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not-poignant · 10 months

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That excerpt got me excited to read the next chapter of UtB! Kadek is a character we didn't get to explore much in FFS so I'm pumped. Question: does Kadek's past actions at the other rehabilitation facility still effect him? Does he see himself as a perpetrator or deal with any self-hatred? Does he suffer from his PTSD or something like second-hand trauma? I know that being violent towards others/hurting others or seeing other people suffer can cause a trauma response. So I'm curious

Hi anon,

A person who can honestly call what they've done 'rape' instead of 'oh I mean technically it was rape and they still wanted it' is definitely in the arena of seeing himself as a perpetrator and still being affected by it. He literally says to Efnisien that he's allowed to think of Kadek as a monster, because Kadek was a monster. He calls the story 'a sad story.' The story is literally in relation to him talking about how fucked up the world is. So a lot of the answers to your question/s are actually in the excerpt that mentions all this stuff in the language Kadek is using.

People who haven't taken responsibility for their actions talk about the act of rape in a very different way. And Kadek will talk more about it and it should become a lot clearer even after those first two paragraphs talking about the story.

(More to follow, also just a correction that it's not at all secondhand trauma to hurt someone else, that is 100% primary trauma).

Also, being a rapist isn't 'secondhand trauma.' It's just straight-up traumatising to many people, and fractures their personality to a degree where they can often no longer confront reality afterwards. It's especially traumatising to people who don't realise they're raping someone (usually due to ignorance / lack of education / misogyny) and then become aware, and then have to deal with the aftermath of that. Intentional rapists experience a different journey to people who really don't think of themselves that way, and then find out they're in the category of rapist anyway, which is what Kadek is.

Accidentally inflicting trauma on someone and realising later is traumatic. It's not 'secondhand trauma' by default (though that can be there too - there's 100% primary trauma). If you hit an animal with your car and kill or hurt it, that's not 'secondhand trauma' because the animal was likely more hurt than you were. That's primary trauma, it often can cause post-trauma and even PTSD. If you hit/injure/kill someone with your car, that's not secondhand trauma, even though the other person died and you still lived, that's a hell of a primary trauma likely compounded with survivor's guilt.

Even Efnisien in Falling Falling Stars doesn't have secondhand trauma from hurting Gwyn. He has primary trauma over it, that's why he has panic attacks when he thinks about hurting people and animals in the future. That's just straight-up PTSD. You may not have read that though, anon! But it's a decent exploration of perpetrator + victim PTSD if I do say so myself. :)

People who learn they have hurt other people or animals, and who didn't want to do that, experience primary trauma if they're genuinely able to comprehend the hurt that they've caused.

So we know from the excerpt that Kadek sees himself as the perpetrator because he calls it rape and calls himself a monster, and talks like someone who has owned the reality of what he's done. When folks use this kind of language (and they're not intentionally being manipulative, and we have no reason to believe Kadek is), it means they're owning responsibility. It is people who defer or refuse to own responsibility who will not see themselves as a perpetrator. These people do not call what they've done rape. In fact they will go out of their way to call it literally anything else.

Generally, a person who calls themselves a monster has experienced some self-hatred over what they've done (Falling Falling Stars actually confronts this too!)

As for everything else, you'll find out in the chapter! :D Kadek's definitely talking about the story of how he found out that what he was doing was bad, so we will get to hear how that happened, and what the aftermath was.

#asks and answers #kadek setiawan #efnisien ap wledig #underline the black #people who can say 'this is rape and i've done this'#are people who see themselves as perpetrators #but yeah i wanted to be clear that is 100% not secondhand trauma #it's just straight up trauma to the people who realise #that's why it's so hard for folks when they hit someone with their car #and people who discover they've sexually assaulted someone #after the fact #often go through a similar process of realisation #it doesn't have to hurt your body to be profoundly traumatising #i'd say kadek more than anyone else at Hillview #knows what the truth of ORFs is really like #but Hillview all along has been very clear that they are places where rape happens #and we know that this is where Kadek comes from #since Gary shares that with Efnisien in an early chapter lkdsfjsa

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hedgehog-moss · 5 months

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9am: Pirlouit & I are waiting for the farrier; it's Hoof Day! The farrier always tends to run late so I have a thermos of tea and a breakfast pastry to eat as we wait. Pirlouit has been offered some hay and has refused to eat it because he's sulking because it's hoof day.

Isn't it nice to get a pedicure, Pirou?

9:10am: The farrier is late and Pirlouit is worried, wondering what we're waiting for here on the road. Maybe he has been sold? to a sadistic new owner? who's going to shove him into a crate and send him to the salt mines like the donkeys in Pinocchio? Plus, he's more stressed than usual today because one of his hooves hurts (hence the farrier appointment), he's been limping for a few days and he doesn't know what the farrier will do to the hurt hoof. I told him there's only a 30% chance that he'll amputate it.

9:15am: Pirlouit's family is here to support him though! Or, in the case of Pampérigouste, here to puzzle out a vexing mystery.

9:17am: The llamas have grown bored of standing there in support and have started eating the brambles near the gate (supportively). Very good initiative, I approve. Also I thought Poldine was trying to eat the brambles outside the gate (greener on the other side and all that) but no, she was trying to fit her head through the bars for a little kiss </3

9:20am: Even Merricat is being supportive. (Well, she's waiting for me to go home so she can finally take her first morning nap in my lap.) Also Pirlouit has found some grass under the leaves and temporarily forgot all of his worries.

9:22am: Poldine is determined to kiss this cat.

9:24am: The farrier is here! As always he starts doing Pirlouit's hooves right there in the middle of the road, and if a car shows up well, "they can wait a few minutes... On n'est pas aux pièces" (this is a phrase for "there's no rush" that I've never heard anyone but my grandma use, it's nice to hear it again!) There aren't any cars anyway.

9:27am: Pirlouit's hurt hoof has been diagnosed: he has an abscess. Since this autumn has been relentlessly rainy I thought perhaps it was a fungal infection—but the farrier told me he's been treating a lot of abscesses lately, as the very wet weather softens hooves which allows bacteria to enter.

9:30am: The abscess was successfully drained and Pirlouit is now wearing a fashionable hoof bandage. He was very calm and brave throughout <3

9:35am: The farrier left his car by the side of the road, and after releasing Pirlouit we crossed the pasture to go home have a cup of coffee.

9:45am: The farrier is gone; end of the post :)

10am: Pampe is gone, too.

Well, she probably left around 10am but I didn't immediately find out as I had more pressing problems. After the farrier left I went to get a small apple to reward Pirlouit, and when I returned to the pasture and he came over for his treat, I realised he was limping. But on the other side. We've just treated his right front hoof, and he is now holding up the left front hoof...

9:57am: After giving Pirlouit his apple I go home in a hurry to call the farrier and ask him to come back. But there's almost no mobile service around here and I can't reach him. This is so frustrating, he can't be very far... On a hunch I call a horse farm not far from here, maybe it's hoof day for their horses as well?

10am: It's not, they have no farrier appointment today, but when I explain my predicament the woman on the phone goes "if it's just to drain an abscess I can send you a guy who'll do it, no worries!" Every time I've had someone from this farm on the phone to ask something or other, they've offered to Send Me A Guy. It's never the same guy too, they have an endless supply of guys.

10:05am: Having accepted gratefully, I return to the pasture to catch poor Pirlouit again, who thought I was done bothering him for today. As I wait for The Guy, I find a spot with some unexpected mobile service and start googling hoof hardeners, because maybe if Pirou's prone to abscesses it's worth having something in prevention for wet months?

10:15am: I receive a text from the guy.

"Is it normal that your llama is on the road with a dog? They are going to [village]."

10:16am: I reply to the guy.

"It's neither normal nor abnormal."

10:17am: I tie Pirlouit to a tree and run back to the barn to get some muesli. Then start running on the road, trying to figure out how Pampe escaped, and the answer seems obvious: after his coffee the farrier crossed the pasture again to get back to his car, and he knew about the Special Anti-Pampe Safety Knot 3000 but either forgot and closed the gate like a normal person, or didn't do it correctly. Pampe in her little llama brain knows very well that most visitors don't know about the Anti-Pampe Knot so she hurries to check the gate after a stranger leaves her pasture. Meanwhile I was busy noticing Pirou's limp and trying to call the farrier back and I didn't check the gate as I usually do.

10:20am: The guy has found me trotting on the road with my muesli and picked me up in his car. We go back to where he last saw Pampe. I apologise for wasting his time and he tells me "I've heard of your llama" in a tone half-sympathetic half-fatalistic.

10:24am: Pampe & Pandolf have been located; are having the time of their lives. Pandolf is a bit sheepish when I call him, though. He loves going on adventures with his best friend so much but he knows it's a bad dog thing to do for some reason :(

10:34am: The Guy is trying to push Pampe forward with his car while I try to attract her towards me with my muesli in a carrot-and-stick routine; Pampe occasionally veers off-road to eat some leaves, inspect the mud in the ditch, pretend to admire a cloud while secretly brainstorming strategies.

Guy's commentary: "This is worse than dealing with an escaped horse. I feel ignored. I feel powerless."

10:39am: Pampe is home! She didn't actually go very far. But since she hadn't locked the gate behind her, when we arrived we found Pampelune on the road as well, just sort of waiting for us like a sentinel. Pirlouit was still tied to his tree staring at his inexplicably orange foot, and Poldine was panicking because her mother had abandoned her for the millionth time and her grandma had left the pasture too and she couldn't figure out how :((( All she had to do was fiddle with the gate with her nose really, but it never occurred to her to do so, she's too innocent. She only inspects gates in order to figure out how to kiss someone through them. So she was alone in the pasture trotting in circles, making undignified sad goat noises when Pampe & I returned.

10:53am: Pirlouit's other hoof has been treated, hopefully he'll feel better and stop limping soon... I'll have to remove the bandages with scissors, clean both hooves and re-do the bandages in a couple of days which is probably going to be a whole Thing, considering he's suspicious of buckets of water and scissors and objects in general. But as for now everyone is in the pasture having some celebratory hay and Pampoldine is deeply relieved to find that she hasn't been abandoned by everyone forever (as she assumes every single time.)

Also I realised I only paid the farrier half of what I owed him... I had prepared the exact sum but I had half in one pocket and half in another which was a risky idea. And neither of us checked what I was handing him, or noticed. He called me back when he arrived in a place with mobile reception and I told him about the whole affair and he said it's a good thing I accidentally paid him half because he didn't see the other abscess and failed to make the Anti-Pampe Knot 3000 so "it's a fair discount." So I got a half-price farrier visit thanks to Pampe (partly)... I won't tell her because she already thinks she's doing the world a favour by escaping (free fence integrity checks, free cardio training for me by forcing me to do interval running, free entertainment for everyone, plus her modest contribution to cosmic chaos.)

