Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

The company's tagline is "Follow the World's Creators".

Trending Blogs

7/11, Bodies , and Bones: Anonymous 11/21/19(Thu)04:34:27 No.814541547
Urban Witcher: Chapter 2 Part 2
>Before I can cringe, I’m sent sailing through the air at mach 1
>Ears are ringing and I’m seeing red
>Pretty sure my leg is–yep it’s broken
>My armor seems to have taken the brunt of the blast, cracking a few ribs in the process
>Rain has stopped, and the sky has opened up a bit
Wipe the blood from my eyes
>Head is spinning as I use every ounce of energy to crawl to my feet
>Pain shoots through my body like a lightning bolt as I shamble over to the blast crater
>Discard my mangled chestpiece in the process
>Support my weight against the trunk of the splintered tree
>Stare down into the crater, about twenty feet in diameter
>Below is the gore of the incel’s lifeless body amidst a smattering of green pulp
>Any tendies or GBP it was carrying are surely destroyed
Anonymous 11/21/19(Thu)04:35:03 No.814541575
File: yeeyee.jpg (87 KB, 360x360)
>Lower myself into the crater to retrieve the incel’s blockish head
>Attach the proof of kill to my belt and begin wading my way back to the edge of the crater
>Then I hear it
The unmistakable sound of pistons slamming about a Cummins V8, barreling through the woods
>“Fucking poachers”
>lt’s getting closer
>Clamber out of the crater to see a thick cloud of black exhaust smoke trailing above the treetop
Moments latera lifted red truck comes screaming out of the treeline, sporting confederate flags and barreling straight toward me
>Stand my ground as the truck makes a sharp right turn and begins several wide donuts, kicking mud several feet into the air
“YEE YEE,” a redneck hollers from the back of the truck
>The 4x4 comes to a halt
>Door opens and the blond-haired driver drops down from the lifted cab, muddying his boots
We stare expressionless at each other as he spits from his tobacco-lined mouth
“Well, well. Lookie what we got ourselves here. A witcher!”
>“Yeeee?” his meth-mouthed companions croon
“What the hell are you doing this far west?” I groan through the pain
>’“Well now, mister witcher…”
>His face twists with a sly grin
“Imight have to ask you that same question. Bein’ as your KIND ain’t welcome ‘rOund these parts neither. Since the whole uhh… you
>’“That’s none of your concern”
'Ohhhhh so it isn’t now is it?“
>"You see cause we were just on our way to see Auntie Clement’s funeral–God rest her soul’–when we heard the crackin’ of a cold one 'bout
a mile out and decided to come check it out.”
“And now. Seein’ as you got a nice bounty on your hip, and a few broken bones by the looks of it, we might jus’ havuh forgo Auntie Clement’s
funeral and see to it that you get a proper burial yerself.”
“Show me what you got, cousinfuckers”
>All four of Blondie’s trailer-trash goons leap from the vehicle, sporting MAGA hats and an assortment of shotguns and pistols
>Duck behind the splintered tree as rounds begin to fly my in direction
>Wince hard as a bullet lodges itself in my shoulder
>Pinned down
>Nowhere to go
>They’re closing in
>Dig through my satchel frantically searching for a bottle of Dragon’s Dream
“Let’s see how you like this”
>Toss the bottle over my shoulder a few feet towards them
>Rednecks can’t resist the taste of high octane gasoline mixed with Tennessee Whiskey
Wait for it…
>Wait for it..
>Leap from behind the tree
>All four of the filthy scum are hunched over the bottle, feverishly fighting for a sip
>Blondie is leaned cooly against his truck, smoking a Marlboro red beneath his tan cowboy hat
>Cast Igni on the lesser filth, sending a pyrokinetic burst from my palms and igniting the brown concoction in their hands
>Their scorched bodies are sent flying a short distance
They roll about in the mud, screaming in anguish and clawing at their burning faces as I stride confidently toward Blondie
>’“YEEEEEE! YEEEEEEEEEE! YEEEeeeeee. yeeee. Ye”
>He quickly turns to his truck and pulls out a fully decked out AR-15
>“Now now. S-stay back you motherfucker,” he stammers
>Continue forward
>Shaking visibly, he racks the charging handle and points the rifle at me
>“Stay back!”
>Stop, chest pressed against the barrel of his gun
>He pulls the trigger
>“W-what in heaven’s name?” He sputters confusedly
“Thirty-round mags don’t work in California, dumbass”
>A wave of sheer terror sweeps across Blondie’s sun-bleached face
>With a quick snap of the neck, he falls limp into the mud
Anonymous 11/21/19(Thu)04:39:53 No.814541744
File: 711.jpg (95 KB, 612x612)
>Gather what loot I can find along with an M9 pistol from one of the
Just like the one I used to carry years ago
>The adrenaline and Bud Light is wearing off
>Pain begins to pulse throughout every fiber in my body
>With immense effort, I make the short climb up to the 7/11
>Bell jingles as I stumble inside
“Hello welcome to 7/11 open seven hours a day eleven days a we–Bund mara, holy fuck!”
“Hey Rajeed,” I gurgle, bleeding everywhere
>“Ma chod, you are fucked up my friend!”
>Fall into the arms of the small-framed punjabi as my world begins to spin
> “Ar…I need… to get… to,” I sputter with the last of the air in my lungs
>“Do not worry my white-haired friend, I will take care of you”
>His black beady eyes are the last thing I see before my vision caves in
>“My cousin drives an Uber”
Anon is a witcher

