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#csa survivor
guess-who-relapsed · 11 months
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samvents · 1 year
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[ID text — The desire to be sicker, to prove that you are sick, itself is indicative of sickness. A well person does not desire to be sick]
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ang3ltearsxo · 1 year
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my inner child is crying and begging for someone to notice and care while my inner teen is screaming and angry at the world for what happened to her
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wolly-dream · 10 months
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Here's what weight gain looks like as the after picture
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In four days, this picture will have been posted ten years ago. This was me as a 15 year old in high school. I had starved and abused my body to make it thinner. I hated myself. The only value I felt was my proximity to thinness. I was severely depressed and suicidal. I had endured abuse and trauma as a child, and that left me vulnerable to being taken advantage of by my "friend" on the right who abused and traumatized me further before throwing me away as soon as I told her "No."
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I look even thinner in this picture, yet my face was still and always will be fat. My face was one of the biggest signs that my body I starved was meant to be fat from the beginning. The "friend" I mentioned in the other photo is cosplaying Nemo here. The 22 year old woman cosplaying Gill in this photo had an intimate relationship with me at this time when I was 15 years old. I was extremely vulnerable and grieving unbearable loss, and she used that to groom me. I look at these pictures and see a 15 year old girl who was suffering and only had her proximity to thinness to feel pride in. There was no happiness. So many points in my life I was close to developing a full on eating disorder because I had been told for two decades that my body was ugly, disgusting, and the physical equivalent of sin.
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This is me ten years later at my brother's wedding. I gained back all of the weight I lost back then and am heavier than any past moment of my life. I still have mental disorders that make my life painful and difficult to live, but I am no longer suicidal. I no longer am fruitlessly chasing the thin body I was always told I was supposed to have. I have a healthier relationship with my body than I ever did in the past, and I'm making immense progress on my recovery. I don't starve myself anymore. I don't exercise for two hours a day on high levels that are dangerous for me. I intuitively eat and know that diet culture and fatphobia are wrong. I am closer to fully recovering than I've ever been.
This is what a glow up looks like.
(Fat fetishists, porn blogs, and thinspo blogs: Do not reblog this post or I will destroy you.)
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transjewdyke · 7 months
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twitter fucking kills me man (if someone could add a descriptive text in a reblog i would be so appreciative, i am dyslexic and i keep trying and failing)
edit: thanks to @is-this-just-fantasy for providing the alt text, i was really struggling lol
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I am not going to write fiction about my trauma in a way that you approve of.
I am going to write fiction about my trauma in a way that makes me feel better.
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traumareaction · 3 months
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neuroticboyfriend · 1 year
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abusiveness and predation is not unique to men. abusive women (and the abuse of men for that matter) are much, much more common than you think. if your support for abuse survivors only extends to women or people who were abused by men, you don't actually support survivors.
so to all the survivors who aren't women, and the survivors whose abusers weren't men: i believe you, and i see you. you deserve to be safe and supported. you are not alone. your pain and suffering matters just as much as others' does. what happened to you is just as awful, and i'm wishing you so much healing and happiness.
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sickmuseum · 11 months
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I am sitting down in the shower It is this dirty type of clean That keeps me trapped in here for hours Still, I scrub and scrub until my body bleeds Convince myself I am coming clean Forget and ignore who I used to be That kid is never coming back
Bathtub - The Front Bottoms.
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Childhood trauma culture is being grown and still getting really into whatever was popular with kids/teens when you were that age because you feel like you missed out
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I'm honestly so fucking sick of antis shrieking that "proshipping is disrespectful to CSA survivors uwu". Or worse- "proshippers are fetishizing my twauma!"
DUDE.
What is truly disrespectful is using CSA survivors as a false flag to hide behind in order to push your puritanical agenda.
CSA survivors do NOT appreciate being used as a poster child for your pro-censorship, anti-kink, Evangelical, TERFy bullshit.
To use us as a "gotcha" shield for your denouncement of 'bad-wrong' fictional ships does not frame you as an activist. It only reveals you as the gaping asshole that you are.
And as for "fetishizing your trauma"?
We don't know you. We know nothing about you other than the fact that you came into our house and started pissing and shitting yourself over properly-tagged content that we made in order to process our own trauma.
Hate to break it to you, but you are NOT the only person on the planet who has suffered. You aren't special. Get over your main character syndrome and understand that everyone processes trauma in different ways, and just because it may not be the right method for YOU, doesn't mean that it doesn't help me or other survivors.
Learn to be angry with your abuser(s) and not strangers on the internet who are trying to heal.
And might I also add that to actively try to force other survivors to stop processing their trauma just because they are doing so in ways you find personally distasteful, helps no one but their abuser(s).
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surviving csa is constantly learning different ways of how you were betrayed & violated
like having a casual conversation and someone says something that makes you go "wait... that's not okay???" and then you have flashbacks for the next 3-5 business days
what do you MEAN this normal and common occurance in my childhood was actually a severe crime?? why are my friends more upset about it than me???
nemesis out
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ang3ltearsxo · 3 months
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my thoughts make me sick
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andrewoon0w0 · 5 months
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we don't talk about that side of csa trauma of where you are so scared of being a predator everytime you have any type of sex
like i think it is because of how much csa victims are villanize, because if you mention to somebody that someone had any type of sa or csa they inmedietly think "they are going to repeat the cycle"
i thought of this bcs i was again flirting with somebody and my first thought was "omg what if I'M A PREDATOR????" even tho the person is my same age and following with me along and saying they consent to go to the next level like damn💀 internize victim blaming is crazyyyy fr
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bullet-ant · 4 months
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"Before she even touched me, I realized what would happen. It was as if I'd known this for years, that I knew the secret to the reason I'd never approached anything remotely resembling sex: it would take me back to something I didn't want, a memory that had hovered for years, hidden, in my head."
Scott Heim, Mysterious Skin
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fatherlessmoth · 7 months
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My partner just said "you aren't in your villain era you're having an episode" and if that isn't the ultimate cluster b culture idk what is
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