11am: I meant to take an "all's well that ends well" photo of the whole family but I realised Pampe is making her angry hammerhead shark face because her adventure was very short-lived and I didn't even take a picture of her escape, as I'd left my phone in my coat pocket under Pirlouit's tree (& supervision) when I went after her. (I figured I was about to run for 15min and would not need my heavy coat)

She thinks I did it on purpose to demoralise her by refusing to document her victories. But she's not giving up.

#crawling along #llama drama #this post is from last week but i forgot i had it in my drafts! pirlouit is doing better<3 #changing the bandages was a nightmare. as expected #i have a ridiculous photo of him standing as far as he possibly can from the terrifying basin of water like it's a ticking bomb #plus he got overshadowed by a llama in his own post about his hurt hooves. it's hard being a donkey

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uglyducklingofthe2000s · 3 months

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I Won't Let You Leave - LN

Summary: Lando feels the relationship beginning to crumble so he scoops to a level of doing something he never thought he'd do but he's not sorry for it.

WARNINGS: This is DARK compared to my other stuff, Lando is toxic. So it may not be for everyone. Given the books I read, I could actually go much darker with ease, but equally I don't want to scare the fluff readers.

I also want to emphasise that I do not promote or believe the idea that babies keep people together. My existence is literally evidence of kids not being something that keeps people together so do not get it mixed up that is the message here. Also having finished this, I think this is the only dark fic I'm going to write like this bc personally I do prefer fluff. But I guess switching it up the once for a request was fine.

Themes: Baby trapping, manipulation into keeping the pregnancy, smut - cum/spit play (of the female variety?), birth control tampering, completely oblivious reader - she does not realise what Lando is up to

Someone messaged my after Change of Lifestyle and we went back and forth over what I'm ok writing so I don't have a direct request but this is requested by anon. Hope you like it, thank you for the request.

Neither of them did anything. It wasn't anyone's fault. Sometimes people grow a part. Busy work life, time away from home, it coming to light that maybe they just don't fit together.

Wanting something to work doesn't mean it will.

Not unless you're more strategic and strong-willed. Completely happy to do everything and anything to keep that person in your life.

That's how far Lando is willing to go to keep y/n.

"Y/n?" Lando calls out as he gets into his apartment where he left y/n this morning. She has been growing more and more distant from him. Seeming to find any excuse to not spend time with him.

It hurts. But more than anything he wants to fix it with a permanent solution.

He sighs looking around the apartment and finding her nowhere till he spots a note on the kitchen counter.

Out for lunch x

No mention of who with, where or when she might be back.

He grumbles to himself as he moves to do some time on the sim. That's when he decides he's going to follow through on his recent idea of how to keep y/n. Admittedly he already managed to tamper with her pills since she takes them with her daily supplements and keeps them in a pill case. Managing to get his hands on more of her pills and replace the active pills with only the "week off" pills.

He spends nearly two hours on the sim before he hears the scuffling of his girlfriend's return to the apartment. Not announcing her entrance or making any effort to seek Lando out.

After a couple minutes he gets up , abruptly ending the race he'd been doing and moving through the apartment. Ready to make his move.

"Hey, baby." Lando smiles making her look up smiling back at him.

"Hey, I didn't realise you were back. Did you get my note?"

"Yeah, did you enjoy your lunch?"

"I did. Just a small lunch."

"Took quite a while. Who did you go with?" Lando asks moving around the back of y/n, planting a hand either side of her to rest on the counter

"Oh no one, just went shopping afterwards but nothing appealed to me to actually buy." Y/n hums shrugging a little, hairs on her neck prickling up at the feeling of his breath hitting her skin from his closing proximity. "How has your day been?"

"Good. I got something in mind to make it much better." Lando states kissing her neck. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Y/n nods, never one to turn away sex. In fact even when they've argued it's usually sex that reconciles them.

Admittedly this isn't a romantic gesture and when he has her laid out on the counter, hot flustered and visibly dripping. Knowing what he's about to do, he almost feels a switch flick in him. Something more feral makes him want to leave his girlfriend in a way that means she's almost certainly getting pregnant today.

"So beautiful." Lando whispers leaning over her and gently brushing his lips down her skin, feeling it twitch under his touch.

Her moans feeling his tongue lick up her slit, it might not be a romantic move today but he wants to taste her. Nudging her clit. He's going to leave y/n fucked out till she's not sure if she's even breathing.

"Lando, fuck." Y/n whimpers as he pokes his fingers into her, curling to press into that spongy spot that makes her whole body tense a little. Wanting nothing more to plunge into her he decides to hurry up with the first orgasm of the day since he's got no intention of wasting time on this occasion.

He gets a little rougher in rushing but it only seems to work to his advantage and not only does she cum but she squirts into his mouth and in a heated moment of being blinded by lust, Lando moves up to be level with her. His lips press to her own before exchanging the cocktail of his spit and her cum into her mouth, hearing her moan from the action and tasting herself.

A couple seconds to get his cock out, painfully hard just from what happen. She feels him push into her, spasming and twitching around him from not quite expecting him to be so sudden but when he starts thrusting in and out of her as she pulls him closer in desperation from the feel of him managing to grind against her clit with each thrust.

Lando might not be looking for this to be romantic, but he'd never have sex and not go out of his way to make her feel like no one else can fuck her better.

Really, Lando thinks he could have sex with y/n for days. Just make her orgasm from his mouth, fingers or dick in rotation. Bring in toys if he feels like he's really spent.

Again the roughness seems to be building her up faster and Lando almost wonders if all this time he's been too soft and gentle with her.

When her tummy tenses and her eyes roll back before closing, he moves one hand down to her boob as his head moves to the other teeth pinching her nipple making her back arch up against him as a second orgasm arrives. He fights the need to finish himself since he knows two orgasms isn't enough to have her so out of it that she'll let his cum sit deep in her for as long as he sees fit.

He does take the opportunity with her lost in the euphoria of her orgasm to move her over to the sofa. Which leaves her breathlessly clinging onto him as he moves her over to the softer surface, positioning her on top of himself to straddle him while he leans back into the seat.

Y/n scrambles for grip feeling the different angle and with him fully enveloped in her, she just feels entirely filled. Heavy breaths exit her lips as she looks at him with slightly glazed eyes, clearly two orgasms hasn't exhausted her but them being one after another so quickly definitely made a dent in getting her to the point that she'll latch onto him and just sit there when he's done.

"You good to keep going?" Lando asks in a moment of softness, tucking hair behind her ear as he smiles at her.

"Yeah."

So he does, keeping himself fully planted in her and just toying with her clit till a third orgasm washes over her. Her face ends up landing in his neck till he finally begins lifting her up and down. Y/n usually gets two orgasms before Lando is done and it's not that she can't handle more, hell Lando could probably get 10 out of her before she'd actually tap out but he's sticking to four purely because he's not sure he can hang on for much longer.

"Cum with me baby." Lando groans, almost straining as the sound of skin on skin fills the space between their moaning and before he knows it she's practically strangling his cock, nails digging into his shoulders before they both feel the wet sticky heat of his cum fill her, hitting her cervix directly from the way he's holding her down firmly on himself. "Fuck me. That was perfect, baby."

"I just need a bit of...I need some time." Y/n murmurs breathlessly, obviously feeling there's no risk of sitting there as he slowly softens in her while she recovers.

"That's ok, you stay here as long as you need." Lando smirks while she rests her forehead on his shoulder.

She does fall asleep slumped forward against him.

Despite their sex lives picking up to multiple times a day if Lando can make it happen. Y/n is still distant beyond that. Seeming to find any excuse to not be close to Lando, avoid talking to him beyond a few minutes at a time and using any possible reason to leave the apartment if he's home.

Or so he thinks till he leaves for a race weekend on the Wednesday and she appears unannounced on the Saturday. She looks pale, almost grey and for the first time in months she's adorned in his clothes.

"Baby? I thought you didn't want to come to this race?" Lando questions feigning confusion and innocence. He can connect the dots, he knows she's on the verge of tears just looking at him. "What's going on?"

"Can we talk alone?" Y/n whispers putting the effort in to keep her voice steady but he can hear the trembling in her voice.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course we can." Lando nods before feeling her latch onto his hand. Suddenly he didn't realise how much he felt whole when she wanted and needed even something as simple as his touch.

He guides her through to his drivers room, closing the door and frowning gently at her.

"What's wrong baby? What's happening?"

"Lan-" Her lip begins to tremble and the tears build.

"Hey, it can't be that bad. What? Did you crash one of my cars or something?" Lando questions almost feeling bad for how he's acting so confused over why she is upset.

"I'm pregnant-I-I don't know what happened. I've been taking my pill. I've not missed a day or-or taking it at the wrong time-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just...I was being sick and I went to the doctor and the first thing they did was test if I was pregnant and it was positive so-so I booked the first flight over and I was sick on the flight and-"

"Ok, ok. Calm down. Just take breath baby, you're choking on words and and not breathing." Lando soothes gently hugging her while she hiccups and stutters then just falling against him and crying. "Baby, it's not a big deal. It's fine, I mean we're hardly financially strained and we're happy. Is a baby really a bad thing? I know it's not what we had planned but is it so bad?"

Y/n looks at Lando, eyes searching his face as if she doesn't believe that he's just uttered the words.

"Really? You-You're ok with it?"

"What did you think I was going to say? You'd have said if you wanted to get rid of the pregnancy and there's no way I'm just going to dump you when I love you." Lando frowns then cupping her face gently. "We'll do this together and I'll be here for you. Nothing is more important now."

"Not even if you have a race?"

"Not even if I have a race." Lando confirms then kissing her gently. "You and I, we're going to be together for a long time and we're going to be very very happy together. Soon we'll be a whole family."

"Ok." Y/n nods, tears still cloud her eyes ass he smiles nervously at him. She looks like she wants to say something. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"No. I do...I've-My friends have been getting in my head and so have the fans comments online. I haven't been talking to you about it and I've been dodging you because I thought I was crowding you and getting in your way...distracting you from being ready for the season. I just didn't want you to get annoyed at me."

Lando expects to feel some guilt discovering that the reason their relationship was struggling in his eyes was all because she was scared of being a problem in his F1 career and struggling with handling the hate from fans and then her stupid friends. He'll just have to do whatever it takes to prove that none of that matters.

