#hopefully my acne chills soon

[nothorses]

Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I just thought I’d ask because Google isn’t very good-

What are some things that happen on T that you dont expect/think will happen/surprised you?

I know the obvious stuff like voice dropping and hair and muscle growth being easier, but idk what to expect other than those bits and I’m a bit nervous.

Sorry to bother you, have a lovely day! 💚

Ooh, okay. This is exactly why I kept a journal.

lemme start with the most helpful bit of info I received pre-T:

Skin oiliness/acne

Everyone has different experiences with this; personally, my acne actually cleared up completely for a few months when I first started. Now it’s back, and worse, but I’ve noticed it’s mostly around my mouth and chin- where beard growth is beginning. Also, upper back and shoulders. Those areas seem to be the typical ones, from what I gather.

I am definitely oilier, and I definitely need to shower every day. I recommend getting lotion for your back, and some kind of scrubber, and washing your face morning and night to deal with oiliness. I use basic face wash, toner, and moisturizer, plus I exfoliate and use a hydrating face mask 2 or 3 times a week. And benzoyl peroxide cream for the zits. That’s what was recommended to me & it’s working pretty well, but ymmv!

Cessation of menstrual period

This also varies for everyone, especially between gel and injections. I’m on injections, and mine stopped about three months in. It was also kind of a petering out; they might get longer or less intense for a bit before they stop entirely.

Body fat redistribution

This one takes a while and isn’t super immediately noticeable, but working out helps speed this process along. You may also gain weight when you’re first starting T, and most folks’ appetites increase as well. Mine certainly did- but then I started Adderall not long after, which has lessened it again.

Vaginal atrophy

This just means you begin to produce less fluid & tighten up. Lube is your friend, prep is your friend, just be kind to your stuff. You shouldn’t experience any pain or significant discomfort, but I was sort of dry/itchy for a month or so near the beginning, and lube helped with that. Talk to a doctor if it keeps going on and doesn’t get better in time.

Increased muscle mass/strength

This one can take a while to start, but I’ve heard that it can be tough to know your own strength when it does. Again, working out helps!

Changes in libido

My libido increased fast and hard. You will not be uncontrollable by any means, you will not become a sex-crazed beast, you will not lose your faculties or any of that shit people sometimes try to scaremonger with. It’s literally just that your regular hornyness happens more often, and might feel stronger as well. It’s also normal for orgasms to feel different after some time on HRT; less full-body, more specific to the genital region.

Some folks also talk about shifts in orientation. In my experience, the orientation thing has been true, but only because I feel more comfortable in my own body now! I’m more comfortable with the idea of physical relationships because I’m more comfortable with existing and being perceived physically. I have a better read on who I’m actually attracted to because I’m not on eight planes of dissociation from my own emotions and sense of attraction. It feels better, and more true to who I actually am.

Facial/body hair growth

This varies for everyone too! Body hair starts to thicken and spring up in new areas; I noticed it on my lower abdomen first. My leg hair seems to be darkening and thickening a bit, too. Facial hair can feel itchy and even hurt a bit when it first starts, but essentially it’s your peach fuzz starting to thicken up and grow longer over time. It can also be sort of patchy and inconsistent, and it can take multiple years for it to fill out into satisfying beard hair.

Give it time! Shaving won’t speed things up, but getting shaving materials a few months in isn’t a terrible idea. The patchy/inconsistent/whispy growth isn’t everyone’s favorite look to rock, and shaving can be a validating experience. Personally I like to let things grow, since I live alone and nobody sees me without a mask on, but it’s nice to have the option.

Bottom growth

I think this is weirdly one that folks don’t really talk about, but it is one of the more significant changes! Things may feel pretty sensitive pretty quickly (mine started within the first month) and it’s helpful to wear bottoms with some space in those first few months after you feel bottom growth starting. It can definitely be painful at times- that’ll chill out after a while, though.

I don’t want to get super explicit with this post, but it will essentially look a lot like a very small penis after some time. You need to take care to clean it- rinse, and use very basic, unscented soap very sparingly- and keep in mind that you may be prone to UTIs. Cranberry juice won’t do much, but cranberry pills will!

Deepened voice

This also started very early for me. My throat was sore almost immediately, and while there was no noticeable change in my voice, the soreness kept up almost constantly for months. My first “drop” was during my second month, though usually that happens the third month.

My voice was kinda scratchy and weak for a while, and it was hard to figure out where to speak; it sort of felt like I was just more inclined to use a lower register most of the time. Gradually, the higher part of my range started to become... “locked”? If I tried to speak too highly, my voice would squeak and crack. Now, it’s naturally much deeper, and I can’t speak above a certain register at all. There’s just no sound!

It can help to learn to speak from your belly, not your head, if you want your voice to be deeper. You may also notice that certain ways of speaking and certain inflections read differently as your voice changes; a lot of voice training for trans men is about using a flatter inflection. How you want to sound is entirely up to you, and there’s no wrong way to speak.

Also, low-T can make the voice change process easier and help preserve your singing voice, and may be worth looking into if that’s important to you. Changes will happen more slowly overall on low-T.

Hair loss/male pattern baldness

This was the one I was honestly afraid of, but the nurse I spoke to is also on T, and what he told me was that “hair loss” just means your hairline shifts to a more masculine shape. Nothing scary! Male pattern baldness is also determined by genetics; look to male family members for predictions on when that might set in for you, if it does.

Hopefully there’s some helpful info in there! It’s also 2am now, so I might just be unintelligible. Good luck, friend, and if you’re starting soon, congrats!!

#hrt #testosterone hrt #transmasc #trans men #ftm #not horses #Anon #Ask

[adventuresasmrsfindley]

I have zero chill and already finished season 3 of CounterClock. 😅 It was sooooo good!!! I'll save my thoughts for a little while longer because I know I have a few mutuals who are listening and I don't want to give spoilers but damn. This case was wild.

Our weekend at the farm was so good aside from the fact that I couldn't sleep on Saturday night. We spent basically the entire time outside, riding the side by side and 4wheelers and it was a blast. Knox seriously lives his best life when we are up there and it brings me so much joy watching him.

Despite spending $$$$ on new skincare recently, my face is so broken out. I'm sure it's because my period was last week but it's really freaking annoying that I'm taking the best care of my skin that I ever have and still have to deal with this. If you don't deal with adult/hormonal acne, you are sooo lucky.

I'm avoiding work because I have no interest in it today. I've been productive around the house, getting laundry done after being gone all weekend and getting things picked up. I'm about to go for my walk soon. Hopefully I don't get rained on. The forecast for the next like million days is cloudy or rainy and I'm not a fan. I need sunshine in my life!

[timdrakegeocities]

ok i want to record things here. since its past midnight now its monday so technically generally ive been on t for a week now heres my status post

obviously nothings Really different yet but i like. I feel it coming in the air tonight

my period was already i think at least a couple days late when i had my first appointment and then there was the week of stress about shit so it was still late and then i did my shot and it was still late and then i finally got a Hint of blood today, having nearly just skipped a whole month, and its literally the lightest period ive had in my life... i do feel anxious about it bc i just hate hearing about how some guys are like ‘yeah i started having extreme uterus problems like immediately and had to get my hysterectomy early when i had no money’ like One fear. but hopefully maybe since im chilling now ill have a normal one next month and then itll like fade out naturally without scaring me... i dont feel in a rush for it to be gone i dont have bad periods i just dont want to get surgery yet

i had a day of false alarm about voice change but i think it was just allergies but. i am hopeful itll come soon

i havent noticed any skin change... i did finally start a routine with actually using lotion for once in my life so maybe thats helping some. i do worry about dealing with breakouts/stench but rn im just brashly assuming im going to be fine bc i didnt have acne in first puberty

no idea about muscle or whatever either i guess i should try to start an extremely light workout routine so i can tell if it suddenly gets easier

(people who dont want to read about my dick skip this one) hm. on the first day after injection being hornty definitely like literally felt different like just.. the vibe... it was not the usual... and there wasnt like physical difference i could see then but by Now a few days later i think there is a small bit of dick growth. i dont know about sex drive changes though bc i literally cant tell what might be ‘normal’ kpop frenzy vs novel libido increase so we will just see if i go full babycow in the coming weeks i guess

i think thats it. this concludes todays update i guess maybe ill talk a bit more on tuesday when my next shot is at its peak

[yess1re]

get to know you tag!

by @cupcakegnome​ // tagged by @dettea & @viaearthling !

this is kinda long-ish, so under the cut!

your name: claire 

languages you speak: english (i was deprived of learning actual filopino, but i do understand bits and pieces!)

are you a mermaid: last time i checked, unfortunately, no :’(

your playstyle: as of now, storytelling but before i got into storytelling, i did the whole gameplay but in my mind things happened for reason. basically storytelling, just without the dialogue… and lots of inner dialogue (on my part)

your simself picture: a version of me where my face isn’t discoloured or i don’t look like i haven’t slept in 3 days or have acne scars

stories or gameplay, builds, lookbooks, edits or cc: i’m geared mostly to stories and gameplay! though, i’m actively learning how to do edits and i’m hoping i could do a lookbook very soon! i stay away from builds because i don’t know how rip 

your favourite age state: teen and young adult - mostly cause 1) i am a teen so its fun to kind of make sims and have them hang out with other teenage sims etc. etc. 2) the cc is super fun. i don’t have much opinion of the other age ranges - except for toddlers. i had 4 in one house once and i got super stressed 

your favourite season: summer? idk, i wouldn’t say i have a favourite, favourite - but summer is pretty cool i guess 

your favourite holiday: love day, probably? i’m a big romantic and seeing my couple sims being extra romantic - wow

how was your day: super chill! went to a friend’s bday party and it was chill and wholesome - played lots of heads up though ehehe 

your favourite career: oo kinda hard to choose… maybe, the entertainer career? wish it had more options though; as in, like, pop star or something lmao - don’t get me wrong i’d make my sim a pianist any day of the week, just perhaps maybe more variety???????

your favourite aspiration: i’d have to say the creativity aspirations and the family ones - they’re cute

your favourite ep, sp or gp: ep - discover university and city living, sp - laundry day, gp - parenthood 

how old is your simblr: maybe less than a month old????? it’s very very very new :))))

have you woohooed: no sir, i am a child of our lord and saviour

your favourite skill: all the music skills!! i love playing instruments and joining bands so it kinda translated into my sims ehehe

the size of your mods folder: 3.33GB - i’m so worried for my laptop and i’m getting a new one that’s less powerful so alfbalhbfvaria idk what to do 

your 3 favourite mods: mccc, no ea lashes, and the tab camera mode mod!

your interests (other than sims): playing piano, finding new music to listen to, reading

your favourite sim (picture if possible): i have too many!!! but my ultimate favourite is probably noah do - you guys haven’t seen him yet but he’s part of the legacy challenge i’m playing atm! hopefully i get to share him with you guys soon ehehe (btw he’s not the heir of the original founder, but he’s the brother of the heir!)

which sims games you have played (including mobile games): the sims freeplay, the sims 4 and my sims on the ds (or wii i can’t remember) 

propose a crazy scheme: w-worLD DOMINATION 

best part of simblr: i personally like how i’m able to share the same interests/passion as other people. before, i’d just scream at my friends about it but now there’s a whole community that’s really dedicated to this and i feel welcomed eheh - also lots of inspiration and talent being shown here it’s so exciting to see!

worst part of simblr: i don’t have many cons atm because i’m fairly new so 

what other games you play: i don’t play much other games - i used to though, but i need money (which i don’t have rip). but currently i play honkai impact 3 on my phone, persona 4 golden, odin sphere leifthraiser(?) and some others i can’t remember the name of yeet

other websites or accounts (origin, twitter etc..): maybe 

are you single: yes siR ! i’d keep it like that tbh

#ts4 #get to know me tag #the sims 4

[hannahmcne]

The Two O’Clock Meeting - pt 1 of Twoshot

It had been a long day. He'd woken up early and gone in to take the test he'd missed yesterday, so he could attend his father's meeting. Then, he'd taken the test he would be missing this afternoon, for Swords and Shields. It'd been harder than he'd anticipated – he'd probably have to take it again – and have missed breakfast. He'd fallen asleep in Chemistry, brought the wrong book to Math, and had almost fainted during weights because he hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day long. English hadn't been so bad, except that Lonnie hadn't completely finished her part of their group project and Chad's part was done in handwriting that looked suspiciously like Ruby's. And then Annie, Anna's daughter, who had somehow wound up with Elsa's magic despite not being descended from Elsa, had sneezed beside him and froze his hand to the table. The Swords and Shields meet had turned out terrible, both of his parents were gone with court stuff, Audrey had to cancel her plans to come to hang out with him for something her parents needed her for, and so he'd eaten dinner at nine, all alone, and was now heading to bed, finally.

