#i doubt she thinks about me anymore

[spacedlexi]

i forgot how weird people get sometimes when you add minnie to clemvi situations :/

#she is NOT a threat to their relationship. she is barely a blip on the radar #shes literally just here to cause problems #vi makes it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that clem is her top priority she is so disgustingly painfully in love with clem its embarrassing #like girl i never doubted you for a second dw 😭 #but its like people want to see vi hate minnie.. like they cant grasp that shes moved on without her saying she hates her or smth #all the conflicting feelings are just so narratively juicy :) some people cant appreciate this it seems #and then theyll use it as an excuse to say clemvi sucks like okay everybody pack it up #people projecting their insecurities perhaps? (i know the answer) #and like even a captured vi who was manipulated into trusting minnie ends up getting her eyes burned out for it #like they both went down there but only vi got hurt?? and separated from minnie? hm interesting #clem fighting her own trauma of trusting the wrong people with vi continuously reassuring her nothings changed she loves her #clem would appreciate that. i definitely think shes fighting jealously demons but is just good at pretending she doesnt care #she makes too many Faces about it for me to think shes casual about the whole thing #but i think after their conversation in the dorms in ep3 clem isnt worried anymore. and vi proves she can trust her again and again #THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH theyre disgusting its disgusting :) #minnie isnt a threat to their relationship shes just a threat to their lives :) #twdg #it speaks

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[hooved]

i dunno if this is like weird advice to give, but for anyone who is or has a partner/friend/etc. who's interested in a threesome (or more), you gotta make sure that everyone involved is emotionally ready for that. if you or someone else might get jealous, then just don't do it. don't lie and say you're ready just because you wanna make your partner happy, or because of peer pressure, or even just because you're attracted to someone involved, etc., if you're having any doubts at all then just say so. this is something you need to discuss thoroughly beforehand. jealousy or any other sort of emotional discomfort during group sex WILL negatively affect your relationship(s) with whoever's involved. if sex is an experience that's very important and personal to you and you're not ready to share that with someone other than your partner(s) then there's no shame in turning it down. a good partner wouldn't be upset by you setting boundaries. your comfort is more important than the opportunity to have a threesome

#sorry if this is too personal/tmi or whatever but i was just thinking about one of my exes and like #i asked her many times beforehand if she was okay with it. i really really wanted to make sure she was comfortable. she told me she was #but it still made her jealous and that did irreparable damage to our relationship. i could tell pretty quickly that it was a mistake #and yeah we don't talk anymore for mostly unrelated reasons (i unfortunately learned she wasn't a great person) but i still regret that #i could see after we broke up (which was mutual because we were....not as compatible as we thought. as mentioned above) #that she was always going out of her comfort zone to try to make me happy. and i genuinely feel bad about that. i would never ask for that #i wouldn't have been upset if she told me she wasn't sure about it because i don't wanna put anyone in an uncomfortable situation like that #anyway this was like. 9 or so years ago at this point. i still wanna apologize to her but i feel like it'd be weird to bring up y'know #but yeah i just want ppl to know this kinda stuff is avoidable if you have a truly honest discussion beforehand #and if there's any doubt at all then it's best to just not go through with it because your feelings could change at any moment tbh #but if you're all emotionally prepared then threesomes can be great ! exhausting but that's a given lmao

[ratstuckinamarble]

@lulughoul my ship may have been sunk but I'm sinking with it. If anyone wants to pay me a visit you can find me at the bottom of the ocean.

...I am already getting overtaken by marine organisms.

#canon can't stop me #it may bring me pain #but I've become emotionally attached #I can't let go anymore that chance bypassed me many months ago #part of the ship part of the crew and all that #I'm stuck #heelp #I jest #but as my mother always said; there's a truth to every joke #ay that aside #I saw you liked the tags I left on that association post #└⁠( •͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈)⁠」 #(tis a happy dance) #your pasta saltiness reminds me of my sister. she refused to eat it for years because my parents made it so often #I'm very happy to hear that you think I'm understanding; that's important to me #and I /do/ love listening to people's autistic rambles hehehe #seeing folks be passionate about their interests is awesome; the more intense the better #also happy to know you like talking to me but I wasn't doubting that anymore at this point haha #I enjoy talking to you too #and yess my interest in monsters aside from mh got across >:) #and mythical creatures! #these things are some of the longest standing interests I have #they mean so much to me #so yeah your tags brought me joy as well #rätposting #dracugoona #it is not the end... #not on my blog at least #I will continue to be unwell about them #now with a twinge of pain added to the mix :D

[atlasisntdead]

Having an abuser leave my life finally after so long without having to have another traumatic confrontation with her one last time is such a fucking relief. But it's also a sign of immense growth on my end that I let myself distance myself from her when 2 years ago I couldn't imagine doing that. Meds definitely help, but I can't give them all the credit. Most of it was my doing. I managed to get to the point where I care about my safety more than giving even the worst people the benefit of the doubt and falling for their manipulation.