"Your friends are just jealous. Jealous of what we have together, baby. They're probably going to get in your head about the pregnancy and all about me." Lando sighs gently playing with some strands of her hair. "If they're going to be like that I'd rather you just cut the toxic people out. We've got plenty of friends who aren't like that and who don't get jealous when you're living a good life."

Y/n swallows thickly at his words before nodding. Because he's right, she shouldn't be friend with those toxic jealous women who just want to ruin something good for her.

"You've got me too...I'm not going anywhere and I'm not going to ruin anything for us."

Lando knows he's got her locked in. He's just made sure that there is no one who is going to interfere with this and now they're having a baby, he'll get her a ring before the baby is born. They'll tie the knot after the baby is born and they'll be the most perfect little family.

And most importantly, she'll know she's his and he'll never worry about losing her again.

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fanonical · 16 days

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look people who've been around here for a while know exactly how i feel about the early doctor who serial edge of destruction but i rewatched it recently and i have feelings

so edge of destruction is the third ever serial of doctor who, right? it's an unearthly child, the daleks, then edge of destruction. and it's also kind of a bottle episode. edge of destruction is a two-parter, and is set entirely on the tardis featuring only the main cast

the plot is weird. everyone wakes up in the tardis with confusion and memory loss, not knowing what's going on. the tardis isn't safe, and strange things are happening. the ship seems to be malfunctioning, but there's nothing notably wrong with it. everyone's freaking out and accusing each other of sabotaging the tardis or hurting each other

now, as i said, this is early doctor who. companions barbara and ian had been kidnapped by the doctor and susan so they don't tell anyone that time travel is real, and at this point they don't trust the doctor and the doctor doesn't trust them. the doctor immediately starts accusing barbara and ian of sabotaging the ship to force him to take them home, which they angrily refute. they've spent the last two stories saving the doctor and susan from whatever's trying to kill them

barbara has a speech here which is brilliant and i can quote verbatim. 'do you realise, you stupid old man, that you'd have died in the cave of skulls if ian hadn't made fire for you? and what about what we went through against the daleks? not just for us, but for you and susan too. and all because you tricked us into going down to the city. accuse us? you ought to go down on your hands and knees and thank us! but gratitude's the last thing you'll ever have, or any sort of common sense either'

and the doctor spends the whole two episodes either accusing ian and barbara of being evil or being wholly unhelpful. (he straight up drugs everyone with a sedative at one point!) yeah, turns out the tardis is trying to tell them what's wrong via cryptic clues, and barbara's putting the pieces together. and the doctor still doesn't listen to her! she's so close to figuring it out and saving them all - they're all gonna die in about ten minutes and the doctor's basically given up, but barbara's trying to solve the problem

and in the end, they have the eureka moment and get out of trouble, but barbara's still understandably pissed. that is, until the doctor takes the time to apologise to her and tell her that yeah, she was right and he's sorry he didn't listen to her and he's going to do better to respect her opinions in future. they go into the next serial as friends, a first for the series to that point

so why do i love this weird little two-parter so much? because it is the moral centre of modern doctor who. this is the start of the characterisation of the doctor that we know and love. before this, the doctor is ruthless! he tries to kill a guy with a rock! he sabotages the tardis to satisfy his curiosity and lands everyone in danger from the daleks! he drugs them just because he doesn't trust them! he thinks he's smarter, better, and more important than the people he travels with

but then barbara stands up to him. she tells him that, no, she and ian are important too. and no, they're worth listening to. and yes, they can help and are worth something. and that's important, because barbara and ian are way more compassionate than the doctor is at this point. they want to help people they come across even if it means putting their own lives in danger.

sound familiar? yeah, the doctor's whole thing of helping everyone they come across and compassion towards everyone starts here. this is one of the most enduring things about the doctor and it would never have happened without barbara telling the doctor he's full of shit

and it's all because he listened to an ordinary woman

#Doctor Who #Classic Who #Ian Chesterton #Barbara Wright #First Doctor #Susan Foreman

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luveline · 5 months

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hiii, i just wanna say i absolutely adoreee ur writing ur amazing and fabulous. I wanted to request something with hotch where reader gets hurt pretty badly in the field and is gonna have to spend a lot of time in recovery (so like not being able to work in the field for a while) and just a lot of fluff and comforting? (thx ur the bestest ever ever ever and i <3 u i’ve been reading ur stuff for years)

love u <3 fem

Your leg is broken in four different places.

Hotch is sure you're going to cry the moment you realise what that means, but he isn't expecting for it to be a minute after you've woken up.

“We'll get you something for the pain,” a nurse promises.

“It's not that,” you say, you sob, looking between your leg and Hotch as though you're hoping he'll tell you something different.

You live for your job. They all have their reasons, and they all have their vices. You and Hotch are the same —you can't live without this. There's no alternative.

But your leg is undeniably broken.

The nurse gives him a look, hoping he'll calm you down, and he would've started the moment your eyes welled with tears if he thought he could change the outcome. Still, it breaks his heart to see you so immediately upset. He has to try something.

“It's not forever,” he says.

“How long?”

“Not forever.” The break, the surgery, the physical therapy. He asked for the estimates. He doesn't want to be the one to tell you, but you won't accept it from anyone else. “Six months.”

The broken leg isn't the end of it. Your wrist is fractured, your pinky and ring finger broken, a laceration the length of his hand up your thigh. You were concussed, you're still at risk of agitating all the things you've hurt. Your face crumples and you can't even cover it with two hands like you would. It is, admittedly, the worst you've ever been at. Hotch can't stand it.

“Would you excuse us?” he asks the nurse. “I have her.”

“Hotch,” you say as the door closes, your voice achingly unhappy, “make them check again.”

He takes your uninjured wrist. Holds it. “They've done everything they can do. I promise you, I was here for all of it. I argued against the pins, I knew they'd keep you here longer, I– against my better judgement, I sent people away because I knew you wouldn't want them to see you like this. This is the best outcome I could salvage.”

“This is the best?” you ask, shaking your head at him. “This is my life.”

You didn't see yourself. The way you'd laid there after it was over. You don't get that this is a good thing, that you weren't hurt worse. All you can see is months of desk duty, and he can't even blame you, because six months away would make him ill.

“This is the best I could do for you,” he says, rubbing your wrist with his thumb. “I'm sorry.”

His apology catches you off guard. You make a sound near a hiccup and turn to him completely, the fat body of a tear dripping down your cheek to your chin, where it stays. He can see the question before you've asked it and he won't make you, either, leaning down to cover you up with his arms, his chin atop your head. “I'm sorry, honey. I know how much it means to you.”

“It's…” Your good arm works around him weakly, a hesitant touch to his back. “Not your fault. I…”

He lets you fade, rubbing at the top of your arm, enthusing you with as much warmth as he can. “Six months recovery doesn't mean six months out of the field,” he promises. “In two months you'll be walking. It won't feel as long as you're thinking.”

“In a boot.”

In a full cast, poor thing. He frowns, pressing his nose into your head. “You can consult from home just as soon as you're home,” he says softly, still rubbing your arm. The touch turns to a gentle stroking, his palm numb to the ticklish sensation your naked arm brings, the sleeve of your hospital gown bunching with each line he makes.

“I know you're unhappy, but it will heal. And you have an army of people who can't wait to see you. We… things have been complicated.”

“How long was I out?” you ask.

“You were awake between surgeries, but it's been two days.”

You hug him with more insistence. “Thanks for looking after me,” you whisper.

Oh, sweetheart, he could say. He could kiss your crown. Honestly, Hotch could take your face into his hands and suddenly he is, he's holding your face and looking down at you, eyes dark and sorry to your silvery tears.

He strokes your cheek. “It'll be alright,” he promises.

You dissolve into tears again in his hands. He wipes them away as they come, for as long as they will. It's the least he'd do for you.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner blurb #aaron hotchner drabble #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #hotch x reader #hotch #hotch x you #hotch blurb #hotch drabble

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fairyhaos · 3 months

Text

how seventeen would act as a webtoon fantasy world prince

this was written with those virtual character dating simulation thingies in mind btw?? like. those unrealistic webtoon isekai-esque stuff. ive never played them before but this is based on my interpretation of them lmao

masterlist

seungcheol

either you fall in love with prince seungcheol at first sight or it's some charged enemies to lovers dynamic until someone finally realises they've fallen. he's just such a huge and great and formidable presence and he is just The Best protector. there's ofc gonna be some sort of altercation where you get hurt and you can bet that his eyes go stormy and he's asking "who did this to you" in a low voice, full of promise to murder anyone who hurt you. watches you with stars in his eyes when you descend the staircase in the beautiful outfit you're wearing as his partner to a royal ball, and that's how he knows that you're the one

jeonghan

prettier than you. every time he appears on screen there's a bunch of shiny sparkles and floating hearts and at least one of the other faceless side-princesses has to faint at his beauty in the background of the scene. he's charactertised by his soft eyes and the glinting teeth in his smile and the way he always has the most out-of-pocket sentences that leave his lips. he's really pretty and really smart but also???? unexpectedly does little things that show that he cares about you. prince jeonghan is written as the webtoon trope where he looks like a laid-back pretty boy but secretly loves you dearly and would defend you with his life

joshua

childhood friends who drifted away due to circumstances in their own kingdoms before finally reuniting at a ball and realising oh god... they both grew up to be so beautiful. there's some underlying, dramatic plot involving betrayal and corruption in the temple (dude it's always the temple) but your love for one another is always there, unspoken but ringing true constantly. does it kind of give you plot armour? yeah, bc the writer doesn't want anything to happen to joshua. (or you. but mostly joshua.) but there's also at least 6 shirtless prince joshua scenes bc the writer loves him so. take what you can get.

junhui

he's just Doing His Best okay. he's been married off to you, a royal from another kingdom, and he's kinda having a bad time bc the climate of your kingdoms are just so different but you're also kind of being all snappish with him like he chose to be married off to you?? but you're also really pretty and sometimes you're quite nice and it's obvious you're a good person from how you talk about your subjects and he knows that you don't like him but he thinks he might be falling in love with you, which is kind of confusing for everyone. comedy-fluff-misunderstandings webtoon style.

hoshi

playful younger prince. rebellious. you first meet him in some rundown, peasant area and you genuinely think he's just the illegitimate son of a noble rather than the prince himself bc he's just so friendly and blatantly disregarding all sorts of common court etiquette. as someone stifled by the rigid aristocratic structures, you find it refreshing, and talking to him is just so easy and you get to express yourself so well around him. before you know it, you're in love, and when you feel horribly betrayed at the reveal that he's the prince, well.... perhaps someone else out of the two of you managed to catch feelings too.

