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#how luther and vanya talk about trauma
eternal-armin · 11 months
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ii. SO, HOW SHOULD i begin this?
part two woo. hopefully i'll be able to catch up on this and maybe publish some other stuff now that i'm home a lot more often (yay pain and mobility issues), maybe some arcane stuff since that would be fun, branching out into my last hyperfixation again lol. i've proofread so it should be good :>
pairing : five hargreeves x male/transmasc reader [he/him pronouns]
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where : after trying and sort of succeeding to get on the hargreeves' good side, five and [y/n] try rationalizing the situation and figuring out something, anything, to do about it.
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warnings : mentions of trauma, threats [of physical violence and murder], reader is still totally exhausted because how could he not be, depression, dissociation, pain, bits of shouting, not necessarily a warning but viktor is always viktor in the multiverse because the boy deserves it okay, existentialism, philosophical nihilism, family issues.
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five adjusted his clothes in the mirror. although he wouldn't be able to have a proper retirement, he could look like a retired old man, couldn't he? who would've thought that someone could get so excited for beiges and tans. he got an amused look of subtle approval from you. beyond that, it wasn't very hard to look past your façade if he was being honest, you looked hesitant; though could he blame you? there were probably millions of worlds where his family fucked you over or just straight-up killed you. and yet, you also looked too tired to care. he couldn't blame you for that, either.
he touched your shoulder again. in a flit of light, which once again made you feel horribly nauseated and woozy, you were downstairs. surprised exclamations roused from his family.
"anyone know where vanya and allison are?" five asked, glancing with narrowed eyes across the lacking table.
"nope." and after that short reply diego went back to finishing off his meal—for someone who often scarfed his meals down, he seemed to be taking his sweet time. either that or your fun conversation with five had not taken as long as you'd thought; either possibility was equally likely at this point, really.
"nuh-uh... sorry."
"not a clue, unfortunately. something wrong, tiny dancer?" klaus asked.
"well, we have a new problem."
"who's this guy?" luther pointed at you wish his thumb, not caring to cover his mouth; your nausea was worsened to see someone talking whilst eating. diego looked at you then, and you hated how his glare bore straight through your soul. he really, really didn't seem to appreciate your presence. how both of them could so willingly ignore the phrase 'we have a problem,' especially from five, was unknown to you.
"this is [y/n]. he's one of the sparrows."
you waved once to everyone. whether the sluggishness of the motion, and the weak smile which accompanied it, was due to shyness or exhaustion was incredibly murky and unclear.
"so now we're getting all buddy-buddy with the enemy? do you know how stupid that is?"
"i'm sorry, diego, did you not hear me say that we have a problem?"
"well, you say that a lot, little brother!" klaus leaned forward to see you clearer, giving you a smile. it didn't really placate your anxieties or your strong desire to run, however it was appreciated. he waved, and you again waved back politely, still feeling very... guilty for your earlier flub. it wasn't a new thing, either, and that made you feel even worse. "hello, little enemy! how do you look so young? do you use those, like, '10 years younger' face creams? i didn't know they worked that well—"
"that is not a relevant question, klaus, now can someone please tell me where allison and vanya are?"
you cleared your throat slightly. "vanya is most likely getting a haircut. allison is trying to get to claire, but she's... not going to find her." it left a bitter taste in your mouth to refer to viktor in such a disrespectful way, but you couldn't take that from him. upon receiving suspicious stares from the younger hargreeves brothers, you mumbled a quiet "maybe."
"mind telling us what the hell is going on before i deck this mini-muffin across the lobby?"
"hey, hey, do not use mini-muffin as an insult! those are beautiful things, there's nothing better than mini-muffins when you're on a bender at, like, three in the morning!" klaus got a confused and heavily judgmental look in return for that... beautiful insight.
"[y/n] has the ability to see all other timelines, so he can usually find out the most probable events. okay? good. now i need to find allison, so can one of you fetch vanya, please?"
"no, not good, and no thanks! after all we've gone through, we deserve a proper explanation!" klaus objected. after a second or two of awkward silence, and a scowling glare from five, he gave in with a curt sigh. it sounded more like a groan. the brothers looked at you; klaus was the only one to seem patient, showing the approval of a parent understanding a kid's fear of giving a speech; luther stared at you with a puzzling mix of intrigue and subtle impatience; and diego stared at you with a raised eyebrow, leaning his head in slightly as if to say 'i'm waiting.' five's glare, although still quite characteristic, was a bit softer when aimed at you. you could never feel more put on the spot.
"you've gotta say something, little man, we can't read your mind," klaus encouraged.
"well, uh... i don't know exactly what it is yet, but something is wrong."
"aren't you omniscient or some shit? you can see literally every reality!"
the shouting scared you quite a bit and certainly made your headache worse. you put one of your hands to your head, mumbling, wishing you could just get some painkillers. if only five had given them back.
"don't shout, for fuck's sake," five grumbled, annoyed in his own right.
"i'm not omniscient. if no other worlds know something, then i can't, and... no other world knows yet. but something is wrong." your quiet voice was juxtaposed to diego's, still loud and stubborn like back in the academy. around 79.4 percent of every single alternate world which had diego in it found him like this, angry and short-tempered; it was very interesting. "you aren't supposed to be here. you guys, as you are, don't exist here. i don't think reality appreciates you showing up all of a sudden. and if versions of yourselves already exist in this world, then something will need to... iron out the wrinkles, i guess." you pursed your lips for a second. "not to be too brash or anything, but, to really, really dumb it down, you're a mis—you're mistakes."
"seriously? five, i thought you said that this timeline would be safe to stay in." luther looked like a scolded puppy. you felt bad. he was far too sweet—naive? yes, naive—for this kind of life.
"yes, that's what i thought, but second opinions are pretty valuable in my line of expertise. turns out it was sorely needed." his brows pricked up a few times while he spoke. "but, like you said before, it may be a problem we can solve."
diego remained, unsurprisingly, unswayed. "you better not be including this wad of chewed gum in that 'we,' five."
"what is with you and insulting him? he wants to help. jesus christ."
"last time i checked, his entire family just kicked our asses out of our own house, i have a right to be pissed, and he's lucky i'm in no killing mood."
"i don't agree that he should be killed," luther began in solidarity, "but we have a reason not to trust him, right?"
you took a little breath and exhaled it in a quiet sigh. "i know my family can be... extreme. and bad sometimes. trust me. and i totally understand how you can be angry with them and with me and think that i'm not honest. but i never hurt anyone, and i want to help you guys. you're eccentric yourselves, but usually you're good people. you're, like, an actual family," you added, trailing off, "not a group forced to stay together for monetary gain."
five squinted at you slightly. was that one of the reasons you chose not to grow up? you couldn't be associated with the sparrows if you were half their age. throw on a pair of sunglasses and nobody could recognize you.
jeez. didn't that sound nice.
"you guys really deserve a place to rest. a stable place to live, even. and if we can figure this out, then maybe you won't have to live in constant fear of coming into contact with your doppelganger or something. live, like, normal lives. as normal as they can be, anyway."
diego, much to your surprise, seemed to listen to what you were saying. sure, he still looked quite ticked-off and impatient, but you couldn't really ask for too much from him, could you?
"and you're sure that this is a problem we can actually solve? for good?"
"i'm not exactly sure what the problem even is yet. all i know is that something is wrong. but every problem has a solution, even if it seems impossible sometimes." there was a twinge of sage, melancholic hopelessness somewhere in there, some subtle disbelief. "five is quite the expert in timelines and time travel-related problems and paradoxes, and i'm an expert in alternate realities and manipulating reality itself. if anyone can figure it out, i'm sure we can. and i have no doubt that all of you will also play large parts."
luther's face was screwed into an expression of brazen confusion. "so... we're, like, completely blind, and need to fight an enemy we know absolutely nothing about."
"pretty much," you mumbled.
"surprisingly poetic way to put that, luther, i'm impressed," five mused rather sarcastically. "unfortunately, however, it seems we're gonna have to do something terrible and unprecedented." perhaps for dramatic effect, perhaps to quell his own annoyances, he paused and sighed out a breath. "we're going to have to work together." he did not need to specify the parties specified in 'together.'
"well, personally, i think this is a splendid idea. perfect opportunity for family bonding, i'd say! we're surrounded by decent chinese food and competent beds and cable television. decent music, too! and diego can finally figure out some self-discipline by not constantly threatening to kill [y/n]! marvelous idea little ones." admittedly, klaus's unique way of talking and gesturing was quite calming to you. you were very grateful for him. oddly enough—maybe you should've stopped saying that when it came to the umbrellas—klaus seemed to be that pillar of tranquility for you. viktor as well.
"calm down, calm down. you know that he won't turn against us or whatever? you're sure?"
the question was directed at five but you answered for him. "i'm not strong and i've never been in good health. even christopher, without his powers, would be better at fighting you than i would."
"the fucking cube?" you nodded. he plastered a grin over a pouting scowl. he sighed, giving into the plan. perhaps some remaining distrust still lingered, however, he could deal with it. "we've gotta clue allison and vanya in now. i'll go get vanya."
"finally," five huffed, shaking his head. "i'm going to find allison. you said she's going to try and find claire? i'll go to her old house." and then, the next second, he was gone. a few seconds of... incredibly awkward silence passed, where luther was staring at you whole-heartedly.
"go on and take a seat, young whipper-snapper. do you have any dietary restrictions? or allergies? we've probably got something here you can eat, if you want."
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you had asked to walk back home with five.
"why with me?" "it's a little bit selfish, but i really don't want to be alone right now, and you're the number one person i trust right now." "flattering," he muttered. "then why walk?" "i think better when i walk."
admittedly, walking was taxing for you right now, so it may not have been your brightest idea, but after this entire day you needed a nice break; the picturesque city sunset was nice, the breeze was subtle and sweet, and it smelled like food out there on the streets. viktor had offered to talk with marcus and try to make a deal; you'd asked him to be very, very careful. "i don't know if purposely seeking out the anomaly would be more effective, or if allowing it to reveal itself would be better. maybe we should seek it out."
five nodded slightly. "allowing it to reveal itself could mean that it becomes too powerful to stop."
"that's kind of what i was thinking. we don't know how it would reveal itself. what if it destroys something, or changes something? what if it hurts people?" your voice was quieter with that last proposition. it was the worst possible option in your mind; buildings could be rebuilt. changes could be undone, with enough time and patience. but people could not be undamaged, and they could not be brought back to life.
well, not permanently, anyway.
five's pace slowed a bit and he peered at you, strangely, for a moment. you avoided his eyes.
"surprisingly enough, i don't think this is the... worst outcome." "forgive me but i don't really believe you. we've got jack all on either side. essentially, we're alone." "you're used to it, five." "hmph. and you aren't?" "not in this way, i guess." there was more he wanted to say but you would not give him the opportunity to dig too deep. "there are worlds where your family is on board. trusts me, even, after some convincing. and there are also some where we narrow the options down. i'd love to be in one of those. but at least we aren't at each other's throats again, or diego's choking me to death." your voice soured. if you got too close, you could feel that pain. there your mind went then, trying to save your other selves out of some ethereal desperation you could never claw yourself away from.
"ow!" you hissed, clapping a hand to your neck where it had stung, sharp and sudden. "what was that?"
"you were seriously so spaced out you didn't see me?" five asked, though it barely sounded like a question. he sounded just barely concerned. you had looked like a glove without a hand. "jeez," he scoffed, shaking his head. "did you see anything helpful, at least? anything at all?"
your mind was still seared and shattered across uncountable realities and he could see that struggle to ground in your eyes. hear it in your breath. you had little mental fortitude left to respond. "sorry? can you repeat that?"
five didn't roll his eyes. unfortunately, he knew dissociation. he carefully took your hands in his, rubbing your knuckles like he'd seen you do before, and that seemed to give you... some amount of usable energy. it was also sort of difficult not to notice him, of all people, doing it, even while he sported an expression of general distaste for the situation; you couldn't tell if it was falsified or not. slowly, you were returning to your body, and it felt heavier than ever before. "what did you see?" he repeated, just as you asked, meticulously annunciating each word and using a decent pace.
you nodded slightly. "i saw a few other timelines. less fortunate ones." you didn't need to elaborate for five to understand what you were referring to. the broad strokes, anyway. "nothing really useful, though," you added after a second in total defeat.
"shit. well, that's alright." and though it clearly wasn't, you didn't say anything.
"how long have we been standing here?"
"... a minute or two."
"oh, great," you mumbled, shaking your head to yourself. your record was around two hours, sure, but it still sucked. "the... we should seek it out."
"wow. you remembered."
"we were having the same conversation a whole lot. given i was still alive and actually grew to trust you." it was a half-joke but it succeeded in getting a bare grin out of five. "we can't risk hurting other people."
"or destroying something," five added.
"or destroying something," you agreed, then furrowing your brow slightly. a cafe nearby was playing pleasant music; that was something keeping you tethered to this world in particular, as if five wasn't enough, but even he was quiet sometimes. "the only problem is we don't know where it is."
"or what it looks like. if it even looks like something at all. it could very well be invisible or incomprehensible." he scowled for a second, though not out of irritation, thinking rather loudly to himself. "we should start where we appeared, i think." you nodded in agreement. "if your... 'family' decides to work with us, all of us, then we can search a whole lot more. but we should get the basics out of the way."
"the beginning is always the most logical place to start."
"quaint way to put it, did you write the sound of music in another universe?"
"what part about 'literally any possible, feasible universe' do you not understand?" you joked, managing a small smile of your own, and five would be lying if he said he didn't feel a little bit relieved to see you humoring yourself again.
"i deserve that." he paused for a second. "i know you said that walking helps you think, and you definitely need to do that more, but you look like a dead man standing right now. i'd rather just drop you off at the academy and get back to my own family. are you okay to teleport?" you did not respond at first, taking careful account of how you felt and how you may feel after. eventually, and rather subtly, you nodded.
"my room is klaus's old room back in your universe."
"wow, that... makes it easier. safer, probably." that was the closest you were going to get to 'thank you' so you took it. you shut your eyes tight and breathed deep through that half-second nausea-bomb. you were happy to see your room when you opened your eyes; smelling like home, looking like home, feeling like pure comfort. five glanced about your room. somehow it looked exactly like what he expected from you, which was a compliment. it was cozy. well-lived—especially the bed. there were many blankets and pillows and a few stuffed animals, unmade, probably because you barely left it. he couldn't blame you, either.
looking at you, you seemed totally relieved and excited to be back home.
"are you going to let go of my hands now?"
five stiffened for a second, mumbling a hushed apology before letting go, shoving his hands in his pockets. you couldn't help but grin a little, tiredly, and he scoffed when he saw it. "don't look at me like that. i was helping you ground, since you evidently can't do it yourself sometimes." not that he could blame you, really. he couldn't imagine what it would be like to be... you.
you ignored the jab. "i'm surprised you're willing to wait to take care of this," you mumbled, hanging up your scarf and sweater, lazily rifling through your dresser to find something decently comfortable to pass out in. "you always insisted on getting things done quick. if not immediately."
"i'm desperate for one damn moment of peace. the world isn't being decimated just yet. i just want to sleep decently for once."
you smiled slightly. no one could work while exhausted, especially not when it came to your quandary. "go on and sleep then. i'll meet you at the obsidian again tomorrow."
"yeah. oh, uh, just remembered something. close your eyes for a few seconds."
"why?"
"just do it."
you scoffed, though without any sort of animosity or annoyance, shutting your eyes tight like he told you to. you heard the familiar sound of his blinking once, twice. "alright. you can look. here." he held out to you your bottle of painkillers. "nearly forgot to give them back."
"oh, sh—thank you." the relief on your face was quite plain and sort of comforting as well. he mustered a slight hum in response.
"good night."
"night, five. sleep well."
"hmph. we'll see."
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moku-youbi · 2 years
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Can we talk about how Alison Hargreeves is the fucking worst? This has me so mad. I've been pissed since season one, but three just pushed me over the edge.
Like, I love how the rest of the Umbrella Academy is always blaming Vanya/Viktor for shit, when it really all goes back to Allison and Reginald in the first place. Viktor never learned about his powers or how to control them, and gets it all sprung on him in what is only a few days. And look. I get that Alison was told to do it by her father, and she was young, so fine.
But how about the shit Alison does as an adult? She essentially raped her husband, rumoured him to love her, stole his free will for however long they were together, which was at least around 8 years, given the age of their daughter (if their daughter was conceived at the very beginning of their relationship). She took her daughter's free will. All her success was because of rumouring casting directors and directors. She forced Luther to want her, which is tantamount to rape as well, knowing full well he didn't want her and was into someone else. She murdered Harlan.
