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#happy new decade

Journal entry #52📝

Date: 2/21/20

Today’s mood:😀

Amount of water (cups):0

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅



Today’s talk: Today was a busy but fun day. I slept in and skipped breakfast because I was exhausted. Today was the last day of speeches for public speaking and they were okay. After that class, immediately got on a bus to go to the museum for a guided tour of it for my body, self, and world class. That was kinda fun. Once that was over, I got back on a bus, went back to my dorm, and tried to repark my car. Was planning to park in the Reitz Union for that afternoon to make filming easier but every spot was taken and they had basically all the “all day” parking blocked off. Managed to get a spot in my dorm parking lot. That took forever so I just watched youtube and had a small snack before getting lunch with BB at 2. Lunch was fun as usual. Right after lunch, I went back to my dorm to get my camera stuff then walked back to Weimer to meet my crew for the day. We were filming the weightlifting club today so we drove to the gym they were at (took a bit of navigating but was fun). Filming was sort of a breeze with a big learning curve with using a piece of equipment. Once that was over, dropped them and all the equipment off, got a pretty good parking spot at my dorm, and currently chilling for the rest of the night.

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Journal entry #50

Date: 2/19/20

Today’s mood: 😴😥

Amount of water (cups): 8

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅



Today’s talk: I’m fucking exhausted. Worked at 5:15 until 7:30, got back to my dorm, parking was a fucking nightmare, and started getting ready for class. It was public speaking and I had some trouble paying attention because I was so tired. Went back to the library right after class and started working on my photoshop projects. Once I was done there, I went to the Reitz Union and got Panda Express for lunch. Worked on more homework while eating, didn’t finish the food, and then went to my last class. Then had volunteering, a club meeting, and an interactive screening of Knives Out with Sarah. I’m exhausted and have to be up early tomorrow as well so woo

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Journal entry #44📝

Date: 2/13/20

Today’s mood:😬

Amount of water (cups): 9

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:❎✅



Today’s talk: Today started super early. Had work at 7:30 and I was so tired. My shift ended at 10, got home at 10:30, and then slept for two more hours. Got lunch from the pod market with Sarah about 12:40, ate, and then got dressed for the gym. The gym was rough today. My knees and hips hurt a lot like usual, shoulders and chest hurt from carrying all my supplies to class yesterday (like 20 lbs), my left side started killing me during Russian twists, back hurt after bicycle crunches, and overall it felt like my body was shutting down. I’m never like this at the gym ever so it was an experience. Showered afterwards and chilled at the dorm because we finished early due to my pain. Got our AC checked out finally and turned out our thermostat was bad. The room was hotter and more humidity than outside and it was a clear 30 degree difference between our room and the hallway and every other room on our floor. They are coming back tomorrow to see if it worked. Also had my second exam of the week today and it was super simple. We were given the exam on Tuesday and just had to find and learn the answers.

Once my exam was over, Sarah and I went to museum nights at the Harn Musuem. Got a cool picture together, saw my friend Carl(y), and looked at cool fucking Asian art. We then went to Burger King and got the impossible whopper. Sarah’s a vegetarian and has had it before while today was my first time. It was actually pretty good and I couldn’t tell it was a burger alternative. Once back at the dorm, I showered again (had to shave for tomorrow 😉😉) and packed to leave tomorrow.

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Journal entry #41📝

Date: 2/10/20

Today’s mood: 🙃

Amount of water (cups): 4

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅



Today’s talk: This one will be short because nothing really happened. Class was short and boring today because we start speeches on Monday. I practiced my speech a few times then just laid in bed until volunteering. I’ve decided to stop volunteering after my spring break. My butter is spread way too thin and I’ve been exhausted these past couple of weeks. After volunteering, I went to the Reitz Union to print off everything for my public speaking class and all my notes for my dinosaur exam tomorrow and got subway for dinner.

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We’re no longer quite ourselves nor reflections of someone else

Lover, do you feel the tension as we drift between silence and eternity?

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Journal entry #34📝

Date: 2/3/20

Today’s mood:🙃

Amount of water (cups): 0

Skincare routine:✅❎

Dental hygiene:✅❎



Today’s talk: A pretty average Monday. Class went well and I didn’t have work today. Got the shift picked up so I could go to office hours. After class, I worked on my public speaking outline in the library then went to PS office hours to get help on it/have it looked over. Once that was over, I went back to the dorm for a bit and just relaxed. Was gonna take a nap but that didn’t happen. Got lunch, dropped off my scholarship packet, got some advising, did more homework, then went to volunteering. That was good. Girl I tutor is a little difficult but it’s fun talking with her. I then got dinner, went back to the dorm, sat with Sarah as she made more cookies, ate a couple, and now I’m getting ready for bed. Cried myself to sleep yesterday night and not gonna let that happen tonight.

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“There are so many things I would’ve loved to say.

But honestly words are just that, plain words.

When so much a long the years lost its meaning my words now, do too.

So much was given, even more taken from me.

Taken from one-another.

Things I took and that I can never get them out.

Things that were taken from me, and parts I will never get back.

These last few years have drained me out of how much, so much I could’ve loved, given, but mostly of what I could’ve been.

