The thought of you was the only thing to keeping him going throughout starvation and coldness of space, comfort in the face of possible suffocation knowing that his space ship is running on low oxygen
Imagine the dread as he finally lands on the surface of earth looking out at the crowd of familiar faces yet not seeing the one he was so excited to hold in his hands once more
Starting to hyperventilate as steve comes up to support him off the ship, flinching away radiating a defensive aura “where? Where are they?"
Steves expression unidentifiable as he sighs looking away from him, tony begining to yell "Y/n! Where are they!? Steve tell me!” Hysterical pushing past all those that keep quiet watching as Tony stumbles to the house
Natasha would be the one to stop him from figuring it out himself, just to kill his hopes quicker than Tony would searching each room himself, a mercy
Realizing he lost you destroys any possibility of him supporting the war agaisnt thanos in any little way, no matter what the remaining avengers do to convince him to make a stand nothing will pull him out of the pit of despair thats been created from your apparent death
He didnt even get to say goodbye to you, so focused on the idea that he might die from the mission to even think about how he might not be able to return to your arms
The 5 years that pass are depressing, when the monuments are made in the name of those who disappeared the white marble with his lovers embedded wasnt even gazed by tonys eyes, instead hours are spent in the room you shared together
Nothing of yours has been tampered with even in the slightest, collecting dust while tony stares at them everyday, holding the blanket you shared all those nights together close to his chest as he remembers all the lovely moments youve had together
Not even five years in Tony would have went to the hospital several times for various reasons, Drinking to the point of being shit face, opposing a threat to himself, and something that required the direct attention of the avengers, the fact tony had to be sent to get his stomach pumped for overdosing
Of course Rhodey, Steve and Nebula wouldve been observing his behavior but tony always refused to let them get involved up until the point Tony legally needed to be supervised
He wouldnt be convinced to rejoin the effort to change the timeline until it occured to him that you could be in his arms again
It was beyond painful seeing you in the past, knowing he couldnt approach you no matter how much he wanted to.
By the end he would sacrifice himself for you, knowing if his death meant you would be alive and able to continue without him tony would be beyond complaint
It never fails to kill me, every single goddamn day, that the Russos believed Steve Rogers deserved a nice, happy ending, so they decided to turn Peggy Carter into a reward. A trophy to the male character for a job well done. I fucking hate it. Every day, I hate it all over again.
How do you feel about MCU Nat's age?? Are you fine with her being born in 1984 even though it doesn't really make much sense timeline wise or would you want her real age in 1928 or somewhere in that time to be revealed in the movie??
I have mixed feelings, in that I think there’s a lot they could do but also I think there’s a lot of missed opportunities!
Time passing: Late-20s Nat, mid-30s Nat, and nearly-100 Nat are all interesting, but they’re interesting in different ways, and I’m struggling to figure out where mid-30s Nat fits in all of this. There’s an aspect of being an adult, of this being your life, that she’s more settled into by now than she was circa Winter Soldier. It’s not bad, but it’s neither the coming-of-age that I think late 20s feels like, nor the exhausted-with-having-been-here-so-long that I think we can read into her being almost a century old. I’m less certain of what the story they’d want to be telling about a mid-thirties Natasha is, because that’s not a spy story we see a lot. And that makes it interesting, but also harder for me to judge right now.
(I do go back to what I’d said earlier, my thoughts about Nat as failed millennial who struck out on her own and has to go back to her abusive family because it seems like she can’t hack it herself- that’s an interesting story to be telling, and definitely fits the age; I’m just not sure that story feels uniquely Natasha.)
Death: I think that Natasha having lived twenty-five or thirty or thirty-five years feels fundamentally different when you know that’s all that she gets, compared to her having had almost a century. I liked the idea that Natasha had a whole life ahead of her, that she was just learning who she is and she could grow into whatever she wants. Then Endgame happened. If Natasha is older than she looks, then the feeling that she had so little life feels lessened. Of course, it also feels cheap that we never knew how much she’d had.
Stuff we’ve heard about the BW movie: IF the rumors are true, and Melina, Alexei, Natasha and Yelena were all undercover as a family, but also Alexei gave up being the Guardian at the fall of the KGB? There is literally no time that could have been possible, because that was in November 1991 and Florence Pugh was born in 1996. Even assuming Yelena is older than Florence (Emma Watson, who was rumored for the role, was born in 1990, so say that’s the age), she would have had to be old enough to be part of an undercover team, and there’s no way that works. Like, I can fudge timelines as much as the next person- we’re talking superhero movies!- but the math just falls apart so impressively. Which makes me think, symbolism or no, there’s some timeline and age fuckery here, because otherwise, what in the hell are they doing and why are they doing it besides to punish me personally.
I deeply wish the MCU fandom was better at respecting tagging etiquette, because then we could actually find fic ABOUT Natasha when we search her tag on AO3 without having to stift through pages upon pages of fic where she utters one word. I think the one thing I miss about FFnet was that you couldn't really abuse character tags.
Honestly, I don’t even know if I can blame tagging, because I’m not sure what I’d be searching for!