0 notes · See All

Friends, Funny, and Relationships: dalekitsune
the phrase “curios ity killed the cat” is actually not the full
phrase it actually is “curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction
brought it back” so don’t let anyone tell you not to be a
curious little baby okay go and be interested in the world
See also:
Blood is thieker than water The blood of the covenant is
thicker than the water of the womb
Meaning that relationships formed by choice are stronger
than those formed by birth.
Let’s not forget that “Jack of all trades, master of none” ends
with “But better than a master of one.”
It means that being equally good/average at everything is
much better than being perfect at one thing and sucking
at everything else. So don’t worry if you’re not perfect at
something you do! Being okay is better!
These made me feel better
Also, “great minds think alike” ends with “but fools rarely
It goes to show that conformity isn’t always a good thing
And that just because more than one person has the same
idea, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea.
what the fuck why haven’t i heard the full version to any of
“Birds of a feather flock together” ends with “until the cat
It’s actually a warning about fair-weather friends, not an
assessment of how complementary people are.
I’ve always felt like these were cut down on purpose.
I really like these phrases and plan on spreading this
The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese.
I want to make designs out of these.
Funny how all the half-finished ones encourage uniformity
and upholding the status-quo, while the complete proverbs
encourage like… living exciting, eclectic lives driven by
choice and personal passion.

0 notes · See All

There was a free in the science lab.  Someone had stood too close to the Bunsen Burner and now was on fire.

“Get the fire blanket!” the teacher screamed.

A student to the area of the classroom where there was a sign that read: fire blanket.  It was a cabinet.  When the student opened it there was nothing but emptiness.  The fire blanket was gone. 

“It’s not here,” the student said.

“What? Where is it?”

The student on fire started to stop, drop, and roll to extinguish the flame. Once it was out and the emergency was over, the livid teacher addressed the class.  The teacher screamed, “Who on the Earth took the fire blanket?!  You have made this classroom even more dangerous! This is a very serious offense.”
The entire classroom felt very terrified.  Silently Charlie spoke up saying, “Um….I did.”

“Charlie?!  Why would you do that?!”

“Sorry, I wasn’t wearing my glasses, I thought it said FREE blanket!”

The student who was on fire spoke up saying, “I was on fire!  I could have died! It was so hot!”

“Well, the blanket makes me very warm at night too.”

Charlie wasn’t getting it.

0 notes · See All

Ain’t no vicious rumor,

but dead serious joke

cuz no princess

can kiss bajillion times

to get yours truly woke

ah… just one garden variety generic

Geico Frog Prince

(in actuality I

wanna be caveman bloke)

nothing will disrupt me,

not even minor noose,

so hence go ahead

to get dude duke to choke,

or light a fire under my keister,

nsync with strong arms

issuing lances jabbing poke

but natural gas within me

will endanger nearby folk.

Now listen up,

cuz Zarathustra hath spoke

randomly selected Matthew Scott Harris

sitting prettily athwart

(think Boy George of Culture Club)

on his toadstool,

his (courtesy Zarathustra)

divine inspiration he doth not cloak

couched admonition forewarning

demise kisser will croak

unless he/she qualifies as

bonifide LGBTQ - okey doke

don’t say, I did not give fair warning,

while going for broke

courtesy one gay (ping) small/medium

at large frog, usually found soak

king up sunbeams

nonchalantly taking toke

exotic blend comprising

flies, mosquitoes, moths

and damn dragonflies

after they did marinate and soak

within solution mainly egg yolk

to offer greatest smoke.

Oh don’t be confused, flummoxed,

nor ill humored regarding mine

married status with tadpoles

totalling ahem… sixty nine

heterosexual biological reproduction

consummated as faux sign

unable to retrofit, reddit, ribbit…

no I honest got a short backbone (spine)

with large hip bone to support

powerful leg muscles taut as pine

yet smooth and glassy as River Seine

out true self before I feign to croak

purportedly rumor heard thru grapevine,

but twitch started by yours truly.

