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#heartborken
severacausaperdida · 1 year
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Mi diario
Cuando estaba pequeña tenia un diario, no sé de quien fue la idea de darme un diario donde expusiera todos mis sentimientos y mis ideas. Recuerdo "esconderlo" entre mi ropa para que no lo leyeran, claro ahora que lo pienso, creo que nunca estuvo fuera del alcance de mi madre si quizo leerlo, o de mi hermana o mi padre. Teníamos un solo closet donde todos guardábamos nuestra ropa, y estaba en la única recámara de nuestra casa, donde todos dormíamos. 
No recuerdo cuándo, a que edad, ni porque le di el diario a mi abuela para que lo guardara. No sé cuantos años pasaron de eso, ya que he tratado de recordar porque se lo di y no sé la respuesta. Pudo tener el diario por años, tal vez otras personas lo leyeron, nunca lo sabré y creo que al final no importa. 
Tenia alrededor de 35 años cuando lei los pensamientos que tenia a los 9 - 10 años, y lo único que puedo pensar al leerlo es que todos mis miedos se volvieron realidad. Una vez más olvide lo que escribí y no he hecho nada para que los miedos de esa niña no se les estrellaran en la cara.  
Todo mi niñez fui la niña chaparrita y gorda, siempre comparada con su hermana delgada. Y uno de mis miedos era seguir engordando. Imagino que al oír a mis padres siempre discutir por dinero, darme cuenta que éramos pobres y aunque no lo sabíamos teníamos muchas limitaciones y carencias, creo que uno como niño lo sabe solo que no piensa en ello.
Hoy a mis casi 40 años, leo mis miedos y veo como todos ellos se hicieron realidad. Tenia miedo a engordar, y hoy estoy en mi peso máximo, nunca he pesado tanto como ahora y veo como mi cuerpo esta deforme. Tenia miedo a no tener dinero, y mi situación económica en este momento es la peor que he tenido, estoy en un limbo laboral, tengo mas de 30 mil en deudas y no sé como salir de esto. Siempre he tenido miedo a terminar sola, a no ser digna de que alguien me quiera y que nadie quiera estar conmigo. Y ahora una vez más alguien me ha dicho que ya no me quiere, que ya no quiere estar conmigo y que no lo hago feliz. 
Me odio a mí misma, porque tenia miedos específicos y no hice nada para evitarlos. Siempre hago lo mismo, nunca hago nada para mejor algo en mí, como podría alguien quererme, como podría alguien estar enamorado de mi. Ahora soy una señora gorda, pobre y sola. Mis miedos se hicieron realidad. Deje que mis miedos se hicieran realidad, no puedo culpar a más nadie que a mí.
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casataco · 1 year
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As the sun burns trees
So too does love burn through hearts
With love, can come pain.
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grimlyordered · 1 year
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tumblr broke all the cool stuff i added to my theme i took like 4 hours to put together earlier.. im leaving forever again :-(
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ohheyitsokay · 1 year
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genuinely - friendly reminder not to test your friends
sincerely, someone who's lost great friendships because people couldnt live up to my unspoken expectations or be mind readers (and is now seeing younger friends of mine make the same mistakes)
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reallyrallyauthor · 27 days
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Almost 8pm on a Saturday night.
Writing with a cup of tea and cookies.
Instead of "heartbroken," I write "heartborken."
Heartborken.
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otsu09 · 8 months
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its literally so funny to watch doodles get jealous. as if i could ever compete w them for your affections 😔 #heartborken /lh /j
oh if u ever wanna be yaoi with me just lmk i’m down to be yaoi with anyone not just doodles
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byler-heart · 2 years
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no, I'm not going to keep my hopes up anymore.
Oh, Mike couldn't say he loved El because he actually likes Will? Hahaha, no silly. It's queerbait.
Oh, the final scene shows all the couples standing including Byler as a foreshadowing? Nop, bullshit. It's queerbait.
Oh watchu say? that Robin/Vickie is a Will/Mike parallel so they will indeed be canon in S5?? LOLOLOL I don't know how to tell you this but... It's queerbait.
Oh? That all of Mike's lines: —"we're friends. WE'RE FRIENDS." "It's Hawkins…it's not the same without you." "maybe I feel like I lost you or something." "I think it'll be easier if we're a team. Friends. Best friends."— has a deeper meaning behind them that reflect his internalized homophobia as well as his struggle with his feelings for Will?? Pffft! Nuh-uh, it's queerbait all over again.
... I'm bringing a lot of negativity rn, so i'm sorry for it but i'm hurt and heartborken.
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valeav31 · 2 years
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Masterlist
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Reiner x Reader
Mommy's boy (Reiner's mother doesn't get along with reader, so he has to decide)
Remember me (AU: The world is divided into Eldian and Marleyan terriories, so what happens when Reiner meets the enemy?)