Do you tag a character if they’re not there but their presence matters? Do you tag a character if their death spurs others to action? Do you tag a character if they survive something canon doesn’t have them escaping, but they aren’t really a part of the story, besides not being dead? And which of those do I want to read? I don’t even know for sure.
I haven’t done much active searching since the immediate aftermath of the movie, when I tried filtering to post-Endgame and Natasha Romanoff, but I found a lot less than satisfying because it wasn’t what I wanted, but I have no idea if that’s still true. At the time I was looking to process my grief for a fictional character, while a lot of other people were processing their grief for DIFFERENT fictional characters, and it wasn’t their responsibility to cater to what I needed- but I’m not sure what they could have used to identify what it was I needed, because I don’t think I was entirely sure myself.
I think this is one of the interesting muddy areas of tagging on AO3; how do you define an emotional need like this? How do you narrow it down to a few words, and is that something that’s possible to universalize, even if we want to?
I think that the most damning thing about The Rise of Skywalker, in regards to shipping, is that no one seems happy. Reylos are pissed that they killed Kylo off, Rey/anyone-else fans are pissed that Reylo is technically canon, there’s apparently no other romantic relationships intact by the end–why is media so hellbent on removing romance lately, as far as I can tell?
Game of Thrones ends with exactly two ships still viable (Edmure/Rosalin and Gilly/Sam). The few fandom relationships are broken apart except for Jon/Tormund. Endgame ends with Peggy/Steve and a few other ships, but kills off a bunch of existing relationships. That’s not even including the fandom ships that can’t happen now that the participants are dead. So many films and shows recently end with everyone alone.
And that’s not even getting into when family and friends split up. I suppose that all of this is a response to the bleakness of our current lives, but giving into that despair is just sad. There’s nothing wrong with angst or bittersweet endings; still, where are the big blockbuster series that end with mostly everyone alive and happy? When do I get a beautiful, fluffy, unambiguously joyful ending to counterbalance all of the depressing “life sucks and then you die” nihilism?
I just miss when I could reasonably hope for a happy ending. I’m not asking for all media to be sunshine and rainbows, but media doesn’t have to be all depression and unending despair either. There has to be a healthy balance somewhere between constant angst and constant euphoria.
I just read the first two parts of a lovely (as-yet-unfinished) Pepper/Natasha fic, The Inevitable by @thischairismyhomenow, which goes slightly AU off Endgame (Clint sacrificed for Natasha instead of vice versa) and is a story about survivor’s guilt and moving on and living while mourning. I was looking for Pepper/Nat but it’s a great study of Pepper and Nat, individually as well as together, that’s also giving me a real feeling for how much Tony and Clint meant, to them and to the world.
And I realized that something I’d like to read more of, that I haven’t because I’ve mostly been looking for “everybody lives” or at least “Natasha is okay” fic-
Are there stories where Natasha still dies in Endgame, but she’s memorialized and honored? Are there stories about characters wanting to live up to the legacy she created, or about the people she inspired, or the ways she made a difference?
I know I’ve read some, because I have friends who wrote them (@twentyghosts comes to mind), but I’d love more. Can anyone toss me some recs?
summary: after endgame, the reader doesn’t know what to do after she loses nat - her mother figure, tony - her father figure.
a/n: just a lil sumn i’ve been writing since endgame came out (with only 692 words just proves how slow i am at writing)
You knew that after all of it was over, nothing would ever be the same. Except you thought everything would be okay, until you lost Nat at Vormir and then Tony during the final battle. Now, everything seems dull and there’s no way that anything can be okay without them. Your heart already ached enough without Nat, but waking up in the mornings and not hearing some lame remark from Tony makes it harder to get out of bed. During the five years after losing to Thanos, you stayed with Nat at the Avengers HQ and at least once a year visiting Tony, Pepper and Morgan.
However, after losing Tony you couldn’t bring yourself to visit them again. Pepper almost begged you to stay with them, knowing you don’t have anywhere else to go. You were like a daughter to Tony and Pepper, they cared for you and treated like their daughter. When Morgan came along, she looked up to like a big sister. As much as you wanted to stay with them, you couldn’t.
After the HQ was destroyed, you truely had nowhere but you decided that you could stay with Steve and Bucky only to find out you just missed out on saying goodbye to Steve, arriving when he came back 90 or so years later. You watched from afar as he gave his shield to Sam. You decided not to drag Steve into your dramas, letting him live the rest of his life in peace. You were about to leave when Bucky caught you. He didn’t physically say anything but he stared at you, reading your emotions. He felt for you. He knew.
“Stay,” he says softly in a way that he wasn’t asking you but telling you. “We’re going to find a new place and I think—no, I know that you should come with us. You said it yourself that you don’t want to stop being who you are just because the big war is over. Now that’s Sam is the new Cap, he’s going to need backup, no doubt. He’s going to need you, kid.”
After feeling lost for so long, you finally feel like you belong again. A couple of tears roll down your cheeks as you feel Bucky’s warmth and love flow into your body. The feeling of being someone, being needed and being thought about, it’s a feeling you’ve missed since you first lost to Thanos all those years ago.
