#i don't think i've ever used a paid program in my life

[heaventree13]

How Jikook Found Me

Hi anyone who happens upon this!

**I'm going to preface this with the information that I don't know how to link stuff, embed etc, so hopefully my attempts to do so will work!!**

I've been thinking of doing a "how I discovered jikook" post forever, because I love coming across other's similar stories, and was inspired this morning by @jiminieloved post below:

We discovered jikook at pretty much exactly the same time, if in slightly different ways.

I first joined instagram around October 2019, after only being on facebook prior to that (I had started a twitter account at some point, but had never used it), and somehow the algorithm decided I would be interested in Larry Stylinson. I don't know why. I knew who One Direction were, but didn't really listen to them. I didn't know what a "ship" was, except for "Bennifer" and "Brangelina", and that's not even really the same thing, is it? Anyhoo- it turned out I was a bit of a Larry. They were adorable and what I saw was compelling at the time.

Then, of course, the algorithm started throwing in some other ships for my consideration, and along came the vmin ship videos.

I had no idea who they were at first. I had heard of BTS, vaguely recalled seeing them on some entertainment news program once, but (much to my chagrin, as I could have been listening to them earlier), hadn't paid attention. I'm embarrassed and a little ashamed to say I just remember they all had different coloured hair, were so impossibly pretty, and thought they were likely just a fad.

Don't hate me!! I would fight to the death for all 7 of them now!!!

But I digress! So, I thought vmin were so sweet. Nothing necessarily romantic there to my eyes, but I had an open mind about it, and I had never seen that kind of affection between males. I ate it up. I'm a 50 year old female (46 at the time), and from Canada, and this was so outside my personal experience. I adopted them into my heart. I watched everything I could find on instagram.

And then some stray jikook content started sliding in.

And I got worried. What about my vmin babies? Was my mischievous little V ( I didn't know him as Tae Tae yet) going to get his heart hurt? Of course, I was seeing stuff that had already happened years before in most cases, but all very new and "real time" to my heart, that was slowly turning a vivid purple without my knowledge 💜. But what I was seeing in jikook was quickly becoming undeniable in my eyes.

And I was blown away. My heart remembered what it was like to believe the stories I read and watched in romantic books and movies when I was young. I had decided that was all just the stuff of fiction, and that maybe I was a fool to have believed in it. But no- these two young Korean men were putting Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth to shame! In real life!! I had to slide over to YouTube. I had to start searching stuff like "the way Jungkook looks at Jimin":

And I was able to reconcile vmin and jikook for what I believe it is- no animosity, no competition (at least romantically) because it's two different kinds of love, both just as real. Not that I don't see moments in the content where I think our Tae Tae felt left out, but our babies (all seven of them) had all lived together and done everything together for so long, I think their relationships are not like anything most of us will ever experience or be able to fit into any tidy relationship categories. They are so much more than that.

Somewhere in my searches I found this excellent 3-part commentary by @mimiandkookie4607 :

And this then this favourite by @themooniswaitingforus (who also makes some really beautiful song edits ,btw) :

Then I started wanting to watch original content, so I joined WeVerse and VLive. And then of course, as will happen, I fell in love with all 7 of our amazing, hard working, passionate, talented, brave, fun, impressive young men. I will love and support them until they are old men (or at least much older, as I won't be around as long as I fervently hope they will).

There is more, of course. So much more, but I've run out of steam for today! I do want to say that I joined tumblr because of jikook, as well. I first discovered @dalloga through the Korean Perspective video (they haven't been active for a little bit, but it's worth it to go read their blog, for those who haven't), and then @stormblessed95, and went further down the proverbial rabbit hole from there.

Thank you for reading. Stay positive. Be kind. Seek out happy!

#jikook #kookmin #bts #vminkook #vmin #bangtan ot7 #Youtube

[bridgeportbritt]

A Fresh Start Rehabilitation Center | Cypress, SimDonia

???: Who could be here for me? Mom and Dad would've called first.

Arabella nervous: Hey there...

???: Oh, my Watcher! Arabella??

Arabella: Hey, Alex.

Alex: I can't believe you're- how did you-? Oh, my Watcher.

Arabella: I hope you're not mad.

Alex: Mad? no! I'm confused, but I'm so happy to see you! How'd you find me here?

Arabella: Umm... we're best friends with the Queen.

Alex: Really? Diana sent you here?

Arabella: We've been worried about you, so she had someone do some digging. Once we found you here, we knew we needed to see you in person. Diana wishes she could be here, but..

Alex: I understand. Gosh, I'm just happy to see you. Sorry, I said that already. Let's sit and catch up.

Alex: So, how is Diana? You've seen her recently?

Arabella: Yeah, she's doing good. Busy, of course. Seems like she's been pregnant forever. Won't be long now.

Alex: Aw, and you?

Arabella: Well, we just had little Madeliene not to long ago. I don't think I've seen you since I had Jayme.

Alex: Wow, three little ones? You guys aren't wasting no time. Gosh, I feel like I've missed a lot.

Arabella: Yeah, it was like you fell off the face of the earth there. What happened?

Alex: Right... well, it's kind of a long story, but after the wedding fiasco... I was really struggling.

Alex upset: I tried my best to keep it together for the coronation. It was just... seeing her again. Knowing that because of me... my best friend almost...

Arabella: Alex, no one blames you for that.

Alex: Yeah, I kept trying to tell myself that. But, after the coronation.. I just... kind of went off the deep end.

The rest of this post describes substance abuse, alcohol, and drugs. Please read at your own risk.

Alex: The partying, the drinking, the drugs. I was spiraling out of control hard and fast. I- I didn't even recognize myself anymore.

Arabella: Oh, Alex...

Alex: I was just so torn up with guilt and I hated myself for even dating that guy. I felt so violated and used. And I just let everybody down once again with my stupid choices.

Arabella sobbing: I'm so sorry you were going through that, Alex! We should've paid more attention and been there for you!

Alex: No, don't think that, Arabella, really. You were living your life! I was a mess and isolating myself on purpose. Eventually, my parents caught on and sent me here.

Arabella: I'm so glad for that. I... know life is crazy and we don't see each other as much, but... I don't know what I'd do without you. You're my best friend.

Alex: Thanks, Belle. Even though being here sucked at first, it's working its magic, I guess. I've been sober for 5 months, therapy 3 times a week, group twice, activities up the ass.

Arabella: That's amazing, Alex. I'm so proud of you!

Alex: Thanks. Plus, I kind of met someone..

Arabella: Oh, really?

Alex: Yeah, his brother's a patient here. But, my dad's company works with his. He owns a clothing brand. Or "lifestlye apparel" as he likes to call it. He's cool.

Arabella: He sounds like the most normal guy you've ever dated.

Alex laughs: I know, right? No "salarypersons" from Mt. Komorebi this time around. We're just friends for now. Gotta stay focused on the program. But, I only have 3 months left, so... who knows?

Arabella: Wow, that's a really mature way to go about it. I am so impressed, Alex. You're killing it! You're so much stronger than you realize. I can't wait to see how you flourish after this.

Alex: Thanks, I'm excited to. Feels like - ugh - a fresh start.

Arabella chuckles: Ah, that's why they call this place that... Well, care to show me around? Let me into Alex's world?

Alex: Sure, since it's a little less messy.

#simdonia #chap 12 #alex was always a party girl #but she partied for fun not to cover up her pain #hopefully she stays on the right track #sims of color #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #ts4 #royal sims #sim: alexandra #sim: arabella #tw drugs #tw alcohol #tw substance abuse

[winslowat3am]

Do u give money to people on tumblr?

