#despite her flaws im still proud of her

[pigeonwit]

thoughts on billie the kid: act 1

this is by no means a synopsis or a review, just my thoughts and things i wanted to share while i was watching. it will cover a lot of the plot though, so spoiler warning!!

the whole cast was on stage for gez and conway’s pre-show speech and when they were done they all filed off for olivia to take centre stage, all giving her little shoulder pats – and then jodie steele fully slapped her ass with her binder.

‘poor white trash girl’ the ballad of my fellow working class bitches who were always just normal enough to be tolerated as long as we didn't complain too much.

right off the bat we see billie is popular, but… no she's not. her friends clearly love her - they seem to get along and kelly, her best friend and school valedictorian, is very humble and proud towards billie upon finding out she's shooting for a scholarship at a community college despite kelly herself having been early accepted to duke. she even shuts down another of their friends, candy, when she tries to make a subtle dig at billie’s first choice being a community college. but that’s just it. billie IS different to these wealthy ivy league girls, from her hand-me-down jacket to working nights at a truck stop to keep the lights on. they get to giggle at her adorable dreams of going to a community college. they get to smile approvingly at how hard shes trying. they get to say ‘did you tell them about your moms… SITUATION?’ as if the only reason billie could get a scholarship is because shes a sob story. and kelly stops this - when she sees billie as an ally. when she doesnt, shit hits the fan. but thats getting ahead of myself.

brodie is a genuinely kind and doting boyfriend, and im really glad they went that route with him. there are so many characters where it would have been easy to follow the tropes, from brodie to billie's mother to mrs banks. but brodie is such a sweet guy - he takes care of billie, keeps her books and ‘emergency yoghurts’ (i think i heard that right?) in his locker, he makes up silly cheer routines to make her laugh. im glad they made brodie this kindhearted, softspoken boy whose only crime is being FRIGHTENED. and also betraying billies trust but we’ll get to that. 

in all the plans billie and brodie make together, its clear brodie’s taking a backseat. billie makes the plans. billie's getting them both out of here. brodie’s just along for the ride. now you can absolutely read this as billie being taken advantage of, because with how scared brodie is, i do see that as part of it - but i think it also goes to show how stifling your own queerness creates a lack of awareness as to who you are and what you want from your future.

when billie finds out about the sexting, shes obviously horrified and devastated. brodies her one support in such a chaotic life, and we’ve seen firsthand how much he loves her. we also see firsthand how much billie trusts kelly, to share her deepest embarrassment with her and trust she wouldn't tell anyone. something i like that they added is that when billie goes to confront brodie, she isnt an automatic feminist girlboss about it. she is genuinely conflicted about what brodie did to her because she loves him so much and loves that he loves her. she even begins to believe she’d be ok with the cheating as long as brodie still loved her, which is what causes her to seek out his sidepiece so that she can try and force ‘her’ into leaving brodie alone. i like that billie is flawed here, i like that she'd actually go through with this humiliation if it meant she could just have someone support her - it really hammers home how desperate she is for some stability in her life and how much disrespect she’d put up with just for someone to show up for her, which i think you can also see in the way her friends treat her.

something interesting in the show is that while i thought brodie and david KNEW they were texting each other, they actually have a rule of ‘no names, no faces’ set by brodie. i dont know how he found davids number, but david does mention at one point "these footballers, they always do this. make a new account just to mess with me." so like. were they legit on grindr? guys… still, them not knowing who the other is makes me really curious about their relationship and what they shared. david calls him ‘football star’ so he must know brodie plays - i wonder what else they shared with each other beyond just dirty messages?

(also, david canonically cant spell for shit - as billie reads their messages she exclaims “oh, come on, brodie, you couldn't’ve cheated on me with someone who can READ?”)

the acoustic version of ‘confederate fag’ really gave me the wrong idea of the song - which is of course the point, to recontextualize the material - but oh my god hearing it the way its meant to be heard?? i’m stunned. the story is that davids been out of school for a week because he tried to commit suicide. well, now hes decided not to let anyone's words get to him ever again, so hes hyping himself up to go back to school (‘been in bed for six days, and on the seventh, i rested’ is a line thats been driving me crazy… yep thats an accurate depiction of my mental state!!). the title comes from the fact that he tore down the confederate flag their school hung from their flagpole to commemorate the ‘honorable soldiers who died defending their rights’ and graffitied it. 

“okay, david. first day back, and we are serving reclaimed slurs, reclaimed hatred, and, uh… (leans forward to awkwardly spit on the flag, obviously grossed out but looking quite pleased after he does so) pride.”

confederate fag is such a hyped-up, blood pumping, fist clenching, kick your ass song that fills me with so much determination - fuck yeah!! hes not gonna back down!! hes not gonna lose to some dumb fucking bigots!! hes better than them!! and hes not going to let them kill him before he gets the life he deserves!!

“yeah, you can try and kill me [flips off kelly and candy] OHHH but i got there FIRST!!! 😜😜😜 HAHA!!!” i mentioned this before but YES BITCH RECLAIM THAT TRAUMA, THEY TRIED TO KILL YOU BUT THEY COULDNT, IT WAS ALL FUCKING YOU AND THEY DONT GET TO TAKE CREDIT FOR IT!!!

as he sings, the cast freezes around him as he manipulates them, flipping off kelly and candy, tearing pages from teachers clipboards, and drawing lipstick over a jocks face. he also runs upstage to sing into the stand-mic and as he sings the final chorus the cast do these limp puppet motions of saluting and pumping their fists. really shows that david's hopes for a better future are flimsy, half formed and not all the way real, but visible enough for him to keep on hoping.

so peaches mouse and david (when he wasnt in the hospital) all sold drugs together. they seem like a gang, but they really make it clear that theyre a family - the drugs are just to keep them all afloat as they try to skip town. but peaches, my QUEEN peaches, is the one who bites the bullet and says ‘enough is enough, david is not safe here and we are leaving NOW’. she sells the last of their amount for 3k and decides shes getting her family out of winchester creek forever. and while i do love peaches so much, a lot of her character revolves around this, a very fierce older sister need to protect everyone and fix all their problems singlehandedly. and god i wish she’d just get a break from it man. or at least be allowed to express some frustration with that at all. but she seems to really take pride in protecting her family, so i wont overstay my welcome on that topic.

this protectiveness manifests in her literally sabotaging herself to protect her family. when mouse is harassed by candy at school, who frequently misgenders and deadnames them as she tries to buy vicodin off of them, peaches scares her away even after she tries offering them more money and winds up losing a customer. i truly do love that scene so much. get her peaches!! she deserves NOTHING.

“peaches” is a flawless song, you've all heard it by now. hannah victorias singing is unreal and she is truly the glue of the show. more peaches appreciation!! this lesbian gave us EVERYTHING!!

during the lyrics “show her some love!” mouse dances around peaches making heart-hands and gesturing for the audience to hype her up. yes!! appreciate her yall!!

when david shows up at school hes immediately cornered by candy and mary-beth (the religious nut played by yuki sutton, whose comedic timing and delivery is flawless and who deserves the world itself). the scene is skin-crawlingly uncomfortable in the best of ways.

“we had to have two whole classes for suicide awareness for you, david!” “… we’re very aware now!”

“now i know why you did what you did, david, you dont have to say it… it was SATAN! and i just can’t believe that after all he did to you, youre… still… dressing like that?” “of course he is, mary-beth, hes still a homo! aren't you, david :)” “STILL?! you mean after all that time in the hospital they still didnt fix you?! david you should get your money back…” (sidebar - ryan kopels stonefaced reactions to this were just so fucking funny.) he tries to sneer her off, but she grabs him. “no, i mean it, david. you're sick.”

the show really knew how to use mary-beth as a character, and yuki sutton REALLY knew how to play her. she provides some much needed levity with all her bible-thumping insanity and her sheer dedication to the hysteria (“AND GOD SAID THOU SHALT NOT LIE ABOUT GUN CONTROL!!!!!!” “its not his fault, he werent raised right! hes never even been to SEAWORLD!!!”) made the entire theatre fucking WHEEZE. but man when she says “you’re sick”, those two simple words, it just… UGH. its chilling. just how much she CARES when she says it. its brilliant and its awful and i love it. GENIUS.

also david gets to get in candys face and yell BITE ME at her which was therapeutic for me.

i find it so heartbreakingly sweet that peaches is confused as to why david is late because “you were supposed to come in with mouse!”. do they all travel in packs to keep each other safe. “no one walks alone” type deal. cause thats… so beautiful and so sad.

“how are you feeling, david…?” “... better now im with my family.” and he RUNS to hug peaches and mouse… oh it HURTS and i love it. ugh and theyre all so excited to leave… mouse gets so excited at the prospect of becoming a hot LA surfer dude :’) you deserve it babyyyy

so funny that billie just GRABS david to come talk to her. No conversation, they barely know each other, she just grabs him and says ‘i need to talk to you’ without stopping as she walks.

peaches: david, you gonna be okay…?

david, looking billie up and down: yeah, i think i can take her.

when billie drags david away to talk to him mouse gets so defensive and like. they're right to be, kelly and her friends have consistently been assholes to them, but also its so funny to see mouse’s little self trying to square up on their tiptoes to say ‘watch yourself, CHEERLEADER’ like peaches come get your chihuahua.

it is… so disheartening seeing david’s face drop upon seeing brodie’s phone. football star was important enough for david to text him on the day he was supposed to go back to school after everything and he wholeheartedly believes it was all a joke just to mess with him.

“so brodie’s… not gay?” “him? no. he’s just an asshole.” “... oh, thank GOD!!” 

i love that the show does take its time establishing that even though billie's more self aware than her friends, she's not immune to the rhetoric of her small town. she's against gun control at first and fully carries a pistol with her. when david mocks her for being relieved brodie isn't gay, she says “oh no, being gay’s fine for you! but for brodie, it'd just be freaky”. she GENUINELY thinks that none of her friends would turn on brodie for being gay because ‘people love him!’. and its so… SO heartwrenching to see the way david glares at the floor as she says that. ‘people love him!’ … and didnt anyone love david?

david: stick by your boyfriend. if he really is gay, he's gonna need all the help he can get. and besides [spoken with the bitchiest tone, the haughtiest head-tilt, and a cunt matched only by god herself] he ain’t my type 🙄 

[and then he lifts his heels and swivels his ankles in a little twirl as he goes to walk offstage… bbygirl i want to STUDY you…]

“david reckons you said all that to mess with him. but i said no, not my brodie. so which is it? are you a bully… or are you just… 🥺 GAY 🥺???” ugh billie my wet puppy of a girl i LOVE you

“cowboy cheerleader” my beloved. brodie has spent so long living in the background because he’s been too terrified to be himself. But he really did want what’s best for billie. He really does love her.

you really do get the sense that billie and her mother are two people who love each other and so desperately want something from the other that the other is just not able to give due to their situation. betty is fighting her addiction – sidebar, oh my god this show does such a good job at showing that addiction is not a character flaw, oh my god – and doesn’t want to lose billie to college, but she has not given billie much reason to have faith in her. she’s still in contact with her dealers, she doesn’t seem to care about billie’s hopes of a scholarship, and so billie is so used to her mother letting her down that she (justifiably) assumes the worst in her, something that could be solved so easily if her mother just SHOWED UP – but how can she when she thinks billie wants to so badly to be rid of her? Whenever they speak to each other you really get the idea that they both care about each other and are trying so hard to show it but they just can’t meet in a way that makes sense to the other. billie always assumes the worst in her mother (again, justifiably so) and her saying “brodie was always too good to be true” so easily becomes “so what, he’s too good for me?”. but man they are both trying so hard to reach one another… and they get there, eventually.

also betty immediately being supportive of her brodie-bear… outcasts unite baby. she knew what was coming and she wanted him to know he was safe with her.

the show does a great job of showing that billie is well within her right to be upset at brodie for lying to her and cheating on her, but she also understands that brodie needs the support he always gave her, so even though there is an obvious shift in their relationship (her being uncomfortable being touched by him and making the same jokes they used to make) she still decides to be there for him and make sure david, peaches and mouse won’t tell anyone what they know.

and on that topic, it’s interesting that upon finding out the other now knows who they've been texting, both brodie and david assume the other is going to throw them under the bus. david panics that this is another football team prank and kelly’s already going to gossip about it - and brodie panics that david’s definitely told peaches, who’s for sure going to gossip about it.

“do we really have to be here? i knew i was texting a boy but... i just thought he was a nice boy? not some satanist like david frances…” “david frances is not a SATANIST! … PROBABLY!”

upon finding brodie and billie at the creek:

peaches: well, there goes the neighbourhood. david: oh, what the hell are you two doing here!? mouse: yall know there’s no starbucks around here right?

i love these fucking queers SO MUCH-

david looks so shocked and so touched that billie would actually stick her neck out for brodie and pretend they’re still together after everything. his admiration for her really starts in that moment.