And all her fucking boohoo about losing her daughter and husband, like no one else lost anything. Like Five didn't live alone for decades in the post apocalypse mourning all their deaths, lose Delores in his own way. Like Klaus didn't survive fucking Vietnam and lose the love of his life twice. Like Diego didn't lose Patch. Like Luther didn't lose Alison herself, who used him when it suited her, didn't lose years of his life on the moon, and his own faith in everything he believed. Like Viktor didn't suffer his entire life because of their treatment, then lose Sissy and Harlan, who was like a child to her, who was like Viktor, given these powers he didn't understand and couldn't control, with his neurodivergence on top if it. Viktor certainly didn't mean to cause Claire's death. And it's arguable that Five is more to blame for the changes, knowing everything he does about the timeline and how small changes can have those kind of ripple effects.
Yet Alison's pain is worse than everyone else's. It's more valid. She can justify whatever sort of horrible behaviour, from rape to murder, for her loss. But Viktor essentially had his entire life stolen from him, and he's supposed to just forgive and forget.
I'm just astonished that anyone in the family can kid themselves about her. All the family does fucked up shit, and that's one thing I love about them. In a lot of ways, I think it's the best representations of siblings I've seen in media, because they're all such different people, with such different personalities and preferences and goals. They all do awful shit to each other, and yet that childhood trauma they experienced forged a bond that's stronger than all of that. But Alison goes above and beyond that. She crosses a line, more than once, into real villain territory, and someone better call her on it, jfc.
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xrosekissed · 1 year
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my overly long harcest takes,
bc by god there’s too many ships in this category and i gotta organize my thoughts on them for my own reference.
but first, as a general note for this blog, viktor is a fictional character and there are 3-4 versions of this character - comics vanya, s1 vanya, s2 vanya (different characterization imo), and viktor (this change in characterization was conceived after elliot’s coming out, so i see it as a different interpretation of the character). my favorite iteration is s1 vanya, so while i fully respect elliot page and am extremely happy about his coming out, i’ll mostly be referring to this character as s1′s vanya. i won’t tolerate any transphobia on this post or on my blog.
also important, my score out of 10 is how much i like the ship, not an objective ranking!
luther/diego (luego) - i buy it. i totally fucking buy it. i feel like they had a bunch of sexual tension in the (superior) s1 with all that rivalry and angst between them. could 100% imagine that boiling over + them having insane sex (i think diego would enjoy luther’s ability to pick him up and push him around like. so much. extremely soft gentle dom luther/bratty sub diego. like cmon.), but could also imagine their character arcs/personalities/individual strengths really complimenting each other in a romantic storyline. 8/10.
luther/allison (alluther) - generally sweet through s1 and s2, and i very much admire tua’s guts in canonically doing this ship. sorta... assassinated by s3, in a way that felt very reactionary to mainstream fandom culture’s opinion on the ship, so... that wasn’t bodacious. but aside from that, if i’m just looking at the first two seasons, i’m not super into alluther - i like my ships to have more heat and drama, and there’s just not a lot of that with them for me. a valid and cute ship, just not my thing. 5/10. 
luther/klaus - agh i wish i liked this one more. wild child x by the book golden child? very fun, conceptually. i don’t feel romantic chemistry from their actors and i don’t find a romance between these guys super interesting to think about. 2/10.
luther/five - tbh i’d never really thought about them together, but it’s kinda growing on me as i make this list? world-weary bitter motherfucker five x moody but earnestly sweet manchild luther... luther could help five learn to like... enjoy things. five could help luther build a healthy self-esteem. they’re both emotionally-stunted as hell, but i think they’d make each other better, as they each have a lot to learn from the other. their banter delights me. also, i hc adult Five as just. being short for no reason other than bc god hates him, and considering the old man Five actor’s height, i think it’s actually just canon. and i love me a height difference! 8/10.
luther/ben - hmm. ok two routes for this one. luther/og ben or luther/sparrow ben. luther/ og ben is like. 1/10 for me, not super interesting, namely because we never see them interact, and luther doesn’t talk a bunch about ben in s1 + 2. but luther/sparrow ben? better! not my cup of tea, but i don’t hate it. 4/10. maybe a 3/10 as the final score for both versions as a whole.
luther/vanya (lunya) - i’m kinda here for it. you already know... the height difference. i’m incapable of shutting up about that trope ever. and they have perhaps the most in common out of all the hargreeves (isolation trauma, self esteem issues, big tempers they keep carefully hidden, a passion for music, treated very Distinctly by reg). i love thinking of young luther being just a little too soft for and protective of young vanya, and i love the idea of them having these little bonding moments that snowball into something more. also they have Angst and Tragedy and that’s yummy food to me. 8/10.
diego/allison - while i can feel some tension in their s1 fighting and s3 night out, i’m not compelled by this one. maybe i just like them with other characters too much to get too into it? i get why people would be into it, but i’m not. 2/10.
diego/klaus (kliego) - absolute banger ship that i 1000% see all over canon. unbelievable chemistry and a perfect dynamic. they just. work well together. opposites attract, and these opposites visibly love each other so much. i think this ship’s crazy popularity when she show first dropped makes me feel like when a really good song has been overplayed, so i don’t consider myself a kliego superfan. i am nevertheless... a fan. 7/10.
diego/five (fiego) - ughhh i understand this one so much but i cannot get into it. like it’s genuinely bizarre how much i can’t get into it. this is literally such a high-quality ship that should fit my type to a tee, but... i just don’t get hyped about it. 5/10.
diego/ben (biego) - i don’t feel it. i know they really loved each other and i know the hug between them in s2 was adorable, but i don’t know that they’d play off each other in ways that i find interesting. diego/sparrow ben doesn’t do it for me either, their interactions don’t captivate me like luther and sparrow ben’s do. 2/10.
diego/vanya (viego) - i like it more than the other ships i’m not into, but i’m still not really into this one. the scene where they talk about grace in s1 gives me a little bit of a vibe, and i know they’re a thing in the comics, but i am lukewarm. better than cold, but still lukewarm. it could grow on me if i read some very good fic? 4/10.
allison/klaus - can’t get into them as anything but best friends, i just can’t. they’re both very pretty, and the best friends thing is likely part of the appeal for their fans, but i don’t feel it myself. 1/10.
allison/five - OHHH i love this one. holy fuck do i love it. snobby mean psuedosiblings that have a thing about power and control and appearing perfect. it’s possible that allison’s the only one five could see as an intellectual equal in his family. i think five thinks klaus and vanya and ben are smart, but i think allison is who he’d pick as a 4d chess opponent. i can see sooo much potential for a fascinating and complex relationship in a world where these two are super into each other. a criminally underrated ship. 9/10.
allison/ben - i think i like it? not sure why, seeing as they hardly interact, but allison seemed quite torn up about ben’s death, and just based on their personalities/experiences/damage, i think they’d have a super interesting and fun dynamic had ben not died. imagine their banter....... excellent stuff. 7/10.
allison/vanya - another lukewarm one. i don’t not like it, it’s just not for me. i absolutely find their dynamic in s1 interesting, but not in a romantic way. i did feel some chemistry w allison/viktor in s3, but nothing to write home about given the way the show has such a hard time acknowledging their anger at each other post s1. 3/10.
klaus/five (klive) - i see it - i see klaus flirting with five a lot, i see five having a massive soft spot for klaus for no reason other than that he loves him extra, but i can’t get deep into it beyond generally thinking it’s fun. 6/10.
klaus/ben (horrance) - i like this one so much. i think it was my first harcest ship? just... their codependency. their banter. their anger at each other. grief giving way to a sad bitterness. their devotion to each other - ben wants klaus to fucking live, klaus wishes ben weren’t fucking dead. insane. makes me insane to think about. also the way ben lounges on the motel room bed in this needlessly suggestive way and winks at klaus? yeah that wink was what sold me. oh god, also i guess they hooked up in s3? poggers. 8/10.
klaus/vanya - yknow what? i like it. very underexplored. lots of potential for angst and fluff and mutual destruction as well as mutual growth. love thinking about klaus intentionally making vanya flustered by saying klaus shit, love the idea of vanya surprising klaus by turning it back on him someday. the way klaus remembers vanya crying about them stepping on ants as a kids does something to me, man. 7/10.
five/ben - i’ve read one or two really good fic about them, and seen some very sweet fanart, but i’m just not super invested in them together. 1/10.
five/vanya (fiveya) - utterly sensational. angst, tragedy, pining, childhood crushes, banter, devotion, hope. like... agh. they just have Something, in every scene they’re together - she’s the end of the world, he’s the accidental harbinger, but they could save each other. also it’s just... so fucking fun that proud, no-nonsense five chose shy and sensitive vanya as a best friend. that they chose each other. they see things in each other that no one else does. 10/10.
ben/vanya - i think i kinda like the idea of them in an au - maybe one where vanya can see the dead? she thinks she doesn’t have powers, just hallucinations of her dead brother. they’re both bitter and lonely, but just want to be loved, and are capable of great kindness. god it would be amazing actually, i’m really talking myself into liking them together lmao. 7/10.
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hoodievixen · 2 years
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Find my Way Back to You - The Umbrella Academy [Part 5]
The Hargreeves never expected the teen declaring the end of the world to become someone close. But leave it up to Ryn, who can see the future, to find their way into the weird dynamic of the Hargreeves siblings. Though there are many things that don't seem right about them. Some could be chalked up to her powers, others, no one would ever believe on someone's word alone. And she knew that.
Five x OC
Vanya/Viktor & OC (Platonic)
Klaus & OC (Platonic)
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Notes: The weird predicament of Five's physical age vs. mental age will be addressed. Can't explain, cause it's a large part of the story (and spoilers). IT IS NOT PEDOPHILIA! not to mention both Ryn and five are asexuals (sex-repulsed and never got to figure it out respectively) so there will be no devil's tango.
I will be referring to Viktor as Vanya and with she/her pronouns for what is season 1 and season 2. I do not want to take away that part of the character, and want the transition to be included. I believe removing that and referring to him as Viktor from the start is ignoring the struggle he went through. (Nothing against people who use Viktor and he/him pronouns in fanfics that would be during s1/s2. This is just my own opinion)
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Series Warnings: themes of trauma and mental health, mentions of suicide, cannon typical violence, mentions of blood, mentions of injuries, alcohol consumption, drugs, toxic relationships (in reference not practice), questionable morals, swearing, gaslighting, manipulation
Chapter Warnings: talk of mental health (depression/anxiety), suicidal themes
Word Count: ~2k
Master List
Ryn sat before Allison and Luther early in the morning. They were nice enough to provide them with a muffin and coffee from a thanks. They were surprised on how she was dressed when they walked in, leather leggings and an over sized dark blue sweater. Again with the dark make up, pointed eyeliner and black lipstick on the top lip while the bottom was shiny with gloss. They also had the weirdly clunky over the shoulder bag again as well.
"I don't think I'm going to understand kids," Luther came to that conclusion, instead of questioning Ryn about any of it.
"You said you had some questions," Ryn reminded them calmly. They were tugging at the excessively long sleeves of her sweater.
"Yes," Allison nodded, "Thanks for being able to come so soon."
Ryn shrugged, "I said I'd be around. So, what do you want to know, I'll try to answer as best I can." She have them a wide reassuring smile.
"It's about our father," Allison started leaning forward to rest her forearms against her knees. "We found this tape, and it... we aren't sure what to think anymore. You said you can also she the past, so..." It must have been a tough question for her to be this flustered.
"Who killed our dad?" Luther asked sternly, giving the girl a determined glare.
Ryn opened up their mouth, but didn't say anything. "I'd prefer it if you would use I, Me, Myself," Ryn stated.
Luther wasn't sure what to make of it. "What?" he wondered.
Ryn visibly cringed. "You'll have me suicidal, suicidal..." they timidly sang. Silence hung in the air like a glass ornament.
"Dad killed himself..." Allison said out loud, making it the truth. Ryn said nothing just stared intently, pressing their lips together.
Luther's gaze was blank, "Why?"
Ryn lowered their gaze in thought. "What's that saying...." she groaned to herself. They saw her light up at the realization. "We only see each other at weddings and funerals."
They sat quietly, trying to figure out what Ryn meant.
"Come together, right now, over me," Ryn soon added.
"Why would he want to gather all of us?" Luther asked, easily clicked that puzzle piece into place.
Ryn curled in on themselves. "I'm sorry, but I can't be sure. I can see the past, but... not into his mind."
"It's alright," Allison assured them. "You've already told us enough."
"Is there any thing else I can do?" Ryn asked, perking up at the possibility to help.
They both shook their head. "Thank you Ryn," Luther said solemnly, though sincerely. He got up and left the room.
It just left Allison and Ryn there. "You can see anything, right?" the woman asked. Ryn nodded, not sure where this was going. "Could you... could you tell me how Claire is doing?"
Ryn softly smiled. "Claire's you're daughter, right?" Allison nodded. Ryn lowered their gaze. Not many people like looking into her eyes as they were using their ability.
Ryn saw the young girl. She was asleep in her bed, holding a stuffed animal close. She was calm in her sleep no nightmares, peaceful." Because I'm happy," Ryn could easily answer.
Allison gave her a wide smile. "I know, you probably don't think that was much, but thank you." Allison stood up. "Don't feel like you need to rush out, you're welcome to stay."
"Thanks," Ryn said, "But I'll probably head out soon. Got something to do."
"Of course," Allison said, completely understanding.
"Oh, and when you see V later, wanna let her know I'm think of taking up their offer of a violin lesson"
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Five was startled by the knock on the window next to him. He looked over to find a pesky blond there. He glared at them, rolling down the window. "What to do want, you're ruining my cover," he hissed at them.
Ryn held up a paper bag with mild grease stains. "Double cheeseburger, not tomatoes or ketchup," she told him. Five was irked that they knew his order. "What do you have against tomatoes? Like I don't like them either, but ketchup is great."
"Why did you bring me this?" he asked, snagging the bag from her.
Ryn took a sip of the drink she had in hand. "Cause otherwise you wouldn't have eaten today," they pointed out, "You may have de-aged but your still human." They crouched down to pick something up off the ground. "Diet Pepsi, for the old man you are," they hand over a soft drink. They then pulled a water bottle out of somewhere and practically threw it into the van. "And water, cause hydrate or die-drate."
Five gave them a questioning glare. "Anything else you're gonna force on me?" he asked harshly.
Ryn shrugged. "Want some company?" she offered. "I don't have anything else to do for a while."
"Are you going to talk the whole time?" Five wondered.
Ryn smirked. "Only time will tell."
"Fine, but I'll kick you out if you get too annoying," Five agreed. Instead of taking shot gun, Ryn climbed into the back of the van. They sat down next to the top half of a mannequin.
"Who's this?" Ryn joked, nudging the off balance sales product.
"Don't touch her," Five snapped. "She's Delores."
Ryn glared at the piece of plastic like they had a personal vendetta against it. "Do I want to know?" the wondered.
"Delores was the only one with me in the apocalypse," Five answered final digging into the food Ryn provided.
Ryn started at the mannequin a bit longer than what is healthy. "Oh, she's like your Wilson," Ryn commented.
Five looked to them for an explanation. Ryn let out a hum and leaned back into the shelving in the van. "It's from a movie, Cast Away. It's about this guy who was in a plane crash, and ended washed up on a deserted island. Another thing that washed up on shore was a volleyball. He hit it with a bloody hand, which sorta made a face. Guy named the ball Wilson, cause brand, and he was his companion through his years on the island.
It makes perfect sense actually. Humans are pack animals, they crave social interaction and being with other people. If there are no other people, they will find the next best thing. Be it a volleyball, mannequin, napkin, chip, or penny."
"You're talking too much," Five said in warning.
Ryn smirked and looked the the mannequin. "Delores, do you think I'm talking to much?" they asked.
Five glared angrily at Ryn. "Don't talk to Delores."
"You're just upset that she liked listening to me," Ryn joked.
"Out!" Five declared, patience already won through.
"Alright," Ryn whined, "I'm done, I'll be quiet."
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Every time they walked past he heard sniffling. Though there were wide instances between, as they were out gathering supplies. Even though they were also set for a couple weeks. It was far too late in the season for it to be allergies.
They returned with the wagon, filled with jug of water. They were still able to find functioning taps with clean water. Something he had given up in once they constructed a way to make clean drinking water from rain. Much easier now with all the ash settled.
