Tumgik
#but that’s okay bc I already have a conversion journal
Text
hm
#journaling courses of action that are basically just ‘we shouldn’t talk until you figure out your feelings’#and I’m right we shouldn’t bc it hurts pretending to just be friends when I want more than that. but also it’s been a month how do you not#have some idea#so I’m thinking hmm you do it’s either you want me & are afraid of commitment or you don’t & you don’t wanna hurt me#but mostly right now I’m thinking I gotta journal about other things bc I just keep thinking about him and that’s unhelpful rn#I already know I miss you I already know I love you what I need to figure out is if I’m gonna wait for you to find out what you want#or if I’m gonna leave first#the other problem is I personally would love to sit down and talk this all out bc that helps me but I want him to pick me on his own#and if he does good fucking god we’re gonna have a fucking Conversation about this#it’s nuts too bc at this point it’s not a question of if I’m coming over bc I am I’ll be there and we’re not living together okay great#so what is it bc those were the big things he mentioned other than what if we break up. and if we break up we break up!!! we’re already not#living together#I wanna come to some decision together and it feels like he needs to do it on his own which like. fine. but it’s been 2.5 years babe#it doesn’t have to be unilateral I’d love to talk this out and see where we’re at#but also goddamn I need to do something else. I need to start this bookstore job already I wanna hear back about the waitressing one
7 notes · View notes
raysofcrosby · 2 years
Text
you are in love – m. tkachuk
Tumblr media
warning(s): fluff, small angst, insinuation of smut ((barely)) and sadness<333
inspired by: you are in love by taylor swift w a lil twist<33
word count: 33,031
an: hi ya i’ve been MIA on the writing scene for a bit bc just a general plateau of inspiration but oh lookey here, what’s this??? a new fic??? buckle up besties bc i wrote this in literally four hours and crying about 80% of the time bc i was deep in my feels for over a day when i wrote it, so it’s not edited, probs wont even make any sense either but ya enjoy cool!!! also if it doesn't make any sense thats bc a lot of this was edited from what the original version was and i had to add a bunch of filler shit to make it a hockey fic vs just my personal way of letting my emotions out. so again, don't mind it, enjoy the fic, blah blah blah okay bye<333. ((an 2.0: p.s. i wrote this way before ratty's trade, but added it in the end so if the timeline doesn't add up don't attack pls bc like i said...tons of filler was added)) *italics indicate flashbacks*
You never realize how much stuff can fill a one bedroom apartment until the fifth trip to the store to buy more moving boxes because you seriously underestimated just how much you owned. That could arguably be one of the top three worst things when it comes to moving, tied with actually having to pack your stuff and shifting through what to keep and what to give away.
Luckily, Riley had all the time in the world seeing as she had no responsibilities aside from doing exactly what she was doing in this moment- packing up everything and anything she owned and managed to shove into her 744 square foot apartment she’d called home for the last two years. A mixture of memories brought from home and collected during her time here were all over the apartment, and now in a week's time, they needed to be shoved into multiple moving boxes labeled properly so she wouldn’t be going on a wild goose chase when it came to unpacking them again.
Unluckily, she was also the type of person who found herself easily distracted whenever she came across something that she’d either forgotten she’d owned altogether, or that she’d remember misplacing at one point in time and just never found. A coffee mug, and part gag gift that had “don’t speak” on it from her dad who always jokes that she’s unable and not willing to have a conversation before drinking at least half a cup of coffee– it was buried in the middle back of her cabinet with her other mugs. A swear word coloring book meant for her sister that had somehow slipped behind her bedside table. The journal her mom had gifted her her first Christmas into her masters courses when she’d mentioned how she thought about starting journaling every day as one of her New Year's resolutions.
Riley couldn’t remember the last time she had written in it, though she knew she’d kept the habit up for at least a minimum of the entirety of January, so she flipped open the journal, watching the blank pages brush by until she saw the black ink of the pen she’d always used to write in it. And in the top right corner, was the date of her last entry– March 11th.
She didn’t need to read the entry to remember what she’d written in it…but she was already here, with the journal wide open in her hands…what could it hurt to relive the memory she’d written down on that day?
“Hey, so Jacob and Bren have got pretty much everything packed up in the pod,” Claire said, walking into the now empty apartment and stopping by the bar of the kitchen island where Riley had been leaning. “Are you ready to lock it up or is there some stuff you still need to add?”
Riley looked up from the journal, shutting the hardcover journal– the front of it decorated in pink watercolor pastel and a small bouquet of yellow flowers with the phrase “through sun and rain, flowers bloom all the same” written in black cursive, the pink marking ribbon hanging outside of the lined pages instead of marking where she’d last left off like it was supposed to be.
“Um no, no,” she replied, glancing up from the journal and shaking her head as she placed the journal into the box on the counter next to her, folding the flaps properly and locking them in each other before sliding it off of the counter and holding it in her arms. “Just this box here, but I’ve got it.”
Claire nodded and turned to face what had previously been a homey living room, but was now just an empty room full of potential possibilities. “It feels weird to see this place empty again since I still remember Jacob and I helping you move in with Bren, mom and dad two years ago. I guess it’s a little sad too,” she looked at Riley, nudging her with her shoulder. “But I guess I’m proud of you for getting this job, though I will miss having you within instant bugging distance of me.”
“Gee, thanks,” Riley replied, stepping away from the counter. “Come on, let’s go put this in the pod so we can lock it up and call the company to pick it up soon.”
“Tell me that means we can get early dinner too, right? I’m absolutely starving.” Claire huffed, grabbing the keys to the apartment off of the counter and following behind Riley as they left the now empty place she once called home.
“We can,” Riley nodded, stopping just outside the door as she watched Claire lock the apartment door before they started moving down the hall and towards the elevator. “But I have one more thing I need to do before that.”
Claire’s eyebrows furrowed for only a split second before she pursed her lips and nodded. “That’s right, yeah we’ll totally make a stop before dinner. And then after that–”
“St. Louis,” Riley sighed, her thumbs rubbing against the cardboard in her hands as she nodded. “Yeah, bright and early, first flight out of here.” 
“Then you’re Boston bound once Mom and Dad get their trips down memory lane in,”  Claire smiled, looking down at her phone and typing.
For a moment as she followed behind Claire, she looked down at the box, seeing her own writing in black sharpie across one of the flabs– “Miscellaneous Junk – Riles’ room” “Did you write this on the box?”
Claire looked over her shoulder as the elevator doors opened and peered at the box, nodding her head. “Yeah, it’s just a bunch of junk from your desk isn’t it? Nothing really important is in there, just your knick knacks and stuff from your drawers.”
‘Nothing really important’ stung her harder than it probably should have because sure, she’d asked Claire to go through her desk and toss whatever was left into one box, but that was before she’d looked in and seen what was in it. Random stickers, concert lanyards, the gag gift of a gift box of glow in the dark condoms Janelle had given her– so many of the things in there fell under the junk title Claire had given the box…the ‘nothing really important’ category. But not that journal…nothing written on those lined pages was junk, everything in that journal mattered to Riley.
It took everything in her not to reach in and grab the journal from inside the box, but she didn’t want to gain her sister’s attention or want her interest to be piqued on what was within the hardcover gift. So instead, she just readjusted her grip onto the box and thought about all the ways she might be able to sneak it out without anyone noticing before they put the box into the pod, which would be shipped off to Boston, hopefully later tonight.
There were only 69 entries in that journal, there should’ve been at least 184, but the way she’d gotten swept up in life every day after March 11th, writing in that journal had slipped to the very back of her mind. But every moment of those 69 entries and the 114 days after that, all the way up to that moment on July 2nd that felt world ending, to today– July 4th…it all mattered.
Tumblr media
DAY 12 – JANUARY 12TH, 2022 [ FIRST MEETING ]
“I have absolutely no right to be here right now,” Riley said, tugging on the top of the bodycon dress Claire had managed to squeeze her into for the night. One that was just one size too small but for some Godforsaken reason had seemed to fit her everywhere but her chest, which Claire called a blessing but she called a girl's gone wild moment waiting to happen.
“You have every right to be here,” she replied, keeping her steady pace as her heels clicked against the pavement while simultaneously digging through her small clutch for her lip gloss.
“In what dimension do I have the right to be crashing a girls night out–” Riley quickened her pace, the heels Claire also pressured her to shove her feet into for the night, almost matching her own as they clicked on the sidewalk. “Where all of the girls in question, except for me, have the same exact thing in common?”
“Which is?”
“You know exactly what it is,” she huffed, finally coming up beside her just as the two of them were met with the bouncer of the club, the bearded man who looked like he walked off of the front cover of a bodybuilding magazine, instantly waving them both through. “You’re literally all dating professional athletes…on the same team…teammates, Claire. That’s what you all have in common.”
Claire rolled her eyes, grabbing her hand as they both entered the crowded club floor and leading her in the direction of where most of her friends were. “I think you’re forgetting one thing, you also know someone here because you’re both in the same masters courses.”
“Fine, I have one thing in common with one person out of what? The twenty that are here?”
“And me, or have you all of a sudden forgotten that you’re a twin? Because if you’re still mad about me stealing your book fair money in elementary school, I think you need to see a therapist.”
Riley pulled her hand from hers, tugging up at the top of her dress again. “We’re not even twins. You’re eleven months older than me–”
“Basically making us twins,” Claire replied, pulling her forward as she came to a stop in front of a small set of stairs that led up to multiple booths. “Fourth one down, move it.”
“It’s a wonder how you ever won the friendliest in the entire class your senior year,” Riley said, sending a playful glare over her shoulder. “If only they knew the real you.”
“You’re my sister, you get both my nice side and my ‘if you take my favorite sweater out of my closet one more time without asking I’ll dump water on your head in the middle of the night to wake you up,’ side,” Claire smiled, keeping her hand on the small of Riley’s back and nuding her ahead. “Besides, you won best smile which is odd because you never smile, you old grouch.”
“Finally you two show up!” Meredith, Johnny Gaudreau’s wife, was the first one to spot them as Claire shoved Riley up to the booth where the familiar faces of the girls who were either married to or dating Flames players that Riley had gotten to know so far, were sitting in.
“Yeah, it took everything in me to convince Ri here to come out with us and to at least put a little effort into her appearance,” Claire said, greeting Meredith with a hug before moving along to greet the rest of the girls who were there.
“Ha ha, very funny, but some of us have school–”
“Oh not the school excuse,” Kelsey, the one girl out of all of them who Riley had one thing in common with, seeing they were both pursuing Masters Degrees at the University of Calgary in the Kinesiology program. “I know for a fact that we have nothing due over the weekend, not even until the end of next week. Take a break for once Riley, you’re mastering the classes, no pun intended.” She smiled, giving Riley a hug.
“See Ri?” Claire smiled over her shoulder before plopping down in a spot Meredith and Annica, who was dating Elias Lindholm, had made between them. “Now relax and have fun. You don’t even have to leave the comfort of this booth if you want.”
“Actually,” Riley replied, giving Claire a sarcastic smile. “I think I might just have some fun and wander down to the bar and get a drink.”
“I’ll come with you actually!” Kylie, who was dating Dillon Dube, chimed in, standing up from the seating.
“Me too!” Kelsey added, standing up. “Plus I wanted to tell you what Oscar’s reaction to that paper we had to turn in last week was. I swear his eyes popped out of his head when I asked him to proofread it.”
Riley laughed, walking back out of the booth as the two followed behind her. “Please, I barely understood what I wrote and I even have all the notes from class.”
The three of them maneuvered their way back down the small set of steps and then back into the crowd of the bar, Kelsey grabbing onto Riley’s hand and then presumably Kylie’s so the three wouldn’t lose one another in the crowd as Riley led them over towards the bar. Thanks to being invited along to some events by Claire, Riley knew most of the WAGs on the team, but the only one she was really on a super friendly basis with, was Kelsey. Kelsey who was born and raised in Calgary and had attended the University of Calgary for her undergraduate degree as well and had been dating Oscar for the last near two years.
The two of them, Kelsey and Riley, hadn’t made their Flames connection until Claire asked Riley if she would tag along with her to brunch with a few other girls, Claire also wanting Riley to ‘stop hiding in your room, you’re young, have fun!’ Kelsey was at brunch, recognized Riley from one of their lectures and the friendship just blossomed into study sessions, coffee trips and Kelsey also having Riley tag along to things.
“Unbelievable,” Kelsey laughed once the three of them managed to grab a space at the crowded bar. “All of the bars in the city and they go here? Knowing we were all coming out tonight?”
“What?” Kylie asked, looking at Riley for help but Riley just shrugged.
Kelsey sighed and rolled her eyes before nodding her head off to their left and then pointing. “All the way at the end of the bar.”
Riley and Kylie both looked over in the direction she was pointing, and instantly the two girls knew what and who she was talking about. There at the end of the bar and of course, all together in a big group, were a few players from the Flames. Riley could see Jacob and Dillon at the bar talking to the bartender and off behind him were Sean, Johnny, Oscar and they were sure more that weren’t in their view.
“If you guys tell me what you want, you’re more than welcome to go over there and chew their asses out a little bit,” Riley smiled, leaning against the bar.
“You don’t mind? Because like Kels said…there are so many bars here,” Kylie said, looking off at the boys.
“Not at all,” Riley replied, waving them off. “As long as you give Jacob a little hell from me for not telling my insane sister to leave me alone tonight.”
Kylie squeezed Riley’s arm as she brushed by and nodded. “We’ll be right back, don’t leave the bar without us so we don’t lose you.”
“And if any creeps sneak up, yell pterodactyl.” Kelsey noddeed, nodding her head. “It’ll scare them off.”
“Pterodactyl, got it,” Riley nodded, watching them walk away before turning back towards the bar and then shaking her head. “Pterodactyl? Where the hell did she get that from?”
The bartender walked over to her, nodding at her. “What can I get you?”
Riley opened her mouth to speak, only to realize that Kelsey and Kylie never told her what they wanted to drink…so she went with a classic. “Can I get three vodka cranberries?”
The bartender nodded and turned away to make the drinks, Riley flipped her phone over and grabbed her card from the card holder she insisted Claire let her borrow since she wasn’t carrying a purse and was stuffed into the dress.
“I hope all of those aren’t for you,” Riley heard someone say as the bartender placed two of the drinks down in front of her. “Cause that’s about three rounds I’ll miss out on buying you a drink.”
She looked to her left to see the familiar face of Matthew, one of Jacob’s teammates. A face that she’s seen obviously on ice for the games she’s attended since her sister started dating Jacob, but also at some of the team parties that Claire’s invited her to or made her tag along as her plus one. “That’s assuming I’d take your offer to let you buy me one, let alone three.”
“Ouch, tough crowd,” he replied, holding his right hand to his chest, right over his heart and rubbing against his gray t-shirt.
“Sorry,” Riley dramatically pouted as she shrugged. “Did I bruise your hockey player ego by turning down your horrible pick up line? Like seriously, does that even work?”
He moved away from the corner of the bar and came up beside her, resting his arms against it. “Who said it was a line? Maybe I was really looking forward to buying you a drink. Plus, maybe I was also sent over here to make sure no creeps are creepy towards you. You know the whole plus one, stay together thing.”
The bartender placed the last drink in front of her and Riley quickly handed over her card before looking at him with a shrug. “Looks like you failed your mission.” The bartender placed her card back down onto the bar in front of her, along with a receipt and a pen. Riley quickly scribbled her signature and a tip before sliding it across the bar and putting her card back into her phone and looking at Matthew. “Both missions actually, cause I just bought my own drink.”
Matthew rolled his eyes before looking at the bartender and nodding his head, holding up two fingers– Riley taking that as the opportunity to grab her drinks and head back towards the booth. “Hey!” She turned around to see Matthew leaning against the bar, nodding at her with a smile. “The night’s still young. That’s plenty of time for me to buy you that drink!”
“Not unless you find someone else to entertain your time and horrible pick up lines,” Riley smiled back, nodding her head for him to look behind him as a girl was just getting ready to tap him on the shoulder– her intentions for him very clear. “Just don’t use that buy you a drink one.” Riley winked and turned back towards where she was walking, carefully making her way back over to the booth where Claire and the rest of the girls were.
“Riles!” Claire cheered, holding up her empty shot glass before putting it back onto the table. “Where are Kels and Kylie?”
“You guys have some bar crashers!” Riley replied, placing the drinks that belonged to Kylie and Kelsey down onto the table, then covering them with one of the napkins that came wrapped around the cup. “Some of the guys are here and they went to go talk to them.”
“Ugh! All of the bars for a girls night out and they choose this one?” Meredith complained, rolling her eyes and finishing off her drink, then standing up. “I need another drink.”
Once she made her way out of the booth with another girl following behind, Claire took that opportunity to slide over next to Riley. “Get the sourpuss look off your face, have fun and relax, Ri!”
“I am, I’m having a ball! Lame pick up line, alcoholic drink and all!” Riley replied, leaning towards Claire so she could hear her.
“Pick up line? Who tried to pick you up?!” Claire smiled, practically beaming at the idea of Riley getting some sort of attention in the romance department. “Come up, point them out!”
“It was just one of Jacob’s teammates, it was nothing serious–”
Claire grabbed onto her arm, gripping it as her smile grew bigger. “Who! Who! You need to tell me who it was right now!”
Riley rolled her eyes, still able to see where Matthew was standing at the bar…the girl who Riley had told him about, standing next to him a little close and the two talking. She pointed out towards the bar and looked at Claire. “Him.”
She watched as Claire’s focus moved all across the bar before landing on where Riley had been pointing. Riley waited for a falter in her sister’s expression, but all stayed the same aside from Claire laughing and shaking her head. “Oh, Matthew? He’s harmless! A flirt, but a harmless one.”
“Clearly since he’s already moved on from wanting to buy me a drink and insisting on that he will,” Riley replied, turning her attention away from Matthew and the girl at the bar. “But how about we try not to shove any potential attractive male down my throat?”
“But that’s no–”
“You want me to let loose and have a good time?” Riley asked, sipping on the straw in her drink as Claire nodded. “Okay, then stop trying to pawn me off to any guy who shows a remote sense of interest.”
Claire rolled her eyes and sipped on a lighter drink that Riley knew was probably a margarita. “Did you at least think he was cute? Matthew?”
Riley sighed. “I’m not into that right now Claire, you know this. I’m not looking for–”
“A relationship, or love, or someone who will drag you out of the house on a Friday night so you can’t sit on your couch and watch One Tree Hill at night,” Claire replied, waving a hand at Riley and brushing her off. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. But appease me just this once…do you think he’s cute?”
Riley looked back over to the bar where she watched Matthew take two beers from the bartender before saying something to the girl and then turning around, leaving her at the bar and walking back towards the group of his teammates. “I mean…yeah, he’s cute–”
“Thank you,” Claire smiled, hugging her sister and then pulling away, clinking her cup against hers. “Now was that too hard?”
“I think I just felt a piece of my soul wither and fall off actually,” Riley smiled, taking another sip of her drink as she looked at her sister.
“Oh stop being an old hag,” Claire laughed, shoving her playfully. “You’re way too young and pretty to be so old and bitter.”
Riley laughed, shaking her head. “You do realize that made no sense, right?”
“What can I say?” Claire smiled, shrugging her shoulders as she took another sip of her drink. “The tequila’s strong.”
Tumblr media
DAY 22 – JANUARY 22ND, 2022 [ FIRST "DATE ]
“For the love of everything that is good and holy, why the hell did you and Jacob think tonight would be a great idea for a double date?” Riley sighed, tugging the ends of her thin sweater sleeves over her hands and bunching the material in her fists before crossing her arms. “Hockey games end at an average of what? Ten o’clock? Assuming they don’t go into an overtime and a shootout.”
“Oh hush,” Claire replied, waving her off. “It was an additional half hour, it won’t kill you if you’re not in bed before midnight for one night. Besides, you’re 24 and in the prime of your youth. I think staying out for a night would do you some good.”
“Some of us have homework and class–”
“In two days, Riley. It’s a Saturday night, you have no responsibilities until Monday morning, so stop complaining.” Claire turned away from Riley, looking down towards the locker room door where Jacob and the rest of the players were set to come out of.
Technically, Claire was right. Riley didn’t have any responsibilities until Monday morning and that’s more in part to the fact that she didn’t even have any homework due, that was just something she blurted out the moment Claire asked her earlier in the day if she would come to the game tonight with her. It didn’t take much budging for Riley to say no, after all, she loved Jacob and having grown up in St. Louis, her family often went to Blues games– so she enjoyed the game as well. However, once they got to the arena and Claire spilled about how they would also be going on a double date as well, with Riley being the other participant in the other couple, the slight good mood she had came crumbling down.
Claire refused to tell her who she was being forced to go on a date with, other than it was someone that she knew of and they knew Riley would be the girl he was on a date with. Halfway through the game, only when Riley threatened to call herself an uber home did Claire tell her that the date was actually one of Jacob’s teammates– a teammate who had expressed interest to Jacob about Riley that night they were all out at the same bar, despite it being girls night. Jacob told Claire and apparently the two of them had talked for a few days, Claire even talking to the teammate before finally agreeing that she was willing to set Riley up on a double AND blind date.
Though she was of course more than willing to from the jump, just like she’s been trying to hook her up with any male she thought she was a great fit for ever since high school. And it was all the same– she’d buy into her plan, go on the date, either liking the guy or he would ruin any potential feelings within seconds by saying something super misogynistic or just overall not being her type and then she’d end the night saying bye and going home by herself.
It was actually quite a process and one that Riley's come to love, because sure, while having an occasional guy in her bed for an hour or two was nice, she was never one to want to actually share her bed. Claire says she has commitment issues, but Riley liked to think of it as not bothering to settle down for any amount of time if she knew the guy was just going to waste it.
Which of course, everytime their parents came to visit or they traveled home on Holidays, meant her love life was often the topic of discussion. But that’s what happens when Claire’s basically on her way to an engagement and Brendan, their younger brother, had finally managed to convince his long time best friend Evelyn to date him.
Riley was the black sheep her parents worried about, wondering whether or not they’d ever see her bring a boyfriend home for Christmas, walk down an aisle and eventually grace them with grandchildren.
“Look, there’s Jacob now,” Claire said, standing up straight from leaning against the wall and waving her hand up slightly in the air to catch his attention.
Riley looked up from the dull arena hall floor to see Claire’s boyfriend of a little over a year, Jacob Markstrom, walking over, half expecting to see whichever teammate the two of them decided to hook her up with for the night. Jacob was nice and their parents loved him from the moment they’d accidentally met him leaving Riley and Claire’s shared apartment when they had only been dating for four months. Riley told Claire she was going to the airport to pick up their parents and yet the moment they all walked up to the door, out came strolling the 6’6” goalie in all his Swedish and slightly hungover glory.
And much to Claire’s embarrassment and Riley’s amusement, their parents invited him out to lunch later that day and they fell in love with him. There isn’t a single text or phone call between their parents where they don’t ask how Jacob’s doing and seeing if he wanted to come over for the holiday or any other small, family event.
“Good game babe,” Claire smiled, immediately walking into the blonde’s arms and giving him a hug. “Proud of you for blocking those shots there in the shootout.”
“If only I could’ve blocked more in regulation, then we wouldn’t have needed an overtime or shootout.” Jacob replied, leaning down and kissing her, keeping his arm on the small of her. “But thank you älskling, I appreciate it.”
“Hey future brother-in-law, is there any way you could tell me who this mystery date of mine is?” Riley sighed, letting her arms drop as she stood up straight. “Claire Bear over here wouldn’t even give me a single hint aside from he’s one of your teammates.”
Jacob laughed, nodding his head and looking down at Claire. “I don’t know, I think I’ve been sworn to secrecy too. But he should’ve been right behind me,”
“I didn’t see him,” Claire shook her head, looking back behind them as more of the players started to file out in groups before looking back at Jacob. “He didn’t change his mind, did he?”
Jacob shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of, he was talking about it before the game and asking how the driving situation would work. I didn’t tell him–”
“You know what? No big deal,” Riley smiled, feeling relieved as she waved them off and dug into her purse to grab her phone. “You guys go ahead and go on the date and I’ll order myself an uber and go back to my–”
“Hey sorry I’m late, I was just giving Meredith the number of some party planner my mom knows out in Boston. I guess she wants to surprise Johnny with a party out there this summer for his birthday.”
Riley looked up from her purse to see the all too familiar face of Matthew Tkachuk, only this time he wasn’t wearing a t-shirt and some jeans like he’d been wearing at the bar. This time he was wearing a suit– a nice navy blue one at that– and had a black coat draped over his arm. Riley would be lying if she said he wasn’t cute in normal clothes, but she would be lying even more if she said seeing him dressed up in a suit made him even more attractive. She won’t even think about seeing him in full uniform, mostly because honestly, she spent the entire night barely paying attention to the game and trying to figure out who her mystery date was.
It turns out it was–
“Him?” She asked, looking at Claire. “He’s my date?”
“Uh,” Matthew chimed in, holding up a hand. “I’m kind of right here.”
Claire turned away from her and towards Matthew. “Sorry for my sister, Matt. Ri can be rude sometimes.”
Riley didn’t miss the sharp change in her tone when Claire had called her rude, and maybe she was. But it was her initial reaction and Claire knew about the bump in at the bar because Riley had told her. She’d even laughed about it– “oh Matthew? He’s harmless. A flirt, but a harmless one.”
And yet here Claire was, setting her sister up on a date with the “harmless flirt” she’d talked about only a little over a week ago.
“Sorry,” Riley replied, looking down at her purse again and bringing her phone out of it, checking the time. “Claire, can we get going? It’s getting kind of late.”
“Of course, let’s get going,” Jacob nodded, looking back at her sister before the two started to walk off, leaving just her and Matthew standing there.
“After you,” Matthew said, motioning for her to walk. Riley crossed her arms again close to her chest as she turned around to follow behind Jacob and Claire, Matthew walking beside her. “I’m sorry if you were expecting someone else.”
“What?”
Matthew nodded ahead of them towards Jacob and Claire. “You seemed like you were expecting someone else.”
Riley felt her cheeks begin to heat up as she adjusted her arms. “No, not at all. I mean, I–”
“You literally said ‘him’ and didn’t look pleased,” Matthew replied, his free hand in his pants pocket as he shrugged. “I’m not offended, I’m just apologizing if they told you something different. Jacob told me you knew.”
“I knew about the double date, and Claire only told me about it once we got to the arena and she knew I wouldn’t pay for an uber back to my apartment with the traffic.” Riley replied, looking ahead of them just as Jacob and Claire seemed to be hiding the fact they took a quick glance behind them. “So I’m sorry if I made you feel bad.”
Matthew laughed and the first thing Riley noticed was his smile. He hadn’t smiled at the bar, not a full one– just a smirky smile, which at the time she thought that maybe was his trick into getting girls to think he’d had feelings for them or was interested in them.
He has a really nice smile.
“Trust me, nothing you could say would make me feel bad,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders. “Between the chirps between my brother and sister– hell, my parents too and then the stuff online, I’ve got some pretty thick skin.”
“Oh yeah, professional hockey player, I forgot,” Riley laughed softly, hugging her arms closer to her again as they caught up to Jacob and Claire and stepped into the garage within the Saddledome where players and employees of the team alike, parked.
“Okay so here’s the thing,” Claire said, clasping her hands together and looking up at Jacob before looking back at her and Matthew. “We forgot we promised to facetime into a call to Jacob’s family. His sister’s got some news to share and wanted everyone to be on a call.”
Riley’s jaw dropped as she stared at her sister, who conveniently was avoiding her gaze. “Claire–”
“But it’s still pretty early so you guys feel free to grab some coffee or a drink, hang out and get to know each other. Just because it’s not a double date, doesn’t mean it still can’t be a date,” Claire smiled, finally looking over in her direction only to be greeted with an ‘I know you had this planned all along’ look from her sister. “Matthew, I trust you to get my sister back to her apartment safely? Or you can just take her back to your place–”
“Claire!” Riley spoke through gritted teeth, blinking obviously at her sister who was already dragging Jacob away from them both.
“Text me in the morning! Have a good night!” Claire smiled, waving at the both of them as Jacob followed behind, he too lifted a large arm to wave his hand in the air.
Riley watched helplessly as they got into his car, turning around to face Matthew once she heard the sound of an engine start. “I am…so, so sorry for that.” She scoffed softly, shaking her head in disbelief. “Claire’s pretty straightforward, but I promise I had no idea she was going to do that. You really don’t have to feel obligated to take me home or anything.”
“It’s fine,” Matthew replied, shaking his head as he pulled his hand out of his pocket and holding onto his keys. “I can take you home if you want to go.”
She felt guilty, partly because she was so embarrassed to have been blatantly left there by her sister and the other half because she knew this isn’t what Matthew had signed up for at all. He was expecting a double date, a double date where the girl knew who she was going out with. He didn’t sign up for a surprise double date or to have said double date crash and then be left with possibly no date and to take his stranded date home.
“If it’s not too much?” Riley finally spoke, feeling uncomfortable with her own guilt. “I promise I don’t live too far away. I’m actually only about five minutes away from where Jacob and Claire live if you know it?”
“I know it,” he nodded, motioning again for her to start walking as he walked beside her. “Claire’s quite the host when it comes to team stuff. The Thanksgiving they held at their place this year was pretty fun. Though, you weren’t there I don’t think.”
“That’s right, I forgot she did that,” Riley nodded in reply. “I went home since I didn’t have any classes, but I remember her saying she and a few others were going to do something. But yeah, Claire’s quite the hostess. Life of the party even.”
“She’s something,” Matthew nodded, quickening his pace just a little before coming to a stop by a black Audi SUV and opening the passenger door. “I started the car once we entered the garage, so it should be warmer here.”
“Oh,” Riley was caught off guard. Despite the action itself being bottom of the barrel of what men were expected to do, Riley truly couldn’t remember the last time any date she had, had opened any door for her…not just a car door. “Thank you.”
Matthew just nodded in reply and waited for her to get into the car before he checked to make sure her feet or her purse weren’t hanging out so he could close the door. And though he could’ve taken his time to walk around, she watched him walk around the back of his car with a sort of urgency, not leaving her alone inside for long before he was opening the driver door and ducking into the car.
He fiddled with the radio for a bit before picking up an aux cord and offering it up to her. “You’re more than welcome to have the aux. I’m not all too picky with music.”
“Are you sure?” Riley asked, looking at him to see if she could spot any sign of him changing his mind.
“Absolutely, you can have it,” he said, handing the cord over.
Riley took it from his hand and plugged it into her phone, unlocking it and opening her music library. “Any requests?”
“Just whatever you want to play,” he said, looking away from her as he put his seatbelt on and then put his car into reverse.
She felt nervous sitting there in his car and she didn’t know if it was because she was sitting in the car of someone who was basically a stranger to her, or because of the kind of date setting. It took everything in her not to physically move in her seat to try to get the nerves out, so instead she just endlessly scrolled through her music library, not even picking a song.