"and another thing-" "ugh, seriously? has anyone ever told you two you're kind of hard to deal with?!" david you are everything to me

billie: so – look. we’re gonna go ahead and tell everyone that nothing’s happened, that we’re still together, but you gotta do the same, okay? peaches, actual gremlin: [gasp] SECRETS! secrets and LIES! mouse, actual gremlin x2: dirty, dirty CLOSET secrets!!!

i love these losers so fucking much…

“welcome to the gang!” “not quite.” “yeah, you are the only one not looking the part here…” “if you wanna be in our gang, sandra-dee, we need to get you a leather jacket!” STOP these queer kids welcoming brodie into their group… letting him know he’s not alone… i’ll CRY

i wanna talk about brodie and david... look the point of the show is not the two-second-long sexting-based relationship between david and brodie. they both seem very okay with leaving it be and just respecting each other as friends and comrades as they go to live their own lives on their own terms. but god i really want to know if they talked about the anonymous texting. i want to know if they talked about being the only two gay men in town. i want to know if they talked at all. there’s this quiet understanding and respect between them as they sit next to each other and drink and just look at each other, really seeing each other for the first time, and i really want to know if there was anything more to that.

something so interesting during ‘another lover’ is that billie actually sits on the steps near the band and allows the queer characters to be up at the front welcoming brodie into their group as they all drink around the campfire together. she lets them have their moment of solidarity without intrusion. that’s something i really wasn’t expecting but it’s so beautiful to see.

something that’s also really important to note is that as much as billie lets the group have their moment of solidarity, they also take a step back and allow her to express her love for brodie as they part ways and allow her to have her moment of grief during ‘my favourite guy’. billie’s never had a consistent figure in her life and brodie was that for her. and he still is, but it’s so different now. as much as she understands and forgives and stands by him, she has been let down here, and she deserves to have a moment to mourn that nothing can go back to the way it was for them.

and this leads to another wonderful ‘billie is flawed but not BAD’ moment – when kelly calls her… oh my goodness billie just wants some support. and she still tries her best not to take it. She still tries to say everything is fine, her and brodie are still together, but Kelly is just not having it. ‘have you been crying? billie, just TELL me!’ ... look there’s no one left in billie’s life right now who she feels completely 100% comfortable in trusting. she doesn’t know david peaches and mouse that well, and she wants brodie to be supported, but she can’t confide her thoughts about him cheating on her and their break-up to the guy who cheated on her and who she broke-up with… so yes, naturally she seeks help in kelly. she trusts kelly, the girl who was always kind to her, supported her, chided their friends when they made pointed comments about her 'situation', so... kelly would never hurt her, would she?

“you know… you know that boy, david frances...? well-” “hey cowgirl, get over here!” “oh, right – sorry, kelly, i’ve got to – kelly…?” oh no.

“oh brodie was just telling us all what a crazy gun nut you are!” oh NO.

the hush that falls over them all when they realize billie carries. brodie doesn’t see anything wrong with it, of course – he knows billie, he knows she only goes shooting at the range in a controlled environment because it reminds her of her dad, he knows she’d never hurt anyone. but the way peaches goes dead silent and always keeps a hand on mouse, the way all three of them step so quietly and so warily around her…

“i didn’t have you down for all this ‘fastest draw in the west’ stuff.” “just call me billie the kid!” STOP STOP STOP I DIDN’T THINK THAT THAT WAS WHERE THE TITLE WAS COMING FROM-

when billie says “i can show you, if you want!” she means it with such good intentions, she just wants to share a skill she has with her friends – and mouse is so eager to touch the gun, probably through some teenage ‘guns are cool’ mentality, probably because they’re so unused to having power in their life, but peaches immediately yanks them back. “our fingerprints aren’t going on ANY firearms” oof… it’s like she’s playing it off as a joke, but… we know she's not, right?

but david… oh david is ENAMOURED by the gun… he treats it with such child-like wonder, this thing that could take a life when everyone around him tried so hard to take his. he’s nervous to use it, embarrassed when he misses, laughing awkwardly – and billie takes his hand, guides him to look down the barrel, to shoot true and HIT. she really does think she’s doing good. she really thinks she’s helping him take back some control in his life, because that's what shooting is for her.

“we all have the right to defend ourselves! people like you, people like mouse – we all have a right to protect ourselves when we feel our lives are at stake.” “well, god bless america!” NO DAVID NOOOOOO BILLIE I UNDERSTAND YOU THINK YOU’RE HELPING BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

cue ‘sharks in the water’. it’s a fucking bop but my god is it terrifying… especially when the girls tell abel about the messages. he’s the one who called david a homo. he’s the one who makes all the gay jokes for brodie to partake in. and he looks FURIOUS.

the horror in brodie’s face when his phone starts pinging… the devastation in david’s face when he sees what happened to him happening all over again…

when billie holds david’s hand over the gun like a promise and says “this keeps us safe.” and then the blackout drops... the DREAD in my stomach!!!!!!!!! what a fucking way for act 1 to end!!!!!

#billie the kid #billie the kid musical #fic thoughts #tw suicide mention #tw gun mention #ryan kopel #musical theatre

[marleneismydopamine]

dorcas meadowes and mary macdonald

Dorcas and Mary are the type of couple who will laugh together about their hate comments

Mary forces dorcas to watch cheesy rom coms. Not because Mary likes them but just because she wants to make fun of them with her partner 

They both LOVE horror movies. Dorcas more likes slasher and supernatural kind of horror while Mary loves psychological thrillers 

Mary is the person who screams when she sees a small bug and makes dorcas take it outside because she still doesn’t wanna dorcas to kill it ("ITS A LIVING BEING DORCAS!!!")

Theyre the kind of couple who puts up holiday decorations a month before the holiday happens

Dorcas has the shittiest immune system and gets sick once a month but they won’t mention anything and continue on with their responsibilities. When Mary finds out she sits her partner down and forces them into a blanket burrito and puts on their comfort show with some tea despite dorcas’ objections (they secretly love it)

If dormary goes to a haunted house Mary will pretend to be scared to cling to dorcas’ arms

Mary and dorcas making a meal without a recipe and it isnt going well but they keep going because its marys moms recipe and Mary is convinced she has it memorised 

They are both super competitive so they always like going on competitive dates like laser tag

Dorcas doesn’t like calling people but Mary always calls them because she likes to hear dorcas’ voice 

Mary “gf who starts fights” McDonald and dorcas “partner who ends them” meadowes

Mary fell first, dorcas fell harder 

Mary loves keeping little things like the tickets to the first movie dorcas and her saw as a couple and she once spent the entire day making a scrapbook that consists of every little thing she kept of her relationship with dorcas 

Calm, apathetic dorcas meadowes turns into an absolute simp around their gf. Im talking if Mary smiles at them… they will trip on their own feet. they smell marys hair… they start stuttering. Mary brushes up against them briefly… everything theyre holding gets dropped onto the floor

Dorcas makes jewellery and she likes to base her jewellery off of something she likes and before they started dating dorcas made a bunch of earrings and necklaces based on things she loved about Mary. She continued to do it when they finally got into a relationship 

They are both movie critics. They love analysing characters and their development and discussing theories about shows they watch

They are both deathly afraid of being vulnerable. Mary desperately wants to have someone who really understands her but she is too afraid of trusting and being completely open with someone because she’s scared they will leave her. She prevents this by only dating people she likes on a surface level and people she knows shes never going to have a long term relationship with. If they want a more serious relationship from her, she leaves. 

Dorcas is scared of vulnerability because they feel like they can only be strong and confident. If they show their weaknesses and vulnerabilities then they believe that people will be confused and annoyed as they never knew dorcas had insecurities and flaws. They think people are around dorcas because they only show the strong parts of themself and keep the fragile parts hidden. 

Dorcas is also very direct and loyal. It takes a lot to become their friend (even more to be their gf) so they make it clear that if they want you in their life then they want you to stick around. They don’t have a lot of close friends, so they are very devoted to the small amount of people in their life. Because of this, Mary knows that if she wants to be in Dorcas’ life, she must be all in. In the end she trusts dorcas and finally has someone she believes won’t leave her after she has opened up to them. 

Mary has flaws and shes proud of them. She thinks having flaws makes you more human and interesting. She makes dorcas feel like their weaknesses are not something to be ashamed of. Mary loves everything about dorcas, including their flaws. 

#dorcas is nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns #dorcas meadowes #mary macdonald #dormary #headcanons series #marauders #marauders headcanons

[sharusjournal]

what i am learning about love 💌

I had always thought love was supposed to be passionate and intense. selfless consuming all or nothing. never faltering. never questioning. that it had to last forever. no mistakes no wrongdoings. just rainbows and sunshine. just the silver lining part. that everything could be overcome and forgiven. always go back to each other. I read a lot of wattpad books if that helps explain things.

But I'm learning that love in simple terms is really and truly just about consideration. That is the highest form of it and the purest form of it. The passion dies down a little. Everyday life carries on despite it. The bad stuff comes into the picture. The flaws of yourself and another person. What’s left is The patience. The prioritising. In the most seemingly insignificant and smallest of things. In the things that you can do yourself or things you would’ve never thought to do but things that… make you feel seen. Make your life easier. Make you feel cared for. Taking care of you in those small moments is so intimate and tender.

It’s my dad driving hours and hours because I’m sick just to hand deliver my mum’s special soup that she woke up early to make for me. It’s him never telling me about his struggles never complaining about the hard work he does solely for his family. It’s him making sure I have enough spending money and nothing to worry about, when hes not even sure if theres enough to pay the bills. Its him feeding me a peeled orange without me ever even saying I wanted an orange. It’s him being kind to me believing in me even when I let him down. Its him in the background making sure Im okay without ever explicitly calling me or asking me.

It's my mum crying every time I have to go back for uni. It’s her discovering royal mail special delivery and cooking a month’s worth of food to send to me. It’s her buying new clothes for us when her coat has a zipper that’s long been broken and pockets coming off the seams. It’s her coming to my flat and washing my dishes and sweeping the floor before her shoes are even off. It’s her asking every night if I ate. How Im feeling. That I should sleep early. Her endless stories and advice and wisdom. It’s her making me feel so safe and cared for everytime I come home. Her making me feel like im still her loved daughter even if im miles away.

It’s my sister that would make hand written letters and drawings for me everytime I came home to comfort me. Its her making me laugh and being silly so we forget about the hard stuff. Her letting me share her bed. Her things. Her telling her friends about me. Being proud of me. Her copying me. Stealing my clothes. Her coming to me and telling me all the little details of her day. Calling me ugly and stupid but never really meaning it. I think.

 It’s my brother that seems so aloof and unbothered, but would secretly pay attention to everytime my mum cried. Who would secretly tell me. Who would be a little nicer to her that day. Who would offer his savings money when I’m joking about being a broke student. It’s him carrying the bottom of my saree when it was in a puddle without me realising. Him working extra hard just so he can beat my grades. ( Because he thinks so highly of me obviously)

It’s my friends being so invested and supportive of my exams and my studies that they would cry on my behalf. My friends that believed in me more than I believed in myself. My friends that would dress up and show up for my first holiday alone… even when they don’t even celebrate it. Who would drive for hours just to make my life a bit easier. My friends that wouldn’t let me pay for things… just because. Them wanting to spend time with me. Wanting to see me to do nothing together. It’s my friends who show up with flowers and tiramisu because they know I love them. My friends who run to buy me plasters when I say my shoes hurt. My friends that walk me home. My friends that wait for me to get home. My friends that would call me and let me cry. That would just listen. That would understand why I’m not replying. My friends that would defend me to the death. The absences that I feel so deeply.

I’m reflecting a lot on all these people in my life. It makes me cry my eyes out. Obviously, its not all great and we argue and disagree and do hurtful things. We’re completely different people, its almost inevitable that there will be things that don’t go so well. But I’m learning that doesn’t automatically means that’s not love. It might be a difference in how you communicate. How you show things. How you grew up. It might not be. But itt might. I don’t know that part is still a little complicated for me. I think the essence of it is that I cannot be more grateful for them.

That’s not to say I don’t still believe in a passionate consuming forever love. I do because I think I do. But Ive just grown to appreciate that theres different types of love. And some of them are stronger and long standing and more important to me than romantic love could ever come close to.

Anyway. Im going to hold these people a little bit tighter. Reminisce on the memories a bit harder. And try more and more to show up and show love and always always be mindful about how I act. I have always found it hard to be expressive. I compliment them I say supportive things. I try to spend more time with them and be present in the time I spend with them. I buy them presents. A lot of presents. Yeah never mind actually the only way I show love is by giving people things I think. I need to work on being more physically affectionate. Ive never really been comfortable with it but I don’t want it to be something I regret not doing enough of. I have also never told my family or friends that I love them. Not properly anyway. Maybe written on a birthday card. I want to get better at it. This whole love thing. I want to be someone who gives out love freely and generously. Without being offended when it doesn’t come back. I want to be like all those people I talked about.

#love #valentines day #reflections #spilled thoughts #nostalgia #thoughts #friendship #aesthetic

[m1dn1ghtposts]

// tw: suicide, death, self harm, sexual assault, mental illness, vent //

00:22 am

i saw a post about wondering if your 12 year old self would be proud of you today, and i really thought about everything that’s happened. i’ve done some great things but some equally bad ones too, so in this post i’ll go through some of those.

- i graduated high school early with a high gpa

i also reached record suicide attempts when i switched schools, almost succeeded a couple of times, and relapsed into self harm… something she hated. i still pick at my skin, and think about joining my love pretty often. i was physically and verbally abused because a guy that tried to rape me while i was under the influence got mad when i rejected him. yeah i skipped a grade, but i lost everyone, and nobody believed in me until my name was read off at graduation. if i didnt have my partner at the time i would have broken down completely, theres no way i could come back from that much of a dark place and been okay.

- i got accepted into the college i wanted to go to

my car, the only thing that has consistently kept me hanging on to this life, was keyed while i was there. my roommates were toxic and lied to my partner to disrupt my relationship. i couldn’t focus on my classes because they would have people over until anywhere from midnight to 3am. i couldnt get a job because whenever i would show up in my usual dark outfits and makeup to any place in the little country town i would get great reviews as far as capabilities and qualifications go, but never a call back. id also get weird looks all the time, maybe im crazy and seeing things but when a bunch of boys say im scary looking and they feel threatened i dont always take it as a compliment. not to mention the sudden and horrific passing of my partner during finals, the event that drove me to dropping out. to this day im fighting for a refund, despite it all happening within the fall of 2022 semester.