Ben put his shoes on the grate beside the door and hung up his jacket. He put all his clothes in the laundry chute, knowing they'd be back the next day, and found his pajamas by his bed with a sigh. He plugged his phone in in the other room – he wasn't allowed to have it at night – and the screen sensed the time, sensed the power source, and locked him out. It would unlock at five thirty the next morning when he'd have to get up to go to the school for an early morning tourney practice. Hopefully, he'd have time to finish homework during his first period.

Ben flipped off the lights and collapsed onto his bed face-down. The pillows let out a whoosh of air as his face sank deeper into them. He could already feel his eyes closing as the sweet embrace of sleep came up to capture him.

He turned onto his side, blinked twice, and noticed a light coming out from under the doorway. Ben groaned pitifully, swung his feet back over the side of the bed, and walked to the door. He twisted the knob. It whirred a little as he opened it – just like his dad's office door, and he opened it into the other room.

Light blinded him, and all of the sleepiness vanished from his mind. He stared in shock at the other side of the door. It had changed in the few seconds it's taken him to walk back to the door. The ceilings were higher, with wood paneling and brick overlays. A large dark brown desk sat in front of a window that was looking out on the palace grounds, and there were large boxes sitting around the room, filled to the brim with items. It looked… exactly like his dad's office, only unpacked and a little updated.

Ben turned back around and examined his room, sheathed in darkness. To his surprise, his frame was still visible, lying on top of the sheets with his head tilted to the side at an angle he knew he'd regret when he got up the next day. He turned back to the light, shut the door, and watched in shock as it vanished. The real door was to his right, up against the wall and on the north side. He moved to put his hands into his pockets by force of habit and discovered he was wearing tan pants with a watch on his wrist. A blue shirt was tucked into a belt with a simple Auradon crest buckle completing the look. His hair was combed. He looked like he was accompanying his parents somewhere.

The boxes around the room were labeled with a sturdy, yet curly scrawl. Probably a woman's handwriting. One read: "Tax Records Year 20-48. Take to Records." Ben examined the box tactfully. Auradon measured years based on when the country had been formed. It was the year 18. He'd be taking the throne in two years, when he was sixteen, during year twenty. Twenty, as in the number inscribed on the box. Ben swallowed.

"Are you my two o'clock meeting?" A voice came from the doorway. Ben jumped and spun around. He hadn't heard if the door had opened or not, but he could suddenly see out into the hallway. In the doorway stood a tall, handsome man who looked like he was in his forties, though he had evidently aged well. He still had his hair, though laugh wrinkles had pressed themselves around his mouth and eyes. He held a perfect posture, an upright stance, and a kind smile stretched across a familiar face.

"Two o'clock?" Ben stuttered, watching in awe as the man stepped further into the room, examining him with kind eyes.

"Ah, yes. That'd be you." The man nodded, shutting the door and then walking past him. "Sorry for the mess; we're almost all cleaned out. You know, you're my very last official meeting as King?" He smiled at Ben, and then pulled a chair from the side of the room and placed it in front of the desk. He walked around the desk, sat down in his own chair, a black leather chair on wheels, and gestured to the seat. "Do you know who I am?" The man asked.

Ben took the back of the chair in his hands and sat down with a swallow. "You-you're me, aren't you?" He asked.

The older man's smile grew brighter. "I am." He nodded, folding his hands together on top of his desk. "It doesn't quite seem like it, huh? And you're here to appraise me, correct?"

"I – I'm here to – what?" Ben stammered. He was too busy examining his older version's face. How he had even eyebrows and clear skin and thick hair. Wow, he'd never have thought he'd one day look so good. He touched the acne on his forehead and wrinkled his nose in jealousy. His older version laughed.

"Yes, I know. It'll go away soon though. I swear it's not just something mum says to make you feel better." He laughed, leaning forward. "But come on, now, Ben. Think for just a second. What's another word for Appraisal?"

"An interview," Ben replied immediately. It was one of the things his dad had drilled into his head. "It's an interview where everyone tries to find out if you've done anything wrong." He mirrored his counterpart, folding his hands together in his lap and twiddling his fingers nonchalantly.

"That's right." King Ben nodded. His smile remained bright and proud. "Now, Ben," He began, "Can you guess how old I am now?"

Ben swallowed and glanced back to the box he'd been looking at earlier. "Well, you – I – was born in year four, so… aren't you forty-four or forty-three?"

"Forty-four." King Ben nodded in assurance. "I'm thirty years older than you right now."

A chill ran down Ben's spine as he looked around at everything and took a long, slow breath. "Wow." He whispered. "That's a long time."

"It flies by." King Ben agreed. "It still does for me. I go to bed every night and I wonder where the hours went. They're flying faster now that I'm leaving office."

"You said I'm your last meeting?" Ben asked, attention snapping back to his counterpart. "Then… you must be passing the throne on?"

"On Monday." King Ben affirmed. "This is my last meeting, and then my family will help me take everything out, and tomorrow is Sunday, so nothing will happen and we'll spend the day together. Then on Monday, a new ruler will take the throne."

"But if you're passing the throne on, then that means-" Ben's mouth ran a bit dry. "Do you – do I – have children?"

"I have children; you will have children." King Ben confirmed with a brighter, proud smile. "That's how a monarchy works, Ben."

"Of course." Ben stuttered with eyes large as he dug his fingernails into the edge of the chair. "And they'll be sixteen, so they were born-"

"I was twenty-eight." King Ben cut him off. "My wife and I… she wanted to put it off. We were married for almost seven years before our first baby was born."

"Seven years." Ben echoed, sliding down into his chair a little.

"I was twenty-one when I married her." King Ben smiled. "Do you want to know her name?"

"Can I?" Ben asked. "I mean, am I allowed to? What if I wake up and then I know-"

"Then you wake up and you know who she is." King Ben shrugged. "And you keep your mouth shut and you hang back to give her some time and space and you tell her when you're about, oh," He glanced to the side coyly as if he were pretending to brainstorm a date. "When you're marrying her in three days and she asks how you're sure she's the right person."

Ben's mouth fell open. "You already did this?" He asked.

King Ben nodded. "It's been a very long time since I sat in that chair." He hummed. "Kind of strange to see you here; not going to lie." He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. "Go on, then, see if you can guess who she is."

"Audrey," Ben asked immediately. His hands were tightening into fists as his heart rate increased.

King Ben shook his head and closed his eyes as if he were reminiscing about something. "Audrey and you break up when you go after the girl you'll make your queen. She gets married to Chad, and that unites all three of those kingdoms, and they had a son together who became the King of their states a few years ago."

Ben's mouth dropped open. "What about Lonnie?" He asked. "Lonnie and I have gone out. Is it Lonnie?"

King Ben straightened up very carefully and pursed his lips a little. "It's not Lonnie." He shook his head. "Lonnie married someone from… a different land. His name was Jay. They moved up to Northern Wei and had twin girls together. They don't take a throne up there until they reach twenty, though, and they're only twelve."

Ben swallowed. "Is it Jane?" He asked. He could see himself going for Jane. Jane was quiet and kind, if a little vain and reserved. However, he was shocked to see a deep frown cross his counterpart's face.

"Jane marries a boy named Carlos." He told Ben. "Who also comes from a different land. The same one as Jay, actually. And we're friends, but she said something that hurt my wife very badly in her youth, and so I've never even held a one-on-one conversation with her since we left Auradon Prep." He leaned forward and looked at young Ben. "Do you want me to tell you now?" He asked.

Ben pulled his chair closer to the desk and nodded eagerly. "Yes." He whispered.

A ghostly smile crossed King Ben's face. He threaded his fingers together. "Her name is Mal," He confided, whispering the name like it was a secret or a treasure.

Ben wrinkled his nose. "Mal." He repeated, testing the name on his tongue. It seemed to stick. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine what she might be like, but nothing came to mind. "I don't know her." He told King Ben, who shook his head.

"She comes from that different land I was telling you about." King Ben hummed.

"Where?" Ben asked, putting his hands on the desk in anticipation.

King Ben stood up and went to look to the south, out the window behind his desk. Ben stood up and looked over the desk. In the distance, he could see a hazy green barrier flicking into and out of his gaze. His mouth went dry. "The Isle of the Lost?" He asked.

King Ben turned back around. "Tell me, Ben, what do you think 'Mal' is short for?" He sat down on a corner of his desk and hooked his hands around his knees as he waited for an answer.

Ben's mind raced with fifty thoughts. Mal, as a prefix, meant Bad. Evil. Rotten. He skimmed his list of memorized villains and suddenly stopped on the large, overbearing, obvious one. "Maleficent?" He asked.

"Is that a problem?" King Ben asked, arching an eyebrow.

"No," Ben decided, though he sat down in surprise. "Not if she's the one. It doesn't matter who her mom is. And, well, the kingdom is obviously fine, so…" He shrugged.

"She's the one." King Ben affirmed. "It's true love." He sat back down in his chair and smiled. "We've been married almost twenty-five years, and every day is better than the last."

"And now you won't be King anymore?" Ben asked, sitting down as well. "It'll be your… son?"

"I won't be." King Ben agreed. "And our daughter, actually. Her name is Colette." He got up and walked to a box that read: "Knick-knacks". From this, he withdrew a framed photograph and held it out to Ben. Ben took it with shaking hands. It was a photo of a girl looking over her shoulder a little bit. Long, long purple hair was swept over her shoulder as she smiled at the camera with perfect, white, straight teeth. Her eyes were brown, just like his. He felt all the breath leave his lungs.

"Colette." He repeated, tracing a finger down the side of her face. "She's… beautiful."

"Just wait until I show you a picture of Mal." King Ben chuckled, shuffling a little in his box. He pulled out a second photo and handed it to Ben. "Those are all the kids," He told him, before hefting a larger picture out of the box and setting it beside the desk. Ben examined the second photo. Four children in various degrees of attentiveness were captured behind the glass. The oldest, Colette, was leaning into a couch with her sister, who also had dark, lush, purple hair, leaning into her side. Two boys were wrestling a pillow between them while they faked that they were looking at the photographer. One had the same purple hair and was older, and the other was the only child with tan, sandy hair. Ben examined them all. They looked like they all had his skin color, except for one of the girls. And two of them had brown eyes, and two had green. That meant he was heterozygous dominant for brown, he realized with a smirk. All those boring science classes must have pounded something into him after all.

"Why did we let them all dye their hair?" He asked King Ben, who had gone back to sitting on a corner of his desk as he watched young Ben evaluate his future family.

"We didn't." King Ben responded with a laugh. "It grows in like that. They all have naturally purple hair. My wife was devastated."

"But they look so good!" Ben frowned. "They're the most beautiful kids in all of Auradon!"

