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#excerpt from a book I'll never write

as a bilingual, with English not being my main language, I’ve noticed many people using bilingual characters in unrealistic ways. Here are some actual things I do whenever I speak/write English:

-My grammar is NOT fluent. I usually use grammar in ways I’ve heard it before, but sometimes I don’t really know the rules. 
-some grammar rules just stuck with me, I use them correctly even if it’s a bit formal. (for me, it’s the conditionals)
-I pay attention to CAPITAL LETTERS! (this one is for the bilingual with different letters)
-I might use some informal words in formal situations, or highly formal words at casual situations. (we were taught the word FLABBERGASTED in class)
-I simply translate phrases in my language to English, even though it makes no sense
-I have problems with some sounds in English (especially TH)
-In some languages, some objects have a gender. I tend to call objects she or he instead of it. (a chair is a ‘he’, a pillow is a ‘she’) 

If you have any more please add :)

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“I don’t hide anything from you. I don’t want to. I need to let you see all parts of me - the funny, flirty and dirty minded ones as well as the vulnerable and emotional ones, the ones that carry baggage from the past. I need you to see the real me and hope you’re able to fall in love with everything I am.”

- Lady With A Handbook

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“out of all the people i could’ve fallen for,

why did it have to be the one that couldn’t love me back?”

- why did it have to be you, why did it have to be me /#37

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It’s all in that look…

Those eyes see to her very soul… the way he looks at her shows love, tenderness, hope…

Theres so much held in that look that she can’t resist… gentle brush of hands, a stroke of the cheek, nose nuzzling against nose, forehead resting against forehead… lips softly meeting to whisper silent secrets before parting… the secrets told lingering in warmth, tingles and dimpled smiles

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echoes of your voice

dance around my mind

lyrics and verses

i know will never be mine

i’ll close my eyes

and pretend that it’s fine

like it was my love

that made you feel so alive

raven // a musician’s love

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i stand

bare and broken

like the feet


so firmly

into the dark asphalt ground

i gaze at the reflection

of the sun in your eyes

and wonder

if i could bring the same light

raven // carpark sunsets

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You’re going to leave. I’m sure of it. The day will come and you’ll realize you’re not in love with me anymore. You’ll realize that I’m a lot, I feel too much and that I am just not worth the hassle. And that is okay, I’m far too used to people leaving. They have left for a lot less.

The day will come and you will find my insecurities unbearable and my anxiousness annoying. You’ll find my overthinking tiresome and my breakdowns repetitive. That day will come, days, months, maybe even years from now, who knows. But l when that day comes I just hope that by then I would finally figure out how to stand on my own. I just hope I learn how to be strong enough, without you.

Why am I like this

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I wish I wasn’t so pathetic. I wish I didn’t love fast, I wish I didn’t care as much, I wish I didn’t give a fuck, and I just wish that for once I believed that I was e -fucking - nough.

one of those nights

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I always look at you, look your way and it’s not because you have something on your face or because you something weird, I just look at you. And it’s often because I just love you. It’s often because when I do, I can’t fathom life without you. It’s often because when I look at you, I realize that I haven’t loved anything or anyone so much in my life. I look at you, because I am in constant awe of you. And I’m sorry because I know it’s a lot. But I just can’t help myself.


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It’s one of those nights again — the monsters in my head, the demons of my past are just ruining my life. I want to be able to breathe and feel whole again but my goodness I can’t silence the thoughts that come about. I just, can’t.

May 26, 2019 - overthinking

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“People call me when I don’t want to speak and people come to see me when I don’t want to be seen. On the bright side, it shows me that somebody cares for me. And in those times, whether I prefer to admit it or not, is when I need it the most. Thank you for speaking the language I refuse to speak myself.”

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