“What about you? Isn’t he going to need both of us?”
Bucky chuckles, knowing that you’re always looking out for others. “Of course! He’s going to need all the help he can get,” he nods his head with a soft smile on his face. A small smile forms on your own face. “Come here, kiddo.” He opens his arms out to invite you in for a hug, and you gladly accept.
Soon, Sam came over to you and Bucky with the shield in his hand. “Looks like it’s the three of us now,” Sam announces and looks down to you to give you a warm smile. He could see the pain you carry, and how it’s beginning to ease just by being around Bucky and himself. He mentally notes to himself that you’re going to need all the support due to the previous events. He and Bucky may not have been here to support you during those five years but they could only imagine the pain and sadness you feel now after losing Tony and Nat. You hadn’t lost Steve yet but you had lost your Steve, the one who often came to check up on you and had become a big brother you never had.
You move from Bucky’s arms and into Sam’s. The three of you had been close friends before the snap, and being reunited with them after five years made you cry happy tears. The world didn’t seem right without them, and your days were so bring without their stupid antics. You’re just really glad to have them back. Things are going to move slowly but with Bucky and Sam by your side you know that you’ll be alright.
Darcy left work with plenty of time to get home. She left a voicemail for Jane, although she hadn’t heard from Jane in over twenty-four months. Jane didn’t know. Nobody had known, when Thor and Jane had left to do some space exploration after the Snap was reversed, that the US government, still shaky, would fall apart. Nobody knew now, technically-speaking. But Darcy wasn’t stupid. A functioning government didn’t institute legalized crime sprees. This “New Founding Fathers” stuff? Total bullshit. Some sort of deep state deal, probably organized by the military industrial complex and shadily-elected President Thad Ross to sell bullets. She tried to push away the persistent spiraling thought that Thanos had actually won, seeding in destabilization by stealing half the planet, so that the return of that half, five years later, wasn’t a purely happy return. No, it was a lurch. A lurch in the economy, a lurch in lives. Insurance companies were suing people who they’d paid death benefits to for repayments, there were food shortages, and a sharp escalation in domestic violence as people came home to spouses who’d remarried. It was a profoundly strange time to be alive. It would have never happened if the Avengers were still here, but Tony and Natasha were dead, Steve was missing, and many of the younger superheroes had been detained in the Raft, it was rumored. She wished she’d gone to space, she thought as she crossed the parking lot.
Darcy got in her old Civic and cranked it. She still had a key-based car. The car wheezed and sputtered. “No,” Darcy said. “No. No. No.” She tried again. The car clicked and didn’t crank. She slapped the steering wheel and yelled in frustration. Her car had broken down. On the worst possible night in history. She should have gone with Clint when he had sought asylum in Canada. But no one had thought the Purges would really happen until the date neared. She could still make the train, Darcy thought. The train, then the bus, then home. She had two hours before the Purge started. She got out of the car, locked it, and started to jog towards the nearest station.
I think my favorite thing about Avengers: Endgame (2019) is that every single person has a theory for something the MCU canon could do in the future to undo what it did to their fave, and not only are all of these theories entirely plausible (both by logic from the comics and by the logic of the movies themselves) individually, there is no reason they can’t all coexist, and that’s before we even bring in the multiverse.
They want us so badly to believe that Endgame was the cap on the Infinity Saga, but all that it did was convince every single person out there that there’s no reason canon can’t be fixed.
The cap is gone. The toothpaste is all thoroughly out of the tube. No one is really dead, everyone is going to be happy, and if they’re not, we’ll make it happen.
Good morning! Is there anything you would change about some major movie franchises?
I only have two AMA questions to belatedly answer, and they’re both from my lovely lady! (Thank you so much for being so supportive and sending me so many [great!] questions. 💕)
The answer is UM, YES, ABSOLUTELY. I’m only picking on two movies from two franchises, because I could be here way longer than any of you are prepared for otherwise.
Avengers: Endgame:I would cut SO MANY DEATHS and change Steve’s ending because almost none of it sat well with me.
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker: They did my boy so dirty; literally nobody fight me on this. (That scene of him running in the henley, though? 👌🏻) Rey also deserved better from her storyline, and in general, I feel like a lot of development everyone experienced in TLJ was ignored.
Every major film franchise I’m invested in: more ladies, more POC, and more LGBTQ+ people, thank you very much.
Look, everything that could be said both positive and negative has already been hashed out except…
I legitimately just want to ask Alan Silvestri if TPTB over MCU 22 aka AE, A4, asked for something completely different and out of step with the last 21 films.
Cause the score/music was jarringly out of step with everything that came before. I really don’t recall AI/A3 even feeling this out of left field music wise.
I had to look up who responsible for it. Yup. He did both. And A1.
Alan, did they ask for this??? cause not your best work, my man, not your best work.
It reminded of the one tour of Les Mis where they were allowed to interpret instead of sticking to the original concept and… the performance completely missed the emotional depth everyone was striving for. It just fell flat. I felt bad for the entire troop.
Heroes need hero music. They just do. IDK if anyone else cares, IDC of anyone else knows.