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#cause i’m feeling the first part and want to publish all 7 posts i have right nos
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HALFWAY HOME - Presentation Post (2022)
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The night Shlee hatches in the trunk of a skycar, an asari watches and cries. She promises he will survive, at all and every cost. Shlee believes her. He stomachs the resentment of his alien sisters forced into hiding with him, and dreams about the stars. But the Milky Way is vast, swirling; painfully interwoven. And when Shlee begins to wonder who he is, who he should be, and what secrets keep this fragile galaxy from splitting apart, perhaps it's already too late.
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Shlee T’selvi, a young salarian raised by asaris in secret, reckons with the complex circumstances of his birth and why he represents a threat to the brittle politics of the galaxy in the looming shadow of the Reaper invasion.
Halfway Home is a fan fiction of approximately 174k words based on the space-opera video game trilogy Mass Effect. This story has been crafted with the intent to be understandable by fans as well as people who never interacted with the original material. While most of the story happens during the run of the trilogy (Mass Effect 1, Mass Effect 2 and half of Mass Effect 3 to be exact), Shlee’s story only loosely connects to Commander Shepard’s, and hopes to focus on the universe with a different lens.
It is a Gen fic, with an Explicit rating.
Halfway Home explores themes of identity, community, violence, and connection, and take them from the Citadel Tower’s secrets all the way to Omega’s fragile hold on galactic power. It attempts to depict perspectives the original trilogy didn’t always consider: batarians and their brutal and systematic dismantlement, salarians in conflict with themselves, the sudden rise of humanity assessed from alien eyes, Aria T’loak and those she sacrificed; and at heart, the societal dysfunction that the Reaper War merely revealed.
This is a coming of age, a mystery, a character exploration. It is also a very rough tale that touches on difficult and painful topics, sometimes in explicit details (I highly encourage you to read the list of trigger warnings if this is something that worries you, because these are not a joke).
This is the first part of the Halfway Homes series, and will be weekly published, starting in November 2022, on Archive of our Own.
(YOU CAN READ IT HERE NOW)
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▪ The Process ▪
I have been working on this story since 2015; early September, to be exact. It’s been my companion ever since; sometimes, it’s been my only companion. The story and characters helped me through very dark times, to the point where I’m not sure I would be here today without it; it also taught me how to write in English, which incidentally landed me a job in my career of choice and allowed me the immense privilege of becoming a professional storyteller in the videogame industry.
I always owe so much to my projects, but this one is special. It stayed with me the longest, and potentially saw me growing the most. And while I would hardly say this story is perfect, far from it, I think it has finally attained the form it always wanted to achieve. It’s saying what it had been wanting to say. And given I believe that art is first and foremost about communication, I think I can, cautiously, call this attempt a success?
The process is not completely done yet. I am still waiting for one last small round of beta reading, to make sure I did fix the things and didn’t cause 25 critical errors in the process; I also want to give this project the highest possible chance to shine, and so I’ll be drawing a ton and work on visuals to accompany it all. But it feels insane, after 7 years of work, to look at a project and not being quite sure what to fix. I’m sure there are things worth tweaking (especially surface-level, like line edits, typos, small clarity issues still lingering, or my bold refusals to ignore the English form sometimes), but I can’t think of any right now. This never happened before. This feels wild.
I was also delighted to discover I am not sick to death with Mass Effect, these characters and this personal take on the universe! I am thrilled to be keep on working on the follow-ups. The Empire of Preys, the second part of the Halfway Homes series, is well underway, and it’s going great so far. I am very optimistic that I can publish it somewhere in 2024 given my rate of writing and how seamless the process is going right now (contrary to Halfway Home, which is one Frankenstein monster of a project). TEoP is, overall, a much more pleasant and less desperate project than Halfway Home ever was, which makes it less difficult to handle (let me tell you that HH has some *interesting* scenes to grammar check…..)
Either way, I am so happy to finally be (mostly) putting Halfway Home to rest, present my weird, messy, problematic child to the world of Tumblr dot com, and prepare for finally letting it run free in Ao3 this coming November.
My ask box is always opened for any follow-up questions or remark, and I wish you all the very, very best.
Here's the complete list of all Trigger Warnings for the series. Please check it out if you suffer from traumatic stress disorders, and always take care of yourself. <3
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kuwdora · 1 year
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💞💌✨
💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language
Ohhh I got this ask several times, so I can answer it in multiple parts! Err, I might ramble a little...
As a writer I come at everything from character. Plot stems from the character, and the world building also (mostly) spins out from the character.
This is why I can write 15k or 25k and not actually have a beginning, middle, or end. I get so caught up in the process of understanding how the character is inhabiting the world and figuring out what they want. What they need. It takes me so long to narrow things down and cut things out because I’m so far inside a character’s head.
Sometimes approach a story from a “what if x happens to Character A?” (I have a like two trope-y yennskier things I want to tackle this year that start with this question). But 7 or 8 times out of 10 I’m starting with what a character is feeling and doing and rolling around in the why. All my feelings start and end there. ❤️
✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)
Oh, I could probably just randomly pick any of my witcher stories at this point but maybe I’ll single out Learning Curve which on the surface is just porny cuddles and softness, but I spent a lot of time working through some TWN Yen thoughts about how she is coping from season 1 and 2 events. Her upbringing and relationship with Aretuza and Tissaia and how that impacts the way she fucks up with Ciri and what she wants to try to do and be better.
This Yen also has a magical disability which throws an emotional/psychological/logistical wrench into her plans about how to teach Ciri, too. Sure, Yen got her powers back from Voleth Meir, but what if there was still a physical/magical consequence for using up so much of her chaos in the first place? The wear and tear on her body can’t just go away, even if she can get her magic back.
I want to write more about Yen and magical disability and explore teacher/student dynamic with Ciri and when/if it can cross into a mother/daughter dynamic that I felt more acutely in the books and games.
💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!
Ah!! Yes, okay. My puppetskier story Coin Operated Boy will feature Shani for a few scenes. It’s going to be sweet and endearing and funny. But!! Let me share with you the first meeting between Shani and Jaskier. This is not in the puppetskier story because I’m writing and publishing this in a very non-linear order but I want to share anyway cause I am EXCITED.
Some context: I’m casting a young Jessica Sula as Shani, and this Shani is going to be maybe a little genderqueer. And when Jaskier first meets Shani, he’s a little hungover and has been going through some things so he’s not at his best.
I’m enjoying writing Shani and Jaskier’s dynamic, mostly from a point of view where Shani actually doesn’t know who Jaskier is as a performer or professor because she’s been too busy doing her own thing. Jaskier hasn’t always been around for her to meet first or second-hand. The intergenerational friendship is a big deal to me to explore and tease, which is largely a contrast and parallel for when Jaskier was first setting out on his adventures with a monster slayer.
Bedside Manner Shani & Jaskier warning for implied alcohol abuse ~1800w
A gentle boot kicked Jaskier awake. Gulls. Clop of hooves. Distant yelling and chatter. He didn’t remember falling asleep down near the harbor.
Stabbing pain gouged Jaskier behind his eyes. He refused to open them to see what kicked him. He tried rolling over, his chin knocking into the corner of something, and instead he folded his arm and turned the other way. Horseshit wafted in the air, mingling with the scents of fish and piss. Maybe he should get up after all.
The boot kicked him again, but not with the heavy intent of harm.
“Hey.”
Jaskier was cold and stiff and he pulled his sleeves down. Pulled himself away from the repeated kick. Gentle, but still annoying.
“What,” he muttered.
“Wake up.”
The voice was bossy, but warm. Jaskier’s stomach clenched in pain and he scrunched his face. Last night hadn’t gone as planned, judging from the aches in his body. He remembered making it to a cot at some point to sleep off the drinking game, but he was outside now. His mouth was sandpaper dry. Coppery-taste on the inside of his lip and cheek and the faint taste of semen in his mouth.
Why did morning exist and why was someone bothering him?
“No,” Jaskier said and pulled the collar of his coat up to protect him from the sea breeze. He kept his eyes shut and feet shuffled beside him. The creak of wood beside his ear was like an anvil being dropped on his head. “Fuck.”
Jaskier rubbed his face which did little good to improve his situation. He opened his eyes, had a fuck-all time clearing the gunk from his vision, and regretted the daylight immediately. He blocked out the sun with his hand and hazarded a glance upwards.
A child peered at him from the cart that Jaskier was leaning against. He squinted at the street urchin, bronze skin with large brown eyes and curly, cropped hair that seemed to be an unnatural shade of red. Cherubic. Precocious. Someone looking for opportunity.
“I don’t have anything worth stealing,” Jaskier said and thought about getting up and decided against it when the needles inside his head told him not to move.
“Got that right. Saw three fellas feeling you up before I came over. Lucky you still have your boots,” the boy said.
“My boots are shit,” Jaskier said.
“Which is why you still have ‘em, I guess,” the boy agreed.
Jaskier sighed and his head lolled back, closing his eyes, and trying to find the will get to his feet.
He felt an odd pressure on the top of his head and tried to look up but something rolled down the side of his face and into his lap. It was a piece of fruit.
“Bwuh?”
“Hungry?” the boy asked.
“Eh,” Jaskier said and wiped off the fruit with his sleeve. He looked up at the child. “Not so keen on taking a…pear? from a strange child on the street first thing in the morning.”
“It’s afternoon,” the boy said.
Jaskier looked around again and supposed that was true enough.
“You pass out here often?” the boy asked and Jaskier picked at the stem of the pear and shrugged.
“Here, there. I am a man of the city,” he said and turned the bruised pear around in his hand.
“Did you vomit before or after you passed out? Think that’s your piss or someone else’s?” the boy asked and looked over his shoulder at the cobblestones Jaskier had slept upon.
“What?” Jaskier asked and frowned, looking down at his trousers and the ground and his head jerked back up. He hadn’t been sick—or remembered being sick, but that was beside the point. The scratch of a pencil was loud in his ears, inciting a new round of pain. He knew the tell-tale scribbling when he heard it.
Jaskier kneaded his eye and leaned forward, bracing a hand on the wheel of the cart and dragged himself to his feet. He got himself a proper look at the boy who was less of a boy and more of a gangly adolescent wearing a well-fitted green tunic. Clean, well-fed. Maybe not a street urchin, but still looked like a child.
A wave of vertigo passed over Jaskier and he braced himself against the cart, watching the boy write something in his notebook. “What’re you writing?”
“Patient notes,” the boy said.
“What? Huh,” Jaskier said, his hands moving before his brain caught up, and he swiped the notebook from the kid’s lap. Name, age, weight, symptoms were left blank but the child had written down a brief physical description along with a few notes under medical history. He read: Patient has a likely history of alcohol abuse. Damage to his liver suspected. Inquire about family history??? The words swam in Jaskier’s vision. He really should go lie down after drinking some water.
“I’m a medical student,” the boy said. Jaskier squinted at him. He looked too young to be at the university.
“You look too young to be at the university,” he said.
The boy grabbed the notebook back and twirled the pencil around in his hand. “I’m almost fifteen. What are you, 10 stone?” he asked, looking Jaskier up and down.
“Right,” Jaskier said. “Good luck with that,” and turned around and began making his way back to the town. The more he moved, the more wafting smell of fried fish was going to make Jaskier hurl.
“I’m not done yet, hold on,” the boy said and Jaskier gave the urchin a sidelong glance and he held out his notebook again. “Do you have a headache?”
“Splitting,” Jaskier said.
“Nausea?” the boy asked.
“Sloshy,” Jaskier said.
“Sensitivity to light?”
“I am quite hungover, thank you so much for your concern,” Jaskier said and turned a corner and slipped the pear into the palm of a old woman sitting on a stoop.
“Ohhh, I do have something for that,” the boy said. Jaskier almost didn’t bother stopping but the hopeful note in the boy’s voice seeped through the nausea. The promise of relief was too much to ignore. He turned around and the boy had leaned against the side of the building and was digging through his shoulder bag. “9? 10 stone? 9 stone just to be safe,” the boy said.
Jaskier wandered back. “I don’t have any coin for any tinctures you have there.”
“I don’t need coin. I only need to finish my report after you take this,” the boy said. He muttered something to himself and held out a large glass bottle at Jaskier. “Drink that water first. All of it.”
“You’re kind of bossy for a kid,” Jaskier said and uncapped the bottle, giving it a wary sniff.
The boy shrugged and uncapped a light green vial and poured a little on his finger and gave it a lick, nodding at himself and then handed Jaskier the vial. “It’s mostly ginger,” the boy said.
“So why should I trust you? Especially if I’m not paying you for this little remedy here.”
“I get extra credit for helping the stupid and poor,” the boy said. Jaskier frowned. The fucking nerve of the kid. Jaskier has now upgraded him from child to nuisance kid.
“Some bedside manners you have there,” Jaskier said.
“We haven’t covered that unit yet,” the nuisance kid said.
“Ah, well then,” Jaskier said. “To your education,” he said and raised the vial in a toast and tipped it back. It tasted…green.
He frowned and dropped the vial in the boy’s open shoulder bag. He tongued the roof of his mouth. “You make this yourself?” he asked. “What’s your name?”
“I’m Shani, and yes I made it. What good would it be if I had someone else do my homework for me? That’s how you’re supposed to learn, by doing it,” Shani said.
“If only all students were as sensible as you. Good job,” Jaskier said, and plucked the notebook from the bag and went flipped through the pages. Patients A through D were people Shani must be picking up from the streets, judging from the notes.
Jaskier helped himself to the pencil but Shani grabbed it and the notebook.“It’s not very nice to dig through somebody’s stuff.”
“Fair enough. What else do you need from me?” Jaskier said. His stomach rumbled loud enough that Shani’s eyes widened slightly. “Let’s keep moving away from the fried smells, eh?” he suggested and began walking, motion Shani to come along.
“Alright. What’s your name?” Shani said, flipping to a page in his notebook and following after Jaskier.
“Julian Alfred Panktraz,” he said. “P-A-N-K-R-A-T-Z,” he added helpfully.
“Age?”
“Timeless.”
Shani made a noise and Jaskier glanced over, watching him write down refuses to disclose age.
“Any other symptoms I should know about pertaining to your current health?” the nuisance kid asked.
“I’ve got an itch on my left toe that won’t go away—probably because of my boots. I seem to have lost most of my coin in a drinking game and I’m not quite sure whose company I enjoyed last night, but the memory problems are probably because of the drinking. I have trouble sleeping because I can’t seem to work out the third verse of my current ballad, but that’s more symptomatic of inherit heartbreak and loss of a decades-long friendship. Or maybe the heartache is from the terror seeping into Oxenfurt because of the war that’s happened—or the war that’s likely to come. No one seems to care how Oxenfurt has changed. The people aren’t like they were before. I don’t know why everybody else can’t see it. I mean, I know why…pretending something isn’t happening is easier than acknowledging the truth. I don’t know how to tell the story of what’s happening because… Fear isn’t easy to… to deal with when you’re alone,” he said, stymied by the next wave of nausea.
Shani paused his scribbling, clearly not knowing what to make of that.
Jaskier rubbed his face—his lips felt funny—and and shrugged. “You asked.”
“Oookay,” he said.
Shani closed his notebook and nodded at Jaskier. “I think I have everything I need. How do you feel?”
Jaskier patted himself down. Still nauseous, but not actively feeling like he was going to vomit. “Better. Top marks for you,” he said and Shani grinned.
Let's Get Real Fic Writer Asks
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chennnington · 2 years
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Hey! I see you talking about OCs and your story on your blog a lot and was wondering if you'd be willing to share about your experience working on an original idea. I have a very loose plot for a novel floating around in my head, but haven't dedicated the time to working on it. Do you have like a whole draft written out? are you part of writing groups? Do you have plans to publish?