Short answer, no. I don't reblog those posts, either. Majority of them are scammers, bonus scamster points if they use their race/gender as emotional manipulation. (Rant incoming cause this pissed me off, not you, but it had me thinking about a lot of shit). I'm sorry but I could never be on Tumblr begging for money, that's embarrassing, no offense. I commend anyone who's shameless enough to do that cause in all seriousness, couldn't be me. I feel like there are just some things you shouldn't do & asking strangers, half of which are minors, to give you their hard earned money in trade for nothing is one of them. The victim mentality of "let me spam my followers with a bunch of sob story updates about my life's issues & guilt trip them into giving me cash", no. Leave them alone. That shit's annoying, inconsiderate & entitled. & it's always the same fucking people holding their hand out. The people you're begging for cash are more than likely struggling too & need theirs. Tumblr is the worst place to ask for assistance. If you need money then you should seek a financial aid program, or I don't know, log the fuck out & get a job like everyone else? That's what people who need money do. There's no excuse, I said this before & I'll say it again, making money nowadays is easier than it has ever been cause of access to technology. Everything is virtual. You can work from home. There are people making millions eating for a fucking living on YouTube. If you're broke atp it's cause you either make excuses for why you can't work or you're just lazy. It's a choice. You don't even need to physically go out & find a real job. Make something. Perform a service. Everyone has something they can offer. Don't sit there & expect people to pay you for nothing. I hate lazy ass people who wallow in self pity, make excuses & don't contribute anything to society & simply exist to leech off others. It's parasitic & pathetic. You "can't work", but you can play around on social media every day? Hmm. You deserve to live in poverty then. You're not special. You better sell some p-ssy, d!ck or c*ke. If you're bussing it open to everyone anyway you might as well get paid for it, in the words of my wife, "make it count". Seriously, I don't respect those people. Tumblr beggars are the equivalent of irl bums who loiter at gas stations harassing passersby for change. It's fucking irritating & unfair that we live in a world where weak people are rewarded, coddled, catered to & given breaks for doing nothing. "Oh well, you know, John can't work, he's dealing with a breakup that has him in a deep depression. I just- I don't know if his mental health will allow him to work." Bro, I sympathize but at the end of the day, screw John. He has no real problems. There are people with cancer & aids right now who are working. People with no limbs are working. He can work, he's physically able to, but ultimately he won't cause he's a mentally weak man with no drive. Let's just call it what it is. I've been homeless & depressed before, I dug myself out of that hole WITH NO HELP, if people can bounce back from homelessness, addiction, abusive relationships & rebuild their lives, if people with deformities can work there's no excuse for why these lazy asses are living in houses, have food & water, with themselves being the only person they have to take care of but they're on here begging us & living off the gov't. That shit IS sad. & I get so heated over this topic cause the bastards who log on & beg aren't going to log off fucking Tumblr & make adjustments so they can afford to live, they're not going to or offer an exchange, they'll continue to do this shit. In the comfort of their home. Meanwhile, the ones they beg have to scrounge. So no motherfucker, I can't help you spend my money. Follower counts mean nothing here cause nobody gets paid on this dead app, this ain't YouTube. If you have hella followers but you still can't eat or pay your bills it's a sign your priorities are fucked. Up. Your followers owe you nothing. Have a little pride & self respect.

#(& this isn't directed at you ❤️ It's me venting about wanting to smack the dog shit out of those people) #To clarify I empathize with people who have disabilities & impairments that prevent them from working #(autism down syndrome paraplegics birth defects people in wheelchairs those can't walk properly etc) #I love them for trying & I'm not talking about them #I'm willing to help those people ❤️ #I'm talking about the parasites who whine about how their life is so damn hard while sitting at home on social media collecting a check #AND beg us for our money while they actively do nothing to better their lives #Those who can walk skip jump with fully functional bodies but use anything as an excuse as to why they can't work & seek pity & donations #Fuck them #They deserve NOTHING & half of 'em are scammers #Log off Tumblr & sell your fucking iPhone 11 if you need money #Stop bothering these people #long post #ask box #inbox #self vent #answered

[tleighblack]

Chay (what the hell is everyone thinking)

So the living situation with Chay is insane. It is definitely not good. I can't believe that they left Chay at that house alone this long. He can't know about the mafia but he can be left alone for weeks at a time without even a phone call.

I do agree with people when they talk about how much Porsche has protected him but I don't think he is quite the cream puff people make him out to be. This is a boy who lost his parents at a young age. He was raised by an uncle who apparently popped in between bouts of gambling and a brother who was still basically a kid himself.

As much as Porsche loves Chay he is also the type of guy who works at a bar, drinks like a fish, fucks random people in alleys, and participates in underground fighting rings for money. While he does his best to shelter Chay from the particulars, you know Chay has patched him up after a fight or put him to bed when he is exceptionally drunk. They just don't have anyone else.

And Chay has a lot of pressure on him too. His brother is obviously in too deep at the beginning of the show. Loan sharks showed up at the house to collect and trash the place. Chay recognizes that the situation is not good. He suggests getting a smaller place and him getting a job which is shut down hard by Porsche. So now he needs to try and be the best person possible. He needs to get into the program at school that Porsche has gone away to work so that they can afford it. He seems to be alone a lot. He doesn't have many friends. He needs to be upbeat and never complain because of all the sacrifices being made so that he can be the best version of himself.

Then he finds out that the one person that he loves more than anyone else, lied to him. And it's a big lie. It's a, "I've been so far away I can't visit or call hardly ever and I'm living my dream," lie. It's a clear statement of "you are a baby who can't be trusted with real problems" kinda lie. And that has got to hurt.

So yeah, Chay is angry. He has been holding up his part of the bargain in this deal of trying to be perfect and now he realizes that people aren't being honest.

All of his dreams were coming true. His brother has his dream job, and the bills are all being paid, he met his celebrity crush and got tutored by him.

Then against all logic he and Wik became friends. Wik tells him his real name and writes songs with him and gives him a guitar. He had an infatuation with Wik but then he fell in love with Kim. For him, it must have seemed like he was really getting to know Kim. And he was better than it could be predicated. Sweet and patient and cool and kind. And then he makes a deal with himself. If he gets into the program he will tell Kim how he feels. And he does! He is nervous and stuttering but he gets it out. And Kim makes all his dreams come true by kissing him. Then they spend the night together and it is so wonderful that he wants to cry looking at Kim.

So right now my heart is breaking because if he is hurt and angry with the brother that he knows loves him lying to him imagine the pain of finding out the first person you have fallen in love with is also a liar. And was using you to dig up info on your brother. Kim isn't just going to break his heart, he is going to shatter his dreams. His dreams of Wik and music and of life finally going his way. Chay said he always felt like an unlucky person. That the universe was against him and now it felt like it was worth it because it was saving it up to bring him Kim. Everything that had gone wrong in his life was because Kim was going to be the reward for suffering. And that has got to suck. Because now Chay is going to believe that he is the most unlucky person in the universe because who gets all their dreams handed to them just for them to be ripped away. They would have to be an awful person for that to be the way their life went.

So I am preparing for utter devastation right now.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. Going to go cry in a corner now.