"Look what I found," they called out, leaving the wagon in to middle of their living area for the moment. Their voice sounded horse and muffled.
He turned to look at them. They looked pale, eye sunken in, and had a thin coat of sweat on their forehead. Collecting water was no longer a struggle for either of them. "Are you alright?" he asked.
They sniffled. "Just tired, I didn't sleep well last night was just going to turn in early today.
But look, I found this sequin top. Look at it, fully sequin. These stopped being really popular in like the 80's." They laughed at the garment in their hand. "It's so shiny. Could have blinded someone with this when the sun wasn't hidden my smoke."
"How about you head in now," he offered grabbing the sequin top from them.
They scoffed at the idea. "I've still got a lot to do today" they disagreed, moving to put the water away. "I just finished refilling up the water jug. Then I was gonna go gather some more canned food. Should also go check on the farm, weeds can grow so fast. If there was time I was going to look to see if I could find some tires to replace the melted ones."
"No," he demanded.
They turned to look at him. "What?" they questioned, in disbelief.
"You're sick," he pointed out the obvious, "You should be resting."
They scoffed "It's barely a cold. We have to make sure we have enough to survive."
"And we do!" he stressed. "You've made sure of that. We have enough water for weeks, as well as a way to easily access clean water as well. We have a stock pile of can food to last us the rest of the season, as well as fresh food from the farm you made. You can give yourself some days off to make sure your healthy."
"I'll be fine," they assured him.
"What if you aren't?" he asked. "It's just the two of us. All. The medication there is left is far past expired. And there are no doctors. If you get really sick, that's it. There would be no way to treat it."
The looked him in the eye and deadpanned. "I can't die," they pointed out.
"And I don't want to find out if that is true or not," he pointed out. "So just go rest. You don't need to sleep but at least stay off your feet."
"No," they snapped. "This is my life, I get to decide what I do with it."
"Corine!" he matched their tone. "What about me? With you gone, what would happen? You drive me mad as it is, imagine how it be with out you around?"
They clenched their fists and looked to the ground. "I need to keep busy," they said. *If I stop I'll think. If I think I'll wonder what the point of trying, and I won't do anything ever again."
He slowly approached them.
" I know I'm not alright," they confessed," I've never been alright, but what am I meant to do about it. You said it yourself, there no medication, I can't regulate the chemicals in my brain to try and get me to a point I can just function. They only person I have to talk to is obsessed with time travel. My hobby is fixing things that can't be fix. The only way I'll survive is if I focus on surviving."
"But don't you want to live?" he asked hesitantly.
They snapped their head from the ground to look at them. While their eyes held tear, they were also serious. "11 years, 8 months, and 4 days," they said simply. He could easily do the math, their seventeenth birthday.
He took the final step to stand next to them. He reached out and held their hand. "What can I do to help?"
Songs in Chapter (in order of appearance) - I / Me / Myself Will Wood - Beautiful Girls Sean Kingston - Come Together The Beatles - Happy Pharrell Williams
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dogbearinggifts · 5 years
Text
“Dad Sent Me to the Moon” vs. “Because Dad Made Me”
How Luther and Vanya Talk About Trauma, Part Nine
This is Part Nine of my series comparing and contrasting how Luther and Vanya talk about their own respective traumas, and respond to the traumas of others. This part will conclude my examination of the series itself, and my analysis of each episode’s events. I have one more installment planned, where I discuss my overall findings for each character—both how they are portrayed in canon and how they are portrayed in fandom, as well as some general insights on each that I’ve picked up along the way—so stick around for that. 
If this is the first time you’re seeing this series on your dash, you can find previous installments here: 
Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five  Part Six  Part Seven  Part Eight 
and then I swear I’ll finally go through and add links at the bottom of the page on each essay I’m sorry I’ve just been lazy, y’all are awesome for sticking with this
Episode Nine: Changes Part Two (aka Apocalypse…Now?) 
This is not the first mention of trauma in this episode; merely the first mention in this half of it. Nevertheless, it comes when Allison joins Luther, Diego and Klaus in the basement, where Vanya is being held. 
Luther: Allison, what are you doing down here? You should be in bed. Allison: LET HER GO Luther: I can’t do that. She hurt you. Allison: MY FAULT Luther: I’m sorry, but she’s staying put. Just until we know what we’re dealing with. She stays put. Now, come on. Come on. You need to rest.
It’s easy to read this scene as Luther adopting a patronizing attitude toward Allison (“Oh ho ho, I know what’s best for you, silly girl”) or adopting a vindictive one toward Vanya. However, I think both of those interpretations fail to account for the most important piece of the puzzle here: Until very recently, Luther blamed himself for all the awful things Reginald did to him. 
Think back to his reaction upon learning he was sent to the Moon for no reason: “I wasn’t a good enough Number One? I couldn’t cut it?” Luther had just discovered evidence that something awful had been done to him, and he immediately assumed it was a result of something he did. While it’s never explicitly stated that he blamed himself for Reginald mutating him, I would say that based on how Luther reacted to the reveal on his Moon mission, it’s very likely he did blame himself. If only he’d been more careful. If only he’d paid more attention in training. If only he’d done some minor thing that allegedly would have turned the tide in his favor and prevented his near-death. 
And now here’s Allison, who narrowly survived having her throat cut, robbed of her powers and reduced to writing short messages on a notepad—and she’s looking at the woman responsible for her state and saying MY FAULT. 
To Luther, this probably bears a striking resemblance to the self-blame that was his constant companion for years. 
I think that’s why he doesn’t listen to Allison. Not because he thinks he knows what’s best for her. Not because he wants to hurt Vanya further. He’s telling her that Vanya stays put because he believes that Vanya was responsible for her condition. And honestly? He’s right. Allison has received a lot of undeserved ire for her attempted Rumoring of Vanya, but as I pointed out in my previous installment of this series, Allison had no other defense. Vanya was out of control, and Allison had absolutely no idea if catering to Vanya’s demand would allow her to leave that cabin alive or if it would simply prolong her death. What happened to Allison was not her fault. Responsibility for Allison’s state lies with Vanya and Vanya alone. 
Luther wasn’t at that cabin. He didn’t see what happened. But even without firsthand knowledge of what left Allison powerless, he’s still able to recognize self-blame when he sees it. His response to that recognition is poor and leads the family closer to tragedy, but it is rooted in empathy—not spite. 
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Our next trauma mention comes from Vanya, who is….technically talking to herself, although it makes sense in context. Regardless of how difficult it is to quantify something like this, I feel as if what Vanya says here is disregarded in favor of the context in which she says it—that is, fandom tends to woobify Vanya for having a psychotic break and ignore the rather unsympathetic motivations she reveals. 
Young Vanya: They’re still afraid of us. Even after all these years. Afraid of our power. Vanya: You’re not real. Young Vanya: We killed Leonard. Vanya: Because he lied to us. Young Vanya: Not about everything. Vanya: What are you talking about? Young Vanya: You know. You’ve always known. Our brothers and sister, they’re just like Dad. Driven to keep us down. A muted voice, isolated from the group, never in the limelight, never the center of attention. It will never end. Not until we act. Vanya: But they’re our family. Young Vanya: They fear you now. They’re gonna keep you in here forever. Vanya: No. Young Vanya: Do you remember what that was like? Staring at these grey walls, hour after hour, day after day while they played together? Do you want to live like this for the rest of our lives?
Much is made in fandom of the fact Vanya is trapped in this anechoic chamber, but very little is made of what she says while trapped in there. While I’d like to give fandom the benefit of the doubt, I’m inclined to believe that the dialogue in this scene is excluded less by oversight and more by design, because this dialogue surgically dismantles the popular image of Vanya as an innocent victim who is neither dangerous nor at fault for what happened in the cabin. 
First, note what she says to her childhood self about Leonard’s murder: “Because he lied to us.” No hesitation. No remorse. No attempt to justify what she did with claims of self-defense. Leonard lied to her, and so she feels she had a right to kill him. 
So many people in fandom have pointed out Luther’s childish moral code. Sometimes this is done to make him appear less sympathetic; sometimes it is done to point out how his proximity to Reginald stunted him, but it’s done quite often. However, Vanya’s moral code is equally childish—if not more so—and I have yet to see anyone point that out. 
Luther’s moral code: If it hurts people, it is an enemy. If it helps people, it is a friend. This is why he locked Vanya up: She hurt Allison, so she is an enemy and not to be trusted. It’s also why he defended Reginald all those years: Reginald saved his life and gave him and his siblings a roof over their heads and three square meals and material possessions and an opportunity to develop their powers, so he was a friend. This completely discounts Vanya’s remorse and the abuse Luther and his siblings suffered, and the harm this code does is clear. 
Vanya’s moral code: If it makes me feel special, it is good. If it makes me feel ordinary, it is bad. Good things should be held close and defended at all costs; bad things hurt me, so I can hurt them back. Leonard made her feel special for most of the series, so she defended him despite all evidence pointing to the fact he was actually a creepy stalker. Allison made her feel ordinary simply by virtue of having access to and knowledge of her powers while Vanya lacked this, and so Vanya felt justified in punishing her with verbal put-downs and abuse and—eventually—open threats and shows of force. 
One thing I’d like to call attention to, before we go any further, is that Luther’s moral code, while childish and leaving no room for reform or wolves in sheep’s clothing, is fundamentally focused on others. He believes it is his duty to protect others from danger, and from those who wish to do harm—no matter the cost to the person he believes is causing harm. Vanya’s moral code, on the other hand, is fundamentally focused on herself. She judges good and evil, right and wrong based on what people do to her and how they make her feel. Luther’s moral code leaves room for selflessness, or a form of it anyway; Vanya’s moral code is fundamentally selfish and cannot be focused outward. 
Another thing I’d like to call attention to is that in this moment, Vanya has nothing to hide and no reason to conceal her motives. She is alone, and hallucinating her childhood self. If ever there were a time to be honest, this would be it. This is when we get to see her motivations, when we get to learn how she feels about her siblings. And we do.
“You know. You’ve always known. Our brothers and sister, they’re just like Dad. Driven to keep us down. A muted voice, isolated from the group, never in the limelight, never the center of attention. It will never end. Not until we act.” 
So often she is portrayed as a lost and broken little girl who only ever wanted love. Her rampage is made out to be the final snapping of a girl who learned she would never gain the affection she craved, but that assumption is torn to pieces by the words of the very character who is so misconstrued. Vanya is not motivated by a longing for love. She never was. She is motivated by a longing for attention. 
Think about it: Leonard never made any overt displays of love, like flowers or candy, but he did shower her with attention. He listened to her more than he talked, put her center stage, wanted to know everything about her and celebrated her triumphs. When Vanya walks in on the emergency meeting and assumes she was excluded, love was never part of the equation. Attention was what they failed to give her. When she bought the typewriter with which she would write her autobiography, it was the comic book featuring her siblings in the pawnshop window that caused her to snap. The world was still fawning over her siblings; she decided it was time the world listened to her for a change. When she goes on her rampage in the next episode, she doesn’t try to find her siblings and scream at them for never loving her; instead she dons a suit and goes to play her concert. Her rampage, like everything else she does, is not a brokenhearted reaction to a lack of love. It is a blatant attempt to make the world pay attention to her and what she can do. 
I don’t think this is indicative of a character flaw in Vanya, or even her fault. Reginald Hargreeves was not an affectionate man, and his favor toward his children was measured in how much attention he lavished upon them. Luther, as the favorite, received the most; Vanya, being excluded from family life, received the least. It is natural that Vanya would crave attention more than she craves love, or even conflate the two. But it is important to accurately name her motivation. Misconstruing it as heartbroken retaliation for a lack of love fails to adequately explain her actions. 
Another thing worth noting: Vanya doesn’t argue with her childhood self’s assessment of the situation. When her childhood self says “They fear you now. They’re gonna keep you in here forever,” Vanya doesn’t bring up the lack of fear on Allison’s face or the fact she wrote LET HER GO on her notepad for all to see. You can argue that, without the ability to hear what was said, Vanya could have mistaken Klaus’ horror for fear and Diego’s anger toward Luther as anger toward her, but it is impossible for her to misinterpret what Allison wrote. Yet she doesn’t mention it, not even for her childhood self to refute it. 
Nor does she bring up the reason why she’s locked in that chamber: the near-murder of her own sister. She flew into a screaming rage because of her own selective memory, cut her own sister’s throat and spent much of the previous episode assuming Allison was dead at her hand—and that doesn’t even enter her thought process. Yes, she now knows Allison is alive, but she also knows that Allison’s powers are gone because of her. She nearly murdered Allison because Allison took her powers away; yet now she knows she has taken Allison’s powers away, and if she feels any guilt over that, we don’t see it. She only thinks about her siblings in the context of how their actions will impact her. 
Finally, her childhood self reveals a lot about how Vanya sees her siblings’ abuse: “Do you remember what that was like? Staring at these grey walls, hour after hour, day after day while they played together?” Her book (shown in a few blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scenes, and in slightly more detail in the comics) mentions that her siblings were experimented on. She knows they went through training. Yet here, they were just playing. Nothing more than that. Playing without her, having fun in her absence. 
I cannot for the life of me understand how Luther has a reputation in fandom for insisting he had it worse than anyone when Vanya is the only one who calls persistent abuse and experimentation playing. It’s true that she was kept at arm’s length and so this misconception was allowed to grow unabated, but it’s telling that in the ten or so years since she’s left home, she hasn’t reconsidered her adolescent perspective on what her siblings went through. 
********
Episode Ten: The White Violin (aka Apocalypse Vanya) 
This episode is primarily the conclusion of all the story threads introduced thus far, and the only moment I’d like to discuss is the montage where Vanya walks through the Academy hallucinating childhood versions of her siblings rejecting her and treating her as if she doesn’t belong. 
Or, so fandom tells me. 
Here’s what actually happens. 
Vanya opens a door and finds Allison and Luther sitting on the bed about to kiss. Allison hears the noise, turns, and screams at Vanya to get out. 
She opens another door and finds Diego sitting on his bed. He looks up and says, “What do you want?” in a rude, demanding tone. 
Behind another door, she finds Klaus and Ben suiting up for a mission. Ben looks to her and says, “To go on a mission, Vanya, you have to have a power.” 
In the parlor (or a parlor—the Academy is fucking huge) she finds her father and siblings posing for a photo. She watches her teenage self beg Reginald to let her be in the photo; he persistently refuses. Her siblings stand mutely as the photo is taken without her. 
Other users have pointed out that these instances of alleged cruelty are actually normal in families with siblings, and I’m inclined to agree. Vanya interrupted a kiss—possibly a first kiss—and I would say Allison is well within her rights to be angry and upset about it. 
Diego’s reaction is a bit less sympathetic, on the surface, although not uncommon in families with siblings. She intruded on Diego’s privacy, which is annoying in families where parents respect the privacy of their children; but if Reginald believes he has a right to walk in and out of his children’s rooms as he pleases, then Vanya’s intrusion is tantamount to a small betrayal. I speak from experience—I grew up in a household where, when we moved into a house with locks on the bedroom doors, it was made abundantly clear that we were never to use them. My parents rarely knocked, and became belligerent the few times I asked them to. As a result of this, my brother and I treated privacy as sacred. We knocked when the door was closed, we knocked when the door was open, we asked if we could come in. When a much younger sibling of mine would traipse into my room without knocking, I would remain angry about it for much longer than was normal or healthy. Point is, Diego’s annoyance could be normal sibling irritation over a failure to respect his privacy, or it could be something more. Either way, it’s understandable. 
Ben’s reaction is blunt, I’ll say that much, and definitely rude. I could see how Vanya would be hurt by this. However, he’s right. At this point in their childhoods, they both believed she didn’t have a power. If she went on a mission, she’d die very quickly. What Ben says here is less bullying and more brutal honesty—and while the line can definitely blur between the two, I’d say he’s more on the side of honesty than on the side of bullying. 
Reginald is the only one who acts out of malice, refusing to let her be in the family photo. While this is par for the course for him, her siblings say nothing in Vanya’s defense; but I don’t think this is a count against them. Yes, they are all probably powerful enough to take Reginald down almost instantly, but he has conditioned them too well. They obey his authority and fear his retribution. None of them are going to risk his wrath by ruining the family photo. 
I think there are two ways to view this montage. 
These are the worst memories Vanya has of her siblings, the most blatant examples of their bullying, as evidenced by the fact they have stuck with her this long and are painful enough for her to destroy whole rooms as a result of them. 
These are not the worst memories she has of her siblings; rather, they are simply the first to come to mind. Her siblings did far, far worse things to her as a kid, but for some reason, she remembers the mildest ones as she walks through the Academy. 