I honestly feel like there isn’t much left.

And the things that stayed , are the worst bits and the broken ones sewn together, terribly if I must add.

I don’t hope for the best anymore, nor do I wait for it.

I just keep walking.

Walking along side this stranger,

This home I have never seemed to stop and discover, one that doesn’t feel quite like a home. …-”

Something yet to develop.

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Dancing Into A New Decade With Poise And Grace, @samanthalisae

1. Romanticise your life. Imagine your life as languid movie scenes. See the mornings in technicolour lighting. Feel the way that the wind whispers sweet nothings onto your skin. Crave for firework moments and night lights dancing. Thank the moon for rising and watching. Life is so much more than the chaos and madness - it’s about all the beauty within.

2. Believe in the signs that come your way. There is no reason for a person to come into your life when they didn’t need to. There is no reason for things to fall into place when there were no expectations for it to. There is no reason for the way that certain stories, people, art make their way into your heart without caution nor explanation. There is no reason for a love long left behind to still stay by your side, forthright and true. Or maybe there is. 

3. Travel, travel, travel. Listen to the world speak. Watch big cities shine their lights for you. Hear the calling of islands sing cathartic lullabies to you. Take it all in, and let life guide you on the course that it is waking.

4. Be curious. Be interested. Be artistic. Never stop wondering. Never stop dreaming. Never stop trying. Never stop falling in love with yourself. The world is your oyster.

5. Balance is everything. Too much work will burn you. Too much play will derail you. Too much time gets you bored. Too much wine is never enough. Find a place for love. Find a place for joy. Find a place for friendships and good hearts. Create your own balance.

6. All you need is somebody in this life. All the people that love you; never push them away, never take them for granted. Time is short, distance is long. Let’s not spend time keeping distance with each other.

7. Be open to learning. New languages, new classes, new hobbies and new people. This open door will lead you through portals of different worlds, in which you may be surprised to meet yourself standing on the other end.

8. Set the tone to your ideal fantastical life, and live your life as if it’s the best one you already have. More wine. More cozy nights. More family time. More candlelights. More holiday shopping. More autumn cold breezes. More perfect timings. More joy, sunsets and heavenly good love.

9. Be your brightest self. Do not be afraid of standing out, the best you can be will never blind you. The light that you are is made to be shed onto others. It’s time to shine. It’s time to glow.

10. Be adventurous. Try new things you’ve never tried. Do new things you haven’t done. Love new things you haven’t loved. Give yourself the luxury of a whole new world outside your own.

11. Love yourself. Love your curves, love your curls. Love your pride, love your mind. Let the daylight kiss your face. Let the wine bathe your skin. Protect the things you hold near. Protect your heart the way it beats, as it’s the only thing truly yours to keep. Find joy, peace and bliss in the things that you love because you are what you love.

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This photo says so much with no words seeing this actually made me very emotional I sat and cried for a few minutes ! I was once one of those women in the jar! Just another on the checklist another victim to a narcissist just another empath holding on to that illusion!!You are only as trapped as you allow yourself to be understand your enough and you are worth so much more than to be just another option!! But no more feel free to write and tell me what message you get from this. This is so deep I can feel the pain in this picture the

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*Trigger warning, mentions of depression and suicide*  

Well everybody, it’s 2020. I can’t believe it’s the start of a new decade. I almost didn’t write this, but I’ve been doing it for the past few years, so I would like to continue the trend.

2019 was not my favorite year. It was awful, full of strife, depression and pain. Yet it showed me I’m stronger than I think. I faltered, I made mistakes; the biggest being an attempt at taking my own life.

I’m not better by a long shot, but I’m here, which means I have a chance to be. I’ve started therapy, changed my antidepressants to one that suits me more and I’m going to take the time I need to heal.

I want you all to take care of yourselves. Get help if you need it. Don’t be ashamed. It’s okay not to be okay. Give yourself permission to cry, to grieve, feel anger (don’t hurt anyone though). Take time to get to know yourself, love yourself. Make this a year to remember, don’t give up on your dreams. Spread love, give kindness. stay safe, be well. Allons-y lovelies! 

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A client of mine mentioned that she loves the creaminess of her wedding photos… I was touched! For years I’ve been playing around with my white and black toning. All this time I’ve been trying to achieve that vanilla ice cream, vintage white… The day has come!! My edits are finally bringing my vision to life. ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

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Journal entry #27📝

Date: 1/27/20

Today’s mood:😴😴

Amount of water (cups): 7

Skincare routine:✅❎

Dental hygiene:✅❎



Today’s talk: Today was such a long fucking day. I’m exhausted from the weekend still and have a full day. Had my public speaking class, got subway for lunch at 1030, then had work at 1. After work, I had volunteering for two hours. As soon as that was over, I got dinner to go, did my homework, showered, and I’m going to bed hella early tonight.

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Felt really great today. That day where you feel so motivated, so happy and inspired that you feel something bad is going to happen. Everything moves you; the warm sun hitting your face, a really great playlist blasting through the headphones while you walk on the busy street, taking a photograph of an awesome view. The simple things become not so simple when you enjoy and love doing it.

01.28.2020; 7:53PM

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