#because i lost my mom at a young age and even before then

[sunflower-lilac42]

✧ 𝐔𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | the hughes brothers ♔

summary: the hughes brothers are made aware of everything they’ve missed in their little sister’s career and everything she hasn’t in theirs.

warnings: feelings of being unwanted, siblings missing important things

notes: part two of 'unwanted feelings'. this takes place at the end of the 25-26 season/she’s one year younger than Luke. i love this so much! i'm so glad you guys have been liking my fics especially my hockey ones. i have had so much motivation and i'm excited for break so i can write more.

part one (unwanted feelings) | nhl masterlist | main masterlist

This is where she drew the line. It sucked, it really did. She thought they weren’t even going to make it. It was her college graduation and her parents had broken the news of the possibility of the three not being there, scheduling conflict so there was nothing they could do.

It was the playoffs and both the Devils and Canucks were contenders with a good chance of making it. She knew this from the beginning of April. But now that it wa sso close to graduation, she knew there was a chance they weren’t going to make it. And if they did, there was a chance they’d have to leave right after the ceremony.

All of her life she’s always said to herself that it was okay and that it wasn’t their fault. And she knew they had no control over which days they played and whether or not they won or lost, it was a team. But deep down, she wanted to blame them. She wanted to blame them for being good at hockey, she wanted to blame them for being first round picks, she wanted to blame them for being apart of good teams, she wanted to blame them for everything. Yet, that wasn’t who she was. 

She pushed all of those thoughts aside because they were her brothers. She wanted them to have everything they wanted. She couldn’t possibly be mad at them, but right now, she was fuming.

She stood with her friends waiting to walk out into Michigan Stadium for her last time. She was a nervous ball of energy and she couldn’t help but look at her phone constantly to see the text from their parents to say they made it. 

Walking out into the stadium in her graduation gown and cap, y/n’s nervousness didn’t ease. What if she tripped? What if she messed up her speech? What if she made a complete and utter fool of herself? What if they weren’t here?

She sat on the stage they had made waiting to say her speech and she looked out into the audience, not really listening to the words that the president said. Her watch buzzed and she tried to be discreet about reading it, ‘They just got here.’

She scanned the crowd seeing he rmothers words even though she knew that the possibility of her seeing them was slim to none. She continued to wait impatiently and before she knew it she was standing up and making her way over to the podium. 

In the stadium seats, Jack sat next to his mom and leaned over, “I didn’t know she was giving a speech.”

Ellen shrugged and said something with an underlying meaning, “Maybe if you were around a bit more you’d know more things.” Jack furrowed his eyebrows and pulled back from her, he tried to think of some reason on why she would say that but came up empty. 

Ellen knew y/n’s speech inside and out and she knew what was coming. Her daughter amde her sit on the phone with her as she read it and revised it for almost a month straight. She could give the speech herself at this point. She watched her daughter play with her fingers nervously before setting them on the podium and flipping through her notecards that she told her that she didn’t need but she didn’t listen anyways, making sure that if she forgot it she had them.

“From a young age, I had always been labeled the outcast. It started out as a joke in my family and eventually more and more people recognized it. Hockey was a big deal in my family from my parents to my older brothers but ran out when it got to me. I have no talent on the ice, I always slept and fell, causing me to be somewhat scared of it. 

“That’s where the label came from. ‘How could such a talented, atheltic family include you in it?’ My mom and dad always told me differently. I was talented, just on the field in a non athletic way instead of the ice. I found my home in the band room where all the other outcast and loners fit in. It wasn’t always a big deal for me.

“I spent most days of my life in a hockey arena. The blue and red lines engraved into my mine that I couldn’t forget them even if I tried. I sat next to my mom as I watched my brothers score goals, get assists, get checked into the boards that I wasn’t phased when it happened anymore. I was always there for them.

“I was there for the big moments; when Quinn got drafted to Vancouver, when Jack and Luke got drafted to New Jersey. I was there for each of their debuts, when Quinn and Jack played each other for the first time. I was there for the smaller achievements; the games no one else cared about when they were 12, 10, and 8. When they got a medal for participation, when they got a trophy for their team winning in a peewee hockey league. 

“I don’t remember the games I went to, I remember the games I didn’t go to. The ones where Jack fell on the ice, the one where Luke got shoved into the boards and Jack had some- choice words we can say, Quinn’s first game as captain, Quinn’s first win as captain.” Y/n had to stop herself from crying before she moved on.

“The one where the three made history of all three playing each other and I had a panic attack because I was worried that they would be mad at me because I wasn’t there so they spent two hours on the phone with me to calm me down. Those are what I remember.”

Ellen eyed her sons to see both sad and happy expressions on their faces. She knew these next words were going to tear them down.

“But what I also remember are the concerts that they never went to because they had just gotten home from practice or from a game and they were too tired. I didn’t mind, the concerts weren’t as important to me as they were. I moved on. I remember the football games that they didn’t go to because it was friday night and they would rather be somewhere else than watching their little sister play in a high school marching band at a high school football game. I moved on, who cares about high school football anyways.

“I remember my senior night that they weren’t there because they were at school or in the NHL and they had better and bigger things to do. I moved on because their careers were more important. I remember my last concert in high school that they weren’t because of the same reasons. I moved on like I always do.

“When I got to University of Michigan, it was a different story. I met my best friend, y/f/n and I realized that no matter everyone who missed these things there was always somebody there that I cared about there. My parents were at every concert they could be at. My parents were at every football game, at every showcase, at every talent show I was in. 

“Y/f/n was there for my college concerts, though I don’t know if she was really there for me or for her boyfriend but I still count it.” This elicits laughs from the crowd and y/n could hear her best friend laughing even from where she stood, “She was there at the football games with a custom jersey with ‘Hughes’ on the back, my name under it so everyone knew that it was me she was cheering for, and my favorite number on it.

“She was there to listen to me complained about being out of tune everyday and hating the way I played during a class. She was there when I had practice claiming that she had no one to hang out with and that she didn’t mind sitting in a room for hours listening to me mess up time and time again. She was there for everything.

“University of Michigan is where I found my home, where I found the true meaning of friendship, where I wasn’t just some outcast of my family just because I couldn’t skate on ice. University of Michigan taught me how to love myself for being different, albeit my parents helped in that too. University of Michigan is where I made the friends that I know will be there for me through anything and everything. This college is where I found my place. And I will forever be grateful for it.

“This was a story I hadn’t told anyone in my life. I didn’t want anyone to get any hate from it because I loved, and still do love them. It wasn’t their fault tehy had a game, it wasn’t their fault they had practice, it wasn’t their fault they were good at hockey, it wasn’t there fault they got drafted. They were simply being them and I was simply being me. A girl who loved her family despite everything. And I am still that little girl.

“But deep down is the girl who got crushed everytime she looked up into the audience or the stands and didn’t see those three faces looking back at me. But it’s okay, I moved on. I moved on to become what I am today, and I couldn’t be more grateful for those moments.” She didn’t want to end the speech on a sad note, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Yet, in the back of her mind there was something nagging at her to say more, so she did. 

“I’m not someone who likes quotes, but I have to admit I didn’t know how to write this speech. I turned to google for my help and they said to put a quote in here. I think some quotes, mostly the famous ones, are overused and cringy. But my favorite hockey, besides my mom, is Wayne Gretzky. And no, this isn’t the famous ‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’. This is a quote that I had found when trying to write this speech, one where I wouldn’t have done this if it wasn’t for him saying it. 

“Wayne Gretzky, one of the greatest, if not the greatest, hockey players to ever live, once said, ‘Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy’. And it’s true, telling this story right here, right now has lifted a weight off my chest I didn’t even know I had. I want to say one last thank you to the University of Michigan for these psat four years and giving me a load of new friends.”

Y/n waved her hand as she finished and walked back to her seat listening to the applause and light cheers from the crowd with a smile on her face. 

Jim and Ellen eyed them throughout the speech but when they took this last glance at them they saw the three of them with tears either falling or still in their eyes. The boys truly didn’t mean to make their sister feel like this, they didn’t want their sister to feel like this. And this was entirely their fault. 

✧༺✎༻∞

When the ceremony finished, the graduates exited and so did everyone else. Parents and families running about trying to find their kids. Y/n stood with her friends and took pictures with them, taking pictures of them with their family when asked to. She didn’t mind waiting for anyone and in reality, she wasn’t ready to face her brothers just yet. 

It took 20 minutes to find her. Getting out of Michigan stadium wasn’t easy any time they were in there and this was no exception. Y/n was standing by her best friend when they found her. They were laughing and talking about something completely random when Jack came up and hugged her. 

She jumped in surprise when she felt the boy hug her, turning around and hugging him back, “Hey Jack. Nice job last night.”

Y/n held a smile on her face but when Jack pulled back and she saw the tears not only in his eyes but her other brothers as well, it dropped. She turned to y/b/f and waved her off with a nod of reassurance and she walked away. 

“What’s wrong?” Ellen and Jim stepped away to give their children some space as they talked. 

“We’re sorry.” Quinn spoke, stepping in front of his two brothers. 

“For what?” Y/n was genuinely confused. When she wrote that speech she never really thought about how her brothers would feel. 

“What do you mean ‘for what’?” Jack asked in his all too familiar sassy tone.

“Jack. What we mean is that we’re sorry for everything that we have done, or well didn’t do. We’re sorry we didn’t go to your concert, or games, ro your senior night. We don’t really have an excuse.”

“It’s okay you guys, it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m just glad you were able to make it today.”

“It might not bother you, but it bothers us y/n/n. We’ve missed so many of your achievements and we didn’t even think about how it impacted you.”

“Guys, I promise you it’s okay. Now if you missed my graduation, there would’ve been some hands thrown.”

The three let out laughs, tears still somewhat in their eyes and the thoughts still eating them up. They didn’t biy her words but for this moment, they didn’t wnat to bring it up. It was supposed to be a happy day and right now y/n seemed happy, she was happy, and they didn’t want to ruin it.

Seeing the four of them give each other hugs, their parents walked back over to give their daughter hugs as well. They took pictures much like every other graduate and their family here. They went out to dinner at y/n’s favorite restaurant and talkd about random nonesense. 

These feelings that y/n had harbored for years were finally uncovered and she couldn’t be more happier and prouder than herself for doing it.

𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

if your name is crossed out it means i couldn't tag you

@jasminecaskry85 | @lilyevanswhore

#sunny lune writes #hockey #nhl #quinn hughes #luke hughes #jack hughes #qh43 #lh43 #jh86 #quinn hughes x sister!reader #luke hughes x sister!reader #jack hughes x sister!reader #quinn hughes x reader #luke hughes x reader #jack hughes x reader #hughes brothers #hughes brothers x sister!reader #hughes brothers x reader #vancouver #vancouver canucks #canucks #new jersey #new jersey devils #nj devils #devils

[jkslipppiercing]

Bumblebee teaser | jjk

• summary: Jeon Jungkook was your high school bully. What are you gonna do when your parents are forcing you to marry him as the country's most well-known CEO?

• pairing: ceo!jk x reader, high school bully!jk (more to come in upcoming chapters cuz i dont wanna spoil anything.)

• genre: enemies to lovers, slowburn, high school bully to lover, arranged marriage, CEO/billionare romance, marriage of convenience.

• warnings: a little cursing, not much since it's a teaser, more to come in upcoming chapters.

• WC: 0.99k

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index.

previous/next

Mythical; his beauty one of pure magnificence. Who is he? Who does he work for? What’s his name? What does he do for a living?  Well, considering where you were, it wasn’t that hard to guess.

Your father is the CEO of HG Enterprise. A company worth over 2 billion dollars- as he had mentioned before- which is pretty impressive for a lingerie business. After the mentioned company had passed a milestone just two days ago, your father wanted to plan an event in honor of celebrating 50 years of HG. He claims the company as his baby, and it’s only fair to go all out on a party, just like this one.

Over 10,000 people have come to this celebration, and you, as the CEO's daughter, are responsible for keeping the guests company. Surely, your parents’ task is harder because greeting 10,000 people isn’t as easy as it sounds. For goodness sake, it doesn’t even sound possible!

Your night would’ve been more interesting had the guests been more intriguing. They either go on about their mansions with great pride over their money, or they utter bad dad jokes all the time. Just as your mother calls your name for the third time, you’re jolted out of your trance by an arm elbowing you in the gut.

“Y/N! Mom has called your name 3 times by now!” Your younger brother hurriedly sputters.

“First of all, ow…”, You rub the side of your ribs where your brother just elbowed you and glare at him. He smiles sheepishly in return, and says, “Sorry about that. You weren’t answering me, and why was that anyway?” his brows scrunch in confusion.

“I…um…I was lost in thought.” Yeah right. More like salivating over that hotshot guy you’ve been staring at this whole time- your brother doesn’t need to know that though. He looks at you unconvinced, his brows raised in question. “Never mind. Where’s mom?”

You’re making your way to your mother when your phone chimes with a new notification. You reach for your purse to fish your phone out- slam!

You screw your eyes shut and get ready for the impact of your butt hitting the cold marble floor, but instead, you feel a hand snake around your waist. As he pulls you towards him, the position has you flush against his body as your breath gets caught in your throat at the sensation. You open your eyes to be met with…oh my god!

You scramble to push yourself away from the guy when you lose your footing, and almost kiss the floor, again. He grabs your waist more firmly this time, pulls you to him, and chuckles.

“We wouldn’t want a beauty like you on the floor tonight, would we?” his breath fans over your ear as he whispers.

Your face flushes with major embarrassment as you try to conceal it with your hands. His hand leaves your waist only to circle around your wrists and pull your hands down. He then brushes a stray strand away from your face and tucks it behind your ear as he places distance between the both of you.

He offers his hand in greeting, “I’m Jeon Jungkook, CEO of Jeon Modeling Agency. Pleasant to make your acquaintance.” Jeon Jungkook? THE Jeon Jungkook? You’re fucked. So, utterly, fucked.

Jeon Jungkook became a CEO at the young age of 27. Only a year older than you, but he was still capable of managing a modeling company on his own after his dad’s unfortunate passing. With his late father no longer around to direct him, he was on his own, yet his decisions concerning the evolution of the mentioned company put the agency at an impressive top 10 in the country. Not only was the man in front of you the CEO of one of the most remarkable agencies in the world, but he was also your high school bully. You couldn’t recognize him at all, and all the previous attraction you had towards him dissipated into thin air.

“Y/L/N Y/N. That ring a bell, bumblebee?” The nickname dripped poisonous venom as it rolled off your tongue.

Blood drained from Jungkook’s face as his smirk dropped. All evidence from his earlier flattery evaporated, leaving him glaring at you. If looks could kill, you’d be 6 feet under.

Bumblebee was a nickname he bullied you with in high school. From day 1, he saw you wearing bumblebee socks, and the nickname stuck with you all the way. In class, in the hallways, just everywhere, and in front of everyone, he always used it to address you. You hated it, but nevertheless, he would still use it to pick on you every single day throughout the whole school year. You used to plead with him to stop using it, but he wouldn’t budge. Nothing worked. He would never stop picking on you, and you’ve always hated him for it.

Just as you're indulging in the glare-off between you and jungkook, your mom interrupts; "Oh, Y/N! I suppose you've already met Jungkook?" She smiles as she gives jungkook a once-over and looks at you right after.

You come back to your senses as you nod at your mom. "I have, and i already wish i hadn't-" Jungkook cuts you off as he turns towards Mrs. Y/L/N and beams at her, "You look beautiful tonight, Mrs. Y/L/N. Y/N must take after you!"

Your mother swoons over Jungkook's words, completely ignoring your previous comment.

"Why, thank you, young man! I trust she'll be in good hands..." Your mother glances at you then hesitates, "I suppose you haven't mentioned the 'big surprise' to Y/N yet, have you?"

What "big surprise"?

"What are you talking about?" You take turns glancing at Jungkook and your mom. You scrunch your brows in confusion. Your mother never mentioned anything about a surprise, and what does Jungkook out of all people have to do with it?

What on earth?

"Y/N, you and Jungkook are getting married in 6 months."

What. The. Fuck?

next

#jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook ff #bts fanfiction #enemies to lovers #jungkook x reader #jjk

[bafvkun]

I just feel like talking about how deep Mikayu’s bound runs don’t mind me (HEAVY spoilers ahead).

Lets get this straight : i don’t care if you ship them or not (even if you would be a fool not to) but no one can deny that they’re literal soulmates and I’m gonna show you exactly why.

Yu and Mika were ALWAYS bound to find each other and reunite. I’m not saying that because I’m delusional it’s literally canon. Their relationship is as old as dinosaurs and once again : this is canon.

Yu (or should I say Mika but like whatever if you didn’t read the scans it would take an eternity to explain) was literally created for Mika. The sole purpose of his existence was to look after Mika and be his only friend. Since day one they were ment for each other.

They swore on every stars and defied fate itself that they will always found each other again no matter how many times they die or get taken away from the other in a way or another, no matter their race, age or era.

There I was talking about the first versions of them, but let’s talk about the main one, the one we all know in the anime and throughout the whole manga, Yuichiro and Mikaela Hyakuya.

Mika was the first one in this life to get Yu to open his heart, to make him accept his fate and push him to make the best of it. Yu was just a traumatized child that almost got killed by his own parents yet Mika made him feel like he belonged somewhere, he showed him that family wasn’t always meant to be bound with blood.

When Yu lost Mika it was like he lost all hopes, for the longest time Yu was suicidal, already from young age and this loss just made him feel so much worse. Yes the loss of his whole new family, including Akane and the kids was bad for him, but deep down what truly broke them was the loss of one another.

Years later they reunited, Mika like Yu both changed deeply because of their own experiences and yet their relationship stayed unchanged. Just the dynamic between them switched, Yu was now the one to convince Mika that he could trust his new family (Glenn and his own squad).

One day my mom told me « if when you reunite with a long lost friend and it feels like not even a day has passed, then it’s real friendship » and it’s been proven to me that this is true, Mikayu being yet another exemple of this.

As a vampire Mika doesn’t feel much anymore, it’s said loud and clear that turning into a vampire takes away from you any vulnerability, any love or lust. Yet Mika feels so vividly for Yu, it runs so much deeper than his own nature. His loyalty towards him is beyond any words could ever describe.

And it’s also so damn obvious how Mika is just so grumpy with anyone but smiles whenever Yu is around. He didn’t smile for anyone else than him throughout the manga, Yu is his literal everything, he is the only one that brings him peace and joy.

Now we skip forward a bit, Yu and Mika are in a deadly situation and against everything Mika dies. First let’s get the obvious out of the way, his last words were « Yu, I love you. ». I mean. There’s nothing more straightforward than that.

But then, when a vampire dies he becomes a demon, so of course Yu had to take him as his cursed weapon. So that’s exactly what he did, after so much struggle that I will pass here he finally got to talk with Mika and have a contract with him.

But the thing is when a vampire dies and becomes a demon he loses all his memories from his previous life, so Mika didn’t remember Yu at all. Yet, despite everything their bound didn’t die, quite the contrary. Even before they did the contract, so before Mika had access to Yu’s memories, there was still something inside him that screamed « that guy is important to me », even if he didn’t understand where it came from.

All the memories Mika had of Yu after that was again : from Yu’s own memories.

And what Mika saw broke him, the desire to die was so overwhelming even in his demon form he found himself speechless and hurt. He didn’t remember Yu but he knew that he was important to him more than he could ever tell. And he didn’t only see their memories together, he saw Yu’s whole life, the moment with his parents, the years they spent apart, Yu and Glenn’s relationship and his new family, he saw everything.

He swore his loyalty to him yet again, ready to do anything for him and face the end of the world hand in hand with him. And of course, even when he lost his memories Yu never once doubted him and that he would still follow him.

Now. I’ve been talking a lot about Mika’s love for Yu but what about the other way around ? Moving forward in the story again Glenn revealed something to Yu, his squad and Mika that left a dilemma hanging in the air. Yu had to chose between humanity and Mika. And what did he do ? He chose Mika, betraying not only Glenn, the man that save him physically and psychologically and that he respected the most in the world, not only his squad with who he shared ups and downs like a family but humanity itself for the survival of Mika.

If this doesn’t speak volumes to you I don’t know what will. Yu sacrificed EVERYTHING down to his own survival just to spend one more day with Mika. Now not only vampires, demons and angels were against him, but humanity too all for the sake of one man.

Both of them constantly put their whole life and universe on the line for the other and they always do it in a heartbeat, like any other decision would just be unthinkable.

They had so many discussions that made clear how deeply their feelings for one another go, no matter if you interpret it as brotherly or romantic love. They confessed to each other so many times how they can’t live without the other, how life is meaningless if the other isn’t around. How there’s not even a point in trying to live if it isn’t to face tomorrow together and how each other’s happiness is more important than anything else in the world.

Both of them held on solely for the other, both of them are still breathing and living their truth thanks to nothing else than one another.

Their love is so fucking beautiful and pure, it stayed untouched through generations and generations of them.

Mikayu is an amazing ship and anyone would be a fool to not read Seraoh of the end just to witness such utter and raw love.

#seraph of the end #owari no seraph #mikaela hyakuya #mika hyakuya #mika x yuu #mikayuu #mika #yuu hyakuya #yuuichirou hyakuya #yuichiro hyakuya #mikaela x yuichiro

[noxxchive]

✦ Dazai and Chuuya childhood headcanons (2/2) ✦

part 1

!!! THIS POST CONTAINS STORMBRINGER SPOILERS !!!

♫ Orchard - OMORI

✧ warnings : STORMBRINGER SPOILERS・mentions of s*icide, death, hospitalization, alcoholism, etc.・angst・pure angst…・ooc (???)

✧ a/n : got way too long im sorr… but I love chuuya so much and all these headcanons have been eating dust in the back of my head and im so happy (lie) to finally post them

w/c : 950

!!! these are just personal headcanons and are not accurate to the canon story !!!

✦ Chuuya :

Chuuya’s parents weren’t blessed with a child even after years of marriage…

…So when he was born, they were so happy that they celebrated 3 days and nights (like the real Chuuya Nakahara !!)

Such a sweet boy… very polite and a tiny bit shy

He actually had an amazing bond with both his parents

And they loved him a lot, too!

How mini Chuuya would help his mom around the house, how he would randomly tell her that he loves her :,^)

Chuuya was probably interested in his father’s work (military doctor, like the real Chuuya’s father!!)

AUGHH he would peek at his dad working with those big blue curious eyes

Also, unlike Dazai, I headcanon that Chuuya has siblings!

2 little sisters!!

When his first little sister was born, he was probably around 3 or 4

Was quick to grow attached to his sister

And when his second sister came around, he was around 7

Was very overprotective of his sisters, and had a big soft spot for them

Would piggyback carry their younger sister every morning to school while holding his other sisters hand

Brilliant kid

Adored by absolutely everyone and everything

Chuuya and the family dinners with the rest of the Nakahara family SIGHHH

His mom always worried about him not eating enough (even though he did.)

