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heronstairs2014 · 5 years

Note

from the angst starter masterlist ... “ And I thought you loved me.” with heronstairs, maybe? :)

Thanks so much for the prompt! Let me tell you, this one hurt so much to write (but there may be an unwritten ending that may never see the light of day).

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“What are you doing here?” Will asked.

“I just wanted to come and say hi,” Tatiana said, shovingpast Will and putting her bag down on the table next to the door despite him neversaying that she could come in.

Will closed the door behind her and said, “How do you evenknow where I live?”

Tatiana smiled. “Oh, I have my sources. Is Jem here?”

“He’s upstairs,” Will said as Tatiana threw herself down onthe couch. He didn’t know who he had been expecting to see when he opened thedoor after hearing the doorbell, but it certainly hadn’t been Tatiana. “Why areyou really here?”

“I told you. I just wanted to say hi.” She patted the couchnext to her and said, “Come sit down.”

Will reluctantly walked over and sat as far away from her onthe couch as he could. As soon as he did, she moved over to sit right next tohim. He instantly regretted his seating choice because he couldn’t move awayfrom her without getting up off the couch, and he was sure that she wouldfollow him to wherever else he decided to sit.

“You know,” Tatiana said, looking up at a picture of Willand Jem that was on the mantle, “sometimes I really wish that things weredifferent.”

“What do you mean?” Will asked, although he was sure that healready knew the answer. He was positive that she had never gotten over themajor crush she had had on him when they were younger and he knew that she wasjealous that he was with Jem and not her.

He was expecting her to tell him how much she loved him andhow much she wished they could be together.

He wasn’t expecting her to kiss him.

HERONSTAIRS.HERONSTAIRS.HERONSTAIRS.HERONSTAIRS

Jem had been upstairs working on a new piece when thedoorbell rang. He’d heard Will open the door, but nothing more than muffledvoices after that. He wanted to go downstairs and see who it was, but he knewthat he would forget which notes he needed to put in, so he finished up thelast few measures before getting up.

Jem’s heart stopped the second he got to the bottom of thestairs. He had thought that he would see Cecily or that nobody would be thereand Will would still be curled up in a chair and completely engrossed inwhichever book he had been reading.

He certainly didn’t think that he would see TatianaLightwood sitting on his couch and kissing his boyfriend.

Jem only saw it for a second before he turned around and ranback upstairs. He had seen everything he needed to. He couldn’t believe thatWill would cheat on him with someone he supposedly hated while he was upstairsin the house that they had bought together. He and Will had been together foralmost 4 years. How much of that time had this been happening?

How could Will do this to him?

HERONSTAIRS.HERONSTAIRS.HERONSTAIRS.HERONSTAIRS

Will was so shocked by Tatiana kissing him that he frozeimmediately. When his brain finally registered that Tatiana was kissing him,he pushed her off of him and stood up to get away from her.

“What the hell was that?” Will asked, clenching his fists inanger.

“I thought I’d give you a taste of what you’ve beenmissing.”

“Well, I’ve had a taste now, and I’m not missing anything.Get out.”

“There’s so much that you’re missing out on,” Tatiana said.She apparently had the audacity to look offended. “Why are you tying yourselfdown to Jem? There are so many better people in the world that you could be with,especially me.”

“Because I love him, that’s why.” Will went over to thefront door and opened it. “Now get out, or I’ll call the police.”

Tatiana stood up from the couch and grabbed her bag from thetable, then left with one last glare at him. He closed the door behind her andmade sure it was locked. He wouldn’t have actually called the police, but hewanted her out as fast as possible and it seemed like the perfect threat.

Will made his way up the stairs to where he knew Jem was intheir room working on a new song. He was going to tell Jem what had happened andthen just forget about it. However, when he got to their room, Jem’s suitcasewas on the bed and his laptop was closed. Jem was standing in front of thecloset and angrily throwing clothes behind him onto the bed.

When Jem turned around and saw Will, he didn’t say anythingand just glared instead. He started stuffing his clothes into the suitcasewithout folding them and then went into the bathroom to get his toiletries.

Will followed him and stood in the doorway while Jem pulledthings out of random drawers. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

“No,” Jem snapped. “Nothing is okay.”

“Can I help?”

Jem stopped what he was doing to glare at Will again. “No.You can’t help.”

Will watched Jem stuff everything into his toiletry bag andthen moved aside just in time as Jem shoved past him and went back into theirbedroom. “What’s going on?”

“I’m leaving,” Jem said.

“Well, I could give you a ride to wherever you’re going.”

“I’m leaving because of you.”

Will froze for the second time in ten minutes. He couldn’t thinkof anything that had happened recently that would make Jem so angry. “What did Ido?”

