#conversations with my self

[talaricula]

Things I've seen tumblr memeing about James Somerton doing à la "How did no one see how bigoted he was!" as if those things haven't been a significant part of tumblr culture for over a decade :

Presenting untrue and bordering on conspiratorial versions of (queer or otherwise marginalised) history without any sources

Completely disregarding and disrespecting any expertise on socio-cultural topics/humanities and distrusting academics and historians (incl. acting as if no academics or historians could be queer or marginalised)

Downplaying the role misogyny played in the historical oppression of queer women and concluding that queer men must have been more oppressed than queer women

Bi women are, at best, not as queer as "real" queer ppl, and at worst, simply equivalent to straight women

Despite nominal trans inclusivity, transmasculine ppl are functionally women when convenient (combined with the above, bi transmascs are functionally straight women)

Despite nominal trans inclusivity (bis), shamelessly attacking, threatening and actively endangering any trans woman who questions them or smth they find important (often by unfairly presenting her as violent or as a threat)

Having absolutely fucking wild and reductive takes about ace ppl, the oppression they face and their place in the queer community

Stating that marriage equality is an assimilationist fight while completely ignoring its direct roots in the horrifying consequences of the AIDS crisis for partners of ppl who died of AIDS

Praising western media creators from the past for queer coding even under censure and in the same breath condemning current non western media creators for being homophobic bc their representation isn't explicit enough

Blaming China for all existing homophobic censoring in western media

Assuming all queer media would be better told by western creators and by western standards

Only out queer ppl get to tell queer stories

Heavily criticising almost all queer media created by women or ppl they see as such (see above points about trans ppl) or involving/starring a significant amount of women for any perceived or real amount of "problematicness", but fawning over and praising and negating criticism of queer media created by and starring mostly or even functionally exclusively men (even when it could be argued that, you know, not involving/seriously sidelining women is a pretty clear example of misogyny which should probably be considered "problematic")

And I'm probably forgetting stuff or there's stuff I have internalised myself and don't recognise as an issue

Like idk but I feel like the takeaway from Hbomberguy and Toddintheshadow's videos should maybe be "be aware of such patterns in your communities bc they definitely exist" and not "this guy is uniquely awful" and I feel like a lot of the discussion I've seen surrounding this has been severely failing at that. Most ppl who've spent any significant amount of time on tumblr prob either have internalised at least one of those thought patterns, have had to de-internalise them, or have had to be extremely vigilant to not internalise them (which is done by, you know, seeking out other sources, which also seemed like an important takeaway from the videos)

#Also I'm saying this as someone who actually watched quite a few of Somerton's videos #And noticed those patterns and stopped watching bc I recognised them from here #and had already learned to unlearn them after being so exposed to them here #And tbh I think anyone who hasn't had the luck or made the conscious choice to seek out ppl who pushed against those narratives #Would absolutely have fallen for this man's bullshit. Like let's not kid ourselves we see takes like this every day on this hellsite #2014 me would have. For sure. #This is next to the plagiarism issue which as Harris points out is an Internet wide issue and this includes tumblr #James Somerton #hbomberguy #todd in the shadows #This brought to you by a conversation with my wife yesterday #So many ppl on here don't deserve to meme or be this self absolvingly critical of this man #The call is coming from inside the house #The man has a tumblr it would legit not surprise me if some of the things he supposedly made up himself he did actually get from somewhere #And that somewhere was a tumblr post

[trans-axolotl]

nothing makes me more insane than the phrase "selling your body" btw. like was i not also selling my body at every other job i've had where i had to be on my feet all day, lifting boxes, working in a warehouse, etc. why is it that sex work is uniquely labeled as "selling your body" while every other job is sorted into another category, no matter how much that job might have a physical impact on your body. lmao.

#personal #sw #in fact i have had worse long term physical effects from my jobs that were not sw. as a matter of fact #anyway also related conversation to be had about how most of the human trafficking in the US is not sex trafficking but is in fact other #types of labor that is trafficked #and that if you include prison labor as human trafficking based on different definitions. there is a lot of important connections we can dr #draw. about labor. power. control. and how to build solidarity to actually fight for people's right to free + safe working conditions and #self determination

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

#actuallynpd #signal boost #actuallyautistic #mental health awareness #narcissistic personality disorder #people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias #(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar #mentally ill or otherwise ND) #the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there' #no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo #anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that #he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful #misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included #several personality disorders. one of which was NPD. #and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and #he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he #was glad he did #fun times #or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to #support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma #bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me #trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them. #again..... fun times

[wellship]

He just can't stand by and watch...

