the thing that gets me the most about ableism against pd’s is that ppl will be like “these disorders make you an ASSHOLE!!!!” and then turn around and pretend that other disorders can’t and don’t make you act shitty.
depression and anxiety can make you irritable and snappy. they can cause you to refuse to listen to people and to be distant and withdrawn. they can cause you to seem angry, bitchy, rude, uncaring, etc.
ptsd causes an array of difficulties in forming meaningful relationships. it pretty much shakes up your entire worldview and sense of self a lot of the time. ptsd can cause you to get angry often. it can cause you to yell and scream. it can cause you to withdraw from others, run away, or cut them out. it can cause general changes in demeanor and more cynical worldviews. it can make you seem grouchy, negative, explosive, impolite, difficult, needy, controlling, etc.
and yet when people with personality disorders have symptoms of that nature, suddenly we are irredeemable monsters. when it’s npd, bpd, hpd, or aspd instead of ptsd or depression and anxiety, people suddenly and magically lose the ability to be understanding.
mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. i firmly believe that. hurting others is never justified simply because you have any disorder.
but if you can be patient with people who have depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, or any other more well understood mental illness, you can be patient with us.
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Abuse isn't only physical. Sometimes it is...
Shouting at them until they cry/retaliate.
Humiliating them in front of friends and family.
Refusing to let them see friends and family.
Isolating them from what's outside.
Refusing to let them have control over their own finances / keeping it all for yourself.
Belittling their looks, their personality, their thoughts, etc.
Bullying them in any way.
Purposely pushing boundaries.
Threatening them, either physically, verbally or emotionally.
Controlling what and when they eat.
Locking them in rooms so they can't escape.
Refusing to let them use the toilet/eat/sleep/etc. after or before a certain time.
Gaslighting them into questioning their own reality.
Lying to or manipulating the people around them so they look like the abuser.
Purposely breaking their belongings, especially in front of them.
Ignoring safewords/"stop"/anything that indicates they're not okay with what's happening (in general, not just in the bedroom)
Giving them zero privacy. That means going through their diaries, tracking them, attending their therapy/doctors appointments when they don't want you to.
Setting them up to fail for the sole purpose of getting to punish them.
Obvious favoritism of one child over another/the others.
All of these are things that I have personally been through. They contributed heavily to my eating disorder, my BPD, my anxiety and my depression.
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Reminder for people with Personality Disorders:
You can be in therapy for years to be able to cope.
You can mask the difficulties you have.
You can cope well with your disorders.
You can function in daily life.
But the day you have a bad day, the day you're so overwhelmed that the mask slips and you simply say one thing, the neurotypicals will use it against you and use it to abuse you.
Abuse is a choice. Abusers make the choice to abuse someone. Not every abuser has a personality disorder. There are plenty of abusers that are Neurotypical. Plenty of neurotypicals will abuse those with PDs due to the stigma and misinformation around them.
Quit using terms like "Narcissistic/Histrionic/Borderline/Anti-Social Abuse"
Quit using "Narcissist" and "Anti-Social" as insults.
Quit justifying abuse towards people with PDs.
Quit armchair diagnosing abusers and assholes with Personality Disorders when you don't know the lived experience of people with them.
Stop fucking appealing to Neurotypicals.
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