#kimchay #kim theerapanyakul #kinnporche the series #kinnporsche #porchay kittisawasd #kim x porschay #porsche kittisawasd

[yandereloversblog]

𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐅𝐚𝐳𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 -> 𝙳𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚎𝚡

  ───────•°˖~❉᯽❉~˖°•───────  

> 𝗙𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗺: 𝙵𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝙽𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝙰𝚝 𝙵𝚛𝚎𝚍𝚍𝚢'𝚜 1

> 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿: 𝙵𝚛𝚎𝚍𝚍𝚢 𝙵𝚊𝚣𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚛

> 𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚃𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚄𝚗𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚃𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚎𝚝, 𝙼𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝙼𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚃𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚁𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝙽𝚘𝚗𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝙰𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚁𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝙰𝚐𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝙴𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚝 𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙾𝚏 𝚅𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎, 𝙵𝚛𝚎𝚍𝚍𝚢 𝚜𝚗𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐

> 𝗧𝘆𝗽𝗲 𝗢𝗳 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁: 𝙾𝚗𝚎-𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚝

> 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2260 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜

  ───────•°˖~❉᯽❉~˖°•─────── 

•Hey uh, anon? I kinda cropped the rest of the story out in case you didn't want the others to know, but if you ever need anyone to talk to please know my DM's are always open :( I hope everything gets better for you, you're so strong <3

•Also when I do one shots or more detailed stories I like imagining them like androids hope it didn't ruin it- this took so long because I have no idea how to end stories.

•So the message of the entire text: BE CAREFUL OF CRAZY EXS PLEASE. I know I write yandere content but this shit is unhealthy and should be taken seriously in real life so please be careful :(

•Also this is "Defending" very loosely used. Freddy's also crazy but he's sweet. Sorry it's short :(

  ───────•°˖~❉᯽❉~˖°•─────── 

Your breath hitched in your throat when you heard the familiar footsteps again. Quickly hugging your knees tighter to your chest and pressing yourself harder to the wall so you wouldn't be seen. Even your breathing had came to a halt, hoping none of them would hear you, ESPECIALLY not him.

You liked the Pizzeria while working as a technician, you truly did. Even had a particular liking towards Freddy, maybe because you paid a certain amount of attention towards him, he also started paying way more attention to you. Of course every time you checked up on his mechanisms and how his system was working, Freddy always told some silly or cute little joke back at you. The bot even checked up on you when he could. For some reason he trusted you.

So when you were asked to take the night shift for the week because the night guard got sick you agreed without a second thought, thinking it would be easy.

It was a HUGE mistake.

You were literally abducted and held inside the very own Pizzeria you worked at.

You flinched once the voice rang out, still not used to the robotic voice box telling what wasn't programmed into it "Come on angel, why don't you come out already? I promised I wouldn't do anything bad... I've never hurt you have I?" Freddy's once gentle voice had a sadistic undertone to it, despite the sweet nickname he had used to refer to you, you could sense his anger, caused by your stubbornness in refusing his love and affection.

It wasn't your first attempt at getting out of here. Having been locked away for 4 days you did try to escape multiple times, the sudden, secret and strange turns and rooms that seemingly popped into existence didn't make it any easier, you didn't even know they were there!

Only this time have you made it so close to the exit... During those 4 days you weren't treated badly per say. Freddy was actually rather sweet and patient with you, and if you weren't scared for your life you could even say charming but that didn't matter '... I refuse to be tied down like this.' You bit the inside of your cheek, relief washing over you when you heard the footsteps leaving your area "Not again..." A soft whisper escaped past your lips as you got up, still lightly trembling as you made your way to the door. Slowly creaking it open to peek outside.

Your heart was beating like crazy as you made sure nobody was around. Once you confirmed for sure, you opened the door further, very slowly and quietly stepping out of the bathroom and heading for the door, trying your hardest to hear of any threatening sounds you've grown familiar with the past few days.

A gasp left your lips once someone grabbed your arm, pulling you towards them and a hand quickly covered your mouth so you wouldn't make a sound. You immediately started thrashing around, adrenaline shooting through your body from fear 'N-no! I-I'm so close! I-I can't go back there!' Only when you grew tired did you realize who was the one that was holding you back, there wasn't any metal that had made contact with your body "For fucks sake [Y/N], quiet down!" You tried taking in deep breaths to calm down as the person removed their hand from your mouth but still kept a hold of your arm.

"WHAT are you doing here!?" You hissed out in a hushed whisper, turning to glare at him in panicked anger, not that you didn't appreciate help getting out of here, you just didn't appreciate HIS help. Especially when the person you didn't want any help from barged in and wanted to make a ruckus thinking he's saving you.

Your ex looked at you in surprise from the outburst, his brows furrowed then in annoyance before he sighed "What do you mean? [Y/N], you have been gone for 4 days, don't you think I'd be worried and search for you?" He scoffed, the concern act didn't seem to convince you, in fact it infuriated you "But can you give me closure and explain why you're hiding in this filthy place?" They rolled their eyes, making you gasp and quickly reach up to cover his mouth "Shut up! They'll hear you!" You whispered angrily, your ex tilted his head in confusion, yet paid more attention to how close you were to him.

"They?" Your ex questioned through your hands, leaning down to your level "Who? Your robot boyfriend? As in the bear?" The sarcasm dripping from his voice made you resist the urge of screaming in frustration or throwing a fit quite impressively. The situation was dire so you held back. Not wanting to elaborate anymore than that you shoved past your ex with as much force as you could and walked away "Where do you think you're going?" His voice was filled with annoyance and anger as he called after you, you turned your head to glance at him briefly, glaring at the loud tone of his voice.

"Home? To get away from everyone, you as well?" That earned you another sigh as he followed you closely "The bots are going to catch up to us if we don't hurry..." You pursed your lips, trying not to scream once your ex went in front of you "Don't tell me they're keeping you in here?" You flinched at the words, letting out a soft sigh "They... HE is..."

"... He? As in Freddy?" Your ex laughed in amusement, like you told a joke "Don't be ridiculous [Y/N]. He's a robot who can't do something like be obsessive about you." Your ex emphasised the words like talking to a child and drilling them into your head "But he-"

"Know what."

Your heart dropped when he grabbed your wrist, dragging you towards the stage.

"What...?"

"I'm gonna show you how it's not true."

Your breathing stopped at the familiar, glassy blue eyes coming into vision, glaring at the two of you.

You knew your ex was stupid- careless. He's had multiple injuries done by Freddy whenever he visited which had the bear bot extra technician hours, maybe Freddy was satisfied because he got to hurt your mean boyfriend and got to spend more time with you.

So what made him think it was a good idea to approach the bear and poke it, voluntarily??

"Look." You stared up at the bot on the stage, he stared right back "W-wait- please just-" Your breath hitched, tears swelling up on your eyes, burning once you felt his lips on yours rather harshly, your forearms starting to hurt from how tightly he was holding you.  

The kiss lasted only for what seemed an eternity, he pulled away and took a step back 

"This is exactly where you belong. With me~" The smirk on his face was enough of an indication that he completely misunderstood the situation at hand, grabbing your jaw and laughing at your crying, angry and upset expression "Like a good little toy..." He glanced at Freddy after, not bothering to comfort your crying and distress.

"Understand that? You scrap metal?"

Freddy finally moved, a slow head tilt and a smile

"I do."

"... Heh..." Your ex's shoulders rose a bit, tensing up at the situation, cocky demeanour breaking, he thought the bot was off-

"So I NEED to get rid of you after all... You got my angel so distressed and upset..." Freddy stepped down from the stage, landing in front of your ex and making him step back, yet the bot grabbed him by the collar and pulled him closer "Unforgivable." Your ex stared up at the furious blue eyes shooting daggers down at him, voice glitching to a sinister tone "I'll send y𝑜u to h𝑒ll whe𝑟e y𝑜𝑢 b𝑒l𝑂𝑛g r𝐼𝑔𝐻t 𝑁𝑶𝑊."  And with a swift motion his other arm shot forward and punched him straight in the nose.

You winced at the sound of his nose being crushed under Freddy's fist, your eyes widening in horror when you saw your now bloodied ex stagger backwards, falling back, clutching his bleeding nose with both hands, his face contorted in pain, his breathing erratic and painful gasps leaving his mouth in between growls of pain, tears rolling down your cheeks. The sight made you want to throw up, your stomach churned and turned at the mere sight of just the beginning of the fight. Even your legs gave out for you to fall to the floor. Another failure?

