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simplymurdock · 2 years

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Hey! I’d love to request an eleventh doctor x reader where the doctor is completely dependent on and in love with the reader - she’s his anchor - but he doesn’t tell her cause you know… he’s the doctor. The reader is oblivious to those feelings and one day something happens - you choose what - and he might lose the reader. What will he do when he might possibly lose his anchor?

Her Doctor

summary: What happens when the Doctor’s anchor slowly loses herself in the asylum of the Daleks.

pairing: eleventh doctor x fem!reader

warnings: cruising, mentions of losing someone and death, some angst but I make it up with some fluff in the end and sprinkled about. (that’s all i could think of but if i missed anything let me know and i’ll add it <3)

word count: 4,154 words

authors note: this hands down the longest thing i’ve written on here and it took forever. this lovely request came from @okay-j-hannah who you can blame for allowing me to write some sad shit (i’m 100% being sarcastic here lol). but in all seriousness thank you so much for requesting i really hope you enjoy this <3 (my requests are open so please make sure you read the rules before making a request!)

(y/n) stared at her hands wrapped around Amy’s wrist. The only sound to be heard was the howling wind above them and pounding coming front the half-skeleton-half-daleks behind the silver door. The bright blue light shining through either side of your fingers as she was still trying to process what she just did.

She saw the bright blue light in the grasp of the skeleton as the door slid shut. It was a reflex, at least she thought it was. Quickly sliding her thick band off her’s and slipping it on Amy once she saw the light going.

“One of these. But where did they get…it?” The Doctor answered after looking away from the screen where the skeleton creature where looking. His expression dropped, his whole body stood still as he stared at her hands. “What happened? What did you do?” He asked finally looking up at (y/n) with eyes full of a mixture of fear and sadness and hopelessness.

She didn’t reply, still in a state of shock of what just happened.

“(y/n),”

She looked up at him, she knew that tone. It was soft and sweet and comforting, something she needed right now. “The skeleton one’s is Amy’s, now she has mine. Technically her’s now I guess.” She said expressionless, ending it with a dry laugh. “I wasn’t thinking I-I-I just…”

He held her wrist, staring at it, in disbelief. “Doc, what’s gunna happen to me?” She was worried. He could only look at her, wanting to tell her everything was going to be alright. That he could fix this, that he could save her. But he couldn’t. He didn’t know how. The one person in the entire universe he wanted to always save…and he couldn’t.

+°✮*. · ∘ .

“Can someone please tell me what’s gunna happen to me? And don’t sugar coat it cause you’re both below me.” (y/n) reminded, climbing down the rope ladder.

Amy looked down at the Doctor, this had been the fourth time she had asked this.

“The air all around is full of micro-machines, robots the size of molecules. Nanogenes.” He started to explain, finally reaching the bottom. “I know what those are, I’ve been with you for a while now.” She replied in a ‘duh’ tone, making him smile lightly for the fourth time. Amy soon stood next to the Doctor at the bottom, giving him a concerned look before the two watched (y/n) climb down the last few rails.

“Well, now that you’re unprotected, you’re being…” The Doctor held the ladder still as (y/n) stood on the other side, jumping past the last three and looking at him. “Rebuilt,”

Her eyes softened, but her face stayed the same not wanting to show any sign of fear. “So how long do you saw we have till I get an eye-shish kabob sticking out of my forehead?” She said sarcastically.

“Physical changes come later.”

“And what comes first?”

He looked down the hall, holding his hand out for her to take it. She did, interlocking their fingers like always. Amy smiled softly, happy to see she did forget the small things her and the Doctor did. He looked over to make sure Amy was on his other side before starting down the hallway. “With your mind. Your feelings, your memories. And I’m sorry love, but it’s started already.”

Her face fell and a sad frown formed as her head tilted, “What do you mean?”

“Because we’ve had this conversation four times.” Amy told her, beating the Doctor to the punch. Knowing it hurt her to have this conversation again which she could only imagine what he was going through right now.

