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#brooklyn 99 quotes

Jake: If we are walking please take into consideration my tiny legs. I can’t keep up with you. Please think of my tiny legs, I don’t want to be jogging to keep up with your leisurely stroll, you Titan!

Terry: Just get a pair of roller skates and hang onto my sleeve, we don’t have all day.

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<Agents of shield Incorrect quote>

(imagine Jemma planned the perfect second wedding that’s risking to be ruined)

Jemma: I planned everything so perfectly, and now it’s all falling apart.

Fitz: No, it isn’t. Take a deep breath. All right, we got this. Mack, Elena, will you please take this veil to a dry cleaner. And if they won’t do a rush job, make them. Use force.

Mack: I mean, we’re not gonna abuse our power…

Fitz: Of course not. We’re good agents. I was just exaggerating… Yoyo, I was not exaggerating.

Elena: Great.

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Raven: It’s the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn’t understand because you’re not programmed to feel joy.

ALIE: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

Lexa: I’ve only said I love you to three people. My mom, my dad and my dying grandpa. And one of those I regret.

Clarke: Which one?

Lexa: Grandpa. He beat cancer so I now I look like an idiot.

Jasper: So, I’m going to grab a healthy breakfast.

Clarke: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Jasper: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.

Clarke: I pity your dentist.

Jasper: Joke’s on you. I don’t have a dentist.

Bellamy: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Clarke Griffin soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.

Clarke: It’s not that weird to say, “may I have some cocaine?”

Bellamy: It is.

Raven: It’s Raven’s phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won’t check it ‘cause it’s not 1993.

Raven: Right, that’s the guy you said the lame stuff about. Like he’s a good listener.

Clarke: Sorry, what do you look for in a guy?

Raven: Real stuff, like the shape of his ass.

Jasper: Hello good sir, I would like your finest bottle of wine, please.

Niylah: That will be $1,600.

Jasper: Great, I’d like your $8-Est bottle of wine, please.

Miller: Okay, but I thought since you were in charge, maybe I could be your right hand man? Your Tinker Bell?

Bellamy: Tinker Bell?

Miller: Let me tell you something about Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell is a loyal lieutenant and a real thorn in the side of Captain Hook.

Season 1

Bellamy: Clarke. Good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?

Bellamy: He makes me feel so small!

Kane: Well, who cares what he thinks? You’re a police sergeant! You’re a grown man! Now take your nap. And if I see the lights on in here, I’m going to be very disappointed in you.

Raven: I can’t believe this is one of the last things I’m ever gonna see.

Clarke: Actually, with Anthrax the last things you’ll see will be doctor, blood, doctor, pus, scab, nothing.

Clarke: Blake!

Bellamy: Oh no, Blake in B-flat. You’re disappointed.

Bellamy: Octavia. Octavia. Octavia, I screwed up, big time.

Octavia: Bellamy, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

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*Lexa running in late to meet Clarke and their friends, looking like a total mess*

Lexa (to Clarke): I went home from your place to shower, and I’m so tired that I fell asleep while shaving my legs!

Clarke: But we went to bed so early… Property Brothers was over at 10.

Clarke (louder): I mean… sex!

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Lexa: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Raven: Yes.

Lexa: I was hula hooping. Clarke and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.

Raven: Oh, my God.

Lexa: I’ve mastered all the moves. [Shows photos on phone] The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.

Raven: Why are you telling me this?

Lexa: Because no one will ever believe you. [Deletes photos from phone]

Raven: You sick son of a bitch.

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