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#detectives
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Dr Doolittle-style show about a detective who can talk to animals, except instead of talking like people the animals still talk like animals, just translated into English sentences, so the plot of most episodes centres around trying to figure out what the star witness testimony actually means.
Victim's murder was witnessed by her pet snake, whose tank was in the room. Unfortunately pet snake is incapable of describing the world around them except in terms of 'rocks' and 'meat', with their descriptions of individual forms of 'meat' focusing almost entirely on body temperature and smell.
(Solved when it turns out that their description of 'warm-cold meat with rock' was actually an attempt to describe a suspect with a prosthetic limb, which is pretty unnoticeable to a human, but looks dramatically different in infrared.)
Murder at a honey farm. Each witness managed to see about ~0.06% of the full crime, in order to get the full picture, you have to get them to swarm.
Victim was found several days after death, already crawling with maggots. Days into the investigation, protag begins a frantic search to find any surviving maggots/flies that were on the corpse, after realising that how the victim tasted would give vital information about the poison used.
Also there's at least one or two animals who actually do talk in full sentences and in terms humans can understand, and the reason behind this is never fully explained.
All cats in this universe talk in terms of 'mine/not-mine' and mainly focus on territory, mates and food, with the one exception of the main character's cat who is named Watson and knows how to use sarcasm.
All insects speak in one word sentences where everything is 'food', 'enemy' or (for hive insects) 'friend' and 'queen', with the exception of seven-spotted ladybirds specifically, who for some reason speak in full English sentences and are up to date and knowledgeable about world events. The protagonists is as concerned by the full implications of this as you are.
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kazoosandfannypacks · 6 months
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as always, I'd love to hear your answer in the tags, especially if it's one of the "other" choices!
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lumosnite · 1 year
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cloudofbutterflies · 1 year
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Benoit Blanc & Sherlock Holmes both prove that the best detectives aren’t actual trained detectives but nosy gay men who drink their respect women juice and hate the rich.
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thehauntedrocket · 5 months
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Elementary Dear Data...
Art by Rachael Stott
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While we're on the topic of detectives... What about Columbo? He's kind of used to tormenting suspects with the whole social song and dance, not the other way around. Do you think he could pull it off with Drac?
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I am going to lose all of my tumblr cred by admitting: I have never watched Columbo.
So what do I know about Columbo?
His character design is based on a crumpled brown paper bag, possibly the kind you use to hide hard liquor in
He's keenly observant
His favored enemy is Rich Jerk
Wife Guy
Keeps up a sort of constant disarming patter
"Just one more thing..."
I think it's that last one that's going to get him into trouble tbh...
Before we get going, I am just imaging:
"I can help but noticing you've got a Bradshaw's Guide there. You know my wife just loves those things. Has the whole lot of em memorized. Yeah they call her the train fiend. Not a lotta trains up here in the mountains - oh but you're moving to London that's right. Purfleet wasn't it? Next to the Asylum."
I don't know if the Girlies would bother with Columbo. He's neither young nor full of energy. He looks like he would taste like cigarette butts.
I was going to say I don't think it's possible for him to cut himself with anything that leaves a permanent 5:00 shadow, but I realized he may not be actually physically stubbly. I think it's just vibes. He's spiritually stubbly. So the shaving incident is not a non-issue after all. My guess is that he would accept the crucifix because he's polite like that (when not hunting Rich Jerks). So he'd just be like "foul bauble of man's vanity? Yeah that's what my wife calls it too. On the other hand she doesn't like whiskers, so what can you do? Funny thing about that mirror, it didn't seem to be working quite right."
A crucial factor is how his patter is received. I think there may be something inherently mesmeric to Columbo - but does the magical power of his voice work on vampires? Will Dracula be bemused or annoyed? For two solid months?? Or will the game be to drop increasingly obvious hints in front of this slow-witted detective and watch him comment in his pathetically rambling way on literally everything else. I am a very smart vampire lord hoo hoo hee hee ha ha
My biggest hangup is that Columbo is, as far as I can tell, one of those Confront the Murderer With The Evidence type detectives. Would he have the wherewithal to not do that while he's a prisoner in a remote Castle instead of a crumpled detective with full police backup? My question for all of you is: can Columbo help himself? We know, if Dracula does not, that he can enter into the feelings of the hunter, but can he turn it off?
...also I have literally no exit strategy for him so whoops. Unless Mrs Columbo comes and rescues him in a helicopter or something. I do not think he is going down the wall. I do think he knows there isn't any key.