Forbidden (Reiner's partner reader x Yandere Porco: how would Porco react to falling in love with his enemy's island devil lover?)
Confessions (While meeting Reiner in the cabin, truths about your relationships are revealed)
Broken (Reiner x Reader x Eren: Heartborken after learning Reiner's identity, you decide to trust in Eren, yet things aren't what they seem)
Save the World (After leaving Paradis, your hometown, you come back to it, aiming to protect Reiner from your sibling's destructive plans)
Betrayal (Reiner finds out you are a spy in Marley, and after leraning a harsh truth, he needs to decide: you or his heart?)
Tasting me (Reiner likes the way you eat *wink, wink*)
Runaway (You're the Jaegar's sibling, so what happens when you fall in love with the enemy?)
Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
Levi x Reader x Zeke:
Painful heart
Part 1: You go with Zeke to fight the others in Shiganshina, however, things don't turn out as expected when met with the Captain.
AOT preferences (AOT boys x Reader)
When you get turned into a titan
Congrats, daddy (Pregnant reader tells the news to the happy father)
When they fall in love with the enemy
When they lose you
Erwin x Reader
Rest now
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bytethebullet · 8 months
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for the first time in my life i have gotten sick from taste testing raw cookie dough
heartborken
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i thought i was folloiwng you but i wasnt im actually heartborken rn
It's okay anon. This mistake can be mended. With the push of a button all of this juicy juicy Austria content can be yours.
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passanima · 1 year
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tag from foot2rue is gay, here’s the receipt, season 3
1/ gabriel spend time with his girlfriend and guess who’s mad about it? the whole team is upset because he has less time to train now; but the first to react and who feel the strongest about it is still tag
2/ BEN IS BACK (dude tag had a visible crush on in s1) and he’s the only one that looks happy about it and they break away from the rest of the group to talk one on one, ben listening to tag’s problems and offering advices. bonus points because tag doesn’t ask any of his teammates for advices (not his bestie or his girlfriend)
3/ they bond over them both being the captain of their teams, the difficulties in the responsability... and tag reacts a bit too strongly when ben says he has to go home now, asking (sounding way too desperate, boy, come on) him to stay a bit longer. the WHOLE vibe when they were talking alone felt incredibly soft from tag’s side and you could explain it as just nostalgia and being happy to see a friend after a long time... expect they weren’t friends but rivals! and ben clearly doesn’t feel the same way i’m so embarrassed for tag
4/ his BEST FRIEND notice how sullen he’s been in the 2 hours since ben left... this boy is yearning for real
5/ ben replace one of their players in a match but because the rest of the team hates him it goes poorly (hmmm sounds familiar) then they hear a rumor that he’s the one behind tag’s accident and they all get mad at him, not giving him time to explain... expect tag. who refuse to believe it and puts his faith in ben. he was, of course, right about that, but in this situation he had no reason to believe ben (the guy has a really bad reputation) yet didn’t hesitate A SECOND wow... that sure is something
6/ the trutst at least is reciprocal because when tag, in the middle of the match, orders ben to do something, he just nods and do so without the need for an explanation or getting annoyed (like some of the other players) and i didn’t expect it as they’re both captains and so could butthead about who’s in charge and ben having a strong personality... it was nice. THEN ben gives advice on how to play and this time it’s tag who decide to put his pride aside as captain and follow him. you see slight hesitation on his face but he does it anyway. IT’S HUGE idk what to tell you, tag can be really stubborn in his bad decisions and gets mad really fast when things don’t go his way so wow again!