"You should see Evie's." King Ben smiled. "They're pretty cute too. I prefer my own, of course, but anyone with Evie's genes is bound to be gorgeous." He rubbed his hands together and stood up to wander the room. "Mal was upset because it makes them easy to spot. Also, she says she likes my hair, but whatever. I honestly think that as the generations go by, the purple hair will just come to be a mark of royalty. Our youngest son Damien is the only person to escape the purple hair gene, and now he's devastated because he doesn't match."

Ben snorted and put a finger on the blonde-haired boy in the photo. "Damien." He repeated.

"And Jordan is our older son." King Ben filled him in. "He's just a little younger than you are now. And the last girl is Annalee. She's a real cuddler. You don't appreciate that now, but when you get off after a meeting and she wants to cuddle beside you, you'll understand." He folded his arms in pride as he watched Ben take it all in.

"Mal's hair must be purple then, and she must have green eyes," Ben mumbled. His cheeks grew a little warm. Could it be possible he'd made these people with someone?

"On the money." King Ben replied.

Ben rubbed the glass to get some imaginary dust off of it. "How old are they all now? Except for Colette. I already know she's sixteen."

"Jordan is thirteen." King Ben began. "And then the twins are only six. That means I still have a few years." He brushed his hair out of his face. "Mal and I sort of want to try for a fifth kid now that we're losing Colette, but we don't know. She might be too old now."

Ben glanced down to the frame that King Ben had set beside his feet and gasped in shock. A beautiful hand-painted portrait of what he assumed was a goddess with dark, curly, perfectly purple hair was leaned against the desk. He put the photo down and picked it up. The woman in the painting was, without a doubt, gorgeous. Her lashes were long, her lips held an even pink color, and her eyes were the same bright, vibrant green he'd seen on his future children. "Mal," He whispered, the name rolling off his tongue and sticking immediately to the person whose portrait he held in his hands.

"Isn't she lovely?" King Ben asked in pride. "I had that commissioned for our tenth anniversary. She'd had Colette three years before and was actually pregnant with Jordan then." He leaned down a little to see the portrait. "It's a shame I couldn't have her paint it herself, but it still turned out beautiful despite that."

"She paints?" Ben asked. He could scarcely rip his eyes away from the lady on the canvas to look up at his counterpart. King Ben nodded with a smile and pulled a booklet out of the box he'd been foraging through. He took the painting out of Ben's hands and replaced it with the booklet, though Ben was sad to see it go. He cracked the booklet open and discovered a watercolor drawing of a baby sitting in the sunlight, surrounded by toys. Beside it was a detailed pencil sketch of a little girl with braided hair. The inscription 'Colette' was underneath it.

Ben flipped through the booklet slowly, examining everything inside of it. He noticed that while the children's full names were almost always used, Colette tended to be shortened to 'Co-co'. "Can I see more?" He asked, closing the book carefully and then leaned back over the portrait of the girl who'd done them, Mal.

King Ben laughed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. It was the same type Ben used, but obviously years ahead of him. King Ben found what he wanted on the screen and carefully pressed the screen into his palm. Ben stared at the screen. On it was himself, older, with his arm around the girl, Mal, and they were taking their photo in front of a crowd at a gala or some other function. The queen's crown was on her head and the King's crown on his, though his was at an angle. He swiped left and found a picture of Jordan, the oldest boy, with whipped cream on his cheek as he smiled at the camera. Another swipe left revealed a picture of Mal, though her figure was misshapen around her middle and she was rolling her eyes exasperatedly at the camera while keeping a little hand to her torso. Ben's mouth went dry. He studied the image, every pixel, until King Ben elbowed him with another laugh. "You did that." He reminded Ben. The fourteen-year-old turned beet red and hunched his shoulders before he quickly moved on, prompting more laughs from his older counterpart.

"I still have a question." Ben sighed, handing King Ben's phone back to him after a while. "Well, a couple, really. But the big one is… how did I meet Mal?"

"You mean how did you navigate around the barrier?" King Ben laughed, taking a seat back in his chair. Ben picked up the portrait again and then set the photo of the kids in front of it so he could look back and forth between the two and nodded to King Ben's words. "It wasn't easy." The forty-four-year-old sighed. "Your parents weren't the happiest at the beginning of that adventure, though they did get used to it."

"Oh, Mom and Dad!" Ben blurted out, interrupting his older self. "Are they still alive? What happens to them?"

"They're still alive." King Ben laughed. "And well, too. They' be around for many more years. But, as I was saying, they're not going to be one-hundred percent on-board with your plan. You're going to have to hold your ground a little. Eventually, they'll come back around and say you were right."

"But how?" Ben asked. "What am I supposed to hold my ground on?"

King Ben stared at him with a blank expression. Ben felt the gears in his head begin to turn. "You said that Jay and Carlos came from a different land. And you also mentioned Evie. She must be the daughter of the Evil Queen. They must all come from the Isle of the Lost. You – I – let children from the Isle of the Lost come over."

"You pick the first ones, and then your 'core four' pick everyone else." King Ben affirmed. "And you meet Mal when she comes over. You'll know her face the moment she appears. You get to step forward and shake her hand. She won't be too hot on you at first but give it time. She likes sarcastic jokes and strawberries. Within a month of meeting, you'll be dating."

"What's she like?" Ben asked, tracing the tip of his finger over Mal's purple locks in the portrait on his lap.

"Amazing." King Ben exhaled. "She'll become the most important person in your life. She's strong, she's kind. She likes tight hugs and soft kisses, and she goes crazy when you wear purple. She's talented and artistic, and funny, and hard-working. She's going to be devoted to you as a girlfriend, as a fiancée, and as a wife. And while you'll both have your doubts; we turn out to be pretty awesome parents together too."

"She sounds incredible." Ben exhaled, sounding exactly like his older self. "God, where can I sign up?" He let his eyes flit off the portrait for a few seconds as a deep red color tinged his cheeks. "What's it like to kiss her?" He asked softly. His voice chose that moment to crack, and he winced, hoping that the future Ben wouldn't laugh.

King Ben's eyes sparkled. "Why are you so embarrassed?" He laughed. "You've thought about kissing girls before – I know you have."

Ben shrugged as his blush deepened. "I just didn't know if it was something you wanted me to ask." He mumbled.

King Ben nodded, leaning further back into his cheek. "It's like the heavens opened wide." He shook his head. "I swear, every kiss, I could die." Then, King Ben glanced at the younger version of himself with a smile. "But you do realize I have four children, right? I've done far more than just kiss Mal."

Ben's face turned a deeper shade of red. He set the pictures aside as King Ben laughed at his burning cheeks. "When you do start kissing her, just know she'll care a little bit more about length then about quality. About the time you have Colette is when she'll start to care about how well you can kiss her, not just how long."

"Got it." Ben nodded.

"And I know you won't value this tip now but hear me out." King Ben laughed and winked a little at him. "When you want her to go crazy on you, wear something purple. Just the sight of her color on you is usually enough to set her off."

Ben made a disgruntled, uncomfortable sound and covered his face with his hands as red seared his cheeks again. King Ben couldn't hold back his loud laughter as Ben tried to compose himself. He pulled one knee up onto his leg and examined the young man. "You'll be a fine king." He told him. "You'll do just swell. And with Mal by your side, really, there's no way for you to mess up. You'll be a fine king, a wonderful father, and, according to Mal, a fantastic husband."

"Do I pass science?" Ben blurted out and then realized that was probably a stupid question to ask a man who hadn't attended his school or taken his classes in thirty years.

King Ben pulled a card out of his pocket. "I knew you were going to ask, so I went and looked it up." He told Ben and cleared his throat. "You squeak past with a B-. Just make sure and retake that genetics and Mendelian test, and you'll be fine. It should be a lot easier now that you have some real-life applications." He spread his arms across the pictures on his desk. Ben nodded in agreement. There wasn't a doubt in his head that this was for real.

"I can't believe these are my kids." Ben gasped a little. "I mean, I can see my eyes and my hair on Damien, and Colette has my skin – This is incredible! I wish this was my life right now."

"It will be, one day." King Ben smiled. "Do you have any questions for me?"

"So many." Ben gasped. "But… I guess most of them will be answered soon enough." He hesitated. "Did Dad ever figure out what to do to help Arendelle and Weselton sort things out?"

"I have no clue." King Ben shook his head. "Probably not since they still fight today."

Ben wrinkled his nose. That meant he'd have to deal with it. "Do I get to meet Maleficent?" He asked. King Ben shook his head with a quiet smile, and Ben sighed. "Do you have any advice on how to be a good husband?" He asked.

King Ben's eyebrows shot up. "That's a very mature question." He hummed and shrugged. "I forgot to mention this, but Mal is magical. And every once in a while she likes to experiment with her powers. Don't get down on her. Let her have that little freedom and everything will be fine."

"Okay." Ben nodded with a dry mouth. "What do you think I should be the most excited for?"

King Ben straightened up and fixed the cuffs on his sleeves. "That's another mature question." He hummed. "I don't know. I haven't finished living yet. I can give you a small list." At his words, Ben straightened up and took a deep breath. King Ben began to count on his fingers. "You meet and marry an amazing girl who you remain madly in love with years later, You change the lives of hundreds of kids by introducing them to the ways of good, you're renowned for being a doting father while also keeping up on every single one of your responsibilities, and you end up making some pretty amazing kids with your fabulously sexy wife, so I'd say you've got loads to look forward to." King Ben put his fingertips together and smiled at Ben. "Especially on that last point." He told him.

"I can't wait," Ben replied honestly, staring down at the pictures across the desk.

The door across the room opened and Ben whipped around to see who'd walked in. A little girl with a full head of purple hair snuck around the corner and then dashed towards the desk. King Ben held out his hands and scooped her up as she reached him. He tickled her sides and made funny growling sounds like he was pretending to eat her while she shrieked and pulled on his shirt a little. She had pale skin, very different from Ben's, but dark brown eyes.

"Daddy it's you!" Annalee pointed across the desk at Ben.

King Ben set her up on his knee and nodded. "It is." He affirmed. "Annalee, can you say hi to Ben?" Annalee waved shyly at him from her Dad's arms and then curled her face into his chest, balling her little fists up in his shirt. A cuddler, just like King Ben had said. He examined everything about her, from how short she was, to how her nails were painted a peeling pink, to her he could even see a bit of his mom's face in hers. And she'd called King Ben 'Daddy'. That joyful sound rang in his ears over and over. That'd be him one day. It'd be him.

King Ben looked up towards the door and his smile, which had remained permanently etched onto his face since Ben had first seen him enter the office grew wider and softer all at the same time. His eyes sparkled as he focused on a point just over Ben's shoulder and he leaned up a little to greet the person behind them all. Ben's heart thudded in his chest as he turned around slowly.

There was a swish of purple hair and the smell of acrylic paint. A lady with the same dark purple hair that, true to King Ben's words, was like a royal trademark, stepped into the room. She was wearing black paint-splattered jeans and a purple and green shirt, and a purple and green jacket with metallic studs was slung over her shoulder. She set a hand on Ben's shoulder as she walked by and leaned down to kiss his cheek. Her touch was soft, and her skin was like silk. Ben felt every hair rise up on end as he watched her pass with wide eyes. Queen Mal crossed behind the desk and leaned down to share a kiss – a proper one – with her husband. Ben felt a little like he was watching his parents kiss as he watched Mal withdraw with a smile and a glance down to their little girl, even though it was only himself many years older.

"Watch out, she'll go to sleep." Queen Mal warned King Ben with a laugh. "She just trashed my art studio, so I brought her down here to put her energy to use moving you out of Colette's office." She set her hand on her husband's shoulder. Her nails were short and unpainted if you didn't count the dozens of colors stretching up her skin.

