#i am so love sick | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

andthebeanstalk · 11 months

Text

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

17K notes · View notes

lazylittledragon · 16 days

Text

hey idk which anxious pre-t babe needs to hear this but i didn't get to when i was younger so. testosterone will not make you ugly. it won't make you a horrible person. it won't 'mutilate' or ruin your body. if you want to go on testosterone then literally all that happens is it makes you really fucking hot and REALLY fucking happy.

#ramble #literally very hot. like very hot #there is so much sweat #'oh you're just trying to paint a pretty picture that it's all fine' yeah i am!!! it's fucking great. i love it #trans people aren't sad clueless little babes who don't know what's going on. if you want to go on hormones you Know what it's going to do #and you WANT THAT WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE DOING IT #i hate hate hate seeing detransitioners like 'it destroyed and mutilated me'#*proceeds to list the normal effects of hormones*#it's all fearmongering and it's SICK #personally i think we should start glorifying transition more. because it's BEAUTIFUL

2K notes · View notes

rapidhighway · 6 months

Text

extremely happy to have enough blender skill now to make this shit

#shadow the hedgehog #blender #3d model #sonic the hedgehog #3d #3d art #his extremely fucked up anatomy i love him #btw this isnt the thing i was doing retopology on this is so poorly made i wouldnt know where to fucking begin #i just got sick of that other thing and decided to make something for myself for once #i am very sick of tutorials

3K notes · View notes

ash-and-starlight · 5 months

Text

one day, in a thousand years

#I THINK I HAUVE COVID #oh to meet your love after a thousand years at a museum exhibit of your past lives #thinking about them makes me so sick so ILL DISEASED #I AM NOT IMMUNE #spc i’m cursing u forever for this wtf. WTF bro wtf #ouyang’s last thoughts were a desperate plea for esen to wait for him.#he has NEVER called him by first name he has NEVER asked him anything #and his last thought is asking him to wait #and esen does. bc he would have given ouyang anything he asked for #god i hope u get rawed so good it makes up for all the lost lifetimes u earned it #he who drowned the world #she who became the sun #the radiant emperor #general ouyang #esen-temur #(zhu also present in the golden imperial dragon and the golden light of gayness that brought them together again)#my art #not super proud of how it turned out tbh tbh it looks better in my head 😔😔#would’ve stayed in the drafts if not for my need to feed this 4 ppl fandom #and if not for robin motivation nfngdjfb ty kissa you forever #id in alt text

3K notes · View notes

novelconcepts · 2 years

Text

The defintion of hell is knowing a show is incredibly well-received in its first season, but if people don’t become machines churning out tweets, content, and rewatching 24/7, there’s no likelihood it’ll get a chance to tell its whole story. This shit is madness. Shows in different genres shouldn’t have to pit-battle for dominance. First seasons are MEANT to be baselines establishing worlds and characters, not complete storylines. The idea that this golden age of television has turned into “get it done in one or get out” is revolting.

#the sandman #paper girls #some of the hot takes on Twitter are breaking me #‘why don’t we know the whole story? it’s bad writing if you don’t have a complete story in the first season’ girl WHAT since WHEN #how many excellent shows were weak as fuck in S1?? and here we’re getting shows with incredible first seasons fighting for their lives #like fuckin Christ dude the idea of long form storytelling is allowing your story time and space to spread out #otherwise we would only make movies #i am so sick of this edge of my seat fear that any new show I fall in love with will get axed because the higher powers don’t care about art #this has to be a bubble right? this has to pop at some point and go back to shows valued on what they are #and don’t even get me started on creators having to beg for good reviews to balance out review-bombing from shitheads #if every one star review is clearly bigoted from the comments? why is anyone taking them into account??#why is there no way to manage this shit aside from creators being like ‘please help us”’

36K notes · View notes

katsmtmsdoodles · 4 months

Text

Kai never really stopped wishing that he had been the chosen one

1K notes · View notes

anna-scribbles · 5 days

Text

was told today by a child that i look like “adrien but if he was a girl” and i WILL be riding that high for the rest of my life

#it was so unexpected. also almost completely just because i am blonde i’m sure #but i was wearing green + my claws out converse so. warranted #have i told you guys about my claws out converse. my #they’re so sick. i love them #was also told by the children that every boy i draw looks like adrien. so. yeah #they were reading me for filth today #ml #anna rambles

427 notes · View notes

comradekatara · 2 days

Text

ily king on god we’re gonna get u a razor

#id in alt text #avatar the last airbender #atla #HARU #art #mart #underrated king….#just shave that mustache & he’s perfect #i definitely disregarded him for way too long (for unfortunate facial hair decisions i must say)#but he’s literally awesome and so cute w katara <33 and brown <33 #also yes i am now obsessed w this watercolor painting technique and i will probably draw everything in this style for the foreseeable future #until i inevitably get sick of it of course #but rn in my mind im like wow this looks sooooo good #and it’s so easy #thank u procreate pocket watercolor & calligraphy brush u guys are my best friends <3 #friendship ended w wet acrylic etc etc #anyway. i love him he’s so wretched of the earth core. literally #also his hair is so fun to draw #his beautiful luscious locks #if haru has ten fans i am one of them if haru has zero fans i am dead etc etc etc

404 notes · View notes

terrietont · 26 days

Text

Something inspired by @chloesimaginationthings because who could blame Vanny anyway?

