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suchalonelysunflower · 1 year

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You Are What You Love (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x Fem! Reader

Requested? Yes! (requests are currently closed)

Summary: Based on the song "Daylight" By Taylor Swift. Luke's thinking about his perspective of love while he reminisces about when he first met you

Warnings: Fluff, language, mentions of alcohol and toxic relationships. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, im sorry)

Word Count: 2.4 k

Author's Note: I just really wanted to write this one and give it my own lil twist. Remember that REBLOGS are super IMPORTANT and so are COMMENTS AND INTERACTIONS. PLEASE SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS. Hope you like it and Happy Reading

My masterlist // tag list in bio!

The day was getting to him and they’d practically just started. Doing promos all day is something they all got used to when they first started, but it has become repetitive and unhealthy after years of being in the spotlight.

It’s not like Luke isn’t grateful for the opportunity he has of making music with his best friends, he loves what he does and why he’s doing it. But he has to admit priorities have changed for him lately, and being away from home for too long was making him angsty.

“Dude, cheer up!” Ashton would say, giving him a big smile and patting him on the shoulder as they waited for the next interviewer.

Luke would give him a half-hearted, tired smile that mimicked his feelings on the inside. He would see how Michael, Ash, and Calum would joke with each other a little bit, already getting in the mood for another seven minutes of answering questions - although everyone knew Ashton would be speaking the most again, thank you very much. And for a moment it was nice to see them slip from the personas they present in front of the camera and just let them be.

He also took this moment to check his phone and take it out from “do not disturb” when a text message showed up. After reading it his smile was for real this time.

“Is it Y/N?” Michael asked, noticing the grin on Luke’s face.

“Yeah, she says hi”

Quickly, Luke texted you back, noticing the interviewer was already making their way to them. Still, he couldn’t shake the smile off of his face.

* A few years ago.

The party was a success - or a mess if you’re the one cleaning afterward, which is pretty much what Luke promised to do if Ashton threw a party that weekend. This time it took more than ten minutes to convince the eldest of 5sos to throw a party, which is more than anyone would’ve expected coming from him.

“Luke, I already hosted a party three days ago” Ashton sighed while doing the dishes, giving his back to the youngest of the band.

“But Aaaash,” Luke pouted even though Ashton couldn’t see him “It’s the weekend!”

“Don’t you think you like partying too much?”

“Funny you’re saying it,” Luke rolled his eyes, but when he noticed Ashton stare once he turned back, he knew he was serious “C’mon, dude”

“Luke, you’re deflecting” Ashton crossed his arms in front of his chest “Don’t think we don’t notice how you use parties as an excuse to avoid the elephant in the room”

“I’m fine,” He scoffed, and the eldest raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh? So you’re ready to tell me what happened the day you showed up at my house with your dog and a U-Haul filled with your things?” Ashton sighed again when noticing Luke’s eyes deflecting his gaze “Look, you know I love having you here, but it’s not fun to see you hurting, Luke. Whatever happened with her… you know we’ll support you, right?”

And Luke knew they would. Fuck, Luke loves his friends because of it, they will never leave him behind if the ship was sinking. But the ship was already at the bottom of the ocean and they were still looking for the remains of his broken heart, not knowing there was nothing left to save. Not even himself.

“Luke…”

“Fine, if you don’t want to have a party then forget it,” Luke said, turning around and going to his room.

Ashton groaned loudly and threw his head back before calling out “Okay! We’re having a stupid party! But you’re cleaning up the next day!”

And so came Saturday and the house was packed. Except for one lonely soul sitting outside against the wall, drinking a beer, and not being able to figure out what was so wrong with him. Ashton was right, he was deflecting. But what was wrong with wanting to have a little party to try and forget the past?

The lights were low, so no one could recognize him that easily as he slipped out. The loud noises of the party drowned the sounds of his mind telling him he was the one that fucked up and that he should go back to what he knew was an unhealthy environment. At least that’s a place familiar to him; the feeling of not being enough but still trying to make it up somehow; being the butt of the joke everyone and laughing along even though they never knew the struggle or the pain behind every word or comment he read on the internet.

He was in love, or at least he thought he was. Damn, there was his whole life ahead of him and he thought she’d be by his side through all of it. But love doesn’t have to be black and white, it doesn't have to make you doubt every single word or move or Instagram post. He never thought love could be so cruel… or maybe he didn’t know what love was after all.

What’s worst of it all is that he knew he hurt some people along the way. Fuck, he even made Ashton throw him a party every week to try and cheer him up even though everyone knew it was all a charade. After everything that he did wrong, his friends are still there for him when he least deserves it. All because he was too hung up to see the reality, or too scared to face it.

Still, at least he was sound of mind and heart and didn’t plan to go back to her, even if that meant waking up and facing the unknown future again.

“Cheers to that,” He mumbled as he brought the beer bottle he was nursing to his lips.

“Amen,” A voice said behind him, making him spill his drink all over his shirt “Oh shit! Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you”

Luke wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, counting to ten in his head so that he won’t curse this person out. But soon a hand was stretched out to him, offering some napkins to clean himself out.

Finally, his blue eyes were able to look at the person who so rudely interrupted his self-deprecating moment. And for a second there he was speechless.

“I’m truly sorry,” The girl gave him a shy, awkward smile, “I thought you heard me get out and- Well, that’s what I get for trying to be funny, I guess”

Luke blinked up at her, losing his train of thought when he noticed how cute she looked when blushing and the way her eyes sparkled before she looked down. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he accepted the napkins.

“It was funny,” He said, dabbing his shirt “I always hated this shirt anyways, so thank you for helping me get rid of her”

The girl smiled “I don’t know if you’re making fun of me… but, yeah, that shirt is very 2015”

Luke fake gasped in surprise “Are you saying I have bad taste?”

“I’m saying that maybe you did but are now repenting for your sins”

“So quick-witted”

“One of my many talents”

“What’s another one?”

“I can run faster than a wolf”

“Don’t you get tired?” He asked, scooting to his side so that she could sit beside him. She did.

“Maybe when I do I’ll finally find the place that makes me what to stay” She shrugged “Do you have a talent?”

“I can’t seem to differentiate heroes from villains”

She looked at him, resting her chin on her hand “What do you think I am, then?”

“I don’t know yet” He laughed, looking back at her and getting lost in her eyes for a second before asking “Should I be offended you'd rather be out here than at my party?”

“Should I be offended that the host of the party would rather sit outside in the cold than at his own party?” She challenged him “My friend dragged me here, but I’m not much of a social butterfly and I need a moment to charge my battery before she tries to set me up with another stranger”

“Ooff, tough crowd?”

“The toughest”

“Good.” Luke said, leaning back and looking up at the sky “Easiest way not to get hurt”

“Maybe,” She shrugged. “But if we don’t get hurt once in a while then why bother to feel anything at all?”

Luke turned to her, frowning as he examined her face. “Did Ashton send you here?”

The girl looked at him quizzically, “I literally have no idea who Ashton is, but if he’s like- I don’t know, your “guide” in the universe, then maybe?”

Luke laughed “He’s my co-host”

“Oh! The one singing “I will survive” in karaoke! Yeah, no, I haven’t talked to him. But if you want me to call him I could-”

“No!” Luke said way too quickly and she noticed that as well “I mean if he sees me he’ll know he’s right and I would rather eat another one of Calum’s veggie lasagnas than do that”

“Ouch, tough crowd?”

He groaned “You have no idea”

“I might, a little bit”

“Yeah?” He bumped her arm with his “What’s your story then?”

“Who wants to know?”

“Luke,” He said, extending a hand for her to shake.

“Y/N,” She took his hand in hers, shaking it firmly “Well, Luke, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours”

“And if we never want to see each other after we do?”

“Then that’s a risk we’ll both have to take”

The memory faded as he noticed all eyes were on him.

Shit.

At least there’ll be more elevator memes after this interview.

“Sorry, could you repeat the question, please?” Luke asked, ignoring Calum’s chuckle.

“Of course!” The interviewer smiled “I said that you were one of the main writers in almost every song of this album. What’s the inspiration behind it?”

“Oh,” It was an easy answer, of course, something he had rehearsed with the guys beforehand. But as the memory of your first encounter was still so fresh, another answer came to mind “Love,”

“Love?”

“Well, I guess that the right way to say it would be the feeling you get when you know you’re safe” He started, “When you feel safe around that special someone, no judgment nor fears or doubts. When that person means the world to you and you would do anything to give it to them just to see the smile on their face even for just a second. Or when you make a mistake and you’re willing to put everything on the line to try and make it right, just hoping the other one will forgive you when you think you least deserve it. “I had my doubts about love for quite some time. Thinking I was defined by it when we just create the context ourselves when we find the right person to share that love with. I always believed love would be…”

“Burning red?” Michael smiled, finding the words right out of Luke’s mouth.

“Yeah,” He smiled “But love is not supposed to burn or to hurt. Love is supposed to keep us warm and safe. Love is golden, like daylight”

“But not our old song Daylight,” Ashton said, making everyone laugh “That truly was a mistake”

“But it is part of our history,” Calum added.

“Like heartbreaks and hurt,” Luke chimed in, going back to the original question “But without them, is it even worth feeling anything at all? They’re just passing by until you find the place you want to stay, with the ones you love”

Luke watched with a smile as the other guys answered the rest of the questions, knowing full well that this is where he was meant to be. But there was someone missing.

The car dropped him off first, his friends all saying their goodbyes or see you tomorrow and saying I love you to him before he got out. He cracked his back before he grabbed his bag and made his way to the front door, waving one last time at the guys.

The moment he crossed the door he hung his keys and got rid of his boots. He was about to call your name when a faint mixture of sounds got to him. He frowned as he walked toward the living room, quickly finding you under a pile of blankets, wearing his hoodie and with an arm wrapped around a very sleepy Petunia whose snores were drowned out by the sounds on your phone.

Luke smiled as he shook his head, walking over to his two girls and sliding down next to you, wrapping you with his arms.

“What’ you doing?” He said, kissing you on the cheek “Are you- are you watching 5sos TikToks?”

“What can I say?” You said, turning into his embrace and facing him “You guys are very entertaining”

You ignored the rolling of his eyes as you leaned over to kiss him sweetly on the lips, feeling how he relaxed against you.

“Hi,” You mumbled once you pulled back just enough to have only your noses touching.

“Hi, darling” Luke smiled, kissing you briefly one more time.

“Long day?”

“The longest without you”

“Sap” You giggled, trying to scurry away before his hands found your waist and started to tickle it, but not being able to succeed.

This is what he meant about love. Coming home after a long day and having your laugh be music to his ears. Being able to touch you and kiss you like it was the first time every time. Just relaxing with you on the couch with your dog, watching hours and hours of tiktoks before any of your stomachs started to grumble. Talking about your respective days while you cook dinner together with Fleetwood Mac’s music surrounding the house, listening to all the good and the bad and the ugly, and just being there for each other.

The words “I love you” never made sense to him before you came along. But when you kiss him goodnight and whisper those words to him, he knows them to be true. And when he says them back, he knows he’s falling short. Because a love like that is impossible to describe.

A love like that is golden. A love like that is kind.

So every night he adds:

“Loving you is the best thing I have” * * tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @bubblegum183 @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @vtte @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @hfkait @savagejane1 @youneedtocalumdown @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @gracieboogirl @fastandtheformula1 @kingxnichole @wildflower98

#luke hemmings #5 seconds of summer #5sos #suchalonelysunflower #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings fanfic #luke hemmings fanfiction #Luke 5sos #luke 5 seconds of summer #5sos Luke #5 seconds of summer luke #5sos luke hemmings #5sos fic #5sos fanfiction #5 seconds of summer pic #5 seconds of summer fan fiction #luke hemmings one shot #Taylor swift #daylight

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qtssvnwoo · 1 year

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Behind Closed Doors-Chapter Five

A/N: I’M BACKKKKKKK

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: None that I’m aware of

IMPORTANT THINGS: Your last name is Barlowe (Bar-Low) cause it sounds good. Its now the start of winter of your third year. The reader is a Hufflepuff for the sake of the tropes that I am using, if you want to change it go ahead! I just would suggest to not change it to Slytherin because then the tropes wouldn’t make much sense. Enjoy!!

—-------------------------------------------------------

“Granger and B.Barlowe.”

Bennett froze, he was staring at his text book, wondering what in the god lord's name this Transfiguration book was saying when he heard the last name. He had never really paid attention to the people inside of this particular class, since most of his friends were in Slytherin and Ravenclaw, he really had no need too. But when he turned to look for the person called, his eyes met with the same bright brown ones he had bumped into earlier.

He smiled at her and she just straightened her shoulders, giving him absolutely no reaction in response. She walked over to him, placing her textbook, and what looked to Bennett as seventy million pages of notes, down onto the table. Without so much as to speak one word to Bennett, Hermoine opened her textbook and began reading through the assignment.

“Hi.”

Silence.

“Hellooo?”

Silence again.

“Are you deaf or just ignoring me?”

Hermione gave him a look, and sighed as she closed her textbook. Bennett felt intimidated by the sudden sternness that crossed her face. He was never intimidated by people, except for his sister, and of course his mom. Just thinking about his mom sent shivers down his spine.

“Listen, Bennett is it? I’m not interested in you, I don’t go for people like you.”

“Excuse me? People like me?”

“As in, players. I know what you’re like, and I am not interested.” She stated, a firm look on her face.

“Huh, that's such a shame, but I was not interested in you.” Liar.

“Glad we established that.” Was all she said before she turned her head back and she went back to reading about the assignment. Bennett looked at his book, to the clock, and back to his book. He couldn’t stay focused on anything, so of course he was going to find anything to keep him distracted.

“So…Granger, you like anyone?” Bennett asked, a mischievous smile plastered across his face. Hermione looked over at him, a perplexed look on her face.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well you know, someone you’re infatuated with?”

“Not necessarily no.” Bennett looked down and laughed to himself, he mumbled something inaudible to Hermione.

“What was that?”

“What if one of your friends like someone you despised.” Hermione looked at him in confusion, waiting for him to explain what he had just said. “I mean, what if say like, Ron or Ginny liked someone that bullied you.”

Hermione laughed and looked at Bennett, and for the first time in a while he felt at peace. Listening to such a beautiful sound made his heart jump and he blushed while he looked at the way Hermione’s face scrunched in such a cute way while she laughed.

“That’s ridiculous, I mean, who could like someone that’s rude to them?” She laughed. But Bennett stayed quiet. “Surely you don’t know someone who likes…a bully?” Bennett just nodded and Hermoine looked at him.

“Can you tell me about them?” She asked, and for once, Hermione Granger was not paying attention.Instead, she focused on the flow of Bennett’s voice, the way he laughed about parts in the story and how his eyebrows moved together when he looked angry. They talked the whole class, Hermione enjoying the sound of Bennett talking, and Bennet just happy that he had someone to talk to.

In the corner of the class, Calum laughed to himself and shook his head. He felt a light tap on his shoulder and looked over his shoulder at the direction of the tap. He was met by a pair of circle glasses and a look of question.

“What do you think’s going on with Bennett and Hermione? Do you think that…” Harry trailed off, waiting for Calum to answer a question he didn’t ask.

“Like each other?” Calum paused, looking over at them, watching closely as Bennett smiled at Hermione, his eye’s watching her face closely as she talked, he seemed to actually be engaged in what she was saying, and nonetheless, Bennett looked at her as if she was the only girl in all of Hogwarts. “Yeah, I suppose my brother does fancy her.” Calum looked over at Harry and smiled, before returning back to his textbook, Harry just shook his head and laughed before he took one last glance at Calum and returned to reading. ------------------------------------------------------------You distracted yourself for basically the whole week leading up to the date that you had scheduled with Draco. Your mind raced back and forth between trying to convince yourself that it wasn’t a bad idea, and that it was a bad idea. He was the enemy, but you couldn’t stop yourself from taking glances at him, watching his charming smile and wanting to kiss him. It sickened you how badly you felt for betraying your brother's wishes, how hurt you knew Calum would be if he had known, how angry Bennet would be. You didn’t wanna think about it too much, it hurt you to think about.

The snow fell around you, and you watched it fall, something about the snow falling set you at ease. It felt nice to just stand out in the open, enjoying the smell and the feel of the snow. Suddenly, you felt a light tap on your shoulder, you looked around and were met with the smiling face of Draco Malfoy. His hat neatly covered his ears and his gloves hugged his hands, and the smile on his face was genuine, it was a small smile and it made your heart flutter.

“Hope I didn’t make you wait for forever.” All you could do was nod, you didn’t feel appropriate smiling back at him, but you wanted to be polite so you just nodded at him.

The walk to Hogsmeade was nothing special. You didn’t really talk with Draco, you two just walked and you enjoyed the presence of the snow falling around you, while Draco enjoyed the view, his view however was the quick glances that he had snuck every few minutes. He was enjoying just watching you walk and how you softly smiled at the beautiful scene painted out in front of you. Draco felt a dreaded feeling down in his stomach, as if something was going to go wrong, but he tried his best to ignore the feeling.

He knew what you were feeling, and he wanted to help you escape from whatever had clouded your mind that day. He had not regretted that he asked you out, nor had he regretted kissing you. But, he felt as if he did do something wrong in the scheme of things, as if asking you out was a mistake on his part, sure he had liked you, and thought you were pretty, but did he really want this?

The date had gone well, Draco had treated you to getting whatever you had wanted at Honeydukes, and now, you two had sat down at The Three Broomsticks to have a butterbeer before you headed back. You sat awkwardly, scared to say anything at first but also eager to say something. And Draco felt the same, he had felt like you wanted to tell him something, or that he should say something, but instead he just sat and drank his butterbeer.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” You announced, quickly standing up from your chair and hurrying to the bathroom before you even got a confirmation from Draco.

Draco didn’t question it, he watched as you walked off and smiled to himself.

‘Cute’ He thought to himself. He was about to get up and wait outside for you before he heard a familiar voice calling his name.

“Malfoy. MALFOY.” The whisper grew more coherent the more it screamed his name. He turned his head to look at the voice and behold he saw none other than his “best mate” Blaise.

“What could you possibly want Zabini?”

“Calm down mr.stick-up-his-ass. I was gonna ask you what you were doing here?”

Draco stared at Blaise, puzzled. Had Blaise not noticed why he was here? Or at least, who he was sitting with?

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, are you seriously on a date with a Barlowe? You’re not, are you?”

Draco felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. What would he say? His first instinct was to deny it, to deny the fact that he was on a date with you, and the other wanted to scream it from the rooftops. But, Draco’s mind was clouded with his own self image, and how his friends would react to the information, how his family would react if they had found out he was saying a half-blood hufflepuff. He didn’t even want to think about the talk that his father would have with him about it, so, he did what he thought was best to do.

“No, of course not. She practically begged me to come out here with her! I was originally going to say no, but considering how desperate she was, I felt bad.”

You heard the laugh follow after the statement. The statement broke your heart and what bothered you most is that it seemed to flow so freely from his mouth, as if he had been planning on saying that the whole time, like he was rehearsing it, over and over again until it was just right. You hadn’t expected this, and truly, you felt stupid. You should’ve known that Draco didn’t actually like you, I mean why would he?

You were just another pawn in his game, another trophy just for him to put on his shelf of insolence. You hated how ignorant you had been, so ignorant to the fact that your brothers were right, you should've never have gotten involved with Draco and you hated yourself for it. You couldn’t help it as you felt the tears slowly fall from your eyes. You tried your best to fix it before you went back to the table to grab your things.

