#i dont know why it mattered so much to these kids

[lotus-sunn]

@katentines this is your fault/pos

So lotus-moonn I have been THINKING ABOUT HER. And I decided since my pfp is sweet mikey I thought maybe if lotus-moonn existed

they would use covert-mike (Mikhali) as their pfp since well if you know anything about covert mikey then its fairly obvious why I choosed him

I thought of her personality and I conclude..Shes a fucking dick. or atleast more blunt and straight forward not caring about someones feelings and wouldnt see the reason to soften the blow. Would say "that looks like shit" to your face and call you out for more of your wrong doings

I love the DRAMATICS but i think too much is wack so maybe she would have a love for all types of dramatics.

I love to make a good first impression and I am pretty sensitive when it comes to being yelled at in a aggressive way. I start to cry as the yelling continues, so she would NEVER (rarely) cry. It would take a lot for her to cry, and first impression? who gives a shit she is gonna do what she wants and not give a shit if you like her or not.

Not a hugger or very touchy its rare for her to even touch anyone (fucking insane i know) Suprisnly less of a realist. (im a realist) More of a lets just do it and find out. Doesnt care for people who overthink she doesnt get it. like cmon your thinking too much LETS GO.

Not much for reading feelings she just freezes if they confide in her. She is pretty serious. If you told her a joke she would take it literally.

social cues??? she doesnt know what that is?? context clues what??

(fucking dumbass)

Doesnt swear. literally man she doesnt. I swear like sailor so she wouldnt. Why use swears when you can insult someone in more creative ways? she doesnt get the appeal.

really really smart in the education level. Works slow and good, doesnt work well under pressure.

opptimistic? no? but also yes.

one thing I wont change. She is stubborn but not me type stubborn. She is fucking STUBBORN once she decides something its set in bedrock she ingraved it into its very core your not changing her mind

(people trying to rehabiltate lotus-moon get meet with her fist)

was a kid who was more reckless and got more injuries (i was the same. but she actually broke a bone.)

faking confidence? she doesnt do that depressing bullshit. her confidence is real but that gets in the way of most of goals she has so much faith in herself she grows arrogant. She thinks that whatever she puts her mind to WILL happen doesnt matter who come in the way

fighting? HELL YEAH. SHE FIGHTS WITH ALL HER MIGHT! exploding PASSION!

I dont get sick easily. She does tho (LOSER COULDNT BE ME) its cold and she doesnt wear a scarf and jacket GET SICK BITCH (and very sensitve when sick. Im not i can function well enough. she is like fucking DEAD like family guy dead pose.)

hopeless romantic? fuck no romance is icky she doesnt like it.

very Social. ikr what the fuck?? if anything she wouldnt be. And you'd be right but Im not very social i have a close friend group of 5 people THATS IT. so she would be very social despite her dumbass not knowing of social cues.

#ive been thinking about this for a while #and I thought of my personality and since evil lotus-sun is well evil. she would be the complete opposite of me #so I mapped my personality and reversed it. #in a way I would admire her. #but whos to say. #WAIT HOLD ON SHE WOULD TALK LIKE THAT. #''but whos to say.'' SHE WOULD TALK KINDA LIKE THAT #lotus-moonn

[bestworstcase]

@sailorb00 tags here

#i was also on the fence about the EA siblings and Theodore being related by looks alone (#... and the alice + dorothy comparison#mostly chalked it up to coincidence but now that they're conf. to be from Vacuo it's looking less like coincidence fsdf#then is the girl on the desk photograph Alyx before she and Lewis found the EA?#And Theodore juat inherited it? He grew up on his great-great grandfather/uncle/who know's stories about the EA being real?#Maybe in hopes that one day his sister would return and be welcomed by family? even if they're generations apart#if Lewis's pseudonym is Theodore Im gonna lose it#I mean we dont know his or the EA siblings' surnames.#IS THAT WHY THEODORE DOESNT GO BY HIS SURNAME#BC OF THE FAMILY LEGACY???#ok imma go sit down now before i hurt myself w/ speculation fsdf

YEAH SAME on the being like Doubt.jpg about a relation between theodore and lewis on the basis of… skin color, basically, but the minute i heard “i couldn’t believe they were from vacuo,” that’s a deliberate choice to link these kids to the setting for the next major story arc, and that’s happening in conjunction with several developments in the 9.11 animatic that suggest history is about to become very important (soaring popular support for the crown—probable mountain glenn history-repeating-itself theme with salem razing vale—oscar mentioning vacuo’s history of colonization—plus the great war having ended with ozma’s use of the sword in vacuo).