This is sadly not the end of me being affected by everything, but it was necessary in order for me to be able to even start recovering. Being so afraid constantly is never a good thing, but the root being one person, and it being a justified fear? At that point, none of the good moments matter. I'm done. I feel so sorry for myself. I lost so much of my life because of her and I'll never be able to get those years back. But at least I won't lose any more.

#hopefully I can have a better life and better friends moving forward I'm so fucking exhausted #I refuse to blame myself any longer she saw someone mentally ill (and dysphoric) and took advantage #the way she kept justifying her abusive behavior to no end to the point she actually believes she's a good friend is unreal #it makes me sick how much she fucked me up I feel like I can't think properly #like I can't tell what's true or false it's not even self doubt anymore this is on a whole another level #I feel like she's there even now that she's gone but at least she *is* gone #emotional abuse #vent #cptsd #abuse #tw abuse #avpd #to clarify she's done more than just emotionally abuse me but that's for another post #this is more about the emotional and verbal abuse #verbal abuse #trauma #past abuser #complex trauma

[starpros-sunshine]

seb. seb hes not smiling. and has a fatui background................

I knowwwwww he's still everything to me you do not know how smitten I am with Lyney as a character

#he's soooo #i love it when the silly magicuan has a mysterious past and isn't actually allll that silly #I'm a little angry at the traveler for reacting the way they did at the end if the archon quest ngl #how is Lyney so different from Ajax please explain to me why you think him beingba fatuus is unacceptable but Ajax can get away with almost #commiting genocide #i mean ik it's kimd of about the withholding of information but come on. #they were nothing but nice to you the entire time cut them some slack and give them the benefit of the doubt will you #and god lyney in his voicelines is so. is flirty the right word he certainly is very very friendly good god man #Lyney and Lynette can do no wrong in my opinion I'd forgive them about anything #i don't mind the fatui that much tbh i mean yeah sure as an organisation they're. bad. to say the least #but if we look at the individual fatuus it's just kinda. okay. #Dottore sucks sure I like Tartaglia i really like him he's a very interesting personality Signora is dead she doesn't concern me anymore #and I don't know enough about the rest #Arlecchino looks very promising though I'm very intrigued by her #and so far Lyney and Lynette just seem like two people who got caught up in the organisation i don't have their vackgrounds unlocked yet #but!!!! i am intrigued Oh so very intrigued #Venti Kaeya and Diluc are my favourite genshin characters they have such a special place in my heart they mean so much to me #but Lyney is my favourite character in terms of I am normal about him Fontaine has SUCH a good cast #we have the girls of all time we have the silly magician and the socially anxious diver and then theres Manfred von Karma #if he was a genuinely nice man that had a solid moral compass and was actually devoted to the concept of justice #I like Neuvillette he also seems very interested i would Love to know more about his relationship with Furina #and Furina!!!!!! she's so silly I adore her being all confident and then if cuts to her inner monologue and she's just losing it #i love that #I really really like Fontaine so far the only grievance I have is that they should've put more accordion into the soundtrack but that's #irrelevant in the face of the osts just all being absolutely gorgeous #yumefan🌠🎼

[scarletcomet]

guess whose therapist thinks she could benefit from inpatient treatment

#got really depressed and a bit suicidal during my session today #im not actively suicidal rn but i feel so hopeless and i just want to give up resulting in some suicidal thoughts #the thoughts of hurting myself are getting louder and more overwhelming #so im not at a point rn where i think i need inpatient but im worried about getting worse #im going to nyc this weekend and seeing 2 shows and some of my favorite broadway actors but i do not feel excited #i want to feel excited but i just dont. i should be excited. if this doesn't make me feel something #then i doubt anything will. #reminds me of late may/early june when i wasnt excited for my birthday or the taylor swift concert because i did not want to live anymore #im worried that this is a warning sign. i feel like ive made so much progress with treatment in the last 10 months #but i feel like i haven't made enough progress and i feel like ive hit a wall and there's no improvement to be made #because I've tried like everything. i feel so hopeless. ive been in treatment for almost a year. #even inpatient i doubt would help me. like ive been there and done that. i spent nearly 20 days in inpatient last summer #only benefit would be seeing my doctor sooner but that's assuming i could even get a bed in the 11 person unit she works inpatient at #what benefit would seeing my doctor even do? we've tried almost everything and im on the max dose of most my meds #idk what to do #i feel like im running out of options. the only depression treatments i havent tried are ketamine and ect #i guess my options are ketamine ect suicide or continuing feeling how i feel now but i dont know how much longer i can live like this

[andthebeanstalk]

Me, 4 years ago: Boy, I sure love the song "Guitar Hero" by Amanda Palmer! But I can never clearly hear what it is she shouts in this one segment - I'll just look it up real quick!

...