His dad developed this hobby and habit of checking Chuuya and his sisters’ heights and mark them on the wall

Chuuya wasn’t the happiest when he figured that his younger sister was nearly the same height as him…

And regarding Stormbringer and how he was put in a lab…

Ohhh how his mom was losing her mind over Chuuya’s father allowing such a thing

His family kind of… grew distant and fell apart from then on

Constant arguing between his parents while he was in the lab… how his sister would cover their younger sister’s ears each time they’d argue

She’d ask where Chuuya had gone every now and then, but it was like a forbidden topic in the house

His mom would either tear up or just lash out on his sister

And his dad would yell and cuss her out, saying things like “Goddammit stop asking stupid questions! He’s fine for god’s sake!!! Be patient and he’ll be back sooner than you think!!!”

Chuuya’s dad wasn’t very happy with the decision he made either

Regretting it like crazy and losing sleep, losing focus…

And once the news broke that their one and only son was dead (aka his clone… fuck stormbringer bro…)

His family was worse than ever before.

Chuuya’s dad cried… a lot. Fell into being an alcoholic for a long time

His sisters? Despite their young age and how they couldn’t wrap their heads around the idea of death…

They were devastated. Completely had their hearts and souls shattered

But his mom… she was the worst out of them all

It broke her so much that she couldn’t even cry over her son’s death

She was left in a daze, unaware of her surroundings and just… in her own world

Though, once it registered in her mind? How she would scream and cry at odd hours of the night, begging for Chuuya…

She would push away anyone who would try to comfort her, hit them and curse them out, only wanting Chuuya

Even though Chuuya’s ‘death’ had sunk in and she understood it, she’d scream at everyone to get away from her and that ‘only Chuuya can come close to her’

S*icide attempts became a regular thing

…the amount of times Chuuya’s dad was called during work hours and just rushed home to stop his wife from taking her life…

His sister lost sleep and stopped being the top student at school because of how difficult everything had become

Their younger sister was a bit better, considering she was small

But it still hurt, she’d call Chuuya out of habit, just to remember that he was never gonna answer her calling out to him

His mom’s situation got so bad that she was hospitalized for years

And even now that the entire Nakahara family has accepted Chuuya’s ‘death’

His mom hasn’t. She’s doing a lot better than before getting hospitalized but…

She always seems to be spaced out. She doesn’t smile or laugh, and even when she does… it seems forced and it’s only for a brief moment

His mom doesn’t talk much, not to anyone

She often spends her time talking to framed pictures of Chuuya. She still cries every now and then, but tries to hide it…

And honestly? I think that Chuuya has considered going back to his family

He’s coincidentally seen his sisters and made sure they got home safely from school/work while watching from afar… then return to his own work

It scares him to go back, not only because of him putting their lives on the line for being a mafia executive

But also because he’s supposed to be ‘dead’. That’s what his family believed and has learned to live with…

So if he were to show up at his childhood home, he’d make them confused

And he can’t even imagine how they would react if he were to go back

So Chuuya just watches over them from a distance…

But maybe, just maybe one day he’ll gather up the courage and listen to the voice in his head telling him to go back

That day won’t be anytime soon, not now. He can’t go back until he’s sure the time is right for him to do so.

Until then, Chuuya just prays that they’ll stay safe and alive…

That’s when he can return to his family, his home…

#𓂃⊹⁺༉ noxie hcs #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs chuuya #bsd chuuya #chuuya bsd #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #bsd nakahara chuuya #bsd chuuya nakahara #bungo stray dogs headcanons #chuuya headcanons #chuuya hcs #chuuya angst #bsd chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya x reader #bsd hcs #bsd headcanons #bsd angst #bungo stray dogs angst

[bro-atz]

Hey. Is it possible for you to write a stepfather!Yunho fic where he can't take it anymore and pounces on you one time? Seems like non con, but it's just because she's also been wanting him but is in denial? With a bit of plot?

in denial

in which: yunho is the stepfather you never wanted.

pair: stepfather!yunho/afab!reader

word count: 6k

content: raw sex??? (remember to wrap up irl pls), "forbidden" sex, "taboo sex"?, a lot of denial, secret sex, hate that turns into lust, consensual!

author’s note: i seriously had to rack my brain for this one bc omg anon what a complex request that also gives me a lot of creative freedom??? so much freedom that this is a p long piece HAHA i wish i could say more of it is reader x yunho doing the winkwonk but it’s so plot heavy 😔 nevertheless i hope this fulfilled your desires ❤️

tag list: @k-hotchoisan apply for the permanent taglist here! part one | part two

It’s not that you hated your mother, you just preferred your father over her. Your mother was pretty young when she had you (teen pregnancy, she was 16), so she was pretty immature as you got older. Your father was only two years older than your mother, but he was so much more mature than your mother, hence why you preferred him.

So, when your father ran away from home when you were 15, you were stuck with your pretty immature mother. You had no idea where your biological father went, so it’s not like you could have gone and stayed with him. No matter— you just had to deal with your mother for another three years, and then you would be able to get out of her house and never have to live with her after. Again, it’s not that you hated her, but you seriously couldn’t deal with her bullshit on a daily basis.

When you turned 16, though, your mother got remarried. So, at the age of 32, your mother married a different man, Yunho. But this man was barely a man. He was 10 years younger than your mother, which weirded you out a lot because you were closer to his age than he was to your mother’s age. So fucking weird. You hated it. Your mother knew him for a year before she locked him down, which meant he was just 21 when she first met him. You lost a lot of respect for your mother the day she married him.

Yunho, your stepfather, moved into your house. If only you were 18, then you wouldn’t have to live with the weird dynamic of your family, but you had two years until then.

When your mother went for work, you would be alone with your stepfather. Your mother had to go into the office, but your stepfather worked remotely, so he was always home. You hated being alone with the guy, so you would just camp out in your room until your mother got home. You grounded your own self whenever you got back from school. It sucked.

One day, when you got back from school, Yunho was in the living room. Usually, he was in his office, but that day, he was in the living room.

“Hey, Y/N. How was school?”

“Fine.”

You immediately started to walk towards your room, only for Yunho’s voice to stop you.

“We haven’t talked in a while! Come, sit here. Let’s talk.”

With a groan, you turned around and trudged over to the living room. You sat on the sofa furthest away from where that man was. “What did you want to talk about?” you asked rather coldly.

“I feel like we should get to know each other. We are family now, after all.”

“Okay, let’s get something straight,” you sat forward and stared him down. “I only have to be in this stupid house for another two years, and once I’m in college, I’m gone, so don’t even think about trying to be a proper “stepfather” and don’t expect me to call you that either. Legally, we may be a family, but that’s only on paper. Okay?”

Yunho pressed his lips together. He looked slightly disappointed, but he also looked as if he was anticipating this reaction from you. “I’d rather you didn’t call me stepfather, so that’s fine…”

“Also, why did you marry my mom in the first place?” you asked him point blank; since you were actually talking to him properly since the first time you met him, you thought you might as well ask him. “You’re so young. Fuck, you’re closer to my age than hers! What the fuck are you doing? Did you marry my mom for her money?”

“No! I really do like your mom! We had a genuine connection and…” Yunho trailed off.

“And what?”

“…Nothing. Nothing you would want to know.”

You took a moment to process what he told you, only to be immediately disgusted. You stood up and marched out of the living room, thankful that Yunho stopped before divulging his sex life with your mother.

Two more years with that man, and then you were done. You couldn’t wait.

In those two years, many things happened. You mother got pregnant (much to your dismay) and gave birth to a girl, your half-sister. You were very unhappy with the development of your mother’s relationship with your freakishly young stepfather when your half-sister was born, but you couldn’t help but have a soft spot for her— she always loved you and being in your arms. You were the only one who could get her to stop crying and go to sleep.

Then, you got accepted into your dream school hundreds of miles away from your hometown. You were so excited to go, and the final year of high school passed quickly.

During this time, you had very minimal interactions with Yunho. You only really talked to him when you had to, but that was maybe once every week. Then, when you went to college, you didn’t interact with him at all— or at least you thought you wouldn’t have to.

“But mom, I don’t want to—”

“I don’t give a shit! You are coming home for Thanksgiving, otherwise you can find a way to put yourself through school!”

You couldn’t believe that your education was being held against you to go home, and to be very honest, you would rather suck it up and just go home than work several jobs to pay for your tuition and dorm.

So, every Thanksgiving, every winter break, every spring break, and every other miscellaneous holiday that happened throughout the year, you were at home ignoring the hell out of Yunho and just focusing all of your energy on your younger sister who got bigger every single time you saw her. Your friends would always wish you luck when you had to prepare to head home for the holidays, and you would always be jealous and salty that your friend group went on vacations together during these breaks and would post the pictures online and on social media fully knowing that you were stuck at home with your mother, her husband, and your sister, who was the only person worth going back home for.

One year, however, you had enough. It was your final year of school, and you desperately wanted to go on a trip for spring break with your friend group. Your mother was hellbent on getting you home for that time, so the two of you spent a lot of winter break arguing about it.

“When I say I want you to come home, I mean it! There is no way you’re going on that trip because I am not paying for it!”

“Mom! I listened to you every single holiday for the past three years, and this is my last chance to go on a college trip with my college friends! Please!”

“I’m not saying you can’t go— go if you want! I’m not paying for it, so I know you won’t be able to afford it, so dream on because you are not going to go.”

Frustrated, you let out a huff and stormed upstairs to your room, slamming the door behind you. You sat on your bed and angrily beat up a pillow, trying to get out all of your anger so that you wouldn’t physically take it out on your mother. Someone knocked on your bedroom door lightly as you beat the shit out of the pillow.

“Sis, I’m not in the mood right now,” you said with a sigh, assuming that the person on the other side of the door was your younger sister.

The door opened— you forgot to lock it— and in walked Yunho. He would’ve been the last person you wanted to see had you not gotten into that argument with your mother. He closed the door behind him.

“Oh. What do you want?” you asked him flatly.

“May I?” Yunho pointed to your bed, asking if he could sit without explicitly stating it.

You didn’t want him to, but at that point you were exhausted. You nodded, allowing the man to sit.

“You want to go on that trip with your friends, right?”

“Did you not get that from the argument just now?”

“I did, but I just… I talked to your mom.”

“Okay, and?”

“I told her to let you go on the trip. I’ll give you the money that you need if she doesn’t.”

You stared at the man in complete confusion. Why was he doing you a favor when you made it very clear to him that you couldn’t stand his guts? Narrowing your eyes, you asked, “Are you serious?”

“Yes. You’re right— you never got to go on any trips with your friends, and I want you to be able to go before you graduate. College trips are always fun.”

“Well, you should definitely know since you literally just graduated,” you said, pointing out how freakishly young he is.

Yunho let out a light laugh. He nodded and continued, “Just let me know the expenses when they come, okay?”

You nodded. Yunho stood up to leave. Just as his hand was on the doorknob, you said, “Hey. Thanks.”

He turned and smiled at you, your heart suddenly fluttering. He had such a beautiful smile. Without a word, he left.

Thanks to Yunho, you were able to enjoy the rest of your college experience to the fullest. Whenever your mother refused to let you have a good time, you would tell Yunho, and he would help you out. It made you wonder why you couldn’t have given him a chance earlier.

Graduation rolled around, and you forgot that with graduation came your family to watch you graduate.  

Your friends knew that you didn’t like your stepfather, but they didn’t know why. Then, when they finally met him, they were shocked.

“Dude, your stepdad is so fucking hot,” one of your friends said.

“Why the fuck did you not want to go home for the past four years when that’s the view?!” another friend asked.

“Also how have you not pounced on him yet?” asked one other friend.

“First of all, shut up,” you slapped each one of your friends on the cheek lightly. “That’s gross. Second of all, he’s my stepfather, and that’s all he will ever be to me.”

“Say whatever you want, but the man is hot.”

“And he looks so young!”

“I mean… He is ten years younger than my mom, and he’s six years older than me,” you explained.

“What?!”

“Girl, he’s closer to your age than hers!”

“I know that…”

“You can totally hook up with him!”

“Stop,” you held your hand out and shook your head. “He’s married to my mom, guys, and that’s so weird for me to think about. Can we just not talk about it anymore?”

Your friends nodded, only for one friend to say under their breath, “But he’s still fine as fuck…”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Your mind was racing the rest of your graduation. What your friends said about your stepfather really stuck in your head— it was those kinds of thoughts that made you avoid Yunho like the plague in the first place. You didn’t want to think that way about the guy that your mother fell in love with. You were so in your own head that you didn’t realize your graduation was official until one of your friends’ hat hit you on the head on the way down.

After leaving the venue, you stood outside the doors and waited for your family. Your mother wanted to take pictures of you with your cap and gown in front of the stadium. Your friends waited nearby— they wanted to get a look of your stepfather again. You tried to shoo them away, but they refused to move.

“Y/N! My baby!” your mother cheered as she saw you. “You’re officially a college graduate! I’m so proud of you!”

Your mother hugged you, and you could only weakly smile. She kissed your cheek before immediately turning to your friends and asking, “Can one of you please take a picture of me and my daughter?”

One of your friends stepped up and took your mother’s phone to take pictures. At first, it was just you and your mother, then it was the entire family. You stood in between Yunho and your mother, your little sister standing right in front of you. You felt your heart start to race the closer Yunho stood to you, which freaked you out because you wouldn’t have been feeling this way had your friends not said anything about his looks.

“Okay, now just you and Yunho,” your mother told you.

“Wait, I—”

“Yes! Stand over there, Y/N!” your friend with the camera said as they pointed to an area slightly further away from them.

You shot your friend a glare before going to where they asked you to go. You seriously did not want to take this picture, but you didn’t want to make a scene in public. Yunho stood next to you as you positioned yourself. There was a slight gap between the two of you, prompting your friend to say, “Scoot closer together! You both look so awkward!”

You were so ready to kill your friend. Reluctantly, you took a step towards Yunho. He also took a step towards you at the same time, causing you to bump into him. Before you could stumble anywhere, his hand went around your waist. Butterflies erupted in your stomach when he hugged you lightly. His touch was so… Pleasant. You hated that you liked his touch, and you hated it even more when you wanted him to touch you more. He wasn’t getting touchy-feely at all, but that didn’t stop your libido from wanting more. You couldn’t help but think that it would be so nice if he could be more intimate, only for you to immediately reject the idea. You seriously needed your brain to shut up. Thinking about your stepfather in that sense was so weird, and you needed it to stop.

The second your friend took the picture, Yunho released you, and you could breathe once more. You didn’t even realize that you held your breath while he was holding you. After you took a couple pictures with your little sister, you immediately turned to your friends and slapped the backs of their heads. If it weren’t for them, you would not have thought about Yunho, your goddamn stepfather, in that way.

Luckily for you, you found a job right after graduating from college. It was in the big metropolitan city near your hometown, and while you could have made the commute daily, you decided to live in the city for a multitude of reasons, a huge one being the fact that you just didn’t want to live with your mother and her new family. It wasn’t that you hated them, but you wanted to be an adult, and living at home would not allow you to do that. Also, Yunho. You wanted to continue to avoid that man as long as you possibly could.

That being said, you did go home pretty frequently to eat your mother’s cooking (for free, and free food is always great), and you went to visit your half-sister because you liked being there for her. You babysitting her also allowed your mother and her husband to go out on dates, which meant it was mainly just you and your little sister at home. Not bad at all.

One day, you went home to run some errands. Your friends in your hometown wanted to meet up, you had to visit some of your old favorite stores, and you wanted to grab some food from your mother to bring back to your apartment in the city because the next week was going to be incredibly busy for you at work, and there was no chance you would be able to make yourself meals.

It was silent when you got home. You looked around to see if anyone was home, and you found someone, but it wasn’t who you wanted to see.

“Oh, Y/N, what brings you here?” Yunho greeted you from the living room.

He was sitting on the couch and just started playing a movie, which he paused as soon as you walked into the house.

“I’m just here to grab food because I have a busy week next week. Where’s mom and sis?”

“Your mom took her to the eye doctor to get her eyes checked because she’s been sitting too close to the TV lately.”

“Oh…”

You stood awkwardly in the kitchen, unsure of what to do with yourself. You had to wait for your mother to come home to make food, and you felt awkward just leaving the area and going to your room. You and Yunho had never been alone together, so ignoring him felt wrong.

“What’re you watching?” you asked Yunho after a long moment of silence.

“Orlando. Have you seen it?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Come watch with me, then. The movie barely started.”

You hesitantly made your way to the living room. You were going to sit in one of the arm chairs, but Yunho patted the space on the couch next to him. You joined him on the couch, enough empty space for God between the two of you.

As the movie played, you tried your best to watch the movie, but you couldn’t help but steal glances at Yunho’s side profile— he was heavily invested in the movie. You kept thinking about what your college friends said about him, and you finally admitted to yourself that, yes, Yunho, your stepfather, was indeed very attractive. You had to keep reminding yourself that he was your stepfather, and that the thoughts in your head were just wrong.

Then, the craziest thing happened. Yunho put his hand on your thigh. You immediately reclaimed your thigh and scooted away from him.

“What is— Why— When— What do you think you’re doing?!” you stuttered.

Yunho looked you dead in the eye, his serious face making your insides swell with heat. “Cut the crap, Y/N. You want me, don’t you?” he said with a low voice.

“Are you insane?!”

You continued to scoot backwards and lean away as Yunho approached you. Your head hit the pillow as Yunho pinned you down, his hands pressed on the couch on either side of you.

“You think I didn’t see you sneaking looks at me? Why do you keep looking at me instead of the movie, Y/N?”

“I mean— I don’t— How— Uh—”

“See, you can’t even answer me properly. You want me.”

Yunho ran his hand up your thigh, which you immediately slapped away while saying, “No, I don’t!

“Really?”

You tried to roll off the couch and away from Yunho, but his arm blocked your path. His hand firmly held onto your waist as you tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

“S-stop it…”

“Face it, Y/N. You want me just as much as I want you.”

Your eyes went wide. You had no idea what the man meant by that when he said it, and it freaked you out completely. Slightly panicking, you tried to push him away, but the second your hands touched his chest, he grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head. You squirmed and tried desperately to get out of his grasp, but then he kissed you.

Yunho kissing you melted your brain. He was an amazing kisser. He kissed you intensely, his soft lips sucking sweetly on yours. You pushed yourself further into his kiss, your lips desperate for his. You had never kissed anyone so intensely in your entire life until that moment, and you only realized that fact after he finally broke away from you as you were completely out of breath the second he moved away. Your face was hot, and your eyes were bleary as every atom of your body yearned for him.

“See, I told you.”

“Fuck…”

Wordlessly, Yunho turned off the TV before turning back to you, his arms wrapping tightly around you. He lifted you off the couch, and you immediately wrapped your legs around his waist. You held onto his face and kissed him over and over and over again because you seriously could not get enough of him. When his hands supported your thighs instead of your torso, his grip on you got stronger, turning you on even more. The two were you were breathless as he carried you to his room and laid you down on the bed gently.

His lips were still connected with yours as he began to caress your body. He rolled the tips of his fingers over your clothed crotch, causing you to moan into his mouth.

“Fuck, that was so hot,” Yunho pulled away to comment. “You’re so fucking hot, Y/N.”

You had never heard the man utter a single profanity in the time you knew him, so him swearing was so unbelievably sexy to you to the point where your body trembled with excitement. You desperately needed him to do something about your throbbing pussy, but Yunho wanted to take things slow. He dragged his tongue along your neck before kissing your neck sloppily. While you didn’t think it was smart of him to leave a mark on your neck, you couldn’t help but want him to. Then again, it was fine if he left hickeys on you, but you definitely could not leave hickeys on him.

“God, I could just fuck you up,” Yunho whispered half to himself.

“Do it.”

“What?”

“Do it. Fuck me up, Yunho.”

Yunho stared at you, his eyes getting darker. He brought his face near yours and said with an incredibly sexy, low voice, “That’s the first time you’ve ever said my name, Y/N.”

He kissed you hungrily, making you hold onto his shoulders for dear life.

“I want you to say my name. I want you to scream and cry my name,” he uttered as he wrapped light fingers around your neck. “I want you to beg me to fuck you senseless. Will you do that for me?”

You responded with a light nod. Yunho kissed you harshly, his fingers pressing into your neck. You didn’t realize how much you would enjoy someone choking you while making out with you until then. Yunho was experienced, and he was using that experience to turn your brain into mush. You wanted him bad. Your hips moved restlessly as you felt the tension build between your legs, and you desperately needed a release. Your hand move down to rub yourself, but Yunho grabbed your hand before it could go there and held it above your head while he stopped kissing you. There was a slight smirk on his face as he noticed your restlessness.

“Yunho,” you said, your voice wavering.

“Yes, Y/N?”

“I— My pussy… Do something,” you nearly cried.

With a knowing smile, Yunho nodded and sat up. He pulled off his shirt— he grabbed the back of his collar to take it off, which you found to be incredibly hot— before helping you strip down. Your clothes were in a pile on the ground, leaving you laying on the bed completely naked. Your pussy was soaking wet by that time. Yunho gazed at your pussy, your throbbing, pink, fresh pussy, with sparkling eyes. He grazed his nails along your folds, your thighs trembling at his touch. But, he was taking his sweet time with you, and it was driving you crazy. You clutched the pillow under your head and groaned in frustration.

“Yunho, just fuck me please! I can’t take it anymore!”

“Mmm, for someone who’s been avoiding me, you sure do want me bad right now,” Yunho chuckled.

You were going to respond, but when you felt his fingers shove into, you let out a loud gasp and moan. You flung your head back into the pillow and let out cry after cry. You had to bite your lower lip and muffled your noises when Yunho started massaging your breast and sucking intensely on your nipple.

“F-fuck, I’m cumming,” you choked out as you felt your orgasm nearing.

“Yes, come for me, Y/N,” Yunho moved up to whisper in your ear, his fingers not letting up.

That was all you needed to hit euphoria. Your nails nearly tore through the pillowcase as your pussy convulsed. Your moan echoed in the room, and your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Sweet, sweet relief.

“Shit,” Yunho hissed as he removed his fingers. “You’re so incredibly sexy… I can’t hold back any longer.”

You were completely out of breath as the high of your orgasm slowly disappeared. Your eyes were bleary as you opened them to see Yunho’s faint shape get off the bed to remove his pants. Within seconds, Yunho was back on the bed, and he moved your legs, your knees in the air as your feet pressed into the mattress. He positioned himself and leaned his upper body down to dominate your lips. The second his lips locked with yours, he thrusted into you powerfully. You moaned into his mouth when his waist slammed against yours and when his tongue shoved its way into your mouth.

Yunho let out grunts of pleasure as he waist met yours repeatedly at a slow and steady pace. But, when you let go of the pillow to hold onto his shoulders, and when your nails dug into his skin, he inhaled sharply through his teeth and fucked you harder and faster. The entire bed squeaked and moved as his tempo increased, and you felt your brain and body melt with pleasure.

“Yunho! More!” you ended the kiss to whine.

And he delivered. He moved up, held your waist with a strong grip, and pulled you closer towards him as he lifted your waist. Him pounding the shit out of you felt so good that you couldn’t control yourself anymore. Tears filled your eyes as more moans and groans and cries spilled out of your mouth. His cock felt amazing inside you, and even though he was pile driving you into oblivion, you somehow still wanted more of him.