it’s very. raises eyebrow. alrighty then!

so whatever lewis did after coming home, other than writing tgwfttw, probably has some narrative relevance—might be as small as something jaune needs to find closure, or it might be bigger than that, who knows, but if it was a hundred and fifty years ago and it matters enough to be in the story, then the story needs a vehicle to deliver this information in a manner that feels naturalistic and non-arbitrary. (jaune-stumbles-across-loved-one’s-memorial-statue-by-chance once is a believable happenstance; twice, a cheap contrivance.)

the simplest way to do that is to introduce a vacuan character with some connection to lewis, and the obvious choice there is a descendent, because lewis lived a long enough time ago that family lineage is kind of the only plausible reason for a living character in the present to have a meaningful personal connection to lewis.

(and it can’t be oz, because oz had no idea the ever after existed.)

this descendent-character also ideally should be prominent enough in the story to matter for reasons unrelated to their relation to lewis, to avoid feeling shoehorned in. and they are probably human, given the apparent rarity of interracial human/faunus couples.

that pretty much narrows it down to theodore, or the asturias twins. NOW hysterical as it would be for jax and gillian to be descended from lewis, finn asturias is obsessed with “the old stories about [his] family” and yet doesn’t drop even a single hint about the ever after, so i think we can rule that out.

which leaves theodore. hmm.

that picture in his office:

She still remembered that her attention had been drawn to one photo in particular: a black-and-white picture of a young girl in pigtails and a checkered dress with a small black dog. She hadn’t mustered the courage to ask who she was to Theodore. A daughter? A sister? Whoever she was, Velvet could see the resemblance.

plainly evokes dorothy, and even bearing in mind that there may be discrepancies (theodore is described as blue-eyed in the book but has brown eyes in beyond, for example)… there’s nothing in this photo to suggest a resemblance to alyx beyond ‘young girl.’ alyx doesn’t wear her hair in pigtails, nor does she have checkered patterns anywhere in her design, nor does she have a little black dog. so i doubt it’s her.

but black-and-white does suggest it’s old. ‘sister’ seems a lot more plausible than ‘daughter’ for that reason, and ‘mother or aunt’ even more likely than either of those.

(the other thing about a young girl with a small black dog in This story, is.

it’s a symbol for the deaths of the ozlem girls and the inescapable grief that underlies the whole conflict between ozma and salem—there’s a reason she sends a giant monstrous hound to capture oz and then huddles in the shadows miserably looking at conjured images of her daughters until oscar wakes up; the black dog reappears as this terrifying monster in conjunction with the surfacing of all this pain.

so the question is to what extent this small black dog in the photograph is Just Toto, and whether the specific narrative symbolism is or isn’t in play here; Did This Girl Die? that would preclude her being theodore’s mother but she could well be an aunt or great-aunt.)

of course the point of drawing attention to this photograph might be as simple as hinting at theodore’s quote-unquote real ozian allusion; not dorothy but the silver shoes lost in the desert. which is an interesting angle to consider with regard to this possibility of lewis being his ancestor, because on the one hand there’s the silver shoes carrying dorothy home yet becoming irretrievably lost themselves in doing so, and on the other there’s alyx, the white rabbit, guiding people home yet never able to return home herself. see the rhyme?

in a sense jaune and team rwby bring alyx home with them, in that they know what happened to her and if there are descendants of lewis still living in vacuo then the question of why she never came home can finally be answered. and if the descendent is theodore, then the intertextual confluence between him and alyx is more resonant than the surface dorothy-and-alice comparison; the silver shoes are the home the white rabbit returns to, as a memory, a hundred and fifty-odd years late. and it matters.

but also i have a little hamster wheel churning at all times in the back of my mind and right now it’s churning around: sixty, seventy years before the great war began, vacuo was a colonial territory of mistral—before the great war, it had no formal government, it wasn’t a state, and oscar references the history of colonization in the 9.11 animatic. so that history and the history of the great war—which was for vacuo a war for independence—is narratively salient. lewis was a child who grew up in vacuo during the fractious decades preceding the great war; he gives a face to this period in history.

and jaune told lewis and alyx not only that he was from remnant but that he was from more than a century in their future; he and lewis “compared notes on remnant.” jaune couldn’t believe they were from vacuo, “back before the war, before huntsmen.”