“Y/n? What’s wrong?” Draco asked. His voice was mended with the sound of concern, whether that concern was real or not you would never know, because you picked up your things and ran out of the restaurant, ignoring Draco’s desperate calls behind you.

————————————————————————

It was as Calum and Bennett had super powers, because as soon as they ran through the Hufflepuff door, they were sitting on the couch waiting for you, a desolate look sitting on their faces.

You looked over at them, and fake smiled as best you could, but you know it was meaningless. Bennett stood up and walked over to you with his arms out, you immediately dropped your things and ran into his arms, hugging him as hard as you could and barring your face into his chest, as if it was a way to hide from your shame and embarrassment.

“He-he- he said that he-”

“Shhh it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.” You sobbed in his chest as he guided you over to the couch, placing you between him and Calum.

“Y/n/n. It’s okay.” Calum said. He places a hand on your shoulder and rubbed it gently, trying his best to calm him down, but his efforts only made you more mad.

“No it’s not Calum! I was so stupid, why would i ever think he would like me back.”

“What are you talking about Y/n?” He asked, Bennett swatted his arm, causing Calum to glare at him, but shortly return his attention back to you.

“Draco. Calum I like Draco.” A silence fell over the three of you, Calum sat in shock and all you could do was cry into your hands. Calum didn’t make a big deal of the news though, all he did was nod and pull yoh in for a hug.

“Calum he, he said that I begged him to go out with me. That-that he only went out with me cause Inwas desperate, and cause he felt bad.” Calum nodded and rubbed your back, glancing at Bennett before he pulled you back from him, and motioning you towards him.

“Listen Y/n, you don’t need him. He’s not good enough for you.”

“Ha. Yeah sure. Calum his Draco Malfoy, one of the richest and most popular kids in school.”

“Y/n/n. He’s one of the most popular because people are scared of him. They don’t like him for his personality, infacg, many few people like him at all.” Bennet interjected. You glared at him and he stuck his tongue out at you, you tried to keep a straight face but you couldn’t help but giggle a little.

You sighed as you willed your tears, and laid your head on Bennett’s shoulder, you felt yourself slowly falling asleep, your body not wanting to deal with the effects of today for much longer.

Bennett looked at Calum and sighed.

“This is what I was afraid of Cay. He’s gonna send her crying to us so many times, we won’t be able to count it on our fingers.”

“Ben. Come on. I mean, it was just one time.”

“One time? Did you not listen to what he said to her?”

Calum looked down, and he groaned. “Why couldn’t she have just liked someone like Harry, or Ron, or fucking Cedric for crying out loud?”

“I don’t know. But, from now on. Don’t let Malfoy anywhere near her. You got it?”

Calum looked down at your sleeping form, you looked so peaceful and it was refreshing to see you without a look of sadness or stress on your face, and he nodded. Calum and Bennet were going to do whatever they could to protect you and your fragile heart. Not even just because they didn’t like Draco (although it is a reason) but because they knew how he was going to treat you, and how he was going to make you feel like a choice.

————————————————————————

Draco stood in the middle of the hall looking for you the next day. His anxiety creeped up on him very late in the night when he realized that maybe you had heard what he said. Never in a million years did Draco think that he would be so scared to apologize to someone, let alone apologize to someone in general.

He looked around frantically for your smaller form. He felt like an idiot standing in the middle of the hallway, looking as if someone had stood HIM up, and not the other way around this time. When he finally saw you, you were with your brothers, a smile spread across your face. And when he saw that smile, he gripped his bag tighter and sucked in a breath. His heart skipped a beat and he watched as you walked forward, the smile still evident on your face. The smile went away almost as soon as he approved you however.

“Y/n, hey uhm. Can I talk to you for a minute?…Alone.” He halted at your brothers and your brothers glared back, they wouldn’t give in to just letting him be alone with you so easily.

“No.” Draco looked at you confused.

“No? Just no?”

“Yes. Just no.”

You started to walk forward, your brothers trailing bend in you when Draco went to grab your wrist. He was interred by Bennett grabbing his hand and squeezing as hard as he could on it. You turned around when you heard Draco’s yelp of pain, and you swatted Bennett’s hand away, a warning look spread across your face.

“Why? Why just no?” Draco asked before you could have the chance to walk away. You faced him, an innocent smile on your cheeks.

“I wouldn’t wanna make you feel bad now would I? Not would I wanna make myself look…desperate .” With those words you smiled at him before continuingl to walk and talk with your brothers. You left Draco standing there in shock. You had heard what he ask yesterday and he could feel his heart stop and his breathing quicken.

Oh how foolish he was! How could he have said something so insolent and stupid just to protect his own image? Truth was he knew why, he knew he didn’t want people to know you two went out on a date together for the main reason being that he just couldn’t let his reputation slip from his hands. He wouldn’t let his father barrad him for another thing. And he was sure that he wasn’t going to risk the approval of his father, and the oh so precious reputation that he had built up, just for a silly girl.

Or would he?

#Draco Malfoy #draco x reader #Draco #draco lucius malfoy #draco x you #draco x female reader #draco x y/n #draco x hufflepuff!reader #draco x reader fluff #draco x reader anst #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #draco harry Potter #harry potter angst #harry potter x reader #harry potter x yn #harry potter x reader angst #harry potter x reader fluff #harry potter x you

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writersdare · 1 year

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Paris Broke My Heart (p.2) | Calum Hood

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (she/her)

Summary: A whole year apart. Is there even a chance for Calum and Y/N to be together?

Warning: angst (happy end), fluff, friends to lovers, a bit of cursing and mentioning of alcohol

Word Count: 1 868

Requested: yes and yes

Author’s Note: Read the 1st part here! Without it the story wouldn't really make any sense ♡ I liked the dramatic ending, but I think I like this one better. Hopefully you'll enjoy it, too ♡

Time was making a cruel joke of Calum and Y/N. It wasn’t flying fast like they hoped, on the contrary, it was going extremely slow, torturing day by day. The more weeks were passing by, the more painful it was to be so far from each other.

“How is your new apartment?” the girl called Cal right after landing in Paris and entering her new home. She looked around, having truly no idea how to answer his question. The flat was fine, light and rather spacious. Back to Los Angeles, she dreamed of a normal place to live in, not a small studio with crazy neighbours. However, having a good apartment in Paris did not make her happy. In fact, she didn’t feel anyhow better in another country. The heart was still aching. And Cal’s words “please, don’t go” were still bouncing in her head.

“It’s alright,” Y/N mumbled and bit her lips. “Don’t forget to take care of the plants I gave to you, alright? I worked really hard to keep them alive,” she smiled, but the joy sounded fake.

“Sure, don’t worry.”

He moved the plants to Ashton’s apartment. Cal knew it was pathetic and ridiculous, but even stupid flowers were hurting him, reminding about Y/N. He was angry with himself for letting her go. Other days, if he had too much of alcohol in his blood, he’d be mad at her for ruining everything they had. And that night at the club… She didn’t even talk about it. Did she regret that much?

The first two weeks Y/N was crying every single night, missing her friends, missing Calum. She didn’t regret what had happened between them, however, she hoped it’d have happened much earlier, not few days before her leaving.

Despite some awkwardness in their goodbyes, Calum and Y/N stayed in touch. Or better to say they tried to. The difference in time zones were killing them, it was so much worse comparing with the period when he was on tour. At first, they tried to keep up with their casual messages once a day – when it was morning for her and evening for him – but slowly the texts were shorter and rare. The phone calls became less pleasant and later disappeared at all. After some time, months being in Paris, Y/N got used to her life more or less. At some point she even let the friends know she met a nice guy, and more and more often Calum would see on social media her photos always next to that guy. Few times Cal was thinking to remove Y/N from his following list just to stop seeing her happy face, while he was so devastated.

“Please, tell me it meant something for you.”

Y/N opened her eyes lazily, but closed them immediately, feeling extremely sleepy. However, recognising the voice on the phone, the girl jumped in bed and glanced at the French boyfriend, lying next to her. Thankfully the guy didn’t wake up from the call.

“Calum,” she whispered and, putting on a first shirt she found in her closet, hurried up to leave the bedroom. “Are you drunk?”

“Is that what matters to you, huh? Only this?”

“It’s night here, Cal, I can’t talk now,” she whispered.

“Sure, you can’t. Is he there? In your bed?”

Y/N clenched a hand into a fist, trying to hold back the tears.

“It’s not your business, Cal.”

“It is mine. It supposed to be mine,” he mumbled and sobbed, feeling like shit. He was drunk, it was a rather normal condition of his lately, on the days off. “You left me, as if I never meant anything to you. How could you? After all… after all we had together…”

“I left you?” Y/N outraged in a whisper, going to the kitchen. “Do you think I wanted to leave so much? But you didn’t say a thing. You didn’t tell if it was important to you that I stay.”

“You sent this application at first place!” he snapped.

“And you never asked why I did that, Calum! I couldn’t stay any longer, it was killing me! You were killing me!” she couldn’t hold back the pain any longer. “I chose this path, because it’s better this way. I’m moving on, and you should, too.”

“So, this is it? You saying you don’t give a damn about what happened in the club, Y/N?”

“It was everything to me,” she said and closed the eyes for a moment. “But it doesn’t matter anymore,” Y/N finished the call and came back to the bedroom, texting Luke on her way to look after Cal as, apparently, he couldn’t do that himself.

Surely Y/N did not stop having feelings for Calum, it’d be naïve to think so. But the life kept going, she knew she needed to halt looking back. They couldn’t be together; Cal didn’t even offer to visit her in Paris or invite to his place for the weekends. He was playing his part again, being all cold and detached from her, and that time the girl decided to let it be.

However, it was rather ignorant for Y/N to believe she could find her happiness with someone else. And even if she didn’t think so, she at least hoped she’d be able to hold on to her imaginary love for a little longer. Just few months passed before saying to the French boyfriend rather trivial “I’m sorry, but I’m in love with my best friend”.

Y/N did not come to LA on winter holidays, she thought it would be for the best. Otherwise, she’d start crying again, would experience the feelings towards Calum even stronger, and it’d broke her completely, irrevocably. She did not visit the city of angels during her days off or other vacations, and Cal did not fly to Paris to see her. Funny enough, both realised pretty soon that they were suffering not because of the distance between them, but simply because of the feelings towards each other.

And the whole year passed just like that, yet it felt like eternity. In spite of that, when Y/N sent Calum the only message about her flying to LA next morning because Paris was not her home, the musician felt like he was back to the past.

To the happy one, where Y/N was not leaving, and he felt like he had all time in the world to be with her. To the time, when they were hiding from rain in some old local store with a gumball machine.

“Look!” she wiped wet hands on soggy jeans and started to search coins in her pockets. Calum was quicker, though, so he put few in the machine, and the girl began filling her mouth with yellow, green and red gums that looked more like some plastic. No matter how passionate Cal could be about the taste of each – he claimed that the red one had a strawberry flavour, the green one was apple-flavoured and the yellow was a lemon – to Y/N they all tasted the same. The tongue was changing its colours like a chameleon, though. The girl gave a blue one to her friend, so he took it by his lips, and they switched places. It was Y/N’s turn to put the coins in the machine, while Calum would catch the gums for himself.

“It makes my hungry,” he mumbled, trying to chew ten of them at once, while the girl was spending her last coins on few more gumballs.

“Let’s wait a bit longer, the sun is already peeking out of the clouds,” she noticed, and they both glances at the window, which possibly wasn’t washed since the opening of that store. Usually, a summer downpour wouldn’t last long, so they were sure they’d be able to leave the place quite soon.

“I’d die for a cup of tea and some soup now,” the musician giggled and shock his head actively, when Y/N tried to put the last gum in his mouth. “I don’t have a place in there anymore! Y/N!” he laughed and closed the mouth with a palm.

Just few hours after that he wasn’t smiling anymore, finding out the girl was going to Paris for the whole damn year.

Here he was, though, in the airport where he experienced maybe his very first real heartbreak. Calum saw the girl’s sleepy face and smile that would always light up his dark world. Approaching him, she touched a shirt collar first just to make sure Cal was real. They hugged each other tight, closing the eyes and trying to forget the whole year being apart. Y/N was hearing his rushed heartbeat and thinking how stupid she was believing she could stop feeling anything romantic towards her best friend.

“I love you,” she wanted to say, but only whispered. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” he said, but thought. “I wish I could just say how much I love you.”

An hour in taxi, and they were home. Her apartment did not really change much, even though it looked a bit alien after such a long absence.

“Why didn’t you visit?” when superficial conversation was over, the girl could not help asking. She didn’t mean to start a fight, but that question was bothering her for the whole year, and she finally felt brave enough to ask that.

“I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to come back to LA then,” Cal mumbled quietly, almost whispering.

“You do understand how stupid it sounds, don’t you?”

“What do you want me to say, Y/N?” he smirked. “I just couldn’t come. Couldn’t. You left; you made your choice. I had to accept it.”

Y/N’s eyes filled with tears. She sobbed and shook her head.

Cal swallowed and closed the eyes for a moment.

“I called my ex your name, Y/N.”

“When?...”

“When we were making love,” he chuckled sadly and turned the head towards the girl. “Every night… I was imagining you instead of her,” Calum’s cheeks flared up with a blush. The guy knew how wrong it was, of course, he knew.

“I guess she was very mad,” Y/N looked away, remembering the girl from his old posts. She didn’t buy it even for a slight second and was sure they were dating just for marketing reasons. Yet, she did notice Calum not liking Y/N’s photos where she was in an embrace of her ex. So stupid.

“I said my ex that I’m in love with you, so he threw away the tickets to Milan. It wasn’t very romantic.”

“I guess I’m sorry.”

“I know you’re not.”

“Of course, I’m not,” he smiled a bit, feeling better for the first time after finding out she got a boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. “I love you,” Cal said all of a sudden and took her palms in his. “I love you,” he repeated, simply bursting out the secret. The guy was ready to say it over and over again until she’d finally listen.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I won’t survive without you next time.”

“There won’t be the next time,” Calum warned and covered her silly lips with his after she replied,

“I love you, too, my best friend.”

taglist: @dgrangaa, @gracieboogirl

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– gifs aren’t mine and belong to the rightful owner – saw the 2nd here @ghost-of-you –

All stories are original and written by me. Do not copy, trace and post anywhere without permission and credit. The stories are fictional, they do not correspond to reality and written just for fun ♡

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lovesosweeet · 12 days

Text

better left unsaid // cth

chapter forty six

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters // read on AO3

january 22, 2019 madrid, spain orion

The flight to Madrid feels like it takes forever. I’m excited to go back, and based on how much Calum is checking his email, he must have a lot of things planned for us. I wish he didn’t, because I doubt I’ll be able to do more than a few things each day. I’m just too tired.

My doctors connected me with a hospital and a doctor in the city just in case I need to see one. They’ve got my records and everything and, while I can speak Spanish, Calum can’t, so we made sure to choose a facility with translators and bilingual staff. I doubt we will need to, since the past few months have been fairly uneventful. I just feel like shit, but nothing is changing.

We both have had to wear face masks from the moment we left for the airport, which feels silly, but Dr. Gupta said that if I’m in any kind of high traffic area, it’s vital that I do my best to protect myself. Although, it is a bit helpful for camouflaging Calum. With half his face covered and a hat on his head, you can barely tell him apart from another man of his height with brown hair.

Ilse and Giuseppe are flying in to Madrijd later on in the week to see us, and I’m so excited to get to see them, along with the other girls. I’m sad that we won’t get to do a lot of the things that we used to. We can’t go out anywhere to do pretty much anything. I’m really grateful to be here, but I don’t feel like Calum will be able to do anything here that we wouldn’t do at home.

Since we won’t be taking the metro, in an effort to keep me away from germs and sickness, Calum is renting a car here, so we’ll be able to drive around to everything. For his birthday, we’ll be driving to Valencia for a night so we can see the beach here.

When we land, Calum makes me pose under the “Bienvenidos a Madrid” sign, and I hope I don’t look as tired as I am in the photo. I’m trying not to act like it, but I really just want to go to sleep. We came all this way, and all I really want to do is hole up in our hotel room.

“Want to stop somewhere for some tapas and a glass of tinto?” Calum asks when we get our bags into the rental car and take our seats.

I look over at him. He has excitement written all over his face. His brown eyes are gold and sparkling, his smile endearing, and I can’t say no. “Sure, sounds good.”

I do my best to smile. I want him to enjoy this trip. It’s for his birthday, after all. I can’t ruin it by being too tired to do anything, so I swallow the feeling of wanting to go straight to the hotel and try to take in Madrid as we enter the city. In my heart, it feels so good to be back.

We get to a small bar in La Latina that has a patio and Calum can’t stop smiling while we sit at the small metal table. He reads over the menu, even though he undoubtedly already knows what we’ll order and can barely understand the rest of what he sees.

“So, I was thinking,” he starts, reaching across the table to grab my hand. “Oh, wow, your hand is freezing!”

He holds both of them now, rubbing them to try to warm them up. I smile at his sweetness, but raise my eyebrows for him to continue.

“We get some food, head to the hotel and take a nap, and then we can go to a convenience store to get some wine and stuff and then we can head to Retiro to watch the sunset?”

I nod. “Yeah, sounds perfect.”

He has me order for us when the waiter comes since my Spanish is far better than his. They bring us our drinks and food quickly, and Calum is taking on my role as obsessive photographer and says he needs photos of everything. He even makes me ask the server to take a picture of the two of us, something he has never done before in his life.

With Calum watching on, I do my best to sip from my jarra of tinto and eat a few of the fried potatoes he ordered for me. It’s obvious that I can’t stomach much, though, and it makes me feel bad. I feel bad physically, obviously, but I’m already worried about how this whole trip will go. I’m not going to be a fun partner.

“Lucia and Paula said they’re up for breakfast tomorrow,” Calum says, breaking my staring contest with my patatas bravas when I look up at him instantly.

I smile. “Cool, that will be great, Cal.”

He smiles back and nods before he pulls out his phone and types something in. When it’s face down on the table again, he looks straight back at me. “I know you may not be able to do much while we’re here. I know you’ve been really tired and sick for a while, so please just tell me if you ever need a break or anything, okay? Don’t over exert yourself. We’re here to do whatever you want to do.”

For some reason, that makes my heart drop.

“We’re here for your birthday, Cal,” I say. My tone is quiet. He just said what I should want to hear, but I don’t feel any better after he’s said it.

I want him to look back on this trip fondly. This is one of our last things we’ll ever do together possibly. After everything I’ve put him through, can I ruin this, too?

“I’ll have other birthdays,” he says.

My stomach lurches. I could throw up.

He realizes what he’s said, and I practically watch his mouth dry and the gears in his brain whir. I know he has no idea what to say, and I don’t expect him to. He’s not wrong. He will have other birthdays. He will have almost an entire lifetime of birthdays after this.

Without me.

I sigh, clear my throat, and refrain from crying.

“I know.”

next part

a/n: hi !!!!!!! lil baby update. ty for your patience as I've taken a break from BLU! check out the other two shorter fics I've written in the meantime if you'd like! they're both very different from BLU and each other but are only 10 parts each and ofc about cal. check my masterlist here if you need some new material :)

#it's my birthday so my bday gift to u all is a glimpse at the rest of BLU #5sos #luke hemmings #5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin #calum hood #fanfiction #5sosfam #imagine #fanfic #michael clifford #calum 5sos #calum fanfic #calum fic #calum x ofc #calum x fem!oc #better left unsaid

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writteninthesewalls28 · 3 months

Text

Family

A story about a girl wanting to find out the truth

A/n: chapter six is hereeee

Warnings: character death

Milly’s POV:

This night made me realize, what for a good boyfriend Calum is. He didn’t ask once what happened, what these photos meant and why I was so sad about it. He just hugged me, comforted me and decided to do a movie night in our cozy bedroom with tons of cuddly blankets and scented candles. All of this made me feel like, I could fight the whole world, as long as Calum is by my side, I only need him to succeed in everything I want to do. But deep down, I knew, he deserves the truth about what exactly happened today, it didn’t feel right to simply not tell him.

