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navybrat817 · 5 months

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The man spread. 🤤

(Also the face he's making....)

(Also, hi! ❤️)

Hi, lovely! You know I couldn't resist doing something for Titan and Starshine for you!

Photogenic

Pairing: College!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: You love one of the photos Roxy took of Bucky, but he isn't having it.

Word Count: Over 1.5k

Warnings: Fluff, insecurities, kissing, established relationship, college love, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he’s a warning, okay?)

A/N: Another small ficlet for Titan and Starshine.❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the lovely @saradika . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

If there was one thing your roommate took seriously, it was her photography. It wasn’t just Roxy’s major, but her way of expressing herself. So when she asked for your opinion on the photos she took of Bucky and Steve, you answered as honestly and diplomatically as possible. You selected the ones you thought captured the project’s essence in the best possible way. You also reminded her that you weren’t a photographer, so your word shouldn’t hold a lot of weight.

She disagreed.

“I still don’t get why you asked for help. I don’t have a keen eye the way you do and I can barely take a photo on my phone,” you said, having to look away from one of the images of Bucky that seemed to stare right at you.

Though it was just a picture, it was like he knew you downplayed yourself and was trying to figure out why. He loved reminding you on your off days that you were one of the brightest students on campus. The compliments usually sent a wave of heat through your body, especially because he stated them unprompted and meant every word.

Roxy playfully rolled her eyes. “You know you don’t have to be a photographer to have a good eye. I not only value your opinion as my roommate, but also as Bucky’s girlfriend. You even managed to stay impartial, so give yourself a pat on the back.”

A laugh bubbled up as you nodded in agreement. While you did stare more at Bucky’s photos than Steve’s, your heart racing with each one that Roxy laid out, you choose an even amount between the two. It was only fair.

“Thank you for asking. I’m glad I could help,” you said. It meant a lot that she wanted your opinion on the finalized product,

“Me, too. And I can’t believe you didn’t tell me to throw Steve’s photos in the garbage,” she joked, carefully looking over one of the images of him hitting a punching bag. “I’m impressed.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you. Besides, Steve’s just as photogenic as Bucky,” you pointed out as her eyebrows shot up. “Okay, almost as photogenic.”

Steve was admittedly one of the most gorgeous men on campus. The blonde haired, blue eyed Adonis with the kind yet almost reserved smile turned many heads. So did Bucky. Two men who looked like a couple of heartbreakers from a glance, but were far from it.

“The camera really does love them,” Roxy stated, chewing her bottom lip as she scanned the images again with a careful eye. After a moment, she smiled from ear-to-ear. “I am so getting an A.”

“Yeah, you are,” you agreed. And the fact that she had such a tough time choosing which images to share when she normally had no problem doing so showed just how many good ones she had at her disposal.

There was one shot of Bucky, however, that she had no problem removing from the film hanger and handing to you to keep for yourself.

He had his powerful thighs spread and wasn’t quite biting his lip, but there was something irresistibly sexy about the pose.

What were you thinking about, Titan?

“Not that I don’t love me some manspreading, because I do, that wasn’t exactly the look that I was going for,” she joked, snapping you out of your thoughts and making you smile so wide your cheeks ached. “What exactly did you say to get him to pose like that?”

“Me? I didn’t say anything,” you smiled, ignoring Roxy’s knowing look as you glanced through the rest of the photos once more. At least, you didn’t think you said anything.

She didn’t believe that for a second. “You act so innocent, yet weren’t you warming his cock when he-”

“Hey, weren’t there supposed to be some photos of Bucky and I together?” You casually cut her off as you pressed your thighs together, wishing your boyfriend was there at that moment.

When Bucky pulled you into his lap during the shoot, you tried to keep your hands to yourself. It didn’t stop the two of you from kissing when Roxy instructed you to. Not that you needed any additional prompting. Bucky had the most kissable lips you ever had the pleasure of feeling against your own.

Your roommate smirked a little. “Oh, I have those tucked away so I can give them to you together,” she said, nudging you toward the door when your phone went off. She must’ve spotted that “Titan” popped up on the screen. “Go. Thanks again. Make good choices. Don’t let him impregnate you, but let him give you all the orgasms you deserve. We’ll allow those.”

“You’re ridiculous in the best way,” you giggled, making sure you had your keys and the photo. While neither you nor Bucky were ready for a family, it didn’t embarrass you in the least that Roxy encouraged the physical side of your relationship with him.

“Don’t forget to show him that photo!”

“I won’t forget!” you promised, smiling as you left and read Bucky’s message.

“Waiting downstairs, Starshine.”

“Be right there,” you messaged back, a skip in your step as you went to greet him outside of your building.

You found yourself staring into the depth of Bucky’s steel eyes as he stood a few feet in front of the door. Tall, athletic, and somehow yours, he managed to stand out in his jeans and t-shirt. Or maybe he stood out to you because he was your guy.

“There she is,” he warmly smiled as you walked toward him.

Suddenly, you felt self-conscious about your casual outfit before you remembered there was no need. Bucky had seen you in the mornings without makeup and still called you beautiful. “Here I am,” you smiled.

He nodded toward your right hand. “What’s that?”

“One of the photos Roxy took. She has others to share with us later,” you answered, holding it up to show him. His eyes narrowed as he stared at it, but gave nothing else away to show if he liked it or not. “But she said I can keep this.”

He pushed a hand back through his hair before he tried to take it from your hand. “Burn it,” he ordered.

That wasn’t the reaction you expected and it made you giggle. “Burn it? I will do no such thing,” you said, moving backward as he advanced on you. “Why should I get rid of this?”

“Because it’s a terrible picture of me,” he huffed.

He’s adorable.

“Not to stroke your ego since you’re acting a little vain, but you’re extremely photogenic. I don’t think you can take a bad photo,” you told him, taking another step back. “I’m keeping this forever because it’s very alluring.”

“There are plenty of other photos you can keep,” he argued as you held the picture out of reach again. His nostrils flared and it took everything in you not to giggle again before he frowned. “Did you say I look alluring?”

Wait, does he really think he looks bad? He’s James Buchanan Barnes. A god among men.

“Bucky Barnes, my Titan, yes. You’re sexy and enticing and I never thought I’d see you worked up over a picture that isn't bad to begin with,” you teased, almost jumping when your back hit the building door. It gave him the perfect opportunity to box you in with his hands, a rush of heat going through your body as he brought his face close to yours. “Do you honestly think you look bad? Because you don’t. Not to me.”

He brought his hand over to cradle your cheek and leaned in until his forehead touched yours. “I just wanna look good for you,” he admitted in a small voice.

It was almost embarrassing how wide your eyes got, so used to his confidence that you forgot that he sometimes had off days, too. Your heart ached to see his self-assurance shake for even a moment and you wondered if it was how he felt when you spoke negatively about yourself. It put things in perspective when you thought of it like that.

“You do. You always look good. I’m more attracted to you every day. To your looks, your brain, and your heart. You’re incredible,” you assured him, in no hurry to move away from the door. “And just like you remind me of how incredible you think I am, I’ll do the same for you.”

“You think my brain is attractive?” He asked, his usual smile back on his face as you nodded. You knew that was how happy you looked when he chased any of your insecurities away. “I sounded crazy, didn’t I?”

“No, you didn't," you said, putting a hand over his. "You sounded human."

“Thank you for making me feel better,” he whispered, brushing his lips against yours as your heart pounded. “But I still think you should burn it.”

“Not a chance,” you smiled before his mouth covered yours.

Swept up in Bucky’s kiss, you both missed the fact that your TA was mere feet away, watching and wishing that it was him that you were kissing instead.

And if he has his way, you will.

Hmm. I wonder who the TA is. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

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vminizzle · 1 year

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Body chain

pairing : husband idol!jungkook x f.reader

genre : smut, fluff

warnings : making out, oral (f. receiving), teasing, penetration, unprotected sex, pet names, praising, marking, size kink, creampie

words count : 1.3k

A/N : honestly, I think it’s the worst thing I ever wrote 💀. BUT DAMN, my obsession with body chains ughh,, Jungkook looks so good with body chain gosh. I want him. And I really need some help for sure. OH BEFORE I FORGOT! thank you so much for 1k 😭 I LOVE Y’ALL!! -sunny

M RATED

Jungkook took his shirt off, throwing it on the carpeted floor revealing his well-built body.

Bending down to capture your lips in a loving kiss, he caressing your cheek gently before looking down at your flustered face.

“you’re so pretty like that, under me.” he whispered, a smile decorating his lips.

Jungkook just came back from his performance practice feeling a bit needy. He missed you all day and he couldn’t wait to come home to you.

He kneeled between your bare legs, about to take off the shiny body chain adorning his body as you gripped his wrist stopping him.

He looked down at you confused. “keep the chain.” you said, lust already fogging your mind.

"please?”

"If that’s what you want. ” he smirked.

The silver accessory complimented his smooth skin so damn well, he was just breathtaking.

Just something so simple could turn you on.

You grazed your fingertips over it slowly as Jungkook observed your fascinated face.

"do you want one?” he grinned wiggling his eyebrows to tease you.

“oh shut up.” you slapped his chest playfully.

He laughed before holding your hands.

“I’ll let you wear it later, I’m sure it’ll suit you so well.” he bit his lip picturing your bare body with the chain on.

You sat up, wrapping your arms around his neck pulling him closer, “c’mere.” you kissed his cheek.

His arms encircled you immediately as he laid you down hovering above you.

He caressed your sides, fingers playing with the waistband of you panties looking at you for consent.

“go on.”

His soft lips wandered on your neck, goosebumps raising as he kissed his way down your body, his hands worked on pulling your panties off your legs.

He sucked lightly on the skin of your lower stomach leaving a pretty mark there making you bite your bottom lip, the sensation down there waking butterflies up inside you.

Jungkook spread your legs, laying down on his stomach as he stared at your glistening lips.

“all of this because of me.” he left a light kiss on your core making you whimper.

“so sensitive.”

Jungkook placed one of your leg over his broad shoulder, hand gripping it tightly.

He bit on the inside of your thigh slightly leaving love bites, pecking them gently as he got closer to where you needed him the most.

He looked up at you one last time before diving in, head disappearing in between your legs.

He kitten licked your throbbing clit making you moan, his name leaving your mouth as sweet as honey.

His tongue flat on your fold as he inserted the tip inside you making you gripped the sheet as he push in deeper before pulling out to suck on your clit making you cry out his name.

“Jungkook oh my- it feels so good! Don’t stop fu-”

He did as told making you feel dizzy your climax so near.

Nibbling gently on your clit, it was the last straw as you came, moaning his name loudly chest heaving up and down.

Jungkook pulled away watching you in awe, his chin covered with your essence.

He caressed your thigh softly to soother you down a bit.

“you good baby?” you nodded before pulling on his loose chain gently to get him down on you.

“you like it that much, huh?” he looked down at your fingers still on the bright accessory.

“yes a lot.” you admitted.

Jungkook impatiently stripped off quickly, boxer discarded somewhere on the floor, making you get rid of your bra, before he positioned himself between your legs.

He teased your entrance with the tip of his cock making you whined “Jungkook please”.

He looked down at you, tilting his head to the side smirking.

“you’re ready pretty?” he rubbed his erection teasingly between your glistening fold.

Hand gripping the back of his neck, you pulled him down for an another slow kiss.

"i want you..hurry!”

Jungkook hooked your leg around his hip as he slowly entered you. The stretch painful yet pleasurable.

"can I move darling?” you nodded, your hands going up to his broad shoulders.

He started thrusting into you carefully, slowly enjoying the sensual moment.

The atmosphere was so warm, your surroundings gradually disappearing more and more as you both focus on each other.

Jungkook groaned as he felt your warm velvety walls clench around him.

“you feel so good around me love. so warm fuck.. you’re taking me so well, such a good girl.” he moaned into your ear, his voice low yet so sweet turning you on even more.

You could feel a tickling sensation, the cold silver accessory stroking the soft skin of you stomach everytime Jungkook’s hips snap into yours.

You moaned at the new sensation clenching around him involuntary.

Your body was really sensitive and reactive.

One of your hand flew to his hair, the other one travelling to his lower back, fingers fumbling with the chain.

Jungkook hummed against your throat.

You bit his earlobe a bit hard as the chain grazed over your nipple making you clench around him.

“you weren’t lying when you said you liked it huh. You give it more attention than me.” he teased, eyebrows furrowed the pleasure consuming him more and more.

"stop saying nonsense.” you sucked on his jawline softly making him groan at the warm feeling of your tongue caressing the skin.

You chuckled as he kiss his way down your chest, sucking little marks on the valley of your breasts.

You pulled at his black hair when he suddenly hit your sweet spot.

"yes right there!” you threw your head back.

Jungkook shifted himself a bit so he could hit deeper.

“shit baby you’re so- so tight.” he moaned as you tightened around him again.

He looked deeply into your eyes.

"you feel so good baby.. so fucking good.” he kissed your lips, sucking on your bottom lip making you scratched his back when you felt his hand on your stomach pressing on the bulge in your lower stomach.

"look at you.. so small we can see my cock.” he said with a deep voice, making you looked down between your bodies.

His words made goosebumps raised on your skin.

“Jungkook.. I’m so close.” you said breathless.

He gave gentle thrusts, abusing your g-spot, tears forming in your eyes.

“Me too. I’m gonna- fuck!" Jungkook cursed his face twisting into pleasure.

His nose scrunched up in pleasure, a sensual groan left his throat as he came inside you, the feeling of his hot cum filling you up to the brim pushing you to the edge of your own release.

"cum for me princess.” he said rubbing little circles on your throbbing clit making your walls convulsed around him.

You threw your head back deep into the pillows moaning his name loudly, a tear sliding down your cheek the pleasure too hard to handle, as you came around him.

Jungkook rocked his hips slowly, riding out your highs, before finally pulling out, his warm cum slowly oozing out of you.

“I love you.” Jungkook kissed your temple, laying next to you.

“I love you.” you said softly.

He pulled you closer to him and place your head on his chest.

He caressed your hair gently, your hand sliding down his stomach to the body chain toying with it.

Jungkook chuckled before sitting up.

"what is it?” you asked confused.

He took off the accessory turning you to the side so he could put it on you.

“so ..pretty.” he licked his lips, eyes twinkling.

“it suits you better tho.” you pouted.

He shook his head in disapproval before hugging you tightly.

"shh.” he put the blanket over the both of you.

“you should wear it more often.. you’re so sexy with it.” you cuddled him kissing his cheek.

“if it turns you on that much ..then I’ll wear it everyday.” he smirked making you roll your eyes.