- i drive a cool car and found a really neat interest

i hardly ever get compliments, and my car is damaged, though i’ll never say exactly where. theres chips in the paint where rust pokes through, a piece missing from my windows tint, sun damage on parts of my paint, scratches everywhere either from the keying or from her previous owners… i could point out every little flaw forever. i love my car so much, its crazy to me that i never realized earlier how much i love cars, but that doesn’t mean anybody else appreciates the work and money i put into my car to keep her clean and shiny. not to mention how misogynistic the car community is. its depressing to see some of the posts ive seen, saying how women terrible drivers and dont know anything about cars. not only is it depressing to see from some of my favorite content creators, but its making me want to stop trying. stop pouring so much effort into something nobody will appreciate except me. maybe this is dramatic, but its true to me. once every month or two it takes a few of my friends to convince me to keep trying and keep building her up, but when most of what i see is negativity its very hard to ignore. i dont need everyone to like my car, i dont need everyone to be accepting of women either, i just want to feel like im a part of a community i allign a lot with. isnt the whole point to bond over wanting to modify your car and watch the progress?

- i did great in band and survived all 3 years of marching band (remember, i skipped a year)

i havent touched my trumpet in forever and started smoking sophomore year from stress, right around the school change. i know its bad and will kill me someday, but do i really care? so what, im only alive today because of pure luck. its really sad to say, but i couldnt care less about when this all ends, all i want is to feel okay. i just want to have this small vice and if it kills me someday so be it. also, for every great achievement in band i screwed up a run equally as bad or just didnt even play the music. its hard to stay motivated in a place that hates you.

basically, for every achievement i can boast, there’s an equal or greater bad side to it. at least thats what it seems like. maybe im just negative, or maybe im realistic. why should i lie to myself anyways? my 12 year old self was great at every subject and at least tried to be happy and spread joy despite the bullying. she didnt know about her own abuse, from a family member no less. she didnt know why her step brother liked touching her privates or why he kept doing weird things with her dolls. now it just keeps happening, with everybody i hold close. not even just sexual assault, but manipulation ive learned to notice, straight up abuse that i never recognized. honestly, my current self sees no real value in doing really anything, i’ll lay in bed all day if i cant get up. i could have failed out of college and i couldnt even get a job until it was fully remote. i abuse my body and i cant stop, i dont know how. i smoked weed in college because i couldnt sleep or calm down and now most nights there are a blur, its all i had to cope while 1.5 hours away from my partner… when i had him. maybe its my fault, maybe i just screw up everything i touch like the inverse of midas. i cant tell, i just know im losing it.

#vent #tw sui vent #tw self destructive thoughts #tw smoking #tw death #tw drugs #tw self sabotage #tw suicide #tw self loathing #tw sex abuse #tw sexualization of minors #tw r@pe #tw vent #tw abuse

[space-city-traffic]

yet again im back on my bullshit so... (gazes with mixed feelings at the TV show Firefly) i could fix him.

my extremely long thoughts about my Own Personal Good Version of Firefly (with plenty of spoilers for the show and the movie) under the cut:

things that are getting axed first thing no question:

out with the whole “let’s add in a thin veneer of Chinese cultural aesthetics out of context for ~flavor~” deal. just no.

instead, let’s hire some actors from a bunch of different cultures and work with them to figure out how their characters would bring those cultures into space with them!! and also hopefully bring some experiences with immigration/alienation/travel into it, since the Whole Core of Firefly is about how humanity always brings our doomed and silly and stubborn and unique warmth with us even into the cold void where nothing is familiar or homey in the slightest.

let’s respect our sex worker character shall we?

i do appreciate that Inara’s work as a companion is described as legitimate and well respected in the show. however please stop having your captain and hero call her a wh*re every five seconds against her clearly expressed wishes and portraying this as just a totally acceptable thing

let’s be more respectful of our characters of color and also have some more diversity, shall we?

others have put it better than me but yeah, the way Zoe and Book are treated is very uncomfy, and the rest of the show is depressingly monochromatic. come on let’s do better.

stop the weird confederacy hat tips

again others have pointed these out with much more thoroughness than I could, but the names of some characters and locations, as well as some of the language used to describe the browncoats, has uncomfortably confederate vibes. instead i propose we very Clearly tip our hats to the Alliance equaling space capitalism instead! you can’t go wrong with space capitalism as a villain.

don’t! make! the! psychotic! character! violent!

listen i love River Tam with my whole heart. but you should absolutely not portray your only character with psychosis as violent because of that psychosis!!!!!!! and yeah, a huge part of her character is that her brain got fucked up by the alliance and so she hallucinates and is also a super ninja. but like. she doesn’t need to be a super ninja for her character to work, okay? the crew does not need to be scared of her for her character to work, okay??? more on this later bc it would take a lot of care and nuance to make her character work but i really think it can be done

things we are absolutely keeping:

found family tropes my fucking beloved

this should be self evident. this is why the show is as appealing as it is despite its flaws, at least in my eyes.

malcolm reynolds, the knight in dusty armor

there’s something so appealing to me about what Mal stands for. because at his core is this ridiculous, silly, stubborn, doomed devotion to what he thinks is important and right, a romantic idealism thinly covered by cynical cowboy platitudes that he thinks make his bleeding heart totally invisible. and he is so obvious and entirely incorrect. bless. this is a man who will do anything for his family, who charges into swordfights to defend his friend from a man who wants to turn her into an object despite having no clue how to hold a sword. at his worst, he starts brawls in bars just for the martyr’s thrill of being persecuted for supporting the right; at his best, he inspires downright religious belief from his crew because he represents a romantic and chivalrous and doomed dedication to the right thing over any practical concerns. and then he throws a “selfish” quip over it with 100% confidence that everyone fell for his clever distraction and believes him to be a dirtbag. he’s oblivious and ridiculous and god he makes me want to be a better person because he’s just so goddamned sincere. stupid, but sincere. 10/10 himbo. <3

Mal and Inara ultraslowburn friends to enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers to friends to...

there’s nothing i love more than a ship that’s just two people who know each other way too well, and they’re each the only one who knows the other well enough to call them out on their bullshit. the way Mal and Inara interact in the show sometimes makes me uncomfy but like. the core of their relationship has to stay.

space western aesthetic

i need the cows on a spaceship scene to stay like i need air okay

that sweet sweet religious shit

mal, who lost his faith in gd and a whole lot else during the war. who lost his faith in himself, and now feels he has to hide the part of him that still wants to be good, because he knows he can’t be anymore, and he feels like it’s embarrassing for a guy like him to want something so unattainable. who takes a preacher on board, and the preacher has lost something, too. the preacher has his own past, and his own questions. but not questions like the observant neurodivergent girl, the one who wants to interact with and understand this thing that’s so important to him, but it just doesn’t click with how her brain works and she feels like something needs to be fixed, either the Bible or herself. and Mal takes care of them all, and slowly, he begins to find gd again, not in a prayer but in humanity. humanity doesn’t need to be fixed, like the alliance thinks. the shining imperfect strawberry sweetness of it in his family’s smiles is something to be worshiped and served and devoted to. and he finds he has something to believe in again. (and his crew find that he’s given them someone to believe in, too. and maybe suddenly he’s a saint.)

and finally, my brilliant ideas as to what i would like to add:

TRANS WOMAN KAYLEE RIGHTS

listen her femininity is so important to me okay? it’s so thrilled about everything that’s pretty, from dresses to the spaceship’s electric innards, and it’s so non-traditional and grease stained until it’s not and it’s pink and ruffly and twirly, and she never sees any of it as a contradiction, because none of it contradicts, it’s all just her! her gender is warmth and love and prettiness, feeling pretty and appreciating the pretty and making her friends’ days pretty too.

i want us to find out she’s trans in that episode with the ball, and i want us to find out alongside Mal who just never asked or never realized. Kaylee gasps and squeals at the dress in the shop window and Mal makes an off handed, ill considered comment, and then... someone yanks him aside and hisses a few very significant words in his ear. and suddenly he remembers what the blue white and pink she painted all over the engine room means, and he knows he has something to make right. so he buys her that dress himself and lets her know just how pretty she looks, and when he walks into that ball with her displayed on his arm like something precious, he looks the proudest out of any man there. and she notices. for a few seconds, of course, until there’s chocolate, and ‘nara, and a chandelier—and some horrible girls, but she’s used to that, until—suddenly, she finds her people. a group of old men who light up when she jokes about compression coils and whack presumptuous boys who ask her to dance. they adopt her as a treasured granddaughter, and Mal is beaming at her like a proud dad, and she finds that one of her new elderly friends gazes a little too long at her bracelet, and so she gives it to xem and teaches xem a few new words, and... it’s a good day, huh? it’s a really good day. (of course, then the captain has to go and punch somebody in the face, but it was a real nice party up until then.)

also she and Simon are both transhet t4t im correct and you know it

time for a better River Tam

the first thing we’ve established is that this version of her is not unpredictably violent and the crew is not scared of her!!!! it makes no sense to take a kid who’s primarily brilliant, experiment on her brain, give her telepathic powers....... and tack on the fact that she also has super strength and speed and dexterity and what not, AND say that they programmed her to be super violent. no! no. not only is that extremely harmful rep, that’s also just stupid.

instead!! my version of River is in fact not terrifying to the crew, but is actually the one they feel safest around. River has always been totally blunt, she was one of those kids you could tell realllllly early was autistic, and she doesn’t like being disengenous at all. so you can always trust her to tell the truth and not play weird passive aggressive games or have any hidden agenda, which makes her just a really chill person to be around. also, one of her longtime special interests is music and dance, so whether or not she’s nonverbal on a given day, there will always be some sort of beautiful sound when she’s around. she does have the singing voice of a dying crow unfortunately but that’s ok bc Simon’s is even worse and they’re both incredibly competitive so you’ll at least get free entertainment out of the affair.

my version of River does have psychosis and hallucinations because of the trauma of the experiments, and they are really troubling to her. she and Simon work together to find ways to cope and meds that help, and it’s a process, but there are some things that help.

the only thing she gained from the academy was the ability to hear people’s thoughts and sense the future a little bit. and yeah, that led to her picking up a few spooky secrets at the beginning, which, yikes. and for a while, it was hard to figure out which voices were real and which were hallucinations. but around her friends, she always feels safe to ask “did you just think about triple cheese burritos or was that just a me thing?”, and they’ll always tell her the truth no matter how embarrassing their thoughts are, bc it’s important to all of them to respect her and help her sort accurately through what’s reality and what’s not. and bit by bit, she gets better and better at figuring out what kinds of things tend to be telepathy and what kinds of things tend to be psychosis, and that each one feels a little different. and because of the trust and respect and support of her found family she’s able to do that in a safe environment!!!

trans man Simon rights

listen i wanted to keep him as just a side note on Kaylee’s list but he is my son and he’s important to my heart so here goes

out on the outer rim where Kaylee’s from, gender ain’t much of a big deal, there’s an individualistic quality to life out there, and so if the trail you blaze is the trail of a woman or a man or neither or both, that’s respected even in the rare cases where it’s not outright encouraged. but in the inner planets, where competition and connections and public faces and family names are everything, you have to be what’s expected of you to survive. you can’t change your brand, you can’t be anything other than what your family planned for you since before you were born, it’s incredibly hard to survive in such a hyper competitive environment, and so your very identity becomes just a tool in how to market yourself for better success.

needless to say Simon (just as autistic as his little sister and also very trans) fuckin hated it there. but he was very good at it. correction: he was very good at his very specific field of STEM, good enough to where people stopped talking about how cute he looked in bows and started talking about how impressive his work was from a very young age. and his work had no gender. he could be whatever he wanted to in equations. so that was where he could express himself, and gd, he got so much praise for it, he never wanted to stop.

not until he discovered that his sister needed him, and ran away, and needed a disguise, and realized... suddenly, every stifling rule and prying eye was a million miles away. he was freefloating, freefalling, with none of the charted paths he’d been following all his life... so you know what? fuck it. he’s always enjoyed the name Simon. and since it’s not on any legal records, it’ll make him just that much more untraceable.

and on Serenity, starting over with new people who never knew him before his transition feels like an unbelievable blessing that just dropped right into his lap. he has to keep up the secrecy, he has to make sure they never find out who he used to be, because gd, it’s so nice when they look at him and say his name right, and he doesn’t know if he can handle losing that, not when it’s so new and so important to the person he’s finally becoming. but then one day, the unthinkable happens, the wanted posters for his arrest have an old name on them, they’re looking for the Tam sisters, and... nothing changes. the crew of Serenity could not give even a tenth of a percent of a fuck, and it doesn’t seem like they even know they’re supposed to. huh. that’s new. Simon could get used to that, he thinks.

i’m sure there’s more i could add, but it’s 4:30 in the morning now, so if more occurs to me, ill simply add it in a reblog tomorrow. if you’ve read down this far, i am in love with you. please let me know your Better Firefly ideas, too, bc im always down to yell about this show!!!

#firefly #Serenity #in which i choke out joss whedon with my bare hands and rescue his characters and give them better homes #ollies fix it series #malcolm reynolds #ollies personal good firefly canon

[96percentdone]

hey red! (hope i can call you that) saw a lot of your posts about rezero. thought i'd ask what's it about. im fairly new to anime so i am exploring various genres! would love to know about rezero from you

thanks : )

from me? wow im honored, thanks. Also, you can call me Red. It's my name lmao; it would be weird if you couldn't use it.

So Re:Zero is a anime based on a light novel (based on a web novel) in the isekai genre. If you're new to anime, you might not know what isekai is, so...Isekai is a japanese word that literally means "different/other world." As a genre it refers to stories where a character (or characters) from our world get transported into another, usually fantasy setting, whether its through being trapped in a video game like Sword Art Online, or being literally summoned into another universe with different rules, etc. Often, but not exclusively, this genre is used for wish fulfillment where a guy gets transported and becomes super powerful and all the cute anime girls love him and want to bone him, and it's lame. But I like Re:Zero, which means it's not lame.