Personally, I think the first option is more likely. Vanya has spent the entire series ascribing the worst possible motives to her siblings’ actions, even when those actions were either friendly or unintentionally exclusionary; and since she’s already in a heightened emotional state, it seems odd that her mind would move to the mildest memories of their alleged bullying when far worse ones exist. Additionally, the one her mind dredges up about Reginald is pretty awful, so it seems her mind would go for memories of her siblings it considers equal to that of Reginald. 
In other words, I think Vanya is an unreliable narrator when it comes to the suffering her siblings inflicted upon her, and I think this scene is evidence of that. 
I don’t think she is fabricating events out of thin air, and I don’t think she’s twisting details regarding her siblings. When she’s storming out of the Academy, ranting to Leonard about how “nothing is good enough next to their holier-than-thou, weight-of-the-world bullshit,” Vanya doesn’t fabricate snatches of conversation and pass them off as fact. She doesn’t change anything about the details of what happened. She does ascribe motive, and the worst possible motive at that. She does the same thing after Allison’s confession: Rather than presenting an entirely new version of events where Allison tosses off some parting shot (”That’s for taking Dad away from me” or some such) Vanya instead presents her own interpretation of events that directly counters Allison’s recollection of her own motives. 
I believe Vanya is doing a similar thing here. I think the events she is hallucinating actually happened. I do think she walked in on Allison and Luther about to kiss, had Diego rudely rebuff her when she entered without knocking, and heard Ben say she couldn’t go on a mission without a power. But I think her interpretation of them is wildly inaccurate—that is to say, she is assuming that these rejections of her presence were an intentional and willful rejection of her as a person and a member of the family; when in reality, they were actually something far more mundane and, while perhaps not quite benign, not actively malicious. 
I do think her siblings participated, to some extent, in Reginald’s exclusion of her. In an earlier episode, we see Allison confronted with this fact as she witnesses Vanya in the security tapes, always off by herself while she and the others went about their training. Allison is surprised and saddened by this. If she participated in an intentional conspiracy to exclude Vanya, I think she would have made some excuse for it (“Well, she didn’t have a power, so what were we supposed to do? Let her play with us and get herself killed?”). Instead, she is disgusted by the actions she took as a child—actions she evidently didn’t put much thought into at the time. 
I think this is at the root of Vanya’s exclusion: Her siblings did exclude her. They didn’t fight back against Reginald’s cruelty toward her, and they didn’t make a lot of effort to try and include her in their daily activities. However, they didn’t do so out of malice, or even a dislike for Vanya. 
In some branches of Christianity, theologians differentiate between sins of commission and sins of omission. A sin of commission is a conscious choice to do something you know is wrong. You choose to steal. You choose to fudge your taxes. You choose to gossip about a person you don’t like. A sin of omission, on the other hand, is a failure to do what you know is right. You don't go to church. You don’t listen to sound advice. You don’t reach out to someone who desperately needs a friend. I may have some quibbles with Christianity now, but I think this principle is a sound one.** 
From all the evidence we have, it seems Vanya’s siblings excluded her in an act of omission. They knew it was right to include her in more than their late-night donut runs, but they didn’t. Maybe they meant to do it and never did. Maybe they were too afraid of Reginald to reach out. Whatever the case, they should have tried to make her feel like a sibling and not a stranger, and they didn’t. 
Vanya, however, sees this act of omission as an act of commission. Where her siblings know it was tragic oversight that led to a childhood of exclusion, Vanya sees it as intentional. Complicating matters is the fact Reginald’s treatment of her was an act of commission, of willful cruelty and a desire to punish her for something beyond her control. Because her siblings were closer to Reginald than Vanya ever was, and because they too excluded her, I think she came to believe they possessed the same motives as he. This isn’t true, but Vanya has believed it for so long that she now sees every act of omission as an act of commission, and every act of commission as monstrous and unforgivable—even when the person sinning against her is working off of incomplete knowledge and a desire to protect others. 
Running count of trauma mentions (cumulative of all episodes thus far)
Own Trauma: Vanya 11*, Luther 11
Trauma of Others: Vanya 5, Luther 5
*I could count the montage where Vanya wanders through the Academy as a trauma mention, but since she doesn’t technically talk about it to anyone—and in fact, no one sees it but her—it doesn’t quite fit the criteria I used to include Luther’s mutation and exclude Vanya’s book. However, I felt it was crucial to my overall analysis, so I included it in that. 
**I have nothing against it as a religion. If you consider yourself a Christian, great! I think it’s a good faith, and I’m glad it works for you. It just didn’t work for me. 
Read on to Part Ten
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dumbsnakefan · 5 years
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I’m rewatching tua and Luther’s really just trying to take the moral high ground over Vanya when he chocked out his brother, threw him across the room, and later left his dead body on the floor of a club while he went off to get laid
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my predictions for tua S3 (this list will change, feel free to add your own predictions. i will put them in my notes)
1. one of the hargreeves will die
2. the cube from sparrow academy will cause another apocalypse
3. ben will die, again
4. more of the 43 children with powers appear
5. one of the sparrow academy kids have a shape-shifting power
6. reginald will be a traitor
7. s3 will come out in may-july
8. klaus will meet dave again
9. allison falls in love, again
10. harlan will come back and meets with vanya
11. vanya will fall in love also
12. more hargreeves shenanigans
13. drunk siblings, a lot. just some chaotic moments
14. the sparrow academy kids are the polar opposites of the hargreeves. mostly in personality
15. lila will die or kill one of the sparrow
16. the swede will return, will join the hargreeves
17. five snaps, gives up
18. five gets his old body back
19. vanya snaps, again
20. while being in the sparrow academy, ben remembers his memories and life with the hargreeves
21. drunk diego
22. we get to see why reginald made a robot like the exact copy of human grace
23. we know more about reginald and grace back story
24.  five may mention dolores
25. the sparrows are a functional family and don't have trauma
26. a fight between the sparrows and hargreeves
27. the hargreeves powers get better, they get stronger
28. lila replaces ben, becomes a "hargreeves". is actually faking being one
29. we get to see how ben died
30. grace is still alive and is human
31. pogo comes back as well
32. the commission is now good but they're secretly planning something bad
33. the handler isn't actually dead
34. the timeline can't be fixed, the apocalypse is permanent
35. diego and lila fuck and they become a couple
36. lila betrays diego (and his siblings)
37. the sparrow academy siblings have powers that have some connections with the elements (earth, fire, air, water and ice ) or are just a freak show
38. vanya or five stay with the sparrow academy in the end
39. will be a s4
40. we might se some old antagonist as good guys, timeline is broken
41. a lot of comic references
42. possibly death of a sparrow
43. diego stays with lila
44. luther or five confront reginald, luther about the moon five about a way to restore time line. again
45. sissy is dead, probably
46. harlan has telekinesis and mind reading
47. dave doesn't go to the war and lives
48. five gives up, sacrifices himself
49. a lot of chaos
50. something will surprise the fandom, the fans will be shocked and upset
51. the song list will be good, probably some ABBA songs
52. five and lila fight a lot
53. the handler will be mentioned or we get to see how she knew about the 43 six children with powers
54. we will know who was the lady reginald spoke to in s1, was his wife
55. we get to know who the swedes were and their back story
56. we see reginalds true appearance
57. pogo is back, young pogo
58. diego meets grace again, talks to her
59. s3 might leave a lot of suspense, will reveal more secrets
60. five gets back to the commission
61. five being acting like a normal teen despite being an old mas
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raineydays411 · 3 years
Text
Trauma really does bond
The umbrella academy x teen!reader
Summary: It’s time for you to meet your siblings. But what happen when your introductions don’t exactly go as planned?
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You were trembling as you walked behind Pogo and Grace. Its ironic, you’ve waited your whole life for this moment. To finally meet your siblings and expand your family. A childish hope of your siblings one day returning to the mansion and accepting you with open arms. 
But now that you actually have a chance to meet them, you’re terrified. You realized that you have no idea how to talk to people. It’s different than when you talk to Pogo or your mother. These are complete strangers. No matter how many stories you’ve been told, how many times you read Vanyas book, you truly didn’t know these people. How were you meant to be a family? How are you supposed to-
“Y/n? Dear?” 
You’re snapped from your thoughts by your mother calling you.
“Yes, momma?”
“Momma? Pogo, who’s that?”
You turn, again surprised by an unfamiliar voice. There she was. Alison Hargreeves. She’s beautiful. 
Her hair is curly and blonde, with beautiful high cheekbones and glowing brown skin. Her as were kind even as she squinted at you skeptically in confusion.
“Alison, this is Y/n Hargreeves, or Number Eight. She’s your sister.”
Grace again gives you a light nudge, and you move in front of her. It was then that you realized that you are shorter than Alison, having to glance up to meet her eyes. 
“My sister?” She looks at you in disbelief, “How come we didn’t know? This wasn’t mentioned by the press or anything...” 
“Your father decided to keep our dear Y/n a secret.” Grace said wrapping her arm around you, “ She’s been our little secret for 17 years and 4 months.” 
“A secret? But why? I mean, what was the reason?”
“Your father, believed that the world wasn’t ready for a new superhero. Nor was Y/n ready to face the world.” Pogo said with a grim face, “ He had hoped though, that one day he would be able to take her out...but it seems that for now, Y/n shall remain inside.”
You frowned, holding back tears at the thought. You didn’t know that your father had wanted to let you out, nor that he wanted to be there when you were. But, what truly upset you, was that you had to stay in the mansion. Freedom was at the tip of your fingers and you didn’t even know it.
“Stay inside? You mean she’s never been outside?” Alison said horrified.
“Well she has been out in the courtyard and such, but Mr. Hargreeves prohibited her to leave the premises. Nor was she allowed to be in contact with the citizens”
“She’s been here all alone?” Alison asks sadly, “ With no one to talk to? No one her age?” 
“I’m afraid not” Pogo says sadly, looking at you.
You didn’t understand the big deal. Of course you were lonely, and wanted to explore the world, but you knew why you had to stay. You can just hear your fathers words.
“You have a duty Number Eight. A duty to your people and to me. It may not be ideal but sacrifices are hardly ideal.”
And everytime you thought about leaving, you’d remember his words and stay put. Besides you wouldn’t dare disobey your father.
Not after the last time.
“Well,” Alison says gently, leaning down to your eye level, “ Hello Y/n, I’m Alison Hargreeves, your big sister.”
Your eyes widened at her words as your heart filled with joy. For so many years  you imagined those words. You wondered how this whole thing would play out, how meeting your siblings might be. And to hear Alison so readily accept you, it brought tears to your eyes.
“Hello, Alison” You say beaming as you carefully step forward, “ I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you, Momma says you live in California, what is it like?” 
Alison smiles at your question, your demeanor like a small child. It reminded her of Claire...
“It’s very nice, maybe when we have time I’ll be able to tell you all about it.” 
Your smile widens as you turn to your mother excitedly, she smiles back and says, “ That sounds wonderful dear, but you should go and change. You know the rules. You don’t want your father finding you in your night clothes, now would you?”
You furrow your brows,” Momma...”
“No buts now march” She says with a grin. You smile at Alison but see the worried look on her face. 
“So she did notice how weird momma acting” You think to yourself. You stay in a daze as you walk towards your room. Worrying about your mother, grieving your father, and thinking about how you’re finally meeting all your siblings. Then as you turn a corner into the hallway that leads to your room, you’re knocked to the ground as you bump into a wall of a body.
“Ow!” you squeal as you hit the ground, rubbing the back of your head and peering up at the person you bumped into.
“Uh..sorry Y/n” 
“Luther!” You shout, your pain overridden by the happiness you felt at seeing your brother, one that actually knows you exist.
He helps you up, which to him is like picking up a feather, and  before he knew it, your arms are wrapped around his midsection. Luther awkwardly pats your back, not really expecting to be hugged.
“It's great to see you Luther! I read all your mission reports, or rather the ones that Father let me read. I always wished you good night though! Pogo always caught me looking at the moon with that telescope, I hope you don’t mind that I used it. It's just that I missed you so-” Your happy ramblings cut off by a Luther clearing his throat.
“Ahem...right, um hey Y/n, I gotta go...check on something.” He says gently pushing you away, “It was nice seeing you though.”
And with that he walks away, leaving you in the hallway as you stare at his retreating form.
“oh...okay then! I’ll see...see you later.” You say, disheartened by his brief acknowledgement. You sigh, walking into your room. 
“I don’t know why I try...” You mumble to yourself. “ It’s not like he was ever happy to see me before.”
You go into your closet, trying to figure out what to wear. Usually, Grace picked out your outfits, ordered by your father, but she didn’t leave anything out for you today. So, you settled for a black turtleneck sweater, a black and white plaid skirt, black knee high socks with some mary janes. It wasn’t really your go to look, but you felt like it was appropriate given the circumstance. You let your hair loose, curls falling into your face as you let it out of the bun you quickly put it in. 
You go to walk out of the room when you’re stopped by a gleam. You see the necklace your father gave to you after the incident. You stare at it, debating on whether you should put it on or not. You sigh, deciding to wear it, it was his funeral after all. You put it on, the cold metal never truly seem to heat up, the pendant heavy on your chest. You never grew attached to it. It just served as a reminder that you’re stuck in the mansion. You can never leave. Not until he let you and now...
You shake your head. Trying not to get into your thoughts, that's when you heard it. Little scratching at your window. You turn to see Despereaux, the little mouse  you saved when you were younger. Ever since that day it was like you and him formed a bond.
You open the window excited to see your little friend.
“Hello Despereaux, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you.” You whisper as you let him climb on to your shoulder. “ you’ve missed quite a bit since I’ve last seen you. How about some cheese?”
You walk out of your room, Despereaux nestled on your shoulder. As you walk through the long hallways, you bump into another body.
“Ouch, again?” You whisper to yourself, rubbing your forehead.
“Hey watch it...teenage girl?” A male voice said in a perplexed tone. 
You look up to see a man in some rather tight clothes and kohl ringed eyes.
“Hello” You quietly mutter with a soft smile. “I’m Y/n”
“You are adorable.” The man says, “ Where has the old man been hiding you?” 
You blush looking down at your feet, you were never really complimented. Only by Grace.
“ Aww” The man squeals, squishing you to his body. He smelled like booze and sweat but the hug was nice, “ I have no idea who you are but I’m your uncle Klaus from now on.”
“You’re Klaus?” You say excitedly, “ I’m so glad to meet you!” 
You wrap your arms around him, feeling the outline of something hard and metal in the back of his pants. You ignored it though, happy to meet another one of your siblings.
“Ugh it’s so nice to be around someone who isn’t a total stick in the mud.” Klaus says letting go of you, “ Like Luther, all that rage in that big body” 
You giggle at his words and eccentric behavior. It was a stark contrast to the ridgid stoic behavior that you’re used to. Klaus’ grand gestures and silly nature was new to you.
“I’ve heard alot about you.” You say happily, “ Mama always tells me stories about how you used to steal  her shoes and skirts and Father said--”
“Father?” Klaus asked, “ You mean ol’ Reggie bought you too? Or are you like..his offspring? Eww! I don’t want to think about that, shut up Ben.”
Ben?
“Father adopted me, I was born with powers like you.” You clarify for him. 
“Huh, so he managed to create another trauma case before he croaked.” Klaus said in a light voice, “Well. I always wanted a little sister.”
You smile, glad that at least two of your siblings liked you. But what did he mean by trauma case.
“Anywho, I have some... inheritance I need to collect. I, will see you at the funeral, das Kind” 
And with a wiggle of his fingers he was off, gone as quick as when you met him. Leaving you yet again, alone. You shrug off his odd behavior when you heard two voices speaking. 
“ah no, not to my knowledge.”
“But..the spine is broken and there's notes in the margins.”
“ Yes, that would be the work of.. ah Y/n, there you are.”
You jump in surprise, although you should’ve know. You can never eavesdrop with Pogo around.
You walk down the stairs, slowly towards Pogo and.. Vanya!
Out of all the siblings, she’s the one you wanted to meet the most. She, like you was isolated in this mansion. You felt a connection to her as soon as you were able to pick up that book. Your heart raced as you made it to the final step, reaching the first flower and into the living room where Vanya and Pogo were talking. You can see that she is shocked, as all your other siblings were.
“Pogo, who is this?” 
“Go ahead dear, introduce yourself. Just like you practiced.”