wonwoo

he's always so calm and composed and it makes you want to climb him like a tree and wring his shoulders to finally ruffle his leaves a little and find out what makes him tick. you want to be the one to crack the secret to prince jeon wonwoo, basically. will he let you? no. he hates you. at least, that's what you think, before something happens at a horse-riding tournament through the woods that you're participating in and your horse becomes out of control, and from then on, wonwoo never leaves your side. almost as if he was scared that he'd truly lose you, and he realises that he never wants that to happen, ever.

woozi

guys. guys prince jihoon is perfect for a prince x knight trope. prince jihoon who's head knight and always ends up sniping with you, the one knight in his charge that always snarks back. prince jihoon who spars with his knights often and always seems to be the closest in skill level with you. prince jihoon who mostly sees you in your armour so to see you dressed in finery at a ball makes him blink because you're actually rather beautiful. and you, who feel torn between your duty and the comfortable banter that you've developed with the crown prince that makes you crave more and more every time he turns to leave.

minghao

you rarely go out to balls but this time your family convinces you to come to the masquerade ball the royal family are holding for the crown prince. there, you meet a handsome masked man, who leads you through one of the fast dances and has you laughing into him before you share a fascinatingly intellectual conversation with him until the ball ends and from there, you're whisked away by your chatty (but well-meaning) family and you never see him again until a dramatic encounter at the market where you're about to get robbed but a familiar voice steps in. is it a cliche plot? yeah, but prince minghao is drawn to be utterly gorgeous so people will stay for the art

mingyu

is literally soooo drop-dead gorgeous that you promise yourself you're not gonna fall in love with him bc like???? he's the prince from a neighbouring kingdom that you're being forced to marry. this off-the-charts handsomeness is just a ploy to get you to act out a cliche of falling for him. but the more time you spend with him, the more you find that despite being (almost terrifyingly) handsome, he's also kind of... adorable? so... maybe you'll rethink your decision to not fall in love with him.... especially when he trips over his feet and accidentally blurts out how he's in love with you when on a walk in the palace gardens

dokyeom

ray-of-sunshine crown prince who is so annoyingly perfect that you feel kind of irritated. literally it's soooo obvious that the writer has a thing for puppy-coded sunshine bright boys bc it even makes the reader fall for him too. you have an (admittedly one-sided) rivalry with him, bc he's just so kind and loved by all and it fills you with hatred bc you've been nothing but despised and shunned your entire life. but then, some small, kind gesture that he does to you marks the beginning of change in your feelings, and it's as his eyes find yours during yet another ball that you realise... oh. perhaps you've fallen for him after all.

seungkwan

spoilt brat. but also your childhood best friend, so you've learnt to deal with his tendencies and know how to hold him back from kicking someone in the shins in a very un-royal way, and have even grown to love him. like a friend, ofc. however, the weird feeling in your stomach from seeing him having to entertain foreign royalty.... it's definitely not jealousy, right? definitely not. at least, you don't think it is, until seungkwan and you overhear his parents talking of an arranged marriage with another kingdom and you realise with startling clarity that you never want to lose seungkwan to someone else

vernon

honestly. vernon is probably the ordinary guy who was isekai-ed into a fantasy novel as the crown prince. but like, Why does he manage to do so well in his role???? he's panicking the entire time, but he's not necessarily doing badly, and he manages to make you fall for him even harder than you do in the original novel. the second male lead doesn't even have the chance to be an option bc vernon is literally the only person you see. he doesn't know how it happens, but he speed-runs the entire book in one month and then you're confessing your love for him and uh. he might actually be in love with you too.

chan

prince chan is the most gentle and most courteous prince of all time. bows all deeply and respectfully when you first meet him, and he's careful not to touch you without your permission. has such a captivating smile and such captivating words that you can't help but find your gaze gravitating to him at all times. stares at you all awed when you laugh at a particularly funny joke he made. he will 100% definitely treat you right forever. kisses you all soft when he leaves for a battle, your handkerchief tucked into his clothes as a reminder of what he can never leave behind

reactions tags: @weird-bookworm @minhui896 @bunnyiix @slytherinshua @haowrld @belladaises @newgirlygirl @moonlitskiiies @mirxzii @wonranghaeee @yonabutnotyuna @crackedpumpkin @wqnwoos @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @kawennote09 @a-wandering-stay @icyminghao @valenhui @sweet-like-caramel @evasaysstuff @odxrilove @kyeomyun @chansburgah @pepperonijem @jeonride @kellesvt @hanniehaee @astrozuya @eightlightstar @onlyyjeonghan @aaniag @amxlia-stars @all-american-fangirl @f1uffyjun @jeonghanfr

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missingexaltation · 1 year

Text

A few years after Vecna, Steve gets invited back to the high school to play in a charity basketball match with (and against) other Hawkins basketball alumni. It's for charity, and he misses the rush of playing (and he kinda wants to see if he's still any good), so he agrees.

He asks Eddie if he'll be there, but although Eddie's somewhat enthusiastic to Steve's face, he whines about it for days to Wayne. He fucking hates sports, why did he have to fall for a fucking jock, of all things. UUUGH! Wayne puts up with it for a while before realising that Eddie's not going to talk himself around, and gives him a blunt, verbal kick in the ass.

"You think your boy enjoys watching your dungeon and dragons shtick, son?" He asks, sipping at his beer.

Eddie's offended, immediately.

"He's never missed a session, course he loves it." he says. "And i know he pays attention because we talk about it afterwards and he's always..."

"And how's that make you feel?" Wayne interrupts.

"Fucking amazing." Eddie grumbles, knowing what's coming, and hating it.

"...and how do you talk about his hobbies?"

Eddie sighs and covers his face. Wayne carries on, knowing he's made his point but hammering it home nonetheless.

"Your boy loves his sports, he's always here just in time to watch the games with me nowadays. And don't think I haven't noticed how bored you are when it's on. I reckon he's noticed too."

Eddie's silent, starting at the ceiling with a dramatic, melancholy pout.

"Ah shit." He sighs. "I'm a bad boyfriend, aren't I?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. But learn from it if you want to be better." Wayne shrugs. "He makes you happy by indulging in your hobbies, maybe you should think about doing the same. Guarantee it'll put a smile on your boy's face, if nothing else."

So next time Steve brings it up, (tentatively, like he knows Eddie will complain) Eddie is much more genuinely enthusiastic. Steve's surprised for a split second (and doesn't that hurt), before he's beaming and looking absolutely delighted. And shit, yeah ok. It does make Eddie feel good to see Steve happy. Course it does.

The game rolls around, and hell yeah, it's boring to watch. Eddie's been reading up on the rules, so he's not entirely confused, but it just seems so pointless. Steve's good though. From what he's seen (and he's totally not biased, thanks) Steve's running rings around the other team, and Eddie's so fucking proud! It helps that Steve's in those shorts, showing off damn near the full length of his legs.

More importantly, he looks so fucking happy while he's playing. He keeps shooting Eddie these big, beaming smiles when they've scored a hoop, or point, or whatever they're called, and Eddie finds himself melting where he sits, face aching from smiling so much in return.

By the end of the game Eddie's fully invested. Sure, he barely understands what's going on, but even he knows enough that getting the ball in the hoop is a good thing, and Steve does it loads. Their team wins, and there's a huge group hug, pats on the back and other sporty, manly things before they all part ways and start making their way out to the parking lot.

Eddie stays put. He knows Steve will come right to him, and he does. They walk back to Steve's car together, and Steve's on some sort of winner's high; all smiles and cocky strutting. It's kinda hot. Screw that, it's totally hot, and suddenly Eddie's glad that Wayne's working tonight and they've got the place to themselves.

"Surprised you lasted the whole game, Eds." Steve says, teasingly, before he just downs a water bottle. "Thought you'd have died of boredom halfway though."

"Pssh." Eddie waves him off, trying not to feel embarrassed. "You know, Stevie, you're pretty amazing at that." He waves his hand vaguely back towards the court. "That shot you made from almost the centre? Chills, baby, full on chills."

Steve doesn't even bother checking to see if anyone's watching. He slams Eddie against the side of his car and kisses him, cradling Eddie's face with his hands, as though he'd die if he didn't have full body contact.

And Eddie knows the feeling. Like when Steve had recounted a particularly awesome moment from his campaign, and all Eddie had wanted to do was drag him right to the bedroom.

Steve pulls away.

"Get in." He said, opening the car door for Eddie like the gentleman he is.

And fuck, if this is the reaction he gets for paying attention, then he's definitely doing it more. If he's honest with himself, he should have been doing it from day one, but yeah sometimes he's a bit dense and needs a push in the right direction.

So basketball's boring as shit usually, but when Steve's playing? Hell yeah. He'll even put up with listening about it (and even football), if it puts that smile on Stevie's face. That's the price for dating a jock, he guesses, but it's miniscule, and it's fucking worth it.

#eddie munson #steddie #steve harrington #Eddie making the effort to learn Steve's hobbies is so important to me #There's tons of the other way around...but Steve deserves to be able to talk about and enjoy his own stuff too #although Eddie has his pride...his boyfriend's happiness is WAY more important #(He still grizzles when Steve and Wayne watch 'the game' together though...he's a little shit...but it's more teasing than complaining)#Wayne hates D&D but he'll take that to his grave. He and Steve have talked about it...it's Eddie's enthusiasm that keeps them interested #Steve enjoys it...but mainly the atmosphere that comes from the party all enjoying themselves...he'll never play it himself #just like Eddie will never play basketball...but he enjoys watching Steve play

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dawndelion-winery · 9 months

Text

For Worse or For Better

Arranged Marriages

Ft. Diluc, Itto, Childe, Kaeya, Zhongli

Diluc:

Your parents were wonderfully close to Crepus, so you knew Diluc from young

He'd always been well-mannered and lovely

That much didn't change even after his trauma

It did hurt when he started shutting you out though

And yes, you did try to call off the engagement that had been set up before Crepus died because you felt he wanted to distance himself from you

You'd only kept it to honour the man's wishes and because Diluc seemed adamant about you

Like, he actually said he would not have anyone else

Not that he pressured you into it though

More of letting you know you didn't have to end it because he most definitely did want you

"Make no mistake, you will be the only person I recite my vows to at the altar. If you long for another, then so be it, but if you want me, then it shall be so."

Itto:

How did this happen?

No, like, fr, how??? Itto doesn't seem like the type to have any thoughts for social climbing and you...well what do you gain from marrying Itto?

