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#being a writer

Αυτό το κομμάτι μου θύμισε ένα άτομο που αγάπησα πολύ. Ένα άτομο που αν και έχασα επαφές μαζί του, αγαπάω ακόμα πολύ.

Κι εκείνος έχασε τα πάντα. Δεν θα ξαναπεί ποτέ τις δύο συλλαβές.

Το είδα από την μία μέρα στην άλλη να αλλάζει ριζικά. Να χάνει τον εαυτό του με αντάλλαγμα μία μικρή ελάφρυνση του πόνου του. Ή μήπως όχι;

Τον είδα να υποφέρει χωρίς να είναι δίπλα του στην πραγματικότητα. Τον άκουσα να κλαίει κι ας μην το έκανε ποτέ μπροστά μου

Τον παρακολουθούσα να βουλιάζει, από απόσταση

Γιατί συγκυρίες μας έφεραν μακριά και γιατί έκανα πολλά λάθη

Και τώρα ένα από τα άτομα που αγαπώ περισσότερο στον κόσμο, έχασε τα πάντα και δεν είμαι δίπλα του.

Ξέρω ότι ποτέ δεν θα το διαβάσεις αυτό αλλά συγγνώμη. Συγγνώμη που δεν είμαι εκεί στις δυσκολότερες στιγμές σου.

Είμαι εδώ, κι ας μην με θες κοντά σου, μην το ξεχάσεις ποτέ

Μια κοντή <3

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Things I did not need today:

  • waking up itching YET AGAIN
  • WordPerfect mysteriously borking itself 
  • Windows extending that borking to the trial of X9 ~somehow~
  • OpenOffice REALLY borking its attempt to open a WPD file e_e
  • GDocs not actually converting my uploaded files into GDoc form

I know, I know, why don’t I just write in GDocs in the first place?
I’ve been using WordPerfect since I was 8 and while I’ve tried a lot of other programs, it’s the one whose environment works the best for me. Until, you know, suddenly it won’t even open.

So yeah, publishing may be delayed or not happen at all until tomorrow because computers are evil.

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I know this isn’t the case at all for my readers, but like…can we just be nice to all writers in general? Like stopping to think that behind those screens are humans that write because they love it and not to receive harsh messages in return? That instead of a writing machine its a person that spends their own time creating something because they want to? 

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i wonder why i constantly feel like i am not worth a moment of a stranger’s time. so many bright souls in this dark universe consider me the pinnacle of beauty, a passionate writer, a strong lover, a kind soul, while i sit here pen in hand wondering if my words are worth the attention, if i am truly inspiring, if i am worth the time of day that others’ take to read my words. i wonder if they are afraid of me because of my popularity when all i want to do is love well, be a light, be reality in a world of shadows who promote their best images. dear reader, you have listened to me at my best and at my worst and yet i feel so alone, like my voice is shouted on the rooftops of fame and talent while my heart waits alone for someone to need me. to need my voice. my heart. my existence. you read what i ask of the world but feel too afraid to tell me what you need from me. please, dearest love…i am as lonely and broken as you. i merely have a platform to show it. 

do not be afraid of me // h.rae

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Ch 14 of total eclipse of the heart is 10k right now and I am very afraid it will end with 12k.

People are going to have fun reading this epic once completed!

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Microsoft Word is an odd fellow. I’ve written like 46 pages of a story and I’ve mentioned Jim over a hundred times. And now OUT OF NOWHERE on page 47 MW underlines Jim with a red line and goes like “maybe you meant Jeff?”

Oooook, no, dude, I really, really mean Jim. Sorry to disappoint.

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Not often do I have the opportunity to have a character, in my head, step back in the scene then turn around and tell me, “I am not being dramatic enough.” in the context that they are a counterpart to someone who is very hammy in canon. So I say, “Go ahead.”  The character smiles at me, turns their attention back toward the scene, then walked back into the scene and lets it rip.

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Any version of Fleetwood Mac’s song ‘Landslide’ is perfect for feels while writing a scene regarding change and old times.

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I need to go to bed right now (actually like an hour ago) so I can get up and be creative at my day job tomorrow.

I don’t want to go to bed because I want to be creative right now in my personal life and work on my WIP.

I play this game every damn day. Why after all these years have I not figured it out?

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