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#but i'm not gonna force myself to write here until i'm really feeling it u know
once-upon-an-imagine · 11 months
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Hi, I hope ur doing well bc I rlly love ur writing🥺anyway can u do a sweet boyfriend James scenario with a reader who’s been avoiding him because she suddenly broke out on her cheek and is self conscious about it😭I literally have the worst skin in the winter and I’m trying so hard not to cry but my skin is so important to me😭😭😭😭like I’ve never felt uglier and I know breakouts are normal but still🥺😭
Thank you so much for liking my writing, love! And I am so sorry! I totally get that and I hope you get well soon! I know how annoying skin things are! 🥺 sorry, this turned out to long for a dialogue so I made it a drabble, I hope you like it  😊 Warnings: reader feeling insecure about the breakouts on skin Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter 😊 gifs aren't mine 😁
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Unpretty
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"Sweetheart?"
"Go away!" James heard on the other side of the door of your dorm.
"It's James" he tried again.
"I know! Please, go away!" he heard you again, feeling his heart shatter.
You always wanted to see him. He hadn't seen you all day. When you missed breakfast and he thought maybe you slept in and would be late. But you never came. If it wasn't because Remus forcing him to go to Potions, he would have gone straight to your dorm. You didn't come during first period. Or second period, making him worry. When he looked you on the Map, he saw you were still in your dorm and his worries lessened a little. He grew anxious because maybe you were sick. But none of your roommates had said anything to him, and they did whenever that was the case. He wanted to go look for you after Transfiguration was done but he had Quidditch practice and, being the captain with a match on Saturday, he couldn't really skip it. He hated it when he didn't see you there, waiting for him to go to lunch, as you always did. So, here he was with a basket full of food, waiting for you to open the door.
"Princess, you weren't at breakfast, or classes, or lunch" he insisted. "I'm starting to get worried. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Jamie, please just... go to lunch!"
"I'm not gonna go without you, love. What is going on?"
"Nothing! I'm just not feeling well!"
"But... I haven't seen you all day!" he whined. "Sweetheart, please just open the door. You know I'm not going to stop worrying until I see that you're okay" he told you.
You knew he was right. He wasn't going to leave until he saw you. You grabbed your wand and pointed it at the door so it would slightly open, but you remained on your bed underneath your blankets and comforters. James slowly entered your dorm and you could hear his footsteps approaching you until you felt a weight sitting at the end of your bed.
"You've seen me, Potter. Now you can go away" you mumbled, grumpily.
"No, what I see is my beautiful girlfriend wrapped in a cocoon of blankets" he said, trying to remove some from you but you pulled them tightly. "Love, what's going on? Do you have a fever? Do you need me to take you to Madam Pomfrey-?"
"No!" you quickly replied.
"Okay, fine. I guess, I'll just... eat all of these brownies by myself then" he said, grabbing the picnic basket and placing it on your bed. You slowly peeked a little from your blankets and James could only see your eyes, looking back at him. "Oh, there she is. There's my beautiful girlfriend" he smiled, trying to pull you to him but you pushed him away.
"I'm not beautiful today" you mumbled.
"Honey, what are you talking about? You're always beautiful!"
"No, not today! I have been really stressed because of exams and my period is coming next week and my stupid face decided to have a stupid breakout and I look horrible!" you said, pulling your blankets closer to you again and resuming your original position, away from James.
"Princess" he said, feeling his heart breaking a little at the pain in your voice. "Is that why you stayed here today?"
"Yes! I look like a troll!"
"Sweetheart, I seriously doubt that's true" James said, with a small chuckle.
"Easy for you to say! I bet there's not one day in your life when you haven't looked perfect!" you replied.
"What are you talking about? I don't look perfect!"
"James, I have seen you naked. You always look perfect!" you insisted.
"Oh, if you want to play that game, I have also seen you naked, my love, and if any one of us is perfect, it's you" he said, lying down next to you but you still didn't budge. "Fine, if you're not coming out, I guess I have to come in" he said.
"What-?" before you could continue, you felt the blankets around you fly away before it quickly placed James underneath them again. There was no way out now. Your boyfriend was facing you with the most enamored look on his face you had ever seen.
"Hello, gorgeous" he smiled goofily at you, wrapping his arms around your waist and you quickly buried your face in his chest, feeling tears in your eyes. "Hey, what's this for?" he said, stroking your back with his hands.
"I look h-hideous, Jamie" you said between sobs.
"Sweetheart, I know that you may feel that way because you don't feel comfortable right now, but I promise you could never look hideous" he insisted.
"Y-you have to say that because you're m-my boyfriend" you said, still not looking up at him.
"No, I say that because it's the truth" he said, kissing your temple. "Could you please let me look at you? I haven't seen you all day. You have been really mean to me" he pouted.
"I'm sorry" you murmured, still looking down.
"It's okay" he said, gently cupping your cheek and making you finally look up at him. "There's my beautiful girlfriend" he said, leaning down to give you a soft kiss on the lips and making the tiniest smile appear on your face.
"You're a dork" you said, trying not to laugh.
"I know, I have the thick ugly glasses to prove it and my dorky hair that goes everywhere" he told you, making you glare at him.
"I love your dorky glasses and your messy hair" you pouted, running a hand through his messy locks.
"See? So how come you don't believe me when I say you still look beautiful?"
"It's not the same thing!" you insisted.
"It's the exact same thing, love" he said, kissing you again. "Does it hurt?" he asked, his expression turning worried and you felt yourself smiling even brighter at him.
"A little" you told him. "It's more uncomfortable than painful" you assured him. "But I already took some meds so it should be gone in a few days" you instructed him.
"Wait a minute, were you planning on avoiding me FOR DAYS?!" he said, dramatically with a hurt look on his face.
"No" you assured him. "I was hoping that they wouldn't look as bad tomorrow" you said.
"Well, that is still just cruel, love!" he said, pulling you closer to him and peppering your face with kisses.
"Jamie!" you complained, giggling as he kissed you once more. "I believed you mentioned some brownies?"
"Is that all I am to you? Your brownie dispenser?"
"Of course, not!" you said, kissing him again. "You're also my personal teddy bear that I can cuddle any time I want" you said, laughing a little.
"You're lucky I love you" he said, sitting up, making the blankets into a fort above the two of you before he grabbed the picnic basket.
"I really am" you said, sitting up next to him and kissing his cheek. "I love you too" you said, as he kissed your temple.
The End
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A/N: hope you liked it, loves :)
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carpisuns · 11 months
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For the artist meme -- 20 and 6! 🎨 if you like xx
20. how often do you get art block?
all the time 🥰 it's like clockwork lol sometimes i get sooo frustrated and cranky bc i hate all my art and i'm like "woe is me!! i've lost all my skills!! i'll never draw again!!" and then i'm like wait . i know what's happening here. i just gotta wait it out I'll be fine lol. it's nice that i also write bc then i can switch to writing for a while until the art block clears up 👍 i've found it's best for me to just take a break from drawing for a bit and not try to force it so my brain can like reset itself
6. tag your favorite artists/inspirations!
oh man there are so many!!!! i could name like 100 people lol but i'm gonna limit myself to the ones i think have had the most direct influence on my art style. hope u guys don't mind the tags<3
@ileniagennari was one of the first artists i latched onto stylewise. i used to study their work a lot because i am obsessed with the fluidity and softness of their linework and i just really like how they draw faces and bodies. their rendering is also amazing and feels sort of cinematic somehow? i've always wished my art could have a similar feel!
@anna-scribbles has also been a huge style influence for me and she's just also been a big inspiration in general as a close friend<3 i ADORE her work and have studied it specifically a ton. she draws the most blorby blorbos ever. blorbyness is her art trademark imo. and i want that for me too so i tried to steal it. i also think just sheer proximity to her and her art has made me pick up a lot of things from her automatically haha. in particular, i feel like the way she draws smiles is so perfect, and i always try to channel her when i draw smiles myself haha
@ladybeug inspires me so much and has taught me really valuable art skills! a while ago i came to a point in my art journey when i felt just really stuck and frustrated. like i could not for the life of me just DOODLE. i took everything too seriously, even if it was supposed to be simple and silly. i really needed to learn how to loosen up and enjoy drawing more. stephanie is like the most esteemed and delightful doodler i know so i came to her for advice and she DELIVERED. she gave me super helpful tips and invited me to make daily comics with her and it's been lifechanging! it's helped me focus on communication over perfection and feel more confident in my art, which i think had a visible difference in my style too. i learn SO much from just regularly enjoying stephanie's work, including her webcomic @datmcomic!!
@rileyclaw is a good buddy of mine and his work is so hugely inspiring to me! it's really educational to see his wips and learn from his process. and since he's an incredible animator as well as an illustrator, enjoying his work is part of what inspired me to finally take a leap and make my first animatic. i really love how he pushes/exaggerates body and facial expression to communicate emotion and how he makes such careful choices about comp and color and just Everything to tell a whole story with every piece of his art. i've learned a lot from riley on the storytelling aspects of art and that's something i continue to try to build on!
@knockknockknockingonhootysdoor's art is like an instant and intense shot of dopamine to my brain every time!!! i cant even tell you how HAPPY it makes me. i just stare at it and eat it all up and i'm always asking myself HOW does he do it?? how does he make me feel this way. and i think it's just like....how genuine it is?? i can just feel kryan's love for the story and characters in the way he draws and im not sure that is a stealable quality lol. but in particular something i really admire about his art is how SHAPE it is. i love how he builds each character with different shapes and how each design feels so unique and so fitting for them. i am trying to incorporate that more into my own art!
man i already have rambled so much and there are so many other artists i could go on and on about alskjdfjkla ok just real quick i have to shout out @picayunearts bc i intensely enjoy her work in both the ml and toh fandoms and her coloring and use of light and gradient always stands out to me so i kinda try to channel that sometimes! @smallpapers is another fav and i love how soft and simple her art feels! it's always inspiring to me. @raystel's work also inspires me a lot, whether it's fanwork or original stuff. she is so creative with character design and seeing the way she expresses her ideas in art is so cool!
and i would be remiss if i didn't shout out my sister @mozzys-studio who is the first person i came to when i wanted to learn how to draw and she taught me a lot! her art is beautiful<3
thanks for the questions! :D
artist asks
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babygirlgojo · 1 year
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omg Interrupted?? kaiser and sae?? im actually happy to see some kaiser cuz i feel like i never see a lot of him 😭 his character is intriguing ngll
but u know i went straight to saee. i can totally see him just pulling up the silent treatment when something doesn’t go his way 😭 his eyes so pretty tho i wouldn’t even mind the glares. i loved reading their reactions since neither of them have probably ever actually been degraded?? they in their own world doing whatever they want but reader didn’t take their shiit. i ate it all thank you for the meal
-💜
OMG??? YOUR NEW WORK??? i'm speechless, IT WAS SO GOOD 😭😭 i enjoyed reading it a lot (especially michael's part hehe)the reader being the dom one this time sparked something in me 😟– 🌷
Maam. MAAM??? MY DEAR MADAM. INTERRUPTED??? I am. In shambles. Absolutely. Demolished. Broken. Fhhhhhooooo that fic made me realize quite a few things abt myself. Like. “fun” stuff wise. 👀👀 A whole new door just opened for me in the realm of reading fanfics. 😮‍💨😮‍💨 You really outdid yourself with this one seriously. And I hadn’t read a Kaiser fic before this one but I’ve heard a lot abt him and read a lot of hcs and just know general stuff abt him and suffice to say you did a great job with his part. Seriously tho. That fic? 🤌❤️✨ Mwuh. It was amazing. I cant wait for the next part!! - ✨ anon
Thank yuu Lav, tulip and Starry ໒꒰ྀི ๑ ´ ˘ ` ू ꒱ྀིა I'm glad you liked my work. Honestly? the drive behind this idea was from don't bully me nagatoro and a bit of the scenes of boys over flowers as well as the days i got bullied as a child but we won't talk abt that
and the line "Men have to be dominated." i am not sorry and i will repeat it again. men need to be pegged
Reader did not take their shit (and i'm turning everyone into a dom here). But i'm really glad you guys enjoyed the fic, it was the first time i wrote for blue lock with a dominant fem! reader and since it was so well received i plan on writing more.