Re:Zero is about Natsuki Subaru, a recluse who gets transported into the fantasy kingdom of Lugunica. Subaru is a massive anime fan, who is very familiar with the isekai genre, so he immediately assumes he's going to be this overpowered dude who is gonna get all the chicks and that everything in this world is designed to operate in his favor....and it's not. He knows nothing, gets his ass beat, and then dies within a day. That's not a spoiler: Subaru dying is the premise. Subaru's one magic skill he has is a thing he calls Return By Death, where every time he dies he automatically returns to a previous checkpoint and can start over from there. I love fucking time travel anime, so I was sold on this concept alone.

But the reason I love Re:Zero so much is because of the character work, especially for Subaru. A lot of work is put into exploring the kind of insecure kid who would cling to an isekai fantasy, and the parts of his personality that are endearing, or even destructive. It takes a lot of care in showing how Subaru grows into the best version of himself, and someone he can be proud of instead of someone he hates. Because he's uh...very flawed, especially for the first three arcs, a lot of people might really struggle with the story because if you find him more grating than sympathetic you won't care if he suffers, but for me despite his flaws he was easy to sympathize with, and seeing him grow is really satisfying. I don't think it's like...a super feminist story or anything, but in particular I liked seeing the story tackle his shift from seeing Emilia (love interest) as someone for him to rescue as a means to prove his own worth to someone of her own value and not just there for him to find a way to love himself.

As a story, it still enjoys some of the genre staples, whether they're good or problematic, but it's very earnest and cares deeply about the characters. It's a character study at heart with a lot of love and compassion, and that's why I like it. I think if you like VnC, or MochiJun works, you'd probably be able to understand why it's enjoyable for similar reasons.

#hope.txt #rezero #re:zero #re zero

[weirdcursedvaultkid]

I'm sorry for asking this, but honestly, what do you see in merula????

i just find her character rly interesting and i love chars that go thru a bunch of development and change for the better (and altho merula isnt written the best .. the potential is there for her and that is what i appreciate)

i find her snarkiness rly funny like i think merula says some of the funniest shit in this game.. shes so confident and has such an ego that its funny bc she can be so stupid like how she turned herself into a worm and puffskein.. thats so funny?????? she was so proud of herself when she made that fucking niffler giant??? shes so bad at spying at mc??? idk shes just ridiculous and its great

and then theres her backstory which is sad... shes had to go thru a lot... losing her parents, growing up neglected, ppl just think the worst of u bc of who her parents are, she finally finds an adult figure in her life that sees something in her and she can look up to and then they just end up betraying and torturing her while telling her the most awful things... like rakepick rly knew what to say that would hurt merula most.... despite merulas confidence shes actually a v sad insecure kid 

and then theres her relationship with mc... mc and merula are like foils for eachother they have quite a bit in common.. and its jsut fun i love their banter i love how they go back and forth i love that they become friends in later years

shes also rly important to the plot and we get lots of content for her making her one of the most developed characters in the game as well so 

i never excuse the bad things shes done im aware merula has flaws and is not perfect shes done shitty things and i wish those things had been addressed better but i still find her character rly compelling. i think shes neat and even if jc messes her character up .............. i will still stan i will just imagine she got the redemption arc she desrved bitchhhhh

i think i could prob write an essay about all this like theres so much i didnt touch on in this ask but im not good at explaining myself

#and also shes a big disaster gay so #this is very rambly and idk if this helps explain my brain is so tired rn its almsot 1 am LMAO #honestly i should just make a powerpoint presentation so I can just have it ready when i get asked this question #mella speaks #asks #Anonymous

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [01]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, mentions of smut in future chapters w.c; 2.7k a/n; after spending an entirety of june on this fic im proud to release it! this story is based on the prompt “I’m losing my mind!” for @btsghostiewritersnet​ BGW Bingo Bash! I hope you all enjoy this mini series and stay tuned for this wild ride

[01] [02] -> masterpost

“Just give it up!” Jungkook snaps, and you flinch at the sudden raise in voice level. Jungkook is a soft spoken person, only really having the audacity to speak up at the strength of his friends or when his body burns with attention after a performance. The fact that he chooses to use this tone around you, gets you seeing white hot. 

“How can I give up something that hasn’t even started?” you shoot back just as stubbornly. He won’t even let you in his room, and it pains you that he wants to fight out in the hallway where anyone could walk in and see. You glare at the heavy arms that bar your way inside, as if he’s creating a barrier for you, both emotionally and physically.

You hate this. For the past three months you’ve hated this version of yourself, manifested between the strained relationship of you and Jungkook. It pains you to see each other like this. Jungkook’s ears are tinged red with fever, simultaneously a little sick and a little annoyed at the fact that you wouldn’t let up. 

It wasn’t always mismatched stares and bouts of mixed signals whenever you two entered a room. There was a time when it being in each other’s presence was like a breath of fresh air, a bakery full of nothing but sweets and mouth-watering confections. That’s not to say that your relationship with Jungkook was, or is easy. After all, Jungkook chose a life that is never meant to be easy, no matter how far deep. 

But at the crux of everything, deep in your gut, you know that the both of you have that spark. 

“We can’t be together.” Jungkook states simply, pressing his coral lips together in a thin line. “My career! The traveling, the media, my crazy schedule, all of this, it doesn’t match.” 

It doesn’t match. Like the way a toddler puts a triangle block in a square space. In your opinion Jungkook is pointing out shallow, baseless reasons. You’ve gotten this far together, not quite addressing any officiality but leading to it. If all of his reasons really mattered, you wouldn’t be here right now. Unfortunately, Jungkook’s deciding to cut the line when the two of you have already sunk so deep. 

You’re both hurting, Jungkook doesn’t want to admit that. 

“But that doesn’t matter to me!” you reason, and you’re crumbling. Jungkook was once a fighter, too. Today, it feels like it’s just you who’s taking a stand, grappling on thin slices of thread that resemble what little confidence Jungkook has in the both of you. “I want to keep you grounded. I want to be the person you come home to.” 

Jungkook’s face reaches the final boss: a frustrating shade of scarlet, stunned at how shameless you are. You didn’t care, you know what you and Jungkook feel for each other is real. 

In a fit of emotion your hands reach for the crook of his elbow, grappling the black fabric between your fingers. It’s enough to ignite heat in your veins, starved of touch from so many nights apart and text messages that weren’t enough to convey how you truly felt. 

Jungkook’s eyes drag from your grip to your face, eyes glimmering. You look so small in the large hallway, empty and echoing between both your heaving breaths. There’s acute control in his expression, as if he’s grappling to reach both an inner and outer peace with himself. 

You bite your lip, sealing away your whimper of protest as he takes his hand in yours, untacking your grip. He’s not rough, but not gentle either as your hand pendulums to your lap. 

He turns his back to you, and for the first time you’re glad he looks away because the tears have already fallen. “Maybe in another world, we’d work out. But not this one.” Jungkook whispers, slamming the door to his studio. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

“Baby, it’s okay! You’ll find a new person to love!” The neverending flow of liquor and poetics is provided by none other than Sehlyung, a fellow employee you befriended after you got hired as a language teacher. 

You barely register Sehlyung’s hopeful smile through your misty eyes. Feeling bloated with liquid and far too tired to reply, you bob your head against the bar table. 

Sehlyung is the epitome of a fun time, and the first person you thought of to help quell your aching heart. A relationship that first started off as snide jokes and offhanded work qualms that eventually turned into a deep understanding and care for each other. After a long day of work she pulled through for you, showing up at the bar like a warrior in emerald green pencil slacks and an untucked blouse. At the edge of the bar she absentmindedly winds a lock of pale curly hair, sipping languidly from her electric blue beverage. 

“Listen, I get it. You think it’s the end of the world because Jungkook seems like the perfect catch—” the pretty blonde pauses when she notices your lip tremble, “but! He’s not that perfect, y’know. He—he sweats, sweats a lot, it’s like he’s freakin’ Niagara! It takes forever to get outfits on him in-between sets, it’s like clothing a wet noodle.” 

You choke back a laugh, shaking your head. “That is one flaw.” 

“A-and he’s very,” she starts waving her hands around, plucking the answer out of thin air, “competitive? Remember that one time Nabi said he couldn’t finish that whole loaf of milk bread? And then he accidentally ended up eating the parchment paper?” 

That has you in a fit of giggles, recalling how scared he was when his urge to make Nabi regret her words bit him right back in the butt. The hospital’s personal phone became number 8 on his speed dial shortly after. 

A fond, tentative smile melts on Sehlyung’s lips. At least you had it in in you to laugh, which Sehlyung knows is a good sign. She runs her fingers over your hair, forehead damp from your previous wallowing and overconsumption. ”You’re gonna find yourself a simple, wholesome partner! One who’s top-tier normie and will have all the time in the world for you!” 

You grimace at the thought, despite how uplifting that sounds. You once thought that was the only life for you, a nuclear family with two point five kids (the half point being a puppy, of course.) While you wouldn’t mind that kind of life, after meeting Jungkook you decided long ago that all you ever needed in a relationship was his company and combined happiness. 

“Time isn’t the issue,” you slur, voice warped from how your lips fall tiredly against your arm. “This issue is that he doesn’t want to try.” 

Sehlyung doesn’t say anything to that, but instead prefers to pour you another glass of liquid despair. Of course, she knew how Jungkook got. Sweet and caring, but headstrong, letting nothing get in the way of his music. 

Evidently, you’re one of those things. 

“Boys are dumb,” she says simply, swinging her head back. 

“I’ll be okay,” you murmur, “it just hurts. There’s no closure, y’know? I feel it, I feel so much love for him. And I know he feels, he feels something.” 

Sehlyung bites her lip, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Hey, I got you a gift.” 

That gets you to perk up, your head tipping a miniscule degree. She pulls out a glass, filled with a clear liquid. It’s small, almost vial-shaped, enough for barely two shots. Inside, there’s a young flower shaped like a bellsprout. 

“It’s angel wine,” she chirps, pulling your shot glass to give you a hearty pour. “The old lady was selling it when I was getting my mom her ginger wine.” 

“Hm, is it like ginseng?” you ask curiously, grabbing the now half-empty bottle where the wet flower sat. The bell shape, despite being bloated with residual wine, still clung vibrantly to the glass. The bumblebee yellow and sunset orange tint looking absolutely mesmerizing. However, you’ve never seen an infused liquor quite like this. 

“Think so,” Sehlyung shrugs, “I’m sure you’ll like it though! I told her about how you got dumped and she said you’d need this to cap off your night!” 

She snatches the bottle from your hands, making sure it’s sealed tight before slipping into your purse. “That wine’s special, baby,” she winks, “save it for yourself when you get home, alright?” 

“Gee, Lyungie,” you deadpan, swirling the fragrant liquid, “I’m so glad my boy drama is spreading to your wine dealer.” 

Your friend holds her own drink in a toast, urging you to drink up. You don’t need to be told twice, the floral liquid going down surprisingly smooth. It’s sweet, and your whole body tingles. It’s like the feeling of being outside, and the sun shines over your exposed skin like a warm kiss. For a brief moment, you feel like you’re seeing pink and orange, blissfully satiated. 

“Mm,” you hum, licking your lips in hopes the feeling will return to you, “that’s some good stuff, got anymore?” 

Sehlyung scoffs, only mildly jealous that you get that particular drink all to yourself. “I wish. An arm and a leg cost me that, my hometown is very far!” 

The rest of the night is a haze, a comfortable one. Sehlyung goes off about Namjoon and his countless wardrobe malfunctions, keeping her from going home on time one way too many nights. You talk about how you’re getting into real progress with Soobin’s English, and how he doesn’t complain his head hurts when he speaks in full sentences. Hopefully he isn’t too mad when you send him a pop quiz next Tuesday. 

Sehlyung’s cab drops you off first, and she bids you a hug and kiss goodbye. She tells you to come a little early before your first class, because she wants to redesign Seokjin’s blazer for a new shoot and she wants you to pick out the best crystals. 

You know she just wants to show off and that your opinion is minimal because most of the decisions are made weeks before, but the gesture is appreciated. From Sehlyung’s knowing gaze, you have a feeling that she’s also doing this because she wants to keep you at arm’s length for as long as possible. 

The cab zips away first, leaving you in front of your apartment complex. You’re teetering on your heels like an infant, and you’re surprised that you managed to fake-sober this far into the night. 

Speaking of. It’s beautiful outside. With a tired sigh, you wrap yourself further into your burgundy knitted scarf, begging for warmth. You feel a fresh bout of tears surfacing as you look onto the pale yellow moon, shrouded by thick ghosty clouds among the starless sky. You wonder if Jungkook is looking at the same moon, thinking the same thing. 

You shake your head and wipe your tears, absolving you of that romantic notion. Jungkook hasn’t had the time to look at the stars in so long. You imagine he’s probably either working or sleeping soundly in his bunk, completely oblivious of the semi-depressing night you’ve had. You don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse that Jungkook doesn’t have the opportunity to dwell on feelings for too long. 

The midnight sky starts to flicker, as if night and day are competing for dominance. Either that, or it’s really late in the night and early in the day. Your vision starts to blur, and you wonder if the secretary at the front desk would be so kind as to help you up to your apartment. It’s embarrassing, but it’s better than you cracking your skull open in the middle of the hallway where anyone can find you. You clutch your head, bemoaning on how much alcohol must be running through your blood if you’re hallucinating this much. 

