Sometimes I wish I had figured it you when I was younger, that I was trans. All the things I did then make so much sense now. Did you know that's why my favorite color was blue? Because it was the "boy color." I thought, "ya know I'm like a Tom boy" "I'm gonna tear apart gender stereotypes." One of my childhood friends' favorite games to play was house and I was always "roped" into playing the husband.
Like this wasn't just a "oh suddenly I feel like this is right" thing, it was a "This is a thing that I am" thing. god. In Middle school, when I started writing that stupid sao fanfic, I wrote myself as trans and didn't even realize it until freshman year. It would have made things so much easier if I had just put it together when I was like 6 and it was obvious.
You know, I've never hidden who I am (really, I guess I've just hidden it from myself.) Yes, I know most kids who want to transition are just put on hormone blockers, but I can only imagine if I never had to deal with periods, if I never had to look at my chest and think "this is okay" because I liked the look of breasts on other people so why shouldn't I like my own? That naivety that pilled anxiety on top of me just to keep telling myself that "this is okay" until I figured out that no I'm not okay with this. There's no doubt in my mind that I was as much a boy then as I am now and I had no clue what to do about it. Heck, I don't even know what to do about it now.
Verse 1: Sometimes I wish you could see/ the world through an addict eyes/ it's nothing like your world/ there no colors only black and white/-/ there's no song birds singing/ no ocean waves smashing/ just the deadly silence of breaking/-//
Verse 2: Im sitting in the pew trying to avoid eye contact/ because those perfect Christians look down upon me/ I can feel the stares and feel the judgement / pumbling down on my spirit I'm already too bent/-//
Verse 3: Don't come up to me asking how I am/ you don't care no matter what I say/ my past defines me in your eyes/ even as you sit there I see straight through your lies/ you never listen you just hear/ you always talk but never do you speak/-//
Verse 4: You say I chose this life so deal with it/ this is your bed now sleep in it/ is that how little you think of me?/-/ I started out just like you/ experimenting and partying at a.m. 2/ never did the thought come across my mind/ being a fiend was gonna be my new life/-//
Verse 5: You really think I wanted to be on these sheets?/ Begging the Lord to come take me/ wishing that I was His first mistake/-/ you really think I wanted to be a slave to them?/ Giving up everything, obeying them?/ Man, what the fuck is wrong with yall to think that this was my dream?!/-//
Verse 6: I'm tired of trying to find a vein/ to shove a needle in my skin/ just so I could get some relief from this pain/-/ man I hate staying up every night trying to fight/ this dreariness to just set flight/ disappear no would know/ I mean, you are just an addict/ why don't you go?/-//
Verse 7: I just wish one day you'll see/ that this side was never meant to be/ but the Lord gonna use it one day/ to help pave the path for another, I pray/-//
Verse 8: Tho being an addict has taught me many things/ like embrace your past, your made up of your dings/-/ don't get embarrassed because you took on life/ those perfect Christians don't know what the fuck it's about/-//
Bridge: Maybe one day you can finally see/ that I'm not ashamed of who I came to be/ maybe if you actually listen to these stories/ and catch a glimpse of what the world is like/ looking through an addict eyes/-//
In dedication to Miss @janellemonae song Don't Judge Me song I wanted to do a "challenge" called #DontJudgeMe.
If you're tired of being judged comment below by using the hashtag and explain your story about being judged(race, nationality,gender, etc.). I wanna see your story. Maybe your story can be helpful to someone else ❤
Woah woah, new blog since forever ago. I finally remade me a blog so I can vent, rant, and go about whatever I want to SCREAM about here all I want! Ummm yes this will genuinely feel amazing! It’ll be better then writing it all down I can promise you that much. But I won’t expose to much personal things as for example “I-I-I” uh yeah you get the point.
BUT I don’t have much to blog for now, but when I do I’m RANTING. Promise. But for now—silence the page. 💫
Oven Roasted Bone in Ham, Shallow Braised Asparagus & Mushrooms with Butter and Fresh Parsley, Stouffer’s Oven Baked Mac & Cheese (because it’s delicious)
This‼️‼️‼️ If y'all can brag about having kids...why is it an issue if I just mention that I don't have any? Enjoy your life with your kids and leave me alone. #Childfree #ChildFreeByChoice #ChildFreeByCircumstance #Childless #ChildlessByChoice #ChildlessByCircumstance #DontJudgeMyLife (at New Orleans, Louisiana) https://www.instagram.com/p/CUOAiI2FEsN/?utm_medium=tumblr