they compared notes.

jaune’s grandfather fought in the great war.

so lewis went back home to colonial vacuo fifty, sixty, seventy years before the great war knowing that the great war was going to happen. knowing that within his lifetime vacuo would fight for its independence and win. knowing that there would be peace in the end. according to what blake says in 9.2, in the book, alyx “didn’t know [afteran] customs and started a war between the townsfolk” and that takes on a really different subtext now that we know the story’s author was a man who grew up in colonial vacuo knowing that the great war was coming.

either lewis and alyx were vacuan, or they were mistrali but born in vacuo; either way the tenor of the girl who fell through the world suggests that lewis’ sympathies lay with vacuo. both options stand to be compelling if he acted upon this knowledge more directly than writing anti-colonial themes into his children’s book. or books. there is also the boy who fell from the sky, mentioned in after the fall, and alice’s adventures in wonderland does have a somewhat lesser-known sequel.

i doubt lewis fought in the great war himself—he was probably in his seventies or older by then—but if he had children they would have been of an age to fight for vacuo, and if lewis had passed down to them the stories he knew of what remnant would be like after…

y’see how lewis could have ended up playing a really important role in vacuo’s side of the great war, if he’d decided not to leave matters in the hands of fate? jaune told him about what the world would be like after the great war, but lewis also figured out that jaune knew more than he let on, figured out that jaune remembered a story lewis hadn’t written down yet. he knew that knowledge of the future could shape the future, because if it hadn’t been for jaune and jaune’s foreknowledge of his book, he might not have written it the way he did, as a guide for how to get out of the ever after.

so he goes home, knowing the great war will happen and what the outcome will be—or else knowing that it might happen that way. who did he become with that knowledge? what did he choose to do with what he knew? the one thing we know is he became a storyteller, and “storytellers have great power” is a prominent narrative theme.

salem inspired the world to rebel against the brothers by telling the story of what they had done to her, and speaking of her vision of a time when humanity could be free.

lewis…?

#the potential for foiling between the asturias legacy and lewis’s legacy is. Tasty!

[kkoct-ik]

how are you supposed to react to the realisation that your parent is like actually abusive

#kostik speaks #this is not the first time. or the second. or the. i just keep realising this and then forgetting to protect myself #abuse #domestic abuse #for cw #im processing today that its not normal for your parent to not care about your feelings or pain at all #like them hurting you for hours because theyre angry and not caring because the only thing that matters is that theyre mad at you #im realising that might not be normal #my household is shit in a lot of other ways but my mum situation is really difficult for me to process #at least with house being bad its kinda nebulous and a feeling #processing that my mum mistreats me and all her kids is kind of realer and uh. therefore harder #i dont get it #why cant she be normal #why cant she be nice?? i dunno. i genuinely cannot fathom a mum being nice or fair or even #its just relentless rage or offense the moment you make a mistake or make her look bad #as long as youre helpful and make her look good shes fine #but god forbid youre a child and make a mistake because youre a child. god forbid you be autistic and struggle #i dont understand its so inconsistent. sometimes she sounds like she cares. she advocates for all sorts of stuff #but if shes mad at you youre not a person anymore. you dont deserve rights or dignity or sympathy. i dont get it #and christ it doesnt take much for her to be mad at you. she never lets go grudges anyway so you never know when itll come #sorry for abuse posting i recently came back from home and had therapy about it and then a chat with my flatmate about abusive parenting #my brain is working

[euyrdice]

i don’t think the opinion that rei and shigaraki’s mom played a role and have some responsibility in their children’s abuse and trauma is wrong. i think its hard to understand if you haven’t been the child/been in a similar position to dabi, shoto ect