Apparently your mother had heard Kujou Sara speak highly of Kuki Shinobu, and since Shinobu worked for Itto, surely he must be a man of even greater talent and character

Now you were having dinner with an extremely boisterous man who ate for three

By the shogun you hoped the bill wouldn't amount to too much

When he suggested a dine and dash? Boy, you were about to just walk right into a cell yourself

It was truly some grace of God that Shinobu came by with Sara and covered your tab (only for you, they made sure to tell Itto off for putting you in such a situation)

"Real sorry about that, honey," the oni said sheepishly. You wanted to hmgive him a piece of your mind, really, when you were certain you'd never hear the end of it at home of you'd gotten a criminal record, but when he slipped his hand in yours, a sheepish grin as he looked at you hopefully, as though pleasing for forgiveness, you found it rather difficult to stay mad.

Childe:

People would kill to be you

The dashing young harbinger?? Who's great with kids??? And very much a family man????

There was only one issue: he hadn't met you yet

His family had written to him about you, eagerly telling him how they were sure they'd found him the perfect match

And he wasn't about to shoot them down when they were so hopeful he'd finally have someone when he was travelling and doing the Fatui's dirty work all the time

So when they'd warmly welcomed you into their home for a simple dinner, you hadn't expected to walk in and see a feast prepared with an empty seat beside yours

You waited for a bit with everyone, wondering who the extra seat was for

And when Childe walked in with a sack full of gifts for all his family members, you sat there awkwardly

Was it an endearing sight? Definitely. But you felt out of place as he pulled out one item after another for everyone

You were certain you wouldn't receive anything, hence the surprise when he sat beside you and handed you a small box

"A little engagement gift for you," he winked. Your mouth hung open, thoughts racing through your mind full of things you wanted to say but weren't sure how - especially not in front of such a crowd, all of whom aww'ed at his gesture. It was after dinner when you'd gotten him alone in the kitchen washing the dishes that you addressed it.

"Engaged? We've only just met Tartaglia."

He tsked at you, playfully leaning in as though he was going to kiss your cheek. When you froze, he grinned by your ear.

"My whole family likes you well enough, and from everything they've told me, I like you well enough too. But if you insist, ice a week before I have to head off. I'm sure I could sweep you off your feet by then, unless you'd like to come with."

Kaeya:

Oh you thought you got lucky when your childhood betrothed grew up to be the charming cavalry captain

Until you realised that charm would never be extended to you because he was just a goofball with you

It was cute though, him picking flower petals with you to determine how your relationship will go

He had a habit of leaving the plucked flower and its final petal with the result on your pillow

(it was always "forever in love" because if it wasn't, he'd just pluck another flower)

You sighed with a laugh at the familiar sight of the plucked flower when you felt arms around your waist as Kaeya embraced you from behind.

You wondered bitterly if there was something wrong between the two of you; you never had that flutter of butterflies in your gut when he was around. Not once did he make your heart leap out of your chest, or cause your lungs to constrict in a way you were sure would suffocate you. Was it a mistake? Yet it didn't feel wrong. There was a frost to his touch that cooled you, calmed you, and almost (most ironically) warmed you.

Zhongli:

Under no circumstances would you ever meet someone who quite commanded the respect and attention of those around him like Rex Lapis did

So when the hooded figure stood before the citizens who so worshiped him, some overly devoted follower enthusiastically proposed a raffle to offer the god a spouse to serve and dote upon him on behalf of the nation

Before he'd even had the chance to decline the offer, the crowd erupted in cheers of agreement, and the flustered god was ushered into a seat as eligible spouses presented themselves before him

You truly had not anticipated the glint that flashed across his eyes as he ever so slightly raised his hood to make eye contact with you

It had been less than a second, and yet all too long as your lungs failed you, the startling amber glow leaving you winded

"I quite like you," he drawled in a low, rumbling hum as he rose from his seat. You looked around, ascertaining that no one else had seen his face, but he didn't seem to like that, as he tilted your chin to have you look at him. Once again, you were faced with the startling gleam of his eyes, so reptilian and sharp. You screwed your eyes shut as he leaned in, the sunlight reflected off his canines. His lips were warm, surprisingly, as they pressed against your forehead.

Taglist: @myluvkeiji @aqui-soba @favonius-captain @tiredsleep @raincxtter @gensimping-for-all @irethepotato @almond-adeptus @mx-kamisato @chaosinanutshell @heizours @haliyamori @callmemeelah @sadlonelybagel @plinkuro @thevictoriousmoon @mastering-procrastinating @cxlrose @astrequa @eowinthetraveler @ajaxstar @boundedbyfate @the-lost-anime-dad @moonbyunniee @greyrain23 @heavenlyfloof

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chikai-k · 4 months

Text

We Need A Break.

•| Kaveh X Male Reader, hints of Alhaitham X Kaveh

•| Notes: So angst with the characters as parents right? I haven't written in a long time and all so this might be a bit janky in terms of execution. I feel like the ending is a little awkward but it's whatever, I just wanted to get something out 😞 It was originally gonna be Aether since my debut was an Aether fic but I decided I wanted to add my bbg Kaveh to my list of characters hehe also wrote this at 3-4am :)

•| CW: Kaveh is the baby momma🤧, male reader, cheating accusations, arguments, break? divorce?

Here we go.

It's unhealthy to subject your daughter to this.

She doesn't deserve to hear your problems.

You and Kaveh have tried everything in your power to keep the issue away from her attention, to make sure she can't see the cracks forming.

How Kaveh would tuck her to bed, holding back a grimace as he spots the time. He tries his best to stall, she can tell. Kaveh doesn't want to leave her side. How his sweet voice would read her bed time stories as slowly as he could, sometimes staring at her with soft eyes as he presses a goodnight kiss on her forehead. She is his baby. He loves her with every part of his being.

She knows something's wrong. She could sense it before but you two can't keep quiet when the arguments get heated downstairs. She can hear you two from the floor. She can hear you throwing accusations, hear the crack in Kaveh's voice when he says he's not seeing his co worker—but you just won't drop it.

"I see the way you two look at each other." You say, "I see the way you guys give subtle touches." You know that they're probably texting each other about things to do when you're working. "The neighbours themselves have testified that they've seen Alhaitham enter our home when I'm at work for fucks sake! Stop lying to me." You growl, teeth baring at him as your face is flushed in anger, fist clenching by your side.

Kaveh hiccups and shakes his head, "Please, I'm telling you, we're not! Why won't you believe me?" His hand is gripping his wrist and is tucked close to his chest as if protecting himself. He doesn't know what went wrong.

"Then tell me why he's been visiting so much when I'm out! It's not like he's here for our daughter is he? She's always in school, so what else could he be here for?!"

"I—I can't—" Kaveh shook, how was he supposed to explain? He's not cheating, he swear but...

"Bullshit. You and that Alhaitham guy—ugh—" You inhale, your hand shooting up to brush your hair angrily. Tempted to slam it down the counter but you'd risk waking up your daughter from the noise. Hm.

Kaveh eyes your fist warily. He never knew you as physical so he wasn't worried—hoping he didn't need to but with how the tension was going, he was afraid he'd get hurt."What's so different about him and me? Is it the muscles? The income? The looks?" You seethed through your teeth, blindsided by the jealousy that you'd missed the way he stepped back cautiously. "Or did you just fall out of love for me? Or is he secretly our daughter's real father?" You huffed, closing your eyes as you tugged at your hair.

Usually, Kaveh would give you a massage, whisper sweet things and gently pull of your fingers from your hair out of concern. But how could he when he was...scared?

"N-no, I love you." Kaveh hiccuped once more, "I..." He bit his lip as he couldn't help the the tears from spilling. He couldn't bring himself to mean it. It felt forced, like he was saying it to survive and saying it felt wrong. I love you is supposed to be affectionate and meaningful, not like this.

"I think..." He sighs as he watches you gaze back, once furious expression softening in realisation at what he was about to say. "I think we need a break. To cool our head...I'm sorry." He struggles to finish, flinching as you attempt to approach him. Right now, he didn't know who you were. Actually, he hadn't know who you were for the past couple of months.

He just needs some space to breath, to find the words to tell you why Alhaitham had been visiting...

#genshin x male reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #sub character #top male reader #male reader #dom reader #Kaveh X male reader #Kaveh from genshin #Kaveh #Kaveh X Alhaitham #—chikai archives 📸

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boytoyhalo · 5 months

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so we know that qfits main reasonings for taking things at a snails pace with pac are 1. not being used to/comfortable with romance and affection and his own feelings and wanting time to figure that out (see: his conversation with ramon earlier this week, "who are you trying to fool" "myself", "im not good with these things") and 2. wanting to prioritize his mission and not wanting pac to get caught up in it (ramon convo again) but how much do you want to bet that some of it is secretly rooted in self esteem? Fit isn't stupid, he knows Pac likes him - how much of the denial and the slow burn is him consciously or subconsciously trying to give pac the space and time to back out? to realise that he actually doesn't want Fit or that he's not good for him?

the thing is, just as much as Fit is used to not being able to trust people he's used to not being trusted. He comes from a place where no one is good or safe, and yeah sure he's far from the worst motherfucker from the wastelands but he's not GOOD either. he knows he's dangerous, he knows he'll always have blood on his hands, and most importantly he knows that he's lying to everyone on quesadilla Island about why he's really there and that eventually the truth will have to come out - that pac, and everyone else, will find out that Fit has been betraying them the whole time. that he's been spying on them, essentially.

And Pac... Fit thinks SO highly of him, we know this very very well. In all the time they've known each other I don't think I've heard him say a single negative or critical thing about him. he always tells him how strong and tough and perfect (his words) he is. He trusts him enough to instantly be on board with any plan he comes up with before even knowing what it is. Whether Fit knows it or not (probably not because he's not really the type of guy to self-reflect on his view of himself) some part of him probably thinks that pac is too good for him. too good to be in a relationship not just with someone who's awkward and inexperienced and can't give him the outward displays of emotion and romance he deserves, but with someone who will inevitably have to end up hurting him. Maybe part of him is hoping that pac will get bored of him before that has to happen, or, maybe, he's trying to maintain that space so that it will hurt HIM less when it does. maybe it's the selfish part of him that still deep down believes he HAS to be alone because that's how it's always been, and that's how it will be again when the other shoe drops and he has to leave quesadilla Island. it's probably both.

well. either way he better get over it quick because there's no way pac (or richas or ramon or sunny or tubbo or phil or bbh or bagi or) is gonna let him keep him at arms-length forever

#qfit #qfitmc #qsmp fit #qsmp fitmc #q fitmc #fitmc #putting every fit tag i can think of so all my fellow fitmc understanders can add their input lol #qsmp character analysis #fitpac

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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 2 months

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Part 4 to the fwb series.

Takes place three weeks after the last update, Eddie is finally coming to terms with what you meant to him, he and Chrissy are over for good and Eddie is sure he will never get a chance with you again...