You cringed when Freddy grabbed him and picked your ex up like a dirty rag without much trouble, your breathing stopped when he looked back. With each passing footsteps your heart rate quickened. You didn't dare look away from the prying blue eyes. Before you knew it Freddy was in front of you.

You began trembling, expecting to be hit next yet all Freddy did was throw your ex right back down, stepping on his back to keep him still "Apologise." Freddy glared at your ex, kneeling down and applying more pressure to the pained man under him "Quit your crying. Apologise to my angel. Right now." You stared in shock, unable to move, unable to breathe...

Your ex let out another painful groan when Freddy pressed his foot onto his back harder "I-I'm sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry [Y/N]!" You watched as your ex struggled in pain, clenching his teeth and gritting them as hard as he possibly could, he didn't even bother to lift his eyes to meet Freddy's, instead he continued grunting, trying to get free of whatever punishment he was enduring.

Finally Freddy looked at you, his features hardened even further at your expression "Can't you even apologise correctly?" The look of disdain from Freddy made you break in cold sweat, the bot has never been like this to you... Was this what he was capable of or just a portion of it? "How can such a useless person even have the right to breathe the same air as my angel?" Freddy mumbled, scoffing under his breath in annoyance "Do it properly." Hairs rose at the back of your neck from the harsh tone you've never heard before.

Freddy grasped your ex's hair, lifting his head up so he can look at you "Now. Apologise correctly, say what you did wrong and beg for forgiveness, even useless trash as you can do such a thing can you not?" Your ex immediately coiled back, whimpering in pain and fear at the harsh stare, he immediately looked at you "I-I'm sorry for cheating on you... I'm sorry f-for hurting you-"

"Apologise for forgetting their birthday." "I'm so sorry for forgetting your birthday [Y-" Your ex didn't even finish their sentence before their face was smashed to the floor "What makes you think you have the right to utter their name... You need to be taught some more manners huh?" Freddy snarled, lifting his head back up, making you cringe and whimper at his bleeding, crying and bruised face.

It continued like that for at least an hour, your ex apologised for things you didn't even remember him doing or didn't know about, Freddy made him apologise for the most minor things "Good." The bot finally seemed to have put himself together, letting your ex fall to the floor and gave him some peace.

The bot then turned to finally look at you, you flinched at the mere sight of the mesmerising blue orbs staring at you, a small smile formed on Freddy's lips "There, I believe this one has learned his lesson." He spoke calmly, the shift in tone somehow scaring you further "I was so worried about you, my angel~" He softly smiled, cupping your face with both his hands "I was so worried when I didn't see you in your room... Turns out this bastard had taken you away right?"

You kept staring right back at him, chest rising and falling with each breath.

You nodded "Yes."

You knew you were lying.

Freddy knew you were lying.

But he smiled at it "Come darling, let's go back." He lifted you up without much struggle, your heart shattered, the last hope of escaping somehow slipping past your fingers just like that... But Freddy was warm... It was okay right? The bot chuckled, kissing the top of your head.

"... I-I'm sorry..." You softly mumbled unconsciously, hoping to soften up Freddy's mood in any way possible. The bear bot just stood in complete silence before he shook his head, a small smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. You gulped once your eyes locked with his. "It's quite alright, [Y/N], there's no need to be scared...I promise." He reassured you, and you found yourself nodding weakly.

You were still pretty terrified though.

... That said, you decided it was best not to do that again, because deep down, you knew there would be some form of consequences up for you. Freddy didn't seem that upset anymore, but you were afraid that you'd push things if you spoke anything again. And, in your opinion, that was a mistake in itself.

Freddy seemed to sense this, because he leaned down, planting another very soft kiss at the top of your head, giving you a warm smile "Please don't worry anymore angel..." You immediately nodded, your hands shaking slightly while you try to even out your breathing.

"I'll always protect you from trash like that, my angel~"

#yandere #yandere fnaf #yandere x reader #yandere fnaf x reader #yandere fnaf 1 #yandere freddy fazbear #yandere freddy fazbear x reader #yandere oneshot

[wttcsms]

i just wanted to ask your advice about life and grad school and trying to not think about the prestige of certain schools since i feel like you'd just provide a lot of insight on it, and sometimes i feel lost in my life even though i'm pretty young still haha! but sometimes i'm nervous on the fact that i may not get into a good college but idk if that makes sense ^^

hi!!! i personally really enjoy talking abt my academic (+professional) career & i am so honored that you would come to me for any type of advice omg!!! i will say that being young comes with a lot of bouts of insecurity; when i went to my original university, i admittedly didn't have much school spirit or even pride for it. i chose it because i got a full ride academic scholarship to attend, and once you're in college, you realize just how EXPENSIVE the Real World actually is, and so, even though my first university didn't necessarily come with a lot of "prestige" (even kids back home didn't wanna go there LOL), it was a very smart decision for me to attend there because i graduated with my bachelor's, high honors, with no debt!!

i also used to be obsessed with the prestige of schools, and as i look into phd programs, i suddenly am transported back to when i was younger + worried about how a school name would look on my final transcript or resume. the truth is, prestige doesn't guarantee you much.

i will say that certain universities and colleges can help you network, but it doesn't really matter if those relationships are shallow, right? we (and profs you have) aren't going to be so inclined to help you out with 100% enthusiasm if they don't really know you too well, right? so for me, even though the first university i attended was honestly kind of crappy, i decided to make the best of it! professors are humans too, and it's hard for them (esp during freshman & sophomore classes) to connect with students, and most students aren't going to want to put forth the effort to have a relationship with them. i made it an effort to introduce myself to a select few profs, i would attend office hours, i would make a point to engage during lectures, etc. i basically stood out from my peers, and in the long run, that has helped greatly, esp when it came time for me to turn in letters of recommendation for grad school. my "deeper" relationships that i spent a semester (or several semesters; the college was small and i had the same profs for several classes lol) cultivating paid off bc i had spectacular, personalized letters of rec that probably would have been harder for me to obtain had i attended a "prestigious" school where im certain a bunch more students would be vying for the prof's attention OR the professor would be too busy with their own workload and research to really be attentive to me.

while at the "crappy" university i attended for undergrad, i managed to secure two internships, one w/ jp morgan. lots of interns never heard of my school, and believe it or not, with the ivy league students i interacted with, they either knew the same amount or even less of what was going on than i did. they go to great colleges, fantastic schools, have been attending private feeder schools that would land them at these prestigious schools i'm sure you're looking at, and the fact of the matter is, it's not like everyone who attends there is a genius. when i was younger, i thought that the school you attend is directly associated with how smart you are, but that is def not the case. never, ever, ever question your intelligence if the school you want doesn't accept you. it's so corny, but rejection really IS redirection.

what i really want you to realize is that a good college is purely dependent upon YOU, as a student. form genuine connections with your profs (these relationships might come in handy; not just for grad school, but i've had several profs actually come to me with internship AND post-grad job opportunities with their friends' companies), be active and engaged on campus (join a club, do community service; if you do join a club, though, it is best to have a leadership role within it), consider asking a close prof if you can be a teaching assistant, approach your classmates confidently and be friendly to them, work hard!!! undergrad is fantastic for figuring out or getting an idea of what you want to do in the future!!! i was 16 when i started college full-time & i just picked a major (accounting) where i thought i could get a job with it LOL. nearly 5 years + one degree later, i figured out that working in industry wasn't for me & that i much prefer academia haha!!! try out a little bit of everything; i'm starting my fourth internship pretty soon, and honestly, you don't know what you don't like until you actually try it out.

i hope you have the greatest college experience of your life! when we're young, the silly stuff doesn't seem so silly (re: the prestige of the school you attend), but it's ok! because no one expects us to have perspective when we're young lol. just know that no matter where you go, make an effort to make the best of it :)

edit: some success stories!!! my undergrad aka what i considered to be a tier below community college (nothing wrong with cc either!!!); many of my classmates have went on to attend "prestigious" colleges for their own phd programs :) one of my close friends completed her undergrad in biology and is attending a private college for a phd; one of the colleges i'm looking at!!! my other friend works full-time at goldman sachs, which is proof that you don't need a columbia degree in finance to get in LOL. so, finding good opportunities is possible no matter where you end up attending <3

#my grad school is an infamous party school LOL #i will say that starting college young has altered something in my brain 😭 #i'll be worried that im gonna be a hag and that i won't have anything to offer to the world by the time i graduate from grad school #which is stupid bc then i remember i'll be 21 when i'm done #u have time!!!!! u don't need to worry abt feeling lost in life bc everyone is lost in life!!!!! #even me!!!!!