“I’m close,” Yunho bit out. “I’m going to cum inside, okay?”

That was probably the more you wanted. You nodded and pulled him down towards you once more, your mouth begging for his tongue. He groaned into your mouth as you felt his dick shudder and spurt within you, his cum filling and warming you up. When he pulled out, his cum leaked out of you, and you watched him stare at your pussy in delight.

You laid on the bed until your heart rate calmed down before pushing yourself up and saying, “I’m going to go clean myself up…”

You didn’t even wait for a reaction from Yunho. You scurried to the bathroom (trying desperately not to leak out on your way), and sat on the toilet to quickly clean yourself up. Shortly thereafter, you stood in front of the mirror and washed your hands. You looked at your reflection to see small, dark hickeys scattered across your chest. As you inspected the bruises on your skin, Yunho walked up behind you. He arms snaked around you and massaged your breasts as he pressed his dick against you.

“Yunho, what are you doing?” you asked carefully.

“I’m not done with you just yet,” Yunho said softly as he bit your earlobe.

“Uh, no. We’re done.”

You turned around and tried to push past him, but that didn’t work the first time, so how was it going to work again. Placing hands on the sink countertop on either side of you, Yunho trapped you. He leaned in towards you, and you leaned backwards to the best of your ability. You were so sure he was going to kiss you, but when his face stopped a mere couple of centimeters before yours, you stared at him in surprise.

“What, do you want me to stop now?” he asked you teasingly.

You felt his hard cock press against your stomach, and feeling how hard he was, not to mention seeing the amount of lust in his eyes, turned you on entirely. You swallowed hard and begrudgingly shook your head. You needed him again.

“That’s what I thought. Turn around. Bend over.”

With his hands guiding you, you did as he said. Your breasts pressed against the cool countertop, making you shiver. You didn’t have the time to be cold, though, because Yunho swiftly slid his dick into you, your entire body lurching forward.

“Oh, fuck!” you screamed as you felt Yunho’s pelvis slam against your buttocks quickly. “Y-yunho!”

“You like that, huh?” Yunho said with a grunt.

You moaned loudly in response. The two of you were breathing heavily, and the mirrors in the bathroom were starting to fog up. Suddenly, Yunho pulled out, making you cum almost instantly. Your legs trembled as you came, and they nearly gave out. However, before you could collapse to the ground, Yunho turned you around and sat you down on the countertop. He shoved his dick deep inside you, but he didn’t move quite yet.

“What is it?” you whispered as he looked you up and down.

“You’re stunning… So sexy,” Yunho answered as he brought his nose to brush against your jawline. “I could seriously just stare at you all day long.”

He peppered kisses along your jaw and neck, his hands running up and down your waist sensually. You wrapped your arms over his shoulders and held onto the back of his neck as he left more hickeys on your chest. When his hands went around you and hugged you towards him, you couldn’t help but press your fingers into his skin, making the man tremble.

Without a second to lose, Yunho lifted you up and fucked you by using his arms to raise and lower you onto his dick. You held onto him tightly, the fear of falling and feeling of his dick going deeper inside you exciting you. He pressed his lips against yours again, your tongue dancing with his briefly until he brought you down harshly on his penis.

“You’re hitting so deep, Yunho!”

“It’s because you’re taking me so well, Y/N. Your pussy was made for me.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Yunho saying something like that to you was unnatural, but it made you feel so good, so sexy.

Yunho carried you out of the bathroom. He pulled out, set you down so that you were standing, and stroked his dick several times. He pinned you up against the wall and brought your thigh up, your leg wrapping around him. His cock entered you again, and he resumed thrusting fast and hard.

Then, you both heard the front door open. Yunho covered your mouth— he did not intend to stop fucking you. You did you best to hold back your moans, but you were worried about the sound of his hips slapping against yours.

You heard footsteps head towards the door of the bedroom. Tears filled your eyes and started rolling down your cheeks as the fear of getting caught tensed your body entirely. You heard the doorknob jiggle as your mom tried to open the door, but the door did not open. Yunho had locked the door ages ago. So, she knocked on the door.

“Honey?”

“Yes, darling?” Yunho responded, his voice low, sensual, and almost a little groggy.

“What’s going on? Why is the bedroom door locked?”

“I’m taking a nap.”

“Oh… Okay. Have a good nap, then.” You heard your mom walk away from the door, only for her to quickly walk back. “I saw Y/N’s car outside. Is she here?”

“No, she stepped out. She said she would wait until you got back since she only really came to pick up food.”

Yunho’s hips hit yours even harder, the sound scaring you, but the force pleasuring you.

“Shoot, I have to go grocery shopping!” Come, sweetie,” your mom said to your sister— her household nickname was sweetie— and continued, “Let’s go grab some snacks for you and your sister!”

The second you heard the front door close and lock, Yunho removed his hand. You hiccuped and cried softly. Meanwhile, Yunho was still fucking you.

“That was so scary,” you cried. “Why didn’t you stop?!”

“You look way too fucking good right now. I can’t stop.”

Yunho thrusted so hard into you that your back hit the wall slightly, making you yelp. You continued to yelp as he fucked you without remorse.

“Fuck, Y/N. I’m so close.”

You sniffled and nodded, tears still blurring your vision. Yunho kissed you again, but rather than him eating you alive, his kiss was sweet this time around. He held your face and kissed you softly. With one final thrust, his cock throbbed and trembled inside you, his stickiness filling you up once more. Your hold on him relaxed, but you continued kissing him, his posh lips making you forget about why you were so scared in the first place. You remained in that position against the wall for a good several minutes, not wanting to lose the feeling of his long dick shoved in your tight pussy so quickly. If anything, you wanted him to fuck you more.

Which he did. A couple more times, actually.

You got cleaned up and donned all of your clothes. Before you could leave the bedroom, Yunho grabbed you and hugged you. He buried his nose in your hair and sighed deeply.

“Yunho, I have a question,” you told him as you leaned away from him.

“What is it?”

“Earlier, when you said that I wanted you as much as you wanted me, what did you mean by that?”

“You’re a beautiful young woman, Y/N. It’s hard for someone to not be attracted to you. I’ve honestly been wanting this to happen since you graduated.”

The realization of your relationship with the man hit you. It was in the back of your head the entire time he was fucking your brains out, but you only really remembered the nature of the relationship then and there. You pushed him away; and this time, he allowed it.

“We shouldn’t have done this, Yunho.”

There was a certain look on Yunho’s face, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was or what he was thinking. The two of you maintained eye contact, and despite the fact that you knew very well that there was nothing that could ever happen between you and the man in front of you, your libido still lusted for him.

“I know that, but,” Yunho took a step towards you and wrapped one arm around your waist. “I’m glad we did.”

And with that, he kissed you one more time— it was sweet, hot, but nonintrusive. His hand moved up from your waist to your neck, his fingers moving to your scalp and holding you closer to him. You nearly whimpered when the kiss ended.

“You can stay in denial all you want,” Yunho told you. “But just know that I’ll be here in case you ever want to cross the line again.”

#ateez #jeong yunho #yunho smut #yunho x reader #reader x yunho #ateez yunho #jeong yunho ateez #yunho ateez #jeong yunho smut #ateez jeong yunho #broatz #broatz request

[inbarfink]

The deaths of all the Finch kids are really so unbearably tragic. It really speaks to the quality of the writing and storytelling in ‘What Remains’. They’re written as so vivid and human and real, but also so many of them died so young. They were children, it’s so much harder for me to do the whole ‘well, let’s appreciate the life they did have’ thing when the majority of them didn’t even have a chance to become the people they could have become. And yet the image of who they could’ve been if they survived is so vivid in my mind. 

Edith had that line about how she always imagined Molly as a girl she could be good friends with. Obviously if she didn’t die back in 1947 they wouldn’t really be at the same age group, but she’d be one hell of a Cool Aunt. I can only imagine her Weird Girl tendencies would’ve only grown stronger and stronger with age. Considering her fascination with animals, maybe she would’ve gone to study Zoology or Biology when she grew older? And since she was dissecting a sea star just before her canon death…

Sadly, I’m not sure if Barbara would’ve been able to resurrect her acting career. But there’s some subtle hints in her room that in reality she was more willing to move past it compared to her fictionalized version in that horror comic (which can’t be easy when you live in a room your dad themed entirely around your child-star years THANKS SVEN). That ‘horror convention’ seems to be an invention of the comic, Barbara’s actual room has a flier for a ‘Witch’s Ball’ at Orcas Island High School and a dress ready for it. 

Barbara Finch didn’t actually spend her last day on earth hopelessly trying to revive her dead career, she was hoping to have a fun Halloween party like a regular teenager. Maybe the fact that it was hosted by the Orcas Island High School Drama Club implies she still had an interest in acting and theatre. Maybe she could’ve ended up as a classically trained actress with the child-stardom as just a fun quirk of her past? Or maybe she just wanted to take part in the Witches Ball because she likes Spooky Things? And she could have found her way back into the Horror Scene in a different way, like being a writer or costume designer or something?

Maybe Calvin could’ve become an Astronaut like he always wanted? But I think Calvin might’ve been more enthralled with the fantasy of science fiction than the reality of space travel. I’m thinking a lot about how Sam described Clavin in Gregory’s memoriam as ‘lost in his imagination’. Maybe he could’ve become a science fiction writer or something?

Walter didn’t technically die young, but he still certainly lost most of his years to the Curse. Like, a big thing about the tragedy of Walter to me is realizing his original childhood bedroom was themed after “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” and trains. 

Lil’ Walter did have an interest in adventure and travel, before his fears took it all away from him. If it wasn’t for the Curse, Walter could’ve actually something with it. Maybe he could’ve traveled around a bit and written about his experiences.

Lewis would’ve probably gone into game design. It’s not just how his fantasies manifest to us the players, but you can actually find books about game design and coding in his room. It seems that the problem was that his crappy job and his depression took away any opportunity he might have had to actually pursue this idea. Maybe if Milton never left, these three Finch siblings could’ve combined their creative skills together to make like, a very cool artsy game.

Speaking of which… man, Edith’s death stings the most because we got to know her far better than anyone else. And it’s not even the fact that she never got to share her all of her thoughts and creativity with the wider world that makes me the saddest. Getting to the end of the game and hearing just how much she was looking forwards to be with her son - even with all the hardships of being a teen mom, she was really looking forwards to it. To meet him, to share her stories with him. But instead, that worn old diary is the only connection between them...

And that’s like… part of what’s so great about WRoEF’s use of its own format. Like, the faux-interactive linearity of the Narrative Exploration/‘Walking Simulator’ is so perfect for selling this tragedy. The way each Death Flashback only moves forwards based on the actions of the Player, but it always moves on the same unchanging doomed path - really highlights both how stupidly preventable so many of these deaths feel and really make the Player wish there was a way to change them. After all, all they need is for Calvin to not swing so hard, for Gregory’s faucet to not turn back on, for Walter to not stand directly on those train tracks and everything would’ve been fine. But at the same time it’s so, so clear to the Player that this is an impossible wish. There is no other way these sequences can go - these deaths have already been written. The most you can you is linger, all you can do is delay the inevitable. 

But it hurts.

#what remains of edith finch #edith finch #wroef #molly finch #barbara finch #calvin finch #walter finch #lewis finch

[youre-a-total--poser]

Need Her Back (Request)

Warnings: slight mention of blood loss to do a shooting and coma. Anymore let me know. Age: 12 Word Count: 2,956 Requests: Closed Summary: Read the request and it will explain everything Requested by: Wattpad user Date: 09/12/2023 paring: Natasha and Bucky (Eventually) A/N: Thank you for your request I hope that you like it. ---⧗---

Masterlist

James Barnes wanted nothing more than to forget his past but, unfortunately, there were two constant reminders of it.

During his time as a HYDRA soldier, he had a thing with one of the Widows at the Red Room and that widow was Natalia Alianovna Romanova.

To them, they made plans to escape and have a life together but reality wasn't like that. One thing led to another then Natalia at 16 years old, days before she was meant to go through the Red Room's graduation ceremony ended up pregnant and James never came back for her.

Nine months later Natalia gave birth to a healthy baby girl and named her Y/N. When Natalia saw her baby for the first time she knew that she had to do whatever it took to protect her and that's what she did.

It took Natalia a few years to plan and organise the perfect escape plan and thankfully it worked. Getting out of the Red Room was her main goal she didn't exactly think about what was next.

Being out in the harsh Russian winter with a toddler wasn't ideal but it was the better option.

Thankfully the young mother and her child only had to deal with the cold weather for a few days since a SHEILD agent who was sent to kill the widow made a different call and let her live most likely because he saw the young girl and he didn't want to take her mother away from her. He had a child the same age and would hate it if he lost his mother or father.

---⧗---

Months passed and Natalia got a job working with SHEILD, thanks to the man who saved her and her child otherwise known as Clint Barton, as one of their agents. She even changed her identity as a way of taking control of her life for the first time ever. She now goes by Natasha Romanoff.

When Natasha went away on missions you stayed with Clint's wife Laura and their son Cooper then after the Avengers Initiative was formed and the Stark Tower was changed to the Avengers Tower you stayed there if there was someone available to babysit you.

As the years went by Natasha was glad that she got to watch you grow in a safe place and nothing bad would happen to you she wanted nothing to change but it did something or someone changed everything.

---⧗---

Natasha had just gotten back from a long mission and you and her were sitting on the couch giggling about what you got up to when she was away when suddenly Steve and a strange man walked in.

When Natasha saw who was with Steve she stood up quickly and stared at the man in disbelief. You had never seen this man in your life but going by your mom's reaction she did.

"James?" Natasha asked confused about how the man who she thought was dead if now alive and a few feet in front of her.

When Bucky looked at Natasha in that quick second all the memories came back to him. He wanted to say so much to her but most importantly apologise for leaving her but he didn't know what to say

"Hello, Natalia." was all that he managed to say.

Natasha couldn't believe that after all those years that's all he could say to her but before she could respond she felt a touch on her arm.

"Mama?" You said looking up at your mom and then over at the man.

Bucky managed to get a good look at you and there was something familiar about you that he couldn't quite work out.

"Who's this?" Bucky asked taking a step closer to you and Natasha.

"My daughter." She replied giving you a smile and stroking your hair.

"What," Bucky mumbled to himself suddenly realising why you looked so familiar.

There was a picture of Natasha when she was younger in her file back in the Red Room that Bucky saw and the young girl standing a few feet away from him is the spitting image except that back then Natasha had short blue hair whereas you had long brown hair with a tint of orange.

Natasha placed her hands on your arms. "I need you to stay in your room for a little while okay." She moved you around slightly so you had your back towards Steve and the man then she put her hand on your back to lead you out of the room.

As you and Natasha were walking away Bucky quickly did the maths in his head. He knew that by the age of 16, the widows in the Red Room got sterilised so they couldn't have kids and it would have been 12 years since he last saw Natasha meaning that for the child to be Natasha's biological child you would have to be 12 years old.

"Wait how old are you?" Bucky called out.

"Don't answer him," Natasha said to you trying to hurry you out of the room.

"How old are you kid?" Bucky shouted.

You turned around to Bucky and shouted back "12. Now what is going on?"

"She's 12?" Bucky asked looking over at Natasha for clarification.

Natasha didn't respond but she did have a look on her face that she knew something everyone else didn't.

"Is this my daughter?" Bucky asked.

"No, my dad was a soldier he abandoned us before I was born then he died." You turned around to face your mom "That's what you told me."

"Is this my daughter?" Bucky asked again.

Natasha tucked your hair behind your ears and gently cupped your face. "Yes." She said quietly.

You turned your head to see what Bucky's reaction would be and it definitely wasn't what you were expecting he looked disappointed like he hoped the answer to his question would have been no he's not the father.

"I'm sorry I… I can't. I… just can't." He said then practically ran out of the room then Steve followed after him.

You looked up at your mom but she didn't say anything she just put her arms around you and hugged you tightly.

---⧗---

Natasha tried to get Bucky to spend time with you but every time he refused. It got to the point where whenever you walked into a room and Bucky was there he would leave to avoid having to talk to you. You then eventually stopped trying and convinced yourself that it was something that you did that caused him to want nothing to do with you.

Later that night Natasha told you that she had to go on a mission and like always you tried to stop her from going but deep down you knew that's not how it worked and she needed to go.

Nearly two weeks went by and you were getting worried. It wasn't a new thing for Natasha to be gone for weeks even months at a time but this time it was different she hadn't called to say that she was okay not even once.

It was nearly the end of week three and still nothing. The whole time you were waiting in the hangar for the QuinJet to land or your phone to ring but none of them were happening.

Just as you were about to give up and call it a night you heard the QuinJet land. You stood up and waited for your mom to walk through the doors but instead, at least four SHEILD agents were rushing into the room pushing a gurney. You couldn't make out who was lying on it till you got a glimpse of the red hair.

You couldn't be entirely sure that it was your mom that was until you reached the med bay and everyone was standing for you and that's how you knew for sure that it was your mom.

The agents pushed the gurney through a set of doors and as you went to follow them a pair of arms wrapped around you preventing you from following. No amount of squirming did any good the person who was holding you was much too strong for you to get out of their grip.

You waited and waited and paced back in forward waiting to hear any news about your mom. The wait time was so long that you ended up falling asleep on the chairs.

You got woken up by the sound of someone softly saying your name and gently shaking you.

When you opened your eyes Clint was kneeling in front of you.

"Your mom's out of surgery," Clint said.

You stood up and you followed him into the recovery room he stopped you at the door and put his hands on your shoulders.

"Listen, Y/N, before you go in there I want you to know that your mom has a tube in her throat. It might look a bit scary but it's just there to help her breathe. Okay?"

You nodded your head and Clint opened the door for you. When you walked inside the room Natasha was lying on the bed unconscious and like Clint said there was the tube in her mouth but also there were a lot of other wires attached to her. Some on her chest, some on her arm and even on her finger.

You walked over closer to her and you went to touch her but you instantly pulled your hand away.

"What happened to her?" You asked. The tears forming in your eyes.

"Let me explain." Her doctor said walking over. "During the mission, your mom got shot and due to the blood loss, she's now in a coma. Obviously, there's a lot more to it but I won't go into details."

"When will she wake up?" You asked.

"Well, we don't know for now we just have to wait for her to wake up on her own."

You placed your hand on your mom's arm on a spot that wasn't covered in wires and you started to shake her arm.

"Mama please wake up. Please mama wake up right now." You said as the tears streamed down your face. "Mama, wake up I need you. Please don't leave me alone." At this point, you were practically screaming.

The other Avengers heard you and ran inside to see what was happening.

Steve then wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you away from the bed just in case you accidentally hurt Natasha or caused a wire to fall out.

"Let me go." You screamed squirming about hoping that Steve would release you. When he let you go you ran out of the recovery room and straight to your mom's bedroom.

---⧗--- After that moment you completely shut down and spend most of your either in the recovery room by your mom's side or in her bedroom.

You even stopped speaking to nearly everyone and you had stopped doing basic things like taking showers, brushing your teeth and even eating. The only person who could really get through to you was Steve. He's been a father figure to you the whole time you've known him but not even he could make it all better.

No matter how hard everyone tried no one could get through to you. Nothing that they said or did cheered you up and they couldn't wake up the one person who would make you happy and become that happy carefree little girl that they all missed deeply.

There was only one other person who hadn't tried to cheer you up and that was Bucky. It took a lot of convincing but Steve managed to get him to go talk to you.

Bucky made his way to the May Bay and looked through the window into the recovery room where Natasha was when he saw that it was empty he walked inside the room.

He sat down on the chair beside her bed and gently took her hand. "I'm so sorry Natalia. I never should have left you in that place. If I knew that you were pregnant I would have come back for you and helped to raise the baby but honestly, I.." He got cut off by the door opening and you walking into the room.

"Sorry." You mumbled looking down at the ground.

Bucky sighed slightly and stood up "Look, I know that you probably don't want to hear this but just because your mom is in a coma doesn't mean that you should shut down completely she would want you to carry on with life."

You didn't say anything you just kept looking down at the ground.

Bucky walked over to you and put his hand on your shoulder. "Don't forget no matter what your mom will always love you and you need to continue to make her proud every day.

You didn't expect those words to be your breaking point but before you knew tears started falling down your face. "I miss my mom I just want her to come back."

When Bucky saw you crying even though it probably would have made both you and him uncomfortable he wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly. You didn't know that a hug from your father was one of the things that you were craving badly but as soon as he hugged you it caused you to cry harder.

After a few minutes of nonstop crying you finally settled down but Bucky kept hugging you. He knew that you needed this more than anything. Then suddenly you heard a voice.

"Finally." The voice said.

You looked over and saw that your mom had her eyes open and she was looking over at you and Bucky and she was smiling.

"Mama!" you gasped rushing over to her and hugging her very gently.

"I guess someone has missed me." she chuckled wrapping her arm around you.

"So much."

Bucky started to feel like he'd overstayed his welcome and turned around making his way to the door and he sneaked out of the room without anyone noticing.

---⧗---

It only took a couple of days then Natasha was up and back on her feet again.

She wanted to jump straight back into work and training but everyone had to keep reminding her that she was still recovering and that she had to take it easy.

She went round thanking everyone for taking care of her daughter but there was still one person that she had to speak to.

Bucky was in the kitchen making coffee and thankfully that was the first place that Natasha tried.

"I'm making coffee do you want one?" Bucky asked.

"Yeah, thanks," Natasha responded.

He got a cup poured the coffee and handed it to her. He gave her a slight smile picked up his coffee and walked off.

"James wait," she said.

He stopped and turned around to look at her.

"I heard what you said to me when I was in the coma and I forgive you."

Bucky's eyes widened in surprise as he processed Natasha's words. He set his coffee down on the counter and walked back towards her, his expression a mix of hope and relief.

"Natalia, I… I didn't expect you to forgive me so easily," Bucky admitted.

"You wouldn't have left if there wasn't a reasonable explanation I know that now and especially if you had known about the baby."

Bucky's voice trembled as he spoke, his eyes filled with pain. "they threatened to kill you if I didn't leave. I didn't have any other choice. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

Natasha reached out and took his hand in hers. "You're never going to lose me."

Suddenly Bucky did something that Natasha wasn't expecting.

He moved in closer to her, placed his hand on her cheek and kissed her.

Natasha was surprised at first but she didn't move or push him away instead she kissed him back.

Bucky then pulled away when he realised what he had just done. "I'm so sorry," he said looking embarrassed he was certain that Natasha didn't have those feelings for him anymore.

Natasha just chuckled and shook her head. "Don't be sorry." She put her hand on the back of his head and pushed him in close to her then kissed him again.

You then walked into the kitchen and saw them both kissing and they quickly pulled away from each other when they heard footsteps approaching

"That's so gross people eat in here you both know?" you said looking disgusted at them.

Natasha chuckled at your comment and walked over to you. "I'm sorry baby." then she hugged you. "It won't happen again."

"So are you two together now?" You asked looking up at your mother and then over at your father.

Natasha and Bucky exchanged a glance before Natasha replied, "Well we don't know yet sweetheart but you'll be the first to know. Okay?"

You nodded your head at your mom's response and didn't bring it up again till they came to you about it.

