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Journal entry #48📝

Date: 2/17/20

Today’s mood:🙂

Amount of water (cups):11

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅

Exercise:❎

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: An average day. Class happened. Some of the speeches sucked today. Work was slow today but didn’t have to deal with any attitudes. Didn’t have volunteering because the kids didn’t have school today so I chilled at my dorm. Sarah wanted to get dinner at Moe’s so we did that. Feel down right now but the rest of the day was okay.

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I have a confession. I had a secret ana/mia/ed blog. I need help. I want out but my brain is stuck on getting skinny as fast as possible, but I am tired of the side effects. I am tired of the stress. I unfollowed all the thinspo, thinspii, thinspiration, etcetera. But I need to fill the void. Thats where you come in. 

Heres what I need to see on my dash : 

  • NO BODYSPO. That shit is triggering for me because of how much I am envious of other people’s bodies   

Here’s what I’d like to see on my dash:

  • Over 20 years old.
  • Swimming, crew, other water sports, hiking, beginner weight lifting, and blogilates are my faves (but obvs I’m open to seeing other stuff!)
  • Smaller blogs - 100 followers or less (because it fosters community)

Really the biggest one is no bodyspo. You can post pictures of your progress pics, but not other “motivating” stuff.

I look forward to meeting you!

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Journal entry #44📝

Date: 2/13/20

Today’s mood:😬

Amount of water (cups): 9

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:❎✅

Exercise:✅

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: Today started super early. Had work at 7:30 and I was so tired. My shift ended at 10, got home at 10:30, and then slept for two more hours. Got lunch from the pod market with Sarah about 12:40, ate, and then got dressed for the gym. The gym was rough today. My knees and hips hurt a lot like usual, shoulders and chest hurt from carrying all my supplies to class yesterday (like 20 lbs), my left side started killing me during Russian twists, back hurt after bicycle crunches, and overall it felt like my body was shutting down. I’m never like this at the gym ever so it was an experience. Showered afterwards and chilled at the dorm because we finished early due to my pain. Got our AC checked out finally and turned out our thermostat was bad. The room was hotter and more humidity than outside and it was a clear 30 degree difference between our room and the hallway and every other room on our floor. They are coming back tomorrow to see if it worked. Also had my second exam of the week today and it was super simple. We were given the exam on Tuesday and just had to find and learn the answers.

Once my exam was over, Sarah and I went to museum nights at the Harn Musuem. Got a cool picture together, saw my friend Carl(y), and looked at cool fucking Asian art. We then went to Burger King and got the impossible whopper. Sarah’s a vegetarian and has had it before while today was my first time. It was actually pretty good and I couldn’t tell it was a burger alternative. Once back at the dorm, I showered again (had to shave for tomorrow 😉😉) and packed to leave tomorrow.

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Journal entry #38

Date: 2/7/20

Today’s mood: 🤯

Amount of water (cups): 6

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:❎✅

Exercise:❎

Medicine:✅

Today’s talk: Today was rough. Classes went smoothly until halfway through my second/last one of the day. Got a massive headache and just had to deal with it for the rest of class. Got lunch with a friend from that class at the food court and then got my undercut touched up at the barbershop in the Reitz Union. I then walked back to my dorm and went straight to my car to drive to my doctor appointment. Finger is healing well and fingernail is growing back good.

After my appointment, went back to the dorm and took a 3 hours nap. My headache did go away during my nap so that was good. Got dinner at the dining hall and it was littered with high school students that left their plates and cups everywhere. It was hectic so I got out of there quick and did some homework back at the dorm.

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Today went alright, breakfast was eggs and toast, lunch was leftovers from last night. I noticed a significant positive increase in my overall mood this morning and throughout the day. Granted, it’s a Tuesday, and Monday’s are usually rough, so it will be interesting to see if the trend continues. 

I also started my gratitude journal last night (aiming to document 10 things I’m grateful for each day) and I feel really good about it.

My job just moved to a new office, which has a gym in the basement. I’ve been foam-rolling and stretching the past two days when I’m struggling to focus, and it seems to be helping a lot. Plus I’m being reminded of the way my body positively responds to being pampered and cared for. There is an essence of gratitude in each slow movement.

Moving Differently

When I told Juan that I’d been feeling down, he actually suggested we go ice skating. I actually love skating so much, I took lessons a few years ago–but I was training for long-distance running, and the pressure on my knees made it hard to do both.

Anyway, I loved it, as usual. Even though the Zamboni hadn’t come through in hours and the ice was a bit bumpy, the way gliding quickly on the ice makes me feel in the cold air does bring me joy like few other things do.

Even though my heart is heavier than usual, I’m grateful that I’m able to do the things I love, and be free. Embracing the process feels good. I don’t need to feel better by a specific date, but, still, I’m trying to embrace the good moments as they come along with the rough ones.  