Of course, if you don't want to share, I didn't mean to make you feel pressured or anything, but I've found a love of writing over the past few years and I'm so interested to learn about where other people are in the process of working on original stuff :)
Omg so first of all you have no idea how happy this ask makes me cause it gives me an excuse to talk about my novel(s) and writing :D
Just a disclaimer cause I already disappointed more than one person: unfortunately I made the now irreversible decision to write the whole thing in German which makes talking about it on an English blog kind of pointless. But my brain blorbos live in my head rent-free 24/7 so I can’t really help it 😅
So the idea to write this stuff didn’t really start with an idea. I had played Enderal for the first time (free on steam if you own Skyrim btw) in early 2019 and the characters and the story were so well-written that it blew me away and resulted in an urge to tell a story myself. So I just started with some retired assassin dude who had to go on some mission. I had no idea who that dude was or what the mission would be, I just wrote some stuff. By now none of that original writing is part of the novels anymore, said dude is now my main character and completely changed, but at least I wrote something.
I think my approach could be described as very chaotic and very lazy. If anything feels like work I just don’t do it, the only way to get me to write is for me to be really passionate about it. I really tried in the past to properly plan my plot and sit down and do some worldbuilding, but it just doesn’t work. So all my “planning” is done during hikes. I listen to the novel playlist, walk around for a few hours and inevitably think about my characters or world the whole time. And sometimes there’s an idea and over the weeks and months those ideas eventually form a plot. I do most of my writing during NaNoWriMo in November where you write 50,000 words (or a novel) in a month cause that’s where I have motivation and all those fun little stats on my page. So far I have written two novels, I edited the first once (though it’ll need a few more rounds of editing) I’m planning the third and I’m gonna write it in November I guess. So far I have a very vague plot idea, one or two planned-out scenes and two new characters who’ll appear (the main guys haven’t changed though they should really retire). So currently I’m just marinating my blorbos and prod them with a stick every now and then or shake them so plot falls out. Or I come up with memes or think about what they’d order at Starbucks or what they’d post on social media. You know, the serious and very necessary stuff you need for a medieval fantasy novel. But sometimes there are actual world building details in my brain blorbo soup, but usually stuff that I’ll never actually need for the novels.
I also have ideas for a ton of prequels. The perks of having characters who aren’t that young anymore is that they have a lot of exciting past :D
That said, it might be chaotic, but as someone who has written fanfic as well as vaguely novel-shaped stuff in the past I’m really trying to follow the rules and structures of a novel. No unnecessary scenes, everything has to either tell us something important about the characters or advance the plot, if you bring something up it has to serve a purpose, dialogues have to have some result and can’t go on forever - I have no idea how well I do all that, but it’s interesting to actually try for once and really streamline a project. But I’ve also written stuff that’s entirely self-indulgent and that’d probably count as fanfiction for my own novels 😅 and tbh sometimes I wish my novel was fanfiction cause with original stuff you obviously have to do everything yourself. Especially when it’s fantasy or something where you gotta come up with an entire world. That’s both amazing and a real pain in the ass.
I am part of writing groups on Facebook, mostly related to NaNoWriMo, but tbh they don’t do much for me cause it seems that everyone there has published several novels already, writes all day every day and wins challenges all the time. Not good for my impostor syndrome at all^^
I follow some writing blogs on here too, but whenever I read a tip I like I’m usually like “yeah, I should do that” and then forget it within minutes. Maybe my subconscious picks up some of it and applies it^^
I would love to publish, I’m already casting the actors for the movie(s), but publishing involves showing it to other people and I haven’t had the courage to do so. For now I have an excuse, cause not even the first novel is edited enough to show it to anyone, but even when it will be, sending my baby out into the cold cruel world is scary. And knowing myself, unless everyone thinks that it’s the best novels ever written, I’ll feel like a failure. It’s so funny, I posted fanfics in several fandoms and two languages for years and got great reviews, everyone in my family read the unfinished fantasy novel I wrote when I was 14 and 10 years ago I even had the balls to send a vaguely novel-shaped thing to every agent I could find (I didn’t know anything about novel writing back then, I didn’t even know editing existed) and I write for a living and my stuff gets judged by my bosses all the time. But maybe I’ll get there.
Oh, here’s a post where I talk about the actual plot and characters for a bit if you’re interested.
So can you tell me anything about your idea? Cause from what I’ve read from you it could be seriously amazing. Oh, and I might be a bit inspired by your Lucien for my shittier characters. Some of them really need to be shittier and you’re great at that :D
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blocksruinedme · 8 months
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22. describe your writing process from scratch to finish.
28. handwritten notes or typed notes?
44. any writing advice you want to share?
22) my writing process!
be living my life, possibly babysitting or driving (maybe talking about blorbos)
think "hey what if...."
become possessed
from there it splits Version A - the fastest, and rarest, one
A1. get to my couch (or a different laptop place, or a notebook if desperate)
A2. Frantically let words spill out of me, often wishing my fingers could keep up with my brain. It's sometimes almost painful, needing to get the words out
A3. edit for a variable amount of time an post
My first published mcyt was like this - watched ranchers in the crossover at 11am, ideas marinated all day, came up with "what if tango's the key to fix fwhimmy" walking to my car at 5pm, started writing like 5:15 and published at maybe 1am. almost 5k long. Insane. that was MY EX STOLE MY SOULMATE.. | Empires SMP S2 1.19 (rated T) and I'm told also With Their Knife to His Throat (rated M) but I legit have next to no memories of writing that one, I think it was 48 hours from idea to published (4k).
B - normal version. Note: all of this is interspersed with working on a lot of other stories
B1: Have an idea, probably frantically but maybe it builds
B2: Think about it a lot, maybe ideas in a little notebook if they are coming at the wrong times. 
B3: write down bits of prose as they come, do a lot of outline in gdocs. 
B4: start writing from the beginning based on outline but also what feels right - in any given moment, i know more about the story than i did when i wrote the outline
B5: if i’m lucky write chronologically and work through the outline and add things. Often a section isn’t coming and i skip ahead. If it’s not happening, it’s not time for it to happen. To write the way I really want to, I need to know how it ends, so I can have the story build. 
B6: probably fuss a lot
B7: beg people for help and to tell me it’s okay to publish
B8: stress a lot about if it’s good enough and about minor changes i could make
Optional: B9: put it down for 1-7 months (i just published a fic from january, and two of my bang fics are from september and november)
B10: publish it pretty much the same as it was in B8
(I deleted C by adding B9 but already wrote D)
D: Probably just the once
D1: See a prompt for driving after dark and get unexpectedly interested
D2: write 2k of notes while trying to get another story done
D3: Give myself 6 days to write those 2k of notes and then it’s 20k and my longest fic ever and oops needs a lot of typo fixes: The Key to His Problem (rated E)
The editing etc process:
 During every version of this I have a gdoc shared with people and am begging for advice. If i can’t decide on a word when i’m writing and have some flow going, i say “they were all [very] surprised” and leave a comment (or just the brackets) to come back later and fix it. THIS IS MUCH OF HOW I WRITE FAST. The first draft is to get out it out of my head, the second draft is to get it into the reader’s head. SOMETIMES the flow is perfect and i don’t need to do this, but like, idk, 10% of the time? 
A lot of the words in [brackets] will wind up staying as is, but it gives me permission to move on without feeling like i’ve settled. 
Editing sometimes involves a lot of of editing passes, sometimes just because i want to work on it and don’t want to write. This can mean the early parts get soooo much more love. 
Sometimes I print out a fic that has gone through a set of editing and do more on paper. It can be great. I just see the story differently, and it mostly keeps me from adding huge amounts, and i catch errors i didn’t otherwise. 
Usually i put up the ao3 draft a few days earlier and start adding tags and putting in my text (which i do in html) to look at it. The title often comes the day i publish, cause i wait till the end.
28. handwritten notes or typed notes?
typed unless i don't have my laptop. I started carrying around a pocket sized notebook in march and i'm onto my second one. I got it in a Japanese stationery store and got hooked, i have this line in many sizes, here's my pocket notebook -https://www.jetpens.com/Maruman-Mnemosyne-N184A-Twin-Ring-Memo-Pad-A7-Graph/pd/7379 I've written in this baby in the corner of a club cause i had ideas waiting at the bar for a drink.
44. any writing advice you want to share?
You have to get the words out. You have to get the words out. You have to get the words out.
Good words can be, often are, born of less good words.
Don't be afraid of editing! Great fiction generally comes from editing! Put down some fucking words even if you hate them and get to the next part. I do this, I am not preaching advice I don't take. I'll leave a comment sometimes to tell my future self I didn't think they were good words, I just needed them out. It's fine, I survive every single time.
If you don't need to edit, swell! But if you're stuck, just keep writing something -- or if that won't work, or you feel shitty, take a break. Work on another story, do something else, but if you're miserable and slamming your head against the wall, STOP! Don't hurt yourself! Because you shouldn't hurt, and because you'll associate writing more and more with hurt.
Get other people involved. Share snippets with your friends (if you've got an appropriate discord, make a channel for it!) Trade off reading with your writer friends. If you like my writing, know that not a single word I've ever published hasn't been read by multiple other people. My pre-fic writing was generally group works, so that's what feels normal. The idea of publishing with not even anyone to say "Hey Vee, this makes sense in your brain but not mine" is terrifying. You don't need to Have Serious Beta, it can just be cheerleading or really general "point out if anything is a big problem". I found out this week i am a "phenomenal cheerleader" -- your friends, or some kind soul on a discord, don't need to give you literary analysis to say "this part is cool, your fic is good, i hope you publish!"
Fandom is shared joy. Share your joy in every way - cheerleading others, getting other to share joy with you on your works, leave comments, leave kudos, reblog, make happy posts, keep the negativity to smaller spaces, SHARE THE JOY. I've been in fandom legit longer than some of you have been alive and it's always the joy, that's what it always comes back to. Hold onto the joy, that's what will last in your hearts. <3 <3 <3
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laure69 · 2 years
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The healing
Hi, so this is part two of the work I wrote, this one will be more mentally stable ( I think) but I’m hoping people read this and they know that it will eventually get better.  Unlike the other work I wrote, I am going to publish this one/post it online. The process of me getting better included my friends, medication, and therapy, but mostly me having the will to get better. However, with depression isn’t necessarily something that can happen out of nowhere. You can’t just snap your fingers and boom you're automatically better. Sadly, that’s not how it works. That’s where medication comes in. However, for me to get motivated to get better, I need the motivation to get better. My friends were like the push or in a way what inspired me to get better. The thing is I thought I was fine then I started going to therapy and I started realizing that I indeed was not fine.
When I first entered high school, I was honestly a mess. My grades weren’t the best, but I started making friends and that’s when I saw how badly I was treating people. I never got into fights with anyone, cursed at anyone, or yelled at anyone. I just was putting minimal effort, for example, I wasn’t trying at all I was physically there but mentally I wasn’t there. I wasn’t eating, falling asleep in class, having random meltdowns, etc. People started noticing this they just didn't say anything. Hanging out with my friends was an escape since my situation at home wasn’t the best I would look forward to staying in school just to be with my friends and laugh. Laughter was my medicine I felt depressed or down I would just hang out with my friends and I was just better. My love life was interesting, to say the least, I honestly didn’t want to be in a relationship around that time, but there was this guy (I won’t be saying any names) and he was my friend and he was one of the people that helped me get better. That story will be told later. 
One of the people that help me get better was my best friend or my closest friend that I have. I met them in 5th grade and we didn’t talk as much through 5th-some of 7th grade. When my mental health was getting bad they were there for me. Honestly, I don’t know where I would be without them. In 8th grade that’s when it all started happening; depression, anxiety, etc. They were the only friend I had in middle school which is kind of depressing. But, most people from my middle school were fake. The funny thing is they knew I had bipolar depression before I did and I thought I was fine. When the whole deal with my stepdad came along and when he was causing me trauma they were there for me to rant or vent they were there. They made my days less shit in school, and to this day I’m still friends with them and they are still always there for me. I’m also there for them but they like to keep their emotions to them most of the time. But I am forever grateful for them and all they have done for me and how they have supported me.
The next person who helped me get better well their my friend now (sort off) we have some history. I met him in 5th grade and I didn’t necessarily like him, I kind off threw sticks at him from 6th-7th grade. Then in 8th grade, I developed a crush on him but it went away eventually because he was dating someone else so I got over it. Then, in 9th grade, we became friends, later on, I started coming over to his house and stuff got heated, to say the least. Then we ended up catching feelings for each other and eventually, we started dating. We dated for 7 months and he was one of the people who were patient with me and helped me when I was going through shit. He made me laugh, and made me feel safe and comfortable. When we dated I would necessarily say I was a bad girlfriend I just sometimes wasn’t there. It’s not that I didn’t want to be there I did but I just couldn’t. I did love him I still love him but platonically. I would say when I got into that relationship with him I should have waited a bit till my mental health was better. We ended up breaking up for other reasons. He listened to me and I felt like I could always be myself around him to this day I still do. I don’t think he realizes he is such a great person and how he deserves so much. But I am always grateful for how he helped me get better and how he was one of the people that loved me when I needed to be loved the most. 
This friend I met online, was one of the people who were with me through thick and thin. When I was dealing with my evil stepfather she was there to help me not completely melt down. I ranted to her she would give me tarot readings, she was an escape from my reality. When I needed advice on something she was there when I needed a safe space to talk to someone she was there when I was having my first panic attack she was there. I have her nicknamed my life coach because she is giving really good advice. That girl should become a therapist or something. I am always grateful for her and how she helped me. She is one of the people that know me the best and how I fully am as a person.
To end this off my friends were one of the reasons I got better but the thing that helped me the most was medication and getting properly diagnosed. I never was really honest in therapy which is one of the reasons I got worse and I felt like I wasn’t getting any help. In my first therapist, I straight up lied to her I told her I was fine and I generally faked being happy. The funny thing is that I and the therapist got along very well. I guess I just didn’t have that trust in her to tell her what was actually going on. Then I stopped going to therapy for a while and my mental health started going downhill. I felt like shit 90% of the time the mood swings weren’t helping.  Then I went to my current therapist and she was like “yeah, you definitely are  depressed”, she tried for a while techniques to help me get better but those didn’t work. So that’s when she sent me to a physiatrist and I got diagnosed with bipolar mood disorder, anxiety, etc. I got sent medication which I currently take today and it actually works, I am still on my way to getting better but, I just want people to know that you are not alone. :)
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amaryllist96 · 2 years
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The MMR Vaccine: The Inside Scoop 🍨
You probably all know the story by now: the one about how Andrew Wakefield, now exposed as a fraud but at that time a British physician, published a 1998 paper suggesting that the MMR vaccine was associated with autism. As a medical student in my last year, I’ve heard and read this story in all of its iterations. Frankly, I’m tired of talking about it. It frustrates me that Wakefield and his corrupt “research” still dominates the discussion of MMR, so much so that if you search “MMR vaccine” in PubMed, the first search results still are talking about autism over two decades later. I wanted to actually learn why we get the MMR vaccine, what it does instead of what it doesn’t do (for anyone still not sure at this point, I doubt I’ll change your mind, but here goes: MMR doesn’t cause autism). Are you curious, too? Cool. Play with me in this space for a few minutes. 