—

A/N : i feel like this fic was weird written 💀

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didishawn · 1 year

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Vogue (Pedri x Model! Reader)

Warnings: basically you showing off your home to Vogue, a bit of Spanish here and there

Masterlist

You do the simulation of opening the door as if the cameraman has caught you by surprise, ample smile on your face as you greet the future viewers.

"Hello Vogue, I am y/n s/n and today I am giving you all an inside look into my home"

The video starts in the living room, modern furniture, a bit impersonal at first if you will, the true essence lays in the small details.

"So, this might be disappointing for some, to hear out furniture doesn't have a deep meaning behind, but it is the truth. When my boyfriend and I were looking to fill up the house, we honestly just wanted everything to fulfill their duties, a coach to be a coach and a desk to be a desk. The only real thought we put into it were the color coordinations really, but not even that as you will see in some parts"

The camera follows you as you direct yourself to the chimney, watching it with a special glint in your eye "The one thing I really wanted the house to have was this, all my life I have dreamed of the typical scene, you know? The cuddling in front of the fire with your loved one and a good book"

The camera zooms in to the decorations on top of the chimney. Photos of you and Pedri, his family, your own, your friends, the lens of the camera stops in a photo of Pedri and you, waiting for you to explain yourself about it "This was back in Qatar for the World Cup when he had a free day from training and we just went around the city. Unfortunately, this was the only photo decent enough to set up here, but we have probably hundreds of that day" the photo shows the two of you on a date back in the day, bright smiles and the sun setting on the background.

The camera then follows you into the kitchen, much more colorful than the living room and not matching at all. There are plant decorations all over the roof, and cooking robots that not even you are sure what they are for.

"For the kitchen I must confess we did have some help from Pinterest, and by that I mean there is probably another kitchen somewhere in the world that looks exactly like this"

You walk to the counter "Of course we have lots of Canarian bananas, I wonder why, and then, I am more of a sweets as a snack type of girl, I know, not the healthiest but I promise I don't abuse them either" you open one of the closets and show them all your snacks "and here we have every kid's dream, you all better believe that our house is ready for whenever one of our friends needs someone on babysitter duties"

"Now, I must confess neither Pedri or I are the best cooks, we won't burn the kitchen down but someone might get sick after eating. And while Pedri has lunch on the club, I most of the time eat out too because of work. But we are pretty lucky that Fer, Pedri's brother, is quite the culinary and comes lots of times to eat with us and cooks us something too"

"We have heard Pedri's mother is a pretty good chef" the cameraman says and you nod.

"Yes, she totally is, I have asked her to teach me a thing or two, but a few lessons in and I think she has learned that I am a total disaster, but don't worry Rosy, I promise I will get better and won't kill your son with my food"

You leave the kitchen and they follow you through a long hallway decorated with pictures of you in the front pages of the most famous magazines in one side "This decoration was Pedri's idea, I hate it but he doesn't let me take them down" on the other there are photos of Pedri with both the Barça shirt and the National Team's, as well as some shirts of other players -Messi, Mbappe, Agüero... - and his own all signed "And my revenge were this pictures"

You walk them into your office "This is where I lock myself up to work if I ever need it" the room is filled up with books, some photos with friends and fashion magazines "as a model you always have to keep up with fashion trends, or even study to create your own" you point to the projector hanging from the roof and the screen "I also study old catwalks to see what I can improve"

You walk them closer to you bookshelf, and show off your precious collection "As some of you may know, I am a huge bookworm, most of my freetime I am buried into the pages of one"

"Any recommendations?"

You think for a moment "Well, it depends, for younger ages my absolute favorite is the Percy Jackson saga, probably my favourite too as you never grow too old to read them" you point to the books, in the center of them all for everyone to see "Now, for older ages I do like very much Daisy Jones and the Six, The Song of Achilles or maybe The Secret History. They are all typical really, but a good way for new readers to start or if you simply want someone to comment books with, its easy to find people who have read these"

You now direct them to see the photos "Now, this is for sure one of my favorites areas of the house, there are photos with friends..." photos with Gavi, Ansu, Ferran and then also with your own friends "Pedri..." photos of you two kissing, one with his parents and another with his brother "my family..." a big family photo, then single ones with each member "and now onto the big part, celebrities..." photos with Messi, Neymar, Bella Hadid, Ariana Grande, Dua Lipa - anyone you can name, really.

"Which is your favorite one?"

You think for a moment, then answer "I really like this one with Pedri and Messi when Pedri won the Golden Boy, it was a good night, I almost cried when Messi said my name"

You leave your office and next is the gym "Mostly Pedri uses it really, I am more of a run around the city type of girl, but yeah, we have everythung he needs to stay in his top form"

Next are the guest rooms "Mostly Pedri's family uses them really"

"Does your family not come around?"

"Oh they do, just not as much as his. His family adore each other so much, my own knows we better not spend that much time together or we will probably end up killing each other"

You direct them through a door and lead them into your dressing room, the thing is full with yours and Pedri's clothes, mostly yours though.

"My favorite part here is definitely this one" you say and lead them to a zone full of sweatshirts that are definitely not yours "I must confess I am a steal-your-clothes type of girlfriend"

You show them your shoes, pointing to your favorite pair, the same with other types of clothing's before showing off the famous mirror you take selfies in that everyone is in love with and leave the room.

The bathroom comes next, big enough for two people to be inside at the same time "There is a side for Pedri and one for me" you say in front of the two sinks "He says things are not proportionate, though" and it is true, as you open you own closet the thing is full of everything you own, on his there are a couple of things that are his, the basics, and on the lower part he too keeps some of your stuff "I don't see what he says, everything is good in my opinion"

As you leave the bathroom, you hear the door open on the background, and are quick on your feet to greet your boyfriend, the crew almost struggling to keep up with you and film the kiss you two share.

"Perdón, se me olvidaba hoy tenías esto, me puedo ir si quieres" (sorry, I forgot this was today, I can go if you want me to)

You turn to look at the crew, they all sake their heads "Noo, quédate, igual solo me queda por mostrar el patio" (noo, stay, only the backyard is the one thing left)

"¿Mostraste la habitación?" (you showed the bedroom?)

You shake your head "Claro que no, no se van a morir por no ver una cama" (of course not, it's not like they will die if they don't see a bed)

"No lo sé, algunos de tus fans son muy intensos" (I don't know, some of your fans are pretty intense)

"Hablo él que tiene a las niñas de 12 años peleándose por él en tiktok" (says the one who has the twelve-year-olds fighting for him on tiktok)

You are followed by your boyfriend and crew outside to see the big pool, the goal, the basket full of balls, a barbecue and the seats you use to tan.

"I must confess it's Pedri who spends most of the time here, I mostly only come out during the summer to keep myself tan"

"¿Les estás diciendo que no usas nuestra piscina?" (are you telling them how you don't use our pool?)

"Más o menos, ¿por qué no presentas tú nuestro gran jardín?" (more or less, why don't you present our great garden?)

"Seguro lo haré mejor que tú" he clears his throat and puts on the same face he does on Barça videos "Espera, ¿tengo que hacerlo en inglés?" (I most definitely will do it better than you do. Wait, do I have to do it in English?)

The crew shakes his head "We will make sure to translate it later"

"Menos mal. Bueno, acá tenemos una gran piscina que la señorita no usa más que para postureo, se habrá metido cuatro veces contadas" (thanks god. Well, here we have a great pool that the young lady only uses for photos, she will have been in it about four times)

"¡No le digas eso!" (don't tell them that!)

"Silencio, que estoy en mi entrevista con Vogue. Bueno, también tenemos esta portería, así para practicar un poco, aunque la portera s/n no es muy buena que digamos" (silent, I am in my Vogue interview. Well, here we have a goal to practice a bit, even though goalkeeper s/n is not very good)

You roll your eyes and he sticks his tongue out at you.

"Las tumbonas para que la señorita se ponga morena y una barbacoa que ninguno tocamos porque nos la cargamos" (the chairs so the lady can tan and a barbecue that neither of us touch because we would break it)

"Well guys, that is all our house, we hope you liked the video, thanks so much to Vogue for coming all the way to Barcelona. ¿Quieres decir algo?" (you want to say something?)

"Ehhh, give a like? Subscribirse y... ya está, ¿no?" (subscribe and... that's it, right?)

"Yeah, that's it, lots of kisses and I will be seeing you next time"

The camera takes one last shot of you two mustering out your best smiles and the video is over.

#pedri #pedri headcanon #pedri imagine #pedri x reader #Vogue #barcelona #fc barca #barca #spanish nt #spain national team #spain nt #football imagine #football player

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fortheloveofwonderland · 11 months

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Somewhere to Belong | 2/3 | S.R

Part 2 of my Family Challenge Fic.

Part 1 | Part 3

Summery - Spencer moves into his new home and his friends express their concerns. His adoption process hits wall after wall and each time you’re the one he turns to.

Pairing - Spencer Reid x BAU Fem! Reader

Warnings - talk of break ups, arguing, tears, swearing, mentions of Spencer’s childhood, drinking, drunk Spencer, talk of potential relapse, crying child, NA meetings.

WC - 7.9k

Part 2

It took until the end of April, around the time flowers started to rebloom and the grass turned a lush shade of green, when he finally got the keys to his new home.

It felt fitting, the way the world was regrowing, starting a new beginning just as he was.

He’d taken the first offer that came on his apartment, not caring that it was less than he would have liked for it. He had enough money saved from over the years that he could cover the difference needed. Time was of the essence, he couldn’t wait around.

The team, now all apprised of his adoption intentions, helped him move on a rare weekend they had off from the BAU. Well all of them except for you anyway.

Luke and Matt did most of the heavy lifting, much to Spencer’s elation as honestly he had no idea how he’d planned on doing it himself.

Rossi, Emily and Tara helped fix together furniture while he and JJ started on painting the room that would hopefully one day belong to Wren.

It broke her heart a little as she aided him in filling the little bookshelf with all the girls favourite titles and putting stuffed animals on another shelf all of which he’d brought for her.

Because what happened if Wren didn’t come home to him? What on Earth would be left of her best friend if he wasn’t able to adopt her?

He’d spent nearly all his savings on this house and furnishing it, even stencilling Wren’s name above the bed. She knew there would be no coming back for him if this didn’t work out. She would help in any way she could but she wished he was erring on the side of caution more.

After hours spent getting Spencer’s new home in order, Rossi cooked them all carbonara alla Rossi which they all sat down to eat as a family.

Minus you.

And your absence was brought up about halfway through dinner.

“I have to ask,” it was Tara who finally dared broach the subject that was on the tip of everyone’s tongues. “Y/N was really cagey when we told her about today. She said she had plans but wouldn’t say what they were.”

“Did something happen between the two of you?” JJ added over her glass of wine.

Honestly Spencer didn’t really see the point in lying about it. Whatever happened between the two of you was over now so he supposed it didn’t matter if the team knew.

He put his cutlery down, leaning it on the edges of his plate and taking a sip of water. He leant on the table and cleared his throat.

“Uh well…we were dating.” He shrugged. “For a few months. But it’s over now.”

The members of his former team all exchanged looks, silently questioning each other to see if anyone had any idea. It seemed none of them did.

“Wow, I’m kinda impressed you managed to keep that from us.” Emily chuckled dryly.

“Me too.” Spencer replied.

“What happened?” Matt asked the million dollar question.

Again, Spencer didn’t see the point in lying. It wasn’t as though there were two sides to this story, it was cut and dry; about as straightforward as it could be.

“I wanted a family. She wasn’t ready. I guess that’s on me for choosing to date someone so much younger than me.” He shrugged again, trying to act as if he didn’t care.

“So you broke up because of Wren?” JJ asked him softly.

“Yes and no. I’d already mentioned having a family before Wren came into the picture and she freaked out. And then Wren came along and I realised it was perfect timing. But uh, I guess my decision to adopt her didn’t exactly help matters.” He picked his knife and fork back up, hoping if he resumed eating they would understand he didn’t want to talk about this.

“You’re sure about this right, Reid?” Luke dared to ask.

Spencer huffed and dropped his cutlery again, letting them angrily clang against the China plate.

“Am I sure about what, Alvez?” He shot Luke a look across the table none of the team had ever seen on Spencer before. “About my break up or about adopting Wren?”

Luke shrunk in on himself a little, Spencer’s gaze heavily upon him. He’d hoped maybe someone else would jump to his rescue but no one did.

Cowards.

“Any of it.” Luke’s voice cracked as he spoke. “We’re your friends and we want you to be happy, but I think I speak for everyone when I say this is all happening so fast.”

Spencer’s nostrils flared. His jaw tightened. One by one he looked at the former members of his team under a steely gaze.

“Does he speak for all of you?” Spencer spat. “Someone please speak up. If you all think I’m making such a huge mistake, please-”

“No one said it was a mistake, boy wonder, chill.” Garcia piped up, cutting Spencer off. “But Newbie is right, it’s so fast. Have you really stopped and taken a breath to think about it?”

“You’ve decorated her room, Spence and you don’t even know that you’ll get granted parental rights. What happens if you don’t? It’s going to crush you.” JJ added, her tone sombre.

“And if you do manage to get through the adoption process, you’ll have a five year old girl to take care of. A five year old girl who lost her parents in the most horrific way possible.” Tara chimed in, tone equally as morose and JJ’s.

“And you’ll be doing it alone. On top of a full time job at the university.” It was Rossi’s turn to speak.

“We’ll support you whatever you do, Reid. We’re just worried that this is some kind of…a, uh…” Emily trailed off, looking at the others for help with finishing her sentence.

But Spencer knew exactly what she wanted to say.

He slammed his hands on the table and pushed his seat back, the wooden chair legs scraping against the tiled floor aggressively.

“Just say it,” he growled, with a shake of his head. “You’re worried I’m having a mid life crisis, right?”

He got to his feet and glared down at his so-called friends in disdain.

“No one said it was a mid life crisis, kid.” Rossi sighed as though Spencer was some kind of nuisance child.

“You didn’t need to say it. You’re all thinking it.” He grunted.

“Spence,” Emily looked sadly at him. “We’re just worried about you.”

“I don’t need you to be worried about me, I am perfectly fine. Why is it such a big deal that I’m doing this? You know I’ve always wanted kids.”

“Not like this though.” JJ rolled her lip between her teeth. “I have absolutely no doubt you will be a good father, someday. This…it doesn’t seem right.”

“Thank you all for coming,” Spencer forced his anger down before he said something he would regret. “But I’d like you all to leave now.”

He turned his back on them, the way they had all metaphorically turned their backs on him, and stormed to the kitchen.

The rest of them silently decided among themselves who would be the one to go after him. Usually the job would fall to JJ but she knew Spencer was too angry with her right now.