"You being naughty?" King Ben asked Annalee, picking a bit of brown paint off of her cheek. Annalee shook her head and burrowed deeper into his shirt. Ben's heart was thumping in his chest. King Ben glanced over at his younger counterpart with a smile like he knew exactly how he was feeling. The king looked up at his wife and gestured to the young child snuggling deeper into his arms. "We made her." He reminded her. "I think we did a pretty good job."

"I think so too." Queen Mal hummed and smiled. She leaned into King Ben's side, balancing on the chair, and looked across the desk to Ben. Ben straightened up a little, pulling on his sleeves so they weren't bunching up around his armpits and hoping she didn't notice the acne spread across his forehead like trash on a beach. "How'd I get so lucky?" She mumbled, and Ben was taken aback because really, he wasn't that nice to look at yet. If his skin was real estate for zits then his chin and hairline were beach-front property, and he was lanky with big feet and he was pretty sure the cut he'd gotten in tourney over his eyebrow hadn't completely healed yet, but there wasn't much he could do.

There was a sound like a hiss behind them and they all turned to watch a door – the same door Ben had first entered through – appear in the wall. King Ben carefully pulled Annalee up onto his shoulder and stood up, and it was around this time Ben realized that Queen Mal was extremely short. "It's time for you to go." King Ben told his young protégé. "You'll be waking up soon."

"I still have so much I want to hear about." Ben mourned. "Like about Colette and Jordan and Damien? I want to hear all about them."

"You will," Mal assured him. "And believe me, your story is like nothing you've imagined so far. You're going to be blown away."

Ben stood up and King Ben wandered around his desk. "Do you want her before you go?" He asked, gesturing to Annalee. "She's light."

Ben immediately stretched forth his hands and King Ben set the small girl against his chest. She curled her fists into his shirt and leaned her head into his collar, and Ben felt his heart rate speed up. This girl didn't even exist yet to him, and already she meant the entire world. He hugged her to him, afraid to squeeze her too tightly, and then a light came from under the door he was supposed to enter. "Time to go." King Ben announced and help his arms out for his daughter. Ben returned her to him grudgingly and glanced at the door.

"Come, now." Queen Mal put a hand on his shoulder and led him towards the door. "And Ben, one thing from me before you go back if you don't mind." She smiled, and Ben straightened up a little and met her eyes. "When you first see me, I don't exactly… look like me. I'm dark and I'm angsty and I've never known love my entire life. So don't be scared to talk to me. I started to fall for you because you kept coming back around and showing you cared."

"I will – or, I won't be scared, that is," Ben assured her, and then fumbled with his hands. Was he supposed to shake her hand? Or could they hug since she was technically married to him thirty years into the future? Queen Mal solved the issue for him. She took hold of his shirt and leaned up to kiss his cheek. He felt his entire face erupt into red.

"So long." Ben waved to the King of Auradon, who raised a hand to send him off.

Queen Mal skimmed his hairline and hummed. "I'm so glad we're not teenagers anymore." She told King Ben with a chuckle. "Well, goodbye Ben. I'll see you in, what two years?"

"He doesn't know when he's meeting you yet." King Ben filled her in. She nodded with a sound of understanding, and Ben wanted to ask when he'd meet his Mal when the door opened and a white wind filled the room, making the light unbelievably bright and drowning out his vision. When fuzzy pictures started to remanifest themselves to him, he realized he was back in his room with his alarm clock blaring on the other side of the bed. He was on top of the covers, in his pajamas, and with a very bad crick in his neck. He sat up and felt his body. Nothing had changed or felt different. Had it all been a dream?

Then he looked up and noticed a card sitting on his headboard. On the front was the king's insignia. It looked exactly like the cards his dad would send out to people to let them know they had meetings coming up. He flipped it over, holding his breath, and read the back.

Crown Prince Benjamin is hereby formally invited to the King's Offices on the Evening of August the twenty-seventh at the time of two o'clock for a Life Appraisal. Please dress appropriately."

And really, you couldn't get more blatantly specific than that.

#future #time travel #ben #ben florian #mal #mal bertha #descendants #disney #disney descendants #descendants 2 #descendants 3 #fanfic

[kronos-the-timelord]

Dude, do all of the numbers for that getting to know you better ask! Or half bc 200 is a lot :0

ahhhhhh,, you so nice

1: My name? - Margaret

2: Do I have any nicknames? - maggie, mag, mags, maggles, at one point my friends called me parky

3: Zodiac sign? - libra

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? - i’ve never been too good at video games (but i like watching ppl playing them) and i’ve only ever had a wii so my sims kingdom was a favorite of mine

5: Book/series I reread? - divergent and pjo

6: Aliens or ghosts? - yes

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? - @kata-chthonia

8: Favourite radio station? - 103.3 fm, although i mostly listen to spotify now

9: Favourite flavour of anything? - grape and blue raspberry

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? - great or cool

11: Favourite song? - a to b by matt hires

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? - it usually has to do with what drew me to them in the first place followed up by a version ‘why do you think that?’ i like knowing how ppl think bc it gives me a better way to start understand their view

13: Favourite word? - aurora

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? - i can’t really remember, so i dont know what that says :/

15: Last song I listened to? - serial killer by moncrieff

16: TV show I always recommend? - dexter or if they don’t like blood and violence, any of john mulaneys specials

17: Pirates or ninjas? - i liked pirates when i was younger, but ninjas are cool

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? - any studio ghibli or song of the sea

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? - lately its been SLUT by bea miller

20: Favourite video games? - i really love boderlands, the art style is great

21: What am I most afraid of? - snakes and failing at something i’ve been saying that i wanted to do my entire life

22: A good quality of mine? - im nice??

23: A bad quality of mine? - im a bit aggressive and im really blunt about things

24: Cats or dogs? - dogs!! I like cats too but i dont know how to interact with them

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? - he’s a voice actor, but crispin freeman is really cool!

26: Favourite season? - fall and spring

27: Am I in a relationship? - yeah, but it’s long distance during the school year ;-;

28: Something I miss? - my boi,, he’ll be back soon tho

29: My best friend? @keencheckerboard and @memeathon

30: Eye colour? - brown

31: Hair colour? - brown with red and blonde highlights

32: Someone I love? - my mom

33: Someone I trust? - @keencheckerboard

34: Someone I always think about? - @memeathon

35: Am I excited about anything? - finals to be over!

36: My current obsession? - bnha tbh

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? - i loved avatar and ed, edd, and eddy

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? - to an extent, but i dont tell them /every/thing

39: Am I superstitious? - kind of

40: What do I think about most? - right now, school

41: Do I have any strange phobias? - not really, i mean i overthink a lot of things, but there’s no phobias

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

43: Favourite hobbies? - drawing/reading/writing/sleeping

44: Last book I read? - i think it was called stung, i actually finished it bc i wanted to complain about it properly

45: Last film I watched? - dumbo, my friend wanted to go see it, it wasnt good

46: Do I play any instruments? - i played clarinet for 3 years

47: Favourite animal? - dogs

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? - @wemakuu @wemakuutwo @keencheckerboard @memeathon @kata-chthonia

49: Superpower I wish I could have? - teleportation

50: How do I destress? - getting cozy and warm under my blankets with the lights off

51: Do I like confrontation? - i can be aggressive so i will be confrontational if i have to but i don’t go out of my way for it

52: When do I feel most at peace? - in my bed with the lights off

53: What makes me smile? - my friends, my boi, and goofy animal videos

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? - gotta be pitch black

55: Play any sports? - i played roller derby for 3 years

56: What is my song of the week? - really feeling be by hozier

57: Favourite drink? - …..water…. and a slushee

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? - i think last summer???

59: Afraid of heights? - nope

60: Pet peeve? - slow walkers

61: What was the last concert I went to see? - does my high school’s band count???

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? - nah

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? - ob nurse, i still do

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? - no, i’ve had ppl i tolerated turn into ppl i hate tho

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? - bhna, but i feel the hero drama would get annoying after awhile

66: Something I worry about? - failing my classes

67: Scared of the dark? - nope

68: Who are my best friends? - this is the same as 29

69: What do I admire most about others? - their drive and where their motivation comes from

70: Can I sing? - no ;-;

71: Something I wish I could do? - sing

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? - pay off my loans and (hopefully) for the rest of my college and then put whatever i had left into a savings account

73: Have I ever skipped school? - yes

74: Favourite place on the planet? - i think the smoky mountains are really pretty and i loved vacationing around them, but colorado was really neat too, so probs one of those places

75: Where do I want to live? - somewhere on the northeast coast!

76: Do I have any pets? - yeah!! He’s a doggo named dageus,,,, here he is,, the big boi!! (hes 121 pounds of love!!!!!)

77: What is my current desktop picture? - something @memeathon drew me

78: Early bird or night owl? - night owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise? - im usually awake during sunset, but sunrise is really pretty

80: Can I drive? - yeah!

81: Story behind my last kiss? - i was saying bye to my boi at the airport

82: Earphones or headphones? - earphones

83: Have I ever had braces? - yeah,, they weren’t fun

84: Story behind one of my scars? - i have a couple little ones from acne on my back but other than that i don’t have any

85: Favourite genre of music? - i think indie rock?? Is that a genre?? Punk maybe????

86: Who is my hero? - florence nightingale,, she was hella cool and i went to her museum in london

87: Favourite comic book character? - i didn’t read a lot of comic books but i always liked spiderman and witchblade

88: What makes me really angry? - when ppl make fun of my friends >:l

89: Kindle or real book? - i like real books but ebooks are nice for traveling!!

90: Favourite sporty activity? - roller derby or skating

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? - im not really sure what this question means????? But i didn’t like that in my middle school that the behavior coach(es) would already pick sides or would already hate kids that did nothing wrong and then in my high school no one cleaned up after themselves bc ‘the janitors can do it’ :/ it was really annoying

92: What was my favourite subject at school? - english/creative writing and art!!

93: Siblings? - i got an older brother who’s a big nerd

94: What was the last thing I bought? - i went to target last night and i got $68 worth of stuff including planty stuff, food, and gift stuff for my boyfriend’s moms

95: How tall am I? - 5’6” but i will not hesitate bitch

96: Can I cook? - yeah!

97: Can I bake? - yeah!

98: 3 things I love? - my friends/family, animals, and plants

99: 3 things I hate? - slow walkers, rasict/homo/trans/biphobic (anyone who just hates ppl for no reason tbh), and rude ppl >:l

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? - more girl friends,,, i’ve kinda lost contact with most of my guy friends over the years,,,,

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? - i feel more comfortable around other girls now but when i was younger i was okay with everyone

102: Where was I born? - in the cornfields of the midwest (i fucking hate this state)

103: Sexual orientation? - straight

104: Where do I currently live? - in the cornfields of the midwest, i am the creature you’re warned about, don’t walk alone at night

105: Last person I texted? - @memeathon : D

106: Last time I cried? - yesterday,,, finals hit me hard but i feel better now :D

107: Guilty pleasure? - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,, looking at gross stuff,,, like surgeries and sometimes those pimple popping videos,,,,,,,,

108: Favourite Youtuber? - i’ve been watching a lot of gordon ramsay videos lately but i think brandon rogers or sovietwomble are up there

109: A photo of myself. - heres one i took on my break at work

110: Do I like selfies? - no,,, i don’t really like looking back on photos of myself bc i think i just look weird,, like even in my super nice senior photos,,, or baby pictures,,

111: Favourite game app? - does neko astsume count???

112: My relationship with my parents? - it’s p good :D

113: Favourite accents? - i’m not really sure,,, i think just a flat accent, like midwestern bc its the one im most familiar with so its like homey???????

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? - japan,, nowhere in specific i just want to see the country

115: Favourite number? - 23!!!!

116: Can I juggle? - no

117: Am I religious? - im a polytheist (a bad one, but oh well)

118: Do I like space? - i love space!!!! Its so neat!!!!!!