The MMR vaccine was put together from existing immunizations in 1971 by Maurice Hilleman, who also made over 40 other vaccines; the guy’s like a real life Dr. Crusher in Star Trek. In the last decade alone, it has prevented around 25 million deaths worldwide. Now you might ask, as I did, wait, how do you die from measles or mumps? Didn’t those used to be common childhood diseases? And you’d be right; they did! Usually kids end up with a rash (measles, rubella) or cheek swelling (mumps) and feel crappy, and then they’d get better. However, measles and mumps can sometimes cause encephalitis, meaning the infection spreads to the brain. That’s the part that can be fatal. Measles can also cause a rarer type of encephalitis 7-10 years after the infection called subacute sclerosis panencephalitis, and SSP is universally fatal. All of this is rare, mind you. But there are 73 million kids in the US, meaning that even though brain manifestations of these diseases are about 1/1000, 73,000 kids would develop these dangerous conditions. For context, 73,000 would be like if the whole city of Alameda wound up in the hospital with brain infections. Encephalitis prevention is the main reason we need the MMR vaccine, and the reason it alone has prevented literally millions of deaths.
So what’s up with the R? Rubella is generally mild, but can cause devastating fetal damage if a pregnant person catches it. The fetus can have heart malformations, congenital cataracts, deafness, and other health problems. That’s why rubella gets included in the MMR vaccine. Rubella has also been declared eliminated in the US, so hopefully you never see it. 
Now, the part you’ve been waiting for: the side effects. The real, actual side effects of MMR. Well first of all, don’t get the MMR vaccine while you’re pregnant! Hopefully you were immunized as a child, but if you are pregnant now and interested, the rubella in the vaccine could cause those fetal anomalies I just talked about, so hold your horses until after the delivery. Otherwise, the side effects are…not very exciting. Some people get a fever after the immunization. Some get a rash, or joint pain, or swelling of their lymph nodes, none of which lasts very long. If you’ve gotten your COVID vaccine, you know the deal. One scary-looking but benign side effect is that the MMR increases the risk of febrile seizures from about 6-14 days post-vaccine. That means if your child gets the MMR and then a kid at daycare gets them sick, they could have a seizure. However, febrile seizures are not associated with developing epilepsy or other seizure disorders, and at baseline between 2% and 5% of children have a febrile seizure unrelated to the MMR vaccine during childhood. Finally, there is a low risk of developing a temporary platelet disorder called ITP after the vaccine. However, measles, mumps, and rubella are more likely to cause ITP than the vaccine, so the vaccine actually lowers the rate of ITP. 
If you want to know more about measles, mumps, or rubella themselves as diseases, the CDC has some great free information about them. I hope this post makes plain the risk/benefit calculus of the MMR vaccine, so you can make an educated choice about it. If you liked this MMR run-down, follow me on Twitter @almost_beck for smaller chunks of health info, and follow this blog for more vaccine-related deep dives. I’ve been amaryllist, and ~this was your Inside Scoop~
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melting-tofu · 2 years
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something he likes of you - 4nemo edition (seperately)
notes: modern au, including both sfw and nsfw parts! pure fluff for the first half, under the cut is nsfw, minors please do not interact.
chat: hi, i have 7 drafts and 9 untouched asks right now, 14 of them were requested, man i'm updating so slow </3, some of them got me stuck with the plot. and i do have the work overload, when one is done the other goes in. i'm sorry to all those who has been waiting for too long! a must in the next week for me is to rush asap and publish at least 2 posts, one (sfw) is requested and the other (nsfw) is not, like a collab i joined?, stay tuned <3 and as always: minors please don't interact with nsfw posts.
▪-------▪
sfw branches:
Aether:
this boy loves seeing you in his comfy sweaters. like, he feels so special because you like wearing his clothes! how could you not? they are warm, they hug you perfectly and his scent is calming too 👉👈 though he doesn't admit out loud, he sure bites his bottom lip to prevent the noises of joy when he sees you wearing something of his. there are several times he walked in on you trying on the clothes he left in bed too, and oh, the way you struggled with how oversized a certain shirt was, so cute <3
Kazuha:
absolutely melts when you touch his hair, just run your fingers through it and tell him how soft it is and he's on heaven! he allows you do his hair whenever you want to, not minding whatever style you choose. of course on the other end, will you let him do yours too? he isn't really creative in this and often gives you some simple hairstyles but he's actually trying! we all approve his efforts right? also loves it even more when you attach some cute hairclips on him, doesn't care if it's childish because as long as you like it then he's happy! :D
Venti:
this is weird but... pillow fights! he's a funny guy, often coming up with some jokes before bedtime that usually end you both up in a fluffy war :') as long as you're okay with it, he's not going easy on you either (except when it's too harsh), whatever you do, there can only be one winner. if he wins, his prize isn't as much special as he only wants to oversleep with you in his arms until the next morning. if you win then it's up to you! please don't put up a real fightー
Xiao:
he likes to sneak out with you at 3 in the morning for a drink run, he personally will choose milk tea. at first it was your idea, but xiao could never deny you and he decided to indulge you once.... until you asked for it again, again, and again, and he grew to like it??? what an unhealthy habit, or hobby, of his </3 and yours too! don't look at me as if you're innocent >:( xiao also likes taking pictures of you (with your permission) during the moment because you just look so cute sipping your drink.
nsfw version:
Aether (dirty talk, degradation):
who expects a nice, innocent-looking boy like him can whisper the dirtiest things to you in bed? actions completely contrasting to his words, with soft gestures on your body, he playfully nibs at your ear and tells you all sorts of things that are so out of character for him. he loves how embarrassed you get from his vulgar words, they just make you become more submissive to him and he feels proud of his doing.
"hm? don't tell me you're turned on merely by what i told you just now? i've barely touched you..."
it's also a win-win if you're wearing only his shirt, because he can humilate you for creaming all over and dirtying his most favorite sweater.
Kazuha (hair pulling):
about his hair again... he finds it hot when you accidentally pull at his hair because of the overstimulation he's giving you, it just... turns him on even more?? his cheeky grin fades once you cry out an apologize that you didn't mean it, but don't worry, he enjoyed it and wishes you to do it again.
"sorry for what? you thought that hurt me? do it again, i would like to see you try."
keep pulling at it... his hair gets so messy the next morning. he will laugh at the way you keep apologizing for doing it too roughly, instantly getting cut off by a kiss and when he yanks at your hair to pull away... oh.
Venti (pillow riding, dirty talk)
pillow fights... who knows such an innocent act like that would end you up like this? you're clinging onto your boyfriend, sobbing into his neck as he guides you across the pillow. this is an unmentioned reward for him now that he won the fight... he knows that you want something better, something to fill you up but he's not giving it to you that easily, because you lost, it's only fair that you indulge him right?
"greedy... you want me that much? go on, prove just how much you're desperate for my cock."
▪-------▪
this is like torturing, him only allowing you to get yourself off on the pillow while hissing dirty things into your ears, talking about how low you can get for his body...
Xiao (oral - m receiving):
he made you trip on purpose, making you spill all the tea left over him. it was not much, but he used it as the excuse to "make it up to him" because you caused a mess... and here you are, on your knees and being face-fucked by him. you dig your nails into his thighs in order to keep yourself up and for him to slow down but he can push you back, forcing you to take his greedy dick and clicking his tongue whenever you gag. despite his rough pounding, his free hand is gently caressing your cheek and wiping your drool away.
"my fault? it should be your fault for asking for it so early in the morning..."
he watches you through half lidded eyes. sucking him like a straw like that, it's pathetic, you're pathetic, how can he not have dirty thoughts later when you two go out for a drink run again?
i take back my words when i said aether didn't seem like the type to swear for me
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homosexuhauls · 3 years
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15 JUNE, 2021 by Chimamanda Ngozi-Adichie
IT IS OBSCENE: A TRUE REFLECTION IN THREE PARTS
PART ONE
When you are a public figure, people will write and say false things about you. It comes with the territory. Many of those things you brush aside. Many you ignore. The people close to you advise you that silence is best. And it often is. Sometimes, though, silence makes a lie begin to take on the shimmer of truth.
In this age of social media, where a story travels the world in minutes, silence sometimes means that other people can hijack your story and soon, their false version becomes the defining story about you.
Falsehood flies, and the Truth comes limping after it, as Jonathan Swift wrote.
Take the case of a young woman who attended my Lagos writing workshop some years ago; she stood out because she was bright and interested in feminism.
After the workshop, I welcomed her into my life. I very rarely do this, because my past experiences with young Nigerians left me wary of people who are calculating and insincere and want to use me only as an opportunity. But she was a Bright Young Nigerian Feminist and I thought that was worth making an exception.
She spent time in my Lagos home. We had long conversations. I was support-giver, counsellor, comforter.
Then I gave an interview in March 2017 in which I said that a trans woman is a trans woman, (the larger point of which was to say that we should be able to acknowledge difference while being fully inclusive, that in fact the whole premise of inclusiveness is difference.)
I was told she went on social media and insulted me.
This woman knows me enough to know that I fully support the rights of trans people and all marginalized people. That I have always been fiercely supportive of difference, in general. And that I am a person who reads and thinks and forms my opinions in a carefully considered way.
Of course she could very well have had concerns with the interview. That is fair enough. But I had a personal relationship with her. She could have emailed or called or texted me. Instead she went on social media to put on a public performance.
I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. But I mostly held myself responsible. My spirit had been slightly stalled, from the beginning, by her. My first sense of unease with her came when she posted a photo taken in my house, at a time when I did not want any photos of my personal life on social media. I asked that she take it down. The second case of unease was her publicizing something I had told her in confidence about another member of the workshop. The most upsetting was when she, without telling me, used my name to apply for an American visa. Above all else was my lingering suspicion that she was a person who chose as friends only those from whom she could benefit. But she was a Bright Young Nigerian Feminist and I allowed that sentiment to over-ride my unease.
After she publicly insulted me, it was clear to me that this kind of noxious person had no business in my life, ever again.
A few months later, she sent this affected, self-regarding email which I ignored.
Friday September 15 2017 at 4.35 AM
Dearest Chimamanda,
Happy birthday. I mean this with all my heart, even though I know I have fallen (removed myself?) from your grace. It would be impossible for me to stop loving you; long before you gave me the possibility of being your friend you were the embodiment of my deepest hopes, and that will never change.
I think of you often, still – stating the obvious. I grieve the loss of our friendship; it is a complicated sadness. I’m sorry that I caused you pain, or to feel like you can no longer trust me. There’s so much that I wish could be said.
I pray this birthday is the happiest one yet. I wish you rest and quiet and abiding stability, and of course more of the kind of success that means the most to you.
I hope mothering X is everything you hoped and prayed for and more.
Have a wonderful day today.
Love always.
About a year later, she sent this email, which I also ignored.
Thursday November 29 2018 at 8.42 AM
Dear Chimamanda,
I realise this is long overdue and vastly insufficient, but I’m really sorry. I’ve spent so much time going back and forth in my head and my email drafts; wondering whether to write you, how to write you, what to say, all kinds of things. But in the end, this is the thing I realise I need to say.
I’m sorry I disappointed and hurt you by saying things publicly that were sharply critical, unkind and even disrespectful, especially in light of all the backlash and criticism you experience from people who don’t know you. I could have acted with more consideration towards you. I should have, especially given the privilege of intimacy that you had offered me. There are many reasons why I chose to behave the way I did, but none of them is an excuse. And I clearly realise now, after many, many months of needless sadness and angst and hurt and actual confusion, that I did not treat you as a friend would—certainly not as someone would to whom you had offered unprecedented access to yourself and your life.
You’ve meant the world to me since I was barely a teenager. It’s been very hard navigating the emotional fallout of the past several months, knowing you were displeased with me but truly not quite understanding why, then deciding I didn’t care, then realising that would never be true. I’ve always cared. But I was too mixed up about the situation to be able to make sense of it, or properly see past my own justifications. I’m sorry it took me so long to grasp how I let you down.
I realise that I don’t have room to ask anything of you, but I would be grateful for a chance to say this in person. Still, even if I never get that, I really hope you believe me.
Congratulations on restarting the workshop, and on all the other amazing successes of the past several months. I think of you often; it would be impossible not to. You look so happy in your pictures. I really hope you are well.
All my love,
I hoped never to hear from her again. But she has recently gone on social media to write about how she “refused to kiss my ring,” as if I demanded some kind of obeisance from her. She also suggests that there is some dark, shadowy ‘more’ to tell that she won’t tell, with an undertone of “if only you knew the whole story.”
It is a manipulative way of lying. By suggesting there is ‘more’ when you know very well that there isn’t, you do sufficient reputational damage while also being able to plead deniability. Innuendo without fact is immoral.
No, there isn’t more to the story. It is a simple story – you got close to a famous person, you publicly insulted the famous person to aggrandize yourself, the famous person cut you off, you sent emails and texts that were ignored, and you then decided to go on social media to peddle falsehoods. It is obscene to tell the world that you refused to kiss a ring when in fact there isn’t any ring at all.
I cannot make much of the hostility of strangers who do not know me – fame taints our view of the humanity of famous people. But the truth is that the famous person remains irretrievably human. Fame does not inoculate the famous person from disappointment and depression, fame does not make you any less angered or hurt by the duplicitous nature of people. To be famous is to be assumed to have power, which is true, but in the analysis of fame, people often ignore the vulnerability that comes with fame, and they are unable to see how others who have nothing to lose can lie and connive in order to take advantage of that fame, while not giving a single thought to the feelings and humanity of the famous person.
And when you personally know a famous person, when you have experienced their humanity, when you have benefited from their kindness, and yet you are unable to extend to them the basic grace and respect that even a casual acquaintanceship deserves, then it says something fundamental about you.
And in a deluded way, you will convince yourself that your hypocritical, self-regarding, compassion-free behavior is in fact principled feminism. It isn’t. You will wrap your mediocre malice in the false gauziness of ideological purity. But it’s still malice. You will tell yourself that being able to parrot the latest American Feminist orthodoxy justifies your hacking at the spirit of a person who had shown you only kindness. You can call your opportunism by any name, but it doesn’t make it any less of the ugly opportunism that it is.
PART TWO
When I first read this person’s work, which was their application to my writing workshop, I thought the sentences were well-done. I accepted this person. At the workshop, I thought they could have been more respectful of the other participants, perhaps not kept typing dismissively as others’ stories were discussed, with an air of being among people below their level. After the workshop, I decided to select the best stories, edit them, pay the writers a fee, and publish them in an e-magazine. The first story I chose was this person’s. I wrote a glowing introduction, which the story truly deserved.
They sent this email.
Fri, Aug 7, 2015, 8:20 AM
Thank you so much for that introduction. It means so much to me and I’m going to keep reading it to get through the rest of my stay at Syracuse. I sent it to my mother and she got nervous about the piece because you said ‘it disturbs’, said she’s not sure how she’s going to feel when she reads it. But she’s also one of those ‘let’s leave the past in the past’ people. My sister approved, which meant a lot because our childhoods were each other’s.
All that to say, I’m so grateful you gave me the space to write the short version of this piece, the encouragement to write the longer piece, and now, a platform for it. I definitely have plans to write more about Aba.
Thank you, with all my heart.
PS- I wanted to sign off gratefully + gracefully in Igbo but I said let me not fall my own hand 🙂
About a year later, they sent another email to let me know that their novel would be published.
Wed, Jun 8, 2016, 8:20 AM
Greetings!
I hope all’s been well with you this past year. Belated congratulations on the baby’s arrival, I hope she’s being a delight (I’m sure she is), and on the Johns Hopkins honors.
I was thinking about how this time last year, I’d just received the email from you about Farafina and I wanted to reach out with a quick update. I’ve just accepted an offer for the novel I excerpted as my application and it feels like the workshop was a catalyst for the events that’ve led me here. So, thank you, for the workshop and your words and the Olisa TV series and listening to me babble on about my story at the hotel. I deeply appreciate all of it and you.