For Lav : *sigh* where do i even start with Sae. I know for a fact that when things don't go his way, he will try his best to force it. It's the only thing he knows... until you reverse the tables on him. If you're feisty, he'll treat you like a brat. and if you are serious about it catching him his wrists and pinning him down (weight doesn't matter here. he is gonna be surprised and fall back). Dirty talk to him and tease him. He will put up a fight but at the end of the day, he is nothing but a brat himself ꒰ᐢ⸝⸝•༝•⸝⸝ᐢ꒱⸒⸒ and you're the brat tamer
For Tulip : good. the boys need to be dominated ( •̀ - •́ ). and especially kaiser since he came new on my blog (poor king got dommed). I saw Art's (my bff) camera on my desk - and yk how that panned out as an idea. and there is more that's coming cause honestly... if i had to put my personality in one line : not submissive. I write subby themes, sure but i also write dominant content. and there is only so long that i can hold out for before giving into my... thots and writing this. more kaiser content is coming - with a new edition to 'your words, my hurt.' bring in the sadness and reconciliation
For Starry : I see thou hath awakened. (ง'̀-'́)ง and i will happily take responsibility for that spare no man
And i'm glad you liked Kaiser. It was my first time writing him and it was also the time he got dominated. And i have news- i'm writing 'your words, my hurt' for Bachira and Kaiser- but i'm really glad you enjoyed the fic and starry, i still have your first message in my inbox hanging. I'm gonna take time in responding while eating breakfast or something cause i wanna take my time, savor sentences and answer it as well - i promise i'm not ignoring you lovely ꒰ᐢ⸝⸝•༝•⸝⸝ᐢ꒱⸒⸒
As for interrupted, i'm deciding to sleep on it. Like let it be on my blog for now and not do anything abt it. Cause a lot of people liked it- instead i'll be focusing more on the half written wips i've got which includes a total of everything you can imagine and now that Christmas is near; i'm working on a new rin fic that i wanted to release for the holidays, fluffy things and then some.
Hope you guys like this one (esp rin's cause i've been thinking abt this for 2 months now and i can't get over the idea of it - tb to the time with me in bed with my tea and being sick - remember that phase?)
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rrxnjun · 1 year
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tbh i love when people tell me their fav artists/music cuz i feel like i just learn a lot about them or like get to know what they are like. and also i just love it when people say/throw in something that i wouldn't expect them to say it's just so fun!!! AND YES TOTALLY AGREE WITH IR TAKE UR MUSIC SHOULD MAKE U HAPPY!!! ahh i love jack manifold he is actually one of the coolest and funniest people out there his streams are just🤌 (okay cool might be a reach but.. /j)
idk my friend says she just skips a lot of parts from episodes with the ones she doesn't like but even if i like or obsess over a show i just can't get my self to finish it (me with the owl house rn;-;) so that method (?) just doesn't help me out😭😭 yeahhh i looked up what it was actually about after i sent the ask cuz i was curious and i didn't really remember hearing about the movie and then i kinda regretted the way i phrased my question🥲but i'm glad it wasn't that bad of a movie!! IM SO HAPPY U KNOW THEM!!! TRUE R5 STAN ISTG😌😌 red velvet is just such a great song i was so obsessed with ittttt but their music just slaps in general
ooo dammnnn slovak drama:oo but i might look up a translation for the song then cuz now im curious:o (and also thank u still for telling me about this song i vibed so hard to it while writing my essays) i feel like slovak arists like them have to be outthere somewhere they might just not be that well know or something but if there actually isn't at all i hope there will be soon!!!!!
YEAH IM SO SAD ABOUT IT☹️but i think it might be better cuz i just have too much school work rn to just go on a trip☹️☹️☹️ PRETTY BUILDINGS ARE THE BEST THERE IS SO MANY OF THEM IN BUDAPEST AND I TAKE A PIC RVERYTIME I SEE A PRETTY ONE ITS THE BEST EVER ITS NOT A WEIRD OBSESSION!!!! and i really hope i will be able to visit the city another time☹️☹️☹️
it won't really be easier until like the end of june so i just hope i survive;-; but thank u though 💞💓💕 and i hope u have a nice and lovely day as well!!!🥳💖💘
(also i saw that tell me who u ship me with post and i just want to say like many other people did that u and haechan would just be very powerful🫢🫢hoping for ur baekhyun concert date with him🫡) (liebestraum anon💕💓)
EXACTLY!!! music taste says so much about a person. and wild unexpected music tastes are so fun like i have a friend that listened to exclusively heavy metal but then played lucifer by shinee on aux and i was like um....what in the- also jack manifold is so dear to me i dont watch his streams but his existence in other ppls videos is always so comedic i love him
WHY WOULD U SKIP PARTS IN EPISODES WHATS EVEN THE POINT OF WATCHING THEN??? thats the same as forcing yourself to watching something 😭😭 if i hate something i just stop bc life is too short yknow what i mean. AND ITS OK u dont have to know abt it djdjdj but i get your concern 😶
AAA if u really want the translation i can translate for u 🥳 i think i looked up the translation for a friend before and wasnt pleased w it bc it didnt really fit the energy so im just gonna do it myself to give the lyrics justice AHAHA if youre interested ofc! glad it helped w essays 😌😌 i physically cant listen to music when writing essays bc then i cant focus so i applaud you HAHA and you are right there must be artists like that here but idk them:((( im gonna try looking for some to appreciate my home country more
I WANNA GO TO BUDAPEST I WAS TALKING ABT THIS W MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE WERE MAKING PLANS FOR THE SUMMER‼‼ i said i wanna take a train there and just look around and shit she didnt seem convinced but im gonna do it anyway so feel free to be my tour guide we should meet up actually
awh i hope june comes fast for u!! i am chilling rn ((even tho i have 6 essays to write until the end of april) but then i have exams may-jun so i get the stress😩😩 im rooting for u mwah!!
IM SCREAMING. CRYNG. EVERYONE SHOULD STOP TELLING ME THEY SHIP ME W HYUCK BECAUSE I SIMPLY CANNOY DEAL. me @ hyuck: baekhyun concert date when?? or we can just make out in your room and listen to the bambi album instead i dont mind either-
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lunima · 4 years
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Guess who’s finally working on her book. . . 
it ME. 
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sublimecatgalaxy · 2 years
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Dangerous Woman- Part 8
Pairing: Fezco (Euphoria) x Reader
Summary: After a week of avoiding Fez, the reader is forced to deal with her problems head on. But first, she needed to see a doctor and fill her mom in on the most important aspects of her life.
Song: "You Found Me" by The Fray
Warnings: Swearing, dark thoughts, angst.
Word Count: 3k
A/N: Hi guys! This is like half proofread. I'm so tired. This is shorter because I needed it to be a filler. I really liked writing this chapter and since y'all were freaking out after the last one, I figured I'd toss you guys a bone with this one. This one is a bit calmer.
Part 1* Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5* Part 6 Part 7
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I felt like an idiot for ignoring Fez this last week.
I could only come up with so many excuses to not see him after spending so much time with him, days on end in a row. It was probably confusing for him that, all of a sudden, something just switched. I tried to reassure him and let him know that I was okay but I truly wasn’t. And what sucks about it is that I wanted to talk to him about it. That he was the person I wanted to go to when something bad happened. Sadly, this bad thing involved him directly.
He would text and call me, my responses being simple and plain. I would read over his text messages daily, the kind words making my heart ache and tears stream down my cheeks. I could tell he was falling for me, his tough walls breaking down the more time that went by.
From Fezco: Hey baby, Ash and I were gonna get food, wanna come with?
Ash misses u.
Maybe I’m lyin, maybe I miss u.
I don’t know what’s going on or what you’re going thru but I’m here. Whenever you ready.
I’m not going anywhere.
I swear it.
I could tell he was growing more suspicious, anxious about what had happened that night after he left. In one of the messages he left me through voicemail, he had mentioned something about me being sick. I didn’t know what he meant until I remembered me vomiting all over that creepy man and his shoes. It made me feel a bit better that Fez wasn’t suspicious of the fact that I’m pregnant and was just assuming that I had a stomach bug. But I think that some part of me wishes he would bring it up so I didn’t have to. I wished that he would ask and have a small suspicion that I was pregnant, taking the pressure off of me of having to figure out how to tell him and where.
Maybe someday, down the line, Fez and I could have something like this. The family lifestyle with normal jobs and kids, pets maybe. I would be stupid to ignore the fact that I’ve thought about it. Maybe it would have happened anyways, after a few years of us being together. It would be natural and we’d be madly in love. But since I received his message that night about spending his life with me, I felt conflicted. I wanted that with him, I knew that. I just didn’t think he’d want that with me once he found out about our mutual issue. I just kept thinking to myself that he would leave the second I opened my mouth. The minute I told him I was pregnant, he would get up, yell at me maybe, and never want to see me again. This fact, this one big secret, pretty much sealed the fate of our relationship. A relationship that wasn’t even that long to begin with. Would he stay and would I have the baby? Or would he leave and then I’d be alone?
The thought of being alone, having no one but this baby, it made my mind spin to a really bad place. Children were supposed to be these things that mended your life, to make everything clear and make you see the real, important things in your life. But what was most important to me right now was obviously Fez because, even though I was terrified about being pregnant, the fear of losing him, losing Ash too, was ten times more terrifying.
The fact that I haven’t told him yet wasn’t even the worst part of it. It was the fact that, no matter what happened with Fez and I, that my mom would continue to be in the picture. My mom was always going to be there for me through thick and thin. This situation fell in the ‘thick’ category and I knew that even if Fez and I weren’t together that my mom would support me no matter what. She had always told me since I was a child that she would figure out whatever issue the world had to throw at me. I knew that my mother would die for me and that we had been in scarier situations than this before but...
It was comforting almost to know that but the thought of losing Fez over this was not sitting well with me. Men have come and gone my whole life, but something about him, it was different.
I couldn’t lose him.
I would rather die.
But, my mom was still oblivious to the fact that I’m pregnant. She didn’t pick up on the anxiety, the not eating, the constant throwing up and tiredness. I was pretty much bedridden, my body obviously betrayed by my ovaries and one lucky sperm. I didn’t know how she’d react to me being pregnant, to having the baby. Maybe she’d be excited to have a grandbaby on the way but I couldn’t imagine her being okay with it being in this situation. A baby being brought into a world where its parents were drug dealers, maybe not the wisest decision on the universe's part. Some deep part in me thinks that we could keep this baby impossibly safe like Fez’s grandma had done for him and Ash. Though Ash might be a bit screwed up, he was a kind, good kid. Maybe we would be lucky.
I knew that my mom liked Fez, more so than any of the other men who worked with her. He had the sense of loyalty and strength that she needed from the people around her. She appreciated his business style and how he took care of things for sure and she trusted my judgment of him which was nothing but positive. I could tell by how she let him protect me the night of the deal, something that she wouldn’t have trusted anyone but herself with in the past. I listened to them for the time that they spent outside my bathroom, bonding outside the door, waiting for me to come out. They talked about me, how they were worried about me beyond belief. My mom never talked about me like a mother talks about her child. Especially with people in the drug world, knowing they could use it against her in a moment's notice. But something about Fez made her trust him, just like he had made me trust him. And even if my mom didn’t like him entirely, she could appreciate the fact that they shared a mutual interest; me.
Staring at myself in the mirror, my fingers gently rest on the f that sits prettily against my skin. I couldn’t find the strength in me to take it off, worrying that if I did, it would secure this fate for Fez and I. It had been this thing over the last few days, my eyes being attracted to it every time I would look in the mirror. To me, this was his statement that I was mine and no one else's. I had no issue with it but I was terrified to lose his faith in me, his loyalty. At this point, I was wishing on 11:11, on stars, knocking on wood; anything that could solidify Fez and I being together after I told him.
But I knew that I couldn’t tell him until I told my mom.
I clear my throat as I wash my hands, my mind trying to come up with a way to tell her. I could go about it multiple ways but every time I would practice, I would have a massive panic attack, knowing that however I did it, it would end in tears.
But I had to do it now, today. I had a doctor appointment in the morning along with some blood work that will solidify how many weeks I was and if my body was working the way it was supposed to.
I still wasn’t sure if the night we originally hooked up was the night that I got pregnant. I couldn't remember clearly enough to remember if we used protection or not. But given our other sexual experiences, I could assume that we didn’t. I could also assume that it was the night that my birth control decided to, like, not work.
But I wanted my mom to go with me, just like anyone would want. My mom there to hold my hand and love me no matter what. I know that I can’t continue to judge her and be afraid without knowing how she truly feels about it. So I had to do it.
Making my way up to her room with wobbly knees, I already feel the tears in my eyes as I hesitate at her doorway. I can hear the TV inside playing, her quiet hums being heard as I push the door open. Her head tilts to look at me from her bed, the remote in her hands as she flicks through channels. She sends me a soft, silent smile, patting the bed next to her. I sniffle, catching her attention as she looks over my nervous frame. Moving across the room quietly, my arms folded in front of my chest, I lay down on the bed next to her with a shaky sigh. I can feel her watching me, her eyes flickering over my teary face as I stare straight again.