119: Do I like the deep ocean? - no!!! Its awful!!!!

120: Am I much of a daredevil? - i think my friends think i am, but i dont really think so, i mean i’ll try anything if it sounds fun, but not everything

121: Am I allergic to anything? - not that i know of

122: Can I curl my tongue? - yes

123: Can I wiggle my ears? - no

124: Do I like clowns? - not really

125: The Beatles or Elvis? - a little bit of each

126: My current project? - my creative writing portfolio ;-; its not that hard but im trying to figure out how to get this character right

127: Am I a bad loser? - depends on what i lost in, like if it was a game i didn’t really care about than no, but if it was something that i cared about a lot than yeah

128: Do I admit when I wrong? - i always try to, but sometimes i don’t

129: Forest or beach? - forest,, i don’t like the beach,, too much sand

130: Favourite piece of advice? - it’s not really advice but just the reminder that your current situation is not your final destination

131: Am I a good liar? - i think so

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? - slytherin (its funny bc im scared of snakes)/ dauntless/ and i think district 6 (i live in the crossroads of america so yeah)

133: Do I talk to myself? - all the fucking time

134: Am I very social? - sometimes, i am kinda a social introvert

135: Do I like gossip? - i like to hear it but not be part of it

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? - i have a bullet journal and i try to keep up with my habit and mood tracker daily

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? - no, but i have gotten like high d’s and low c’s before that make me sad

138: Do I believe in second chances? - depends on what they messed up on the first chance, like if someone cheated then no

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? - i would like to say that i would return it with no money taken, but im just not sure :/

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? - yeah, if they’re really trying and realize that they need to, but even if they do change i know not everyone will accept them back into their lives and it shouldn’t be expected that they should after someone changes for the better

141: Have I ever been underweight? - no

142: Am I ticklish? - very and i have this weird tactile thing thats like i dont like ppl lightly touching me, it freaks me out

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? - no

144: Have I ever been on a plane? - yes!! I love flying!! Its so much fun!!

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? - uhhhh,, im going to go by face,, i think for me - shailene woodley bc when she had her short hair ppl told me i looked like her @meme - liana liberato, she got the round face @keen - winona ryder (but back in beetlejuice) boyfriend - tucker west, i know he’s not an actor but he looks so much like him,,,, also it took me forever just to find these guys so im not finding family :p

146: Have I ever been overweight? - no

147: Do I have any piercings? - i have my ears pierced!

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? - hari jurono,,, i love him ;-;

149: Do I have any tattoos? - no, but i already have some picked out that i want

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? - ummmm??? Im not sure?????

151: Do I believe in Karma? - yeah

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? - contacts during the day and glasses at night

153: What was my first car? - i have a subaru crosstrek named inko!!! I love her!!

154: Do I want children? - no

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? - my mom tbh,,, shes really smart

156: My most embarrassing memory? - omfg,, so this goes to show how oblivious i am about social interactions, but it was my first week in college and this junior was talking to me and i didnt realize he was flirting with me until after we traded snapchats and he left, so i panicked and never said anything to him again and blocked him

157: What makes me nostalgic? - when i walk around my neighborhood sometimes (i live near the preschool i went to) and i was over at my elementary school almost a year ago now, but i remember walking down the hall and seeing all the different teachers there now and it made me sad

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? - yes, just last week

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? - brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? - darker colors like black and blue, but im trying to get lighter ones in there too

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? - yes, many times, but the one that sticks out to me is that one night i woke up at like 5 am for no reason, but i was just suddenly wide awake and something felt off, so i was trying to get comfy again and flipped over on my other side so i was facinging the door into my room instead of my wall and in front of my door was a tall black figure with red eyes staring at me and when i blinked it went away,, now i know this can be explained by some other things but with my family it seems more likely to be paranormal

162: What do I hate most about myself? - uhh, i procrastinate way too much

163: What do I love most about myself? - i always support my friends

164: Do I like adventure? - depends on the adventure,,, i like traveling, but not too much walking bc i have bad knees

165: Do I believe in fate? - not really

166: Favourite animal? - question 47

167: Have I ever been on radio? - no, but i was on my school’s announcements and i hated it

168: Have I ever been on TV? - no

169: How old am I? - 19

170: One of my favourite quotes? - “The Gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment could be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed”

171: Do I hold grudges? - im petty

172: Do I trust easily? - no,, im just cautious around ppl bc i just don’t know them

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? - some of them

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? - im not too sure,,, i got a p cool backpack for my birthday tho that i use everyday

175: Do I dream? - yeah, cant remember too many tho

176: Have I ever had a night terror? - no??

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? - can’t remember a lot after i wake up, but i just recently had one with some bnha characters in it, i can’t remember what happened, i just know that they were there

178: An experience that has made me stronger? - i know this might sound a bit morbid, but my aunt’s funeral, it was the first funeral i went to where i understood what was happening and it made me more open to learning and accepting death

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? - want to fucking die,,, i’ve never understood ppl who are scared of dying/want to live forever,, like why would you want that??? What’s the point??? You’ll just watch everyone you love die,,, i know it’s going to be hard on me when that happens to my closer family members, but even the new ppl you befriend,, i just couldn’t

180: Do I like shopping? - yeas

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? - tax evasion

182: What does “family” mean to me? - the ppl who i care about deeply and who love me, not all of them are blood related and not all the blood related ones are part of it

183: What is my spirit animal? - idk?????? Maybe a turtle???

184: How do I want to be remembered? - tbh, i don’t really want to be remembered

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? - drawing

186: What is my greatest failure? - im not sure

187: What is my greatest achievement? - uhh, i feel like its hard to point at a specific point and be like “that was the best thing i could have done, if i didn’t do that i wouldn’t be who i am today”

188: Love or money? - money

189: Love or career? - career

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? - probably to some point in the future,, i dont know where tho

191: What makes me the happiest? - the ppl i care about being happy

192: What is “home” to me? - the house i currently live in,, my family is here and im surrounded by ppl i love,, it’ll probably change with time, but for now its here

193: What motivates me? - spite

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? - it’s important to keep moving forward, don’t let the past hold you down

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? - kind of, i think it would be p cool

196: A movie that scared me as a child? - it wasn’t a movie but i know the animated wolf from peter and the wolf freaked me out

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? - i hated mushrooms, but i love them now

198: Zombies or vampires? - vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? - suburbs super close to city

200: Dragons or wizards? - DRAGONS

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? - its silly but when i was younger it would be my mom and i going to the mall downtown and the escalators were missing the part that connected them to the floor so you had to hop over it and when we would get to the 4th floor i would miss the jump and fall

202: How do I define love? - i know a lot of ppl are like “i would die for you or kill for you” something along those lines but i think it’s more living for someone, wanting to see them accomplish everything they wanted, being there for them during their lows203: Do I judge a book by its cover? - yeah, i wont pick up something that doesnt catch my eye

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? - no

205: Do I like my handwriting? - yeah!! Its loopy

206: Sweet or savoury? - sweet

207: Worst job I’ve had? - ive liked all the jobs ive had

208: Do I collect anything? no

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? - a hoodie/sweater of some kind

210: What is on my bucket list? - going to greece

211: How do I handle anger? - i usually rant for a bit, maybe cry to get the extra hormones out, maybe break something

212: Was I named after anyone? - no, but i did have the same name as my great grandma

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? - yes

214: What TV character am I most like? - im been watching bnha a lot so i think either kirishima or uraraka

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? - i can cross my eyes and then move one of them

216: Favourite fictional character? - ,,,,, im not sure,, i really love eric from divergent

#that took forever #it kept getting deleted and i would have to start over #sorry it took so long #selfie #????

[canaryatlaw]

So I’m currently sitting on a plane somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, typing this in the notes section of my phone. It’s 9 pm Chicago time where we left, and 3 am London time where we’re going. We have about 3 and a half hours left, getting in at like 6:30 am. I took my pills like half an hour ago so hopefully I’ll start getting tired soon, I kinda have to pee but I’m at the window seat and Jess and the guy in the aisle seat are asleep and I don’t want to wake them up....we’ll see I guess. At best I’m only getting a couple hours of sleep, but it’s better than nothing for sure.

So, today has been pretty wild. My alarm went off at 9:20 am and I got up, had a message from Jess asking if it was time for her to come over and I said sure, and brushed my teeth, and Jess was there a few minutes later. The goal of the morning was to get BTS concert tickets, even though neither of us particularly like them this is what Jess wanted to do so that was fine with me. I ordered us breakfast which came shortly afterwards. The tickets were supposed to go on sale at 10 am, which was the same time I was supposed to start a quick phone interview. So we had both laptops opened up to each of our Ticketmaster’s accounts and in the “pre-queue.” The deal was that the people in the pre-queue when it starts get assigned a randomized place in line, and if you come in after you go to the end. So it became 10 am and both laptops reported 2,000+ people in front of us, so we weren’t going anywhere fast. A few minutes later I got my phone call and stepped away.

It was just supposed to be a quick phone screening and then they would talk to their hiring people about who they wanted to bring in for an in person interview. I articulated last night how I felt I had decent enough experience to sell myself for the position but didn’t think it would be realistic for me to get it. Well, the phone screening went really well, I talked about my experience and what kinda work I want to do and it was really good! Maybe like 15 minutes after it ended I got another call from them saying they wanted me to come in for an in person interview next week, so we scheduled that and I’m very excited! Apparently they think I’m qualified enough, which I will take lol. But yes, that taken care of, back to the BTS tickets.

Over an hour with nothing, about 11:10 it still says 2,000+ but my progress bar is getting towards the end and it eventually progresses to 80 people in front and then 1, and finally brought me to the massive blow up of the field where you had to pick your seats. Jess got in shortly afterwards. It was already very widely picked over, and there must’ve been a ton of people in there with us because every time we’d click on two seats together it would say they were already taken and make us try to find different ones, over and over again, and I’m talking to the point where there was like, 10 open spots in the entire giant football stadium. And like, we tried and tried and tried, but it just wasn’t happening. The good news is that Jess’ coworker that stans BTS was able to get two floor seat tickets and is willing to take Jess with her, so she’ll get to live out her BTS dreams after all (and me who literally knows one BTS song will be just fine).

So after all of that was figured out, I changed quickly and we walked over to Walgreens so Jess could print some pictures (I think like ones people sent her to have celebs sign?) and I wanted to get a tiny bottle of spiky hair gel and a small thing of acne cream to take with me, and ended up grabbing a few snacks for the plane since we didn’t buy the inflight meals that were $45 each, per meal (yeah, no thank you). Jess went home after that to pack, and I went home and got the last of my things together and picked over my snacks and candy collection for what I wanted to bring with us.

A little after 1 I got a message from Jess saying she was ready, so I grabbed all of my stuff, said goodbye to my cat, and called an Uber, which came and got me and then got Jess and took us to the airport. We were getting there super fucking early (flight was at 5) because international flights and airports and you know all of that good stuff. We checked in very easily, and security wasn’t bad at all, so we progressed to the gate fairly quickly. And then of course we had time to kill. So we just sat for a while and just chilled out before deciding to go see what our food options were, which had us go partially down the one end of the terminal before remembering we already did this the last time we were in this terminal (it’s the international flights one but also currently houses Frontier so we’d been there before) and there was nothing, so we went back to the main food court area and ended up with some Mediterranean food that was quite good.

Once we finished eating we went to our actual gate, which was swarmed with people from two flights in adjacent gates, so we ended up sitting on the floor. We got slightly delayed in boarding but they said we’d still probably take off the same time. As luck would have it, the other flight was also to London, although a different airport and airline, but I had to go and make sure we were in the right place, lol. Somehow Jess started sending memes to people in the near vicinity who had their airdrops on in their phones which resulted in a lot of laughter as other people started sending things back (or turning off their airdrop 😂) and things got increasingly ridiculous and we ended up getting identified by at least two iPhone users because we were constantly bursting into laughter. So that was a fun little distraction.