Bonus:

#one piece #sanuso #usosan #descriptions in alt text #'very sweet sanji but wdym i can take care of my self NO I CAIN'T. CATCH YOU ON THE SUNNY' #they're not even dating at this point sanji is just that obvious. i do think this would lead to a Conversation tho

[isolophilian]

i think we need to understand the gravity of how quickly Percy blames himself and his disabilities for the way his world is. how he's been made to believe over years and years that he's weird, that there's something wrong with him. Percy saying he should've been paying attention. Percy saying there's something wrong with his brain. Percy calling himself broken.. he's just a kid man

#this is so unbelievably important #goes to show how the treatment of disabled kids can harm their self esteem so much #he's literally twelve?? #this kid has been told his entire life that there's something wrong with him #and he believes it #you can see how upset Sally is that he thinks that #like that's her little boy #i would riot so badly if my child ever had any reason to say that about themselves #also brunner calling him “special” earlier in the episode probably aggravated his reaction to getting the same statement from sally #god he's just a baby #he doesn't deserve this #this show is going to jumpstart such important conversations about a wide variety of things and I am so here for it #renew it already #percy jackson #sally jackson #walker scobell #virginia kull #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo tv show #pjo tv spoilers #isoceratops

[davidjrpalos]

missing

#art #did this today after a conversation I had a few days ago that I’ve been thinking about #like I’ve said my art is a reflection of my present feelings etc but this one really tugs at the heartstrings for me #self #sketchbook #black and white #graphite #illustration #artists on tumblr #traditional art

[land-of-sinners]

Listen, maybe its the brat in me, but seeing Alastor so frustrated/annoyed in episode 3 made me giggle 👀

#like there’s a bigger conversation to be had about why no one cared Alastor was gone #but let me have my fantasies DAMNIT #self shipping #self shipping community #self ship community #self ship #hazbin hotel #alastor #i don’t want to set the world on fire 🌹

[jade-len]

so today i tricked my very straight male friend into reading svsss part 2 (because that reblog was getting way too long)

dropped novel 2 on him yesterday, he finished reading it already lmao

lol

i'm gonna make him read an svsss fanfic one day.

istg him and his heteronormativity smh

safe to say that even though he was a little traumatized and weirded out, he still wants to read more!

also, honorable mention (continuation of the luo biting convo):

is my friend trying to gaslight me now?? thats not how it's supposed to go. i'll keep you guys updated on the other novels if you want lmao

#the last texts sound like a cumplane conversation #im still surprised he wants to continue reading ngl #can you tell im trying to defend binghe with my life #also dont mind us using their last names as first names here he has trouble ok #svsss #mxtx svsss #luo binghe #luo bingmei #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #sha hualing #the scum villain's self saving system

[ghost-in-the-corner]

I'm trying to analyze my own feelings about the new Spiderverse. Despite the fact that it left myself and the others I saw it with completely unsatisfied, it was an absolute masterclass in the art of creating a complex and empathetic story. It was meant to leave the viewers unsatisfied.

Throughout the first and the second Spiderverse, the audience's perspective is largely tied to Miles, with a bit of Gwen's in the second. Rather than the audience get a story we like while leaving it open for the third installment, we got put through the same experience as Miles.

He can't figure out his spider powers? His are so different that we can't understand them. He finds the confidence to take down Kingpin? We fly with him. He gets isolated from the rest of the spiderverse? So do we. He's trapped with an evil version of himself? That's where the film ends for us.

Our feelings from the movie are supposed to pair with what he's feeling. We are living the same experience as Miles. And it's in service of the larger theme, the thread connecting the trilogy together.

Anyone can wear the mask. You can wear the mask.

The third Spiderverse is going to be a fucking phenomenal film. Better than both of the first two.

#this is why atsv can't be a self contained film like itsv #because if we're meant to empathize with his experience #we can't just have it in one sitting #now this movie wasn't perfect #i honestly give it like an 8/10 personally #but with this idea in mind i'm finding my experience much better than when i first left amc #marvel #spiderverse #across the spiderverse #spiderverse spoilers #across the spiderverse spoilers #spiderman #miles morales #film #corner conversations

[haunted-xander]

They really should've talked about it at some point

#ive tried to draw out something along these lines before but didnt rlly like how ot ended up so here it is again #as a full proper comic #aka 5 pages of thancred being a fucking hypocrite #neither of these two are capable of blaming anyone but themselves #nothing productive would come from this conversation btw they are both too self-destructive for this to work #but i still think itd be important that it happened at some point #thancred waters #urianger augurelt #thanuri #urithan #not necessarily but its the intent #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[morrigan-sims]

And I forget sometimes I'm just flesh and bone.

As he stands in the ruined bathroom, all Rook can think is, At least now I can breathe.