“I have to talk to you about something and I’m afraid that you’ll be mad.” I mutter suddenly, grabbing her attention as she hesitates nervously. Her and I didn’t really have heart to hearts, the sentiment not needed between us most of the time. I knew that, in any other situation, I could tell her anything. She was my getaway car, my person, so the fact that I have to preface before just telling her made her nervous. Between this tone of voice and my worried look, I must have shocked her. “It has to do with why I’ve been so upset lately, why I stayed in the bathroom for hours after Fez left and after you went to sleep last week.” I add with a quiet gasp, the sleeves of my shirt rubbing over my eyes as I turn to look at her, watching as she sits up straighter.
“Yeah, baby, what is it?” She asks with a quiet voice, turning the volume on the television lower as she clears her throat. I look down at my hands as I sit, tears streaming steadily down my cheeks and into my lap. “Honey, you’re scaring me.” She whispers, reaching over to take my hand as I cry, not having the strength to tell her. That statement in itself scared me in return, knowing that she had been in life or death situations and seeing me upset is the thing that finally scares her. “Whatever it is, just tell me and I’ll take care of it. No matter what it is. I won’t be mad.” She promises, giving my hand a squeeze as I nod, knowing that her words are truer than I could possibly imagine.
“Okay…” I trail off, trying my best to take a deep breath as I close my eyes, my heart pounding in my chest. “Fez and I have been together for about a month and a half.” I whisper, her eyes widening as a small laugh leaves her lips. Before she can speak, I continue with a cry. “That’s not all.” I gulp, wiping my cheeks as I continue, her gaze soft and reassuring. “We hooked up a few months ago and then saw each other at that deal that one night when he brought that teenager. I didn’t know who he was until he said something. Then when you sent me to go watch him, his brother caught me and brought me in to talk with Fez and we ended up exchanging numbers. I’ve also snuck him in here multiple times at night and his house is where I’ve been spending most of my time.” I rush out, my hands flying as I talk, my mother stoic and calm the whole time as a soft smile spreads across her lips. “I didn’t want to hide it from you and I know you can tell when I’m preoccupied mentally and I haven’t been on my game recently with work. I’m so sorry but that’s why.” I conclude for a moment, catching my nervous breath as I avoid her gaze. She just nods, letting out a deep sigh as she chuckles again, her head shaking teasingly at me.
“Well, first of all, he’s a very handsome guy.” My eyes widen at her playful words, suddenly feeling a bit relieved. “He’s also very nice and respectful and I like the way he does business.” She shrugs, having no issues with my relationship with Fez, but she still wasn’t aware of the big deal yet, the reason behind my tears and anxiety. “Is that all, baby? Were you really that worried to tell me that?” She asks with a concerned glance, my fingers reaching up to play with the comforting necklace around my neck. Taking a deep breath, I shake my head nervously as she waits for me to go on. Here goes nothing.
“I’m pregnant, momma. I’m scared and it’s Fez’s and he has no clue. I found out the night before the deal. That’s why I was so off, that’s why I threw up and why I spent all night in the bathroom hiding. Fez still doesn’t know and I knew that he would connect dots if I let him come up to me that night and ask what was wrong.” I cry, my mothers face falling as she reaches over, pulling me into her arms as I break down. “I just wanted to tell you because I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and I don’t want to go alone and I can’t tell Fez yet-” I cut myself off with a loud cry, my throat raw as my mother runs her fingers through my hair gently.
“I’ll go with you.” She whispers, a small smile on her lips as she shushes me. “We’ll figure out how to tell him, okay? Either way, I’m here for you, baby.” My heart cracks at her reassurement, my head bobbing in a thankful nod. “Why don’t you sleep in here with me, huh? Like old times?” She offers, her hands pulling back the covers as I let out a teary nod, slipping under the covers. I lay down with a deep breath, my hand gently resting on my lower stomach as I panic, imagining Fez laying in bed right now, wondering why I’m not next to him.
The next morning’s appointment went smoothly, my hand secured in my mothers the whole way to and from. She was worried but I could tell that there was a part of her that was happy for me. That she was genuinely excited deep down but didn’t want to be excited until I was okay and feeling better. We talked in the waiting room about how I would tell Fez, deciding that it would be best to have him over to our apartment, sit him down and explain that I was going to keep the baby. But my mom made it clear that I needed to give him a choice. I know that it was a mutual investment, both of us disregarding protection and that, if I had to deal with it, so did he. But I cared for him and I wanted him to be happy. Even if it made me cry. My mother seemed to believe that he wouldn’t go running for the hills, seeming like he wasn't that type of guy. And I agree, he isn’t that type of guy. But that didn’t mean that I wasn’t allowed to worry about it.
The appointment solidified that I was in good health but also that the night of our original hookup was the night that the baby was conceived. That would make it just under a few months old, healthy and perfect and meeting all of it’s milestones that it was supposed to. I felt weird laying there, looking at the screen as I watched the little blob float back and forth. I couldn’t deny the fact that the little thing excited me just the slightest, letting my mind wander to Fez staying and us all being a happy family.
A family that we both missed out on our whole lives. But maybe that would change.
My mom watches me from the couch as I type out a message on my phone, my thumb hovering over the send button. I bite my lip anxiously as I press the button, reading over the message a few times.
To Fezco: I’m sorry I’ve been MIA. I need you to come over. I need to talk to you, to see you. It’s important.
Reading over the message to my mother, she sends me a reassuring smile as I clutch my phone to my chest. I had no idea how he was going to respond but a part of me knew that he had probably already read it and was in his car, on his way. My suspicions are confirmed as my phone buzzes, my eyes anxiously reading over his words.
From Fezco: Damn, baby, that’s all you had to say.
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Fezco Taglist: @fudgemesteveharrington @hi-my-name-is-riley
357 notes · View notes
love-amihan · 3 years
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| ʜᴏᴍᴇ | ᴊᴊᴋ | ᴀᴏᴛ | ʜǫ | ꜰɪʟᴏ | ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛs | ᴍɪᴍɪ |
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CRUSH // INUMAKI TOGE
amihan's note: oh god this is so embarrassing, some of this may or may have not how i acted towards my crush, out here exposing myself- bear with my humiliations i bought upon myself, happy reading!
summary: modern au wherein you have this crush on inumaki toge and you cannot function right whenever he's around. what can i say? he just takes away your words with his mere existence 🥴✋
crush!toge x gn!reader
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the first time you noticed him was when he accidentally bumped to you yes it's cliche i know shhh
your friend happen to know him! would you look at that, luck's on your side
but it was a mistake asking your friend, yuta
he won't stop teasing you whenever toge's around
saw him passing by? yuta pokes your side and starts calling for toge, "toge c'mere!" then off you go to 'meet' your teacher to talk about that non-existent project you were gonna have.
your actions didn't go unnoticed by toge
he even joins yuta for the fun of it
oh you're having a good day? let's ruin that and make you humiliate yourself:
you inform your friends that you're having a great time so far, currently munching on your food happily.
all the stress gone along with the projects and homework that was piled up. until yuta thought it would be fun to ruin your streak.
he apparently just so happen to tell toge, out of all people, that it's alright to have lunch on your table.
surprise, surprise, the only available seat was beside you. "you little shit" you glare at yuta sitting across you who have the biggest smile on his face.
you gulp nervously as toge takes the seat beside you, "hey, i hope you don't mind" his soft voice making you feel fuzzy inside, oh that dreamy voice of his.
yuta gets all giddy, he chuckles at your state. he really thinks this will be the good time to introduce you, like c'mon you haven't even got time to fix yourself properly!
you're still recovering from the all-nighters you pulled. "i'm sure y/n is more than okay to have you here~"
yuta gestures to you, "l/n y/n, inumaki toge" toge turns to you smiling sweetly, "nice to meet you" he holds out a hand.
your throat becomes dry, looking back at him, trying not to look away because goddamn he looks good, who gave him the right?!
you snap out of your daze when you hear yuta's snickers, you feel heat rushing up your cheeks.
subtly rubbing your sweaty palm on your uniform before shaking his hand, "y-yeah, nice to meet you."
you mentally slap yourself for stuttering, quickly letting go of his hand and going back to your food. doing your best to pretend your crush is not beside you also eating his lunch.
after that faithful day, toge never fails to tease you with your little crush on him
oh did i forget to mention he's your classmate?
on top of that, you didn't even know how it ended up with having him as your seatmate
you can't help but give him side glances whenever the lesson starts
he will always catch your eyes on him making him smirk a little
one time, he straight up turns to face you staring right into your eyes small smile on his face, you squeak turning your head to the side quickly. you hear him chuckle at this before going back to writing down his notes.
if you're wearing glasses;
he playfully flirts with you if the teacher gives you a little break. he will nonchalantly pull your glasses off your face and try it on.
"woah, kinda high but not so far from mine" he said while scrunching his nose cutely. let's just say he wears contacts
he cocks a brow at you still wearing your glasses, "you think i suit this frame?" you nod your head hesitantly, looking away, face feeling hot.
"need my glasses please," you manage to mumble out. he chuckles nevertheless giving your glasses back.
there's this event on your school wherein toge was pulled from the sea of students
making him the center of attention, it was the usual event that the school hold every year wherein they teach you about relationships and such.
"what about you, young man?" the host points at toge's direction after giving a heartfelt speech about relationships.
"come and join me," your eyes zeroes on toge as he stands beside the host hands on his back, looking all polite and kind.
"anyone you fancy in these school?" the host puts his mic in front of toge gesturing at the crowd, toge smiles after getting the question.
"yes," a simple answer that have you a little disappointed because damn you're wishing that's you.
the host's smile gets wider, "oh we have a lucky one, such a fine handsome young man they would have."
the host continues the event letting toge go back to his seat after the little interview.
'indeed, lucky them' you thought to youself.
however, before toge could sit down. his eyes locks with yours, your breath hitch and busy yourself with your id looking at it like it's the first time you've seen it. yuta laughs at your crisis and shakes his head "you're hopeless."
yuta most likely forced you to have the courage to hit that follow button
you know what happened next? only a few seconds passed, he already accepts your follow request
of course, you come and check his profile right after
there's also that day when you encourage yuta to send a message to his crush
but yuta got an idea of making this fair for the both of you
he really likes the idea of you and toge working out
this is a great opportunity to push you towards him
he tells you to send a message to toge, so that it would be equal for you two
how stupid of you to agree with this boy
as soon as you hit send, you toss your phone to yuta wanting the floor to open up and just fall down on the bottomless pit
yuta gasp loudly seeing the response
he smacks your stomach which was closest in his reach and shoves your phone to your face, laughing loudly.
you: hey, i just wanna tell you that you're really smart and i can't help but also admire your pretty handwriting :>>
inumaki.mp3: oh thank you, thought you would compliment my face considering you stare more to it ;DD
your mouth hangs open looking back to yuta who's still laughing
to say that you're embarrassed and not wanting to exist right at this moment would be an understatement
last embarrassment for this headcanon
yuta just loves messing with you
there's this sports event in school wherein lots of students gets a chance to have an excuse to take picture with their crush if u're from philippines u know the feels
yuta takes this chance to get you one, of course he's that great of a friend like that
a little context for this, there's this kind of like a party for the students to enjoy after the long sports week that happened. with deejay and all plus the loud music blasting! -well our school provides one i dunno bout urs-
toge's sweating slightly after getting out of the crowd, still laughing from the little showdown they had in the center of the little crowd his friends gathered.
this day of the sports week is definitely his favorite part, his friends pats his back as they shout to each other over the loud music.
staying back where it's more calm and less people compare up in front where the students are jumping up and down restless.
yuta happen to pull you out just in time of finding toge with his friends chatting. he grins at you, you look back at him scared not knowing what's going on.
he drags you to where toge's group are standing, once you arrive you bite your bottom lip eyes widening after seeing toge.
you begin to turn on your heel and just straight up ditch yuta, however, luck's not on your side today. "togeee~!" yuta shouted patting his shoulder.
toge turns and sees yuta, smile still on his face. his eyes widens in recognition, "oh yuta!" he nod at him.
he moves his gaze to your back seeing you're about to flee the scene. yuta pulls you back making you face toge, "you remember them right?" toge nods giving you a smile.
you quickly look away, palms already sweating. your mind working on how to kill yuta in so many possible ways, "they wanna take picture with you, if that's alright?" yuta asked waving his phone, your plan scratching to killing him right now.
before toge could reply, his group of friends notices the little interaction and teases him.
"oh what do we have here?" nobara looks at the scene with a knowing smile, yuta pushes you to stand beside toge readying his camera.
yuji whistles seeing you two together, "c'mon~ put your arm around them!" yuji ushers, as toge's friend cheers in the background.
toge looks at you, his smile comforting you before wrapping an arm around your shoulder. you inhale deeply from your nose, trying to calm down yourself.
"smile for the camera!" yuta shouted having fun with this as he clicks away on his phone capturing every moment. yep, you're definitely gonna kill him later.