We were of course in the last boarding group, because we are cheap(tm) but eventually we got called and made it onto the airplane. There’s a USB port thankfully, meaning we can keep our phones charged and not relying on our portable batteries, which is very good. They also have a screen set up where you can watch movies and such, much like the plane I took to London in 2014 (and at least two flights we’ve had in the last year). I discovered quickly that I managed to not pack my earbuds, which I was very pissed about, but when they were doing the passenger announcements they said they had headsets available for purchase for like $3 along with blankets and like drinks and food stuff, so once we got into the air I ordered earbuds along with two cokes which were brought to us shortly afterwards, which I was very happy about since my plan up to that point to watch Crazy Rich Asians on subtitles was less than thrilling so far. So I got the earbuds and actually listened to the rest of the movie (Jess had started it like ten minutes before me, so she was slightly ahead) so I watched that and I really liked it a lot! A very well done movie, and I really loved how much it was infused with Asian culture and was truly an Asian story, not an attempted one made my white people. So I liked that a lot. Once we finished that we flipped through the available movies/tv shows but very few of them had captions (which Jess wanted since one of her ears still isn’t fully working and she won’t go to the goddamn doctor about) so we ended up starting to watch teen titans go to the movies, but it was pretty awful so we turned it off about 15 minutes in and decided not to just stick to our phones for now. I had to fish my adapter out of my bag to charge my phone and listen to music at the same time (though I think it stopped charging a few minutes ago??? Idk weird) and I spent a little bit proofreading some fanfic before starting to write this, and now I am here. I’ll probably try to go to sleep now, we’re exactly 3 hours out at this point. I’ll post this once we get on the ground at 6:30 am London time, which will still be fairly night time in the US. So that’s what I’m gonna do now. Goodnight babes. Happy weekend.

** so it’s 4:51 pm British time and it just occurred to me I never posted this, so here ya go.

#daily journal #March 2019 #Jess tag

[jules-hoard-of-stuff]

Lil personal update

So, yesterday was bad

I intend to force today to be fucking normal xD but I'm excited! I got 2 things from lush and I can't wait for them to arrive so I can fix ma acne :w: I have always had bad acne since I was like 8 so I'm hoping this stuff will help. A friend who has the same skin type as mine recommended it to me!! So I'm essited!

I'll also be taking a hiatus from my business until next year, I'm burnt out on work and need a break. I plan to try and make some things for myself! A few lolita style skirts maybe, nothing huge. Maybe turn that old white hoodie into a gudetama hoodie or something

Gonna try and just... chill out with the bad vibes as I've had nothing BUT bad vibes for the past week and a half. I'm hoping that soon they will calm down but there's no guarantees xD

Def gonna get some housework done today, as well as maybe drawing. Just a normal day and shit hopefully

[healthy-and-tiny]

Life has been so strange.  I had a great May, brought in $15,000.  I crashed and burned when anemia crept back in at the beginning of June, and this time a B12 deficiency.  It’s not food related, I have actual issues and I’m seeing a hematologist.. hopefully soon.  It can take months.  I got iron infusion (IV drip) and was given B12 shots and supplements.  I just didn’t have the energy I used to though.. anxiety got worse than ever before it got better.  But hey.. ever since the B12 started to work my anxiety is GONE.  How amazing.  That was well over half a year of anxiety that was caused by “nothing” aka nothing I could rationally work on.  

July started and I was still off my game.  I tried to work more but couldn’t be consistent and a lot of my clients were away.  Usually summers are fantastic for me but it’s so ebb and flow that there isn’t always rhyme or reason.  When I’m not stacking cash, I don’t feel myself.  When I’m not making goals... I feel like I’m aimlessly wandering through life.  It’s felt like that for a month and a half.

Speaking of aimless wandering and goals, I feel the same way about my weight.  In May I saw 123, the smallest I’ve been in years and years... and better this time because I’m actually fit and active too so I looked.. really small.  People started to notice and say it.  My stomach was so so flat.  My legs got small, all my old jeans fit.  Anyways, when the B12 thing got out of control my body clung onto my weight for dear life and I gained and legit saw 132 at one point.  My face broke out in acne like I’ve never seen before on myself (I’m 28.. so what even).  I’m back down to 126 now, the weight came off really easily once I got the B12 shot and could do my daily walks again - the walks stopped when I felt too sick and anxious and tired and that was the first time they actually stopped in almost a year of walking.  I was getting light headed and nauseous and I almost passed out at one point.  I was too afraid of being that far from home alone and not making it back.  Anyways, I’m on the mend now, I’m healing, and I’m back to doing my walks.  This week I went everyday except for one but had other days where I went twice.  I was sore when I started again too, so its making a difference!  The thing is, my weight has been just sitting at 126-128.  So now, it’s time to get back to paying attention to my food: intermittent fasting, black coffee during the day, working until dinner, and then breaking my fast after work.  Keeping the snacking to a minimum and keeping my calories around 1200-1500.   

I’m going to be moving over the course of the rest of the month (I have rent overlap so it will make for a chill move) and I started to pack yesterday.  I get the keys today.  I’m excited for a fresh start.  I’m bringing some sage tomorrow and I’m going to clean everything and sage every room.  Set intentions.  Set goals.  Start a new chapter.

It’s time to refocus.

#mypost #thoughts #goals #weight loss #life update #anemia

[corro-vuelo-me-acelero]

OCD has been Real Bad™️

So far in the last two weeks due to body fatigue/general tiredness, according to my absolute idiot of a brain I have had and or have:

- A type of stomach/gal bladder/kidney/colon or the like disease or cancer.

- Rahbdo

- Covid (in my defense my husband had a fever induced by his own anxiety and it went away so its fine and I think we are in the clear—getting tested tomorrow though since Im going back to work).

- Uti like discomfort

- Nausea and loss of appetite

- Body aches/chills/

- My fall allergies have started and they hate me. So yay sinus headaches

- Scatter brain

- So much stress that my heartburn has been poopy therefore ive had acne and anxiety to boot.

I guess Im just complaining because I just cant never seem to feel fine and or normal. I always go to the worst and cant stop thinking about it so I get even more psychosomatic and its a vicious cycle. My meds work but I guess corona time has made everything worse. I hate that I feel that Im never healthy.

I think I do have a minor cold induced by stress since Im going back to work with the kiddos and Im scared of all the unkowns. This type of body fatigue Im feeling comes very rarely but it really makes my poor brain go into overdrive and think the worst.

OCD is no joke and hopefully I can get a new therapist soon because I cant handle it by myself anymore.

Im sorry Im dumping this unto all of you. I just need to write it down and vent.

#ughhh #im really struggling #fuck ocd #and fuck trump and all the anti maskers and people that dont take the pandemic seriously #you all have really been such unhelpful oxygen thiefs #im sorry for the dump

[xxreadersxx]

Anyooo! Can you write some angst and later fluff for Kuroo? He really pissed off his gf (like 10/10 done with him) after having a dig at one of her insecurities (like people think she's cold or that she's not pretty enough?). She completely closes off as she was having hard time to open up to people and he tries to make up after he REALLY messed up.

{Wooow…It always takes me a little time to think of the story plot, but once I get started, I somehow end up with a book. Sorry, not sorry. This one is long, 1800 words+, but I am super proud of this! I’m adding a “read more/page split” here simply because it’s long! (I hope the length isn’t too off-putting) Kuroo’s hard to write, but I’m not gonna complain! I love your requests!~ ENJOY!}

Secret whispers behind the stairs. Quick glances in my direction. People seemed to slow as they pass. Today, it seems, was just one of those days that my brain decided it’s going to be paranoid about every gesture, every glance, every whisper. I mean, who’s to say they weren’t talking about me? Was my hair ok? My skirt isn’t sticking up in the back, right? I know my acne is visible, but it isn’t any worse than normal. I walk down the hall towards my class like usual, except that my brain wouldn’t stop deceiving me into thinking something was off, and it was slowly killing me. By the time I sat down in my chair and unloaded my school supplies, my jittering was off the walls, and I felt like crying. Hopefully, my help would arrive soon: HE would arrive soon. And like clockwork, my dark knight arrived.

Walking gracefully through the doors, he walked directly to my desk, as he memorized where I sat in every classroom. His face held a smirk, and his eyes were just as deep as ever. He greeted some of my classmates, who all smiled and waved in return, and he took a seat in front of my desk. My mood was immediately alleviated, although the horrible feeling of paranoia never vanished.

“Hey, beautiful.” He greeted. His smirk widened into a smile. I tried to return the smile, but the best I could do was a small smile, as my face was echoing how my heart felt.

“Good Morning, Tetsurou.” I responded, whispering his name. It had only been a few days since he told me to address him as such, and I was still a little uncomfortable. I heard a snicker from my left, and flinched. He tilted his head slightly upwards at my reaction, and raised an eyebrow.

“Is something wrong? You seem a little quiet today.” He questioned. I shake my head, my answer was too fast, as he immediately noticed. Of course he would see, he was one of the smartest men I know. Trying to cover up my mistake, quietly, I speak up.

“No, no! I’m fine! Just a little stomach ache is all!” I feel sick, my hands are clammy and my heartbeat is banging in my head. His face became unreadable. Suddenly, my wrist is grabbed firmly, and I’m being pulled out of the room by the man I call my boyfriend.

Racing down the same hall where my problems first started, my vision is a blur of worried faces, and my ears are filled with the sound of rushed shuffling. I can no longer see my boyfriend’s face, but I can tell we must look something similar to a jaguar pulling a scared rabbit along, because all of the passing faces are covered with surprised concern. When we reach the end of the hall, he pulls me into a corner under the stairs, shadowed by the banner hanging over the balcony.

Twisting around as soon as we arrive, Testurou releases his hold on my poor wrist.

“Sorry if I hurt you.” He apologizes. His face still etched by an unusual expression; it was a mix between concern and anger. “I’ve known you for long enough now to know when something is up.” He finishes with a heaved sigh. Closing his eyes, he seems to be trying to calm down.

“Now. Tell me what the problem is, so I can try to help.” He commands, his voice not mean, but rather harsh. His intense gaze causes a chill to run up my spine. Do I tell him? He helped me before when this happened, but I don’t want to make myself a burden to him. Taking one more look into his eyes, my eyes widen in understanding. This is Kuroo Tetsurou, my boyfriend. I am going to trust him. Taking a deep breath, I reveal to him everything that’s been on my mind. He closed his eyes halfway through to listen. After I finished, there were several seconds of silence. Agonizing seconds of silence. My ears began to ring from the sudden onslaught of quiet. He heaves another sigh before beginning his response.

“Isn’t this just you being paranoid again?” He said looking at me with a raised eyebrow. My heart ached. “I thought we addressed this last time.” He sighs again. I don’t understand, of course we talked about this before, but I can’t stop my feelings of anxiety. So, I ask him about it.

“Of course, we talked about this, but this time is different. I don’t know, I just feel like people are avoiding me…am I really that scary? I know my face can be a little mean looking, but it’s not like I try it!” I try to explain. All I want is for him to say everything is fine. Everything is just in my imagination.

“No, but you being worried about what other people may or may not be saying, is certainly not helping.” His mouth saying, but his face saying ‘you’re being unreasonable.’ Just seeing that look felt like a stab to my heart.

“W-what do you mean?” I ask quietly, instantly expecting the worst. Why did this have to go down-hill so quickly?

“You know what I mean.” He huffs slightly at the end, he suddenly looks really tired. He rubs the back of his neck, trying to rid him of this unneeded stress. My heart raced. Every moment he took to sort out his answer felt like an eternity.