"Cal?" I asked, voice very sleepy already.

"What’s up sweetie? Do you want more snacks? Are you cold?" My heart melted. He was the cutest.

"No, I just want to talk to you…" I took a deep breath. "You know, about today, what happened and all." He slowly shook his head, giving me a compassionate look.

"You don’t have to, I know it makes you uncomfortable." I don’t deserve his beautiful soul, he’s too good for me.

"I want to tell you, please let me." A little smile appeared on his lips and he wrapped his left arm around my shoulder, so I could lean into him, giving me a safe space and a good feeling.

"Okay, if that is what you want, I'll listen to every word you say." Before I could start, he added "and I'll promise you, I won’t get mad, judge you or do anything you don’t want me to do." He always knew how to give me a safe feeling and show me, I can be myself with him.

"Okay, so you already know about that house, right?" I was surprised how easy it was to talk to him about it. I didn’t feel the urge to start crying again or to just stop this conversation.

"Yeah, you said it was empty." I nodded.

"Well, I wasn’t completely honest with you, or with Lou and you." My voice slowly turned into a whisper, god knows why.

"It’s okay Honey, we can stop this if you want." Cal said again, noticing my hesitation immediately. For a moment I considered to stop talking, but it simply felt wrong.

"No, it’s okay. I can do it." Calum gave me a little smile and laid his other hand on my thigh. "So the door of the house was open and when I stepped in, I thought everything was completely empty… but after some time, I found these…" carefully handing him the 4 images I still held in my hands, he gave me a confused look.

"What are these?" He asked. I wasn’t strong enough to turn the image around myself so I just told him.

"Turn it around." He hesitated for a second. “Go on, turn the first one around." As he did what I told him to do, he let out a quiet gasp.

"Oh my god Milly, this must be really difficult for you." He said, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. Seeing him caring so much about me and how things probably made me feel, gave me strength and courage to go on and search for more, even if I don’t exactly know from where to start at the moment. He’d be there for me.

"And I have one last thing I want to talk about with you." I then said. "What do you think? Would I find something if I would google their names Holly Mathilda Vacker and Arthur Vacker?" This idea was in my mind since the very beginning when the man at the office said them. Would I find something out this way, or is it absolutely useless?

Calum seemed to be quite unsure too.

"There is a chance of getting information, but I highly doubt it." He said, probably knowing he‘d crush my hopes with that.

"We can check the internet together if you don’t want to do it alone." He then added. I of course noticed the nervousness in his voice when he asked that, knowing I first asked him to let me do it alone. However, I still felt the same about this. This is a Milly-thing. I have to do it alone.

"Cal, I really appreciate your concern and the help you want to give me, but I feel like, I should still do it alone.." I said, hoping I didn’t hurt his feelings too much.

He smiled softly and nodded.

"Got it, don’t worry about it."

Cal’s POV:

He knew he promised her not to do anything without her consent, but he just wanted to make sure, she doesn’t get hurt when checking their names in the web. Thoughts like 'what if they are in jail?' Or 'what if one of them died' wandered through his mind and he definitely knew, Milly wouldn’t recover from finding something like that out. So when Milly finally fell asleep in his arms, he had to go against all boundaries and promises he ever made as a boyfriend, and google their names first, starting with Arthur Vacker, her biological father. Right when he typed the letters into the browser on his phone, his hands were shaking uncontrollably, hoping there won’t be any search results and he could go to sleep peacefully. Some people would call him toxic or overprotective, but Milly meant the world to him, if he’d see her go through so much pain even though there maybe would’ve been a way for him to protect her from that, he‘d never recover from that. Clicking the 'search' button caused his heart rate to go very high. Thank god the results that popped up didn’t look very worrying at the first sight. It only were articles about other people, not called Arthur Vacker, winning a price or getting a diploma. He scrolled down, happy that his thoughts only showed how much of a overthinker he was. A stupid overthinker who has read to many thriller books.

But then, it felt like all of the blood in his body froze to one large chunk of ice.

"Oh no…" he whispered, hopefully not waking her up. How should he ever be able to explain THIS to Milly? He clicked on the link to make sure the thing he saw right in front of his eyes was actually the truth. The bare and hurtful truth, Milly was searching for so desperately, but he'd do and give everything just so she'll never find it out. It was too painful for her.

Not believing his own eyes, he stared on the phone display. His phone showed an obituary, one that was made very lovingly and with lots of love. There is no doubt, the person who died, was so loved by their family. He carefully read the texts on it.

"We lost our son, husband and to-be father. Tragically and way too early Arthur Vacker, the most funny and amazing person we ever came across, left us, his family and friends alone. His short life, he spent fighting for justice and helping other people who were in need. We will forever remember him and the memories we made together with him."

There were clear tears in his eyes, on his cheeks and finally on his pajamas. This can’t be true, this simply can not be the truth.

But sadly, everything fitted perfectly, he died just 2 weeks before Milly was born, on October 6th 1993. And it sounds like he had been a lawyer as well, exactly like Milly now. Her mums name is listed under the obituary as well. How is it possible to feel like you knew someone without ever meeting them? Because this man reminded him of someone special, someone lying next to him right now. Milly seems shockingly similar to him, this unknown man.

So, apparently it is the shocking truth.

Milly’s biological dad, he is dead.

Of course Calum would try to hide this from Milly, if he could, he'd try and stop this whole search thing.

But deep down, he knew his girlfriend well enough, to know that she’s too stubborn, no one will ever convince her to stop. Especially because we are talking about something very important and life changing for her.

So all he could do, was to make sure to be with her whenever she could potentially find out about this, about her father’s death right before she was born. Her whole world will collapse in that moment, Calum knew that, so all he wants to do, is to be her supporter and to hold her together when the time has come.

#maddys fanfic

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 6 months

Text

Sweet Dreams--Part 5

Calum and you have dance around reality for a few months now. But after Calum leaves and returns from a trip, the reality has to be confronted.

Weeks are passing and maybe more is blooming between you and Calum than might meet the eye.

Prince!Calum x Reader Insert.

CW: 18+ content in this chapter (smut). Smut across the series. Mentions of parental neglect, and alcohol abuse across the series as well.

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Calum catches the crunch of gravel and looks up. The nose of your car crests up over the small bump and rolls to a stop near the door. Your window rolls down and you lean out of the window. “I got told there was a stud muffin in these parts,” you joke.

Calum’s laughter bubbles up in his chest but climbs down the few steps, guitar case at his side. “Hmm, I think we both might need directions on that one,” he returns. You peel yourself out from the driver seat and open the side back driver side door for Calum to get the case inside. He can spot a blanket on the backseat. There’s a basket on the floor. The back of some canvas peers up at him too as he gets the guitar settled.

It’s silly. Calum knows it, but his heart races because it’s all becoming so real. A real date. But he knows he has to confess too. The envelope in his pocket is no doubt visible to you. With the instrument settled, Calum shuts the door. There’s a smile on your face, but Calum knows. He pulls the envelope out and hands it to you. “That’s-that’s for you.”

He watches your eyes skimming over the letter. But he already knows what’s up there. Ninety days. Sixty of which you’ll still be able to work at your full rate. The last thirty you’ll be given two installments at a fraction of your normal biweekly pay and be ‘excused’ from your duties. This is all contingent on you not finding something sooner. If you do find anything sooner, you’ll only get full pay until your resignation date. It’s more than what was originally discussed with the sixty days total for you to find work and two weeks pay even after you’ve been excused from your duties. But Calum hopes it’s enough. Though you asked him not too.

“I’m glad I didn’t make you a liar yesterday,” you state, looking at Calum. He can feel the heat behind the sharp gaze.

“I know. I know you asked me not to get involved. I should’ve listened. It was a very ugly discussion. But, I needed to know you were going to be okay for at least a little bit. I’ll do whatever I need to do for you to forgive me. But I can’t, I can’t say I’m exactly sorry for getting involved.”

You nod, lips pressing together in a firm line. “I’m annoyed. I need you to know that. I’m very annoyed at you for meddling.”

“I can take that,” Calum returns. “You have every right to be annoyed.”

“I’m really fucking annoyed,” you huff, like it’s somehow the only thing you can utter.

Maybe it is. Maybe there’s too much else tying up your tongue so you settle for this. Calum almost wants to ask for the rest of it. Until he notices the tick in your jaw. That’s game over. That’s too far. Calum knows that it’s a big mess up. Well, to be honest, he knew it was a mistake the moment he knocked on the office doors. But he’d still gone through with it after the door creaked open. Yet, he’d accepted that he’d have to face the consequences. This here, your flickering gaze and tight jaw are the consequences. Part of them at least. It takes a long few moments but you finally aim your sights at him.

“Just tell me what I need to do.” Calum’s not above begging when it comes to you. That’s for certain, not when it comes to you. He’ll grovel. He’ll get on his knees. He’ll do whatever imaginable.

You sigh, slapping the paper at his chest. It’s not hard by any means, couldn’t even cause a paper cut. But Calum gets the message loud and clear before you speak, “Don’t get involved unless I ask next time, okay? Please don’t.”

“Scouts honor,” Calum answers, holding a hand over his heart.

“Thank you. For this.” You hold the letter up. “I really thought I was going to be a goner before the end of the month. And this helps. A lot. But I can fight my own battles. I like having you there to support me. But I don’t need a savior. I want you, Calum. The goofy guy that makes me laugh. I don’t need some knight in shining armor bullshit.”

Calum’s never once questioned your ability to find a solution to the shit life’s thrown to you. He just wanted to make the load easier to carry. He’s always got a brain focused on finding a way to make things better. That’s what people who love each other do. They try to make the days a little easier. But if that’s not always what you want, he can work on that.

Calum nods at the request. “I can be that--the goofy guy that can make you laugh.”

“Good. Now get your cute ass into the car, please?” You exhale at the end of the question--shaky. But your attempt to smile is genuine.

“I can,” Calum agrees. “But can I get a hug first?” Your response is the hug, tight around his body. It eases the slight ache around his chest. Even though Calum fucked up, you weren’t pushing away.

“I’m sorry I overstepped your ask,” Calum whispers into your skin.

He’s sorry that he undermined you. Calum just needed to know that you’d be okay. There were other ways to go about it, but when he woke this morning there was still a fire in his belly. He couldn’t shake the feeling that you were getting shafted. And Calum wouldn’t stand for something like that. He surely wouldn’t.

“I’ll forgive you,” you laugh. “With time.”

“As long as you do.” That’s all Calum needs to know is that with time you’ll forgive him. And it surely doesn’t hurt his case that he was able to pull through this time. Fate may not always be on his side though. Calum ought only to need to learn this lesson once.

Your rub at Calum’s side and he knows his time is up. “The food’s going to go colder,” you tease.

Calum laughs, giving your body one last squeeze. “Got it, got it, got it. Getting my cute ass into the car. Promise.”

Calum opens your door and you slip inside. Once he’s sure you’re settled, he closes the door on your side. Your laughter echoes when he cracks open the passenger side door. It’s a silly thing, the dramatic waddle around the car. But he’s just hoping to break the tension, find the right corner to lift up so he can ease himself back into your good graces. The guy that makes me laugh, you said. Calum could do that.

The drive passes with the soft echoes of guitars over your radio. Though it burns on Calum’s tongue to ask yet again about what you have in store, he does his best to remain content with the fact that he knows you’ve taken the time to plan and put together anything at all. The streets Calum’s come to learn well over his two odd decades pass by him, the trees whipping by the windows. When you mentioned a park, Calum was sure it would be somewhere closer, but as ten minutes turn into twenty and the city falls further and further behind him, he thinks maybe you have something else in mind.

“Are you attempting to take me somewhere that won’t require my baseball cap and my sunglasses aren’t needed?” Calum jokes.

“It’s a park I used to go to a lot as a kid. So, sunglasses and cap are still needed,” you laugh.

“So a place you enjoyed, I take it?” He really wants to ask if it’s the place you might’ve used to escape. He really wants to ask if you’re going to be okay. Though he doesn't know a lot about what you endured, he doesn’t want you to subject yourself to something that you don’t have too.

“A lot,” you answer.

Calum nods, a hum falling from his chest. There’s not quite a sadness on your face, though Calum thinks maybe it could be. “Have you been back to this town in a while?”

“My parents are still out here with Charlie and Teagan.”

He doesn’t want to assume. Really, he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t assume but for a moment the wonder sparks the fleeting thought that he might get to meet them. That you’ve also included your siblings in on the event, but he doesn’t voice it. He tucks that hope up under his tongue. “Speaking of Teagan, I know I am late, but do you know what she’s into? I’d like to get her a gift if that’s okay? For her birthday.”

You laugh a little. “Don’t sound so unsure there.”’

“Hey, hey, I’ve fucked up once. Not trying to do it a second time.”

You nod. “Yeah, it’s okay if you really want to.”

“And I do,” Calum clarifies.

“Teagan’s getting into a glitter and unicorn kick. There’s a stuffed unicorn that she wants and it’s huge.”

“How much of a detour would that be from this park?”

“Ten minutes or so,” you return, voice tilting up a little. Calum can almost see the mental map you’re running through. “It-it is a little expensive.”

Calum takes the warning in stride. Though he wants to reach out, taking your hand or squeeze your knee to provide comfort, he reframes. “Would we have time for such a detour?”

“You don’t-you don’t have to get her this unicorn.”

Calum knows he doesn't. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want to. “Let me just get my eyes on it, before I make a decision. That sound good?”

You give a nod. “Sure. I missed the easiest exit, but I can get us there,” you relay.

Of course he doesn’t know where anything is in relation to each other just yet, but he hadn’t meant to cause a big ruckus with the ask. “As long as you’re sure it’s not a problem.”

“No. It’s not. Just traffic,” you laugh. Calum can see you’re trying to merge into the right lane, he assumes to take the upcoming exit. But no one seems to be budging. You’re able to get over eventually, though he laughs at your quiet swears. It can be difficult around this time though it should soon be thinning out just a little.

It is a bit of a loop Calum notices. The exit you got off at is further east than the shop, so there’s a long journey back west. He’s not come down here often. He distinctly remembers coming down a couple times for the Christmas tree lighting in the square, but hasn’t gone in recent years. The streets are familiar with a hint of a haze. Calum knows them based on the landmarks--the stores he’s had to make sure he didn’t pass or make turns at-- but he doesn’t know them like reflexes. He wouldn’t be able to name a street just by how far he is from it.

But you take the lights with ease, taking turns with practice and before Calum truly realizes, you’re pulling to a stop in front of the toy store. In the window front Calum spots a train set, going round and round on its tracks. Around it, he spots a display of a pink dress--he assumes for princess parties--bright colored boxes scattered about too. It’s a cute store, one that Calum is sure all kids peer into with big wide eyes, tugging on their parents hands to at least just take a peek inside.

Calum’s up and out of the car first. Though his goal is to get to your door, you’re out before he can finish the walk around. He holds out his hand, waiting for the warmth of your touch. It doesn’t come and he looks back over to you, noticing the tension across your shoulders. “Okay?” he asks. The pictures are already out. They wouldn’t stop now, but maybe it feels all too different for you. Maybe Calum’s taking leaps that you’re not ready to take. He turns his palms back into his side.

You nod. “I’m okay.” Your steps are long, arm brushing over Calum’s. But you don’t take his hand.

“Is this too public?” Calum asks.

The hesitation lingers, thick between the centimeters between the two of you. “It’s-I’m just I can see the headlines now, I guess. A little scared.”

Calum nods, a tiny smile cresting over his face. “How can you see headlines if I haven’t shown them to you yet? What if they’re not important?”

You laugh, looking up from your shoes. “Touché. But I think it’s hitting me. This is your reality and by extension, mine too now, I guess. If I stick around.”

“Oh,” Calum huffs, covering his left pec. “You wound me. But it’s okay if it’s scary. This is all new to you. I didn’t--I don’t mean to push you into something.”

You shake your head. “I don’t think you are. It’s just something I didn’t realize until now.”

“We can take it slow in public,” Calum offers. He’s not really sure what slow looks like, but it’s an olive branch. The two of you can figure out what slow means.

“I like slow,” you agree.

It’s just a nod between the two of you, but Calum motions up to the door of the store. “To visit a massive unicorn, yeah?”

“To visit a massive unicorn,” you agree.

Just before Calum can take a step, you slot your pinkie around his. This is slow and Calum’s not going to let it slip out of his fingers. He tightens the hook of his digit, letting the flutter of his chest consume him as he opens the door for you. Your smile, quaint as it is, warms his body. This--this is what Calum needs. Inside the store, Calum catches the cheery twinkles of music drifting in through the speakers. It’s cut intermittently by the whistle of the train, the crank of a toy, a child’s laughter, the patience rumble of a parent’s voice. There’s a wander that settles like a blanket inside the warmth of the store.

And there’s you, pinkie still wrapped around Calum’s, taking the lead as you wind around the front displays. You are a sparkle in the lights of the store, eyes darting around, but body carrying straight on. Calum thinks maybe you are taking catalog--eying what to get for Charlie’s birthday or what to put on the Christmas list. He wants to be able to help, keep an eye out for what they might like too. He’ll get there one day. For now, he follows a couple steps behind and it’s not long before the bin of stuffed animals appears in front of them. The unicorn sits at the top of the pile, pink and white, the horn a plastic iridescent with silver and gold streaks in it.

“There she is,” you laugh, looking back to Calum.

He takes a look at the yellow sign, taped to a piece of cardboard box, which is then taped to metal bars keeping the toys from tumbling to the floor. 60 dollars for the smaller versions. And it goes up by an increment for 15 for each size over it with a cap at 90. Calum’s really not sure how one is supposed to decide how much any of them cost, but he peers back up at the unicorn towards the top.

“Give me a hand?” Calum asks. He’s tall, but even with the height, he knows he’s not going to be able to get it down himself. “But first, will this fit in your car?”

You peer up to the stuffed down, close to Calum’s height as well. “She’s going to have to be okay with being squished down, but she should fit in the back.”

“Yeah, then give me a hand please?”

“And you’re sure you want to do this? Teagan won’t die if you start off smaller, if you’re really sure you want to do something for her birthday.”

There’s a hair of something teasing to the tone and Calum laughs. “Are you saying I might be setting the bar too high?”

“Just a little.”

“Well, here’s a little bit of context about me, should you have forgotten, I’m going to set the bar high.”

You shake your head and Calum knows it’s overkill. The stuffed animal is more than maybe necessary. Yet, Calum’s not going to walk out of this store without it. It’s not what the toy is, but what it means. It means that he’s doing what he can to show that he cares. “I’ll get an employee over here,” you laugh.

“Oh, I’m no wimp,” Calum laughs. He looks around and notices a three rung wooden step stool next to the animals.

“You absolutely are not serious,” you hiss.

Calum’s not going to stop. He takes the first two steps up and stretches up to his tiptoes. His fingers brush over the hoof. It’s going to need just another push, so Calum plants one foot on the third rung and pushes up. It’s not the smartest thing in the world, especially not as the stool wobbles.

“Oh my god,” you whisper behind him.

The stool stabilizes beneath Calum and he gets his hands solidly around the leg and shimmies it loose from the stack. As it unfolds, Calum realizes it’s a tad smaller than it looked from below. But it’s still massive. The horn nearly pokes his hat off his head but he gets out of the way before glancing back down to get his steps back down. When he peers down, he spots you holding the stool steady for him.