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copyright © 2021 by love-amihan all rights reserved. do not repost in other platforms. reblogs are welcome and highly appreciated! <33
221 notes · View notes
mirkosintern · 3 years
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Crawlin’ back to you
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pairing: dabi x fem!reader
genre: smut with a lil angst and fluff if you squint
notes: reader is a member of the lov, set in the meta liberation army arc (before the war!), possessive dabi, wowee this is my first work!! I never expected myself to be able to write a piece but here we are ehehe this was inspired by a certain tiktok actually. U may have already noticed but the title is from the song do I wanna know? by the arctic monkeys<3
warnings: 18+, unprotected sex, breeding, cum play, dubcon-ish?, toxic relationship, degradation, vulgar language, alcohol
word count: 3k
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That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day Crawlin’ back to you Ever thought of callin’ when you've had a few? 'Cause I always do Maybe I'm too busy bein’ yours to fall for somebody new Now I've thought it through
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Dabi wasn’t one to do feelings. He’s screwed numerous women, but they were nothing more than some toys to fulfill his sexual needs. Neither did he want to have feelings, nor did he need to. Afterall, his side hoes who begged to stay with him even after all the degradation he’s given them disgusted him the most. He would snicker at their pathetic attempts and cut them off ruthlessly.
However, you were an only exception.
No, he did not have feelings for you, he swears he never did and never will. But you were different from his other disposable sluts--he kept you around. He didn’t ghost you, instead, he kept coming back. It is only because you’re a member of the lov as well, he thinks. You are easy to access since you’re always around the lov base, and he doesn’t even have to worry about getting caught by civilians or stupid bitches who suddenly decide to turn him into the police. You guys were practically co-workers with benefits, fuck buddies where the “buddies” part is questionable.
Dabi didn’t mind that he made an exception for you until that night. That very night where you sleepily decided to crawl into his arms after a rough round and whispered him how you loved the rough texture of his skin against yours. That very night where you pressed delicate kisses beneath his jaw. The moment of intimacy—making his heart pound and warmth spread beneath his cold skin—was threatening. You were threatening.
That’s where he cut you off completely. He did not knock on your bedroom door located in the lov base anymore. He stopped sending those “you up?” texts at 3am. He didn’t even lock eyes with you or talk to you anymore.
It feels as if something heavy dropped inside you, squashing your heart to the point where it’s painful. You try your best to ignore the pang in your chest and remind yourself that you guys were nothing more than co-workers with benefits. However, the enduring heartburn only functions to make you realize how attached you were to him. He’s Dabi, the biggest scumbag you will ever meet, what did you expect? What were you thinking? It should be no surprise this happened, right? But having to encounter his stupidly handsome face every day was not doing any help. You are a girl with dignity, you tell yourself, trying your best to ignore his strong scent of campfire and cologne drowning you every time you guys are in the same room.
The pain is suffocating you for weeks, and you finally decide to completely get over him. The night Dabi brings a bimbo to his room and fucks her loud enough for everyone in the lov to hear—for you to hear—you’re done with everything. You step outside, get drunk, do anything to numbify the pain the raven-haired guy has caused you, and even meet a nice-looking guy who seems to be interested in you.
You are doing good without Dabi.
You don’t need Dabi anymore.
You are not letting him get to your head.
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A party.
League of villains is all about privacy, but they also started having some fun after uniting with the meta liberation army. Now they had sufficient money, people and place to throw parties every now and then without the danger of getting caught by civilians. Afterall, a number of heroes were in their side as well.
“Not gonna lie, you guys do know how to host parties.” Keigo smirks, picking up a glass of bourbon whiskey. “It’s fuckin’ lame,” Dabi answers as he downs a glass of liquor.
“So, what happened with y/n?” Keigo throws a suggestive smile.
“The hell you mean what happened with her?” Dabi frowns.
“Y’know, didn’t you guys used to be a thing or something?”
“Nah, she was an occasional fuck and that’s it.”
“Oh really? The Dabi I know never fucks a same bitch twice though. I thought she was something special.”
“Special?”
“Yeah, thought maybe you actually wanted her.”
A smug grin appears on Dabi’s face. “Never even liked her.”
“Have you seen her and her new boyfriend?”
The smile is quick to vanish from his face after hearing the word boyfriend. Dabi’s eyes widen, immediately glaring at Keigo. Before he could say anything, Keigo tilts his chin to point something.
“There they are.”
Dabi turns his head only to find you clinging onto some guy’s arm. Your cheeks are flushed –a pretty, pink glow on your face—as you bat your eyelashes at the guy. Bubbly giggles escape from your lips while you stare at him through half-lidded eyes. The guy’s arm is secured around your waists, pulling you closer to him.
Dabi sees red.
His entire body freezes as his grip around the liquor glass tighten. Dabi doesn’t say anything for a moment, but there is no way Keigo wouldn’t pick up how his cerulean eyes are flaming at the sight. “Well, I thought you knew.” Keigo pats Dabi’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t matter anyways right? You never liked her.”
“…Right.” Dabi takes another sip from the liquor, his eyes still fixed to you.
Keigo’s words are true; at least they are supposed to be true. Dabi didn’t have feelings for you. He doesn’t do romance. No feelings were ever involved with any of the women he’s slept with, and he made sure of it. It was so clear for Dabi without a question.
But why is it unable for him to erase the sight of you with some guy as he forces himself to sleep that night? Why are your sweet giggles echoing his head? Why can’t he get rid of the thought of you in that tight, black dress that perfectly complements the curves of your body? Why is the moment where the guy places his hand on your inner thigh replaying in his head? Why are thoughts of you messing with his mind?
“Fucking hell.”
Dabi gets up. This was fucking annoying. You were truly fucking annoying.
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You tilt your head to check the glowing digits of your digital clock on the nightstand. 2:15am. It’s late, and you haven’t even taken off the dress you wore to the party. You are too tired both physically and emotionally. You’ve done quite a decent job in entertaining the man who’s accompanied you through the whole party, but it was truly an energy-consuming task. You and him walked around as if you guys were the happiest couple in the party; but the truth is that you guys aren’t even properly dating yet. Solely because you have constantly been refusing to properly answer him asking you to be his girlfriend. It’s not that he’s bad looking or anything, but the idea of being with him just doesn’t sit right with you. Ever since you’ve met him, he couldn’t keep his hands off you without asking you anything about consent. You always had to pull his hand away with an uncomfortable smile, yet he never took a hint. However, when a dating rumor about you and him started and spread quickly, you didn’t try to correct anything. Maybe it was because you wanted to pull out a reaction from a certain villain. Maybe your unusual actions at today’s party; clinging onto the guy and laughing at every single word he spoke; was to make Dabi witness how happy you were.
 Truthfully, you were dying inside.
 What was even worse was that none of your attempts seemed to bring an ounce of reaction from Dabi. When have you become so pathetic and desperate? You feel tears welling up in your eyes, hot and burning, but you don’t want to cry. Not for an asshole like him. You take out your phone, find the guy’s name, and text him that you don’t want to see him anymore. You feel a little guilty, thinking that you may have used him to provoke something from Dabi, but your thoughts are too worn out for you to comprehend anything. You flop onto your bed and bury your face in your pillow. You huff out a deep sigh, and the soft texture of your cotton pillow feels warm on your cheeks. In all honesty, you were thinking about Dabi the whole time you were at the party. Whenever the guy’s hand creeped up your thighs or gripped on your ass, you imagined it was Dabi’s, trying your hardest to feel something from the contact.
 You weren’t over Dabi. You never were. Realization hurts, leaving a sour feeling in your mouth.
 Your body shoots up at the sudden, loud slamming sound emerged from your door. Your teary eyes widen at the lean man slamming the door shut. “Dabi?” You ask, not believing your eyes. “What the hell are you doing here?” Without an answer, Dabi’s one hand reaches for your throat as his other hand grips your wrist. His large body is towering over you, and you feel your bed shift as he dips one knee in the mattress. His sapphire eyes pierce through your soul, and you can feel his raging anger just from looking at him.
“You’re such a pain in the ass, y’know that?”
“Dabi, what are you-“
He doesn’t let you finish the sentence, pulling you in for a heated kiss. Your lips open reflexively, enabling him to deepen the kiss. The kiss is aggressive, and he doesn’t know whether it is because of his anger or his pent-up desires towards you that he has been suppressing. The kiss gets sloppier over time, hot and wet with saliva and tongue. He lets go of the grip on your wrist and starts tracing your inner thigh with his thumb, and you let out a soft moan. You finally pull away from the kiss to catch your breath, but he doesn’t cease to caress your thigh. Instead, he lowers himself to your ear. “You seem to really love thigh touches, don’t you?” His low voice and hot breath brushing the shell of your ear sends chills down your spine.
“Huh?”
“I always knew you were a slut, but never knew you were this much of a whore. You would bend over any guy who offers you some touches, right?”
Tears swell in your eyes again at his vile words, but it’s hard to talk when his knuckles are repeatedly brushing your clit.
“I’m… not a slut…nngh.” Suppressed moans escape your lips.
“Yeah? Why are you making those sounds then?”
“Dabi…”
He yanks your dress up and dips two fingers inside your lace panties, making you let out a weak yelp. Dabi raises his brows with a smug grin on his face.
“Oh, so she indeed is a slut huh? You get this fucking wet from a kiss?”
His two digits start pumping inside you, and you grip on his white shirt at the sudden sensation. Your gasps and moans get louder, and you suddenly feel his wet lips against your neck. Dabi sucks hard, making sure to leave dark purple marks from your jaw to your neck and shoulder, as he repeats the step of curling his fingers and pulling them inside and out your hole. “Dabi…too fast.” You whine out. “Yeah?” A sadistic grin appears on Dabi’s face. “Be a good slut and take what I give you.” His thumb reaches for your clit, making your legs shiver.
“Nngh…stop, I’m gonna… Dabi I’m gonna cum.”
“Stop? You want me to stop?”
“No!”
“Do you deserve it though?” he slows his pace while teasing your clit. “Beg.”
It’s humiliating, really—but do you have any other choice when you are this close?
“Please, Dabi… I’ll be your good slut. Please let me cum!” Your desperate cries have him pumping his fingers fast again, and soon you’re seeing white. Hot drops of release coat Dabi’s fingers as he pulls out.
“Say ah.”
“A-ah.”
You obey, and Dabi sticks his digits inside your mouth. Your mouth wraps around them immediately, sucking as if it’s a pacifier. “Good girl,” Dabi says as he pats your head, and it makes your stomach swoop with sick pride.
The bulge in his pants is becoming painful, and he contemplates on fucking your mouth. But he’s too impatient; He feels the need to abuse your cunt right now. He wants to hear your screams and cries as he proves who you belong to.
“Take that off.” Dabi gestures at your dress, and you start undressing as he demands. Dabi pulls down his sweatpants and boxers, causing his cock to spring out. It’s so pretty, you think, and you can’t help but admire his red tip, glistening with precum. He pumps his length a few times and lines it up with your entrance. You inhale a sharp gasp as you feel his whole length inside you. It feels so full; it feels as if he’s gonna split you in half if he starts moving.
“Ah, too big.”
“I know.” Dabi looks down on you. “Take it like a little slut you are.”
Before you could even talk back, he is moving inside you. Your moans blend with the noise of the bed creaking; a perfectly harmonized orchestra to Dabi’s ears.
You knew Dabi wasn’t one to prep you or go slow, but you feel like he’s going way rougher than usual. His wild thrusts have your head lolling backwards, and Dabi does not miss the chance to take a hard bite on your neck. You scream out of both pain and pleasure, and you feel two hot streams of tears on your flushed cheeks.
“Aww, she’s crying.” Dabi says in a mocking tone. “Bet you love the pain.”
Humiliation fills your chest and you turn your head away, but Dabi quickly grabs your chin with one hand, forcing you to directly face him.
“Who’s the one making you feel this full?” he asks.
“Y-you.”
“Did he ever make you feel this way?”
Wait, he? Who does he mean by he? Your alleged boyfriend? Could it be possible that Dabi was doing this out of jealousy? You try to comprehend, but it’s impossible for you to think clearly, not when Dabi is fucking you stupid. “No!” You shout.
Dabi’s free hand reaches for your clit and starts rubbing circles. “Tell me, who does this pussy belong to?”
“You…” You try to answer, but he suddenly lifts up your lower body and slams into your cervix in the right angle. It has you moaning even louder, your insides spasming around his cock.
“I can’t hear you.” He smirks sadistically.
“You, Dabi, it belongs to you! I belong to you!” You’re screaming his name like it’s the only word you know, making his cock twitch. “That’s right. You are all for me, all for me to use. Just a pathetic little slut for my cock.” A satisfactory grin appears on Dabi’s face.