“Look,” He started, hand falling from his neck in a single fluid movement. Looking directly in my eyes, he discloses his answer, “I’m just saying—maybe if you didn’t worry so much on how you look to others, you wouldn’t come off so distant, so…cold. I don’t know how this all started, but I can’t read your mind, and I’m not really all that good with babying others. All I can say is, you’re being a little silly.” He says, trying to make the end of the sentence come out caring, but I couldn’t hear any warmth. What was he saying? Why is he just brushing this off? This is serious to me!

“Before we started dating, I never would’ve pegged you as being this…insecure? You always looked smart and stoic…” He trailed off, getting quieter by the end.

“If you knew, would you have changed your mind about dating me?” I ask, my eyes watering. He looked at me with eyes that screamed ‘pity’. I didn’t wait for an answer.

My heart felt like it had just melted into my stomach. The next moments happened in a blur: the windows passed me by in a flash of pale blue, the chattering of students echoed in my ears, my face felt wet and warm from the tears pouring down my features, and my name bounced off the lips of the man I once called my ‘help’.

I ran until my legs couldn’t carry me any farther. My lungs burned, and my body wobbled over to the fountains outside the gym. I sat down after confirming that I was no longer being followed. My tears cascaded down my cheeks, evaporating quickly against the already hot concrete.

I had moved around lunch time, as I heard several loud voices headed towards the gym doors. Now I lay in a spot of grass behind the large gym, staring into the abyss above me. Several hours were spent like this, until the sky was a myriad of reds and oranges. As the first stars started showing, I decided it was time for me to go. Standing up, I dusted off the dirt from my skirt, and slowly made my way over to the water fountains. Taking in a deep breath, I turned the water on and slashed it on my face to calm the red that had spread over my features.

Turning off the faucet, I heard a sweetly familiar voice. It rolled out of the gym windows like syrup, causing me to freeze. How could I be this dumb? In my foggy-headed running, I ran to the one place I shouldn’t have: the volleyball gym. Getting down on hands and knees, I crawled over to the window. I had mixed emotions about hearing what they had to say, but seeing as I had no more tears to cry, I figured a little more self-deprecation couldn’t hurt more than losing the one guy that I cared the most about. It seems I got there just in time. Hearing Kuroo’s voice this close to me, without being face-to-face makes me feel complicated, but I continued to listen.

“Dude, what happened with your girlfriend today?” It was Yamamoto. Seems word travels as fast as I thought it would.

“Ugh…” Kuroo sighs heavily. “I can’t really tell you, man.” He says. Of course, he wouldn’t talk about that kind of thing behind my back. A sigh leaves my lips.

“But she was crying, right? What did you say to her anyway? People were starting to say some things about you yelling at her.” This time it was Yaku.

“I wasn’t yelling! I… I was just trying to reassure her that she didn’t need to care about what others thought of her… I wish I had phrased it differently, though.” He sighed again. Now I began to feel a little guilty. Why did I run away? Why was I too weak to just talk to him normally? I held my head in my hands, trying to steady the spinning feeling.

“I’m an idiot…”

“Nah, I don’t think so.” My head whipped up, in front of me stood the same face I fell in love with. Standing there, looking down at me for only a second before squatting down in front of me. Sweat glistened on his skin as he pulled a hand through his hair. I opened my mouth to apologize for running away without hearing the whole story.

“I wouldn’t have.” He said quickly, my mouth held agape with an apology that didn’t come out.

I rearticulated my words and asked, “What?”

“I wouldn’t have changed my mind about dating you.” He said matter-of-factly. “I would’ve still asked you to be mine, insecurities and all.” He finished, putting one knee on the ground in front of me, he grabbed both my hands in his. “I’m sorry about my phrasing this morning. I was having an off morning, but that is a lousy excuse.”

It seems that I had miscalculated how many tears I had left; I forgot to count happy tears. I smiled a crooked smile, and with tears streaking, yet again, down my face, I apologized as well.

“I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t’ve ran. I’m going to work on my insecurity, and I’m sorry for always burdening you with my problems…” at this, he pulled me into his arms, his muscles holding me against his chest.

“You aren’t burdening me, it’s part of a boyfriend’s job description, isn’t it? Please continue to count on me.” He asked, quietly. All I could do was nod into his shirt as it got wettened by my tears.

BONUS: Walking down the street towards my house, I was recounting the events that led to this happy ending, but something still confused me.

“How did you know I was sitting outside?” I asked, looking up at my boyfriend.

“Heh..” He chuckled closing his eyes, “Kenma may or may not have been trying to escape while I was being questioned, and happened to see you sitting outside the window.” He squeezed my hand looking at me from his peripheral, “Does this change the image you have of me?”

“Nah, not really.” I responded, squeezing his hand back, “You’re still a dork.”

“Heey.”

#kuroo tetsurou #kuroo angst #long reads #haikyuu x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo fluff #angst to fluff #kuroo scenario #haikyuu angst

[fusrodie]

an update on my health and life in general

been busy af. guess that much’s a given, considering I’m not around much. but things are good!

working a lot, getting closer and closer to the squish (who might become official bf soon), feeling more chill with things in general. been taking my meds for about a month a half, visiting my psychiatrist regularly, considering changing my college major so I can be free of the hell I’ve been living. I’m sleeping better, dedicating what little free time I have to learning new things, like baking, cooking and maintaining my personal spaces tidy. gross stuff you see adults do. haven’t lashed out at anyone in over a month!

aside from my antidepressants, my doctor prescribed an antipsychotic. I know what you’re thinking, why?? to treat my pcos. go figure. the weirdest part is that it works. my skin is 100% better. my acne is gone. the dark patches of skin you get when you have pcos are also slowly disappearing. I wonder if I’d manage to lose weight if I exercised

I also discovered I need to wear glasses, and gods know for how long I’ve needed them. according to my doctor it’s nothing drastic, but it is worth investing in a pair of glasses because it likely bothers me a shitton. (it does). I’m getting them tomorrow, hopefully. wonder if that’s why I get so confused when I need to read.

how are you, my friends?? hope everything’s going well!!

#shut up virgil

[ccwandco]

Tuesday, July 2nd, 2019 - 3:18 AM

Yeah, I binged today. I was doing well until I went to go see Yesterday! All I had eaten was an apple and some oatmeal but then I totally went over. I guess it’s okay considering that was a “special occasion”. Not really, but whatever. I know I’ll be able to do better tomorrow (today). I slept in today because I didn’t need to wake up for anything. Pretty much just hung around the house until dad drove me to the theater. It was fun to see Lily, Tim, and Syd again. The movie was pretty shit, except for the fact that Oasis didn’t exist either! The ending was incredibly confusing. There were some “so-bad-it’s-good” parts too. After the movie was over, Lily had to leave but Tim, Syd, and I went to the grocery store and bought some food. That was when I really binged. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I did anyway, which kind of aggravates me. It was quite strange being at the place I work at while not on a shift. I saw Patrick, and he was a bit quieter than usual. Makes sense, I was with people. After we went to Kroger, Tim and Syd came over to my house for a bit. We smoked and listened to Hawaii: Part ii on vinyl. It was a good time, even though smoking makes my head hurts. They’re (hopefully) going to come over on Saturday after I finish work. It should be fun. I don’t get much socialization in the summer. I had a really fun time today, but I’m mad at myself for losing control. I always lose control when I’m with friends. I need to be more like Lily. She just had a water at the theater.

TMM: out of it

Acne: getting worse :( probably due to sugar consumption

New Music: The Holy Mountain by Poppy

New Word: ineradicably

Last Song Listened to on Spotify: Those Days Is Comin’ Soon by the Lemon Twigs

Current Events: uhhhh literally can’t think of anything significant

Last Google Search: “sully”

Last Text Sent: “Call me I won’t get mad” : Braydin

Last YouTube Video Watched: zech strumsky declaring that he is black

Instagram Followers: 168

POTD: Tim, Syd, and Lily

Highlights: seeing my friends and laughing at Yesterday, chilling with Tim & Syd in my room, buying some of the clothes I want, waking up late and not feeling guilty, mostly staying on track at home, listening to Hawaii: Part ii, going to work without having to work, getting my Joe Hawley tank, talking with Braydin & discussing our “joke album” called No Pulse, laughing at dumb shit

Lowlights: BINGING SO MUCH HOLY SHIT, spending a fuck ton of money, getting a headache from smoking, having bad skin & wearing makeup, feeling insecure & ugly, not getting to wear what I wanted

Overall Score: 7.5/10, fun

To Work On: eating healthy & exercising!!!!

Yesterday’s Goal Accomplished?: not really

#daily review

[chewymoustachio]

93 things about me i guess??

Tagged by: @xxprincessjewelsxx

THE LAST:


1. Drink:  Diet Cola 2. Phone call: My dad 3. Text message: My sis (i usually give her either bts memes or smexy bts photos) 
4. Song you listened to: generation 2 m/v cause jackson’s airhorns be lit 5. Time you cried:Today actually from listening to just one day (idek)

HAVE YOU:


6. Dated someone twice: nope 
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope 
8. Been cheated on: nope 
9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: yes? (been down in the dumps is probably what i’m referring to) 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope (can you tell that i am good at never have i ever...cause i am the virginest virgin who ever virgin)

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:


12. blue 13. black 14. white

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:


15. Made new friends: yes 16. Fallen out of love: yes 17. Laughed until you cried: yes 18. Found out someone was talking about you: no 19. Met someone who changed you: 
yes 20. Found out who your friends are: yes 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no

GENERAL:


22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them 
23. Do you have any pets: no 
24. Do you want to change your name: no 
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: limo ride to pf changs 26. What time did you wake up: 9 am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping 28. Name something you can’t wait for: im being attacked by all these comebacks like chill please 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: an hour ago? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: how easy it is for me to quit 
31. What are you listening right now: to the noises in my head 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the fact that i have homework over the summer that im procrastinating my butt off for 34. Most visited Website: tumblr

RANDOM


35. Mole/s: a lot 36. Mark/s: i have acne scars if that counts? 37. Childhood dream: teacher 38. Hair color: red 39. Long or short hair: medium length (a little bit past collarbone) 40. Do you have a crush on someone: not anymore (i probably will soon who knows at this point) 41. What do you like about yourself: how empathetic i am 42. Piercings: my ears, i gotta wear earrings eventually 43. Blood type: idk i think A or AB 44. Nickname: Ros 45. Relationship status: single or taken by bangtan/fictional characters, whichever makes more sense 46. Zodiac: libra 
47. Pronouns: she, that trash over there, etc. 48. Favorite TV Show: drake and josh 
49. Tattoos: none but i would like one eventually 
50. Right or left hand: right 
51. Surgery: does wisdom teeth count? 52. Hair dyed in different color: when my hair turns gray imma get wild and use this as an excuse for my mid life crisis 53. Sport: esports duh, or dodgeball 55. Vacation: i don’t understand, this is not in my dictionary 56. Pair of trainers:i only accept the finest quality of shoes, yeah im talking about the sketchers light up ones and the heelys

MORE GENERAL:


57. Eating: sunflower seeds 58. Drinking: diet cola 59. I’m about to: scroll through my notifications 
61. Waiting for: jj project comeback 62. Want: eternal happiness 63. Get married: eventually, if its the right time for me 
64. Career: hopefully in computer science 65. Hugs or kisses: im a cuddler 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller 
68. Older or younger: dont have a preference, older would be nice tho 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: abs ;) 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker (being hesitant all the time is a bad thing)

HAVE YOU EVER:


74. Kissed a stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: nada 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nah 77. Turned someone down: yeah 78. Sex in the first date: nope 79. Broken someone’s heart: yup 80. Had your heart broken: yeah 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yeah 
83. Fallen for a friend: yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:


84. Yourself: not really, im kind of a pathetic waste of space currently  85. Miracles: yep 86. Love at first sight: yep 
87. Santa Claus: you guys i think my parents are santa claus O.O 88. Kiss on the first date: i guess? 89. Angels: yup jhooooooope duh

OTHER:


90. Current best friends name: vanessa 91. Eyecolor: light brown 92. Favorite movie:howl’s moving castle

I tag: @jeonwiththewind @imeightout @king-beluga @yoongsb @king-kisu @cottonjae and anyone else who wants to do it :)

Thanks for reading~

Blank one for coping:

THE LAST:


1. Drink: 2. Phone call: 3. Text message: 
4. Song you listened to: 5. Time you cried:

HAVE YOU:


6. Dated someone twice: 
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: 
8. Been cheated on: 
9. Lost someone special: 10. Been depressed: 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up:

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:


12. 13. 14.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:


15. Made new friends: 16. Fallen out of love: 17. Laughed until you cried: 18. Found out someone was talking about you: 19. Met someone who changed you: 
 20. Found out who your friends are: 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list:

GENERAL:


22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: 
23. Do you have any pets: 
24. Do you want to change your name: 
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: 26. What time did you wake up: 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: 28. Name something you can’t wait for: 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: 
31. What are you listening right now: 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: 34. Most visited Website:

RANDOM


35. Mole/s: 36. Mark/s: 37. Childhood dream: 38. Hair color: 39. Long or short hair: 40. Do you have a crush on someone: 41. What do you like about yourself: 42. Piercings: 43. Blood type: 44. Nickname: 45. Relationship status: 46. Zodiac: 
47. Pronouns: 48. Favorite TV Show: 
49. Tattoos: 
50. Right or left hand: 
51. Surgery: 52. Hair dyed in different color: 53. Sport: 55. Vacation: 56. Pair of trainers:

MORE GENERAL:


57. Eating: 58. Drinking: 59. I’m about to: 
61. Waiting for: 62. Want: 63. Get married: 
64. Career: 65. Hugs or kisses: 66. Lips or eyes: 67. Shorter or taller: 
68. Older or younger: 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: 71. Sensitive or loud: 72. Hook up or relationship: 73. Troublemaker or hesitant:

HAVE YOU EVER:


74. Kissed a stranger: 75. Drank hard liquor: 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: 77. Turned someone down: 78. Sex in the first date: 79. Broken someone’s heart: 80. Had your heart broken: 81. Been arrested: 82. Cried when someone died: 
83. Fallen for a friend:

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:


84. Yourself: 85. Miracles: 86. Love at first sight: 
87. Santa Claus: 88. Kiss on the first date: 89. Angels:

OTHER:


90. Current best friends name: 91. Eyecolor: 92. Favorite movie:

I tag:

#get to know me

[vampiricfruitcake]

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

I was tagged by @varjoalitajunta​ thanks! c:

the last …


1. drink: A mix of some mango juice and red bull

2. phone call: My uncle, he couldn’t find me

3. text message: Mom being a mom and asking stuff

4. song you listened to: Sabaton - To Hell and Back

5. time you cried: Tbh can’t remember

6. dated someone twice: No

7. kissed someone and regretted it: As in me kissing someone, no

8. been cheated on: never, I hope

9. lost someone special: Kind of, an internet acquaintance a year ago. Also my mom’s cat a few weeks ago...

10. been depressed: Never made it official and it comes and goes

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never

favorite colors

12. Blood red

13. Black

14. Pink

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: Yepp

16. fallen out of love: Nope

17. laughed until you cried: It’s possible

18. found out someone was talking about you: I guess not

19. met someone who changed you: I’m not sure

20. found out who your friends are: I’m not sure what this means but I guess not? 

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: I mean my bf is on it so ??

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them, some better some less

23. do you have any pets: Yep

24. do you want to change your name: YES

25. what did you do for your last birthday: Uhh I spent the night with my closest friends drinking and playing outside, got some nice gifts

26. what time did you wake up: 12:30, it was a lazy Sunday

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Not sure, either was watching a movie with friends or on my way home

28. name something you can’t wait for: To hopefully get my diagnosis 

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: Might’ve been last Tuesday

31. what are you listening to right now: 1975

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Nope

33. something that is getting on your nerves: Right now? the view of my naked chest as I write this laying on my back. 

34. most visited website: Tumblr or YouTube

35. hair colour: Silvery grey, some hints of blue 

36. long or short hair: Short short short

37. do you have a crush on someone: Not really

38. what do you like about yourself: I’m a loyal and compassionate friend, I have cool eyes and nice hair

39. piercings: Oh man let’s fucking go: I have a regular 1,6mm labret, 3,2mm septum piercing, 20mm lobes, 5mm next to my lobes both sides and on left side a third one on my ear, a regular 1,6mm (Ok it’s not that much)

40. blood type: A+

41. nickname: Romu, römö römö, romulus, don’t even remember all

42. relationship status: In a monogamous relationship

43. zodiac: Taurus

44. pronouns: He/him - They/Them is always ok when in doubt

45. favourite tv show: I watch too much stuff... House, Poirot, Vikings, Firefly etc.

46. tattoos: A thing with a heart and a moon/sun around my wrist that resembles a bracelet, a Helm of Awe (Aegishjalmur) on my arm and a heart with the transgender symbol inside it on my thigh

47. right or left handed: Right

48. surgery: So far only oral surgery, I’ve got extremely problematic teeth

49. so called “flaws”: I’m clingy. I have pretty bad acne scars and bad skin over all, I’m covered in strech marks, my face is uneven... could go on for ever, but honestly I’m trying to be chill about these things

50. sports: I go to the gym semi-regularly, as soon as I can I’m trying to start dancing again

51. vacation: What’s this mean? Like, I’d like to go to many places. Rn I’d like to visit all of Scandinavia and someplace warm

more general

53. eating: I’ve eaten so much trash lately I should chill it

54. drinking: Water

55. i’m about to: Try to fill out some forms to get money and possibly play video games after I fail in that first part

56. waiting for: Nothing I guess

57. want: To do stuff with friends

58. get married: Hopefully at some point

59. career: I want nothing more than to be a liked artist and have a tattoo studio where I take clients and draw and stuff

60. hugs or kisses: Neither. Both. I’m a very touch restricted person, my s/o is the only one who gets kisses. I’m most of the time ok with hugs with other people. 

61. lips or eyes: Eyes

62. shorter or taller: Taller

63. older or younger: Depends so much on what this is about

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Arms I guess? 

65. hook up or relationship: Relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant

67. kissed a stranger: No

68. drank hard liquor: Not by itself but yes

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: Can’t lose what you don’t have

70. turned someone down: I sure think so

71. sex on the first date: Not for me, other people’s business is not my business

72. broken someone’s heart: Yes

73. had your heart broken: Yes

74. been arrested: No

75. cried when someone died: Wtf yes

76. fallen for a friend: Yes

do you believe in …

77. yourself: At times

78. miracles: Not sure

79. love at first sight: No, love takes more

80. santa claus: Nah

81. kiss on the first date: What

82. angels: As in Christian angels, no

other

83. current best friend’s name: I don’t like calling any of my close friends The Best, they’re all the best and have so different qualities.

84. eye colour: Green

85. favourite movie: The Crow. Possibly.

I’m tagging @chilledcitizen​ @iso-karhu​ @homo-keiju​ @wuekka​ @rakzon​ @theprettyoddveins​ @sininenvalo @minjichaelin @itsensakaljastaja @your-fanboy  Feel free to do it or not

#tagged #long post #lol this was so vague #thanks tho #about me

[spooky11]

TAG

I was tagged by the lovely @blueneighborhoodisnotonfire

bold the statements that are true for you! (or put a random thing next to your answer idk do whatever u want live ur life aye)

appearance: i am 5′7″ or taller am 5′7″ or taller (I’m so tall) i wear glasses i have at least one tattoo i have at least one piercing (I have three, a orbital, rook and a plain cartilage piercing, hopefully getting a conch soon) i have blonde hair i have brown eyes (almost brown, mine are hazel) i have short hair (i used to, when I was 10 I cut it to my chin, biggest mistake of my life, now my hair is almost to my butt) my abs are at least somewhat defined (that’s hilarious, I have a 6 roll) i have or have had braces (I was supposed to because I had a huge gap, but it ended up fixing itself) there is something I would change about the way I look (my acne needs to chill, and I have small hands, I’m 5'11" and my hands are smaller than all of my friends and they’re all like 5'6" and shorter)

personality: my hogwarts house is: gryffindor, hufflepuff, ravenclaw, slytherin (my friends say I’m hufflepuff, I think I’m slytherin but pottermore sorted me into gryffindor) i am an introvert  i like meeting new people (sometimes) people tell me that I’m funny (I think so, before math everyday sophomore year my teacher would set aside 10 min for me to tell funny stories, so I think I’m pretty funny, and because I could never remember formulas he just let me tell him jokes instead of formulas to get inside the class) helping others with their problems is a big priority for me (depends on the problem, I can help with math and advice but anything else) i enjoy physical challenges  i enjoy mental challenges (i used to but rn I’m just barely getting by with school) i’m playfully rude with people i know well (some of them like my younger guy friends cause they’re like little brothers) i started saying something ironically and now i can’t stop saying it (af and bro) there is something i would change about my personality

ability: i can sing i can play an instrument (I can play a little bit of the flute and trumpet) i can do over 30 pushups without stopping (I can do 15 without stopping, my arms are super weak) i’m a fast runner (I’m the slowest runner in the world) i can draw well (im a good doodler and I’m good with crafts, but not drawing) i have a good memory i’m good at doing math in my head i can hold my breath underwater for over a minute (me and my brother used to do contest all the time) i have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling (nope I have noodle arms) i know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch i know how to throw a proper punch (I did karate for like 5 years)

hobbies: i enjoy playing sports enjoy playing sports (I love volleyball and lacrosse) i’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else (I’ve done so many sports) i’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else (i used to be) i have learned a new song in the past week i work out at least once a week (I’ve used to workout 5 days a week, but my knee) i’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months (for volleyball we used to run so much looking back idk how I did it) i have drawn something in the past month  i enjoy writing (I am the worst writer) fandoms are my #1 passion (I prefer the actual content rather than the fandoms cause things get pretty crazy) i do or have done martial arts 

experiences: i have had my first kiss i have had alcohol i have scored the winning goal in a sports game  (twice for basketball and once for volleyball) i have watched an entire season of a tv show in one sitting (almost I had one more episode but it was already 2) i have been at an overnight event  i have been in a taxi i have been in the hospital or ER in the past year i have beaten a video game in one day  i have visited another country (mexico) i have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts (last week I got to see bastille, it was mu first concert)

relationship: i’m in a relationship i have a celebrity crush (so many) i have a crush on someone i know (well darn) i have been in at least 3 relationships i have never been in a relationship i have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them  (ive have asked someone out on a bet) i get crushes easily i have had a crush on someone for over a year  (back in 5th grade, he had a mohawk we were good friends) i have been in a relationship for at least a year i have had feelings for a friend

my life: i have at least one person i consider a “best friend” i live close to my school my parents are still together i have at least one sibling i live in the united states there is snow right now where i live it (not for like 3 years) i have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month i have a smartphone i have at least 15 cds (my car doesn’t have a place for the aux cord) i share my room with someone

random shit: i have breakdanced i know a person named jamie i have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce i have dyed my hair i’m listening to one song on repeat right now i have punched someone in the past week i know someone who has gone to jail i have broken a bone i have eaten a waffle today i know what i want to do with my life i speak at least 2 languages fluently i have made a new friend in the past year

I tag: @bilbo-the-science-bro @astronomicalspacegay @fairlydani @profound-metaphysical-confusion

#me #buttercup #tagged #tag