Eventually Penelope exhaled and pushed her chair gently back before getting to her feet. She didn’t look at the others as she left, tottering on her too high heels as she followed in Spencer’s wake.

He heard the door swing open, heard her heels on the floor so he knew it was her. He gripped the counter top, his back to her.

“Please don’t try to make it better, Garcia.” He spoke without turning.

He heard her come closer and then there was a warm hand on his shoulder, turning him around. When she saw his face, the tears that were now rolling down his cheeks, her own face fell.

“Oh boy wonder,” she pouted, immediately throwing her arms around him.

Spencer sniffed, burying his head against Garcia’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I understand what you’re all saying, trust me I get how crazy this sounds.” He whimpered a little. “But I love that little girl. And I want to be her father more than anything else in the world.”

“I know you do, Reid.” She cooed, running her hand up and down his back. “We just worry about you is all. No one is saying you shouldn’t do this, we just want to make sure you’re certain of what you’re doing.”

“Penelope,” he raised his head so he could look her in the eyes. “I have never been more sure about a single thing in my life.”

Garcia smiled at him softly, wiping away the tear stains on his cheeks.

“That’s good enough for me.” She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Anything you need, Spencer, just say the word. If you need any red tape cutting through, I am a master of that.”

“Thanks Garcia.” He half-smiled. “I’ll bear that in mind.”

Garcia kindly corralled the others out of Spencer’s door and stayed to help him clean up. By the time she left he was utterly exhausted.

He climbed the stairs, running his fingers along the bannister, feeling his way in his new home. He bypassed his own bedroom and found himself in the room he’d slaved away to make perfect for Wren.

He collapsed on her small bed, the one with the My Little Pony bedspread, clutching one of many stuffed toys he’d brought for her.

He closed his eyes and he nuzzled against the pillow. If he concentrated hard enough he could feel her here in this room she’d never actually stepped foot in.

He could hear her heart warming giggle, smell her on the pillow. He could imagine her crawling under the pink pony bedspread, lying beneath a string of pumpkin fairy lights while he read to her.

He could hear her inquisitive line of questioning every time he reached the end of a page.

He could picture her hugging Rover tightly to her chest while her bright green eyes slowly closed.

His tears fell from behind his closed lids. His friends were right and he hated that.

He’d gone through all this trouble, all the time, money and effort but what if it proved fruitless? What if he never got to bring Wren home?

What if he was doomed to live in this large house all alone for the rest of his days, pinning for the life he could have had?

***

Two days later a social worker came round to do her initial assessment of his new home. He didn’t miss the small smile that crept to her face when she saw the room he hoped to be Wren’s.

He made tea and sat down in his new living room with Jenny, Wren’s permanent social worker and tried to mentally prepare himself for another grilling.

The application process itself had been particularly probing but he knew this would be worse. Garcia had emailed him over a list of potential questions which he’d tried to cultivate answers for ahead of time but right now everything went out of his head.

Jenny sipped her tea and retrieved a notebook and pen from her bag.

“So, shall we?” She smiled at him but it didn’t help alleviate his nerves.

“Sure.” He nodded, shakily smiling back. He drummed his fingers against his thighs.

“I’d like to know what your childhood was like, if you could, Doctor Reid.”

Fuck, what a place to start.

“Well,” he swallowed thickly. “It wasn’t exactly conventional. I’m sure you know about my mother from my application.”

“I do.” She nodded, pen poised above the page.

“Uh, I was pretty much responsible for myself from ten years old when my dad left. And I was also responsible for my mom. I’ve never really had anyone to depend on and on top of that I’ve had to look after a parent. I guess the parental roles got slightly tangled in my head somewhere, but I think it’s why I’m so determined to do right by Wren. She’s lost her parents and I just want her to have a family again. I want to be her family. I want to be the father I never had.” He took a big sip of tea as a way of indicating that he was finished.

Jenny jotted down some notes before looking back at him.

“So what’s your relationship with them like now? Your parents?”

“I’ve only ever seen my dad once since he walked out on us.” When I was accusing him of being a child molestor and a murderer. “I’m really close with my mom though. She’s in a facility in DC and I visit her once a week. She’d love Wren, I think Wren would love her too.”

“I think you’ve already kind of covered the effect your upbringing had on you, so I’d be interested to know what a day in the life of Spencer Reid looks like.” She paused her note taking again to look at him.

“I’m still getting used to that myself if truth be told. I left the BAU after fifteen years so I could have a job with more reliable hours for Wren. I lecture four days a week at Marlborough, I’m a criminology professor. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Thursdays are usually paperwork and grading papers but I can do that from home.

It’s normal hours, I can be here in the morning to take Wren to school and be here to pick her up and cook her dinner. Read her bedtime stories. She likes it when we read together. She has this incredible mind, she reminds me of me when I was a kid. She’s so curious and smart. She loves to learn and I love to teach and I…I’m rambling. Sorry.”

“It’s ok.” Jenny smiled softly. “Doctor Reid, no one is doubting the fact that you care deeply for this little girl. No one would be going through the lengths you’re going through for a flight of fancy. I’m just simply trying to ascertain the best fit for a frightened and traumatised little girl who lost everything.”

“And I might not be the best fit.” He sniffed, eyebrows knitting together. “Because it’s just me. Because she lost not only her dad but her mom too and you think she needs two parents.”

He was a profiler for so many years, he couldn’t just turn it off. He understood the things she wasn’t saying.

Jenny put her pen down and leant forward in the chair.

“I have no doubts that you love Wren, Doctor Reid.” She prefaced. “But unfortunately in these kinds of delicate situations we have to consider where the child has been. And where Wren has been was in a home with two loving parents.”

The tears flooded to Spencer’s eyes in a flash and he fought to keep them at bay. He rolled his lip violently between his teeth to try and stop them falling.

He tried to speak a few times but the words wouldn’t come out. He closed his eyes. Took a deep breath.

“What are, uh, what are my chances here?” He croaked.

“I don’t know, Doctor Reid.” Jenny sighed. “I have no doubts you would be a great fit for some child out there but maybe…maybe don’t set your sights on Wren.”

He opened his eyes again, the tears broke free.

“I don’t want another child. It’s not just about having some child.” He suddenly stood up. “The moment I met her I felt an intrinsic need to protect her. She is special and she is wonderful and I…I feel like her dad, don’t you understand? I love her as if she were my flesh and blood. I don’t want a child, I want Wren.”

Jenny inhaled sharply and pushed herself to her feet, slotting her notebook back in her bag.

“I’m not saying it won’t happen, Doctor Reid. But you need to be prepared for the fact it might not.” She shook her head sadly. “We can pick this up later in the week ok? I’ll call you.”

Spencer couldn’t get any words out to reply. He just stood there dumbly and watched the social worker leave.

He watched her leave him alone in this house, this fucking suburban nightmare of a house that he’d only brought for the sake of Wren.

Wren who he’d promised he would look out for, who he promised he would bring home with him. And now that could all go up in smoke.

His tears wouldn’t cease, like a never ending waterfall flowing down his face.

The walls of this goddamn house suddenly felt so small. This house was the last place he wanted to be right now.

Without much thought to where he was going, he grabbed his car keys before throwing open the front door and disappearing into the balmy spring afternoon.

***

It was late when the jet touched down and so Emily sent you all home from the air strip telling you all paperwork could wait until the morning.

You could barely keep your eyes open as you drove home, tired down to your bones.

When you found a body slumped on the floor using your front door to prop them up right, you could have burst out laughing because this was just perfect.

His shirt was wrinkled and his hair hung messily in his face. As you approached, he didn’t move, not even an inch.

You frowned as you fished your keys out of your purse, clearing your throat but he didn’t look up. His head was flopped forward to his chest, hair obscuring most of his face.

“Spencer?” You spoke his name but received no response. “Spencer?” Still nothing.

Goddamnit.

“Spencer!” You kicked him firmly in the hip and he wobbled a little and then you heard a sharp intake of air.

His head shot back, his eyes suddenly wide open and staring at you like you’d woken him from a deep sleep. You most likely had.

“Y/N?” He croaked, running his hand through his hair, eyebrows knitted in confusion. “W-where am I?”

It was then you realised his bloodshot eyes, red raw and you knew it wasn’t just from crying.

“Spencer, are you ok?” You swallowed, feeling your hands start to shake.

“How did I get here?” He squinted at you.

“I have no idea.” You reached out and grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him to his feet.

He didn’t make it easy, he was like a led weight in your arms. He stumbled once he was up, falling against your door.

Your heart thrummed against your chest.

“Spencer,” you swallowed again. “Are you…are you high?”

He averted his gaze to the floor, a symbol of guilt you knew all too well. But then he looked back at you and sighed.

“No.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I appreciate that’s what it must look like. I’m…drunk. Really fucking drunk. Not high. I swear.”

Oh thank god, you allowed yourself to breathe a sigh of relief. Half a sigh anyway.

“That’s probably not much better though right? You don’t drink.”

“True.” He nodded. “But if I didn’t drink I might have gotten high. I don’t even know how I ended up here. Or how long I’ve been here.”

This seemed way over your head, a job for JJ or Emily, not you. You didn’t know how to handle this, you weren’t equipped for it.

You knew about Spencer’s history with dilaudid, he’d told you he didn’t drink on your first date when you’d asked him what wine he wanted with dinner. He proceeded to tell you he didn’t drink because of his past addiction, he didn’t want to find himself dependent on something else again.

But here he was, drunk. Drunk and telling you he’d thought about getting high. And you had no idea what to do.

“Come inside.” You got your door open and helped him inside as he couldn’t walk in a straight line. You guided him with an arm around his waist to the couch where he fell down like a rag doll. “Should I call JJ? Emily?”

“No, p-please don’t.” He whined, his words slurring together.

“Spencer, I don’t know that I’m the best person to handle this. Do you need a meeting or something?”

“I haven’t been to a m-meeting in over ten years.” He slurred again.

You had to strain yourself to understand him, all his sentences sounding like one long word. You sat down on the coffee table in front of him and sighed.

“Why did you drink? Why did you want to get high?” Maybe you could help if you understood why. Probably not, but it was worth a shot.

He ran his fingers through his tangled hair, sweeping it back off of his face. It struck you then how old he suddenly looked, like he’d somehow aged thirty years since you’d last seen him.

“I…my social worker…she thinks…” his sentence was punctuated with heaving breaths, as though trying to stop himself breaking down into tears. “I might not be able to a-adopt Wren.”

Ah, so that’s what this was about.

The last time you’d seen him you’d argued over this exact thing. So why of all people were you the one he’d come to?

“I see.” You didn’t know what to say if truth be told. Thankfully he continued.

“She grew up in a t-two person household. J-Jenny thinks it's more likely they will place her in a home with two p-parents.” It was the most coherent he’d been, which was good. But he sounded so unbelievably sad. “I get it. I do. I w-want what’s best for her…but w-what if that’s not what’s best for m-me?”

You felt your heart ripping in two. It was painfully obvious how much this girl meant to him and you hated seeing him this way. Again you didn’t need to speak as he carried on.

“It’s ironic, you know? The only reason I even w-want to adopt is because I can’t h-hold down a relationship, c-can’t seem to find someone to have my own family with. And now it m-might be the reason I can’t adopt.” His breathing grew really frantic and you could see the tears welling in his eyes.

You really did hate that he was going through this. You leant forward and placed a gentle hand on his knee.

“I really wish I knew what to say.” You whispered. “I really am so sorry Spencer. I know I was less than thrilled with the idea but I can see how much she means to you.”

“Just wanted to take my mind o-off of it.” He mumbled. “Just needed to forget. Wanted to get high, for the f-first time in years. Didn’t though. I didn’t.”

“I know. I’m proud of you.” You gave his knee a squeeze. “But getting drunk isn’t going to help anything, you know that right?”

“Yes.” He sniffed. “Just wanted to forget.”

Suddenly he jerked forward, his large hands gripping the sides of your face and tugging you closer until his lips slammed against yours.

He tasted like whisky. Whisky and tears.

You were so gobsmacked for a moment you let him kiss you. But once your brain caught up to what was happening, you quickly pushed him away.

“What are you doing?” You frowned at him.

His eyes widened as the realisation of his stupidity washed over him and he stumbled up to his feet.

“Oh my god.” He shook his head frantically. “What am I doing? I’m so sorry, I should…should go…”

His shaky legs tried to carry him to the door but you managed to jump up and grab his wrist before he could get too far.

When he looked back at you his cheeks were bright red with his embarrassment and he struggled to look you in the eye.

“Don’t go.” You spoke softly. “I can’t let you roam the streets in this state. Stay, you can sleep on the couch. We’ll forget that ever happened.”

He pulled a face like he might argue with you and maybe if he hadn’t had so much to drink he may have.

But god knows where else he could end up with the alcohol clouding his brain, he was sure he hadn’t meant to come here in the first place.

He exhaled and nodded slowly, moving away from the door and further into your apartment.

“I really am sorry about Wren. But it’s not over, Spencer. You have to try and stay positive. For her.” You whispered before you turned away to gather blankets for your ex’s drunken stay on your couch.

***

In the morning you found your couch empty, blankets and pillows piled neatly at one end and a small scrap of note paper on top.

In Spencer’s chicken scratch handwriting you read:

Thank you for last night. I thought it best I leave before you wake up. I am absolutely mortified about my actions. I should have known better even in the state I was in.

I’m sorry for putting you in that position and for making you feel as though you had to let me stay. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.

I’m sorry for everything.

Spencer.

Everything; he was sorry for everything.

Sorry for blurting out that he wanted a family? Sorry for reacting the way he did when you told him you weren’t ready? Sorry for calling whatever the two of you had a waste of time? Sorry for diving head first into adopting a little girl without telling you?

You folded up the note and hid it away in your nightstand. You considered calling him but you were fairly certain he wouldn’t pick up.

You made coffee and ate breakfast, all the while Spencer’s heartbreak over potentially losing that little girl was weighing on you.

There had to be something you could do to help him. Anything. You would do anything for him.

You took your coffee over to the desk and booted up your laptop. Even as your fingers were hovering over the keys, you weren’t sure why exactly you were doing this.

Other than the fact you hated to see Spencer so sad.

***

It was deep into the month of June when Spencer was allowed to take Wren out of the halfway home for the first time.

Jenny accompanied them but assured him she was just here to supervise and she wouldn’t get involved.

He’d tried to remain positive, the fact they were allowing him to still see her, to take her out of the home surely meant all was not lost? Maybe he still had a chance to be her father.

The first place Wren wanted to go was for ice cream. He told her they could go anywhere she wanted and she wanted ice cream.

So he took her for ice cream.