Dabi lowers his body down and grunts directly into your ear as he thrusts even faster. The sound of his skin slamming into yours is so erotic, and you can feel how close you are.
“You wanna cum huh?” His words have you nodding frantically, babbling incoherent words. Yes Dabi—wanna cum so bad—wanna be yours—wanna be your good girl—please, dabi.
“Then do it. Make a mess on my cock.”
“Nngh, Dabi!” You scream out his name as euphoria washes down your body. His release follows you soon enough, painting your walls white. You feel warmth filling your belly while his groans echo in your ear. You’re still sobbing and panting after he pulls out, without any energy left to move. As your blurry vision starts getting clearer, you feel his warm skin and the sting of his cold staples against your back. His long arms wrap around your oversensitive body, pulling you closer to him.
“You’re messing with my head.” Dabi rests his forehead on the back of your shoulder.
“Huh?”
You’re confused, but Dabi doesn’t elaborate. His ego doesn’t let him do such thing.
“When you said you belonged to me, did you mean it?”
You bite your lower lip, not knowing how to respond to his sudden question. Millions of unspoken words and feelings are hanging in the back of your throat, creating a huge lump. You swallow them all and spit out a question instead. “Do you want me to belong to you?”
“Yeah.” Your eyes widen at his unexpected response, butterflies fluttering inside your chest. “Be mine.” His low voice vibrates against your soft skin. Your heart melts at his words, and you cannot stop your feelings from overspilling anymore. At that moment you both realize; you and Dabi were meant to crawl back to each other, no matter how hard you both try and struggle.
“I’m yours.” You smile, “I’m all yours.”
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biisexualemma · 3 years
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pretend pt.3. oscar diaz
word count: 1583
warnings: not really, a little sad and angsty, a bit of language but happy ending dw!
requested: 'Pretend pt.3?'
plot: oscar loves you, but you’re not convinced it can work
a/n: um thank u to those few who have waited literal months for this last part! i am struggling to write oscar atm but it’s here! and i hope you like it! oop ‘cause i kinda hate this and it took me months to figure out how to end this— anyway it’s here lol read and lmk what you think even if ye hate it
pt.1. / pt.2.
masterlist
"i think i'm falling in love with you."
you blinked, the rest of your body seemed frozen for a moment afterwards. that had been the last thing you'd ever expected from him. you could feel your head throbbing, whether it'd been from the aftermath of the party, or just your mind trying to keep up with what was happening. you furrowed your brows, your hand retracting from his palm, pushing yourself back against the seat of his car.
you couldn't process his words fast enough to respond straight away. instead you shifted your gaze out through the windshield, your mouth opening and closing every couple of seconds. you didn't know how to answer him.
oscar was watching your every move, his stomach twisting when you pulled away from him. your expression was changing ever so slightly every second, he could see you processing the information. he gulped, suddenly thinking the worst, shifting his eyes down to the space between you two. he should have kept his mouth shut and sat on his feelings. he should have let you out of the arrangement and left it at that. he hadn't thought any of this through. you had given no inclination over the past few weeks that you'd felt the same way. you were just helping out a friend.
you cleared your throat after a long silence. "you think?" your voice was still pretty quiet, like your mind was still working through what he'd said. "you don't know if you love me or not?" you were trying to make sense of it in your head, not able to meet his eyes yet.
"y/n—"
"i just think that's something you should be sure about before saying it out loud," you gulped. you were kind of annoyed with him for telling you this. a little part of you inside wanted to revel in his words, the part of you that had been in love with him for years when you were younger. but you'd moved on. you would have never had agreed to do his fake dating scheme if you'd thought you'd fall back into those feelings, you knew you wouldn't be able to put yourself through that again.
you had loved oscar for a long time, and you watched him for years treat women like they were nothing. delusional, you thought you were different and that oscar would never treat you this way, you clung to him. it took a long time for you to accept the reality, to fall out of love with him and realise he would only ever see you as a friend.
so oscar's confession now, wasn't as simple as you feeling the same way or not, it was far more complicated.
"the past few weeks weren't real oscar," you reminded him, you felt like he needed it. "you don't love me— you just love how i've been treating you. if you loved me, it wouldn't've taken you this long to realise."
he shook his head. "i was an idiot," you shifted so you were facing him again, watching how his eyes darted between yours desperately. "i was really fucking stupid— i didn't— i don't want to go back to how it was. i can't."
you shook your head barely, your eyes closing for a split second. oscar had been your best friend for years and he'd never lie to you like this. you just didn't want it to be true.
"i've seen firsthand how you are with girls, oscar. and i don't wanna pretend that you see me any differently—"
"no— this isn't— it's not the same," he was pleading at this point, desperately, feeling you slip away. "y/n, you know me," his eyebrows furrowed but his voice was soft, you didn't often hear him talk like this. it was hard to not get wrapped up in his words. "this ain't like those other girls."
you held his stare, breaking it only for a second when you felt your throat tighten. you couldn't bring yourself to fall into it, something was holding you back. it was too much to have him sat in front of you, begging you to believe him when it was too late.
"oscar, i loved you for a long time," your voice was quiet, all those years your feelings went unrequited. "and you fucked girl after girl, and i watched thinking one day you'd pick me and it'd be different but you never did, and it never was."
his lips were pursed, his hand gripping the seat of his car, knuckles white. he could hear the waver in your voice and it was hitting him like a brick. he ignored you for years, oblivious to anything you felt for him. he didn't realise, until now, how awful you must have felt.
"so, i'm sorry, if i'm not ready and willing," you tried to play off your confession, feeling the lump in your throat grow larger the longer this was strung out. "but i have been telling myself for years to move on— so it feels a bit late for you to be having this realisation when i've loved you my whole life."
he nodded. he understood, of course he did. he couldn't ask you to reverse years of heartbreak because he realised too late that you were the only thing that really mattered. he would just have to live with his mistake.
his eyebrows had knitted tighter together after sitting and listening. "if i could take back some of the shit i've done— mami— i'm sorry."
"yeah, well, me too," you shrugged, your lips tightening. you gulped when he shifted his hand over to yours, letting your palm set on top of his. he gave your hand a gentle squeeze. you were quiet for a while, enjoying the warmth of his hand against yours, finding comfort in his touch for just a little while longer.
"what made you realise?" you were almost whispering when you spoke again, everything was so quiet now.
oscar had to force himself to look at you. it was dark but the light from the streetlamp illuminated just half of your face, your eyes glossy. he clenched his jaw before speaking. "i talked to my ex."
"you did?" surprised he'd waited this long to bring it up. that had been the end goal all this time.
he nodded gently, his grip loosened on your hand, his thumb grazing the back of your hand now. his eyes were drawn to your hands, while your eyes remained on him. "yeah— made me realise she just wasn't you," he refused to shift his gaze. as did you. you felt your chest tighten. his sincerity made everything feel wrong about your decision.
"'cause you— you have these freckles on your nose that only come out in the sun," you watched the corner of his lips tug into a small smile as the image of you, sitting in front of him, sun in your eyes and wind blowing through your hair flashed through his mind. "and you make the same face every time you tell me off— your nose scrunches and you get a crease on your forehead," your eyes drooped listening to him talk as openly and honestly as you'd ever heard him talk about anything. it wasn't a side you saw often, but you could feel yourself soften, and your defence weaken. "and cesar— you love him like he's your own brother— i love that— that kid is everything to me— and he is to you too."
he huffed, the smile slipping from his face when he drew himself out of his head. he pulled away from you finally to run a hand over his face. he was angry with himself for messing this up. "and you're never gonna' forgive me," his heart was beating harder with the thought of losing you. "and i'm on' lose my mind without you."
you were quiet for a while, soaking in his words.
you hesitated, but moved your hand to his shoulder, your fingers grazing his skin, moving to the nape of his neck, urging him to look at you again. edging closer, you rid of the space between you two. oscar's eyes moved between yours, his eyebrows furrowed together softly. you moved both hands to his neck, carefully edging his face closer, your breath fanning against his lips before you kissed him.
oscar reacted, his body shifting closer to yours, his hand grazing your thigh to pull you nearer. your mind was racing, your hands curling around his neck and cupping his face as you leaned into the kiss. you were breathless when you pulled back, finally. his hand gripping your thigh now, scared you might retreat to the passenger seat again.
"you keep talking like that and i might love you forever," you mumbled, almost incoherent. your mind was foggy from this kiss and all you could feel was his thumb was now grazing softly over your thigh. his free had lifted, his forefinger and thumb touching your chin, tilting your head up so your eyes stayed locked with his.
"i swear, i'm in this until you don't want me anymore."
you shook your head, you bit your lip remembering the kiss. your eyes trailing to his lips again as you remembered the feeling. "never gonna happen."
oscar cracked a soft smile, his fingers moving to trace your jawline gently. "it's settled then."
you revelled in his touch, letting him trace over your skin, slowly feeling yourself lean further into his embrace. he pressed his lips against your forehead, lingering for a minute before pulling away and resting his forehead against yours. you tilted your chin up, kissing him for a second before pulling back again.
oscar's hand slipped from your jawline to the back of your neck, pulling you back and kissing you again. his lips moved softly against yours, for a few seconds until you reacted and kissed back. when he pulled away for air you felt yourself longing for more.
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appledotcodotuk · 3 years
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why the hive fckin suck at its job: a rant
spoilers for tgwdlm ahead!
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first of all, it's important to consider what exactly the hive's job is. my answer is... who the fuck knows. literally. what is the hive's aim. what do you want Paul? more like, what do you want hive? let's find out!
it kinda evolves, as the play progresses. the intial aim of the hive, and one that does actually remain consistent is the constant burning need to grow and devour and gain more and more (insert capitalism metaphor here).
however, this is distorted by the people it possess who influence that aim, as we'll see later.
also the fact it crashes into a theatre displaying Mamma Mia gives the hive the motive it need to fit the world around it to the structure of the musical. having no originality of its own, the hive instead just picks up what is given to it. kinda like an evil baby.
it wants uniformity, that is indeed its ultimate goal and desire, no duh. it thinks it can achieve that through musical theatre, shame that the hive is dead wrong. cause the hive fucking sucks at its own job / aim / ultimate purpose / one concrete goal that motivates all its actions.
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can't maintain control over its subjects
okay, so, the hive wants uniformity. it wants everyone to be dancing to the beat of its own tune. right? yeah. shame it literally can't keep its own possessed subjects in line at all. at the risk of sounding like the 10th doctor waxing lyrical abt humanity for the 50th time, humans are really difficult to control cause we're not really motivated by an altruistic allegiance to one primary good. we've got icky emotions that often move us to do stupid unpredictable stuff way more. it makes me wonder if the reason the hive wanted to use musical theatre to try and persuade ppl was cause it seems to think that is how theyll get emotive humans; through emotive songs. anyways. let's look at some examples shall weeeee?
Mr Davidson:
so, Mr Davidson. funnily enough, he's the guy whose in part acting as the hive trying to figure out what it wants through his interactions w/ Paul. every person it possess gives it just a bit more humanity and curiosity abt the world it is currently taking over. at least I think so. hence why as the musical develops u get character's like possessed!Alice wondering 'why does it hurt to love?' - the change in music and mood to something much more introspective really suggests to me that the hive is beginning to question the thoughts and emotions of its human hosts.
Mr Davidson is a family man through and through, he loves his wife Carol. she's his muse, his source of light. his feelings for her are not concrete or easy to explain and solve - hence why his sudden ahem demand of her is so hilarious and also jarring. it completely clashes with the 'I want song' which is simple, and often pushes forward a wider cause. not so with Mr Davidson, he just really loves his wife man. enough to break a frickin alien possession.
tbh I think its hilarious that (at least to me) the hive has to force him to forget and continue with the song, like, he straight up is just talking to his wife in that phone call, talking, not singing. so, no possession until he reverts back into song. ergo, the hive cannot maintain the uniformity it wants. even from the get go when theoretically its control should be stronger cause it has less ppl to co-ordinate. bad. at. its. job.
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Paul:
this one hurts folks. yes, I know it's generally agreed, though somewhat debated that the state of Paul by the end of the tgwdlm is not purely possessed. I agree. once again, the hive is unable to truly enforce uniformity.
at this point, the motives of Paul and the hive are kinda just mixed, neither fully human nor fully alien. hence the constant shifts between pleeing for her to get away, to hide, to stay safe: 'what if the only choice is you have to sing to survive' and just full on old style hive nastiness 'let me puke in your mouth and just open your food bin girl' (so romantic 🥰 /j).
the hive has gone away from its original aim, and become something... different. no longer stuck to just one type of genre or style of song, it's really clever to show the developing complexity of the hive by showing how it is now juggling lots of different motifs with references to all the old songs from before recontextualised in a new way - its learning. evil baby... no longer uniform.