“You are a mad man,” you laugh.

“Only when it matters.” Calum gets to the ground and settles the unicorn into his hip, hugging it to him, though the top half still towers over him by about six inches or so. He’d hazard it’s nearly as tall as him when on the floor, if not just a little bit taller.

“Could I add a second detour to drop this off?” he asks, knowing he’s really dragging out more on this date than you might’ve planned.

“Uh,” you gasp with a little bit of laughter, “I think you’ll have to. There’s no way I’m driving around with that in my car for longer than necessary.”

“Fair enough. And I-I can drop it off personally, if that would work better for you.” It’s only after your confirmation that Calum realizes in doing so, you’ll be subjecting yourself to a visit to your parents.

“It’s okay. Teagan will be more than excited.”

“Have you told your parents?” Calum asks. Should he also be worried that it’s the first time your parents even are aware of you dating, let alone who you’re dating? He knew that your siblings might’ve had an inkling that you were dating someone. Yet, Calum’s gut lets him know that you may not have told your parents.

“They know I’m dating someone. Just not who,” you conclude. “Though, your reputation may proceed you.”

Calum thinks he hears what’s being asked: that maybe he doesn’t give away who he is. He can do that, as best as he can of course. “Well, it’s a good thing this is just as big as I am.”

“That’s okay?”

He nods. Even if it did hurt, Calum’s not got the grounds to force you to do more than you’re happy to do when it comes to your parents. “Yeah,” he returns in a whisper. He’d hoped one day you might be able to envision something closer, but that’s your life. That’s the pain you’ve endured so he lets himself be secondary in this realm. He lingers a couple steps behind so that you get the ability to take control when you need it. He lingers to let you know he’s there, but he’s not trying to take cover.

“Who’s the lucky little one?” the older lady at the counter grins as she rings up the item.

“My sister,” you laugh. “I think she might die when she sees it.”

“Well, that’s what we hope,” Calum teases, gently offering the item to you. You take it with a nod.

“Oh, Your Highness, I hadn’t seen you. My apologies,” the woman stutters out.

“No, please,” Calum laughs. “Literally, I don’t think anyone could see their own shadow behind that.”

“I just wish we’d known. We’d clean this place up a bit. Though, I think the little ones enjoy the ruckus.”

“No, there’s no fuss for me. Just here, as a patron.” This is the part that can get old. The constant pressure that he exudes just by showing up. But the interaction wraps up rather painlessly and you cart the unicorn back outside, a whopping 90 dollars later.

“I hope you’re good at geometry,” you laugh, unlocking the car doors.

“I like to think I know my way around,” Calum returns, rearranging a few things to help you tuck the unicorn into the backseat. It’s nearly a close call to get the animal inside, but with it buckled in, you and Calum watch over each other over the hood of your car. “You’re sure you’re okay to see your parents?”

“Calum, we don’t get along, but it’s not going to kill me. And if it does, at least you’ll get to say you were right.” It’s a teasing grin, but Calum takes it slipping back into the car.

“Just one second,” you ask, pulling your phone out. Though the call’s not on speaker, Calum catches both sides of the conversation.

"Hello."

“Hi, sorry to call so last minute, is Teagan home?” you ask.

Calum captures the soft reply from the other end of the phone, “She is.”

“There’s an extra birthday gift for her. Is she okay for a visit? Ten minutes at most.”

“How far are you from here? We’re having dinner right now.”

“I’m about twenty minutes from the house.”

“She’ll just be finishing up dinner around then, I’d reckon. That’s okay.”

“Thanks. I’ll be quick.”

“You’re welcome.”

The call ends and before Calum turns, you’re throwing the car into reverse. Perhaps, it’s better just to let this moment go, let it be what it’s always been. Calum watches as you seemingly go back into the direction that you two might’ve been going in originally. The streets are the same as the ones you came up on.

Ten minutes into the drive, your voice cuts through the silence. “The neighborhood’s..well, it’s probably not what you’re expecting.”

Calum doesn’t know what the warning is meant to convey. Had he given some sort of hint that he’d made any assumptions about your childhood? Calum hums in acknowledgement to your comment though as that it doesn’t seem like he’s ignoring you. As the time passes, the houses get taller and expand. Big lawns and gates. And as the deeper you two get, the more the houses settle into the massive shadows. Admittedly, this isn’t what he’d assumed you’d grown up in. Perhaps, he did have some sort of subconscious expectation about what your childhood home might look like. But the houses look like the kind his friends grew up in. There’s discomfort in the fleeting thought that something like this could’ve been happening to someone he knew and he probably wouldn’t have suspected it just because of the looks. Had that happened to you, where your abuse had been overlooked for so long simply because you grew up here?

The deeper into the neighborhood the more Calum would even hazard a guess that he might recognize some parts of this neighborhood now. At least this part. But he just waits and waits and when your signal clicks around the two of you and you make the turn into a paved driveway, at least six feet in length up to the house that has two stories, and a two car garage, Calum gets it. There’s a bit of shame that solidifies in his gut. Why had he expected your parents to be living in a rather harsher part of the neighborhood? Why did that make something about your story easier to swallow? But he looks up at the house, yellow lights dancing in the lower levels, and Calum feels a bit of disgust at himself and a tad more rage at your parents. Clearly they were capable. Yet, you were here, worried about the job you’d been doing for years being swept out from under your feet in the matter of weeks.

When the car cuts off, he’s got to swallow the rage and shame and unbuckle the unicorn from the backseat to give to your sister. The front door bell rings throughout the evening air. Calum stays on the step below you, holding onto the unicorn in front of him, peering out from the side of the stuffed animal. The door creaks open and Calum’s expecting your mother, maybe, your father. But the body is tiny, short with pigtails. Your name falls over their throat in a squeal. “Mommy said you’d be coming by!”

Your laughter catches Calum’s ears. “Yeah, Teag. Came by to see you. Can we come in?”

“We?”

Calum watches as Teagan finally takes in the stuffed animal and waves when their eyes lock. She waves in return, eyes big and wide as she looks up at the toy. “Holy moly,” she whispers but widens the door open.

You step through and Calum follows suit. Inside is warm, the lights in the foyer warm and the scent of dinner still lingering in the air. If not for the fact of what Calum knows, he’d say this place felt homey, lived in and inviting. The three of you don’t go further into the house and right at the base of the stairs that seem to lead further up into the house, Calum spots a man. Your father, he assumes. Calum gives a nod, praying that he’s still undetectable as he drops the unicorn down to Teagan’s level. It’s short lived--his hope--because your father sits up a little straight on the steps, but seemingly freezes at the same time.

“Teag, this is my friend,” you introduce.

Teagan blinks up from the unicorn to Calum. Recognition settles on her face and she pats at your knee to wave you down. You squat to her height. “Your friends with the-?” Teagan whispers, voice coated in awe at the prospects. She’s seemingly so in shock that she can’t finish the question.

Calum watches the slight wince that flashes over your face but you nod. “Yes, but that’s between us. It doesn't leave those lips ever, got me?” You mime zipping her lips.

Teagan gives a fervent nod and mimes zipping her lips close too. “Got you.”

Calum kneels down, holding the unicorn in front of him a little. “I heard it was your birthday a couple days ago. Is that correct?”

Teagan nods, sliding in closer to you. It’s subtle, but she inches in towards your chest. “Yes. Do you know everyone’s birthday? Is that like your job?”

Calum laughs at the question. “No, no, unfortunately I don’t know everyone’s birthday. It’s not a part of my job. But I do know the birthdays of important people.”

“So, I’m important?” Teagan asks. She inches now out of your safety, intrigue pulling her out from your wing and closer to Calum. She looks like you, the longer Calum stares. Her eyes are less sharp than yours, but there’s a softer version of your face in hers. A face open and ready for the world.

Calum smiles. “Yeah, Teagan. You’re pretty important. Especially to your sibling.”

“How did you two become friends?” Teagan asks. “I met my friends at school. Did you two meet in school?”

You snort at the question. “Teagan, let’s be careful there.”

“What?” she questions. “It’s fair.”

“We met at work,” Calum answers. “It’s sort of like school. But this, this is for you,” Calum notes, moving the unicorn closer to her. It swallows Teagan’s height two times over and almost a third time too. But she holds it by two hooves, staring up at the giant mythological creature.

“It’s mine?” Teagan questions.

Calum nods. “Yes, for your birthday.”

Her eyes light up, stepping into the stuffed animal. “Thank you,” she rushes out, looking between you and him.

“It’s from him,” you explain nodding over to Calum.

“Thank you,” she beams at Calum. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, Teagan.”

“Can-can I give you a hug?” Teagan asks Calum. She bounces on the balls of her feet, brimming with an excitement that only children seem to be able to hold. Calum nods, holding out his arms for her. It’s a quick hug before she bounces back over to the stuffed animal and drags it over to the stairs.

“Look, Daddy!” Teagan shouts. “Look!”

“Yeah, I see,” your father smiles but keeps glancing from Teagan to the two of you like maybe he’s also processing something at the same time. “That was very generous of him, wasn’t it? Did you say thank you?” Given how close he is, Calum’s sure your father did hear Teagan’s gratitude, but he asks anyway.

Teagan nods. “Yes, yes I said thank you! Charlie, look!” she hollers.

You pause her for a moment before she runs deeper into the house for a hug and a kiss to the top of her head. “Love you, Teag.”

“Love you,” she returns in the embrace. Then she carries on, dragging the unicorn with her down the hallway. She doesn’t seem to care that the item is probably twice her weight either. Teagan gets a hold and uses all her might down the hall, deeper into the house where Charlie must be.

“Tell Diana I said thanks again for letting me stop by,” you direct up to your father.

He stands, taking a few steps back down to the ground level. “I will.”

You nod and turn to the door but Calum watches the half step your dad takes, mouth sliding open like there’s more to come. So Calum slides just a little between the two of you. The attention turns from you to him. Calum watches the suspicion settle in the older man’s face. But your father doesn’t take a step back. “So I guess it’s true, huh? The buzz that’s been going on?” your father questions.

“I’ll call again before I drop by,” you return. Calum’s not sure he’d fault you for not wanting to get into the specifics. Though his presence does answer the question in and of itself.

“I didn’t mean--I’m sorry,” he offers. The door creaks open. Calum can hear the crickets chirping. But he keeps looking forward to your father. “That didn’t come out right. Just wanted to hear if you’re doing well,” your father clarifies.

There’s only silence from you initially. The door eeks close, not so much as a slam but Calum feels the evening air cut off from his back slowly, inch by inch. The crickets concert is soon silenced behind Calum fully.

“I’m doing,” you answer.

“That’s good, yeah?”

Your name is called again, from deeper in the house. You follow the sound, stepping around Calum. He watches and wants to follow, but remembers he’s supposed to be hanging back. “Yes, Charlie boy?” you call back out. You disappear down the hallway.

The sigh that leaves your father is heavy, his face falls. “I won’t talk,” he offers to Calum. “And Teagan won’t either. She adores her sibling too much to utter a peep when promised not to. Thanks for being there. For them, with them. Makes an old man like me not feel like shit to know there’s something out there taking care of them.”

“Of course, sir.” Calum nods.

“Oh, it’s Melvin. Yeah, no need for ‘sir’ here really. Though I guess, should I address you in any specific way in all of this? Don’t really know the rules of engagement,” he laughs.

Calum takes in the black plastic frames on your father’s face, the beard and eyebrows going white slowly. Here, right now, he looks so plainly like a father. Like someone who might try to use the latest slang to stay relevant, or just to annoy his children. It’s probably a good thing that no one’s past is branded on them for Charlie and Teagan’s sake. “Just Calum is fine,” he answers to Melvin’s question.

“Just Calum,” Melvin repeats with a laugh. When there’s no laughter from Calum in return, he nods, lips pressing together. It’s awkward and tense.

“My dad would’ve love that,” Calum offers. “Maybe it’s a Dad thing.”

Your laughter bounces up the walls. “Oh, no, sir, Santa’s already left. I only get a few minutes with him at a time. I can’t go clogging up his line.”

“C’mon! Please. For your little brother. Call him again just for me.”

“When I come back in a couple of weeks, make sure you have a list. I’ll see what can be done. But I can make no promises,” you laugh. It’s interrupted by Charlie’s own laughter, a screech followed by giggles. Calum smiles at the sound, imagining maybe you’ve wrapped the little boy up in order to tickle him.

“You love them.” Calum looks back at your father, a sad smile painting his face. “You’ve got a certain look in your eyes about them. I know that look.”

“Sir?” That’s definitely not expected.

Melvin gives a small tuft of laughter. “And if it means anything, like literally a dime in the bucket or anything, I see the way they look at you. I know it when I see it,” Melvin states. “I don’t have much grounds to say for certain about anything involving them of course. But I know my kid.”

“Don’t go. Please stay!” Teagan bellows.

“I’ll be back. Don’t I always come back to you, Teag?”

“You do. But you could stay. Mommy and Daddy say that they want you to say.”

“I promise I’ll be back. I love you.”

You come back up to the foyer, a piece of paper in hand. The handwriting is thick and wobbly from what Calum catches, though it’s only in pieces as you fold it up. Your goodbyes are shouted, I love you’s breaking through the calls too. Calum meets you, pushing himself deeper into the house but careful not to be seen. Your pinkies hook yet again.

“Nice to meet you, sir. And please, let your wife know that I appreciate her letting us drop by.” Calum extends a hand. Even if things looked good, Calum wouldn’t attempt to undermine you. He could though ensure that he remained polite. His own mother would have his ass if he didn’t.

Melvin nods in return, shaking his hand. But it’s the only thing said before you and Calum exit the house. The crickets are singing around them. “So I’m Santa Claus, huh?” Calum jokes after you’ve shut the door to the house behind you.

“Teag’s good on her foot when she needs to be. I’ll tell Charlie the truth soon enough. He’s…a bit more truthful and straight laced.”

Calum laughs at the description. “I don’t think he’d stand up to Miranda’s scrutiny, so good to avoid it if you can.”

“See, you get it.”

Calum walks you around to the driver side of the car. There’s nothing on your face that Calum can pick up, a tick of your jaw, the glazed eyes. “You good?”

“Peachy,” you nod. “I still have Santa Claus to take on a date.”

Calum snickers again at the fib. It’s a good one. Though he’s sure sooner rather than later Charlie will definitely catch on that it’s not Christmas yet. Not even close to it. “Ho, ho, ho,” Calum returns, opening your door. “I should’ve called in a favor from Rudolph then.”

“Next time.”

“Yeah, next time,” Calum agrees. He notices as he’s walking back to the passenger side door two tiny bodies in the windows next to the door. Teagan waves at Calum which he returns and Charlie seems to only watch, eyes wide as he gazes out. Calum salutes Charlie quickly and attempts not to show too much of his face before stepping into the car. Teagan and Charlie turn to each other, speaking but there’s no detectable sound as he shuts the door.

There’s a little solace, Calum thinks, that he’s gotten a deeper glimpse into your life. The way your siblings thoroughly enjoy your company. The way you enjoy theirs. But there’s still that leaden shame in Calum’s gut: his own assumptions, his own ignorance, the discomfort of knowing what he knows about your parents but the care they give to your siblings. The past wouldn’t exist without the present and the present still tastes sour of what’s behind it. Two things that don’t exclude each other. Two solid truths.

“So, Melvin and Diana then?” Calum questions.

“My parents,” you return with a nod.

“And you grew up in that house? That’s always been the house you grew up in?”

“That’s the only house. When my parents first got together, they were in an apartment and then moved in there a couple years later.”

Calum won’t press, but he’s starting to put pieces onto the board. Not the richest neighborhood in this town, but still one of the best neighborhoods to live in. And you went fourteen years, maybe less, in that house with your parents drinking day in and day out. And Calum wishes he could say something like, look at you now. But the reality is that you lived with roommates. You took jobs to be as far as you could from your parents but still visit your siblings. You were facing the imminent threat of losing your current job.

“Can I ask you something?” Calum starts the question right as you pull into the parking lot of the park.

“Yeah, you can ask something.”

“When you were eighteen and getting into culinary school, what was your dream? What did you want on the other side of school?”

The car cuts off, in park now and the dashboard lights cut out slowly around the two of you. “I wanted freedom. And I guess that looked like working in a five star michelin restaurant and wanted to leave my parents specifically behind. Then the more I hung out with Charlie and Teagan the more I realized I didn’t want to be super far from them. Just wanted a job to pay my bills and see them. So now I don’t really know what I’m looking for if I’m honest. I just know I can’t stop. I feel like I can’t stop long enough to figure it out.”

“I guess in your position it sort of feels like if you stop then you’re risking something?” Calum tries.

“Yeah,” you nod. “If I stop, then who’s going to pay my bills? That’s the way it starts to feel. If I stop, who’s going to carry the rest of the load?”

“No other family?”

“Uh, maybe on my father’s side? I don’t really know my extended family too well because of everything.”

“I know I’m probably not making your situation vastly better. But know I do want you to figure that out. I’ll do what I can to give you that space to figure it out.”

You cup his cheek, thumb stroking over his cheek. “Thanks for that.”

Calum holds your hand to press a kiss to your palm. “Anytime.”

Calum’s not sure what to expect when he steps out of the car, but you direct him and he pulls out the basket and cooler. You carry the guitar case and painting with the blanket tossed over your shoulder. The park’s pretty empty. He reads over the signs and notices there’s almost two halves. To the left there seems to be a normal playground. To the right, the sign points to hiking and running trails. But you march on forward towards the grassy patch in the middle of the halves. Calum follows behind. He’s careful not to look too much at the painting though he can catch glimpses of something red on it. As you find a good spot to settle, he helps spread out the blankets and anchors down the top and bottom of the blanket with the cooler and picnic basket before settling down next to you.

“This is quite the spread,” Calum comments as you unearth what you have. Sandwiches, chips, individually wrapped slices of pie, a medley of fruits, a cheeseboard, and a selection of meats as well assembled onto a wooden board. The cooler opens to reveal water, some sodas, a couple bottles of juices as well.

“Wasn’t sure what you’d go for, but I hope it’s not too much?”

Calum shakes his head, slipping the sunglasses off his face. The evening’s starting to settle in nicely and the cap feels like enough to hide him away. “No, no it’s not too much.”

You nod. “Good. Though I’ll admit, I definitely am nervous.”

“Nervous? Why are you nervous?” Calum pops a grape into his mouth, reading over the labels you’ve hand written on the sandwiches. The one without tomatoes is yours--as Calum remembers even after just one witnessing of you assembling your own sandwich-- and he hands it over.

“Haven’t been on a date in ages, I feel rusty.”

“You are definitely not rusty,” Calum laughs. “All this is not rust.”

“Some of it is,” you return, peeling off the wrapping around the sandwich. “As a heads up, the painting I bought has been in progress for weeks. So it’s not..totally done.”

“Then I’ll judge like I’m an art snob,” Calum retorts around his bite.

“I expect nothing less.”

“Can I take a look now?”

“That is why I brought it.”

Calum’s careful as he takes the canvas into his hands. He sets his sandwich off to the side to avoid getting anything on it. The background isn't finished, you started that much is clear by the glasses and tables. But the foreground is a hand, bleeding, and being cradled by another set of hands. They meet in the middle of the canvas, fingertips brushing mostly. The red of the blood drips over the second set of hands and down to the bottom of the canvas, almost like it could drip off the medium itself and into Calum’s lap.