She couldn’t decide what she wanted so he brought her seven different little cups of seven different flavours. She ate each one with a smile on her face and apparently each one was better than the last.

Hopped up on sugar, he took her to the park. She held his hand as they walked and hers was so tiny in his. It made his heart soar, spiralling up into the atmosphere and blanketing him in a warmth he’d never felt before.

He pushed her on the swing set while she giggled and screamed to go higher. He caught her in his arms at the bottom of the slide which she went down twenty two times.

And each of the twenty two times he caught her, wrapping her small body in his arms, picking her up and spinning her around causing more laughter to erupt from her. And each time when he placed her back on her feet she screamed, again!

He held her little waist while she attempted the jungle gym, not having the upper body strength to hold herself up.

Once he settled her back on the ground and asked her what she wanted to do next. Her expressive eyes wandered the park, the little cogs in her brain turning while she tried to make a decision.

But then something horrible happened.

When her eyes finally landed back on Spencer, he saw the tears behind them a split second before they started falling. Her bottom lip pouted and her small frame started to shake violently.

“Wren?” Spencer immediately knelt in front of her in the grass and placed his hands on her shoulders.

She was vibrating, sniffing dramatically and shaking her head, curls bouncing as she did so.

“Wren, what’s wrong?” He felt his heart shattering as he looked at her.

“I want to go home!” She screamed, so loudly Spencer was sure he felt an ear drum burst.

Before he could reply she had pulled herself out of his grip, turned away and started running as fast as her legs would carry her.

“I want to go home!” She screeched as she went.

Spencer pushed himself up and suddenly Jenny was at his side. He barely registered her until she spoke.

“What happened?” She asked almost accusingly.

“I have no idea.” He shook his head, not taking his eyes off of Wren who was running towards the tree line at the edge of the park. “Let me go, I’ll find out what’s wrong.”

He didn’t wait for Jenny to reply before he took off running after her. Spencer had never relished running or any kind of physical exertion. In his time with the BAU he’d avoided it at all costs.

But right now he didn’t care. He would run to the ends of the Earth if he had to just to find Wren. Thankfully he didn’t have to.

He found the small raven haired girl collapsed at the trunk of a large tree, legs drawn up to her chest and she sobbed into the fabric of her cream coloured leggings.

Her cries were so loud, so gut wrenching that he could have burst into tears just from the sound. She looked utterly helpless and Spencer wanted to wrap her in his arms and shield her from all the bad in the world.

But he wasn’t so sure that’s what she wanted.

He approached her with caution, not wanting to startle her. When he reached her, he dropped to the grass in front of her on his knees. Slowly he reached out and brushed her tangled curls behind her ear.

“Pumpkin, what’s wrong?” He whispered soothingly, hooking his finger under her chin and raising her head so he could look at her.

Those electrifying green eyes were made almost blindingly bright by her tears.

“The lady,” she sniffed, lips still pouted. “The lady by the swing set. She looked like my mommy.”

Fuck.

He felt a lump form in his throat. Sometimes she was so happy and upbeat it was easy for him to forget what had happened to her parents. She was so brave, so strong, but he couldn’t imagine the kind of inner turmoil she battled with everyday.

“Oh, Wren. I’m so sorry.” He started to brush away her tears but she surprised him when she huffed and shoved his hand off of her face.

“Stop it.” She frowned at him. “I want to go home!”

“Wren,” he tried to ignore the pain of having her push him away. “We’ve talked about this. You said you understood that you couldn’t go home.”

“I don’t care!” She yelled, slamming her little fists in the dirt. “I want to go home! I want my mommy and daddy!”

Spencer felt a presence somewhere behind them, he knew it was Jenny. He hoped she’d let him handle this.

“Wren, I know this must be hard for you…” he trailed off when the little girl pushed herself to her feet. Spencer stayed on his knees.

“I want my mommy and daddy!” She screamed at the top of her small lungs. ��

“I know you do, pumpkin but-”

“Stop calling me pumpkin.” She huffed again, stamping her foot.

“I thought…I thought you liked me calling you pumpkin?” His chest tightened, his heart breaking.

“Well I don’t.” She folded her arms dramatically over her chest, stomped her foot again.

“Ok, that’s ok. I won’t call you it anymore if you don’t like it.” He spoke softly, he hoped calmly.

“I don’t like you.” She suddenly spat, eyes sad and eyebrows knitted together.

The pain that shot to his heart hearing those words was like nothing Spencer had ever experienced before. It was as though she had taken her tiny fist and punched him straight in the chest with a force much stronger than herself.

The air left his lungs, the wind leaving his sails. The hurt caused by those four words was far worse than getting shot, worse than being beaten by Hankel, or the beatings he’d received in prison. Even worse than the mental and emotional anguish of watching Maeve die.

Her words were like a knife, cutting and ripping at his flesh, slicing him open and leaving him completely raw.

“W-Wren…” he choked out, his pain evident in his voice. “I know you’re sad but please don’t say that. It’s not a very nice thing to say.”

“I don’t care!” She screamed again. “I hate you! You’re not my daddy. I want my daddy!”

She grew hysteric after that, sobbing so frantically nothing she said made sense anymore. He tried to comfort her, to hold her, but she pushed him away each time.

Eventually he glanced over his shoulder where Jenny was in fact standing and looked forlornly at her from the ground.

She stepped closer tentatively and crouched next to the screeching child.

“It’s ok Wren, let’s get you back to the home.” She was able to put her arm around Wren without being pushed away and the little girl buried against her. “I’m sorry Doctor Reid but I need to take her back. I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?”

Both adults raised to their feet at the same time, Spencer’s tears filled eyes meeting those of the social worker.

“I…I…” he looked back at Wren who was clinging to Jenny like he was some kind of terrifying monster. He wanted to argue but he could risk further upsetting her. “O-ok.”

He stood dumbly and watched as Jenny led Wren back across the park. His tears started to fall despite himself and he curled his arms around his body, hugging himself tightly.

All he wanted in the world was for Wren to be happy. But if she wasn’t happy with him, how did he even begin to be happy without her?

***

“Thank you for coming with me. I’m sorry I keep dragging you into this.” Spencer averted his gaze to the sidewalk as he ambled along.

You strolled next to him, curiously watching the side of his face as you sipped your coffee.

When he’d called you this evening you’d been at the BAU finishing up some paperwork. You hadn’t seen or heard from him since the night he showed up drunk at your apartment and you were surprised to see his name flashing on your phone screen.

His tone had been frantic down the phone, you only managed to catch every few words.

Wren hates me. Fucked up. Want to use.

You managed to get him to calm for long enough to tell you where he was. When you’d hurried to Emily’s office your fear must have been written on your face as all you’d needed to say was, I have to go, Spencer… and she was motioning you out of the door.

You found him where he’d said he’d be, on a park bench with a bottle of whiskey concealed in a paper bag.

It was unopened. Small miracles.

He didn’t tell you what was wrong, instead he asked you to follow him. And you did without question.

He led you to an old community centre and once inside you understood why.

You sat and listened as he spoke to the room at Beltway Clean Cops of everything that had happened, right up until this afternoon when Wren had screamed that she hated him and didn’t want him as her dad.

He told them how he had never wanted to use so badly in over ten years and how he’d gotten drunk a little while ago to stop him getting high.

Afterwards he left and you followed him again.

He brought you coffee at a nearby cafe and the two of you walked in the DC night side by side. That was the first time he’d spoken since he addressed the room at Beltway.

“I’m glad you called actually. I’ve been worried about you.” You kept your eyes on his face but he wouldn’t look at you. “She’s been traumatised, Spence. It sounds like she’s been brave up until now but you and I both know that kind of trauma has to be dealt with eventually. I may not know her but I’m certain she didn’t mean what she said.”

“What if she did?” His hand tightened around his coffee cup. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“You need to give her time, that's all you can do. She needs to feel what happened to her so she can start to move past it.” You wished you had a better answer.

“So I’m just supposed to wait? I can’t do that, I have to do something.”

You reached for him, touching the back of his free hand. He slowed to a stop and you did the same. Finally his eyes flit up to you.

“You know the Serenity Prayer, right? They use it in drug rehabilitation.” You kept your hand on his, he didn’t seem to mind.

“Of course I do.” He frowned a little.

“I know you’re not religious, but I need you to say it with me. I need you to hear it.” You turned his hand over so you could hold it.

He looked like he might argue, huffing out a breath before he rolled his eyes.

“Fine.” He agreed although clearly not happily.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” You spoke in time with one another, keeping eye contact as you did so.

“You have to grant your own serenity, Spencer. You have to accept that you can’t change some things no matter how much you want to. I know it’s hard, but some things are out of your control.” You went to remove your hand from his but he surprised you by keeping a firm hold on you.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He spoke quietly, his eyebrows still knitted together. “You’re the wind beneath my wings, keeping me airborne when I feel like I might start free falling. You’re…you’re my favourite person in the whole goddamn world.”

“And you’re mine.” You smiled at him, squeezing his hand. “I want this to work out for you but if it doesn’t, you have to be able to bounce back. You just have to.”

“I know.” He agreed with a nod. “Thank you Y/N.”

He let go of your hand but was quickly wrapping his arm around you, pulling you close to his chest. In turn you wrapped your free arm around him too and you held each other tightly.

“You’ll be ok Spencer. I’m sure of it.” You whispered against his shirt.

“I hope so.” He nodded, inhaling the scent of your hair. “Can I…can I call you tomorrow after I’ve spoken to Jenny? Good or bad?”

You lifted your head so you could look at him, a gentle smile on your lips.

“You can call me any time, Spencer. I mean it.”

You noticed the way his eyes grazed over your lips and you thought he might kiss you. And this time you might have let him.

He wanted to kiss you, he almost kissed you, but he knew it wasn’t fair on either of you. You were one of those things he needed the serenity to accept he couldn’t change.

He swallowed thickly and stepped back from your hold, awkwardly scratching at the back of his neck.

“Can I walk you to your car?” He asked, eyes once again on the sidewalk.

“Sure.” You nodded and soon the two of you fell in step again and neither of you spoke until you said your goodbyes at your vehicle.

You drove away knowing you had to do more. You’d already started making provisions, taking steps in order to help your most favourite person. But you needed to do more.

And you needed to do it fast.

***

The following day Jenny called him and asked him to come to the halfway home. He was nervous, having no idea what to expect when he got there.

It wasn’t Jenny that met him in the day room though, it was Wren.

She had her curly hair in pigtails and she wore a cute pair of denim overalls with a polka dot shirt underneath. She had a shy smile on her lips, one hand clutching Rover by the ear and the other held a sheet of paper.

“Hi Wren,” Spencer cautiously stepped closer to her, wanting to give her space.

She proffered the paper towards him without a word, which he took and scrutinised.

On one half of the page was another of her crayon drawings, this one depicting a small dark-haired child cuddling an extremely tall man, taller than the trees he was standing next to.

On the other in orange crayon was a note, every word spelled correctly, he wasn’t sure if she was just that smart or if she had help. It didn’t matter much either way, what mattered were the words themself.

To: Spencer

From: Wren

I’m sorry for being mean to you. I don’t hate you and I still want to live with you in the pretty house. I miss my mommy and daddy but I still want us to be a family.

He felt the tears filling his eyes before he reached the end and once he’d read it through a handful of times he looked back up at Wren who waited patiently for him to finish.

“You’re sure?” His voice cracked, betraying him.

“Yes.” She nodded, pigtails bouncing,

“Come here,” he sniffed, holding his arms open for her to make the first move.

She was quick to come closer, falling into Spencer and wrapping her small arms around his waist while he enveloped her in a tight embrace.

“God I love you kiddo.” He blurted out, as she snuggled against him. He’d never told her that before, always too scared of what a five year olds reaction would be to that.

She squeezed him as tight as she was able, nuzzling her head into his stomach.

“I love you, Spencer.” She replied and Spencer felt the pieces of his shattered heart fall back into place. “And I do like it when you call me pumpkin.”

Spencer held her tighter still, feeling as though his chest could explode with love. He bowed his head and kissed her curls.

“Ok, pumpkin,” he whispered into her wild hair. “You want me to read to you while I’m here?”

“Yes please.” She nodded, pulling back from his arms.

She soon started running away, over towards the couch they usually occupied how he read to her. He glanced down at the piece of paper in his hands and smiled.

If it was the last thing he did, he was bringing this little girl home.

***

July came and went in a blur of home visits, parental training, family profile meetings and days out with Wren and Jenny.

August came and Spencer felt positive. With each passing day he was getting closer and closer to being able to finally bring Wren home.

But just as quickly as he’d gotten his hopes up, they were dashed again, leaving Spencer spiralling towards a dark abyss with no way to break his fall.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” Spencer stared at Jenny across his coffee table, his mug of tea wobbling in his shaky hands.

Jenny inhaled, sitting back in the armchair and crossing one leg over the other.

“I said there’s a young couple who have taken a liking to Wren. They’ve expressed interest in pursuing adoption. They’re already approved, done their home studies and training. They’d just been waiting for the right child.” Jenny braced herself, waited for the doctor's reaction.

“They’ve met her?” He swallowed.

“Yes, they adore her.” Jenny told him somewhat morosely.

“And Wren?”

“She seemed to like them.” Jenny smiled sadly at him.

“So, uh, it’s over? Just like that?” The tears misted his eyes but he managed to keep them at bay.

He recited the serenity prayer in his head like a mantra.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

“It’s not over, Doctor Reid. And if you wish to still pursue your adoption you are well within your right to. But you’re entitled to know what’s going on and I’ve said before-”

“The state will be more likely inclined to place her in an environment similar to where she came from. Two parents instead of one.” His voice was monotone, not an ounce of emotion to it.

“I’m afraid so.”

Spencer wanted to cry. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to scream and break something. He wanted to drink or take dilaudid.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

“O-ok.” He croaked.

“Ok?” Jenny frowned at him, clearly expecting him to put up more of a fight.

“I want what’s best for Wren above all else. Maybe two parents can give her more than I can.” He choked back a sob. “I��ll keep fighting for her, to the bitter end. But if it doesn’t work in my favour there’s nothing I can do, right? I have to accept the things I can’t change.”

“For what it’s worth,” Jenny pushed herself to her feet. “I’m rooting for you. But there’s only so much I can do.”

“Thank you.” He stood as well.

He saw her out and padded back to the couch, running his fingers through his tangled hair.

It was only then he realised how exhausted he was. These last few months had taken everything out of him, physically and mentally. He’d continue to go through the motions in the hopes this might end in his favour but honestly, he couldn’t keep fighting the way he had been.

He loved Wren, with every beat of his heart. But perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe he was never supposed to have a family.

He grabbed his phone and typed out a quick text, hit send and closed his eyes.