“My family and I play this game when it comes to what songs to play, that way there’s not one person who’s picking all the songs,” she said, breaking the silence as she looked at him.
“What’s that?” He asked, sneaking a look at her before maintaining his focus on backing out of his parking spot to eventually straighten up and leave the garage.
“We each took turns picking a letter and a number. Whatever letter someone picks, you’ll scroll down to the number they picked and then that’s the song.”
“Okay, I got it,” Matthew nodded, looking at her as he pulled out of the garage. “B 163.”
Riley stared at him, blinking once or twice. “In what universe would you ever think I have 163 songs that start with the letter B?”
“I don’t know, I just went with a random mix,” he shrugged, looking at her. “So do you?”
“Maybe.” She knew she did. So she just bit back the smile that was trying to reveal her cards and looked back down at her phone, scrolling to the B’s and then starting to count.
Matthew pulled out into the street as she reached 90 and saw she was passing some pretty great songs, and made mental notes of what numbers they were…which was technically cheating, but her brother did it all the time.
158…right? Wait yeah 158…159….160….161….162….Oh no.
This could either go one of two ways– he could hear the song and enjoy it, or he could look at her like she was just a 12-year-old who never grew up and speed the entire way to drop her off at her own apartment, just so he could get her out of the car.
Wait? Isn’t that what she wanted?
Not wasting another moment, she took a deep breath and pressed the song, closing her eyes to prepare for whatever critique Matthew was going to hurl her way.
She looked at him from the corner of her eye as the piano started to play from the speakers, only giving him a second of instrumental before the vocals picked up and giving away just what song was playing.
“We’re soarin’, flyin’, there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach. If we’re tryin’, so we’re breaking free…”
“Is this High School Musical?” He smiled, looking at her as they pulled up to a stoplight.
“Yeah,” she replied, smiling sheepishly as she rubbed her arm. “My music library’s kind of all over the place and sometimes I like listening to the old Disney classics.”
He laughed, nodding his head as he reached out and turned the volume dial up just a little. “I remember watching this when it came out. I was always a hockey player, but that’s when I discovered that maybe I wasn’t exactly a basketball player.”
“Oh God, why can I see you dressed up as Troy Bolton for Halloween?” Riley laughed, looking at him.
Matthew’s face scrunched up as she shook his head. “Oh hell no, never. I was always a hockey player for Halloween, never the same one unless it was my Dad. But my brother and I switched each year on who got to be him.” He looked over at her with that same smirk from the bar. “But I do know the words to the song.”
“Go on then,” Riley smiled, motioning towards the radio. “Sing it.”
Matthew cleared his throat as he turned the music down just barely, as if the difference in volume would make a difference in whether or not she’d be able to hear him sing. “We’re soarin’, flyin’, there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach. If we’re tryin’, yeah we’re breaking free–”
“Okay, no, no,” Riley laughed, reaching out and turning the volume way down as Matthew laughed. “I’m sorry, but I can not have you butchering the musical stylings of Troy and Gabriella like that.”
“Hey, I’m not that bad of a singer!”
“Yeah, it’s cute that you try.”
The car rolled to a stop as the song continued to play quietly, Matthew tapping his fingers on the top of his steering wheel and chewing the inside of his cheek as he stared ahead at the red light, waiting for it to turn green. “I normally stay up a little bit after games because it takes me some time to wind down, and the coffee shop I usually go to is on the way to your apartment…” He looked at her, and even Riley wasn’t oblivious to the nerves written all over his face. “Would you want to stop and grab something to drink maybe?”
“I could go for a hot chocolate or something,” Riley nodded, looking at him.
“Okay, cool,” Matthew smiled, looking back towards the light as it turned green and kept driving.
It turns out that the coffee shop Matthew had mentioned, was only a few blocks up ahead from where they had been. They were closing soon and Matthew asked if she would be okay with staying in the car while he went to grab their drinks, just so she didn’t have to walk out into the cold January air. He stayed nearby, making sure she locked it once he had left and then Riley watched through the passenger window as he walked into the coffee shop with the same urgency as he had when he walked around his car.
She knew of Matthew only because of living in the city of Calgary who took their hockey very seriously. Plus, her sister was dating their goalie and Riley had tagged along to some events and nights out with the girlfriends and wives of players. Most importantly, his dad was treasured back home in her hometown of St. Louis, having played there during the years where she and her family had gone to games. But never in her entire life had she crossed paths with Matthew or his family– not until she moved to Calgary, not until Claire started dating Jacob, and most definitely not until last week at the bar or this moment right now sitting in his car, waiting for him to come back with their hot drinks. 
Riley saw Matthew place money in a tip jar before turning back around with two drinks in hand. Once she saw he was at her door, she rolled the window down to take the drinks from him and placed them into the cupholder before unlocking the car so he could get back into the car. 
“So I know I said I’d take you home, but can I show you something first?” He asked, picking up one of the drinks and handing it to her. “They’re both hot chocolate by the way, so you don’t have to take this one.”
“No it’s fine,” she replied, taking the cup. “And I mean…sure? I guess I’m not really all that tired right now.”
“Cool. I promise it’s not too far, it’s actually just around the corner,” he smiled, putting the car into park and peeling into the street before continuing to drive.
She sat in the passenger seat, sipping on her hot chocolate as Matthew continued the drive, eventually pulling into the parking garage of an apartment complex that Riley had considered moving into herself shortly before moving out of her and Claire’s shared apartment. They drove up to the second level before finally finding a spot, Matthew pulling into it and putting the car into park.
“It’s just a little bit of a walk, but not much, I promise,” Matt said, looking at her before opening his car door and getting out.
Riley followed suit, making sure she had her phone, purse and hot chocolate before closing the passenger door and walking towards the end of the car. “I actually considered moving here a year ago.”
“Really?” Matthew asked, standing by the trunk and waiting for her to be beside him before they started walking. “Too bad you didn’t. Maybe we could’ve been neighbors.”
Riley snorted, shaking her head as she took a long sip of her hot chocolate. “That’s doubtful. I don’t have NHL money.”
Matthew stopped just ahead of her and stood in her way, holding out his hand and motioning for her. “Here, put this on,” he held his coat out as he nodded at her drink in her hand. “I’ll hold your drink.”
“Oh, it’s really no–”
“I’ve at least got a long sleeve shirt and a jacket on to keep me warm, you’ve got…whatever kind of sweater that is.” He moved the winter coat again, “just take it, you’ll need it I promise.”
Instead of arguing with him, Riley just sighed and nodded and handed over her hot chocolate before taking the black winter coat he’d had draped over his arm at the arena, unfolding it and putting it on, buttoning only the middle button so it wouldn’t stay open. “There, I’m a little warmer now.”
“Good, because Claire would kill me if I let you freeze to death I’m sure.” He replied, handing her back her drink before nodding his head back. “Come on, I’ll take you to what I wanted to show you.”
“As long as I’m in my own bed by midnight and you’re not going to turn me into the next inspiration for a Criminal Minds episode when they come back with their reboot, then okay.”
She walked alongside him as he scanned a key fob to get into the building, once again Matthew holding the door open for her and allowing her to walk in first before following just behind her and nodding his head to his left. “The elevator right here.”
“So what’s this thing you want to show me?” She asked, waiting for him to close the door behind him.
“It’s a surprise,” he replied, making sure the door closed behind him before walking over and nodding at the elevator button. “You should feel special because I don’t show this spot to just anyone.” He looked at her with that same playful smirk.
Riley pressed the button, signaling for the elevator to come to the floor they were on and when the double doors opened, they both walked into the elevator, Matthew pressing the close doors button as well as the button at the top of them all that had only say T. As the elevator started to move, Riley leisurely sipped on her hot chocolate, Matthew doing the same as they waited for the elevator to come to a stop.
“I’m not sleeping with you,” she chimed, the words she meant to say earlier when he brought up going somewhere else instead of taking her right home, finally coming out. “I meant what I said about being back in my own bed by midnight.” 
“Relax,” he laughed, rolling his eyes. “My mom raised me right, you know.”
“Oh, so you’re telling me you’ve never had a one night stand? Mr. makes a million dollars a year, basically the face of a franchise and NHL player?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm as she brought the cup back up to her lips.
When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, Matthew stepped towards the doors, holding his arm out in front of them and waving for her to walk through. “Actually I’m earning nine million this year,” he replied, tilting his head to the side as he took a sip of his hot chocolate and sighing. “And I’m hardly the face of a franchise, that’s Johnny. And no, I didn’t say that, just come on will you?”
She followed his directions, stepping off of the elevator and back out into the cold January air. “Where are we?” She asked, holding her hot chocolate closer to her chest as she heard the elevator doors close behind her.
“I found it when I moved in,” he said, nodding at her to follow him as he started to walk away from the elevator and down the wheelchair ramp. “The owner of the complex doesn’t advertise it when people check into living here, mainly because it has no standing on the rent.”
There were small posts that hung garden lights from around them, dimly lighting the space they were on. As Riley looked around, she noticed a different variety of lounge chairs– the kinds you could find in gardens, on front porches or even poolside. She could see off to their left, was what looked to be a small garden, though again the light that the garden lights hung around the seating area didn’t really show all that much. She could, however, see the fire pit that sat in the center of all of the chairs, letting her know that this must be some kind of hang out spot for the complex. Maybe if she had looked deeper into this complex when she was searching for a new apartment, she might’ve known about it.
“Over there’s a small community garden, I think there’s a few vegetables and spices, but really it’s only flowers. I asked the owner about it when I came up here one day after drunk pressing the wrong floor and he said he puts a place like this on all of his properties, in memory of his wife who died of breast cancer because she loved to garden.” Matthew walked away from the garden and just passed some of the chairs before coming to a stop on the other side of the rooftop, where there were no dim garden lights. “The whole terrace is supposed to be a kind of place where people can come out and relax, clear their minds, you know? But I’ve never seen anyone come up here.”
“Maybe because it’s cold,” Riley said, walking up next to him and leaning her arms against the ledge of the terrace.
Matthew rolled his eyes and rested his hot chocolate on the ledge. “You don’t say?”
“Just pointing out the obvious is all,” she smiled, taking another sip of her hot chocolate as she looked towards the other side of the terrace. “The idea of it is nice though, I like it. Plus the view,” she blew out a low whistle as she looked back out towards downtown Calgary. “It’s beautiful. I can only imagine what it looks like during the day.”
“I like it better at night,” Matthew replied, tapping his fingers against his cup as he shrugged. “It helps clear my mind a bit after games.”
“Only if you’re not going out with the boys, right?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Right,” he laughed, nodding his head as he took a sip of his hot chocolate and shrugged. “It kind of reminds me of looking out of the airplane window when you’re flying at night, you know? Seeing all the lights from the buildings in the city you’re flying over and how there’s a whole city of people who are living their lives individually. It makes you realize just how big the world is.”
Riley let a few moments of silence pass as she let her cooling down hot chocolate cup try to warm up her hands before she nodded and looked at him. “Wow…that was deep for a hockey player.”
He laughed and shook his head as he kept his eyes out towards the cityscape, opening his mouth to say something, only to pause and stand up straight from his leaning stature, pointing ahead of him. “Wait, look!”
Riley raised an eyebrow as she looked out over the city lights and out towards the far away, dark horizon. “What?”
“This is going to sound ridiculous, but I swear I saw a shooting star,” Matthew kept his gaze out ahead of him for a few more seconds before he let his hand drop and he looked at her. “Like…no bullshit it moved.”
“Orrrrr,” she dragged out, looking at him. “Maybe it was an airplane.”
“Moving that fast? Really?”
“You never know with guys like Elon Musk trying to build crazy shit and defy the inevitable every second of every day,” she replied, bringing her cup back up to her lips as she turned back towards the city.
Matthew let the silence settle between them, though she could still feel his gaze on her and his body being turned towards her as well. “You’re a lot different than your sister…”
“Says you and every other person who’s walked into our lives.” Riley shrugged, holding her cup with both hands. “Claire’s a lot more…hopeful, she likes to see the petter picture of options and I’m more–”
“Of a cynical bitch?” Riley almost choked on her sip of air, rather than hot chocolate seeing as she hadn’t tipped her cup far enough yet, and when she looked at Matthew, he was looking at her with wide eyes. “Sorry…are we not at that level of friendship yet?”
This time she laughed as she placed her cup down onto the ledge and nodded. “Actually, I was going to say the same thing.”
“So…why is that?” He asked, reaching out and gripping his fingers onto the concrete ledge as he leaned himself backwards, almost as if he was stretching his arms. “You guys are what? Only a little over a year apart?”
“You said you have a brother right?” She asked, as he nodded in reply. “Are you and your brother the same person?”
“Well…kind of?” He replied, shrugging. “But he can get a little more crazy than me. Plus he’s got that whole middle child thing going on, so he always needs to be the center of attention.”
“Hey, I’m a middle child,” Riley faked offense, reaching out and nudging his arm.
“You said it, not me.” Matthew smiled, tilting his head to the side. “But really…siblings having their individual personalities aside…you guys aren’t that far apart in age, so I guess I just figured you’d be a little bit alike, you know”
“I don’t know,” Riley took a deep breath and sighed as she shrugged her shoulders and looked at him. “Claire will say it’s because of my Junior year prom date standing me up and going to prom with his ex-girlfriend– why are you doing that?”
“Doing what?” He asked, trying to fight back the knowing smirk that was already present on his face.
“Smirking,” she said, turning her body towards him and waving at his face. “You’re smirking and nodding like you just figured something out.”
“More like figured you out,” he replied, pulling himself closer to the ledge before letting go of the concrete and bringing his arms into his chest as he rested them on the ledge and leaned against them. “And I don’t think you’re as cynical as you think or want people to think you are. I just think you’re scared.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t know me.”
“No,” he replied, looking over at her. “But I’d like to…get to know you.”
Riley squinted as she held her arms closer to her and leaned against the ledge, almost copying him. “Why?”
“Well for one, I think it’s cool we’re from the same city–”
“Technically state, because you’re from boujee Chesterfield.”
“And second…I think you’re funny and I definitely liked how you were at the club.”
“Ohhhh,” Riley smiled, nodding at him. “So you liked how I didn’t fall for your little pick up routine, right? Let me guess…you like the challenge?”
Matthew didn’t smile or put that smirk on like she thought he would, like most men would the moment the challenge of picking up a woman was brought up. Instead he just stuck out his bottom lip partially and shrugged. “I don’t see you as a challenge because you’re a person…but you’ve piqued my interest and I’d like to get to know you better. Plus your sister’s dating my teammate so.”
Riley turned back towards him and leaned her left arm on the railing. “Well I hate to break it to you Matthew, but I really don’t see this happening. Relationships and I don’t really do well–”
“Oh? So you admit it?” He asked, raising both eyebrows as he turned towards her. “You want a relationship?”
“I– no, that’s not–” Riley huffed in frustration as soon as she saw him smile and then rolled her eyes in an effort to keep her own smile at bay. “Fine.”
“Fine what?”
“I’ll let you consider this our first date,” she replied, nodding at him before curling her upper lip slightly. “Though it’s not looking too good that you spent the first near two hours of our date smashing other guys into boards, plus the extra thirty minutes of waiting after…and not to mention you didn’t even give me a puck.”
Matthew laughed, a deep, belly laugh as he head leaned back just slightly before nodding and looking at her. “Okay, so I’ll have to make the second date better then. Don’t worry, I got it.”
“Wow. Already giving up on this one that you think it’s going to end badly? What? Afraid I’ll tell my sister how bad of a kisser you are when you try to kiss me tonight?”
That stupid smirk returned as he stood himself up straight and turned to her. Riley wanted to do nothing more than to kiss it off of his stupid lips and by the way he looked at her, he knew it too. “That’s the thing, I’m not kissing you tonight. Come on, let me take you home.”
“And why not?” Riley’s eyebrows furrowed as she grabbed her hot chocolate and followed behind him back towards the chairs. “Am I not kissable?”
He laughed again, finishing off his hot chocolate before tossing it into the trashcan, holding the slot open for her as she finished what remained of hers and tossed it in as well. “Oh no, you’re definitely kissable and I’m fighting every urge right now not to kiss you.” He led them up to the elevator and he pressed the button. “But my mom always taught me not to kiss on the first date.”
Riley hugged her arms closer to her, starting to feel the Calgary chill as the wind started to pick up. If she wasn’t so cold, she was sure that the shock of his statement would be frozen all over her face. Here he was, a 24-year-old bachelor living in a city that praised the ice he skated on. He’d had one night stands, he told her that, and yet she wouldn’t…couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact Matthew Tkachuk…didn’t kiss on the first date?
“I-well..that’s…” she paused, unsure of how to play off her shock despite her already failing so miserably to do so. “Sweet.”
Matthew smiled, nodding his head. “And if you let me take you home so you don’t freeze to death, I guarantee you’ll learn more about me on our second date…and maybe get a kiss at the end of that too.”
Riley scoffed, shaking her head and standing up straight as the elevator doors opened. “I’m not cold.”
“Say that to the shivering sound of your teeth when you were doubting my shooting star,” he reached out and rested his hand on the small of her back, nudging her into the warmth of the elevator first, keeping it there as he walked into the elevator himself, removing it once they were both inside of the elevator and he pressed the button of the floor they needed to go to and her back pressed against the elevator wall.
It didn’t matter though. She felt the warmth of his hand against her skin through both his jacket and her flimsy sweater the rest of the elevator ride, the car ride back to her apartment and when she was lying in her own bed.
At 11:59.
Tumblr media
DAY 43 – FEBRUARY 12TH, 2022 [ IT'S OFFICIAL ]
How the hell did I get here?
That’s a question Riley found herself asking herself anytime that she woke up in Matthew’s apartment. Whether that was on his couch or in his bed, she always wondered. And the question wasn’t asked in a “I got too drunk last night how the hell did I get here” way, it was more of a “how the hell did I end up waking up in the apartment of a man, most of the time not hungover or after a wild night out– but instead after receiving the text of ‘just landed, not tired, feel like coming over to watch a movie?’” Kind of way.
Only a handful of times in the last three weeks has she found herself waking up in his apartment with her head throbbing, her mouth dry from drinking and the taste of her drunken meal lingering in her morning breath. The rest of the time she’s woken up from falling asleep on the couch watching a movie or a show one of his teammates or his friends from home or his siblings suggested he watched, waking up in his bed curled up beneath his heavy comforter with her head sharing the space with his on his all-time favorite pillow.
But no matter how she ended up at his apartment or the circumstances behind how she fell asleep and where, the two things that were consistent every single time, were her wearing one of his shirts and that she always woke up with his arms wrapped around her. Unless, like this morning, he somehow woke up before her and she was greeted to an empty bed. But the smell of food and the sound of running water and pans clinking echoing from behind his closed bedroom door told her exactly where he was and what he was doing.
Riley got out of bed, turning towards the mattress and making her side of the bed up and looking up to see that he had already done it, even though he’s always made a joke at how the first thing she does when she wakes up in the morning is make the bed– even if he’s still in it. She walked over to his dresser, opening the third drawer which she knew had his gym shorts in it and pulled out a black pair before closing the drawer and then putting the shorts on, rolling the waistband once before opening his bedroom door and walking out into his apartment, immediately seeing him standing in his kitchen by the stove, his back facing her.
She walked over, feeling the cool of the wooden floor beneath her feet as she made her way through both the living room and dining room and into the kitchen, the tile even colder. She came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and standing up on her toes to rest her chin on his shoulder. “Whatcha doing?”
“Well good morning sleeping beauty,” Matt laughed, looking at her and lifting his right arm up to let her move under it so she was resting against his side. “I didn’t think you’d be getting up for another hour.”
“Mm, I smelled breakfast,” she smiled, looking up at him and leaning up to kiss him before turning back  and snuggling into his side. “Which I assume you’re making for yourself?”
“Ha ha, no,” he replied, rolling his eyes as he carefully switched the spatula from his right hand to his left and flipped the omelet. “I was actually going to surprise you with breakfast in bed. But seeing as you’re awake now, do you think you can go ahead and crack the eggs and scramble them for me so I can make mine once yours is done?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I kind of like the idea of breakfast in bed, sounds super romantic actually. Almost–” she paused as the word froze in her throat. Domesticated. ‘Almost domesticated’ is what she was going to say, but she couldn’t…wouldn’t, really.
Sure, it’s already been almost three weeks since that failed blind double date, turned…sort of first date for her and Matthew and maybe by now, especially with as often as they talked and how much time they spent together between her classes and his schedule, including just how many times post game they tagged along to a late dinner with Claire and Jacob or another player and their significant other…they never had a talk about being official. A “what are we” conversation has definitely happened, Matthew first brought it up one month in, stating that he didn’t want to just be a hook-up, but also wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship yet and her stance was the same. The conversation ended with no solid answer, but they both decided to continue with…whatever this was anyway.
Because then, she wasn’t quite sure what she wanted. A relationship was…a possibility in the cards, but at that point in time it didn’t feel like she could truly open herself up to one, especially one with him. Yet here she was, almost two months later and the word ‘domesticated’ almost came out of her mouth to describe the very action Matthew was doing– making them breakfast.
And for the first time since high school, she wanted to be in a relationship. More importantly, she wanted to be in one with him…but she’d gone along with not wanting a relationship he brought up first, so maybe it would be best to just play along with whatever they were doing until Matthew changed his mind.
And hopefully he changed his mind.
“Riles?”
“Hm?” She asked, shaking her head slightly before looking up at him.
“The eggs?”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” she nodded, unwrapping her arms from his waist and walking over to the fridge.
“Did I lose you there for a second?” He laughed, flipping the omelet again before picking up the pan and tilting it, letting the omelete slide onto the plate. “You kinda paused there.”
“Oh no,  just…brain fart, you know?” She laughed, grabbing two more eggs from the fridge before closing it, walking behind him and to his left where the bowl he’d previously used was. “I was just going to say that it was almost enough to make me really like you is all.”
Matthew snorted, nodding his head as he sprayed the pan again with some pam. “So what does that mean? You only like me?”
Riley looked over her right shoulder with a playful smile and shrugged. “Eh.”
“Eh?” He mimicked, shaking his head. “Does this mean I can cancel our having no plans and go out and catch up with the rest of the guys out at the simulated golf course today?”
She immediately turned around, eyes wide as she shook her head. “Wait no, you said we could just stay in today and relax since we’re going to that big super bowl party tomorrow,” she started to pout as he walked over to her, taking the eggs from her hands. “We were supposed to start One Tree Hill today.”
Matthew cracked an egg and dropped it into the bowel before tossing the shell into the sink, shrugging as he pouted. “Eh.”
“Matthew–” Riley barely spoke before he looked at her with that stupid smirk that always made her stomach fill with butterflies. He was never going to cancel their day in, he was only messing with her. She nudged him away, taking the remaining egg back and cracking it into the bowl. “You suck.”
He leaned in and kissed her cheek while simultaneously taking the bowl from her and handing her the plate with her omelete on it. “Eat your breakfast, I’ve already got the bread in the toaster so all you’ll need to do it toast it and butter it.”
Riley walked over to the toaster, pushing down the slots and then left her plate in front of it before moving just a little way over and pulling herself up onto the counter. “So…”
She paused again as she stared at the back of him, adding the cheese and spinach into his omelete. Again, she was asking herself the same ‘how the hell did I get here?’ Question that she’s been asking herself for weeks now. How, in the actual hell, did she go from cynical, romance is gross, jokingly telling Claire and Jacob to at least warn her before they were going to kiss in her presence, never getting the big hype about rom-com movies…to this? To waking up in bed with Matthew in mornings after nights where sometimes all they did was lounge on the couch and watch a new Netflix suggestion? To knowing her way around his apartment like she did her own? She had products in his shower, his clothes were hers, she kept a pair of shoes over here, he had almond milk in the fridge for her and her favorite cereal mingled in with his own. To him making her breakfast and planning on greeting her in bed with it?
It almost felt surreal, her entire situation. How did it all happen so fast, practically In the blink of an eye– like all of the rom-com’s Claire loved to watch every weekend– and she never even noticed it?
“Sooo?” Matthew echoed, bringing her back into reality as he looked over his shoulder. “Care to finish that thought?”
“I was just going to ask if you were prepared to enjoy the amazing, legendary show of One Tree Hill? And also that you can’t watch it without me, because I need to see your reaction to the most pinnacle stuff.”
“Is it really that legendary if I’ve never heard of it?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked over at her.
Riley rolled her eyes as their pieces of toast popped up. “Considering your only interests in life when the show was on air was hockey and oh wait…hockey!” She nudged herself off of the counter and smiled at him. “I would be surprised if you have heard of it.”
“Hey, I like to think that interest in hockey paid off, hm?” He said, turning the stove off before placing his omelete onto his plate.
“All I know is that if you’re on the wrong Scott’s brother team, I don’t know if we can be friends,” she said, taking the lid off of the butter and starting to butter the pieces of toast.
“Ouch, first I’m demoted to like and now we might not be friends?” He playfully scoffed as she put the toast onto his plate and cut it. “I guess I better not mess this up huh?” He whispered into her ear before kissing her temple and then grabbing both of their plates just as she put her toast onto her own. “Now come on, we’ve got hill trees to watch.”
“Tree Hill!” She groaned, taking the butter and putting it into the fridge. “It’s called One Tree Hill!”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, shooting her a smile over his shoulder. “Now come on, it’s time to start our day of relaxing.”
And they did. They had breakfast together, starting season one, episode one of One Tree Hill at 10:30 am…and almost twelve hours later and every bathroom break, pause to answer a question and door dash delivery in between…they were on season one, episode eighteen with five more episodes left of the first season.
For Riley, it was one of her personal favorite episodes– the Boy Toy charity auction episode– and despite Matthew thinking (and complaining) it was because of Nathan Scott walking out onto the stage and taking off his jacket to reveal ‘boy toy’ written across his very impressive abs– “I might not have a six pack but I’m better.” “He’s Nathan Scott…”– it was actually because of the growth Nathan shows and then the development of the lives of the other characters and the relationships.
Still…Nathan Scott shirtless also wasn’t that bad of a sight.
But right there on the couch was where they spent their entire day, lounging around in different positions unless it came to eating food, then they both sat up, but once they were done they went back down into whatever position they’d been lying in prior. And right now, the position they were lying in and had been lying in for the better half of the last two episodes since they finished dinner, had them both sharing the chaise of Matthew’s sectional sofa. Matthew was laying the full length of it, while Riley was too, except she had her head rested in his lap and her body curled up as she laid on her right side, her head resting on his right thigh where his hands had been alternating between playing with her hair or just simply running his fingers through it.
The fact that their entire day had been spent lounging around together and more specifically, that small action of him playing with her hair, wasn’t helping her brain to keep from focusing on the domestic dilemma they were in…or maybe it was just her, because Matthew looked like he had nothing going on except for everything in the moment. The dire need to know just what exactly their situation was, was bouncing around in her head so much, that she had completely missed the last five minutes of the episode, not realizing it until she felt him reach out with his right hand to grab the remote beside him.
‘What are we doing?” She asked, looking up at him.
“Um…watching the next episode of One Tree Hill?” He replied, looking confused as he paused the tv. “Unless you don’t want to?”
She felt her face heat up at the bluntness of her question without any context and Matthew must have been able to tell she was embarrassed about something, because he motioned for her to move closer to him as he sat himself up against the back of the couch. Riley felt like a puppy with its tail between its legs as she pushed herself up and carefully moved so not to lean too much against his lap, and ended up laying down between him and the arm of the couch.
“Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed?” He asked, nodding towards the tv. “Or did I completely misread your question?”
“I mean…I wasn’t really all that straightforward with what I meant,” she spoke nervously, her left hand resting on the material of his t-shirt and playing with the ripples in the fabric.
“I’m still not sure what we’re talking about here…” He replied, his eyebrows furrowing as he rolled the remote in his hand.
Riley took a deep breath and exhaled, pushing herself up onto her right hand as she leaned back against the arm rest. “I know…we talked about how this isn’t really an exclusive hook-up situation, but you also don’t know if you want a relationship right now and I don’t know. I have products in your bathroom, I keep an extra pair of shoes here, you’ve got some stuff at my place.”
She looked up from her twiddling hands and sighed, shrugging her shoulders. “I guess I just want to know what we are, because Claire’s got a big mouth and no doubt has told them something or referred to you as my boyfriend and I just really need to know what to tell my parents and well…everyone else when they ask…I guess?”
Matthew just stared at her and every passing second felt like it was dragging on and the longer he stayed silent, the more embarrassed she felt and wanted to play it off as if she was just sleep talking- though she knew that he wouldn’t believe it for a second.
“Okay,” he cleared his throat, readjusting his posture as he tried to turn his body more towards her. “I mean…I was going to wait till after Valentine’s Day to ask if you wanted to make it more official, because I know you hate Valentine’s Day–”
“I don’t hate Valentine’s Day,” Riley scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I just think it can be super cheesy sometimes, plus the whole,” she waved her hand aimlessly, “going all out on one day of the year and putting half-assed effort into a relationship the other 364 days is dumb.”
Matthew held back a smile as he looked at her. “Wanna date?”
Her face deadpanned as she looked at the now beaming Matthew, her heart racing within her chest. “Really? You ask like that?”
“Just kidding, but I’m also dead serious,” he replied, dropping the remote in his lap as he held onto one of her hands. “I’ve been really enjoying…whatever this has been the last two months, and I know I said I wasn’t sure if I was ready for a relationship…but I’m pretty sure now that I do. So do you want to change this,” he motioned between them with his free hand before resting his left arm back over the back of the couch. “Into us dating…officially?”
Now Riley was the one who sat there staring at him, only her mouth was slightly opened and the word, though she was dying to say it, sat there frozen on the tip of her tongue. “Riles? Now would uh…be a good time to answer?”
“Yeah?” She finally replied, before nodding her head as an unsure look crossed his face. “Yes, I mean yes.”
Matthew smiled and leaned in, pressing her against the arm of the couch as he kissed her before pulling back and looking at her. “I was going to do this the whole romantic way, you know? Flowers, chocolates, take you out to a nice dinner and I know you’re not a big fan of it, but will you also be my Valentine?”
Riley playfully scoffed as she rolled her eyes, leaning forward and pressing her nose against his. “If I must.” She kissed him again before pulling away and then patting his thigh. “Now back to One Tree Hill, we’ve got four more episodes and then we’ve finished season one.”
“Four?” He sighed, leaning his head back as she crawled back between his legs, laying back to where she was before. “We’re sleeping on the couch tonight aren’t we?”
She looked back at him with a smile and shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time. Besides, we have no plans until the afternoon, we’ll get some sleep.”