All my best,
Before the novel was published, I spoke of it to some people, to help it get attention. I had not been able to finish reading it. I found the writing beautiful, but the story false-hearted and burdened by bathos. When I spoke of the novel, however, it was the former sentiment that I expressed, never the latter.
After I gave the March 2017 interview in which I said that a trans woman is a trans woman, I was told that this person had insulted me on social media, calling me, among other things, a murderer. I was deeply upset, because while I did not really know them personally, I felt they knew what I stood for and that I fully supported the rights of trans people, and that I do not wish anybody dead.
Still, I took no action. I ignored the public insult.
When this person’s publishers sent me an early copy of their novel, I was surprised to see that my name was included in their cover biography. I had never seen that done in a book before. I didn’t like that I had not been asked for permission to use my name, but most of all I thought – why would a person who thinks I’m a murderer want my name so prominently displayed in their biography?
Then I learned that, because my name was in the cover biography, a journalist had called them my “protegee” and they then threw a Twitter tantrum about it, calling it clickbait, viciously disavowing having received any help from me.
I knew this person had called me a murderer, I knew they were actively campaigning to “cancel” me and tweeting about how I should no longer be invited to speak at events. But this I felt I could not ignore.
I sent an email to my representative:
From: Chimamanda Adichie
Date: Wed, Feb 14, 2018 at 2:06 PM
I’m writing about X
She attended my Lagos workshop two years ago and I selected hers as one of a few pieces I published after the workshop.
Apparently I was referred to as her ‘mentor’ and/or she was referred to as my ‘protege,’ in some articles, which led to her tweeting about it. Her tweets were forwarded to me by friends. In them, she reacted quite viscerally to my being called her ‘mentor’ and her being my ‘protege.’ To be fair, she is not technically my ‘protege,’ and it is perfectly fine that she feels this way, but her ungracious tone and the ugliness of the energy spent on her tweets surprised me.
I recently received her book and noticed that my name was included in her official book bio. I was stunned. Surely if she is so strongly averse to my being considered a person who has been significant in her career, (which is my understanding of the loose use of protege/mentor) then it is unseemly to make the choice to include my name in her bio. I found it unusual, as I don’t think I’ve seen it done before in a book bio, but I also now find it unacceptably cynical.
It is only reasonable for a person who sees my name as it is used in her bio — ‘her work has been selected and edited by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’ — to assume some sort of mentor/protege relationship.
To publicly disavow this with a tone bordering on hostility and at the same time so baldly use my name to sell her book is utterly unacceptable to me.
I’d like you to please reach out to her publishers and ask that my name be removed from her official book bio. I refuse to be used in this way.
After contacting her publishers, my representative wrote:
They have asked whether your preference would be to remove the Acknowledgment to you in the back of the book also, in future reprints.
I replied:
I don’t think that is my decision to take, and so will not answer either way, although it would be ideal if she herself made the decision to do so.
On the subject of how to go about it, I was absolutely determined not to be used by this person, but I was also sensitive to the costs the publisher might incur, as this was not in any way the publisher’s fault. Instead of pulping the already printed copies, I asked that the jackets be stripped and rebound. To my representative I wrote:
I’m completely determined that I not be used in this opportunistic and hypocritical way. But I want to make sure to proceed reasonably.
I was assured that my name would be removed and I moved on.
But from time to time, I would be informed of yet another social media post in which this person had attacked me.
This person has created a space in which social media followers have – and this I find unforgiveable – trivialized my parents’ death, claiming that the sudden and devastating loss of my parents within months of each other during this pandemic, was ‘punishment’ for my ‘transphobia.’
This person has asked followers to pick up machetes and attack me.
This person began a narrative that I had sabotaged their career, a narrative that has been picked up and repeated by others.
The normal response would be to ignore it all, because this person is seeking attention and publicity to benefit themselves. Claiming that I have sabotaged their career is a lie and this person knows that it is a lie. But if something is repeated often enough, in this age in which people do not need proof or verification to run with a story, especially a story that has outrage potential, then it can easily begin to seem true.
My addressing this lie will indeed get this person some attention – may they bask in it.
Here is the truth: I was very supportive of this writer. I didn’t have to be. I wasn’t asked to be. I supported this writer because I believe we need a diverse range of African stories.
Sabotaging a young writer’s career is just not my style; I would get no benefit or satisfaction from it. Asking that my name be removed from your biography is not sabotaging your career. It is about protecting my boundaries of what I consider acceptable in civil human behavior.
You publicly call me a murderer AND still feel entitled to benefit from my name?
You use my name (without my permission) to sell your book AND then throw an ugly tantrum when someone makes a reference to it?
What kind of monstrous entitlement, what kind of perverse self-absorption, what utter lack of self-awareness, what unheeding heartlessness, what frightening immaturity makes a person act this way?
Besides, a person who genuinely believes me to be a murderer cannot possibly want my name on their book cover, unless of course that person is a rank opportunist.
PART THREE
In certain young people today like these two from my writing workshop, I notice what I find increasingly troubling: a cold-blooded grasping, a hunger to take and take and take, but never give; a massive sense of entitlement; an inability to show gratitude; an ease with dishonesty and pretension and selfishness that is couched in the language of self-care; an expectation always to be helped and rewarded no matter whether deserving or not; language that is slick and sleek but with little emotional intelligence; an astonishing level of self-absorption; an unrealistic expectation of puritanism from others; an over-inflated sense of ability, or of talent where there is any at all; an inability to apologize, truly and fully, without justifications; a passionate performance of virtue that is well executed in the public space of Twitter but not in the intimate space of friendship.
I find it obscene.
There are many social-media-savvy people who are choking on sanctimony and lacking in compassion, who can fluidly pontificate on Twitter about kindness but are unable to actually show kindness. People whose social media lives are case studies in emotional aridity. People for whom friendship, and its expectations of loyalty and compassion and support, no longer matter. People who claim to love literature – the messy stories of our humanity – but are also monomaniacally obsessed with whatever is the prevailing ideological orthodoxy. People who demand that you denounce your friends for flimsy reasons in order to remain a member of the chosen puritan class.
People who ask you to ‘educate’ yourself while not having actually read any books themselves, while not being able to intelligently defend their own ideological positions, because by ‘educate,’ they actually mean ‘parrot what I say, flatten all nuance, wish away complexity.’
People who do not recognize that what they call a sophisticated take is really a simplistic mix of abstraction and orthodoxy – sophistication in this case being a showing-off of how au fait they are on the current version of ideological orthodoxy.
People who wield the words ‘violence’ and ‘weaponize’ like tarnished pitchforks. People who depend on obfuscation, who have no compassion for anybody genuinely curious or confused. Ask them a question and you are told that the answer is to repeat a mantra. Ask again for clarity and be accused of violence. (How ironic, speaking of violence, that it is one of these two who encouraged Twitter followers to pick up machetes and attack me.)
And so we have a generation of young people on social media so terrified of having the wrong opinions that they have robbed themselves of the opportunity to think and to learn and to grow.
I have spoken to young people who tell me they are terrified to tweet anything, that they read and re-read their tweets because they fear they will be attacked by their own. The assumption of good faith is dead. What matters is not goodness but the appearance of goodness. We are no longer human beings. We are now angels jostling to out-angel one another. God help us. It is obscene.
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everwitch-magiks · 3 years
Text
RWRB Fics Roundup
Hey y’all! Once upon a time I had the ambition to post links on here to all the fics and new chapters that I publish on AO3, and I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been an absolute disaster at that over the summer. In my defense I’ve just had so much to write, but that’s not much of a defense seeing as it doesn’t take ages to chuck a link on here. Anyhow. Bottom line is, I’ve severely neglected it, and it’s gotten to a point where I’m just gonna make a post with links to everything I’ve written since June (ish) for you to peruse, so you can see if there’s one that you didn’t catch wind of that catches your eye now. Neat, huh?
So, without further ado, the links! The fics! Let’s go.
Completed works
Love At First Bark General Audiences, AU, tooth-rotting fluff. 3K. “I still don’t know your name, do I?” Henry watches Alex where he’s crouched down in front of David and gently scratching David below his chin. David absolutely loves Alex. Henry can relate. “It’s David,” Henry supplies. “Cool,” Alex says. “And what’s the dog’s name?” Henry blinks at him. “... David?” “What?” Alex exclaims. He looks from David to Henry and then back at David again. “Wow, okay, that is a choice.” Henry wants to sink through the earth and never come back up again.
Shameless Explicit, AU, Henry has a reputation. 14K. Henry has a lot of sex. A lot. He's young and in college and there is no shortage of men to fall in bed with. What better time to explore what he likes and what he fucking loves, as well as to catalogue how to make his many, many partners feel as good as possible? It’s all part of the learning experience. And Henry is a very dedicated student.
Alex has been inescapably aware of Henry ever since that one time they kissed. You don’t just stop being aware of the guy who basically caused your sexuality. So when Henry propositions Alex at a lame frat party, Alex accepts eagerly. Maybe this is exactly what he needs. Maybe, if he can just have Henry once, he’ll have a better chance of finally getting over his embarrassing fixation with Henry. It's worth a try.
When The Time Is Right Part four of my sex club series. Explicit, AU, dom Henry and sub Alex. 16K. “Maybe I could challenge you more,” Henry suggests, his eyes carefully trained on Alex. “And hold you accountable for longer. How does that sound?” “That sounds fucking amazing,” Alex tells him, the words coming out in a rush. “Yes. That. Please.” “Alright, then.” Henry offers him a sly grin. “Alex, love. You just gave me a wonderful idea.” It’s really something, how quickly Alex’s heartbeat picks up. “Oh? Do tell.” Henry’s grin widens. He looks alarmingly pleased with himself. “How would you feel about a staycation?”
When Alex asks Henry for something a little more intense in the bedroom, they end up taking more than just their sex life to the next level.
Out For A Bite Explicit, AU, suspense and supernatural elements. 3K. Henry's eyes fly up, zeroing in on the reflection in the mirror. There, behind him. The man from the bar. He looks different in the fluorescent bathroom lights. Sharper. There’s a look in his eyes that has Henry shivering all over again. It's greedy. Hungry.
He’s staring right at Henry.
Henry's throat feels dry. His heart beats madly. He's heard whispers of this place, and more importantly of its patrons. He thinks he knows what this man is.
ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with) Explicit, AU, Alex and Henry in DIY Punk & mainstream pop punk, respectively. 34K. Teenage music sensation Kensington have taken the world by storm. With their cool leather jackets and wickedly distorted guitars, they're a pop duo that packs a punch. Or at least they sound like one—their lyrics unfortunately lack any semblance of depth. Alex can't fucking stand Kensington. But thankfully, he doesn’t have to. He’s not likely to cross paths with those British pop losers during his final semester of high school in Texas. And even if he did, he'd never let some stupidly attractive blonde take his focus away from the goal that Alex has worked towards for years: winning the Austin Band Slam with his latino punk trio.
But when Henry comes crashing into Alex's life, with his intriguing piano pieces and piercing blue eyes and slow, purposeful kisses that make Alex burn with want, Alex finds that he might need to reevaluate his stance on both pop losers and distractions. Or maybe not. Maybe he’s better off keeping Henry at arm's length, since it's so painfully evident that Henry will never love him back.
Never Tell Me The Odds Teen and Up Audiences, canon verse, an outside perspective on First Prince as well as a story about a certain Star Wars mural. 2K. "Wait!" Alex yells up to the driver. "Stop! Stop the car!" Up close, it's beautiful. Two stories tall. He can’t imagine how somebody was able to put together something like this so fast.
Ash had never imagined that they'd get the chance to actually meet Alex Claremont-Diaz, and much less get the chance to tell Alex about how that very special Star Wars mural came to be. Although of course, Ash never would have met Alex if it hadn’t been for Farida. Farida and her bold courage, and her warm compassion, and her sometimes infuriating (but always endearing) stubbornness.
yrs. faithfully (with nowhere to go) Explicit, canon verse, a lazy morning in bed leads to something more. 3K. When Alex and Henry wake up together the day before their anniversary, they're genuinely planning on getting out of bed and spending the day as productive members or society. Truly, their intentions are honorable. But a trip down memory lane gets them reminiscing about that night exactly one year ago, when Alex had come running through the rain to deliver some choice words about obtuse fucking assholes.
As Alex and Henry start to relive the memory, they quickly realize that they both remember it intimately. So intimately that they might be able to pull off something of a do-over.
Gadgets and Gizmos A-Plenty A companion piece to dearest Hattie’s soulmate fic. Mature, AU, a look into Henry buying sex toys. Yes. That’s the fic. 2K. There’s a bunch of regulars that Amir knows by name (and, unavoidably, by kinks), but most often Playtime gets one-time visitors. Which makes sense, really. A lot of people don’t seem to want to step into the same adult toy shop twice. So Amir is always a little extra curious when there’s a repeat customer, especially one who is this attractive. And, interestingly, one who’s come back so soon.
The tall, classically handsome man with blond hair and blue eyes left Playtime no less than five hours ago after having purchased a medium-sized, fairly standard vibrator well suited for anal play. And now he’s back. Because apparently, he’s found he needed another vibrator.
If Sex Was A Sport We’d Be Winning Mature, AU, a classic Olympics hookup. 3K. It's remarkable, truly, that Alex didn't even want to be here. He only came all the way to Ariake because June was determined to watch a bunch of prissy ponies strut around to music. Still, perhaps the true Olympic experience lies in the wide variety of disciplines. Or, perhaps, it has something to do with chatting up a pretty blond behind the stables and getting him to show you the inside of an Olympic tack room. As Alex quickly takes to Henry’s sweet smiles and easy confidence, he realizes that just a few stolen moments with this man might turn into his most cherished memory from the Tokyo Olympics.
Alex knows better than to get attached, though. He and Henry live an ocean apart. There’s no way this quick fumble in the stable equivalent of a supply closet could ever lead to anything more. Right?
Talk Dirty To Me Explicit, AU, dom Henry and sub Alex. 9K. Henry studies Nora’s expression for a moment. There’s something about her favourable account of this guy she claims not to want to sleep with again that doesn’t add up. "But you're still not interested in taking him on?"
"He wants more than I'm willing to offer," Nora says frankly. Henry’s always liked this about her—how she doesn’t skirt around the hard facts. It's a part of what makes her so good at dominating. "But you know what? For you, he'd be kind of perfect."
Henry has been active in the local BDSM scene for years and there’s no shortage of men who’d love nothing more than to find themselves at his mercy. But Henry is on a break. He’s not looking for a new partner, but he’s also not expecting to become so intrigued by the man that Nora insists he should meet. Alex is a newcomer on the scene who doesn’t yet know exactly what he wants, much less with who. There’s no way that he could turn out to be exactly who Henry needs. Right?
Date night (please toy with me) Explicit, canon verse, a night out leads to some fun with a toy. 4K. This… this is new. They’ve talked about trying this, about what it’d be like to conceal some of their intimacy in plain sight, about what it would feel like to try and reclaim what is most private to them by flaunting it without anyone even knowing, by daring to take risks again. They’ve agreed that they’d still need to be careful, but they’ve also agreed that it would be interesting. That it would be fun.
And apparently, Henry thinks tonight is the night for it. “Do you trust me, love?”
“Yeah.” Alex swallows. He picks up the box, studying it for a moment. “Do you want… what do you want me to do?”
“I want you to go to the bathroom,” Henry says evenly, “You’ll find everything you need in the box. Then I want you to come back and sit down. Can you do that for me?”
“Yeah. Of course.” Alex taps the box, grinning in Henry’s direction. “I expect we’ll be leaving soon?”
Henry smiles slyly. “If you’re good, yes.”
