Clexa 11 or 18
11. things you said when you were drunk
18. things you said when you were scared
(It’s been so long since I’ve written the wonder that is Clexa, I thought I’d see what would happen if I tried changing that “or” to “and.” It kind of ran away with me…)
The music in the club blares, so loudly it’s hard for Lexa to even hear herself think let alone what anyone else might be saying. She can feel the rhythm of the bass in her chest, so powerfully that for a moment she thinks maybe it isn’t the bass at all, and that her heart is actually about to explode as she’s been afraid of all day. From the corners of her eyes she can see people on the dance floor, many with their heads back and likely shouting the lyrics along with the song, but Lexa wouldn’t know them even if she wanted to sing along. It’s something modern, probably popular enough it plays multiple times a day on every radio station, which means Lexa’s never heard it before this moment. When it comes to music, she still lives firmly in the past, really only listening to the same stuff she’s been listening to since high school.
On the other side of the table, Raven is belting along with the song, actually loud enough for Lexa to hear her. Beside her Anya smirks, her head just barely shaking, but from the way her eyes don’t leave the other brunette Lexa knows she thinks it’s cute. Not that she’d ever admit it. “Cute” isn’t in Anya’s vocabulary. Directly across from Lexa Clarke laughs, rolling her eyes at her best friend, and half-heartedly tries to shrug Raven off when she throws an arm around the blonde’s shoulder, but Raven simply won’t be ignored and soon she has Clarke singing nearly as loud, and Lexa definitely thinks it’s cute, and she would gladly admit it if anyone asked her. Luckily they don’t, because if they did she’d probably say more than just that she thinks Clarke’s cute; the words have been attempting to slip off her tongue all night, but so far she’s managed to hold them in.
A waitress comes over with yet another round of shots, and Lexa internally groans even as she smiles while taking one of the glasses. Too many more of these and the words will definitely come out, probably along with her dinner.
“Alright!” Raven croons, raising her shot high above her head, grinning as she looks around the table. “To us; we are some sexy motherfuckers tonight!”
Clarke clanks her glass with her friend’s, but raises an eyebrow. “Are you saying we aren’t other nights?” Her eyes flick over to Lexa, and the brunette notices in an instant a sudden lack of moisture in her mouth.
I don’t know how you could ever not be sexy, she hears herself think. Pretty sure you could could get stuck in a downpour, have a car splash mud all over you, and still be the most attractive thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
Luckily the thought stays inside her head, exactly where she needs it to stay. Instead, Raven answers for her.
“Hell no, we’re basically the definition of sexy, but tonight we’re all just extra sexy.”
She makes a noise that’s probably supposed to sound like a growl as she wiggles her eyebrows, and then they’re all tossing their shots back, and Lexa has to clench her teeth as the burn of the alcohol hits her throat.
Soon they’re leaving their table and making their way to the dance floor, and Lexa doesn’t even spare a second glance at Raven and Anya as they go one way and Clarke leads her another. The blonde’s hand is gripping Lexa’s tightly, both palms just ever so slightly sweaty from the alcohol and heat (and in Lexa’s case at least, nerves that just won’t leave her alone). Clarke pulls her close and Lexa doesn’t make a sound when she feels the blonde’s body press up against hers and start moving. Which is a feat, honestly, because the second she feels their bodies touch a groan begins to build in Lexa’s gut and quickly work its way up to her throat. She squashes it and just holds Clarke tighter, pretending she has any sense of rhythm as the two dance together.
Lexa’s palms tingle where they grip Clarke’s hips, and she honestly doesn’t know if it’s from the alcohol or merely the other woman’s presence. They’ve had enough shots that her thoughts are firing rapidly, one barely finishing before the next begins, and each and every one of them centers around the blonde against her. The words tumble around in her mind, but manage to stay locked behind lips pressed into a smile. She can’t help but smile whenever blue eyes look up at her, a playful glint in them that has Lexa’s breath catching every few minutes.
God those eyes, she thinks as she dances and ignores everyone else around them. I could stare into them every day and never get tired of it.