18+, minors shoo!! A lot of angst, pining.

🖤

It has been a long three weeks since Eddie had seen you. He had a lot of chance to reflect in those three weeks, all that kept playing in his mind is you shutting the door in his face.

He had lost you. Been so sure, so stupid and unbelievably arrogant that you'd be back that he didn't fight for you, ignored any feelings that tried to break through to the surface when you were with him.

You were right he did dangle hope, he felt like a complete asshole for how he treated you. It wasn't always like that though, most of the time you and Eddie laughed a lot.

Sometimes you'd even talk for a long time... it was a world away from what it was like with Chrissy, easy and felt good, not the on and off shit and arguments that him and Chrissy had.

What a fucking idiot he was. Dustin and Steve had went through him when they found out about the two of you, berated him for being a dick to you.

He deserved every bit of their ire. Fuck, how could he ever thought you'd take him back, when all he did was hurt you every time.

Chrissy glares at him as she removes the last of the stuff from the trailer, there's not much but she's took a long time to come and collect it. Not that he blames her for that, but they've both been stupid to think this could work between them.

It felt cathartic to finally be free of the notion of him and Chrissy, if he could really be honest they both moved on a while ago, clung on to long to something attainable.

"Are you in love with that girl or something because you're frankly quite depressing Eddie" Chrissy huffs at him and gestures to the forlorn way he's been acting.

"Yeah but I fucked it all up though so it doesn't matter anymore" he sighs as he lights a cigarette.

"Wow. Sucks to be you that you fucked around and she left you high and dry huh?" Chrissy says all sweetness laced with venom and he shakes his head. Shit why did he ever think that she was sweet?

Knowing he would be subject to more barbs and shit if he stayed, he leaves to get some peace and to just be alone for a while.

...

You're here. Eddie didn't expect to see you anytime soon, thought you'd avoid him like the plague or something. The Hideout is packed and there's a great band playing but all Eddie can notice is you.

You look beautiful, a smile on your face as you chat to the guy beside you. Eddie wonders if this is the guy you went on a date with? Were you dating still? His heart clenches in his chest, like it's in a vice grip.

When you catch his eye he swiftly looks away and clumsily downs his beer. Feels his heart race when you keep looking at him.

Sink or swim Munson, you can run away or you can at least make things right and apologise. He chooses the latter and walks up to you, he's all jumbled thoughts and he's nervous as shit but he has to do this.

"Hey, I won't take up much or your time princess but I just want you to know that I know I'm a fucking idiot, I should have let you in instead of keeping you at arms length and I... I miss you sweetheart" you stare at him for a long few seconds.

"You mean you miss the sex?" you murmur quietly and he shakes his head.

"No. I mean that was mindblowing sweetheart, you know that, but it's not just that. I know I've lost you, don't deserve any less but I just wanted to say this" he feels lighter in himself but the ache in his chest feels like it's multiplied.

Even the fucking bats weren't as painful as this shit feels. He turns to leave but you stop him, gently tug him back as you slip your hand through his.

It feels so fucking right.

"Did I mean anything to you or was it just sex?" your voice shakes a little bit and he wants to assure you that you did mean something, he was just an idiot who realised it too late.

"You were more than just sex. I'm so fucking sorry that it took me so long to realise, to get my head out of my ass" he leans forward and gently kisses your forehead, smiles sadly and then leaves.

...

You still feel the pressure of Eddie's lips on your head, that soft look in his eyes when he told you that you meant something to him, that you meant more than just sex.

It's like you're on autopilot when you drive home, your friend Alex's voice a distant fog as he talks about his date from earlier in the week.

The two of you had went on a date last month but both quickly realised it wasn't going to work.

Head swimming with thoughts you drop Alex of at his flat and continue driving, straight past your house and to Eddie's trailer.

You don't know why you're here, you shouldn't be but your stupid traitor heart is egging you on.

Chrissy would be here wouldn't she? As far as you knew they were still together... At least you hadn't heard otherwise. Dustin had mentioned Chrissy leaving Eddie, but they were always on and off so you didn't really know if they were together or not.

Just as you suspect Chrissy comes out of the trailer and your heart sinks, you're ready to turn away and sigh sadly. Why did you stupidly think anything would be different.

Eddie comes out at that point and he just looks so done. It gives you pause and you watch as Chrissy piles her belongings in the car, glaring at him.

"I mean it Eddie, I'm not coming back this time" you expect Eddie to beg or something but he doesn't, just shrugs softly.

"Chrissy, I'm done. Done with this, when you leave that's it. This isn't what I want, not anymore" you feel yourself gasp and Eddie's head turns in your direction.

"Princess. What are you doing here?" flustered you walk over feeling awkward as hell. Chrissy rolls her eyes, slams the trunk of her car down hard and gets in the drivers seat.

"Congratulations' she says cooly. Gotta say I'm surprised anyone got that freak to fall in love" despite what's gone on between you and Eddie you feel ire build up inside you at her comment to him.

"Don't call him that and he's not in love with me" you shake your head at the very thought, there was no way. He would have told you.

Chrissy cocks her head then snorts, drives away and raises a finger in Eddie's direction as she does. Over the roar of the car you don't hear what Eddie is saying, just see his lips move.

"What?" you move closer to him, his expression is tender and he strokes your cheek.

"I said yes I am" he replies to you gently, the confession hangs in the air. You're stunned, definitely didn't expect it.

"Why didn't you say anything? you whimper. Fuck, all of this heartache and shit. Thinking you meant nothing to him, then he tells you this.

"I'm an idiot. Realised at the last minute, realised I was too late, you said I'd lost you sweetheart and I realised after you said it that I was in love with you"

You're shivering and it's so cold but you're desperate to hear more of what Eddie says. He notices you shaking and motions you to come inside, retrieves a thick blanket and wraps it around you.

"I don't deserve another chance, I acted like such an asshole and I'm so fucking sorry sweetheart... If you ever did by some miracle want to give me one more shot at this then I promise you I'll do better, I'll love you so fucking much, I will never be so stupid to let you go again"

His hands slip into yours and you're rife with indecision. Your heart telling you one thing while your head is saying different.

"I can't promise that I'll never be an idiot but I won't ever hurt you ever, I mean that princess" he gazes at you with such sincerity that it takes your breath away.

"What if I suggested a coffee date or even just seeing a movie? Stopping over for some of Wayne's amazing mac and cheese?" you suggest, thinking of small ideas, something slow and easy at first.

Eddie's eyes light up. "Anything, anything you want. We could have hot chocolate and camp out, watch the stars like you wanted too that one time?" it sounds so nice, it would be so easy to say yes.

"I'm scared Eddie" you admit. Scared you'll get your heart broken again. He softens and sits beside you, squeezing your hands.

"I'm scared too sweetheart. I've never felt this way about anyone, certainly not Chrissy. If you decide to give me a chance, give me your heart then I'll swear I'll protect it and cherish it, never ever break it again"

Tears run down your cheeks and you nod, just a tiny bit and the smile that breaks out on Eddie's face is beautiful.

"You mean it?" he asks hopeful, big brown eyes full of happiness. Yes. Yes. You do mean it and grin back at him

Tentatively Eddie kisses you, smiling when you're arms wrap around him. He pulls away and takes your hand, kissing it softly.

"Hope you're ready to be wooed?" he teases and warmness sweeps over you. Hope that this time things will be different, know deep in your bones that this time Eddie isn't going to fuck up.

You cuddle into his chest and for the first time in a while, you feel content.

❤️

And that's it :) thank you to everyone who supported this series. I loved hearing all of your thoughts. Hope you like the final part 🖤

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fluff

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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 3 months

Text

healthy disagreement tip by crowley

[Hello, it's the good omens mascot here, for legal purposes can I please state here that I do love Aziraphale as a character it's simply that this post is about Crowley so no one eat me, okay? It's been a week since I finished GO, I'm not stable enough for discourse]

I noticed that Crowley doesn't ever insult Aziraphale as a person. (Have I missed anything?) Even when they're fighting, Crowley is careful to disagree with decisions that Aziraphale is making, views that Aziraphale may have, but he never implies that Aziraphale is in any way lacking as a person.

The only instance when he ever seems to insult Aziraphale is when the angel refuses to come with him to Alpha Centauri after Crowley drives up to him and apologises. He asks how Aziraphale can be so stupid.

But he says it in such a way that it's very clear he isn't calling Aziraphale stupid, or that he even remotely thinks that about him. He's calling Aziraphale's decision stupid. And he makes sure there's no misunderstanding about this.

In the middle of this disagreement, before he says anything about stupidity, he first tells Aziraphale he's clever. With the endearment added. And he's being entirely sincere about it.

You're so clever, angel.

But he doesn't stop there. He says it again.

How can someone as clever as you--

and only then does he talk about the decision

--be so stupid?

And to me that's just. That's such healthy behaviour? Obviously both of these idiots are constantly shit at communication, but Crowley is very, very clear about this. His 'insults' to Aziraphale are always thinly veiled compliments about how he's all good and has the moral high ground, and during their fights, Crowley still never puts Aziraphale down.

The world is about to end, the timer is ticking, Crowley is scared and frustrated and they've had a massive fight where Aziraphale insisted that they're not friends and there was no our side, and Crowley is stretched to his limit with stress.

I'm sure a lot of us would say things we didn't mean in those circumstances. Even in casual situations, we say things like don't be stupid or why are you being an idiot, and that's mostly okay, if everyone knows that it's not meant seriously.

Aziraphale does that, he says things like you're the bad guys and we're not friends, banking on the knowledge that Crowley will not be hurt and will understand why.

But Crowley, even under that high stress situation, a fight with everything at stake, doesn't call Aziraphale stupid, even though no one would have thought twice about it. It's a manner of speaking, Aziraphale would know what he meant, etc. He still doesn't do it.

He takes the time to remind Aziraphale twice that he is clever, so clever, and then begs him to realise that the decision is stupid. He's so careful, so respectful, even in the literal apocalypse.

During the final fifteen, too. He never implies that Aziraphale is of the same material as Heaven, or even that he would make a bad leader. Even before he says that he, Crowley, doesn't need Heaven, he first says You don't need them.

It's just something that would make a lot of inevitable fights in any kind of relationship so much healthier. To know that even though you are fighting, you are loved. Even though the other person disagrees with you, they respect and admire you as a person.

Not judging the person, as Heaven loves to do, but judging the decision or the view.

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uglyducklingofthe2000s · 4 months

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Okay it’s me again and again about the angst with Lando. I’ve read “You hurt me” and as it was amazing it’s not really what I had in mind.