After weeks of waiting to hear a response from their parents, they finally came to you and told you that they had made the decision that they were going to get back together.

You couldn't believe it when they told you. You wanted to know your father so badly and now he was here in your life and even better back with your mom.

Now that Bucky was in life you finally got the chance to spend time with him and tell him everything about yourself something that you wanted from the moment that you found out he was your father.

#natasha romanoff #mama nat #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #natasha's kid #natasha x child reader #natasha romanoff x child #natasha romanoff x child reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x child!reader #winterwidow #natasha and bucky

[belit0]

What if Indra and Madara have a wife that really loves her kids, she also yells at him when he's been too mean and defends her kids with her life😭 I hope Indra doesn't throw hands😭💀

Noooo, Indra may be a terrible yandere, but he knows better than to be a woman-beating coward!🙏🙏🙏

I love all requests involving the Uchiha as fathers, please keep sending me them!! It's beautiful to see them in environments that don't involve war and destruction, and being fatherly love figures😭❣️

Indra

- He loves (Y/N) with all his little heart will allow, but getting involved with the way he handles the upbringing of his children is a big NO. He will use an iron fist to forge kids who know how to stand up for themselves if necessary, and if she has anything to say about it, they will fight. Papa Indra is a great and fearsome figure of respect to whom no argument is countered and orders are obeyed (for his children, (Y/N) fearlessly ignore this).

- His wife will be present at all training, and will try to reduce Otsutsuki's severity altogether. If she expected him to be gentle because it is about his own children, she is wrong. It will drive her crazy when she sees her little ones flying through the air because daddy is too tough, and she scolds him in front of them.

- Indra is deeply insulted by how (Y/N) tries to diminish his authority before the kids, and they engage in a quarrel that lasts for weeks. Eventually, they come to an agreement, where she doesn't mess with his ways, but he is a little less severe. When the infants turn 10, he can treat them as he pleases, but not until that age.

- He focuses on an infant-friendly regimen, which even for (Y/N) is still too demanding, and on many occasions he has to put up with her nagging and watching her drag the children away from him in her arms.

- She is so overprotective, her own kids are the ones who return with him to the training ground after escaping their mother's watchful eye, and ask him to continue with their activities. Indra smiles proudly and restrains himself, as he appreciates his sons also want to spend time with him.

- He's not the best father, but he tries.

Madara

- He can't be hard on them, he adores them so much he can't even scold them when they deserve it. In fact, Madara is the permissive father his children ask for everything first because they know he will say yes, afterwards going to confront their mother with daddy's confirmation in advance to argue their case.

- He refuses to be the one training them. He considers himself a very tough and pushy person with the workouts he prefers to give, and could never treat his little ones that way. He ends up asking Izuna to take over, and (Y/N) scolding the young Uchiha when he gets too hard on them.

- The few times he had to scold one of them for making a mess, he did it guiltily. In his children he sees the souls of those brothers he lost as a child, and he can't be mean to them. He lets them do whatever they want, and if Mom comes back to find a mess at home because Dad didn't set limits, Madara will be reprimanded along with his children as if they were all the same age.

- In one special situation, his children made a big disaster while (Y/N) was not at home. At that point he realized he should put his foot down because his children see him more as an accomplice than a figure of respect, and he goes a bit overboard with his scolding. His kids are slightly traumatized, and know not to push their luck when it comes to their father.

- He rarely yells at them, and beyond that particular time, he did so only one other time. In front of (Y/N), he berated his boys vehemently, and it was she who yelled at him at the time for being "too hard on my babies!" (as if she wasn't...). Madara chose to abide by the commander's orders and remain silent.

- Good father, with a lot of effort.

#madara uchiha x reader #uchiha madara x reader #madara x reader #indra otsutsuki x reader #otsutsuki indra x reader #indra x reader #madara uchiha #uchiha madara #madara #otsutsuki indra #indra otsutsuki #indra #naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto imagines #uchiha clan #naruto x reader #naruto scenarios

[jigujellee]

COOL WITH YU

(gif creds here)

pairing : karina x fem!reader

summary : karina yu hates your guts, but she's starting to realize she doesn't. | read part 1 here!

word count : 5k 💀

warnings : mentions of death, mentions of gambling addictions, swearing, red flag step mom green flag dad, karina is just not good w her words, shitty non proof-read writing (im v rusty im so sorry)

your tears cascaded down your cheeks as you watched your father kneel beside your bedridden mother, gripping onto her hand as he sobbed uncontrollably. you both knew this day would eventually come; the doctors constantly reminded you of her poor prognosis but neither of you were ready to accept it.

your eyes shift from your father to your mother. you could tell she left peacefully seeing that her she had a faint smile on her face, one that you always loved to see growing up. as you admired her features, your chest begins to ache as her last words to you repeatedly echo in your head;

“you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, y/n. thank you for being my sunshine even on my darkest days. never forget that i’m always with you in here,” she says as she holds her hand to your chest and feels your heartbeat, causing a smile grows on her face.

“and i love you so much, my y/n. i always will even if we’re galaxies and dimensions apart”

it was too much to take in at the young age of 12. your mind was blank, not a single thought occupying your brain. you couldn’t process the fact that you’ve lost one of the most important people in your life on a random tuesday evening. it’s clear your father couldn’t handle it either, seeing how he hasn’t been able to stop his own tears since the time of death was announced. you move towards him and hug him from behind and you too start to sob with him.

naturally, it would take some time to truly accept the fact that your mother was gone. the pain still lingered for both you and your father but things were slowly shaping up. you found joy in the things you loved once again and you were able to surround yourself with people who cared about you. it wasn’t until your dad had announced that he would be getting married to a literal reincarnation of the devil that all the progress you were making had gone down the drain. how could he remarry so quickly, and to someone who wasn’t anything like your mother?

her name was lorraine. she used to work with your dad and kept seeing him after your mother’s passing. she seemed really sweet and caring at first but she was quick to show her true colours once she got with your dad. unbeknownst to the both of you, lorraine had a terrible gambling addiction. the anger on your dad’s face when he found out she used all the money your mom put away for your college tuition wasn’t even close to the anger you felt bubbling in your chest. to make matters worse, lorraine didn’t seem bothered by it at all nor did she give any indication that she would try and help earn it back, and you swore that you wouldn’t bother trying to include her in your life.

you didn’t have a large circle of friends so avoiding people was easy for you. if anything, you enjoyed roaming around campus on your own, trying to find undiscovered places to study and get work done. the only person you haven’t avoided was ryujin, a friend you met who lives a few dorms down from you, but that was only because she forces her way into your life and you just always seem to give in to her.

the two of you found a nice shaded area in the quad to try and study for your upcoming midterms. it was silent for the most part with the breeze and some birds chirping being the only thing you could hear, but that silence was broken when ryujin suddenly asks you a question.

“how come you don’t hang around karina anymore?”

the mention of her name is enough to make you stop writing notes. you take a brief look at her before smacking her on the arm, causing her to yelp.

“damn girl, i was just asking! no need to get violent,” ryujin rubs the now slightly reddened area in attempts to soothe the pain.

“but i brought her up because i think she’s worried about you. like, i swear i’ve seen her steal glances at you whenever you and i study at the library or whenever we pass by her”

“aw how sweet,” you say sarcastically, not even batting an eye towards your friend as you continue to focus on your notes.

“i swear i caught you looking back at her too at one point”

“okay, now you’re just being delusional”

“am i though?” the question is left unanswered and you force her to focus on studying. ryujin smirks at her small victory.

if you were in fact looking at the girl in question, it probably wasn’t even on purpose. besides, why would you even bother staring at someone who doesn’t care about you?

to say you were tired was an understatement; you were absolutely drained. studying for midterms and completing a handful of assignments meant that you were losing more and more sleep each night, and it was definitely catching up to you.

“you look like you died and were forced to come back to life,” ryujin jokes as she hands you a large black coffee and a red bull. was it healthy? definitely not, but you needed to stay awake during your classes.

“good morning to you too, jinnie. thanks for the energy”

“i know, i’m everyone’s ball of sunshine!” she yells, a bit too close to your eardrums for your liking.

“i meant the drinks, idiot”

“it’s okay, i know what you really mean” ryujin playfully nudges your side and you can’t help but playfully roll your eyes at her. you slide the red bull into your bag and take a sip of the coffee before dropping ryujin off to her class and making your way to yours. thankfully, your classes are in the same building so you don’t need to travel too far.

you quietly enter the lecture hall, your mind too occupied with what you were going to study next once you finished classes today. you plop yourself down in your usual seat, not paying much attention to the few students already there. it wasn’t until a granola bar was placed on top of the notes you were trying to read that you finally paid attention to something other than microbiology notes.

when you look up, your eyes are met with a girl sporting a jean jacket with a black tank top underneath matched with grey sweats and topped with a plain black yankees baseball cap. she looked like those girls on pinterest who had such simple but eye-catching outfits. when she looks up, you realize it’s the person you’ve been trying to avoid for days now. she doesn’t utter a word and makes her way down to her usual spot three rows in front of you. you stare at the granola bar for a moment as you mentally debate whether you should eat it or not. the professor’s voice catches you off guard and you quickly shove the granola bar into the front pocket of your bag, deciding to eat it sometime later when she wasn’t around.

this class is one of your favourites as you personally love learning about anything ancient greece, but today you find it difficult to pay attention in class. your eyelids are significantly heavier than usual and you feel your head start to bob up and down. you figure it shouldn’t hurt to close your eyes for a moment so you lay your head down behind your laptop to try and get some shut eye, but it doesn’t last long because you feel the neighbouring student nudge your elbow to which you jerk your head up and find the professor giving you a stern look.

“i asked you a question, y/n”

“i’m sorry, could you please repeat it?”

the professor sighs but continues on anyway, “which two generals were fighting in the second punic war?”

you knew the answer, you felt it on the tip of your tongue. but all you could do was let out a few “uhs” and “uhms” before a familiar voice speaks in your place.

“it was between scipio africanus and hannibal”

“well done, karina. i’d also like to remind everyone that sleeping in my class is not allowed. either show up to my class or don’t come at all, but i don’t want you to come in here and treat it like your bedroom,” the professor doesn’t break eye contact with you as he spoke to the class. you shrink back in your seat and keep your eyes glued to your laptop, failing to catch karina looking back at you with worry plastered all over her face.

luckily you were able to keep yourself awake for the remainder of the lecture after chugging down the coffee ryujin got you. once 3 hours have gone by and everyone is packing up to leave, the professor asks to have a word with you so you sit and wait for everyone to leave the lecture hall before making your way down towards the front of the class. your professor has already packed up and sits on the desk, swinging his legs back and forth like a child in a high chair.

“is everything alright, y/n?” he asks gently.

“yeah, i’m- i’m just exhausted. it’s midterm season and all the profs are dropping assignments left and right, and i thought i planned everything out properly but i’m a bit behind so i’ve been staying up late to finish things,” you ramble, pausing to catch your breath. “but this doesn’t excuse me falling asleep in your class, i’m sorry. it won’t happen again”

“it’s alright, i was just worried. i’m sorry for announcing it to the class, i didn’t realize what i said until afterwards which is why i wanted to speak with you briefly to apologize,” you give a small smile and tell him not to worry about it. he dismisses you and reminds you take breaks when you can. it felt nice to have a professor care for their students, which was another reason why you enjoyed this class so much.

you feel a bit better after speaking with your professor; your steps felt lighter and you suddenly felt energized to get some studying done so you plan to head for the library. but unfortunately, the campus goddess had also wanted to have a word with you after class seeing that she waited for you outside. you attempt to walk in the opposite direction but karina is quick to follow you with a skip in her step.

“hey, i practically saved your ass in there,” she boasts, now trying to walk backwards since you wouldn’t stop walking. “now we’re even after what you did last time” you felt your eyes roll at her comment and you pick up your pace to move past her and get to the library. you’re stopped yet again when you feel her slender fingers tightly wrap around your wrist, pulling you back to face her.

“can you stop ignoring me for once? i just want to talk to you”

“let go, you’re hurting me” karina looks down and her eyes widen at how strong her grip was on you, and she’s quick to drop your wrist.

“sorry. where are you off to in such a hurry anyway?”

“cut the bullshit karina, what do you want to say?” the purple haired girl purses her lips and inhales deeply through her nose before continuing.

“why do you have so much hatred towards me?” you look at her completely baffled, then laugh in disbelief.

“are you serious? you’re asking me why i hate you, when you’re the one who did it first? don’t you remember what you said to me when i was asked to help you with your catch up assignments? you said you were going to get your grade up, with or without my help, and then you’d be through with me. and let’s not forget all the times you shut me down when all i wanted was to be your friend and be close to you, yet you want to stand here in front of me want and ask why i hate you? damn i didn’t take you for an idiot, karina,” the last sentence struck a chord in the girl.

“excuse me?” it was karina’s turn to act baffled. “i was just stressed and having a really difficult time, but clearly you wouldn’t understand that because of how cold and ignorant you are,” she responds, voice slightly raised. if you think people weren’t staring at you before, they definitely were now.

“oh yes, because you, of all people, definitely understand how i’m feeling just because you overheard that one phone call, right? like be fucking for real” karina’s words begin to sink in and only then does she realize the weight of her words; this isn’t how she wanted this conversation to go at all. you walk closely towards her and you watch karina uncross her arms and keeps them at her sides once your faces are merely inches apart from each other.

“don’t make comments about my personal life because i don’t make comments about yours. (shoutout ate bobbie, iykyk) i never wanted to hate you karina, i’m just here returning the fucking favour,” you push past the girl and leave her in a now crowded corridor with people whispering around you trying to understand what just happened. the campus goddess clenches her fists and tries to fight back the tears that were forming in her eyes. she was reminded of when you yelled at her the last time, saying the same thing: that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with karina.

after your little spat with karina, your week has been anything but good. you lost all your motivation to study, you started to skip a few of your classes and opted to stay at your dorm because you couldn’t deal with any human interaction right now. you replay the fight over and over in your head, and you honestly find it hard to believe that one person can have such a drastic effect on your mood.

you stay in bed after hearing your alarm go off, staring at the ceiling. it’s been your dream to come to this school but you clearly weren’t enjoying the experience to the fullest. you’re miles away from your dad, you have a demon of a step mother, and the prettiest most popular girl on campus hated you and you still don’t even have any clue as to why. your first year at smu wasn’t anything like college life in the movies and a part of you was starting to regret coming here.

letting out a deep sigh, you turn to your side and find the framed picture of your mom sitting on your nightstand. you reach to grab it and gloss over her features, her smile standing out to you the most as many would say that you have her smile. tears start to trickle in and you pull the frame close to your chest, hoping that you could somehow feel the warmth of her hugs once more.

“i miss you so much, mom. i wish you were here to tell me things will be okay.”

you stay like that for a few minutes, your tears now drying on your face. you feel the weight of your eyelids become heavier and you could feel yourself drifting into sleep yet again, but your phone begins to violently vibrate. thinking you must’ve set another alarm by mistake, you reach to grab the device and find it’s not an alarm but a phone call. as you usually do with lorraine, you answer the phone but say nothing until she speaks first.

“i’ve been trying to call you for ages now! why aren’t you picking up your phone? i swear to god y/n, you will be the reason for your father’s death with all the stress you’ve been causing him!”

“how do you know you’re not the one causing him to stress?”

“please sweetie, you wouldn’t know how much i do for him since you rarely ever check in with us”

“oh i check in with him all the time, it’s just you i don’t check in with. you’re no one to me”

“you’re such an ungrateful little prick, you know that? you’re just like your mother, you’re both just so unreliable and you leave your poor father all alone here and-”

“god, just shut the fuck up!” you spring up in bed, clutching the picture frame tightly out of anger.

“my parents wanted me to come here! they knew it was always my dream to come to smu, but after your dumbass self spent all the money we had on your stupid gambling addiction, he had to work a shit ton of jobs just so he could pay for me to go to school! and what did you do? what did you do besides stay at home, unemployed, gossiping with your friends over the phone on the couch every fucking day?” your vision becomes more blurry by the second due to the new rush of tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

your relationship with your dad became a teeny bit rocky after announcing his marriage with lorraine, but it wasn’t completely terrible. you didn’t have the heart to hate your dad for meeting someone new. if anything, you understood that you had to rely on each other more than ever because he’s all you have left and you didn’t want some random lady to get in the way of that.

one day, your dad walks into your room and sits beside you on your bed where he hands you a plane ticket and what looked like an admission’s folder with smu’s crest on the front.

“i’ve saved up enough for your first two years, and i’ll continue working hard so you can finish altogether. i know it’s always been your dream to study at smu and i don’t want you to lose this opportunity because of financial setbacks”

“but i don’t want leave you here dad, i’m fine attending somewhere nearby. i just don’t want you to be alone with her,” you protest as you wrap your arms tightly around him. he leaves a soft kiss on your temple reassuring you that he’ll be fine, and made you promise to call him everyday.

“you’re going to make mom and i proud like you always do, y/n. don’t worry about me, just live your dreams for the both of us”

you aggressively wipe your eyes before continuing to yell into the phone mic.

“if you think you’re my dad’s knight in shining armour who saved him, then you’re so delusional. don't speak about me or my mother again, and for fuck's sake, stop calling me! i don’t need you to check in on me and i don’t need you in my life!” you hang up without letting her utter a word in, making sure to block her number right after. you fall back onto your bed with tears falling one after the other, these ones being out of anger and not sadness.

your phone begins to ring again and you nearly throw it across the room, but seeing that it was your dad calling, you immediately pick it up.

“hi my lo- wait, are you crying? why are you crying, what happened?”

“nothing dad, lorraine just called. again.” you hear your father sigh and watch as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“i’m so sorry sweetie, i tried making it clear to her that you didn’t want her contacting you, but she’s still stubborn as per usual”

“why are you still with her?”

“to be honest, i don’t know. if i knew she was going to act like this, especially with you, i wouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. i’m seriously considering filing a divorce,” his response slightly shocks you.

“well, don’t divorce her because of me. if you like her, then you like her and i don’t want to get in the way of that”

“honey, you know you come first before anything and anyone. both you and your mom,” you begin to feel a warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest at the mention of her. it’s silent for a moment before you ask a question you’ve been wanting to ask for sometime now.

“do you miss mom?”

“oh y/n, i miss her every single day. i still can’t find it in my heart to believe she’s really gone”

“you were so in love with her, weren’t you?”

“were? i am still very much in love with her. there is no one else in this world that could possibly make me feel the way your mother did. although there’s a possibility of meeting new people, no one else will come close to her” you smile at the words being spilled by your dad. it was so endearing to hear him speak about his love for your mom and it eases your mind knowing that he hadn’t easily replaced her with someone like lorraine.

“there’s the pretty smile i love so much,” you giggle at your dad's sudden comment, your eyes meeting his own along with his signature big and toothy grin.

“i love you dad”

“i love you too, sweetie. it’s you and mom in my heart forever, okay?” you nod your head and flash him another smile.

“i’m coming home once the semester ends so text me what you want me to bring home”

“that’s my girl! and don’t stress too much. i’m okay, you’re okay, and everything is going to be okay. i got you always,” he blows you a kiss and waves goodbye before hanging up, the anger from earlier dissipating almost immediately.

you don’t realize you’re still holding onto the picture of your mom even after both phone calls. you look at it one more time and replicate the smile that your mother had before giving the picture a soft kiss and placing it back in its spot on the nightstand. with a sudden surge of energy and motivation thanks to your dad, you decide to be productive today and start by cleaning yourself and your room, which was a complete disaster due to midterm season.

once you’ve finished your little reset moment, you hear a knock on the door. you weren’t expecting anyone so you’re taken aback slightly at the sudden visitor. twisting the doorknob with much hesitation, you open the door and find no one there to your surprise. you peek your head out and look in both directions to see who it was, but you only caught glimpse of what looked like a jean jacket turning the corner. at first, you think you were just being pranked but once you look towards the ground, you find a shin ramen cup and some spam with a sticky note reading “don’t skip your meals. you can’t live on coffee and red bull forever - rn” you bring the items in and begin to prepare the food while thinking of who rn could possibly be.

the following days were spent entirely in the library trying to catch up on school work. thankfully, you were able to get your assignments out of the way and you had time to focus on just studying now. you make your way to your usual spot in the library, large coffee in hand and headphones on your head, but you notice someone is already sitting there. you recognize the purple hair that was tied in a messy bun under a familiar black baseball cap. it had been awhile since you fought with the girl, so you were hesitant to approach her and tried to look for other seats in the library. to your demise, other tables and areas were fully occupied except for the seat across from her, so you walked towards the empty spot anyway.

karina has her headphones on as well so she doesn’t hear you approach her. she’s startled once she noticed someone take the seat in front of her, but she’s even more surprised at who takes the seat.

you don’t say anything and even avoid any eye contact with her, but you can feel her piercing gaze as she watches you like a hawk while you unpack your things. as soon as you get settled, karina takes her headphones off and taps you lightly on the hand, motioning for you to take your headphones off too indicating that she wanted to talk. you pause your song and take them off like she requested and karina takes a deep breath before speaking, as she usually does with you.

“i understand if you still do not wish to speak to me after this, but please hear me out this one time” she’s barely whispering and you need to lean in a bit closer to fully hear her. but you stay silent and she takes it as her cue to continue.

“growing up, my mom always pushed me to study and work hard. i rarely left my house, and if i did, it was just with family. when i came here to smu, i finally had the freedom to do whatever i want whenever i want, but unfortunately, that mindset of constantly needing to do well and staying independent still stays with me. i’ve lost a lot of friends because of it; i lost you because of it,” she shyly admits. “but that should not be an excuse for how i’ve been treating you since you got here, and i’m really sorry. you just wanted to be close with me and you wanted to help me but i pushed you away without any warning, which isn’t fair to you at all”

you nod your head when she spoke to show that you were really listening and trying to understand what she was saying. it takes some time to figure out what to say to karina, but she patiently waits for you to formulate your response which surprises her at first.

“you remind me of my mother. she was hardworking, independent, and very beautiful too,” karina’s cheeks feel warm at the sudden compliment and you try to hide your smirk when you see the tips of her ears go red.

“but just like you, she also pushed away those who cared about her the most. even when she was confined to a hospital bed, suffering and hurting, she always told my dad and i that she was fine with the biggest smile on her face. i knew she wasn’t, but she didn’t want us to worry. she didn’t want us to think about when her time finally comes” the girl stays silent just like you did, letting the words fully sink in as she waits for you to continue.

“but if there’s anything thing my mom taught me, it’s to not give up on people so easily which is why i kept trying to be friends with you. looking at it now, maybe i came off way too strong at first with all the gifts, and it’s my fault for not realizing that. but like you said, it doesn’t excuse your behaviour towards me” karina purses her lips and brings her head down, ashamed to face you because of her past actions. but she quickly shoots her head up and asks if there's anything she could do to make it up to you.

“let me take you on a date” karina’s eyes widen and her cheeks are fully flushed, you can’t help but smirk at the girl.

“a date? like, a romantic date? or-”

“it doesn’t need to be romantic. just two people, getting to know each other and seeing where it takes them” karina regains composure and tries to act like she didn’t just freak out a second ago.

