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lunochePhoto

my spotify playlists

most are huge and meant to just be put on shuffle. i’m constantly adding songs.

[part 1]

she’s gonna kill you - these were women you could feel the coldness of a corpse coming off of them. a female assassin mix.
[ ft. laura mvula, bitter:sweet, unloved, macy gray & more ]

focus - music with no lyrics for when you need to focus, read, study, write, code in varying genres.
[ ft. above & beyond, bonobo, darren korb, emancipator & more ]

some things don’t work - the relationship isn’t working, maybe you’ve only realized it now or you’ve known for a while.
[ ft. solange, k.flay, cake, beyonce & more ]

winter - songs for the cold.
[ ft. daughter, ellie goulding, tinashe, yeah yeah yeahs & more ]

rain - the rain began again. it fell heavily, easily, with no meaning or intention but the fulfilment of its own nature, which was to fall and fall.
[ ft. james blake, lisa hannigan, emily haines & the soft skeleton, little mix & more ]

video games - songs from video games i love.
[ ft. child of light, bastion, shadowrun, undertale & more ]

is any of this for real? - for when reality seems to be bursting at its seams and all you hear is noise. what dissociation feels like.
[ ft. fka twigs, phantogram, sidewalks and skeletons, tame impala & more ]

dreamy, in a haze - when you’re laying in bed waiting for sleep to wash over you, you’re in a state between awake and asleep. the state of dreams. everything is still real, but it doesn’t feel like it. there is a certain slowness to everything, that you can do things you wouldn’t normally.
[ ft. the chamanas, kali uchis, mazzy star, radiohead & more ]

languages - songs in languages other than english.
[ ft. ana tijoux, hikaru utada, wonder girls, regina spektor & more ]

emily is away too - inspired by emily is away too so lots of 90s & early 00s indie / rock and modern stuff emulating that sound.
[ ft. the strokes, princess nokia, weezer, diana gordon & more ]

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Letting go

Get in a comfortable spot. Think of what is hurting you. Feel how your body is rigid and hurt. Take a breath and say “I am letting go” take another deep breath in and out. Keep saying it even if you feel tears. Keep taking those deep breaths. Feel your body getting lighter and less stiff. Unclench your body. Feel your body calm as you say you’re letting go. Breath out and imagine you’re the wind blowing them and your problems away and across the sea with each breath. Feel the weight of your issues leave your chest and know everything will be okay. You’re safe, you’re going to be okay. You’re getting better; you will move on. You are letting go of what hurt your body and soul.

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Lost pieces

Finally found

Tape and glue

Fitting together like a puzzle

After all this time

Now put back in one piece

you already found someone new

Let’s start the process over

Seeing you sent me back where I came

My heart shattered again

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I’m getting over him. I feel as if maybe it’s not him I miss, but the deep connection and complete utter trust. Yet most of all I am hurt. Hurt he gave up, he got over me, never tried for me, and moved on so quickly. You give someone your energy and love for two years and they no longer even think of you. I went from his everything to just someone he knew. From best friend to ex girlfriend. I’m hurt I loved someone who would change so fast after we broke up.

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1/18/2017 11:35am

Get up and take me down,

I get up then fall down

IT hurts to get back up. It hurts to get back up.

Keep telling me what I should do,

I’m sure I’ll listen to you,

Oh mirror tell me why, why can’t I

Ever be enough?

And it’s petty, it’s petty, it’s not necessary, but why do I still find the feeling of failing to be so appealing? That must be the reason, it must be the reason

Take me away, let me sleep for a day

Tell me to eat and tell me to stay

I promise I’ll listen this time. Let me kiss you another time.

There’s so much that I can’t say,

The words will choke me in my grave,

My cowardice to your confidence, my sorrow to your sustenance, I

Can’t believe how much

I wish, I wasn’t here

And it’s petty, it’s petty, it’s not necessary, but why do I still find the feeling of failing to be so appealing? That must be the reason, it must be the reason

I can’t ever be

How I wish you saw me

I can’t be

Everything because it hurts me

I am the,

The words left in the space between us

I am the,

The lingering taste of regret in your mouth

And it’s petty, it’s petty, it’s not necessary, but why do I still find the feeling of failing to be so appealing? That must be the reason, it must be the reason

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One last message. One last goodbye.
I thought I had wrapped my head around it, but I didn’t. I just want to burst into tears or to scream my lungs out.
I want one more day, one more laugh one more kiss, on more everything.
But I won’t have anything but your indifference.

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All your life you have been looking for me.

This summer we passed by each other like commets in the night sky.

We never even said hi,

But as our paths for a moment intercept,

We promised to orbit the heavens ‘ til we find each other again.

This was the first of our vows.


The Vows #1

An M.S poem to T

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Getting out of bed and meaning it,
Not bursting into tears when I think too much,
Keeping my head up,
Breathing in and out when the air runs out,
Putting a smile on my face and laughing loudly,
Are the small victories of heartbreak.

Sometimes you forget, and it feels like you’ve won, but there is always another battle. New memories to get over and forget, new steps to take. But never forget that every staircase you climb brings you closer to saying you’re okay an meaning it.

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Day 13 without you:

I feel stuck. I don’t believe you will ever be the same for me. Even now when we see each other and you seem so happy. I don’t believe that it will last. You probably won’t come running back to me. But you’re still the only person I’m comfortable being touched by, being loved by. I try to move on and find new things for myself, but any show of affection on their part sends me into spiraling chains of anxiety and feeling sick. At least I feel good again.

It’s now been long enough that I should go back to work. I know I should. But I feel. Utterly terrified by the idea of having to perform at an acceptable level in a professional environment. I do not feel competent or qualified for anything I could be asked to do. It’s too serious, too important for me. And it’s not because of you. I’ve felt this way all my life I suppose. It’s just so hard to believe I can do any of it.

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