It’s a truth she doesn’t dare let out beyond her own mind, no matter how accurate she knows it is. This is only their third date, they haven’t even known each other for a month yet; she shouldn’t be having a thought like that.
Damn, you really are - and I say this with all the love in my withered heart, she hears Anya’s voice say in her head, a useless lesbian. Talk about stereotypes. Not even a month yet and you’re already ready to move in.
Lexa wants to make a face at the voice, but she doesn’t because she’s too busy watching Clarke. She knows it’s too soon. The kind of fluttering she’s been feeling in her chest whenever she thinks about Clarke - let alone sees her - shouldn’t exist until they’ve at least been dating for a few months. Not a few weeks.
Three weeks. One date a week - their schedules haven’t allowed for more, and it has been downright torture for Lexa having to wait that long to see the blonde again - and just a little sex. Okay. Maybe a lot of sex, at least considering it’s only been three weeks. Usually Lexa’s the kind of person to wait until at least the third date to sleep with someone, but she’d learned immediately after their first date that she is in no way immune to Clarke’s eyes, or that tilt of her eyebrow that simply read as, “Well? Are you coming in or am I going to have to take care of myself?”
Lexa has been trying to convince herself that she definitely didn’t just fall head over heels that first night - even before the mind-altering sex that she’s sure she’ll never be able to forget, even if this doesn’t work out between them - but yeah. Yeah, she totally did, and how absolutely lesbian of her.
Clarke’s fingers wrapping around her wrist pull Lexa out of her thoughts, and she watches as the other woman nods back to the bar.
“Thirsty,” she yells over the music, and Lexa has to strain to hear her even though they’re leaning into each other. “How ‘bout another drink?”
The brunette nods because she doesn’t know how to say no to Clarke and because she doesn’t really want to. The dance floor around them is too crowded, and now that she’s been pulled out of her thoughts she feels people bumping and jostling into her, so she happily lets Clarke lead them away. At the bar the blonde orders another set of shots and Lexa dutifully takes hers at the same time Clarke does, and the burn simultaneously manages to clear her head and make it just a hair fuzzier at the same time. When they place their glasses back on the counter Lexa expects Clarke to lead them back to where everyone’s dancing, or at least to their table that she sees Raven and Anya have returned to with drinks of their own, but instead the blonde tightens her grip and leads her away from either.
“Come on,” she hears Clarke shout over her shoulder, “It’s so freaking hot in here, I need a little air.”
Lexa nods because air seems like a very good idea. Maybe it’ll help her clear her mind a little.
They push their way back out of the club, practically dumping out onto the street, and instantly Lexa sighs as the cool night air hits her overheated skin. It’s a relief after being stuck in the middle of so many sweaty bodies, and she closes her eyes as she takes in a deep, relieved breath.
When her eyes open again, she finds Clarke watching her with a small smile, and then glances down when the blonde’s fingers slip between her own.
“How about a little walk, to clear our heads a little?” Clarke suggests, and Lexa nods, happy with the suggestion.
After the noise of the club, the street feels almost too quiet, but Lexa revels in it. The silence is good, helps her to get her thoughts - still a little fuzzy, a little alcohol-coated - in order. Too much longer inside with Clarke pressed against her, she’s sure she would have slipped.
“What’re you thinking about?”
All at once Lexa’s relief vanishes and her heartbeat picks right back up again, as though she’s back in the middle of that crowd of dancers. She glances over at Clarke, finds the other woman watching her out of the corner of her eye, and says the only thing that comes to mind.
The corners of the blonde’s mouth twitch.
“Come on Lexa, you’ve had something on your mind all night, I can tell. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
Again, Lexa’s mouth instantly dries, and she can feel it as her palms begin to sweat. Which is just great, considering Clarke is still holding her hand. Still, she tries to play it off, raises her head a little higher, and just shrugs.
“Really, it’s nothing Clarke. I’m just having fun with you.” She thinks, and then adds a little too quickly, “And Anya and Raven. This was a good idea, the double date. They’re certainly hitting it off.”