She stopped making him stop as she kept her eyes glued on their hands. In her mind the climb was silent, but now she was told it wasn’t and that frightened her. It wasn’t her expression that told him she was scared. He knew her too well to know to go off her look, but her eyes. The pain and fear clouded them. Gently holding either side of her face, “Hang on to scared. Scared isn’t Dalek.” Kissing her forehead as the metal clanking started as the door in front of them pulled upwards.

Slowly walking into the room seeing a dusty old room. Small lights placed on the walls demily lit the space showing wires hanging from ceilings while chains laid scattered across the ground. “What’s that?” Amy questioned as robot dalek shouting was heard distantly.

The mental sound was heard as the two stepped back, (y/n) having to be pulled a bit, as the door descended down.

“Keep a lookout, don’t open this door.” The Doctor told Amy as she nodded. “Stay here. Right here, please.” He told (y/n) holding his hands in front of the two before turning back to the screen. Exhaling anxitionly before getting to work. Amy looked between the two, knowing he was stressed out and scared for (y/n) but was clearly trying to keep his cool.

“Okay…” (y/n) breathed out scared out of her mind.

It wasn’t the fear of turning into a Dalek… okay that was a lie, she was terrified out of her mind to have a Dalek eye-thing break out of her skull. The fear was of losing who she was. Who she remembered. If she remembered any of her friends… If she remembered her Doctor. It was also the fear of hurting people.

Turning around towards the ladder they had climbed down. Her head tilted in confusion as she saw him. Her Doctor…but not her current one. No, it was the face of the ninth regeneration. In all his fantastic glory. Walking towards the ladder gesturing his head for her to follow. She did and neither one noticed her wandering off. Reaching the small space seeing no one, no doctor in sight. Turning back down the straight, dimly lit, eerie hallway.

And there he was once again. Except it was now the face of his tenth regeneration, hands in his pockets. Gesturing for her to follow as he disappeared, again, into the unfamiliar room.

Walking down it as her face only lit up more and more. Not realizing just how much she missed those familiar faces. It wasn’t that she didn’t like his current look, she loved it, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t miss his previous faces.

Reaching the dusty room, and gasping happily. Seeing all her old friends, Rose, Donna, Maratha, both of her doctors, and Jack. Evenly spaced and all looking at her with their comforting smiles. Not realizing how much she missed her friends. At this moment she didn’t remember anything, not knowing she was in the Dalek asylum, not with Amy, not with the newer Doctor. Just wanting to be in the moment.

“How do I get past them? (y/n)!”

“(y/n)!”

She turned back seeing the shouting two with wide happy eyes and a smile. “It’s okay. It’s okay, it’s only friends. It’s our friends.” She slurred in a hushed tone holding her pointer finger at the two keeping her back facing them.

“(y/n), it’s the nanocloud. It’s altering your perception.” He told her urgently, making her look back at them. “Look again, look again. Those aren’t people.”

She did so, quickly wishing she hadn’t. That she had stayed in her little make believe bubble. In the previous places her friends were Dalekss. Old, dusty, run-down Daleks all turning towards the three. “But…they were–”

“Love,” He said in the sweet calm tone trying not to freak her more than she already was. “Just take my hand and come on. (y/n), come on.” She slowly backed up still in disbelief about what was happening. “Run, run, run now, run!” The Doctor already pushed Amy to go before grabbing (y/n)’s hand as the two started to run down the hall.

Amy was stopping in looking up at the rope ladder they had just climbed down, “Wait, they’re climbing down!”

“Ah! Ah, yes, they are.” Quickly turning on his heel seeing (y/n) staring down a Dalek in horror.

“Intruder,”

“Back.” He ordered pulling the two women into the small space. Amy and the Doctor panting trying to find a way out. While (y/n) stared wide eyed at the wall, maybe this was how she died. She wouldn’t be stuck in an infinite-memory-loss-loop where she wouldn’t even remember a simple conversation. At least now she wouldn’t have to worry about the eye-shish kabob thing cracking and springing its way out to kill people. At least now she would be able to die with her memories intact.

The squeaking Daleks' wheels slowed down as its speech followed, “Intruder…” It said weakly as it powered itself down all together.

“Is it?” Amy questioned, unsure of what was fully happening.