7/ listen... i can’t even explain this one cause you need the visuals but. tag trust ben with an insane move, where ben could easily let go at the worst time and hurt him. and he does so while SMILING. not a once of doubt for this boy in his mind. HIS EX-NEMESIS. there would be no story without weirdly earnest 13 y/o gay boys, i’m emotional over this (and laughing cause it was an incredible visual; it’s at the end of ep 4 ig you’re curious about it)
8/ someone is rude to tag’s gf and he doesn’t react to it, even when she’s visibly upset and leave the room because of this, he just ignores her
9/ gabriel gets an opportunity, education wise, that means he will leave the team at the start of next year. and tag is not doing well. the rest of the team is cheering on gab, while tag exit the scene looking all sad... and emotional music starts playing while he looks on the horizon... next a flashback of their moments together the two of them... and tag cries all alone
it makes sense because they’ve known each other their whole life(?)(or most) and are very close but damn. in comparizon gabriel isn’t at all bothered, due to being more rational (this does not mean they won’t see each other again) and riding the high of such big news. really makes you feel for tag
anyway, back on gay reading; it gives tag another reason to be more heartborken over this compared to gab
10/ HE FEELS SO BAD that he has no motivation to play the tournament and even SAYS SO openly to his teammates, i quote “without gabriel there’s no point”. there have been times when other players were at ricks of leaving the team and while annoyed, tag never reacted this badly to it before
holy shit he’s crying in front of everyone this time... they were trying to comfort him with “people leave sometimes, then they come back” and “you should be happy for him as his bestie” but it had the opposite effect on making tag feel like he’s being a shitty friend and he cannot hold back his tears... everyone is shocked of seeing him like this
11/ wasn’t gonna note this one cause it’s not that serious but then shit kept happening. this ep has tag being sick and he elects jeremy as his replacement (as team captain) which makes everyone go “uuuh” cause jeremy is so not made for the post. he fucks it up, of course, and ends up all alone until tag gets better. the team complains about him and tag is the only one who stays behind him the whole time (a bit like with ben... hmm)(tag sure easily relate to the type of guys who are in constant danger of being rejected). the “not serious” part is that at some point jeremy come to tag about the whole situation and they stare at each other smiling while using language that, in french, sounds very romantic (even if the context isn’t)(jeremy “t’es pas mal” tag “t’es pas mal non plus”)(literal “you’re not bad” context being the sport + social thing BUT the very common use of this phrase means finding someone attractive, and i laughed because... a second later tag is on his knees in front of jeremy, his hands on the boy legs. the body language and double meaning is really intense for a scene that should be just “i got your back” like what am i supposed to do with this?)
12/ jeremy complains about his relationship with samira for 2 seconds and tag first reaction is to shut him up with “that’s none of my buisness” which is weird for him as he’s usually there for his friends and chill about romance talk... well, when he’s not interested in the dude talking about it, that is
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severacausaperdida · 1 year
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Mi primer beso...
Otra vez me remonto a mi primaria, donde jugaba con Barbies que tenían sexo con Ken, y veía dibujos animados con mi hermana. Donde siempre me sentí tan minúscula e invisible.
Al colegio llego una chica extranjera, y a todos les gustaba la chica nueva, sus comidas diferentes, ropa y su acento. Rápidamente y sin quererlo me hice parte de ella, ya que tenia mi nombre y usamos nuestros apodos para qué nos diferenciaran. Ella se hizo buena amiga, estábamos todo el tiempo juntas, jugábamos y compartíamos muchas cosas. 
Ese año también llego un profesor nuevo, joven, varón a diferencia de todas los demás que eran maestras. A mí me pareció normal, nada interesante en él, tal vez porque mi interés estaba en el sobrino de mi vecina. Así fue, hasta que mi amiga me confeso que el profesor nuevo le gustaba. Ahí, todo cambio para mí. El profesor se volvió mi obsesión. Participaba en sus clases, lo ayudaba a limpiar y a borrar el tablero, escribia su nombre infinitas veces. Quería que todo el tiempo me tomara en cuenta para cualquier cosa, y me molestaba si escogía a otras u otros estudiantes. Soñaba con él, y lo buscaba todo el tiempo en la escuela para encontrármelo casualmente. 
Como muchas cosas de mi infancia, no recuerdo todo y muchas cosas se han olvidado, no sé si es porque escojo no recordarlas o porque las he bloqueado de mi memoria. 
Una mañana, no sé si durante el recreo, la salida o entre clases, mi maestro de alrededor de 25 años, encerrados en su salón de clases, me dijo que yo era muy "madura para mi edad", que le gustaba hablar conmigo y compartir esos pequeños ratos. Yo, en mi cabeza estupida de 10 años, pensaba que me decía esas palabras porque yo le gustaba mas que mi amiga, que tal vez estaba enamorado de mí. Que "YO" había ganado su amor. Qué ingenua se puede ser, tal vez diría inocente, pero no fue la inocencia lo que me llevo a "desarrollar mi plan" para seducir al profesor. No sé que fue, tal vez mi baja o inexistente autoestima, mi necesidad de ser querida o mi necesidad de ser notada por otros. 
En fin, un día de esos, mientras los demás niños estaban en otros salones, y yo encerrada con él hablando de todo y de nada, ese hombre mayor me beso en la boca. Yo solo recuerdo que me asuste, no pude besarlo de vuelta, no sabia qué hacer, no sabia como besar, pero no me moví. Fue una sensación de vulnerabilidad, pero a la vez pensaba si el también la había besado a ella (mi amiga). No tengo otro recuerdo de ningún otro beso, ni otra situación con él a escondidas en su salón.
Luego de eso, mi preocupación creció, yo estaba consciente de que "nuestro" amor no podía ser, nadie lo iba a aceptar, por supuesto que mis papas no lo iban a hacer, pero que pasa si los papas de ella sí? Como podía yo convencer a mis papas de aceptar esa relación? Siempre tuve presente que tal vez él conocería otra mujer, como si yo a esa edad fuera una, y el desistiera de lo nuestro, porque era mas fácil con ella.