#its so strange seeing the todoroki family dynamics; bc i get it SO much #like u dont blame your mom. u do for a second; when ur angry; when ur still living it. u ask why she didnt protect u. #but those thoughts are completely overwhelmed by your love for her; your misplaced guilt that you couldn’t save her; #and your anger at the actual abuser #when i see fictional parents fail their children; even if they were vicitms; i still get terribly angry for the children #bc i get it… that thought shigaraki had… why didnt you do anything.. i know you we’re struggling but i was your child #but also bc i know those feelings so well i also know that ill always reach my mom w endless empathy #almost too much; to the point where im carrying the blame and forgetting shes an adult #but anywho i think i get frusterated w fictional parents; even rei; because kids can do nothing. when ur a kid u have absolutely no power #and if the adults dont help you; no one will #and when they dont; it fucks you up for the rest of your life; and you spend a long time trying to heal from it #and you were a child; you couldnt do anything. the adults could. but they didn’t #so i do think some blame for dabi and shotos trauma goes to rei #i do think some blame goes to my mom #but like shoto… i forget all of that; and i just want to protect and love my mom more than anything in the world #it doesnt matter; you just love your mom and your heart breaks for her and u want her to be safe and happy #and rei is a victim ofc #i think its the part of me that lived similarly to dabi/shoto that always feels v protective of children who were victims of abuse #and finds it important to recognize the areas where these parents failed their kids #and where rei failed dabi and shoto especially; and the ways the blame is hers as well #also i am NOT an enji fan i do not like or care ab him at all #this is not an enji defense/support or rei was as a bad as enji post or whatver

[shopcat]

liking mha to some extent even in the secluded Just thinking about it myself and occasionally talking about it with my friends and maybe now on here way that i do it builds up a world where i forget no one gives a FUCKKKK. about the characters that i do which is so funny. or at least not in the way that i do. like i don't care about todoroki's 16 year old love life i want to put him in a REALLY big puffy jacket and watch him walk around in it like snoopy. and so on and so forth

#🐾 #i like aizawa ... Shuffles my feet. i don't know. #well i don't care in the way some people care. i mean he and deku are cute objectively but it literally doesn't matter #AND I MEAN ONVIOUSLY i like aizawa because he is also like hot but i don't want to seek out content where he's being hot that's not how my #brain works. i don't need to see that it's embarassing... #also i don't think he'd have abs but that's a whole other can of caterpillars #people make some truly narsty fanart like omfg leave him alone he's not got much left in the tank #60 year old 29 year old man #i don't know how old he is. 31 maybe #it's between there #anyway it's kind of interesting re: the kids relationships in regards to lile well on the other hand i'm a fan of the atla kids #relationships but i don't know it just feels different and to the left... the atla kids are not perceptually 15-16 to me i s'pose #PERPETUALLY i meant #and i am just interested in their dynamics in any way about it or whatever #and i suppose the same for the mha kids but it's less. thog dont care #well thog cares but thog doesn't want to do deep introspective meta thog just wants them to be happy and wear silly outfits #anyways. #i do like some of the adult relationships but i don't know they're contentious and i don't know why so i stay silence

[kojakaj]

being an older sibling is like fine and fun. until its like. “oh my intense desire to protect and defend you is because i traumatized you throughout our entire childhood on accident. and somehow you still managed to live a better life than me in every aspect. and the only way i will ever be able to make up for how much i scared you is to constantly be in your service from far enough away that you never know.”

#i didnt traumatize her on purpose i was just mentally ill as a kid #idk #theres only so many times u can scream that u want to kill yourself before ur little sister hears #and when u share a room shes gonna find the blades u hid sometimes #i hope she never knows the things ive done for her #do u think she knows that i would step into the arguments with my father and yell the loudest so that he wouldnt yell st her #do u think she noticed that i would always fight back for her so that it would come my way instead of hers #idk. its mostly over now #my dad doesn’t scream as much #which is good but i sometimes wish he would #idk why #i mean it was never that bad anyway #but like. you’re allowed to externalize all of that rage when somekne else starts it #thats why he likes to piss us off #cuz the rage is gonna be there no matter what. its nice to let it out and have matched too #i dont want to be like my father but theres something comforting in the fact that at least he has the same thing in him #less comforting that i know it will never go away #idk its more fun to hurt someone else and be hurt by them then to just hurt urself #ANYWAY #lol. i got off topic but whatever. #this should go on the mentally ill side blog but whatever #milo ignore this post <3 unless ur texting me abt it #but like those r ur options u gotta acknowledge it to my face or completely ignkre it

[mayclair]

the whole max and mike’s lives being foils of each other’s is so insane to me bc its like. for mike max is a representation of everything that could have happened to him if his mom left his dad earlier on (and what can still happen when you look at the way things are between them) and for max mike is a representation of everything that she could have had growing up if her mom hadn’t decided to leave her dad as fast as she did