“do you have a crush on me, y/n?” she says with fake confidence.

“you intrigue me," you admit bluntly. "i want to know more about the campus goddess and i’d be lying if i said i didn’t think of you from time to time”

“well, i could say the same thing. i wouldn’t have gone out of my way to feed you if i didn’t have any interest in you,” you raise your eyebrow in confusion, unsure of what she meant. you don’t recall talking to karina prior to this conversation so it was practically impossible for her to have fed you. it’s karina’s turn to smirk as she finds your confusion slightly amusing, but it immediately clears up once she messily attempts to write rn upside down in your notebook. you simply smile at the memory of finding food in front of your door.

the rest of your time in the library is spent studying because you learned you both had been slacking off due to the emotional distress of being angry at each other. you agreed to study for a few hours before grabbing a bite to eat together, and as you watch a focused purple-haired campus goddess scrunch her nose while trying to write her study notes, you realize that college was going to be one hell of an experience after all.

a/n: i am so sorry this took so long to put out.... but i hope u enjoyed it nonetheless :') i love u all sm

#kpop scenarios #girl group scenarios #kpop imagines #girl group imagines #gg scenarios #gg imagines #aespa #aespa karina #karina yu #yu jimin #karina scenarios #karina imagines #karina x reader #fem reader #jigujellee

[maliciouslove]

𝕃𝕚𝕝𝕒𝕔

SFW, shopping district!AU, aged up characters (21+) 

pairing // todoroki shouto x reader

summary // a story you’ve never shared with anyone before is how you came to love flowers as much as you do. it’s simple really—it all started with him. it all started with the boy who brought you a single flower every day of the week when you scraped your knee riding his bike. your first love. but how long will it take for him to come to understand it?  

word count // 4.2k 

tags // CEO!shouto, florist!reader, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, (hurt) comfort, mutual pining (except shouto doesn’t know he’s pining), shouto with long hair, shouto is dense af, jealousy

Do you believe in soulmates?

You could understand why so many people thought of soulmates as some sort of far fetched, overly romanticized pipe dream, but honestly—you knew better. Because you had already met your soulmate. 

The evidence pointing to that?

You’ve known him since birth basically, being born less than a year after him. You grew up together, living two houses down from each other. You spent your entire youth together: from playing in the sandbox, making pretend meals out of mud and stones and using leaves as money, to being classmates throughout middle school and highschool, always walking home together and doing homework in your living room late into the night. 

The two of you were truly inseparable and shared everything—so when he got a bike at the age of six and you didn’t, of course he was more than willing to share. He wanted to teach you how to ride, put his little blue helmet on your head and fastened it under your chin, calming you down because you were nervous. 

“But what if I fall…”

“I’ll catch you.”

And the way his big heterochromatic eyes were fixed on you, full of promise and safety, gave you all the courage you needed for you to get on that bike. And he tried, he really did try to catch you when you lost control of the bike and swerved right into your front yard, trashing your mother’s flower garden and falling face first into the peonies. 

That little boy was so worried, mortified by the idea that you got hurt because of him, he simply could not stop apologizing. Even when you told him through tears that it doesn’t really hurt that much. I just scraped my knee a little, I’m okay!

But it wasn’t okay for him because he promised to keep you safe and failed. So he stood by your side, tightly holding your little hand in his as your mother was cleaning up your wounds and lecturing you about safety. And his tiny chest would feel tight every time he looks at your injury, eyes heavy with guilt and worry. 

For the next week until your scrapes were fully healed, every time he’d come to your house to play he would bring a small flower with him to give to you. 

The first day, he brought you a daffodil, clutching it in his hand as he nervously presented it to you. The second day, it was a tulip, most likely stolen from his mother's garden. On the third, he had a wild rose, a few cuts visible on his fingers, proof of his struggle to get the flower for you. On the fourth, he had three geraniums in hand that quite frankly looked bigger than him, but he smiled brightly as he gave them to you. On the fifth, he got you marigolds and taught you how to make a flower crown out of them, and on the sixth he got you peonies, bringing some for your mom as well as an apology for ruining her garden. And finally, on the seventh day, he got you lilacs. 

“To congratulate you on your recovery.”

“It was just a scrape, Shouto…”

“So?” He was then crouching down to inspect your knee, satisfied that the scrape wasn’t going to leave a scar. 

“Why flowers?”

“Because they’re pretty like you.” 

What a simple, yet powerful answer. Despite your young age, you thought long and hard about his answer as you tentatively took care of the lilacs. With every day that the flower wilted, a fondness bloomed in your heart, and you learned that you like flowers, that you very much like the boy that gave them to you. 

After that, there was nothing that could tear you two apart, not even college. True, you’d spend a lot more time apart, face timing every other night and texting on the daily, but you’d still hold onto old traditions. You’d always be at his door at exactly 00:00 on his birthday, singing (poorly) a birthday song holding out a dessert you made yourself—a muffin with a candle stuck in the middle, strawberry shortcake (his favourite), cheesecake, cherry pie, even some pudding once. 

He would always pick matching Halloween costumes, and he’d always walk you home every chance he could. He remembers all your favourite coffee orders and, without failure, texts you good morning and goodnight. He watches out for you and holds your hand when you cross the street, squeezing once before he lets you go. And without failure every year for your birthday he gives you a bouquet of lilacs that’s simply twice as big as you are. 

You always believed that with time, Shouto would notice the longing in your eyes. After all, you weren’t really hiding it. Quite frankly, your love for him was seeping out of you: far too large for your body to contain. Every word you spoke to him was harbouring feelings, but alas, they were feelings that never reached him, their fingertips millimetres away from his heart. So close, yet too far away. 

But that’s okay. You loved him just the way he was—kind, reliable, and just a tad clueless. What he lacked, you made up for, and the same was true the other way around. You fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. He just didn’t know what that puzzle was yet. But that’s okay. You loved him just the way he was. 

And before you knew it, college was over too. Shouto went off to become the CEO of a big company. He was brilliant at his job. But then again, he was brilliant at most things. He could play the piano at the age of four and the violin by the time he was six. He was an incredible athlete, and he always had the best grades. Valedictorian. Graduating summa cum laude. 

You? You stayed true to your heart and did the thing that brought you most joy. You opened your own little flower shop in the old shopping district where you grew up. You’ve wanted one since you were six, and you’ve held the vision of what your workplace will look like since you were ten. You studied hard and went on multiple internships to polish your skills as a florist so you could stand where you are now. 

Your dream was slowly coming to life. 

You had just finished furnishing the store and setting up for your grand opening the next day when you heard a soft knock on the door, and a familiar face smiling behind it. And there they were—lilacs. 

“Congratulations.” His voice is low, serene, but his eyes hold a sparkle of excitement, a glimmer of pride. “You always wanted to have your own little shop. I’m so proud of you.”

His smile is enough to silence all your worries. As you lead him up to your little apartment above the shop, you tell him all about how you almost weren't going to be ready on time for the opening, about the delivery service that brought you the wrong order and now there were no red roses in your store. What self-respecting florist doesn’t have red roses in their store?

He told you about his work as you were placing the bouquet of lilacs into a big marble vase. Something about the stock market that you didn’t really understand, but you nodded along and listened closely anyway. He loosens his tie and makes himself comfortable in your home as he always has, but he doesn’t notice how long you stare at his tie. How much you wish you could just… pull him in by the tie. Does this man even know how good he looks in a suit? 

It’s always the same: He comes when he can, stays for dinner, talks about everything and anything—or nothing at all. His presence is soothing, yet so large; it fills every nook and cranny in your apartment. He belongs. With you. After dinner he doesn’t stay long, his workdays are longer, harder, so he can’t stay as long as he wishes to. But that’s okay. Because he kisses your forehead every time, and it sets off fireworks in your chest. 

“I’ll come tomorrow too. For your opening.” 

He was so big now, he took up the entire doorway. How time had changed him. His childish round cheeks were now gone, instead, he had a defined jaw. His big round eyes now had laugh lines around them. His hair was also longer now, combed and tied in a ponytail. He didn’t wear short jeans anymore but rather an expensive suit and watch. But he was still your Shouto. The boy who has always been there for you. 

“You don’t have to, you know, your schedule is busy enough as it is.” You offer him a way out, but you secretly hope he comes anyway. You want to see him again. You want him to say he’s proud of you again. You want him.

“I insist.” He smiles reassuringly. “I want to see your dream come true.”

At this you can’t help but laugh a little. 

“I owe it all to you.”

“Nonsense. You got here all on your own.” 

You shake your head. It’s not what you meant. I fell in love with flowers the day I fell in love with you. But the words never come out. They become a part of the graveyard of unspoken words that rests on your lips. But that’s okay. This is all you need. 

It’s okay.

Once he leaves the apartment feels much colder and your arms ache. Your heart feels just a little heavier once again. Just a little though. You’ve become exceptionally good at keeping these thoughts to yourself and channelling them into your work instead. You let your flowers talk for you. 

Carnations—I miss you.

Forget-me-nots—Please remember me. Selfishly, I hope you never forget me.

Amaryllis—the pride that stops me from revealing my feelings. 

Pink camellias—I long for you. To hold you. To call you mine.

Yellow tulips—a symbol of my hopeless, unrequited love. 

And of course, lilacs—you are my first love.

This is the great thing about flowers. Like relationships, they require a lot of love and care, and like long-lasting friendships, they carry so much meaning. Friendships, just like flowers, carry countless memories hidden between each petal, they carry expectations—the sun will rise each morning, the flowers will bloom, and he will always be right by your side.

Flowers hold so much meaning—for every feeling blooming in your chest, there is a flower to symbolize it. 

The petals of unspoken words lie heavy in your chest, but perhaps one day those petals will get scattered, and at least one will reach his heart. 

But for now… this is okay. This is enough.

It’s already the end of May, but it’s extraordinarily cold tonight, and the wind is unkindly bending tree branches under its will. There is no moon, nor any stars, just clouds of uncertainty and doubt. Flowers cannot bloom in darkness, so they wait for morning light. The same applies to people—hope comes to us at dawn. 

Shouto wakes up promptly at 5:55AM, exactly five minutes before his alarm. He’s barely awake, but his mind drifts to you. Would you be able to take an hour off for lunch? Perhaps dinner would be better? He wants to celebrate the happy occasion. He wants to see you, even if it’s for 10 minutes only. Even if it’s less, he wants to be close to you, to feel the comfort of your presence, to see you smile and hear you laugh. 

He doesn’t think twice as he picks out his suit, a neat lavender coloured tie to match his little pocket square. He has four other ties like this one, something about the colour just feels right to him. The first half of his day goes by in a blur, practically working on autopilot as his mind just keeps going back to you. Are you smiling right now? Is the opening day going well? 

He imagines you happily buried under a pile of flowers and chuckles to himself—something Midoriya doesn’t fail to notice, but evidently chooses not to ask about anyway. The green-haired man had a pretty good idea what was on his boss’s mind anyway. Which is why around 11:30 he practically kicks Shouto out of their shared office and reassures him that he has things handled. 

“You have more important things to do now, go on.”

His heart is beating quite fast in his chest, so he deliberately slows his pace in an attempt to calm himself. But it appears that the closer he gets to your little shop, the faster his heart seems to race. He briefly considers consulting a cardiologist, but shoves the thought aside as soon as he can make out your silhouette behind the register. Your voice carries through the shop like a melody, and for a while he just stands by the entrance and listens. 

“It’s been sooo long, I’ve missed you Denks, you should swing by more often! I never see your face anymore.” 

Shouto can’t quite see your face from the broad shoulders of the blonde man in front of the register, but he can hear the little pout in your voice. He can vividly picture it. 

“You’re absolutely right, let me make it up to you! Let me take you out to dinner sometime? I’d love to catch up, spend some quality time with my favourite florist.” 

There is a pang in Shouto’s heart. Who is this? A friend of yours? But he knows all your friends? 

“You know what, I’d love that. How about sometime this weekend?”

“Perfect! I’ll text you the details, okay? I gotta run for now, but thank you for the beautiful flowers! Almost as pretty as you are!” 

The unknown man leans over the register and places a tiny kiss on your cheek, grinning widely at you and waving his hand goodbye. He doesn’t even look at Shouto as he passes him by at the door. 

“Shooo! You came!” He barely has time to compose himself and react to you throwing yourself on him and wrapping your hands around his neck. The moment you touch him all his previous thoughts fly out the window. Nothing else matters but you being in his arms. 

“Of course I came, it’s my girl’s big day today.” 

Once again, everything feels easy, natural. It feels like home, like you are a place he can return to whenever he needs to, a safe haven. The rest is easy—talk, have lunch, laugh, discuss visiting your parents soon, having a family dinner together since it’s been some time. But the question remains, gnawing at him. 

“Hey, um… who was that blonde man you were talking to right before I walked in? You two seemed familiar?” He hated how the word tastes in his mouth: bitter and unpleasant.

“Hm? Oh, Denki? Old college mate, but he quit his study midway because he moved away for a while. Apparently he kept my number, reached out to me the other day saying he’s back in town so I told him to stop by my shop!” You smile fondly, and it tugs at Shouto’s heart. It feels strange. His hands are sweating. 

It doesn’t feel easy anymore. 

It doesn’t feel natural. 

As usual, he walks you back home, wishes you luck with the rest of the day, and gives you a forehead kiss, yet it doesn’t give him the same feeling of calmness it usually does. It feels stiff. Rushed. Why are his legs carrying him out of your shop so quickly? Why is his mind racing without having any particular direction? Why? 

Once back in the office he thinks he could bury these feelings with work, he hoped it would be a sufficient distraction until he can schedule an appointment with a good doctor. But Midoriya beats him to it. 

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing, just have a lot on my mind. Need to focus.”

“Uh, no. Spill. What’s on little Shouto’s mind?”

And Shouto knows better than to argue and evade. They have been friends for years, and Izuku Midoriya is known for his persistence and his need to help others. A good man, a man he trusted with half his company, so why shouldn’t he trust him with the mess of feelings in his head? 

So he does. He tells him about the other man, the conversation, the date plan for the weekend, the ugly feelings that it gave rise to, the struggle to understand them. The youngest Todoroki bared his heart to his friend, hoping that he would have some insight, an answer as to why he feels so strange. 

But he just laughs. An exasperated chuckle, and he buries his face in his hands, fingers running through green locks as some sort of ritual to help him remain calm.

“You cannot possibly be this oblivious, Sho…”

“What do you mean?” he replies in earnest. Izuku sighs once again. 

“Okay, uhm… is this the first time you feel like this?”

Shouto ponders for a moment and searches his memory. The answer comes quite fast, no, this wasn’t the first time. It has happened before—in middle school when you got paired to do a science project with another boy and you stayed with him after school. He felt a similar pang when you would laugh at that other boy’s jokes. When you would lend him a pen, or your notes.

And then again in high school, when all the other boys were raging with hormones and would stare at your legs a little too long. I made him frustrated, angry even. Why? When one of his classmates hinted he had a crush on you, it made his chest feel heavy. It made him green with envy, it made him lose sleep that night. Yet his heart felt as light as a feather as soon as he learned you rejected his advances. 

It had happened before. He had been jealous before. 

“And why do you think you were jealous?” Izuku pressed further, giving Shouto enough room to sort his own feelings out. 

“Because… I respect her, and I want the best for her?” He still sounds puzzled, so the green-haired man gives him another gentle nudge. 

“I’m sure that’s true, but is that all it is? Do you think anyone is ever going to be good enough for her?” Izuku raises his eyebrow, lips curling into a knowing smile.

“No.” Shouto shoots out immediately, eyebrows furrowed and chewing on his lower lip. 

“No. Nobody will ever be good enough, I… Fuck.” His foot was furiously bouncing under the table, his whole body felt tense, on edge. Like the eerie feeling that you’re forgetting something important. Like when a certain word or phrase is at the tip of your tongue, but refuses to roll off and come to reality. 

“So, you care for her, you respect her, you feel jealous when other men approach her with a romantic interest, and you think nobody will be good enough for her. Sho, you’re a brilliant man, so tell me, what do you think that means?” Izuku gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulder and a little squeeze, giving him the courage to come to terms with reality. 

And surely, almost like a movie, all the memories of you play inside his head. The first time you tried coffee jelly and scrunched up your nose in disgust because it was too bitter for you. When you cut your hair short and ended up hating it, refusing to come out of your room for a week. When you got drunk for the first time at a karaoke bar and sang “My heart will go on” while on top of a table. You, in your prom dress, posing for photos as the sun sets behind you. It was probably a beautiful sunset, but he couldn’t care less for it at the time. He only had eyes for you. 

Everything you did was wonderful. 

He found the way you scrunch your nose at things you dislike to be adorable. He thought you looked as beautiful as always with short hair. He adored how happy you look whenever you sang. To him, you were perfect. To him, you were his entire world. 

It makes sense now. All the puzzle pieces fall together and the realization makes him feel like he could fly. 

“I’m… I love her.” He finally looks up at his friend only to find him smiling back at him. 

“Well, what are you standing there for? Go to her!”

The sky is dark. When had it gotten this late? His feet were carrying him through the narrow streets, lavender tie discarded a long time ago. As soon as Midoriya said those words his feet moved on their own. Didn’t even stop to get his car, he just ran out the office, sprinting like his whole life depended on it. 

He loves you. 

He has to run faster, God he needs to tell you. How can he be so blind? How could he miss that the colour of lilac reminds him of you? Or miss the fact that you’re always on his mind? How can he not see that you’re in every detail in his life? All the feelings that previously had no names are back, swallowing him whole. Longing. Jealousy. Regret.

His hair is no longer tied in a neat ponytail, it’s loose and wild from the wind, it’s as messy as his feelings are, but that doesn't matter right now. Two more blocks, and he’ll be at your apartment. What does he say? What is his plan? What if he’s too late? 

Heart hammering in his chest, he takes the stairs up to your apartment two at a time. God, his hands are shaking, his face feels warm. Wet. But his hand is already knocking on the door. It’s not soft like the usual, it’s urgent, it’s desperate. His mind is spinning, why is his face wet?

The door creaks open and there you are in your sunny yellow dress, perfect. Always been perfect. For him. 

“Shouto, what ar—”

“I love you.” It’s barely above a whisper, and the silence following these three words is deafening. 

The sound of the TV fades into the background, there are no birds, no cars outside. Just the two of you. The moment feels static, completely still, yet still buzzing with energy. It stretches longer than it should, as if time warps and stops to make way for love. The world feels small right now, it shrinks and the entirety of it fills the tiny hallway.   

You don’t say anything, you simply brush his tears away with your thumb, searching his eyes. His hair is dishevelled, chest heaving. He ran here?

“Again.” 

It takes a moment for Shouto to register what you’re asking of him. He takes a step closer, shortening the distance between you two. 

“I love you. I have for… for quite some time now.”

The words make you simultaneously feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and also as if there is an elephant sitting on your chest. It’s hard to breathe and your eyes feel prickly, even your voice quivers. 

“Again.”

He takes another step and he’s impossibly close to you now, his large warm hands cradling your face, heterochromatic eyes staring into yours. 

“I love you. You’re the only one for me, I’m… sorry it took me so long, I—”

Now it’s your turn to cut him off by pulling him by the collar of his white shirt and kissing him. His lips are soft, and a little wet from the tears, but so sweet. Gentle. Another step forward and then another, and you’re slowly being pushed back into your apartment, your back hits the wall as he deepens the kiss. When his own desire and impatience finally slip through the cracks he lifts you up, wrapping your legs around his waist and pressing himself impossibly hard against you. 

“Sho.. m’not goin’ n..ywhere.” You try to mumble through the kiss, but it only elicits a smile in response. When he finally pulls away you can see his face is dusted with pink, eyes raking over you as if he’s seeing you for the very first time. 

“Please… please be mine?” 

There are many emotions in his tone—desire, fear, jealousy, pure excitement. Hope. They’re the words you’ve always wanted to hear, and now that you have, you can’t help but wonder if you’re hallucinating. If this is just a very vivid dream. If it is a dream, then surely, the next part won’t matter once you wake up. Right?

“You silly man, I’ve been yours since I was six. God… You made me wait so long.” 

You’re smiling, but there are tears streaming down your face. All the feelings that you had to express through flowers, all the unspoken words, the longing, it’s flooding your senses like a broken dam. 

You feel the rough pads of his fingers under your eyes, wiping the tears the same way you did for him. Once again, he kisses your forehead, after which he simply presses his own to yours. 

“Let me make it up to you. Please.” 

Your name sounds so sweet coming from his lips right now. A plea for consent, a plea to allow him to finally have you. Make you his own. Erase everyone else from your mind until there is only him. Permission for him to be selfish.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you’ll let me.”

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑! I do not own any of the characters or people mentioned in my work. these are works of pure fiction that do not reflect the views, opinions, or actions of any person, real or fictional. Furthermore, all characters I write for [thirsts, drabbles, fics, etc.] are aged up to 21 or older – they are adults with adult characteristics presented and written in adult contexts.

all rights reserved © by maliciouslove. my work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. all fanfics belong to me, please do not copy, translate nor repost the fics or files seen above as this is strictly prohibited.

#holytext.exe #shouto #todoroki shouto #shouto x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki shoto #shoto #shoto x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #shouto sfw #todoroki shouto sfw #bnha sfw #todoroki shouto comfort #shouto comfort #todoroki shouto hurt/comfort #shouto hurt/comfort #bnha hurt/comfort #cw.jealousy

[bagopucks]

J. Hughes - Sally Forth [Peter McPoland]

✄————————————

Jack Hughes x Fem!dancer!reader

Requested✨

Word count: 3.7k

Warning(s): None

I didn’t state ‘Dance Moms’ specifically, but I also didn’t specify any studio or tv show for that matter. So it’s up for interpretation! The title is also the song I had in mind for the reader’s performance, but that is also up for each person’s creative interpretation.

—————————————

“Be ready ladies! I’m serious!” The shrill voice of our dance instructor had myself and the other girls tensing in our seats. This had to be perfect. I had to be perfect.

What the internet says is no lie, reality tv is not for children. I know that, but I have never once regretted experiencing all seven seasons of this show, and now finishing eight. The tv aspect is not what worries me. It’s Nationals. I got the soloist spot in my studio. Some girls cheered me on, others did not. I learned who were my real friends and who weren’t over the years. It was the same with the moms. I’ve always had trouble with them. Any adult in your life can be someone you look to for guidance. In this case, I did not enjoy the company or guidance of any mother on the show. The moms were always building someone up and tearing someone down. Often one was done to accomplish the other. Nobody could ever be equal.

Our director, competition, the end of a season. These were all relative constants in my life from a young age. They caused distress and pride. Self esteem issues, and self discovery.

I was never soft. In this industry I learned that a person simply won’t survive if they are too sensitive. But I had a superpower. Mama Hughes always reminded me of that. I was raised across the street from three rambunctious boys. They gave me hell every day of my life. I had a rough exterior and interior because I grew up getting pushed around, hit in the eyes with foam hockey balls, and shoving any brother out of the way when I heard Ellen shout that lunch was ready. Underneath the chaos, it had always been more than that. I would spend hours working on puzzles with Quinn, and watching movies we weren’t supposed to with Jack. A lot of the bonding I did with Luke was more so teasing and ganging up on him with his brothers, but I did offer school advice when he came to me for it. I slept over with those boys for many years, all wrapped up in comforters sprawled out across the floor. I spent many holidays with them as well. Even Hanukkah.

