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It was so nice out today, I decided to go for a run for the 3rd day in a row. So w2d2 done! I brought Luna this time, and she did slow me down, but not TOO much. My blood sugar after my run was still pretty high, which is frustrating. I had sushi today, so I’m guessing that must have spiked my blood sugar and the run wasn’t enough to bring it back down that much. I’m trying to take my blood sugar a ton so I can figure out what makes it high and what makes it lower. The last couple days have been in the 100s which is great! But then today, I’m back in the mid 200s. Bummer. My weight is also not going down, though I’m weighing before I go to work and (TMI)  I don’t usually poop til my first break. So maybe on my next day off it’ll drop a little bit. I’m more worried about my blood sugar and my running progress though. As long as those are going down, I’ll be happy. 

rachelfatpants
rachelfatpants
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Stasera ho esagerato con Shameless. Provo il classico senso di alienazione dalla realtà circostante tipico si quando si guardano troppi episodi in un lasso di tempo ristretto. Ho chiuso il Mac e acceso il vecchio pc, devo scaricare della musica dei Type 0 Negative.

In cucina, io che azzanno ferocemente una fetta di torta di mele mentre guardo vecchie foto di Peter Steele su Tumblr: la metafora del lunedì sera. Poi sono molto contenta per la festa del 29, sarà un nell’evento che romperà la routine.

Adesso sono le 3:05, dovrei dormire ma ho il cervello in movimento.

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No grupo da clientela sem noção alguma, a moça grávida conta que xingou a cliente que a destratou e ficou com medo de ser demitida. Pra tentar acalmar, respondi que ela, gestante, não seria mandada embora. “Justa causa se aplica a gestante sim, meu amô”, respondeu. Falei das implicações, que um processo dela poderia reverter a situação (vi acontecer naquela livraria culturalíssima, na época das muitas polêmicas que se perpetuam até hoje e quando nossos direitos eram assegurados), que ela precisaria cometer um crime ali dentro pra levar uma justa causa e isso dependeria de muita investigação prévia. A resposta foi mais ou menos assim: “acontece que já levei duas advertências antes por responder cliente. E a empresa avisou que se eu não mudasse meu comportamento, sofreria as consequências. Confirmei a informação com um advogado. Se eu fizer isso de novo, posso ser demitida. Que país é esse que você vive em que os direitos são seguidos como manda a lei? Detesto quem nunca passou por algo assim e vem falar bobagem”.

Apaguei meu comentário porque, além dela estar grávida e eu não ser a pessoa mais afim do mundo de discutir com gestante (sobretudo depois de uma resposta tão atravessada), qualquer pingo nos is ali é motivo pra banimento, mas tá, né? Não sou de defender nem empresa e nem patrão, mas queria saber onde que a empresa tá errada nessa história, até o advogado instruiu ela a se orientar na vida.

Trabalhe com o público, destrate esse público, seja advertida por isso e depois fique com o c* na mão por insistir no erro. Eu hein.

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When you work with you ex and they tell someone that you just became friends with that “you’re a really big bitch when you’re pissed” and they reply with “yeah I can tell by her personality”… what the actual fuck. I am so over people talking shit about me. I’m only a bitch when you walk all over me, treat me like shit, make me feel fucking stupid and worthless and unattractive. Other than that I’m a sweet person, it takes a lot to get me to that point because In the end I feel worse for being a bitch when you deserved it in the first place. 😡

I cannot deal with today. 🙃😑

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“I need some damn coffee!” I think randomly as a side note to self. It is hot in the car but it isn’t outside. Aggravated by it all I crack my window to catch a breeze. The air is crisp with a chilling breeze and it’s sunny out. Finding moments where I can to write and draw is getting harder with the children’s schedule but I choose to push forward and not dwell in that thought. 

The scenery outside is precious. I am watching fathers coach.  No where to sit so I watch and type from the car. I’m going to kill some birds with some stones today. I saw the coaches lay out the bases all while noticing the field we have the children practicing on today. The field is clear of debris and the grass freshly manicured. I always thought that baseball fields looked pretty. I played softball in high school but it was not my sport of choice. I ran track. My children and husband, however, are great at the game. Now there is a special place in my heart for the game forever. 

The Mutineer pounds the glove and positions himself just right, just like dad and big brother showed him. Fielding ground balls and being stubborn simultaneously is something of a scene to watch. It is hard to work with someone so young and willful. The Mutineer is no longer a baby, but desperately clings to his baby hood. There appears to be a struggle to keep controlling his parents’ will because he used to get away with murder when he was smaller. Yet I watch him want to do everything his older brother does. Often forging his independence into existence even when all we want to do is help him button his shirt so that we can leave the house on time. Jeez three-nager make up your mind already.  