Ongoing works
Hashtag Soulmates Mature, AU, Henry writes fanfiction. 23K and 7 chapters so far. Alex is perfect and handsome, the golden boy, everybody’s secret crush. So there is absolutely no way that he is the reader who screeches in caps lock every time that Henry posts as much as a drabble. There’s no way. Except Alex just closed his browser fast as fucking lightning, but not before Henry had gotten a good glimpse of the page Alex had open: AO3. ‘Don't Stop Me Now’, Henry’s current wip. The one that Henry literally just updated.
Sweet Jesus. Could it really be?
That... is all! It’s been a productive summer. I’m very excited to continue writing Hashtag Soulmates, and also to start working on a few upcoming First Prince fics that I’m planning on writing. Stay tuned for fics! ♡
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wincestation · 3 years
Text
Wincest in the Pilot (aka my final paper)
2k of academic rambling. I got plenty of help and inspiration from this post and this blog review. Also huge thanks to @s2e11playthings for helping me find the latter. It is me! Essay-anon came out of the shadows!
The first interaction between the two brothers as adults occurs when Dean sneaks into Sam's apartment in the middle of the night. Sam fights the intruder before the latter pins him to the floor, making him realize it's his brother. The first words Dean tells him after not seeing him for two years are, "Easy, tiger." Dean's hand grabs Sam's neck and he smiles broadly at his little brother. As stated in the subsequent dialogue, the reason Dean appears this way is because he knows Sam would not have answered the phone if he had called. Why? the only reason Dean would call (which is also the reason he showed up) is that something happened to their father. Sam knows this, and maybe he didn't care if something really did happen to John. But what if John was the one who called? Maybe then Sam would answer, because he knows that this phone call has a different meaning: something happened to Dean.
Sam and Dean step outside to talk. Sam initially refuses to come with his brother, saying he is done with hunting, with the life that Dean and their father lead. Dean mocks Sam's aspiration for a normal life, perhaps as part of an attempt to persuade Sam to come with him, and return to the life they always shared together. After an argument between the two, involving emotional manipulations on both sides ("It wasn't easy, but it wasn't so bad", Dean dismisses Sam's words; "Do you think Mom would've wanted this for us?" Sam touches on a sensitive point), Dean understands that his brother is not about to give up, and finally reveals the real reason for his arrival:
Dean: I can't do this alone.
Sam: Yes, you can.
Dean: Well, I don't want to.
Dean completely contradicts everything he had said up to this point. In this sentence he expresses an emotional need for Sam, not a practical need. He could have sought out their father alone but chose not to; Maybe he saw the danger to his father's life as a good enough reason for Sam to come back to their lives again. Sam can not remain indifferent to this emotional vulnerability, and agrees to come with him - not because he cares what happens to their father, but because he too, like Dean, needs his brother and does not want to say goodbye to him again.
Sam agrees on one condition: he has an interview on Monday and he must get back on time. Dean agrees. Sam could have offered Dean to sleep on the couch and drive in the morning, or even go after the interview. But he does none of these things, and travels with him at that moment, in the middle of the night, without providing explanations to his girlfriend and without even kissing her goodbye. "At least tell me where you're going?" She calls after him as he leaves, with no answer. This urgency can be interpreted as a concern for the safety of Winchester Sr. but given the relationship between him and Sam, this is probably not the case. Why then is Sam in such a hurry to abandon the life he, allegedly, wants so much? In light of the dialogue between the two brothers the answer seems simple. He missed his brother, and now that he knows this feeling is mutual, he feels he has a good enough reason to leave the "normal" life behind - even if only for one weekend. This confirmation is the real reason he's arguing with his brother. The dialogue between them, according to this interpretation, is full of subtext:
Dean: I will not go until you come with me, or kick me out of your life forever.
Sam: If you want me to come, you need to tell me what I need to hear.
Dean: Don't make me say it out loud.
The two set out to find their father. After research, Sam and Dean discover that the monster of the week is a "woman in white" - a ghost that kills unfaithful men. Later in the episode, the ghost tries to attack Sam, who tells her she can't hurt him, because "I'm not unfaithful, I never was." She replies, "You will be." The hegemonic interpretation, presumably meant by the creators of the series, is that Sam is about to cheat on Jessica with the murderous ghost (with or without his consent). But Sam being targeted can be interpreted in another way. Is he going to betray his girlfriend by wanting to return to the life he shared with Dean and their father? Or even, can it be said that he did not betray her, but his brother, by leaving the family and trying to live a "normal" life with a woman?
The scene on the bridge, in which another confrontation takes place between Sam and Dean, can also be interpreted in two ways. Sam says, half in mockery and half in pity, "Mom is dead, and nothing will bring her back." Dean, in a fit of rage, grabs his brother and slams him at one of the bridge poles. "Don't you dare talk about her like that." This is of course one meaning of things. Another meaning could be, "Dean, I moved on, and nothing will bring me back." To this Dean responds in the only way he knows, "don't you dare not give up on me like that." Throughout the episode, and in this scene in particular, Dean repeatedly mocks Sam's choice to leave college - "Do you really think you're going to become a lawyer? Marry your girl?" - And this ridicule can stem from jealousy over the seemingly perfect and normal life that Sam managed to achieve, but at its core is another jealousy: Sam chose this life over a life with him.
The series hit screens in 2005. About two months after the premiere of the first episode, a blog review titled "Supermatural is Supergay" was published. The author described the series as follows:
It’s like the Hardy Boys, only gayer. I love the awkward sexual tension between the brothers. […] So Dean is the super control freak “top”. He has to be driving at all times. […] Sam rides in the passenger seat. He’s the soft spoken bottom boy, always staring out the window in this deep, dreamy state of mind. No idea what the hell he’s thinking about, but I suspect he is wondering where this relationship is going, and if Dean will ever say “I love you”.
Wait a minute… don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about incest here. See, that's the backstory. They are not really brothers. They are secret lovers, hiding their dirty affair. So they pretend to be brothers so nobody questions why they are together 24/7, why they share a bed. […] Throughout the episodes, they give each other hot glances. It’s never part of the dialogue, they just look like they will rip each other’s clothes off at any given moment. […]
UPDATE: On last Tuesday's episode, "Bugs", they were mistaken for a gay couple and then pretended to be a gay couple in the next scene. See, I told you they are gay guys pretending to be brothers. You heard it here first.
Although the writer was wrong in his assumption - Sam and Dean are indeed brothers - he makes a claim that will receive many reinforcements from the fans. There is a certain tension between the two characters, a codependence bordering on desperation that often later in the show will cause them to take extreme steps to keep each other safe. The brothers' love borders on obsession, which caused many fans to agree with the blogger's opinion - just a week after the first episode was aired, the first online community dedicated to the romantic relationship between the two brothers already opened (sn_slash, or Supernatural Slash, "for all your brotherly needs"). It is difficult to say whether the homoerotic clues came from the creators and were picked up by the audience, or whether the audience interpreted the show as he wished and the creators decided to satisfy their desires, but throughout the series there is recognition of the two's special relationship: In "Bugs" [1x08], everyone is convinced they are a couple and they continue the pretense; In later seasons, the brothers discover that books are being written about their lives, and that many fans of these books are convinced they are a couple (in "The Real Ghostbusters" [5x09] in the Supernatural convention, there is a panel called "The Homoerotic Undertones in Supernatural"); And many of the characters in the series, even those who know about the two being brothers, describe their relationship as one of codependence, blind and absolute love, for which they often sacrifice the entire world ("Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other", [5x19] "The point of no return").
Did the creators not understand that this is the message they are transmitting? It is hard to believe that they were unanimous on the subject, especially in light of all the reflexive references they themselves have planted in the show. If so, what could be their reason for engaging in a relationship that is fundamentally unnatural, perverse and forbidden, socially and often legally? This can be explained with the help of another issue - that of the exclusion of LGBTQ+ relationships from the public sphere and the lack of legitimacy for their visibility. Supernatural hit the screens in 2005, a time that may not seem so long ago, but its gay visibility is still lacking, and in which there was still no legitimacy to present a proud couple in popular culture. Maybe, as the blogger suggested in his review, the creators genuinely wanted to create a series that would center around love between two men, but felt that the world was not ready to see that content explicitly. After all, it was only a few decades ago that homosexuality was also perceived as unnatural, perverse and forbidden. Maybe acknowledging that, the creators chose to turn Sam and Dean into brothers, as if to reassure the conservatives: of course they are not just two men who are together at any given moment, staring at each other longingly and willing to sacrifice the whole world just so they won't be left without each other. That could be interpreted as homosexuality - and beyond the harsh criticism, such TV series simply wouldn't survive (or at least, that is how the creators may have felt at the time). And if some of the fans understood the true meaning in which the creators wanted engage, well, that was not in their hands.
To sum up, it is difficult to argue that this relationship is characterized as purely platonic. Even if the creators did not intend to create such an impression already in the first episode, they were aware of this impression and included explicit references to this unusual relationship. Although only an analysis of the first episode was conducted here, throughout the entire series there are unequivocal statements that support this assumption (some of which I mentioned above, but most of which have been omitted). And perhaps there is no need for many words beyond those uttered by the brothers themselves, for the first time in the pilot, and for the last time in the finale ("Carry on" [15x20]), before they said goodbye to each other for the last time: "I can't do this alone. I don't want to."
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thomotomo · 3 years
Text
Through everything pt.2
A/N: Here’s the part 2 of my Nmajoon x male Reader story! I hope you will enjoy it! Shoutout to @ben-c0c​ who beta read this part and corrected all my shit  (*¯ ³¯*)♡
Words: 2.5k
CW // Talk about stalks and sasaengs
Part 1
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Namjoon held your hand during the whole escalator trip and you tried to calm yourself down by singing some random song’s lyrics or trying to concentrate on the warm feeling of Namjoon’s hand holding yours but nothing seemed to do it and before you knew it you were at the desired floor.
As the doors opened you saw a muscular man was waiting for the doors to open, he was looking at his phone and looked up as the doors opened. Namjoon took the first step, still holding your hand and you had no choice but follow him.
“Manager-nim! Hello! Sejin meet (Y/N), (Y/N) this is Sejin our manager!”
You smiled at him, bowing a little bit.
“Nice to finally meet you! Namjoon talks quite often about you!”
“I can’t say the same but nice to meet you anyway!”, he put on a friendly smile, even though you could feel that he was tense and you could easily understand why. If you were going to proceed announcing your relationship the company could be in very deep shit. You pushed those thoughts away, concentrating on your boyfriend and his manager discussing.
“You’re going to meet the members and then we’ll go see the CEO and the PR so we can discuss this!”
“Fine by me! Even though I don’t have much choice.”
He laughed gently and you followed Namjoon and Sejin to where the other members were in a big room, discussing about anything and everything. You were quite intimidated when they all looked at you as you walked in the room. You flushed and put your head down, looking at your feet. You heard Sejin talking to the members, quickly explaining the situation to them and what was about to happen. The members stood up and came toward you, smiling warmly and you were standing there awkwardly.
“H-Hello… It’s nice to finally meet you”, you waved at them, trying not to avert your eyes from them.
“Hi! Nice to meet you! Namjoon talked so much about you!”, it was Jimin who talked first as he extended his hand towards you. You took it and smiled at him, you were happy they seemed to like you too. You were scared that they wouldn’t like you because you could cause the “downfall” of their group, but they seemed genuinely happy to meet you.
Each of the members went to shake your hands, as you grinned, feeling more at ease with each minute passing. All of you then moved, discussing with them stories about Namjoon or learning about each of your lives (both yours and the members’). You kept discussing until Sejin told you it was time for the meeting with the CEO and PR representatives.
You let out a shaky breath, trying to appear not too worried but Yoongi seemed to notice it and he came to give you a hug, surprising you.
“It’s going to be okay! I’m sure everything will go alright!”, he grinned at you, doing thumbs up too, making you laugh gently.
The other boy wished you good luck and tried to reassure you gently. Namjoon took your hand in his, smiling gently at you, tugging you to follow Sejin to the office where all the important representatives were waiting for you. After what seemed a walk through an endless corridor, Sejin knocked at a door and entered first then let both of you in.
Before stepping in, Namjoon kissed your cheeks, whispering a “love you” before entering the room. It was plain grey, with big cabinets filled with paper works, probably all the cases they had to “resolve” or hide from the public. In the middle of this oppressing place was a big desk where Lenzo Yoon sat, the CEO for business; you supposed that your relationship was business considering he was the one meeting both of you. Next to him 3 people were present, two women and a man who looked at you as you walked in.
You repressed a shudder, the atmosphere in this office was really negative and if it wasn’t for Namjoon, you would have run away. Lenzo greeted you in a professional manner and you did the same, smiling a bit. All the PR representatives presented themselves and you took a seat in front of them. The woman at his right was Kwak Joo-Ho, the man at her right was Park Yong-Nam and the other woman at the left of the CEO was Sohn Eunseo.
You were very antsy and probably appeared as a nervous wreck despite trying not to appear this way. You were sweating profusely, your shirt was sticking to your back and your hands were shaking, but you kept trying to calm yourself, thinking about good thoughts and fluffy memories with Namjoon.
“So, I’ve been made aware of why Namjoon had requested a meeting with me and the PR team. I guess you’re his boyfriend right?”, Lenzo Yoon spoke first, a serious look on his face.
“Y-Yes it’s me.” You croaked, your throat dry because of the stress.
“From what he told us, you’ve been dating for a good while, 7 years if I’m correct and that he wanted to announce your relationship to everyone and that you were absolutely sure about that.”
“That’s right sir.”, it was Namjoon’s turn to respond affirmatively.
“Alright. I’ll let Ms.Kwak Ho-Joo talk to you about our thoughts on it and how we could do that announcement.”, he moved his hand towards a woman with her hair put in a bun. She nodded and looked at you, opening a file.
“So, I’m sure Namjoon had talked to you about it already but the medias are going to want to know everything about you, they’ll search any kind of social medias where you are, know that sasaengs will look for you too, they’re going to invade your private space and probably follow you and try to get all of your personal info, like phone number, private email, workplace etc. We’re going to need you to not do any public declarations that could be detrimental to the group like their private information, so you’re going to have to sign a non-disclosing agreement to ensure that.”, she slid a paper across the table to you.
Truth to be told you were a bit hurt that they thought you would publicly release their info but you understood why they did that, after all they were often chased by sasaengs and some of them even already had their private information. You read the contract carefully, not wanting to miss any info and you took the pen that was slided to you and signed at the bottom of each page before giving everything back to Ho-Joo. She put the contract back inside the file and continued.
“About the press and the sasaengs, you might want to put your online account such as twitter and Instagram in private to avoid any hate comments that could arrive to you, and to stop them from maybe digging up some things that you aren’t comfortable with sharing publicly.” You nodded at that, it only made sense, after all you didn’t want to get a flood of hate, same for your friends and family.
“Also, to announce your relationship it won’t be a press conference but we’re going to do a lengthy post about your relationship and post it on all of the company’s social media. We’re going to have to redact it with both of you, even though we already have an idea of what to write we will need your approval for some things.”
You nodded as she explained that. You got a lot of information at once  but it was only fair, considering what could happen in the minutes or hours following the statement, you also didn’t want to reveal more than necessary about you. You were realistic, surely you would get a ton of hate, after all BTS was one of the biggest bands of its time so it was only obvious you’d get hated on, but you knew that some people would support you too and be understanding.
Park Young-Nam pulled out a computer, you guessed it was to redact the statement. You felt Namjoon’s hand on your thigh and you looked at him, a bit surprised, he smiled at you and you felt a boost of serotonin as you looked at his dimpled smile. He never stopped to make you feel at ease even in a nervous-wrecking situation as this one and you took his hand in yours and tangled your fingers together.