So anyway I think Columbo can solve Castle Dracula but I don't think he can escape Castle Dracula. If he confronts Dracula with Just One More Thing Dracula will kill him. If the Girlies don't want him they might let him go because having him continue to follow Dracula around bothering him might be very very funny to them.
In the final analysis I really don't know
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kirain · 1 year
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Sherlock Holmes
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Hercule Poirot
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Phryne Fisher
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Benoit Blanc
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Adrian Monk
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Nancy Drew
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Dick Tracy
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Columbo
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Miss Marple
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kathaynesart · 3 days
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It is time! I'm so excited to get the chance to go toe to toe with one of my all time favorite AU's in the @tmntaucompetition, Empyrean Weeping by @cupcakeslushie ! EW!Donnie is just a treasure that must be protected. Luckily Replica Donnie is willing to take him under his wing. Since the theme for this round of the competition is 1940's I just had to do them as a pair of a film noir styled Private Eyes with Replica as the seasoned sleuth and EW as his new, young upstart of a partner. Just saying they would probably make a good team!
You can vote HERE!
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spacebubblehomebase · 7 months
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Forget whether we should trust the twins or not. I, for one, can't believe THEY trusted US in ANY official legal capacity! And here I thought we were (in)famous. LMAO XD (Seriously tho. Who thought this was a good idea??? 👀) -Bubbly💙
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emlvi56 · 3 months
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DETECTIVE. ARRIVING. ON THE SCENE. I've been kind of obsessed (understatement) with these boys and their world since I picked up Disco Elysium for the very first time this past October. "How did you get so cool, Kim?" "Despite all this -- [Detective Du Bois] is a great detective. One of the best I've seen, in fact." I love them so much.
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FINAL ROUND - THE GREAT BIG DETECTIVE POLL
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IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS! Artwork by the amazing @maxenau go check it out !!!
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dispatchwithlove · 7 months
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Thank you @reiline for bringing my detective au Garrus and Jane to life so beautifully! I could write an essay going over every little detail that I love.
They're best friends and madly in love, and this piece shows their affection perfectly. I can't get over his hand on her back! And the way they're looking at each other! And her stars-in-the-night sky freckles!🥰
This is a sweet moment from In Your Arms
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paulacheshire · 9 months
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🎵TEAM🎵CHA🎵O🎵TIX🎵
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xirosh · 1 year
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doweesig · 7 months
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Detectives Peach and Pennington are on the case! 🕵️
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hecatesbroom · 10 months
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Suspiciously autistic things about Alec Hardy
because i'm rewatching broadchurch for the first time in 8 years and having a Moment about why, exactly, this show made such an impression on me
Has literally no regard for his own boundaries. Like, none whatsoever. You could say he's just a self-loathing bastard, which I guess he is, but the extremes he's going to aren't very neurotypical if you ask me
We never see him talk to people outside work, or at least outside of an "I need you/you need me so that's why we're talking"-type of situation. This man has no way how to initiate social contact; I'm not even sure if he feels like he needs it at all.
Ellie's dinner! Literally everything about it, from the invitation to that whole evening, screams autism. Like the way he decided to bring her three presents because he didn't know what would be appropriate, the fact that he continues to call her Miller because apparently he sees no reason to change out of office formalities for a casual dinner.
I'm pretty sure this man doesn't know the definition of casual in general. Evidenced by the fact that he wears a suit (which I'm pretty sure is always the same suit?) literally anywhere he goes. On- or off-duty.
Oh and continuing on the dinner: the way he drinks the wine he didn't want, probably thinking "eh, won't kill me" only for it to almost kill him? Another example that he really doesn't know his own boundaries.
Very very good at his job, because he's analytical and methodical. Not that good with the actual people he has to deal with, because a methodical approach tends not to work with real human beings.
He's extremely good at looking at things from an impersonal angle, and seems to be unable to understand why other people (Ellie!) can't separate themselves from an investigation.
Just really stubborn in general. The way he does things is best, period. (Debatable, but absolutely not for him)
He's extremely blunt and either doesn't care much that people dislike him for this, or doesn't understand why they would
The scene in s2 where he finds Ellie crying in the restroom and awkwardly offers her a hug (because that's what people do in these situations, right?) which she declines because it's not like him? Yeah.
He has a very strong sense of justice. Which I guess most (good) detectives have, but the way he felt like he had to do penance for how the Sandbrook case ended and still kept working on it, really shows how he goes above and beyond for justice, compared to what others would probably do.
(to be continued probably, because I've only watched s1 and two episodes of s2 for now)
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