Thanking God that today we are right on schedule. First we went to the Terrorist’s basketball game, now baseball practice for both of them, and then finally a slumber party for them, while their dad and I get a date night with friends at a house warming in another city. 

Months like these sneak up on us. It’s a lot. We are tired as hell. It is worth it. It is a great kind of tired to be. 

We are tired because daily we are busting our asses to make the shortest ends granted to a normal family in America meet. Daily, we hustle with one car to our drop off points. First, the Terrorist gets picked up for school. Second, I get dropped off for work. Third, the Mutineer gets dropped off for day care. Then off to work my husband goes. We ask for very little from one another. We stretch out conversations in the car. Day to day is thoroughly exhausting when we find ourselves lunch dating for 30 minutes during a car swap because it looks like one of us have an evening that will run later than expected. We work hard for 8 hours then rush off to provide our kids with an activity so they wont be attached to the television or a video game everyday. If we don’t have weekend games or practices we find a restaurant, a park, or museum to show the children. Hey parents, it was the most amazing feeling to pack a meal and watch my sons fly kites for free while we watched ships pass by on a bluff. 

At the end of today and every day of this week this month, we’ve been tired. But, we are tired from sacrificing daily for our children to have their needs met, we are tired because we are attempting to provide our family with some sense of a life style, we are tired because we are attempting to chase our dreams when we could be sleeping.

Again its a good tired. The un-regrettable kind. Even now when I look up from my keyboard and I catch a glimpse of the Mutineer attempting a swing at a ball and finally nailing it. I get to see his smile, his celebration, and his thumbs up in my direction because he knows for a fact, I’m watching. 

Jades Dewalt said ‘…sleep deprivation is physically miserable and creatively cathartic, as internal landscapes rise up from their dormant ashes’

I accept the rare Phoenix that dwells deep within me! 

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My anxiety and my insecurities will literally make me question everything about a situation. I wish I could not have a guard up and just let whatever happens happen and if this go sideways, I was able to be ok about it.

I know JM loves me. That I believe. But it’s so hard to believe that he loves me as much as he says he does and in the ways he claim. And idk if that’s just because of my anxiety/insecurities or if my gut feeling is legit? Is it just cluttered? Thinking about it literally drives me crazy :(

I don’t want to be the girl that is always looking for reassurance. I wish I was able to trust and take what people say at face value. I keep feeling like I should just stop talking to him so he doesn’t have the chance to hurt me 😔

I just want to fast forward and find out if this is legit not gonna happen or I just need to chill the fuck out and put my anxiety/insecurities to the side.

-_-

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…. seeking perfection in human affairs is a perfect way to destroy them🖐😁💚💚💚 #mariabelonesart #family of #artists from #handrawing to #digitalart & #photography #artesano #canadianart #lifestyle #blog #inspire #love #change (at Ottawa, Ontario)
https://www.instagram.com/p/B8sJhCrl8Vu/?igshid=1izt4e7oqblwg

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nemurouAnswer
Hello! Your Daydream theme is so cute and pretty ❤️ I wanted to ask if it’s possible to make the pagination arrows bigger?

Hey, thank you so much!

Find the code below: 

{block:PreviousPage}<a href=“{PreviousPage}” class=“jump_page”>&laquo;</a>{/block:PreviousPage}
….
{block:NextPage}<a href=“{NextPage}” class=“jump_page”>&raquo;</a>{/block:NextPage}

and change it to the following:

{block:PreviousPage}<a href=“{PreviousPage}” class=“jump_page" style=“font-size:14px”>&laquo;</a>{/block:PreviousPage}
….
{block:NextPage}<a href=“{NextPage}” class=“jump_page” style=“font-size:14px”>&raquo;</a>{/block:NextPage}

Replace 14px with the adjusted font size of your choosing. If you are copying and pasting the code directly above, be sure to retype all the quotation marks.

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mr-entjAnswer
Hi Mr. ENTJ. For someone who wants to start writing in a blog like yours were you ever intimidated about starting to write and what pushed you to finally do it? Thank you :)

Never. I regularly see people on the internet take career advice from unemployed college students, marriage advice from single people, financial advice from people without money, and life advice from high school teenagers so I figured I had nothing to lose. 

If you have something to contribute to the world, write it. Share your experiences, perspectives, and knowledge with the world. How other people feel about it is their business and not yours.

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I’m at the point where although part of me has maybe accepted my bisexuality, I’m surprised every time I find a guy attractive in real life.

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