everything, our friendship, or potential relationship right? It was because of me. I didn't realize what I was doing. I was trying to push you away when it was me I was trying to push away. In a lot of ways, you reminded me of... A twisted version of myself. In a good way. I wasn't sure I liked that. But I know I'm not too into myself. I find myself awfully annoying. Which was what I saw in you.

When I think about myself, or after traumatic (?) events, I tend to not have any appetite. I tend to want to throw up, even the smallest spoonfuls of rice--i couldn't bring myself to eat it. I would hardly eat, skip basically every meal, and never be hungry.

Gag reflex for trauma basically. I guess that activated when you got too near. When you came up to me, getting a little too close, I already had the end in mind. I knew we weren't going to last. Either you leave me, or I leave you first. I chose the latter. I didn't want to get hurt. It seems stupid, but even now, I'm not sure I would've changed my answer. Being with you makes me feel like throwing up. But being with anyone makes me feel like throwing up. I don't know. I really don't know. It's not your fault. I know its mine. But I've taken the blame for so many things that I don't wknow what I am anymore.

Do you know? I used to, no, I always eat at night whenever I want to stay up late. When I'm eating, you can't ask me to sleep. I'm hungry. So, over time, I would keep eating and drinking just to have a reason to stay awake. I don't even know if I'm hungry or not nowadays. Sometimes I just eat cuz my mouth feels too empty. My stomach is still full, I can feel it. But it's so wrong to just do something, without eating. Sorry, I should be doing math right now. Stupid.

Hah... I'm not me. I'm gentle. I'm nice. I can think on the spot quickly. I'm confident. I'm capable. I can handle everything and anything.

Yet now im

I, i um i dont know

I'm not me right now. I want to be, tho.

Go have fun with your who-now. I can't believe it but I'm somehow mad at that too. You're not mine to keep but I want to possess you. Stupid, right? I push you away but don't want anyone else close to you. I think you should take a break, a good long break, away from me. I know deep down I care about you. But my head is too clouded and noisy for my heart to speak.

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cristianfaun · 1 year

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wattpad extracts

i dont have AO3 because im way lower than dirt.

but i vent on wattpad too, so ill take some of my favorites bits.

“forever fat”

Always fat, forever fat; not that you can't lose the weight, but the way you felt, the way others made you feel will always stay there.

I have always been fat, since my birth, i will probably die fat, but you see, I'm tired of it.

And i know this feel is known by others by so many others, because since I'm fat i was the dummy on gym class, because I'm fat i was the dare of "go say they're pretty", because I'm fat I'm the ugly, the unlovable, the useless, the weak and lazy.

And I'm so tired of it, because you see, bulimia is not the answer but i just feel like i don't even deserve to eat at all, and i still do, like what kind of assholes just goes and pukes what they ate? Just don't eat and give your food for someone else.

I deserve this self hate, i deserve these feelings, and idk why i do. But it just is this way and I'm tired of it.

No, i can't love my fat, and dear god knows i will hate my body if get skinny, because it will no longer be my body, but is what I must do.

I must lose weight, for my health. Because I'm fat I'm pre-diabetic, because I'm fat I'm depressed, because I'm fat I'm anxious, because I'm fat I'm ugly and self-conscious.

Because I'm fat i must go to the gym where i keep lying about my tiredness just to prove I'm capable of being strong.

Because I'm fat i must dress one way or another just to show or not show my fat in a aesthetically pleasing way.

Because I'm fat must stay cool with this feelings and this pressure.

And maybe if it wasn't by my fat aunt, by my fat parents, by my fat family it wouldn't hurt so much, you would think that since we're all fat we would love each other and know we're worthy no matter our weight, but no.

I wish I were enough.

And I'm tired of it.

“I cannot hate you but i wish I didn't resent you”

I still remember when my mother proudly said she was not a lovely mother to me on therapy, she said she never showed love trough words or gifts but works of service, and truly i can't remember a single time you did something truly out of love for me.

Did you love me when you brushed my hair so hard i were crying and you threw the hairbrush to the floor so hard i thought you were gonna hit me?

Did you love me when you yelled at me while hitting me so hard my legs were sore and red for the rest of the day?

Did you love when you complained about every single thing you did for me?

Did you love me when i tried to help and you yelled at me for being useless?

I remember you crying making my dad ask me if I hated you, and i can't hate you, i could never do such thing, but I'm done with loving you, at least i were, i felt a lot of guilt and gratitude for all you did, but i didn't love you, i couldn't love someone like you.

Someone so much like me.

“anger”

I'm not an angry person. I don't think i am. Neither do I really explode but implode.

Don't take me wrong i would not do anything, I'm too much of a coward to do it.

But sometimes i can't help it.

I guess it just reminds me of home, and i want you to break my nose, so i can bite your finger off.

I don't get angry about dumb things, like people being late, or something being slow.

But I'm also done with being done dirty, to my past self, to my present and especially to who i love.

You don't get to say how I felt or how i feel about my past, that's my thing to decide, and you won't call me childish, neither will you make fun of who i was, because i did that and everyone did that too, and I'm done.

I'm done with hating myself just to not hate them.

I'm just waiting for the first punch...

I grew up feeling like a rabid dog

Turns out I'm really one just waiting for the moment i can bite.

“forgive me”

Not here on this church Not here with them I must run I must run away And pray to the god I stopped beliving in To never come back And leave my parents alone For i waited long enough To have this calm

But here in this church While I try not to flinch when my mother puts her hand on my leg Knowing well If I leave I ain't coming back I won't have were to come back I fear you father I fear you mother I fear your god That both of you taught me Is cruel Egocentric And like you Like both of you

And here while the priest says

"God will never leave you"

I cry like Mary once did "He nevera was here" "He didn't kill me when I prayed for it" "He was the excuse to hit me"

"If god is love, I don't want this love"

Fuck off

I'm leaving now

“untitled”

Im not home. There's no place I could call home. In this house with people that hate such an important of me. I wonder if I can leave and never come back I want to cry my eyes out I want to yell at my parents By my life I want to make them cry Like they made me cry All those years telling me I'm a monster Well it's finally true And oh, I hunger for pain And revenge Oh I hunger for blood Oh I hunger I hunger for so much hate And if I get the option to get just drunk enough I will do it just now, leave and go back to my house, with my dog, with my cat And leave

#vent #poetry #sad thoughts #trauma

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