Keeping Up With The Avengers (social media au)
Tags: @katbtracy @agentpeggybarnes @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam @writing-for-hours-on-end @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @impossible-girl @dianadov @rinthehufflepuff @geosaurusrrex-(hope you dont mind me tagging you)
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This may be the pot talking but why didn’t Bruce Banner just get an emptional support dog?
Dr. Bruce Banner can go on about his seven PhDs but even he knows that the only Revenger with fully functioning brain cells is Valkyrie.
So… what if Bruce just took Hulk’s body without permission and locked Hulk up the same way that Hulk locked Bruce up in Ragnarok? I’m probably gonna write up a short or something, but all I know is that Hulk would be hella mad once he got out.
Oh FUCK yeah! Imma do Kid Peter because my boy B is legally no longer allowed less than ten feet away from a kitchen and Pepper WILL turn him in.
“Alrighty, Miles, you ready?”
“Yep. Hit play!”
“Sure you aren’t forgetting anything?”
Miles looked at the chips, the shredded cheese, the salsa and the microwave on the counter and stared at his audience expectantly. Nat facepalmed. “Mask! This isn’t your home universe, but you still need to protect your identity, маленький паук!” Bucky snickered.
“Shoot.” Miles pulled his headgear on, then turned back to Peter. “Ok. False start. I’m good now.”
Bruce silently counted down from three before starting the Instagram livestream. Peter tried to smile for the camera before remembering how disguises worked.
“Hey guys, it’s ya boy, Spider-Man, and another boy, also Spider-Man, but not your boy specifically because he came through a worm hole from another dimension and he’s currently chilling here until another, another Spider-Man— Well, Spider-Woman, figures out how to re-open the portal that brought him here. It should be fun. Until then, we’re making nachos and comparing the differences between our universes.”
Miles gave a thumbs up. “It’s nice to be here! You guys have a great planet! Gotta ask, who’s president?”
Peter gagged, though again, the mask didn’t show it very well. “Ellis. He won on a platform catering to moderates and rails against how “polarized” politics has gotten, while refusing to condemn the Nazi shitheads—”
“Language!” Cap interrupted.
“Oh come on! Cut the Boy Scout act! You called Sam a ‘motherfricking-frick-noodle,’ sans ‘frick’ after he beat you on Rainbow Road!”
Bruce dramatically panned the camera over to Steve, currently staring daggers at Peter.
“Nice try. I’ve built up an immunity from all of those stupid PSA’s. Your disappointed face does nothing to me.”
Sam frowned, and Bucky raised his hand. “PSAs?”
Steve gave a long-suffering sigh. “Let’s get back to politics. Who’s president on your Earth, Other Spidey?”
“Well, his name is William Nye, but the kids call him—”
“BILL! BILL! BILL!”
Wanda joined in chanting. “BILL! BILL! BILL!”
Peter high fived her, then turned back to a confused Miles.
“Bill Nye the Science Guy?”
“That is kind of a nickname, yeah. That ‘Bill’ chant came from a campaign ad that went viral. Like, really viral. He’s known back home for his climate activism.”
“Please take me back with you to your Earth.”
Miles rolled his eyes. “I don’t even want to know why the POTUS is a meme to you guys. Let’s get to nacho making.”
Peter grabbed the chips, shook them onto the plate, and started to pour them on before Miles stopped him. “The hell, Red? What are you doing?”
“You’re supposed to cover the chips in salsa, microwave it, then put out cheese as a side! Why would you heat up cheese?”
Peter stared at him for a beat. “You’re messing with me.”
He socked him in the arm, then put the nachos in the microwave. “You had me going there.”
“Next I was going to start telling you to pour cereal in before the milk.”
“We hunt milk-first people here for sport.”
“Oh look, it’s been thirty seconds. Let’s take those out!”
“Nachos first. Then we chase you down.”
“What kind of memes do you have back home?”
Miles pulled out his phone, and started flipping through his photos before handing it to Bruce to show the viewers.
“That’s Surprised Pikachu, swipe left, and that’s Jealous Girlfriend, then there’s Is This A Butterfly? It’s quite obviously a pigeon, so it’s sort of used to denote cases of mistaken identity.”
Bruce pointed the phone at Peter again as he stared into it.
“Oh, right, the Brooklyn Nine-Nine smirk! Cultural phenomenon! Did Andy Samburg go on to act in and direct Birdbox? He blew everyone away, man. Nobody thought he had that kinda range!”
Peter blinked and raised one hand.
Bruce rolled his eyes, and turned the camera around.
“Uh, yeah, that’s kind of a wrap. The Spider-Dudes can’t eat these nachos without taking off their masks, which we probably should have thought of. Say goodbye to the Avengers!”
He pointed the phone at the other side of the counter where Steve, Sam, Bucky, Nat, Wanda, Rhodey and Thor sat, MJ careful to hide behind Steve, his Dorito-like proportions obscuring her from view. They all waved, and Wanda levitated the plate of food over before the feed cut out.
Bruce: I very well might be peaking and I don’t think that anyone is properly acknowledging that
Thor: Of course you’re peaking. You’re part of the actual avengers and dating a gorgeous brilliant god
Bruce: I didn’t know that I was dating Loki!
Bruce: oh please you love me. ME! I’m amazing
pour one out for taika (who filmed this) but toss it out for the exec who couldn’t let this blatant display of flirting make it to the screen 😤😤😤
Your world falls into ruin together with
the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcements Logistics Division when you
find out that your boyfriend isn’t one of the good guys.
Brock Rumlow x fem!reader, Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader
Contents: Still no proofing (maybe I should get someone to beta for me), but you do get: Fluff, fun, plotting, scheming.
A/N: Welcome to potential new readers: you’ll find the previous chapters through my masterlist.Lots of love for liking and reblogging!! Feel free to shoot an ask if you want a tag.
How to do it? You need to figure out more than just one thing before presenting the most important point to the Avengers. Do I try to get hold of him or what? The idea itself is repelling. After Natasha and the guys had saved you from Brock, the last thing you want is to reach out to him.
Your ex is like venom. The bite from the monster had been painful, but the taint lingering in your blood and under the skin is in some ways worse because it can’t be washed away…not even after months and months of therapy. The antidote (the mental tools you are learning) helps for a while, allowing you to find rest or at least convince yourself that you really are innocent. But Brock still lingers in the shadowy recesses of your mind, waiting for a moment of weakness to poison you all over again. It’s gotta end! And I can’t sit around waiting for that asshole.
every avenger has scars.
they have to, given their line of work, how many times they’ve fought and hurt - but bruce’s are different. bruce’s are different.
because the hulk can’t get scars, but all of his are from long before the hulk was around, back when he was just a scared little kid and his father - his father was unstoppable, full of rage.
he has the reminder of that anger carved onto his skin and lurking in his mind, and it never goes away.
it never goes away.
bruce stares at his scarred chest in the mirror, traces his fingers over the faded lines on his abdomen, and wonders what kind of life he’d have in a world where he never got these scars in the first place.
I was tagged by @autumnarchangels to mention my ten favourite characters from ten different fandoms. Let’s go folks!
- Éponine Thènardier from Les Miserables
- Billy Hargrove from Stranger Things
- Stanley Uris from IT
- The Venom Symbionte from Marvel Comics
- Bruce Banner from the MCU
- Magnus Chase from the Riordanverse
- Samwise Gamgee from LOTR
- Anathema Device from Good Omens
- Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter
- Holly Short from Artemis Fowl
Tagging whoever wants to do this