Matthew picked the remote back up and started the next episode before resting it back down onto the couch beside him. He reached forward, tugging on the blanket that she was using and making sure she was covered up enough before she felt him sink back down into the couch. Riley tried hard not to let the butterflies she was feeling in her stomach turn into her own self feeling antsy as she laid there thinking about the reactions of Claire and the rest of the WAGs tomorrow when they found out that Matthew and she had finally decided to date. And then she couldn’t stop her mind from spiraling about her parents, other friends, would things change between them or would the relaxing hangouts feel like more needed to be happening? All of this was so new to her. The last time she had a “boyfriend” was in seventh grade– and who really counted those? That wasn’t this– this was so different, this was–
And as if he knew she was starting to spiral inside of her own head, Matthew started to play with her hair again, alternating between running his fingers through her hair or rubbing her hair back and out of her forehead. Soon, the worried thoughts about what their current relationship would, should or could turn into and she felt her body relax into the couch and into Matthew as she watched the show on the tv in front of them. And when her body relaxed, her eyes did too and she found it hard to keep them open long enough to retain what was actually taking place.
She’d seen One Tree Hill all the way through multiple times, so she knew all about what happened in this episode. But it was the thought of experiencing it for the first time with Matthew that kept making her open her eyes despite the time in between getting longer and longer each time. But when she felt Matthew tug the blanket up just over her shoulders, brush the hair away from her face and lean down and kiss her temple, before sitting back up. She half expected him to pause the show and switch it to something else since she knew he wasn’t really all that tired.
Yet the last thing she remembered hearing was Nathan telling Haley he fell in love with her, meaning he had stuck with watching the episode even after he knew she’d stopped paying attention. And she could’ve sworn she heard the all too familiar opening of Gavin Degraw’s “I Don’t Want to Be” right before she really fell asleep, and the feeling of Matthew’s fingers still playing in her hair.
Calming the rapidness of the butterflies in her stomach’s wings…to nothing but a small flutter, leaving her feeling all warm inside.
Tumblr media
DAY 69 – MARCH 10TH, 2022 [ ARGUMENTS AND LATE NIGHT APOLOGIES ]
In both aspects, it would be right to say that just like their relationship, things were picking up fast in their day to day lives. For Riley, the end of her final semester of college was only two some months away and she found her days filled with coffee, power naps, study sessions with her classmates or Kelsey, papers and of course, Calgary Flames home games. For Matthew, the end of the season was approaching fast and it was he and everyone of his teammate’s mission to make it into the postseason after missing out the year before. This year felt like maybe they could do it, find the redemption from the 2020 bubble playoffs where they imploded.
Yet despite the chaos going on in their lives, everything in regards to their relationship felt almost too good to be true. Riley found herself staying over at Matthew’s apartment more often than her own, and on the nights when she would leave campus late and was too tired to make the drive to his, he’d drive over to hers and stay with her. They’d cook dinner together or order take-out, talk about their days and listen as the other vented about whatever it was that was on their mind or bothering them, then they’d either watch tv and fall asleep on the couch or go find some sort of solace in a bedroom.
Tonight was going to be the same as the last two weeks as well. Riley would go to class while Matthew went to morning skate, he’d go through his daily routine while she stayed on campus for other classes and hiding away in the library to try her best to knock out her homework and get a little more of her paper down. Then she’d meet up with Claire and Kelsey at Claire’s apartment and then they’d go to Saddledome for the game. It felt like any other night, really– but Matthew was stressing, despite Riley telling him that he didn’t need to.
“We’re playing Tampa, Riles. Everyone expects them to win because they’re back to back cup champs. It’s a big game.” Was what he said anytime over the phone or in text that she told him he just needed to relax and play his game.
Kelsey had left the library an hour earlier than planned so she could go home and have a dinner with Oscar before he left for the arena. While Riley stayed back in the reserved study room, stressing over her paper when she got an email from her professor that was sent to their entire class talking about how they needed to make an office appointment with her to present a second rough draft of their oral presentation.
The most important presentation of her life that she absolutely needed to pass in order to pass her Capstone and achieve her degree.
She probably should have left then. Followed the advice that she’d been giving Matthew for the last few hours and gone to her apartment to relax. Instead, she stayed in the study room and tried to balance her focus between her paper and her presentation. Her focus was by no means balanced evenly between the two, considering she spent a nice fifteen minute break in between crying over the stress before diving back into her notes and trying to wrap up her paper…and then the yawns came, which was maybe another time she should’ve decided to go home and rest before the game.
But she did was she always did whenever she found herself getting tired while studying. She set a short alarm to wake her up in ten minutes, the perfect power nap, and then she’d finish whatever she could before she’d leave for her apartment to get dressed and then meet up with Kelsey and Claire.
Except…that’s not how it happened. Instead of waking up ten minutes later, she woke up almost two hours later to her phone vibrating against the table and her face. She fully woke up the moment the call ended, practically jumping out of her seat when she saw the time and all of the notifications that she had from Matt, Claire and Kelsey. And then she saw the time.
The game had started 30 minutes ago.
She quickly collected all of her stuff and left the study room, rushing through the library while simultaneously ordering her uber to the arena, hoping that she’d get there with time to spare. Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long for an uber before she was on her way to the stadium, digging through her purse for the family lanyard and ticket Matt had given her when she came home for lunch. And after begging the arena staff to let her bring her backpack in and she was willing to drop it off with security just as long as they’d let her bring it in– she was allowed to do it, but it took quite the convincing with the security managers.
By the time she reached the seats where she saw Claire, Kelsey and a few of the other WAGs sitting, she was out of breath, felt extremely disheveled and probably looked like she was crazy.
“Where the hell have you been?” Claire asked, her tone holding 
“I fell asleep in the study room, I’m sorry,” Riley replied, moving by Kelsey and sitting down between the two of them. “I just got here–”
“You missed the first two periods, but they’re getting ready to start the third so there’s still some game for you to watch.” Kelsey added, nodding towards the ice.
“How’s he doing?” Riley asked, looking at them both before looking up at the score. “And we’re winning three to one, so that’s great!”
“He’s had a few shots on goal, but other than that he got an assist on Johnny’s second goal,” Claire replied, as the arena lights started to dim. “So good, but I’m sure it’s not what he wants to be doing.”
Riley sat there and paid as best attention to the remainder of the game that she could, hoping that Matthew hadn’t noticed her lack of attendance earlier in the game and that if he did, by some slim chance then maybe he’d notice she was here now. Johnny scored another goal late in the third, getting himself a hat trick and giving the Flames an four to one lead, resulting in a Flames win the moment time ran out of the buzzer signaling the end of the game went off. She stayed with the group of women as they left their seats to make their way down to meet up with the boys. Kelsey stayed with her as she met up with one of the supervisors who had her backpack and grabbed it before finally making her way down beneath the stadium, making it just in time before any of the players made their way out of the locker room.
Jacob and Matthew both didn’t do any post-game media, so it wasn’t that long of a wait for them to come out of the locker room showered and dressed back in their suits. Despite the big win against the back-to-back Stanley Cup Champions, Matthew seemed a little more down than he usually was after a win and Riley couldn’t help but think maybe it was because he somehow knew she was late to the game, even after she promised that she would be there. She tried not to dwell too much on that thought, because she knew it was an accident but also because she didn’t want the situation to turn into something bigger just when things seemed to be going so well.
Oscar got stuck doing media, so Kelsey gave them the go ahead to leave without her since she would be waiting. The four of them walked together, making their way to the parking garage where eventually, they said their goodbyes to each other and got into their separate cars. The drive home was quiet, but Matthew, like every other time they rode in a car together, had his right hand rested on her thigh, which was the only thing keeping Riley from thinking that the car ride was quiet due to him being upset. It’d been a long day and they were both tired.
Once they reached Matthew’s apartment complex, the two of them made their way to his apartment, side by side but not hand in hand, still in silence. But over anything, at least the physical distance between them wasn’t great. Every once in a while, their shoulders would brush against each other– and it was weird that Riley was finding some sort of comfort in that since everything inside of her was telling her that clearly there was some tension that wasn’t due to the silence. Matthew stood in front of his apartment door, unlocking it and then walking in, Riley following in behind him and closing the door.
She was paying attention to what he was doing for the reason that if she was wrong, then she would take the jump and ask him if everything was okay. Because Matthew had a similar routine every time they came back to his apartment after a game. He’d hang his keys up on the wall, then walk past the kitchen and place his jacket onto the kitchen table before taking his shoes off and then walking into his room to change over. Only the moment that he tossed his keys onto the bar counter and continued to walk into his room, she knew obviously something was wrong.
Riley let some space settle between them before she followed behind him into his bedroom, staying by the door as he tossed his jacket into the hamper he often took to get dry cleaned and started undressing before walking into his closet.
“Is everything okay?” She asked, walking further into the room and standing in front of his closet where he had taken off his shoes and was taking off his suit pants.
“Everything’s fine,” he replied, draping his belt onto a hanger and stepping out of his pants, bending down to grab them.
“Are you sure?” Riley asked, crossing her arms and furrowing her eyebrows as he took off his shirt and socks, carrying the clothes and walking out of the closet before dropping them into the respective hampers– dry cleaning and normal laundry.
“Yep,” he said, walking back by her again and going back into his closet, tugging on one of the dresser drawers. “Why?”
“You just seem off…I guess,” she replied, leaning against the closet opening.
“Nope, I’m fine,” he replied, shutting the dresser drawer and changing out of his briefs, putting on a new pair before looking at the clothes in front of him. “Everything is perfectly fine.”
It was one thing for her own brain to try and nag her about being late to his game and make her feel bad, but it was a whole nother thing for it to be Matthew to do the same. Clearly he was upset about something and was being sarcastic now that she was asking for it. And instead of arguing about it, Riley just wanted to say her piece and move on.
“If you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong then that’s fine, but you don’t have to be so sarcastic with your answers.” She replied, turning away from his closet and walking out of his room and over to the kitchen table, placing her backpack down onto it and starting to unpack so she could get some more work done.
She plugged her laptop charger into the wall and sat down in her chair, just as she heard Matthew come walking out of his room, zipping up his pair of jeans, stopping by the kitchen table and looking at her and laughing dryly. “Of course you’re doing more homework.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, turning in her chair. Matthew rolled his eyes, but not before he shook his head as if to brush her off. “No, don’t just shake your head and ignore me. What’s that supposed to mean Matthew, hm?”
“It means exactly what it sounds like it means, Riley,” he said, motioning towards her. “These last two weeks you’ve either had your face buried in your computer, in a textbook or in a pillow passed out because you’re too tired to do anything.”
Riley felt taken aback as she sat there on the kitchen table chair, crossing her arms. “What am I supposed to do, Matthew? Ignore my responsibilities and write halfass papers and homework that I have to do in order to get my degree?”
“No, but you can take a break every once in a while,” he replied, walking back into his room and leaving the conversation. “All you care about is writing papers or studying for tests or getting a perfect grade on your homework assignments.”
“I’m sorry for caring about my grades, but I spent a lot of money to get both of my degrees so I’m not going to do a halfass job on my assignments.” Riley stood up out of her chair and walked after him, seeing him grabbing a fresh pair of socks from the dresser his tv was standing on. “Not all of us have rich parents who could easily pay for our tuition. Some of us have to work for what we want.”
Matthew shook his head again and scoffed. “You’re not getting it, Riley.”
“What am I not getting then? Please, actually give me an answer instead of some sarcastic smart ass response and tell me what you’re problem is?”
“My problem is you knew how stressed I was about this game and how much it would mean to me for you to be there and you didn’t show up until the third period.”
“I–” Riley stared at him, blinking. “How did–”
“Claire texted Jacob when you called her and said you were on your way. Said that you fell asleep in the library.” He shook his head as he brushed by her and back out of the bedroom. “You work yourself down to the bone, Riley and I get it, you want to graduate top of your class and stuff, but tonight was important and I really wanted you there.”
“It was an accident, Matthew…” she spoke, following behind him and crossing her arms, hugging them tight against her. “I was only supposed to take a quick nap–”
“You could’ve left when Kelsey did. I know you guys were studying together because Oscar said that she had left and came home so they could have dinner together.” He cut her off, putting on a pair of sneakers, tying his shoes before standing back up and looking at her. “She made it to the game on time because she probably knew it was important to him.”
Part of her couldn’t believe that they were arguing about something so small. The other part understood that he was upset on her missing most of his game…but it was an accident. He should be understanding of that, because she could’ve just gone straight home and told him she couldn't’ make it to his game. But she still tried to go and she begged with the stadium security to let her bring her bag in so she didn’t have to go back home to drop it off and come back, only to miss even more of the game.
She still tried.
“I didn’t do it on purpose, Matthew. It was an accident,” she replied, standing there with her arms crossed. “And I still showed up. I could’ve gone straight home but I showed up because I knew you wanted me to be there and it was an accident. I didn’t purposely miss your game.”
“No, but you didn’t come and eat dinner with me either. You could have, but you didn’t,” he said, looking at her. “Do you realize how much time we’ve actually spent together in the last two weeks? Time where you weren’t on your computer or asleep at the table because you fell asleep working on homework? Maybe a day or two and that’s pushing it.”
It felt like they were going in circles, whatever it was that they were arguing about. She spoke, he spoke, she spoke again– round and round and no solution in sight. It was frustrating beyond belief, but she’d never been in this sort of situation before– fighting with someone she was dating, because she’d never had a relationship before…he was her first real one– so how the hell was it supposed to be handled? Did she let him complain and that was it? Just apologize and assume it was fine? Argue back and let her know that she didn’t do it intentionally? Every option that went through her mind, didn’t have a clear solution.
Which is why she ended up just arguing back with him, which probably wasn’t the best idea.
“I’m sorry for wanting to focus on the education I’m paying for, Matthew. I get that your hockey game was important for you, but you’ve got like twenty freaking more to make up for the one I missed. You’ve got more games and another season after this, I have this semester and then I get my degree. Of course it’s going to take my attention away, because it means a lot to me–”
“Oh, it means a lot to you?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “So what am I? Chopped liver?”
This time Riley was the one to laugh in disbelief, shaking her head as she brought her hands to her temples. “I can’t even deal with you right now. Do you even hear yourself? What do you want me to do, huh? Apologize? Because I am, I’m sorry I missed two periods of your game because I overslept in my nap after stressing about my paper and my capstone oral presentation to get a degree that means everything to me and my future. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see you get your assist on Johnny’s goal or God forbid, shove someone into a board. But I had a bigger priority and at least I still tried to go, I even had to beg the damn security supervisors to hold my bag so they would let me in and I wouldn’t miss your entire game.” She exhaled heavily, looking back at the blue eyed blonde. “So no, you’re not chopped liver, but right now you’re being a jerk and I don’t know if I want to be around if you’re going to keep acting like one.”
He stood there in his spot looking at her for a few seconds more before walking back into his room and coming back out a few seconds later, now with a jacket on over his t-shirt. He walked over to the bar counter and grabbed his keys, his back still to her.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going out to celebrate with some of the guys,” he said, keeping his back to her. “I wouldn’t want to bother you anymore while you do your work or make you hang around while I’m being a jerk.”
“That’s not–” she huffed, following after him as he headed towards the door. “That’s not what I–” Riley could barely get the words out before he was out the door, shutting it and locking it behind him and leaving her alone in his apartment. “Meant.”
Riley stared at his apartment door, hoping that he would come right back through it because he forgot something, because maybe then that could be another chance for them to settle their misunderstanding and not be angry at each other. But she couldn’t hear lingering footsteps on the other side of the door, nor was there any sign that someone was attempting to even unlock and open the door. She walked back over to the kitchen table, picking her phone up and unlocking it, calling Claire and bringing the phone to her ear.
“Hey Ri, what’s up?” She asked, music in the background.
“What are you doing tonight?” Riley asked, leaning against the wall, keeping her arms close to her.
“I’m going out with Jacob and the guys, we’re downtown at the bar!” She replied, slightly yelling into the phone a little bit. “Are you and Matt coming out?”
“No, well I mean, yeah,” Riley sighed, rubbing her forehead as she looked at her computer sitting there waiting for her to start working again. “He is, he just left. I…I’m tired so I’m just gonna crash here at his place.”
A few seconds passed and for a moment, Riley thought that maybe Claire hadn’t heard her. “You okay?” Big mistake number two tonight. Claire knew her well enough to be able to see through her lies even on a phone call.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Riley nodded, turning off the kitchen light and walking into Matthew’s bedroom. “Be safe tonight, have fun and I’ll talk to you later.”
“Alright, if you’re sure. Love you.”
“Love you too,” she replied, hanging up the call and then shutting the bedroom door behind her.
Today had been long and with that fight– their first ever– with Matthew, Riley found herself way too tired to sit down at the kitchen table and try to write her paper or go over her Capstone presentation. She grabbed some of the clothes that she had here before choosing one of his shirts from his year in the OHL with the London Knights as a top and made her way into the bathroom to take a shower. It was the best time to just let the stress and exhaustion wash away with the hot water and the soap. She contemplated sending Matt an ‘I’m sorry’ text, despite the fact that she had already apologized. She also contemplated calling Claire back and telling her that she had lied to her when she said she was fine, wanting to get her big sister's advice on how to deal with the situation since Claire was an expert in all things relationship.
But she did neither. Instead, after she got out of the shower, she brushed her hair and her teeth, got dressed and climbed into Matthew’s bed, turning his tv on and finding the Lifetime app she’d downloaded, clicking on Dance Moms and watching the old episodes until she found herself falling asleep.
Riley didn’t know how much time had passed or how long she’d been asleep, but she knew for a fact that she had been asleep because the cool chill from the room sweeping underneath the raised comforter and the movement of someone settling into the bed beside her had definitely woken her up. She grabbed onto the top of the comforter, tugging it back up above her shoulders as she rolled onto her left side and groaned at the disturbance.
“Riles,” Matthew whispered, placing a hand on her waist and rubbing the area softly. “Riles, are you awake?”
“No,” she mumbled, snuggling herself down into the mattress. “I’m sleeping.”
She heard him sigh as she felt him shift closer to her, the pillow she had her head resting on dipping down and then his hand moving up onto her right arm. “Can you wake up please? I want to talk…we need to talk.”
The thump of her heart against her chest when she heard those words was enough to wake her up enough for her heavy eyelids to start blinking. She reached out for her phone on the nightstand and tapped the screen to see the time. “Matthew, it’s 1:58 in the morning…this can’t wait for a few hours?”
“Actually no, it can’t,” he replied, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. “Please, Riles?”
Riley took a deep breath and exhaled, preparing herself for whatever this ‘we need to talk’ conversation was going to be and rolled over onto her otherside, coming face to face with Matthew. “You’re home early.”
“Yeah, well I wasn’t really having the best time,” he replied, keeping himself propped up onto his left elbow as he placed his hand back on her waist, keeping it there. “The guys kept ordering shots but I don’t know…I just didn’t feel like drinking.”
“You didn’t drink at all?” She asked, shocked.
Matthew sucked in his bottom lip as he shook his head. “Nope, I just kept having the bartender give me cups of water. I wasn’t in the mood to get drunk and celebrate, you know?”
Riley pouted, resting both of her hands beneath her pillow. “What? Are you going to say I ruined your celebration too?”
He chuckled softly, nodding his head. “I deserve that, I was a dick to you earlier and you didn’t deserve it. I know you still tried to make it to my game and I understand the pressure you’re under right now and it wasn’t fair of me to come for you like that about school.”
Still tired, Riley kept blinking and trying to comprehend what Matthew was saying. “Where’s this all coming from?”
Matthew looked at her, a nervous look on his face as he licked his lips and exhaled, closing his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again and looking at her. “I love you.” He must have seen the shocked look on her face even in the dim lighting from his tv screen because she could see his adam’s apple bob up and down with a nervous swallow. “I talked to Claire…well, more like she yelled at me–”
“I’m confused,” Riley said, starting to sit herself up.
“No, no, keep laying down,” he said, nudging her back down onto her side. “Claire asked me if you were really tired and I told her everything that happened and…well for one she chewed me a new one.”
“She tends to do that when she’s mad,” Riley nodded, keeping her focus on him.
“But she was right to do it, Riles, because she made me realize how what I said was unfair. I would have realized that by tomorrow or something…but she made me realize it sooner and then we got to talking about how this has been your dream since you were in middle school and you’ve been working your ass off ever since. And then she started doing that whole like therapist thing she does where she asks how you really feel–”
Riley laughed, tilting her head to the side. “She does that too. Pisses Brendan off more than anything.”
Matthew laughed softly. “Yeah, but uh…it works because she’s really good at it and she helped me realize that it wasn’t you being caught up in school or missing the first two periods of my game tonight that upset me, you know? It was me being so worked up about my performance and the game and then just…”
“Matt?” She asked, reaching out and resting her hand on his left bicep, squeezing it lightly and gaining his attention. “Breathe.”
He nodded, and took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m not mad about you almost missing my game, Riles. I’m a little upset you’re pushing yourself so hard on this school thing, but I understand that now, you know? But besides that, I’ve just…kind of been beating myself up inside about how I feel about you because…well…” He gulped again, looking at her. “I love you, Riles. I really do and it freaks me out because it’s only been a month and I didn’t want to scare you away or anything but I do. I love you and I’m tired of beating myself up about it and I told Claire that and she told me I needed to stop being an idiot and to come home and tell you, not her…so here I am. Stone cold sober and you don’t have to say it back, I’m not saying it to pressure you or anything but…well…yeah.”
Riley didn’t know how to reply. She’d only met Matthew officially for the first time in January. Sure, they’d been at events together, but that moment in the bar was the first time the two ever exchanged words. Then weeks after that night, they were on a set up blind date. Not too long after that, they were dating and now here he was, lying next to her in his bed and telling her that he loved her. Never in her life had she had someone who wasn’t a friend or family, tell her that they loved her. Sure, she’d had guys tell her that they liked her, but they never got to this point– this was uncharted territory.
Was familial love and relationship love the same? She knew she loved her parents and her siblings and her best friends, she recognized that feeling of love. But would it be any different for Matthew? She knew that she cared so much about him, just the same as she did her family and friends. But obviously, there was a difference and there were different ways that she cared for him than she did them. It was almost instinct for her to come over to his apartment instead of her own at the end of her day. She knew how he took his coffee and how he ate the same thing before every game. She knew where he liked to go on his days off if he wasn’t staying in bed. Whenever she felt anxious, just his touch alone could bring her at ease. Even just looking at him made her day so much bright. So does she love Matthew? Is that what all of these things that seemed to happen so fast in the last few months meant? Is that why she was absolutely terrified the first time that those three words slipped between his lips?
Yet when she looked at Matthew, that terrified feeling faded into the back, only leaving her thumping heartbeat in her chest in its wake and the temptation of saying those three words stuck on her lips. Her lips that were slowly turning up into a smile as she felt her cheeks heat up and her hand moved from his bicep up to his cheek, brushing her thumb against his beard.
“I love you too.”
Tumblr media
DAY 108 – APRIL 18TH, 2022 [ SPONTANEOUS VACATION ]
“I can’t believe that you’ve been here for two years and you’ve never been to Banff,” Matthew laughed, shaking his head as they moved up in the line, each with a coffee from the starbucks in hand.
“I’ve always been busy,” Riley shrugged, taking a small sip of the hot coffee. “Besides, Claire was adjusting to her job and didn’t have a lot of vacation time between settling in on the weekends. Then she met Jacob and I was not third wheeling with those two.”
“Still,” he said, shaking his head. “Banff was one of the first things I did when I moved here. My mom and I came here and it’s one of my favorite places to go.”
“Oh?” Riley asked, raising her eyebrow. “Is this where you take all of your dates too?”
Matthew rolled his eyes as he bumped into her. “No, I don’t take all of my dates here, you dork. But, it’s so peaceful, you know? Just all of the nature…when you live in the city, especially back home in St. Louis, you just kind of forget about how beautiful it can be.”
“Touching,” she sighed, resting her hand over her heart. “That was so beautiful, I’m going to quote you on that for my instagram caption.”
He threw an arm over her shoulder and pulled her into his side, keeping her trapped. “You’re such a brat sometimes, you’re lucky I love you.”
“Mhhm,” she agreed, looking up at him as she stood on her tippy toes and kissed his lips softly. “So lucky.”
In an extremely rare occurrence, the Flames had the day off. A previously scheduled game was now going to be rescheduled due to an amount of covid cases on their opponents team, leaving them with no enough players to play. Meaning that Matthew and the Flames didn’t have to travel until tomorrow morning, when they’d fly to Nashville. Matthew came home from what was supposed to be him leaving for Chicago and woke her up, telling her they’d just had a quick practice and that he was free for the rest of the day and that she should get dressed because he wanted to take her somewhere fun.
Somewhere fun turned into grabbing breakfast from Tim Hortons and then Matthew driving the hour and a half from Calgary to Banff, the two of them listening to music and picking the other’s karaoke song, every so often doing a duet. It was a nice break from homework and stress, her one day off of classes where she was planning on sleeping the entire day away– she was actually being swept off to some of the prettiest mountains in Alberta, their first trip together as a couple.
Having been here plenty of times before, Riley let Matthew take the reins on what they would do. They grabbed another coffee at the Starbucks inside the building that was at  the base of the mountain before getting onto the Gondola. She was mesmerized by the sights of the snow covered ground and trees as they rode up the mountain. Never before had she seen such an amazing, jaw dropping sight and begrudgingly, she told Matthew that he was right. It was a beautiful view and one that she had been so easily to forget had existed because of how she spent a majority of her time in the city in a classroom and with her face in a computer.
They walked hand in hand down the boardwalk, stopping every so often to take pictures or to just take in the sights. Matthew had gotten stopped every so often by other people who were enjoying the view, talking to him about the season and the team and asking for a picture. Riley wasn’t bothered by it one bit and she offered to take the picture for them if they wanted. It was nice seeing Matthew in his element. He was such a people person and so outgoing and talkative, but she also knew very well that shy and quiet side of him when it was just the two of them in the apartment and lounging on the couch watching netflix. 
By the time they made it to Sanson’s peak, Riley could feel her face start to go numb from the cold and she was fully curled up into Matthew’s side as they looked out at the view. Snow was actively falling and yet she couldn’t take her focus off of the stretch of peaceful and beautiful nature in front of them. It was magical, like she was standing in the middle of one of those Hallmark Christmas movies her mom recorded for all of them to watch when they were together on Christmas break.
“It’s beautiful, Matthew,” she said, looking up at him as her head was resting against his chest. “Thank you for bringing us here.”
“Of course,” he said, kissing the top of her Flames beanie of his that she’d taken to wear. “Beautiful views for a beautiful girl.”
Riley laughed, shaking her head as she nudged him. “You’re so cheesy.”
“Jacob said the same thing when he saw that picture of us from the Super Bowl party taped up in my locker,” he smiled, shrugging. “And then I called him out for the same thing because I know he’s got a picture of him and Claire in there somewhere.”
“You have a picture of us in your locker?” She asked, blinking slowly. “Really?”
Matthew nodded. “I’ve got pictures of my parents and my grandparents and siblings too…all of the people that I love and who mean the world to me.”
“You’re such a cheeseball,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face against his chest, reveling in the feeling of his arm around her as she looked out at the winter scene.
She always teased her mom and Claire for loving those Hallmark Christmas movies so much. There was something so ridiculous about the same storyline in different movies. Boy meets girl, girl ignores boy, some weird coincidence brings them together and they find that they’ve got a lot more in common than they thought and then the feelings start and everything seems so full of happiness and love. Then, the big climax of the movie, something goes wrong, but in the end it all works out. Every movie was so different, but also so similar. It was magical, romantic and now that she had Matthew…part of her understood why they loved those movies so much or why Claire seemed to always put herself all into her relationships.
Because here, right now with Matthew holding onto her as she stared out at the mountains and the trees with the snow falling around them, Riley had never felt more at peace than she did in this very moment.
Tumblr media
DAY 150 – MAY 30TH, 2022 [ A MOST IMPORTANT DAY ]
She’d been here before– sitting in a stuffy auditorium surrounded by hundreds of students, wearing a not so comfortable robe and shifting every so often in her chair to make sure that her butt didn’t fall asleep while she listened to the speakers talk. She had her bachelor’s degree, so she knew how a graduation ceremony would go and how long it could take, but right now everything felt so different.
Her gown wasn’t so different than the one she wore when she got her bachelor’s degree, aside from the velvet that lined the master hood. Her cap was the exact same, though this time instead of it being decorated with a nod towards her next journey to the University of Calgary like her cap had been when she received her master’s, this one was decorated with light blue scrapbook paper that covered the black of the cap, sticky flowers on the two side corners and in the middle, in white painted letters (thanks to Claire), was a quote from One Tree Hill, many she had scoured over what to pick, but one that Matthew was found.
“So for now I say goodbye to this chapter of my life and I look forward to what comes next.”
A cap that was decorated with Kelsey and Claire sitting at the kitchen table in Matthew’s apartment, Jacob, Oscar and Matthew sitting in the living room and drinking beer, relaxing and sulking slightly at the way their season had ended only four days earlier. And like she had been feeling the weeks leading up to graduation, Riley sat there feeling a sort of mourning for the community she’d be leaving behind once she went back home to St. Louis once she graduated– scared of leaving behind her friends and the unknown of her future.
It was a feeling she’d tried to hide that she was experiencing it, but one that Matthew had called her out on many times and she’d expressed to him her doubts and fears and overall worries…which is why he suggested that quote, and how easily it fit in along with all of the times he’d talked her off the edge of fear.
And while that feeling had been hanging over her the moment she woke up that morning in her own apartment, having had a sleepover with Kelsey so the two could get ready together before heading off to campus to prepare for the ceremony, once she heard them announce her name, hometown and degree and crossed the stage, the cheers of her friends and family and classmates echoing in her ears….she felt hopeful. All she could think about was meeting up with her family afterwards, seeing the smiles on their faces. She looked forward to playfully teasing her parents about wanting to take so many pictures. Sure, she’d experienced this all too familiar feeling before…only this time, there was a big difference.
She’d be greeting Matthew as well.
When the ceremony came to an end and the cheers and applause of her peers, their friends and families and faculty alike bounced off of the auditorium walls, Riley was one of the first students to make a beeline for where they were instructed to pick up their actual paper diplomas from tables set off to the side. She was fourth in line at her respective last name table, assuming the other three students were sat right on the aisle of their rows and her phone was going off, presumably her family group chat texting her on where they would meet her once she made her way outside.
With diploma in hand (well, in the leather diploma folder), Riley maneuvered her way through the crowds of students and guests who were still filed into the auditorium, eager to get outside to meet up with everyone. Her eyes were squinting the moment she stepped outside into the summer day, the cap that was still on her head providing no shade for her eyes, leaving her to shield them from the hot sun using her free hand as she tried to see if she could spot anyone familiar.
“Riles!” She heard Matthew call out, yet she didn’t see him as she looked around. “Riles, over here!” His voice was a little louder now, allowing her to figure out what direction it was at least coming from. She looked to her right to see Matthew waving his left hand in the air and walking over to her with a smile on his face. Immediately she noticed that he was wearing her favorite shirt of his– the lavender dress shirt– coupled with gray slacks and the YSL belt she jokingly teased him for wearing all of the time. 