You smile widely, “Hi I’m Y/n Hargreeves, I love your book. I’ve read it almost five times now.  You’re Vanya! I’ve been waiting to meet you! You look exactly like the picture on the back of the book! It really is a good book, I-”
“Y/n, take a breath. Let her get a word in.” Pogo chuckled, glad to see that you’re comfortable around Vanya. 
“Oh, right. I’m sorry, father did always say I..tend to talk to much” You say looking down at your shoes. You didn’t notice the frown on both Pogo and Vanyas face.
“You...you read my book?” Vanya asked, still trying to figure out who you are.
“Yes, multiple times. It...well, besides the stories Mama and Pogo told me, this was the only way I got to know all of you.”
“Why didn’t you just come find us?” 
“Oh well..I wasn’t really allowed outside”, you say glancing at Pogo, “ Father said the world and I weren’t ready for each other.”
“You mean, you’ve been alone...all these year?”
“No, not totally alone! I had Pogo, and Mama, and and father too. Plus there were the robots he built, although I did destroy them...and the books and and..”
“Y/n...that’s..that’s not..” Vanya stopped herself. She knew that this must be a sensitive subject for you. The way you listed everyone in your life was practiced. Like you’ve said it to yourself over and over again. And by the grim look on Pogos face, she can tell it wasn’t only you who was sensitive about this subject.
“Well, Y/n..perhaps you should go on in the kitchen and help your mother. Your siblings will be meeting here shortly, it would be nice if they had some snacks, don’t you agree?” Pogo says, forcing a smile at you.
“Oh! Okay” You beam, “ It was nice meeting you Vanya!” 
And with that you scurry off into the kitchen, leaving Vanya and Pogo behind in silence.
“She’s been alone for...” 
“For seventeen years. Yes”
“Pogo...”
“You know your father...once he made up his mind...there was little I can do.”
Vanya sighs and pats Pogo on the shoulder, “It’s good to see you Pogo.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You skip into the kitchen, seeing your mother humming at the sink. You walk up to her and notice that she’s cleaning the same plate over and over again.
“Hi momma!” you say suddenly
“Oh, hello dear. What are you doing in here?” Grace asks putting the plate in the drying rack.
Pogo said it would be nice to make snacks for my siblings” You ask, then feeling movement around your neck, “Oh and some cheese please.”
You forgot Despereaux was on your shoulder, its a wonder that no one has seen him yet.
“hmm snacks we can do.” Grace says with a smile. She goes to the fridge and pulls out some cheese.
“How about some cheese and crackers? Its simple.” she says, “ ans Despereaux here can have his fill as well”
You freeze, caught again by your mother, “ Thanks momma.” 
You both giggle, and side by side you work on cutting the cheese and presenting the crackers. You feel a sense of calm wash over you. You usually do when you’re around your mother. She makes you feel safe. 
“Ahem.” 
You both turn to see Diego in the kitchen doorway.
“Diego dear, you startled us.” Grace said with a smile, “ Come help, we’re making you kids some snacks.”
He barely spares a glance at you.
“Pogo wanted me to come tell you that the meetings starting.”
“Oh, well go on darling, run along and I’ll bring out the snacks later.”
And with that she kisses your forehead and waves you away. She turns back to the  sink and starts humming again. 
You glance back at Diego. He’s glaring at the wall and to be honest you’re surprised he even waited for you. You pick up Despereaux and put him on your shoulder again, and grab some grapes and cheese then stuff it in your skirt pocket. Then you walk up to Diego with a small smile. 
He glances at you and scoffs, then walks away. You have to jog to catch up to him.
“You uh, you walk pretty fast” You say huffing a bit. 
He doesn’t answer you, he just keeps walking in the same pace. You stay silent as well, the trip to the living room longer than you remember.
You finally make it, and you see all your siblings in the room, spread out. You take a seat next to Vanya. You smile at her and take a glance around the room. Luther is sat at the couch across from you and Vanya. Allison and Diego are sat on some chairs, and Klaus is at the bar. 
The six of you sit in an awkward silence until Luther clears his throat.
“ So I guess we should get this started.” He says standing up, “ So I figured we can have sort of a memorial service. At the courtyard at sundown, say a few words. At dad’s favorite spot.”
You nod along and hear Alison speak up, “ Dad had a favorite spot?”
“Yeh at the oak tree, we used to sit out there all the time. None of you did that?” Luther asks.
“Oh yeah, after training” you chime in, causing the adults to look at you. You heard Diego scoff again and saw Luther quickly furrow his brow then smooth out his face again.
“Will there be refreshments?” Klaus asks walking out from behind the bar, “ Tea? Scones? Cucumber sandwiches are always a winner.” 
He goes to take a seat next to you when Luther speaks up
“What? No, and put that out. You know dad didn’t allow smoking in here.”
You roll your eyes. If you had to choose one thing to hate about Luther, you’d choose his insistent need to always be on your Father's good side. He can be such a downer sometimes.
“Is that my skirt?”
You hadn’t even noticed Klaus in the skirt. If you had to be honest, it did really suit him. You let out a small laugh, hearing Klaus mention his “bits”.
“Listen up.”
Oh boy, you’ve heard this tone before. You really forgot how stern Luther could be.
“There’s still some important things that we need to discuss alright ?”
“Um Luther” you squeak out, “ what more is there to talk about? Its not like Father had many friends we can invite. And his only family is us...”
“Yeah. The kids right, what else is there to discuss?” Diego asks.
You turn to him in surprise, this is basically the first time he acknowledged you unprompted. You send him a smile that, as expected, he ignores.
Oh well, small steps.
“ The way he died.”
“ And here we go”
You scrunch your eyebrows, “the way he died?”
Klaus sits next to you, throwing an arm around your shoulder as Vanya speaks up,
“I don’t understand, I thought they said it was a heart attack...”
“A heart attack?” You ask, realizing that no one’s really did tell you how your father died..
You’re question gained a suspicious look from Luther and confusion from the rest.
“ Y/n...you didn’t know?” Alison asked gently.
“ no one told me...” You say quietly, feeling nervous from the sudden attention.
“Well, According or to the coroner it was.” Luther continues.
“Well wouldn’t they know?”
“Theoretically..”
“Theoretically??”
You don’t understand. You don’t understand why nobody told you how your father died. You don’t understand why everyone was acting weird. And you don’t understand why Luther was bringing this up.
You feel a hand on your forearm, breaking you from your thoughts. You turn your head to see Klaus.
“ you lost in space?” He whispers playfully, “ I would be too, having to listen to Detective Daddy issues over here.”
You let out a small chuckle and whisper back, “ well technically we all have daddy issues.”
This earned you a quiet laugh and a pat on the arm. Then Klaus went to drink whatever was in his cup. And you tuned in again.
“ i’m just saying at the very least something happened. ” Luther says looking around the room, “ The last time I talk to dad he sounded strange.”
“Oh quelle surprise!” Klaus gurgles through his drink.
The rest of the adult ignored him, only sparing him a quick glance.
“Strange how?” Alison asked, continuing the conversation.
“ he sounded on edge”, Luther said, “ told me to be careful who to trust.”
He then gave you pointed look. You looked back at him perplexed, not knowing why he looked at you that way.
“Luther,” Diego chimed in, “ he was a paranoid, bitter old man who was starting to lose what was left of his marbles. ”
You frown at that statement. Sure your father was old and sort of eccentric, but his mind was sharp.
But come to think of it he was acting really weird the week before he died. He started telling you more about your siblings, about your place in the world and how you were meant to help it. He spent more time with you more than he ever has your whole life. He was, in his own way, nicer to you. Nicer in training, nicer on your free time, nicer in general. He took you out to the old oak tree more often, and just sat there with you, no lectures, no tirades, he just sat in silence.
It was almost like... like he knew he was going to die. 

“I can’t just call dad in the afterlife and be like, “ hey dad can you stop playing tennis with Hitler really quick and take a quick call?’” Klaus says exasperatedly.
Oh right you forgot, he can talk to ghosts.
“ since when? that’s your thing.” Luther asks
“ i’m not in the right... Frame of mind!!” 
“ You’re high?” Alison asks
“Yeah!” Klaus laughs, “ Who wouldn’t be listening to this nonsense. Right kiddo?”
He nudged you gently look at you for confirmation.
Your eyes widen and before you can even answer Diego cut you off,
“ Don’t bring her in this, she probably isn’t even know what being high is.”
You most certainly do. You’re not a child.
“ Look, just sober up this is important!” Luther demands , then continues on, “ and then there’s the missing monocle.”
“Who gives a shit about the missing monocle?” Diego mutters.
“ Father is missing his monocle?” You ask, getting ignored again.
“Exactly, it’s worthless.” Luther states, “ so whoever took it it must’ve been personal.”
The group starts to actually pay attention to him
“ Someone close to him, someone with a grudge.” He determines.
Wait...he’s not implying..
“Where are you going with this?” Klaus asks
“Oh, isn’t obvious Klaus?” Diego taunts, “ He thinks one of us killed dad.”
Luther grunts, but doesn’t deny his accusation.
The room goes silent as everyone tries to come to terms with what was revealed.
“ Luther...” you start sadly, feeling hurt and betrayed.
“You do?” Klaus asks in disbelief
“How could you think that?” Vanya chimes in
“ is it really that far-fetched?” Luther defends himself, “ I mean, it’s not secret how much you all hate him.”
“Luther.” Alison says sternly
“ That’s not fair accusation, there’s no evidence or anything...” you say defending your siblings, “ Besides, no one came home until today. Trust me, I’d know.”
But that just turned him on you 
“ And where were you when he died?”
Your breath hitched, “ what?”
“ You’re the one who can heal people right? So where were you? Why didn’t you heal him?” He demands, “ Or did you let him die?”
“ Luther!” Alison shouts at him
You stay silent as you can’t think of anything to say. You already felt horrible about not being able to save your father. But yo hear it from Luther...
“I..” you start to say but get choked up. You feel the walls close up around you and the heavy gaze of these adults. You quickly stand up and run out of the room sniffing.
It was then that Luther realized what he just accused you of.
“Y/n wait..” he starts but you’re already gone by the time he spoke up. He turns to the rest of his siblings, facing their glares and betrayed looks.
“ Great job Luther.” Diego says sarcastically, “ Way to lead.”
And with that he walks out the room.
“That’s..that’s not what I’m saying”
“You’re crazy man. You’re crazy.” Klaus said getting up from his spot and grabbing his things. “Crazy”
“I..I wasn’t finished”
“ Okay, sorry I’m just gonna go get Y/n and have her help me murder mom.” Klaus sneers, “ You know, after I get her to stop crying, be right back.”
“That’s not what I was saying!” Luther says, “ I didn’t—“ he cuts himself off, seeing as everyone but Alison left.
Then she gets up to leave, but says this
“ That little girl has had it rough enough growing up here, she doesn’t need anymore from you.”
Then she walks out ignoring what Luther tries to say.
Leaving him all alone.
“That went well.”
1K notes · View notes
previouslynarnie · 3 years
Text
absolutely no one asked but my tua season three wish list includes but is not limited to and in no particular order:
Diego continuously hunting Lila down to talk to her and trying to convince her to join his family, and finally when she can’t evade him because people are after her and trying to kill her, they talk while fighting them to the tune of Take a Chance on Me by ABBA
the siblings beginning to rectify leaving Vanya out throughout their childhood via going with her to a tattoo parlor so she can get a matching umbrella academy tattoo while Vanya grabs on to Luther’s hand (Luther because only he would be able to handle the agony of Vanya’s iron clutches) for moral support
sibling mall trip with Vanya and Allison pulling Five into a photo booth because why not (bonus if the rest of the brothers try to get in on it and cramp the already non-existent space in the booth, come on Luther) (added bonus if they each keep a strip of photos and argue over the best ones)
the siblings noticing and doing something about the signs that Five is breaking down and needs emotional and mental support from the trauma that is his life + a freaking hug how about one from each of the siblings with verbal affirmations (bonus if it’s a fam group hug with Luther’s arms around them and Five squashed in the middle of it all)
the siblings reverting to childish behavior bc Grace and Pogo don���t know them + Diego being salty bc Mom doesn’t know who I am and extra salty bc one of the sparrow kids notice it bothers him and rubs it in his face
Klaus being taken more seriously and getting the help and support he needs
Klaus and angsty Ben having their first conversation and it being the most awkward thing ever bc isn’t Ben supposed to be dead and seeing that this isn’t the case, isn’t Ben supposed to be... Ben??
the umbrella academy and the sparrow academy fighting each other, physically or verbally I have no preference
the umbrella academy and the sparrow academy fighting together
the umbrella academy and the sparrow academy being domestic and chilling with one another at the end of the season (i.e. movie night all snuggled up together in the living room eating popcorn having just survived hell and Reginald Hargreeves)
Five crying and/or expressing his emotions and being heard because he’s more than earned the right to grieve and process everything that’s happened and be loved
Allison getting joint custody of Claire + reunion scene + meet your uncles and aunt scene
Luther meeting Claire and her calling him “Spaceboy!”
Five meeting Claire and he receives his first hug in years + Claire teaching him about the trends and tech of today + Five being coerced to watch Claire’s favorite Disney movie and letting her sleep on his shoulder when she falls asleep on the couch halfway through + Allison covering them both with a blanket when she finds them both asleep
Five bonding with each of his siblings and getting the appreciation and recognition he deserves
Diego going to see Vanya play and bringing her a bouquet of flowers at the end of the concert
the siblings being super protective of Vanya when she meets someone new because a) they love her and b) remember when she dated a serial killer?
a post-credits scene similar to the Avengers in which the siblings are sitting together eating at Griddy’s Donuts or another donut joint if Griddy’s has already closed after they save the world and Five being the first to get sick and proceed to blink to the trash can and puke into it
maybe an episode where Five finally succumbs to his fatigue and just sleeps the day away in his room and despite the fact that there are things going on and they need his help, they let him sleep because he deserves to rest, damn it!!
bonus if there’s a big fight scene with all hell breaking loose with a badass song playing in the background and it keeps cutting to Five snoring soundly in his bed
Five fighting alongside his siblings
Five dancing with his siblings
any scene with any ABBA song playing but preferably a fight scene, I beg
to be continued (maybe I’ll write a fic of each scenario??)
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I kind of hate how this fandom just ignores that Vanya published a book about all of the siblings’ private traumas for the whole world to read. In no way, shape, or form was that okay. The abuse she went through does not excuse it, just like how the abuse Luther went through does not excuse his violence. I can love both of them as characters anyway, and I do, but I hate how the Umbrella Academy fandom seems hellbent on hating Luther for the rest of their days and yet dismisses Vanya’s crime so easily I forgot it even happened until I watched the show again.
Just because you love her and she's a victim doesn't mean her behavior is excusable or forgettable. I'm calling that for the bullshit it is. She did something wrong, and I wish more of us would acknowledge it, because it deserves to be talked about.
You cannot excuse your favorite characters for their mistakes any more than you can demonize the ones you hate for theirs.
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winter-came · 3 years
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Luther Hargreeves defense rant.