Jem closed his suitcase and zipped it up, then looked up atWill. “You know what you did.”

Will was about to tell Jem that no, he did not know what hedid wrong, but Jem grabbed his suitcase and stormed out of the bedroom beforehe could say anything.

Will followed him downstairs hoping to get some answer outof Jem before it was too late. “Can you just explain to me exactly what I didwrong?” he asked as Jem put his shoes on.

Jem finished tying his shoes and stood up, throwing the dooropen. He picked up his suitcase and looked like he was about to walk out, buthe paused in the doorway and turned back to Will. “There’s no need to explain becauseyou already know.” Jem looked Will up and down and then laughed. “And I thoughtyou loved me.”

Will opened his mouth to say that he did, but he didn’t geta chance to before Jem stepped outside and slammed the door behind him.

He still didn’t know what he had done.

#infernal devices #cassandra clare #will herondale #jem carstairs #heronstairs #heronangst #prompts #fanfiction #asks

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heronstairs2014 · 5 years

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"We can't keep this up forever" and Heronstairs!

(A few quick things before we get started here: Will has cystic fibrosis in this (they hadn’t really named it as a disease back then but it did exist) and his room is right next to Jem’s. This takes place a little while (maybe a month or two?) before Tessa comes. Also, this was partially inspired by the wonderful CricketCat on Wattpad! Go check out her stuff! The bolded part was also written by her and is based on a quote that Jem says to Tessa.)

After almost an hour of pursuing it, Jem killed the Vetis demon with a single stab of his knife straight to its head. It had already been weakened by the slashes that Will’s seraph blade had cut into it, but Jem’s knife was what really did it in.

As the demon disappeared with a screech, Jem wished he could celebrate his victory over the dragon-like demon, but he knew he had more pressing matters to attend to, one of which being the coughing he could hear from behind him. Jem turned around to see Will leaning against the wall, holding himself up with one hand and coughing into the other. Before going to help his parabatai, Jem looked around, and, upon seeing an empty crate a few feet away, grabbed it and turned it over in his hands, then went over to Will. He put the crate down on the ground near Will and put his hands on Will’s shoulders, gently coaxing him to sit down.

Once Will was sitting on the crate, Jem pulled Will’s hand away from his mouth and put his handkerchief in it. Will hadn’t coughed up any mucus yet, but when he did, spitting into the handkerchief would be much better than spitting into his bare hand. Now that Will was sitting down, his left hand was free, and he grabbed Jem’s shoulder in an attempt to ground himself. Jem didn’t know exactly what Will went through every day, but he knew that it must be terrifying to feel like you weren’t able to breathe during uncontrollable coughing fits. He had coughing fits too, but they didn’t last as long or came as frequently as Will’s did.

Jem hated it when Will coughed. They weren’t normal coughs, like he had a tickle in his throat or something just went down the wrong pipe. They were deep, hacking coughs that lasted for minutes on end and occurred multiple times a day. He knew that Will needed to cough to bring up the mucus that was clogging up his lungs, but he hated the panic that he could feel through their parabatai bond and the way that Will’s fingers were currently digging into his shoulder.

Will finally stopped coughing after a few minutes, but he was still extremely out of breath and shaking and holding Jem’s shoulder like his life depended on it. Jem could see mucus in the handkerchief in Will’s hand but he left it there in case it was needed again. He changed his position from sitting on the balls of his feet to sitting fully on the ground and gently took Will’s hand off of his shoulder so he could massage out the tight knots that had formed in the muscles.

“We can’t keep this up forever,” Jem said quietly. “Neither of us are going to be able to fight for much longer.”

Will shook his head and said, “I will keep going for as long as I can. A little mucus isn’t going to stop me. Besides, you’re the one who should be stopping. You’re sicker than I am.” His voice was still hoarse and breathless, but he obviously wasn’t going to let that stop him from saying what he wanted to say.

“I think we both know that’s not true, Will,” Jem whispered. Will didn’t answer, but Jem could see in his eyes that he knew Jem was right. “Are you ready to go?”

Will nodded and Jem helped him stand up. He wished they could stay longer, but they had to go before another demon showed up and neither of them were in any condition to go up against a demon, no matter how small it was.

They were only about a five minute walk away from the Institute, but it took them around ten minutes to get back. Jem wasn’t feeling his best and Will was still out of breath, despite the extremely slow speed they were walking at. Jem kept looking over at Will to make sure that he was alright, and he knew that Will was doing the same to him. After the fifth time that he caught Will staring at him, he reached over and took Will’s still-shaking hand for the remainder of their walk.

