May Parker loved Peter Parker more than anything.
May loved Peter, and for that reason, she cornered him in the bathroom one morning after catching sight of his latest battle scars. “Peter Benjamin Parker, you listen here and listen well. Whenever you go on these missions with Tony and Stephen, you let them take the lead. If something…bad ever happens-”
Hey watch this
Peter: Could you portal me to school? I’m already late.
Stephen: I can’t do that, kid.
Peter: But you’re a wizard!
Stephen: Oh, I’m a what now?
Peter: Uh, I mean… master of the mystic arts.
Stephen: No take backs, go put a coin in the “wizard” jar.
Peter is just a mood honestly
Stephen: Since you won’t be able to contact me for a month, I’ve left a complimentary bowl of advice.
Stephen: For example, “Peter, stop doing that!” just applies to everything.
Peter: *walking towards the kitchen*
Tony: Pete tell Stephen this food is wonderful
Peter: Got it
Peter, entering the kitchen: Dr. Dad, Iron dad says you’re wonderful
Peter: What are you talking about? I take criticism!
Tony, glancing at Stephen: Ok, we-
Peter, already crying: Yeah???? What is it?????
Peter: it didn’t hurt that badly. the doctor said all my bleeding was internal. that’s where the blood’s supposed to be.
Stephen: [longest, deepest sigh recorded by mankind]
Peter: You’re so annoying. You never appreciate my genius.
Stephen: I’m not saying I don’t admire your attempt, I’m saying that sadly, the BLT sandwich was already a thing and you didn’t invent it.
Peter: First of all, it’s called the Toasted ToBaTtuce,
Stephen: right after dinner, you have to take a shower and then get in your pajamas.
Peter: can i take a shower in my pajamas?
Stephen: then you would be wet, your pajamas would be wet and your entire bed would be wet.
Peter: but if everything’s wet, is anything really wet
Peter: like when you’re totally underwater… you’re not really wet
Stephen: [sighs, fucking desperate, cupping his face with his hands] yes you ARE.
Peter: i… i have nothing to say
Stephen: FOR ONCE