#beer is yucky bad terrible

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

hi helo greetings here is an opinion by ME.

#beer is yucky bad terrible #i hav tasted small sips several times and is always bad. terrible bitter awful crap! #opinion #alcohol #queer

[amysubmits]

My Dom and I were talking and he was wondering, which made me wonder when do requests cross the line from d/s into something more like servanthood? Like asking for a beer to be brought might feel fine, but do too many requests like that ever start to feel yucky? Does CD have a way to vet his wants that he asks of you or do you have a way of looking at it that helps you determine if it’s too much? Thanks!

I imagine the line is different for each person or each couple. I imagine some submissives may enjoy feeling like a servant, too. So that may not even be a bad thing for some?

For me, I don’t care to feel like a servant but I love to be of service to CD. For me I don’t think it has an objective answer as far as how many things he can request from me before it starts to feel more like being a servant than his submissive partner. I think it has a lot more to do with feeling his appreciation, knowing that what he requests of me is helpful or purposeful, and that he respects me, that he sees my needs and happiness, etc. 

For example, he sometimes will ask me to bring him his phone or a glass of water after he’s already settled into bed and realized he wants something and just doesn’t want to get up, basically. That doesn’t bother me because it’s still helpful to him and I like being helpful to him, and when I bring him those things he’ll be appreciative. 

Or if he’s close to needing to leave for work and can’t find his keys but still has to do his hair, and he asks me to try to find his keys for him, that’s fine with me too because again, it’s helpful to him, and he’ll be grateful. 

But if he had an attitude that felt more like ‘hey you, do this so I don’t have to’ that would feel servant-y to me. Or if there was an imbalance in our schedules and needs and he didn’t seem to notice or care, I guess? For example..

If I had a really terrible day, and I had a long to-do list for work still and he had an easy day and was just sitting watching TV but asked me to find him his phone, and then asked me to bring him a drink, and then asked me to adjust the thermostat, and was interrupting what I really needed to get done just so that he wouldn’t have to do things himself? That could start to feel more servant-y too, like his desires were more important than my needs or like he didn’t even consider my needs. 

I don’t think we’ve ever really sat and talked this out in any detail. It’s just something we’ve been able to find a fairly natural balance to for the most part. I also think part of it comes back to feeling like your relationship is balanced overall. If I felt like he wasn’t giving back to our relationship as much as he was asking of me to put in, in service, then that could make it feel more like a servant dynamic. Typically he just knows if a request he has would seem inconsiderate based on what I have going on and how i’m feeling and so we just strike a natural balance. 

However, there haven’t been times where he asks something from me and I feel overwhelmed at first or frustrated at first. On rare occasion he may be unaware of what I have going on and may ask more of me than is very fair and so just explaining to him what I have going on will help. Like if he asks me to cook a meal and I had to be on a call for work in 10 minutes then of course I Would just explain that. “oh, sorry, I have a call in 10 minutes.’ or whatever. It’s not a big deal. But not just practical things like that either, emotional state matters as well. If he knows i’m just really drained from life in general he isn’t going to ask as much of me because he respects that i’m human and need down time to relax. Honestly at times that is a little hard, if I notice him getting his own drinks or things that typically asks me to do, and I know it’s likely because he knows i’m struggling that makes me feel guilty at first. But in reality it’s just the ebb and flow that has to happen with 24/7 D/s, I think..and part of letting him lead is letting him not ask for as much service when he thinks it’s best. 

I also have times where I’m just feeling insecure or get in a mindset where I feel ‘sure’ i’m going to fail at something. I guess it’s a fear of failure that just sort of pops up and hangs around my head sometimes. Sometimes when I’m feeling that way, if he asks something of me, even if it’s a really small thing, even something that is impossible to fail at, it can still just bring out this “oh my god, i am 100% going to fail at everything now. There is no way i can handle this!” type emotional reaction even though the actual reality is that what he’s asking is something i’m totally capable of, and it’s not even a big deal, but for some reason my brain is lying to me about how I’m going to fail. So when that happens it’s just a matter of working through it on an emotional level. It’s just an anxiety thing for me sometimes.