“I’m not entirely sure.”

“It’s damaged.” He breathed out, as Amy sandwiched (y/n) between the two not wanting something to happen to her. “Okay. But what do we do?” She questioned. “Identify me, access your files. Come on. Come on!” He told it getting antsy staring down its blue eye. “Who’s your daddy?”

“You are the Predator.” It croked out.

“How did it get Predator from daddy?” (y/n) raised her brow looking over the hunk of metal as Amy scoffed quickly covering her mouth.

“Access your standing orders concerning the Predator.” He ordered ignoring the two. “The Predator must be destroyed!” It shouted as (y/n) watched it’s ever move. “And how are you going to do that? Dalek without a gun? You’re a tricycle with a roof. How are you going to destroy me?” He challenged as Amy stood next to the Doctor while (y/n) walked to the side of the robot alien.

A loud alarm started to beep from it, “Self-destruct initiated.”

“What’s it doing?” Amy questioned watching the Doctor try to use his sonic on it, but getting nothing. “It’s going to blow itself up and I’m with it. Only weapon it's got left.”

“Self-destruction cannot be countermanded!”

“I’m not looking for a countermand, dear.” He remarked letting the Daleks head slink down. “I’m looking for the reverse.” And just like that the Dalek was zooming backwards, “Forwards! Forwards! Forwards! Forwards!” It shouted over and over again.

Amy quickly backed up trying to get the farest away. The Doctor followed but (y/n) didn’t, only being able to watch as the other Daleks were meeting it shouting ‘Intruder!’.

Only seeing a flash before the explosion knocked her back. Her body getting thrown to the ground and then sliding stopping at the Doctor's feet unconscious.

Once he realized what was happening he crouched down checking her over, making sure she was hurt. “Is that Rory?” Amy asked slowly, walking up as her eyes widened seeing the Doctor holding an unconscious (y/n). “Is she okay?”

“Yes. Now go see if Rory is. And please be careful.” He told her only seeing her walk past them as he went back down to the unconscious women in his arms.

Truth be told he didn’t know what to do. For once he was stumped, in a way that physical hurt, that hurt his chest. Seeing her hurt and unconscious and beforehand scared out of her mind what was about to happen. He was scared to lose her, to lose one of the only person in the world he cared for. The thought of losing her had always floated about in his mind with his life style who wouldn’t. But now that it was actually happening he was a wreck.

Even though he was happy what she did, proud even for it being a reflex. He slightly wished it didn’t happen, that it wasn’t a reflex. As bad as it might sound he wouldn’t be as much of a disaster as he is right now if it was Amy instead of her.

“Now, I’m not sure if you can actually hear me, but I need you to stay with me. I need you to fight against anything that changes you. Holding onto everything that makes you…well you. Your wonderfully, selfless, sweet, kind self. The exact same woman I fell in love with. Because… because if you, (y/n) (y/ln), leave I don’t–I don't know what will happen.” He admitted feeling a mixture of emotions. Glad he finally admitted it, admitted his feelings, the ones he had been bottling up for ages.At the sametime disappointed he told her while she was unconscious and unable to actually hear him.

He looked between his arm and her gray sweater sleeve one. Finally slipping his thick black bracelet off and placing it where her’s previously was. Staring at the flashing blue light for a blink before rolling the sleeve back down. He wasn’t internally sure if this would save her. If she wasn’t too far gone, or if this could help fix the changes that already happened. Not even thinking for a moment about what would happen to him. That he could possibly turn into one of the creatures he hated the most. It terrified him more that she would turn into one of them. And if this was a way for him to save her even if it was something he wasn’t completely sure on. Swiping her up into his arms hearing the Pound’s starting to call for them.

Both turning to see the Doctor carrying (y/n) out in his arms. Still uncounis as her head was leaned back while one of her dangled while the other, the one with the new bracelet, curled up on her stomach.

+°✮*. · ∘ .

Gently laying (y/n) down on the lit up circle as the three of them surrounded her. “Will sleeping help her? Will it slow down the process?” Rory asked, bawling up his jacket and placing it under her head, separating it from the cold dirty metal.