#there is no way they don’t resent each other for it just a little bit. no fucking way sorry #mike knows max grew up with a shittier home life but still wishes his mom had the guts to do the same her mom did and left his dad bc #at the end of the day there is a little bit of bitterness towards both his parents for not making their relationship work out specifically #towards his dad bc his mom is actually involved in his life and did try to pretend that everything was normal when it wasnt which directly #ties into his desperate attempts to make his relationship with el seem normal to both of them when its not bc theyve both never been normal #they dont even know what normal really IS which also ties in to his very deep fear that the two of them will end up like his parents and so #meday he’ll become his dad and he doesn’t know which one is more terrifying so instead he blocks it all out in True Mike Wheeler FashionTM #and just keeps wishing that his mom left his dad because maybe if there was a distance between them when he was growing up maybe things wou #ldve been different maybe he wouldnt be this much like his dad #max on the other hand LOVES her dad they had one of those relationships where he wasn’t neglectful but wasn’t a great parent either but she #still loves him for trying and while her mom did try she gave up after a while while her dad didn’t. that was the real dealbreaker for max #and while after all this time she keeps saying im going to run away to cali and im going to live with my dad. but its not just the need to #see someone who cared for her the most during her early years its also the childish hope that her mom will notice that shes missing anf #come looking for her and that maybe when her parents finally meet again they can reconcile and get back together bc that is really all shes #ever wanted in her life since she was a kid and she feels bad for it bc she knows that her mom and dad’s relationship was never supposed to #last but she still wishes and wishes which is why that little bit of bitterness against mike will never fall away no matter how irrational #it is bc its like. his parents dont love each other but are still together for their kids. why couldnt my parents do the same? was i not en #ough reason for them? and this ties into her breaking up with lucas over and over again bc shes seen her parents and how they never fought #for each other and shes afraid that somewhere along the line her relationship with lucas will turn out the exact same and hell leave her so #its better to just leave now before it gets serious then later when it will hurt too much but lucas keeps coming back for her which makes #her realize that maybe it doesnt have to be like that maybe they wont be like her parents #anyway this is incoherent as fuck but shane mandej voice IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS #mike wheeler #max mayfield #stranger things

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

#I fucking H A T E my sister I can't wait till I get the fuck out iof here #her kids are gonna be fuckin miserable #again she gets hung up on something that doesn't matter and makes MY LIFE harder #I fucking hate her it's not fair she gets to make me so angry and I just have to take it #fuckfuckfuck fuckfuck #I'm never gonna care about her crying over her stupid BF ever again #I'm so fucking done with this house o can't wait to get out of here she's so annoying #I told her this would happen #but everything's fine on her end cus I'm actually a good sister and DONT SAY ANYTHING #I know no one's gonna agree with me so I'm not gonna specify what happened #no one understands that I have a process and worrying about the chance of germs makes everything so fucking harder it #she negates the benefits that come with living in a clean house #I'm never living with her again EVER #and if she ever has to live with me im gonna be an annoying dictator just like her cus it'll be my house #why is she being this way????? I would leave her alone and not say anything if she was in my position #she's such a bitch I don't fucking care anymore #now I can see her BFs side a little #I'm not allowed to show emotion or anything I hate her so much I wanna die

[tortademaracuya]

.

#idk why i thought it would be different this time #im an absolute idiot. im too fucking stupid to comprend all this shit #'maybe my professors will know how to help me' they never tell me shit. they havent helped me at all. i feel so stupid every correction #no matter how much i read or what i watch its like i cant understand anything #i used to love programming!!! i used to actually know what i was doing!!!!! when did i become so stupid!!!! #should i aak for help from someone else? probably! but i dont want them to know how much of an idiot i am #just kidding. i know all my friends know how stupid i am. doesnt mean i dont want them to give them even more proof of that #nor bother them either tbh. why should they have to waste time because im a fucking idiot? #im. such a disappointment #i dont want to do this anymore #every monday is just me going to that stupid class and see how dumb i am compared to everyone else. so pathetic #how did i even manage to pass all my classes? how do i only have my thesis left? #part of me wants to abandon everything but what would i do then? look for a job? #im an idiot and a horrible artist where the hell would i get a job? not like finishing my thesis would change that but. yknow #im so scared. for real how did it end up like this? #everyday i feel more stupid. i remember less. my body hurts a little more each day for reasons unknown #i dont understand how others have any expectation of me #i cant talk to others because everytime i have tried to express any worry i instantly get a joke or mock in reply #im so tired of everything #haunted.txt

[palestinalibre]

.

