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thejosh1980 · 2 years

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Get a hair cut and get a real job...

Well, it finally happened... My life has progressed from student, to worker, to musician, to student, to worker ... I now have what, as a musician, I'd call a 9 to 5, the daily grind, a normal job, that thing the folks in the crowd do when they're not at my concerts!

It's been an unusual journey, at least it feels that way. I realise now, I was actually quite comfortable as a touring musician in Europe. I had steady work, especially in those last few years, I knew what I was doing, I was confident and I had a hell of a lot of fun; good bands, good venues, good fans and good money. I was writing songs and I had my own studio too.

I was set...

The transition to working in Australia has brought about a lot of challenges and lessons learned. I know I fell into an awesome artistic opportunity when I worked on Elvis, and then did a few more TV shows (well, the stuff that ended up on Netflix). But that was different than a “real” job. It was fun, casual, challenging and super interesting too. I was surrounded by pros doing their jobs, actors doing their acting or supporting actors, like myself, waiting for the director to holler “cut!” As Baz said “film is forever”. It was and still is a big deal to me.

I am on the big screen!

But the new job, being part of the Australian workforce day in day out, is a real challenge.

I don't work 9 to 5, I don't have an office, I drive a lot, I am outside in any weather, I have homework, I work shifts which chop and change every other day... and after all that, I get a pay check that doesn't quite resemble my sense of self worth.

Since starting the job, I've been on edge all the time, I don't mean in the sense I'm scared something might happen to me or my client, but that I am responsible for someone else's welfare while they are in my care. It's a constant thing, in the background, under the surface.

When I'm finally home trying to relax, I worry about the shifts the next day, did my manager change them and forget to tell me? How will the client feel tomorrow? Am I up to the task? Did I miss any emails today?

When I finished the course, I wasn't quite sure about what I want to do, and I applied to various vacancies that tickled my fancy. Although possible, I wasn't confident enough to go out on my own as a counsellor. I felt I needed more experience first, and it also felt a bit like being a musician, I'd be constantly hustling for work, or at the very least it would be up to me to find the work, to obtain clients, and network with other professionals. After all the energy it took to study, I wanted something a little easier to slip into, especially because this was a big career change.

Oh boy, was I wrong about it being easy...

When I got the interview, nailed it and then the job offer, that was the easy part.

I am a community support worker. It's a job whereby I support clients, with various mental health concerns, getting out into the world. I help them reach their goals, I support them with any reasonable request, or something they agree to that I or someone else might suggest. Sometimes I am just helping out deleting emails off a phone, sometimes I am booking doctor appointments or arranging scripts and sometimes I am just someone to chat to, play a game with, or take a walk with. The job is constant, spontaneous and intense.

The company I work for is big, and is in a big transitional stage at the moment, there's new management and new processes, policies and procedures. It's very daunting, because the last time I worked in Australia this much, was back in 2002! In fact I started the new job almost 20 years to the day I left my old one in Melbourne! There's so many rules and things I was not aware of, I'm learning on many fronts, the industry, the company, the client, mental health and, funnily enough, myself.

Honestly, I am finding it hard to adjust to this new life style, it's very energy sucking.

There's management, and how to work alongside them, and the clients who for the most part are lovely folks that are in need of support. There's the whole community services industry which to me is a big complicated mess. I am used to being in a band, with 3 or 4 guys in a van, it's a big adjustment.

I'm still learning how to do all of that, and how to take care of myself in a job that one can quite easily burn out in. I'm learning I need days off, I need some time to sleep, relax, do the things I enjoy, and enjoy the company of friends and family. I'm still battling that challenge each day, I feel like I can't switch off and there are not enough hours in the day.

I am learning what I don't like about working too. I haven't done this kind of work before, and it's been really good to know what I want going forward. I may stay in this role for a while, the experience is good, but I will eventually move on, find something more suitable to my needs, and I have narrowed down some future expectations.

I feel that I need regular hours, or at the very least, when my hours are set, they don't move. I've had many shifts chop and change from one day to the next, throwing me way off course. It's a lot to adjust to for someone who likes the safety net of knowing what's coming up. My roster is constantly changing, some days I can adjust a bit quicker than others, some days I just long for a clear plan.

I also know, in the end, I'd like a job that is closer to home. I am driving 100s ks each month getting to clients, and it is wearing me out. I am not paid for that time on the road, I am not compensated, and my time is precious, I'm not getting any younger. It's lonely work too, and while I can work really well on my own, I wouldn't mind colleagues to bounce ideas off.

I am also trying to get used to having a manager. I have tried to be as available as I can, as flexible as I can, as open and honest and as supportive as I can. Sometimes this approach has worked well, but sometimes I feel I am not trusted. In fact, there have been a few sticking points that I may move past, but it has taught me that having a good manager I can trust is really really important. I will make sure at my next interview that I am confident the manager is someone I wanna work for/with long term.

I am enjoying the challenges of working with clients. It's interesting how each client is individual, and that each shift can offer a large spectrum of behaviours, responses and support (that I am required to offer). This kind of spontaneity I can handle pretty good too. Each week, I am learning as much about them as I am about myself, we all have good and bad days, we all have only so much energy, and our needs change all the time.

During the first few weeks of this job, I was thrown in the deep end. I had a client before I even did basic training! My manager at the time asked me if it was OK and I felt that saying no would only increase my anxiety for the next first client. Client #1 knew what he was doing and I was honest and asked him for guidance, and he was gentle with me. It was a good beginning, but since that first shift I am recognising I am sometimes drowning in the unknown and in anxiety. As fulfilling as this role is, this position tests your limits on various fronts.

I finally did a “buddy” shift months after starting, it's a shift where some experienced helps show you the ropes. By the time it happened, it was more a handover, as my “buddy” was leaving the company and had some high needs clients, management thought it was a good idea for me to be introduced to these clients. During those shifts I learnt one could relax on the job, my “buddy” was a very chill guy, who didn't seem to let anything get to him. The difference could be that he'd been in the job for a couple years and just got very comfortable in the role, but I had in the back of my mind that if I am not focused on the client, their needs, goals and requests, I am not actually doing my job. While silence and sitting still is part of the work, I don't feel that it's the focus of my work. I still haven't decided if I am over thinking it, if I am wearing my “counsellor” hat too tightly or if I am just not that sort of person who relaxes on the job.

Only time will tell...

In the end, I am happy to work, to learn, to find out what I like and don't like about this industry, the direction my next steps may be and how the other half live, that is those who are really struggling with every day life due to mental health illnesses.

I struggle each day, and I don't acknowledge that enough. I write about it sometimes but I feel it every day, win, lose or draw. Getting my head off the pillow can be a real struggle. I make it look easy, but sometimes it's downright heavy man.

I felt it terribly earlier this week, and all I wanted was to stay in bed. But I had a shift, I had a client, I had someone who has had a rough time and who needed my help... So I got out of bed and helped him. In the end we had a good day, he made me laugh, I got him to laugh and we even worked on some of his goals. It was a good day...

Then I went home, and curled up in bed...

Thanks for reading

Josh

#mental health #support worker #daily struggle #new job #life update #burnout #therapy

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