Holt: I am the captain of this precinct—
aka Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes as writing prompts
- “I’m just holding a road flare, stepping on some oatmeal, just doing me.”
- “I thought he was faking it. I wanted to splash the lies out of him.”
- “I’d make an amazing prostitute.”
- “But watching Oprah have lunch with her strong female friends has taught me that it’s okay to forgive.
- “It’s bonk city in here!”
- “Oh that’s a relief. I feel so much safer now.”
- “To Rhianna, because I love Rhianna.”
- “That moustache was era-appropriate.”
- “Arg, I can’t do this to my mouth. She’s the love of my life.”
- “I’m not gonna lie, that turns me on a little bit.”
- “He could be in Canada by now. There’s so many forests up there. That country is one giant hiding place.”
- “Look, I can’t help it if my life is literally a Step Up movie.”
- “Imagine that wrapped around you.”
- “Ha. Good one, Captain. You can’t ‘wash’ a car.”
- “This is who you want to spend the rest of your life with?”
“I’ve said ‘excuse me’ this morning more than I have in my entire life. Twice!”
- “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I have to make urines in the toilets.”
- “As requested, you will be the deuce. Although, I still think you should reconsider that codename.”
- “School is cool. That’s why it rhymes.”
- “Leave me a voice-mail. I won’t check it ‘cause it’s not 1993.”
- “I was raised on disco.”
- “I wondered why all the birds had suddenly stopped singing. What brings you here?”
- “Now let’s go look for bad kids who went to sub-par pre-schools.”
- “Yeah, I hear you. My dog has taken over my favorite chair. It’s like, how did it all slip away?”
- “I’m not saying murder. Just talk to her like a normal person.”
Hanazawa: All men and women are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I’m thinking about one thing: dimple hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I’m the Paris of people
Klaus: leave the house? Ben, we are suppose to die on a mission together
Klaus: me in a explosion, and you committing suicide at my funeral out of respect
Five: I think I just figured something out! I gotta go
Vanya: aren’t you forgetting something?
Five:*kisses vanya’s forehead*
Vanya: no, Pay your bill!
This is the scene I was referring to
[Htgawm incorrect quote]
Asher: What would you do?
Nate: Ten thousand sit-ups.
Asher: Okay. Do you have a back up plan in case my hypothetical person can only do 9500? Or three?
[Htgawm incorrect quote]
Laurel: She’s got a type, which is really any one but you.
Asher: Yeah, that was my ex’s type, too.
<Agents of shield Incorrect quote>
(imagine Jemma planned the perfect second wedding that’s risking to be ruined)
Jemma: I planned everything so perfectly, and now it’s all falling apart.
Fitz: No, it isn’t. Take a deep breath. All right, we got this. Mack, Elena, will you please take this veil to a dry cleaner. And if they won’t do a rush job, make them. Use force.
Mack: I mean, we’re not gonna abuse our power…
Fitz: Of course not. We’re good agents. I was just exaggerating… Yoyo, I was not exaggerating.
Pepper: Why did you volunteer us for this?
Tony: Because Steve hasn’t seen Bucky in, like, months.
Tony: And I was thinking, if that was me and you, it would make me really sad.
Pepper: Oh, that’s actually super sweet.
Raven: It’s the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn’t understand because you’re not programmed to feel joy.
ALIE: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.
Lexa: I’ve only said I love you to three people. My mom, my dad and my dying grandpa. And one of those I regret.
Clarke: Which one?
Lexa: Grandpa. He beat cancer so I now I look like an idiot.
Jasper: So, I’m going to grab a healthy breakfast.
Clarke: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?
Jasper: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.
Clarke: I pity your dentist.
Jasper: Joke’s on you. I don’t have a dentist.
Bellamy: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Clarke Griffin soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.
Clarke: It’s not that weird to say, “may I have some cocaine?”
Bellamy: It is.
Raven: It’s Raven’s phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won’t check it ‘cause it’s not 1993.
Raven: Right, that’s the guy you said the lame stuff about. Like he’s a good listener.
Clarke: Sorry, what do you look for in a guy?
Raven: Real stuff, like the shape of his ass.
Jasper: Hello good sir, I would like your finest bottle of wine, please.
Niylah: That will be $1,600.
Jasper: Great, I’d like your $8-Est bottle of wine, please.
Miller: Okay, but I thought since you were in charge, maybe I could be your right hand man? Your Tinker Bell?
Bellamy: Tinker Bell?
Miller: Let me tell you something about Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell is a loyal lieutenant and a real thorn in the side of Captain Hook.
Bellamy: Clarke. Good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?
Bellamy: He makes me feel so small!
Kane: Well, who cares what he thinks? You’re a police sergeant! You’re a grown man! Now take your nap. And if I see the lights on in here, I’m going to be very disappointed in you.
Raven: I can’t believe this is one of the last things I’m ever gonna see.
Clarke: Actually, with Anthrax the last things you’ll see will be doctor, blood, doctor, pus, scab, nothing.
Bellamy: Oh no, Blake in B-flat. You’re disappointed.
Bellamy: Octavia. Octavia. Octavia, I screwed up, big time.
Octavia: Bellamy, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.
13 [gets injured and nearly dies]: the worst part is that the Pting got away.
Yaz: That’s the worst part? You could‘ve died, man.
13: I wasn‘t hurt that badly. The tardis said all the blood was internal. That’s where the blood‘s supposed to be.
*Lexa running in late to meet Clarke and their friends, looking like a total mess*
Lexa (to Clarke): I went home from your place to shower, and I’m so tired that I fell asleep while shaving my legs!
Clarke: But we went to bed so early… Property Brothers was over at 10.
Clarke (louder): I mean… sex!
Lexa: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?
Lexa: I was hula hooping. Clarke and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.
Raven: Oh, my God.
Lexa: I’ve mastered all the moves. [Shows photos on phone] The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.
Raven: Why are you telling me this?
Lexa: Because no one will ever believe you. [Deletes photos from phone]
Raven: You sick son of a bitch.