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

The only good thing that will have come out of this park job fiasco is that two weeks from tomorrow I should get a direct deposit of around $100 for my single day's work.

Should.

Problem is, I worked 8 full hours, but I was only on the clock for 4½. My boss had me come in at 11:30, but didn't add my name to the punchclock system until it was time for my lunch break at 3:00. I punched in at 3:00, immediately punched out for lunch (paid, luckily), punched back in at 4:00, then punched out for good at 7:30. My boss said he would go into the system and change my start time, but I don't think he ever did because I called to quit the very next morning. I did 8 hours of work at $15.06 per hour, so I should have made $120.48 before taxes; at my old job they took out between 12 and 13%, so I should take home around $105 for the day. If I only get paid 4½ hours, that'll be less than $60, and I'll complain to the labor board if they don't honor the remaining $45.

I'm in a low point in my life right now, so I could REALLY use that $105.

Well, no, it's not really that low. I have my own apartment, so I'm not trapped at my parents' place in the cultural wasteland of the Keys. I have my own car, so I can go wherever I want. I don't have any money, but I got food assistance for the next three months (there was a bureaucratic hiccup last week, but I resolved it and got my benefits reinstated), and my parents can help me with my rent now that my little sister got a job and they can stop paying hers. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist and am back on antidepressants for the first time in over 2 years (though they don't appear to be helping at all, so I'll need a new prescription next month).

Things are bad, but they could be much MUCH worse. I'm actually doing better than a lot of people; I still have a right to complain, but it's not as bad as it could be. Not yet, at least. My life sucks, but there's somebody out there who would kill for the position of relative stability I have now. I'm not gonna starve, I'm not gonna wind up homeless, I have a safety net if I need it.

I feel like a leach... Not on society, I mean a leach on my parents. I will never feel bad about being on foodstamps; the program exists to help people like me, and I will take full advantage of whatever pittance the state is willing to offer me (the Florida government sucks ass, and I deserve the assistance after all the taxes I've paid over the years), but I hate asking my parents for money. The only way I can justify it is that my dad consistently borrowed thousands of dollars from me when I Iived at home. He would borrow money, pay back a portion of it, then borrow more; he usually fluctuated between $500 and $1000, but his high water mark was over $3000. I was an interest free bank to him for years, so helping me with rent for however long it takes me to get back on my feet seems fair to me. I feel less bad if I think of it that way...

#job search #my job #work #payday #money #paycheck #personal #rant #vent

[team-frightfur]

1, 2, 8, 19, 21, and/or 30. Well then, amuse enlighten me.

No Tarts you got the roles mixed up you're supposed to drop in for 5 min, exposit for 3 min and then walk off after handing over ur vision not me. (Thanks for the ask!)

1.Art programs you have but don't use

I paid literal real money for Clip Studio Paint and then kept using Fire Alpaca. I've since transitioned to Medibang but that's because Medibang is just Fire Alpaca + like they're made by the same people.

2.Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

I can't draw people facing forward for the life of me, but left and right are both fairish game.

8.What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

I used to run a fancomic but I came to hate it so I stopped. I will not reveal it. I also tend to start on adopts and then stop halfway through bc they only make 20 USD anyway. Aside from those I have exactly (2) wips. Venti is past use by date but stabbing might finish one day. Maybe. Probably not. It's been dead for a year lmao.

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

I like flowers. I'm bad at them but I like them. That's why I put florals on everything I design.

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

Bold of you to think I like my own artstyle enough to not salivate over every other art piece I see. Anyway, I really like Hanako Kun's art style and want to be 1/10th of that good one day.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

To say something is under/overrated implies that you have an objective view of the piece's quality (which is more correct than the view of everyone else who has ever rated it). Your view is just as subjective as theirs. Whatever rating it gets is the one it deserves. Smile/cry and move on/hj.

Of course, you have the competing view that nothing CAN be over/underrated because what's truly important is your satisfaction. Uh, I try. Lmao.

Thanks again for the ask!

[jedi-bird]

It struck me today, for reasons unknown, that I'm currently the only one in the family who knows both cpr and the heimlich maneuver. The heimlich maneuver I learned in elementary school because I asked a teacher to show me how it worked and I've in fact had to use it on myself before. Cpr I learned in a much less pleasant way.

I used to be the only caretaker for my grandparents. I helped them around the house and with medical stuff and made sure the bills are all paid on time; my grandma was great at keeping up with that and taught me her system, just in case she wound up in the hospital. I was also their secret keeper, but that's a different story.

Cpr I unfortunately had to learn in the field, if you will. My grandma had had to have emergency surgery and spent over three weeks in the hospital before they sent her home. Unable to stand up, unable to breathe without an oxygen mask, and getting weaker every day. And as would happen, she died while I was the only one at home. So there's me, trying to call emergency services, completely panicking, having to hold a phone because it was a very old style cordless that didn't have a speaker phone function while trying to manhandle the person I loved the most onto the floor while the dispatcher talked me through the procedure. Hard surface underneath, follow the sequence, and press hard enough to break ribs.

I already had the basics in my head. I was a very anxious child who read everything I could get my hands on. But reading about and actually doing something are two completely different things. Nothing about cpr is easy. Nothing about it is nice.

I often think about that poor dispatcher having to listen to me sobbing and apologizing to my dead grandmother as I threw her to the floor and broke at least one rib. I try to forget how much my family yelled at me for that later. I did what I was told to do and didn't stop for the ten minutes it took the paramedics to arrive. They got her breathing again but it wasn't going to last. We had to take her off life support that night. I was forced to watch her die twice.

Since then, I've learned how to do properly through a training program at my old job. I've practiced on training models and learned new techniques. I've explained to family members what the different types of lifesaving procedures are on dnr forms. But it scares me sometimes that if and when something happens it's going to be me and only me who knows what to do.

I've never been right since it happened. I probably never will be. I really really really don't want to ever have to do it again.