Wiping your bleary face, you dig into your purse for your keys. Upon pulling out the key your favorite lip balm rolls onto the street. A little part of you feels like leaving it behind so you can get to bed, but it’s your favorite one and you are so close to finishing it. Muttering a curse at the thought of bending down at the possibility of you vomiting in public, you quickly scramble to the ground. Your knees buck at the pavement, tiny stones digging into your skin. Focusing your gaze on the pink and blue plastic, you reach for the glittery tube. 

Unfortunately, you’re not quick enough to notice the moving truck swerve the corner and skid towards your body. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

The first thing you notice is that it’s unbearably bright. Like when you vegetate in a dark classroom watching a movie, and the teacher suddenly flips the lights on without warning and your brain panics from the shock. 

You’re also painfully sober, as if you didn’t have a liquor-based dinner. Your bladder doesn’t feel like a small child is sitting on it, and you’re wide awake. 

Someone’s yelling at you, their voice shrill from emotion yet gravely from the early morning. Suddenly there’s a whip of hot air against your hair and a harsh skid as the smell of tire on gravel fills your nose. You’re on sensory overload, and you don’t have the capacity to care about your surroundings. 

This is probably the third time you have to mentally repeat to yourself that it’s daytime, the sun shining brightly on your fallen form. Your body is splayed out in a half-starfish position, and you quickly close your legs in fear of someone seeing up your skirt. You put up a hand to cover your face, and it’s instantly snatched up by a larger one. 

“Hey, hey! Are you okay? I know I turned the corner pretty fast, but you shouldn’t be standing in the middle of the street like that!” the person calling you sounds frantic, frustrated at your lack of response. 

Your eyes flicker to the small jet black cruiser strewn across the sidewalk, haphazardly parked. Fingers curling around the person’s hand, you look up at their face and scream. 

It’s now their turn to collapse on the floor, eyes wide and terrified. Their soft black hair is fluffy and sweaty from using their helmet, now rolling away from their grip. 

“What?” he screams back, as if there’s something on his face. His hand whips up to clutch his collar, undoing the top button because he’s starting to sweat profusely. “Are you really injured? Do I need to call an ambulance or something—” 

“Jungkook!” you cry, ripping the woolen scarf from your neck to wrap it around the top half of his face. You scramble between his legs, making sure his piercings, tattoos and any other identifiable part of his body is concealed. You don’t even think about your fight from last night, knowing that it’s miniscule in comparison to Jungkook being swarmed by PR. “Kook, what the fuck? It’s broad daylight, you can’t be out like this without a mask! Where on earth did you hide that bike? Why—are you wearing fucking pastel green? Since when have you added color to your wardrobe?” the boy noticeably pauses at the attention to his outfit, tensing under your ministrations. “Dispatch will have your ass and the devil Min Yoongi’ll kill you again for sneaking out—”

It’s then that Jungkook snaps, two strong arms pushing you away like paper. You don’t expect Jungkook to ever lay a hand on you, and with a surprised yelp you’re painfully shoved onto the pavement.  

“Get off of me!” he cries, and throws your scarf on your lap. “Who the hell are you and why do you know my name?” 

He’s scared, holding his helmet like you’ve burned him. His doe eyes are glistening and dewy, as if you’re someone he should be running away from. 

“Jungkook—” and as you hold out your hand to him, you realize. 

I’m losing my mind, you think, clutching your head to double-check no injury has come to your brain. His hair is much, much longer. It waves and falls into his eyes, as if he’s just gotten out of bed. He’s wearing a backpack, and you notice some crumpled post-its sticking out of the zipper. Clipped around his neck is a university ID. Heck, he isn’t even wearing an outfit you recognize. Gone are the cargos and oversized sweats, replaced with professionally tapered dress pants and a plain polo. 

Is...  is Jungkook wearing khakis? 

It’s daylight, you’re sober, and the Jungkook that’s standing in front of you is not your Jungkook. 

#jungkook fic #jungkook fluff #goldenclosetnet #thekpopnetwork #btsghostiebingo #jungkook x reader #jungkook imagines #bts fic #bts fluff #jungkook scenarios

[xsugarysweetsx]

Could I get a Nozel x reader? Where the reader is pregnant with twins and then she’s possessed by the elves. And she tries to fight and kill Nozel. And she almost kills him cause he doesn’t want to hurt her. But then she says things like “how could anyone love someone like you” and he gets really disturbed because he’s thought the same thing countless times before. And after everything, she goes into labor and Nozel has no clue. So then he feels even guiltier that he missed the birth.

I really like this idea! Thank you for requesting anon!! Please enjoy!

“I’ll come home as soon as I can“ Nozel bid his goodbye to you. It was the morning of the attack and you worried about him leaving. There was no doubt that he was strong and capable for a mission like this but you couldn’t help it.

Not only was he your husband but the father of your unborn children. He rested a hand on your swollen stomach as he laid a kiss your head 

“Please be careful“ you said softly 

“I will, and I want you to rest. Understood?“ you nodded as he mounted on to the eagle he made from mercury. The caretaker who was assigned to you came near you to help you back into the castle. You had to put more faith into him, it’s Nozel after all.

Tiny time skip

You wake up abruptly to rumbling and loud scream and sounds. You struggle to sit up but still make it, you waddle over to the window and gaze upon chaos. The entire kingdom was falling into ruin and by...Magic Knights? You started for the door but was stopped by your caretaker

“Ma’am please get back into bed where it’s safer for you“ she insisted as she blocked the door

“Rose please, Let me pass I’m a Knight as well as a royal and it’s my job to protect the people of the kingdom“ you protested 

“Please ma’am, Sir Nozel will have my head if I let you do that and- you’re highness...you’re glowing..“ at first you thought it was a compliment but you look at you reflection to see that it was true. You were literally glowing, some type of magic had filled the air and you couldn’t pin point where. Before you knew it; pitch black. It’s like you woke up again somewhere you didn’t know.

No one POV

Y/N mad her way down the hall to Solid’s room where much noise was being made. Only it wasn’t Y/N, it was her body possessed by an elf. Pointed ears, powerful mana, markings on her face, and the deadliest look anyone has every seen on her. She made it to the room where she opened the door to find Nebra and Solid being attacked.

“Y/N! Thank goodness you’re here! Now please protect us!“ cried solid who hid behind his sister. Y/N simply walked to the elf who possessed a knight of the golden dawn and hugged her.

“It’s good to see you sister“ Y/N spoke, making their jaws drop

“And to you as well. Have you come to help me with these royals? They’re too cocky for their own good“ Y/N turned to the cowering pair on the bed and raised her hand toward them. Lava starting to emit from the ground around her shaping into the form of spears. 

“Now...die..“ they shoot at full speed but they never hit. Nozel had came just in time to save his siblings. Frustrated Y/N said 

“Leave them to me. I can sense this one is special to this human body”  

“Nozel thank god!“ Nozel looked up and was absolutely shocked. He ran to her 

“Y/N What are you doing here?! You need to be somewhere safer! Co-“ he reached for her but was soon slapped away by her. 

“Don’t touch me, you filthy human..“ she glared. Now is when he realized this wasn’t his wife.

“..give her back to me..“ he growled lowly. She gave a sinister smile and said 

“I think I like this body but there is one flaw I must get rid of“ she said as she traced a finger down to the buldge of her stomach making a short sword like object with her magic “Can’t fight properly while I carry these things around, besides they’re human..“

“NO!“ he pulled her hand away from herself as he felt her start to fight back. He couldn’t physically fight her. She was pregnant! He jumped back ready to defend himself, he may not fight her but he won’t die either.

Change POV

The battle was on going back and forth. When you would attack he would reflect it or just brush it away. You may have been an elf but it was still you.

“Ugh im tired of you!” You yelled and made a cage with spears in every direction. Without mercy you let them rain down in his body. Pained screams filled the room, fortunately no vital areas were hit, mostly his arms and legs which kept him in place.

“Finally, how could anyone love someone someone like you?” You said coldly beginning to all away. When he thought about it, it was true. Wherever he went there were whispered, and other cowered in fear, maybe it was better this way.

But there was always you...you always saw pst his exterior. You always made sure he was aware of all his great qualities and why you love him.

“Y-Y/N...please I know....you’re still in there..” he said weakly “I may not be the best person...but I..I know you love me...so please..come back to me...”

“Shut up! Shut up! Ahhh!” It was live voices were spinning in your head. The elf trying to win the body over but you wouldn’t let it. Finally, feeling as though something was laughed off of you, you stumble being caught by Nozel’s mercery. You turn and let your magic dissolve off of him.

You lay down completely drain of your magic and energy. The medics ran in to attend to Solid, Nebraska, yourself and Nozel. You’re were okay but just exhausted. Despite only being half way healed Nozel ran to you. He kneeled next you and cupped your face

“Are you alright love?” He was worried over you’re state but look at him! You nearly killed him

“Nozel I’m fine It’s you that I’m worried about. I could’ve killed you!” Your eyes tear up “I....I...I’m so sorry...” you sniffed. He shushed you and kissed your head and wiped your tears

“No don’t cry, it’s over now. We’re both fine”

“I-“ you were cut off my a pain in your lower back, it was dull at first but started to increase. Your face scrunched up in pain. The babies were coming..

“What’s happening?” He asked the midwife as he held your hand

“She’s going into labor sir we need to prepare for the birth” she said rushing her to the next room over on tot he bed. Noel then came in calling Nozel to come urgently. He didn’t know where to turn. The kingdom needed him but you also needed him.

You take a hold of his hand “go...th-they need you...I’ll be okay...” he knew that look, it was look when you didn’t want to repeat yourself. He pressed a kiss to your lips and your belly

“Forgive me.....” he whispered to your babies as he ran out of the room to attend to his duties.

Another time skip

After hours of agonizing birth. Sweat, fluids, pain and pushing your children finally enter the work. A beautiful baby girl and beautiful little boy. The girl looked like you but had his scowl and the boy looked like him but 100% had your little grin

Sadly Nozel had missed everything only because he was in the dark castle. Luckily he was in time to see them open their eyes for the first time. The girl had his eyes and the boy had yours.

“I’m sorry I missed this important moment” Nozel apologized for the 20th time

“Like I’ve said, you were protecting us from disaster and that’s plenty for me, here why don’t you hold her” he holds his arms open, already knowing what to do. She was so tiny in his larger frame

“Well she definitely has my frown” he chuckled

“That she does” you smiled leaning against him

“Thank you” he whispered “thank you for going through all this trouble and pain. I’m so proud of you” he said kissing your head.

“Well this wasn’t just me Nozel, so thank you for having these miracles in my arms. Thank you” you smile fondly at him and gives you a rare smile. A smile only you and your children will ever see

I hope this was fluffy and good enough! Thank you for reading❤️❤️

#nozel silva x reader #black clover nozel #nozel silva #black clover x reader #black clover #anime x reader #anime #anime fanfiction #fanfiction #black clover anime #black

[lady-plantagenet]

What are your thoughts on Jaime x Cersei, Jaime x Brienne, Tyrion x Tysha, George x Isabel, and Henry VIII x Anne Boleyn? (Sorry for the long list!)

Glad to see someone else feeling charitable and letting me vent my unsolicited opinions 😂. Saved the George x Isabel for the last cause I’m sure it will be the longest lmao!

Asked Via: Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it: https://lady-plantagenet.tumblr.com/post/627331607624302592/send-me-a-ship-and-ill-give-you-my-brutally

Jaime x Cersei: Despite it’s fundamental flaws, it is... titillating to read. The idea of people falling in love with their own other-gender counterpart is twisted yet so intriguing. I must confess that I am not as disgusted by incest as most people, so bear that in mind. The thing is, Cersei is definitely a narcissist with a lot of internalised misogyny and this ship just feels so justified to her character.

The issue is, and as the books go on, it becomes quickly clear that Jaime’s love is not as deep and as his appearance changes, and they no longer look identical Cersei’s own mental image, Cersei’s love also wanes and then you’re hit with how shallow it was. So I ship these two... but I also don’t because they’re toxic? Honestly, book-wise I am intrigued to see what will happen, if they end up together... or they don’t... either way I’m sure it will be quite a ride. You see, I’m not emotionally invested.

Jaime x Brienne: Oh the Sapphires... Obviously anyone who cares for Jaime’s wellbeing would want him to end up with Brienne as opposed to Cersei. I read this interesting theory recently on how these two don’t actually love each other but confuse their strong platonic feelings of affection for romance. You see, that’s also an interesting take as both characters are quite bereft off opposite gender friendships.

However, I strongly ship them romantically as well, Book!Brienne (hey show as well!) is truly admirable because based on her choice in men e.g. Renly, you can see how she had still not given up on her maidenly fantasies and I just love her for that, because true love isn’t something to which only pretty women are entitled. She in many ways represents salvation for him as she being a true knight in spite of her gender, can veer him back into the path of chivalry. He is most chivalrous around her, I mean, not only because her good conduct influences but also because he performs some of the most knightly deeds by cause of her e.g. rescuing her from the bear pit. I like this ship, it’s a good trope subversion.

Tyrion x Tysha: I find this one of the more heartbreaking ships of ASOIAF, because to me it represents Tyrion’s loss of innocence.

She is a haunting figure because of how small remnants of her memory were enough to pull Tyrion into the toxic relationship he had with Shae e.g. she too hard dark hair and there was music around when he met her. Its one of those weird (as @omgellendean put it in her brutally honest ask tag answer - a character who consists of only a name), but unlike Ashara Dayne, she is not idealised and given this over-the-top tragic story. So this elusive Tysha is an entity by what she symbolises: foregone youth and a sweetness that has no place in the ASOIAF universe.

Henry VIII x Anne Boleyn: As I said in my last ask. I cannot tolerate the romanticisation of infidelity, and that is especially when the male’s spouse is a wonderful woman fit for him and has done nothing wrong. I don’t have strong feelings against Anne Boleyn herself, as I prefer to see her as ‘Anne the Educated and Sophisticated Reformer’ as opposed to ‘Anne the Seductress’. Ugh let me just say... rule of thumb for whether it’s a good pair: Do thousands have to die for your selfish desire to be together? Yes? Then probably not meant to be. Just a thought.