Okay I just have to write my thoughts down and feel free to unfollow me after this. Luther Hargreeves DOES NOT deserve the hate he gets. /I know I used to hate him too but I changed my mind and now you will all hear why/ First of all, he is Number One which essentially means he is oldest when it comes to dynamics of siblings. It was drilled into his brain (since he was child) that he is the leader, that he is supposed to take care of his siblings, that if anything goes sideways - he is the one to blame. (I think in comics Luther blames himself for Ben’s death). This kind of pressure fucks you up enough, you never learn how to take care of yourself or to think about yourself first because there is always someone else (sibling) to be taken care of. Luther was literally the last man standing. His team, his siblings - he had to watch them leave one by one. Some without explanation (Five), some by tragedy (Ben) and eventually the whole academy dissolved. He was the last man standing, staying with Reginald. Okay, granted, you can call him stupid for staying with Reggie for so long. The blind devotion he bore to his father. Take this: we all at some point of our lives had an illusion about our parents, and it eventually ended up shattered. Especially with abusive parents, there is always a hope we hold for as long as possible (that they love us, that they mean well, that there is reason for their behaviour, an excuse to excuse them). Imagine losing all of your siblings one by one right in front of your eyes, having no one to talk to anymore, being a ghost in that huge mansion without a person to care about you (examples: *that shot of Luther eating alone in kitchen*, “You don’t have to call me by my number anymore.” “Why?” “Because I am the only one here”). That is burdening and heartbreaking and sad and you can fight me on that. Secondly, he literally almost died and then his father turned his body into something Luther hates every second of his existence. And then, he is sent to the Moon, for four years. (Lot of you could start pulling out “Five spent 45 years in apocalypse” card and let me stop you right there. Yes, Five’s trauma is valid - so is Luther’s. It was still isolation, it was still being on your own and to add spice to it, Luther believed it had purpose (which upon finding out it was all fake and lie, shattered him completely) and Luther knew his siblings were well and living/ enjoying their life. He was there, trapped, serving his father and (according to that one quote by a producer) thinking about ending it all. You can’t dismiss all of that just because it was not an apocalypse and 45 years. In season two, Luther was suicidal and self destructive /him implying he doesn’t care he will die with the rest of world, him letting that guy beat the shit out of him, etc./ and some of you just ignore it. Luther Hargreeves has as much of trauma as the rest of TUA but because he isn't "funny/dramatic/addicted (Klaus) or fucking furious (Diego) or actively sarcastic and self-sacrificing (Five) or numbed down bisexual (Vanya), people love to ignore it and brush it off and hate on him. He is not that relatable or that funny or that tragic but THAT DOES NOT MAKE ALL OF WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM ANY LESS VALID!. You wanna say: Oh but he locked up Vanya! Okay, granted he did. He did hella stupid shits. So did the rest of them. Klaus never told them Ben was there, Vanya killed Pogo and ended the world, Allison manipulated everyone around her, Diego has been reckless without regard to law or his own life often enough, Five is a literal assassin, etc. And as my good friend @old-goddess-writer pointed out: the rest of them can hide their trauma, their powers, they can choose not show them off, they can fake and pretend (I am NOT! saying that's advantage or a good thing or healthy thing, but it is choice they have). Luther won’t ever be able to hide what has been done to him, because the proof everyone can see -is his body. And he hates it. He won’t ever be able to go and pretend to have life because people will point
fingers at him. I don’t intend to make his sibling’s traumas any less valid or important. I am just saying I will no longer stand Luther Hargreeves slander. F I G H T M E. btw. @disco-tea you might like to read this.
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in-tua-deep · 2 years
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Don’t forget October 3rd. Tua fma au???
I’ll be honest I only watched a chunk of fmab and everything else I know about the series comes from the fandom lmao
But this could be funny sO some tidbits from an au I will not actually write
AU where truth spots some weird anomaly in space time and picks it up only to almost get his face torn off by a feral five and is like “I know exactly where to put you!! :)” and all the hargreeves pop up in Roy’s office
Allison and Hawkeye get along like a house on fire
And by that I mean Allison and Hawkeye spar, Allison flips her like a pancake, and Hawkeye has to prevent herself from getting down on one knee on the spot
Allison sees Hawkeyes shooting skills and asks Hawkeye to teach her, like Allison doesn’t already know how to shoot a gun, and they have a way too sexually charged lesson
Havoc ends up with the biggest crush on Klaus but doesn’t KNOW about it for like, the equivalent of an entire season
Everyone has running bets on how long it will take Havoc to realize
(Klaus is winning)
Havoc keeps playing yearning music and keeps saying “I don’t know I’m just in the mood for it!” while he’s sobbing after seeing klaus for 1 second
Roy takes one look at feral thirteen year old five next to an equally feral fifteen year old Ed and is like “no absolutely not”
Five is a mathematical prodigy and loves the logic of alchemy and picks it up QUICK
Five and Ed are at each other’s throats like, full knives out sides are taken and buildings may not survive
Al: brother why do you hate the newcomer so much
Ed: hate him? What are you talking about this is the best debate I’ve had in years and I WILL prove that shit wrong about the application of soul alchemy in teleportation and make him EAT his fucking words
Vanya has such strong fade into the background energy that a dedicated cult pops up among the investigations office
Vanya speaks up and jump scares the entire room who completely didn’t realize or forgot about the existence of an entire person
Investigations: how do you DO IT?
Vanya: thanks it’s the trauma :)
Luther hangs out with the cool chimera people and also ends up as very weird friends with Major Armstrong
Major Armstrong cries a lot but is also a bizarrely good friend and also they are flexing buddies
Al can see Ben bc of fucked up soul alchemy reasons and they just trade snide comments about their siblings back and forth before going to bail them out
Diego runs around capturing criminals and also hanging out with the team Roy squad, somehow ends up being regarded as the second most competent hargreeves after Allison
Idk maybe truth is the reason why all those women had spontaneous pregnancies, like haha fun being a weird fucked up little god :)
The hargreeves and elrics shake hands over trauma surrounding father figures
Five: I’m going to kill truth with my bare hands
Ed, tearing up: you’re my best friend
Al: what about winry
Ed: winry is FAMILY, al. five on the other hand is a piece of shit who I will enjoy murdering in cold blood (affectionate)
Five: fuck you too, bitchboy (affectionate)
Klaus keeps making comments about five making friends while five and ed are rolling around trying to strangle each other and destroying Roy’s office in the process
Roy desperately keeps trying to get the hargreeves to care about going home so they can no longer be his problem
(None of them are that interested in going home sorry Roy sucks to suck)
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lavendersugarplum · 3 years
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☂︎ZEROᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉᵈ ᵘᵐᵇʳᵉˡˡᵃ
(The Umbrella Academy x Sibling! Adolescent! Reader)
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sᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀs
─━━━━━━⊱☂︎⊰━━━━━━─
ZERO WAS OBSERVING HERSELF in the mirror imagining what her day would be like this morning. The change in the weather already had her feeling gloom, but she didn't really expect much from today. It was probably just going to be just like every morning, or so she thought.
Seconds later, Pogo came in, gently, through the door. "Miss Y/n, Luther, and the rest of your siblings are here." As soon as those words fell out of the chimp's mouth she froze as if she didn't know how to process what he just said. She couldn't believe it. Zero didn't think that they would even attend. After how so Sir Reginald treated them, this must be some kind of joke. Once Zero fully processed what was happening, she positions herself around and raised an eyebrow. "Why hadn't you told me they were coming before?"
"I wanted it to be a surprise." Pogo smiled gently at her before walking up to fix the tie on her uniform. Once he was done tying it, he looked at her with his big brown eyes. "You'll do fine. Just talk to them." Zero nodded in understanding, eyes furrowed. "I see....... and Pogo?
"Yes?""You don't have to call me Miss. I'm not quite grown up, as you can see."
"Well, I think you've grown to be a mature young lady," Pogo said smiling.
"Too bad Mr. Hargreeves didn't think so." Zero thought as she walked out of the room.
~☂︎~
TO SAY THAT SHE WAS nervous was an understatement. It had been forever since she had seen any of her siblings at all, including Luther. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of Zero's head in anxiousness. Within every step she took getting closer to the living room, the feeling of her throat closing up came with it.
When Zero arrived in the living room, the first person she saw was her bulky brother Luther along with Diego, Allison, Klaus, and Vanya. They had all looked so grown up. It almost made Zero envy for how mature they had gotten.
"Zero has arrived." Pogo announced causing the five to have their eyes zapped straight to Zero. Vanya was the first to walk up to her with welcoming arms. "Zero." Vanya went over to hug her, causing Zero to back away trying to contain her abilities from being triggered. "I'm sorry." Vanya apologized as she backed away.
"You came back." Zero said, putting what had just happened aside. She was just overjoyed and slightly overwhelmed to see her family again.
"I told you I would come back." Vanya shyly smiled, running a hand through her dark brunette hair. The next person to the conversation was Klaus.
"Oh my, Zero! Well I'd say you don't look a day over..... Since I last saw you!" Klaus said acting surprised but was just really being a tease."Some family reunion, huh?" Zero slightly rolled her eyes at him. "Go on, M-I mean Zero. Go sit by Luther." Pogo held his hand out in the direction of the couch. As Zero made her way over to the couch, she tried to avoid eye contact with her siblings in pure shyness.
"So do you come out of your room now or is it just for stupid occasions like these?" Diego asked, clearly annoyed.
"Diego." Allison warned.
"It's fine." Zero said quietly, voice barely above a whisper. As soon as she said that Klaus's eyes widened.
"Wait. She can talk now?"
Klaus asked, but everyone just ignored it as a question.
"Why am I always the last to know about stuff?" Klaus groans as he fixes himself a drink.
A pensive silence starts to enclose over the room. Zero understood it was kinda awkward because none of them saw each other in such a long time.
Zero observed her siblings as they had their moments of silence. She looked to Luther who looked the same just as when he had left. With the chimpanzee DNA he took, he had gotten taller. She remembers when they were younger, with him being the leader. She knows Luther tried his best, but Reginald didn't think that was enough. Luther was always the leader, and she could feel how much it always got on Diego's nerves. Those two were always getting into rivalries.
Sh started to feel bad that he's going to realize he went to the moon for no reason. Reginald didn't read his reports at all; and she knew that.
Even though Luther was raised to be the best and most useful, Zero couldn't deny that he went through some trauma. They all did. He was raised to believe he was the best and a leader. Another example of Reginald's bad parenting. And as a result, his ego is still here, as Zero noticed. He's the only one that still cares for his father, while Zero just doesn't know how to feel after all the things he did to her. They say it's always better to forgive, but Zero just doesn't know.
Luther loved being hero more than anything, she had to  just hope that he wouldn't put that over himself and his family.
Her pupils bored over to Diego. He may be brash, but deep down Zero senses that he's insecure and still wants to prove himself. Still trying to measure up to Luther, even though Diego has become very skilled in Zero's eyes. She still remembers the time when they had first interacted.
~☂︎~
ZERO WAS WALKING DOWN the hall with Reginald's reports in her hand; taking them to him. A thud into her shoulder made every last one of the reports fall out of her hand, but like magic, she reached her hands and the reports defied gravity to arrive back into her possession.
"Sorry"
Zero was about to walk away but Diego stopped her.
"W-wait. I heard you in my mind. What kind of ridiculous trick are you playing on?"
"...... I can read minds and feel emotions."
"Well don't do that on me. I-i don't need a weird girl like you looking through my mind." With that Diego walked away, keeping a guard on his mind.
~☂︎~
ZERO THEN PEERS AT ALLISON. She had grown up to be a very pretty girl, as so Zero thought. Allison was always nice towards everyone in the Umbrella Academy. She never once talked bad about anyone behind their backs, which is quite admirable to Zero. How much Allison craved for attention is what she didn't notice.
Then there's Klaus. Still the same rebellious person he is. Zero admires how he can just move on and not dwell on the past too much. Sweet and vulnerable as a boy, and also her other close friend thanks to Ben. Besides herself, Klaus got experimented on by Sir Reginald the most. Through the years he has become not all himself, which awakens her concern for his well-being.
Finally, there's Vanya. Zero learned that she became a writer. She remembers when she sent her book to Reginald, but he never read it. Zero finds herself wondering how her music career was doing. Though in the past she seemed aloof, not want to have anything to do with her siblings, Zero had always watched them from afar, knowing their feelings and insecurities.
But sometimes it would be too much feelings and insecurities.
Zero's thought process was interrupted when Luther began the gathering speech.
"I guess we should get this started. So, I figured we could have a sort of memorial service in the courtyard at sundown. Say a few words, just at dad's favorite spot."
"Dad had a favorite spot?" Allison asked, astonished, an expression of surprise crossing her face along with the others.
"You know, under an oak tree. We used to sit out there all the time. None of you ever did that?" Luther asked, like it was a usual thing.
Not all of us were his Number One, is what Zero thought.
"Will there be any refreshments? TV? Scones? Cucumber sandwiches are always a winner." Klaus asked as he nonchalantly popped a joint, joining his siblings in the living room, drink in hand. Luther's face scrunched up at Klaus.
"What? No. And put that out. Dad didn't allow smoking in here."
"Is that my skirt?" Allison says in tone, referring to the skirt Klaus was wearing. "What? Oh, yeah, this. I found it in your room. It's a little dated, I know. But it's very breathy on the." Klaus motions his hands. ".... Bits."
"Listen up. Still, some important things that we need to discuss, all right?" Luther proceeds.
"Like what?" Diego asked dryly and uninterested.
"Like the way he died."
"And here we go." Diego rolled his eyes, uninterested.
"I don't understand." Vanya mumbles. I thought they said it was a heart attack."
"Yeah, according to the coroner."
"Well, wouldn't they know?"
"Theoretically," Luther explained.
"Theoretically?" Allison asked.
"I'm just saying, at the very least, something happened. the last time I talked to Dad, he sounded strange."
"Oh, Quelle surprise!" Klaus exclaimed gurgling his drink.
"Strange how?" Allison asked.
"He sounded on edge. Told me I should be careful who to trust. Hearing these things made Zero look up from her lap, at Luther.
"Luther, he was a paranoid, bitter old man who was starting to lose what was left of his marbles," Diego said walking over to him.
"No. He must have known something was going to happen. Zero, you must know something. Did he say anything out of the usual to you?" Luther said kneeling to Zero.
".........No." Zero replied, looking back down.
Luther sighed and got back up. "Look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need you to talk to Dad," Luther said referring to Klaus, causing Allison to scoff.
"I can't just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, "Dad, could you just...stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?"
"Since when? That's your thing," Luther encourages.
"I'm just not in the right frame of mind," Klaus replied.
"You're high?" Allison exclaims.
"Yeah! Yeah! I mean, how are you not listening to this nonsense?"
"Well, sober up, this is important. Then there's the issue of the missing monocle." Luther said.
"Who gives a shit about a stupid monocle?" Diego said.
"Exactly. It's worthless. So whoever took it, I think it was personal. Someone close to him. Someone with a grudge."
"Where are you going with this?" Klaus asked.
"Oh, is it obvious, Klaus? He thinks one of us killed dad." Diego said, eyes trained on Luther.
"You do?" Klaus said in awe.
"And I already know exactly who is the main suspect is. He thinks Zero did it." As soon as Diego said that everyone's eyes went wide and Zero tensed up.
"No, Zero. That's not-" Luther reached out for Zero, but she backed away.
"Why......do you lie?" That was the last thing she said before walking out of the room, heading for her bedroom.
"How could you think she would do that," Vanya said in disbelief.
"She's a kid, Luther," Diego said.
"You're crazy, man. You're crazy. Crazy."
Klaus, Vanya, and Diego started to storm at the room not wanting to continue with the conversation anymore.
Allison started to walk away too with a disappointed look on her face.
"That went well," Luther said sarcastically. He sighs and settles down on one the couches and rubs his head in exhaustion.
"Master Luther."
Luther's thoughts were halted by Pogo, who walked in; wooden walking stick glued to his paw. Luther had called him in to ask him about Sir Reginald's Monocle which turned to be missing.
"I'm trying to locate Dad's monocle. Have you perhaps seen it?"
Pogo simply shakes his head.
"No, unfortunately I haven't, but I would assume it would be one of his personal findings."
"It's not there... I've already checked." Luther goes silent almost about to give up.
~☂︎~
ZERO WAS IN HER BEDROOM reading the book Ben gave her. She already read it a thousand times, but this book is the only thing she has of Ben. She soon started to hear the music play in the house. She shook her head and kept reading. Zero' started to think about what Luther had said about their father seeming off. It wasn't just him, she also noticed he was a out of character months before he passed. Reginald started telling her more about the world beyond the Academy. Of course they would have their usual sessions, like playing chest or eating breakfast together. Sometimes they would just sit by the fireplace in silence. No lectures, no teachings, just silence.
Zero's thought process was diminished by a Thunder clap and sound clouding her ears, along with bright blue shadowing over her room. Zero decided she would stay in a room since there is no way she was going outside. A blue glint casted her eyes as she just stared in awe at the illuminating glow. It was some sort of a wormhole forming in mid-air. She saw her siblings going out to look at it as well.
"And just what do they think they're doing?"
She saw Klaus coming out with a fire extinguisher throwing it in. She then saw Luther directing them to back away from it. All the Hargreeves just stared at it with the wind ferociously blowing. The unbelievable happened. A small figure fell from the whole. As soon as the person hit the ground, the wormhole instantly closed up.
The siblings started to inch closer to the figure, along with Zero who examined the person with curious eyes, eyes widening at what it was.
It was her missing brother.
Five Hargreeeves
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petersthree · 4 years
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Will I ever shut up about TUA? Probably, but not today, because I’ve been thinking a lot about Five and Ben and how their stories parallel each other and I am emotional. 
It’s so interesting to me, the common things that they share - they both were probably the closest/most supportive to Vanya, and both of them “left” the family in a sense. Five’s disappearance fractured the family, and Ben’s death cause it to completely break apart. They both have an interesting arc of isolation, wanting their siblings back, and being “stuck” down to the point that they’re literally stuck in the clothes that they were wearing when they disappeared from their families. 
