29/05/2022
⦁I didnt forget to return back Mira's money that she lend to me yesterday.
⦁ Re-read Rofftop Rant. My comfort book.
⦁ Lunch with officemate at new kedai makan. Delicious and cheap. Definitely would come here again.
⦁ That scene in My Liberation Note :
"It's ok to be alone. I can be happy too even I'm alone." thank u for this.
⦁ Reading My Liberation discussion @ reddit. So many insightful discussion.
⦁ Spent time alone driving back and forth to work. Driving alone is the best.
2 notes
·
View notes
You are going to laugh until your stomach hurts again. You're going to be in awe of a sunset. Watch your favorite show while you eat your favorite food. Find money on the street. Discover a great band you haven't heard of before. You will find your way back.
107K notes
·
View notes
There are a lot of things I'm sad about in my life. You don't get to go through the kind of medical trauma I've been through and come out unscathed on the other side.
But one thing I'm really bitter about is that I can't remember my wedding anymore. The pernicious anemia took it from me and wiped my brain clean. Except it's not clean, not really. I remember it in patches. Like red wine stains on a white rug that have never quite lifted out no matter how hard you try.
I look at the pictures on my bookcase, and they feel like remembering a story someone else has told me. There's a young woman in a white dress wearing my face, and she looks happy. I'm happy for her. But you can see the strain around her eyes, too. The pain she's hiding because no one with authority believes her when she says her body doesn't feel right. That something is Wrong.
They won't believe her for another decade. They won't believe her until it's almost too late, and it's that lateness that will rob her of her memories and turn them into a wavering rainbow suspended in the fine haze of watery sunlight that occasionally surfaces through the blanks.
There's one memory that's real, though. Solid. It's not my vows. It's not my father walking me down the aisle. (Though those are there, just hazy and dream-like). It's our first dance.
It's the lights dimming around the room as the staff cleared the floor, causing the fishbowls full of white roses and LED lights on the tables to wobble like pools of moonlight against dark paneled walls.
It's the band inviting us out onto the floor and us giggling because we know what's coming next, and no one else does. It's the twang of a banjo reverberating around the room through the speakers, followed by the dulcet tones of Kermit the Frog wondering why there are so many songs about rainbows.
It's us waltzing around the enclosed circle of light, singing to each other out of tune and grinning like idiots as everyone around us starts to laugh.
It's everyone joining in on the song because it's the Muppets, and everyone knows the words. It's 100+ people singing the Rainbow Connection, some laughing, some a bit tearful, because it's bringing back memories. Because it's making a new one.
It's looking up at my new husband through the brain fog and all the pain in my body and thinking, "I want to remember this moment forever."
I don't know what entity was out there listening to me at that moment and chose to grant that wish. I don't know why this is the one memory that stuck while everything else in my brain got decimated into scattered, fragmented snapshots. But I'm so, so thankful it is.
Though, I could have done without it randomly coming on my YouTube music out of nowhere to hit me in the emotions like a brick to the back of the head. Jesus Christ.
6K notes
·
View notes
I was scared, Darla. I was so scared. I was certain I’d been set up, that they wouldn’t be returning. I turned to leave, hoping I could get back to the TMA feed but then the program began to speak from where it was trapped in the computer.
It was their voices. It was Jon and Martin's voices. I know you won’t believe me but they read the stories and I know it was their voices. I froze in place.
They grew clearer, and as the distortion faded from the recording for a moment I could make out the mechanical tones, the off-putting cadence. They spoke slowly, intoning the incident reports with steady, measured voices. Something was speaking through them, from inside the machine.
I said the only thing I could think: “Jon? Martin? Is that you?”
And those voices I have loved for eight years answered: “Some of them.”
And then they laughed.
2K notes
·
View notes