I thought more about reader being harassed by “fans” of Lando not in an obvious way? Like they tell her she’s not his usual type or they point out she’s not on many races (like give her a break she studies hard), make assumptions about her, point out she’s not rich and it’s awful to her but Lando doesn’t see it because it’s not so obvious.

Hope it’s not too detailed it’s mostly examples so generally harassed!insecure!Reader and oblivious!Lando in shortened version🫣

"Just Don't Be So Sensitive" - LN

Might be a bit short in terms of angst? I don't know if I do angst all that well. We're gonna get Lando getting a little defensive over his fans and thinking better of them (I'm not saying all Lando fans are the devil's children when it comes to evil, but we all know what poor Luisa went through)

A word I use in this is from my dialect (I didn't realise this wasn't a commonly used word till recently when I used it on twitter and people started screaming at me because they thought it was something bad), I could change it but sorry I'm not going to. So instead I'll translate: cushty - very good or pleasing

Themes: Heavy drinking (using alcohol as an emotional cushion), arguing

Lando warned her that things could get nasty towards her. But he seemed pretty elated over the fact that things were not at all as bad as he thought they would get.

When they first started dating, he told her in a very loving manner "that she just had to make sure "just don't be so sensitive and you'll be just fine". He wasn't making any digs at her sensitivity, he was just saying that thick skin would work in favour of any resilience she might need.

Y/n thinks he's either trying to take the piss or is selectively blind and deaf in what he hears and sees.

Y/n has a private instagram but it doesn't stop her from being tagged in posts, tagged in comments, her explore feed brings up plenty of posts all about her. Not all of them are negative. But on the flip side, not all of them are that positive either.

"What's that face about?" Lando asks walking out of the hotel bathroom, freshly showered making her look up quickly from her phone, her brows furrowed and the annoyance very obvious on her face.

"Just receiving so much love from your fans. Like I have all day." Y/n states sarcastically earning Lando's attention a bit more.

It's not really fair for her to be taking her anger out on him, but Lando seems to think everything is cushty between her and his fans.

"Why do you sound so angry?" Lando questions as she tosses her phone onto the bed.

"It doesn't matter. You don't understand and even if you do understand you're in some like I don't know, bubble of ignorance about the fact that your fans hate me."

"Since when?" Lando laughs in disbelief of how quickly this is escalating.

Resisting the urge to shut down like her instincts are trying to force her to.

"Since your fans decided I wasn't good enough for you! They tell me, Lando. They let me know. Online, in person, however they feel like telling me. Trust me, they let me know." Y/n stresses before sighing heavily as she runs her hand through her hair, tugging at it in frustration.

"My fans are not that bad, like they can be bad but come on, they've been so nice to you. So nice to you compared to how bad it could be and if that's all true, why haven't you said anything till now? Like talk to me, tell me."

"Why haven't you noticed? They say it to my face right in front of you. Today!-Today a fan stood right in front of you while you were signing things and said that you shouldn't have to pay for me to be here if I can't afford it without you."

No. She can't do this.

Tears are already escaping as she moves over to grab a jacket.

"W-Where are you going?" Lando panics, very much aware that he's not nearly as dressed enough to chase after her.

"I need some air. Just-Just let me get some air." Y/n mutters as she shoves her feet into her shoes and grabs the hotel room key though Lando is hot on her heels, trying to stop her from leaving the room.

"Can we please calm down and talk?"

"I'm trying to calm down. Can you let me?"

Lando's stubbornness almost keeps her contained but he sighs knowing better than to be that much of an asshole. So he grumbles but lets her pass and she is gone quick.

Though it takes a minute for Lando to realise that she's left her phone, presumably on purpose. He groans knowing that she would've done it on purpose so she couldn't be tracked, since he'll admit they have their locations on and when she's not by his side he does use it.

However, today it would've been a matter of safety since she's in an unfamiliar city.

He decides to try and look online, even just looking up her name on Twitter and while there's some nice things about her, mainly focusing around some cute pictures of them only earlier today.

There is actually even a video capturing the moment that Lando has no recollection of. He's not sure if the person who uploaded the video meant to capture the audio that is of a girl practically spitting on y/n who even flinches from her spot next to Lando where she'd been reaching to help pass him things to sign.

She'd been doing no wrong. And somehow he just didn't hear a word of it in the moment.

"Fuck." Lando mutters then groaning. "Fuck sake."

He's got some grovelling to do. Some real fucking grovelling.

Meanwhile, y/n is only downstairs at the bar. Thank god for being able to charge to the room or she'd be fucked for drinking away her problems.

"Are you sure you want another drink?" The bartender asks after she manages to neck another whiskey neat. It's not really her first choice of drink. But it's the only thing she can drink straight without being sick immediately following that.

"How many have I had now?" She asks managing to keep herself from slurring by some miracle.

"That was your 4th...but you've had all four in less than half an hour."

"Oh right. Ok...how much for the bottle?" Y/n asks making the bartender sigh and look at her in sympathy. "My boyfriend basically called me a liar...I was mad but I wasn't lying."

"Where is he now?"

"Probably panicking in the hotel room upstairs. I left my phone because if I keep looking at it then one bottle of whiskey will be the least of my bad decisions tonight..." Y/n sighs not referring to anything all that sinister. But if she had tried to leave the hotel and fans said something out of pocket, an assault charge might be under her name.

"Then I guess letting you have a bottle and just keeping an eye on you for the rest of the night is the nicest favour I can do for you." The bartender smiles lightly then moving back and grabbing the house whiskey. "On the room?"

"Yeah."

"He's paying?"

Y/n stomach churns at that reminder and she almost wishes she had cash on her or her phone to pay. Hell she almost even wishes she was angry and bitter enough to not care about how much money she's costing him by drinking.

"I'll send him the money." She mumbles making him pause looking at her.

"Tell you what, birthday girl. It's our gift from the hotel to you."

Y/n doesn't take any time to clock onto the fact that he's pretending it's her birthday for her benefit.

"I can pay for it."

"No. It's on the house. Enjoy. Tell me if you need more ice." He smiles making her sigh then move away to serve another customer.

She gets through just over half of the bottle across the span of the next hour, then she disappears to the bathroom and upon returning she manages to get through some more till there's about a third left.

"I'm done. I'm done. Thank you b-ut I'm done." Y/n hiccups before managing a lazy smile. "You've been very kind."

"Are you ok getting up to your room? I can call for security to give you an escort just to make sure you don't fall."

"I'm good. Honestly. I promise." Y/n insists before she stands up with a sigh. "You have a good night."

"You too...better than it's been so far."

Y/n smiles definitely showing that she is definitely going to crash hard into a pillow and pass the fuck out the moment she is in the hotel room. Hopefully she finds the right one and doesn't just end up just passing out in the corridor.

By some miracle she gets in the lift, chooses the right floor and gets herself to the right door, and while it takes a couple of attempts she manages to use the key to get in. Or at least that's what she thinks till she realises the door opened on it's own accord without touching it.

"Jesus, y/n." Lando sighs being able to smell the alcohol on her breath as he nears her. "What-"

"I'm going to bed. I don't want to talk, I want to sleep and be left alone to sleep." Y/n yawns, uncaring of her heartless approach to this whole situation right now.

The alcohol did it's job, it's numbed out her thoughts and feelings of the whole situation. So now all she needs is to sleep and just let the alcohol work it's magic to help her follow up drinking her issues away with sleeping her problems away.

Lando watches her pull off her clothes, with some real struggle, but when he tries to help she only moves away from him muttering something incoherent but it doesn't sound very happy from the tone.

Eventually she lands on the bed with a grunt, crawling under the covers and shoving her face into the pillow, practically smothering herself. Lando watches her for a few minutes and she very obviously falls asleep hard.

He does join her after placing a bucket next to the bed and climbing into the bed next to her, pulling her into a hug that is probably more for himself than for her.

Y/n groans waking up, the blinding hangover making her roll into the other body. She feels completely oversensitive to the touch of her boyfriend.

"Oh god." Y/n whines pushing him away in a desperate race for some relief, but a wave of nausea hits her at the sudden movement and she throws herself out the bed, tripping on the bucket wit her body smacking into the floor as she trips.

By some miracle she swallows down the wave of vomit that tried to make an escape.

"Baby?" Lando murmurs from the bed.

But she's already up and racing to the bathroom again. The bitter taste of whiskey combine with the sour taste of bile spills past her taste buds, burning her throat as she heaves. Tears from the straining blur her vision as she feels hands pull her hair back, but it hasn't save the strands from being coated in the half-disgested mixture.

He rubs her back which works more to make her stomach really force up the rest before she finally can't feel anything else trying to reappear.

"What a mess." She mutters looking in the toilet bowl that is just not a pretty sight.

"You're ok." Lando states while she rolls her eyes. She's still not happy with him, no matter how much the alcohol let her feel better. The hangover and the return of her sober emotions.

She does let Lando help her clean up, managing to wash her hair in the sink a bit and even brushes her teeth for her.

“Baby, I need to apologise. I fucked up. I should’ve listened to you, I shouldn’t have just dismissed what you were telling me because I thought that my fans had got better. Really I should’ve known you would never lie about that. I need to make it up to you so it’s fine if you’re still mad at me. You should be.”

“I am…or I would be if I didn’t feel like my stomach was trying to digest itself as punishment for deciding that drinking the better part of a bottle of whiskey to myself in less than 3 hours was a good idea.” Y/n whispers, her throat still incredibly raw.

“I saw everything-Well not all of it, but enough to make a post letting everyone know that if i hear or see anything negative then they aren’t a fan of mine and I would rather not have their support.” Lando explains while y/n smiles sadly at him.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I didn’t have to but I wanted to because you are the person I love. As much as i love and appreciate their support, you are more important even if they don’t like it.”

“Can we cuddle for a bit?”

“Yes, we can definitely cuddle for a bit.” Lando nods with a smile before he picks her up and carries her back to the bed. “I think I’ll call and see if we can keep the room for another day. You need the recovery time and I don’t feel like paying extra for the private jet to be washed if you’re sick on mid-flight.”

“That’s fair. I don’t think I could handle it either.” Y/n nods as she’s laid in the bed and sighs rolling onto his side breathing in his scent. “Come cuddle. Please.”

Lando knows he still has grovelling to do and he’s sure when she’s not so hungover and clingy, he’ll be held to the usual expectation of apologising more than he already has.

But for now they’re both going to enjoy it till they have to properly face everything else.

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bu-blegh-ost · 6 months

Text

Okay so this has been eating at me so much. That last scene between Gillion and Zamia in ep. 112.

-See? You didn't have anything to be worried about. Looks like you found yourself a new oath, paladin.

-How have you done it? Being so devoted to your oath?