It was not only my grit and rough exterior that kept me afloat, but my good heart and soul that helped me not get lost in the fame and fortune. Ellen often told me that. But when her words didn’t work, I went to Jack.

He was the only person right now I could consistently think of. My mother and Ellen were here. The dads were in charge of the boys. I didn’t know why. How many adults did it take to control the Hughes boys? I could do it grabbing one by the ear, pinching another’s side, and promising the third a cookie.

I’d have a large support group, but Jack was the one I was worried about messing up in front of. People used to make jokes about us being so close, saying that one day we might get married. We used to gag at each other and shoot off empty insults about the opposite sex until we thought we made our points loud and clear.

Jack stopped that childish antic before me.

I stopped it shortly after.

then we ended up together.

“Alright, your costume’s in the bathroom, let me see your makeup.” I turned in my chair to look up at Ellen. My mother had never been particularly great at cosmetics, but Ellen promised she’d be there to make me pop. “You look beautiful.”

I did some of it on my own, but our instructor was tense about young teens doing their own makeup, so Ellen helped with the eyeliner and maskera.

“Go get into your costume while I clean up.” My mom piped up, and I smiled at her before practically sprinting to the bathroom down the hall. My costume was my favorite one by far. A dark green corset top, where one of the straps was covered in pale pastel colored flowers. Connected to it was a cream colored chiffon skirt, the same pastel floral arrangement sewn in strategically to make the buds look like they grew in a curved diagonal up the side. The skirt flowed nicely with my movements when I practiced in it, and the flowers accentuated every twist and turn. I gave myself a once over in the bathroom mirror before the nerves finally dawned on me. The tingly feeling followed me all the way back into the dressing room, my nails digging into my palms. Jack used to hold my hands in school under the desks when I did that. Now I didn’t have Jack with me.

“Oh baby!” My mom gasped, heads of other girls turning in the process. “You look so perfect.” My mom reached her arms out, and I did my best to attempt a side hug.

“Please don’t crush the flowers mom,” I spoke, alarming her and causing her to pull back.

“You look absolutely beautiful, sweetheart.” One of the mothers chimed in with what I might dare to call a genuine smile. “Now you just have to dance as perfect as you look.” There it was.

I quickly turned back to Ellen and my mother, my brows furrowed in a silent type of fear I didn’t know how to articulate. After so many years of dance, I still couldn’t voice my nerves properly when I needed to. No doubt because the other girls got torn down for it in the studio.

“You’re going to be so good baby. Come here,” my mom sat down in the chair I previously used in front of my vanity. I walked over and placed my hands in her own.

“You’re gonna do so good. What matters is that you were good enough to make it this far. This right here, is already impressive enough for everybody in this family. Your father and I will never stop bragging about you to everybody we know. Win or lose.” She smiled, and I could see tears forming in her eyes. My own mother made me want to cry on my performance day. “Ellen-“ she sniffed. “Pep talk- I’m gonna cry.”

I turned back to the woman I’d known since the age of seven. She smiled at me, I saw her boys in her. Most of all, I saw so much of Jack in her.

“Motivational pep talk. Ready?” I nodded. “You’re gonna get out there, and show those kids who’s boss. Because in the Hughes house, what do we believe in?”

“Checks, goals, and five holes?” I saw Ellen’s face contort into confusion. She’d have to ask which brother taught me that later.

“No… but close. Hard work takes you far. And dedication. And kid, as cheesy as it is, as long as you have fun, that’s all it takes to be happy with your results.” Ellen’s words made me nod. I drew in a slow breath. “But if you have to check a girl off stage, I won’t hold it against you.” I broke out into a quiet fit of laughter before our moment was interrupted by our instructor informing everybody to step out into the hall. We all did, some girls huddled together while I stood between Ellen and my mom. Ever since I got this solo, I’ve felt alienated. Quinn said they were just jealous. But as a teenager, all you want is to be accepted in a place you feel you belong.

“Ellen!” Jim rounded the corner in a beige suit, looking breathless. “Ellen, you’ve gotta come help me. There’s twenty of them, and they won’t sit in their seats. Luke keeps eating all the skittles- Jack won’t keep his tie on.. and Quinn-“ he looked exasperated, as if Quinn had been the worst of all. Then he paused. “Quinn’s actually fine.. but they’re impossible to handle.” Ellen laughed at her husband’s hardship before turning to give me a quick shoulder squeeze.

“We all believe in you.” She gave me a nod, and I returned it before she walked to her husband.

“Break someone’s leg, eh?” Jimmy’s words earned concerned looks from some of the mothers before the Hughes parents left. Leaving me to wait with my mother.

As the competition started, group by group, one by one, girls went on the stage, and came off. Some beamed with pride, others cried, others looked completely relieved.

“Mom I need to text Jack.” I turned to look at her, distressed. My throat was dry, and I felt like I could barely stand on my own two legs.

“Your phone’s in the dressing room, hun.”

“Please,” I begged. She pursed her lips before retrieving her own phone from her pocket, texting Ellen and telling the blonde woman her middle child was needed.

——————

Out in the auditorium, Ellen’s phone was being passed from boy to boy, until it reached the Hughes brothers on the opposite end of the isle.

Ellie H… Sup?

Jack. I’m really nervous.

Ellie H… No reason. You’ll be fine. You did this in the living room for me like 80 times.

Yeah. But did you point out every little thing that was wrong?

Ellie H… Don’t question yourself. Just go out there, do your dance, celly a little, and lay back for the rest of the night.

Celly a little? I can’t do that on stage.. they’ll take off points.

Ellie H… I don’t know how this thing works. Mom says you look beautiful. I can’t wait to see you :)

Don’t make my nerves worse. But.. yeah I’m excited to see you too. Your dad said you wouldn’t keep your tie on?

Ellie H… Oh it’s on. Mom yelled at me.

Can’t say I’m surprised. I bet you look handsome.

Ellie H… I do. And you’re gonna be fire. 💃

Ellie H… mom says I have to put this away. It’s disrespectful or something. I’ll

———Point of View Switch———

“Jack Rowden!” I could hear my mom trying to shout through whispers, turning my head to look at her as she leaned forward to see me through a row full of guys my age. My team. They were all trying their best not to snicker while the next age group was introduced. I looked back down at the phone to finish my text before Quinn snatched the phone from my hand, bumping the send button in the process.

“Dude!”

“Mom said stop.”

“She needed me.”

“She needed me!” My head whipped to Luke, seated on my other side.

“Shut up Luke. You can’t even get a girlfriend.” Quinn backhanded my stomach- but our fight ceased at the sound of our best friend’s name. My girlfriend’s name.

I couldn’t see her in the dim lights, but I knew her figure when she walked out on stage. I saw the way her skirt flowed behind her as well. She always walked so fast. Like a woman on a mission. When she was little, I used to watch her from across the yard with a box of chalk. She’d step right out the front door and march over to her driveway like she planned on making the most elaborate chalk art known to man. One day I got the courage to actually cross the street to see her. She didn’t like sharing her chalk at first… but that was probably because I used to press so hard I’d break it. She had to show me how to use it right. Always so gentle and elegant with everything.

“She’s set. That’s what they call it in dance when a performer-“

“Quinn, shut up.” I scolded my brother, leaning forward in my seat as my hands gripped my knees.

There was a solid moment where I swear nobody breathed, but it was just me holding the air in my lungs. My girlfriend stopped moving. She was set. She liked to tell me it was a dancer’s face off.

The lights came up in bright pale colors, and the song began. I gripped my knees tighter than ever. Was this what she felt like when she watched my hockey games?

“Oh my god,” Quinn would describe my tone as enamored. I didn’t even know what that word meant. As she moved around the stage, she was breathtaking. I held my breath and gasped with every jump, turn, leap, and roll. She was good. Better than I was at hockey. And even though I’d seen this routine a million times before, it felt like the first time when she was on stage.

“Quinn! Quinny, give me the phone.” I took it from him turning on the camera and holding it up before Luke reached out. “Stop!” I hissed.

“Let me do it so you can watch her,” my younger brother offered, and that’s when I handed the phone over.

I always thought my girlfriend was brilliant every day. Every time I held her, cuddled up on the couch with her. Every time we played board games or watched movies, or studied together. I always thought she was incredible, but I never got to see her really dance. Hockey always got in the way of recitals, and my mom was always worried that me coming around too much might get me roped up into a camera shot. She supported my lovely girl on stage, but I could understand why she didn’t want me or my brothers on tv. Different lives called for different people.

My eyes were trained on her the whole time she floated across the stage. She had grace and emotion in her movements. I could feel the love for what she did, and I swear I could see it in her body language.

“Dude,” Quinn broke the silence. Silence that shouldn’t have been broken, but we didn’t have a clue. Nor did we think it too disrespectful.

“I know.” I answered, my words drawl out as I slowly leaned back, a smile forming on my lips.

“You have to marry her.” Quinn’s eyes flickered from myself back to the stage, resting his hands on the armrests of his chair.

“Can’t if she marries dance first.”

“This is the one time I would ever encourage an affair.”

The woman in front of us turned around to glare, Quinn and I fell silent. Luke was busy giggling at the fact that the audio of whatever video he got, it was going to be good.

———Point Of View Switch———

When the music came to a close, I found myself smiling as bright as the sun. I gave a graceful bow before lifting my head to see an entire isle full of people springing upright. My eyes travelled the expanse of boys to find three brothers near the end in matching navy blue suits. My smile widened. I wanted to scream.

When I was allowed to leave the stage, I did. The second I was concealed by curtains, I went sprinting to hug my mother. Now we had to play the waiting game.

I sat in the dressing room and broke off small pieces of a chocolate bar while the other girls mingled and gossiped about the acts and who they thought was placing where. I tried not to dwell on it, but I did nonetheless. My leg bounced uncontrollably, eyes set on the floor while my mom sat beside me.

“What does this emoji mean?” I turned to look at her phone. She caught sight of the end of mine and Jack’s conversation.

“I don’t know mom.. it’s just a dancer.”

When they began to announce awards, all of the dancers were called to a roped off section of the auditorium to sit. I passed the side where Jim and Ellen sat, and received a fist bump from Jimmy on the way by. I tried not to give Jack any attention, knowing if I did, I’d be even more anxious to go home empty handed in front of him.

As the groups were gone through, and recognitions handed out as well as prizes, I began to tense up.

I was gripping the edge of my seat. Only one person could be in first place of my group.

They announced the third. My heart panicked, but it made me hopeful to be second or first.

They announced the second, and my chest began to tighten while my doubts sank in. My chances narrowed. Slim to none.

The woman on stage announced the first, and all of a sudden, everything wasn’t real any more. I heard my mother screaming her lungs out. I heard Jack’s voice in the back of my head, ‘celly a little.’ What did that even look like for me?

When my emotions caught up with my body, it looked like running in place, bouncing from foot to foot, and shouting at the top of my lungs. Then I bounded out of my isle and up onto the stage. I was presented with a sash and a trophy. Then a pretty silver crown. The woman on stage congratulated me, allowed for a few rounds of applause, and I was sent to sit again. Somebody came by to take my trophy to the back for me. I insisted to keep the crown and the sash.

When the competition was brought to a close, and everyone was thanked for coming, I leapt out of my seat, running to find my parents and the rest of my ‘fans.’ I smoothed down my skirt before reaching my mom, giving her the tightest hug I could before my dad playfully pushed her aside. I heard a voice smack talking my father from behind.

“Come on man, let me see her!” The voice finally pleaded, and my dad let me go, stepping aside to let me at Jack. I bounced into his arms, and he practically swung me from side to side as I shouted in pure joy.

“God you were mesmerizing! I love you so much.” We were only fifteen, but we swore we were in love with one another.

“Thank you for coming Jack,” I breathed a sigh of relief into his shoulder before I felt a force shove his weight into mine, pushing him forward and myself back.

“Let her go, loser. We want some too.” Quinn’s words made Jack reluctantly let me go, and the eldest brother quickly slipped past to wrap his arms around me. The crown on my head slipped, but Quinn was quick to snatch it before it fell.

“I’ll hold onto this, yeah?” The eldest brother offered, making me smile and nod.

“You were awesome. Luke got a video.” Quinn informed me, slowly pulling away.

“Luke got a video?” Ellen was reaching to grab her phone from her youngest.

Instead of hugs, Luke and I exchanged a quick handshake we made up long ago before he smiled at me. “It was pretty okay,” the blonde teased. I ruffled his somewhat styled hair.

I went through with the rest of the group, greeting each of the players with smiles and high fives or fist bumps. By the time I got to the end, I realized Jack had gone around to meet me there, I giggled softly at his eagerness. He had a twinkle in his eyes that made me want to hug him forever in that moment.

We shared another quick embrace, my eyes caught on a camera behind Jack. Ellen’s boys couldn’t escape the screen this time. When Jack pulled away, I gestured for him to take his suit jacket off. For the rest of the time we stood around talking, Jack held his jacket up, concealing us from whatever cameras we spotted.

The end was the sloppy part. Everybody was getting packed up and beginning to leave. The competition had been far from home, but the hotel we were booked to stay in was nice. The hockey team had to be somewhere else, as did the Hughes boys, but Ellen told Jack she could stay with him in her room where I was only one door down that night.

By the time we left the competition building, it was pitch black outside.

“Mom, can I go with Jack?” I asked softly, and she was quick to nod a yes. My dad offered to travel with the hockey team on the bus, so Jim could spend some time with his family after being apart. Quinn and Luke took the middle seats while Jack and I crammed ourselves into the back together. Despite the jovial moods everyone was in, exhaustion was also evident. A few things were said before silence filled the car on the ride to the hotel.

“You did so good.. I was so nervous every time you jumped. You’ve never done that before in the living room.” Jack and I whispered back and forth as we sat, practically sharing the middle seat in the back. We had unbuckled to be closer. Not the safest move, I’ll admit.

“You really did look handsome tonight.” I whispered in return, reaching up to rest my hands on his shoulders.

“I loved your dance outfit.. but I think these sweatpants look better on you.” Jack teased softly as he rested his head atop the seat he leaned half of his body against. Our knees were touching, legs folded up onto the seats to make facing one another as comfortable as possible.

I dropped my head to rest against the top of the seat as well, our eyes never wandering unless to look at the other’s lips. We’ve never kissed before. In the dark, in the back of the car, it felt like our own little world. Jack must have been thinking the same thing I was.

Our heads slowly drew nearer before our lips touched. Nobody reached out to touch the other, still too hesitant to do much else, but the kiss was electric.

After we pulled away, silence followed. Jack smiled at me, and I smiled back. Within minutes, I scooted closer and rested a hand on his knee, sighing to myself and slowly dozing off as Jack began pulling the pins out of my hair and taking the bun out. I was out like a light before the ends of my hair ever met my shoulders.

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

#jack hughes #jack hughes x reader #nhl imagine #jack hughes imagine #nhl x reader #quinn hughes #luke hughes

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Talking Buddie Language: Ep 6.15

This episode was really a rollercoaster of emotions. One of the main themes being death and grief made it very hard to watch for any one who have lost a loved one, especially a parent. I want to send anyone who struggled with this episode a big hug on my behalf 💜

We got a few good moments within this episode and a great Buck and Eddie moment in my opinion and I for one am really excited to get into it. There’s so much build up that continues with each and every episode which makes me believe we’re heading towards a huge finale. The ride’s been bumpy but we’re getting closer friends.

Before getting into this meta, one little thing I want to highlight is how we’re seeing Buck and Eddie working together again as partners on the job. Not only that, but they do such a wonderful job framing them two being close to each other and constantly looking at one another. In the first call we see Eddie looking back at Buck as he walks past him and I just love those little bits we get. Now I don’t know if it’s Ryan and Oliver’s little twist or it’s actually on the script, but I love to see it nonetheless.

Diaz Boys Visit Shannon

I really found the scene with Christopher and Eddie, visiting Shannon‘s grave to be so heartbreaking and emotional because we haven’t really had them talking about their grieving when it comes to her. The last we really heard of Shannon was in 5.10 during the Christmas episode where Christopher was worried. I really loved that they showed us Christopher talking to his mother about his accomplishments and schoolwork and his likes. This was about the Diaz family in its entirety but I can’t help but notice the bold parallel we get with Christopher and Eddie in this scene.

C: Do you think she can hear us when we talk to her?

E: Absolutely. That’s why we come here.

Now just to refresh anyone’s memory, back in 6.11 when Chris begged to see Buck while he was in a coma, we got him asking Eddie and Hen:

C: Can he hear me?

H: Bet he can.

He talks to Shannon and Buck the same, quiet and lovely way. His voice is steady and you can hear how much he loves the both of them. And I think with this blatant parallel, the show really is trying to emphasize how important Buck is in not only Eddie’s life, but Christopher’s as well. They’ve done a lot to highlight Buck and Christopher’s relationship aside from Eddie and this moment where he talks to his mother, in the same tone of voice as he did Buck, really speaks volumes as to what they’re trying to convey to their audience.

But going back to Eddie and Christopher, you can see how both of them are still grieving the loss of their mother and wife. Eddie is really trying not to tear up even though it’s hard, especially when he knows his son is still hurting from losing his mother at a young age. The part with the s’mores really made me so emotional because of what it can represent.

C: Can we make an extra one for mom?

E: Always.

The way I interpreted this scene was Christopher shyly, asking his father if they can keep his mother’s memory alive. To which Eddie confirms that she will always be a part of their lives, and in their hearts. It also ties in with what we saw last week with Eddie struggling to date/move on, but embracing that he doesn’t want to be alone forever.

Talk About Taxes At The 118

One of my favorite things on the show is when the firefam discuss literally all their life problems with each other at work. This time we see Chimney freaking out about the fact that him and Maddie are getting audited. This then leads into everyone else discussing how they do their taxes and there’s just a cute moment that I wanted to highlight here between Buck and Eddie, that came to be because of Ravi.

R: Look don’t beat yourself up Chim. I’m not great at doing my taxes either. No one is.

B: Uh, I am!

R: Seriously?

E: You missed his whole super power phase.

I love the fact that Ravi really questioned Buck because he was in disbelief over the fact that he may be smart enough to do his taxes. Which I know is like a running thing within the firefam that Buck is not as smart as he seems. But that’s like the opposite of what is in fact true because we’ve actually seen him come up with really wonderful saves while they’re trying to help the victims. I love how Eddie reverts to his usual flirty teasing ways but does it with such fondness that it would make anyone blush. He even looks at Buck while he says it and prolongs his stare just a little bit. It’s small things like these that really makes me wonder how it’s not obvious to anybody else that Eddie seems to be in love with Buck.

The Living Funeral

This was definitely something we haven’t seen before. The fact that there was a living funeral that got interrupted by an actual car crash was ironic in my opinion. Poor Marie just wanted a reunion with her friends and family that she hadn’t seen in a while and she ended up injured at this living funeral that they put for her.

One thing I found very interesting was the fact that Natalia was the one kneeling next to Marie. But the way they shot that scene, you see Eddie coming to take over where she’s kneeling, and she immediately gives up her place to him. Now I don’t know if I’m just seeing things or thinking things, but something about that specific moment, makes me feel like she is going to be some sort of placeholder for Eddie in the very near future. And when I say, placeholder, I mean a placeholder for what Eddie represents in Buck’s life. It may be possible for Buck to be interested in her on a romantic level. However, I don’t think that’s going to be the right partner for him and I will go into that a little bit more later on. Just the important thing here is the fact that I feel like, she is in place of Eddie currently, but he will eventually take over what she is representing in Buck’s life.

I love seeing Buck and Eddie, working together as partners again on the field. Just having Bobby say their names together made me feel all warm inside. This season we have seen Eddie take on more of a medic role and I just really miss him and Buck being fire fighting partners together.

When Eddie, Hen, and Buck are at Marie’s side, I want to highlight how the moment she explains that this funeral was for her, Eddie immediately looks over to Buck, while Buck looks over to Hen. They’re all in disbelief but one thing I find consistent with them on calls is them looking at each other when their victims say crazy things. So the fact that Eddie reverted to immediately look at Buck, but Buck was looking at Hen kind of teases some miscommunication amongst them two. They’re always in sync so the fact that this one tiny moment you can see them not being on the same wavelength really does tell me that there’ll be a misunderstanding or miscommunication of sorts soon.

M: We’re all gonna die alone. Might as well spend time with our loved ones while we’re still living.

Eddie’s face after she said that to him broke me. This was very reminiscent to Lev’s final words to Buck in 6.04. Buck collects old men while Eddie collects old women right? I believe her words are going to have a massive impact on Eddie these last few episodes, just how Lev’s words stayed with Buck throughout the majority of this season.

The End Of Life Doula

I love how when Marie introduces Natalia to them, Hen and Eddie look at her questionably. Meanwhile Buck seems intrigued almost immediately. This parallels to when he met Taylor Kelly for the first time when they saved her from the helicopter and he was smitten pretty much from the beginning. That’s the thing with Buck. He always dives in head first without actually sitting down and thinking about it fully. He sees a cute and interesting girl and is sold right away.

Buck seemed interested in her because of what she does and he tried his awkward flirting with her from the very beginning. The man clearly has unresolved trauma from his brush with death, and he is clearly not seeking help for it. So it makes sense that he would be interested in someone who helps with people dying.

From the way she was responding to him, you can tell there was no immediate attraction or interest on her part. Well, until she found out that he died. Then you see her facial expression morph into that of interest, and she immediately wanted to find out more. Which clearly was unexpected for Buck because he seemed confused when she told him the fact that he died was awesome! He even looked very shocked that she asked him out for coffee. There is clearly some kind of disconnect there, because it’s so obvious that he is thinking she’s really interested in him, meanwhile, she’s literally interested in the fact that he died.

Eddie Talks To His Mom

I love any and all scenes we get with the Diaz boys. I love how this season we’ve gotten so much Christopher content and he’s literally growing up in front of our eyes. He is so bossy and sassy and clearly running things in that household and we adore him for it. It also makes me believe he’s going to be a part of a bigger storyline that ties the season together.

C: We’re gonna be late. Dad hurry up.

I will say, Eddie trying to make time to go back home is something. He’s in a much better place with his parents and he genuinely wants to go and visit them. He also knows that time isn’t promised to anyone so he should see his family as often as he can. And that’s just coming out of the living funeral. But one thing that Eddie said really raised the hairs on my neck because it was such an obvious foreshadowing and not a good one at that.

E: We’ll figure something out ok, I promise. We got time.

Now the concept of time has been following Eddie around for many seasons now. The most recent one was literally mentioned in 6.01 when he’s playing the game with Chris at Buck’s loft.

E: Time. Aw you’ll win next time.

There’s just something about the concept of Eddie really thinking he has all this time to do something. Now what that something is is the question here, but the last time we had him give any sort of advice on time, it was to Chimney. He literally told him, “Tomorrow is not promised. So if you love her, tell her.” This is why I believe that the way they have Eddie continuously talking about time and how he has so much of it, especially knowing that he’s now open to finding love right at the time where the one person that might be the best partner for him is seeking love elsewhere, says a lot. Maybe now it’s his time because he’s sort of running out and he needs to do or say something before he really is out of it.