#tw: death #idk why my brain wants to remember that tonight but it does #it's not a happy story

[vuele]

i am feeling a lil reflective today, and i want to remember (for the future) that i've always been my own harshest critic. but i shouldn't be!

i was talking to my manager today, who told me that the people he went to school with who were constantly failing back then are all thriving now, because they were tenacious and learned a lot from failing. and i found that so scary! i hate not being good at things, and feeling like i don't meet people's expectations (or my own expectations), and i don't want to fail ever. but... i want to change that!

he also told me that instead of focusing on how much i know, i should focus on how well i can learn, because you never know what might happen in life, and things could drastically change, but if you know how to learn, you can adapt. and reflecting on this past year and a half, it's so true!

there was a lot i liked, and some things i loved, about my old job: i was on a team of almost all women, i got to work with tons of amazing artists, i helped create a space where people from the diaspora could come together to celebrate their culture and feel at home. i never felt like i wasn't capable; whenever i had a new project to tackle or was given a new area to take ownership of, i was able to do it well.

but it was also miserable, because everyone cared about the mission, so the longevity of the organization was the number one priority, at the expense of the employees. i constantly had too much work and was paid too little; by the time i quit, i was managing all of the classes, including ones we offered to corporations, on top of all my other random work, but my title was always just "associate." at one point i was in charge of the bar and constantly had to drive to bevmo in my personal vehicle to pick up alcohol for the events, and one time i had to juice a ton of limes to make a huge batch of mint mojitos for a special event, when i only drink maybe a handful of times a year. i didn't even know what they should taste like!

also! i had to deal with a lot of milquetoast-liberals-who-consider-themselves-leftists who cared more about their feelings than social justice. i still remember, in 2020, we shared a post talking about how there's tons of anti-blackness in the latine community and had to take it down because we were met with so much outrage from people complaining that we were calling them racists. i think that was when i started realizing that we weren't ever going to be able to do anything Actually Radical -- the most we could do was promote corporate EDI values.

anyway, by the end of 2021, i realized that my workplace talked a lot about community, but didn't actually care about our community, or, rather, didn't care if disabled people were included in our community. i was the only one still masking and they made me feel like a nuisance for it, and when i said we should require masking at our events to keep everyone safe, they said they didn't want to "police" anyone, and that people had trauma from policing (?!?!).

so, i secretly started working on my escape plan, and studied hard and got accepted into a selective training program in a completely new field to me, and then i gave like a month's notice before my program started because i felt guilty, lol. and almost a year later, i'm going to graduate from that program! and i didn't have as much experience as some of my cohortmates, but i made it through the intense learning portion, and now i'm interning somewhere that i never ever thought i would be capable of working at! and somehow, even though i feel like i'm lacking in everything, i've been doing well here! and even if i don't get a return offer after this, the things i've been working on these past five months will be used by tons of people!

all of this is to say... i want to be kinder to myself. i want to be the first person who believes in me, instead of the last. and instead of basing my self-worth on things i do, i want to base it on things i am.

ok that's really really all for now!

#i didn't think this would be so long oops #i was supposed to be preparing for a review session tomorrow but i spent like an hour here #anyway i will be less vague about what i've been doing once i secure a job lol

[punemy-spotted]

Hi Punemy. I just found one of your reboots on an It's a Wonderful Life post. And I was wondering how you're getting by now? I'm in a big corpo job and it doesn't pay enough to buy property too and I hit burnout. So I'm trying to figure out what people do to be happy out of traditionally "successful" roles and still. yknow. survive.

Hi friend. I'm so glad you reached out to me. I've... been having a lot of thoughts about this, so you'll see a rambling answer underneath the cut, because you're basically getting a distillation of my panicked 3am journaling.

In short: I wish I could tell you that I'm doing great or that I figured out the secret, because trust me, if I knew the secret I would share it so fast.

I thought I had my dream job when I landed an immigration lawyer position, except it burnt me out so badly I'm still traumatized from it, nearly two years later. Then I thought I landed my dream job in early 2023, when I got a great corporate counsel position with excellent pay and benefits... only to be forced out thanks to corporate nepotism and an industry I just... didn't fit in with.

I'm in therapy now, to deal with both of those things — both of those things and the burnout, but that's hand in fucked up hand, isn't it?

So you know what, I'm... not doing great.

And I think that's okay.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've burnt out. It's... hard. Incredibly hard. Therapy has helped me, and I think it would help anyone who has access to it — I can't recommend telehealth highly enough. The service I use right now is Sondermind, and it seems to be even more robust than my health insurance's website, for sure.

Beyond that...? Take it slow. If there's one thing I've learned since getting my license to practice law and bouncing from shitty firm to shitty firm, it's that I owe my employers only as much work as they pay me for. Nothing more and nothing less. And if I'm not finding joy in the work that I'm doing — be it the research or the culture — then it's time for me to bounce. I don't expect I'll ever own property, not unless my parents suddenly decide to retire back to India and leave me the house, and... that's okay. It has to be okay. It has to be okay because there are other things I can spend my money on. It has to be okay because the rainy day fund to sustain me while I'm unemployed is more important that the mortgage and the responsibilities I don't think I'm ready for. Maybe I'll be ready one day, or maybe I'll be fine in my tiny flat with my roommate and my collection of fountain pens.

Find joy in the world outside work. If you're paid for a 40-hour workweek, don't do more than that. Don't. Do, however, seek out friends. Go to museums and play silly games. Listen to music. Pick up a hobby. Go to therapy. Redefine what "success" means to you — when are you at your happiest?

I've been incredibly lucky to have a community of friends and family. I hope, truly and sincerely hope, that you also have a community of friends, Anonymous Friend. I hope you can lean on them when you need them. I hope they hold you up on your worst days and celebrate you on your best. Because there is no greater joy than having that community.

As for surviving outside of high-paying corporate jobs, honestly... I'm gonna say the cliché thing, which is that it's time for all of us to redefine survival. If we live in an era where owning property is no longer a part of our futures, then so be it. Tiny apartments it is — that doesn't mean you don't deserve to own your space for however long you live in it. Let every little joy build up on itself. Join a summer reading program and listen to audiobooks on your way to work, or call up your best friend on your way home. Take the time to look for work in fields you enjoy. Will you potentially take a pay cut? Maybe. But surviving on a smaller scale than what our parents had may just be what we have to do — and that's okay too. Maybe we'll make the world a better place for us down the line, but right now, we cling to what we have and survive.

Also, seriously, go to therapy. Can't recommend that enough.

I wish you well, friend. May you find strength and kindness in the many many years to come. And when it comes to burnout or bad days, remember, this too shall pass. And so too shall you, through it all.

#shroombox #Anonymous #life thoughts with tessa #no i don't really know what a lot of this is but i do know that it's been on my mind for a LONG TIME #it will not always be this bad and that's okay too

[nightmarist]

For the artist questions, 6, 21 and 30 if you dont mind

6. What’s your least favorite thing to draw?

Ironically what people tell me to draw.

It's my love-hate with commissions, where I can need the money but dread what people are going to pay me to draw. However, I do like requests, there's a semantic difference in my brain for a request bc usually requests are framed in ways that people want me to draw something they think would match my art or think I the artist would enjoy drawing vs commissions where people want something I just couldnt care less about but Have to do it.

Since I've gotten more established professionally IRL I get to be more choosy about what I take on as commission, so I might just endup doing a whole "I'll only do commissions if I actually like your idea" since I do want to be paid for my work and I do think people have really cool ideas I would love to pry out of their tangled brains and put to paper or canvas or whatever. But even then, If I do really love someone's idea, I mean. Fuck it. I'd love to do it. I love making things for people and giving them away. The fleeting aspects of art can be art too.

21. Do you like to challenge yourself?

Yes !!! I constantly do shitty little sketches and go to drawing tutorials, ask my art instructor and professor friends for tips, tricks, ideas etc. I do a lot of exercises and recently I've become much less afraid of creating backgrounds now that I have a better grasp how to make them. Similarly I'm trying to figure out painting more, which is both fun and challenging.

I don't want to do Just realism, I would love to experiment with other styles. Now that I have actual income, I can "waste" resources (paint, canvases, etc) practicing. Usually the issue is, if I make something, I can't buy back the things I used to make it, and therefore can't continue making. One of the big reasons I've been doing so much more art lately than the past decade.