You stayed around an hour in the office, writing the lengthy statement about your relationship, then they recommended you not to leave the building already, not that you were planning to, considering the bomb you would have just dropped for the whole world to see, and other recommendations about how to act and react to hate.
After everything was said, they told you that they would publish the statement in roughly ten minutes and that both of you could go back with the other members. You bid them goodbye and Sejin accompanied you back to the apartment where the other members still were. You quickly went on your phone, being careful of privating all of your accounts just like they told you, you almost forgot about it but luckily you did it before it was too late.
You sat on the couch with a sigh, and so did Namjoon. Taehyung was looking at you a bit worried, your hands were visibly shaking and it didn’t seem to want to stop anytime soon. He went and brought you a glass of water, which you accepted and drank in one go.
“Do you feel a bit better?”
“Yes, t-thanks a lot.”
“It’s okay. Do you want to play to keep your mind off it?”
“Yes that would be awesome, please.”, he grinned at you and turned on the Xbox and gave you a controller.
“Do you like Overwatch?”
“I don’t play it as much as before but yes I really like it.”
“Great! Let’s play it then, does that work for you?”
“Absolutely! Though I’m not very good anymore.”, both of you chuckled and kept discussing about the game as he turned it on. Soon you were joined by Jin and Jungkook who discussed with you about the game and did a pretty good job at keeping your mind out of the current mess on social media.
Meanwhile RM observed the four of you and he felt his heart singing at the sight of you being in great terms with the other members, but he couldn’t help but be worried about all the mess the announcement was going to create, you weren’t used to all the attention, well a little bit considering your job as a tattoo artist you had to have a public social media, but not of this magnitude.
Yoongi shook him out of his thoughts, putting his hands on his shoulder.
“You okay Nam?”, he looked pretty worried about him, honestly he could understand.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m really scared for him. And for us too obviously.”
“You know, both of you overcame a lot of things. Not everyone could date an idol for so long even if he was one, you’re also still together even with the distance and the time zones. I wouldn’t worry much, as long as you communicate, nothing wrong should happen. And don’t worry about us either, we’re big boys. If they can’t accept you being happily in love well they don’t deserve you.”, Yoongi smiled at him, trying to cheer him up. Namjoon’s lips rose a bit as he nodded.
“You’re right. But I really can’t help it, some people are wild, I’m scared they find his address and go and harass him in his own country too.”, he sighed in frustration. He hated knowing that some people weren’t able to respect the boundaries of public figures, even his parents weren’t sometimes immune to being followed by horrible people who wanted dirt on him or them.
“I understand but honestly, I’m not worried. You’ll get your happy ending with him, I’m sure about it. Come on let’s try to keep our minds off that. You should be happy it’s a respectable fine man you got there”
“You’re acting like an old man Yoongi, I didn’t know you were 50 years old.”, Namjoon chuckled, gently hitting his bandmate’s shoulder.
Yoongi chuckled too and they both stayed here looking at the other members and (Y/N) bantering about which character was the best in Overwatch. He observed your face, as cliché as it was, you were laughing at something Jin had said and Namjoon could swore you were lighting up the whole room with that blinding smile.
At the same moment a mess was created on Twitter and on every other social media where BigHit had published the announcement of the relationship. Namjoon’s phone didn’t stop vibrating and so did the other member’s (they were all logged on the BTS’ official accounts so obviously people were trying to get answers here too) but they all ignored it, in favour of turning it silent.
Obviously their next promotions weren’t going to be quiet so they would like to enjoy some calm. You all had fun for a good while until it was noon. You decided to order food and Namjoon used this time to call his parents, telling them both of you would sleep in the dorm that night (probably for the better at the moment).
The eight of you ate the food, discussing, and you were engrossed in a conversation with Jungkook and Jimin about tattoos. You showed them the big ass tattoos you had on your legs and talked about the others you had on your torso and they showed theirs too.
All in all, you were having a pretty good time with the members, until the inevitable moment where everyone didn’t really know what to say anymore and were just chilling. You were used to checking your phone and you shakily reached for it, looking at all the notifications you got. It seemed that some people found your personal Instagram account really quick and you already had a ton of notifications by people requesting to follow you. You were even @/ by some of them in their publications, some hateful, some pretty wholesome.
Same went for your tattoo shop account, you got a lot of followers and an alarmingly quickly growing number of comments under your last tattoo picture. You sighed tiredly and decided not to deal with it right now and closed the application in favour of playing a game. Namjoon looked at you and put his arm around you and kissed your cheek a few times earning a “Ewww” from Yoongi, whose eyes were shining with mirth as he did that.
You stuck your tongue out to him and went back to cuddle into Namjoon’s side, trying to ignore the growing number of comments and requests. You could feel your anxiety growing and just like earlier, your back was sticking to your shirt and you wished the situation wouldn’t be as scary as it actually was.
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A/N: Hope you enoyed this part 2! Don’t hesitate to leave feedbacks and reblog! You can also support my writing on my Kofi ! Take care  (つ≧▽≦)つ
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mydramaspace · 3 years
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Part 3: "Are you really that oblivious?" In which everything floods out into the open.
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If you're new here, you can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here! :')
Part 3. Posted on 7 May 2021.
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Sometimes, you feel like your entire life is going to be a series of duck-and-hides from people you know. Because that is what you have been doing ever since you ran out from the cafeteria a week ago when you saw Joo Hyuk looking at you. Min Hyuk has been trying to contact you everyday, but you've ignored every single one of his texts and calls, and have hardly left your room. Yes, it is unhealthy to eat only slices of bread for breakfast, lunch and dinner each day but desperate times call for desperate measures and you know for sure there has been no person more desperate than you for a while now. But today, you will have to step out. You will have to brave the world, and confront anything that needs confrontation. But that's okay, you've got a solution for that: headphones, loud music, and power walking. No one would dare approach you if they couldn't see you power walk your way past them. One can only catch you if they see you, haha!
Even as you step out into the street, you know your plan is the stupidest thing you've ever thought of, and you've done many stupid things, including but not limited to thinking fuck meant a variety of fish. You duck your head, put on the most fast-paced music you have and begin your walk of shame to the administrative office to drop off your test results. Walk of shame indeed, your answers on that test will be enough to give your examiner second-hand embarrassment for most of his life.
Your mind must be playing tricks on you because everywhere you look, you keep seeing Joo Hyuk. Or so you think, because it is never actually him. He wears a lot of the same fandom shirts for some game that a lot of boys at your university wear too. Capitalism has really made life difficult for everyone on the planet, and you finally agree with every anti-capitalist argument you've heard till date. Capitalism is making it difficult for you to walk a few meters without flinching every time you see a t-shirt that reminds you of Joo Hyuk. You're so busy keeping an eye out for him, you forget about the other annoying brat who's on your tail. Min Hyuk.
And Min Hyuk grabs your hoodie and drags you all the way to the classroom upstairs. You struggle, throw a tantrum, almost like you're crying for your life because who knows what sort of nonsensical things he's gonna feed into your mind at this point. You resist until he lets you go in front of the classroom, both of you breathing hard, and whack him on his head. Hard. "Ow! That almost makes me regret helping him." Min Hyuk glares at you. "Help? Help who?"
"Why don't you find out genius?" You shoot a dirty look at him and walk into the classroom, only to come to a dead halt. Joo Hyuk is standing there, his back to you, and on the board in front of him, is a graph and many many equations. A laugh strangles its way out of you, and then you're laughing loudly, clutching your stomach. For a moment there you thought, no, you hoped, he was going to confess that he likes you. Foolish foolish thought, Y/n. Min Hyuk must have snitched to him that you're struggling with your Statistics revision, and being the good best friend he is, Joo Hyuk has stepped forward to help.
You are so embarrassed, you want to fling yourself off the cliff that is a few kilometers away from your campus.
Joo Hyuk jumps, startled by your laugh. When his eyes land on you, his entire body relaxes, and you realize how painfully him that gesture is. Well that is what best friends are like around each other right? Completely at ease. That's what your mind is saying, the logical, rational way of thinking. The way that will not end up in you hoping for something more, then being disappointed and then crying yourself to sleep again. But your heart...you heart is saying something else entirely.
"You're here!" It's as if his entire being lights up on seeing your awkward wave and he excitedly grabs you by the shoulders and pushes you to stand in front of the board where all the equations begin. You know, I'm really not in the mood for stats now, of all times. Maybe you should say it out loud. Maybe you should tell him, for once, and safeguard yourself from the hurt you know is going to consume you the minute you realize it's not the confession that your heart is hoping for.
"Joo Hyuk I-" your sentence is cut off when you realize how close Joo Hyuk is standing to you. Your back is almost touching his chest, and you can feel the heat emanating from his gray sweatshirt, smell that ocean-scented detergent he always uses on his clothes, and feel the hairs rising on your hand, your ears going red, and the throbbing of your heart. You can see the smudges of chalk dust all over his face, and the lights overhead sparkle in his eyes like star dust. And his eyes are on you. "You what, Y/n?"
"I-" Words seem to have fled your mind.
"You can tell me later. First, take a look at the board."
"I'm not in the mood for a math lesson, y'know?"
"Okay, but it's not a math lesson."
You cut a quick glance to the board and scoff. There are plus and minus symbols all over the place, and similarity indexes scribbled hastily alongside a graph chart. "Okay fine, it's a stats lesson. But I'm not in the mood for that either."
"Really? Did you take a proper look at the first equation?" You roll your eyes but take a look, curiosity stemming through you. "The mode equation?" You wonder out loud, and Joo Hyuk voices an affirmation, and that's when you feel the warmth spreading all over your arm. You turn sharply, to see his hand over yours, a piece of chalk tucked into your fingers. You look at him, hardly breathing, hardly hoping because these things only happen in fiction. How can this be happening to you? No, he's just helping you out that's all. Nothing more. Nothing-
"Look at it properly, Y/n, please." He guides your hand to the equation, the feel of his rough calloused palm against the back of your hand sending shivers running through you. "See what it says?"
All sense, all coherency, all your English words have deserted you when you most need them. "The what now?" And he laughs looking at your expression, and its a laugh that rumbles through his chest into you like a physical hug of comfort and you want to wallow in it forever, you don't want this moment to ever end. "The formula for the mode of my thoughts."
That snaps you back. The mode of his...thoughts?
"Your thoughts?"
You've never been so grateful that he's taller than you. Because this, standing with him, feels like heaven. And even if he never confesses to you, you'll take the memory of this to your grave, relive it a hundred times in life and even more so in death. So much more that you're determined to be called the ghost of reliving in whichever place all people go to after they die.
Joo Hyuk's laughter gets happier, and you slap your free palm across your mouth, horrified that you said all that out loud. "But, Y/n, I am confessing. Or at least I'm trying to, but you're not cooperating." He grins at you like everything is alright in the world, like he hasn't just dropped a verbal atomic bomb on you just now.
"You're what?"
He pulls you gently to the graph, one hand still enclosed around your hand with the chalk pressing into your palm. You clutch it tighter, almost unable to believe that this is actually happening. "Take a look." he lets go and steps back, and you step back too, almost in reflex, to get a good look.
And your breath leaves you in one breath.
Because on the graph, you see your name multiple times. "Wait, you do know what mode is right?" Joo Hyuk sounds panicked, and you would have smacked him if you weren't so inexplicably happy right now.
"Yes. The element that is repeated the most number of times. So if this is a mode of your thoughts..."
"It means I think of you the most every day of the week, every hour of the day, most of the minutes of the hour, because I do spend some minutes thinking of when to do my laundry sometimes and then I need to think of feeding my dog and I-"
You don't let him finish the sentence and fling yourself at him, enveloping him a tight hug. "You're such a dork." Your voice is all wavy because of the emotions threatening to consume you. Happiness, surprise, happiness, surprise, love. "Is that in a good way or a bad way?"
"What do you think?" You demand, unable to believe how oblivious he's being.
"Well, about 50% of researches online say it's a negative connotation, and the remaining 50 are divided in their results and I don't know which one I believe frankly because most of their data is skewed and their data sets rarely match the published-"
"Oh my god, it's a good thing you dork!" You press your lips to his, effectively silencing him. It takes him a good moment to kiss you back, but when he does, it's enough to make the world slip beneath your feet.
But that's okay because he grabs onto you, and you're very sure you will not be letting go of him too. And in the corner of the board, in the teeniest letters ever possible are the words I see sparks fly, whenever you smile.
xxxxxxxx
A/n: I had the biggest grin on my face while I was writing, cause ahhhhh these two nerds <3
Hope you liked this haha!
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What they call home pt. 4|7 - Underlying feelings [Sirius Black x Reader]
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Title: What they call home pt. 4|7 - Underlying feelings Pairing: Post Azkaban!Sirius Black x Female!Lestrange!Reader Word count: 1.5k Published: 12 November, 2020 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: This was written for @wand3ringr0s3​ ‘s writing challenge and also for a request I have received on Wattpad. It was supposed to be a one shot, but it turned into a series somehow. I have been getting carried away these days.
Disclaimer: I have dug myself very deep into the Black and Lestrange family just to make sure that there were no incest in the story. I went back 300 years, until 1700 and I can confirm Blacks have not been related to the Lestranges, except Bellatrix Lestrange (nee Black) marrying Rodolphus Lestrange around 1968-70, pre-Wizarding War I. 
Harry Potter Characters Masterlist | Masterlists
What they call home Masterlist 
If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3
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Weeks passed by and Sirius and you started to warm up to each other. You still liked to rile each other up, but it has become more comical than annoying and you slowly started enjoy his company more and more.
As the order meeting of the day finished, you sat down with some of the members for a team building dinner to quote Albus. You have considered leaving and spending the rest of the night in your room, the suspicious gazes giving you a chill, but as soon as you headed out of the dining room, Sirius got hold of your wrist and stopped you.
“Stay.” He spoke, the room quieting down around you. You looked at the man as a small, inviting smile spread across his face, your heart taking on a faster pace, your wrist heating up where he held onto you.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” You breathed as you finally ripped your eyes away from the man and looked around the room. Albus was more than happy with your presence, whilst Molly gave you an apologetic, but approving look, her husband Arthur offering you a sweet smile. Nymphadora seemed a bit sceptical, but you could see she wasn’t against you joining them whilst Remus didn’t seem to mind as he has gotten used to your presence. However, Mundungus Fletcher, Kingsley Shacklebolt and Sturgis Podmore looked as though they wished you to disappear even from planet earth.
“Come, dear join us.” Molly quipped in as she placed another batch of cutlery and plates on the table right beside Sirius’ spot and from across her. You looked up at Sirius one more time in anticipation of an unspoken confirmation. He nodded and placed a hand behind your back, leading you forward, right beside the head of the table.
You tried to ignore how his proximity affected you, how his long fingers spread across your back caused tiny goosebumps to appear on your arms and neck, how his silent whisper of “It’s going to be fine” reassured you more than you wished it had.
You took a seat beside him and as everyone started eating an uncomfortable silence fell on the group of people, the only noise audible came from the cutleries and loud chewing.
However, the silence didn’t last long. People slowly fell into a conversation with each other. You overheard them mentioning something about an upcoming mission, but you couldn’t pay attention as Molly has averted your attention from the subject.
“My dear, how have you been feeling in this lovely house?” Molly said in a mocking tone from Sirius’ other side, which earned a rather annoyed groan from him. He didn’t necessarily have the best memories of the place, but it was still a home to him. You chuckled at his reaction, before you replied to Molly.
“I have been enjoying my time here to be honest.” You nodded as you took a spoonful of soup from your plate.
“I’m hoping Sirius hasn’t been causing you much trouble?” She asked as she sent a cheeky wink towards you.
“Well, he isn’t as insufferable as before, but still fairly annoying.” You replied matter-of-factly.