Date With The Death Doula

This date was literally giving the same cringey vibes as Ana and Eddie’s first date. The fact that Buck was super flirty and seemed into her, but she wasn’t, says so much to anyone watching. He was leaning in towards her the entire time but he did have his arms folded in front of him, which indicates he’s not fully opening all of himself up to her. He’s keeping some things to himself. She had sat back in her chair the entire time and really was just interested in what he had to say about his death, which was worrisome to be honest. It felt like she was questioning him and studying him for her own enjoyment, which is exactly how Taylor was any time they had scenes together.

Buck was definitely flirty with her with his little sparkly eyes, the way he teased her on being a death fan girl but it lacked it from her. You only see her show interest when she leans in towards him the moment he opens up about his coma dream.

Her calling him being close to death “cool” threw him back for a second because he seemed confused as to why she would consider that cool. But again he brushed it off as if she has some weird obsession to it. Which really should’ve been his biggest red flag, but alas Buck doesn’t realize the bad habits he partakes in most of the times.

The biggest takeaway from this “date” is the fact that it was literally built on death, and I don’t see how anything could bloom out of this. It foreshadows this so called “relationship” dying out eventually. Then he told her about his coma dream, which is ironic because he mainly told her about something that wasn’t real. We’ve never seen him talk to Eddie about his coma, dream, only things and feelings that are real to him concerning his death. That distinct difference is very loud in my opinion. Makes you think about the choices they’re making to show how he is with others and how he is with Eddie.

Buck and Eddie Have A Deep Talk At The Cemetary

I can’t believe they dressed so similarly to what they wore in 5.14!! Thank you Miss Taylor Wong for both episodes. Honestly, my heart was really breaking for Eddie during this entire scene.

First of all, these two literally do not comprehend the definition of personal space and I love them for it. As I have mentioned in my previous metas, their bodies are so in tune with the others that they just gravitate towards each other like magnets. They also always dress up for the other. Every single time we get Buck and Eddie doing something together, they're in their best clothes, which is funny considering Buck wore literal joggers on his "date" with Natalia.

E: We're all gonna die alone. It's what she said to me and Hen.

Poor Eddie really is going through it these last few episodes with the whole being alone and dying alone thing. Here's the thing, he did lose a spouse and he still hasn't fully gotten over that. But something about the last episode where he was in agreement about him not wanting to be alone, to now telling Buck they're all going to die alone says something.

It's the fact that it's these two together discussing dying alone when the few times either man almost died, or in Buck's case did actually die, they weren't alone at all. In fact, they were with each other. Buck was the person standing in front of Eddie when he got shot and he was the one who saved him. Eddie was at the bottom of the ladder and he ran up to get to Buck when he got hit by the lightning. Neither man was alone. But the way Eddie says that kind of indicates that he is anticipating be alone in death.

Now I don't want to go too much into speculating why he would think that, but I did find it interesting he said it to Buck, almost as if he already knows Buck won't be by his side in the very end. That's a rather morbid thought and I think it really does come from Eddie having feelings for Buck, but fully believing it's one-sided. I can't get over Eddie being so in love with Buck that he just knows he will never find another partner that is perfect for him. So he'll have to suffer through Buck moving on and finding the right partner, starting his own family, when Eddie is left behind loving him til his last breath. Now I know Eddie is dramatic and so was this little speculation so I apologize for that.

I found it interesting that Eddie was the one to bring up Natalia and not in his usually jealous teasing way. He opened the door for Buck to discuss her and discuss he did.

B: Yeah, uh Natalia. I may have paid her a visit too.

(Gif by @eddiediaaz)

Eddie's immediate reaction is that of exasperation. He is clearly already over hearing the same damn story all over again because that's what it always is, the same story every time Buck meets a woman on a call.

E: Really?

His voice is so heartbroken in this one word. He seems in disbelief but also you can hear how it's not his usual tone of voice. He isn't really teasing him or jealous even, just hurt.

E: Dating somebody you rescued. You know that never ends well.

Eddie is literally speaking from his and Buck's own personal experiences. Any sane person would be able to tell that Buck is reverting back to old habits where he gets all excited about the possibility of a new relationship when he's experienced something traumatic. What he needs is a therapist to be honest.

B: This is different. Anyway she wanted to ask me about the lightning strike.

E: Right, you love being the guy with the answers.

(Gifs by @eddiediaaz)

Something about this line delivery from Eddie really makes the viewer see how much he listens to Buck. Not only that, but he pays attention and retains everything he says. He also proves how well he knows Buck with just that one line. And this is before Buck even goes on to break his heart a little bit.

B: There's something different about her. I feel like she sees me. You know, she, she really sees me for who I am and what I've been through. I think she might even see more in me than I see in myself.

The way Eddie immediately turns his head and looks at Buck in disbelief screams volumes. He cannot believe Buck would say that to him of all people, especially considering that Eddie is the person who knows Buck the best. Isn't that what 6.12 proved to us? That he is Buck's person, the one who knows him truly inside and out, the one where he doesn't have to pretend with. So clearly you can see how Buck's words hurt Eddie. But I don’t think that was Buck’s intentions at all. I think sometimes, it’s easier to open up to a stranger because you know there won’t be any judgement or criticism from them that may come from someone who already knows you. Especially when it’s someone who knows you on a somewhat intimate level. Not saying Eddie would do either of those things. But maybe for Buck, talking about his death to a stranger was somewhat easier because he didn’t have to really dive into all the feelings he has behind it. Whereas he can’t lie to Eddie because he knows him better than anyone else. It was also much less serious with Natalia, whereas he was so honest and raw when discussing about it with Eddie.

E: Look I know we razzed you about your own math skills. Maybe I even tried to get rich off em. To be honest, you haven't been the same since it happened. How could you?

This whole scene really is very loaded. You can see the exact moment Eddie comes to a certain realization because of the way his eyes drift away from Buck and look off into the distance. He is connecting the dots about something. To be honest, I think this was somewhat of an oh moment for him. I think it was mostly him realizing that he himself is different after Buck's death. I mentioned in my 6.12 meta how the way Eddie was talking about how Buck would have feelings about his death implied that he had some unresolved feelings about Buck's death as well. I think witnessing Buck die for 3 minutes and 17 seconds really took a toll on Eddie as we saw in 6.11. He was grieving, he did not handle it well. And that is why he differs from Natalia. Whereas Natalia was so interested and wanted to know more about Buck dying, Eddie couldn't even look at him. He couldn't talk to him and just thinking about the fact that he had to live in a world without Buck for any amount of time killed him. It changed him forever and I think there needs to come a point where Eddie talks about his own feelings regarding Buck's death.

B: Truth is, I uh, I still feel like I have to try and be the same Buck, mostly for the sake of everyone else.

(Gifs by @bilosan)

Eddie shaking his head at Buck's words show that he does know him better than anyone else, especially someone he just met.

E: You don't have to be anything for anybody. And no one is ever the same. From 1 day to the next. Experiences like this, it change us. So what changed in you?

B: When I woke up in that hospital I felt like I had gotten away with something.

E: You cheated death.

I love how when Buck talks about someone else seeing who he is, Eddie shows him that no one will know him and understand him the way he does. Buck can say something and Eddie will know where his line of thinking is headed towards.

B: My life could’ve ended, right then and there. But it uh, it didn't. That has to mean something right?

E: It means you're one lucky guy.

B: Yeah, well I don't think Ima get that lucky again.

E: Well maybe you don't have to. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice.

B: Which is why I have to make the most out of every single moment.

When Buck pauses here, you can see Eddie tilting his head towards him and patiently waiting for what he has to say. The moment it registers that Buck is looking for something other than Eddie, you see his expression drop a bit. He knows he really is alone at the moment and that Buck is going to give someone else a chance, and you can see the hurt on his face.

B: It's all a gift.

Now some thing that kept playing in the back of my mind while watching this scene was the Buckley Diaz family scene from 6.01 where Buck is complaining about Lucy getting chosen as interim caption instead of himself.

B: Struggling to pick a replacement when he has so many other excellent options right under his nose.

E: Like you?

B: It’s like he’s choosing not to see them and everything they have to offer.

Note how similar these two scenes are to each other. Eddie once again proving how well he knows Buck and knowing where his line of thinking is headed. But it's the fact that Buck is the one explicitly saying how there is the chance of choosing not to see someone who is right under his nose, and everything they offer. Because Eddie has been showing him he loves him in his own way for years now. He literally gave Buck the most precious thing he had, his entire world, his son, on a silver platter and Buck chose not to see that for what it really was worth. So now, it's going to be time for Buck to really open his eyes and realize that instead of repeating the same bad habits and jumping into relationships with people who are bad for him, that he gives someone who has been there in front of him the whole time, a shot. I think they have laid out all the pieces perfectly to get these two together, but they're slowly building the puzzle. We will get it done eventually friends.

Eddie’s Going To El Paso

I love how the man seems to want to flee the state in midst of everything he found out about regarding Buck being into the death doula. Now I’m only partly joking but I think it’s nice that he wants to go back.

The couch parallel scene with Christopher is so loud!! They had Eddie literally come and see Christopher asleep the same exact way we saw him see Buck asleep in 6.12. The couch metaphor is supposed to be present leading up to the finale and so far, every single thing we’ve seen involving a couch has been related to the Diaz boys. I mean it’s not that hard to imply what it can all mean especially for the finale.

The picture of Shannon and Chris falling possibly foreshadows something bad happening to the Diaz family. Now I’m not quite sure if something will happen to Christopher or a family member of Eddie’s. But I think it was pointed to having the picture of them fall and that being the thing that makes Eddie want to call his mom back and tell her they’re going back.

Finally, the way Eddie was looking at that photo just tells me he’s finally in a place that he wants to move on. He wants to find that love again and a partner in life again. And I think he knows who that person is but he’s running out of time to do something about it. So it’ll be interesting to see how this storyline develops further. I wonder if we’ll see pining Eddie or jealous Eddie or an Eddie that goes out and opens himself up to different possibilities to get over Buck. I’m intrigued to see what the rest of the episodes have in store for us for both men! It’s definitely going to be crazy ride for sure!

Thank you so much if you took the time to read this entirely. It really means a lot to me. If you’d like to be tagged in these, please let me know here. Finally, a big thank you to my lovely @aa-lionheart for all the wonderful gifs 💜

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #911 spoilers #911 meta #buddie meta #buddie language meta #911 speculation #this took forever and I’m so so sorry friends

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

scrolling through various people's dracula daily tags on the bus because this book is all i want to think about right now i was reminded that seward is only 29 (with his own lunatic asylum!) - which struck me (a 34 year old) now in a way it didn't before i'd gotten to know him and the others, way back before most of the Plot had happened. jonathan's Baby's First Job energy and mina's excitement about her impending nuptials radiate off the page, but seward's diary is so self-serious and intense that i think mentally i'd automatically been picturing him as much older, even though he's a longtime bro of arthur and quincey. it makes his self-seriousness, and his near-worship of van helsing, more endearing to me now that i've corrected my image of him - and it REALLY gives an even better cast (read: more delightfully awkward) on the scene where he and mina talk diary-stuff to remember they're likely fairly close in age.

it also just made me appreciate that this is ultimately a novel about fairly young people / a text i can slot into my personal canon of Texts About Your Saturn Return, and makes me think also about both the fact that the character relationships center on two engagements (this is literally what your late twenties is), and about all the non-dracula-related death content that permeates the book, from the parents and parent-figures dying left and right to the old man in whitby's monologue about the deaths. none of these bright, healthy, life-loving twenty-somethings have yet had their lives warped by tragedy, and the thing is, that's pretty normal. having your first brush with tragedy involve an undead bloodsucker hunting you and your pals is not normal, but hitting something on the road to thirty that changes you from a person who has never lost anything that mattered to a person who has kind of is.

i dunno, there's something oddly sweet to me in thinking about that - about how dracula is a book about unspeakable horrors, and also a book about when you're in your late twenties and you thought this was the part of your life where things were settling down because everyone's getting engaged and you finished grad school and you're in an actual career now, and then your friend's mom has cancer and you don't know what to say because you've never had to say something about this before, and at the funeral it occurs to you that it may be a while before the next one but this is something you'll be doing for the rest of your life. at the beginning of the book, four of the characters - jonathan and mina, lucy and arthur - think they're a few months away from their happy endings, while a fifth, seward, our last major POV character, is contentedly speculating about how his fascinating new patient may afford him opportunities for major advances in his field. now, one of those happy endings is shattered brutally for good, while the other one has technically transpired but looks nothing like they'd imagined, and renfield is dead while thoughts of his career couldn't be further from seward's mind. this is all very late-twenties, to me: the time when it starts to really click inside you that there are no endings until the very end.

anyway. i guess what i'm saying is, bram stoker's 1897 gothic horror opus is actually a coming of age novel, and i for one would fucking kill for a modern adaptation that really leans into this aspect.

#i don't think a modern adaptation of dracula is totally possible because of how it's a novel about like #exactly what it felt like to be a white guy in victorian england specifically in the year 1897 #but if someone wanted to get creative with the bones of the story... this is a thematic direction i think they could consider #dracula daily

[rukia-writes]

Dad! Poseidon x (fem)mom! reader

Plot: Poseidon has a minor problem that his sons want to solve alone.

Fluff

Part 2

There was a problem at Poseidon’s palace.

“Sir, I regret to inform you-“

“There no milk!”

Proteus was interrupted by Poseidon’s son, a twin, the other brother was shyly hiding behind his brother who was smiling. Poseidon was outside in the gardens reading a book, looking at Proteus the sea god asked to “simply substitute the milk with something else.” However, before Proteus could respond he was interrupted by the happy twin.

“Don’t want juice. Milk!”

“…I see. We will go to get some more milk shortly, make sure you’re dressed properly.”

“..We want to go alone!”

Proteus eyes nearly popped as he heard the twins say in unison they wanted to go alone, Poseidon seemed rather calm about the situation and told his sons they were too young to go by themselves. However, the twins were adamant they could do it alone.

“Do you know where to get milk?”

“Mhm, auntie Hera has a cow.”

“That’s right, and how do you plan to get there?”

“I know the way.”

While the twins answered their father’s first question in unison, the happy twin answered his father’s question by himself with a smile as he spun around three times and clapped his hands three times and then opening a portal. The sight made Proteus jaw drop and Poseidon was impressed as well, thinking to himself, “When did he learn that?”

“We get milk!”

“…Very well. Remember, don’t talk to strangers and come straight back. Get the milk while you are there and thank-“

“Sir, they left.”

Poseidon was explaining to his sons what to do and what not to do while looking at his book and didn’t notice his sons had already left, sighing in frustration the tyrant of the oceans hoped they would return soon.

“Milk!”

A few hours later, the twins were in Helheim at Hades castle.

Hades nearly coughed up a lung at seeing his adorable nephews in his chambers, they had gotten lost on the path and finally arrived in Helheim. While Hades found them opening portals at such a young age impressive, he found his nephews will at wanting milk even more impressive.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you some milk. Although, we’ll have to use the bifrost.”

“Oh, the rainbow thingy?”

“Yes, the rainbow thingy.”

Chuckling Hades helped his twins walk across the bifrost and back to Valhalla.

Back at Poseidon’s palace, Poseidon wasn’t worried as he was still reading a book but his wife was walking the palace floors in a nervous wreck thinking a giant from Jutneheim could have snatched them or a demon could have taken them.

“Stop walking around, they are fine.”

“But it’s been hours! What if a giant has them? What if they went to-“

“They are my children. They will be fine.”

Poseidon proudly yet calmly told his wife, Proteus and (Name) were still worried about the young twins, however when a portal showed up in the middle of the room with the twins carrying a jar of milk with Hera’s signature on it Proteus and (Name) cheered that the twins were safe.

Although the twins cheered because they had milk.

“We have milk!”

“Thank goodness!”

(Name) hugged her sons and kissed their foreheads making them turn bashful, although they still wanted their milk. Poseidon told them “Well done.” And was proud of his sons as he patted their heads.

With their first errand complete the two boys enjoyed their reward.

Later that night, Poseidon and his sons were talking at the dining room table. Of course, Poseidon had the milk restored seeing as how his sons liked it so much.

As did he.

“When did you learn to make portals?”

“Yesterday!”

Poseidon looked a bit surprised to hear the news but he welcomed it nonetheless and offered to help them with their newfound powers tomorrow. The twins were excited to hear the news, at that moment the doors opened to see (Name) covered in mud.

“What happened mommy?!”

The twins asked in unison worried about their mother, Poseidon however chuckled a bit as he knew what happened to his sweet wife.

“When you open portals, you must close them.”

“…We did it?!”

“You did.”

The twins asked their parents on the verge of tears that they were the ones who caused their mother to fall in a portal, and Poseidon was the one answered them back then both parents confirmed what they said. Informing everyone she was going to take a bath, the twins wanted to join but Poseidon told them that they were to stay with him. The twins agreed and (Name) went to the bath house to get cleaned up.

In the meantime, (Name) took herself a bath and washed the mud from her hair and body. All was well, until she heard a huge splash in the bath house. Quickly turning around, she saw a portal in the ceiling and heard her twins say in unison, “Did you get to Eden, Dad?”

Oh.

Coming up from the water, Poseidon slicked back his hair and looked around to see his wife naked. Poseidon thought to himself that he wasn’t in Eden but it was better. Telling his sons that they got their destination wrong, they should close the portal immediately. As they did so, Poseidon took off his clothes much to (Name)’s joy as she got to see her husbands back muscles. Poseidon muttered to himself that they he hoped his sons would learn their power quickly.

“They sent you here, huh?”

“Yes, we will be training tomorrow.”

Putting his wet clothes on nearby bench Poseidon heard his wife to join him in the baths, naked Poseidon had plans already that involved him bathing with his wife as he smirked.

“I already planned on it.”

🎄Rukia-Writes🎄

#shuumatsu no valkyrie x reader #poseidon x reader #record of ragnarok x reader

[starseungs]

➳ invisible ties. ksm

 ೃ࿔₊• pairing | kim seungmin x gn!reader

not all childhood friends are known as such. those with invisible ties also exist, a bittersweet reminder of such friendship.

 ೃ࿔₊• genre | hurt-comfort, sprinkle of angst, fluff(?), childhood friends to lovers, highschool au, popular!seungmin — 2.6k words

 ೃ࿔₊• warnings | self doubt, a whole lot of doubts in general, misunderstandings (with a happy ending)

 ೃ࿔₊• note | this is #1 on my skz as types of childhood friends to lovers series! tbh i didn't think i was going to like how i wrote this as much as i actually do but its one of my favorites now-

Seungmin had always been a talented guy. He had a knack for being good at whatever you would throw at him, proving to you that he could, in fact, probably do anything. But if there was one thing Seungmin was a total master at, it would be getting on people's good sides—heck, even just the bare minimum of gaining their attention. He was a shining star in everyone's eyes. That was the kind of guy Seungmin was.

So it was to absolutely no one's surprise that he was always considered popular, even as a kid in kindergarten.

That small neighborhood kindergarten was also where you met Seungmin. At the age of five, your little brain had already decided that making friends was a social construct, stubbornly refusing to interact with the other kids for more than three minutes. You were quite an interesting child, to say the least. And maybe that was why five-year-old Seungmin quickly took an interest in you—making it his life's goal to befriend the "shy kid" in class. The teachers would actually beg to differ with that title. You weren't shy, they said. Just "troubled."

As if that changed anything (and it really didn't.)

Yet, Seungmin did what no other kid would have dreamed of attempting, aka, interacting with you. And boy, did he do it with the passion of an Olympic athlete desperate for a medal. The five-year-old was determined to make you his friend—which, now that you think about it, maybe could have just been his pride; not wanting to accept that he couldn't charm someone. Kim Seungmin was the center of attention; that was just his natural role in life. But he stuck to his goal anyway, so you applaud him for his determination on that one. There were a lot of things to describe Seungmin, and being persistent was certainly on the list.

From sitting with you during activities to following you around on the playground, Seungmin would not leave you alone at all. He would trail behind you like a lost puppy (to be fair, he does resemble one) throughout most of the day, even though you barely looked back and acknowledged him. The only time you ever did so was when you got annoyed and told him to go away. And he did.

For about six minutes, before you had someone tailing you again. 

One day, you'd just had enough of his antics, already planning to blow up without a single remorse on the poor guy to stop all this nonsense—up until he suddenly presented you with a pen with your favorite cartoon character on it, saying it was a gift he got you. Apparently, he begged his mom to buy it as a gift for you because you were the first thing he thought of the moment he saw the pen's design. Young you immediately felt so bad for plotting war on him only a few minutes back, your resolve folding only seconds later.

Seungmin wasn't that bad, you remember convincing yourself.

Your view of Seungmin turned a complete one-eighty after that event. It was then that you finally accepted his advances and allowed the friendship to start. Surprisingly, it survived past kindergarten all the way to elementary—something you probably should have expected since you even ended up in the same grade school (courtesy of your dear mother, who—like everyone else—took a liking to Seungmin and wanted you to keep being friends with him.)

Seungmin was as popular as ever, earning countless recognitions left and right for anything and everything under the sun. The complete opposite of you, who your classmates often forget was even there in the first place. You didn't mind, of course—still bearing the same mindset you had in kindergarten. As long as you had Seungmin, everything was fine. You didn't need anyone else; you'd already made it through life without your only friend before he even remembered your name. It's not like they were really needed.

Right? 

That's what you originally thought, anyway. Yet, there was something you failed to notice up until the two of you reached middle school. And boy, were you in for a rude awakening. One that was worse than hearing your father turn the TV on at the break of dawn, with a volume louder than you flushing the toilet at midnight.

The first seed of doubt was planted during ninth grade, when you overheard a group of girls from your class talking about Seungmin. It wasn't long 'til you understood that they were his admirers, seeing as they were blatantly conversing about how Seungmin looked very attractive during baseball practice yesterday. How they could find him handsome in all his sweaty glory is beyond you. He honestly just looked like a whole bucket of water was dumped on him. But you guess there was always something for everyone, and continued to listen in. After all, even you knew that the Kim Seungmin of your school was pretty well-known as the "campus crush."

So when one of the girls mentioned wanting to give him a drink during today's practice break, you decided to give them money-worthy information—revealing your best friend's favorite drink. You knew that Seungmin wasn't very vocal about his own preferences, very much aware of how that would only cause more problems for him—his words, not yours. If his middle school fan club heard him complaining about them at the kitchen counter, shuddering over the sheer thought of what they could and are capable of doing, they'd be floored.

It was merely a short comment. "Seungmin likes coffee beverages," was all you inserted into their (rather loud) conversation. You had no particular expectation of the response you were going to get, but the one you actually got caught you off guard. That was because instead of focusing on the detail you had just dropped, they were more dumbfounded by the fact that you even knew that at all. What, did they think you were a stalker or something? Seungmin's fangirl deep inside? You knew what drinks he liked because he was your best friend—oh.