He focuses for a moment on the blood, wanting to trace his fingers over it but then decides against it. He takes in the skin tone of the hand bleeding, some of the thumb is facing up and he can catch the tan. If he didn’t know anymore he’d say it could be his hand. Nothing confirms that though. Much to his parents dismay, he’d tattooed their initials onto his hands. There’s some red that he catches on the table clothes in the backgrounds, it’s small and muted the shadows the wrists casting over them he assumes.

The second set of hands though are a little smaller than the bleeding hand. Calum looks over the details, and thinks the skin tones are a little different, potentially a third hand. But he’s not sure. He carries on, looking over the details and spots there on the left wrist a scar, a darker spot, a little jagged and a little red. He knows that spot anywhere. He scoots closer to you, reaching for your left arm and that you give up easily. He turns it up and notices the same scar.

“Are these our hands?” Calum whispers.

You nod. “Yeah. Yeah they are. And that,” you hover over the right hand, the one different in skin color, in the picture cradling the injured hand--now definitely Calum’s. “That’s supposed to be Joy’s hand.”

“Is this? Is this from when I cut my hand on that glass?”

“Well, sort of. That inspired me.”

“Holy smokes,” Calum laughs, holding the canvas up a little. It’s distinctly a different color to the skin in that third hand. He can see the resemblance to his mother’s complexion. But the hands are all palm up, so it is hard at the first look to see it. But he sees now the veins now crawling up the wrist, feeding in the palms. His are a bit more blue. His mother’s a bit more purplish hue--the depth of her undertone, but he can see care.

“This is fucking amazing,” Calum exhales on the phrase. It’s not what an art expert might call technically perfect. Some of the scales are just a little off, but the work on the skin tones, the veins, the way the painting almost feels like it could drip off the canvas at any point makes it impressive in and of itself.

“Thank-thanks. I used to hide in the art room in school and draw.”

“Then what drew you into the kitchen?” Calum laughs. “Why not be an artist?”

“Doesn’t fucking pay,” you snort. “At least if I can cook, I can always eat.”

“But you could be an artist,” Calum returns. “This is fucking incredible.”

“You can have it. Once I finish it. But it’s yours.”

Calum takes in your unfocused gaze, the way you duck your head. He wouldn’t say you’re shy, but you are avoiding him. But Calum won’t let that stand for much longer. He misses how much your eyes glint with the mischievous edge when you’re teasing him. He misses how he feels like he could fall into your gaze and never want to catch himself. He lifts your gaze up by two fingers under your chin. “Am I the first to get an original painting? Be honest.”

“What do you think?” you retort.

“I think I might be, but I would love to hear it from your lips.” It would be the perfect time to lean in for a kiss. The desire bubbles in Calum’s gut. Slow, though, he remembered that. He’s got to go slow, even if it’s burning his insides.

“You might be the first.”

“Oh, you’re never going to give it to me easily,” Calum laughs. You’ve always been tough when you want to be. “Thank you, in advance, baby.”

“You’re welcome.” Calum situates the painting back to safety before reaching back for his sandwich. “How’s Mrs. Clifford? Have you won yet?”

He snorts at the tease. “She’s good and still kicking my ass in bridge.”

“And that’s Michael’s mom?”

He nods, around his final chews. “Yeah, she is. I met Michael in middle school? We went to the same private school. He taught me how to play guitar.”

“So is Michael the reason why you’ve got a drawer full of band t-shirts?”

Calum laughs. “I don’t know if Michael is solely the reason. But he’s definitely an influence. He’s a producer now, not that I’m shocked. He always had the music bug.”

“A producer,” you hum around the statement. Calum can’t tell if it’s a question or not, but he nods. “Private school?

Now, this Calum can tell is a question. “Up until university,” he answers.

“So, what about you?”

Calum hums around his bite, unsure what you’re referring to. You laugh, digging out a napkin and holding it out to him. Only after he takes it, do you gesture to your mouth and Calum realizes he might have mustard on his lips.

“What did you want to do? Before you realize you were getting shackled to a throne?” you clarify.

“I wouldn’t call it being shackled. But uh, I went for a little bit to Brazil to a training camp for football.” Your eyes widen at the confession and Calum grins a little. “Dunno. Wanted to be an athlete. But I think well before then I knew what my responsibilities were and what would be expected of me.”

“But those stars that you don’t miss,” you counter.

If Calum’s honest, he does miss the stars just a little. But he’s always known what would become of him. There was no fighting it. He had his youth. He’d have plenty of stories of his friends and him laughing in cars with all the windows down going well over the speed limit on empty highways and the bright artificial lights illuminating the pavement. None of that would ever overthrow what work he’d have to do. Even if he wanted something different, he’d never get it.

“No, those stars were hideous. But, it’s--” It’s like two halves that make a whole. Calum misses how easy life used to be. How he could spend his days worrying about who had a crush on him and he could spend the days worried about a test, about forgetting to ask for a ride but knowing he’d always get one. And none of that negates that Calum always knew where he’d be. It was always clear that no matter what Calum did he’d be here--lined up for the throne. That was his destiny.

“It’s what?” you ask.

“It’s just an unspoken rule. I could do whatever I wanted when I was young. But when I got old enough they’d want me on the throne. I was allowed to be a kid, but I always knew where the road was going to lead.”

“A road with detours.”

“Exactly,” Calum agrees. His parents had driven the ship for years, and he took the reins. He had his fun and eventually all the turns still lead here. When he took control, he knew that. He knew no matter what he’d always be here.

“There were rumors.”

“Rumors?” Calum questions.

“Rumors that you’d gone out of town looking for a bride. This was a few months ago.”

It doesn’t shock Calum that his love life seems to be the hot talk of the town. He’d prefer it not to be, but the reality of the situation means he’s got to get used to things about his life being under scrutiny or just being gossip subjects, no matter how wrong it is. He studies the way you stare out into the treelines. The pinch to your brow returns, where it’d previously varnished on the drive to the park from your parent’s house, it returns now. Your forehead holds the ‘V’ of the knitted brows.

“A few months ago, like before or after our first time?” Calum’s not too naive to call it the first time you two made love, and he’s not grotesque to call it a fuck either. It’d been a succumbing, melting into desire, but there’s no way to say that without it sounding like sap. So first time feels like the best calculus of words.

“I caught wind of them before.”

“Didn’t seem like they stopped you much. If I remember correctly, your direct words were, ‘I want you to fuck me.’”

You snort. Calum knows the swat is coming. He braces for it, for the back of your hand--knuckles and digit-- to connect with his sternum. When they do, he takes your hand into his pressing deeper into his body before bringing your knuckles to his lips. He can spot the knicks along your skin from all the cuts you’ve probably endured. “And if they were?” you tease, looking over to him. Your eyes twinkle with your amusements.

“Well, if rumors can do that,” Calum starts, lips brushing over your skin, “I’m dying to see what comes next.”

“Calum,” you laugh.

And god, he loves the way you say his name. His toes curl in his shoes and he exhales harshly onto your skin. No syllable gets lost in the curl of your tongue. It’s not lost on him that you’ve yet to use a pet name, but if just his name can make his whole body feel like it’s on fire, Calum knows he’s a goner should you ever decide to bestow such a prestige of a pet name onto him.

“But what about those rumors?” Calum asks. His lips are still brushing over your skin. He’s still keeping your arm extended out, and it feels like he could hideaway between the brim of his cap and the softness of your skin, even while scarred.

“I was selfish.”

It sounds like a confession and Calum settles your intertwined hands to his lap. “Selfish about what?”

“I had those rumors burning the back of my brain and when we kissed, I told myself I would take whatever I could get even if it wasn’t all of you. Sometimes I still think I’m waiting for this all to come crumbling down. And then your mom wanted lunch. Your dad wants golf. You call me just to hear my breath sometimes and I think that it won’t. I don’t want it to crumble.”

“That’s why you said you didn’t want to fuck this all up?” You never did call Calum to tell him later what had gone down. He hasn’t pressed it until now.

“I said that because sometimes I want to run. There’s a voice in the back of my head that tells me I need to get out because all the safety I’ve built in being anonymous is going to shatter.”

That--that’s not something Calum anticipated. He knew there was fear, or least assumed so. “But you’re still here,” he counters. It feels a little desperate in his chest. Though he doesn’t want to panic and think you’ve done all this just to end it, it still claws at his heart.

“I am. I want to be here with you. It’s…it’s just hard. Especially after that conversation with Miranda. It would be easier to drop it all. But I don’t think that’s the best choice.”

“I hate to point out the obvious. But we are in public, right now.” Calum knows that you know but he’s not going to let this slide either.

“Call it exposure therapy,” you laugh. “I just--I’d gotten used to safety. And I don’t have it anymore. Or at least I don’t have what I had before. I have to like rebuild. I don’t even know what it would look like to rebuild that safety. Well, expect for the fact that I’m stealing you mom. She’s definitely a part of it.”

“No, I encourage the stealing of my mother as long as I get visitation rights.”

“That can be arranged.”

The air fills with the laughter bubbling from both you and Calum. Just behind it there’s the flutter of wings as a flock of birds take off. The sun’s tipped deeper into the horizon. The air’s cooling. But Calum keeps watching you. The V’s still there in your brows, smaller than before, but not gone.

“If-If my mum’s a piece of safety, then I do want to encourage you to reach out to her. I know it’ll be weird because she’s my mum. But I think right now what matters more is your well-being. She’s got a good head on her shoulders and she won’t come back to me with it. not if you don’t want her too. She’s good with secrets.”

You give a nod, looking over now to face Calum directly rather than speaking out into the air in front of you. Your eyes are glassy, but no tears fall and Calum waits. He just wants as the words tick at your jaw. It’s slow, but the words build up and out and Calum listens as you speak. “It’s--she just reminded me of everything I wanted from my parents. I see the way my parents treat Charlie and Teagan and I’m so happy for them, but I am so angry that I couldn’t get it too. Last week, after we met, I realized how much I hadn’t let myself be angry about it all. I’m still trying to be the perfect kid for them but I still push them away because I’m fucking pissed. And everyone wants something from me, right? Everyone wants me to act a specific way--be it either forgiving my parents, or moving on, or whatever. But I just, sometimes I’m stuck. I’m just stuck and I’m angry and it’s exhausting.”

“Fuck them--everyone’s that ever wanted something from you. Including me.” Calum returns. It feels easy to say and he knows it is easy for him to say. But he means it. “The only thing you’ve got each day is the best you’ve got. Whatever it looks. If it’s 50%, then that’s the best. If it’s anger, then that’s the best. And I wish I could say I’d make everyone not want something from you. But the truth is, I can’t do that. No one can. The thing you can do is just give yourself the space to have what you have.”

It’s a slow and thoughtful nod that you give before you squeeze at Calum’s hand. “Yeah, yeah maybe you’re right,” you whisper. It’s caught in the gentle breeze and passes over Calum’s cheeks like a wispy breath.

“Your world’s fundamentally changing, baby. You don’t have to have a solution right now. I know a lot of the changes are because of me and some of them are a little time sensitive. But I mean it, there are just going to be some days as you grieve that you’ve only got a little in the tank. And there’s going to be days where you’re angrier than others. I’ll still be there okay? But not as knight in shining armor bullshit. Promise,” he grins.

“How then?” you ask, a smile pulling at the corner of your lips.

“I’ll be there like the goofy guy that makes you laugh. Who kisses you when you’re sleepy still in the morning and you complain about your morning breath. Like the guy who’ll make your toast just right and always listens to the ancestors about how much sugar to put in your coffee. Like the guy who’s your boyfriend. How does that sound?”

“Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, if I’m honest. And you can still call me out on my bullshit too.”

“Oh, I’d be happy too,” Calum laughs. “You still owe me a couple more bites on that sandwich though,” he notes, nodding over to the item in your lap.

“Yes, yes,” you laugh, picking it up again. “Thanks. For listening.”

“Anytime,” Calum whispers.

The evening darkens quicker than you or Calum quite planned for, undoubtedly related to the detours that you set on earlier. But just before the twilight passes, you and Calum pack up the remnants of the food--a couple individual bags of chips and the empty tupperware. It’s less of jostle now that the bags are a little bit lighter as the two of you pack everything back into the car.

“I still owe you a song,” Calum notes as you two start back to the castle. He doesn’t want to slack on his end of the bargain and he doesn’t want to let you go just yet either. Though he’s sure you might have to work tomorrow and he’s sure you’re probably not comfortable escorting him to your place just yet either. Not that he faults that. The timing might look a little too suspicious.

“Are you asking me to stay the night?”

“Are we at a point where I can ask outright?”

“Say it in lamest terms,” you counters, flicking your eyes to Calum for just a moment. Maybe not even a full second.

“I want you to spend the night with me.” It’s an easy sentence to say now. Like he was only really asking for permission to say it so plainly. And maybe he was. Maybe Calum’s always waiting because he knows just how hard what he’s asking for. He wants it to be easy, but it never will be. He just wants to make it easier. If he could just make things easier that would be all he needs. But the trick to all of this is that you can still say no. Even though Calum’s telling you what he wants, you still have the rebuttal.

“I’d love to,” you answer. His heart soars--not one ounce of a hesitation filtering into your words. “But!” It comes out loud and you hold a hand up in front of Calum’s chest. The groans at the interjection climbs up his throat without thought and Calum throws his head into the headrest.

“Finish the demands, just twist the knife,” he huffs.

Your laughter is soft. “You’ll live, big guy. Promise. But you dry as I wash first before anything else?”

“I don’t think drying dishes will kill the mood that much,” Calum hums. It does make Calum’s gut twist at the name, though he’s sure you don’t really mean it like that, more like a tease at his own dramatics, Calum curls his fingers into his palms. God, he feels like a teenager again. Like somehow everything about you calls to him. His own personal Siren song echoes in the wisps of your breath.

“Mustard breath didn’t kill the mood,” you laugh. “I don’t think anything can.”

Calum doesn’t think anything can either. But he wallows just a little, shifting in the passenger seat to make you laugh again. When you do, he follows the sound, how it brushes over the glass of the window and then backwards towards his ears. It warms his gut as it goes. The words are bubbling on his tongue, right at the soft palate, but Calum can’t say them. He doesn’t even know how true they are. Though it would feel right, he withholds. Instead, he bothers you for your hand at a red light, just to leave some kisses and letting go when the light turns green.

The sink’s rushing by the time Calum returns from depositing his guitar and your spare bag and other piece of tupperware on the rack waiting for him. He slides by you to grab the towel hanging off the oven. Your skin is soft, a slight chill from the evening, but Calum presses kisses to your cheek regardless. You hum. “Dishes, Calum.”

“They’re not nearly as fun,” he laughs.

“They’re not.”

It’s a simple sentence, but you melt into Calum for a moment, weight falling back into him. You’re solid against Calum’s chest. As his arms wind around your waist, he squeezes. The embrace is warm and Calum swears his mind’s never been as quiet other than when he’s embracing you.

It’s all too easy to leave a kiss on your neck. It’s all too easy to wrap you with both his arms, and force you back into Calum. He knows your head will drop into his shoulder. He knows you’ll hum again with that little blissful smile when he runs his nose along the cut of your jaw. The content hum falls from Calum’s throat easily. He takes a gentle bite out of you and then kisses the area before moving on to the dishes.

A whine pierces the air and Calum nearly buckles. He loves that sound, the little huff of disappointment that escapes you because you know just like he does that you’re still going to the responsible one. You’re still going to wash the fucking dishes and Calum’s going to fucking dry them. But it’s not what either of you want to. Calum loves how much you hate it because it only serves to build the anticipation. It really only serves to make every touch, every kiss that much sweeter.

The last of the dishes hit the drying rack and the drain releases to take the water down with it. Calum’s been purposefully slow, taking extra wipes at the lids. He should be listening though. He should be paying more attention to where you are in the room because it falls silent for far too long. Calum catches the ticking off the clock and nothing else. He snaps the lid onto the bowl and places it down in the bag and just as Calum bends over just a little to get your basket and cooler stacked up into the corner, the crack comes.

It stings and maybe it stings before the crack hits the air. But Calum laughs, shock falling over the laughter too as he whips around, one hand resting on his ass as he spies you with another kitchen towel in your hand, winding it up for another shot.

“That was my butt,” he hollers.

“It’s a cute one too.”

The retort doesn’t slow you though as you step in just a little bit closer to Calum. His laughter ceases. “No, no, not like this.” Calum’s not going to go down like this. He winds his own towel up. It’s ridiculous. But it doesn’t stop his own smile.

You’re slow, crouched over as you hold your kitchen town at the ready. Calum knows it’s reactionary, but he takes the crack. You lean back out the crack of the towel, your own laughter bubbling out of your chest. Calum’s overextended tried to reach too far too fast and can’t back up before you get a hit on his forearms.

“Yes, yes exactly like this,” you laugh, wrapping one of Calum’s wrist up into the towel. It’s a gentle pull, but Calum lets himself go into the command. Where’d this been the entire time, this playfulness, Calum doesn’t know. But he’s glad it’s there. He’s glad to see it as you pull his body into yours.

Your hands are cupping his cheeks, pulling him in for the kiss and Calum can’t even refute you. Can’t be mad that he doesn’t get the chance to tease you for being desperate. Because god, you’ve always tasted so sweet--even tainted in sweat, Calum thinks it’s the most intoxicating taste. The air of the kitchen echoes with the sounds of the huffs, the press and pull of lips. Calum knows he wants to swallow you whole. He wants to press you into his ribs, make you the marrow of his bones.

The blood in your veins thumps erratically. Calum can feel them throbbing against his lips as he breathes into your neck. “My room?” he asks in a pant. “Or are you ready to risk it here?”

Calum laughs at your sharp intake of air. “Oh, did you think I’d forget that? How you admitted that you daydreamed about me taking you here in this kitchen?” Calum seals another kiss into your skin.

Your response is only the heavy inhales.

Calum grins, slowly lifting his head to watch your face. The slack jaw of desire, the furrow of your brow because he’s stopped. “Yeah, I remembered. Tell me though. Did you fantasize about being caught? Did I have to keep you quiet? Were you bent over this island? I need every detail, baby,” Calum whispers closing in.

You’re going to push up, try and capture Calum with another kiss, but he’s quicker, pulls out of the way before you can get in closer. “You’re not playing fair," you huff.

“Please tell me?” Calum adds. It’s so desperate, even to Calum’s own ears. But he doesn’t care. He wouldn’t be able to find it in himself to care.

“It starts with a kiss,” you start. It’s with a heavy exhale over your lungs. Calum complies, holding your face between his hands. Your body goes lax and Calum’s more than grateful to watch how much a touch from him can cause you to turn off like a light. But as much as he wants to swallow the sighs down, he lets you go when you pull away from me.

“Your hands are under my shirt,” you pant.

Your skin is hot--or maybe it’s his own skin-- but Calum slips his hand under the cotton, caressing your side. The shuddering sigh ghost over his face, but Calum wants for the next instruction, the next part of the fantasy to come alive.

“I’m working off your shirt,” you laugh. “The fantasy has a dress shirt.”

Calum looks down at the cotton Nine Inch Nails t-shirt and grins. “My apologies, baby.”

You shake your head. “It’s okay.”

Your fingers tease at Calum’s skin under the shirt and though it tickles, his eyes flutter close at the touch. It’s sure, but soft. “I’m usually in my uniform,” you continue on in a whisper. “But we’ll make do. You move me over the counter, my chest pressed into the marble.”

He takes your waist more firmly and Calum pushes one hip to urge you to turn. You go willing, hips pushed out into his. The jeans are tight and Calum ruts, needing the friction. He’s going to explode before he even gets to have you. It’s burning at his gut when your voice comes fluttering out.

“You kiss my neck.”