“You better hope so.” Oswin said over the intercom getting all their attention. “Because pretty soon she’s going to try and kill you.”

“Already threatened them enough.” (y/n) groaned out slowly raising up, The Doctor gently holding her hand helping her up as his other was placed her back baking her. “(y/n),”

“Ow.”

“(y/n), you still with us?” The Doctor asked as she groaned squeezing his hand as pain shot through her body. “Sadly, I’m still here.”

“(y/n) are you okay? Do you still remember me?” Rory questioned as (y/n) lightly hit Amy’s thigh as she slapped Rory’s arm for her. “Right, stupid question.”

“Same old (y/n).” The Doctor remarked with a smirk.

“Do you know how you make someone into a Dalek? Subtract love, add anger. Doesn’t she seem a bit too angry to you?”

“Well, if you can make souffle’s you can get a dictionary and look up the words 'sarcasm’ and ‘tough love’.” She remarked before wincing once again. “No one here is a chiropractor. My bones feel like they’re gunna snape if I move in the wrong direction.” She groaned out nodding her head, “Yup, fuck this, I’m going back down.” And she did, laying back down as the Doctor helped ease her back down.

“What about you though, Oswin? How come you’re okay? Why hasn’t the nanocloud converted you?” The Doctor asked, looking at the small blue camera.

“I mentioned the genius thing, yeah? Shielded in here.”

“Hmm. Clever of you.” He looked over at (y/n) who nodded knowing he wanted to physically express his thinking of how to get out of the asylum. “Now, this place. The Dalkes said it was fully automated. But look at it, it’s a wreck.”

“Well, I’ve had nearly a year to mess with them. And…not a lot else to do.”

“A junior entertainment manager hiding out in a wrecked ship, hacking the security systems of the most advanced warrior race the universe has ever seen. But you know what really gets me about you, Oswin?” The Doctor started to ramble pacing around the small rundown room. “The souffles,” (y/n) groaned out as the Doctor said the same thing. “The souffles. Where do you get milk for the souffles? Seriously, is no one else wondering about that?” He questioned looking back at the few before (y/n)’s hand raised up, “Me, not only do I not see a Dalek cow but a Dalek chicken…maybe I am losing my mind.”

“No! Frankly, no. Twice.” Rory protested knowing the two would go back and forth on the matter.

“So, Doctor.” Oswin inquired about changing the topic. “I've been looking you up. You’re all over the database. Why do the Daleks call you the Predator?”

“I’m not a predator. I’m just a man with a plan.”

“You’ve got a plan?” Both Oswin and (y/n) questioned. “We’re all ears.” Rory remarked clearly under distress. “There’s a nose joke going if someone wants to pick that one off.” Amy added.

“In no particular order, we need to neutralize all the Daleks in this asylum, rescue Oswin from the wreckage, escape from this planet and fix Amy’s and Rory’s marriage.” He explained as uncomfortable silences fill the space. “Okay, I’m counting three lost causes, anyone else?” Amy quickly broke it. “I’m number four.” (y/n) ‘s hand raised back up again.

“Oswin, there’s a Dalek ship in orbit.” The Doctor said, trying to change the topic. “Yeah, got it on the sensors.” She answered as (y/n) finally sat herself completely upright looking down at her wrist feeling the unknown weight and quickly realizing seeing the faint blue light through the cotton. “The asylum has a force field. The Daleks upstairs are waiting for me to turn it off. As soon as I do, they’ll burn this whole world and us with it. So, Oswin, my question is this, how fast can you drop the force field?” The Pounds looked at eachother with the same confused look while (y/n) eyes never left the Doctor’s body. Trying to understand the plan he was making but couldn’t get over the bump that was the bracelet.

“Pretty fast…But why would I?”

“Because this is a teleport, am I right, Oswin?” The Doctor asked, already knowing he was. “Yeah! Internal use only.” She confirmed as it clicked for (y/n), the Doctor always was good at teleports.

He snapped his fingers and pointed at her, smiling widely before turning on his heels back to the three. Walking back to the circle as him and Rory, who had paced off, joined the two women. “I can boost the power, you know, once the force field is down. And we can use this to beam us right off this planet.” He explained using his screwdriver over the glass showing the bundle of wires and lights.