#ts4 #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #sims 4 edit #my edits #ts4 render #my renders #blender render #oc: Rook #dnd sims #ts4 dnd #please I beg of you open this in a new tab and look it it. it's 2080px across and I spent way too long on tiny details. #(like the blood on the shards of glass on the sink. and the mirror alone took well over an hour...) #augh I love my boy so much #he's really going through it right now tho #poor bby #but when he's going through it I'm having fun playing him so... #yeah #blood tw #tw blood #so this is scheduled to go up right as we're starting our session picking up from exactly this point. #I thought that would be thematically fitting #please listen to this song it's so good and it's very Rook. #I almost put the lyrics right after this line (''I saw my reflection on the street that night / he said I got something to change your life #/ he said you don't look wrong but you don't look right'') #bc yk mirror shit. But I ended up going with this line instead because it's VERY VERY fitting for the conversations going on w/ Rook. #specifically about his reckless endangerment of himself to the point where some of his party members consider it to be self-harm. #(and obviously punching a mirror intentionally is self-harm.) #but like Rook doesn't see it that way and he's so confused as to why the party is so upset with him. (esp. his mentor and the gunslinger.) #god I could talk about this ridiculous man for hours so I'll stop here.

[unpretty]

i could have sworn i posted this at the time but ANYWAY here's a screenshot of a skype chat from 2014

#original #ficblogging #i was having a conversation with my spouse about my failure to get laid despite my obviously flawless techniques #it's wish fulfillment self-insert fanfiction because when corinne does it it fucking works #maybe this was in one of the tags i had to delete the contents of Because Reasons

[siflshonen]

“If Bakugo and Midoriya don’t end up together by the end I’m gonna be disappointed not because I want it but since the fanbase and show hyped them up so much,” says my husband, who only watches the anime

#I love him but my god. sometimes. #I don’t tell him in detail what I do in this fandom #I had to explain the Kudo and Yoichi backstory to him after this conversation #I had to tell him about the togachako stuff after this #bakudeku #my hero academia #mha #BNHA #I didn’t even do a good or in depth job #I just gave the bare minimum and shared the parts I thought were funny #my favorite character is Katsuki Bakugo in part because no matter how sloppily or weirdly he expresses it #I know his love is true #he is devoted #and he is doing the breakdown of the self and the heart just in the confines of a shonen #and this includes whatever is happening with Izuku #I dunno how to tell my husband Katsuki is my favorite because his entire story is coming to understand what love is and how to #and how to give and receive it

[madame-mongoose]

uh. uhm. uhh. yeah i dont have an explanation for this one. explodes

#suggestive #AHAHHAHA #HELPPPPP HELP MEEE #HELP #uh. yeah uhm #I HAVE NO WORDS I JUST #LISTEN OKAY #THAT ASK and also. conversations in discord. did something to me #BYE #self ship #my art #monnley

[piecanl]

Do you think Tubbo would recognize the path Bad is going down, because it's one he's already walked down on?

This self-destructive behavior coming from a broken heart?

He hasn't seen Bad at his best, before the eggs got kidnapped. He's seen him a victim to grief more than a father. It's why the blue staining Bad's being isn't out of the ordinary.

But suddenly he starts carrying flowers to remind him of the love he lost, suddenly the void calls out his name even louder and suddenly Tubbo sees himself in the older demon.

And it's scary, because suddenly he sees what he has become, how it affects others.

And for the first time of many, he sees Bad walk down a road he's paved. For the first time of many, Bad is the one repeating Tubbo's mistakes.

#the parallels between soul hunters make me SOOOOO ill you hav no idea #i needed to get this out of my brain I might've misscharactarized Bad on the way and If I have sorrayyy..... #their fascination or connection with death #their undying loyalty to those they let in their circle #the switch of their perspectives on resolving conflicts after both Purgatories #the self-sacrificial mindset when it comes to the eggs #the fact they're some of the most trusted people with the eggs #Bad is openly trusted by parents while Tubbo is silently trusted by the eggs while they're both simultaneously safe spaces for the kids #Tubbo has been there for a lot shorter than Bad which lead to him following a lot of previous islanders' including Bad's steps #but suddeny he's been trust into many tragedies and now he has his own path people may fall down in #JUST AGH #i feel like I'm going in circles #i don't know #i dont think they'd ever openly discuss their weaknesses infront of eachother #but I also don't think they'd ever outright shut off a conversation over grief they share #qsmp tubbo #qsmp badboyhalo #soul hunters #soulhunters

[unknowablecore]

greywaren / opal / cdth / cdth / cdth / greywaren / greywaren / greywaren / greywaren /greywaren

#i hope this web weave brings some comfort for my friends struck by ch49 #its all about adam lying to himself as a form of self-preservation? always has been. #adam lying to himself because he thinks it'll be easier to kill his old self if he's back to base-line-needs #and in the end what made adam unhappy and tired and strung out? everything but ronan #he was creating those unhappy tired and strung out balancing acts at Harvard #ronan being the only thing keeping adam true to himself #if i see one bad take about their relationship development in greywaren #i will commit acts #magic is about intention SO ARE CONVERSATIONS #greywaren spoilers #greywaren #pynch #adam parrish #ronan lynch #the dreamer trilogy spoilers #the dreamer trilogy #mine