Calum leans in, mouth salivating at just the thought of another taste. You’re real in his hands. You’re real in his mouth. Calum has to keep telling himself this is all real. Because he swears if he doesn’t, it’ll all float away. He’ll find some way to convince himself that he dreamed it. And instruction after instruction, Calum takes your body apart. It’s slow but steady as you allow yourself to be consumed.

The instructions never waiver. Calum never falters. He knows he’s doing what you want. He knows he’s making you feel good. Why else would you have fantasized about it if it weren’t good? His body is hot, can feel the start of sweat at his hairline as he eases himself into you. Every kiss, every touch, every piece of clothing has been touched, bitten, pulled just the way you wanted. There’s no way one body can hold this much desire and not crack. Calum’s so sure he’s going to crack. His skin is holding by seams but your sighs, the way you praise Calum, keeps him together just enough.

All Calum has to do is chase the punched out sighs that escape your throat. All he has to do is focus on you and it all makes it a little easier. Though he’s never felt such a tightness in his gut. To say a body’s been made for him feels too simple of a phrase. You’re not an object. You’re not something that can be consumed. Your body feels like the things prayers are made of--hope and pinning. Your body feels like what hymnals are yearning for. And Calum wants nothing more than to collapse at your feet and worship you.

“Shit, shit, shit,” you huff out.

And though the castle is quiet at night, the last thing you two need is to be caught. Calum presses down a little into your back and pulls a kitchen towel discarded onto the counter into his grasp. “If you can’t be quiet,” Calum laughs with a whisper. “I will have to resort to desperate measures.”

His hips are steady into yours, attempting to keep from too much noise, but still keeping each thrust powerful. More than once your knees have hit the cabinets with a clatter, but that can be played off, assumed to be normal noise of someone in the kitchen. Your moans are definitely not something that can be played off.

“Fuck,” you huff. It’s loud, sounds deep from within you.

“Baby,” Calum coos, pushing the towel into your mouth. “I warned you.”

You whine, openly, freely into the towel at another thrust. Calum grins into your skin. Watching the way you reach back for him, the way you push back into him like you can’t get enough.

It’s blinding and fast when Calum cums. It’d been building, feeling at the edges as it peeled up, but it takes literally everything out of Calum when his release hits. Your body is still shaking under him from your own orgasm and Calum knows all his weight on you is not ideal, but he’s not sure if he knows if his knees will work. He feels wobbly but kissies at your exposed cheek. “So good for me,” he whispers.

Your laughter is soft and Calum pulls the kitchen towel away from your lips. “Better than the fantasy,” you whisper back to him.

Calum helps you up, once his own knees cooperate. It’s a slow process to get clothes reassembled. The kisses are slow, hazy, but Calum feels the burn of you in his lungs. A burn that somehow only you can soothe too.

“I’ll meet you upstairs,” you whisper against Calum’s lips.

“We’re-we’re not going to get caught nor is anyone going to say anything to us if they see us together.” The word’s already out, more or less. It’s out as much as it needs to be.

You snort. “No, I need to clean the kitchen. Disinfect after everything.”

“Oh.” Not an articulate response but it does dawn on Calum that maybe it should’ve been a bit more cautious. But what’s done is done now. Either way, he nods, kissing at your temple.

“I’ll get your things back into your car? Or do you want to leave them in my room?”

“My car is okay. It’s all clean now.” You kiss Calum gently, trailing it up to his nose. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Happily,” Calum returns.

It’s five minutes for Calum to get the items back into the trunk of your car, but once they’re settled in, he watches from the doorway of the kitchen as you spray and scrub down the counters. You make it seem like easy work. Though, there's a force behind your scrub that Calum ponders. “I don’t think a sponge is going to erode marble,” he teases across the way.

“Figured I’d give it a shot.”

You return cleaners to the cabinets, throw gloves away and Calum knows watching you that you are the things prayers are made of. You are hope, and yearning. You are going to be the death of him but he couldn’t care less about that. He drops your keys back into your palm. “Elevators,” Calum directs.

“And why would we take that when there’s perfectly good stairs?” you tease.

“Trust me we will need to take the elevators.”

You grin but nod. “Lead the way.”

***********

Calum’s not even sure you’re listening anymore. The strings are echoing through the guitar, but Calum’s sure that you’re long gone. Asleep above him. He’d slid down to the floor after you teased him about being more focused on more sex and not with producing his end of the bargain in order to prove you wrong. He hadn’t even bothered with his underwear and unearthed the instrument. Your fingers were trailing along his scalp, teasing at the nape of neck. Now your fingers are still. Calum leans his head back. Your face is full, but slack pressed into his pillows.

The sheets cover away your bare body. But Calum knows it even behind his closed eyes. It’s etched into his retinas. He conjures it, even now, behind closed eyes. His fingers dance over the frets, up and down the strings to chase the shape of your spine, carving your hips out from memory. As he licks his lips, the taste of you and him still lingers, Calum etches into the muscles of your shoulders, carrying a steady line down his frets until he’s dancing along your calves.

When Calum opens his eyes, after playing out the last notes of your toes, he finds you still asleep. Your lips have parted now. A snore will be escaping you shortly. Calum should probably sleep soon. But he watches you. “Sometimes I think it’s just a fairytale,” Calum mutters to you, knowing you can’t answer. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m Alice, if I've fallen down the rabbit hole. But then I think about you, or what you might say to me, or what you might do, and it doesn't feel like falling anymore.”

Calum doesn’t know what is when it’s not falling. It feels silly to call it acceptance. Yet, the falling doesn’t feel like falling when he thinks of you. It feels like ground, it feels like when one lands--a bit of a shock to the knees and spine but then a rush of relief that follows behind it too.

Calum pushes up, putting the guitar back up in the corner. He gathers your clothes and his, scattered about his room after being discarded with reckless abandon. He’ll have to get to laundry tomorrow, his basket is overflowing. His desk is also a mess--mugs, notes, his computer. He was supposed to clean that up earlier. Some days just don’t happen like they’re supposed to. With clothes and desk semi-organized, he ensures your phone and his are both plugged in and charging for the night. Calum climbs into the bed behind you. Before he can get settled fully, you turn into his body.

A hum falls from your throat. “Calum?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” he returns.

Confirmation is all you need before you’re burrow into his chest and Calum holds you there, your breath ghosting over his skin as he finds sleep himself.

#calum hood #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fic #calum hood imagine #calum hood smut #calum hood x reader #prince!calum #calum hood x gender neutral reader #h writes #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fic

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5sosfanfictioncatalogue · 3 months

Text

Fics Based on IRL 5SOS Things (2) Masterlist

part one

Fetus

a chalk outline on a playground blacktop (ao3) - whiskeytantrums michael/luke G, 1k

Summary: Michael's always had a habit of making Luke cry.

How Do You Not Like FIFA? (ao3) - DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside michael/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: “How do you not like FIFA?” Michael asked Ashton, trying to keep the scandalized tone out of his voice. It wasn't working.

“What?” Ashton asked in confusion.

Hair

Back in Black (ao3) - no_clue_who luke/ashton T, 1k

Summary: Luke was standing in the hotel bathroom and Ashton was smiling like a maniac. Luke saw in his hand supplies that he thought Ashton had left at home. Ashton’s hair was faded red, really an orange to a red that they had let fade to almost nothing. That and he had left his hair dye in their house. Luke was staring at the box in his hands, it was not red but instead black.

“No.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

or how not to dye your hair black

Red (ao3) - no_clue_who luke/ashton T, 1k

Summary: Luke saw the box of red hair dye in their bathroom. He also saw the bottle of developer sitting next to one of the nice bowls from the kitchen with a plastic fork in it. He also saw the white towel with a single streak of red dye on it.

The red was far too concentrated to be mixed up yet. Luke had time to figure out what was happening.

or how not to dye your own hair.

Until the Water Runs Clear (ao3) - orphan_account michael/luke T, 777

Summary: Michael asks Luke to help him dye his hair

Keeks

Smile for me babe (ao3) - Directioner_Jcats_5sosfam michael/luke M, 1k

Summary: Luke his homesick and sad, and Michael makes him smile

Wabi-Sabi (ao3) - merlypops michael/ashton T, 2k

Summary: 'Ashton remembers how his smile softened then and he pressed a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead, and Ashton remembers how the tiny, sad sigh that escaped Michael hurt him more than the hate online ever could.'

Michael can't see how wonderful he is and Ashton does his best to change his boyfriend's mind.

Interviews

"Maybe a little farm... some pigs" (ao3) - Directioner_Jcats_5sosfam Michael/Luke, Calum/Ashton G, 1k

Summary: Luke and Michael are dating, and Ashton thinks Luke is ready for marriage and settling down. What does Luke thinks about it?

peace (ao3) - no_clue_who ot4 G, 1k

Summary: Calum could see Michael was tired.

He could tell Michael was reaching his limit on being out, the interviews had dragged on and they all were tired. But Calum could tell Michael was really tired. He watched as Michael grabbed the cat pillow and started to pull back from the conversation. Michael was very tired.

stolen shirts/hearts (ao3) - kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum T, 6k

Summary: There's a sort of inevitability that comes with being in this band. A set of concrete circumstances that never seems to change. They annoy each other to hell, they know every last thing about each other, Calum is in love with Luke, and Luke always steals Calum's clothes.

That's the way it is. That's the way they all know it is, except maybe Luke, who might be ignorant to the third thing on the list.

tongue tied by words (ao3) - strxngersagain Luke/Calum G, 4k

Summary: “Are you wearing my shirt?”

Luke glances down at his chest, the Led Zeppelin t-shirt he found in Calum’s room hangs from his shoulders. “I thought this was yours?” He says, glancing at Calum. “So did I.” Calum shrugs, his fingers still lingering on Luke’s thigh, eyes on the TV. “Bro,” Ashton groans. “I already have to deal with you stealing my shit.” He points at Calum, whose eyes still don’t leave the TV. “But now you too?!”

5 times luke stole calum's clothes, and 1 time calum stole luke's

Too hot for Mexico (ao3) - niallistoocute102030 T, 602

Summary: 5SOS are currently on tour in Mexico when the heat causes Ashton to pass out.

Based on the interview where Michel said Ash passed out which now isn't on Youtube.

Pictures

Hold You Tight Straight Through The Daylight (ao3) - harrehsbutterfly G, 890

Summary: Drabble about Luke being ill, based off a photo I saw, where he basically looked really pale and shaky.

Robe Men (ao3) - azalea_21 michael/ashton N/R, 835

Summary: Just a lil fic about based on the picture 5SOS tweeted with Michael and Ashton in robes.

Songs/Music Videos

it's not the end of the road (ao3) - rocketshiptospace michael/luke T, 8k

Summary: Luke is a CEO. Michael owns a hot dog stand. Their friends like to meddle a lot.

Lyrics (ao3) - paperstorm michael/luke T, 4k

Summary: Michael writes Jet Black Heart for Luke.

Superbloom (ao3) - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) T, 3k

Summary: Ashton brings Calum a CD.

Talk Fast (ao3) - no_clue_who luke/ashton T, 2k

Summary: "What is it about then, huh? What is the fucking line 'won't last I'm ok with that' about?" Luke said, blinking back tears. He just wanted to hear Ashton say it, say that he didn't love Luke the way Luke loved him. "What does it mean?"

"It's only a matter of time." Ashton said. His voice was shaking.

"It's only a matter of time till what Ashton?"

or how not to write a song about your relationship

Wrapped (ao3) - stelleshine michael/luke, luke/others E, 17k

Summary: Michael wrote 'Wrapped Around Your Finger' for Luke, and decides to tell him that - repeatedly - backstage after their show, with Luke pressed up against a wall. From there, feelings happen.

Other

it’s like a go-gurt (ao3) - orphan_account G, 905

Summary: What if Luke actually drank the tzatziki sauce?

#5sosfanfictioncatalogue #5sos fanfic #5sos #5 seconds of summer #masterlists #irl #irl masterlist

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bratzforchris · 8 months

Text

Lover

❃

Summary: Songfic. Inspired by Taylor Swift's 'Lover'.

Pairing: Luke x gender neutral reader

Word Count: 1k+ (longer with lyrics included)

Warnings: Very brief mention of anxious attachment issues

A/N: This is simply self-indulgent, tooth-rotting fluff. Enjoy<3

❃

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January//This is our place, we make the rules//And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear//Have I know you 20 seconds or 20 years?

"You guys haven't taken your Christmas lights down yet?" Calum asked as he stepped inside your and Luke's shared home.

"What?" You and Luke asked at the same time, an incredulous look on both of your faces.

"Christmas is over?" Calum explained, looking at the two of you.

"Christmas lights stay up until January 2nd. C'mon, Cal. That's like, a rule." Luke chuckled and playfully rolled his eyes.

You smiled fondly, holding onto your boyfriend's arm and looking up at him. Though it seemed rather silly, Luke loving Christmas lights the way you did made you so beyond happy, especially when so many people you had met took their lights down the after the holiday.

"I really love you, you know that?" You asked, reaching up and caressing his cheek gently.

"I love you too, precious." Luke smiled, hoisting you off your feet and into a tight "squeeze hug". You immediately melted into his arms, feeling completely at ease with him.

There were days where you wondered if Luke had been your lover in a previous life as well. You two were absolutely perfect as a couple. You fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, or, in your case, two Christmas lights on a string.

Can I go where you go?//Can we always be this close, forever and ever?//And ah, take me out, and take me home//You're my, my, my, my//Lover

You smiled to yourself as you followed Luke out of the restaurant and towards the idling cab at the curb. Today had been a "date day" as you and Luke liked to call it, in which you two spent the whole day together, simply doing things that you loved.

It started with bagels and coffee in the park that morning. You adored doing this with Luke, especially when the band got to visit New York City. Then, you two went back to the apartment you and Luke were currently staying in while the band did month-long promo for 5SOS5. You'd been content to curl up in bed with your boyfriend, laying face-to-face in the large bed with soft, silken sheets. You'd smiled and tracked your pointer finger over Luke's features, admiring the way his freckles lined up in their own perfect constellation across his nose and the way his blond curls fell perfectly, giving him his own golden halo.

Before long, it was dinner time. Luke smiled as he walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around you while you were getting ready, giggling a tiny bit at how much taller than you he looked in the mirror.

"I made us dinner reservations." he mumbled softly, voice still husky from the nap.

You giggled, tilting your face up to kiss his cheek. "I love you."

Dinner had been at a very posh restaurant. Luke absolutely adored spoiling you and the food was delicious, but you both couldn't wait to be finished. Fancy dates were fun, but you and Luke loved to spend soft, pure time together at home, cuddling and watching silly movies (Luke loved Mean Girls).

"For my Lover." Luke smiled sweetly, opening the door for you to step into the cab.

You felt your heart swell as you took a seat inside the car. You knew how lucky you were. You wouldn't trade this man, this life, this love for anything.

"I love you, Luke."

We could let our friends crash in the living room//This is our place, we make the call//And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you//I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

"Michael, there is no way you're driving." You said, taking the beer out of the lavender-haired boy's hand.

"But-but I miss Crystal!" Michael's eyes filled with tears.

The boy was absolutely wasted at the moment. Luke's birthday party had gotten slightly out of hand, with lots of drinking games and dumb dares. Hence why 3/4 of 5 Seconds of Summer were currently drunk in your living room at two am. Luke had stayed relatively sober, hoping he'd get some "alone time" with you after the party, but now, that seemed out of reach.

"Crystal would rather you be safe than be in danger, buddy," You said, petting his hair gently as he had a little cry on the rug. "I'll let her know you're staying here."

"Yeah, Mike. It'll be a par-tay!" Ashton slurred slightly, giggling to himself as he sipped on his vodka soda.

Michael was much more of a "sad drunk" than the other two boys at the moment, but nevertheless he wiped his eyes and laughed softly. "We can cuddle naked to save body heat."

You chuckled and rolled your eyes, wishing you had been recording to show the guys later. Turning to dispose of the beer in the kitchen, you saw Luke and Calum out of the corner of your eye. Cal was curled up in Luke's lap, a small smile on his face as Luke ran his hand through the boy's shaggy, black hair.

Even though you knew it was innocent and that Luke and Calum were both straight, you couldn't help but feel a tiny pang of jealousy in your heart. You had grown up with childhood trauma, which made you extremely attached to people like Luke. He was your safe place, always bringing out your inner child.

All those feelings went away, though, when Luke looked up at you and blew you a kiss with his free hand. His blue eyes shone with nothing but love for you as he mouthed 'I love you'. You and Luke had only been together for about three years at this point, but you knew he was the one for you. He was the one you wanted to marry, and have kids with, and get old with.

"I love you." You whispered back.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?//With every guitar string scar on my hand//I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover//My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue//All's well that ends well to end up with you//Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover//And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me//And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover

The day had finally come. After three years of dating and one year of engagement, you and Luke were getting married. Everything was absolutely perfect. Surrounded by all your family and friends in a venue you loved, you couldn't be feel like this was the most perfect day ever. You had floated down the aisle like an angel, completely beaming from the love you felt.

You walked up the stairs to the altar and there was Luke, looking like an absolute prince in his navy blue suit. He took your hands in his, allowing you to feel all the tiny scars on his hands from the nights he had serenaded you to sleep with his guitar. You knew that this was the man you wanted in your life forever. To be not only your lover, but your partner in life too. Your heart had been taken advantage of other men before Luke, not to mention he had also been in a rough patch, but you had finally found each other, just like you were always meant to do.

Once you had said your "I do"'s, the church exploded with love. The celebrations lasted well into the night, with Luke giggling and whispering dirty jokes in your ear as he sat down in the seat you had saved him at the table for dinner.

You couldn't have been happier. This is the life you had wanted for so long and now you finally had it with the man you loved. He truly was your lover.

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getsojaded · 2 years

Text

part ii: non-refundable || calum hood

word count: 1.2k+

warnings: swearing

a/n: part 2 whats gooooooooooddd. playlist is currently in the works, gonna try and put it up either tonight or tomorrow. hope you like this one :)

—

3rd Person POV:

The three boys had left about thirty minutes after the small conversation they had about Y/N and Calum’s trip. Everybody could feel the tension in the room – you would’ve been able to cut through it with a sword. Luke immediately took notice of the mood switch Calum had, and made the assumption that he would much rather be alone now.

“Hey, I’m getting a bit tired now, and I don’t want to leave my girls alone at the house for too long. I’ll be heading out now.” Luke states, causing a little domino effect from Ashton and Calum. “Well, it looks like the night’s over. I’ll dip soon too.” Ashton says, and the four boys bid goodbye to each other, before going their separate ways.

Calum gets into the driver’s side of his car, letting out a big sigh and leaning his head on his steering wheel. He’s fucking stressed, and he has no idea to approach this whole catastrophe.

Before he begins to drive home, he can’t help but look for their shared Spotify playlist, titled ‘already urs’ with the description as ‘songs i love for the person i love’. It had originally been only Y/N’s playlist, adding a bunch of soft, sappy songs the moment she had gotten home from her first date with Cal. He stumbled across it a few months into dating, and from then, he began adding a few songs of his own.

He feels a slight sting in his heart the moment he reads the description, then realizing that it hasn’t changed – and that she hasn't deleted it. He throws the playlist on shuffle, and makes his way home, slightly smiling at the songs that play and the multiple memories associated with them.

Calum groggily walks into his shared apartment with Duke, immediately being greeted with soft, little paws walking up to him. Duke gets on his hind legs, barking as Calum takes his little face in his hands. “Hey little man,” he sweetly gushes, picking up and setting him down on the couch. Calum takes a seat beside him, and Duke makes himself comfortable on his lap. “I’m gonna have to call your ol’ mum tonight.” Calum tells the small dog as he nuzzles his head into Calum’s thighs. He remembers the day Y/N met Duke as if it was yesterday.