Riley walked in his direction, quickening her pace the closer she got before she reached him and jumped in his arms, wrapping her own around his neck and pressing her face into the side of his neck as he wrapped his left arm around her, supporting her. “Did they ditch you? I thought you were supposed to sit with Claire, Jacob and my parents?”
Matthew placed her back down onto the ground, keeping his left hand at the small of her back as he leaned down and kissed her before standing back up. “Well, when Oscar and I finally got a parking spot, Claire said some lady threw a huge fit about them saving two seats, so we ended up sitting on a whole different side of the auditorium with Kelsey’s family.”
“I’m surprised Claire didn’t throw her down the steps.”
“She sounded like she was a few seconds away from doing that when we were on the phone, but I told her it was fine and that I’d meet up with them,” he held out the bouquet of white daisies and deep pink, along with red roses and smiled. “These are for you. I know you don’t really like roses, but my mom lectured me about how I couldn’t not get my girlfriend roses on such a big day.”
“They’re beautiful, Matt,” Riley took a small whiff of the fresh flowers and looked back at him with a smile. “Thank you, and I’ll be sure to tell your mom thank you as well.”
“Please, because I’m 90 percent sure my dad stopped her from lecturing me about how roses aren’t just roses and all of the colors have different meanings…it was a lot,” he took a deep breath as he rested his hands on his hips and sighed, shaking his head. “But enough about that, let’s go find everyone!”
Riley held his hand as the two of them made their way over to the meeting spot that her family had agreed on beforehand– about halfway between the parking lot and the auditorium– and she couldn’t stop thinking about how this was going to be the moment where Matthew would meet her parents for the first time. A bad case of food poisoning mixed in with traveling had kept them from meeting Matthew when they flew in the day before what would be the last game of the Flames season. Then with end of season stuff, exit media and the chaos of upcoming graduation– there was just never a free time for them to meet.
Until now, and now, she was absolutely petrified of them meeting. She wasn’t all that sure why, because she’d seen her parents meet Jacob and both of Claire’s high school boyfriends, not to mention Brendan’s girlfriend. She knew her mom would be just as welcoming and heartfelt as Chantal was when Riley had met her and she knew that her dad would immediately play the tough guy, only to melt seconds later. She knew it, she’s seen it– and yet she was more nervous about Matthew meeting her parents than she had been about potentially tripping on stage when she walked across it.
She snuck a look at Matthew from the corner of her eye who was talking about how he and Oscar had spent all morning making sure the catering was confirmed to be delivered to Kelsey’s parents house since they were hosting the party and how he had no idea how his mom ever planned an entire party or why she enjoyed planning them so much because he was stressed only because of food that he wasn’t even in charge of cooking. She felt her nerves waver away as she zoned in on how he was swinging their conjoined hands at a comfortable pace and had his other hand snug in his pant pocket, walking with total confidence and grace that just seemed to be so infectious that it was somehow washing over her.
“Riley Anne Thompson you little genius!” Claire yelled, easily gaining their attention. She was standing straight ahead of them just a few feet away and waving her hands in the air. “Get your butts over here!”
Matthew chuckled and Riley looked up at him with a pout. “Stop it right now.”
“I just think it’s funny, you know? Your initials spell rat and everyone thinks I am one,” he squeezed her hand supportively. “Almost makes it seem like it was meant to be, hm?”
Once they got close enough, Matthew let go of Riley’s hand and nodded at her to hand him her diploma and flowers so she could hug her family. She wasted no time greeting each of her parents with a hug before moving onto her brother and then both Claire and Jacob. When the congratulations and the hugs were done, she turned around with a nervous smile and walked the small distance where Matthew had been standing and stood beside him with a proud smile.
“Mom, Dad, this is Matthew, my boyfriend” she smiled, looking away from Matthew and over to her parents. “Matthew, my mom and dad.”
“Otherwise known as Elizabeth and Michael,” her mom smiled, breaking the distance and greeting Matthew with a hug. “And we’ve heard a ton about you from Claire and Riley both. It’s very nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, ma’am,” Matthew replied, hugging her before turning his attention to Riley’s dad as her mom pulled away from the hug, extending his hand out towards her dad. “And you too as well, sir.”
Riley swallowed the knot in her throat as she looked at her Dad, who, as predicted, was pulling his tough guy act with the squinty eyes and stone faced demeanor. She told Matthew not to be so polite and nervous, because she knew her Dad would see it coming from a mile away– and there they were…the slight awkward tension. She watched as her dad looked at Matthew’s hand and then back up at him before cracking a smile and reaching out to shake his hand.
“It’s nice to meet you as well, Matthew,” her dad said, adding another pure father moment by patting Matthew’s shoulder as well. “I’m glad to see that someone was finally able to break down those walls of Riley’s. I was starting to think that thing was going to surpass the great wall of China–”
“Michael!”
“Well, you survived the meeting,” Claire whispered, resting her chin on Riley’s shoulder and trying not to stifle a laugh. “Now all you’ve got to do is survive the party.”
“It’ll be fine,” Riley replied, shrugging as she looked back at Matthew who was now making small talk with their dad and brother. “I think they love him already.”
And things were fine, totally and beyond fine. Once they caught up with Kelsey, Oscar and her family, both groups made their way back to Kelsey’s parents home only a short distance away and from the moment they pulled up to the house and as the time ticked on, the party was in full swing. Riley got a front row seat to seeing her dad and Matthew talk about who knew what, but anytime she snuck a glimpse she felt her heart swell and she couldn’t help but smile and wonder if this feeling was what he meant by when he told her how much he loved seeing her get along with his mom and sister the first time they met and she sat with them at one of his games.
She sat back in enjoyment as she watched Matthew entertain some of Kelsey’s nieces and nephews with various yard games– limbo being the one where he dramatically fell to the ground to make all of the kids giggle because “you’re so bad at this! Look, it’s not that hard!” Or when he and Oscar gave a joint “proud boyfriend” speech after the proud parents had. How he and Jacob both accepted Bredan’s challenge of eating their wings the fastest, then proceeding to win and down her water when the heat got too much. Then getting her a refill, of course.
The drinks were flowing and as the sun started to set and everyone continued to have a good time, Riley was talking to Kelsey about their next steps. Kelsey had managed to get a job with a junior hockey team as a physical trainer in Calgary, following that she passed her certification and that she was also considering getting her PhD as well, though she wasn’t all too certain about that yet. She was excited for her friend to hear about all of the set plans that she had now that they had graduated, but Riley would be lying if she said she didn’t feel totally unprepared. Sure, she looked into jobs and applied. Some were here in Calgary, others were back home in St. Louis, but she’d yet to hear back from any of them. But she wouldn’t let that get in the way of how proud and happy she was for Kelsey. Especially since earlier before graduation when she saw her mentor, they had a conversation and her mentor said she would help look around for jobs she might be interested in.
Riley took a small sip from her beer bottle and was about to reply to Kelsey’s question about if she and Matthew had any summer plans when she saw the man of the hour himself come walking over from the back porch, smiling at her and making a ‘come here’ motion with his right hand as he held his beer in his left.
“It seems that I’ve been summoned by the needy boyfriend, so I’ll be right back,” she smiled, putting her beer down into the cup holder of her lawn chair and standing up, meeting him halfway as they stood by the bonfire. “Yes?”
Matthew held out his hand and nodded at it. “Grab my hand,” he brought his bottle up to his lips as he took another sip, watching and waiting for her to grab his hand.
“Why? What’s the trick?” She asked, hesitantly reaching her hand out.
He huffed, letting his smile fall as he looked at her. “Just grab it.” Riley placed her hand on his, eyeing him suspiciously as he just smiled and held her hand before pulling her closer and wrapping his left arm around her waist, looking down at her. “Gotcha, now you’ve gotta dance with me.”
“Matthew,” Riley whined, leaning her head back as she pouted. “You know I don’t like slow dancing.”
“Yeah, but I also know that you like slow dancing when it’s with me,” he smiled, nodding at her. “Now would it kill you to act like you love me and put your other hand on me?”
Riley smiled, shrugging. “It might.”
“You’re a brat.”
“Where do you think I learned it from?” Riley replied, rolling her eyes as she rested her right hand on his arm.
“Claire,” he replied, the two of them laughing soon after before letting it fade out as they both just swayed back and forth. “Oh look, I started a trend!”
Riley looked around them and saw that Oscar had grabbed Kelsey to dance, the same with Jacob and Claire and the parents. She shook her head, looking back at him. “Maybe everyone just got tired of standing around.”
“Orrrrr,” he smiled, stepping back and twirling her unsuspectingly. “They think we’re a cute couple and it’s super romantic and they too want to be cute and romantic.”
Riley just laughed as he brought her back into him, fanning his hand out against her back. “Okay, whatever you say.”
The two of them swayed there, Riley feeling herself start to relax against Matthew’s chest and starting to focus on the sound of his heartbeat echoing inside of his chest. “So are you going to tell me what had you so upset?” Matthew spoke quietly just so they could hear.
“Hm?” She asked, keeping her eyes closed as she zoned back in. “I wasn’t upset.”
“You looked upset while talking to Kelsey. That’s why I came off of the porch and swept you off your feet with my incredible dance moves.” He leaned himself back to look at her and tilted his head to the side slightly. “So?”
Riley opened her eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled, shrugging her shoulders. “We were talking about what we were going to do now that we were done with school and she was telling me about all the stuff she’s got set in stone and planned and I don’t know…I just felt,” she paused, shaking her head. “Nevermind, it’s dumb.”
“No it’s not,” he replied, looking at her. “Your feelings aren’t dumb, Riles.”
“It’ll just make me sound like I’m jealous that she’s got all these plans set in stone, and maybe part of me is because I’ve applied to five jobs and haven’t heard a single whisper of news. But I’m not jealous, not really…I’m proud of her and happy for her because she’s my friend.”
“But you wish you had some sort of plan set in stone?”
“Exactly,” she mumbled, pouting slightly as she looked over to where Kelsey and Oscar were at. “But more than anything I’m happy for her, you know?”
“You’ll hear back soon, Riles. I just know it,” Matthew said, pulling her closer to him again. “And they’ll be lucky to have you.”
Riley rolled her eyes again in a playful manner as she tried to fight back her smile. “You have to say that, you’re–”
Matthew leaned in quickly, pressing his mouth against hers and cutting her words off with a kiss, pulling back just barely before kissing her two more times, smiling more into each one before he pulled back completely, a smile on his face as he rested his forehead against hers and looked into her eyes. “Anyone would be lucky to have you work for them, Riles. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your boyfriend. I mean it. You’re a catch, got it?”
Riley smiled, nodding her head. “Go it.”
“Good,” he replied, kissing her forehead before Riley moved her head down to his chest again and he held her close once more. “It’ll all work out, Riles. Everything you want in your life…it’ll all work out. I just know it.”
She smiled as she snuggled her head further against him, taking in the smell of his cologne and closing her eyes. She could picture it so easily– her working in her dream field, coming home from a day at work to their shared apartment, more vacations in Banff, matching playoff jackets with her sister and Kelsey…a life with Matthew at home in St. Louis and in their seasonal home in Calgary. She had been filled with so much self doubt just minutes earlier, but with Matthew’s assurance, she believed it could come true.
Tumblr media
DAY 184 – JULY 4TH [ CURRENT DAY ]
“Ri?” Claire said, her voice sounding distant. “Riley!”
“Huh, what?” Riley asked, zoning back out of her thoughts as she looked at her sister who had finally stopped shaking her shoulder.
“I said we’re here.”
Riley looked out of her back passenger window to see the all too familiar apartment building. The knot that was in her stomach was now extending up to her throat as she stared at the building that Jacob was pulled up in front of, unable to get her brain to tell her hand to reach for her door handle to open the door and let herself out.
“You don’t have to do this right now, Ri,” Claire spoke softly, resting a hand on top of hers and giving it a light squeeze. “Jacob can always do it.”
“Yeah Riley,” Jacob spoke from the driver's seat, nodding his head as he turned slightly to look at her. “I can just drop it off for you when we go back to the apartment after dinner. I’ll drop you guys off and then come back here.”
The offer was enticing and for a moment, Riley considered taking it. But only for a moment, because it wasn’t just dropping it off that she needed to do, there was something else she needed to go if she was going to survive the rest of her summer and the months that followed.
She cleared her throat, shaking her head and exhaled. “No, that’s okay I–” she turned away from the window and looked at Claire, Jacob and Brendan. “I can do it.”
Brendan looked at Claire before looking back at Riley. “Are you—“
“Yes, Brendann…I’m sure.” She pulled on her door handle and opened the door, making sure she had her purse before she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car and stepping out into the sidewalk. “I’ll be right back and please…just stay here?”
They nodded and she shut the door behind her, turning back around and staring up at the apartment building she’d been to so many times. It was hard to believe that this would be the last time that she walked through those double doors and greet the receptionist behind the counter with a smile. If she remembered correctly, Shannon would be working today. She’d come to know all of the people who worked behind the desks' names, even from the few months she’d been around. They almost became like good friends to her, so it was weird that this would also possibly be the last time she ever saw any of them again.
Nervously, she pulled on the door handle and walked into the lobby of the apartment building, seeing that no one was standing behind the desk which she was extremely grateful for since that meant no awkward conversation was needed. She quickly walked across the lobby and towards the elevators, pressing the up arrow and sighing in relief when the doors opened immediately. She walked into the elevator, shutting the door behind her and holding the key fob against the scanner that allowed the elevator to move up to the residential floors before pressing number ten. The elevator moved slowly and she crossed her arms, hugging them to her chest as she leaned against the corner thinking about the last time she’d been in this building.
Two days ago in fact, and part of her didn’t want to come back here so soon but she knew that she was leaving Calgary tomorrow morning and while she could do what she was doing simply by mail…she couldn’t bring herself to do it. It seemed so impersonal, which things had never been.
Matthew’s family had come up to Calgary to take in some of the summer sights since the season was over. Riley loved his family and how down to earth they all were. She especially loved seeing the natural chirping and playful teasing between Matthew, his brother and their dad. His brother, Brady, had brought along his girlfriend and it was a short vacation in Calgary before everyone was headed off to Greece for their annual family vacation. A vacation that Riley would be joining, and one she was hesitant to when Matthew had originally invited her along because it was a family vacation and they’d only started dating. But he had said that he was going to ask her anyway after checking with his parents, but his parents beat him to the punch when his mom had asked publicly in the family group chat if he was going to bring her along.
Riley did insist on paying for her part in the trip, but both of his parents refused to accept her part, and she bargained to at least pay for her plane ticket— which she did. They were all out to dinner when Riley had stepped out because she’d gotten a missed call from her mentor. So she excused herself from the table and went outside of the restaurant to listen to the voicemail her mentor had left behind and when she was done listening to it— she stood there in disbelief.
The job her mentor had her apply for, one that Riley thought there was no chance in the world that she could get…well, she got it. Her mentor had called her to tell her that their contact with the hospital said that she had been chosen as one of the two other applicants to be hired to fill the pediatric occupational therapist positions they had available and thought she would pass the word on before they had sent her the official email, which she would get the next morning.
It was hard to explain how excited she was about the news. It’d been a little over a month since she’d graduated College and had yet to hear back from any of the jobs she applied to and yet there she was— getting her first piece of good news from the job she never thought she’d get hired on for. And then the nerves set in— Boston. She’d obviously have to move away from St. Louis and away from Calgary. And as she made her way back to dinner, she determined that she was too nervous to share the good news with everyone at the table. Because while announcing that she got a job was good news, announcing that she would be moving states away from her boyfriend didn’t seem like it would go over as well.
So…she saved the conversation for that night as her and Matthew were getting ready to go to bed. She had settled for the night before he did, he was still walking around his room and getting stuff ready for both his move back down to St. Louis for the summer, but also making sure he had whatever stuff he’d be packing for the trip to Greece later on. By the time he got into bed, he closed his eyes and just laid there, exhaling before opening his eyes and looking at her.
“What?” He asked, head and upper back leaning against his headboard.
“Hm?” She replied, zoning back in on him. “I didn’t say anything.”
“No, but you’re staring at me.” He laughed, resting his hands on his stomach and interlocking his fingers. “I know I’m hot, but try not to get your drool all over my pillow, hm?”
Riley rolled her eyes and laughed. “I’ll try not to.”
He smiled softly, lolling his head to the side and looking at her. “But really Riles, what’s up? You’ve seemed…off all night, since we got to and left dinner, actually.”
She rested her own hands on top of the comforter, twiddling with her thumbs as she thought about what she was going to say. Her immediate thought was to just tell him that she was tired, because tonight had been so, so good and fun and relaxing, she didn’t want her announcement to make it all crash down. But she knew that wouldn’t be fair to him for her to tell him any other time than now, because after all…she didn’t know when it was that she’d need to move to Boston.
“Remember the group of jobs that my mentor had me apply for? And I told you there was one that was way out of my league and I didn’t think I’d get it, but she had me apply anyway?” Riley spoke, looking at her hands.
“Yeah, did you hear back from any of them?” He sounded so nonchalant and the fact that he wouldn’t see this coming was enough for the familiar feeling of prickling tears to start to form in her eyes.
“I did, right before dinner. She called and uh, well…I got the job that I didn’t think I’d get,” she said, swallowing the knot in her throat as she looked at him. “The one in Boston…I–I got it.”
He sat himself up, a big smile on his face. “What? Riles, that's awesome!” He reached over and draped his arm over her shoulders, tugging her into him as he hugged her, pulling back and looking at her again. “I’m so proud of you, this is great! Why didn’t you say anything at dinner? That’s something to celebrate!”
Riley just stared at him, not wanting to say the words. The silence spoke what she couldn’t say and like a movie, she watched the realization dawn on him and if hearing him be so excited for her and proud of her wasn’t enough to make the burning feeling of tears in her eyes stronger, it was seeing his proud, beaming smile start to fade. Back when she had applied for jobs, most of which were either in St. Louis or Calgary, they had a conversation about what they were going to do with their relationship. Matthew had done long distance before and in his eyes, it was just something that never worked out, even if both parties tried their best to make it work.
St. Louis was one thing, but Boston was another. He lived in St. Louis three to four months out of the year. If she stayed there, things could have been easier, just like they would have been easier if she got a job in Calgary. But Boston? Sure, he had family there, but they only visited once or twice a year, many times in the summer. The summer was his time to relax at home with his friends and family, catch up on what he missed while he was in Calgary for the previous eight to nine months. It wasn’t realistic to ask of him to sacrifice any time at home, to spend his summer with her in Boston so they could have time together too.
The thought of the end had been in her mind the moment what Boston really meant had sunken in as she had walked back to their dinner table earlier.
This, her and Matthew, the last five to six months– it was done.
“Say something,” she whispered, feeling her bottom lip tremble as the tears blurred her vision. “Please?”
“Do you know when you have to be there?” He asked, clearing his throat as he tried to wipe away any sign of disappointment that she’d already seen.
Riley shook her head, sitting herself up fully and sitting criss cross applesauce, keeping her hands rested in her lap. “No, I’ll probably find out tomorrow because that’s when I’m supposed to get the official email.”
“Well, we can hold off for a few months until you have to move, right?” He nodded, clearing his throat again before taking a deep breath and exhaling, placing his left hand on top of her hands. “Unless that’s something you don’t want to do? What do you want to do, Riles?”
Oh, he must’ve seen her reaction to that suggestion. It wasn’t a bad one, but it wasn’t an eager nod…it was more of a frown, like she knew it wasn’t going to work. “I don’t know,” she spoke softly, holding onto his hand as she looked at him. “Any chance your whole view on long distance relationships changed?”
The shake of his head was subtle, but enough to send her heart plummeting in her chest. There was no holding back the tears that had been filling her eyes from falling down her face as the reality sank in. How was this the way everything was going to end? Why were these cards handled? What kind of being running the universe would put them on the other’s path and then split them to go down separate ways just when everything was going great? Neither of them wanted to end their relationship, but there was no way that would work out for them if they chose to stay in it? The hopelessness of it all felt like it was pulling her down and she was clawing at the surface for small gasps of air so she could make it through this unscathed.
“I–” he paused, clearing his throat as he kept his focus on their hands, an intense focus that Riley recognized as his attempt not to cry. He kept that same focus the first time they watched Dear John together, because she’d never seen it.
She bawled like a baby, he came close to, but was trying very, very hard not to.
“I don’t want you to not be excited about this,” he spoke slowly and clearly, trying to keep his voice clear from emotion. “Because this is big Riles, this is what you’ve been working for. And I know that right now, this…this sucks, but this is what you want to do, you know? This job…this is it.”
Riley sniffled as she reached up with her left hand and wiped away the tears from her cheeks. “I don’t want to– this,” she sniffled again, shaking her head. “I don’t want this to e-end, but Matt–”
“I know,” he said, breaking his concentration on her hands and looking at her, tears in his eyes. “But I would be doing you a huge disservice if I let this continue on, because Riles…I don’t want it to end either, but I’d rather it end where we both still love each other than rather we try to stick it out and we end up hating each other because the distance doesn’t work.”
Tears continued to roll down her face as her mouth trembled. Matthew reached up with his left hand and wiped her cheeks before keeping his hand against her cheek. “I can’t even imagine a life where I don’t think you’re the greatest person in the world.”
She leaned herself over into his arms, curling up against his chest and letting him wrap his arms around her as he held her while she cried. The sobs were quiet, as she didn’t want to wake up Taryn, who was sleeping on the couch just outside of his bedroom door, but they were heavy sobs escaping from the depths of her chest she hadn’t even known existed. Sobs that were shaking her body as they exited her mouth and vibrated against his chest where she had her face pressed into his shirt. Matthew just held her, resting his cheek on top of her head and rubbing her back, letting her cry as he tried not to let her know he was crying too. But she could hear the difference in his breathing and feel the deep vibrations in his chest from him trying his best to hold in his own, small sobs.
Once they both calmed down, she pulled herself out of his arms and wiped her eyes with her hands, sniffling and looking at him. Only the moment he made eye contact with her, the waterworks were working again. “It’s just a right person wrong time, thing Riles. We’ll figure it out,” he said, reaching out and tucking hair behind her ear. “These things always work out, you’ve read enough of those books of yours to know this.”
“I love you,” she sniffled, wiping at her eyes as the tears kept falling.
Matthew smiled softly, leaning in and holding his right hand at the back of her head as he kissed her forehead. “I love you too, Riles.” He rested his forehead against hers before kissing it again and then pulling back with teary eyes and his dimpled smile. “Does this mean Taryn and I are about to fifth and sixth wheel our parents and Brady and Emma’s Greece vacation?”
Riley laughed, sniffling again as she nodded. “Probably. I don’t think…I mean, Greece it wouldn’t–”
“Relax, Riles…I understand,” he nodded, his smile falling into a smaller one. “But hey, just because we’re not dating anymore doesn’t mean we can’t still try to be friends, right?”
God, hearing the word friends was so heart crushing, even if she’d known this possibility was in the running. “Does that even work?” She asked, wiping her nose. “In the movies it alway goes wrong–”
“Well, we wouldn’t try to be friends right away, because that definitely wouldn’t work,” he said, shaking his head. “But…maybe we can try to take a break for a bit from talking to each other? A month or two? Then we can try to talk on a friendly, non-romantic, I want to rip off your clothes and jump your bones, basis?”
This time Riley laughed a genuine laugh. The stomach cramping, butterflies laugh only Matthew could make her do. “You’re a dork,” she smiled, nudging him as she settled down and took a deep breath, exhaling. “But yeah…I guess we can try that. There’s no harm right? And it should be easy. We became friends before dating–”
“Well, technically I tried to make friends with you at the bar and you shut me down.”
“You were flirting with me from the start, don’t even try it,” she smiled, pointing at him before letting her hand rest back into her laugh with a sniffle. “But really, Matthew…I want to try it. Because this,” she motioned between them. “This friendship and relationship felt really special, and I don’t want to lose that.”
“It’s a deal then,” Matthew smiled, extending out his hand for her to shake. “A month with no contact whatsoever, and then we’ll come back and try to be friends, right?”
Riley looked at his hand, realizing that if she shook it, it would seal the deal on her relationship with Matthew ending. But she meant what she said, this was special and she didn’t want to lose it. So she grabbed his hand and shook it, nodding her head. “It’s a deal.”
“Great,” he smiled softly, still shaking her head.
“Great,” she replied, feeling him squeeze her hand before he let it go. She took a deep breath and exhaled, feeling the dried tears on her face and the congestion in her nose from sniffling. “I need a shower, I feel all…gross.”
Matthew tossed his blankets to the side, nodding his head. “I’ll set you out a towel and start it for you. You can toss your stuff in the hamper and–”
“Can you wash my hair for me?” She asked, getting out of bed and following him into the bathroom. “Just one last time, please? We don’t have to do anything, but–”
“Of course, Riles,” he nodded, smiling as he opened the shower door and reached in, turning the water on. “You know I’d do anything for you.”
The ding of the elevator brought Riley out of her thoughts and she looked up to see the red 10 signaled on the screen, meaning she’d finally reached the floor where Matthew’s apartment was. She stepped off of the elevator and dug into her purse to find her copy of his apartment key, grasping the red rubber spiral keychain that the key was on in her hand hard enough to where she could feel it leaving an imprint in her palm. She felt herself start to slow down as she reached his apartment, her feet feeling heavy and her heartbeat slowing in pace until she found herself face to face with his door.
She knew he wasn’t home, Jacob himself said that Matthew was out with his parents doing some sightseeing until later tonight. They’d be flying out the day after tomorrow, when Riley would already be back home in St. Louis. She was thankful that they weren’t all flying out the same day. It was awkward enough yesterday morning after she’d left before breakfast and Matthew was left to tell Taryn and then his parents, Brady and Emma alone about why she had gone and how their relationship was no more and she’d no longer be in attendance on their family vacation. She really didn’t need to have a run in on the same flight either.
Riley pulled the key out of her purse, unlocking the door and opening it. She paused in place, listening in for any sound of life within the apartment, just in case the plans had changed, but she was greeted with silence. In relief, Riley walked into the apartment and shut the door behind her, turning back to face the open apartment and standing in place. Matthew had given her some time yesterday afternoon to come by with Claire and grab the stuff she had here, so she knew nothing of hers was here– but it still felt like home.
There wasn’t a single space in this apartment that she could look at and now have some sort of memory or picture a moment that she and Matthew had shared. She slowly walked further into the apartment, bypassing the bar counter and the kitchen table where she had opted to leave what she came to leave, there. But instead, she made her way to his bedroom, not wanting it to be so public whenever it was that he came across it. At least here, he would have some privacy.
She walked over to his bed and placed her copy of his apartment key down onto the blue comforter, reaching back into her purse and pulling out an envelope with his name on it. Inside of it was a letter that she’d written to him. It talked a lot about how she was thankful that he’d come into her life and that she was sorry for ignoring him that night at the bar. It brushed over the memories that they made and how much fun she’d had in the few short months, even describing how those months felt like a lifetime in the best possible way. She had signed off with a ‘see you in a month, I promise I won’t ignore you this time when you try to be my friend’ and a smiley face followed by a simple signature of her name, ‘Riley.’ But at the very bottom of the letter was a separate sign off. A p.s. note that she felt, despite their attempts to be friends, she felt was needed.
“P.S. Thank you for showing me how I deserved to be loved. Just know that you will always be the first guy I’ve ever genuinely and rightfully loved. Love Always, Riles.”
She pulled one last thing out of her purse, the copy of ‘Dear John’ that she had bought after he made her watch the movie. As someone who almost always preferred to read the book first before watching any tv or movie adaptation, Matthew insisted that she forgo the whole process and just watch the movie with him. Little did he know, she was already ordering it off of Amazon and read it in one sitting once it arrived at her apartment. On the cover, she left a sticky note with a simple message of “now read the book, i promise it’s just as good :)” followed by a bunch of page numbers, but only two of which were highlighted, simply because they were two of her now favorite quotes that just seemed oh so fitting for their situation, ironic too since it was one of his favorite movies.
“In our time together, you claimed a special place in my heart, a place that I will carry with me forever and that no one can replace” and “Our story has three parts; a beginning, a middle and an end. And while that’s how all stories play out, I still can’t believe ours didn’t last forever.”
Cheesy? Sure, but she knew that he would find some appreciation for it. Once she made sure that he would be able to find them, she took a deep break and looked around the room one last time. This was where everything had come to an end, in this very room. Where she cried and cried until she fell asleep on her last night here in his arms. It should hurt her heart being in this room, but just like stepping foot into his apartment…it felt like home. A warm, fuzzy feeling was inside of her chest, trying its best to cover up the ache and the heaviness she’d been feeling nonstop since later Saturday night. She closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath before opening them and exhaling, taking the first step to walk out of his room and not letting herself stop and slow down to take in the apartment one last time, because then she knew she would have the hardest time trying to leave.
When she opened the door, she turned the small lock on the inside doorknob so the door would lock behind her and she paused in place. It was hard trying to convince herself not to take one last look, but she caved in, wanting to say goodbye even just in her mind to a place that’d become a safe place for her. She only allowed herself a few moments before she walked out of the apartment and shut the door behind her, making sure that it was locked. Then, she booked it like hell to the elevator, never taking another look, not even when she got into the elevator, forcing herself to stand in front of the buttons as she pressed the lobby button, her lack of having the key fob keeping her from going onto any other floor, even though she wasn’t going to.
The moment the elevator doors opened on the lobby, she kept her focus straight ahead where she could still see Jacob’s car parked out front. She bypassed the still empty receptionist desk and quickened her pace, feeling her heart race in her chest as she pushed open the door and walked out into the summer heat, the sunlight hitting her face and making her squint her eyes. Her chest was rising and falling fast as if she was suffocating with the memory she was leaving behind as she left the apartment one last time. And once she stood outside, she was able to take a deep breath, feeling her chest fully expand and deflate as she exhaled.
“Hey Ri, you good?” Brendan asked, his window rolled down as he now sat in her seat.
“Yeah,” she nodded, taking a deep breath and exhaling again before turning back and looking over her shoulder at the apartment building, her eyes instantly going to where the tenth floor would be. “I think I will be.”
Tumblr media
DAY 203 – JULY 22ND, 2022 [ TRICKED RECONCILIATION ]
“I already told you earlier” Riley said, looking at Claire and Brendan as she laid her book down onto her stomach. “I don’t want to go and you can’t make me. I’m literally 24-years-old.”
Brendan snorted, leaning in her doorway. “I told you she wouldn’t go, I don’t know why you bothered trying to–”
Claire turned around to face their younger brother, pointing at him. “Go wait in the living room, we’ll be right out.”
“Fine,” Brendan held his hands up in defense as he stood up straight and turned around and walked down the hall and eventually down the stairs and out of view, leaving just Riley and Claire there in Riley’s room.