Let’s start with Five - I was surprised, at first, that he seemed calm in his talk with Reginald. That he said he gave Reginald a hard time, instead of putting blame on Reginald. Because sure, yeah, Five is a little shit but Reginald is literally an abusive parent, why would Five, who’s arguably smart and seemed to not care about Reginald’s death in the first place, say that he was the problem? And then I thought about it and honestly - it make sense. We’ve seen an episode on Five’s life, the isolation that he felt and how badly he wanted to see his siblings again. And well, I guess he did see his siblings but their bodies, a reminder that they were in danger somewhere back in time and that he couldn’t get to them. Five is left alone with his thoughts and bodies of people he couldn’t save, and like he tells Diego, all he hears is Reginald’s voice, every day, saying “I told you so.” He has the proof that Reginald is right, he goes back and narrowly avoids it only to immediately see yet another future where his siblings die, and he’s constantly trying to go above and beyond to save his siblings. 
We even see it in his scene with Vanya - when she asks him who started the apocalypse, Five hesitates and says an asteroid, because he doesn’t want to hurt her, as blunt and detached as he’s seemed this whole series. Five probably doesn’t even really blame her, but himself. He’s convinced himself that he needs to be the one who saves his family, he goes at a lot of things alone and without their knowledge, he tries this because his isolation led him to believe that yes, Reginald was right and Five was wrong. Maybe if hadn’t been stubborn as a kid this wouldn’t have happened, maybe if he had practiced instead of being overeager they wouldn’t be in this situation. It strikes me that Five is in his same clothes, something we joke about, but Five keeps himself in this by choice. It’s a reminder of when he left, when he realized he’d made a mistake, a symbol of what happened and a reminder that he needs to save his family no matter what.
And now looking at Ben. Ben has Klaus, yes, but we see, especially in season 2, how much Ben struggles with isolation. He only has Klaus, and as much as I love him, Klaus straight up denies Ben the autonomy to interact with other humans based off of pettiness. Ben has been a passive observer for 17 years, he’s stuck in his clothes because he literally cannot change them. But you know what else? We don’t see a whole lot on Ben outside of Klaus, but we get a good glimpse on how life (or well, the afterlife) is for him when all the siblings are together. When they leave and we see Ben say, “I missed you all. So much.” He’s there, seeing everything that they do, trying to be there but unable to, and he loves them, he knows them, he understands them. Ben is the least “resentful” sibling outside of his occasional resentment towards Klaus - he wants to see his siblings succeed and be okay, and I think it’s an important look on how he lived as a ghost while they were all in the house, because they all didn’t leave right away. 
In the house? Sure he’s stuck to Klaus, but he could still see his other siblings, see how they were doing and coping. Reginald did a great job of turning the kids against each other and making them feel alone in their trauma, but Ben as a ghost got to see that Vanya was being drugged and isolated, that Luther and Allison felt like they only had each other, that Klaus needed to dope himself up to not feel the pain, he saw everything the siblings were going through and how Reginald was treating them, and you know what his conclusion was? What he said to Vanya - that Reginald was afraid of her, drugged her, made her suppress her emotions, and that was messed up. He lets her know, Vanya is surprised to hear it and probably never even realized that it was messed up, but Ben lets her know. He’s recognized that Reginald is an abusive father but that it is not their fault and that they are not the monsters because of Reginald’s bad parenting. Ben has had this time to think about who’s at fault and it wasn’t him, it wasn’t Five, it wasn’t Vanya, they were all children, it was the grown man who was supposed to be a father. 
It’s just so amazing to see and I don’t know if they’re intentionally contrasted but I think it’s so cool and heartbreaking to see how these two had to deal with isolation and came to different conclusions on their father, yes, but also came back with so much love and care for their siblings even if they express it differently. 
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dogbearinggifts · 5 years
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“Dad Sent Me to the Moon” vs. “Because Dad Made Me”
How Luther and Vanya Talk About Trauma, Part Two
This is Part Two of a series examining how Luther and Vanya address their own trauma and respond to the trauma of others. My goal is to compare their canon reactions to how fandom portrays them, and see if the common perceptions are accurate. As I said in Part One, I’m not out to make one character look better than another; I just want to examine what happens and what is said and give each scene as fair an analysis as I can. 
You can read Part One here. 
Episode 3: Extra Ordinary
This is the episode where we learn about Vanya’s book—but as I said I wasn’t going to count it as a mention of her trauma, I’m going to leave that aside. A few scenes after this montage, though, we find Luther and Allison in the main living area, discussing Grace’s potential involvement in Reginald’s death. Before long, though, Luther changes the subject. 
Allison: And then we left her here. Alone. In this house, for thirteen years! I mean, no wonder she lost her mind. To be away from your kids?  Luther: Hey, what happened with…Claire? With Patrick? You never told me.  Allison: Yeah, I don’t want to talk about it.  Luther: It’s just…when we were kids, we used to sit in here and tell each other everything.  Allison: Yeah, and then we grew up. Pause Things got ugly between Patrick and me. Now the court tells me I have to do this mandatory therapy thing before I can have visitation.  Luther: What for?  Allison looks at him, then away.  Luther: You used your power on her.  Allison: I mean, there were these days when she would have these epic meltdowns. And no matter what I said, she wouldn’t stop. She was three then, and I…I know that’s what three-year-olds are supposed to do. So I said I would do it that one time. Only it wasn’t just that one time. I told myself any parent with my power would do the same. That it wasn’t wrong. I just had an advantage. I mean, from the time I was little, I used it to get everything I wanted. With Dad, with my career…but now I know nothing in my life was real. So I’m starting over. I just didn’t think it would be so hard.  Luther: It’ll get easier. Some things just take time.  Allison: Yeah. And some things just stay broken. 
What’s interesting about this exchange—which is the first time Luther has responded to someone else’s trauma—is that Allison is not the one who brings it up. The subject of Grace’s mental state is tangential to the topic of why Patrick filed for divorce and got custody of Claire, and Luther is the one who brings it up. Allison at first hedges, Luther pushes a bit, and she tells him everything. 
Now, there are two ways to look at this, the first being that Luther is nosy. He had no reason to pry into her personal life, Claire had nothing to do with him, and he just wants to know all the juicy details about Allison’s divorce, possibly so he won’t have to feel guilty should he decide to make a move on her later on. While I can see evidence to support this theory, I don’t think that’s what’s happening here. Rather, I think Luther could tell Allison was upset about her divorce and even more upset about losing custody of her daughter. As he said, he and Allison used to tell each other everything, so he’s probably heard her vent about more than a few things before the family broke apart, and he’s probably seen her become noticeably calmer after she’s had a chance to get whatever ailed her off her chest. To me, it seems Luther is expressing concern for her, and giving her a chance to vent. 
What’s more interesting about this exchange, though, is what Luther doesn’t say. If you watch his facial expressions as she confesses (which I can’t capture because my laptop is old and screenshots just turn to blackness) you can tell he’s horrified by what his sister did to her own child. He absolutely does not approve. But he doesn’t tell her that. He doesn’t say “Jesus, Allison, what the hell were you thinking? She’s a kid! Your kid! You don’t treat her like a puppet!” He can tell, by Allison’s expression and the trembling of her voice, as well as the words she uses to describe what she did, that she knows it was wrong. It’s clear she hates herself for it, so Luther doesn’t pile on more guilt. He just listens and gives her a safe place to confess, not speaking until the end: “It’ll get easier. Some things just take time.” 
That line might not look it, but in context, it’s incredibly validating. Allison has just shared her darkest secret with him (and it’s a pretty dark secret). She ruined her own life, and now she has to relearn everything and she’s not sure she has the strength for it. So what does Luther tell her? “It’ll get easier. Some things just take time.” The first part—It’ll get easier—acknowledges that what she’s trying to do is difficult. The second part—Some things just take time—is an attempt at encouragement, telling her to not give up if she doesn’t see results right away. Luther is encouraging his sister to keep trying to make amends, without offering false hope. 
But I think it’s what he says next, after Allison says “Yeah. And some things just stay broken” that’s the most overlooked bit of validation here: Nothing. After Allison says that, Luther is silent—and with that silence he validates her fear. She knows this whole mess might not have a happy ending. She knows she might never see her daughter again, and that she has no one to blame but herself. And Luther doesn't try to tell her otherwise. He doesn’t brush off her fear with some pat answer like “Well, you just need to keep trying” or “Everything will be okay.” He just lets her fear stand and remains quiet, allowing her space to talk more if she needs to. 
Not too long after this, Vanya heads over to Bricktown to find Leonard’s shop, and as they’re walking together, they run into Allison. We then get this: 
Leonard: You didn’t tell me your sister was a movie star! To Allison: You were in that Umbrella thing too, weren’t you? To Vanya: But you weren’t in that, were you?  Vanya: No, I was sort of the fifth Beatle of the family, so… Leonard: Never did like the Beatles. More of a Stones guy myself.  Allison: Um, sorry to interrupt, but could you, uh, come back to the house? We’re having a family meeting.  Vanya: And you guys want me there? 
From the way this line is delivered, it’s clear that this is not a simple, innocent question. Vanya meant it as a swipe at her siblings, a reference to being excluded, and it comes across as one. (As a side note, I think her word choice is worth mentioning: referring to herself as “the fifth Beatle of the family” casts the Umbrella Academy as something cool, a guarantee of fame and fortune she was passed over for—rather than as the vehicle for wanton child abuse it was. I doubt she’s trying to gloss over the abuse her siblings were forced to endure, because it doesn’t seem she was aware of most of it, but comparing the Academy to one of the most iconic rock groups in history says a lot about how she views it.) 
Unlike her first mention of her exclusion in the previous episode, this one is far less appropriate to the conversation at hand. Knowing Vanya, and knowing what Allison said to her the previous day, it’s not entirely out of left field; but it’s still a swerve from the topic—and it’s neither necessary nor beneficial. 
Imagine, for a moment, that Leonard is exactly what he seems: a sweet, somewhat dorky guy who maybe comes on a bit strong but is pursuing Vanya not out of sinister ulterior motives, but because he thinks she’s neat. He’s walking along with her, talking and joking about all the things they have in common. Things seem to be going well, he’s glad he made his move—and then her movie star sister pops up out of nowhere. And he realizes—holy shit! Movie Star Sister was also a superhero! But he doesn’t think Vanya was one, so he asks if she was. “No, I was kind of the fifth Beatle of the family,” she says. It’s clear she’s not happy about that, but hey, might as well try to cheer her up. Now Movie Star Superhero Sister is asking Vanya to head back to the house for a family meeting—a family meeting of superheroes, holy shit….
….and Vanya immediately takes a swipe at her. Drags her rotten childhood into the conversation, uses that simple invitation as a reminder that she doesn’t think much of her sister or the rest of her family. Movie Star Superhero Sister, to her credit, doesn’t respond in kind, but wow, Vanya suddenly doesn’t look so nice anymore. Sure, she had a rough childhood—rough enough to fill an entire book—but her sister was trying to be friendly and Vanya tried to pick a fight? 
If Leonard had been simply a normal guy pursuing a normal romance for normal reasons—if he hadn’t stuck with Vanya to use her for his own ends—that not-so-subtle jab probably would have convinced him to move right along. Bringing up family drama in front of someone you barely know, regardless of how comfortable you feel with them, is generally a relationship ender. At the very least, many people will want to take a big step back and reconsider—because if your partner will make cutting remarks like that to their own siblings for no apparent reason*, what will they say when they’re mad at you? 
I understand where Vanya is coming from. I understand she’s been excluded by her family and that taking swipes at them probably gives her a few seconds of catharsis. But that does not, in my opinion, justify what she does here. She can be angry with her sister for what she said. She can hate her siblings for making her feel like an outsider. But saying “And you guys want me there?” in response to her sister’s invitation is rather uncalled for. Allison is making an effort to reach out—presumably what Vanya always wanted—and Vanya bites her hand off. 
Furthermore, Allison hurt Vanya in private. When she lectured her on how little she understood about relationships and how she needed to stop blaming Dad for all her problems, they were in the Academy with no one else around. Vanya chooses to hurt Allison back in public, in the presence of a man Vanya barely knows and that Allison has only just met. Vanya isn’t just returning blow for blow—she’s escalating the fight. Allison humiliated Vanya for sure, but she didn’t put Vanya on the spot in front of anyone else. Vanya humiliates Allison in front of a stranger who—from the fact he recognized her right away from a movie she’d been in—seems to be a fan of hers. For all Allison knows, he’s going to take that tip right to one of those trashy gossip magazines, trade it for his 15 minutes of fame, and she’ll see it in the bottom corner of the next issue’s cover: Sibling Squabbles—Allison Hargreeves’ Meeting With Sister Hints at More Family Trouble for Embattled Star.
Allison chooses not to return an eye for an eye. Rather than lash out at her sister, she tries to reconcile. Which was, I think, the right decision—but I also would not have faulted Allison at all had she chosen to avoid Vanya after that. 
Later, as Hazel and Cha-Cha are combing the Academy in search of Five, Allison finds Luther sitting on a windowsill, staring up at the Moon. 
Allison: Wow, look at that.  Luther: Mm. Home sweet home. I tell ya, things were a lot simpler up there.  Allison: What’s it like?  Luther: Quiet. Cold. And uh…lonely.  Although, every now and then, when the sun came rolling over the horizon just right, and the light hits it, everything would turn to white glass. It’s….it’s beautiful. Pause You know, whatever you told Claire….I didn’t really feel like a superhero up there, but those few moments when my whole world was glowing, I felt like I was meant to be there. 
This is Luther’s first onscreen mention of his trauma. As with Vanya, and as with Allison and her trauma, someone else broaches the subject first. Luther does not bring up his time on the Moon apropos of nothing; Allison asks him a question and he answers. 
What’s most noteworthy about this exchange, however, is that Luther does not speak of his time on the Moon as if it were traumatic for him. His first words about it (“Things were a lot simpler up there”) are somewhat positive; his initial description (“Quiet. Cold. And lonely”) is neutral; and his continuing description is actually quite positive. His mention of conditions on the Moon is brief and perfunctory, and he spends more words describing the moments of breathtaking beauty he found. 
As we later find, his time on the Moon was much harsher than he lets on here, but we get hints in the opening sequence, where he must squeeze his massive frame through openings and corridors clearly built for someone of average size. Yet the Moon base was designed by or on the orders of Sir Reginald. Even if it was created years before he ever considered sending his son there, he had the money for modifications to accommodate Luther’s mutated body. He chose not to do this, forcing Luther to spend four years in cramped conditions, unable to even take much of a walk outdoors. What we see of his base, too, is spartan; he has a bed with homey blankets and artificial gravity as well as a small houseplant, but little else. And he spent four years like that. 
Yet he tells Allison none of this. He gives her a simple description of life on the Moon that carefully avoids too much negativity before regaling her with the majesty of it, ending with a particularly sad bit of foreshadowing: “I felt like maybe I was meant to be there.” 
Luther has not yet begun processing his time on the Moon as trauma. As far as he knows, he was sent there for a reason that was not disclosed to him. Would he speak of it differently had he already begun processing his exile as trauma? Possibly. Whatever the case, Luther’s first mention of his time on the Moon is a simple answer to a simple question, followed by a description of the scenery that makes the Moon sound downright lovely—not a demand for pity. 
Running count of trauma mentions (cumulative of all episodes thus far)
Own Trauma: Vanya 2, Luther 1 Trauma of Others: Vanya 1, Luther 1
*There was a reason for Vanya’s low blow. We the viewers know it, and Vanya and Allison know it, but Leonard had no way of knowing it. I said “no apparent reason” because from an outside perspective, Vanya’s remark seems to come out of the blue. 
Read on to Part Three
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shelby-love · 3 years
Text
HARGREEVES SIBLINGS
What Brings us Together: Funerals
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Requested: yes [x]
Prompts: none
Warning(s): none
Word count: 3.5K
Author’s note: I hope this is what you wanted. You didn't specify what kind of interaction we should have w our siblings so I just went off what was most realistic. Luther is a b of course, that's just how he is at the beginning lol. Don’t think I hate him though! p.s. so is diego we know he wasn’t really nice to vanya in the beginning :(
~
You sighed heavily through your nose, gathering your brows in distaste at the building standing tall in front of you. The Umbrella Academy looks as imposing as ever, making you remember just how much it once scared you when you were a kid.
Time went by and you became an adult. Someone with common sense, living an ordinary life far away from your once bright future that suggested money and luxury. Of course, when you’re informed of your father’s passing through a TV screen, it’s mandatory to show up and pay your respects.