Charlotte appeared as soon as the Institute door opened and began fussing over them, asking Will how long he had coughed for and how much mucus had come up and asking Jem if he had taken his medicine that day and if he needed to go lie down and-

“We’re fine,” Will said, stopping Charlotte’s interrogation. “There’s no need for so many questions.” He dodged Charlotte’s hand that was about to check for a fever and left her and Jem standing in the hallway as he disappeared upstairs. They heard a door slam shut a few minutes later and Jem knew from past experience that it had been locked immediately.

Charlotte looked shocked and her hand had not moved from its raised position. She looked over to Jem for any explanation as to Will’s sudden disappearance, but Jem just shook his head.

“He’s fine,” he said. “He had a coughing fit after the demon was killed but it was nothing we couldn’t handle on our own. He’s still a bit out of breath but he’ll be fine if he rests for a while.”

Charlotte nodded. She wasn’t satisfied, but at least she knew that Will wasn’t about to be found passed out on the floor with a raging fever. “And you?” she asked Jem.

“I’ve… been better,” Jem admitted. “I’m going to change and take some yin fen, and then go check on Will.”

Charlotte smiled and went back to whatever she was doing before they had come in. Jem went upstairs to do what he told Charlotte he was going to do and passed Will’s room on the way there. He could hear Will coughing through the wall and decided that he would wait ten minutes before going in, or attempting to go in. He knew that Will hated being seen as weak and that he would need some time to cool down from the events in the alley and Charlotte’s questioning.

Jem changed out of his ichor-splattered gear and into something more comfortable, then mixed a spoonful of yin fen into the glass of water that Sophie had brought up a few minutes earlier. Once he had drunk all of it, he waited a few minutes before leaving his room and walking the few feet to Will’s door.

Will was still coughing, which worried Jem, but he had heard him spit up mucus a few times, so they were at least productive coughs. He knocked on the door loud enough for Will to be able to hear it over the coughing but not so loud that it sounded like he was desperate to get in.

Will must have known it was him, because after a pause, he answered with a curt, “No.”

Jem sighed. “Can I please come in?”

“No,” Will said. The hoarseness in his voice had gone away by the time they got to the Institute but had now returned with a vengeance. “Go away.”

“Why won’t you let me in, Will?” Jem asked. He may have been standing outside of a locked door, but it wasn’t just the door he wanted Will to let him through.

A few minutes passed with no sounds besides a few coughs. Jem felt a little flame of worry in his chest, but he pushed it down. He hadn’t heard any loud thumps or Will gasping for air that would give him reason to trying and break the door down.

“Will?” he asked, hoping to get an answer.

“Please,” Will said softly after a few moments, his voice filled with shame. “I do not want you to see me on my knees, trying to suck in enough air to keep me conscious. That is not how any man wants the boy he loves to see him.”

“Oh, Will…” Jem whispered as he heard Will start coughing again. He turned around and sat down with his back against the door. “You should never have to think that way. I don’t care if you can’t breathe enough to go on patrol or you’re stuck in bed all day with a fever. I only care that you’re happy and alive.”

Will didn’t answer, but Jem knew he had heard. “I know you don’t like to look weak, but you have to let people help you sometimes. I never would have survived this long if I didn’t accept help from others.” He paused as he heard Will cough something up into the bowl he undoubtedly had in his hands. “I don’t think you’re weak. I think you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“I’m not stronger than you,” Jem heard Will whisper. His voice sounded closer now than it had before.

“I highly doubt that,” Jem said. “I’ve only been sick for a few years. You’ve been sick for your entire life, and despite that, you still go out every day and fight demons, even when you shouldn’t. I rarely do that.”

Jem waited for a second to let Will respond, and when he heard nothing but coughing, he continued. “Please, please, never assume that I will think any less of you when you are sick because I never will. Nothing can make me change the way I see you. Please let me help you. Please let me in.”

On the other side of the door, Will was sitting crossed legged with the bowl in his lap and his forehead resting on the door. He had heard every word that Jem said. With every breath he took, his lungs burned and his throat felt tight. He knew that he was going to be paying the price for going after the demon for a while, and he knew that it was going to be a lot easier and go a lot faster if he had someone there to ground him and comfort him when he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Jem was still sitting with his back against the door, waiting for some kind of response from Will. If Will didn’t let him in, he was going to stay out there anyway, for as long as he needed to, because he knew Will needed him no matter how many times he claimed he didn’t.

He was just about to ask Will to let him in one final time when he heard the door unlock.

#asks #heronstairs #will herondale #jem carstairs #heronangst #the infernal devices #cassandra clare #sick will herondale #infernal devices fanfiction #fanfiction

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