Before he could succumb to sleep, there was a knock at his green front door.

@ultragirrl @wittlewowa @bxtchopolis @coldheartedmar

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x fem! reader #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction

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wings-of-flying · 7 months

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thinking about chip and death now. because he's nineteen. a baby. and all his life, or at least since the hole in the sea, he's been basing his entire personality off the people around him. arlin and price, however inadvertently, turned him into chip the bastard. jay and gillion influenced him to be more caring, so did ollie. seeing lizzie makes him want to become a great captain, a great leader, making those long speeches and looking out for his crew. he's fragments of the people he's surrounded himself with

if he died now, would there have been a chip? a true chip? has there ever been a chip? gillion and jay have things that separate them from the people they're around, things not directly influenced by their past and more just elements of who they are. what does chip have? even now, what does he have that is truly his own? jay has her tinkering. gill sketches sea creatures. chip's pranks are from arlin. you could argue for his fire magic, but even that - or at least the awakening of that - was influenced by gillion. his name is a remnant of his childhood on the midnight rose

i just. i'm so utterly insane about him because even his clothes. it's like a combination of lizzie's original outfit and price's, which i could make a whole other post about. he's so young, he's still basing himself around other people even if it's having a positive effect now. he's a frankenstein already, not quite alive as himself. he had a heart but it beat with the life of others

he's haunted with the spirits and souls of people he's admired. how much of him is actually him and how much is someone else? if he died now, would he die as someone else? has he ever lived as himself?

the heart is often symbolic of feelings and the essence of your life. when it's removed in fantasy settings and the character somehow stays alive, they usually act differently. a part of their self has been taken so something appears wrong

chip's heart was taken and he didn't change. in fact he stayed very much the same. i actually forgot mid-combat that his heart had been taken in the first place. you'd think in the switch from being alive to being undead, something would change. but in a way, maybe chip's always been undead, sewn together by string he's taken from others

this is all very dramatic sounding and honestly a little bit of a stretch, but i can't help it my brain is exploding and all i can see is that one picture of haunted chibo with the fish eye effect. help

#jrwi riptide #jrwi #jrwi chip #jrwi spoilers #blorbo analysis #i'm unwell about him if you couldn't tell

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hypnolurker · 9 months

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We All Moo For Ice Cream

It all started in the supermarket. Clara wheeled her trolley steadily through the endless aisles in her regular search for groceries. When she got to the frozen section, she recalled the recent hot and sweaty summer nights which had left her exasperated and drained. Here, she saw something both delicious and which could potentially provide a respite from the unbearable temperatures – ice cream. She eyed the various flavours and brands for a while, but one particular brand stuck out to her. The horny cow. Each tub had a picture of a cartoon cow with exaggerated horns and a visibly excited expression. They also featured rather odd flavour names, possibly copying the more popular Ben and Jerry’s practice of odd flavour names, but these were just even more confusing. ‘Big and Milky’, ‘Cow Feed’, ‘Soft and Serve’...what on earth were these crazy flavours?

However, all of Clara’s doubts were assuaged by the one all important factor, price. There was some kind of sale on horny cow ice cream and she could get 3 large tubs for the price of 1. Plus the price of a single tub was already stunningly cheap relative to the other brands. It may be some inferior knock off, but with this deal she had to at least give it a try! Clara decided to purchase one of each sort, since she had the 3 for 1 deal on her side, and chucked them into her trolley with a shrug. She would certainly be well stocked on ice cream for these hot summer days to come!

It was later that day when she actually tried the product. After shopping and some cleaning up she decided she had earned a rest and put on a classic old movie. Something she had seen many times before but it didn’t matter in the slightest. And what better reward to go with her film than some ice cream? She was only in a pair of shorts and a thin white t-shirt but she was still overheating and something cold and creamy was exactly what she needed.

She settled in on the couch and began watching as she opened up the tub. She still didn’t know what the flavours meant, so she picked one at random. Soft and Serve. It seemed the most normal sounding, and as she popped off the lid she could see the familiar light yellowish tint of a typical vanilla soft serve. Her spoon slid easily into the fluffy frozen treat and she brought it up to her lips with mild trepidation.

Moment of truth, it was cheap but was it bad? No! As she felt the soft cream melt into her tongue a charming burst of vanilla spread across her mouth and she gave a pleasant sigh as she swallowed happily. It was fantastic!

She gobbled down scoop after scoop as she watched her movie. Despite vanilla typically being a ‘boring’ flavour, this was anything but. It had the perfect balance of rich creaminess and sweet vanilla essence and she hungrily swallowed it down. She was eating it so fast that she experienced something that hadn’t happened since she was a child. Brain freeze.

As she shoveled spoonfuls of ice cream into her mouth eagerly, she started to feel a cool tingle spread through her mouth and shoot through her teeth and up her face until it hit her head. She honestly couldn’t remember quite what brain freeze felt like, but this was surely it. Her whole head felt cool and her mind seemed to stop. She lost all focus on her movie for a while as she struggled to overcome the odd sensation. The icy chill which gripped her mind.

It wasn’t as bad as she recalled. Sort of relaxing even, but she wanted to concentrate on the film and so she tried to push past it. Yet, even as she felt her mind freeze up, she continued to hoist massive spoonfuls of ice cream to her lips and swallow them down without regard to the consequences. It was like she wasn’t even in control of herself anymore. Her head was cool and numb and her thoughts slowed and all she could think about was the creamy and delicious ice cream which kept melting on her tongue.

As this went on, her whole body seemed to cool and relax as well. She felt oddly weak, sinking deeper into the couch and even the spoon felt heavier as she continued to scoop and swallow. Getting down to the bottom of the tub now, and the name of this flavour kept dancing through her frozen head now. Soft and Serve. Soft. Serve. Soft. Serve. Soft…Serve…

By the time she had finished, she was completely lost as to where she was in the movie. She had also eaten quite a bit of ice cream, though she didn’t feel particularly full. Maybe because she had eaten it so quickly, or perhaps this was lower in calories? Whatever the case, her mind started to thaw and now she could go back to focusing on the movie.

But as she slowly regained her senses, she glanced at the now empty tub in her lap and read some text on the side.

‘Soft and Serve. Feel your strength and cares melt out of your body as this smooth and intense vanilla sensation makes you docile and subservient. When you finish this tub, make sure to try more of our fantastic flavours!’ it said.

Clara wrinkled her brow for a moment. Sort of an odd description...docile and subservient...though she certainly did seem to feel that way. Soft and weak and willing. Just waiting here to be told what to do. And of course, that order was right there in front of her. She would try more of the flavours. Yes, of course!

Almost in a trance, her mind not quite unfrozen, Clara wandered to the kitchen and grabbed another tub at random. Then she marched mindlessly back to the living room and slumped into the sofa to stare forward as if watching the film, though her mind was still too sluggish and relaxed to actually follow the plot. She simply watched the colours shift and flicker across the screen as she opened this tub and dug in.

This flavour was Big and Milky and it was a pure white colour. When the first spoon hit her tongue, she recognized the flavour and smiled. Coconut! Big and Milky, it made sense now. She giggled softly as she swallowed it down.

Just like the last tub, it tasted amazing! It was light and creamy and made her shiver with joy. She liked it even more than the last, and wasted no time in stuffing her face with it. Her spoon shaved delicate white peels of ice cream much like pieces of coconut and she eagerly scooped them into her mouth and felt waves of delight with each mouthful.

Once more, her mind froze over and all thoughts became encased in a wall of ice as she fell into a loop of scooping and swallowing. Her movements grew more sluggish and robotic, but she continued nonetheless, gobbling it down greedily.

Meanwhile, Clara had not yet noticed a rather peculiar change that was happening. It was gradual enough to be nearly imperceptible, but as the minutes rolled on the effects became more and more undeniable. Her breasts were swelling.

They started at a reasonable C cup, but by the time the dazed and delirious Clara noticed something was odd they had gained a whole cup size. Her breasts felt heavier, and they tingled slightly. She groaned around another spoon of addictive coconut cream as she forced her cold and useless brain to figure out what was happening.

She had lazily eaten several more spoonfuls before she finally realized that her breasts had actually grown. Once it dawned on her, it seemed so obvious. They were pushing up against her previously loose t-shirt more and more as she felt them continue to swell. She was sort of glad she hadn’t been wearing a bra that day.

At the same time as the soft breast tissue was swelling and her chest ballooned, the tingling got stronger. She moaned softly between mouthfuls of ice cream as she felt them becoming more sensitive and tender. Her nipples even stiffened and swelled like her breasts, until they were poking boldly through her top, making her swollen chest much more obscene.

At this point she was an E cup and her top was very constrictive. She managed to put down her spoon for long enough to tug the tight tee over her head and fling it across the room. The feeling of the silky material brushing her tender and puffy nipples as it was removed made her squirm and become flushed as it sent sparks of pleasure through her chest and directly to her crotch.

After that, she had one hand holding the spoon and the other on her chest, fondling her ever swelling breasts as she continued to mindlessly consume the product which was so clearly altering her. Deep down she was concerned as to what was happening to her, but those concerns were utterly frozen by her brain freeze. In her state she was only capable of eating and swelling and squeezing and moaning.

When her breasts reached F cup, her hand gave one breast a firm but playful squeeze and she was shocked to feel a surge inside it as something spurted forth from her hard nipple. Droplets of white milk dribbled out afterwards as she groaned and circled her thumb over her nipple, feeling the jolt of pleasure as well as the wetness of her milk coating her thumb.

She brought her thumb to her mouth instead of the spoon for a second and tasted her creamy lactation. To her surprise it tasted just like the ice cream. Yet her brain was too frozen to mull on that thought. Instead she continued brainlessly toying with her nipples and kneading her chest as more milk flowed out. Each surge of liquid which dribbled messily down her chest brought a wave of arousal and satisfaction. All the while she was spooning ice cream into her mouth.

When she reached the bottom of this tub, she was in quite the state. Her breasts had expanded to an incredible G cup and a trail of milk trickled down her chest whilst at the same time her jaw hung open as she drooled a mixture of spit and melted ice cream past her lips and down her chin. Her mind was now taking longer to thaw and she couldn’t stop rubbing and massaging her fat tits and writhing in joy.

In a total daze, she once again glanced to the tub, entirely uninterested by the movie which had long since become background noise. This tub had a similar message on the side.

‘Big and Milky. Coconuts are big and milky, just like your swollen udders will be after you finish this tub of creamy coconut ice cream. Don’t forget to try our other flavours next!’

“Big and Milky...swollen udders...” she mumbled as she read the tub.

Now she was topless, leaking milk and drooling with her crotch growing just as damp as her swollen udders. But she still managed to stumble back to the kitchen for the final tub. After strolling back to the couch, drops of milk splashing carelessly to the floor along the way, she began her final tub.

This was her favourite flavour. The label called it Cow Feed but she recognized the chocolate taste the instant it hit her tongue. She shivered and raised the tub to her face and began to hungrily and frantically froce more and more of it past her lips.

The brain freeze this time was more potent and faster. It could have been the way she was eating it or the fact that her head was already assaulted by the utter numbness of continual brain freeze, but she didn’t care. She had long since grown used to it. It was just like her mind wasn’t there. She didn’t need it anyway. She just needed more of this wonderful ice cream.

Between desperate shoveling her hips grinded into one of her cushions and her inflated udders bounced mesmerizingly as she humped and jiggled and swallowed like a stupid and greedy cow. Moans became more sultry and slowly morphed as she continued.

“Mmmmm, Oooooohhh….mmmmmoooooo….mooooo….moooo….” she cooed with a dopey expression.

She hadn’t even noticed her moans transforming into moos. More and more, every piece of her mind was being reshaped as she willingly ate it up like the happy head of cattle she was soon becoming. Humping and leaking and mooing. Her mind was fading away as all that ice cream went straight to her head.

She finished this tub even faster than the others. By the time she was done, she barely knew where she was or even what she was. She knew she was horny. She knew her udders were heavy and full of milk and she wished they could be pulled and pumped properly. She knew her mind was frozen and she didn’t want it to unthaw. She wanted to keep eating lovely ice cream and leaking and mooing.

Then she noticed something on this tub.

‘Cow Feed. Eat it and feel your old thoughts fade as you become what you were always meant to be...a horny cow! Want more ice cream? Call us on 0842XXXXXX for delivery.”

Clara clumsily stumbled over to the phone and after a few attempts, managed to type in the number.

“Hello, horny cow ice cream, how can I help you today?” a friendly man answered.

“M-moooooooo!” was the first thing Clara said.

The man chuckled softly before responding “Ah, looking for delivery huh. We will send our people right away. Can you tell me your address?” he asked patiently.

It took some work for Clara to give the man her address. Her mind was a soft and frozen mush, like ice cream. She was just a dumb and dopey pair of udders. The whole time had one hand on her sloppy pussy, rubbing and fingering her folds as she spoke to the man, or tried to. Her moans and moos were obvious and constantly interrupting not just her speech but her own thoughts.

However, the man was patient and kind and helped the silly cow along the way. He also reassured her that everything would be fine and their people would arrive soon. She only hung up when she heard her doorbell ringing.

Opening the door eagerly, the two men who had arrived stared in awe at the woman who answered. Massive udders exposed and covered in trails of milk, she had one hand pinching her nipples and the other was under her shorts, working her slick slit as she gawked brainlessly at them.

Clara expected them to deliver ice cream to her, but instead they strapped a collar with a bell to her neck and led her outside. On the collar it read her name, or her new name as it would be. ‘Clarabelle’. The man she had spoken to must have taken liberties with her name after she told him. Not that Clarabelle actually cared. She stumbled forward, guided by the men to a trailer where she was pushed inside. Once inside she fell to her knees and she was too clumsy and dumb to stand back up.

There, she saw a few other women like her. Well, they didn’t exactly look like women anymore. With their enormous udders dangling from their chests and their dull and dimwitted expressions...plus the collars with bells which jangled as they crawled around on all fours. These were clearly livestock. Soft and curvy cows to be milked and bred.

Clarabelle was right at home. She mooed happily as the trailer sped away towards her new life.

#story #mindbrokensluts #not mine #Reconstruction

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astarionslittlejuicebox · 7 months

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Reflected in Someone's Eyes (Part 2)

Author: @astarionslittlejuicebox

Imagine: Astario’s POV after he waits to see what the reader has been working so diligently on since the mirror conversation.