–

After a long day at work, Y/N had flopped onto the couch with her eyes closed, letting out a deep sigh. She was completely unaware of the tiny, fluffy dog accompanying her on the couch, only coming to the realization that there was another presence when Duke had started walking on her body. Her eyes immediately shot open, letting out a scream when her and Duke had made eye contact. Calum rushed out of the bedroom, running down the stairs in worry.

“What happened? Are you okay?!”

“Calum who’s fucking dog is this and why is it here?!” she responds in shock, taking Duke off your body and getting up from the couch.

“Oh, I got us a dog. His name is Duke.”

“And you just didn’t bother to tell me?!” Y/N wasn’t necessarily angry with Calum, as she really loved dogs in general and thought that the one sitting next to her was absolutely adorable. She was just extremely shocked and confused as she had no idea that Calum would be doing such a thing without telling her. She places the dog on her lap, fluffing his fur up. “You’re really fuckin’ cute, Dukey. I could get used to you.” Y/N smiles at the dog as he gives her kisses all over face.

“Surprise!”

–

He unlocks his phone, and stares for a moment at the photo widget of you two on the front of his home screen – he’s never had the heart to delete it. Pressing his contacts, he scrolls down to the letter M, clicking on m’girl. He’s never had the heart to change her contact name, either.

Calum’s scared shitless. About a lot of things, really. About how the hell the two of you were going to get out of this stupid trip, about having to contact you after 5 months of trying his best to do the opposite, and now about how you picked up the phone 4 rings in. “Hi, Calum,” her light voice rings through his phone, Calum beginning to feel a sense of comfort beneath all the nerves he was feeling throughout his body.

“Y/N, hi,” he breathes out. There’s silence on the line for a few seconds or so, while Calum regains the courage to speak up once again. “I-I think you know why I’ve given you a call tonight.” She takes a small giggle before responding, and God, has he missed her voice. “Perhaps I do. I’m assuming Luke told you about me calling him a couple hours ago?”

“How’d you know?” Calum jokingly pretends to act shocked, in hopes of earning another light laugh from her, which turns out to be successful. “Okay, on the real, we have to figure out what we’re gonna do about this.” “My only possible outcome was calling Luke and asking if he could take my ticket, but that didn’t necessarily go my way. What about the other boys?” She asks in response, Calum sighing in defeat before he even responds. “Was with all of ‘em earlier when you called. Asked them afterwards, Mike’s headed to Australia in a few days and Ashton’s family is flying in next week.” “Oh.. we are so fucked.” Y/N trails off.

After an hour or so of Calum and Y/N trying to contact various people and asking if they by chance wanted to take a trip to Japan – along with trying to come up with other resolutions – it’s safe to say that they were extremely unlucky. From I’m sorry, I can’t take any days off work to I’m out of town, sorry! They had come to the conclusion that there was absolutely no way to get rid of these tickets.

“So, we can’t refund our tickets.” Calum’s low, raspy voice speaks through the phone. “And we can't seem to get rid of them.” She sighs in defeat, having absolutely no clue what to do. “What do we do now?”

Calum, still scared shitless, can feel his heart thumping out of his chest. He has no clue if these words are gonna fall out of his mouth, but you never know until you try. And with that, he breathes out, “Looks like we’re still going to Japan.”

Y/N’s eyes widen 10 times bigger than they normally are, and she is so fucking thankful that Calum can’t see her reaction to what he had just said. “Wait wait wait wait,” She responds. “Are you okay with that?”

Calum thinks about that question for a brief moment. Despite all of his doubts, nerves, and everything in between, he’s not opposed to still going on the Japan trip ; he’s not opposed to still going on the Japan trip with her. “Unless you find another way to get us out of it, we’re stuck with the tickets. I’m okay with it. Are you okay with it?” He shakily responds.

There’s a slight pause in between Y/N and Calum. She has no clue what to say, except for quoting Calum’s previous statement:

“Looks like we’re still going to Japan.”

—

taglist: @someinsanefangirl @lucyjafari @i-s-a-b-e-l-l-a-o @valesnicks @juhvette @perfctcalum @bohemianhargrove @fobodob @wldflwrbby @wiiiildflowerrr @fangirl-candy

a/n what the fuck some of these users weren’t showing up why doesn’t it don’t i’ll try and fix this shit also if ur user isn’t on here and u wna be on the tag list just lmk xoxo gossip girl

#5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer smut #5sos imagine #5sos #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #calum hood #calum hood imagine #luke hemmings #luke hemmings imagine #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #luke hemmings smut #ashton irwin smut #calum hood smut #michael clifford smut

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rainsoakedphoenix · 1 year

Text

The Public or Private Debate

Pairing: calum ross x gn!reader

Requested: could you do angst to fluff with calum ross with ABC prompts 1, 5, and 9? I am so so sorry this one took so long; I had personal stuff going on recently and once I got back home I just struggled to find motivation to write for a while. This one may be a tad shorter than most of the things I write because I didn't want to keep making you wait, but I hope you still like it!

1. "Alright, whatever. I give up trying to fight you on this." 5. "Everyone already suspects we're together, we might as well tell them." 9. "I love you."

Warnings: lil bit of angst in the beginning as requested, but fluff at the end; little usage of Y/N; this turned out a little more dramatic than I intended and maybe even a little toxic, but it is fiction so I guess it's okay

not proofread

"Everyone already suspects we're together, we might as well tell them. What is it going to hurt?"

Calum rolled his eyes at you after you spoke. "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm just not ready for people to know." He stalks away after that, heading in the direction of the door in your living room, hand reaching for the doorknob ready to turn when you speak up again.

"But why not?" you asked him softly. Calum pauses and stares at the door in front of him, pursing his lips as he thought of how to answer you.

"Because it's no one else's business, Y/N," he deadpanned, turning to you to quickly make eye contact before yanking the door open and stepping out into the cold evening.

"Calum!" you yelled after him. "Why are you being like this?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now. I'll see you later."

Taking the hint that he wanted to be left alone, you stopped in your tracks, watching as he got into his car and pulled out of your driveway and out of sight. Your heart was racing in your chest at what this meant for your relationship. You and Calum had been best friends since childhood; your mothers were best friends before you were born and had always hoped their children would be just as close as they were. Being raised together and knowing all of each other's secrets and habits, you and Calum eventually fell for each other and soon after started seeing one another, trying to keep it a secret for almost a year now, although based on rumors it seems like you're both failing. Surely he wasn't going to end what you had over you wanting to finally tell everyone about the two of you?

I just need some time. Calum's text popped up on your phone a few minutes after he left, and it didn't take long before your fingers were slowly typing out a message back to him.

Alright, whatever. I give up trying to fight you on this.

-----------------

"I'm sorry for acting like a jerk the other day," Calum spoke up at your doorstep a few days later, "i should've talked to you about it more and asked you why you wanted everyone to know about us so badly. I hope you can forgive me, Y/N."

You had intended on being a little harsh when he had asked to come over to talk to you, but as soon as he apologized your demeanor immediately softened.

"Of course I can, Calum," you breathed out, stepping forward with your arms reaching for him.

He envelops you in a hug as you continue, "I should've asked you why you didn't. So I guess you weren't the only jerk," you chuckled, pulling back from each other but still holding one another.

"I'm sorry too. I'm just so proud of you and everything you've accomplished, and I really admire you Calum. As my best friend and as my partner. I just wanted everyone to know because I love you."

He smiled, reaching one hand up to cup your face, slowly rubbing his thumb across your cheek and leaning his forehead against yours.

"I love you too."

#rowan laslow #wednesday series #calum ross #calum ross x reader #calum x reader

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suchalonelysunflower · 2 years

Text

I Dream About You (a.i)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Reader

Summary: Hazy and emotionally unaware, nothing else but the feelings of loving your best friend

Warnings: Angst. Mentions of alcohol. Obliviousness. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 2.6k

Author’s Note: Happy Birthday, Ash ❤️ Please remember to reblog, comment and like! Feedback like that makes my heart grow bigger ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋✨🌻

My masterlist // taglist in bio!

There is a moment in movies where everything just seems to go in slow motion. The main character would look around the crowded room, smiling as they see their friends laugh, drink, chat… they reflect on their life, how lucky they are to be in that exact moment to just enjoy everything that happens around them, even if they exclude themselves for a second.

But then, the smile they held would start to fade. Maybe they realized that the moment is already gone, or maybe they saw something they shouldn’t have that broke their hearts into a million pieces. You were in the second part of that predicament.

For a moment, you were that main character as you looked around the room where everything seemed to stop. Your friends were all laughing, sitting on the couch with a drink in hand, chatting about the recent events that led you all there. Others were standing near the kitchen, making drinks as their conversation became deeper with strangers they just met. And you? You were standing in the middle of it all, feeling proud that the party was a total success.

It wasn’t your party, though, it never really was. You are much happier to celebrate others than yourself. And you knew that no one else deserved to be more celebrated than Ashton.

The planning started weeks ago, an impulsive call to Calum

“On a scale of one to ten, how badly would it be to give Ash a surprise party?”

He answered ten. He knew his friend was not very fond of surprises “But if you’re the one throwing the party, it’ll become a 3. You know he has a weakness for you”

It started as a small get-together, just your closest friends gathered in one of the cabins in the desert he loved so much. A getaway to the place that seemed to make him the happiest as of recently. But fifteen guests soon turned into thirty and then into fifty… Suddenly, Ashton was opening the door to the unexpected shout of “Surprise!” from people he knew all his life and people he met just once.

He didn’t seem mad, though. The first thing he did when he saw you was wrap you in a warm hug, giggling into your ear as he kissed your cheek and whispered a small “Thank you” before other people swept him away. And if his smile was anything to go by, you knew he was just as excited as you.

And, as the party continued to go smoothly, you knew you’ve won the best friend award of the season.

But you weren’t just a best friend, were you?

The intrusive thoughts took a hold of you again. It was easy to forget all of it while you were in the middle of a conversation with a stranger, or when you were doing shots with Michael and Luke in the kitchen trying to prove who could hold the poker face longer. But it was in the rare moments where you were standing alone, looking from the outside, that everything fell upon you.

It was the empty feeling in your heart that came first as you looked for Ashton in the crowd, not being able to find him at first glance. It’s not like you were attached to the hip either, you both respected your space and allowed yourselves to evolve in different aspects of life.

“Like a cat, you know?” He said one day.

“Ash, you’re allergic to cats” You reminded him, lifting your gaze from the book you were reading.

“But I respect them!” He giggled, poking your leg as he sat next to you on the couch “They do their thing, they let you do yours. But in the end, the bond is still there, even stronger. You and me? We’re like cats”

You put that as one of the top ten weirdest things Ashton has ever told you on a Friday afternoon, but the more you thought about it, the more sense it made.

But lately, you’ve been feeling as if something was missing if he wasn’t there. Or if for some weird reason he didn’t text or call you throughout the day. His presence has been such a constant in your life ever since you met years ago and it felt… wrong. It felt wrong not to have him around as much lately.

Yes, he was busy. Yes, you understood why. But you missed him more than a friend would.

But you weren’t just a best friend, were you?

There it was again. The question that wouldn’t let you sleep for more than a few hours before popping in your head. The scene seemed to change as you found yourself sitting on one of the couches, normality playing its act on your skin as you remembered you had to laugh about something Calum said.

A group of lively people was gathered around the coffee table. Red cups and empty cans served as the decoration while Calum continued his story next to you, always moving his arms to make his point across. You giggled absentmindedly as you got lost in your drink, flattering your eyes across the couch to the set of armchairs.

Ashton raised his eyebrow, asking in the middle of a laugh if everything was okay. You nodded slightly, smiling reassurance at him. He didn’t believe you, of course, but now wasn’t the time to ask. So he fell back into the conversation as if that small glimpse of worry never happened.

You, however, kept staring. His relaxed pose, button-down showing his chest, curls framing his face perfectly with his new haircut, the sound of his laughter that tinted his cheeks the softest shades of pink. It was impossible to keep your eyes from such a sight. As if he was the sun and you were the sunflower that chased for him, always looking with admiration for such a powerful energy.

The same feeling in your stomach grew stronger. The same feeling you were carrying for more nights than you would like to admit.

“He cares for you,” Said Calum a few moments later when you were both standing in the kitchen, not really remembering how you got there in the first place “He’s just not great at showing it”

The night found one of your small smiles again. Eyes diverting toward the bowl of snacks that lay there, you nodded as you grabbed a few. You didn’t know where this sudden sadness came from, but it was clear that in the party filled with people, you were the one miserable soul.

“Hey,” Calum interjected again, pulling you out of your thoughts as his hand came to cover yours over the table “I mean it, Y/N. I’ve never seen him look at someone like that, only you”

“Like what?”

“Like you gave him the world in the palm of your hand”

As if sensing someone was looking, you raised your head and looked across the room. Hazel eyes staring back, a flash of hurt crossing his expression as his gaze rests on your hand occupied with someone else's. Or maybe that was what it seemed, for he retreated his eyes immediately, not fast enough to notice how Calum pulled his hand away to give your shoulder a gentle pat.

“He’ll come around,”

“That’s what I’m afraid of” But he didn’t hear you. No one did. Sometimes you wonder if you said that out loud or just let your semblance do the talking for you.

Calum shook his head “C’mon,” He said, pulling on your hand “You need new things to think about”

Anything. Think of anything other than him. Think of anything but the way his hand feels intertwined with yours or the way the slow rising of his chest lures you to sleep more than once. Think of anything but the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles or the way he fidgets with his hands when he’s nervous. Think about the way his hugs feel, or how he always seems to know what you’re thinking before you even know it yourself. Think about the soft strings of his guitar as he sings your favorite song, accompanying your voice in a sweet melody that would belong only to the two of you. Think about how much you love him and how it never feels like enough. Think about how you will always love him, even when he doesn’t feel the same. Even when he was just your best-

But you weren’t just best friends, were you?

The world stopped again, but you were moving normally. The party around you grew louder as the breaking of your heart became stronger.

You watched as everyone just stopped. Freezing in place as you moved swiftly through them, looking for the one that could make everything normal again. You walked around, careful not to step on anyone’s toes or to trip on an empty beer can. Your eyes examined every single person there, enjoying their happiness and careless souls. Couldn’t they feel the same as you? Couldn’t they see how broken you were?

No, of course not. You were selfish just to think about that. Not everything is about you nor do they have to be aware of your emotional state. It was a stupid idea anyway, to think that they would care as much as he would. But it was unfair as well. It was unfair to the others how the host of this party couldn’t even pull on a happy face. It was not their fault but yours. And you knew that. You knew these moments might be the last, you should’ve taken a picture. At least you would remember their smiles.

The room even in slow motion seemed to be never-ending. Stretching itself as you found your way toward confetti-filled floors, looking over everyone’s shoulder to find him. Maybe if you found him- maybe it’ll be okay again.

But the room didn’t want you to find him. That much was obvious. You should’ve listened. Should’ve retreated. Should’ve gone back to the party and looked the other way.

Anything to avoid the sight of the man you love hugging another person on his lap. Anything to avoid looking at the way his eyes seemed to shine brighter. Anything to avoid the broken sigh that escaped your lips when you saw him kiss her neck.

The world kept going but yours just stopped. Silently and broken, like the steps you traced back. Like the heart that once belonged to a best friend, even if it wanted to be more.

But you weren’t just a best friend, were you?

The night was cold, even more so in the middle of the desert in July, but you didn’t mind. You welcomed the cold as you sat down on the steps that led to the patio. Breathing deeply as your closed eyes turn to the sky. How did you end up here? At what moment did it become too much?

You couldn’t pinpoint the time and place where you fell in love with him. It just happened. One day you woke up and you knew he’d be the man who’d break your heart. And you let it happen. You knew it would happen. So why does it hurt so much?

“I knew I’d find you here,”

You heard his voice before you felt his warmth next to you. Silk shirt graced your bare arms as he sat to your right. You kept your eyes on the sky.

“You were always a sucker for stars” He chuckled.

“No moon tonight, though,” You said, smiling at the sound of his voice.

“What do you think it means?”

“That there can only be one Astro illuminating the night”

You turned to him with a smile, nudging him teasingly as his pout became a giggle. Eyes filled with fondness as he scrunched his nose, you doing the same in return.

“I missed you tonight,” He said, eyes drifting back to the dark sky

“I never left,”

“You know what I mean” You did.

“You didn’t seem to miss me much,”

“Then look again,”

But you didn’t. You couldn’t.

“Look!” He said, one arm pointing at the sky “A shooting star!” The childlike innocence made you smile “I haven’t seen one in years”

“Are you going to make a wish?”

“I’d rather give my wish to you,” Ashton said softly, turning to you.

You looked at him with parted lips but soon smiled as you closed your eyes and wished.

When you opened them again, you saw him smiling widely at you.

“What’d you wish for?”

“For something I can’t have”

“Aw, c’mon! You can’t know that!” He laughed, but one look at you made his laughter die down. He sighed as he smiled softly “But you do know it, don’t you?”

“I do,”

“Because you never made that wish in the first place”

“I missed the star the first time.” You said “My eyes were closed and my head was fuzzy. And-”

“And I wasn’t here to point it out” Ashton continued, eyes never leaving yours “I’m still at the party”

“You could’ve been anywhere, I wouldn’t know”

“And what if I tell you I was at the door? Looking over at you hoping you’d turn back”

“But I didn’t turn back,” You said, standing up and walking toward the patio. Ashton followed closely “In fact, I never came back to the party after that. I couldn’t. Not when you-”

The silence enveloped the two of you. Stars shining bright as the stillness of the night let time pass by.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“Not where I’m supposed to be,” You said “I keep coming back here, hoping it would be different”

“But it can’t be different. It already happened”

You nodded “And where are you, right now?”

“Not where I want to be” He kept walking with you, going nowhere “Where were you when I called the next day?”

“I ignored your calls for the following weeks. I wanted you to hate me, to make it easier”

“I could never hate you, even if I tried” He smiled “And when I came into your house? Banging on the doors and calling your name?”

“I pretended I wasn’t there”

“I looked for you,”

“I wasn’t ready to be found and face the music”

“But it was our music, our song, our melody…” He smiled sadly “It was us”

“Guess I was scared,” You sighed “I wasn’t ready for a broken heart, and you-”

“I’m not real, Y/N. I can’t give you an answer you think you know”

“I should’ve told you then”

“What difference would it make?”

“I guess we will never know,” You said, looking back at the cabin and not finding it through the dark “I only know that-”

“Yes,” Ashton smiled “We were always more than best friends”

4:00 AM. That’s what the clock said when you woke up.

It was the same dream, the same conversation. The same emptiness on your bed.

A year has passed, or at least that’s what you think. Time became irrelevant when the world became in slow motion now that there was no one to make it turn again.

A sigh escaped your lips as your hands looked for your phone. Maybe a mindless scroll would lure you back to sleep. Maybe into another dream.

Yet, a message that wasn’t there suddenly caught your eye.

Ash:

[4:01]: I had a dream about you

[4:01]: I know you’ll probably ignore this but… It was the best dream I had in a while.

[4:02]: Good night, Y/N.

Y/N:

[4:04]: Maybe it was a shooting star.

And five seconds later, a call flashes through your screen.

“Hello?” You said, curling the sheets with your hands.