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general miscommunication:
there are several instances of the hive not fully having uniform control over its subjects. for instance, right after not your seed with the three teens having to like... calibrate. they aren't just completely connected then?? also, this is a very small thing, but uhhhh at the end of inevitable when Paul is about to say the apotheosis is upon... the chorus interrupts him with USSSSSSS. interruptions??? not very in sync of u hive.
I think this inability to exert uniformity is also shown in the contrast between genre of musical theatre. my alien abomination cannot decide whether it wants to be the more modern edgy rock musical (join us (and die), not your seed ) or super happy go lucky old style musical theatre (lah dee dah dah day, and inevitable). it tries to do both, even while trying to encourage union, and sticking to one thing. hypocrite!!!!!
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2. aims are guided by the people it possess
so, I mentioned this a bit already, but the hive isn't only mutating the humans, the humans are mutating the hive right back. this is more an interesting observation than any actual analysis but let's goooo.
greenpeace girl:
I think it's very likely that greenpeace girl is one of the first to be possessed. This is probably easily debunkable but whatever this analysis is flying by the seat or its pants anywayyyyy. why? cause where else would it pick up that whole 'this planet needs fixing' thing? it's interesting too, cause it morphs from expressing the desire to join hands and sing together, unity and peace with no actual action behind it. this then goes right to the other end, with the hive going 'fine I'll do it myself' and trying to save things by enforcing a dictatorship on the world. it develops and changes, and strays from its original means of accomplishing its aims! speaking oooooof...
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3. inconsistent in means of accomplishing aims
okay, ur an evil hive mind. u think musicals are the way to win over these silly humans cause they're all weak and emotive and seem to respond to them. but, wait! schwoopsie! you haven't realised that for emotional depth and growth to mean anything, you need there to be established development and well... growth. otherwise the sentiments are as vague as the ones expressed in What Do You Want, Paul?
this show has genuine emotional moments, just not really during the musical numbers WITH EXCEPTIONS. any strife is smoothed over quickly, and so the development and change that would have to go into such growth is just gone. (see, You Tied Up My Heart) all so it can achieve its own desire to grow and grow and grow, maybe a metaphor for art being killed under late stage capitalism??
what actually matters is the impact the songs have afterwards, in causing a death - because we have a bond and care abt these characters. those short scenes between Paul and Emma are actually way more resonant than any song. except... inevitable, and also not your seed a bit. at this point the hive has learnt a thing or two, and can actually twist human emotion a little. but for it to do that, it has to reject the uniformity it prizes, and be adaptable. point towards being more human than it first thought? methinks so. and yet it's just not enough...
it's also why let it out, to me, feels really ingenuine. Paul has expressed himself in much better ways already. what they're doing is clearly paining him, and hurting the guy. he's terrified bless.
you can't force someone into being emotional vulnerable, man.
it's why all the deaths for the characters who are forced to express themselves are really violent, involving them being ripped open - literally forcing them to expose themselves from the 'inside out' as Alice reflects in Not Your Seed. you can't force genuine emotional connection, it has to be fostered, shown in the much more affecting relationship of Paul and Emma. the only reason the hive actually has power over our characters is because of these genuine emotional connections, which it tries and often fails to take advantage of, resulting in just resorting to brute violence. messy hive, very messy.
at the core, the musical's a kinda attack on that toxic positivity mindst: trying to force people to reach the sort of easy solutions by sharing feelings in a way that feels pretty invasive and deciding you are instantly fixed. the problems these characters face are jarringly not really what you'd expect a character in a musical to face, cheating, a lot of it, mid-life crisis. problems that are bland, or wayyyy too real. this is purposefully done, to reveal just how silly the hive's aim to use musical theatre to solve everyone's problem is. life is more complex than that smh.
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4. a human can write a much more expressive, and genuine song than they ever could lol
u know which song I'm talking abt. what more is there to say. so much for making persuasive songs to tempt people over.
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5. make me sad cause they took some perfectly nice ppl and funked them up 😭
this was a stupid point lol. basically I'm just bitter that this hive took a bunch of perfectly okay ppl and gave them hive brain. screw u hive. I swear I'm gonna watch Black Friday soon, cause I'm sure it's gonna completely destroy every thought I've had so far, but whateve,,, just take this as a look at tgwdlm like it's a stand-alone piece.
these guys are supposed to all be 'individuals' on one level, but also 'appendages of a much larger organism'. there's a little too much individualism and fracturing to be cohesive enough to do that I feel. the hive to me is not an infallible, unstoppable force, in fact, every human it takes over only brings it closer to understanding us. so that's maybe a slight positive note??? idk ?! I just have lots of thoughts and feelings abt this musical even if this doesn't make sense I'm proud i wrote it down hehe.
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a-woman-apart · 3 years
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Watch "I'M BACK! WHY I LEFT YOUTUBE FOR TWO YEARS!" on YouTube
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This scared me so badly, because this is EXACTLY what happened in my life, except it was all in The Reverse.
I graduated with an Associate Degree in Music Performance in 2018, but instead of running TOWARDS my dream/calling I ran hardcore AWAY from it. My pride in graduating only lasted a month before I declared myself Utterly Unmarketable and sought to go after a "real degree" and get a Big Girl career.
Between 2018 and 2020 I had major life changes.
My dad died of stomach cancer
I broke up with my neglectful boyfriend
I turned down a Full Ride to a major college
I hospitalized myself for Suicidal Ideation (Sept 2019)
I quit my job of 5 years
I started working for my best friend and became her Office Manager
I started dating the Love of my Life
I lost my friend group and peer support
I lost my mind and left college due to COVID-19 (but not before making one of my best decisions in taking a Screenwriting class because I WANTED not NEEDED it)
Started distancing myself from the toxic women in my life and definining Womanhood/Adulthood for myself
Visited my brother's grave after over a decade of waiting and got closure
Fully acknowledged my childhood trauma/abuse
Rediscovered my sexuality
Was disowned by who I erroneously thought was a close friend of 17 years over my political views
Joined and exited Unity2020
Turned in my car for repossession
Spent a week in the hospital after having a severe, paranoid psychotic break, but came out completely free of the vice of self-consciousness I was living under
You know what is nuts? I feel in many ways, I have completely reverted to who I was in the summer of 2011. I was off my meds, and it WAS mania, but personality-wise, the tempestuous, gum-chewing, cigarette-puffing, flirtatious, humorous, free-spirited ball of fire that drove all the way to Colorado on a whim wasn't rebellious, SHE WAS ME.
I just wasn't Me around the right people, and it wasn't the Right Time.
My inner Sagittarius moon would remain in a dormant state for almost a full decade. I would spend the next 9 years heavily sedated, sleepwalking through life, only alive at The Sound of Music.
It was Torture to feel so much but be afraid to express myself. I had to Hide while doing a major that demanded that I Command Attention. I am by nature "dramatic", "theatrical", "emotional", "expressive" but that part of me was so suppresed that I was frequently told I sang with excellence but without emotion.
Aside: During my 2011 manic episode, I spoke a lot about Doppelgangers. Without going into excessive detail, this is a German word that means "Double" and it is considered bad luck to encounter yours.
In the past 2 weeks, I have encountered people that look/sound like me (Josephine is Nigerian-Canadian and I am Nigerian-American and I kept thinking about her work even though I initially disagreed with her lot) and a woman with my name (different spelling) who was NOTHING like me and I also think might've had malice in mind for me.
I was DEFINITELY an agnostic atheist when I started this year, but as a result of undergoing so much weird shit I almost certainly believe in God, and yes, "God is a Woman." (More on that later)
Also, I realized that I really DID, as many teenage girls, "lose interest in math and science" but that was because of the terrible, unfactual way it was presented in my homeschool curriculum and by my mom, who was a Math major but whose disinterested detachment made every algebra lesson an excercise in torture.
I have always loved biolology and anatomy and I remember so much more chemistry than I thought. Geology class in community college was amazing and also helped me understand-- even more than the Theory of Evolution-- why young earth creationism was completely impossible.
As for math, I spent 15 years thinking it was my greatest weakness when I have had to use arithmetic in cashiering, my managerial work, and my monthly budget for the last 7 years. Also, as annoying as it was to hear constantly, my mom parroting "What you have to do to one side, you have to do to the other" (but in reverse) gave me the ability to do Algebra quickly and (mostly) effortlessly. I could never get A's, but I got a B in Quantitative Mathematics with no real help aside from occasional teacher input and the "Help me solve this" function of MyMathLab.
Here is where it Gets Weird. I am a Creative. I have been writing stories since I was 6 years old. I have loved Story all my life. My parents were in math and science fields and they completely lacked any creativity. COMPLETELY. It was part of why they were so religiously rigid, authoritarian, and draconian. There was no room for spontaneity or childish imaginativeness.
Looking back, I had major sensory and processing issues. I was likely speech delayed, I learned to read late, and I recently confirmed that when I am stressed my dyscalculia kicks in bad (it IS real). Numbers and symbols get really interchangeable (like an 8 and infinity symbol become kinda the same) which is why I had to recite phone numbers out loud to remember them or write them on colorful backgrounds so I can see them in my head as an image. Also explains my aversion to math but my ease with fractions (1/2 is half a sandwich, etc).
My spatial awareness is also shit when stressed. Before I turned in our car, I had earned the nickname "U-turn" from my boyfriend because on that Floating Death Machine left and right got completely crossed, frequently.
By the way, I struggled with right and left until I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. I literally didn't understand the concept of a mirror and 3D space, meaning that the basic understanding that my right is someone else's left didn't come into play until I had an argument with my [now-deceased] brother about it.
What is so weird, is that because of years of correcting for these issues, my sense of direction, ON FOOT is good, if not better than most people. Also, once I realized that, given the opportunity, I very much do whatever I can with my left-hand, and that my hearing is MUCH better than I even thought, I am far less clumsy. Depth perception is still crap, but that is probably also because I was forced to spend years without the glasses I needed (and got earlier this year after living with chronic eye strain)
When I talk about these "issues" it is in line with female autism, but you know what? If really do have adult autism, then I am a Complete Boss because I have pwned that ho.
After being rehospitalized, a kind nurse suggested I may have PTSD and suggested medicine for insomnia and nightmares. It was extremely helpful. I had been looking into C-PTSD for a while, because I didn't think I had "suffered enough" to have "real" PTSD. But that isn't how diagnoses work.
Btw, I still have Bipolar I, Psychotic Features. Another kind nurse told me I don't need anti-psychotics, and no, I don't. I was given Zyprexa by a bitch nurse and it was like getting drunk. I stumbled the halls, almost fell over (possibly did) and woke up with a neon "Fall Risk" bracelet. Anti-psychotics also fucked up my menstrual cycle for years and I have had lingering hormonal isssues. Haha no thanks.
Anyway, I digress. Of course I am fucked up. I lived under family members who questioned my reality, attempted to crush my dreams, threatened me with physical punishment any time I behaved in non-neurotypical ways, violated my rights and interfered with my treatment even though I was a full legal adult, undermined my relationships, tortured and socially isolated me, etc., all under the guise "of knowing best."
In minority cultures, our darkness hides in plain sight, and ESPECIALLY in the Bible Belt, with its supeestition and idolization of familial hierarchy/patriarchy, victims of financial, spiritual, emotional, and physical abuse have no where safe to turn. The Long Arm of the Law is often Short when it comes to "breaking up the family", and women and children are victimized openly with little to no intervention.
On top of doing my Creative Work, I plan to create legislation to make sure that what happened to me and my siblings isn't allowed to go unpunished. We lost my older brother, and I almost died, too, but Enough is Enough.
The Time is Now.
P.S. If Josephine is an Air Nomad I identify as a Water Bender. I basically have no water in my astrological chart, but water signs bring me great comfort in times of need (and make bad romantic partners for me obviously)
Also, this is one Bad Biyatch.
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I also found out I am an ISFJ, not INFJ. Yep. Gonna be a Playwright and Director. I want to be a part of the action, not just writing about it.
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cosmictulips · 3 years
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Good time, it's very nice to know you exist 🍵🛶🏰🪔🍯🍯🍯 I'm 18, T, libra sun, leo moon, cap ris. if u could help, that'd be a big thank you
recently I've been feeling kinda shut off from any type of spirituality, universe, can't trust my own mind because i don't want to make things up and go with a lie, not imagination play - a terrible lie to oneself. so, i can only trust others. been asking for a clear sign that i wouldn't doubt for as long as i can remember, and nothing... am i tryna knock on the door that wasn't meant for me? then i don't understand anything. i feel left out of my own life. i try pulling out any advice, but then, my intuition may be just wishful thinking. nothing i ever do comes as i intend. I've let go of logic, of expectations, but it feels like a one way communication. can't remember dreams. locked out of everything and losing hope. i don't think it's a wall i made. i don't want to make up a voice in my head, it is my biggest fear, i want to actually hear one.
so, one question - why am i being unanswered?
pun unintended
thank you in advance, you're very kind.
have a wonderful weekend, and every weekend some good news
Hey Friend =) I truly hope other people see this ask too because I think your ask is very important.  so I hope you don’t mind that I kind of get personal with you.  Truth be told,  I’ve been feeling the exact same way recently.  it’s happened when I was first starting out with the Craft -as I like to call it -  and it happens from time to time.  even now.  these past two weeks have been a wreck for me and it really feels like I haven’t been heard by the universe.  No, not heard.  I’ve been heard.  but to me, it feels like I’ve been deemed unworthy.   