#fnaf #fnaf fanart #fnaf Vanessa #fnaf meme #fnaf vanny #fnaf movie #fnaf mike schmidt #fnaf glitchtrap #fnaf security breach #I am hardcore loving the idea of Game Vanessa going so soft for Movie Mike #but glitchy is sick of her shit #let him seethe!#tw swearing #fnaf comic #just for funsies #fnaf funnies

472 notes · View notes

watchingwisteria · 4 months

Text

im so sorry i get it now i really do, the gay angels have me shaking screaming crying at all hours of the day and night, they mean everything to me i am literally thinking about them all the time and what it would mean to love someone steadily and silently through eternity, what it would mean to love across the lines of a divine war of supposed good and evil, what it would mean to carve out a space for oneself and ones lover in no man’s land, in the grey and moral ambiguity when you were created to be black and white without blemish. god i love them so much i just

#update from the tags : posted this after watching s1 knowing the end of s2 #and i was like hm hope im not too offbase #but imagine my surprise when they literally said ‘i love this space we carved for ourselves’#I WAS SICK #ineffable husbands #<< u dont get it. i used to see that and it meant nothing to me. now its like a knife inside me #good omens #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #ur girl watches good omens #experiencing full brain rot. like every song is about them somehow #im imaginging edits in my head bc i do nawt have time to make them for real #i just bought the book and i am about to devour it #lol another update #the drama in this post is so HDISJSISB but i was FEELING IT #i was GOING THROUGH IT…#and when i think abt them for too long i still am

616 notes · View notes

derpycatsu · 8 months

Text

HELLOOOOOOO i got super into vocaloid (GIANT EXPLOSION)

1K notes · View notes

queenlucythevaliant · 5 months

Text

Okay but I do get really tired when people rag on Narnia's Biblical parallels for being too overt. Like, yeah dude. It's written for kids. Most kids don't do subtlety. I knew my Bible better than probably 95% of third graders, and yet my parents still had to clue me in. I've talked to people who grew up secular and didn't realize Narnia was Christian until well into adulthood. The Christian parallels in Narnia are at a pretty perfect level for most kids, and the fact that we as adults continue to get new spiritual meaning from it as we grow is a real testament to the depth of Jack's writing.

#mostly i just get sick of narnia being compared unfavourably to lotr #they are written for two different audiences with different purposes and different ingredients and they are both good!#like yeah okay tolkien disliked allegory. (a) narnia isn't exactly allegory and (b) even if it were would that be so bad?#Jack's over here doing his own thing. i for one love how overt Narnia's Biblical parallels are #okay rant over #why did i ever think it was a good idea to talk narnia on the internet. i am way too defensive and possessive of it #pontifications and creations #narnia

835 notes · View notes

suntails · 4 months

Text

fallen

#KICKS OPEN THE DOOR. HIIIIIII IM BAAAAAACK. TWIRLS MY HAIR AND STARES UNBLINKINGLY AT U #okay so long story short i need to speedrun if i wanna draw ANY lore art this time #bc i go to NY w no computer for 2 weeks on thurs and i wont have nrainrot anymore after. so i need to draw FAST things #so yea. she um. she. died. sniffles. ngl i thought she was already dead from the prev update so this STUNG #the fuckign GRIEF the way lilia collapses down in mourning her loss. she falls to the humans. i am SICK it HURTS #silver was so devastated in 7.5 without even seeing the death firsthand and being like 'how could i ever be loved'#lilia looking at malleus. the future of the kingdom. the treasure of his two closest friends (loves?)#and is like 'how can i ever love him enough' and proceeds to spend A FIFTH OF HIS LIFE SEARCHING FOR A SOLUTION #dealing w prejudice from humans. kicked out of the army Disgraced. all while mourning. he keeps going out of LOVE #twst #twisted wonderland #lilia vanrouge #malleus draconia #hes an egg he counts #ch 7 spoilers #so yea blah blah blah im not as eloquent as u geniuses i will just draw a silly little dramatic art to capture my misery and move forward #suntails

858 notes · View notes

zyphnn · 8 months

Text

late nights on the Negotiator

@codywanweek day 4: flimsiwork and tea

#zephs art #cww2023 #codywan #codywanweek2023 #commander cody #obi wan kenobi #tcw #the clone wars #getting ready for a long night of doing paperwork together in companionable silence <3 #theyre so in love i am going to be SICK!!!!

1K notes · View notes

bougiebutchbitch · 6 months

Note

Shanks seeing buggy playing with the asl and looking happy

What shanks means to say - you are so good with them, they make you lighter. I am so happy that Roger doesn’t still hang over you, if we had kids would you smile like that? What would our kids look like? I love you forever and I want you to be happy. Can we be together now? Can we find happiness? Can I stay still? If I go will you wait for me? Our kids would have your eyes I just know it.

What shanks says - why aren’t you pregnant?

I AM WHEEZIng

#shuggy #red haired shanks #buggy the clown #captain buggy #one piece asl #thank you so muuuuuch #I am in a Sick and Sleepy haze atm and this made me CHOKE #in the best possible way #I'm hollering #they're incredible #shanks baby I love you so much

833 notes · View notes

gncrezan · 5 months

Text

@infamous-if august pierce you have bewitched me mind body and soul.......

#and i love. i love. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!#do not be fooled by my indecision with aki's route. i personally am in love with them #infamous if #august pierce #my art #finishing this up i have had the line and been trying to color this for like a month straight omg. finally throwing it up #and i am so so sick over august getting their nails done in the theme of the band. ITS SO CUTE #also drawing this made me sick over aki again so if u see me start thinking about another RO dont worry about it

463 notes · View notes