No perdimos el contacto, ya que siempre me llamaba a mi casa aun en vacaciones, ya que en esos tiempos no habían celulares, y hablábamos bastante. Yo cambie de escuela, y las llamadas siguieron. Hasta una vez me escape y fuimos a comer a un pequeño restaurante que a él le gustaba. Yo tenia 13 años. No sé como acabaron los contactos, yo me obsesione con otro y ese fue el final de esa historia. 
Más de 10 años después, lo encontré una tarde, claro, el se veía igual, más viejo pero reconocible. Yo por mi parte cambie desde mis 13 a los 31. Él me miro, se quedo pensativo como que le parecí familiar, pero no me hablo. 
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casataco · 1 year
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For hope I walk
to horizons abound
with love and solace
peace of mind is found.
And pain I feel is
slowly stripped and in
its place a calming-
FUCK! I hope its real...
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minniepetals · 1 year
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i'm absolutely devastated (in a good way) after reading the new chapter. the angst, the scene with the butler, the struggle of the mc with mingyu??? you really outdid yourself this time. to be honest, i understand how the mc is scared that the reapers will end up like bangtan. kind of like one falls in love then gets their heart broken, then puts a barricade around their heart to avoid getting heartborken again. quick question: does the mc have ptsd? like, from that moment that her father killed the butler in front of her? i would assume that left a lot of trauma... anyways, this chapter was amazing! i actually teared up while reading. it's so beautifully written, it feels like i'm right there witnessing it. all in all, a fucking masterpiece!
she definitely suffers a lot with what happened to her, mister butler's death being one of the things that has caused her trauma so i'd say she does show symptoms of ptsd.
i'm glad you enjoyed chapter 18! the boys didn't get any screen time but it was definitely needed with y/n and her needing to process stuff, plus i feel like bringing back the kids helped her to calm down a little.
but now she's kidnapped so that's that 🫡
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m-jelly · 2 years
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This is not a request, but a text to thank you deeply for your storys and everything you do. You are my Comfort author and every single story of yours are my comfort storys. Thats why i'd love to share something with you and i hope you don't mind. I feel very deep for Levi and his loss and everything he went through. I cry a lot and feel heartborken alot about everything that happened to him, thats why i love that you dedicated your heart to give him all the happy endings he deserves. I found a Levi x Reader story of another amazing author and it'S beautiful and well written. But what i didn't realized until i reached that specific part, they didn't planned to give Levi a happy end and put him though so much loss and trauma it hurt my heart, and they've written it so well and realistic it broke my heart. It's horrible how hurt and heartbroken i feel over a simple story but i was crying for 3 hours straight until i fell asleep. I had a nightmare about it, woke up and cried again. I guess my ptsd got triggered and the fact i feel deeply for him and that he's my comfort character didn't helped at all. I sadly can't just stop reading since i have to read the whole story because having no ending to something is worse. What i want to say is, all that reminded me again why you are my comfort author and why your stories are everything for me. I re-read two of my favorite fanfictions of yours and i felt so much better. Those stories gave me as before so much comfort. Every of your stories feels like healing. Every story you write shows how much love he deserves and that he deserves all those happy endings you give him, even tho he's a fictional character. You not only give him, but all of your readers the happy endings and the love we want and deserve. And i love and respect you so much for you and how much time you spend of your life to giving us all that. And im happy that you give yourself all that with your stories too. You deserve it as well as everyone else. Really, thank you so much for everything. <3 Please take care of yourself and don't forget to eat and drink enough. - One of your dedicated readers who love the Levi you give us and the Reader you give Levi. Bunny <3
Oh... Oh my...
This is the best thing to read before I go to bed.
Thank you 💕
I know how you feel. I used to read fanfics from all different fandoms and people gave characters who'd already been through enough bad endings and it broke me a lot. So, I decided that I would only ever do good endings.
I still tackle difficult subjects, people get hurt emotionally and physically, but they always make it through and fight the bad because myself and everyone who reads my work have been through bad times and we need that happiness.
There is nothing nicer than reading about a character we love getting a happy ending. The real world is not so nice and happy endings are hard, it's why we crave them in movies and TV shows. We need good endings because it's the right thing.
I'm glad my passion for Levi comes across and that I can provide you with comfort.
This message really means the world to me.
Thank you for saying all this, it's truly beautiful. I will never stop making happy endings for Levi and giving him and you the readers the love you deserve.
You all deserve love. You all deserve happiness and I want to provid that.
I'm always here for you and always happy to write as much happiness and goodness as I possibly can.
Know that you are loved and I'm proud of you 💕
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wh0rephobic · 2 years
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Absolutely heartborken u 4got me on the anon list<//3333/j
-🐈‍⬛
LTIERALLY WHAT I COULDVE SWORN IT WAS THERE?!?!(!;!(!(! OMG MY BAD ILL ADD IT
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