I think Anne knew her own mind and I like to think her strong beliefs influenced her decision to breach this marriage (no I didn’t think she was her father’s pawn gah I’m sick of that term), but they were ultimately unsuited in everything and it was a passion brought about by Henry’s caprice. My heart breaks when I think on how Anne could have been happily married to Henry Percy. I’m also tried of this whole ‘master manipulator of men’s hearts’ reputation Anne is getting. You do realise refusing to be a mistress was not being a tease as much as it was just being a conventionally virtuous woman..? The girl knew her worth.

George x Isabel: Oh god. I promise to not start writing an essay. As weird as it is to ship dead people, they are my OTP, the main characters of my main historyfanfic, and frankly the most unsung couple of TWOTR. The fact that there are no records of letters or any particularly over-the-top romantic gestures by either of them, just intrigues me more because it was very much a relationship defined in subtle deeds. If you peruse the more academic TWOTR literature you can see all the fine but conclusive evidences of a devoted relationship: He posthumously enrolled her in a guild when he stayed there with his children (months after she died), he was buried together with her and her ancestors not his, how during 1470 he sent her to Exeter for her safekeeping while her mother and sister remained at Warwick and when a siege broke out he (and his father-in-law) immediately rode south to lift it and the amount of expenses and care he put into her funeral. Not to mention, the hassle it took for them to get married: years of trying to get a dispensation underneath the king’s nose culminating in them having to cross the channel.

The thing is, it had a lot of politics behind it and to be honest I don’t find that less romantic. It was one right for both of them: for the wealthiest heiress in England and the handsome younger brother and heir of King Edward - truly no one else would do for any of them. One of the things that grabs me is the medievalness of it all, how they were bound together by what was essentially a plan to reverse the country’s inevitable transition out of ‘bastard feudalism’. You also get a sense of how this marriage despite the ultimate failure of its purpose (to make George King) brought George the chance to establish himself as a major magnate through his wife’s lands which ultimately became his main source of power as opposed to his royal status. The relative peace that ensued after 1472 shows that his status as Warwick’s political heir (as Christine Carpenter put it) did something to placate the disapointment of not becoming king. So the way I see it, Isabel’s death took from him any of the satisfaction and peace she brought with her lands and persona as he once again reverted to his old (even more than before) reckless self. Not to mention the people he executed after her death in his grief believe in her to have been poisoned (most historians believe that’s unlikely).

Aside from that, in a society where pretty much everyone strayed (even Anthony Woodville had a bastard daughter), it is quite heart-warming how the man known for his treachery, happened to be one of the only ones loyal to his wife: no bastards or women were ever linked to his name not even in rumour. As for Isabel, she is quite a shadowy figure but you get the sense she was intelligent because of the care her father took in preparing her as his heir, because of her wealth you get this sense of majesty and significance about her. The two times we can deduce anything about her personality is a true supporter of her husband: once, when deciding to treat with the Yorks behind her father’s back to reconcile George to them, second, remaining steadfast to George when he tried to squirrel her sister Anne out of her inheritance. Based on the homage she paid to her ancestors, she seems proud of her ancestry so it’s quite intriguing to think why she made the aforementioned two choices, endangering her father and sister in favour of her husband. And oh god I’m rambling, I can say even more if you can believe it but I shall stop. Overall, one might think I’m wishful thinking but frankly Anne and Richard are touted as star-crossed lovers all the time and with even littler evidence to support it (not that I don’t ship them, I do). I might be subjective, but the story of George and Isabel’s life is just so compelling...

#🍷❤️ #thank you for asking darling #I know you were being nice about the last one and giving me an oppportunity to gush 😂 #if anyone has anything to say to my rambles feel free to send an ask #or hell if anyone else wants to send me other ships #cersei lannister #jaime lannister #cersei x jaime #brienne of tarth #jaime x brienne #tyrion lannister #tysha #tyrion x tysha #anne boleyn #henry viii #henry viii x anne boleyn #george of clarence #george duke of clarence #isabel neville #gisabel #george x isabel

[panlyv]

top 5 characters you headcanon as trans from asian shows in general (doesn’t have to be bl) AND top 5 characters from the gifted/tgg!!! - rahul 💛

rahuuuuuuuuul!!! im So Sorry that im only answering this now after like three centuries lmao but i hope u can still accept my answers 🥺

top 5 trans bbs:

1. vlad from gaya sa pelikula: *screeches like a pterodactyl* MA BABY!!!!! thanks to u and ur amazing galaxy brain, vlad is definitely my #1 trans headcanon of all times, he’s just too trans to not be trans!!!! it baffles me how that’s not canon like PLEASE LOOK AT HIM! TRANS!

2. mork from my tee: after i read this post, trans!mork has been living on my mind rent free. it just Makes Sense and god if him being trans was canon, maybe my tee would have another tolerable aspect that isn’t frankdrake ❤️

3. wave from the gifted: i have no logical explanation for this one. i just Feel it. in my bones. he’s trans!

4. kitty from dark blue kiss: LISTEN. SHE’S TOO ICONIC AND INCREDIBLE AND BEAUTIFUL TO BE CIS I’M SORRY!!!!!!!!

5. team from until we meet again: i...... yeah. idk man he just speaks to me and i find him such an interesting character. from the few chapters i read of hemp rope, we still have So Much more of him to see that wasn’t shown in uwma, and we’ll most likely get a backstory in between us so IMAGINE how groundbreaking it would be to have him canonically trans and for us to see his journey :(

top 5 the gifted (graduation) characters:

1. MY GIRL NAMTAAN!!!!!! i love namtaan SO MUCH. i love how she’s too much of a sherlock for her own good, but she’s so determined and strong, even with her condition and basically the world telling her to step down and just accept it, she won’t let anything or anyone stay between her and her heart’s desire. and she’s so loving and caring :( she cares about pang and ohm sososooo much :( and when she was the only one willing to reach out to wave and befriend him despite his hostility god!!!!! i know we all praise pang for being the responsible for wave’s growth, but if it wasn’t for namtaan and her kind heart that was ready to welcome wave, maybe he would’ve taken a lot longer

2. chanon................. listen. i know we had him for one episode in s1 and he NEEDS to come back in tgg... i love him okay. I DO. with all my heart. chanon is so selfless and his heart was filled with so much love for pom that he willingly gave up his future just so he could see the love of his life achieve his dreams, because pom’s happiness is more important to him than his own :( and now?? that we know he remembers everything??? and has been secretly spying on the gifted???? AND IS STILL FIGHTING FOR A BETTER, FAIRER WORLD???? how can i not love this emo man 😭😭😭😭

3. wave :( literally ‘neoneun na, naneun neo’ u kno :(( we are The Same and i see sososooooooooooo much of myself in wave. finding solace in loneliness? trust issues?? hostility towards help??? feeling like i need to prove myself all the time???? yeah...... yh. he’s just... too real. and after seeing how much he’s grown since s1 :( my heart exploded, im so proud of him :( to see him having fun, enjoying his friends, but most importanly, enjoying himself. the bit where he’s singing another bird thongchai bop at the top of his lungs?? all by himself?? just to feel good? THAT’S MY SON!!!!!!!!!! 

4. pang!!! u know he had to be here like what can i do i love my son and i just want him to GET A BREAK. he tries so hard to be a good person and do what’s best for everyone that sometimes i forget he’s just a teen and teens make mistakes, but he seems to forget that too :(( and asks so so so much of himself :( but he can’t do everything and he’s learning that too during all of this. i think what i most like about pang is that he’s just as flawed as the rest of them, instead of having him be the perfect hero that saves the day, and thanks to that we see him try, fail, stand up again, and learn to do better next time

5. mon and grace because i am gay. and ik im cheating but i LOVE my girls and they deserve BETTER. both of them. and more screentime PLEASE

5.5 punn because when i watched the gifted for the first time, my #1 was punn, and i still like him a lot but recent events made him lose his spot pls say sike

send me top 5 anything!

#THANK YOU SM FOR PLAYING WITH ME RAHUL!!!!!! #AND SORRY AGAIN FOR REPLYING REALLY LATE #and im so sorry i literally cannot shut up #rahul #dawn.odt #top 5 ask

[joon-bugs]

Crush

~I’m late (as usual) but this is in commemoration of Jungkook’s birthday! No matter what age he will always be our baby Kookie. Let me know if there are any ideas you guys have for future stories, and enjoy!~  

 ‘He looked so small kneeling at your feet. His grown out hair was pulled back into a low bun, a detail you had overseen previously. A few shorter strands hadn’t made the cut and were haphazardly strewn over his forehead, covering his wide doe eyes. The image would have been so innocent if not for your nakedness.’ 

word count: 3,268 

pairing: Jungkook/Reader 

genre: smut 

warnings: swearing, first time oral (male giving, female receiving), Taehyung being an ass, (more) couch staining, slight violence, baby boi Jungkook, slightly submissive Jungkook, unprotected sex 

If there was anything nice to say about Kim Taehyung, it was that he gave good head. Okay scratch that. He gave phenomenal head. He delivered toe curling pleasure like it was his damn job and knew it.  The only flaw with him was the fact he was a major ass. Taehyung or 'Taehoney' as he was dubbed, was a cocky bastard with a pretty face. He reveled in getting off men and women, collecting in the reward of bragging about it while receiving reverence and sometimes money from his classmates. Getting on his knees was a hobby that benefited him in more ways than one, and he was perfectly content to break down the recipient of his efforts. Today, it just so happened to be you. 

Honestly, you didn't know why Taehyung had given you the time of day. You weren't his type by any standard, preferring the silence and seclusion of the library to the rowdy atmosphere of your apartment. Having three roommates only sounded like a good idea from a money perspective. It didn't help they all liked to smoke and drink, which usually led to them inviting friends over. And being really really loud. So the library had thus become your hideaway, away from the world. 

Maybe one of your  roommates had told him about you, put you on his radar, painting a target on your back. That could have been the only explanation as to why he weaved through the rows of paperbacks, only to plop down at the furthest table, which you happened to be seated. All he had to do was smile and extend his hand. 

"I'm Taehyung. Nice to meet you." 

You were done for, caught in his net the moment he opened his mouth. 

Somehow in the span of an hour Taehyung convinced you to study at his place, ensuring you that his roommate would be out. Like a lamb to slaughter you agreed, your backpack seeming heavier as you followed him home. 

Taehyung was sly, quick to offer you a seat on the small loveseat, making no move to squeeze next to you. He instead crossed his legs, sinking to the floor by your feet. You were grateful for the space, the air already suffocating in the emptiness of the apartment. 

You'd just started to take out your things when a touch startled you, and you looked down only to see the red haired boy grinning, his fingers inching up your shorts. Maybe the whole situation would have been avoided if it was colder, if the weather called for sweatpants or a parka. Or maybe it was ineffable, fated by some twisted deity. Either way Taehyung had gotten between your legs, and it was taking all of your willpower not to scream. 

"Tae-Taehyung...I don't-understand." You panted through clenched teeth, tossing your head to the ceiling, your fists balled. He came up for air to bite a chunk of your thigh, and you released a sound between a shriek and a gasp. 

"There’s nothing to understand Y/N. Enjoy the ride baby." He laughed, enjoying himself. You canted your hips when he resumed his actions and latched onto his hair unconsciously. You glanced down to watch him work and marveled at the contrast between your skin and his fiery locks. The scarlet letter came to mind and you scoffed, thinking of the symbolism. Guess that made Taehyung a harlot. 

“What’s so funny hmm?” His eyes met yours and you turned red, noticing his dripping chin. Was all that really from you? 

“N-nothing. Just thinking.” You gave a half hearted reply, hoping it was enough. His lips poked out in a pout. 

“I would hope you were thinking about me..and I don’t think what I’m doing is very funny. I’d rather have you begging than laughing.” He sounded upset. 

“Tae-“ 

“Time to work more of my magic then.” 

Taehyung grabbed your butt and yanked you closer, your thighs cradling his skull. He wrapped his lips around your clit suddenly and sucked hard. You yelped, back bowing off the couch, mouth open, eyes wide. He chuckled, the air stimulating you further. 

“That’s more like it sweetheart. Show me how you fall apart.” He lowered his voice, sending chills up your spine. The noises that followed were absolutely sinful, loud and obscene. Your legs were beginning to shake, the coil in your belly tightening. Taehyung’s nails dug into your thighs and you just knew there would be marks. You took in a big breath, the pressure rising. 

“I think I’m-“ 

“What the hell?! 

You shot up, pulling Taehyung’s hair to get him off. He resisted at first, content to continue despite the audience, until he realized you weren’t letting up. He sighed loudly and looked over his shoulder, still holding you spread eagle. 

“Oh you’re back early. Game finish early Kook?” Taehyung had a bored tone, a complete 180 from his earlier persona. You furrowed your brow at the nickname. Why did it sound so familiar..? You slowly scanned your eyes up the newcomer’s legs, taking in the toned definition of their thighs, all the way up to a pronounced chest and wide neck. You noticed the scar on his cheek and the small mole on his chin. Oh god. It was Jeon Jungkook. The best athlete on campus who so happened to be your biggest crush. Your crush who had just witnessed you getting tongue fucked by his roommate. You should’ve ran. If not for the mortification burning through your blood, you would have. 

Jungkook grit his teeth, glaring daggers at Taehyung who gave him a cheeky grin. 

“Sorry you caught me in the middle of something. Let me finish up then we can get lunch.” He talked as if he were discussing the weather. Jungkook dropped the duffel bag he'd been holding and charged forward to wrench Taehyung back by his shoulders. He fell on his back with a thud, the impact hard enough for a side table to shake. 