#i understand being upset about it #but i dont get why it's so surprising #imo we can't even know if that ss is real #but it doesnt even matter #louis did talk to her and her son. we saw the video of him asking her to stop recording to 'bring in f' which again. no way of knowing #if it did happen #louis mentioned he had a son to another kid while touring the US #he brought the kid to one of the shows #had him over at donny for christmas or around that time #wished him a hbd through twitter #!!! #all this in less than a year #so fuck yeah i get being upset about the situation. about using children. about him being still trapped in this situation #and I get being frustrated about this shit never ending and about not knowing what the purpose of it all is #but i dont understand why this specific thing makes things so much worse #things regarding this stunt have gone downhill for a while with no signs of it getting better #so ig what i mean is i don't get where the disappointment comes from now #stunt mention #discourse

[britneyshakespeare]

why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety

#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter #what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol. #i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day #ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive #but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in #that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it #not my finest moment #tales from diana #i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in' #but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing #for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row' #i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to #but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me #to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that. #idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there #as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there #and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah. #i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then. #im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back #to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow. #friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in. #and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend. #yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense. #hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders #i hope. i hope i hope i hope

[fleshdyke]

absvejavbehevsn

#bad day. augh. #why is all the shit i get genuinely upset about so fucking stupid and insignificant #like literally it doesnt fucking matter no one cares….. stop being fucking dramatic ‼️ #im so fucking done with school . its literally not wven that bad but i want to explode #like im perfectly fine talking in detail abt absolute atrocities being committed against my communities just across the border #but i’m so scared i cant fucking move when i don’t have anyone to sit with me at lunch. like its so fucking pathetic #the usual spot me and my friends eat in is closed for ramadan which is great but he havent established a new spot and my best friends keep #going off to be with their partners and wander around and i feel so fucking broken because they dont even like me anymore #like im too disabled to walk around this 5 story school and im too much of a fucking loser for anyone to even possibly want in the slightest #and two of my best friends just fucking leave with their partners because theyre not absolutely godawful people #and like i know i can’t be expectex to find someone in hs i know that logically but i feel so fucking broken #bc why doesnt anyone want me. why has no one ever fucking wanted me #the only time ive ever been wanted in my whole fucking life was when i was raped as a little kid and i want it back so fucking bad i wanf it #back i just want to be fucking wanted again #and i dont think anyones actually my friend like i dont think anyone actually likes me bc why would they #i hace to live with myself every minute of every day and i can tell why no one fucking likes me bc im so fucking annoying #ok nevermind . done now. my brother just walked into my room took one look at me ( i have very obviously been crying) and asked if i wanted #to watch him play minecraft #rambles #vent

[mothheart]

Sincerely I hope every queer person who panders to transphobic cishets by dunking on neopronoun users chokes and also can never successfully conceive on their own and runs into every obstacle imaginable in attempting any other form of having a child

#very concerning trend i see of people joking about beating their kids for coming out to them and #in the comments i see queer people like 'yeah i go by they/them but this is just too much' #i hope you choke truly genuinely #i hope you sleep better at night being the exact person cishets use to excuse their transphobia #tell me why you want to even have a kid as bad as you do if you plan on abusing them for vulnerability and being queer in a way that #you personally dislike #why do so many people so desperately want kids if they dont have any intention of loving them unconditionally #how are you going to make an entire human- bring someone into this world who has no choice in the matter- and actively choose to make them #suffer #i hate all of you #i dont ever want kids never id rather die but i still know id be a better parent than all of these people #vent #miles rambles

[marioyuri]

Augh frankly i dont want to talk to anyone ever again i just want to go in the woods and fight people until i cant feel the pain from the cold