Postscript: my apology,

noah arked intent cited as offender

toward any living creature sexual gender

who might take objection regarding

unfairly labeled, hashtagged,

as duped pretender

cuz thy persona, karma,

charisma… genuinely tender.

0 notes · See All

Bad, Birthday, and College: Personal Belongings:
102. Do you have any body hair
103. (Guys Only) Are you Circumcised
104. How often you Masturbate
105. Have you ever watched porn
The Number Game
45. Most expensive thing you own
46. Do you own anything above
106, Ideal Sexual/Physical attributes
107. Favorite Sexual Fantasy
Made by u/German-Spy
47.Most prized possession
48.Do you own anything
49. Weirdest thing you own
108. Turn Ons/Turn Offs
109. Any Kinks
The Basics:
110. Ideal Sexual Position
1. Age
50. Do you own anything popular
51. Do you own anything considered
52. Do you own anything futuristic
53. Coolest thing you own
54 Oldest thing you own
111. How do you masturbate
112. Do you own a toy
113. Have you ever been caught
114. Have you ever walked in when
2. Gender
3. Height
4. Weight
5. Where are you from
6. Zodiac Sign
7. First Name
someone was having sex
55 What did you buy/get recently
115. Biggest fears of Sex
116. Do you have any STDS
117. How often are you horny
118. Most embarrassing sexual story
119. Are you currently horny
120. What do you expect in a sexual
8. Last Name
9. Middle Name
66. Hair Style
10. Birthday
11. Main Language(s)
67. Hair Length
68. Hair Color
Hobbies/Favorite things:
69. Nice
70.Body Style
12. Favorite Color
13 Favorite Food
71. Ethnicity
14. Favorite Activity
72. What aro you wearing
121. Where do you go to school
122. What classes do you take
123. What grade are you in
15. Favorite Music genre
73. Eye Color
74. Are you wearing makeup
75 Type of Underwear you wear
16. Favorite Artist
17. Favorite Song
18. Favorite Movie
19. Favorite Video Game (if any)
124. Most favorite teacher
76. Favorite outfit
125. Least favorite teachers
77. Facial/Body Hair
126. Highest Grade/Lowest Grade in
20. Favorite TV show
21. Do you play any sports
22. Last thing you did
127. How long is your school day
128. Did you do your homework
129. Do you have any tost, quizzos, or
exams coming up
130. Last bad grade
131. Last good grade
78. Sexuality
79. Relationship Status
80. Who is your crush
81. Celebrity Crush
23. Do you currently have a job
24. Future Job/Career/Ambitions
82. Havo you ever cheated on
25. Have you drank/smoked anything
26. Have you done drugs
27. Do you have any pets
28. Most Favorable Memory
83. Ideal Girifriend/Boyfriend
Economic Status/Wealth:
84. Idea of Perfect Date
132: Are you rich/poor
85. Have you asked someone out
86. What do you hope in a
87. Are you interested in anyone
88. Do you real life/online date
133. Where do you stand in the wealth
class (lower class, middle class, upper
29. Most embarrassing moment
30. Dream Vacation
31. How many Family members
134. How big is your house
135. Take a picture of your house
136. How much do your parents make
32. How many friends
33. Do you plan on going to
Sex & Sexuality
89. Are you a virgin
137. Do your parents struggle with debt
138. Do you own a pool
139. Do you live in a gated neighborhood
140. Do you have expensive stuff
Social Media:
90. Have you ever seen anyone naked
91. Do you have piercing/tattoos
92. Have you ever had same-sex
34. Do you use any other social media
then Reddit
35. Who do you follow
36. Have you ever had an internet
93. Have you ever sent a nude
94 Have you ever sexted
141. How big is your room
142. What kind of school do you go to
37. Most used Social Media app
95. Have you ever kissed anyone
96. Am 1 attractive
38. What’s your username on each
143. Send a selfie
97. Have you ever slept together
98. Do you want to have sex
99. Are you straight, bi, gay/lesbian
39. Have you met any friends online
40. Do you follow any NSFW
144. Do whatever I say (no saying no)
145. DM me
146. Ask whatever you want (I can’t say
41. Last Person you DM’d/followed
42. What was the last message you
pan, etc
43. How many followers/friends on
social media
Sexual: (Welcome to Spicy
44. Amount of time you use social
100. Bra/Dick size
101. Pubic Hair: Natural, trimmed
shaved, none
last one got removed so let’s see if this one works 😂🙏

0 notes · See All
Next Page