“I’m right here, don’t mind me.” Sirius shook his head as he took a bite of his chicken.
“We clearly don’t mind, Sirius.” You retorted with a soft giggle, which earned an eye roll from the man, but he couldn’t stop the soft smile from spreading across his face.
“Sirius, huh? Are we on a first name basis now?” He chuckled.
“Would you like me to call you Black?” You asked, but he quickly shook his head. “Then hush.” You giggled lightly, your eyes darting back to Molly.
“I’m glad you are getting along. I remember the first day you arrived, you were about to jump at each other’s throats.” She chuckled at the memory.
“I still feel like jumping at him on occasions.” You giggled, but it quickly died down as Sirius leaned closer, his lips brushing your ear, your face heating up at the proximity.
“Or on me.” He whispered. You felt your face burn under his seductive words, your heartbeat quickening in your ribcage as the air stuck in your lungs.
“Khm.” You cleared your throat, but no words left your lips. They just didn’t seem to want to come.
“Cat got your tongue, darling?” He teased, his breath beside your neck making you shiver. You were beyond flustered, you didn’t know how to react, so you chose the best option you knew. Pain. You quickly stepped on his foot under the table, causing the man to whine in pain. The table fell silent at the unexpected sound leaving the man’s lungs, but you wore the most innocent expression you could muster. “Why did you do that?” he asked, but you just shook your head.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You shrugged with an innocent smile painted across your face. You turned towards Molly to continue your conversation, but the woman wore a playful grin and a suspicious gaze as she studied you and Sirius with her knowing eyes.
Sirius sent a deadly stare towards you, but you didn’t mind. You smiled innocently and continued the dinner as if nothing happened. But inside, inside you were craving more from him, to be closer to him, to be able to touch him. You knew you shouldn’t have such thoughts of him, but you couldn’t control the way you felt around him, the thoughts his mere presence caused you to have.
You didn’t want to think of the thoughts you had, but you couldn’t get them out of your head. How your hand would get lost in his big palm, how his growing stubble would feel against your skin, how his kiss would taste on your lips. You knew you were not supposed to have these thoughts, but you couldn’t control your curiosity.
The dinner didn’t last long, the order members disappeared quicker than you expected. Sirius has already gone up to his room, leaving you to walk the rest of the members, Arthur and Molly Weasley towards the exit.
“Could you please wait for me outside?” Molly asked her husband and whilst both Arthur and you were confused by the woman, he did as he was told and stepped outside.
“Is everything okay?” You asked the woman as you have been left alone and she let out a single laugh.
“Of course, dear. I was just wondering how long it has been going on.” Molly watched you with the most curious gaze you have ever seen from her.
“I’m sorry, but you are going to have to give me more details.” You stared at her in surprise.
“Oh hush, darling. You know exactly what I mean.” She gave you a knowing look, but you were still confused and perhaps Molly realised it too as she finally continued. “I meant you and Sirius.” Your eyes widened in surprise at her unexpected words.
“Molly, I think you misunderstood something. There is nothing between us.” You quickly shook your head and lifted your hands, waving them in front of you, gesturing your innocence. She frowned as she watched your panicked expression, knowing full well that you were honest with her.
“Are you trying to tell me that my eyes have lied to me?” She questioned with a sceptical look. “That you don’t have feelings for him?” You wanted to deny it, you wanted to tell her that her eyes have misled her, but how could you. You would have lied to yourself if you said you didn’t see something in the man, that you didn’t feel like you needed to be around him, that his presence didn’t affect you in ways no one ever had.
Molly always had an eye for couples, one could call it a sixth sense, but for her it was second nature. She was a good observer and when people were obvious, she didn’t even have to take a second glance at them to understand the underlying feelings.
“Was I that obvious?” You asked as you let your head fall forward in defeat.
“Both of you were.” She giggled softly. Your eyes shot up as a playful glint appeared in Molly’s. Your lips parted involuntarily, the information surprising you. You hoped all along that it wasn’t just you who felt the connection between you, the little spark ready to ignite the fire within you. “If there’s any progression, I’m still only an owl away, waiting eagerly.” She chuckled, which made you grin as you awkwardly scratched the back of your neck.
“We will see, Molly. We will see.” You replied, trying not to jinx your luck.
You waved goodbye to the Weasleys before you walked up the stairs and started off to your room. Each time you headed to your temporary accommodation, which slowly started to feel more and more like home, you passed Sirius’ room in the hallway. This was no different. You couldn’t stop yourself from halting for a moment, placing your hand on the door as if you could feel him closer to you.
You weren’t sure how right Molly was, but you were hoping that her eyes were truly seeing something blossom between you and Sirius. You couldn’t deny how much you needed him, how much you wanted him, and you were wishing nothing more, but to feel him close to you and for your feelings to be reciprocated.
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hacked-by-jake · 3 years
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Hey Ho! :D
You will always find this post in my blog description.🥰
(Well, since there’s not really much information about me, here’s a post of things you’ve been interested in and some facts about me.)
(Thanks to the Anon for the motivation to do this here! <3)
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So, Hi! You can call me HBJ! I don’t want to mention my real name and age here. 😁
I started publishing my fanfictions here on Tumblr a little over a year ago and haven’t left since. xD
My mother tongue is not English, I am from Germany. So if you find some mistakes, please excuse it, I’m doing my best and still learning. <3
I honestly have no idea what to write here so, have fun, if anyone reads through this here. 😂 At least that’s a little bit of me. :D
>The Ask Box is always open. So feel free to ask a question if you are interested (but I want to warn you, I am not answering everything, but I will let you know in this case) < <3
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Let's start! ❤️🌹🎭
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First of all 10 Random Facts about me. This was asked by an anon. Here is the original post.
I’m a giant nerd, there’s no place in my room that’s not full of merchandise.
I prefer to read stories that are self-published, for example here on Tumblr or on other sites, rather than real books.
I have a problem with jackets, I have tons of them.
I usually dye my hair according to the colors of characters I like.It all started with green/purple - because of the Joker. And the last color I have at the moment is all green because of Joker / Loki from Marvel (Oups)
Almost all tattoos I have are about fictional characters (also Oups)
No one, really nobody knows what books/stories I read because that’s something very private to me.
I listen to music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Also, it’s hard for me / I don’t like to talk about the music I listen to because this is very intimate for me for some reason.
When I watch a series, it’s at least 2 times behind each other, sometimes more often. But never just once.
Films that I watch for the first time and that excite me, I watch every second that I have time. When the movie is over, I start again unless there are several parts. But then I always watch my favorite one 500 times.
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Random questions from you.
(Asked by @procrastinatingrobin) -One place that you'd like to travel at least once in your life?
---- One of my biggest wishes is (what a cliché xD) New York. For example the “Joker Stairs”, which is one of my biggest dreams. *-*
I would love to travel to a lot of locations from my favorite movies/series.🤭
America in general is a dream for me (a German potato 😂😅).
But there are so many beautiful places to which I want to go. For example, I would love to travel to Tenerife. I know someone who lives there and every time I see pictures I get very jealous. xD
Unfortunately, I’m incredibly afraid of flying, so if that doesn’t improve, I’ll never get anywhere near these places.😫😂😂
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(Asked by Anon) How many tattoos do you have?😄
I love tattoo questions. 😂🤭At the moment I have eleven tattoos🥰
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(Asked by Anon) -What's your favorite animal?
Hmmm I don’t really know, I think they are dogs because I have a dog now. *-* But to be honest, turtles are so cool.🤔 My brother has a turtle named: Schiggy (based on Pokémon)🤭
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(Asked by Anon) -The stupidest thing that ever happened to you?
Ohhh hahaha there I have something good!😅Story Time with Hbj xD
Okay: As some might know, I’m a big fan of The Joker by DC.🃏Well, in 2019, the Joker movie with Joaquin Phoenix came to the cinemas and I was at the cinema premiere with my best friend. And the movie was absolutely amazing. I really wanted to watch the movie again..Aaaaand I was lucky because my best friend’s boyfriend also wanted to see the movie in the cinema so I went back to the cinema 5 days later to watch the movie again. I was so excited and so extremely happy that I trembled and could not stand still. xD And for these two reasons, I accidentally dropped my not really old phone. It just fell straight down on the stones in front of the cinema and the display was completely broken..Well, what can I say? I needed a new one.. 😂😅But the movie was still fantastic!😍🤭This is actually one of the stupidest things that ever happened to me. xD
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(Asked by @kyras-things) What are the little things that make your day happiest?
Oh that’s a really nice question! *-*Well, I have really little things that can make me happy. :)-It is enough for me when I wake up tomorrow and see my merchandise shelf😅 (This is right in front of my bed)This is for most something really small but for me really great and makes me happy. <3Other things are music, stroking my dog, messages on my phone, my hair color, my tattoos, when the sun is shining in the morning, coffee, riding longboard and of course (yes this is my absolute serious and not only so therefore said) tumblr and thus at the same time Duskwood. 💕I think these are the most important things. 🤭All I need is to see something that matters to me.😅🥰
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(Asked by @leetjep) Seriously....Do you ever sleep?
Very rarely😂 Last time I slept was in fall.😂
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(Asked by Anon) Ios or android?
Only related to the phone: Android.Yes, I stand by it!😂
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(Asked by @booklover-01040) Hello!I was wondering have you got any paranormal or creepy experiences? If no, then a nightmare that you will never forget.
Hey Ho! In fact, I haven’t experienced any paranormal things. Which is probably also because I don’t believe in that and I’ve found a rational cause for everything so far. (Important: I don’t believe in it, but I don’t say it doesn’t exist, I don’t want anyone to feel attacked)
And a nightmare I’ll never forget? In fact, I can’t think of any one. There’s a dream I’ve have since I was a kid: It’s about two little wolves trying to eat me. xD And I can even tell where that came from.
The movie to blame for this is: Twilight xD
Yep… When I first watched this movie, I was way too young, and as a child I was always very anxious. Just such things and horror movies in general were terrible for me (today it is actually no longer so) (Even the dream is no longer bad today and yet it has a bitter aftertaste of childhood.)
In any case, I was much too young and that did not let me go back then. xD But a really unsettling dream I had was: Well.. Do you know the Pink Panther? 😂
I once dreamed that the Panther “chased” me through an endless long corridor. It was an endless corridor in pink with countless doors. He sang the theme song and threw clocks at me…😅 And that went on all night until I woke up.
(This, by the way, had a trigger too. A German song (the rapper only took the melody of the title music and wrote his own lyrics. The text isn’t really cool though and that’s the reason)
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(Asked by @dreamer-writer-fangirl) What color is your hair?
Well, at the moment my hair is green🤭
Check HERE and HERE for pictures.
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(Asked by Anon) Is your brother younger or older than you?🤗
My brother is older than me.🥰
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(Asked by Anon) Do you have a nickname?
Yes, actually I have one. I can even say it because it has nothing to do with my real name. :D But please don’t laugh at me. 😂Well, I have the loving nickname: Little Onion. yep…My mom gave me that name for some reasons. 😂
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(Asked by Anon) some information about your dancing?😄 you mentioned it a few days ago💃
Yeah, well, I danced for 13 years, in different groups, also several groups at the same time. :D It was the hip hop/breakdance direction. But at some point I stopped because I didn’t enjoy it in the groups anymore and time was getting tighter. :/ Unfortunately, there was and is no real other groups here, which is why I stopped completely and now only dance for myself and just for fun.🤭
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(Asked by Anon) What's your favourite food ?
Uhhhm, I think everything with pasta is my favorite food.😂 I can eat noodles all day. 🤭🍝🍜Well, and of course, Pizza!🍕Pizza is adorable. 😂
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(Asked by Anon) What type of video games do you like to play?
I don’t really have a favorite type / genre, I don’t play video games that often. I’m actually playing what looks exciting to me without any particular genre or type. 😁🤭
But if I do, I guess I’m the most Nintendo type. So most of the games I play are related to Nintendo. <3
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(Asked by @mirajane01040-duskwoodmemes) Do you play... Minecraft?
I used to play a lot of Minecraft, but nowadays not so much, and if so, then only the mobile version. This is fun for in between and dispels the boredom. I even started building Duskwood several times, but never finished it. xD Well, yes, sometimes I play Minecraft.
Answer a few days later: Yes, I do!
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(Asked by Anon) If you could be a fictional character, who would it be and why?
Oh, there are a few. xDBut the three main characters for me: Evey Hammond because of V for Vendetta. Harley Quinn because of The Joker. And, of course, my MC because of Jake. 🤭I know, very superficial reasons but I hope they are enough for you, because these are the main reasons xD 😅🤭
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(Asked by Anon) Hey hbj i'm curiousFamily or a career? 😋
I choose the career.🤭 After that, there is still enough time, and who says that not both work?😉
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(Asked by Anon) do you like alcohol?🍷
No, absolutely no. Not a little bit.
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(Asked by Anon) What is your favorite drink?
If I don’t drink coffee, I only drink sparkling water, my entire life. I very rarely drink something different. Water for life! 🧊
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Either/or questions from you.
(Asked by @duskwood-legacies) -What would you rather see, Northern Lights or sky lanterns?
That’s easy for me🤭 Northern Lights! If you ask me.. that is magical! *-* (Well, unless it’s like “Tangled” and I get a Flynn Rider.. then sky lanterns xD)
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(Asked by @duskwood-legacies) -Strawberries or raspberries?
Definitely: Strawberries🍓 *-*
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(Asked by@duskwood-legacies) Do you prefer angst or fluff?
I think it depends on the general mood I’m in.🤔 I think the best is angst with happy ending.😁
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(Asked by@duskwood-legacies) Milk or cereal first?
Obviously: Cereal first! 😂🥣
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(Asked by @justubi) Would you rather have a nosy neighbor pr noisy neighbor?
Unfortunately, I have both. xD But if I could choose, I would opt for the noisy neighbor as I wear headphones all day anyway.😂
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(Asked by @justubi) Would you rather be poor but love your job or rich but absolutely hate your job?
One hundred percent and without having to think about: poor and love my job!I could never have a job I don’t like. This is a real horror imagination for me😂
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(Asked by @kyras-things ) Prefer to write fanfics or read them?
Oh that’s a really hard question for me! 🤔 I can’t really make up my mind, but I think I’d rather read than write myself. With stories of others I can better dive into another world and relax. 🤭Because when I write, five hundred other thoughts always fly around in my head and I have to decide how to write something etc.I love writing but sometimes I wish I only had to think about a story and it would be written on a sheet right away. xD <3
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(Asked by @leetjep) Would you rather have one eye in the middle of your head or two noses?
I take the eye in the middle of my head. 😂Then I would make the Jake eye as a tattoo around it, which would be really cool.🤭
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(Continues on new asks)
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vices-aand-virtues · 3 years
Text
As we make our way into the final episodes of Younger, I have some Thoughts™️
1. I have seen a lot of talk about how Liza would be better off alone than with Charles because then she is right back where she started when the series begins. Though likely is part of her thought process, this is incorrect for a couple of reasons. First, Liza is in a completely different place in her life than she was when we first met her. She has a fabulous career in publishing and, even when they’re not together, the support of Charles. She doesn’t have a baby at home to take care of; Charles’s daughters are old enough to be relatively self-sufficient in terms of not needing someone to watch over them all the time. Then we have to look at all of this together and realize this, the second point: Liza didn’t think she could + wasn’t allowed to have both a career and a family most of her life. Now she has seen that she not only can do it, she’s great at it. She is extremely successful and loves her work, but still has time for her daughter and form/maintain a solid relationship with Nicole and Bianca. She still makes time for the things that are important to her outside of work. She gave up part of herself to stay at home and be just a wife and just a mom for almost two decades. Then she gave up some of herself to maintain her lie. Now she’s thriving at work and fully and openly herself for the first time in YEARS. For to have a brilliant career with more to come AND a wonderful partner/husband/whatever is a WONDERFUL resolution for her based on where she started.