You snorted at the rogue thought. “Bastard.”
Seeing your siblings after so many years of being apart made you feel anxious. Your father and his ashes weren’t the cause of your sweaty hands. It felt weird. Too weird.
But you ignored the feeling and called out your inner adult, placing one foot in front of the other and walking straight through the two-winged doors.  
Your eyes fell on every surface of the academy, sweeping over every object while doing so. The number of memories, good and bad, that this place held was uncountable. But life, alas, is too short.
Your father a true example.
You gazed at the portrait with no emotion, looking at the picture of your father and siblings with a crooked smile of sadness. The tips of your bare fingers flickered with energy, and you fought the urge to curl them into a fist and punch a wall.
But your father's voice rung through your head, what you've been taught all your life bucking into instinctive actions. "You must know self-control Number Eight. You lack of it will be your downfall. Now put your gloves back on!"
You were 4 when those words big words started to leave his mouth, and you never heard the end of it. Not until he died.
You uncurled your fists, took a deep breath and felt the energy cave in.
"Y/N? Is that you?"
The sudden sweetness of a voice that belonged to your sister travelled into your ears, so quietly you almost didn't hear her. Your eyes widened slightly, and when you turned around – for a moment you didn't know what to do. The girl had turned into a celebrity, and you wondered if that had changed her in any way.
"Allison?"
She took a few sharp steps your way and wrapped her arms around you, pulling you in a bone-crushing hug you returned immediately.
"You're not wearing your gloves," she took note, looking tentative to touch you for a second after pulling away.
"I don't need them anymore," you stated proudly.
Your father graced you with leather gloves at the age of 4, telling you to never take them off. That in a way, you and the powers you possessed were a danger to your siblings. The dark leather gloves weren't comfortable, in fact, they felt suffocating every time you wore them. Because that's how silencing your powers feels like. Suffocating. For a second too short, you had wondered what Allison felt like. Not being able to use her voice for what it was made for.
"Well, I'm happy for you," said Allison, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "You never really liked them."
"No," you agreed with a mumble. "No, I didn't."
The two of you walked out of the hall and into the living area, legs paired with pace.
"Where is everyone?" You asked her quietly, your eyes inspecting an antique you knocked over as a kid more times than you could count.
"Diego is here, somewhere," she mused, and you raised your brows ever so slightly in surprise. "He has this weird hero complex, so he's out saving the world, I guess. Apart from us three, no one’s here yet."
"Do you know when he'll be coming back?" You wondered out loud, watching her give you an odd look a second later. "I haven't seen him in years, Allison. He's my brother."
A part of you wanted to tease her about Luther by saying that not everyone is into what they were, but you withheld it and instead locked your eyes onto your other brother.
Number Five.
"I missed you Y/N."
You smiled at her quiet voice, "Missed you too Ally."
***
"You know if I was murdered, and if one of my sons...adopted sons... happened to be able to commune with the dead, I might think about, I don't know, I don't know...manifesting!"
You attempted to stifle your laughter as you watched Klaus prance around your father's ashes in an attempt to talk to him. He wasn't sober, so you doubted it would work.
But it was pleasantly nice to see him try at least.
"I don't think he wants to talk," you interrupted him mid-vent.
You watched as his pacing stopped, his demeanor switching from crazy to collected in the seconds it took your voice to be heard. Klaus turned around slowly, beaming from one ear to another. "It's you! You're alive!"
His scream of joy brought a wide smile to your lips, and you rushed to his arms. Both of you screamed like little kids, telling how much you missed each other and how tragic life has been without one another. Making jokes on your dead father's account was overly present too.
"And you're high!" You squealed in delight, ruffling his crazy looking hair.
Klaus pulled away at that, swaying in a matter that looked like he was stretching before a run. He pointed his thumb at the ashes, "Dad's too stubborn. He won't talk to me."
"Did you try begging?" You asked amused.
"I-I guess…" He mumbled before groaning. "I'm too sober for this!"
Then his eyes snapped to you and a pout drew on his face. Klaus went to stand in front of you, grabbing your hands in his and placing them on his chest. "Y/N…"
You rolled your eyes but didn't remove them, "Yes, Klaus?"
"I was just wondering if you," He said gingerly. "You know…"
This time you did pull your hands away but placed them on his face. Teasingly you squished his cheeks like you used to when you were kids. "You want me to give you money, so you can go get high because your childhood trauma of being locked in a mausoleum catches up to you every time you're sober? Of course, I will. How much do you need?"
It took him a second to process your words. "Oh my God really?" Klaus whispered, almost as if he didn't believe that was happening.
"I tried it your way when I left -" you explained, pulling out your wallet and glancing at his stunned expression. "- to suppress my powers. It didn't work, and I continued to suffer. If that's what it takes for you to not suffer from them, I'll gladly help."
You handed him a wad of money but when he tried to take them you pulled away, "Just…be careful Klaus."
"Yeah of course I will," he replied absentmindedly before he turned his head to the side. "Shut up."
You furrowed your brows, "Did you say something Klaus?"
"Oh no, no, no, no, no," said Klaus quickly, a little too quickly. "I didn't say anything."
You hummed but swore you had caught him swing his leg at something too.
"Well, if that’s all…" you murmured, "I'll leave you to it then, I gotta go see Mom. Don't say hi to dad from me, okay? Don't you dare Klaus."
The sibling only saluted, turning around to get back to trying to reach your dad, securing the money into a pocket in his skirt.
"Hey! Wait!"
You stopped and turned back around. Klaus waved his hands at the big lone fireplace. "Can you do that thing, please?"
By that thing, he meant to say start the fire. You shrugged and walked back to the fireplace. The amount of time you lit it up for your siblings was infinite. It felt weird to do it now even though you light your fire at home with your powers all the time.
Fire comes out of your hands quickly and with ease in the shape of a golden ball, igniting the lone fireplace within seconds. You watched the inferno you created in a daze, only breaking out of it when Klaus came to stand in front of the fire to warm up.
"Love you Klaus."
"Awww I love you too sis."
You shook your head, turned and left the room.
***
"Heard you came from the moon." You mused, "Thought I'd stop by and see for myself."
When word spread that Luther was on the moon, you didn't quite believe it. Then you found out that he too came back to send your father off to the lands of the dead, and you just had to see him and ask for yourself.
It was no surprise to find him in your dad's office of all places, although at first glance he did look like an intruder. You felt yourself stiffen at the sight of a big man in a coat, looming over your father's desk imposingly. Power surged through your veins, and it took everything in you to stop it from overflowing in fear.
When your brother met your face, you exhaled in relief and a single candle lit in the room as a result.
Luther seized it, looking impressed. "You've gotten better."
"Cut the crap Number One," you snapped suddenly, the tone mainly coming from the fact that your powers activated because of the fear that came from seeing a completely new version of your brother. "First of all, what happened to you? I thought Diego would turn out like that, not you."
He shrugged his massive shoulders.
"Second of all," you began. "What are you doing in dad's office?"
"Nothing," he said quickly.
Luther might look big and dangerous but the creases in his face give you all the answers you need. "You haven't changed a bit," you mused, leaning against the door. A part of you still felt young and that made you respect your father's words a little more by staying put. "Save for the…" You pointed to your torso for reference.
Luther noticed the way you eerily stood at the doorstep, contemplating whether to enter and break his word. "He's dead you know."
You shot him a look, "I know that."
"So, why don't you come in?"
You contemplated to come in, but in all honesty - nothing was of interest. You would much rather like to interrogate Luther and his whims. 
"Is Allison really the only person you care about?" You asked him instead, the bubbled feelings you've been holding inside threatening to spill. It was rather hostile, the way you two met after years of not seeing each other. A big part of you felt angry at him for not calling you when things obviously went wrong somewhere. His body wasn’t a result of something natural, and you knew it. "I mean this as a sibling. Let's ignore the weird thing you two have for each other."
"We don-" he started, your seizing eyes stopping him mid-sentence. "Is it that obvious?"
You sighed, "Look Luther, I'm just trying to say…"
"No, you're accusing me."
"Of what?"
"You left. All of you."
You snorted, "You really want to do this right now?"
"I don't see why not."
"You're looking for something," you said instead, completely ignoring his words. "I won't help you find it nor will I try to lie if you ask me if I have it."
His ears perked, "Dad's monocle."
You chuckled, "That lame thing he always wore?"
Luther nodded.
"Why do you need it?"
"You said you wouldn't lie."
"I'm not lying Luther, I just asked you a question!" You told him. A thought washed over you when his eyes pinned you in, and you could barely even grasp it. "You think I killed him, don't you?"
"I didn't say that." He tried to reason, although he didn't move from around the desk to try and soothe you.
"You didn't have to," you said quietly, feeling tears gather in your eyes. "I see the way you look at me, brother. Ever since I hurt her-"
"Don't talk about her," he stopped you.
"Why the hell not?!" You exclaimed, "She's my sister you know. Our sister. You keep forgetting that."  
Luther stayed silent after your outburst, probably contemplating whether to apologize, but you cut him from speaking before he could even start. "We were 7 Luther. I didn't know what I was doing. You think I wanted to take the air out of her lungs? She was going to rumor me Luther. I was scared."
It didn't really matter how much you repeated it to him, he never understood. His love for her goes beyond siblingship, as weird and disturbing as it was. Whoever hurt Allison became a monster in his eyes. "But anyway. I didn't steal that ugly thing. You can cross me off your list."
You looked around the office, ignoring the way Luther stood silently. The lack of light was obviously making it difficult for him to sniff around. You raised your hands in the air, watching as the tips of your fingers turned into flames. A satisfying sight, but a sight you didn't want to look at currently. With a swipe of your hand, you controlled the small blazes until they broke apart and landed at the candles, lighting up the room, so Luther can see. "Hopefully this helps."
You walked away from the office after that, not daring to look behind yourself in fear of breaking down.
***
You stomped across the academy, anger flowing off you in waves. Having your emotions tied to your feelings was never fun. The chandelier above you swayed under the wind that came from your anger and candles burnt out, the fire that came within them disappearing into your body.
"Y/N?"
Suddenly, the wind stopped, but your lip started to tremble instead. "Vanya?"
When you turned around, she stood awkwardly at the door. With hands in her pockets she glanced between the shaking chandelier and you.
It was obvious that she was uncomfortable, at least until she saw your relieved smile. "Is that really you?"
She smiled, "I-I guess."
You outright laughed, the outcome of Luther and yours argument disappearing from your mind completely when you hugged her. "I missed you so much."
"You did?" She asked surprised.
"Why wouldn't I?" You asked her, confusion crossing your features. "You're my sister. Come here."
You brought her into the hug again, feeling her hug you tighter this time.
"You're not mad at me?"
Remembering what she was talking about had you cringing ever so slightly in discomfort. You scratched the back of your neck, "I mean… I was. But not anymore, Vanya. I'm all passed that now."
"You are?" She asked, hopeful.
"I am," you nodded in confirmation. "We're here to say our goodbyes to Dad. You have every right to be here, no one can tell you otherwise."
Vanya stayed silent, so you quickly added, "And the book was good. Exposing, but good. I like your way with words."
She snorted, "Yeah I thought you would."
Beaming, you slung an arm around her shoulders just like Allison did when you first came. Unfortunately, in your dysfunctional family, no one has peace for long. Diego came striding down the stairs in his black spandex suit, looking as he just came out of an action movie.
Seeing you had his smile growing by a mile, but upon glancing at Vanya the easy smile vanished and was instead replaced by a scowl. "You're still here? I thought I already told you. You don't belong –"
"Diego," your hand raised in the air to halt his mouth. "Now's not the time."
He let out a humorous laugh, walking up to you to give you a kiss on the cheek. You didn't fight it, instead letting him kiss your cheek and squeeze your shoulder as a greeting after not seeing each other for years. "Good to have you back sis."
"Enjoy it while you can," you said. "Because I'm leaving the moment dad's ashes are spread."
"Oh, I bet," he mused. "I'm leaving too. You should go now Vanya, save us the trouble."
"Okay Diego that's enough," you interrupted, standing closer to Vanya this time round, hoping she sees your support through mere change of standing. "Why don't you run along and go save lives? I heard that's your life's call."
He rolled his eyes before glancing at your outfit. "That's an awfully bold color for a funeral."
"That's because I'm not dressed yet," you rolled your eyes. "Now, if you don't have anything nice to say, I suggest you leave before I boil you."
Knowing you don't give out empty threats, Diego nodded grimly and disappeared upstairs, not giving Vanya a glance of acknowledgement. "You know, maybe he's right… I should just go."
You shook your head immediately, "Absolutely not. Look Vanya, your book might've not been the best thing that's happened to us, but it certainly isn't the worst. He's just being snappish. That's Diego's factory setting."
She laughed, this time giving you a smile. Not a fake smile, but a real one.
You felt victorious as you wrapped your arm around her again, leading her into the living area for a catch-up.
***
"Does anyone else see little Number Five, or is that just me?"
You and Klaus held to each other like little kids, not believing what, or who, stood in front of you. The little carbon copy of your long-lost brother swore under his breath, shocking you to the bones with the word ‘shit’. "I'm not high, am I?"
"I-I don't know," said Klaus awkwardly, "Do you feel high?"
"Klaus she's not high," Diego interrupted, standing in front of the group with Luther.
"You never know with her," Klaus tried to explain.
"Five is that really you?" You asked, ignoring the bickering that went all around you.
"Of course, it's me!"
"Oh God Klaus they even sound the same," you whispered, clutching Klaus' hand tighter.
"Look I don't have time to explain this all to you," the boy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose like an old man.
"The hell you do," Diego mumbled, eyeing him with menace.
Number Five (if that was even him) rolled his eyes and tried to push through and walk right past you. No 30-year-old - despite how shocked and curious they were - tried to stop him.
Save for you of course.
A lone vine flew from the wall under your command, wrapping itself around your brother's wrist in a vice-grip. Five eyed it nonchalantly, as if the sight amused him rather than intimidated him. "You do know I can walk right through that?"
You dared him with your eyes and mocked him with your mouth, "You do know that you've been gone for 17 years? I've evolved little man."
He bunched his brows together, almost as if he didn't believe you. To test his theory out, he urged his body to travel through space. You all watched as he walked straight through the air, coming out on the other end in a different part of the yard, not being able to move due to the vine's grip despite having travelled through literal space.
"Cute!" Five called out, walking back toward you using his power. "Now let me go."
"And why would she do that?" Luther asked, the inner Number One in him surfacing.
"Because I've got work to do."
"Five you're a kid literally," Allison objected, gazing over your brother's tiny body.
"You don't understand…"
"Maybe he needs a nap," Klaus mumbled next to you.
"I don’t-"
By not literal smoke was almost coming out of his little ears, his face reddened from anger, and he looked annoyed beyond understanding. "They're too young… I knew it."
You creased your brows, not understanding why Five was mumbling weird things into his chin. "You alright Five?"
He glared at you, "I will be… Once you get this thing off me."
You shrugged with a sigh, mumbling an okay and hauling the vine away from Five who shook his head in irritation. He wrapped a hand around his sore wrist, massaging it with his thumb to get read of the soreness. "Can't say I missed you and your crazy plants. Although you would've been a great addition to my adventures."
"What adventures?" You asked confused. "You’re 13."
Five sighed, brushing you all off with a sway of his hand.
Klaus was the first one to dash back into the house mumbling something about not being able to handle the weather, Allison following behind him carefully. Luther, who looked like a lost puppy, followed after your sister until it was just Vanya, Diego, Five and you left.
"I'm going to head inside," said Vanya awkwardly, disappearing inside quickly.
Diego gave Five a sideward glance but shook his head and left too.
"Elemental manipulation is exactly what we need to fight it."
You rolled your eyes, not quite believing that he forgot how elemental manipulation isn't your favorite thing. "Fight what Five?"
"The apocalypse."
"I'm glad you're back bro, seriously I mean it," You told him sincerely, "But you're crazy. I'd say get some help but…"
MASTERLIST
~
Here is the link to my tag list masterpost! If you want to be added to one of my existing tag lists (or perhaps new ones) let me know! :) 
✭ GENERAL TAGS (all WIPs): 
@fofisstilinski @short-potato @miranda0102​ @httphiddlestan @caromichaela @xx-missunicorn-xx @jemmakates @theravenclawmarauder @tclaerh @chefdoeuvre @just-arather-veryconfused-being @crazy0lu @thirstykpophoe @abimoon @sofiasamps @princxss-fia @theletterhart 
 ✭ THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY: /
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