#i try too hard just to feel disappointed #maybe its bc i used to fist fight too much as a kid #idk maybe its some kind of withdrawal #instead i have to be some fag that draws bullshit #i should join a boxing club or something #its not the same thing man #i just need someone willing to fight for fun #maybe watching fight club is not helping im gonna be so for real #watching this movie as a kid could have done something to me #now its just making me so fucking irritated in a way #its a good movie but ive already experienced these epiphanies so its just wasted on me #theres just so many radicalising media you can experience before you grow numb to it #like yeup what else is new #bleh #man i never realised how much i used to fucking duke it out with people #well people. heh #the details are irrelevant #too many new people talking to me and it makes me realise i genuinely dont like bothering figuring out who i am #i dont like it i dont care it doesnt even matter man #i dont care…….. dont force me to think about it OK! #i literalt just say the first thing that comes to mind and then act like yeah sure thats my opinion on the matter FUCKDO I KNOW IF THATS IT #I DONT KNOW? I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING???????????????????? YEAH SURE ☝️ #fucking byllshit leave me alone #dude ive been dealing with like 6 dms at once every day idk what personality im using for who anymore #i care about the wrong people theres some people who are fine with me being lame i should care more about my friends i already have too #why am i so annoying to myself . i dont even care about other peoples opinions i think whats really bothering me is myself #i already know everybody fucking loves me i fucking love myself too or at least i think i do!!!!!!!!!!!! #what i do is that if you lie to yourself enough you end up believing it. thats been my philosophy for being happier being myself #but lately im starting to think maybe i just made it worse for myself in some twisted way #did i ruin myself man did i lie to myself so bad i cant even trust myself to be right about how i feel anymore. i dont know. i dont know man

[head-without-a-fucking-brain]

Istg writing fanfics would be much more easier and fun if i was just confident about my english skills. ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

#aaghhhh #i hate it when things are going smoothly and then #“wait... am i spelling that correctly???” #and searching for the word and its definition to make sure its perfect. #only to confirm that #yes you were right and it means what you thought it did #so now you've wasted time and energy #cuz you felt insecure #and u start to think“why am i even doing this if i dont feel confident enough to write a fucking sentence without doubting my abilities?” #and then you sulk and cry for hours #even when you KNOW that it doesnt have to be perfect and that no matter how much you try #you are going to make mistakes because you're human #but you feel like you gotta do your fucking best even if its just for fun cause you really feel passionate about it #and its probably one of the few things in life that makes u feel something other than that knot of idek in your chest #and guts #and it freaking sucks #bc you promised to try and change for the better #but better just doesnt seem to be for “people” like you #and it always ends up with you falling into bad habits #because of course you do! #you're an spoiled brat who got praised way to much as a kid and now that you've grown up you realised that you're flawed like everybody els #you failed miserably and you are self-sabotaging again like the baby you are <3 #that motivation is gone and time has been promptly wasted ;) #but anyways sooo #this was supposed to be short #and silly #but it turned out an angsty mess #son las cosas de la vida i guess #i shoud tag this like a vent post #tw vent

[snekdood]

ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...

#like ig am i the only one who thinks its kinda weird when ppl would pass fanfics around?? #ig its just kinda normal now or whatever but think about it. youd hafta be closer friends with someone- besides just sharing an interest- #to see their slash fics right?? doesnt it seem kinda weird that ppl used to be so willing to toss that out there #ig the level of anonymity helps but my point isnt rly about the fics so much as it is... sharing information thats personal to you #i definitely didnt know how to assert boundaries as a kid- like i just didnt know it was an option for me to be like 'no i dont want to do #that' -wow that sounds really fucked up outloud huh! #ig my autonomy was taken from me so much as a kid i kinda just assumed i wasnt the one who got a lot of choices #and no one really taught me enough about internet safety .-. my mom did once but... she didnt push very hard #and that ended me up in a lot of shitty situations- like on here. how i posted a pic of myself when i was a fuckin child #sexualizing myself and some adult commented something suggestive back to me and ig i just. thought i had to accept the situation #like i just. thought it was ok to happen. ig since i had so many ppl rob me of my bodily autonomy before that it just seemed normal #or at the very least it was something i couldnt change so i didnt try and at the time figured i had to accept as normal #and since no one intervened to tell me what any of those ppl did to me was wrong i just. didnt think about how it effected me or if that #even mattered #so why is my life so dark exactly whys it gotta be like this tho #ig its kinda hypocritical of me to post this. i mean i use my account as like a diary sometimes or that im just yelling into the void lol #but thats also kinda because of all of this honestly. i think i realized i didnt want it to be that way for a while and stopped #but after all the shit with my abuser on here its like.. i feel like i cant not be as open as i am? #idk its like... a testimony or something ig. idk how to describe it. ig i just feel like ill always hafta be defending myself online from #everything. and if i dont talk about every little thing that makes me fucked up then people wont leave me tf alone about shit i cant contro #or change. like i cant go back in the past and not do whatever. but also as far as any actual harm ive done there isnt really... much there #ive had shitty ideas normalized to me sure but i dont really feel like i passed those ideas on to anyone really