I feel heartbroken and numb at the same time. Like there’s shards in my heart but I can’t feel them. More and more keep getting added and I just helplessly watch it happen.
"You tell me that you love me and that isn't the problem and the problem is that you follow those three words with a fourth word, a word that has never been my friend, a word that makes fear crawl of my spine. I love you "forever" and I don't think you understand how many "forevers" I have been betrayed by, how many "forevers" I haven't heard from in years. How many "forevers" are buried 6 feet under the ground. So, do not be hesitant with your I love you but be cautious with your "forever". Because forever doesn't mean forever anymore, because all my forevers is have walked out of the door".
And I blamed my self hate, my lack of self esteem, lack of self worth, absence of self love. My bpd too. My mental health. All of it. The answers you can actually tell someone. But the sad and messed up truth is that I can’t let anyone love me. Because I don’t think anyone ever can. That anyone ever will. I don’t deserve it. The answer is that simple and that complicated.
— why do you think you deserve toxic relationships ?