“What the f-” 

“You’re a real piece of shit ya know that?!” Jungkook yelled, standing over Taehyung with his hands in tight fists. You’d never seen the younger look so angry before. Taehyung scowled before standing to brush off his pants. 

“What’s the problem man? You act like this is the first time you’ve walked in on me working.” Working? It's not like I’m paying him. 

“That’s what this is? Bullshit. You’re telling me she came to you? That’s low even for you.” Jungkook got in his roommate’s face, breathing heavily. You wondered why he was so upset. 

“What? Hard to believe miss goody two shoes would ask for my services? I mean-” Taehyung scoffed, looking proud, “Could you blame her?” The situation was getting way out of hand and you chatised yourself for ever coming to the apartment. You crossed your ankles and shivered, debating on snatching up your shorts, but too afraid to move. 

“Im gonna beat your ass.” Jungkook’s threat was quiet and firm.  Despite only being able to see the back of Taehyung’s head you imagined the giant eye roll he gave Jungkook. 

“Oooo what a tough guy. Grow up Jeon. Tell me the real reason you're mad. It's because I can do what you can't. Make a girl come on my tong-” Taehyung’s head quickly connected with the drywall as his body was slammed up against it. You felt the weight of the attack as if it was aimed at you. Fistfuls of Taehyung’s shirt was bunched and twisted in Jungkook’s grasp, the two roommate's faces nose to nose.                    

“You knew damn well I would be home early, I should-” 

“What? Hit me? C’mon show us what a real man you are.” Taehyung licked his lips, enjoying his taunting. You saw Jungkook’s jaw twitch and knew you had to step in. 

“Wait! Don’t..don’t.” You pleaded lamely, becoming red as the two men turned to stare. Jungkook seemed to soften and hesitated a moment before shoving himself away from Taehyung. 

“Cute Jeon. Real cute.” Taehyung chuckled, adjusting his clothes. He fixed up the mussed section of his hair and tossed you a wink, before turning towards the door. 

“Sorry I couldn’t finish you off Y/N. But maybe Kook could help you out..” He threw the words over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him, leaving the apartment silent once more. Jungkook’s gaze was glued to Taehyung’s disappearing form for a moment and you took this time to bend down to grab your pants, trying to be as subtle as possible. You began to undo the row of buttons on the front but paused after hearing Jungkook mutter. 

“Are you..okay?” You were hesitant to ask and flinched when the boy’s head whipped around and his eyes bore into yours. Your earlier task forgotten, all you could do was stare back, watching as Jungkook mumbled something else under his breath, seeming distracted. 

“S-sorry for being here, I’ll just go.” His attention was making you nervous and it didn’t help that your lower half was exposed. It was not how you wanted your first encounter with him to go. His look turned hard then and he clenched his jaw, approaching you swiftly. You jumped back, pressing your body further into the couch, head dizzy at the unexpected move. Oh god he must be really mad. You anticipated that he would yell and throw you out, never to speak to you again. Clenching your eyes you waited, breath held. 

“I’ll show him.” The words were soft, quiet. You slowly opened your eyes, confused for a second, not seeing Jungkook in front of you. It was only when you felt a waft of warm air graze your legs, did you realize where he had gone. 

He looked so small kneeling at your feet. His grown out hair was pulled back into a low bun, a detail you had overseen previously. A few shorter strands hadn’t made the cut and were haphazardly strewn over his forehead, covering his wide doe eyes. The image would have been so innocent if not for your nakedness. And his staring. Right at your crotch. 

“Um..Jungkook?”  

“He did this to get back at me.” He said, leaning forward, letting his fingertips travel up your legs. You clenched them, keeping them closed for modesty’s sake. Omg Jeon Jungkook is touching me omg omg. You were internally losing your cool. Jungkook continued. 

“He can never just take an apology, always gotta act like a dick-” 

“Taehyung?” You were baffled at the lack of context to his rambling. He paused in his exploration, but his eyes never moved. 

“He knew I liked you Y/N. That’s why he wanted to get you here alone.” Shame flooded your face and you gasped audibly, realizing just how big of a dumbass you were. 

“You..like me?” Probably not anymore you whore. 

He looked up at you then and gave you a shy smile, looking much younger than you knew he was. 

“Y-Yeah. I was..too shy to tell you.” He looked away, reverting his attention back to your closed privates. Who would have thought someone as outgoing and sporty as Jungkook would actually be bashful? 

“I like you too Jungkook.” The confession escaped your mouth faster than you could think and you waited with baited breath, wondering how he might react. What you weren’t expecting was for him to heave a huge sigh and plant a kiss to the top of your leg. 

“Good.” He breathed, warming your skin, while his free hands circled your knees. You bit your bottom lip, trying not to release any noises. The warmth moved high, dangerously close to your core. You wrapped your arms around yourself, both embarrassed and turned on. 

“Can I make you feel good Y/N? Can I touch you?” Jungkook seemed nervous himself now, his voice wavering. Yes. God yes. Is what you wanted to say. You ended up with something a little less eloquent. 

“Um..sure. Make me feel good Kookie.” His eyes flashed at the nickname and he parted your legs open in a single move. Cold air assaulted your nether regions and you shivered, feeling your wetness already cooling. Jungkook hesitantly ran a finger up your folds, swiping some of the arousal pooling there. You flinched at his touch, watching as he brought the coated limb to his lips, poking his tongue out to taste. 

“Wow. That’s how you taste.” With his voice neutral you were unsure whether he was complimenting you or if he was disgusted. You soon got an idea of what his answer would be when Jungkook lowered his head, picking up where Taehyung left off. 

His inexperience was obvious by the hesitant flicks of his tongue and by the lack of rhythm in his ‘technique.’ Nevertheless tingles started to surface within you and you squirmed at the feeling. 

“Am I hurting you?” Jungkook looked up at you with a concerned expression, eyelashes nearly brushing the bottom of his eyebrow. You swallowed and shook your head, unbelieving of what was happening. How he could manage to look so cute while he was going down on you was a mystery. 

“I’ve never..done this before.” He admitted after a pause, his cheeks dusting with color. 

“I could help you, if-if that’s cool. You can stop-” 

“No. I want too Y/N. Just tell me what to do.” God you shouldn’t have felt such a rush at his compliance but you did. You guided him back down, finding enough confidence to place your hand on his head. A sudden thought popped into your mind. 

“Hey Jungkook? Could you maybe undo your bun? I want to touch your hair.” He’s gonna think you’re a freaking weirdo now great. 

Wordlessly he removed the elastic without pause, flinging the tie across the room without coming up for air. You let out a trembling breath, weaving your fingers through his hair, marveling at its softness. Jungkook hummed, sending a shock of vibrations and you bucked into his face, nails digging into his scalp. 

“Oh!” Gasping for breath you tried to control the rocking of your hips, eyes swiveling in every direction to find something to lock onto too, until they settled on the man on the ground. His own body was reacting similar to yours, lower part pressing up against the couch. He was humping the furniture like a dog in heat and you felt your arousal grow at his neediness. When his lips discovered the small bundle of nerves and started sucking you hissed through your teeth, clenching your jaw so tight it hurt. At this rate you were going to come hard and fast. 

Jung-ah! Kook!” The heaving of your chest distorted your exclamation but he seemed to hear you. 

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” His pupils were blown, dark enough to match his hair. The ceiling light caught the reflection of your juices on his chin and you could only conjure up images of everywhere else you wanted his mouth to be. 

“N-no. Please Jungkook. I need you up here.” Now who’s the needy one? 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea I’m..” Hard. 

“I know. I know.” You grasped his face and coaxed him to join you, bringing your lips together messily, not minding the taste of yourself on him. He was still before coming alive, grasping the back of your neck to intensify the kiss. It was sloppy and loud but you were burning from the inside out, Jungkook a craving you had dreamed of indulging in. You pulled him down on top of you, your head meeting the armrest. In this position you could feel his straining length on your bare thigh and you were grateful you were already prepped. Otherwise there was no way he was fitting inside you without it being painful. You reached down to palm him through the joggers, feeling him twitch and lean into your touch. 

“I know this is so sudden and I literally just confessed but can I-ah-fuck you?” He was huffing, breath raspy and hot on the shell of your ear. His politeness only made him more endearing, and you laughed. 

“Yes. Please.” 

With your spoken consent Jungkook hastily shimmied his pants off, revealing he wasn’t wearing any underwear. You stared at the mass before you, watching as it curved to rest on his hoodie. The tip was leaking, the rest of him red and ready. Jungkook saw your expression and froze. 

“If you aren’t sure Y/N-” 

You wrapped a hand around him to silence him and he choked, only coming back into himself when you positioned him at your entrance. 

“Fuck me or I’ll call Taehyung to do it for you.”  

Jungkook slammed home, spurned on by your taunting and your mouth fell open in a silent scream. He was big. Bigger than you initially thought, and tears sprang in the corner of your eyes at the harsh intrusion. Jungkook began to thrust sharply, couch groaning under the fast movements. He had his eyes closed, lip captured between his teeth, completely lost in the moment. You hit his arm until he refocused on you, blinking away the wetness in your eyes. 

“Ah-let me-ah-on top. You’re too big.” Jungkook looked apologetic and pulled out, rolling over quickly. His whole body twitched, as if he was still inside you, sweat caked on his skin.

You brought your knees onto the side of his and took him in your hands once more, easing yourself down inch by excruciating inch until he was bottomed out, and you were full. Jungkook jerked then, hitting a spot that had you cry out and you begged for him to do it again. He grabbed your hips hesitantly, only gripping you tighter when you rocked against him, desperate for the friction. Soon the two of you were panting and grinding, tugging on the tops that remained but eventually giving up because neither of you could stand to be any more patient. Jungkook watched through lidded eyes as you bounced on him, letting on high whines that mimicked your own. You were getting tired, nowhere near as athletic as he was and started to slow, panting but trying to reach your end. Jungkook seemed to know of your dilemma because he planted his feet and increased his pace, ramming into you harder and faster than before. You held on to the front of his hoodie, unable to meet his thrusts anymore, only holding on as he brought you both to climax. 

You came first, your inner walls fluttering around him as you threw your head back, letting the intense orgasm wash over you. You collapsed on Jungkook’s chest, body spasming as he let out a yell, thrusting two, three more times, before finishing deep inside you. You felt the warmth of his seed and thanked god for the birth control you had started taking on a whim. Not that having a child with Jeon Jungkook was an unappealing idea. 

Your mouth was lead, thick and dry in your mouth, your limbs jelly. Holy shit I just slept with my crush and it was amazing. You cuddled his hoodie, despite how hot you felt , sighing in content when his arm came to pull you closer. 

“Hey Y/N.” 

“Hm?” 

“Want to grab lunch after this?” 

“Is this you asking me on a date?” You smiled, suppressing a chuckle. There was a pause. 

“Yeah. I am.” He did laugh, and you silently thanked Taehyung for bringing you two together, even if it hadn’t been under the best circumstances. 

Written by Rose 

#bts #bts one shot #bts smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #happy birthday jungkook #smut #bts jeon jungguk #bangtan seonyeondan #kim namjoon #rm #kim seokjin #jin #min yoongi #suga #jung hoseok #hobi #park jimim #chim chim #kim taehyung #v #jeon jeongkook #kookie

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

MHA Song Analysis - “Holy” by PVRIS

so i was listening to this song and it gave me massive todoroki family vibes lmao

anyway!! i got encouragement from fran (thank u fran) so its time to go off

i will leave a read more for those of u who dont wanna see me yell tho uwu

this is the song: https://youtu.be/rfrFT_3GP4A

SO i will be using genius lyrics as a ref for the lyrics so if u would like to double-check me on anything, u can do so using the same source

also for this analysis, we are going with the theory that dabi is todoroki touya just for simplicity’s sake

ALSO there are some manga spoilers in here so be careful!! it’s nothing too major or anything but there are instances discussed here that have not yet happened in the anime, so just a warning

w that let’s begin hoho

“youve got it all” “you” in this context is endeavor (who will be referred to as “enji” for the rest of this) and the rest of the line is obvious then; he’s got it all in the sense that he’s a successful, rich pro hero; he has a wife and kids and his own agency; when/if he retires, he could do so comfortably; he has a world-renowned, powerful quirk; he’s got looks and fans and everything

“but youve got it all wrong” despite everything enji has, he doesn’t treat it right at all. obviously he’s abusive as fuck towards his family, and negligent to natsuo and fuyumi once shouto comes along. he’s not satisfied with his place because he doesn’t get to have the number one next to his name. nothing is enough for him; his fatal flaw is envy, and it consumes him to an absolutely absurd degree

“now you dont know you’re a poor unfortunate soul” as previously mentioned, enji’s fatal flaw is envy. it fucks with him so severely that he can’t be happy with what he has, and instead stews in hate towards all might and the bitterness of “what-ifs”. thus, he’s a “poor unfortunate soul”

“oh i know/you make it seem that you feel whole/so they don’t know you’re a poor unfortunate soul” so even though enji is clearly a bit unstable and will never be satisfied or happy with what he has, he has to hide that fact; we see this particularly with his interactions with all might. he is venomous towards him, yes, but he will never let all might know that he’s jealous of him. we see this pattern of behavior echoed in shouto in the sports festival and dabi

“you put on a faith facade/think you’re holy when you’re not” the “faith facade” is enji pretending to feel accomplished with what he’s done, when he clearly isn’t. the “think youre holy when you’re not” refers to enji’s tendency to not see or not admit when he’s wrong. at least until his fight with the nomu leading to introspection, enji did not see any error in his ways. he was fine with using a woman solely for the children she could potentially bear, he was fine with neglecting the children that weren’t “good enough” in his eyes (natsuo and fuyumi), and he was perfectly fine with overworking the children that did meet his standards (shouto and dabi), which supposedly led to one’s death (touya/dabi)