And especially with divination,  reading for myself has always been wrong.  which is why I no longer trust reading for myself.  and I don’t particularly trust it when people say they read for themselves. because too me, how do you know you’re not lying to yourself? I always, always tell people to be careful because the universe can and WILL tell you what you want to hear.  it’s hard approaching divination with a very unbiased, neutral head.  and it’s kind of why I’ve fought some people over their readings.  people only ever project to others and to the univeres what they want. so if I or you were to tell them otherwise, it’s wrong. 
So you’re right to take a step back if it doesn’t feel right to you.  and here’s where I’m going to start contradicting myself a little bit here.  You need to start trusting yourself.  fully, undoubtedly and ruthlessly.  trust yourself so much that people almost think you’re full of arrogance.  and that’s the key word, almost. Be open minded enough to new ideas and to change the way you think of things.  but always, always trust yourself to know what is best for you. Only YOU are going to know the best route to take for yourself. 
I started being answered when I started trusting the guidance that was coming in for me.  I started to notice the little signs at first.  Notice any repeating numbers?  colors?  any certain phrases you hear too often? read too often?  is there an animal or group of animals that tend to show up at odd places?  slowly start to take notice of these things.   Also,  truly dig deep into what you believe in.  if you want to get into spirituality,  ask yourself why. what is it that you believe that matches that.   I got into it because I felt so alone in a church and no one was listening.  and for awhile, I was thrown in circles the minute I opened myself up to the universe.  but instead of blocking it out,  I kept pushing.  I kept trying to see the pattern, and I kept trying to change it. 
and that could be what’s happening for you.  I know you said that you think it’s not a wall you built. but darling, it is.   I think it comes from a fear you’re not ready to recognize yet.   it could be the fear of the unknown, it could be a fear of failure,  but you’ve built a wall.  
Spirituality is made for everyone.   It’s okay to have blocks,  to doubt your abilities and be unsure of whether or not the universe actually hears you.  the universe brought you to me.  so obviously it hears you.  =) 
but you cannot hear it and I think that’s what needs to change.  
So let me give you some advice on what I do when I begin to feel these blocks. like I have been recently. 
1. I pray to my gods.  you don’t have to be into worshiping gods.  you can simply pray to the universe like I did and still do from time to time.  You’ll know it’s listening when you feel the warmth of the sun, and the gentle breeze of the wind.  perhaps you’ll see an animal or two ;) my sister is a good example of this, she sees dogs everywhere when she’s looking for a sign from the universe lol.  2. I turn to divination.  My readings for myself may not be true but it’s good practice.  I also turn to other forms to try to grow in those skills as well.  Runes, bindrunes, automatic writing,  etc there’s SO MANY divination techniques.  tarot may not be your thing but scrying might be.  look around and see what fits.
3. I play hertz music.  I find that music really helps me out lol.  hertz is juts frequency waves set to a certain wave length so parts of ... our... ... so like our energy can pick up on it.  there’s a better explanation for it but for me, it really helps lol  4. I keep pushing.  even when it feels like I’m not being answered, and sometimes you won’t be answered. that’s the thing.  the universe wants you to better yourself. and to grow.  and sometimes that means trusting yourself to know where to go because it won’t give you an answer.  be brave, and go forward. 
I’ll go more into what I want you to do, but let me pull out your cards first so you finally have a reading lolol.  
So for you I pulled the Lovers, Strength, The Sun and the Knight of Pentacles. with the Ace of Cups as the overall energy. 
so it’s really what I’ve been saying lol.  The knight of pentacles here is telling me to move slowly.  it’s okay that things don’t make sense to you right off the bat.  Patience is a virtue here.   Going into your craft, your practice,  it’s okay to question things.  spirituality is a lot different than most religions so coming from a different place and settling into a new one can be tough.  it requires a lot of change.  and that tends to scare some people.  Ya know?  we’re all so used to hearing different things -mostly bad-  about sprituality and how it’s all “fake”  but darling,  dipping your toes in and slowly breaking the surface is how everyone starts out.  Once you get comfortable with the idea and with your own intuition the fun will begin. 
Next you have the Lovers, Strength and the Sun.  This is telling me you need to let yourself love.  bring courage and strength into this.  It’s going to take you loving yourself,  being confident in yourself and going forth even if it seems fake.  does that make sense?  You might have a mental illness. I’ve got some strong anxiety that borders on paranoia.   Okay,  but in my heart of hearts I knew this was the call for me because I’ve seen too much shit to not believe spirituality wasn’t my path.  so I forced myself to be more confident in my abilities.  I forced myself to be open to the universe even if it felt like I was talking to a wall.  I forced myself to sit down and learn divination and kept a dream journal even if most nights there was nothing but darkness.
and you need to bring that to yourself.  if you are serious about this,  learn to open yourself to the universe.  In the beginning I had to lie to myself.  it’s just what it is.  but the more I connected to the universe,  and the more I began to trust my intuition,  the more the lying ceased to happen.  because suddenly it was true.  suddenly those signs told me I was on the right path.  and suddenly everything I was studying made sense.  given time it will make sense for you as well. 
People, including me,  are telling you what you already know.  You just don’t trust yourself to hold onto those words.  you don’t trust yourself enough to put that same love into you and out into the universe.  and maybe you’re afraid of getting hurt.  being vulnerable to the universe does mean that sometimes we go through rough patches.  we have to break old cycles for new ones to begin. but much like the Lovers,  once you make that choice to love and be loved,  you will shine. 
The ace of cups tells me there is something new coming for you.  but you have to choose to let it happen okay?  you have to stop thinking you’re not good enough and that you’re not being heard.  because you are... because you’re here talking to me ;)   the universe wouldn’t have sent you to me if that wasn’t the case.  and I think a part of you knows that. 
so here’s what I want you to do.  Take the first steps.  Start keeping a dream journal.  the only way we as humans can recall our dreams is if we’re actively thinking of them when we first wake up.  that means no media ;)  lay there and think about what you dreamed.  Like last night I had a dream I set the house on fire and was crying that I lost a textbook.  idk, it was weird lol.  dreams don’t have to make sense.   write them down.  keep a glass of water by your bed. for some reason it helps. 
If you’re gonna sit there and tell me but you’ve tried everything, try again ;) try it from a new perspective.  instead of going in all “this is going to fail”  think of it as “this has already worked once and I’m doing it again to better myself”  
let your confidence shine.  I had to lie to myself everyday until I finally believed I was a decent human being.  I still struggle with it but damn have I gotten noticed by more people who tell me that I literally shine like the sun.  people notice your changes.  some of us just won’t say it ;) that being said, be prepared to fight for your beliefs. 
Learn what your beliefs are. Learn to defend them.  because the universe does not take this journey lightly.  the minute you start to doubt that you’re ever made for this, is going to be the second it closes on you until you force yourself to try again.  much like how we’re both in this spot now ;) trust and KNOW that the universe wants what is best for you.  
Tap into your higher self and your shadow self.  work on what needs to be healed and what your higher self wants for you to do.  this could literally be anything from getting therapy, to doing art, to listening to music, to talking to people who have hurt you.  like it’s endless but it helps.  
Lastly,  understand that these things take time.  You have some major energy wanting to work with you.  you need to start trusting yourself more, and letting down that wall. you built it, you can destroy it.  
I don’t hear a voice telling me which way to go.  I get feelings.  very strong ones.  that I’ve had to learn are different from my anxiety.  In the beginning that meant I had to pretend to ignore the feeling to see what the reaction would be.  when something happened and I knew it was going to happen,  I knew what I had felt was my intuition. 
Learn to recognize what is your instinct and what is your intuition. my instinct is that my hands get a little shaky and I can’t stop moving around.  my intuition keeps me still.  it’s quick and alert.  for you it could be something different.  you might actually hear a voice.  
I’m willing to work with you if you want me to.  I’ve been in that exact same situation and form time to time I feel the same way.  it’s never about the destination, it’s always the journey.
You’ve got this.  You know you do.  break down the wall,  and come join us ;) I hope this helps sorry for the long.... long post lmao If you ever need anything, please reach out =) 
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neonvqmpire · 4 years
Text
The Rise of Skywalker song countdown: day 16 of 22
- 6 days left -
Save me from the nothing I've become
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How can you see into my eyes, like open doors?
Leading you down into my core
When I've become so numb
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
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Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I’ve become
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Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
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Frozen inside, without your touch, without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
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All of this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Bring me to life
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this post is late again bc i got tempted by some anti and leak shit yesterday so i wasn’t feeling like posting wow i love our universe
Soo these two idiots, right? I feel like I’ve already talked about their polarities way too much on here and i don’t wanna repeat myself but they’re just too perfect to write about sth else instead.
I feel this song perfectly represents their journey from the first meeting on takodana to the interrogation scene “How can you see into my eyes like open doors?”, Kylo wanted to find the map to luke at that moment, but (as u can read in the novelization) still cared about not invading her privacy (this sounds weird but that’s the way it was). However he could see into her eyes like open doors, she wasn’t afraid, she let him pass and then fights back, discovering his thoughts. They’re perfectly equal and connected to each other, and that’s why both of their “doors” are “open”.
Next there were the force bonds: “My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there and lead it back home”, this is the first time they properly interact with each other, they get closer and develop a trust in each other which ends up in him encouraging rey to jump in that cave. She finds an answer that she’s not expecting, but always knew deep inside her; she’s a no one. All the time she was hoping to find her parents , her belonging, her home. She’s feeling lonely but ben tells her he’s there for her, that she doesn’t need to be alone, he’s offering her a home.
So she ships herself to him in hope pf turning him: “Call my name and save me from the dark”. Then Ben decides to kill his master while sparing rey’s life. A person he barely knew, but the person who saw him in his truest form for the first time in along time. “Save me from the nothing I’ve become”; he tells her that she’s in fact a no one, a nothing with no special family or background. Maybe even that she shouldn’t have these powers; it’s paradoxical but that to him, she really somehow means something; he cares about her, which is beautiful poetic cinema again.
“You can't just leave me” : she leaves him because she has no choice, he wasn’t ready to be turned, still processing his past.
And what happens after this? Will he finally turn himself with reys help for tge good side and save the galaxy once for all together? I think it’s a good possibility, but i guess we’ll have to wait six more days to find out, but I’m telling you: they’re not gonna let Ben’s beautiful character arc end up in him dying in her arms, that would be a tragedy and not want i would count under a satisfying ending.
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mytearsricoshay · 7 years
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Hi! I've been following you for a while and didn't realize you were such a passionate Taylor Swift fan until the release of the new song. Sorry if this is weird, but could I ask why you like her so much? I loved her when I was younger and enjoy a lot of her more recent songs, but I'm probably not what you'd call a swifty. I'm just curious, sorry if it's a weird question! Really love your blog by the way!
Hey there! That’s not a weird question at all, I know my overload of Taylor Swift feels probably came out of nowhere so it might come as a shock to some of my followers just how big of a fan I actually am but….what can I say. That shit’s been building up for three years, fam.
Anyways I’m not really sure how to answer this??? Like I love her with all my heart but I’ve never really had to think about why I do so I’m gonna try and break it down, I guess??
Musically, she’s one of the most talented songwriters in the business. I don’t agree with people who say she can’t sing - obviously - but there are a lot more powerful voices out there that can easily outshine her. In terms of her lyrics though, she’s unparalleled. And I know it’s easy to pull up lyrics from Shake it Off or Bad Blood or the chorus of Look What You Made Me Do to try and discredit her, but those are singles. They’re made to be earworms whose entire purpose is to garner attention and stick in peoples heads - and they do their job well. But they don’t even come close to the type of lyrics she’s capable of producing. 
But if you’ve ever listened to her music beyond singles made for radio play you’ll find a lyrical genius who - cliche as it sounds - has a talent for making listeners feel what she feels. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stood up and screamed the lyrics to All too Well or Last Kiss or The Last Time with real tears in my eyes despite never having gone through any sort of breakup myself. I can barely listen to Dear John without feeling blinding anger that she was emotionally abused and taken advantage of like that at such a young age. Maybe I’m just an overly empathetic person but I can feel her pain through her lyrics and it just…speaks to me. And it’s not just her ballads either. Even a song like Look What You Made Me Do has lyrics that make me feel for her (I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me no bby I trust u w/my life pls don’t say that).