Pairing: Astarion x F!Reader

Trigger warnings: Fluff, embarrassment, feelings of unworthiness, mentions of blood/vampires/etc, minor spoilers, suggestive themes

Word Count: 1243

Side Notes: E/C = Eye color, Y/N = your name, Y/R = your race, H/C = hair color

Part One

“Who knows? Only time will tell.” Y/N’s words rang through his head after that night. Quite a bit of events had happened to the party since the conversation Astarion had with Y/N that night, but the anticipation of what she had to show him was eating him alive. Tonight marked night three since he stumbled upon her engrossed in her mysterious book, and, after everyone had gone to bed for the night, Astarion waltzed his way towards his favorite tasty treat. She appeared as though she was waiting for him as she gave him a smile when he arrived at her tent entrance.

“Goodie. You came. I finished my surprise.” The prideful smile on her face made Astarion’s undead heart skip a beat. He cocked an eyebrow at her whilst he spoke.

“Oh? Well, don’t keep me waiting darling. Let’s see what dark fantasies you’ve been dreaming of in that book.” Astarion held his hand out expectantly, but he was surprised when Y/N put a single sheet of paper from the book into his hand.

“It’s not perfect. It seems to be hard to capture the exact essence of your appearance.” Her words were barely a whisper as he looked at the intricate sketch of himself. He marveled at the care this woman had taken to try and capture even the smallest detail of his hair. “You are quite the frustrating subject to capture using pencils though.” He glanced from the picture to look at her, but she was looking at the piece of art in his hand. “You see, your hair at the top of your head lies a certain kind of way, and I have been trying ceaselessly to make sure I got that part right. Alas, I have done the best I could do, but it’s far from perfect.”

“Well, it is quite hard to capture perfection.” Astarion spoke softly as he softly looked at the woman beside him. He admired how her H/C was falling out of the bun, and how her eyes shone with a sense of accomplishment when she looked at her handiwork in his hands.

“If I were back home, I would ask you to sit still long enough for me to try and paint a portrait of you.” Astarion knows his face gave away his shock.

“My, my, my, my tasty little treat is also an artist. Who knew?” Even Astarion was shocked by the softness in his voice as he took a good look at his traveling companion. The days of travel had taken a toll on her, and the evidence was clear on her face. The long days and short nights had made her bright eyes shine just a little duller; the fight with the Githyanki had also left her with a few new cuts and bruises. She was not the same person he had held a dagger to her throat all those days ago, nor was Astarion the same person that he was when he met her.

“I do love art.” Y/N said, bringing Astarion back to reality. “I also love exploring new methods and stroke styles of the brush to see what effects it has with the paint. I’d honestly love to give painting you an attempt. If I hate it, then we shall invest in some gold for you to have a portrait done.” Astarion could see the genuine enthusiasm on his companion’s face, and he felt sick to his stomach. How could it be that a woman whom he was bedding for solely protection be so caring for him?

That’s right, Astarion thought, she has no idea that was my sole intention. But as the pale elf engraved the look of admiration on Y/N’s face and the gratefulness of such a sweet gesture somewhere deep in his mind, he felt guilty. He certainly didn’t deserve her kindness.

“Perhaps I may hold you up to that statement, darling.” The sincere words left his mouth. He wasn’t afraid to admit that he would love to have a painting of himself so he can see just how much 200 years of Cazador has affected his appearance. She gave him a heartwarming smile, but it faltered a bit as she looked over his face.

“Why do you look like you’re guilty of something?” Her words made him frown slightly more than he had been previously.

“Guilty? My darling the only thing I’m guilty of is looking too damn fine for you to capture on paper.” He casually said, but the pang of guilt still hung heavy on his chest. Astarion gave her his signature smile as he asked her if he could keep the picture she drew of him. She gave him a beautiful smile in response.

“Absolutely. If I want to have a keepsake of you, I’ll just draw another one,” She gave him a wink, and Astarion chuckled. “I know it’s not as good as a mirror, but at least now you can see what your face kind of looks like.”

“It does give me a good idea.” Astarion folded the paper and put it in his pocket, but he really didn’t want to fold the picture. He didn’t want to admit to Y/N how much her effort to give him a visual of himself touched his heart. He didn’t deserve this, but she is so selfless and willing to give him everything: her time, her art, her body, and her blood. “I shall see you later, my darling, for my nightly taste?” She gave him a small nod.

“Unless you’d rather have some now?” Astarion smirked at her.

“Why not both?” He asked and she chuckled. “Kidding. But, I will take my taste now.” After he drank from her, he bid her good night. As he went to leave her tent, he turned back and looked at her.

“Thank you, again, Y/N. You continue to surprise me.” Afterward, he left her tent to go hunt for a delicious meal.

But that night, as Astarion lay in his bedroll, he took the picture out again to study it. He could see evidence of where Y/N had erased and redrew the top of his hair many times, and he could see she also struggled to get his lips just right. Moisture accumulated and fell from the corners of his eyes and onto the empty space around his portrait. Y/N was no professional artist, but she had attempted to sketch his portrait. She could’ve hidden it away too, kept it to herself until she perfected the very features she wanted to get right, but here her picture sits in his hands—fresh and far from the perfect picture. The pale elf wiped the water droplets off of the paper as he allowed himself to smile. Two hundred years of pain and torture, and this woman’s work over the last three days has sent an electric shock into Astarion’s chest; a shock that just might be enough to restart his heart. However, now that Astarion knew of his tasty friend’s talents, perhaps he could get her to draw more of him? The scars on his back had begun to weigh heavily on his mind since the night Y/N and Astarion shared. Maybe she would be willing to put on paper what secrets the scars on his back hold? But, for now, Astarion refolds the paper and puts it in the inside pocket of his backpack. He wouldn’t want anything to happen to the picture.

#astarion imagine #astarion fluff #astarion x reader #baldursgate3 #baldursgate3imagine

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technicallyverycowboy · 4 months

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playboyy: no fags, no femmes

okay, so. playboyy meta. thanks to @lugarn, @chaos0pikachu, and @cryptidafter for talking all this out with me <3

i originally started this post with "not to be that guy," but honestly, i do want to be that guy. because so much of the critique and analysis of playboyy i'm seeing is a) grounded in a lack of knowledge about queer history and aesthetics and b) veers unintentionally but wildly into unexamined homophobia.

so, given i'm going to reference susan sontag's notes on camp several times, i've decided i might as well go full queer studies major about it and copy the list style she uses. (i would highly recommend reading notes on camp. it is academic and somewhat dense, but it's a tame 13 pages)

1. so many people are confidently asserting that playboyy is not camp, regardless of what the creatives behind the show think. to which i have to ask: how are you defining camp? what things are campy to y'all?

2. the personal definition of camp that i arrived at after writing a bunch of papers about it is two-fold: camp is exaggeration, treating things that are serious casually and treating things that are casual seriously. camp is about an aesthetic of inhabiting a role, where something is a little bit off or being something that it's not meant to be.

and to be clear, this is a wildly incomplete and simplified definition, because one of the points of camp is that it's a vibe, not something concrete. It’s also something that shifts over time the relationship between queerness and society changes.

2a. camp often intersects and overlaps with surrealism, like in rocky horror picture show. very often media that is campy exits the mundane world and enters a heightened world of exaggeration and stylization.

3. so, is playboyy campy? i sure as hell think it is. i think lugarn and chaos0pikachu both made really good points about the campiness of playboyy and it being specifically sexwork camp. (both replies are at that link.)

4. a brief list of things that specifically resonated as campy to me: first throwing american dollars in the pool for soong to catch, zouey's fantasy of feeling up teena in art class, every single element of nant's room (especially the projected images), captain's sports plot that involved zero doing the sport and 100% fucking and fantasy, the softly romantic framing of nuth and phob's sex scenes, jump's pleather tank top & coverall combination, prom wearing assless chaps to a rooftop party at 2:30 in the afternoon, the entire concept of investigating a disappearance via a themed party... i could go on and on, but i said this was brief.

5. i think the actual problem a lot of people have with playboyy is that it doesn't care about straight people.

6. what i mean by that is that playboyy is not a universal story. you could not plug different characters with different sexualities into the plot and preserve the essence of the story. the gayness of the characters is integral to the plot. the sex work is integral to the plot. this is not a world where homophobia doesn't exist and being gay is just like being straight.

7. additionally, these characters are all performing gender in a specifically queer way. they are femmes and fags, they are obvious, they are clockable, they're visible. when nice gays talk about the people who are giving gays a bad reputation and making it harder for everyone (to assimilate into heteropatriarchy) they're talking about playboyy gays.

8. comparing playboyy to only friends is low hanging fruit at this point, but i would argue that the reason boston stood out in that cast and was so viciously punished by the ending is because he was a fag stuck in a nice gays narrative.

9. and this is where the fandom homophobia comes in. so, so many people describe these characters and chaotic and messy, watchable as incoherent and vaguely amusing from a distance, but without real substance. the resulting narrative is often that no one could take their characters or their stories seriously or resonate with them.

10. again, why? why was ray and sand's high and low, blow up fights, calling each other whores relatable but soong and first's miscommunications about what they mean to each other unbelievable chaos? why is white taking black's place an acceptable plot point, but nont pretending to be nant is absurd?

11. most bls do not deal with flamboyance except in limited capacities by comedic side characters. flamboyance is a baseline trait for most of the playboyy characters. so if they feel too much, too loud, too out there, consider asking yourself why they do.

12. to a large extent, i think a lot of the criticism of playboyy is rooted in a bad faith refusal to engage with the show beyond a surface level pearl clutching about the sexual content. the unspoken belief here being that sex scenes are inherently vulgar distractions. they can't be integral to characters or their relationships. they can't be vital pieces of a narrative.

to which i say, there are nine thousand other BLs out there where the kissing is chaste and sex scenes are ~tastefully abstracted shots of shoulder blades and hands. watch those instead.

13. if you decide you want to watch it anyway, take a couple minutes to examine what parts of the show make you uncomfortable and why. and to be clear, i think there’s a lot of value in watching things that make you uncomfortable; media is often one of the best ways to dip into interrogating your emotional responses from a safe distance.

but don’t use discomfort to dismiss the possibility that there’s meaningful artistic and stylistic choices made to serve a meaningful narrative. take a second to sit with your reactions and ask yourself where it’s coming from.

#playboyy #playboyy meta #i want you all to know i hunted through three emails to find the rhetoric of camp essay i wrote in college for this

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sanhatipal · 10 months

Text

"Noble d'Apchier"

A little watercolor painting of Chloe,with the Zorn palette! I found out about this palette a while ago and I really wanted to try it out! (More on that below )

Chloe's hair is something I adore, it's gotta be one of my absolute favourite character designs ever,I love how swirly and fluffy it is,very fun to draw. I've drawn her normally before,I wanted to do one with her vampire eyes and fangs too. I decided to try to draw a white fuzzy rim around the foreground against the plain background,for a change,like in some of the VnC panels.

The Zorn palette,or Apelles Palette was a colour scheme used by Anders Zorn in the late Victorian/Early Edwardian era. It ,or something similar,might have been used by artists of old civilizations too, because it avoids the use of blue and green entirely: which would eliminate the need for rare pigments . It's essentially a colour mixing challenge,to draw the entire paintings with 4 pigments,2 basic colours: Ochre yellow, Vermillion,and Black and white,which can be mixed into different shades. It can be an excellent exercise and means for portrait painting

Modern artists use red instead of vermillion,but the essence is the same. So that's what I did too. I considered using vermillion,but I realised that it would introduce a lot of yellow tint, making the picture very warm. Which is usually something I prefer honestly,but not what I was going for here. Also,I need to consider the fact that I'm a watercolour artist,which is very different from the original intended palette. Zorn used oil paints,but other artists use it fine for gouache and acrylic too, however,that too is different from watercolor, because instead of mixing with white, I'll be diluting with water,which changes the composition of the palette considerably. So I went with these supplies: ochre yellow and red watercolor pencils (for me, basically watercolor pigments,I don't use them to draw,I grind and dissolve them in water),white and black watercolor tubes,and white ink. In addition: lineart with sepia,grey and black brush pens,which are well within the bounds of the palette

To be honest,I ended up not using the white paint tube at all,water makes more sense to me. I didn't use anything else though,and stuck with the original materials.And the results:

Does it work? Hell yeah. It's not perfect,but I'm happy with how she turned out

Was it restricting? That's kind of the point,to paint with some limitations

Was it hard? Honestly? No. Not at all. It's definitely very different from what I'm used to,I use a lot of colours both as is and mixed,but this was surprisingly easy. Perhaps because of my subject,which didn't have much colour to begin with

Do I recommend it? If you want a small challenge,or to experiment or practice colour mixing,definitely

Will I do it again ? Absolutely. I feel like I haven't utilised much of the potential of this palette. I ended up using mainly red and black, hardly any yellow at all. So I'd like to do something more colourful with this palette, perhaps a sunny painting of a gingerhead girl with flowers,and for this I'll probably use vermillion,not red

Anyways, that's all! If you read all this,thank you for your time!!

#chloe d'apchier #the case study of vanitas #vanitas no carte #VnC #my art #traditional art #zorn palette #vnc fanart #vanitas no shuki #jun mochizuki #case study of vanitas

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lvrsparadise · 8 months

Text

'BLIND' - C.S

| 'WILL YOU?' |

Synopsis - They're so in love with each other, they're oblivious.

Warnings! - Profanity, Y/N being head over heels for Chris (honestly girl me too), they both blind asf, the triplets are in Boston Y/N is in LA still, I think that's all.

A/N - This is basically an apology for my last fic. I am so deeply sorry for those I made cry, here's something to cheer you up. 😋😘😘 Also I'm going to start putting the animal they chose for tour 2 next to the name bc I think it's cool.

This is so difficult. Who knew having a crush on your best friend would be so draining?

The guys just left for the airport and let me stay in their house while they're in Boston for the week. Should be easy, right? I mean I already crash here like almost every day. But being in a place that has essence of Chris, everywhere, makes it kind of hard to breathe.

I'm barely half an hour into Corpse Bride, the movie I put on when they left, when I get a notification from snapchat.

And for some reason, I find myself smiling as I open it. It's from Chris. A picture of him, hood pulled up and headphones over his ears with a little smile on his face. The words 'miss u already' at the bottom.

I save it to my camera roll. I mean, he just looks so good. Like all the time. How can I not? I send one back with a 'miss u 2' with a kiss emoji, as a joke, but not at the same time.

I focus back to Corpse Bride and get comfy on the couch.

----

I'm pretty sure I fell asleep at some point during the movie, because when I wake up, the movie is over and it's dark out now, unlike it was when the triplets left.

I walk to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water and sit back down on the couch. I pick up my phone and see multiple messages, snaps, and Instagram notifications from Chris. At first, I think something's wrong. But instead, it's just him updating where they are in their flight process, some funny shit Nick did, and multiple pictures of him, all of which I save.

The most recent one was a text saying he was going to try and get some sleep with the words 'I love you' at the end with a white heart and the kiss face emoji.