2. To have this much Liza/Charles tension and back and forth and more “will they won’t they” AGAIN, after waiting 5 seasons for them to get together, just over one full season of them actually together, only for them not to end up together is absurd and makes no sense. Liza has had this entire season to accept that she and Charles are donezo and move on, but she hasn’t, and not for lack of trying. It’s more clear every episode how drawn to one another they are despite themselves. To put them through all that for a contrived “girl power” ending would be a huge disservice to the characters and the show.
3. Speaking of, I’m exhausted by “girl power” endings of late because they’re inorganic and forced. It’s supposed to come across as empowering for a woman to choose her career over love or a relationship, but it’s actually just a sexist take from the opposite end of the spectrum. Women can have both!! We are 20 years into the 21st century!! A woman can PRIORITIZE her career over romantic entanglements, but women don’t — and shouldn’t!! — have to choose at this point. We already know that Liza isn’t defined by her relationship to a man. We know she is a strong woman who isn’t afraid to ask for + take + go after what she deserves. I don’t need to see her choose her career because she is already thriving! She does not have to be alone for X number of years so she can get her career on track. It’s there. She’s on the journey. What would benefit her most would be something she hasn’t had before — a steady and fully supportive long-term partner. Imagine what it would be like for her to finally be married or lifelong committed to someone she is wildly in love with, who is wildly in love with her, who also fully supports her career, is her biggest cheerleader, who believes in her and sees her talents more clearly than anyone else. Hello!!
4. Liza is clearly still very in love with Charles and vice versa. In the past, when her relationships have ended, the desire to get back together was pretty one-sided. It wasn’t, like, super easy for her to get over, but she made peace with it and moved on. That has yet to happen. She just can’t let Charles go completely. She is trying to be supportive of his relationship and assures him she just wants him to be happy, but we have heard her say more than once that she is still in love with him, and her actions are pretty indicative of that as well.
5. Until S7, Charles has always chosen Liza. Even given the current circumstances, he still keeps choosing her in a different way. He knows she is on his side. He knows she is great at her job. He knows she supports him. No matter their relationship status, he knows those things to be true. That’s why he always takes her up on any offers she makes to him in S7 — because he knows who she is. He chooses her to be his work partner or support system or his sounding board. And she allows herself to be chosen; she ASKS to be chosen. He doesn’t have to accept and she doesn’t have to offer, but they do it anyway. It’s a conscious daily choice they continue to make.
6. Charles would never in a million years marry Quinn because she wouldn’t be a good stepmother to his daughters. We may have seen ~some~ dimension from Quinn, but ultimately she’s a ruthless, manipulative, conniving snake. She’s fake and primarily has a “what’s in it for me” attitude. There’s no way Charles would want that to be the example his daughters live with, and honestly I don’t think Pauline would even allow it. If he thought Liza’s baggage created complications for his custody, I cannot even imagine the turmoil Quinn would cause. Quinn is a loose cannon. Pauline is a little bit of a bitch when it comes to Liza, but she’s smart enough to know/see who Quinn really is, and with Liza, it’s at least “the devil you know.”
7. It would be completely nonsensical for Charles and Quinn to get married/end up together because a) we barely know her and b) he was just proposing to Liza. From both a logical and writing standpoint, it doesn’t make sense. It would be some piss poor storytelling for that to happen. On the flip side, it would make sense for Josh to end up with Clare, a late-entry side character, because we have known her longer and know they have a history. The same can’t be said about Charles and Quinn. If Quinn hadn’t become so involved with Empirical, if she had just been another author, her relationship with Charles would be about as meaningful as his relationship with Rhada. But since we see her through Liza’s eyes and we see her be an annoying presence at Empirical post-Charliza split, it seems like a bigger deal than it actually is.
8. Putting her back with Josh at this point would be a worse ending than Game of Thrones. It would be a twist that came out of nowhere that writers would justify by saying the signs were there all along. Liza more than once has made clear that she has chosen Charles over Josh. She has showed us that’s the case. For her to suddenly have an epiphany with two episodes left, especially considering how little shared screen time they have, would be total fanservice and a complete regression from all the growth they BOTH have had. It’s also, like, not fair to Josh to keep waiting on her and hoping she will come back? He deserves some reciprocity and stability too?
9. We have seen only the benefits when it comes to Charles being impulsive in matters of the heart...until now. I totally understand his heartache at her counter proposal and I, personally, think she’s being stupid. But regardless, I think for him to just walk away from their relationship at that point was a pretty knee-jerk reaction that he didn’t think through. And I think his pride is a little hurt over his perception of her not WANTING to marry him, so instead of trying to work it out or compromise, he’s digging his heels in. He jumped into a relationship with Quinn, which was clearly impulsive. Rational, level-headed Charles would not have done that. In fact, he laughs off the suggestion of it in S5 and says the iconic, “divorced moms from Jersey are more my style.” I believe cooler heads will prevail.
10. I REFUSE TO BE VICTIM TO ANOTHER SHIP WHOSE TENSION AND FEELINGS WERE TEASED AND BUILT UP OVER 5 SEASONS ONLY FOR THEM TO BREAK UP OVER SOMETHING STUPID AFTER ONE AND A HALf SEASON AS A COUPLE AND THEN GET BACK TOGETHER IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES!!!! I WILL NOT!!
Anyway Team Charles 4 Lyfe. Here’s hoping these idiots in love stop being idiots and start being just IN LOVE.
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sarahlevys · 3 years
Text
SO YOU WANT TO GET INTO TWYLEXIS
(a fic rec post - last updated 10/31/2021)
11/25/20: I have been talking to a lot of people about The Good Ship Twylexis, and when @earnmysong asked me for some fic recs, I could not resist! Below are some of my favorites, organized by length. This is not intended to be an exhaustive list, and is simply composed of some of the ones I’ve read. I hope you check them out!
10/31/21: Nearly a year later, the fandom has grown by leaps and bounds! I've been able to add many excellent Twylexis fics to the below list. I tried to keep these recs focused on fics in which they are either the only ship or a substantial part of the narrative, so while there are many fics nowadays that have Twylexis as a side pairing, those will not be listed below. Now that we can be more choosy, I've also removed fics that featured Twylexis as part of a throuple or moreple (so that I can hopefully do a fic rec list for that specifically in the future!)
So I see Alexis is getting back out there. (Short Reads)
in the middle of the deep blue night – T – 577 – by @hullomoon
Alexis is all alone at the party, that is, until Twyla joins her.
in the hack – G – 2K – by thingswithwings
After Ted, and before the Next Thing, Alexis joins a curling team. She's great at it, because, what, like it's hard?
Icarus had the right idea – T – 4K – by Luthor
In which Alexis convinces Twyla to take her to the beach, and has an okay-time I guess. 
never saw you coming, never be the same – G – Podfics! 15 minutes in total – by DelilahMcMuffin, GoLBPodfics, & Amanita_Fierce
Three different perspectives from Twyla Sands and Alexis Rose's first Pride spent together as a couple.
to be your harbor – E – 4K – by @doublel27
Twyla uses some of her money on things that are special to her. Alexis is special to Twyla. Luckily, Twyla is precious to Alexis.
and it's just around the corner darling, 'cause it in lives in me (no, I could never give you peace) – T – 3K – by beepbedeep
She’s what people call the worst, most pointless kind of celebrity, a socialite, and she does it better than anyone else. It’s good, she knows it’s good, she’s serving her purpose, playing her part perfectly, and if she doesn’t really know how to be alone with herself, how to handle the actual weight of her life when the gossip blogs get bored and the photographers stop showing up for a while, that’s fine.
i knew from the beginning (it was you from the beginning) – T – 1K – by @anniemurphys
Twyla and Alexis celebrate, at a distance.
i took an arrow to the heart – G – 3K – by @sarahlevys and @landofsonlali
Twyla calls Alexis in celebration of the fourth anniversary of their friendship, and the conversation shifts to their feelings for each other. Together, they start to explore the intricacies of love and relationships.
aflame – T – 4K – by @pretendtofly
Alexis has a few days left in Schitt's Creek after the wedding and Twyla wants to spend them all together.
could be your baby, ride the same whip (oh no, no, there's no slowin' down) – T – 3K – by @turningtimeinthetardis
Alexis doubts anything too surprising will happen when she and Twyla decide to go on a little shopping spree (such as they can afford, that is) at one of Elmdale’s boutiques. Maybe they’ll encounter some truly hideous blends of patterns, but nothing stranger than that.
After all, if there’s one thing Schitt’s Creek and the surrounding suburbs can offer, it’s quiet predictability.
I weigh a hundredandfuckingsomething pounds (that makes me almost good) – G – 2K – by beepbedeep
Her legs don’t look good, but half of the girls she knows have legs that look even worse, smiles that are even more shark-toothed or arms that are even less toned, and she reminds herself that these are just the rules', that she knows the rules and knows where she’s failing, but other people are failing more.
shining, shimmering, splendid – G – 1K – by @davidbrewer
Twyla finally starts spending some of her lottery winnings on things that make her smile, and learns how much she loves to travel. Who better to show her around the world than Alexis?
ask 'em my questions and get some answers – G – 1K – by @lilythesilly
Alexis and Twyla meet at Disneyland.
a handprint on my heart – T – 4K – by averita
Five times Alexis and Twyla visit each other.
Merry Go Round – T – 2K – by Perkalil
In her first days in town, Alexis is in a rough place; she finds kindness and compassion in the local cafe waitress.
feel you on my skin – E – 1K – by @hullomoon
Alexis notices what Twyla's wearing. She has a lot of feelings about it.
you make everything good – G – by @rosedavid
Twyla has to go and visit her gaggle of cousins for two weeks, and Alexis is pouty about her girlfriend leaving for so long.
didn't ask for this – you freely gave it (so now i watch your mouth for the both of us) – T – 6K – by @turningtimeinthetardis
Alexis chops her name down to three letters like it's nothing.
Twyla thinks about it a lot.
putting roots in my dreamland – G – 4K – by @lilythesilly
A twylexis flowershop au.
(but if baby, i'm the bottom) you're the top – E – 3K – by @sarahlevys
Five times Twyla tops Alexis, and one time she lets Alexis top her.
three o'clock – E – 2K – by @schittyfic
Two tipsy girlfriends thirst over the hot, bearded guy across the bar.
shivers – E – 5K – by @anniemurphys
Alexis has a long day in an airport, and Twyla wants to take care of her.
This Stupid, Wonderful, Boring, Amazing Job – G – 1K – by @lilythesilly
A cute lil 'The Office' AU.
in calm or stormy weather – T – 4K – by @anniemurphys and @landofsonlali
On National Siblings Day, Alexis spends the day with her favorite brother Patrick, and David bonds with Twyla.
all i need is to see your face – G – 1K – by @wild-aloof-rebel
Alexis has doubts. Twyla knows how to soothe them.
got a fistful of four leaf clovers – T – 1K – by iphigenias
Two weeks before Christmas Alexis calls David.
“So I think I like someone,” she says.
all i want is you – T – 1K – by @landofsonlali
alexis is too restless to cuddle and worries about being a good partner to twyla who loves cuddling. twyla reassures her.
Fifty Shades of Gruyere – E – 2K – by @schittposting
Alexis and Twyla eat cheese and fuck.
I dreamt about you last night – G – 930 – by sonichallows
Alexis has a romantic dream about Twyla and tells her about it the next day.
Mistletoe – T – 2K – by in48frames
Alexis and Twyla go ice skating.
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Twy, what are you doing here? You could be anywhere, doing anything. (Medium Reads)
Twyla's Cafe Podcast, An Alexis Rose Production, Produced by Alexis Rose (with help from Twyla) – T – 6K – by @whetherwoman
Twyla and Alexis start a podcast, and accidentally have some feelings along the way.
Crystal Clear – G – 6K – by @imalittlebitgogirl
Twyla and Alexis meet at a Winter Solstice celebration and bond over being newcomers...with more connections than they first realize.
take me out (and take me home) – M – 7K – by @anniemurphys and @landofsonlali
When Twyla’s Thanksgiving plans fall through at the last minute, Alexis flies back to Schitt’s Creek.
know that i’m yours (to keep) – T – 8K – by @anniemurphys
Five times Alexis and Twyla talk at Café Tropical.
And one time they talk somewhere else.
I Offer You My Heart – G – 10K – by @landofsonlali​, with art and podfic by @sunlightsymphony
Twyla is the owner of a coffee shop in Schitt's Creek and Alexis is a frequent customer, featuring pining, flirtation, and a whole lot of beverages and baked goods.
Oh Please, Not Now – T – by in48frames
“Oh,” Twyla says. “Yeah. Schitt’s Creek is super haunted."
Ladies Night Inn – T – 15K – by @imalittlebitgogirl
What if Twyla had accepted Alexis' invitation to a ladies night in her motel room after she and Mutt broke up?
i'm your moonlight, you're my star – M – 14K – by @sarahlevys and @anniemurphys
Twyla and Alexis spend the holidays together.
and the stars look very different today – T – 12K – by @hullomoon, with art from @hagface
Teaming up with a group of talented women, Alexis plans her next job
Hide Your Diamonds, Hide Your Exes – T – 8K – by @middyblue
Alexis may or may not be a diamond thief. Twyla is the FBI agent tasked with finding her.
heaven is a place not too far away – T – 8K – by @sarahlevys
Alexis' soulmate mark – the ability to sing – triggers when she moves to Schitt's Creek.
Pretty Follies – T – 9K – by @treepyful
Alexis and Twyla team up to play matchmaker for Stevie and Ruth.
Unfortunately, the course of true love never did run smooth.
Everything That We'd Ever Need – E – 12K – by @middyblue
5 times Twyla went skinny-dipping and 1 time she wore a dress.
Rollin' With the Homies – T – 9K – by @sarahlevys
The Clueless AU.
Phasers Set to Stunning – T – 9K so far (WIP – 2/4 chapters published) – by @kindofspecificstore
Patrick wins passes to San Diego Comic Con, and takes his best friend Twyla with him. Alexis Rose, rising star of Galactic Sunrise Bay, is attending for the first time and has her eyes on a super cute cosplayer.
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I was thinking we could have a little ladies' night at my place. (Long Reads)
you and i and nobody else - E – 124K so far (WIP – 7/10 chapters published) – by @sarahlevys​ and @anniemurphys​
Twyla Sands and Alexis Rose meet on Mutt’s season of The Bachelor.
Maybe If You Stayed – E – 14K – by @fraudulentzodiac
“Years down the line, this is the moment she will look back on as the moment she should have known she was in love.“
your body’s poetry (speak to me) – E – 19K – by @anniemurphys
Ballet AU.
I’ve Only Ever Wanted Fire – M – 26K – by @sarahlevys​, with art from @rhetoricalk
Written for the prompt: Twyla is a real estate agent specializing in properties that are haunted or possessed. Alexis is looking for a new apartment.
Silence Lay Steadily – E – 44K – by @davidbrewer
A ghost story loosely inspired by The Haunting of Hill House.
like glass from sandy ground – M – 18K – by @middyblue
Five times Alexis ran from grief, and one time she didn't.
Taste of a Poison Paradise – M – 15K – by @lilythesilly
Be gay do crimes but make it a Harley Quinn AU.
Half of My Soul, as the Poets Say – E – 20K – by mixtapesandsunsets
Yes, she imagines telling the Alexis of two years ago, who had felt so untethered sitting next to Twyla outside these very rooms. You believe in fate. Your fate is right in front of you, Lex, you just need to reach out to meet it. It’s her. It has always been her.
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