30. What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?

How do you define it? Is it what's the most realistic? I can do realism. I have. Ive been doing it since I was a young teenager, I had galleries and awards and was paid hundreds to nearly a thousand dollars for pieces. My parents kept all the money. Now that I'm an adult, no one gives a shit that some thirty year old man can paint a realistic portrait of a celebrity. It only mattered when I was 13 and 14 using a program no one ever heard of (paint tool sai) or didnt think photoshop could be anything but a photo editor. Realism isnt fun, anyway, at least not anymore for me.

I do think that things like "the basics" - anatomy and realism, still life, color theory, perspective, all should be learned to learn how to make compelling art. But they dont have to be used in polished, aesthetically pleasing ways. Once you learn how and why "oh these colors clash and make people turn away from how jarring they are" you can use that. "These perspective lines are weird" can be just as compelling when you have the knowledge to fuck around with it.

I think the thing for me is, after having collaborated with so many other artists IRL and seeing their work, art is so much more than being "good" or "better" or "best" — it's expression. What you express, how you express it, those are each personal things.

Art isn't just painting. Or embroidery. Or convention. Its this lady in town who makes full body puppet costumes out of scrap blankets and broken ceramics. Is this old woman in the country side who makes masks out of paper and crayons. Its a local punk who learned to silk screen their own T shirts with weird shit.

I guess more or less being a "better" artist for me is coming to understand that there's no actual such thing. You can have your own personal goals, set them, and make them.

In addition, "every artwork is practice for the next"

It's a perpetual cultivated skill that, when you look back, there will always be something you could have done "better"

[that-gay-jedi]

pumpkin— how do you feel about horror movies? do you like psychological thrillers more or jump-scare oriented movies?

I prefer audio horror, but I like horror movies too! I used to watch so many I would get desensitized, take a break from screens to reset, and then watch some more lmao. I'm a bit behind these days because of full time job and my Star Wars obsession eating my whole entire brain forever.

I like practically anything except jump scare based (and the occasional jump scare but I get tired of them quickly and am picky about them lmao). Psychological horror's great, supernatural horror is great, old school monster flicks are great, pure mindfuck horror that plays with your sense of reality, psychosocial type horror like Jordan Peele, meta-horror (like the original Candyman or if Cabin in the Woods had actually been good), etc. I also like a lot of absurdist or existential dread based crap with horror-adjacent messages and themes (think Synecdoche, New York).

In terms of audio horror, I've listened to every free episode of The Nosleep Podcast to date and kept a written list of which stories were particularly good organized by episode and title so I can relisten. I've done the same with the Chilling Tales For Dark Nights podcast. For things that are more serial than anthology, I'd recommend The Orphans (space based scifi survival horror) and my newest obsession, the scifi character-driven drama Give Me Away, which I'm not sure I'd call horror but whenever I pitch it it has a very horror-sounding premise lmao. I also totally went insane for the worldbuilding in The Magnus Archives and made a note of certain episodes of it that are amazing as both standalone pieces and part of the larger story.

I've seen that Give Me Away has exactly zero fanworks on AO3 and someday I want to remedy that with a series of crossover shorts that would double as character studies of our favourite Star Wars characters through the lens of the "radical hospitality" of the alien rescue program from Give Me Away. How their screening process would go, their motivations for volunteering for the program, what traits the personality experts would look for in which prisoner to pair them with, etc.

I already have an Obi-Wan chapter and an Anakin chapter planned out, I'm working on a few of the clone troopers I think might be open to volunteering, and if I ever finish those I'd be doing Padme, Bail Organa, and several of the OT characters next. Eventually if I ever finish all those I'd do some of my Glup Shitto blorbos from sw books like Master and Apprentice, Jedi Trial, Luke Skywalker and the Shadows of Mindor, and the Jedi Quest series lmfao I'm fucking broken as a human being

It is my personal and extremely biased opinion that EVERYONE should listen to Give Me Away (I'm not being paid to promote this and I don't know any of the actors or creators I'm just autistic), it's only like 8 episodes and most of which are like half an hour long but it changed my entire outlook on life in a similar degree to the Star Wars prequels lmao.

#horror movies #the magnus archives #nosleep podcast #star wars #sw books #star wars prequel trilogy #star wars original trilogy #give me away #the orphans #blorbo from my movies #blorbo from my books #asks #autumn ask game #Suspicious-whumping-egg

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Would you mind describing the process of applying for an MFA program or what you did to qualify? Also, when you say you’re going to grad school after, is that a PhD or a Masters in English Literature or something similar?

Let me just put both your anons here so I can get em both at once :) sorry for the confusion! I do not have an MFA, I am graduating from Boston University with my bachelors in creative writing. BU has a very old and prestigious MFA program that they don't shut the fuck up about and they writing pilled me so hard. Any writing workshop you take within the department is taught by someone currently getting an MFA or part of running the program. When I said MFA professor in that ask earlier, I was referring to my professor herself, who is an MFA grad and that's why she was there. She's not a teacher by trade, she teaches because she's there for the program. Does that make sense? I shouldn't have phrased it that way and I am so sorry for the confusion. There is such thing an an English PHD, I've only talked to three people who've ever gone higher than an MFA, and all were successful novelists while doing so. We cannot all be Leslie Epstein, and let us not aspire to be.

That being said, I hope I can still help, because I am applying to MFA programs in two years and started applying this year before eventually deciding to give it some time. Every workshop you take they literary pill you and they spend a whole class answering MFA questions and walking you through the process as well. I've never felt more knowledgable about a subject I have no authority on in my life, so let me try to answer your questions and I hope it helps! I apologize for how long as fuck it's going to be.

So qualifying for an MFA is easy; be good at writing. Like, really good. They really don't give a shit about anything else you have to turn in. If it's been a while since you've been in school, you'll be delighted to learn that no MFAs take GRE scores anymore, and every single one that asks for a 3.0gpa also includes a caveat where they're like "with exceptions." It's because if your writing is that good they legit do not care what else you bring to the table.

Bad news bears though, that means you gotta be really good. Not to be like, discouraging, but the general acceptance rate is about 3-5% for all programs across the board. I only know minute details about fully funded MFAs (my google spreadsheet could end lives) because I am of the mindset that paying extra education in this economy instead of being paid for extra education is insanity of the highest degree. That being said, if you expand to non fully funded program, I think your chances get a percentage higher? If you have the means and you want to, go for it, but I highly suggest the fully funded route. Every MFA grad I've every talked to has always said that they don't suggest getting one ever unless it's fully funded. That being said, I have a lovely mutual on here who got hers and it was not fully funded, and she loved her experience. I can definitely direct you to her as well.

More specifically on writing though, MFA's are incredibly literary writing places. If your style is more eclectic then an MFA program could be quite stifling. If you are more into genre fiction, romance, speculative fiction, sci-fi; most MFA programs are not for you. There are a few new highly competitive ones that specialize in genre fiction, but again, highly competitive.

Another super important point; writing in a workshop environment, especially an MFA, requires very thick skin. Creating a story for a workshop is like birthing a child, and then giving it to a classroom of 10-15 people to beat to death in front of you while they tell you how ugly it is and how you could've done better. But then you get to do it to them too it's literally my favorite thing in the world. I called someone's story gimicky last week, that's like a writing slur. But if that sounds like no fun at all, that's what the entirety of an MFA program will be. The crotchety 84 year old man who runs BU's MFA program (it's Leslie again), while a delight and a legend, referred to one of my pieces as having a "surprisingly homoerotic moment" and then the entire class informed him it was actually, very clear the entire time. I should include a list of meanest comments I've ever gotten after this, that's so fun.

Also also; each MFA program varies wildly, but most from what I can tell from my research require you to teach a class during your time there, and your final thesis is basically a completed manuscript of a novel.