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Updated 2020 New Year’s resolutions

Complete 20-20 Blogilates challenge (January)

• Work on friendships

• Keep relationship going well

• GLOW UP

  1. Learn to love myself
  2. Get body health (especially joints)
  3. Create a body routine (skin, hair, and nails)
  4. Get a tattoo

• Journal everyday

• End freshmen year with a good GPA

• Start youtube channel finally!

• Cut back on soda and energy drinks

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Journal entry #18📝

Date: 1/18/20

Today’s mood:😊

Amount of water (cups):3

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅

Exercise:✅

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: Today was the first amazing day I’ve had in a while. Laid in bed for most of the morning with Devin. He slept in pretty late so we got an early lunch. Keeping our tradition of getting Publix sushi everytime when we hang out. Also got some candy and oreos for snacks in the hotel room.

My work party was also today and it was a blast. Like the nerds we are, got to the party 20 minutes early so we helped set up some. Devin and I played water pong against each other (he won 2 out of 3) and we lost the one duo game we played. The party went by pretty quickly and we ended our night earlier than some others. After the party, we got Steak ‘n Shake and went back to the hotel for the night.

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Journal entry #17📝

Date: 1/17/20

Today’s mood: 🙃

Amount of water (cups): 6

Skincare routine:✅❎

Dental hygiene:✅❎

Exercise:✅

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: Today started out awful. Speech went terrible and I forgot important information while I was up there. I was ready to cry by the time I got back to my seat. After public speaking, I had to rush over to my next class and change for it. Thankfully that class was easy. Was just about breathing so did a lot of laying on the floor and counting our breaths. Laying on the floor hurts my back and head though.

Rest of the day was chill. Took a nap after my last class, had a late lunch, showered, packed, and waited for my boyfriend to get to Gainesville. Devin got her around 7:20 and I couldn’t be happier. I’m so excited to spend the three day weekend with him!

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My week 8 weigh in was actually two days ago (and my weight has changed since then) but I’ll give you the breakdown.

Week 2 Weigh-In: 133.8 lbs
Change over 1 week: +1.8 lbs
Change since beginning: +0.3 lbs

Week 3 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs
Change over 1 week: -2.3 lbs
Change since beginning: 2 lbs

Week 4 Weigh-In: 130 lbs
Change over 1 week: 1.5 lbs
Change since beginning: 3.5 lbs

Week 5 Weigh-In: N/A (away for holiday; didn’t measure)

Week 6 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs (just returned from holiday)
Change over 1 week: N/A
Change since beginning: 3.5 lbs

Week 7 Weigh-In: 128 lbs
Change over 1 week: 3.5 lbs
Change since beginning: 5.8 lbs

Week 8 Weigh-In: 127 lbs
Change over 1 week: 1 lb
Change since beginning: 6.8 lbs

It’s been a weird week. This may be TMI, but it’s my blog, so whatever. Basically, my last period ended before I started my 90 day journey, and I haven’t gotten it since… until this week, when it finally returned. I’m not sure why. (No, I was not pregnant.) My best guess is that the combination of intense exercise and travel made my body freak out (and I tend to not be the most regular regardless). 

So anyway, ever since my period returned, my weight has fluctuated a lot. Here is the breakdown of the past week:

Day 53: 128.5
Day 54: 129.5
Day 55: 131
Day 56: 129.5
Day 57: 127 
Day 58: 127.5
Day 59: 128

Like, how weird is that? Maybe it’s not too weird - I looked it up, and according to Google, your weight can fluctuate up to 5 lbs around your period. It just so happened that it dipped on the day of my Week 8 weigh-in, but it’s climbing back up again. Who knows. I’ll wait until I’ve stopped bleeding to make any kind of final judgement call.

I also haven’t exercised much this week, again because of my period. I’ve just been more physically tired, and it felt like the right thing to do to let my body rest. 

I’m nervous about hitting my goal - I still have 3-ish pounds to lose (considering that I’m at 128 today) and only about 30 days to do it. But you know what? I’m going to work hard, do my best, and even if I don’t make it to 125 lbs by the end of my 90 day journey, it will still be okay. I’m healthier now than I was, and I’ve still made a tremendous amount of progress. 

And I’m not giving up yet!

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Journal entry #15📝

Date: 1/15/20

Today’s mood: 🙃

Amount of water (cups):8

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅❎

Exercise:✅

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: Today was alright. Started off on the wrong foot for sure. Sarah’s alarm went off at 7 and she didn’t wake up to it again. Woke her up by throwing a pillow at her and afterwards, I couldn’t go back to sleep. So up an hour before I was supposed to and before my body was ready. Got ready for class at the usual time and had a decent breakfast.

