My dogs are the only thing keeping me from losing my mind right now.
The other day my chihuahua was so excited to see me when I came home he put his front paws on my knee and just bounced, and bounced, and bounced, for a full minute. He stopped for a second, but then kept going because it was making me laugh.
Yesterday me and him were chasing my rat terrier around the house and I finally caught him and sat on the floor and said “we got him, Buddy! let’s give him kisses!” and Buddy knows the word “kisses” by now, so he licked Peanut’s face on one side while I kissed him on the other.
Last night I was freaked out and upset because I fucked up this drawing I’d been doing by coloring in the entire background before I actually did any real drawing. I had been planning to do this I Spy style thing filled with all kinds of tiny details, but instead there was just this huge empty pink space I spent fifteen minutes coloring, with a few doodles on the bottom. It really scared me that I could be that absent. Blank spaces are a bit of a trigger for me as well in certain contexts, and filling in an entire page with solid color as I completely forget what I’m doing is pretty much the worst kind of context. (And talk about a fucking waste of ink, you know? I’m really conservative with my art supplies.)
Peanut did what he always does when I get upset, have panic attacks, or feel psychosis coming on: he sat in my lap and waited for me to pet him. When I didn’t immediately pet him, he got my attention by licking my hands. Sometimes when I get like that, he’ll put his paws on my shoulders and his face right in mine. Once a while ago he even bit me. He makes me focus on him so I’ll hold him and pet him, because that gives my hands something non-destructive to do (I’ve been pulling my hair and hitting myself on the head in panic attacks lately). He learned this on his own, too; he’s had no service dog training whatsoever. Because of him I don’t get explosive like I used to, and Buddy keeps me from feeling that utter emptiness of this house.
I love my boys.