“But you said when the force field is down, the Daleks will blow us up.” Was the last thing (y/n) heard before her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she passed out.

“Doctor!” Amy shouted as Rory started feeling for her pulse on her neck. The doctor was quick to turn around, “What happened to her?”

“I don’t know, she just passed out.” Rory quickly explained as he adjusted the bawled up jacket under her head. “Everything seems normal.”

“Will it slow down the effects?” She asked not wanting to say the actual words. “I don’t know, honestly.” He shrugged as The Doctor stayed silent thinking this had to be something the bracelet was doing to level her out.

+°✮*. · ∘ .

(y/n) leaned against the wall, at the top of the stairs watching the Doctor twirl around the counsel room smiling widely and repeating ‘Doctor Who’. Her Doctor. Her laugh was what caught his attention, making his smile only grow wider. “I thought you were still resting?”

“Feeling better. Much more like myself.” She held onto the railing as she made her way to his side. “Thanks to you of course.” He smiled at her, his eyes trailing towards the heart of the counsel before his expression dropped a little. The question came up, the same question, the only question he wanted to ask her. “Spit it out. I know that look.”

“What look?” He challenged raising his brow.

“The question you keep biting your tongue about.”

It was a few seconds, he kept going back and forth on the matter but ended up biting the bullet. “When you walked into the room full of Daleks you said it was our friends?” Her eyes trailed down to the floor, crossing her arms and leaning against the railing. Swiping her tongue across her sudden dried bottom lip. “Our friends.” She repeated after sighing lightly. “All the ones we lost and your previous regenerations.”

It hurt.

It hurt his feelings, thinking that she would’ve wanted his previous faces. It had been one of his fears ever since he changed. Thinking she would take one look at him and leave, but she didn’t. Thinking once he showed his new personality she would leave, and yet she still didn’t. But it still was one of those fears that crupit up on him. The thought of her leaving him. Rathering that be of her own free will or not. “Oh…”

“I think my mind was trying to make the situation less scary.” She told him truthfully. She had thought about it nonstop. Confused on why her subconscious would show her these specific people. “But no amount of comfort could match when I saw you…after getting thrown down the hall.”

His head snapped up, “You were awake the whole time?”

“Not at first,” She admitted in an unsure tone. “I mean, I can’t fully remember when I was first like ‘oh shit!’. But I remember hearing your voice and thinking this was it, your voice comforting me as something else takes over…” She rambled off feeling the anxious pit in her stomach start again. The butterfly type feeling she felt around him but continued on, “And then my vision came back, blurry, but it was back…and I saw you. And then I blacked out again and well, you were there for the rest of it.” She nervously smiled at him feeling like she was making an idiot out of herself.

“I thought I lost you,” He admitted in an almost whisper, barely being audible over the engine of the tardis.

Her head slowly tilted up at him as her eyes trailed behind, her soft sweet smile only growing. “You can never lose me.” She matched his tone only her voice was louder, more confident. And there that feeling was. It was as if they were in their own little world, nothing, no one, no being could bring it. Technically sometimes it was actually true since certain planets have any life. Which makes a nice day-off.

But her head tilted at the realization.

The feelings she felt for him never changed, evolved to match the new personality, but never actually changed. Only grew with each passing second she was with him. That safe, calming, yet exciting, and happy mixture that filled every vein in her body. Small bits of electricity ran through her nerves when she stood by him. The feeling she hadn’t felt when she was around the fake doctor’s. “Okay, now you have your thinking face on.” He acknowledged in his more brighter tone.

“Really and what does this face look like?”

“Your brows sorta go inwards and you get this tiny wrinkle in your forehead.” He lightly touched the small wrinkle as she quickly swatted his hand away, scoffing. Getting lost in one another's eyes feeling her cheeks starting to hurt from smiling. “So!” She turned and stood next to him resting her palms on the rim of the consel. “Where off to next?” He pressed his lips together, seeing you still right by his side. “I’m glad you asked,” He beamed before starting to pull and turn different knobs making the Tardis whaling start.

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