In my public speaking class, we had a pop quiz and I aced it. Answered a whole bunch if questions with confidence. After that class, I got an email that my other/last class of the day was cancelled. So I was free until 4 and it was 10:30. I went back to my dorm and decided to go to the gym. Had a really good workout. Tried out the spin bike again-my butt bone hurts currently so if you know how to prevent that, hit me up.

Had a healthy lunch with my friend Savannah because she came at the same time and saw me. Was nice to talk to her, catch up, and gossip about the stuff I can’t with Sarah. We walked to class/library together afterwards. I uploaded my video to youtube for one of my online classes and shared all the media for one of my clubs.

Nighttime was where it also got iffy. Wasn’t feeling great about myself and just really insecure during dinner. I’m also extremely tired and have to wake up super early tomorrow. The good news of the night: I’m a production assistant for the web series branch of the film club (ChomPics) that I’m in. I’m so excited to work on set and get to know the rest of that branch.

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Day 50 of 90 - Over Halfway There!

Alright… I’m not even going to give myself an excuse for the fact that I haven’t blogged since day 28. I’m just going to say that while I clearly didn’t hit my “blog once a week” goal, I’m doing pretty darned well on my other health goals, so I’m not too mad about it. And with that, let’s move on to the recap of the past 22 days.

Due to being on holiday and away from home from day 33 through day 44, I was not able to track my weight daily for that time span. Additionally, because I knew I was going to be busy with visiting family and such for that time span, I didn’t want to force myself to try to squeeze my normal workout routine in every day, so I gave myself a break there. I also didn’t try too hard to stick to my original calorie / macro count, and instead just tried to eat things in moderation, and only eat something that was “unhealthy” or “bad” for me if I really wanted it, not just because it was there. (It also helped that I didn’t have family members actively pressuring me to eat tons of things, like at the previous holiday). And surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly), this really didn’t end up being a bad thing!

Here’s my weight breakdown:

Week 2 Weigh-In: 133.8 lbs
Change over 1 week: +1.8 lbs
Change since beginning: +0.3 lbs

Week 3 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs
Change over 1 week: -2.3 lbs
Change since beginning: 2 lbs

Week 4 Weigh-In: 130 lbs
Change over 1 week: 1.5 lbs
Change since beginning: 3.5 lbs

Week 5 Weigh-In: N/A (away for holiday; didn’t measure)

Week 6 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs (just returned from holiday)
Change over 1 week: N/A
Change since beginning: 3.5 lbs

Week 7 Weigh-In: 128 lbs
Change over 1 week: 3.5 lbs
Change since beginning: 5.8 lbs

I’m currently at 128 lbs, which means that I broke through the weight plateau that kept me stagnating around 130! I was trying to figure out the reason for the stagnation, and I’m really not sure what it was. I was eating well, and exercising diligently. There are only two potential reasons that I can think of at the moment. One is, maybe after implementing a drastically different eating and exercise plan for a month, my body was just trying to figure out what the heck was going on. Another is that it could have been stress from work affecting me. Week 2 through Week 4 was a stressful time for me at work (a LOT of deadlines) and it’s possible that my cortisol levels rose and caused me to hold onto weight.

We may never know. But I’m not too concerned about it anymore, because clearly the plateau has broken!! Maybe the physical relaxation over Week 5 was just what my body needed in order to reset and (possibly?) get my cortisol levels down.

I’ve got 5 ½ weeks to go on this 90 day journey. I have 3 pounds left in order to reach my weight goal. I really do think that this is doable - I mean, it’s less than a pound a week, and I’m pretty sure I can smash that! However, I do want to state for the record that I realize my body might just give me a flat-out “no” for whatever reason. I might stagnate, even if I’m doing all the “right” things. And I’m giving myself the grace to say that that is okay. I set my goals based on the knowledge I had at the time, with the understanding that those goals were flexible and could be changed for the good of my body. A good friend reminded me that my body is changing due to these healthy habits - and even if my weight stays the same or possibly even goes up, it could be because I’m building muscle. Weight only tells part of the story. (I’m really wishing that I measured myself (inches-wise) at the start of this journey so that I had another data point, but oh well.)

But putting the weight aside, this journey has been unbelievably healthy for me, both physically and emotionally. Exercising has truly made a world of difference in my mental health. I know everyone always says that, but man - it was like taking a magic pill that suddenly made me happier and more focused. Who wouldn’t want that?? And because my brain is receiving the dopamine it needs from exercise, I’m no longer craving junk food 24/7. Instead, I can have a normal, moderated amount of dessert and less-than-healthy food, and I don’t feel like I’m missing something.

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Happy Monday!

Today’s breakfast is steel cut oatmeal with blueberries and some pineapple. A breakfast of champions for my first day of my new semester.

Today will be day 6 of the Blogilates 2020 challenge, and I’m also beginning a 7 week running for beginners program!

I will try to enjoy my 30 minute walk in the cold and snowy weather.

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