-I think when things seem worse, when things seem dark, I...look around. And never far from me is someone to remind me what I'm fighting for. [looks at Chip and Jay]

-So your power comes from people you care for too, then?

And this is when Gillion starts stammering really hard and ends the conversation, as if something horrible were to happen if he admitted to it. Grizzly metions something about him almost becoming an Oath Breaker, and this makes me wonder what kind of oath Gillion is under to not be able to fight and draw courage and will to keep going from those he loves. And please mind, I do not have Patreron, so if more details were listed somewhere there, then I have no access to it, but the way I see it, whatever he was forced to swear that would make him react like that must have been an awfully cruel promise. To not be able to admit that other people give him strength, to have this burden of always distancing himself away from other's warmth. I don't think whatever oath Elders prepared for him all these years ago is worth keeping anymore, and it is inevitable for Gillion to realise it one day and finally break it. Break it, and make a new one, one that will allow him to devote himself to the ones who were always by his side, just like Zamia did.

Do you think he was thinking about it? About his own place in the world among the joy of celebration? He felt excitement and happiness for the girls of course, but maybe a pang of jealousy too? A pang of emptiness? When he said to them "May you both be each other's destinies," it felt...important. It felt like words that carried weight to them. Because Gillion doesn't say the word "destiny" lightly anymore. But he was sincere in it. There is nothing more beautiful than to dedicate one's destiny not to fate, or god, or a principle, but to a person. One you chose to walk the rest of your life with, one you chose on your own. I think about Gillion standing there between the two lovers, giving them a new beautiful purpose in life...and being left to wonder how ironic it is, that as the one standing here, making this possible, he feels like he has no purpose at all. That he is being led the path that slowly feels more and more meaningless, and that the only reason he does want to keep going is because of the people he is not allowed to love. How when he talks to Jay, he says he hopes that the two of them finding him was just a coincidence. How much he wants their love, and how much he wants to give back in return, but how he is so, SO afraid, that everything they've been through together is something he was forced into as well, that it's not real. But he wants it to be so bad. Because he loves them so much it hurts. Because he can't bear to carry this burden anymore without them. Because he's lost and all he wants is for them to reach for him and hug him and take his hand and walk gently with him through the path of their own making.

He wants to do all of that so bad, but he can't.

Somehow, he just can't.

Not yet.

But one day, he will.

#jrwi riptide #just roll with it #jrwi #gillion jrwi #gillion tidestrider #jay jrwi #jrwi spoilers #ep 112 #jrwi riptide spoilers #spoilers #also if someone has more information what part of what Gillion said would be considered breaking the oath pls do share #like i'm dying to know #i need to know

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luveline · 2 years

Note

okok if you'd be into it, maybe Roan seeing reader in the supermarket and slipping away from Eddie to go and say hi? like he looks down from where he was reading the label on something and just panics 'cause wheredidshegoohmygod

you are the GOAT babe! absolutely best idea ever ever I owe u my life. kind of single dad Eddie losing his mind while u and his kid bond <3 | fem!reader

Eddie's completely unaware that you're even at Bradley's Big Buy. Him and Roan have only stopped by for some princess bandaids to cover her skimmed knees. She's calmer now she knows the princess bandaids are an inevitability, but she'd been near inconsolable on the drive here.

"You feeling better?" he asks hopefully, swinging her small hand gently as he walks.

He's taking slow steps to match her. They've made a one minute walk to the toiletries into five minutes and counting.

"Maybe," she says.

He almost regrets teaching her the word 'maybe'. Everything is maybe these days.

"What can I do to get a 'yes', huh?"

She wriggles her fingers in his. He gives her a nice squeeze and waits hopefully, pulling her past the aisle of shampoos and then the aisle of deodorants to the one beside it, first aid and ointments and things.

"Y/N," she says with surety.

"She's coming over again next week, babe."

"Now?" she says, or asks.

He stops in front of the plasters. "I wish, sweetheart. Alright, here's the bandaids... But where..." He frowns at the lack of pink bandaids and kneels down to search for them. There's puppies and sharks and fall leaves, but no princesses. He drops Roan's hand to push a box of plain bandaids aside. "You got along so well, I know she's excited to see you too, but I can't just ask her to come over. Well, maybe I can. How many dates do you go on before you..." He peers behind the boxes. Not a princess in sight.

He pulls away. "Baby, I don't think they have any-" Eddie stops short, a placating speech caught in his throat when he realises his daughter is nowhere to be seen.

"Roan?" he asks. With no time for her to answer, he repeats, "Roan?" loudly, loud enough to draw stares.

He swings his gaze one way and then the other, praying for a hint of her. The bounce of her little dark bunches or the flare of her dress dungarees.

Roan can hear her dad calling her, she just doesn't care. She'd seen you standing in the shampoo aisle debating between bottles and needed to come and see you.

You shrug and drop a blue bottle that brags moisture and definition into the basket and go to move to the deodorants in the next aisle when you feel something tug your skirt.

You look down and see a little kid.

"Hi, baby, are you lo- Roan?"

Hard to confuse her honey brown eyes for anyone else, you stop short when you realise it's Eddie's baby.

Roan finally has confirmation that it's you and shouts exuberantly, "Y/N!"

Your heart melts. Capital M, melts. You're putty in her tiny hands. "Well hi, princess."

She beams wide as she can and holds up her arms. It's a struggle to pull her into your chest — you're not as adept as juggling her with one full hand as Eddie is and you doubt you ever will be — but you make up for your clumsiness with pure adoration. She's just as pretty as her dad and twice as charming, wrapping her arms around your neck and ducking her forehead to your collar in a hug.

"Aw," you croon, patting her back. "Hi, baby. How are you?"

"I got an owie," she says very quietly. There's a soft whine to her voice like she might cry.

You encourage her head back to look at her. "Yeah? What have you hurt, sweetheart? And where's your daddy?"

You look over her head suddenly, half-expecting Eddie to be standing there watching. He's not. The aisle is completely empty. You walk to the end of the aisle in hopes that he's gonna be coming around the corner. No dice.

"Roan, where's daddy?" you ask seriously.

She looks as pensive as a three year old can. "I want the princess ones."

"Princess what?" you ask distractedly, eyes searching the store for Eddie.

Music plays loudly over the speakers, an old Bowie song. You can barely hear her answer. "For the owies."

You make a decision without thinking. Yes, Eddie's probably very worried that Roan isn't with him, but she keeps talking about a mysterious owie and you'd found her by herself, so you prioritise her hurting over his.

Sorry, Eddie, you think.

"What did you hurt? D'you wanna show me?"

She points down.

You hold her away from you (kind of, this carrying thing is hard) and find the rips in her thick wool tights edged in red.

"Oh no! You poor girl, I know that must've hurt. Did daddy kiss them better?" you ask sympathetically, wincing as you assess the surface scrapes on her knees. Bloody, but with no deep cuts you think she'll be okay.

"Yeah," she says tearfully. To your horror, her eyes start to well up. You've reminded her that she's hurting. It's not a good move.

"Oh no," you repeat, rubbing up and down the breadth of her back.

She's heavier than she looks and your basket makes your wrist ache but you refuse to put her down. Her crumpled face strikes a fear like God and you reckon putting her down will make it a whole lot worse.

You've yet to see her tantrum as Eddie promises she does. This feels awful enough, you decide, to see her actually upset about something. You flail to make her feel better.

"What can I do, sweetheart? Shall we go find you some bandaids?" you ask softly. She nod slow and rubs her eyes with her fists.

You hike her up your chest and move out of the aisle. As soon as you do you're almost knocked over, a fast-moving body smashing into your basket and tugging your arm. You shriek and Roan shrieks and Eddie stops in front of you, dark curls framing a frantic face, and says, "Thank fuck."

"Don't repeat that," you tell Roan.

"Y/N," Eddie says. Your name is sweet on his lips, affection and relief and gratitude. "Oh my god."

He laughs and then keels over.

"Eddie!" You drop your basket and it slams to the floor, reaching for his back.

"I'm okay!" he says, equally abrupt and stressed. He scratches two hands through his hair before he emerges and scrapes it all away from his cheeks, eyes bright.

He takes a deep breath. His chest rises.

His laugh is nice. You've heard it before. This one is sunshine in sound.

"I think I just had a heart attack."

"Oh my god."

"You're in my bad books," he says to Roan pointedly, glaring.

She glares back. It's amazing to you how they mimic each other, intentionally or otherwise. Twin scrunched noses, twin sloped eyebrows.

Then he dips forward and kisses her sloppy on the cheek. His smell washes over you, the unmistakable stick of engine oil hidden by too much laundry detergent. It's endearing. It makes you want a kiss on the cheek too.

"Baby," he says, voice all drama. It takes you a while to realise he's speaking to you. "I owe you my life."

"Well... actually, I think it might've been my fault. She knew it was me and-" Your eyes blow wide. "Eddie, she skimmed her knees."

"I know," he says, reaching out to squeeze your shoulder. You can feel the clear indent of every finger pressing into your skin. "That's why we're here, for princess bandaids."

He rolls his eyes as if to say, what can you do? Though his voice had been so soft when he'd reassured you, like he'd understood the stress. Well, of course he had. He knows it better than you ever could.

"Princess bandaids," you repeat, stroking a rogue curl out of Roan's eyes. She shys at your tone, fondness for her doubled now you have some context. Princess ones, princess bandaids.

"You heard about 'em?" Eddie asks knowingly.

"All about 'em." You remember yourself and move your hands to under her armpits. "Speaking of..."

Eddie holds his hands out and takes her. Upset in remembering her injured knees she goes without a fuss, clearly craving her dad's comfort. She tucks her face into his neck and all but disappears into his hair. Eddie wraps her up tight, the last bit of nervous tension he'd been holding slipping away.

"We should go get some," he finishes.

You shift onto the side of your foot. "Maybe I can help look?" you ask.

Eddie grins at you. It's a cheeky kind of smile.

I see through you, it says.

"What do you think, baby? Think Y/N can come help us find some bandaids for your owie?" he murmurs.

She mutters something into his neck. He whispers something back, pats the top of her shoulders, and kisses her head.

"What'd she say?" you ask apprehensively.

Your awkward smile must amuse him, must endear him, something, because he smiles at you with his lashes kissing in the corners and elbows you with a great laugh.

"She asked if you'd kiss her owies too."

Oh my god. "Of course I will."

"That's what I told her," he says.

You pick up your basket and trip over yourself as you follow him into the first aid aisle. You're frenetic and awkward under Eddie's steady gaze, a bumbling mess of nerves and shakey giggles, but when it's your turn to kiss Roan's scraped knees, you're perfect.

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