Claire double checked to make sure he was out of sight before she closed the bedroom door behind her and then made her way over to Riley’s closet. “You’re wasting your time, Claire–”
“No, you’re wasting your time,” Claire replied, opening her closet doors and skimming through the clothes. “I know you’re still upset about the way things ended with Matthew but you leave for Boston in a month and a half and you haven’t done anything besides lay in bed and read your books since you got home from Calgary.”
“I’m not upset about Matthew,” Riley said, resting her book down and staring at Claire. “I mean sure, it’s not all sunshine and daisies, but I’ve accepted that life isn’t fair and the situation overall sucks but there’s nothing that I can do about it. I did my crying, I’ve accepted it and now I’m just going to wait until it’s time to leave for Boston and enjoy my favorite things while I do.” She picked her book back up and turned the page. “Now get your nose out of my closet and go to that party.”
“Ri, I love you a lot. You’re my sister and my best friend, we’ve spent our entire lives together. We grew up together and we know each other better than anyone else in this world. So I don’t know why you think you can pull this ‘I’m fine’ bullshit over on me. Because if anyone knows you’re not fine, it’s me.” She grabbed an off the shoulder shirt and tossed it at Riley’s feet, a pair of jeans following after and then she closed the closet and walked over to her dresser, grabbing a strapless bra and adding that onto the pile. “So get up, get dressed and meet Brendan and I out in the living room in ten minutes or so help me God, I will drag you out of bed and to the party looking exactly like this, by your hair.”
Riley sat there as she watched Claire open the bedroom door and walk through it, shutting it behind her once more. On one hand, she knew Claire was right. Her time here at home was dwindling down fast and before she knew it, she’d be in her new apartment in Boston, alone. But on the other hand, she just wanted to spend her time, especially at night, doing the things she enjoyed. Things that filled her time and preoccupied her mind from drifting off onto wondering what Matthew was doing or how their vacation to Greece went. If he was back home now or if he went off on another trip with friends.
She bookmarked her page and set the book off to the side before tossing her blankets off and getting out of bed. Grabbing the clothes Claire had set out, Riley changed over to the jeans and shirt, getting dressed into real clothes that weren’t sweatpants and a t-shirt for the first time all day. She took the time to get herself ready and looking like she hadn’t just spent so many hours locked away in her room, lying in bed and reading a book before she left her room, seeing Claire and Brendan sitting there, both looking surprised.
“Well damn, you actually did it,” he said, looking at Claire and uncrossing his arms. “Well, let’s get going, yeah?”
He walked towards the front door, Riley standing there as Claire came up beside her and draping her arm over her shoulders with a smile. “You’ll have fun tonight, Ri, I promise.”
Maybe Riley’s idea of fun and Claire’s idea of fun were close, but not the same. Sure, it was nice to see some of her friends from high school and some of Claire and Brednan’s friends too at the house of one of Riley’s friends. Their city was large, but small. Everyone here had a sixth degree relationship with someone else.
And that's something Riley should’ve remembered when she saw Matthew standing inside talking to one of her and Claire’s friends from high school. At first, she had to convince herself that it wasn’t actually him, she was just imagining it. But when he leaned his head back and laughed, she felt something squeeze around her heart, because she’d know that dimpled smile anywhere. She stopped herself from going inside to grab herself a soda, instead walking around the backyard to try and find Claire or Brendan to tell them that Matthew was here and she wanted to go home.
Yet somehow, they were nowhere to be found and she was left to figure it out herself. She texted their sibling group chat, sending an ‘SOS, need to talk’ message before sitting herself down on the edge of the pool and rolling her pant legs up as high as she could before dipping her feet into the cool water. It was only a little over a week away before their one month of not seeing each other or talking was to come to an end. Then they could try to be friends again, but the feeling inside of her chest and her racing heart was telling her that a month wasn’t enough.
That maybe they would need more time, or God forbid, not be able to be friends at all.
“Hey…” She felt her pulse in her throat as she looked up to see Matthew standing there to her left, his hands buried deep into his shorts pockets.
“Hey,” she replied, smiling softly as she motioned for him to take a seat. “You can sit…if you want.”
She watched as he hesitated for a moment before nodding and taking his hands out of his pockets and sitting himself down next to her, taking his flip flops off and placing them down next to her before putting his feet into the pool. They sat there in silence for a few moments, the party in the background filling the silence between them.
“How was the trip to Greece?” She asked, breaking the silence and swallowing the knot in her throat. “I saw the pictures…but how was it?”
“Good, it was good, a lot of fun,” he nodded, holding his bud light in his hand. “It would’ve been a lot more fun with you there, but you know…it was still a good time. How have you been?”
“Good,” she nodded, looking at him and shrugging. “Just a lot of shifting through stuff. My mom’s trying to get rid of half of my things, I think she’s planning on turning my bedroom into a craft room or something.”
“Mom’s tried that with Brady’s room a couple of times,” he laughed softly. “Said we’ve shared a room before, we can share one again.”
“You might not have to worry about that longer though, I saw he and Emma got engaged. I wanted to text him and congratulate him, but…you know.”
“Yeah, it’s about time too. I swear they’re practically married though,” he laughed, taking a sip of his beer. “I’ll tell them you said congratulations though.”
“Thanks,” she nodded, playing with her hands in her lap and kicking her feet in the water.
Matthew finished his drink and cleared his throat, looking at the can and then at her. “Would you want to come with me to get a refill? So we can keep catching up and I won't lose you in the crowd?”
Something inside of her told her maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but it was greatly overshadowed by the feeling of missing him for the last twenty days. “Yeah, okay,” she smiled and nodded her head.
Matthew stood himself up and reached his hand out to help her stand up too. He held her hand for a few seconds longer even after she was standing up, but then he let go and the two of them made their way into the house. Over the music they talked about what they’d been up to since they last saw each other. Matthew had gone into more detail about the Greece vacation, the sights they saw, the food and drink, renting a boat for a day and how clear the water had been. He told her that she would’ve loved it and she agreed, she would have. She told him that she wished she would’ve gone.
One of their mutual friends, which turned out to be one of her friends from high school’s brother, who was a friend of Matt’s, tried to get them to join in on some drinking game which had everyone already playing, giggling and laughing as they watched two people trying to down their drinks faster than the other. But Matthew just grabbed her hand and led her away from the group so they’d stop trying to lure them in. When they finally stopped walking, they found themselves in one of the few quiet rooms in the house– a room that looked like it was a guest room.
Riley would be lying if she said that her heart wasn’t racing and her body temperature wasn’t rising at the mere fact that she was alone in a bedroom with Matthew for the first time in months. But like he always did, he was able to bring her at ease but just…talking. They talked about her move to Boston, how she found an apartment and was set to move in in late August, early September. How she had started to talk to the two other co-workers she was hired on the same job announcement with and that they seemed like really nice people. He told her again, just how happy he was and proud he was of her for getting the job and that he knew she’d do great things.
It felt like no time between them had passed at all and they were both sitting on the bed, laughing and talking like they hadn’t broken up and were doing a horrible job at trying to be friends– when the tension that they had was still so heavy and clear, that it was hard not to notice. So maybe that’s why after the laughter had simmered down, she leaned in and kissed him before quickly pulling back, ready to apologize.
And maybe that’s why, instead of letting her apologize and agreeing that it wasn’t the best idea, Matthew cupped her face and leaned back in, kissing her back.
They both knew that what they were doing wasn’t the best idea. This would set them back again on their journey to being friends. With each layer of clothing that was removed, it was another chip away at the shield she had put up to protect her heart and herself after their break up. She would once again have that aching, open wound she’d need to nurse back to health once it was all said and done.
For right now though, she didn’t care. Because all she’s wanted since that night in his apartment, was to have one more night or day or hour or minute to be in his arms. To kiss him again. And now that she was here, in this moment and getting what her heart had been wishing for the last three weeks…she never wanted it to end.
But it had to, and when they laid there together after it was all over– just like before, it felt like nothing had changed. He had his arm draped over her and she was curled into his side and laying her head on his chest. ‘This is how it’s supposed to be, right here…just us.’ She thought and kept repeating that thought in her head, even as there was that aching feeling in her chest that knew it wasn’t going to last.
Riley wasn’t sure of how long they laid there for, not long enough for the party to be over because they could still here the muffled sounds of music and the guests from the other side of the locked door. But long enough to where she knew that if they didn’t leave the room now, their lack of presence would be noted by those who knew of their relationship. So she was the first one who made the move to get up out of bed and start to get dressed, Matthew following soon after her as they didn’t speak. And suddenly she found herself regretting her choice to get dressed, because laying there in silence was so much better than getting dressed in silence.
“Oh…” he said, picking up her shirt which had soaked up the remainder of his beer that had been spilled at some point while they were undressing. “You can’t wear this, it reeks of beer. Here,” he took off his shirt, an old London Knights one she’d worn time and time before as a pajama shirt. “You can wear mine.”
“Thanks,” she said, putting on his shirt and then taking her beer soaked shirt from him balling it up and shoving it in her purse.
“Riles…” God she missed hearing him call her that, it was her favorite thing in the world she’d come to find. But right now, she wished he was calling her anything else. “I…maybe we just got a little too ahead of ourselves with this…trying to be friends, you know?”
She could feel the tears burn in her eyes as she choked them back, trying not to let the knot in her throat stop her from taking deep controlled breaths. “Mhhm.”
“It’s just…it’s too soon and then this,” he shook his head, exhaling. “I don’t regret this at all, Riles. Because I love you, I do. But I don’t, I’m not sure if I can be your friend and love you at the same time.”
Riley just nodded again, making the first move towards the door as he followed behind. “I get it, I do.”
“So maybe,” he took another deep breath and exhaled, putting his hands in his pockets again. “Maybe, it’s going to take a lot longer…and maybe we shouldn’t–”
“Matthew, please,” she said, shaking her head. “You don’t need to say it, I understand what you’re saying, I promise. Thank you for everything, and I don’t regret this either and I love you.” She felt the knot in her throat choke her for a second before she cleared it and nodded, turning away from him. “I think I’m just going to go home.”
He nodded, and reached around her, unlocking the door and opening it before stepping aside and letting her leave the room. She heard the door close behind her soon after, probably to let himself wait a bit before he left the room as to avoid any speculation, though that was going to be hard considering he was left shirtless and she was wearing his shirt. She made her way outside after not seeing Claire or Brendan anywhere in the living room and kitchen, eventually catching sight of Brendan standing off by the jacuzzi. She walked over as fast as her feet would take her, clutching her purse and her shirt against her and fighting like hell to keep the tears from falling.
“Hey Ri,” Brendan smiled, his smile falling once she got closer. “What’s wrong?”
“I want to go home,” she spoke softly, Brendan ushering her off to the side and away from friends so they could speak privately. “Matthew’s here a-and I just want to go home.”
“Of course he’s here,” he said, looking confused. “Didn’t Claire tell you he was going to be here?”
She looked at him, confused and taken aback when she felt a pair of arms around her shoulders and someone resting their chin on her shoulder. “Hi little sister, are you having fun?” Claire smiled, letting her arms fall to the side when Riley stepped out of them. “What’s wrong?”
“You knew he was going to be here?” Riley asked, her bottom lip trembling.
Claire’s smile falling into a frown told Riley everything that she needed to know. “Wow,” she huffed, shaking her head. “Out of everyone, I thought that you would understand how it would make me feel to see him again. I told– I cried to you about everything and you…” she stopped, sniffling and shaking her head again. “I’m going home.”
“I’ll drop you off and come back,” Brendan said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder before looking at Claire and walking with Riley as they left the poolside area of the backyard and through a backyard fence.
When they made it to the front of the house, Brendan dug into his pockets to grab the keys and as they made their way to the car, Riley spotted Matthew getting into the backseat of what she presumed to be an uber. And soon she realized, as she watched the uber slowly drive away…that this was how life was going to be from now on. No more Matthew. And just like the uber had drifted off into the distance and out of view, he too would eventually fade from her thoughts.
And the peace he brought would go along with him.
Tumblr media
DAY 244 – SEPTEMBER 1ST, 2022 [ A PEACEFUL REALIZATION ] *EPILOGUE*
“Well Riley, I have to say that your apartment looks quite nice,” her dad smiled, taking a look around the living room and the furniture they’d set up to make the 800 square foot apartment feel a little more homey.
“Thanks, Dad,” she laughed, sitting on one of the bar stools at her counter. “But I meant it when I said you guys can’t stay here tonight. You’ve stayed here the last two nights helping me set up, but now it’s time for me to spend my first night alone in my apartment.”
“They grow up so fast, don’t they?” Brendan teased, resting his hands on her shoulders. 
In the 41 days since that night when she’d last seen Matthew…a lot had changed. For the first two weeks, she and Claire were at odds. It didn’t help that Claire had also gone off to Sweden to visit Jacob’s family for a week, but when she came back, she had apologized to Riley for what she had done. Telling her that her reasoning was that she knew how much she’d missed Matthew and she knew that Matthew had missed her too– and that maybe, if they’d gotten back together that they would be able to see a new solution through.
All she wanted was for her sister to feel better again, she wanted the best for her little sister and though she went about it the wrong way, she was still sorry for doing it and hiding Matthew’s attendance at the party from her. She spent the rest of August spending at much time with her family in between packing and sending emails to work to set up and confirm her first day and what she’d need to bring.
She was nervous to be moving from home, but at the same time she was excited. This was something she had worked for her entire life and she was finally on the journey to reaching it. It was something new and unknown, but that adventure made it nerve wracking…and thanks to Matthew, she’d learned that sometimes, those nerves when you’re about to do something for the first time…were just excitement hiding in the wings.
Her family and Jacob had tagged along to help her drive to Boston at the end of August and have spent the last three days with her, helping her unpack and set up her apartment. Tomorrow afternoon, they’d be flying back home and she’d be in the city of Boston all alone. But tonight, tonight was going to be her first night in her apartment alone– and she was both looking forward to it and hating it at the same time.
“Okay, so we’ll go get in the car so we can go to dinner,” Claire said, as their parents and Brendnan made their way to the front door. “Do you mind waiting for Jacob when he comes out of the bathroom?”
“Not at all, we’ll be right down there,” Riley smiled, waving them off as she spun herself on her barstool.
Shortly after, Jacob came walking out of the bathroom, looking around confused. “Did they leave us?”
“They’re just in the car,” Riley said, hopping off the stool. “But since I’ve got you here, I thought I’d ask…how the convo with our parents go?”
He smiled, nodding his head as they left her apartment. “Really good, they loved the ring. Said that Claire would love it too.”
“I told you she would,” Riley smiled, bumping into him as she looked her apartment behind them. “You sure you’re ready to be a part of the family? I mean…have you met us?”
“I have and you guys are great,” he laughed, bumping her back.
A little bit after their trip to Sweden, Jacob had facetimed Riley asking if he could get her opinion on something. And when she answered, he showed that he was at a jewelry store in Sweden, where he was staying with family a little longer and said that he was wanting to pick out an engagement ring for Claire, but wanted a little insight onto which she might like. She helped him pick it out and when he came into St. Louis the night before they drove up to Boston, he sat their parents down and asked for their permission to marry Claire.
Things had been so hectic that Riley hadn’t been able to get Jacob alone long enough to ask him how it had all gone, but now that they had a little bit of time, she took full advantage of it.
“Is the plan still the same?”
“Mhhm,” Jacob nodded, a fond smile on his face. “I’m going to take her to Lake Louise when we get back to Calgary, just where we went on our first date and then I’m going to ask her. Hopefully she says yes.”
“She’ll definitely say yes,” Riley smiled, nodding her head. “She really loves you.”
“Thanks, Riley, that means a lot,” he replied, the elevator doors opening into the lobby and them walking out. “And I know you guys had a bit of a falling out, but she loves you a lot and never meant to hurt your feelings. You know her, she just…wants everyone to be happy and puts it on herself to make sure they are.”
Riley nodded, sucking in her lips at the mention of their falling out. She felt nervous, but she knew that the nagging feeling wouldn’t go away until she asked, because she knew that the two of them were still in touch. “So…do you know how he’s doing? I haven’t really kept up with the hockey stuff because…you know.”
“He’s good,” Jacob replied, hesitating himself as he took a deep breath and Riley knew he was unsure if he wanted to answer. “He’s excited about going to Florida–”
“FLORIDA?” She asked, eyes wide. “What? Since when?”
“Um…maybe end of July? Right around the time you and Claire had your falling out. He got traded to the Panthers.”
Riley remembered him mentioning about how he and his agent were in talks with the Flames about his contract, but he seemed so hesitant to talk about it and not in the mood too, like something was bothering him and she knew she didn’t want to push further about it so she didn’t. She had no idea that days later he’d be traded.
“Wow, that’s…big,” she said, crossing her arms. “Is he Captain?”
“No, but I don’t doubt he’ll work his way up to it…you know Chucky. He’s really excited to be down there since he’s got an old teammate who plays for them. I think it’ll be a good change for him.”
Riley nodded, not continuing the conversation as they walked out of the apartment building and found her parents rental car, getting inside.
She tried not to let the news be forefront in her brain for the rest of dinner. This was her last night with her family and she wanted to soak up every second of it, especially since she knew that in just short of a week, Claire and Jacob would be back in Calgary and engaged. She knew she was going to miss having them just right there in the same room and knew she’d have to adjust to them being a phone call away instead. She was successful in turning her focus towards them, and by the end of dinner when they dropped her off at her apartment building, her stomach was hurting from laughing so hard.
It was the first time she’d laughed that hard since her break up with Matthew.
There was no fighting from keeping him out of her mind as she made her way into the elevator and the heavy metal slowly climbed the stories to her apartment floor– floor number ten, go figure. But she held it off until she was in the safety of her own apartment, letting the emotions flow out of her as she leaned against the door and sighed.
The silence was loud as she moved through her new apartment, trying to adjust to the layout. She walked over to her keurig, filling it up and placing a mug onto it to make herself something hot to drink. While she waited, she walked back to her room and got undressed, switching over into some pajama pants and an all too-familiar shirt that she’d tried to give back before she left, but allowed herself to keep it since it had been in her possession for weeks, and she knew for a fact that if she even tried to return it, she’d be told to keep it.
It had slowly turned into her favorite shirt the way that the cotton had been washed and dried so many times that the green and white in the Knights logo had started to crack and the material was soft against her skin.
She put on her slippers and walked back out of her room, over to the kitchen where she could see the steam rising from her Banff souvenir mug. Picking it up, she walked back out of the kitchen and over to her balcony door, sliding it open before walking out into the cool night air and shutting the door just barely behind her. She sat down in her chair, taking in the sight of the city lights all around her and the sounds of the traffic and people walking below brought her ease.
Riley brought out her phone, unlocking it and opening her instagram app. Typing in his username, she brought up Matthew’s profile and allowed herself to scroll through his pictures. The last time she’d seen it, it was before their meet up at the party when he’d posted pictures of the Greece trip. Matthew wasn’t one for posting on social media too much, so in that time, he’d only posted four things. One was a tribute video to his time in Calgary, another was a picture of him sitting at a press conference with the Florida Panthers logo behind him, wearing a polo and his dimpled smile. Another was a photo montage of what looked like a boys golfing trip, which Riley laughed at because of course. And his most recent, just a few weeks prior, was an action shot of him in the white and red panthers uniform. It was a far stretch from his red with Calgary…but it fit him well.
Out of habit, she found herself looking up at the sky, seeing the stars that the city lights hadn’t managed to outshine and when she blinked…for a split second…she thought she saw a shooting star.
As the thought passed, she smiled to herself and took a sip of her hot chocolate, looking at the mug once she was finished and leaned further back into her chair. Shortly after their run in at the party, she unfollowed him on instagram as a way to try and cleanse him from her life. A way to make the transition easier for her. But what Riley had discovered was that this was how life was going to be from now on. Sure, there was no more Matthew in her day to day life, no more random texts or facetime calls or phone calls, not even an instagram comment or a snapchat. But there was no cleansing him out of her life.
He left a big mark on her and in her life. He was the first boy she had ever loved and who loved her back, who taught her what it felt like to be loved. He was special, important. She could never push him out of her life. So while he was here for just a short while and gone in a flash, just like a shooting star…he was always going to be there in her memories.
And one day, she’d have to come to terms with that, but for now…it was just nice to think back and smile on the memories anytime a little piece of him popped up in her daily life.
He was everywhere and that was okay, because he had loved her and she loved him too and one could never easily forget it.
315 notes · View notes
evanox · 2 years
Note
Hi hi hi :D
I saw you were taking requests so I have an au request thingy. Imagine the one au of the M3 as baristas with an mc from Astraea, except mc just fucking faceplants into the coffee shop during the closing shift and everyone loses their shit-
Also hcs for barista Felix falling for astraean mc ahajsksksjsmsms that is all okay thank you-
hii tysm for the request!! no I definitely didn't have to binge @/morgandrinkscoffee for Research /s,, also omg you've reminded me of Ciel's drawing of the M3 as baristas,, man I'm gonna miss Ciel's LL art,, also
you see I kind of forgot the Astraean MC bit and already committed to General Barista HCs so now you're getting both General Barista HCs and the M3 with Astraean MC and Felix falls in love with them, except the latter is gonna have to be on another post bc it got so long tumblr won't let me edit it normally anymore :)) i'll make sure to tag you once that's up!
m.list
Felix
Felix had to find a new job to stay afloat after practically disowning his dad. Scylla still tries to help with a lot of his finances, but Felix hates relying too much on her, so here is, working the coffee machine at a bookstore coffee shop. Yes, it is a humbling experience.
The manager had to tell him off several times about his sharp tongue; Felix wasn't exactly subtle when a customer pissed him off. His coworkers, however, enjoyed living vicariously through him. It was cathartic watching Felix come up with creative ways to roast (haha) rude customers, and it was fun while it lasted. Now he just wears his customer smile through the pain, except it's more of an unnerving "I can't stop thinking about all the ways I could poison you" smirk.
Loathes the morning shift with every fiber of his being; loves the night shift, especially if he's alone. You know he's busting a few moves with that broom while blasting his playlist that's just too hit or miss for everyone to be used while the cafe is open.
Throws far too many tirades about how tea is far superior to coffee.
"Why do you work at a cafe then?"
"Mind your business."
Oh, the scandalized look on his face when someone suggests he try out coffee so he can 'look a little more cheerful on the morning shift'...
Felix always brings a book along to get him through slow shifts. He tried to be subtle about the more risque ones, but he'd been caught by his coworkers so many times that Felix doesn't bother hiding it from them anymore.
Come to the counter carrying a book that Felix likes (or absolutely loathes), and he will look like someone breathed life back into his corpse. It's very rare that he'd engage in small talk with customers—let alone initiate it—but he'll ask how far into the book have you read, what are your thoughts so far, and offer some of his own opinions if you seem to be enjoying the conversation.
His handwriting is usually incomprehensible because he writes in cursive and his hand is too fast so it just looks like a messy string of loops. You know Felix has a crush when he takes his sweet time drawing out those pretty loops into your name and making it look fancier than a Victorian man's love letter.
And yes, he'll go out of his way to walk the order to you.
Can't help but stare as you sip on your drink, so he brings his leather-bound writing journal along to seem more subtle as he looks between you and the pages. When inspiration strikes he might jot down a few verses of poetry about the threads of your hair turned golden by the sun or the mesmerizing rhythm of your finger as you tap it against your lovely lips when deep in thought, and if you have brown eyes he might even throw in a coffee-related simile. Then he feels very embarrassed and slaps the journal shut before any of his coworkers could get a peek.
How does he flirt, you ask? By reading the same books you pick up, of course; what better way to know someone? And it'll give him an excuse to strike up a conversation the next time you come for a drink.
Anisa
Anisa working in a cat cafe? Anisa working in a cat cafe.
When no one's watching she'll try to coo at the cats and coax them into her lap. Why does she feel the need to hide when trying to get the cats to play? Because Anisa doesn't want anyone witnessing the myriad of rejections she has to face from the cats.
Yes she cries a little when one of them gets adopted, both tears of joy and sadness—she's gonna miss them so much. You know she memorized all their names.
Anisa has always had the best work ethic and gives her job her all, but it helps a lot that she really likes the cafe; it has the added bonus of cats and a mostly laid-back clientele who just want to see some cute fluffy babies. This place also happens to be a hot spot for first dates and Anisa always gazes at the new couples with yearning; she can't wait for the day she gets to come here as a customer herself with someone she loves.
So yes, she might be the most put-together out of the three LI's, but Anisa definitely has her unhinged moments, like spending concerning amounts of time staring at the coffee beans in the grinder and fighting the urge to grab a handful just to eat it. She won't do it, but God, that texture must be immaculate. Has she ever thought about trying out the cats' food while shoveling some into their bowls? Maybe once or twice, not that anyone needs to know.
Also she's the worst when it comes to being a chronic ice-kicker.
You can always trust her with choosing the playlist and setting the vibe for the day. Anisa loves the opening shift for that sole reason, and also because she hates the closing shift cleanup. There was a morning when she opened and found the bar looking like a total mess, proceeded to check the schedule so she can give a certain someone a piece of her mind, only to find out it was, indeed, Anisa herself who closed last night.
She's so sweet with the kids and applauds them when they manage to make an order after nervously stumbling over their words.
There are only two types of situations when Anisa might look the slightest bit intimidating; the first is when lecturing customers about not bothering the cats if they're sleeping or forcing them to play when the cats don't want to.
The second is when a customer asks her to watch over a laptop or other personal stuff when they need to go to the bathroom. For the next 5 minutes, Anisa will be your laptop's hawk-eyed, vigilant guardian, throwing herself halfway over the counter to keep watch over your things and make sure they remain untouched.
Her customer smile is well-practiced but oh, the way her eyes light up when her favorite person comes through; you can so obviously tell this smile is far more genuine.
Doesn't shy away from drawing a little heart next to your name over the cup, or maybe a little cat. If your drink comes with a straw she'll always choose the one with her favorite color for you; if she's feeling bold she might ask about your favorite color. Don't confront her about the cute cup art if you don't want to see her stammering over her words, hair poofed up and face all flustered.
"Oooh she must really like you!" Anisa calls out when a cat cuddles up to you. The cat is a naturally cuddly one, but you don't have to know that; Anisa just wants her special person to feel special.
Sage
There aren't many things Sage likes about his job besides doing delivery on the motorcycle—anything just so he doesn't have to stay in that stuffy, cramped kitchenette. So what if he takes a few detours on the way back just to feel the breeze against his face? No one has to know.
He can't even listen to his favorite music inside the shop since he was permanently banned from choosing the day's playlist; not a single one is without an obscenely crude song.
The only other thing he likes about the job is the free food. He's not sure if it's actually free, but he doesn't really care.
Far more easy-going with rude customers than Felix is but less willing to indulge and smile through it like Anisa.
"We're all out of ___."
"Are you sure? Can you check in the back?"
Yeah, sure. Thanks for the smoke break.
Well I don't think he'd actually have a cig on him but he definitely has a flask tucked somewhere in the shirt he was forced to button up to the neck and tuck into his pants.
Otherwise he's quite flirtatious with customers, though more often than not he's just entertaining himself rather than actually expressing interest. Nothing too raunchy, but enough to make the shier customers blush and earn bashful laughter from the old ladies. His customer-service voice is just his casual flirty tone coupled with a lopsided-smile; you can just catch a little peak of that unnaturally sharp canine.
The only reason his manager has yet to fire him for his lack of punctuality and texting on the job is how easily Sage can charm customers and how many he has drawn in with his good looks. You don't even have to try that hard when you're 6'2" with luscious locks pulled into a high ponytail.
That, and he has a surprising talent in making latte art, mostly because Sage has practiced drawing rosetta so many times (yes, because it looks like a dick and he thought it was very funny).
Sure he'll remember your usual if you're a regular but this man is never going to remember your name; no, he won't feel apologetic about it. If he likes you, however...
Pushes his coworkers away the moment he sees your face even if he's supposed to be on break; no one can take your order, alright? No one prepares it like he does anyway.
Hey, he might even start being punctual to his shifts.
So what if he undoes one or two buttons on his shirt? The weather is just oh, so hot ;)
Starts flirting less with other customers and more with you. This is where his terrible pickup lines finally shine. He doesn't mind if you find them laughable; he just feels lucky to see you smile. The more ridiculous/stupid lines are saved for days when you look really down and might need a pick-me-up stronger than just coffee.
If you seem to be into his pickup lines and lack of subtlety, he might just throw the ball in your court by jotting his number down on your cup.
138 notes · View notes
dykeguro · 1 year
Note
SHARE HENRY HC LORE 🔫/lh
Oh god okay let me dig this up from my 4 comments long Reddit thread explanation real quick. My writing is gonna sound a lot more actually grammatically correct bc talking on Reddit is just like that lmao
TW for triggering content such as murder, grooming, rape, child slavery, homophobia, and lobotomy. Buckle up this stuff is dark. Also putting this under a read more bc it is VERY VERY LONG.
Alright okay, so. There’s no way I’m the only person who was questioning Henry’s backstory, right? It’s so vague yet confusing and the more I look into it the more disturbing it is. He’s a domestic servant at age like, 7. He’s going around calling the Ascots “Master” at age 7. What the fuck happened for him to need to do that? Where are his parents? And why does no one feel concerned in any way about this literal child slave? It’s not even legal for him to be working. Where does he live? With the Ascots? Is that why he works for them, for shelter? And why are we told so many times about how Randall’s father/Lord Ascot just likes Henry so much more than Randall?
I see people write Lord Ascot as an abusive father to Randall after they read these lines of dialogue, which is fair, I mean, it isn’t normal for a father to be out there liking some other unrelated boy better than his son. But what about that other unrelated boy? Everyone only ever focuses on Randall’s “My father never valued anything that I do”, but what about that “My father really took to Henry”? Why did he? Randall tells us it’s because he’s “clever, hard-working, obedient—all the qualities [his] father values”, but what does that imply? He’s keeping that teenage boy around as a servant. Illegally. You can’t just have children working for you like that, so there’s no way it’s legal, unless for some reason it is in the Layton universe but they don’t allude to it so I’m gonna assume there’s no changes on that front. And this isn’t even the only times Henry’s relationship with Randall’s father is talked about—the journal entry by Hershel where he says “No wonder Lord Ascot keeps [Henry] so close” makes it sound honestly outright suspicious, and this conversation in the Akbadain Ruins (Hershel: “He’s so keen. He left school to focus on his training, didn’t he? I’ve never had much of a chance to talk to him.” Randall: “He used to go everywhere with me, but all that changed when my father decided to train him up as a butler.”) is just… pitiful. They’re casually discussing how Henry was pulled into employment by someone who is not related to him by blood in any way and therefore does not have custody of him, even less authority on his job, and that he literally quit school to be this crusty old guy’s servant. He doesn’t have a full damned education. How are they acting as if that’s normal? He’s totally isolated from other children, except from Randall—and even then, the way Randall speaks of him makes it sound like he’s isolated from even him. Why is Henry portrayed to be so alone? I can’t really think of any time in these games (when Henry isn’t an adult) where he was not on Lord Ascot’s side or talking about him or going to him, except for the cutscene with Randall and the toy robot. Even when Randall is “dead”, he crawls back to Lord Ascot (proved by dialogue from a bonus episode in MM: Henry to Angela: “If you came to Monte D’Or, I could provide for you, as well as Mr and Ms Ascot.”)—and after he was fired by him (passage from Hershel’s journal again: “Henry was dismissed from the Ascot household.”)!