“i hate to break it to you, baby/but you’re simply lost” could be seen as words dabi is telling enji during the nomu fight. shouto, fuyumi, and natsuo have no doubt thought this as well, though, and shouto and natsuo have said things that are equivalent to this (shouto when he told enji he would use him as a stepping stone to be a good hero and natsuo’s recent blowing up about touya’s “death” and enji’s parenting)

“you can right all the wrongs just to feel you belong” these are words natsuo definitely said to enji during their most recent interactions. shouto and dabi echo this sentiment, though, with how they interact with enji. its a very sarcastic and bitter line about not being able to just let what enji has done slip by

“but simply calling out sins don’t bring you closer to god” “calling out sins” is enji’s abuse towards his children and otherwise living through them, particularly shouto, and “bring you closer to god” in this context would mean enji reaching his goals. this is a sentiment all the todorokis feel, but particularly shouto, as enji honed in on him for years and shouto had no way of getting away from him until ua

“youre just a ghost at most/a set of empty bones” i feel as if this is a sentiment all the todorokis feel currently: enji because he’s finally realizing all he’s done wrong and doesn’t quite know how to cope with that; shouto because he’s trying to see himself as anything other than enji’s tool; natsuo because he wants to be more than the abuse enji inflicted on him, but it’s hard bc he can’t let go of touya’s “death”; dabi because he’s completely warped as a person from who he used to be and can’t reach out to his mom or siblings; fuyumi because she most likely has doubts about her feelings/lack of anger towards enji, even though her brothers are all angry with him in some form or fashion; and even rei, because she was changed as a person from enji’s abuse and hurt her own child because of it, and she must deal with the guilt of that

“searching for anything and everything to make you feel whole” this is a reference to how the todoroki’s are trying to cope with what is making them feel like a ghost. enji is reaching out to his kids, shouto is connecting with his friends and midoriya, natsuo is honest about his feelings to enji himself, dabi has a new family/group he connects with, fuyumi stands her ground bc her feelings are her own and shouldnt be swayed by what others are thinking, and rei is in a much better headspace now that she’s away from enji

“when it gets cold, oh, oh, oh” “when it gets cold” means when their struggles get particularly hard. examples of this: enji during the nomu fight, shouto during the sports festival, natsuo during the attack in recent manga chapters and the following conversation with enji, when dabi “dies”/runs away, and when rei hurt shouto. i cant think of a specific example for fuyumi right now, but you get the idea

“you dont know/no you dont know/oh you’re all alone/you poor unfortunate soul” i feel this line relates solely to enji and halfway with dabi, as shouto, natsuo, fuyumi, and rei all have each other and others that help them with being “unfortunate souls”. enji and dabi, on the other hand, only have themselves -- enji because he’s too prideful and also has no one left in his corner after his years of abuse, and dabi because he hasn’t told the league his past (yet), thus he certainly hasn’t talked about this at all

“you can’t control/where your body lets you go/oh you’re all alone/you poor unfortunate soul” i think this line, in particular, is dabi’s, as depending on which “dabi is touya” theory you’re looking at, he was kidnapped by ujiko to be made into a nomu that kinda failed/kinda succeeded, therefore he literally had no control where his body let him go. however, dabi in general didn’t have much choice, or probably felt he didn’t; he couldn’t stand to be with enji any longer, and it quite literally would have killed him if his scars are anything to go by. so he left, and ended up on the path of villainy. he didn’t choose that necessarily, it was just how the cards were played

“and you say that i’ve got it all wrong” “you” is enji and “i[’ve]” is shouto. this is before and during the sports festival. enji is still at his worst, shouto is trying to spite him/separate himself from him, and enji hates shouto for that, thus, he says shouto has it all wrong to not use his quirk/be obedient

“cause you just know im a poor unfortunate soul” enji knows and is the cause of shouto’s fucked up upbringing, so this line is kind’ve a bitter acknowledgment of that

“but there’s no way that there’s weight in the words that you preach/when you’re claiming your faith and you contradict your speech” shouto’s pov one again; he can’t take enji seriously in addition to not wanting to be like him because of enji’s obvious issues with envy. enji tells him to be proud of his fire, and yet clearly enji isn’t even satisfied with it as he can’t beat all might with flames alone. thus, shouto has resentment towards the irony of this, which this line attests to

“so i sit here and listen to your tongue and cheek/i know that when you sit and pray you’re only praying for keeps” shouto has no choice but to listen to enji’s hypocrisy, at least until the dorm system at ua is put into place the “praying” in this aspect can mean a couple different things; enji’s talks to the public, talks to shouto, or talks to all might. “praying for keeps” in these contexts, then, are: “just want to keep his hero ranking high”, “wants to live through shouto’s success because he’s unhappy with his own life”, and “wants to one-up all might in anything possible, from demeanor to supposed satisfaction to pride to legacy, etc”

chorus (“cause you’re a ghost...[...]unfortunate soul” bit) once more

“you’re shallow and empty and filled with regret” arguably all the todorokis feel this way. they all have things they regret at this point and all feel the emptiness that comes when there is a void in what is supposed to be a family. enji in particular has been shallow for a long time and still has issues with that.

“i think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck” the “cross” in this context is the weight that the todorokis each feel about what expectations they think they have to live up to/what worries them. obviously all the todoroki kids had/have the pressure to live up to enji’s expectations, but to get more precise: shouto and natsuo have the need to be more than “endeavor’s kids” on their chests, and shouto additionally has the pressures that come with being a hero course student; fuyumi has the dilemma of if she’s being too forgiving or not (and how that affects her loved ones) on her chest; dabi has the knowledge that he left behind his siblings and mother on his chest; enji has regret and dissatisfaction with his whole life on his chest; rei has the regret of what she did to her kids and the horrors of living with enji on her chest.

“you only wear cause you’re wary of what comes next after your death” why the todorokis hold on to their aforementioned “crosses”? they hold on bc its important to them that they carry reminders of who/what they want to be, or because they regret or are unsure of certain decisions, or because of nostalgia and a desire that things were different

“dont think i didn’t notice” this can be an outside perspective, but particularly im thinking midoriya because he’s met almost all of the todorokis now and has seen them at lows. very low lows in fact. thus,,,it can’t escape notice however it can also be the todorokis acknowledge the trauma and guilt that each other has; “takes one to know one” sort of thing

“dont think i didn’t notice/dont think i didn’t know/you’re just a po-o-o-or, poor unfortunate/so-o-o-oul, poor unfortunate/oh, oh, oh, oh poor unfortunate/so-o-o-oul, poor unfortunate” this line is kind’ve incoherent which is why i think it fits all of the todoroki’s thoughts; this is all of them thinking over each other about themselves and about the rest of their family

“and you’ve got it all/you’ve got it all wrong/no you’ve never known, known, known, known/you’re a poor unfortunate soul” once again, this is the todoroki’s thoughts overlapping each other, except these thoughts are exclusively about each other and not themselves

“dont think i didnt notice” definitely this is where the outside party comes in, at least for everyone but enji and dabi, as they have others that are there for them and they can talk to. as for enji and dabi, this line is still them thinking about the others

#c makes a word #analysis #meta #textpost #todoroki family #todo sibs #todoroki siblings #todo family #todo siblings #todoroki sibs #todoroki enji #todoroki shouto #todoroki natsuo #todoroki rei #todoroki fuyumi #todoroki touya #dabi/todoroki touya #dabi #bnha #boko no hero academia #boku no hero academia #buko no hero academia #my hero academia #my hero academy #mha #endeavor #shoto #shoto todoroki #todoroki shoto #shouto todoroki

[jrctolkien]

all these years-part five

<previous

pairing: tom holland x reader

summary: fake dating au where you and tom pretend to he together for a wedding but feelings quickly begin to rise

a/n: this is much more of a filler chapter, but im actually kinda proud of it :) the plot's super bad but my writing seems good!!

You had bought the cat pillow, and were now lying against it from where it was on you sofa. Undoubtedly, the teal sofa was one of your most prized possessions and, despite it's many flaws, you loved it: the cat scratches, the countless unnamable stains  that littered the soft fabric, even the most annoying person on the planet, who was currently sat next to you on the sofa. None of those flaws could make your love for the piece of furniture waver.

Jasmien grinned at you from where she was sat and you scowled back. "You like that skinny son of a bitch." she stated adamantly. Although not a flaw, Jasmien was most definitely the most annoying person you knew and, if there hadn't been that chance encounter with her that sunny day where she helped you move in, you probably wouldn't even know her. The two of you had built your relationship on late night study sessions, filled with loud laughter and Chinese takeouts that ultimately bonded the two of you into a lifelong friendship.

Instead of answering her -obviously true- statement, you snatched the TV remote up and switched the channels to Jeremy Kyle. The couple on screen were screaming at each other, the man (a skinny, orange, thing) saying that the baby his partner was carrying wasn't his, instead his brothers, and the lady balling her eyes out.  

"Don’t ignore me, babe." Jasmien said lowly. She had been away for a couple days on a hen weekend, sending you Ikea memes and refusing to talk about anything other than how a girl on the trip cheated on her boyfriend and the peculiar position Tom and you had been caught in.

Maybe it was because you were PMSing, or maybe it was because you were homesick and missing your family and cats, you didn't know why, but you suddenly felt your chin start to wobble. Jasmien reached over as your eyes started to water, pulling you into a hug against her chest. "Shh, it's okay, honey." She said, sweet and soft in your ear as you clung to her. The scent of warm vanilla and paints wafted off Jasmien in waves as you sobbed into her pajama shirt. It had slowly become the scent of home since you had known her, overtaking the old smell of freshly-cut grass and warm bread. 

"What's up?" asked Jasmien quietly as the crux of your sobs subsided, leaving you sniffling and hiccupping. 

Barely distinguishable over the cries of the lady on TV, you sobbed, "I don't bloody know!"

Rubbing your back, Jasmien hummed, letting the subject drop as the two of you sat their in near-silence, her breathing getting heavier and heavier until it turned into snores in your ear.

After carefully extracting yourself from your friend, you wandered over to your window.

The bright lights of London shone onto your face, the dark backdrop of the night sky making it all look like a Van Gogh  painting. 

If you were in a romcom, this would be the moment where the main character hit an all time low. Bridget would be screaming her drunken lungs out to All By Myself, Rosie would be staying home and not going to college after she found out she's pregnant. But it wasn’t a romcom, it wasn’t a movie. It was real life and you just had to squeeze your feelings for a certain fake-boyfriend way down into your intestines. 

  �� A hand at your waist stilled your movements. Your small apartment was filled with your closest friends and, after a hearty roast dinner where you were sat around your small dining table with Jasmien, Amanda, Tom and Harrison, you were elbows-deep in soapy water, cleaning dishes. 

A warm breath against your ear and then, "You were crying the other night." Tom muttered, resting his forehead against the back of your head. 

"Jasmine's always been a loudmouth." you whispered back, returning to the dishes. 

Tom sighed and then asked, "Why?"

You laughed fakely, thanking the lords that Tom couldn’t see your red face, answering, "Periods! They always suck, right?"

Tom groaned and pulled away from your head, spinning you around to face him. "What was wrong?" He interrogated. 

Waving your wet hands around in the air, you looked towards the table, where Jasmien and Amanda were playing Black Jack and constantly glancing at the two of you.  "I miss my home." You admitted. It was partially true: you always missed home. But there was something else, a certain romantic frustration that had made you cry three nights ago.

Avoiding Tom's eyes, you reached behind you and grabbed a cloth to dry your hands with. Large hands gently pried it out of your small ones, and you looked up at Tom, who immediately tugged you into a warm, nice smelling embrace. "Do you want to go this weekend, before the wedding?" He asked, so quietly you barely heard it.

Nodding against his shoulder, you sighed and wrapped your arms around Tom's back. "Jasmien." You simply said, and Tom hummed in response.

"Mandy and Haz too?" He responded.

A smile crept onto your face and you looked up at Tom. "I'm glad you're here." You braved in a quiet voice. "I'm glad I'm doing this with you."

"Biggest mood." Tom replied and you laughed, pulling away from him. You didn't know what was going on between the two of you, but welcoming it with open arms seemed to be the only thing you wanted to do.

"We're all going to my parents this weekend." You called over to the table.

Amanda and Harrison cheered, high-fiving each other with identical grins. Growing up, your village had been incredibly close knit, everybody knowing each other and your farm, which was a little ways away from the village square, situated in it's own field, had been the centre for teenagers to hang out at. You had enjoyed it and had spent countless nights curled up on heaps of hay with Amanda, watching the stars twinkle. Moving to the big city had been a shock, but it was nice. 

"You're gonna love it Jazzy!" Amanda all but squealed, turning to face you and saying, "I think Stephie's in town, too. Daphne never left, bless her, and neither did Cat. Girl's reunion!"

Jasmien was at there, a small smile on her face. She had never been round your parents' before, so she didn't really have the same look of excitement on her face as the two people sat with her did. 

Tom and Harrison were often over your house, hanging out with your older brother. Oftentimes, they would be in the barn, drinking wine taken from Amanda's mum's unlimited stash, and laughing the night away.

A warm hand tentatively took yours and you squeezed, hearing a soft chuckle from Tom behind you. "I can't believe you abandoned the dishes like that!" He joked loudly, flicking you with a teatowel. "I have to do everything around here, do I?"

You laughed, ready to spent the rest of the night with your friends, watching stupid movies and eating ice cream. You may of ended up curled up next to a certain someone, holding hands underneath blankets like little kids, giggling the night away to the sounds of Ryan Reynolds making sexual innuendos and killing people.

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