“What would you wish on a shooting star?” He asked

“For something I can’t have”

tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @bubblegum183 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @wiiildflowerrr @hoplessromantic727 @in-a-world-of-fandoms @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @dudethisiswhyyoudonthavefriends @fakebetch9694 @5sos-imagine @SunflowerAngel2123 @perfectnouis @in-superbloom @lukeisstillapenguin @sadcupofcoffee @superstarmarvel @personalmuyverypersonal @cnco.angels @vtte @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @lolzkye @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @hfkait @savagejane1 @the-ghost-of-cal @loverofmineashton @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-ash @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @ttinahood @lukespitinmymouth @perfectnouis @cncoangelss @darrensos @whywontyoulovemecami @itwouldburnupintheatmosphere @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @whywontashloveme @lendeluxe @youneedtocalumdown @pvnkcloud @icelily13

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ghost-of-you · 1 year

Text

Catch 22 - CH - Bonus Chapter

Paring: Calum Hood x Original Female Character

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: none, this is just fluff.

Author's note: Okay, so, I've had this written as bullet points but with nothing really concrete since I first outlined the series, but it didn't really fit with what i posted, so i just let it be, until a few days ago when @getsojaded said a few nice things about this series that had me thinking about it again. Then this was born. It's just domestic fluff. The angst writer in me didn't know I could write something that's just fluffy, but here we are.

If you just came across this, I don't think you need to read the whole series to think this is cute so if you just wanna read some fluff maybe go for it oskaoskaoksoaks.

The title for this one is from sweet nothings by Taylor Swift

read it on ao3

Series Masterlist

playlist

_________

You're in the kitchen humming...

Emma follows the noise more than anything else. She’s not really used to waking up alone anymore so when she rolled over in bed to find Calum’s side empty, she was confused. Then she heard the clanking coming from the kitchen, so she sleepily moves to their closet, grabbing the first of Calum’s hoodies she could get her hands on, before walking through the house, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, watching Calum's back as he reads something in his phone while leaning against the counter and humming a melody she doesn’t really recognize, the band was back in the studio, so for all she knows it could be something new he’s working on, before walking up behind him and wrapping her arms around his middle.

“Hi,” she says, leaning against his back, her head on his arm.

“Morning,” Calum says, turning his head to kiss the top of her head, and she giggles.

“What are you doing?” She asks, leaning her head to the side a bit more, glancing around all the ingredients around the counter before looking at his phone so she could see what he was reading, finding a brownie recipe.

“Woke up feeling like baking,” he shrugs and she giggles.

“Okay, you need help?” She asks, moving to sit on the chair next to them.

“Not unless you’re ready to tell me the secret to your brownies,” he teases, glancing at her with pleading eyes and a grin, making her laugh.

“Okay,” she agrees, folding her sleeves so she could use her hands, pulling her hair up, and the bowl next to her closer and he turns to her, looking surprised.

“Wait, really?” He asks, face lighting up, making her heart flutter as she nods.

“Yeah.” The nod becomes a giggle when he leans forward, kissing her, then becomes a laughing fit when she almost falls off the chair as she chases his lips when he pulls away, making him have to catch her so she wouldn’t end up face first on the floor, laughing too.

“You okay?” Calum asks when he finally stops laughing, and she nods.

“You’re gonna be disappointed though,” she scrunches her nose, looking at him.

“Why?”

“It’s just chocolate,” she explains, pressing her lips together and turning to the counter, pulling the bag of flour and a measuring cup.

“What is just chocolate?” He frowns as he watches her pour the flour into the bowl.

“I add melted chocolate and cocoa powder to the batter, then I put some chips in it just for good measure,” she laughs, glancing at him while motioning for him to get the sugar for her.

“So it’s just an insane amount of chocolate?” He asks when he hands her the bag, and she nods.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” she giggles as she adds the sugar and he slides the cocoa powder to her.

“Not disappointed, I should’ve guessed it was something like that,” he chuckles and she smiles at him as she mixes, “so you just put the chips in the microwave, or do you need to melt it in some fancy way?”

“Microwave is fine,” she says and he nods, kissing the side of her head as he moves to the microwave, “did you melt the butter?”

“Yeah, it’s in the other bowl, you mix wet and dry separately, right? So I already mixed it with the eggs,” he tells her, making her laugh, “wait does the chocolate go with the wet or the dry?” He asks when he moves back and she raises an eyebrow at him, “never mind, stupid question,” he laughs, mixing the chocolate in.

“I’m gonna get a tray,” she says as he finishes the batter and he grins at her.

“You think they’re gonna turn out as good as yours?” Calum asks once the brownies are in the oven, sitting on the chair by the counter and pulling her to him so she's standing between his legs.

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t,” she says, leaning into his chest and hiding her face in his neck when he wraps his arms around her.

“We’ll see,” he says to her hair, and she nods.

“In a few minutes, yeah."

"I'm gonna let Duke out," he says, letting go of her and she pouts at him, making him laugh and kiss her, earning him a giggle.

"I'll make coffee and clean then."

The counter is clean, the dishes are washed and Emma is checking to see if the brownies are done when Calum comes back.

"Love?" He calls from somewhere behind her as she looks around for the oven mitts and she hums in acknowledgment, "do you remember the first time I had your brownies?"

"Yeah," she laughs, opening the oven door and pulling the tray out, "you joked I was your favorite person and that I should marry you, hard to forget," she adds, setting the tray on top of the oven, "why?"

"You are my favorite person," Calum says, and she chuckles, turning to him, finding him down on one knee, her eyes widening as she looks at him, "would you please marry me?" He asks, opening the ring box, but she's answering before he's quite finished speaking.

"Yes," she says, her voice sounding way too high as she drops to her knees too, "oh my god, yes," she repeats, throwing her arms around him, almost making them fall back and he laughs as he holds them up and her tightly against him, before she pulls away and starts kissing him.

"Can you let me give you the ring now?" He asks against her lips and she can't stop smiling as she nods and pulls back, giving him her hand.

"I love you," she says once the ring is on her finger and she throws herself at him again.

"I love you too, so much," he says, cupping her cheeks and kissing her, before pulling them up.

"Did you plan this?" She asks, looking at the brownies and back to his face and he shakes his head.

"Not really. I've been trying to find the right moment and this felt right, so I just went for it. I was right to assume you would prefer something like that, right?" He asks, studying her face and she nods.

"Yeah, that was perfect actually, if you tried to pull something too elaborate I would've freaked out."

"I know."

"This is just," she breathes, looking at the ring, "I love you so much."

"Me or the ring?" Calum teases and she rolls her eyes.

"You know I would marry you in a parking lot with a ring pop."

"Yeah?" He asks, pulling her to him and she shakes her head, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"No, I'm only with you for the money," Emma jokes and he laughs.

"Damnit," he complains looking away, but he’s still laughing.

"Babe, I've been in love with you for a decade," she says, cupping his cheeks to get him to look at her again.

"It's a long-term investment," he jokes and she gives him an unimpressed look.

"Idiot."

"Your idiot," he grins at her, leaning in so he could kiss her, and she giggles against his lips.

“I can live with that,” she grins, kissing his cheek and moving away from his hold, opening a drawer to look for a knife for the brownies.

"Wait," she stops, closing the drawers without pulling anything out, turning back to Calum, "who gets M on the ceremony?"

______

taglist: @lxnelyhearrt @larryologymajor

#catch22 #calum hood fic #calum hood fanfic #5sos fics #5sos fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fic #calum hood fluff #i cant believe im still writing them but who am i to deny inspiration when it comes oskaoskaoskaoskas #maybe other bonus chapters will happen #who knows i definitely dont

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writersdare · 1 year

Text

Paris Broke My Heart (p.1) | Calum Hood

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Calum knew he'd lose Y/N each time she'd start a new relationship, but that time it was different. She was leaving the country, maybe forever.

Warning: 18+ (non-detailed smut), angst, cursing and mentioning of alcohol

Word Count: 2 464

Requested: yes

Author’s Note: That was a long journey for me to finally finish this one! There were lots of changes and edits, but I think I'm finally happy with this piece. The part 2 is very much possible, let me know if you're interested in it! ♡ Update: the 2nd part is here.

Two weeks sounded almost like condemnation. Y/N didn’t even think for a slight second, it’d be easy, though. She knew the delaying wouldn’t change a thing. However, the girl was sure it was a right decision to tell the other guys first, and only then — Calum. She needed to hear and see a sincere happiness for her, before she’d play pretend with Cal. Y/N knew he wouldn’t be glad to hear the news, and honestly, the girl herself still didn’t know how she felt about it herself.

Five months ago, Y/N told her friend she applied for a job relocation to Paris. It was a great opportunity for her career and perhaps, for her mind, too. She hated to behave like she didn’t feel anything towards Calum except friendship, and the girl was scared she’d forget how to play that role eventually.

Cal was a better actor. He faked a smile and congratulated her with the brave decision. Then had never asked about the application ever again. If other guys wondered at least once in few weeks if she got any news, Calum preferred to delete the information from his brain and selfishly hoped Y/N’s application would be refused.

She got approval, though. Cal just didn’t know it yet.

“So,” Y/N started in a ringing voice, putting a cup of tea next to Calum. The evening walk didn’t really go as planned, as the rain had started, and they had to come back to the girl’s apartment. “I actually have some exciting news,” she smiled and sat down next to Cal with her cup. “Do you remember I told you I sent the application to Paris?”

“Sure,” the musician nodded, remembering it rather vividly. Calum truly couldn’t understand why Y/N was seeking for a way to get new working experience abroad if she had everything there, in LA. If she had him, and he had her. More or less.

“I’ve got approval, leaving in two weeks.”

Of course, it still was exciting for her; it was new and challenging. Maybe the girl sent the application on emotion, feeling like she needed to get out from the place where Calum was. However, when Y/N got the answer, she was happy to know she made it.

“Oh. That’s great, congrats,” Cal forced a smile, but it looked more like a wince. The girl pretended she didn’t see that. “In two weeks… that’s pretty soon,” he mumbled and looked at a wooden kitchen table, trying to find the right words. Calum needed to be happy for his friend, but he wasn’t. All he could do was to be selfish about it. The guy didn’t want Y/N to leave, he couldn’t imagine her moving away from him. Cal wasn’t going on a tour that year, the band was working on a new album, and to picture late studio nights without her… It felt almost alien.

“It is…” she nodded, and touched a cup with her both hands, hoping that it’d somehow help with the nerves. “I’ll be gone for a year, Cal. And then I might stay there or come back. Depends how it will go,” the girl added quietly and looked up at the friend.

Calum only nodded in response and made a sip, getting tired of faking the joy.

“Have fun,” he said.

Y/N swallowed and pursed lips. The girl knew he’d have such reaction. She just hoped he’d at least try to pretend, so it wouldn’t hurt that much.

“I thought we could meet all together on the weekends and hang out,” she almost whispered. “Like… to make a little celebration, you know?”

Calum raised his eyes and shrugged, even though wanted to ask what there was to celebrate.

“Yeah, okay. You’ll tell them on the weekends then?” he asked, and Y/N mumbled “mm-hmm.”

She wondered how it would have been like if a whirlwind of friendship hadn’t taken them over that quick. Maybe it would have been different. The more they hid the feelings from each other, the harder it was to open up. Sometimes Y/N was thinking she’d never find anyone like Calum. That she’d never feel such strong love towards anyone but him. And it would terrify her.

Cal didn’t even question it; he knew he wouldn’t. He didn’t even try. Since Y/N entered his life, the guy wasn’t dating much, only when she was seeing someone herself. Then he’d immediately jump in bed with a stranger, so the next day, when Y/N would talk about a new date, he’d have something to talk about, too. And they’d hurt each other almost simultaneously, with smiles on their faces.

After finding out the girl was relocating, Calum decided to choose a new path that no one, perhaps, expected – denying. Each time Y/N would mention Paris, he’d just change the topic immediately. He pretended like he didn’t care, didn’t hear. Cal developed some kind of a blocking system in his head, which filtered two hostile words: “Paris” and “moving”. He couldn’t sleep for the last few days, trying to figure out what he could do. The idea of Y/N being not there terrified him. The musician knew he would lose her every time she got into a romantic relationship, but it was temporary, they’d always come back to each other. And that time it was different, the girl was actually leaving, maybe forever.

They met at a friend’s party the other day, and Calum’s head was simply occupied with many thoughts. Was it too late to tell Y/N how he actually felt? Was it egoistic, stupid, unnecessary? It probably was.

“Hey. Are you ready for the celebration this weekend?” Luke gave Y/N a warm hug, having no clue the girl lied to Cal about them already knowing the news.

At first, Calum didn’t even believe his own ears. He thought as he was so obsessed with a thought of stopping her, he was hearing the bitter truth from everywhere.

“What celebration?” the guy asked and saw confused, almost awkward faces of his friends. He then turned a head towards Y/N, feeling a rushed anger inside of him.

“So, you told them before telling me? Fucking great,” he spilled out.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Luke mumbled, although it wasn’t exactly his fault.

Y/N wanted to throw a quick “it’s okay”, but she didn’t have time as Cal stormed out of the house.

“Calum!” she run outside, seeing him with a cigarette pack.

“Can I have a bit of privacy?!” the guy groaned, not even looking at her.

“Don’t do this, Calum,” Y/N almost begged. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It’s less than two weeks, let’s not waste it arguing, please.”

“Oh, you mean you will treat me like shit, and I’m supposed to not react to it just because you are leaving in two weeks?” he smirked sarcastically and lit up a cigarette.

Y/N felt a lump in her throat immediately, as well as a strong desire to burst into tears.

“I never treated you like shit, Cal. You can’t tell me that, it’s not fair.”

“No, you know what’s not fair?” the musician pushed the smoke out through his mouth and looked at Y/N. She could see fire in his brown eyes. “It’s not fair to tell me the news last. Like I’m some piece of shit to you, Y/N. How long have they known?”

The girl sobbed and raised eyes to the sky to hold back the coming tears. Calum turned his head away and came back to smoking, as if didn’t care he was hurting her. Because she was hurting him, too. Again, simultaneously.

“I only told them first, because it’s… harder with you. I mean–”

“Don’t explain,” he shook his head, chuckling. “You are making it only worse.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you, okay?” she cried. “You can’t blame me for that. I knew how you’d react, and I saw how you reacted. I needed to hear some genuine support first.”

“Oh, so it’s my problem now?!” Cal outraged and chuckled again, being absolutely furious.

“It’s no one’s fault! Let’s just not argue, it’s out last few weeks together, do you really want to spend them like this?” Y/N repeated.

He thought for a minute and drew the smoke into his mouth.

“Yeah, maybe I do.”

The girl’s heart just stopped at that moment. She knew he meant it, because Calum always analyzed before saying anything. The words had a great meaning to him. He’d rather end up everything like that, indeed. Maybe in that case it wouldn’t be so painful to say a goodbye.

“Well, I don’t,“ she whispered and leaned on a wall, simply staying with Calum, while he was finishing the cigarette.

In the saddest days, Y/N was worried she was looking at Calum’s brown eyes for too long. It was getting very obvious she was drowning in the ice-cold coffee which he liked so much. And the girl almost enjoyed that feeling. Drowning in him, falling for him, without a safety net. But the falling began to seem endless, and it was harder to believe in something special between them. They were just friends, always had been. They had dated other people and never each other.

It probably wasn’t really a surprise they both got drunk an hour after they came to a club to “celebrate” her job relocation. Finishing the sixth shot Y/N was sure the ice had melted between her and Calum, and they were good friends again, like before.

“I’ll miss you, Y/N,” he even said at some moment, holding hands on her waist while they were moving on the dance floor.

“I’ll miss you, too, Cal,” the girl said and handed a cocktail to the friend. It was getting hot, so the girl took off her blue sweater, remaining in a white low-cut T-shirt. “Every day,” she tied the sleeves of the sweater at her waist and took the drink back.

Calum smiled shortly, trying not to stare at the low-cut which emphasized her chest in such a good way; but the mouth became dry, so he made a sip from her drink even before Y/N. Whoever said that multitasking wasn’t always a good thing, was probably right. Still dancing, Cal hit the girl’s foot with his, and the cocktail spilled on YN’s chest.

“Shit!”

“Calum!” the girl shivered and looked down, estimating the damage.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, feeling dizzy. The musician barely could hear his own thoughts because of the loud music in the club and all alcohol he had in his blood. “C’mon, I’ll help you to clean up,” Cal took her by the hand and led into the restroom. Locking the door, the guy hurried up to wet few napkins and rashly wipe Y/N’s chest. By that time the guy was still just nervous for ruining her shirt and was not thinking how intimate the situation was. However, Y/N wasn’t already breathing. Calum doubtfully would allow himself something like that if he wasn’t drunk, but the head simply turned off, stopped working.

The girl opened her mouth unintentionally and leaned her back against the wall, when all she could feel was Cal’s lips on her skin. She breathed loudly through the nose and looked down, seeing her friend leaving wet kisses around the neckline of her T-shirt. There was no second thought – although it should had been – as Y/N rested hands on his wide shoulders, and Calum’s lips finally reached hers. The kiss was passionate, almost animal-like. He was pushing her against the wall and squeezing her waist tight, as if saying that she was not going to leave. Not at that moment, not any other time. He couldn’t let her go.

“Calum,” her breath was unsteady, as she unbuttoned his shirt and whined in his lips, when he touched her wet spot with fingers. Y/N was drowning in all feelings she was experiencing, as if a bare wire – each touch of his would send a shiver around the whole body. Cal was gentle, but there was not even a drop of uncertainty in his actions. The girl fully relaxed in his arms and only tried to hold loud moans, biting the lips almost until they bleed.

They both knew they didn’t do it every Friday night with some strangers, it was just for them and no one else. And even though the minds were foggy, they knew they wouldn’t be able to hold back the desire. The desire to be close, to gift the kisses and breathe in unison.

Calum was letting himself to do something he’d never allow before. He was kissing her lips, her neck, pushing inside of her deeper, simply wishing to feel, to know she was his, she was going to stay. The words were forgotten, all they could do were moan quietly, hoping no one would find out. They came almost simultaneously, sending an electric flow from one to another. Cal, still breathing heavily, threw a condom in a bin and glanced at Y/N. She silently put the clothes back on and looked up at the friend. The words stuck in a throat, and no one from them knew what to say.

He left the room first, and Y/N followed after him. She was shivering inside; she wasn’t drunk anymore. And the worse part – she wasn’t even regretting it.

They didn’t remind each other about that night. It didn’t mean they forgot, on the contrary. If Calum didn’t sleep well last week, after what happened in the club, he barely could sleep at all. He couldn’t say if they made a mistake, at least he hoped she didn’t think that way. They didn’t talk about it, though. As the days passed, they preferred to pretend like it never happened. Cal was good at it and, apparently, Y/N learnt that from him. Even when they were already in the airport, saying bitter goodbyes.

Y/N, just like everyone else, was faking a smile, while hugging everyone very tight, as if trying to remember the feeling. There was no time left, and Calum was standing in front of her, having no desire to let her go.

“Bye, Calum,” she said, as the guys let them have a moment alone. “I’ll text you in Paris.”

Cal nodded, feeling like if he’d say something, his voice would simply crack. Y/N hesitated and stood on her toes to leave a short kiss on his cheek. Calum took the girl’s wrist and everything he could whisper was:

“Please, don’t go.”

The tears flashed on Y/N’s eyes. She looked at the guy and gently broke the touch. The moment, and Cal was following her with a gaze to the green zone of the airport. And just like that, there was no Y/N in his life anymore.

♡ Part 2♡

taglist: @dgrangaa

Moodboard ♡

– gif and photo aren’t mine and belong to the rightful owner – saw the gif here @captainrikerr5, photo is by Chri Karidis –

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