It seriously sounds like he’s being groomed. I might sound like I’m pulling at straws here—but it’s pretty plausible. I mean, a young boy described as “obedient” and “hard-working” who seemingly has no parents to take care of him, works for some old guy we never see since he’s a child (presumably to live in the house), is already conditioned to the point of calling the people he works for “Master” as a child, seems completely dependent on the old guy (who is always described as appreciating that child dependant on him, even more than his son whom he spent his ENTIRE FORTUNE on finding after he disappeared) and is described by other characters as having grown isolated from all outside loved ones other than the old guy? Sounds familiar? That’s because it’s a textbook description of a grooming victim. (Just to be clear, I very much doubt any of this is intentional—the developers probably wanted people to buy into the Masked Gentleman’s bullshit “you stole everything from me” excuse later in the game for Henry’s reveal to hit harder and to do so just made Henry seem as privileged as possible while… also deciding to still make him a servant, which results in this creepy ass situation because of that power imbalance between Henry and Randall’s father. If, for example, they had made Henry be adopted into the Ascot family, it wouldn’t have been as bad because then it wouldn’t be an employer preying on a child worker and isolating him from the outside world, it’d be an abusive father practicing favouritism.
This observation made me start coming up with Henry’s parents next. Now already if we follow that Henry’s parents become absent early on in his life, around maybe 6 or 7 let’s say, we need to find an easy way to kick them out. Some tragic accident would be an easy method here, but we have to remember Henry works for the Ascots, and I doubt they just walk around the town looking for little boys to hire. So how about Henry is born around 1935 in homelessness, and is able to go to school (religious school, since it’s 1935, and it would have been free) for a few years—enough to start having dreams, and make a friend at the monastery! Let’s name him Oliver, and he’s an Italian boy who’s ambitious and took a liking to Henry. And Henry’s taken a liking back too, you could call it love even. A first crush. Henry is young when WWII comes around, so when his father leaves he’s not too badly affected. Even better, now that so many men are gone to the battlefield: hey, there’s new positions open in the local manor for servants! So Henry’s mother signs up, and now she and her son live in the Ascot household, in exchange that she spends all her days working to clean and do other housework around. Henry, being literally 5 years old, just hangs around with the son his age, Randall. Oh, and he can’t go to school anymore, because the local monastery closed after all its men teachers were sent to the battlefield. Randall’s school has only women or whatever because he still goes.
Now what else do we know about Henry? He’s always praised for his tea brewing? Let’s make that his dream. Let’s say that in Stansbury, there’s a village fair every year, and chariots of all colours and kinds roll up inside the village centre into the only festive time of the year during the war. And let’s say one day when Henry’s twelve years old perhaps, when he was young he recognizes a young Italian boy in a chariot that serves tea—Oliver, and his mother and aunts. The two boys are ravished to see each other again, and Henry, hopelessly bored as he is in the Ascot manor doing nothing all day, he lets Oliver teach him all about this new hobby to make money since his father left for the war too. And on the third day of the fair when the chariot leaves the village Henry is on it too, and in another livelier, nicer village he serves the tea alongside Oliver. And when the night comes and Oliver leads him by the hands to his own accolades, and he tells him one day they’ll go to London together and they’ll make tea for the grandest of nobles. But the next day the troupe is gone and the maids, his mother, are there instead. And she was perfectly horrified at what he’d done; when Henry was ten he wanted to be a teacher, and that is acceptable, he was young and naive. But now he had left with Italian vagabonds to make tea with them for coins. He never saw Oliver again but the tea reminds him of the boy always.
When Henry grows again and the war becomes fiercer meat becomes scarce. The maids are not allowed to hunt; misogynist bullshit and whatnot. And hell if they’re going to send the master of the household. So they send the only boy servant, of 15 years, Henry, with some knives and rudimentary snares to get rabbits and venisons on the Ascots’ land. And how boring it would be was he not always accompanied by the redheaded boy of the Ascots: Randall never missed a chance to explore outside, and he always joined Henry in the hunts, even if he could not hold a knife right or tie a knot properly.
Now we know that Lord Ascot has seen that Henry is worthy enough to be riskily kept as a servant illegally in his home at a young age, I’ll up it to 14 to match the timeline better, and that he is alone by then. Now that he lives in the household, killing the mother is easy: make her become sick from the cold of England, and she dies sometime after Henry became good friends with Randall. But before that Henry needs to do something amazing enough that Lord Ascot risks being arrested for child labour to still have him around. And Lord Ascot needs to earn Henry’s trust, too, to initiate the grooming process. So let’s say on a particularly cold day of winter, as the two teenage boys are slowly losing hope of finding prey and growing antsy, not being careful, they are attacked by a small pack of equally starved wolves. And let’s assume they somehow win this fight, perhaps the wolves are clumsy and fall in the snares, allowing Henry to finish them by his knife. Now if your son came back home, bloodied and with a broken ankle, pulled on a sleigh alongside a wolf’s cold corpse, the beast covered in stab wounds, and the sleigh was pulled by another bloody limping child, holding a knife completely black in gore, well certainly you’d instantly gain interest in this boy that saved your son from an actual wolf attack. The Ascots have a coat lined in wolf fur and boots lined with the wolf fur tailored for Henry as thanks, and he appreciates it but he doesn’t feel very proud wearing the remains of animals he killed (he doesn’t say this to them of course). Randall instead offers him a toy robot. That one Henry loves.
Henry has gained Lord Ascot’s interest and his mother has died of her cold, making him a prime candidate for manipulation. Initially he is worried about being sent to an orphanage and separated from Randall, but to his relief Lord Ascot graciously accepts to keep him around—under the condition that he works under him as a servant just as his mother did, and to not tell anyone outside about that too much, because then Lord Ascot would go to prison and Henry would be separated from dear Randall, and he doesn’t want that to happen, right, Henry?
Some months pass and at first not much changes in Henry’s life. He doesn’t have the time to hunt out anymore, because of his servant duties, but he still hangs out with Randall who rants to him without stop of archeology and humanity and everything history and he listens to every word of course, it’s like melody to him. That is until the next village fair. Henry doesn’t go to village fairs since the incident with Oliver, so he’s alone in the manor. But not actually, because Lord Ascot stays behind and asks what is he doing all alone? Everyone’s out having fun.
Henry tells him he can’t stand being there, and it’s not exactly false. Lord Ascot tells him he can brew tea if he wants, he knows Henry loves that, and in the moment he’s too happy to question how he gained that information. He’s too giddy when he sees the new set Lord Ascot gives him to complain when he grabs his wrists when he’s talking, or how his hands linger just a bit too long on his shoulders to be normal.
And later now Lord Ascot wants Henry as his valet. That means now Henry would be almost always working in Lord Ascot’s office or his room. So that meant less time with Randall, because Randall could barely stand being in the same room as his father—he loved archeology, his father didn’t, and always took away his books. And Randall was mad when Henry told him he’d be Lord Ascot’s valet. They didn’t talk for months, Randall made new friends, Angela and Hershel. They reconciled eventually, but it wasn’t the same anymore, they didn’t kiss on the cheek or talk of light and darkness together with pure honesty and laugh from the deepest part of the heart. Henry still loved him, though. He never stopped to.
Randall’s new friends don’t meet Henry in person a lot, he’s just a boy Randall mentions sometimes. Henry doesn’t get out of the manor very much, and when he does it’s with Lord Ascot. Lord Ascot tells Henry he won’t let him go out because it’s dangerous out there, there’s the bombs of the war and misery and death, and you don’t want to see that, do you? It’s nice in here. Don’t you like your master better than the depressing outside? So thoughtful, that Lord Ascot, isn’t he? Such a nice man to Henry. He’s always buying him little gifts and complimenting him, calling him pretty, a good boy, handsome, and so mature for his age. And they’re always hugging, though Henry has to admit it gets a bit uncomfortable when Lord Ascot holds him by the waist, or strokes his cheek, or kisses his forehead or— but who is he to tell him to stop? Lord Ascot is his master. And he's so very nice the rest of the time.
Eventually when the war is over and it’s not so dangerous to go out anymore, Lord Ascot has to change tactics to keep Henry isolated. The world isn’t physically dangerous now, it’s crawling with people who want to hurt Henry. It was before that, but it’s worse now. Henry’s gay, of course he is, he’s known that for a while now. He likes boy and he’s never liked girls. It’s rather clear, with his crush on Oliver and then the one on Randall. And it’s obvious to Lord Ascot, too. Oh what a coincidence, Lord Ascot is a gay man, too. And he can tell Henry’s crush on Randall will never be requited—Randall is dating a girl after all, he’d never go for Henry. But that’s okay, Lord Ascot is willing to be Henry’s first experience with homosexuality, because it’d be simply terrible if someone with bad intentions took advantage of him, wouldn’t it? Lord Ascot wouldn’t snitch on him, either, and he’d help to keep his secret, because now with the Lavender Scare people would be out to get him. And of course he can say no, he’s only giving the opportunity because he knows how lonely it is being gay, there’s no one else for you after all and he might never find someone like him again.
And Henry is so scared of being alone. So he says yes. It starts with just kisses, soft, and then caresses, and then the caresses become groping and he doesn’t like to think about the rest. It always hurt, and Lord Ascot told him he was so good, that he loved him.
Henry believed him less and less the further it went on. And when Randall “dies”, and that he searches for him so hard—Henry began by looking through the ruins himself, armed with a backpack and a shovel. And when he found the Azran treasure he hired people to find Randall. He scrawled maps on his walls and decorated them with red wool. He was becoming as mad as Randall had been himself. And Lord Ascot tells him it’s worthless to do this, Randall is dead, why can’t he just accept it? Henry can’t believe his ears. What kind of things are those to say of one’s own son? He hates him so much.
He takes a shotgun from the equipment and he kills him in his office like he slayed the wolves 15 years ago. And he cleans up the blood like he did other more innocent and less innocent liquids from this very office for years now. And he throws the body in the forest to be eaten by the animals. He burns the wolf fur lined coat and boots when he comes back home, clutching the toy robot in his arms as hard as he can.
Henry seeks out therapy, but of course in the late 60s you won’t find anything good on the therapy side. He fears being attacked as soon as he admits being homosexual. And the doctors he gets the courage to tell insist he is a heterosexual confused by his traumas as a child. The seventh doctor to tell him so is enough to convince him to try the conversion therapy—they put him in a chair and electrocute him as they show him homoerotic imagery. He’s not even sure how they think that would have worked. And after half a year of treatment there’s no progress to be made.
He finds a new doctor who promises a cure to him. He’s sceptical at first but the doctor insists he can use a new type of neurosurgery, more refined than the electrotherapy, a modern technique. He calls it lobotomy. Henry was willing to attempt anything by now, so he let the doctor render him unconscious, then mess around his brain by planting two sticks inside through his orbits, under his eyelids. And of course it doesn’t work. He gets brain damage, a bad case. Angela begins to notice his change in behaviour—it’s hard to ignore it, he stays in the same spots for hours and dissociates for longer. She finds him making pudding at four in the morning or sitting on the balcony at two. I don’t have a good way to end this lmao I’m so sorry there’s nothing else to add MM rolls around after n that’s it that’s my fun lil backstory for Henry it’s terrible <3
9 notes · View notes
inkofamethyst · 1 year
Text
October 31, 2022
Course registration today was a bit of a mess, actually, but thankfully I think everything might turn out to be okay.  There aren’t any restrictions listed for the education class I wanted to take next sem, but when I went to add it, the system told me that I had to be a education major to take it.  So I email the instructor to plead my case, not expecting much bc she’s a grad student, and sullenly pick a greek art class as an alternate to fill the space.  The instructor gets back to me in an hour with permission, and I think I should be able to get in.  It’s a lower-level course, but the seats are already going pretty quick, so hopefully the registrar acts fast to lift to block.
I am having a wee bit of an anxious episode at the moment, but it was partly brought on by the frustration of feeling, once again, like an emotional punching bag.  Not in the way that I’m being emotionally abused or anything, but, like, in high school I used to have a friend who had a lot of issues at home and she’d turn to me (and also to my dnd-friend) almost exclusively with her problems and it was really draining, honestly.  I had to stop putting effort into that relationship because it felt so one-sided.  And, frankly, she’s part of the reason that I don’t go to people with my problems.  That people only hear about my problems after I’ve solved them or cannot conceive of a way to solve them myself and have already cried over it (and in those cases I go to my parents).
Anyway saxophone-guy (-friend?) saxophone-friend (the “guy” suffix will be saved for potential, uh, suitors) has been doing that to me since I met him and it’s become even more pronounced this semester now that we’re “just friends” because he never ever comes to me when he’s happy about something.  I spent hours on a birthday present for him and the first thing he says to me when we next see each other in-person is how bad his day has been (he did thank me for the gift over text last week (also I’d like to be perfectly clear: this was not a gift given with the intent to win him back, as that ship has certainly sailed, it was a gift given with the intent to stop him from always being so down in the dumps over his voice (because any time he felt self-conscious about it, guess who he’d text and guess who’d have to use the same lines over and over again to comfort the guy (I don’t expect people to be perfect, and I understand we’ve all got our hangups, but he’s got a whole therapist)))).  I just... people who start nearly every conversation with the intent of spilling their problems irk me.  And he had the gall to say today that he doesn’t like going to people with his problems because he hates bringing down their day.  HM.  It seems as though the self-awareness doesn’t stretch as far as he thinks it does.
It’s not my intention to disparage people.  I’m just terribly high-strung at the moment.  Second round of midterms, a month until my applications are due, regular assignments on top of that, trying to prepare for my future...
I don’t want to come off like a fair-weather friend.  Truly, I don’t.  But the guy needs a journal.  Maybe not an internet one, that seems like a pretty dumb idea tbh.
So that’s frustrating, and then I’ve got an exam tomorrow [edit, next day: it was just okay, I think the short answers were fine, but the matching was awful (who cares about Haldane’s rule so much that it shows up on two questions??)] and a draft of a paper due and two discussion boards to do because I’m behind and emails to send and two more exams this week and I’m already feeling awful.  This Friday can’t come soon enough.  And then I’m going to a concert (orchestra lol) this weekend, and a movie next week, and an opera two weekends from now... ah.  Just gotta get through this hell of a week.
Today I’m thankful that... I’m thankful for GMM’s Vote Like a Beast web service.  It was so useful and so much easier to build my ballot relatively painlessly compared to consulting a newspaper and endless maps.  Midterm elections are so important, but the local-ness of it all can for sure be more overwhelming and confusing than the big national elections.  And as a college student it would be so easy to just be Too Busy To Vote, but I’m glad I did.
1 note · View note
now-go-study · 5 years
Text
My Intro Judaism class has way more people than I expected, which is exciting, and I am not the only one there who’s studying for conversion, which is even more exciting, and all in all I’m just super excited about this class. It is quite a hike to get to, but the campus (which is what they call it because it has so many buildings??) is so beautiful.
3 notes · View notes
furiosophie · 2 years
Text
okay so i just finished the first thrawn book right? and like all of it is making me feel insane and i am sure someone has pointed this out already but do you wanna know what makes me feel extra insane?
thrawn send eli away to protect him
like sure he also sends him away to help the chiss and so he could reach his full potential and bla bla but look - thrawn realizes very early that eli is a target as long as he's with him
Tumblr media
and then that is proven over and over again throughout the book until it finally accumulates in this - pryce outright threatening thrawn right after she showed how incredibly ruthless she is
Tumblr media
and then the very next scene is thrawn and eli talking about that very conversation, it's eli first acknowledging how dangerous pryce and the high command are and then confirming - even if he might not be fully aware himself - that he is loyal to thrawn not to the empire
which, let me remind you, comes after yularen just pointed a blaster at thrawn and accused him of treason
and i think that moment of eli pledging his allegiance to thrawn is the first time thrawn realizes both the depth of which he cares for eli and that he will be eli's downfall if he keeps him around
Tumblr media
which then leads to him sending eli away to the chiss and this fucking devastating journal entry:
Tumblr media
like for a moment i was confused bc it happend so fast without a goodbye, plus he offered it to nightswan first and it kinda felt like eli was just an afterthought but no oh fuck no
like nightswan thrawn would have send to help keep the chiss safe, to utilize his abilities to help them fight whatever enemies are lurking in the dark, but eli, oh no, thrawn never planned on sending eli away in the first place, not until he realized it was the only way he could keep him safe
and yeah eli will obv also be beneficial to the chiss, like ofc he will, he's smart as heck, but below all that is the simple fact that thrawn is doing all this empire shit to keep his people safe so even if the empire falls that is still the safest place for eli to be
and I'm just feeling very emo about that
425 notes · View notes
yourmcu · 4 years
Text
Wish You Were Here (i)
Pairings: Tony Stark x daughter!reader, Avengers x Stark!reader
Summary:
an Infinity War/Endgame AU where Tony Stark’s daughter (you) is one of half the population that vanishes in the snap, Tony finds out later on when he arrives back to Earth, devastated, then you come back like the others to help fight Thanos.
Word count: 2,030
A/n: (moved to the end of the fic!)
Warnings: angst, death, swearing, a lil soft!Nat in the beginning bc I love her, mentions of anxiety/anxiety
read on ao3!
Part 2
Tumblr media
gif not mine! credits to the owner^^
Tumblr media
You wanted to help in whatever was happening, you weren’t quite sure still, but it had something to do with the infinity stones and how you guys needed to find them before some guy named Thanos does.
It took a lot of convincing for Steve, Natasha and Rhodey (they were the ones more protective over you) to let you come, especially with Tony not around to scold you since he was in space.
“I’m coming with you guys whether you like it or not - no, I know what you’re gonna say, I can handle myself. I’m sixteen! Did you know Peter’s in space right now with Dad? Outer freaking space. You’re not the only one who has a suit, Rhodey-”
The argument ended with, “if something happens and I-” you dragged your thumb across your neck, “then it’s on me. None of you are to blame. Can we go now?”
So they didn’t have any other choice. You went to Wakanda with them to get the mind stone out of Vision and intend to destroy it afterwards.
Things got a *bit* out of hand though, there was an army of creatures - they’re from space, you assumed, working for Thanos - trying to get the stone. You fought alongside Sam and Rhodey, sometimes even fighting with Bruce who was using the Hulkbuster. You also helped the Wakanda tribes when they got overpowered by the creatures.
Even Thor came back to fight and he brought a raccoon and a tree with him.
The battle was going really messy, until - “Everyone on my position. We got incoming.”
You fly to where Cap and the team are, and there he is coming out of what appears to be a cloudy, blue grayish portal, Thanos himself.
“Cap, that’s him.” Bruce says as he hides you behind the Hulkbuster to shield you. He slowly walks over to the purple titan before saying, “stay down, [Y/N], alright?”
Did all of them suddenly forget that you, if not more, are stubborn like your father?
Because when all of them attack, you fly behind Thanos when he's distracted and wrap both your metal covered arms around his neck in stupid attempts to strangle him. He effortlessly uses his gauntlet to throw you back to the ground, knocking you out.
He eventually got all the stones, snapped his fingers when Thor failed to kill him, and left.
“What did you do?!”
“Where did he go? Thor, where did he go?”
“What’s happening?” You get off the ground as Bucky turns to dust. You look around and saw the air filled with the same dust, just from different people.
What the hell did that snap do?
People are vanishing, disappearing, are they dying? Why are they dying? You’re pretty sure you're panicking. Your lips start to quiver and you feel your chest tighten, making it hard for you to breathe.
Natasha notices right away. She's the one who could help you with your anxiety attacks besides Tony. She comes to you and places her hands on your shoulders, looking you in the eye. “Hey, it’s going to be okay, you’re fine, just breathe with me,”
You watch Wanda, one of  your best friends, turn to dust too which did not help in the slightest. What’s worse is when Natasha holds your hands to calm you down,
They start turning into dust particles.
“No no no no no no,” you grow weak, holding onto her. “Nat, I’m scared - I don’t - I don’t know what to-”
“Y/N, just breathe like we practiced, okay?”
You try copying her breathing but it’s no use. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still fading away. You look at her, tears threatening to fall out of your eyes, “I’m so sorry.” She has no choice but to hug you tightly until you get dusted completely.
The Avengers just lost a kid. Not just any kid, for them you were special. You always supported the team no matter what. They couldn’t even imagine what Tony’s reaction would be.
When Natasha told Pepper of course she didn’t take it well.
You were Tony’s own flesh and blood (and some one night stand chic that we won’t mention anymore starting now), but Pepper helped raised you when Tony first took you in and treated you like her own. Sometimes you even called her ‘mom’.
She was so relieved when a spaceship came by the compound to drop Tony off - he looked weak and skinny - she didn’t know how to break the awful news to him while he was in that condition.
“I lost the kid,” he meant Peter. What he doesn’t know was that he actually lost two.
“It’s been twenty-three days since Thanos came to Earth.”
Bruce and Natasha keep looking over one another as images of the people they lost in the snap took turns popping up as holograms. Rhodey feels tense and keeps tapping his foot - nervous of what his best friend’s gonna do once he sees-
Tony abruptly stands up from his wheelchair. “Stop. Stop there.” (“Tony, you need to sit down,”) “No.” He stumbles over to a particular hologram, the one with his daughter’s face.
Y/N Stark.
The room is awfully quiet. Despite you telling them that it isn’t going to be any of their faults if something happens to you, they still feel responsible for you.
“Was anyone going to tell me?” He speaks softly. Too soft and calm for all of them that they remain glued to where they're standing, avoiding eye contact. He clenches his fists and sends a look to  everyone in the room. “You better not be shitting me I already lost Parker and I - I can’t - I can’t lose her. I can’t.”
“Tony,” Natasha says. “We couldn’t do anything to stop it.”
It's like being stabbed with his own blade all over again. She tells him everything that happened, how you got dusted like Peter, and Tony just stares blankly at your photo, looking very pale.
Tony takes a deep breath and pushes his glasses further up his nose, holding in  tears. Good thing his glasses cover it up. He mutters ‘okay’ over and over as he takes a seat back in his wheelchair. Steve hesitates to continue the discussion but Tony encourages him to go on, even though he feels like he was literally dying inside.
His mood definitely went downhill from there - Tony's furious with himself. Furious with them, with Steve, that he takes it out on the super soldier. By the end of it he's on the floor, passed out.
“Dad, come in, it’s [Y/N]. Everything alright out there?”
“Oh y’know, typical day in the city - pair of aliens came to visit again.” Tony sounded breathless.
You paused briefly. “...what? W-well, do you need help? I can help, and Peter’s probably on his way there - he just made a lame excuse and hung up on me so, I figured he sensed something was wrong.”
“Yeah. Stay where you are and when things get worse, find Pepper and get to safety.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
“Nope. Deadass serious. Stay out of this one.”
Tony opens his eyes and takes in his surroundings. He's transferred to a bed with the same wires poking his arm. He dreamt of his last conversation with you - before and while he was dragged to space.
“Hey, I’m still here, you know,” you cut him off while he was arguing with Strange.
“[Y/N]? How is this still connected?”
“I made the earpiece set myself - I guess it has really long range, huh?”
“You’re a nerd.” Tony cracked a small smile.
“Hi [Y/N]!” Peter shouted from a distance.
“Peter? You’re in space too? I’m so jeal-”
The line completely went out, guess the range wasn’t that long.
“Tony?” Pepper says gently. “You shouldn’t be up - it’s only been an hour since you passed out.”
He looks at her for a moment then returns his attention to the wall, eyes bloodshot. “Have I been a good father to her? ‘Cause I feel like she deserved more. Way more.”
“Of course, she loved you! Tony, [Y/N] loved you as much as you love her,” Pepper reassures, running a hand through his hair. “I know you’re upset but you really should be getting bed rest right now.”
He sniffles and gave a small nod, “okay.”
He closes his eyes again when she left the room and sigh, mumbling “goddammit kid,” before letting the tears flow down. Tony rarely cries. Barely cries. He usually keeps those stupid emotions in but this - the fact that his little girl is gone, it's too much for him. He realized never fully showed how much you meant to him and he regrets it.
Can't help but think that it should've been me Either way, I still wish you were here.
Fast forward to five years later: Tony now lived at a lakeside cabin with Pepper and their daughter, Morgan.
Moving on was better than to be sad and depressed for the rest of his life. That’s what you wanted for him anyway, to be happy.
So that’s exactly what Tony did.
He spent time with his family, made new suits which he enjoyed to do, living his life peacefully. That doesn’t mean he forgot about you. Sure the last few years were hard, he missed you every single day, but he had to face and accept it.
Tony moved your stuff from the compound and into a vacant room in the cabin. Sometimes he’d look through your crazy inventions, your journals that were filled with ideas for future gadgets and he hung up framed photos of you and him (some with Pepper) on the walls.
He told Morgan all about you. How awesome you were, how you were energetic and enthusiastic in everything you do, and how the both of you would be best friends if you two met.
“I wanna meet her,” Morgan says, looking at pictures of you.
Tony smiles sadly and looks at the photo of you and him. It was at your school’s science fair and your invention won first place (he remembered laughing at all the science teachers’ shocked faces because of your advanced gadget, way advanced than the grade you were in). Both of you looked really happy.
If a picture is all that I have, I can picture the times that we won't get back If I picture it now it don't seem so bad Either way, I still wish you were here.
“Someday, maybe.” He replies, giving her a warm smile.
Steve, Natasha and a new guy Scott visited him one day. They basically told him bringing back everyone who died in the snap was possible, hinting time travel.
Tony was torn. He didn’t want to risk losing what he had now, but bringing everyone back... that was something. Everyone in the universe that vanished, the other Avengers, the guardians he met in space, Strange, Peter, you.
That same night he thought about you, and Peter when he stumbled upon a picture of both of them. That same night, he figured out time travel.
“Hey legacy,” he chuckles a bit, remembering how you always frowned or pouted whenever he called you that. He likes that nickname on you though. “I... uh, this is just a little video. For you. Sure you won’t see this but... I like to pretend I could still talk to you. I miss you, a lot.”
“It’s been five years, hun. Morgan, your sister... you have no idea how much she talks about you. She wants to meet you someday,” he looks at the camera. “I know I can’t tell her the real reason why you’re not here with us, not yet, but anyway, ‘couple of old pals came to visit me. They want to try to get everyone back, that includes you.”
Tony sighs, looking away. “As of now I don’t know if we’re ever gonna pull off something like this. I figured it out, just a couple minutes ago actually. Time travel. It’s dangerous, very risky...”
“But we’ll see. We’ll figure something out. I hope to see you soon, [Y/N]. I love you.”
----
so I’ve cut this lil idea into two parts - I’ll probs post part 2 soon right after this one - if everyone likes it of course :)
oh, and I listened to this song by Neck Deep while writing this, which is where I got the title too, you can listen here. (I also put in some lyrics from the song to the story, just because it fits well hehe)
243 notes · View notes
jiminrings · 3 years
Note
honestly i could talk w band!hobi abt numbers all day, like i wouldn't even mind. what are ur thoughts on 27 hobi? i think they a bad bitch. also UM might i request a drabble abt like a film major! yn (that is very enthusiastic abt films and the aesthetics + cinematography and whatnot) w like,,, a theatre kid?? any of ot7 works fine and it's all good if u can't or don't want to! thankyouu 💜
muse of mine
Tumblr media
pairing: namjoon x y/n
wordcount: 4k
glimpse: namjoon’s always been a little sensitive to feedback whether it’s positive or negative, y/n’s an endearing type of talker, and smuggled snacks to the theater haven’t ever tasted this sweet :D // gif from pinterest!
notes: i kinda switched it up a lil bit and made them more established in their respective fields bc my mind went berserk on this concept!!! also this is mayhaps my oNLY piece that’s just pure fluff
“27? The number? Hmm. That sounds... sexy.” - band!hobi
this been’s bugging you for the past half hour
this whole experience feels oddly familiar
you’ve been in this theater for half an hour so far to watch this play!!
lmao ur gonna admit RIGHT off the bat that theatre’s definitely not it for you
your slight unfondness for it is deeply-rooted back to university and for four years, you’ve consistently taken dumps on theatre kids even if it’s under your breath
alright it’s possible that you don’t hATE the actual people ( only some of them ;D ) themselves but rather this whole type of cockiness and the “i’m a direct descendant of shakespeare himself. trust me bro. on god” energy that they always seem to exhude
but realistically, maybe this deep-rooted hate stemmed from seokjin
he was the guy you’d share the exact same elective class with him for two straight whole semesters and you’ve been seatmates from time to time
homie took foreign language as an elective?????
the language is korean?????????????????