To her chagrin, the distraction doesn’t work, and what’s worse, one corner of Clarke’s mouth twitches as though she knows it was supposed to be a distraction. Both eyebrows raise.
“They are, definitely. Something tells me Anya will be following Raven to our apartment tonight. Which means I’ll need a place to stay.”
“You can stay with me,” Lexa tells her quickly (too quickly, but… well, she’s a little drunk, and the idea of Clarke in her bed isn’t one she’s ever going to pass up).
She’s walked right into Clarke’s trap, and she knows it by the way the other woman’s grin grows. “Perfect! It’ll give us more time to talk about whatever you want to talk about.”
Lexa’s mouth opens as though she’s going to say something and then snaps shut. Clarke just continues to watch her, unrelenting, and all of a sudden Lexa’s having a hard time swallowing. Her heart is now racing in her chest, the beats fast and sharp, faster than the beats of the music had been, and she feels a little faint. They’ve stopped walking and Clarke just watches her with that expectant look, and Lexa just freezes.
When it comes to her fear response, Lexa has always leaned heavily on the side of fight over flight. Sure, she isn’t a person who ever goes looking for trouble, but when it finds her or the people she cares about she has fought every time and never once backed down. She even has friends who have called her fearless before, but in this moment with Clarke staring into what she’s pretty sure must be her soul, she’s never wanted to flight more in her life. Her hand is still in Clarke’s though and her feet feel rooted into the pavement below, so all she can do is attempt to swallow down the burning worry that shoots through her chest.
Clarke hasn’t looked away, but she isn’t smiling anymore. Now she looks worried, her brow just slightly furrowed, and Lexa feels her give her hand a little squeeze. Maybe it gives her courage, just a flash of it, because suddenly the words come flying out of her mouth in one breath.
She cringes before the last syllable is even out. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What kind of idiot falls in love with someone who is honestly still pretty much a stranger and then admits to it like that?
She waits for Clarke to start laughing, or pull away and give her that look that tells her she’s gone too far and ruined this nice little thing they had, all while silently berating herself.
It never comes.
Instead Clarke’s eyes widen, and her mouth just barely drops open giving away her surprise, but she doesn’t laugh or pull away. Lexa waits in anguish for long seconds while the blonde processes what was just said, but then the surprise shifts and Clarke is smiling again, that beautiful, small smile of hers.
“Oh. Well, okay then.”
It’s Lexa’s turn to be surprised, and she’s sure it shows on her face. “Wait you’re not… weirded out by that?”
Clarke’s head tilts slightly to the side. “Why would I be weirded out?”
“It’s just… this is only our third date. We’ve only known each other for a few weeks. Isn’t it… strange?”
Now Clarke does laugh, just a single, light ripple that escapes her chest. She shrugs, and then says, “You can’t control something like that, Lexa. Everyone falls in their own way, in their own time.” Her grip on the brunette’s hand tightens, and then she steps closer, taking the other one. She looks down at them, and then back up, and Lexa swears she sees a rosy blush growing on her cheeks that wasn’t there a moment ago. “I’m not there yet, not ready to say those words, but I know I like you. A lot. More than I usually like someone when it’s just date three. So if you think you might love me…” Another shrug. “Then I think that’s kind of amazing.”
“You do?” Lexa nearly whispered, absolutely awed by this creature in front of her. How the hell did she get so lucky as to find probably the one woman alive who doesn’t get freaked out by a premature “I love you”?
Clarke shakes her head, and then a slow smirk tugs up one corner of her mouth. She leans even closer, and now Lexa’s heart starts racing again when her mouth hovers right next to her ear.
“No. In fact, I think it’s pretty sexy. Maybe you should say it again?”
Lexa swallows again, but this time it’s to push down the burning arousal she suddenly feels rather than fear. She licks her lips, still a little nervous, but then says a little more confidently, “I love you, Clarke.”
Something in the blonde’s eyes flash, and then she glances over Lexa’s shoulder back towards the club.
“What do you say I text Raven, and you and I head back to your apartment?”
Lexa’s already taking her phone out to get an Uber before she even finishes asking.