Now when I say I got butterflies and felt my face heat up, I mean I got BUTTERFLIES. How is he real?

I look at the time, it's 12:48, and see I was actually asleep for a few hours instead of just one. I turn the TV off and walk down to Chris's room. It's almost as if being in his room sent a universal message to him, my phone rings from my hand as I get comfy in his comforter.

A facetime call. I answer and is greeted by a smiling Chris.

"Hi."

"How's your flight been so far? You get some sleep?"

"Yeah, I got a little bit. But then some little girl started throwing a tantrum and woke me up."

A quiet chuckle makes its way out of me.

"Damn that sucks."

"What've you been up to?"

"I watched Corpse Bride, or well it watched me because I fell asleep."

This time he chuckles, and it sounds so, angelic to me. Especially in his sleepy voice.

"How close are you guys to Boston?"

"3 hours away."

"That's good."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, I scroll through Instagram, occasionally looking at Chris's face in the corner of my screen.

"You in my room?"

For some reason the question sent a new wave of butterflies in my chest. I nod.

"Yeah. I can't seem to get comfortable on the couch."

I'm not sure if what I said made him happy or if he saw something funny, either way, a smile is now on his face.

We spend the next like, hour on facetime, joking, talking, and just sometimes sitting in silence. Until I fall asleep.

----

I wake up the next morning, phone in front of me and still on, with Chris still on facetime.

By the looks of it, he's in the van with Matt, and they're talking but I can't hear it. So, he must be on mute.

I yawn and stretch before picking up my phone to see the time. 11:23. Meaning it's 2:23 in Boston.

I get out of Chris's bed and grab my phone, which I don't remember plugging in but is plugged into the charger and walk upstairs to make whatever they have in their cabinets.

Chris, having heard me moving-and-a-grooving, making a whole lot of noise going through the cabinets, seemingly unmutes and speaks.

"Good morning." I look at my phone with a smile as he turns the camera to Matt who says the same thing.

"Good morning to you two as well."

I go back to rummaging through the cabinets.

"Where did Nick hide the cereal? I can't find it."

"Cabinet above the stove, hidden behind the boxes of rice."

"Thank you, Matt."

I open the cabinet and move the rice boxes out of the way and, alas, the Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I grab the box and grab a bowl and pour some in before returning it to its original spot and then pouring some milk in and grabbing a spoon.

I sit at the table at begin to eat, while scrolling through Instagram, duh. I open Chris's story to a screenshot of me, asleep. I laugh and shake my head.

"What're you laughing at?"

"Why do I look so weird when I sleep?" I laugh out as I drop my phone on the table and lean my head in my hands.

"Oh. You saw that. You don't look weird; I think you look quite good to be honest."

My jaw falls open and I pick my phone up to see a small smirk on Chris's face.

I quickly shut my mouth and roll my eyes.

"What? All I said was that you looked good while you were sleeping. Wait- no that sounds weird."

"Yeah, very weird Chris." I hear Matt say.

I snort and finish my breakfast at the same time Matt pulls into the driveway of their house,

"How long you guys been home?"

"About 11-ish hours or so."

"You guys gotten any rest?"

"Chris went to sleep as soon as he reached his room."

"Matt! Don't expose me like that!"

I laugh at both the fact Matt said and Chris not denying it.

"Is that Y/N?" I gasp at the sound of Marylou's voice and Chris moves to his mom and shows her his phone screen. I wave with a big smile.

"Hi Marylou! Miss you!"

"Miss ya too honey!" I love her accent, it's so calming.

----

After about another hour of talking with Chris, Matt, and occasionally, Nick, we hung up and I turned on the triplets YouTube channel, even though I've seen all of their videos already, just to pass time.

It's so weird being here alone. And I'll be here alone for like the next week and a half.

Then, I get a though. What if I hid little things around Chris's room for him to find? But what would I even do?

Without thinking, I walk up to Nick's room and grab some paper and head back downstairs. I sit at the table and make paper origami hearts of all sizes, off of pure memory.

Once I've made at least 20 of them, I grab them and walk down to Chris's room and start hiding them in both plain sight and put some of the bigger ones in hidden places.

But there's a twist. Inside all of the hearts contain little messages and the biggest one has a confession on it. Don't know what came over me to write that but I did. And now I have to wait a week and a half for him to get home and find them.

Tags ! ✮

@dwntwn-strnlo ✮ @ssturniolo ✮ @strniolo ✮ @20nugs ✮ @prettysturniolo ✮

If you want to be added to the list, all you have to do is ask ! ✮

Have a wonderful day and / or night :) ✮

#l writes!#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #♡#chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo imagine #christopher sturniolo

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karmesean · 8 months

Note

Im I'm obsessed with ALL ur aus omg

Could I mayhaps have some more info on just ghost dark?? I Understand tho if u don't have much due to the au being more abt second being possessed :3

thank you thanmk you <3 and plbbthh of course! honestly there wasn't much concrete but i'm glad you asked bc it got me thinking

link to masterpost

⚠️ CW: talk of possession, body horror, injury ⚠️

so. stepping into slightly uncharted territory but dark's like "aura" is just inherently volatile. that's the main way sec can identify ghosts, mostly just feeling them.

re: aura: orchid feels sorrowful and gold is something between fear and confusion. the colour gang is pure mischief and giddiness at different ratios! (green: 👁️👁️) dark is loud and vengeful, like the climax of an unfinished song.

not pictured here: dark still has the gashes from TSC killing him

uhh dark doesn't actually have gloves here they got burned off when he was alive. here, it's the "corruption" of being a mad spirit. ideally, that would go away if he becomes at peace, which is one of second's goals for all of the ghosts. unsure how to banish them, and unwilling to for somewhat selfish reasons, second can only hope to calm them all down.

dark is lucid! he might be hellbent on revenge, but that's more lucidity than the other ghosts get. he's actively aware he is dead and trying to claw his way into second and chosen's lives.

wow so. as a result of The Dark Lord powers and the exceptionally painful death, the physical alterations dark causes second to have are much more. More. spikes calcify as skeletal limbs that slice through second's back, his wristblades have dug into him so hard that they form on second, only able to spark with dark's aura and trying to burn their host and refusing, by dark's willpower and second's healing. it's just. A Lot. and dark genuinely doesn't have much control over it, but even he might be startled by the extra pain it inflicts on the only stick he knows can host him, Second.

it just hurts a lot. he is the ghost who is actively rejected by second's very code. it just hurts a lot. their very essence of being fights against him and he fights back, almost grinning at the challenge and wincing when he can feel the resistance he himself puts up against second. it just hurts. a lot.

oh also hair just permanently floats when you're a ghost trust me The Dark Lord told me

#alan becker #ava #ava fanart #ava the second coming #ava tsc #ava orange #avm tsc #avm the second coming #avm orange #just mentioned but pretty importantly!#ava tdl #ava the dark lord #animator vs animation fanart #animator vs animation #ibis paint #also. his queer ass fit i promise i'll do a full body eventually #possession au

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gyubaseone · 11 months

Text

sung hanbin. photograph

❛ take a picture, it'll last longer. ❜

pairing — sung hanbin x f!reader

genre — fluff, slight angst, classmates to lovers (?)

synopsis — hanbin is willing to do anything to get a good grade in his art class ; even if it means he has to partner up with y/n.

warnings — mentions of family problems! y/n is kind of a jerk at the beginning.. third person pov, lowercase intended, not proofread thoroughly. lots of mistakes, i'm too lazy to change it's been like 2 weeks ..

word count — 2,582

notes — honestly not my best work once again.. i've just been really lazy to write with finals coming up + i have three projects due soon ㅠ but i hope you guys enjoy <3 might make a part 2 someday if people like it??

★ ( please fill out this form to be on my taglist ) ❕

sung hanbin was the most popular guy at his university ; being known for his smarts, kindness, and especially his good looks. everybody loved him. everyone but y/n.

she had made it evidently clear that she was never fazed by him, barely batting an eye towards him whenever he walked by or sat down besides her on the first day of their art class.

he never understood why she was the way she was, had he done something wrong? nonetheless, he just brushed it off. everyone else adored him, it's not like his life depended on y/n liking him.

that's until it kind of mattered. because one day, the art teacher had given out a photography assignment for a final grade ; and it was a two-person assignment. you can take a wild guess at who got paired up, right?

"in pairs, you will go to tourist attractions and take pictures to capture their essence," the teacher spoke, switching the slide of the powerpoint, "i already decided where you all will be going and the pairs you will be in, so don't bother asking me if you can work with your friends."

all the students scanned the screen, hoping to be partnered with their friends. as hanbin finally found his name, his mouth fell wide open realizing who he had been partnered with. looking over at y/n, only to see her looking his way aswell ; hanbin faced the front once again.

it was bad enough that hanbin had been partnered with the only person he hadn't been able to talk to, but it was a final grade. he couldn't miss it no matter what if he wanted to keep his grade. so he just had to attempt to befriend her.

hanbin took a deep breath before getting up and walking over to y/n as everyone was already talking with their partners, standing in front of her when he opened his mouth to talk before being cut off by y/n.

"if you want to take the pictures this weekend, i'll meet you at the train station so we can head to gyeongbokgung palace," y/n stood up, gathering all her books off her desk, "be there by 9 am on saturday, or i'm leaving without you."

and just like that, the bell rang meaning the end of the period ; y/n walked out, leaving hanbin there without him even being able to speak one word. this just might be the longest two weeks of his life.

if it wasn't bad enough that y/n had been adamant about the two meeting up early in the morning on a saturday for their project, but hanbin had woken up late. the only day it really mattered that he wakes up early.

and so, hanbin found himself running towards the train station ; gripping onto his messenger bag with his hair half done since he didn't have enough time to brush it all the way and was probably going to be messed up by the time he got to the station.

once he finally got to his terminal, barely on time, hanbin found y/n sitting on a bench ; seemingly on the phone with somebody.

"i told you— i have a school project to do, i won't be home until later," y/n attempted to mutter for nobody to hear her conversation, barely being able to contain annoyed tone, "why do i have to do everything for you? who's the parent here?"

from where hanbin was standing, it sounded like she was talking to her parents and that they were trying to make her do something. but then again, it was still early in the morning for him and he didn't really know what he heard.

"no, i'm not giving you attitude— y'know what, i can't deal with this nonsense right now," y/n stood up, looking around the station for hanbin before finding him standing right behind her.

once the realization hit that he probably heard her conversation, y/n immediately hung up the call and stuffed her phone into her pocket. "how long have you been standing there?" she asked, her facial expression changing from annoyed to now looking surprised and worried.

"about... 2 minutes, i think?" hanbin looked down at his watch, realizing he had zoned out for a moment while listening to y/n's conversation, "sorry.. your conversation sounded serious, i didn't want to interrupt."

"it's... it's fine, let's go," y/n seemed as if she was about to say something more but instead picked up her bag from the bench, turning around to walk towards their designated train.

the train ride was going to be at least one hour to gyeongbokgung palace, which meant y/n and hanbin had to sit together for an hour. usually, it was a breeze for hanbin to be on train rides ; he could talk with whoever he was with or just spend time on his phone. this ride felt particularly uncomfortable for him.

his shoulders were tense as he tried not to even touch the line that seperated y/n's seat from his. hanbin was constantly glancing over at the girl, seeing her on her phone everytime. he should go on his phone too right? there was no point in being so on edge when y/n seemed fine.

and so, hanbin went on his phone — but to his surprise, there was nothing much to do on his phone. it seemed like nothing was going on that early in the morning, so he just looked out the window and enjoyed the view of mountains that could be seen. he eventually felt more calm, complerelt forgetting about the girl besides him.

that was until hanbin heard y/n let out a loud sigh, closing her phone and putting it on the table infront of them. he should probably say something right? but it's not like they were friends ; y/n probably didn't want to hear his voice. oh, but it was aching him to not say anything. helping people was his specialty.

"are you alright?" hanbin finally spoke up after much consideration, seeing y/n lift her head up after hearing his words. he watched as her mouth opened as if she wanted to say something, but hesitantly closed it, "you don't have to say anything, you just seemed down."

just as he was about to go back to what he was doing, y/n started talking. "i... probably shouldn't be talking to you about this — i mean, it's none of your business but..." she let out a deep sigh before continuing her sentence, "okay, i'll talk."

"my parents, they have this idea of me that needs to happen or else i'll seem like a disappointment," y/n let out, fiddling with her fingers while she did so, "ever since i was born, i was just a pawn in their game. they just want me to be what they couldn't be in life."

"and you don't want that?" hanbin added on, attempting to understand where y/n was coming from. when she looked at him and nodded, there was this subtle hint of sadness in her eyes ; like she was tired of everything. "well, who says they can tell you what to do?"

"it's your life, y/n. you have the control," hanbin expressed, being absolutely seriously even moving his hands every word he spoke as if he was in a ted talk. "if you don't want to do what they want you to do — just be you."

y/n remained quiet for a minute, taking in probably the weirdest moment of her week. she was talking about her family problems, to sung hanbin. out of anyone she could've talked to, she talked to sung hanbin. but it felt nice?

"thanks for the talk, hanbin," y/n said after zoning back in, "i never really thought i would talk about this with anyone, especially not you..."

"well, you can talk to me anytime," hanbin gave her a warm smile, his shoulders feeling less tense now that y/n seemingly didn't dislike him anymore. maybe she never did? but why was he so fixated on it then?

the two got off the train not long after their talk, taking a bus to gyeongbokgung. as they stood in front of the entrance area, y/n's eyes landed on the hanbok shop nearby. seeing groups of girls taking pictures together in front of the shop in their hanboks made her slightly envious. she had been so caught up in what her parents wanted to do, she forgot to enjoy the small moments.

"do you wanna rent a hanbok?" hanbin questioned, looking at her after seeing how interested she looked at the hanbok shop. "i hear you get in for free if you rent one."

"what? no... that seems a bit extra," y/n denied, looking away from the hanbok shop, "and the free entry thing is dumb, i can literally buy 10 tickets for the price of renting a hanbok."

"alright... it's your call," hanbin let out a slight laugh, adjusting his camera settings before walking through the entrance of gyeongbokgung.

y/n took one last glance at the hanbok shop before following hanbin into the palace — there was this feeling in her gut when she walked away ; the hanboks just looked so pretty, they were stuck in her mind now.

the two picked the place which had the least people so nobody could be in the pictures that they took — it was also more quiet in general.

y/n stepped up on a board, bringing her camera lens to her eye in order to take a picture of the scenery in front of her. hanbin, on the other hand, was looking for spots to capture through his lens before landing on the sight of y/n taking her picture.

wow, was she always this pretty? it was because of the camera lens, right? it was probably just better quality, right? hanbin slowly lowered the camera away from his face, staring at y/n for a moment before she called him out.