“wait b-but i — aren’t you — n-no but i really???”
that’s what you first sputtered to him in realization when he took his seat beside you
the two of you have only ever shown each other notes bc the other was dozing off and the occasional sharing of gummy bears that’s already pre-opened to not make any noise
but for some reason, it’s only dawned in you why seokjin’s a god in this class and he answers your questions without even looking at his notes by hALFWAY through the whole semester of foreign language
one day, u are gonna find a way to bodyslam yourself and never recover from it ever again
“mhmm. don’t sweat it, sweetheart. i personally think it’s very don quixote of me to y’know, take something as impractical and amusing as this.”
you snort at his choice of words because honestly!! you barely remember don quixote and jin’s use of it as an adjective jigs up a refresher course on your brain
who was he again?? 
was he the donkey
.. or are you thinking about shrek again because of your film analysis
you sWEAR there was a donkey in that story
it’s good fun to talk with jin even if he keeps sliding bourgeoisie words here and there and you’re a lil confused with all these references that he makes but that’s okay !!!
atleast even him saying it in a long-winded way that he was like someone from the merchant of somewhere, you know now that he pretty-pleased and charmed his way to the registrar for him to take korean as an elective
...
two weeks later, jin sits next to you in class 
in ACTUAL non-elective, non-native language he already speaks class
now that you’re squinting a bit more, jin does look a little uh?? different
his hair that was once a hybrid of lavender and peach and pink and then blonde was now wholly black and it’s probably his original hair color because it matches with those eyebrows of his!!!
his combo of a black bomber jacket with a silk button-up underneath honestly SLAPS and it makes you forget how he used to exclusively wear only knitted shirts and argyle-patterned cardigans
you have ur jaw dropped because you totally would’ve fallen for seokjin jAW-FIRST 
— if only he didn’t strike you as the brother type when he smacked the back of your head because you were falling asleep on class again and uhhh you mUst be forgetting that the two of you were sitting in front
you had no time to reevaluate whether you should develop a crush for him or not 
he’s immediately slapping his hands on his knees, looking at you so intensely before pointing a finger at you with so much conviction, and then scoffing to himself
“switched majors to film. theatre was gonna be the death of me!!! y/n, if you even think about trying to switch to that cheap, amazon-ordered quill and tanning lights for stage lighting major, you’re absolutely dEAD to me-”
you’ve never had a conversation this striking nor long with jin but you genuinely have no complaints at all
seokjin talks pure shit about theatre and theatre junkies and everything in between for the WHOLE day 
trails beside you for every single class you had, which was convenient because he can then sweet-talk his way again (if anybody even dared to question him) that he’s just newly-switched 
sat with you for lunch and him not eating because he just needS to tell you all about it and you trying not to choke on your pasta as you try to reply to him
followed you back hOME and decided to crash the night there
yeah, that. your unfondness for theatre’s rooted on that one
uh-huh safe to say that you’ve become best friends with jin ever since that day
you’re a sponge for your friends and jin’s the closest one you have, so it was only natural that you soak up his distastes and whatnot
not to brag but aha :D
you add salt to the water while you boil pasta so u may be a little bit of a masterchef or somewhat, no big deal :D
he’s absorbed your fascination for all kinds of lights and fixtures that he has about seven different nightlights in the form of squishies or neon and everything else on his bedside table, in which he turns all of them on at night
fun fact: he’s capable of sleeping in the dark
jin’s the whole reason for your stance on this
he’s adamant about his points and you’ve graduated uni four years ago!!!
which is why you DON’T get why jin would give you a scented black envelope, with “don’t come to this” scribbled in gold at the front, carrying a single ticket to this play with a sticky note saying “don’t watch this at 7 pm, wearing your boss lady year-end award show type of clothes, sitting at the ninth row from the back and two seats from your right.”
because of course!! what the hell did he expect you to do? NOT come to this play at 7 pm wearing your boss lady year-end award show type of clothes then sitting at the ninth row from the back, two seats from the right???
OF COURSE YOU WOULD
your goal in life is to do exactly the opposite of what jin tells you. there’s literally nothing else in life you’d want to fulfill
he’s made it quite easy for you to spite him and although you wouldn’t admit it.,,.,., you may be a little petty ok
he’s the even bigger goof out of the two of you and you can never have the final say!! it’s always him and his wit and yOU being the dunce
it’s a lil sus that jin’s basically ASKING for it with his instructions but whatever
whatever it is, this is finally your chance to enact the final say and you’re gonna pull ALL the stops
all you know about theater-goers is that they dress fancy and wear these mini binoculars and that’s about it
there’s not even one film you know that you see anyone in the audience wearing a worn-in cardigan or even a puffer jacket even if the theater’s mad cold
all the people bring are scarves and shawls???? thee thinnest version of a blanket that won’t warm them up against the frigid airconditioning
that whole dress code sounds ridiculous!!! great please ring out this thousand-dollar dress im gonna wear to the theater thank u
you’re a little worried that you’re not gonna blend into the crowd, but after some digging about the invitation, formal wear is most definitely recommended
it’s an exclusive invite-only play which would be later released to the general public later on so yeah the situation dOES call for a gown thank u very much
also how could you forget that jin explicitly told you not to wear this type of attire
if you’re being humble right now, which you always normally are, even if that jUST sounded boastful talking about how you’re humble all the time —
you do look pretty breath-taking :-)
even when the doors weren’t opened and everyone’s just collectively loitering outside the hall, you’d feel glances at you
the sweet security guard did a double-take at you and mumbled a “very very nice evening to you, miss :D” instead of his normal “enjoy the show!” to the other patrons before you
you’re gonna soak all the silent compliments up and try to remember all of them before writing them on your journal later hee-hee
your midnight blue satin dress that’s floor-length and off-shoulder is dEFINITELY in your favor :D
your dress still glimmers even if the spotlight isn’t on you and you wish you weren’t shy to ask a random stranger to take a picture of you
going on self-timer isn’t ideal either when there’s like a hundred other people in the room
they probably wouldn’t even care if you took a picture of yourself!!! but in your head they probably think that you’re laughable so you’d rather not.. do that
the theater’s dark as hell if that wasn’t established
it is literally pitch black in the room and the ushers at each row holding the flashlights that are meant to guide the patrons aren’t exactly helpful
big kudos to them though,, must take a lot of self-control to not wave their lights like it was a rave :D
a flashlight tHAT bright?? whew pls is this what ships feel in the night
the last time you were in a rave, your thirty minutes of fun was cut short when seokjin immediately got hammered and wouldn’t stop throwing a fit if you didn’t drive him home that instant
his energy seemed to compelling everyone that he’s managed to somehow suck the energy out of a WHOLE rave so you took him home for everyone’s enjoyment :(((( except yours apparently
you’re trying hard to focus on the play that’s happening because for the past twenty minutes, all you’ve done is zone out randomly with ideas all of a sudden 
you NEED to listen
....
uh-huh...
UH-HUH......
wait this is actually.. good
you find plays hard to follow and absolutely boring when you don’t immerse yourself in a run-down PRIOR to watching it in order to get
it’s the same analogy as reading the plot of a movie on wikipedia before watching the movie at the cinema.... absolutely useless
it sucks out the fun from something you weren’t supposed to know
watching plays is two hours of you being confused, going home to read the plot and only understand it by tHEN, and never coming to the theater again because you’d waste your money.... watching something cluelessly in the theater..... for a plot you’d grasp at home
but no
because this one
actually this one that you’re watching...
it’s not bad
it’s nice, actually.
within two minutes, you managed to grasp that it’s a story about a never-ending spring between these two lovers
there’s something about the whole setting of it actually that just sucks you in
in some plays, the outfits would seem so forced even in the given context that it reminds you of uh a particular superhero movie
and yes ur aware that stage makeup has to be enhanced so that people all the way to the back row would see
but there’s just something in this scene that’s laid out right-now that actually gets you in awe
it’s of the couple in the back of their pick-up truck and everything about it seems so natural
the background straight up looks like what it’d be if you were to go outside
the guy’s arm around her shoulder seems so natural and in nature that it doesn’t feel like a random cue in the script
the girl twinkles and it doesn’t even feel like a forced type of laugh you’d cue in attempt to warm the audience’s hearts
it’s of a plot where the the guy eventually falls out of love with the girl, while girl gets even more smitten with the guy at the same time
it’s what you take from the past ten minutes that you watch in dead silence, and you don’t even remember in the back of your head that you’re supposed to hate plays
“no way.”
you mumble in disbelief under your breath, head shaking profusely
is your mind playing tricks on you???
you’ve got too used to seokjin sitting beside you that you immediately turn to your right, whispering out your concerns 
“is it just me or is she wearing a different shade of pink?”
you don’t even buffer for one second when you ask the stranger beside you
you’re so concerned that you’re looking at him intently while waiting for his answer that could either console or despair you, a random theater-goer that’s too noisy with her questions for her own good
it’s absolutely dARK as fuck in the theater but after awhile your eyes adjusted slightly
and the first thing you look at after the stage is him
him as in the dude in your right that you just asked all of a sudden
you could only see his silhouette and the faintest features of his face along with his well-dressed suit but god
... you are totally not lying if you say that even the barest silhouette of him doesn’t look handsome
you’re expecting him to tell you off for being so noisy but instead, he’s the one who takes you by surprise
“how did you notice that?” 
:O
“oh my god!” you exclaim almost too loudly that you yourself even jolts, the guy even making you duck with him slightly for a brief second, “im sO sorry!! am i accidentally spoiling it out for you?”
the guy blinks twice, lips slightly parted before shaking his head no
“no, no... this is the first screening — i mean uh, how would you know that?”
oh boy
you’re adjusting yourself on your seat, bum now warm as you try to explain and not be nervous because what if you just made a wrong assumption about this play and you’re sitting next to a goddamn tHEATRE BUFF???
“well i —uh, uhm what’s your name?” you’re flustered and the FIRST thing you ask is what was his name.,.,,
he seems equally as flustered before he adjusts his glasses, “o-oh uhm i’m namjoon...?”
alright! handsome guy is namjoon!
“you see, namjoon — okay it might just be in my head, but i tHINK it looks deeper with the light somehow. but uh...? the spotlight’s not following her and — is it just me or without the light, her sweater looks brown?”
you’re squinting and if u squint even more, maybe your contacts would just crumple by then
hold on a second
“brown, like — oh my gOD LIKE-”
namjoon puts a hand over his mouth before you could even gasp, hand reaching out for your forearm even before you manage to grasp his shoulder to take it in realization
was it under your nose the whole time??
“... fall.”
:D
holy fucking shit
namjoon looks positively euphoric looking at your face of realization, his once-heavy chest about the whole scene becoming completely devoid of weight
“exactly!!”
his confirmation makes you inwardly squeal, grinning as you point at him and the stage back and forth
“i think this is the first play i’ve become ever interested in watching.”
okay what now
his ears perk up at that, your first sentence that you’ve said after your pink sweater that looks like spring also looks brown like fall in certain scene because of the lighting realization
“it is?”
he takes the chance to look at you as best as he could, trying to play his squinting as cool as he can
namjoon’s far sighted and the glasses he’s wearing are nOT up to date with his current grade bc he’s pretty sure his eyesight’s worsened the past month
he can’t make you out wholly, but he does know that you’re pretty
his eyes don’t linger on you because of the snacks you’re fishing from your purse while you talk that are absolutely illegal in this theater house lmao
but instead, his gaze lingers on you because you’re so pretty
the minimal light that’s bouncing off the stage is enough for him to see a faint outline of your features, highlighting your smiles just right and your dress to glint underneath
“mhmm. i actually hate plays,” suddenly, you’re not scared if namjoon happens to be some sort of theatre buff and you’re offending him because honestly, you feel at ease. “crunch?” you’re holding out the mini bar of chocolate out to him, one he politely declines to because his eyes are bulging out the next second
“you do????”
his genuine reaction indulges you, making you grin ultimately that you put off eating snacks for now to focus on him
“yeah! this is my hate outfit :D”
namjoon giggles as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard
you automatically scoot closer because this time, it’s yOUR turn to shush him
this is totally for just the reason of talking more discreetly and not distracting anyone and is totally not an excuse to be closer to the next guy and touch shoulders with him then get a whiff of cologne because it’s rare for a guy to be handsome and aLSO smell good
your eyes get used to the darkness and eventually, you could make out features of namjoon beside you
he has the prettiest eyes you’ve ever seen
and the way he looks at you makes you feel safe and even your height difference is visible with how probably lonG his torso is compared to yours, his gaze doesn’t make you feel small
namjoon’s still (unsurprisingly) far-sighted and ur so close that he’s a lil cross-eyed 
fuck it he’s gonna go to ophthalmologist FIRST thing in the morning tomorrow
“then why are you here?”
“my friend seokjin,” you lean back upon realizing the original reason why you’re here, the situation being so ironic that you puff out a smile
your friend’s named seokjin?
cool :D kim seokjin is namjoon’s of his favorite directors eVER!!
second best for him actually though.,., no one could quite compare to his first
your explanation makes him cackle several times, a swell of pride recounting why you hate (it’ll be past tense probably after this one) theatre 
“what about you?”
you turn the question to him, making his dimples disappear effectively that you think you’ve just spooked him
“i uh, well i always wanted to see a story that went like this, so i’m here.”
“you’re a critic? oh god. please don’t tell me you heard all my mumbles.”
no this is even WORSE
namjoon’s not a theatre buff
HE’S A CRITIC????????????
god im coming up
“don’t worry, i also think that the drapings must probably be dirty.”
he breaks out into a smile recounting how you were talking to yourself earlier, a snort escaping him involuntarily 
“RIGHT??? it’s like how do you even clean them?? do they fit in washing machines or-”
my god he’s such a nice guy!!!
in fact, he’s everything you want in a guy
you’ve went through atleast twelve facets of emotions for the past hour and you’re not even dating!!!!!!!
“my thoughts exactly!! and if it’s by hand, how do you even scrub the entirety of it?? or wring the water out??”
namjoon KNOWS exactly what’s up :’)
“is there even a clothesline that’d bEAR the weight??”
the two of you are so happy that you just look at each other laughing, a moment in time before namjoon nudges you to lean back because the ending’s happening
you don’t even question him how he’d know that it’s the ending and not just another opening to a new scene, just listening to him
you’re so happy
the play made you happy but namjoon made you even happier :-)
“if you are a critic, you should probably open up your review with this chatty play-hating girl beside you, then at the end, close it off with how she loves it.”
it’s the parting conversation as you realize and holy fuck you are nOT ready for it
you r gonna drag this out for as long as you could <3
......
and namjoon wants in too <3
“noted. if i was a playwright, i’d even make you the lead. which detail should i include? offering me wrapper-covered rice crispy snacks, or asking how you’d watch it while going thru the bathroom?”
this feels so natural
as natural as the couple in the play you’ve just finished watching :))
“you’re hilarious,” you’re not even the slightest bit annoyed and your restrained smile tells him all about it
yea you may have brought in snacks illegally but you aRE gathering your trash up as you’re a decent human being
namjoon wishes you’d pick up after yourself slowly, standing up from his seat as he has the plan of picking up trash that isn’t even his
“what name should i put then?”
you’re silent and oh god he thinks you found his company stupid and would definitely not give him your name
you’re not ignoring him though!!!
his words are still stuck in your head, realizing it lately with his “which detail should i include?”
“me wanting to turn this into a film, actually.”
you test the words out on your tongue, nodding to yourself after a few seconds that you seem so sure of it
“yeah. i wanna make it into a film.”
the lights turn on after being dim for so long, namjoon’s eyes going wide trying to digest what you’ve just said
“w-what?
.....
no fucking way
HOLY FUCKING SHIT SWFRWFBWRHGBRBVWRV SWBHJSDB SHJAVBHGJDS BWHRGHBSVWBGRH
namjoon’s malfunctioning as he’s looking at you from eye to eye, bottom lip trembling while he’s so keen at pointing at you
“y-you’re miss y/n!!”
....
right
oH RIGHT
he’s a fan of yours??
namjoon’s fanning his face because he’s about to literally burst into tears
how could he nOT???
how could he not be emotional when all along, he’s been talking to his number one favorite director????
you and your films are the absolute gems of his life namjoon’s not even kidding
your films were world-renowned for being so natural and sentimental without loading too much into it!!!! you’re known for being so humble through the multiple back-to-back awards and praise you get!!!! 
he cannot calm the fUCK down when you’re rubbing circles on his back
“you w-want to turn my play into a film?”
oh my gOD
you’re fumbling for the envelope and it’s only nOW that you realize that it’s not from seokjin in the first place
spring day a play by kim namjoon an invite for director y/n y/l/n
“it’s you!!!!”
“no it’s YOU!!”
jin’s plan worked alright :D
he’s just FOUR rows behind you lmao
it was just two weeks ago when yoongi, the executive producer of his film that he was directing, let it slip that he was co-financing a play
he met yoongi some semesters later after he became close with you, and he’s aLSO converted yoongi into hating theatre then he fit right in to your little posse of theatre kid-hating film students
that gave jin the laugh of his laugh and yoongi was not joking at all
“no, no. i’m telling you man. it’s different! i even have the script that i’ll let you read.”
and holy shit it IS different
if you see a couple tears on the last seven pages of yoongi’s copy of spring day’s script then mind yo oWN fucking business
then two weeks later, here he is :D
jin managed to also convert you to love theatre even IF it is namjoon’s play that did all the work
( also coincidentally found you a future boyfriend because he’s tired of seeing you alone and the closest you’d get to having someone is projecting your yearning into writing the scripts for the films you’d make )
he’s also secretly co-financed the whole play along with yoongi and he’ll drop that bomb later on lmao
“and that must mean i looked like a total FOOL beside you oh my god im so sorry!!”
namjoon panics at that, about to cry when another realization hits him when he’s about to put his head on his hands
“then that means the friend who gave you the ticket was-”
SEOKJIN VBFHSBVHSFBVSFHDVBSJFV SFJVJSFVSJVSSV SSV V FS FSV SFBVRBVRSVSWVGU
he cries to your shoulder and you never expected to be hugging and consoling someone you’ve just met two hours ago, a more than fond smile on your face he takes advantage of when he sneaks in the chance to ask you
“do you mean that?”
“now why would i lie to the playwright who’s been listening to me talk shit, then theorizing, then crying for the past hour?”
it’s true though
namjoon’s seen it all
he’s still handsome as ever even when he sniffles, his dimples on display when you return his question
“now did you mean it? writing me into your play?”
why are you even ASKING
:D
he’s the biggest fan of u
namjoon’s made notes of your work, dedicated scripts to your movies, and he’s thinking about how it’s not yet hitting you how your whole epiphany about the pink sweater turning brown on his play,,, was entirely inspired from you and your affinity for lighting in your films
he thinks it’s still a little early to kiss you on the cheek even if you’ve already hugged, instead settling on pinching your cheek with satisfaction present in all corners
“you’ve always been my muse.”
123 notes · View notes
elffees · 2 years
Text
some little additions to the ep 5 endings for low brotherhood
oh this post is going to hurt but i’m doing it anyway. these are just some brainstorms on tweaks to the endings bc for the most part, they all come off as high brotherhood, which is fine for me tbh bc i have never played a LB route cause im Soft™️. but i’m also Curious™️ and thought up some variations that couldve been made for people that did have a LB playthrough
these are mostly tiny changes. nothing too major bc like in canon, i think morality having the highest affect on Cross vs. Surrender is fine, but it would’ve been kinda cool if the epilogues had been tweaked a little to reflect brotherhood also. so possible tweaks i thought of is basically what this post is about.
here’s some:
redemption
(sidenote: okay i said the changes were mostly little and i promise they are. this ending specifically tho just has the most significant ones i’ve made by adding in like 2 extra scenes. but that’s really it)
in this ending things are the same when they reach the road block, including daniel tearing up, until sean says “you’re my brother”. they do not exchange i love yous nor hug or touch foreheads. sean goes straight to “and i know it’s gonna be alright” while keeping an outstretched arm on daniel’s shoulder. daniel also goes straight to his “how do you know”. the car scene plays out the same from then on except without hugging. they mostly stay separately in each other’s seats.
daniel doesn’t panic and jump to his feet when the police start walking sean to the car. he stands up resigned and watches sadly but quietly. sean doesnt say anything as he gets in the car but does look back at daniel before they pull off
in the collage, there is still a picture of daniel visiting sean in prison, but they don’t hug and just speak tensely across from one another.
daniel doesn’t come on the day of sean’s release, karen is the only default. now, like lyla, daniel is a determinant. (imagine if they were all determinant and even karen didn’t come meaning sean could get out of jail with nobody in the world caring about him jesus christ) there’s a scene with sean afterwards visiting daniel’s apartment. when daniel opens the door, he’s shocked and slams a palm to his forehead, clearly having forgot sean’s release date.
there’s small polite smiles on their faces as they greet each other at the door, but sean never makes it past the front steps. their conversation is brief before daniel gestures that he actually was walking out and has to go. they say their goodbyes with a casual hug (quick back slap) before daniel hops in his car using his power and pulls off with sean watching.
sean still goes back to their first campsite but alone. it mostly plays out the same where he still cries, but with no comfort, and then drives away towards the right after taking one last look at the trail
the epilogue ends with daniel stepping out of his car and approaching faraway friends that he waves to. they’re drawn vague and out of focus to save on production costs (don’t worry dontnod i gotchu). the angle of the scene shifts so it looks like daniel is walking off towards the left
summary (1/2) -> sean took the heat in order to let daniel have a childhood in america. and he succeeds in this, but because their relationship was poor, during his incarceration their bond practically turns to dust. daniel gets a childhood, but sean loses his own and his brother in return
summary (2/2) -> sean still wants some kind of relationship with his brother, but its awkward and distant. daniel does not hate sean. he holds some semblance of polite respect for him bc in his HM!eyes sean “did the right thing” at the end of their journey. but overall, they are not that close and are more like acquaintances who just worked on a group project one time.
blood brothers
sean doesn’t say “be careful” before daniel gets out the car. just “you know what to do”
they don’t hold hands after daniel’s massacre. daniel just stares out the window while sean focuses ahead
(after the 6 years) when sean backs into the garage and daniel sees he’s being held at gunpoint, daniel doesn’t do anything at first. he doesn’t even move forward to get a better look. he simply watches the scene play out until the gang members notice he’s there, bc sean keeps glancing his way, and they begin to threaten him too. that is when he uses his powers.
sean giving daniel a pat on the shoulder? yeah in this LB version it’s now a shove. he noticed that daniel did not have his back. daniel just shrugs.
he still heads out to their patio and takes a seat. the scene is angled so that the player sees sean over daniel’s shoulder think about joining him, wanting to go smoke, with their dad’s lighter already out so we still see it. but he instead waves his hand dismissively and turns back into the shop.
daniel stares out towards the beach alone.
summary -> they gain freedom and escape to mexico, but their relationship is empty. there’s no polite respect, but there’s no outright animosity either. it’s just….. empty.
lone wolf
daniel doesn’t say the “it’s my turn to take care of us” line (omg it was so good tho). it’s now smthg along the lines of “i won’t let you stop me here after all this”
when saying the “we made it” set of lines, he’s still happy but also boastful, ready to hold it over sean that he was right
he doesn’t cry. instead of sobbing over the death of his brother, he is more shocked bc of how unexpected it is. he still calls out for sean’s name frantically, but does not get distraught afterwards. instead of leaning onto sean’s arm like he does in canon, after it sinks in that sean’s dead, he only grimaces while sitting uncertainly in his seat
the pictures stay the same
when sitting on the beach and looking over the ocean, he is not drawing in sean’s journal. he still has a small smile on his face but we also see him taking swigs of the beer can(?) here instead of later
also instead of a teardrop tattoo, he has a tattoo of 3 dots. the teardrop has several meanings, including death of a loved one or crime affiliation. but bc a lot of players interpreted it as being a tear for sean, then i think it’s preferable to just not have it in the LB version at all to avoid confusion and just have him with the 3 dots to make it clear it’s solely part of the gang/crime lifestyle
(moving on) daniel heads over to sean’s memorial and it is absolutely not as decorated as it is in canon. there is only 1 candle and no plants. the brick is still there but instead of a cross, it’s just a hastily laid single wooden plank with sean’s name scribbled down it. there’s no eye patch. the only thing of sentimental value there is their dad’s lighter.
daniel doesn’t sit, he stands looking at the memorial while drinking his beer. he realizes it’s empty tho and lazily litters the can beside sean’s memorial before turning to walk off and as he does he sees the gang.
most of their interaction plays out the same, but while daniel’s walking away instead of sparing the group, it’s clear he kills them as they are all unmoving, us seeing the dude with the gun flop to the ground over daniel’s shoulder. this change is bc personally i interpreted daniel sparing them as a sortve homage to sean’s high morality in this route. as in he’ll still do what needs to be done to survive, but will try to kill as little as possible out of respect for sean’s beliefs. so being as though daniel does not value sean as much in this LB version, he doesn’t care about that and kills them without thought.
summary -> for the most part, daniel still has the relatively content life he does in canon except, going by the now bare minimum memorial and littering, he doesn’t value sean’s memory nearly as much as he does in HB. sean’s death was ofc still a shock and smthg he still remembers, but it didn’t crush him like it does HB!daniel, and he honestly feels more annoyance than regret. in his LM!eyes, hes disappointed and thinks its a little stupid that sean wanted to switch gears at the border like that. he doesn’t hate him tho, he just sees sean as a disappointing memory.
parting ways
at the border daniel still cries, but instead of saying sorry to sean he says “i can’t do this sean. i have to go”, making it extra clear he’s not crying bc it’s the end, he’s crying bc of the damage he does not want to do.
he still says the “i hope you’ll be happy” line, but instead of being genuine it’s now full of disappointment with a twinge of bitterness
you know that quick angry facial expression he has before he’s walked off by the cops? WELL HOWDY IT DEFINITELY STAYS
the picture collage still shows him having a relatively happy upbringing with stephen, claire, and chris
when he’s on the phone at the reynolds’ and claire comes up to him, he’s still smiling and content. when he gets the letter with no sender name, his smile drops after taking the pic out and realizing who it’s from. the player doesn’t see yet tho. emphasis on 1 pic bc it’s not several like it is in canon/HB.
daniel rolls his eyes and with his power tosses the envelope & photo card (no sand btw) across the room so they land on a distant table. the camera zooms in on them and we finally see it’s of sean in mexico.
when claire comes back into the room, she halts seeing the mail and picks them up, glancing between them and daniel regretfully before sitting down
we go back to daniel and with arms crossed, he glances out at the tree in the yard for a brief moment before walking away
the scene stays focused on the tree and we still zoom out to the Wolf Brothers carving, except it has a not-recent slash cut through it
summary -> daniel gets a childhood in america and sean gets his freedom in mexico, but their relationship is destroyed. daniel doesn’t approve of sean’s final decision at all and holds little to no respect for him. sean sends the post card bc, like in redemption, he still wishes to hold some kind of relationship, but he doesnt try all that hard and doesn’t miss daniel that much to send several pics and a chunk of sand.
and so these were some of my ideas for low brotherhood endings! i tried to put them in order from most positive (minute respect) to most negative (outright disdain). i’d love to hear thoughts on this or if anyone wants to add to these, then that’s fine to! just don’t break my heart pls
7 notes · View notes
Note
im doing. ok!! found out that we cant return to inperson school for two weeks (they probably WILLb extending it..i will cry) and!! ik that its a safety measure but i hate it </3 BUT ANYWAYS saiki k!!! love that for u its good actually <3 PLEASE that girl sounds. v unsettling
im Writing though!!! finally it was starting to worry me but. its going pretty ok im kinda satisfied w it <3 i Am going to try to b productive now ty for that beloved i am sedning YOU loads of goodvibes + motivation love u SO much mwah <3 i hope ur day is wonderful!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO ohmygod im so sorry i get the 'i know its for safety' thing PLEASE i didnt hate online school but the fact that im in person, getting out of the house and having conversations with my friends face to face is everything to me crave it so bad so lets hope u can go back asap!!!!!!!!
yea saiki k my beloved <3 and LITERALLY she asked me about dance and i was like oh boy. thankfully the conversation ended bc i was being so curt sorry [redacted] hope u dont think im mean or whatever.
and thats good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so happy for u!!!!!!!!! and okay!! im glad you beat writer's block and have a very fun productive time!! also ty for the good vibes and motivation i need it to finish my 2021 reading journal when were already in 2022 help
anyway MWAH !! love u <333333
2 notes · View notes
theverakeller · 3 years
Note
Perhaps often joke they never imagined being with someone like each other. But it would not be this abusive horrible relationship. Do you have some other HC's to share? (4 of 4). I wrote an essay back so LOL.
Anon, YOUR headcanons are everything omg. I JUST HAVE TO AGREE YESSSS!!! WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID. YES Web wouldn’t take Lieb’s shit and Lieb would be quick to apologize. And yes Lieb would struggle a lot with his PTSD and so many arguments start becomes of his anger because of that but Web would shut that down and he just would be SUCH a support system for Lieb and vice versa and they literally would just need each other so much and UGH.
But MY HC’s? omg okay so I don’t have many but literally my biggest one is that throughout the series, Lieb has a huge crush on Web and anytime he is around him he’s a super dork. LIKE COME ON. HE IS AND NO ONE CAN DENY THAT. So OBVIOUSLY when Lieb first saw Web he was like ‘holy shit this dude is super beautiful, way too pretty to be in the army what is he doing here whatever liebgott don’t get distracted’ but the thing is, is that Lieb CANNOT get Web out of his mind? He literally cannot look away when he’s near him his senses are just super heightened when Web’s around and so when he FINALLY says something to Web, he says something super stupid and is immediately ‘oh fuck you idiot he went to harvard he probably thinks you’re an idiot’ and then starts laughing it off and promptly insults Web for something dumb. As time goes on and they’re off in England and eventually further into Europe, the game that Lieb comes up with himself is to see how many times he can touch Web or make him laugh (so he says stupid shit) which is hard bc Web is always so solemn and writing in his damn journal and basically Lieb is just head over heels for this dude ok. When Web gets shot, Lieb heart almost jumps out of his chest when he finds out and so before Web gets shipped off to the hospital he makes sure that he goes and makes fun of him for getting shot or something but honestly he’s dying on the inside at the fact that Web got shot and is going away but is super glad that it wasn’t any worse AND MIND YOU THIS IS ALSO THE FIRST TIME THAT LIEB SHOWS WEB A LITTLE BIT OF SOFTNESS and not his usual dumb, sarcastic self that he usually is. Like after he makes fun of Web for getting shot, Lieb goes to leave but then turns back around and makes sure to softly put a hand on Web’s warm for a moment too long and tells him that he’s glad he didn’t get hurt too bad.
When Web comes back from the hospital Lieb is a different Lieb obvs, he is exhausted and SO ANGRY that Web wasn’t there in the Ardennes but at the same time he can’t stop the dumb fluttery feeling that pops up whenever Web comes around again and he’s just so happy that he’s back and seeks him out all the time and just touches him whenever he can. For example:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
AND LIEB JUST PINES OKAY.  HE PINES!!! And he continues to be a dork in front of Web because WEB IS JUST EVERYTHING THAT LIEB IS NOT, HE WENT TO HARVARD! HE’S SMART! HE’S NOT A LOUDMOUTH! AND JUST EVERYTHING THAT LIEB NEVER KNEW HE WANTED BUT HE WANTS!!!! Lieb’s crush continues once Web comes back and there he is just being a dork and literally everyone in easy is like ‘bro?? what is your problem?? why are you such a loser when Web is around??” and so since this crush and pining just continues CAUSE IT COULD NEVER COME TO FRUITION BC LIEB THINKS WEB IS TOO GOOD FOR HIM. So the whole scene with the finding out that Web never finished school and Web freaks out on Lieb and then LIEB COMFORTS TO LET HIM KNOW THAT HE DOESN’T THINK ANY LESS OF HIM FOR NOT FINISHING and so when he asks him what he studied and Web is like ‘Lit’ and since Lieb is still in that trying to make Web feel better zone, his mind literally does a haywire when responding and without even thinking about it he’s like “I LOVE TO READ” and starts naming off comic books and then once he realizes what he’s done that’s when he puts the cigarette in his mouth bc ‘OMG JOSEPH LIEBGOTT, YOU ARE AN IDIOT, WEB ALREADY THINKS YOU’RE AN IDIOT AND YOU HAD TO GO STICK YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH’ and he’s just embarrassed and dying. MEANWHILE HE DOESN’T NOTICE THAT WEB HAS A BLUSH ON HIS FACE AFTER THIS CONVERSATION.