That was the exact moment you realized: in the eyes of almost everyone else, you and Seungmin had no connection other than being schoolmates in the same batch.

All your interactions with Seungmin were after school: you would go to school and home together, as well as hang out on free days. But you had little to no contact once you entered the school gates, which was where Seungmin normally bid you farewell to head straight towards his other friends. And that was fine with you. Not everything has to be shoved in people's faces.

You could survive even without your and Seungmin's friendship being public knowledge.

Except you soon come to the conclusion that you actually do—because that ugly green and sticky feeling in your stomach (which you later recognized as envy) was loudly screaming every time you heard one of his friends get addressed as "Seungmin's friend." Now, getting your identity watered down to being classified as merely a friend of another person is something that would greatly piss other people off, but you could care less. Your brain was experiencing tunnel vision on the fact that these people could be seen as Seungmin's friends by everyone else while you were stuck hiding in the shadows. It was eating you alive at that point; you wanted to stand right beside him too, like the "best friend" you claimed you were.

The ache grew even more during high school, when you found out you had formed romantic feelings towards Seungmin. It was sudden—or maybe not. Who knows? All you did know was that the realization crashed into you like a speeding bullet train. Seungmin wasn't even doing anything noteworthy—simply on the verge of dozing off during one of your many study sessions. But you found yourself focusing on little intricate details, such as the way he held the pen in a way that made him look like he was ready to write anytime in the next second despite his eyelids drooping oh-so-endearingly to the point that it warmed your heart (and face.)

Something about him that day was making you feel things you knew you shouldn't be feeling. And the mere knowledge of this terrified you, because how could you? If you couldn't even be known as his friend, how could you ever become his lover? And so you chose the most rational course of action.

To distance yourself from him.

Fine, maybe that wasn't the best decision you ever made. Especially not when the Kim Seungmin himself starts chasing you around school just to get you to talk to him. The whole deal greatly reminded you of your younger years, when it all started. And maybe that was why you folded once again, exactly like you did back then.

"Y/N, just talk to me," you remember his exhausted plea along the school's covered pathway, the one connected to the gym where the rest of your classmates were. Why was he even here? His class didn't have the same PE schedule as yours—if anything, you remember from the short conversation you had with Seungmin back at the start of the school year that they had math during this time (a detail you scolded yourself over, because why did you know that?)

His softening grip on your arm brought you back to reality, effectively making you turn and finally look at him. What you saw broke your heart entirely. Seungmin, the Kim Seungmin, campus crush, the main character of everyone's lives, was barely holding back his tears from escaping his glistening eyes, swirling with anxiousness and fear. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked in a fragile tone, his voice so small and soft it was practically a whisper—almost as if he were any louder, you'd fade away into the wind and leave him. "If I did, please tell me. I—I don't want to lose you," Seungmin choked out, the words feeling so heavy on his mouth. The same words he spent days dreading the implications of, nights he lost sleep over from the overwhelming emotion.

To you and everyone else who knew him, Kim Seungmin was a bright light. Yet, right now, only for your eyes—he was the dimmest he had ever been.

"No. There's nothing wrong," you lied through your teeth, tearing yourself apart inside for subjecting him to another kind of pain; one that he wasn't even aware of yet. All you had to do was cover it up with a white lie, "I was just—I was just being stupid. This thing... It was bothering me so much. So, I just wanted to be alone. That's all."

"I'm sorry," were the final words of your guilt-laced excuse. You didn't know how you even got through the whole thing. At this point, you don't even think you deserved to be called Seungmin's friend anymore. He trusted you, but you betrayed him with lies. Maybe the shadows really were the right place for you. A place where you could enjoy everything you desired, even in the midst of complete darkness.

These thoughts stayed as you relayed every single detail of your fully made-up concern to Seungmin after school.

Both of your lives returned to normal after that. Or at least, how normal it would be for you after the shocking revelation. You often found yourself worrying over almost everything, overthinking even the smallest of details. It certainly didn't help that Seungmin had been acting all weird lately—unconsciously avoiding your eyes when you spoke to him, and getting all fidgety when you two were alone. Maybe it was the weeks of silently doubting the validity of your friendship, or the dismay of feeling like he wanted to be anywhere else other than with you during your hangouts, that you finally burst out crying in front of him one day.

Seungmin was completely rattled, not expecting you to suddenly break down in his room while you two were watching a comedy movie. One would think that you were supposed to be laughing; that's because you actually should have been—not full on sobbing. Yet when he eventually got you to pour out everything you've been holding back, his mind went into static.

All he could say was that his thoughts greatly differed from yours.

This whole time, he believed that just like in kindergarten, you would have preferred him to stay away from you in school—wanting to attract as little attention as possible; something that was unavoidable if you were to be known as someone connected to him. So, for that reason, he kept his distance, opting to make up for the time you spent practically ignoring each other by walking you to and from school, treating you to small meals and snacks along the way, and hanging out whenever you both were free.

Don't get him wrong, though; his actions weren't just purely platonic. Seungmin had actually liked you since elementary school but decided to keep it to himself until you showed any signs of returning the sentiment. Admittedly, he first approached you with the aim of being friends for a petty reason. "Y/N doesn't seem to like you, Seungmin," he recalls as clearly as a bright day. The observation came from one of his classmates back in kindergarten, and as a child used to receiving only love, Seungmin was not about to accept not earning yours.

Yet, as time went on, he soon realized that you were the only one who actually stuck by him (aside from his family, of course.) Seungmin never wanted to admit it, but he grew quite attached to you—to the point that if someone asked him if he saw you in his future, he would one-hundred percent say yes without any hesitation at all.

You were a very precious person to him, and there was no denying it.

During elementary years, Seungmin's fondness turned into something more. He wasn't ignorant, even as a child; he knew well what crushes were and had no issue classifying you as his. At that time, though, just like any other kid, he didn't dwell too much on it—opting to enjoy growing up with you rather than bother himself with feelings that he believed didn't need to be complicated.

Seungmin's not-so-platonic emotions directed towards you were placed to the side, unmoving and silenced. It stayed there until high school—when they pushed their way back to the forefront of his mind, where there was no escaping it. The reason? Your decision to distance yourself from him.

In school was one thing, but for you to avoid him outside of it? Unheard of. There was only one time you two were separated for this long, and that was back before you even became friends. Seungmin was definitely suffering with each passing day, but he still chased you. Giving up was not a choice when you were probably hurting too. The thought pained him more than he wanted it to be.

Though the memory of him revealing his raw emotions to you in such a manner was sort of humiliating (but because it was you, he felt less judged); Seungmin didn't regret it one bit. Still, he found it hard to act normally after all that. Having his romantic feelings out in a place where he could barely contain them was more difficult than he thought. Every moment with you just felt so overwhelming—he had to restrain himself from smothering you in a tight hug and never letting you go.

But he didn't need to hide it anymore. 

"You're worth more to me than you'll ever know," he says, cupping your face gently as you hiccup through muffled apologies, unable to stop the tears from streaming down your cheeks like waves. Seungmin placed a feathery kiss on your forehead, the unexpected feeling taking you out of your own spiraling thoughts of negativity to notice that his hands were trembling—along with his wavering voice. "I'm sorry too," he swallowed, sensing his emotions rising as a result of your sniffling. "I'll do my best to never let you feel that way again."

"So give us another chance, please."

mastertag 🏷️ :

@h0neydewmoon @starzzns @lhskokoro @bookishcalls

— let me know if you want to be added or removed^^

#starseungs-library #🗃️ — skzatchftl #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids #skz #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #kim seungmin imagines #seungmin imagines #kim seungmin #seungmin #kim seungmin x reader #seungmin x reader #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #skz angst #stray kids angst #seungmin angst

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Tamara Pietzke

Published: Feb 5, 2024

For six years I worked at a hospital that said all teenagers with gender dysphoria must be affirmed. I quit my job to blow the whistle.

I know from firsthand experience what hard times are. Though I had a happy childhood, raised as the middle child by working-class parents in Washington State, my mom died of ovarian cancer when I was 22. 

After that, my family fell apart. I felt lost and alone. 

I decided to become a therapist because I didn’t want anyone to go through what I had, feeling like no one on this planet cares about them. At least they can say their therapist does. 

I earned my master’s in social work from the University of Washington in 2012, and I have worked as a therapist for over a decade in the Puget Sound area. Most recently, I was employed by MultiCare, one of the largest hospital systems in the state. 

For the six years I was there, I worked with hundreds of clients. But in mid-January, I left my job because of what I will go on to describe.

The therapeutic relationship is a special one. We are the original “safe space,” where people are able to explore their darker feelings and painful experiences. The job of the therapist is to guide a patient to self-understanding and sound mental health. This is a process that requires careful assessment and time, not snap judgments and confirmation of a patient’s worldview.

But in the past year I noticed a concerning new trend in my field. I was getting the message from my supervisors that when a young person I was seeing expressed discomfort with their gender—the diagnostic term is gender dysphoria—I should throw out all my training. No matter the patient’s history or other mental health conditions that could be complicating the situation, I was simply to affirm that the patient was transgender, and even approve the start of a medical transition.

I believe this rise of “affirmative care” for young people with gender dysphoria challenges the very fundamentals of what therapy is supposed to provide. 

I am a 36-year-old single mother of three young kids all under the age of six. I am terrified of speaking out, but that fear pales in comparison to my strong belief that we can no longer medicalize youth and cause them potentially irreversible harm. The three patients I describe below explain why I am taking the risk of coming forward.

* * *

Last spring, I started seeing a new client, who at 13 years old had one of the most extreme and heartbreaking life stories I’ve ever heard. (For the sake of clarity, I am referring to all patients by their biological sex.)

My patient’s mother has bipolar disorder and was so abusive to my patient that the mother was given a restraining order. My patient was sexually assaulted by an older cousin, by one of her mother’s boyfriends, and also once at school by a classmate. Her diagnoses include depression, PTSD, anxiety, intermittent explosive disorder, and autism. She is being raised by her mother’s ex-boyfriend (not the one who assaulted her).

The year before I started seeing her, when she was 11, she was hospitalized for talking about committing suicide. Later that year, a pediatrician diagnosed her with gender dysphoria after she started to question her gender. The pediatrician referred her to Mary Bridge Children’s Gender Health Clinic, whose clinicians recommended she take medicine to suppress her periods and that she think about starting testosterone.

Mary Bridge, MultiCare’s pediatric hospital, runs the gender clinic for minors and employs nurses, social workers, dietitians, and endocrinologists, who provide gender-affirming care, which includes prescribing hormones to young patients who question their gender. In order to get that prescription, patients first need a recommendation letter from a therapist. Because Mary Bridge is a part of MultiCare, their patients were often referred to therapists like me who were in their system.

In an April 2022 blog post, a Mary Bridge social worker wrote that the gender clinic’s referrals increased from less than five a month in 2019 to more than 35 a month in 2022. In May 2022, the clinic received a $100,000 donation from Patient-Centered Outcomes Research Institute “to study health care disparities” in transgender youth.

The clinic operates in Washington, one of the states with some of the most lenient legislation on gender transition for youth. In May 2023, the state legislature passed a law guaranteeing that youth seeking a medical gender transition can stay at Washington shelters—and the shelters are not required to notify their parents.

Because of my patient’s autism, it was difficult for us to engage in introspective conversations. During our first visit, she came over to my desk to show me extremely sadistic and graphic pornographic videos on her phone. She stood next to me, hunched over, hyper-fixated on the videos as she rocked back and forth. She told me during one session that she watched horror and porn movies growing up because they were the only ones available in her house.

She showed up to our therapy sessions in disheveled, loose-fitting clothes, her hair greasy, her eyes staring down at the ground, her face covered by a Covid mask almost like a protective layer. She went by a boy’s name, but she never raised gender dysphoria with me directly—though one time she told me she would get mad at the sound of her own voice because “it sounds too girly.” When I asked her how she felt about an upcoming appointment at the gender clinic, she told me she didn’t know she had one.

In between scrolling through videos on her phone, she told me how she cried every night in bed and felt “insane.” She described a time when she was eight years old and her mother nearly killed her sister. She remembered her mother being taken away. At times, she would “age-regress,” she told me, by watching Teletubbies and sucking on pacifiers.

When she started seeing me, she had recently threatened to “blow up the school,” which resulted in her expulsion.

I knew I couldn’t solve all of her problems, or make her feel better in just a few therapy sessions. My initial goal was to make her feel comfortable opening up to me, to make the therapy room a place where she was heard and felt safe. I also wanted to try to protect her from falling prey to outside influences from social media, her peers, or even the adults in her life.

With a patient like this, with so many intersecting and overwhelming problems, and with such a tragic history of abuse, it took our first three sessions to get her feeling more comfortable to even talk to me, and to understand the dimensions of her problems. But when I called her guardian last fall to schedule a fourth appointment, he asked me to write her a letter of recommendation for cross-sex hormone treatment. That is, at age 13, she was to start taking testosterone. Such a letter from me begins the process of medical transition for a patient.

In Washington State, that’s all it takes—a few visits with a therapist and a letter, often written using a template provided by one’s superiors—for minors to undergo the irreversible treatments that patients must take for a lifetime.

I was scared for this patient. She had so many overlapping problems that needed addressing it seemed like malpractice to abruptly begin her on a medical gender transition that could quickly produce permanent changes.

The MultiCare recommendation letter Tamara was given for approving the medical treatment of minors with gender dysphoria. I emailed a program manager in my department at MultiCare and outlined my concerns. She wrote back that my client’s trauma history has no bearing on whether or not she should receive hormone treatment.

“There is not valid, evidenced-based, peer-reviewed research that would indicate that gender dysphoria arises from anything other than gender (including trauma, autism, other mental health conditions, etc.),” she wrote.

She also warned that “there is the potential in causing harm to a client’s mental health when restricting access to gender-affirming care” and suggested I “examine [my] personal beliefs and biases about trans kids.”

When Tamara outlined her concerns about giving a patient testosterone to her manager at MultiCare, she was told to “examine your personal beliefs and biases about trans kids.” She then reported me to MultiCare’s risk management team, who removed my client from my care and placed her with a new therapist.

A risk manager’s job is to minimize the hospital’s liability, but in my case, they deemed that my concerns posed a greater risk to my client than giving her a life-altering procedure with no proven long-term benefit.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by this. Just a few months earlier, in September of last year, I was one of over 100 therapists and behavioral specialists at the MultiCare hospital system required to attend mandatory training on “gender-affirming care.”

As hard as it is to believe given my work, I hadn’t heard about gender-affirming care before that moment. I needed to know more. So each night in the week leading up to the training, I searched online for information about gender-affirming care. After putting my kids to bed, I sat glued to my computer screen, losing sleep, horrified at what I found.

I discovered that neither puberty blockers nor cross-sex hormones (testosterone or estrogen) were approved by the Food and Drug Administration as a treatment for gender dysphoria. In fact, prescribing these treatments to kids can have drastic side effects, including infertility, loss of sexual function, increased risk of heart attack, stroke, cardiovascular disease, cancer, bone density problems, blood clots, liver toxicity, cataracts, brain swelling, and even death.

While gender clinicians claim hormonal treatment improved their patients’ psychological health, the studies on this are few and highly disputed.

I found that those experiencing gender dysphoria are up to six times more likely to also be autistic, and they are also more likely to suffer from schizophrenia, trauma, and abuse.

The research also implies that the dramatic rise in these diagnoses across the West likely have a strong element of social contagion. In children ages 6 to 17, there was a 70 percent increase in diagnoses of gender dysphoria in the U.S. from 2020 to 2021. In Sweden there was a 1,500 percent increase in these diagnoses among girls 13–17 from 2008 to 2018.

Yet, countries that were once the pioneers of gender transition medicine are now starting to backtrack. In 2022, England announced it will close its only gender clinic after an investigation uncovered subpar medical care, including findings that some patients were rushed toward gender transitions. Sweden and Finland undertook comprehensive analyses of the state of gender medicine and recommended restrictions on transition of minors.

I decided—though it was potentially dangerous to my career and to me—to ask questions about the findings I discovered.

The training I attended laid out an affirming model of gender care—from pronouns and “social transition” to hormone treatments and surgical intervention. In order for children to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, the training stated, patients must meet six of eight characteristics, ranging from “a strong desire/insistence of being another gender” to “strong preference for cross-gender toys and games.”

Tamara and her MultiCare colleagues were trained to diagnose gender dysphoria among their young patients when they met six of the eight above characteristics. It was made abundantly clear to all in attendance that these recommendations were “best practice” at MultiCare, and that the hospital would not tolerate anything less.

When the leader of the training brought up hormone treatments, I shakily tapped the unmute button on Zoom and asked why 70 to 80 percent of female adolescents diagnosed with gender dysphoria have prior mental health diagnoses.

She flashed a look of disgust as she warned me against spreading “misinformation on trans kids.” Soon the chat box started blowing up with comments directed at me. One colleague stated it was not “appropriate to bring politics into this” and another wrote that I was “demonstrating a hostility toward trans folks which is [a] direct violation of the Hippocratic Oath,” and recommended I “seek additional support and information so as not to harm trans clients.”

In the training, gender-affirming treatment is presented as “suicide prevention.” As soon as I closed my laptop, I burst into tears. I care so deeply about my clients that even thinking about this now makes me cry. I couldn’t understand how my colleagues, who are supposed to be my teammates, could be so quick to villainize me. I also wondered if maybe my colleagues were right, and if I had gone insane.

Later, my boss reached out to me and told me it was “inappropriate” of me to raise these questions, telling me that a training session was not the proper forum. When I tried to present the evidence that caused me concern—the lack of long-term studies, the devastating side effects—she told me she didn’t have time to read it.

“I am speaking out because nothing will change unless people like me blow the whistle,” Tamara writes. “I am desperate to help my patients.” In retrospect, this ideology had been growing in power for a long time.

I remember in 2019 seeing signs of how gender dysphoria arose among many of my most vulnerable female clients, all of whom struggled with previous psychological problems.

In 2019, I started seeing a 16-year-old client after her pediatrician referred her to me for anxiety, depression, and ADHD. When I first met her, she had long blonde hair covering her eyes, to the point you could barely see her face. It was like she was going through the world trying to be invisible.

In 2020, during the pandemic, she told me she had started reading online a lot about gender, and said she started feeling like she wasn’t a girl anymore.

Around this time, her anxiety became so debilitating she couldn’t leave her house—not even to go to school. After taking a year off school during the pandemic, she enrolled in an alternative school for kids struggling with mental health. I was relieved that she was making friends for the first time, and seemed to be feeling a lot better.

Then she started using they/he pronouns, identified as pansexual, and replaced the skirts and fishnet stockings she often wore with disheveled and baggy clothes. Her long hair became shorter and shorter. She started wearing a binder to flatten her breasts. She tried out a few different names before settling on one that’s gender neutral.

The official diagnosis I gave her was “adjustment disorder”—an umbrella term often applied to young people who are having a hard time coping with difficult and stressful circumstances. It’s the type of diagnosis that doesn’t follow a child forever—it implies that mental distress among kids is often transient.

She came out as transgender to her family in 2021. Her mother was supportive, but her dad wasn’t. Regardless, she went to her pediatrician seeking a referral to a gender clinic.

In 2022, she went to Mary Bridge Children’s Gender Health Clinic for the first time, where the clinicians informed her and her parents that if she didn’t receive hormone replacement therapy, she could be “at increased risk for anxiety, depression, and worsening of mental health/psychological trauma,” according to her patient records. Her dad refused to start his daughter on testosterone, and so all the clinic could do was prescribe birth control to stop her period due to her “menstrual dysphoria,” or distress over getting her period. Which is something I thought all teenage girls experienced.

Five months later, she swallowed a bottle of pills and her mother had to rush her to the emergency room.

By early 2023, my client logged on to our weekly session, which we started doing by Zoom, and she told me she identified as a “wounded male dog.” She explained to me that this was her “xenogender,” a concept she had discovered online, which references gender identities that go “beyond the human understanding of gender.” She said she felt she didn’t have all of the right appendages, and that she wanted to start wearing ears and a tail to truly feel like herself.

I was stunned. All I could do was silently nod along.

After the session, I emailed my colleagues looking for advice. “I want to be accepting and inclusive and all of that,” I wrote, but “I guess I just don’t understand at what point, if ever, a person’s gender identity is indicative of a bigger issue.”

I asked them: “Is there ever a time where acceptance of a person’s identity isn’t freely given?”

The consensus from my colleagues was that it wasn’t a big deal.

“It sounds like this isn’t something that’s ‘broken,’ ” one colleague wrote me back, “so let’s not try to ‘fix’ it.”

“If someone told me they use a litterbox instead of a toilet and they were happy with it and it’s part of their life that brings them fulfillment, then great!” she continued. “I might think it’s weird, but then again, not my life.”

After learning that one of Tamara’s patients identified as “a wounded male dog,” a colleague replied: “If someone told me they use a litterbox instead of a toilet and they were happy with it and it’s part of their life that brings them fulfillment, then great!” I was baffled and alarmed by her unquestioning affirmation. At what point does a change in identity represent a mental health concern, and not something to be celebrated and affirmed? Fortunately, my client never brought up her “xenogender” again. She also isn’t on testosterone due to her father’s disapproval. So I kept these thoughts to myself, and ultimately, in order to keep my job, I let it go.

Another female patient, who transitioned as a teen, serves as a warning of what happens when we passively accept the idea that gender transition will entirely resolve a patient’s mental health issues.

This client, who I started seeing in 2022, is now 23 and rarely leaves the house, spends most of the day in bed playing video games, and envisions no path to working or functioning in the outside world due to a variety of mental health problems. In 2016, this patient was diagnosed with autism, anxiety, and gender dysphoria. Later the diagnoses grew to include depression, Tourette syndrome, and a conversion disorder. In 2018, at age 17, the Mary Bridge Gender Health Clinic prescribed testosterone, despite the fact that this patient is diabetic and one of the hormone’s side effects is that it might increase insulin resistance. The patient’s mother, who has another transgender child, strongly encouraged it.

This patient now has a wispy mustache and a deepened voice, but does not pass as male. It turns out that testosterone, which will be prescribed for life, did not relieve the patient’s other mental illnesses.

My biggest fear about the gender-affirming practices my industry has blindly adopted is that they are causing irreversible damage to our clients. Especially as they are vulnerable people who come to us at their lowest moments in life, and who entrust us with their health and safety. And yet, instead of treating them as we would patients with any other mental health condition, we have been instructed—and even bullied—to abandon our professional judgment and training in favor of unquestioning affirmation.

I am speaking out because nothing will change unless people like me—who know the risks of medicalizing troubled young people—blow the whistle. I am desperate to help my patients.

And I believe, if I don’t speak out, I will have betrayed them.

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https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/26895269.2022.2100644

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Amidst the scandal, Mary Bridge Children's has deleted the above blog post by self-professed "they/them," Aytch Denaro. However, the internet doesn't forget.

#Tamara Pietzke #Jamie Reed #whistleblower #medical malpractice #medical transition #medical corruption #gender dysphoria #gender ideology #queer theory #gender affirming care #gender affirming healthcare #gender affirmation #mental health #mental health issues #mental illness #gender cult #genderwang #religion is a mental illness