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“Beginning, just let that word wash over you. It’s alright now. Love’s healing hands have pulled you through. So get back up, take step one. Leave the darkness, feel the sun. Cause your story’s far from over, and your journey’s just begun.” —Tell Your Heart To Beat Again, Danny Gokey Cover

Back in early 2016 I was in an abusive relationship. I’ll save you all the details, but it definitely wasn’t good. I left that relationship after 4.5 months when I finally couldn’t take it anymore and wasn’t afraid of being alone. I was finally free. However, little did I know that damage was done to me in the mental health department.

I suffered from undiagnosed PTSD and undiagnosed depression for at least a year. I hated myself and even blamed myself for letting myself be in that relationship. I even wished I had left sooner. You could say this was a really dark time for me.

Where was God in all of this? He was right here with me the entire time. Reminding me that it wasn’t my fault and that I was so strong for leaving when I did before it could have gotten worse. Yes, it left me with some scars, some I’m still healing from, but I came out stronger.

When I first heard Danny Gokey’s cover of “Tell Your Heart To Beat Again,” that song came at the right time for me. That song spoke to me in more ways than I can count. I guess you could say it also saved me some too. It reminded me that God isn’t finished with me and that it’s okay to start over. That song still speaks to me to this day. Every time I hear it, I get that wonderful reminder.

The lyrics above especially have spoken to me. So when I made the decision to get a tattoo in 2017, those lyrics went through my head and I knew I wanted a tattoo that served as that reminder. And that’s what this tattoo that now lives on my back is. It reminds me that each day that no matter how dark things get, God is always with me and He’s not finished with me yet. And even though my recovery is going to be ongoing, I still keep on moving forward.

I encourage you, if you’re ever feeling low or going through a dark time don’t ever lose hope. Remember that you’re never alone. I also encourage you if you want to, to take a listen to Danny Gokey’s cover of “Tell Your Heart To Beat Again.” That song helped me and I hope it helps you. God bless!

Photo credit to my wonderful boyfriend, Michael.

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Take me back to the morning of 22nd January 2016. Me and a few friends were planning on going to someone’s flat party for the night with a plan of going to the club afterwards. The night I met you and felt what true love feels like. The night I was confident, I was myself, I was happy. I can remember what we both wore that night. I miss it. I miss you

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