Beyond that, her songs that aren’t lyrical masterpieces are still good and catchy and fun and there’s not a song by her that I don’t thoroughly enjoy listening to. Her music makes me happy and that’s all there really is to it. Even back when I hated her I still loved her music haha.
Taylor as a person….there’s just so many reasons to love her. Yes, she’s a Queen who dominates the industry and destroys the charts and the sales and all that good shit. But that’s not why I love her. For starters, I’ve never been a fan of a celebrity who cares about their fans as much as she does. She invites fans to her house to get an exclusive listening of her new album. She unfollows everyone including her own brother and erases all of her social media right down to her MySpace but doesn’t unfollow her fans on tumblr. 
She’s extremely generous, and critics can say it’s just an act and she’s fake or whatever all they like. I don’t believe that, but even if I did, she’s donating to charities and giving money to a fellow woman struggling with legal fees and writing a heartfelt song to a little boy who died of cancer and at that point who honestly cares why it’s being done? She’s doing good things and all anyone ever focuses on is the why.
She’s kind and genuine (as told by…pretty much everyone who actually knows her) but for all her softness she’s also learned to stand up for herself (or “play the victim” as assholes like to put it). As she’s put it she got harder over the years and now she’s done letting people step all over her and I just think that’s a really important message to send to the young girls in her audience who are generally taught that anger is unladylike??? That you can still be good and kind but not put up with people who try to bring you down. You can get angry. Asshole sues her after sexually assaulting her? Get rekt fucker. Haters twist her image and take everything she says and does as fodder to demonize her? Prepare to get dragged asshats. She’s the walking embodiment of “Do no harm but take no shit.”
She’s also extremely smart and clever. She’s a force to be reckoned with based on her brilliant mind alone.And that’s something that I don’t think even her haters would try denying. Whether you think she’s a Cersei or a Sansa you just know that she’s incredibly shrewd and quick-witted.
Do I wish she were a better feminist? Of course I do. That’s something I wish for pretty much every celebrity I stan, but she’s learning. She’s specifically stated that she doesn’t like talking politics and that’s her right. I wish that weren’t the case as a queer latina fan but I’m not going to drag her through the mud for something she might believe, especially not when her tweets about the women’s march in January and Charleston point to that definitely not being the case. That doesn’t mean I don’t hope that someday soon she becomes more outspoken about issues outside of “just” sexism y’know? As someone who deeply and wholeheartedly believes in intersectional feminism I don’t think that hope will ever truly go away. 
I’m getting off topic though. I’m hoping this massive essay answered your question as to why I love my lord and savior Taylor Alison Swift. If you made it through the whole thing then God bless you, if you didn’t here’s a TL;DR for you: Her music makes me feel things and she’s a genuinely good person. The End
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spreadplaylist · 7 years
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SPREAD CH.2 ARTIST SPOTLIGHT - Taylor Jamison
Hi SPREAD listeners! I hope everyone has been having a meaningful Pride month while enjoying the PRIDE playlist! The featured artist off SPREAD CH. 2 is dear friend of mine and a force to be reckoned with. Get a glimpse below of Taylor Jamison's life as an unapologetic songwriter and artist. HERE WE GO!
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Taylor: Hey hey, my name is Taylor Jamison and I’m a songwriter/singer right here in most-of-the-time-sunny Los Angeles! I’m originally from Boulder, CO, but have been living here in LA for a second now, writing for some amazing new artists, and creating some cool tunes under my name as well!
Dan: Hi Taylor! Welcome! I am so glad that u are PRIDE's featured artist. You are a songwriting beast who is constantly on the grind. I'm excited for people to hear about ur career and your thoughts about the industry, so let's get started.
Describe a typical day in the life of a songwriter. What do u enjoy the most about it?
Taylor: I’d say a typical day in the studio with me, at least, is catching up on life with whoever I’m working with, joking around, sharing funny moments of the week, usually someone has a good hook up/sex story as well. My favorite part is that, from these shared moments, a story unfolds itself. I see myself as a “Storyteller for the Ears,” so whether it’s myself singing the song or another artist, I love being able to share a moment/feeling in time through music and watching how people react to it.
Dan: I would say that u just perfectly summed up the reason songwriters do what they do! It's all about the story and the connection. In finding this connection for yourself, describe the place that makes you feel the most inspired creatively.
Taylor: I absolutely LOVE the beach because it’s so many things to me. Gentle, but powerful. Beautiful, with a dark side. Tranquil, yet full of energy. It makes me nostalgic for days passed, while making me think forward into the future. I love going out and laying by myself with a notebook, letting the sound wash over me until the words start falling out of my head onto the paper.
Dan: LA beaches are definitely hard to beat, too! I could use a beach day myself. It's a great way to reset and get those creative juices flowing. After running through all of those emotions we then get to the actual songwriting process. Now you have countless songs to ur name. Out of those, what song of yours are u most proud of? Why?
Taylor: Ooooooo, this is a hard one. I’m gonna have to have a tie on this between, “Down”, and, “The Last Time”. When putting together the production and sound scape of, “Down”, I really wanted to create a sense of longing because that’s essentially what that song is: it’s the complete taking-down of your walls for somebody because you want to fall completely into them, letting yourself be vulnerable so they know just how much you want them. For, “The Last Time”, I decided to keep that song with just piano and vocals because adding production was going to end up making it sound cheesy, and this song has such a powerful sense of nostalgia that I wanted it to almost seem completely empty, just like how you feel sometimes when you think back on someone from your past. Plus, that key change is life (have to toot my own horn on that one lolz), I want more artists to do key changes again!!!
Dan: Girl, key changes are UNDERRATED. When done just right, they can completely change a song for me. The key change in "The Last Time" makes me scream every single time. I think we could see them make a comeback.
Now, just like anyone on this journey, there are numerous high and low points. Tell us about when the music industry has maybe made you feel inadequate. How did u overcome this?
Taylor: Ummmm, the industry can make you feel inadequate on almost a daily basis if you let it, honestly. I’d be lying if I were to say that every day is a walk in the park, cause it’s not: you feel like you're constantly trying to prove to the world that you’re talented, yet it falls on deaf ears. However, I think the cure for those feelings of inadequacy is surrounding yourself with amazing people who are just as creative, driven and positive as you are, but always making sure to be humble. Nobody likes a cocky bitch, ever, lolz.
Dan: You are speaking TRUTH in this interview, girl. Surrounding yourself with positivity is almost the only way to get through those moments of feeling inadequate. And you're right, nobody enjoys being around cockiness, even though there can be a lot of that in this industry.
As you surround yourself with driven and encouraging people, I know that also includes artists u look to for inspiration. Tell us about an artist/songwriter who inspires u. What about their artistry/ability would you like to emulate in your own?
Taylor: To kick it a bit old school, I’m gonna say Elton John because I think he was so groundbreaking and just what was needed in the world to move forward progressively. He was completely unafraid to be flamboyant and unapologetically homosexual in a time that it was still not acceptable in public overall. Plus, with Bernie Taupin on the lyrics and Elton on the melodies, they made some prettyyyyyyyy amazing music that still stands the test of time, if I don’t say so myself.
Dan: Elton is a legend and an icon, especially for what he did for queer visibility in the mainstream. I had to include him as a part of the PRIDE playlist. It would have been a crime not to, honestly.
I have mentioned earlier that u are pretty much on the go all the time, whether it's working on ur own stuff or writing for other artists. In the midst of everything u have going on, how do u manage a busy schedule and stress? How do you recharge when u need to?
Taylor: I actually work WAY better on a busy schedule, so I’m a fan of back to back sessions, all week long! But, when I do need a little break, I love getting out of LA for a sec and visiting places like San Diego, Palm Springs, Santa Barbra and more. I also love having parties with my friends, dancing around, being gay, playing beer pong. Oh, and Tequila. Tequila is always an answer to stress and busy schedules (Silver Tequila only though).
Dan: I think that LA is such an encompassing city that sometimes the only solution to getting a break is getting out. I do the same thing. Also, I did not know u liked playing beer pong! I sense a duel between you and me coming soon...
Looking past u only liking silver tequila (sorry I had to throw some shade), what do u think is the biggest misconception people have about working in this industry?
Taylor: Oh lordy, probably that you can just show up in town and become a super star. Sorry to say it, but being a cocky bitch doesn’t get you very far hahah. The only way you’re becoming an overnight pop star is if mommy and daddy are loaded, or a family member is tied into a label somehow. Gotta put in the work to really earn respect from people, at least in my book.
Dan: There are many, many people that agree with u! This industry easily and quickly exposes true talent and true intention. I love how honest and open u are.
Touching on your openness, how has ur identity influenced or affected your journey as a songwriter and artist?
Taylor: I think being gay totally influences my journey as both a songwriter and as an artist because it’s not, “normal”, per say. It doesn’t fit the cookie cutter mold of what a male pop artist has been for the past 5+ decades, so it’s sometimes difficult for people to want to get behind something still so new and not fully understood. But, even though it sometimes makes the journey harder, I wouldn’t change it for the world because I feel like it brings such a unique and interesting view to songs that straight men, and even women can’t entirely relate to.
Dan: I am holding onto hope that as time continues, more queer artists will be accepted as major label and mainstream like their straight counterparts. I think that progress in this aspect will really be made by people just like u, who are unapologetically themselves. What advice would you give to up and coming LGBTQ+ songwriters and artists?
Taylor: I would emphasize not trying to hide who you are, letting it all fall out, even if it’s hard to do. We’re in a time where LGBTQ kids need role models, people that they can say they want to grow up to be like. Unlike straight men and women, LGBTQ kids have had to feel the need to hide who they are from such a young age so as to “fit in” with normal, American society; now is the time for us to live our lives to the fullest so we can keep paving the road towards the future. (I felt like a motivational speaker there on a soap box lolz.)
Dan: U are dead on. The more LGBTQ artists and musicians that are in the spotlight, the more LGBTQ kids and youth will see that it really is okay to be themselves. We have to watch out for our LGBTQ youth as much as possible because our government doesn't seem to look out for them enough...
I am sure thinking through these questions has made u, in a way, look back on your own journey as an artist and songwriter. So what would you has been the biggest highlight of your career as an artist/songwriter so far?
Taylor: I think one of the coolest moments so far was opening for Bonnie McKee at OC Pride in 2014. Even though I now look back on my outfit and shake my damn head, it was so amazing to meet her in person, definitely one of my songwriting idols!
Dan: Hahaha, that's incredible. How cool that u were able to open for her at a Pride event! She is a songwriting queen. Definitely an idol of mine, too! (For those of you that don't know Bonnie, u can thank her for hits like 'Teenage Dream,' 'California Gurls,' 'Dynamite,' and 'Hold It Against Me.')
Taylor, it's time for my signature question. What artist/album/song have u had on repeat lately?
Taylor: Ok, album for SURE would be Kehlani’s, “Sweet Savage Sexy”: that shit is AMAZING. I’m also digging The 1975, Jon Bellion, Blackbear and Julia Michaels. “Issues”-Julia Michaels, “Do-Re-Mi”-Blackbear, “Escape”-Kehlani, “Bad Liar”-Selena Gomez and “Death Wish”-Terror Jr are definitely the go-to songs on repeat currently!!!
Dan: This list is SO solid. U know Kehlani has a soft spot in my heart. I was so excited to include her on SPREAD CH.2 as well!
Now that we are sadly wrapping up this Artist Spotlight, how can we check out ur music and stay up to date with ur releases/posts? Anything we should especially be on the lookout for?
Taylor: My Insta/Twitter handle is @TaylorJamison77, and you can listen to my shit on Spotify, Apple Music, iHeart Radio and more under Taylor Jamison! Also, you can check out Matthew John’s EP, “Chain Reaction” on all streaming sites as well (I wrote the title track, “Chain Reaction”!). In the next few months I’ll be having some new music come out, as well as some more releases with other artists (follow me on Insta for the most up to date info, as I share mostly on there. Plus, my InstaStory’s are usually pretty fun, from what I’ve heard!)
Dan: I can attest that Taylor is very fun to follow on social media! Everyone PLEASE go check his pages and his music out, and then go give his song '(Never Gonna) Change For You' another listen on PRIDE! Thank u so much for being so real with us, girl. I cannot wait to see ur name in lights one day.
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Thank u for tuning into the second SPREAD Artist Spotlight! Big thanks to Taylor Jamison for serving some tea today and giving us a closer look at his career as a gay singer/songwriter.
I hope u all enjoy the last few days of PRIDE month! I can't believe it's almost over. In just a couple of days a new playlist will be gracing the SPREAD website, and this one is about to be veryyy refreshing... ;)
Cover e v e r y inch!
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