I can tell you that I think there is absolutely nothing wrong at all with applying for an MFA program in your late twenties. In fact, they prefer it. I ending up holding off based on feedback I got from people I asked for rec letters and advise, all who told me applying right out of school is hard because they take you much less seriously. They like it when you've gone out, gotten real world experience, and proved you're committed. I know older people in the MFA program who were published authors and screenwriters, and people who got in right out of school and only published afterwards. Again, it's really all down to how good you are, everything else they don't care about as long as you are good enough to make anything else not important.

As for old writing connections; don't worry about that. MFAs require 2-3 rec letters. My professor advised that if it's been a while, you email to ask and you send along what classes you took with the professor, what year it was, and a current writing sample. It makes it as easy as possible on your rec. She argued about it a bit with another MFA grad who she brought to class; he said if they don't remember you they won't be a good rec. I don't really have a huge stance, thought I'd give both viewpoints they gave. It's hard to decide, I have a rec that would swing a lot of weight in the literary world but also I had a little beef with the professor so I'm on the fence about if his would be good or not. It's such a dumb problem but now I'm just venting every MFA related thought at you.

Finally; I will tell you what my current plans are for the two years before I apply to, idk, Rocky training montage myself for MFA applications. Basically my goals are to finish one of my books (generous goal that one is FLEXIBLE), get a few short stories published, and hopefully make a website. Every serious writer has a website and they all hate it. But, it's good to have things to actually put in your blurbs when you submit for publishing.

I am happy to give advice on the publishing process as well if that would help you, anon, or anyone else. I currently am a reader for a lit journal and I have worked for a WIDE variety of publishing companies, from lil baby indie ones to bigger editing companies. There is a market for everything if you know how to market yourself and where to look, and you do not need an MFA to do that. Stephanie Meyer would sooner have turned into a vampire herself than have been accepted into an MFA, but her ass is widely successful. Get ur bag.

#i'm gone from this place in a week u dumb fucks please do not stalk me at my university #melissa's asks #melissa bullshit #melissa is an english major #mfa #creative writing

[unmakingandincorporeality]

Feeling a weird kind of sick today & got to do livestream prep in 20 mins but before that I've got a little time for FUGUE POSTING

I made a new playlist today, called "desire, without obligation." It's named that because I needed something to be listening to while I wrote a draft of my grad school application statement of purpose, which I've been badly struggling with because I don't know how to communicate the idea of wanting to do a thing in a manner other than explaining why it would be good for other people were that thing to happen. And the problem is, I don't really want to go to grad school to help people. I want to go to grad school to have fun being a faerie academic nerd doing theory about how the internet is magic, and I want to make things that other, more practical, people will be able to use to help people. So focusing on the other people was railroading me towards a statement of purpose that was gonna put me in the wrong kind of program.

In my early 20s, I started going to therapy, because I wanted to have kids some day, & I felt like I owed it to them to deal with some of the trauma I picked up from my parents, so I can at least minimize the extent to which I'm passing on the same problems. It took me more than 2 years of sessions with the best therapist I'd ever had to get to the point where I was willing to say that, actually, I don't want kids, I've never wanted kids, every part of every aspect of setting up a life to have children is deeply unappealing to me—but it was okay for me to be in therapy anyway, because it's not wrong to go to therapy for your own well-being.

In our last in-depth conversation, my as-of-recently-ex friend told me that he felt like he could finally start figuring out what he wanted from his life because he'd done all the things he was supposed to do. Got a degree, got a job, got married, had two children, bought a house, paid off the mortgage. After all that, that's when he was allowed to ask, "What do I want?"

I don't want to think about helping other people. I've spent the past decade wrangling and soldering and sanding my personality to care about other people, and at this point I do it by reflex. I don't have to think about it, and I'm better at it when I don't—metacognition takes up the same brain space that would otherwise be going to cognition, so to whatever extent I'm monitoring my behaviors to make sure I'm happy with them, those behaviors are being made less competently, with fewer cognitive resources.

The thing I haven't figured out is how to hack and sculpt and wire myself to take care of me. Which is philosophically inconsistent: I'm a person, right? I go out of my way to help people. More or less by reflex. I ought to be willing to go out of my way, to put in effort, to make changes, sacrifice, lose out on things I wanted, to make things better for me.

But there are two kinds of people: the one experiencing this consciousness, and all the other consciousnesses that this one doesn't directly experience. the habits I've developed for how to act with regard to other consciousnesses are not the habits to care for this consciousness. I never witness myself struggling in a way that I know I'm currently secure in; I can never lend myself the strength I have in areas where I'm seeing weakness. Whatever it is I'm failing at, it's always the thing that I'm currently doing an awful job of handling.

So I shall need to get more creative with my interventions into myself.

#uaipost #🌂

[pinkresin]

Writing about writing

So this is my first blog in what I hope will be one of many. Apparently you're not a real writer unless you have a blog and after a strange few months of soul searching I decided it's time to get serious. So here we are...

A little about me (I don't really know who reads these things but at least I'm writing, right). I'm 39, married to a lovely man called Gav. We have 3 children, 22, 18 and 14. Awful ages, teenagers are horrendous. Our oldest daughter has now left home and we now have a 2 year old granddaughter. Life for me has been done the opposite way around. We married and had children young and I am now in the position to be thinking about my career. I am about to start my 3rd year of a degree in English Literature and Creative Writing with the Open University. I have thoroughly enjoyed the creative writing side of the course not so much the literature, but I have learned a lot of valuable skills. I work 3 days a week in Asda as a home shopping picker. I hate it but it's paying the bills (almost!) until I finish my degree.

Last month we all got the dreaded Covid. We thought, after 2 years we had escaped it, but it caught up with us, big style. My husband and son (who also work at Asda) were told to go to work as normal. It is no longer necessary to isolate and they wouldn't be paid for doing so. They had to wear a mask and wash their hands regularly but were still required to work. We had mixed feelings about this, especially as my son has a medical condition, but there are four of us living at home and quite frankly, we couldn't afford to be without the income. I was really, really poorly and spent almost a fortnight in bed. At one point I googled funeral directors as I thought this was surely the end, I have never felt so ill! After 2 and a half weeks off work, I finally started to feel more human again thankfully; but found that the longer I was off work, the less I wanted to return. This was only ever supposed to be a temporary job for a couple of months anyway. The plan was to apply for writing jobs/ internships where I could gain some work experience and then leave. Nine months later and I am no further on- so it was time for a kick up the proverbial arse.

I signed up with a careers program and a lovely man called Roger is now my coach. We have gone back to basics and he suggested that a blog is the place to start while we look into options. I am leaning towards screenwriting and even considering this as a Masters when I have finished at uni. I have completed a short, 2 week course in screenwriting as part of the careers coaching and have compiled my years of scribbled notes, emails and texts to myself with writing prompts, into material I can write about. I have also been to the library and borrowed some books on this. I forgot how much I love the library. We live out in the sticks so it is only a small branch but still just as magical. One of my favourite childhood memories is when we used to live in Bradford and my siblings and I would visit their huge library over the summer holidays. Nothing is more satisfying than shelves upon shelves of books- and you can borrow them for free! Sadly, where we live now they are so under used. People look at me almost confused when I say I'm going, it no longer seems to be 'the norm' which is sad.

Reflecting on my childhood and considering my future made me realise that things became stagnant for a while. Life seemed to get in the way of what I wanted from life. I suppose this is common, but it made me sad to think about how many people don't follow their dreams. This is what I want to do, what I've always wanted to do. Only I can make it happen so here I am, step one in a very long journey of making things happen.

Am I a writer yet...?

#writing #creative writing #screenwriting #library #open university #books and reading #visitthelibrary #maturestudent #writers on tumblr #writers and readers #writerslife #first blog