Meanwhile after finding the Landsburg camp, Lieb kind of curls in on himself and isn’t Lieb and Web is alarmed and notices and so he finds himself actively searching out Lieb to make sure he’s okay and to keep his mind off things and just wants to comfort him and all the time, even though he’s in his mind, Lieb is still like BUTTERFLIES IN TUMMY and it’s the cutest but since he’s not trying so hard he’s not being a loser and dumb and they just become closer and ugh it’s beautiful.
WHICH LEADS ME TO THE FACT THAT IDK HOW BUT THEIR FIRST KISS HAPPENS AFTER THE WAR IS OVER, IN FACT THEIR FIRST KISS HAPPENS V-E DAY NIGHT WHEN THEY’RE BOTH DRUNK OUT OF THEIR MINDS BUT THEN WHEN THEY REALIZE WHAT THEY DID BOTH OF THEM ,ESP LIEB AVOID EACH OTHER LIKE THE PLAGUE but they can’t do that forever bc reasons and so they have to talk about it eventually but that leads to more kisses and Lieb is like ‘wtf I thought you thought I was an idiot??’ and Web is just like ‘You are an idiot bc i’VE LITERALLY WANTED TO KISS YOU SINCE YOU SAW ME OFF WHEN I GOT SHOT’ and basically both have had feelings for each other since idk when and they didn’t know bc they’re both idiots.
ANYWAY MORAL OF THIS VERY LONG STORY IS THAT THEY ARE SUPER IN LOVE AND SUPER SOFT WITH ONE ANOTHER DESPITE THEIR VERY HEATED ARGUMENTS WHICH DO HAPPEN AT TIMES BUT THEY GO TOE TO TOE AND EVENTUALLY GIVE IN TO ONE ANOTHER BC THEY LOVE EACH OTHER TOO MUCH. AND LIEB DOES DUMB SHIT AND SAY STUPID STUFF WHEN WEB IS AROUND.
I’m sorry that was literally just one headcanon and I have other (not many) but there isn’t enough space and I already talked too much anyway lmao
20 notes · View notes
cutiejoshi · 3 years
Text
Tumblr media
hi guysss 💗 this past month has been kinda hard for me so sorry that I’ve barely been online :( but 2020 is almost over (for me at least- I’m behind ajdhsj) and I wanna show my appreciation for some of the people I’ve met on here!! This blog existed for a while but I only started using it since June so I’m still ✨new✨ but it’s crazy how much you guys have changed my life ahh~ okay so here’s my tiny love notes for you guys 💕
@wonusblind
Deeyaaa!! <3 I’m so glad I met you through the carat anon thing! It’s so crazy how similar we are (soulmaTEs 😌🤚) and we get along so well! Another desi carat whos my age bro I was so happy pls ajdhdj I hope we get closer in 2021 <3 ilyyy!! 💕
@kabira
MANNXX 🥺✨💗 hi it’s been a while HOW ARE YOUU <3 ilysm ahh that carat anon thing was rlly a good thing 😌 you’re so fun to talk to and I’m still sooo glad you were my carat anon- how was that in June omg akdhsk let’s keep talking I’ll spoil you forever with cat pics ✨
@soonhoonsol
cHEYENNE WHAT CAN I EVEN SAY TO YOU YOU ARE THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY 2021 😭😭❤️❤️❤️ youre the first friend I made here and I’m so glad~~ I’ll forever be happy that you support whatever I make and always motivate me 🥺💕 literally you made my year and idk what I’d do without you now- I could write a whole essay and how much I love you omg ajdhdj thank you for being in my 2020 and let’s keep talking in 2021 <3
@squishy-woozi
Hi Kris!! It’s been a while since we talked- how have you been :) I’m so glad I met you this year! Your art is AMAAZING and I love talking to you <3 have a great year!!
@all-for-yunhoseok
SANAA HI!! It’s been a while since we talked to but omg we must talk more!! Haikyuu and Kpop yea pls 😌❤️ youre so fun to talk to and you’re so pretty too!! I’m so glad we met this year! Have an amazinggg year !! Let’s get closer <3
@regularhuhhh
MADISONNN HEY 😌✨💕 omg I aM SOO glad you talked to me bc pls I LOVE TALKING TO YOUU!! The haikyuu conversations- AMAZING 😌 AND ALL THE TIK TOKS AJDHDJ I LOVE THEM! I just started s4 so yes pls let’s talk abt it 💗 ilyyy have a great year!!
@lunatens
LUNAAA BFFIE HI ILY💕🤩✨ YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE BESTT im so glad I met you omg ajdhdk a world without luna- not one that I want to live in 😌🤚❤️ I would write a book abt you omf you actually made this year so much better and bearable- and you hype up my dances too pls ur the bestest ever 🥺🥺✨✨ I truly hope we can be friends forever ahh if I ever go to Canada someday Ihopewecanmeet 😔👉👈 n e ways HAVE AN AMAAAZING YEAR YOU DESERVE IT TALENTED ARTIST JOSHUAS SWEETHEART HAIKYUU LOVING BEST FREN🥺💗✨ also you already know but I love ur writing 😌❤️
@hyeri-yah
Hi hyeri! We haven’t talked much but I really want to next year! You seem like an amazing person and you’re so talented!! Hehe I’m so amazed that you bullet journal and embroider! I’d love to try embroidering some day it seems rlly cool ajdhdj and I’d love to watch those anime you recommended when I get time!! Let’s get closer next year!! Have a great year ❤️💗
@minghaosbitch
Katyaaa hi!! Are you still watching Toradora? Hehe I kinda gave up at the first episode so I gotta get to it ajdhdj but hehe you’re such an amazing person! You have the coolest pets omg AND YES YOURE THE PRETTIEST KATYA A FACT 😌🤚💗 have a great 2021!! <3
@bethe-flower
JENN!! Hii!! You- IM SOO glad I met you this year 🥺💗 you make me so happy eheh just positive energy when I talk to you! I’m so glad I met another Kino stan too hehe yes dinosaur kino 🦖❤️ youre messages always make my day!! seriosuly youre the sweetest I love you so much!! Have an amazing year jenn!! 💗✨
@vanillajoshh
Hi Mia!! Omg thank you so much for messaging me this year 🥺💗 I am SOO glad I met you Mia! You’re just the sweetest and AHH UR ART IS SO AMAZING! I love the Shua ones so much! Yes he is beautiful 😌 AND AHH THE PJO HEHE Not me being obsessed with Nico ajdhdjd BUT LETS KEEP TALKING AND GET CLOSER ILY!! ❤️❤️ have a great year Mia!! <3 <3
@baebrants
Hey Hyun!! I thank tumblr for getting us to talk hehe but ty for ur interaction w my blog always 🥺💗 you’re blog is honestly the funniest it makes my day✨✨ thank you so much for talking to me let’s get closer!! Have a great day 💗💗
And ofc there’s so many more people!! Thank you so much everyone ❤️❤️
20 notes · View notes
shadowofmoths · 3 years
Note
#6 for lwj and wwx?
tam!!! ilysm i had so much fun w this prompt. also theres an ao3 link here bc this got kinda long oop “lan zhan. hey, lan zhan.” wei wuxian’s words are insistent, but whispered, as though he doesn’t want to break the silence of the night around them. the sky is dark around them, and the moon is bright, like it was when they first met. before either of them knew what they would become to each other. this night, they are laying in the grass in cloud recesses, as snow-white rabbits hop and stretch and nap nearby. wei wuxian’s head rests nearly on lan wangji’s shoulder, with his arm resting gently on lan wangji’s chest. it is the most peaceful lan wangji can remember feeling in a long, long time.
”mn. wei ying.” “lan zhan, i missed you when i was gone.” he says it like a secret. “did you miss me?” lan zhan stares at him, looking surprised and--concerned? offended, maybe?
“did i miss you? wei ying--when you were dead?” he asks. wei wuxian sits up immediately, looking nearly frantic.
“ah! no, lan zhan, no, that’s not what i meant at all. i’m sorry, lan zhan, ah--i wouldn’t joke about that, i wouldn’t.” he grabs for lan wangji’s hands, and pulls him up until he is sitting as well, so wei wuxian can wrap his arms around his shoulders and rock them both back and forth. lan wangji follows easily, tucking his head against wei wuxian’s shoulder and resting his hands on his waist. “i promise i wouldn’t, lan zhan.”
lan wangji, now that he’s thinking clearly, knows that wei wuxian wouldn’t. they’d had that conversation already, when he had made one too many jokes about his own death and lan wangji had made himself be honest about why it bothered him so much. he did his best to explain, to tell wei wuxian what he meant, about the enormity of his grief. if he had had the words he would have said:
wei ying, for every breath i took the past sixteen years, i missed you. i missed you the way i would a limb, or my golden core, or my own slow-beating heart. like you were my best friend, my soulmate, the other father to my son. even when my grief had calmed from a hurricane to a slow, heavy fog, it never left me. those sixteen years i learned how to survive without you, wei ying, but never again how to live. and i did not know sunlight again until i heard your voice. 
lan wangji had not had the words to say this. but he thinks that wei wuxian heard some of it anyway, as he never again brought up his own death with anything but gentleness in front of lan wangji. and he knows, now, that he would not have asked something so careless. “i apologize. i do know that you wouldn’t joke about your dying--i was not thinking, and i made assumptions.” as he speaks, lan wangji moves a hand from wei wuxian’s waist to the back of his head, combing gently through his loose ponytail and pulling blades of grass from it. “lan zhan, ah, lan zhan, don’t apologize, silly, its--we’re okay. i didn’t mean to upset you.”
“we’re okay,” lan wangji echoes, a reassurance. wei wuxian sighs in relief, his breath close enough to ruffle lan wangji’s hair just a little. “what i meant,” wei wuxian continues, “was, did you miss me, just recently, when i was travelling. i missed you, of course--every beautiful thing i saw, i wanted to turn to you and point and say, ‘lan zhan, look at that!’ sometimes i’d forget, and tell you about something anyway, until i’d remember you weren’t there.” wei wuxian’s voice has gone soft, and wistful, and maybe a little embarrassed, and all at once lan wangji feels so full of love for him that he thinks his heart could break. he moves to lay back down on the grass, pulling wei wuxian with him until he lays half on top of him, their arms still around each other, wei wuxian’s face against lan wangji’s neck. “i started writing you letters, but i got too embarrassed to send them. it just kind of ended up being a journal that i kept, but...but written for you, i guess.”
“wei ying,” lan wangji says, feeling like he could just up and die of feeling. “wei ying. i missed you. when you were travelling.” he pauses, the tips of his ears bright red. “whenever you aren’t with me, i miss you.”
“oh.” wei wuxian says. he pulls lan wangji closer to him. lan wangji can feel the soft motion of wei wuxian’s eyelashes against his neck whenever he blinks. “oh,” he says again. “lan zhan, i didn’t know.” “i missed you every day for sixteen years,” lan wangji points out. “no matter where you are, if you are away from me, i will miss you. my wei ying.” “my lan zhan…” wei wuxian says, soft and serious in the way he so rarely is. “you won’t have to miss me any more, okay? i know i get restless but...but maybe next time i travel you can just come with me. so i won’t have to miss you, either.” “mn. yes.” “yes? just like that?” “want to be where wei ying is,” lan wangji says. he doesn’t know how to make it any clearer to wei wuxian that he loves him. “i want to be where you are too, lan zhan. so lets stay together, okay?” wei wuxian says. lan wangji nods, and kisses wei wuxian on the center of his forehead, where the medallion of his forehead ribbon would lay if he had one. “okay.” wei wuxian says. he grins. “good.”
11 notes · View notes
unholyplumpprincess · 3 years
Text
Hello! You've done an Apex matchup for me before, and I was wondering if you could do an Overwatch one! I'll go ahead and do a description again so you don't have to dig the old one up.
I'm a trans girl (she/her), 22, and about 5'9" with short blonde hair. I tend to identify as bi; however, while I usually prefer women, I feel like that's because I've only ever been able to date women, so if there's a man you think makes the most sense then go for it! Around strangers I'm very quiet and reserved, but once I'm comfortable enough to consider someone my friend it's like a switch is flipped, and I become very talkative and goofy. I enjoy lots of things, from video games to reading (both novels and comics) to movies and animated shows. A good and compelling story is very important to me, but if something is unique and weird and fun enough I'll usually enjoy it just as much! I'm fairly conflict-averse but I'm trying to get better about that, and I also have ADHD. My love language is quality time, and I value a partner who is willing to listen to me as well as straightforward and patient if I happen not to understand them right away.
NSFT:
Genitalia for me is cock/dick, the matchup can have whichever, I'm not picky! For the most part I'm pretty vanilla, but so long as a kink isn't too icky or out there I'd probably be willing to try it. While I have no problem topping, I'd like a partner who I can bottom for more (I wanna be loved on and spoiled :P). Even when I'm on top, I like being directed so I don't have to worry whether or not I'm doing something they like. Cuddling/spooning and foreplay beforehand are a must, being naked and just making out with your partner can be just as fun and are an essential part of the process.
Submitted by @punchodile
_____________
Okay this was Really hard bc I got stuck between two people for you but I GOT THIS.
I match you wiiiiiiiiiiith: Dr. Mei-Ling Zhou!
Warnings: R18+/NSFT under the cut
________________
Congratulations on your very soft, very small wife! Mei is very talkative when you can get her going, albeit, of course, polite. But like any good scientist, she is so excited to share any information with you on her findings! Including a story or two about her run in with a yeti- one she always ponders on and is happy to reenact for you with great, big, dramatic motions and stomping and jumping for you. Always worth it to see you smile.
Mei likes that you’re goofy once you open up- you’re probably her lab assistant or a partner just to help out with her excessive journaling so she can turn it into a book on her findings. You two bond to the point that Mei becomes close to you rather quickly, snuggling up against you after asking for consent and offering you snacks and homemade food to the point you don’t have to ever worry about bringing in a lunch.
Anything you’re interested in, you’ll catch Mei doing midnight research, even if it’s just a comic book or video game you like. She’ll watch play throughs or read throughs just so she can have a better understanding and add to the conversations you give her. Mostly consisting of her flashing a blinding smile on her plump cheeks and going, “Yes! I heard that was in, ah, volume two? Tell me more, I am quite fond of that character!” Just so happy to add to and understand things.
Quality time is no issue. Mei always wants to be near you. She’s a bit...touch starved and likes to be close to you, even just in the same room, so you can normally find her within your sights just before she plops into your lap for some snuggles. She also tends to get colder, so your body is perfect for heating up! But also terrible for the nights you share a bed and she sticks her cold hands against you and cackles as you squeak and try to escape.
As for bedroom behavior?
~Rest under the cut~
Though she is shorter than you and looks awfully sweet, Mei is no submissive. Sure she’ll fall putty into your hands over kisses and makeouts, but getting her wet only serves to make her want to touch you more. Top or bottom, doesn’t matter, Mei is more fond of being the one ‘in charge’ regardless of scenario. Normally resulting in you being told exactly what to do. Also normally with you ending up on your back with your fingers dug into the sheets while she uses various toys on you.
‘Experiments’ she calls it with a big smile on her face as she makes you cum again and again, or some nights, edging you for hours on end to see what makes you tick the most.
Mei is also quite fond of you showing how much you like her body as much as she does to you. Squish her soft rolls, kiss her pudgy cheeks, grab her plentiful ass, and she’ll immediately become downright Horny for you. Grabbing your hair, kissing along your skin and murmuring sweet nothings to you, biting you on occasion only to flush and ask if that hurt.
She’s especially fond of riding you, where she can make eye contact and murmur how much she appreciates you and how warm you are and how good you feel. She’s just as fond of you riding her, where she smiles up at you so bright and guides your hips and encourages you to move faster even if you’re already shaking.
There’s a lot of fumbling, lots of her glasses fogging or being haphazard on her face, and lots of laughter most nights, but you two get through alright once she gets the hang of it.
8 notes · View notes
signetxego · 4 years
Text
Okay so. I was thinking about things. Things being the flintseol dorm story. And idk now i’m Dying To Talk About It so here is a very detailed crash course on the Boys PLEASE talk to me abt it im begging you hit up my dms i’ll marry you
Under the cut for obscenely long post for smth with no actual writing.
When Ace loses his alchemy homework, Epel advices he goes to his classmate Blaise for help, who can find anything if he gets a good description of it. Ace, Epel, Deuce, Yuu and Grim find Blaise, who uses his unique magic to locate the lost homework.
Deuce is really impressed, and tells Blaise that a magic like that is super valuable, but Blaise becomes downcast and explains that he can’t find things unless he has a clear idea of what he’s looking for in his minds eye, so it only really helps him retrieve small things that he’s already seen. It never works for the thinks he’s looking for.
Blaise goes on to say that the dorm he is in, Flintseol, has a long-standing legend, one that has puzzled students since the founding of the dorm. The first dorm leader, before he left the school, hid a stash of treasure somewhere on the grounds, and a trail of clues to locate it. Over the years, nobody has been able to solve the puzzles and locate the treasure.
Grim and Ace her excited at the prospect of treasure, and ask Blaise if they can help him look for it, and split it between them, however Blaise gets annoyed and says that a true pirate doesn’t accept help, and he can do it by himself. He storms off, but Ace isn’t willing to give up on a legendary stash of treasure hidden, and suggests that they try and find it without Blaise’s help.
After school, they go to the library, to do some research and see if they can find any hints on where the first clue is. As they talk, they are overheard by a strange boy with a mechanical eye, who joins their conversation, and tells them it’s been years since students from another dorm have tried to find Flintseol’s hidden treasure vault. Yuu mentions that it’s odd, since surely students from other dorms, like Azul or Ruggie, would want to get their hands on something so valuable. The cyborg laughs, and tells them that the first clue is hidden in the Flintseol dorms, and it’s protected fiercely. An unseemly fate awaited all students who tried to break in and steal it, and so eventually they all gave up.
He says that over years, clues have been found and lost, their whereabouts gone forever. Pirates can’t be expected to work together, especially when treasure is involved. He encourages them to do their best finding the treasure, but once he leaves Yuu decides he sounded quite patronising.
The next day, the gang decide to sneak into the Flintseol dormitory, having stolen some uniforms from Vil’s stash in the pomefiore dorm. However, as soon as they set foot inside they find that it’s nothing like any other dorm, and they struggle to find their way around the complicated layout without disrupting any students. They’re saved from a run-in with some delinquents by Blaise, who pulls them aside after a time limit fight and asks them what they’re doing at his dormitory.
Blaise tries to convince them to leave, but Ace and Grim are determined to find the clue for the treasure. Blaise is torn, but eventually decides to sneak them up to the port, an area at the top of the dorm where most of the ships are docked. At the end of the largest of the rope bridges, is a single mirror carved into the floor, the first clue.
After looking around the mirrors on campus, Blaise thinks they should sneak into the dorm leaders room, since a mirror hangs in there. Blaise picks the lock and he and Yuu sneak in whilst the others stand guard.
They find nothing around the mirror, but Blaise’s attention is drawn to a folder slightly open. Going through it, he and Yuu find some old photos, moving back into sketches and portraits from the past at NRC. it seems to be the dorm leaders personal investigations into the treasure stash. They go from very old to very recent, and there are some of the current flintseol students.
Meanwhile, outside, Deuce and Epel are spotted by Inigo, who they mistakenly believe to be the dorm leader due to his strict way of speaking to them. They try to stall him, but he quickly realises they’re not members of his dorm, and drags them by the ears down the corridor, where he sees Blaise and Yuu leave Finnian’s room. He says that as much as he can’t stand finnian, he has to turn them in for breaking the key rule of the dorm, respect the captain above all else.
Inigo drags the group into the common room, and loudly announces that there are intruders in the dorm, and the dorm leader needs to deal with them. The commotion draws a huge crowd, and inigo uses his unique magic to trap the perpetrators in front of a portrait of a pirate holding out his hand, after Grim tries to make a runner.
Finnian appears, and Yuu is like ‘oh i thought i recognised u st the library it’s bc ur the dorm leader and were at the entrance ceremony. He laughs and seems pleased to see Yuu and the idiot gang, he gives them a lecture abt going through his stuff, although blaise retorts that he shouldn’t have left it lying around so carelessly. Importantly, he tells them that trying to follow the trail of clues will be pointless, since over the years students have taken clues for themselves and hidden them.
This angers a lot of the spectators, saying that the treasure must exist somewhere and they can definitely find it. Finnian laughs at their optimism, and tells them that their mindless enthusiasm is worthless without the drive to use your brain. It’s why none of them have overthrown him as dorm leader. At least Blaise was able to find the best hint there is left in the school.
He touches the threads binding them, and they shimmer and melt. He then tells them to start running, and not to drop the picture folder. Theres a rhythmic thingy where the idiots run away from the rest of the dorm, chasing them to try and get the folder for themselves.
They get split up as they run, and Yuu ends up with Grim and Blaise. After settling down, Yuu contemplates on how Finnian seemed totally different to when they met him in the library yesterday. Blaise says that his mood is pretty unpredictable, and he doesn’t take anything seriously. Grim asks what finnian meant when he said ‘none of you have managed to replace me as dorm leader’ and Blaise explains unique way Flintseol dork choses it’s leader. Apparently, the treasure hidden in the dorm was the puzzle set by the first dorm leader, so technically it’s the ultimate test to be ‘worthy’ of the dorm, but nobody really cares abt that, they just want that sweet gold.
Grim agrees that he just wants the gold, and prompts the other two to go through the folder from finnian’s room, to see if they can find out what he meant by ‘the biggest clue’ being hidden in there. They find an annotated excerpt from a diary, written by the first leader of the dorm. What catches their attention most is the annotation ‘surrender your physical riches to the spirit of adventure’.
At this point, Inigo finds them, and tells Blaise he always hides in this cupboard when he wants to get out of chores. Since they’re not technically breaking rules anymore, since Finnian let them go, he’s not going to fight them. Blaise shows him the excerpt from inside the folder, and explains that he’s not going to give up, and that he doesn’t think finding the treasure is impossible at all. If the dorm leader thinks that, then he’s not fit to uphold the spirit of this dorm at all.
Inigo starts to say something, but bites his tongue, and sighs, saying it’s not really any of his business as long as the day to day life of the dorm is ticking over smoothly. He explains the meaning behind the ‘adventurous spirit’ that Flintseol is founded on. The one-eyed cyborg who they follow the example of was a legendary pirate who followed a treasure map to the greatest stash of treasure in the galaxy, but in the end he gave it up to save a young shipmate who was travelling with him. Afterwards, he stopped seeking treasure, and traveled the universe alone, not bound by materialistic possessions, and instead basking in the wonders of the galaxy. Contrary to the popular image they portray, Flintseol aren’t pirates, they’re supposed to be explorers. Although, that ideal has been lost over time, as the dorms obsession with finding the rumoured stash of treasure has shown.
Blaise finds it upsetting that Inigo is so disillusioned with the other students in the dorm, and says that he never thought Finnian would turn out to be that type of person.
Inigo tells Blaise that Finnian isn’t someone he should look up to, he’s someone who can be pretty terrifying and toys with people to get what he wants from them. He’s clever, and Inigo gets the feeling he intended to leave that folder lying on his bed for someone to find, but he’s not sure why. Knowing Finnian, if there was a clue in there, he’d be able to crack it himself.
Suddenly, there’s a huge commotion outside, and the four rush over to the nearest window to see the rest of the idiots getting into a fight outside. Inigo rolls his eyes and says that they’re totally on track to getting killed, and instructs Blaise, Yuu and Grim to stay put whilst he goes and gets them.
Once he leaves, Blaise notices how quiet it is inside. It seems the commotion caused is so large that almost all of the Flintseol students have gone to watch. Yuu thinks it’s unnerving how bloodthirsty they are, and Blaise admits that things can be a bit rowdy at times. He looks down at the folder again, and reiterates how determined he is to find the treasure, and explains to Yuu why he was so eager to join Flintseol after Finnian overthrew his older brother as dorm leader. He wants more than anything to prove his worth, and puts his determination into his unique magic to locate ‘the spirit of adventure’ mentioned in the journal. To his shock, a green thread does appear at the end of his finger.
He and the ramshackle duo follow it to the main lounge where they had spoken to Finnian earlier, where it connects to the outstretched hand of the pirate in the portrait they had seen earlier. Blaise realises this pirate isn’t actually a pirate, he’s supposed to be the young shiphand who the cyborg gave up the stash of treasure to protect.
After thinking it over, Blaise solves the puzzle. As the cyborg achieved happiness through surrendering his ‘treasure’ to this boy, they must do the same to find the hidden treasure.
But what constitutes a treasure? Blaise admits that even though he is very wealthy, he doesn’t have anything that could be considered treasure. He tries handing money to the portrait, but nothing happens. Yuu suggests that maybe you need to give up a personal treasure, something that it hurts to part with. Blaise thinks of what it might hurt him to part with, and finally settles on an old, rusty compass. He explains that it was a gift from his grandfather, and was supposed to always point him back home, so he could explore to his hearts content without worrying about getting lost. He places it in the portraits hand, and the portrait moves to grip the compass. Blaise jumps away and the portrait stretches and turns into a huge door on the wall.
Going through the door and down some steps, they find a huge chamber filled to the brim with gold and jewels. Truly, a legendary stash of treasure. They take a moment to be happy, until the rest of the idiots come down the stairs and O.O at the treasure as well.
Grim asks why they went and got in such a huge fight, and Ace explains that it wasn’t their fault. They ran right into that creepy robotic dorm leader, who used wind magic exactly like his to attack some nearby students, and vanished as soon as the fighting started.
As if on cue, Finnian comes down the stairs behind the idiots, waving happily. He congratulated Blaise on solving the puzzle, even if he did need an awful lot of help from his dear dorm leader. Finnian says that he had discovered the secret to finding the treasure at the end of last year, and had debated over his to get a hold of it. The last puzzle was really unfair. The point of the trail of puzzles was to hammer in the belief that experiences are worth far more than material possessions. To achieve the ‘spirit of adventure’ and uncover the most sacred mystery of the dorm, you’d have to give up something physically important to you.
Of course, it was probably stupid of the first dorm leader to expect a pirate to change their ways. He didn’t care about the experience of a treasure hunt, or the reputation it would give him, he wanted the treasure! He wasn’t going to play along with the puzzle, and give something up, so he tricked Blaise into doing it for him. From telling Yuu and the others where to find the first clue, to leaving his folder out and hinting at the clues hidden inside, and finally to clearing out the dorm by starting a fight, so that when Blaise opened up the treasure vault, nobody else would be around to intrude as he snuck in after him.
Blaise is understandably quite angry, and says that was a horrible thing to give up his compass for. Besides, what does Finnian hope to achieve with this treasure? If everyone knows that he wasn’t the one that found it, what does he get from it?
Finnian doesn’t answer, as a loud rumbling sound behind in the background. Shouts can be heard above them. Finnian guesses that the first lot of students got bored of Inigo’s lectures and returned to the lounge, to see the newfound door. Sadly for them, they can’t get in, since his unique magic is holding the door shut. However, Blaise notes that a few students couldn’t be making such a noise by themselves, and when rocks start clattering down from the ceiling he realises the treasure room must be about to collapse down. They try to get through the door, but it’s been turned into a wall of silver. Blaise shouts through, and manages to communicate to Inigo on the other side what’s happening. Inigo tells them that if they break Finnian’s concentration, his unique magic will reverse.
They fight Finnian and get the door back to normal, and Inigo and the rest of Flintseol pour in. Finnian is trying to gather the treasure, and Inigo urges him to leave because theres no way he can take all the treasure before the room collapses. Finnian uses his unique magic to turn the walls of the chamber to silver, and try to forcibly keep it upright. As he expands his magic, the silver begins to cover the floor and grow up some students feet, pinning them in place. After exerting all this magical power and arguing with Inigo, Finnian overblots, and the squad have to fight him before he runs out of magic and the chamber fully collapses.
After the overblot we unlock Finnian’s Tragic Backstory TM, which starts with him as a tiny little kid helping his father care for his ailing mother, in a very run down, poor area of the city. His father promises that even though things are hard, as long as they all stay together, things will be okay, and gives Finnian a tiny, hand-knitted teddy bear to accompany him as he cares for his mother. Later, his mother dies, and as Finnian sits with her in her last moments, his father gets up and walks away. Finnian tries to run after him, but can’t find him, and when he returns his mother has passed away. He decides that whatever his father said was false, clearly ‘staying together’ and ‘family’ were not all that mattered. He left because they were not enough for him, and because all humans are selfish and want material goods to prove themselves. Finnian took to growing up on the streets, amassing as much wealth as he could through gambling and stealing, getting richer and richer every time he betrayed someone’s trust and took what they had for his own. The only way to be happy had to be through selfishness, right? But still, he didn’t feel any happier than he had when his mother was alive. So, he must be doing something wrong. He obviously didn’t have enough yet. Not enough money, not enough possessions. Not enough rare trinkets collected from across the land. He must not have been selfish enough yet, for simply no amount of treasure in the world could make him feel any happier.
When he wakes up, Blaise, Inigo and the idiots have dragged him out of the chamber, which has completely collapsed. Inigo scolds him for being so stupid and losing control, when he’s supposed to be the one who always has *everything* under control. Finnian comments that on retrospect, he should’ve predicted the chamber being set to self destruct. Why would a quest about giving up material possessions give you a huge hoard of treasure at the end?
He apologises to Blaise for losing his compass, and admits that the real reason he didn’t open the portrait himself was because he doesn’t have anything of value to give away, nothing he’s tried has worked. Blaise thinks back to when he was in Finnian’s room, and remembers seeing an old, knitted bear lying by the bed, and asks why he didn’t try something like that. Finnian says he only kept the bear to remind him not to get too comfortable around people, but realises that the real reason he hung onto it was because it reminded him of the happy times when he had a family, and all this time, it had really been his most valued possession. It’s enough to make him laugh, which causes him to fall backwards again, and get dragged off by Inigo to the infirmary.
As Blaise goes to follow, he catches a glint of gold in the corner of the room. The portrait on the floor is broken, and behind the frame sits his compass, untouched, and with a note behind it, old and worn, reading ‘congratulations for solving the puzzle. continue to search for adventure and happiness in the skies, and stay true to yourself.’ he pockets the message, and decides to show it to Finnian once he’s better.
A few days later, the idiots are invited back to Flintseol by Finnian, who has made a full recovery, and is as lively as ever before. Grim grumbles about how he’s hardly changed following his overblot, and is still a bit of a weirdo, and Inigo sighs and says that’s just his personality. Finnian invites them out, and the group fly on their brooms/hoverboard to the top of a huge cliff, where the view of the starts is completely beautiful, and Inigo informs them that hopefully they’ll be able to come and visit the dorm more often now that students have no need to protect the clues to the treasure. Although, he decides, looking over at Finnian, that whilst someone so unpredictable is dorm leader, they and he as well would probably be safer keeping themselves at arms length.
And tadaaah everything is fixed and the mystery has been solved!!!
47 notes · View notes