"take a picture, it'll last longer," y/n spoke, turning around to the other side, taking another picture after speaking in a nonchalant tone.

"what— i wasn't— i was just looking for something to take a picture of!" hanbin stammered, attempting to defend himself before walking off to find another location to take pictures of.

after walking around some more, hanbin ended up sitting down on the steps of the palace ; his eyes wandering around to see where he could take more photos. yet, his eyes fell on y/n again.

there was just something about her that kept him looking at her ; so mesmerizing, so indelible. then came that familiar feeling he felt, his heart was beating once again. his thoughts were now scattered in his head, causing him to picking up his camera and snapping a photo of y/n.

maybe it wasn't the smartest idea, but all thoughts non-y/n related had fluttered out of hanbin's head the moment she was in his view. "what am i doing?" hanbin slowly realized how stupid his actions were, going to delete the photo before hearing his name be called.

"hanbin, i think i'm done with this area! do you want to head over to another palace?" y/n asked, walking up to hanbin after going through all her photos once more, "i think the one nearby has less people now."

"oh yeah, sure. let's go," hanbin nodded in response, getting up from the steps to follow y/n out of the palace area they were in.

"alright, i hope you all worked hard and finished the project over the weekend," the art teacher spoke up, looking up from her computer screen to pick on a pair, "let's see.. sung hanbin and l/n y/n, pass me your flash drives."

the two stood besides the teacher as she plugged in hanbin's flash drive first. the whole class was silent at first, waiting for the file to upload.

as the teacher pressed on the file, continuing to look through the photos while adding side comments on the scenery. until, they got to the last picture on the slide ; the photo hanbin had taken of y/n.

the whole class filled with whispers once the girl in the picture was recognized ; it really shouldn't have been that surprising, they were paired together.

but this was full on — the assignment was to capture the essence of the attraction ; what hanbin did was capture the essence of his sudden attraction towards y/n.

"what an interesting collage, hanbin," the teacher looked towards him, giving him an almost teasing smile before taking out his flash drive to replace it with y/n's flash drive.

hanbin felt like the whole world was spinning on its axis ; how could he have forgotten to delete that picture from his drive? how was he supposed to explain the reason behind him taking a picture of y/n now? "i...i can explain.." was all he could mutter out, slightly leaning toward y/n.

no he couldn't explain ; nothing even came to his mind other than the worst possible outcome that could happen after he talked to y/n. maybe she wouldn't even want to talk to him anymore — but they never even talked before this, why was there suddenly this aching feeling in his heart?

hanbin continued fiddling with his fingers, impatiently waiting for the teacher to finish looking through y/n's flash drive so he could just dash out of that room.

but was he in for a surprise? oh, he sure was. all of a sudden, his fear and anxiousness was replaced with confusion once he saw the last slide of y/n's photos ; a photo of him appeared.

hanbin's face fell almost instantly, his mouth falling open. what? when? how? so many new questions filled his head as he looked over at y/n, who had her face scrunched up out of embarrassment and was unwilling to look at hanbin's reaction.

she did the same thing he did. they both took pictures of eachother without the other one knowing. what did this mean now? did she feel the same feelings he did?

" i see both of you had similar ideas on the project, hm?" the teacher added, turning to look at the two once again with a wider and more obvious smirk, "good work. seems like i made a good choice aswell."

with that, the two sat back down in their seats, not even batting an eye towards each other. maybe a few glances once in a while, even meeting eyes once ; but they were too embarrased to say anything. what was there to even say now.

as the bell rang, signalling for them to change classes. they got up and faced each other, both opening their mouths to say something.

"you can go first," hanbin spoke up, prompting for y/n to say something only for her to shake her head, "okay so i'll speak.. uhm... i don't really know what to say actually. this is strange, right? i don't know why i took that photo but basically uh—"

"how about... lunch sometime?" y/n offered, cutting off hanbin before he could ramble anymore which would make them late for class.

"that sounds nice," hanbin agreed, smiling brightly with y/n reciprocating before they started walking out of art class.

#zerobaseone #zb1 #zerobaseonefics #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone imagines #zb1 imagines #zb1 imagine #sung hanbin #sung hanbin x reader #sung hanbin imagines #boys planet #boys planet imagine #gyubaseone works. 🐰#gyubaseone

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punkpandapatrixk · 2 years

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🧸Life with Your Destined Person—Timeless Tarot Pick A Card

In the beginning, Infinite Intelligence was lonely. Being the omniscient Source Of All That Is, Infinite Intelligence was both singular and unified in itself. Having nothing else to compare Itself to, Infinite Intelligence possessed no real comprehension of what Its own essence is all about. It knows Itself to be Love; but what is Love? And so, what is not Love? What makes Love, Love?

One day, Infinite Intelligence decided to fragmentise Itself. Creating polar opposites of Itself, Infinite Intelligence came up with Yang and Yin—Masculine and Feminine—Hot and Cold—Electric and Magnetic—Structure and Space—Matter and Void. In everything that stands between the polar opposites of Yang and Yin is a comprehension of the full spectrum of Order and Chaos. Thus, began the dance between Yang and Yin, and the subsequent fragments of themselves that came after their Genesis.

In the theatre of the Universe, one cannot be without the other—one relies on the other to maintain its identity, its role. Sometimes, Yang would utilise his electric Chaos to wreck Yin’s magnetic Order. Other times, she would take the role of a chaotic avenger and lay ruins to all the orderly structure Yang had created. The Lovers continued to battle each other, tease each other, and sometimes reconcile and help one another (but never for long) for aeons.

Eventually, Yang and Yin’s story took them to Gaia—a planet of winding helter-skelter. So disorderly was the Human World that Yang and Yin almost broke apart completely. Yang and Yin’s ferocious dance on Gaia gave birth to 10,000 new shades of conflict and sorrow, but also 10,000 new shades of hope and dream.

As the Lovers continued their dance, they gasped and clasped, and pushed and pulled; and for very many times they did so, changing costumes as they go. Yang and Yin had spent so much time bathing in the many colours that helped define what Love is and isn’t. Soon enough, they began to remember, and yearned for the times they had been gently loving each other in the embrace of Eternity.

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Pile 1 – If There Could be Heaven on Earth, It Would be You to Each Other

what unites you – King of Cups Rx

You, the person reading this, whether you are a girl or a boy (or everything else in between), you are represented by the femme in this picture. You are gentle, fragile almost, and there is so much beauty contained within. Your heart is kind, understanding, accommodating, empathetic, helpful, nurturing, and the beauty of your physical avatar truly shines by what’s on the inside.

This world is not a match to you. Your exquisite beauty causes demons to succumb to bad behaviours. You’ve been attacked so much by external forces that continually made you wonder what was inherently wrong with you. Nothing was though—this world is just not good enough for you. Took you a while to figure it out, but once your newfound sense of identity was solidified, your Soul began yearning for (and subsequently attracting) your vibrational match—the one person destined to be your beautiful Lover.

Their purpose for being born? I won’t exaggerate this but, they literally came down here just to love you. They are your mighty protector. Your literal Heaven on Earth. Your dreams come true. Of course they’ve got a big Soul Mission of their own—all Souls do when they come to Earth! But…

how they treasure you – Ace of Cups Rx

Because of the way this world has made you feel, you’ve hidden a lot of your true self. You’ve reduced a lot of your brightness and suppressed a lot of your affection for others. Like, you just want to disappear or be invisible or just drift off to Neptune and never return to Earth. Honestly, sometimes you’re just confused, afraid, and you just need someone to reassure you that you’re not losing your shit—that everything is gonna always turn out okay in the end.

Well, life with your Destined Person is an ointment for all of these wounds—emotional, psychological, spiritual, whateverical. Here’s a person who holds your hand affectionately, gives you warm teddy bear hugs, shows you off to the world for the exquisite beauty of your Soul (rather than just physical), guards you like this expensive gentleman in the picture does, glares at anybody who is stupid enough to threaten your wellbeing or dignity. And…

Yeah, they could be a little possessive but you like that anyway, so what’s the problem? LMAO Alongside the heteros, I see quite a significant number of LGBTQ+ peeps also attracted to this pile. I think, this is partly resonant with the hardships you’ve had to endure and why your Destined Person is fiercely protective of you⚔️Non-heteros usually have to fight really hard just to keep their relationships (and sanity for that matter).

how you cherish them – Knight of Pentacles Rx

You may not be the most practical or grounded person on the planet, but even that is wonderful to your Destined Person because you are balancing their earthiness. With you, they come to believe in magick and miracles. They come to understand the fluidity of reality and how we ourselves manifest three-dimensionality.

In a manner of speaking, your Destined Person could’ve been bored to death by the drabness of this world. Why is everybody so ordinary? And then, le wild you appeared and KABOOM the sky fell down. And your Destined Person rushed to rescue you from the rubble of the sky and they fell fucking in Love for the very fucking first time, at that very fucking moment.

You, my dear, literally doesn’t need to do anything else. By just breathing, by just being there, by just being your kind and caring self, you’ve literally breathed Life itself into the very being of your significant other. That’s just how magickal you are.

Soul Story of Your Dharma🔻💜

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Pile 2 – All That’s Sweet and Lovely in the World

what unites you – King of Pentacles

Really, you must’ve performed marvellous miracles elsewhere in the Galaxy, or hey, maybe even on Earth, in some other incarnations. You and your Destined Person have been a team for a very long time. Your Souls are no strangers to each other. I think you probably even promised to meet again in this incarnation for this specific purpose: sweet indulgence🍮Allow me to elaborate.

Planet Earth is hell, yeah? It’s simmering with suffering and you’re meant to whip your magic and turn it into shimmering cotton clouds. You both have this magnificent power within you because you’ve done this for other civilisations in the history of mankind; even those beyond Earth.

Of course, you may have had the roughest Life (or not, but that isn’t part of this PAC), but the most important thing is that your Life together with your Destined Person is light, abundant, prosperous, happy, merry, and all that’s sweet and lovely. -More on this in the Soul Story of Your Dharma section.-

how they treasure you – 10 of Wands

There’s an uncanny balance in the dynamic of your relationship. Because your Souls have traversed the Universe together so often, you resemble each other so much, like twins, almost. You are both a remedy to each other’s weariness of the world. Yeah, even happy, positive people get tired of the world sometimes. Earth is just too much, innit?

To your Destined Person, you’re so precious and they think you deserve all that’s wonderful in the world. They can be a little self-sacrificing in this regard though. They’re willing to put up with a lot of hardships just to make you happy and contribute to the relationship. They’re happy to do that, because you’re worth it. This energy is best described by Bruno Mars’s That’s What I Like! They’re just like that! And I leave it at that🌞Go listen to Bruno🍾

how you cherish them – 10 of Cups

The reading ends here. Need I say more?🤭You’re such a maternal character—gender doesn’t matter. You give all of your heart. You create a beautiful, harmonious, happy family with your Destined Person. As much as they strive to provide materially for you, and make you happy with the champagne and expensive rides and everything else, as much you bring to the table the intangible qualities that make Life on Earth a fulfilling emotional paradise.

-Hope that makes sense, but I see this group as dreamy peeps, so I think that description is alright🤡-

Honestly, even if today you’re struggling and sad, please put your faith in this energy. You’ve manifested this reading, right? I see nothing else but beautiful balance and abundance in your Life. You’re blessed with a beautiful future and that only completes your story for you to become a source of inspiration, a glimmer of hope, for others🌸

Soul Story of Your Dharma🔻💗

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 - Intense Dramatic Relationship

what unites you – Page of Wands

To begin with, even on a Soul level, this connection is dramatic, intense, complex in a wholesome way, and if you one day looked into your synastry chart, there just might be a significant number of sextile aspects there. Your Soul and their Soul are no strangers; in fact, you may have shared some kind of rivalry in a different incarnation.

Actually, as typical of my pile 3s… This may be the group of peeps who resonate with having come from advanced (or ancient) civilisations off-planet. I’m seeing you’ve played rivalry roles in different lifeforms; you’ve challenged, hated, and even brought demise to each other. Of course, from our Souls’ perspective, this was all fun and game. At any rate, you’ve come across each other multiple times and now… something is changing.

Meeting on this Planet… You faintly remember knowing this other Soul from somewhere else, but can’t quite put a finger on it. This other person intimidates you, but you feel dearly drawn to them. It’s all thrilling and curiosity-inducing. You're learning to love an enemy. For some of you who are really, really advanced... there’s an aspect here that talks about your learning to rectify your bad karma (negatively polarised Soul bond) from those previous incarnations~

how they treasure you – 7 of Cups Rx

To them, there’s something inexplicably dreamy about you. Maybe because of your Soul’s origins being extra-terrestrial. -Obvi, you feel this way about them, too.- They’re attracted to you because you’re different from most other Humans, and that, validates them. They see a friend in you—like, whoa, there’s someone else just as strange as me! That’s the one!

To them, you’re a precious gem that must be treated with care. Obviously, it’s because the divinity within them recognises the divinity within you. The way you’re bonded on Earth is mega soul-based and it is wise and beyond the comprehension of most Humans. From within their subconscious, they madly respect you. But also, quite inexplicably, they feel a sense of competition with you…

Like mentioned in the beginning, you two might have many sextiles in your synastry chart (or composite for that matter), and this typically means your Souls are meant to excite, inspire, and motivate each other. Of course, sextiles are not without their challenges, but this also indicates a dynamic relationship blessed with little to no boringness.

And this is precisely why they respect and treasure you immensely: no one else moves them the way you do. Move as in, really, you move them towards achieving great things, honey.

how you cherish them – King of Wands Rx

First of all, you see the King—the mega successful person—they’re meant to be in this lifetime. You see all of that potential and you’re drawn to that energy, charisma, as well as enigma—because they’re like a King of the shadows. Man or woman, this is an off-beat individual that challenges conventions. Heck, your Destined Person may dwell in the darker aspects of society, ngl lol

Be that as it may, you see the good in them. Even if what they do professionally may be rather odd… even bad in the eye of society (or in the eye of you), there’s a divinity within that you recognise. You value that because that’s associated with bravery. They’re not a bad person, but they’re not afraid to do what needs to be done to stand their ground.

This, eventually enough, inspires yourself to achieve that plateau of greatness. You see their King energy because this is also YOU. Their sheer existence moves you toward your self-actualisation, too. I’m also seeing many of you feel threatened by the darkness and badness of this world, and this is a person who’s comfortable in the dark, knows how to navigate the dark, and they… make you feel SAFE. That’s so HOT!

Soul Story of Your Dharma🔻🧡

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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