[it was the n-word]

#original #amanda palmer #dresden dolls #and that's why I can pinpoint the exact moment in time I stopped looking up to Amanda Palmer #she's a white lady there is no excuse. cartoonishly 'white feminism' nonsense. #it is additionally bizarre bc it has nothing to do with the song. like there's nothing she could have done to justify it but it's #so nakedly just for flavor. racist racist flavor. i was fucking horrified #it is one thing to make art exploiting your own trauma but to be white and to exploit black trauma in your art is such fucking garbage #like I don't think that when someone makes tasteless art about abuse we should demand that they out themselves as an abuse survivor #but something fuckin tells me Amanda Palmer has never experienced anti Black racism #and it's really hard to give her the benefit of the doubt that she's approaching art about other people's trauma in good faith + w/ respect #when she clearly thought this was just... funny? cool? i have no idea what. i mean talk about losing a role model in 5 seconds flat! #imagine being white and saying the n word and then recording yourself in a song saying it and releasing a music video for that song #at least the other racists have a good sense not to record themselves saying it Jesus Christ what a stupid thing to do #how often are you using that word that you felt like it was time to put it in a music video?? I often have trouble hearing lyrics #but usually i work them out from context clues. I never caught this one bc it has no context #and bc I truly believed she was better than that so it never even occurred to me. like all of her edgy artsy bullshit was not fun anymore

[siulongbao]

Omg hate that I felt actual feelings for someone for the first time and she's fucking ghosting me after we went on 3 whole fucking dates, two of which she was telling me how much she liked me and felt our chemistry

#this is my thinking train #the people are sick these days #dating has truly evolved into the worst version of itself #no one holds themselves accountable or can just do the bare minimum respectful thing #like if ur not feeling it anymore THEN FUCKING SAY SO #dont ghost after I've literally held ur hands and kissed you and heard about your issues with your mother #like this is soooooo fucking avoidant idek what to say #AND SHE WASN'T EVEN MY TYPE!! I GAVE HER THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT #and now who looks like the 🤡? me

[pilotstreets]

god. not to be sad online. but im sad online

#um. sorry i went on a really really long rant abt my emotions in the tags. hehehoho im sad! #im just like. there's no way im getting older. i feel like i haven't changed since i was 14 and i feel so disconnected from everything #my birthday is in like 3 weeks but i keep thinking im turning 15 or 16 again and i'll be able to live my teenage years again and #do it right this time or something but no! that's not how that works! obviously! #when my best friend turned 18 she immediately started saying ''im an adult im different im older'' but like #i think about how i'll be 18 soon and im just scared and im going to be holding onto teenage years and #fantasies about them that will never happen and it's just exhausting #i know i sound like such a dramatic teenager but i AM a dramatic teenager! #i had so much shit happen to me that made me lose out on so much of being a teenager and it's like #crushing that i'll never get those years back and other peoples choices ruined my life before i had a chance to have much of one #and i've missed out on so many experiences that all my friends got and i feel such a barrier between me and other people #for that reason and i also feel a disconnect between me and literally everybody i know #and making friends is literally impossible for me anymore and i just feel like i keep losing friends and one day i'll wake up and #i won't have anyone anymore. and i find it hard to talk to people who were my best friends for awhile and i just fall deeper into this #pit of loneliness every day and there's nothing i can do so i just give up. i dunno #im so tired and im just so so lonely and done with. existing #and im also never anybody's first choice which is always annoying but #and it's just.... heartbreaking to think about how my best friend will never choose me when her other best friend is there and #how when we all hang out they're both actually mean to me and there's just nothing i can do other than text my mom and cry #and it makes me doubt how much she cares if she gets that way so easily y'know? #ugh it's all juvenile problems but they just weigh so heavily on me :/ #okay enough oversharing online for the night im going to sleep now. then tomorrow i'll just #have the same thoughts and it'll only get worse

[obstinatecondolement]

I genuinely am kind of gobsmacked at the resolution of Nathan's storyline in TL. Like. What the fuck?

#he came back as 'assistant to the kit-man???' #honestly fucking livid about this #he is so much more qualified than anyone else on the coaching team #and they didn't even bring him back as an assistant coach #and like... it was a self-flagellating 'oh god oh fuck' thing that he suggested?? #they didn't show that on screen #and if it was a 'I want to have a less stressful job because prestige is not important to me anymore' they... also didn't show that #and you have to read things with *extreme* generosity to find that interpretation #it just looks like they wanted to humble and humiliate him #because god forbid that he had any valid reasons for feeling the way he did #and that anyone should have to apologise to him #oh no he just randomly went mad with the desire for power and turned evil for a while apparently! #weird! #also fucking sucks that jade faces no criticism within the narrative for the weird hostile and then high handed way she treated nathan #oh no she's 'perfect' #and nathan's happy ending is that he gets to have A seat at the table #the table being a window seat at a midlist restaurant #and being *allowed* to be subordinate to two white men he is more qualified than #and‚ again‚ this is with the benefit of the doubt that he did get promoted back to assistant coach in the following season #which I don't think we can say is a sure thing! #matching athletic zip-ups aside #I just... ugh #I feel like they really wanted to Subvert Expectations with stuff like Roy being the new manager #and that... was prioritised over other things #like not doing a racism #anyway... #there were things I enjoyed about the finale #but this was very hard to swallow #ted lasso spoilers

[disastergay]

sometimes I have dreams where I’m forced (by people or circumstance) to get back together with my ex. when I wake up, I believe what happened was my fault a little more than I did yesterday.

#vent / #it’s been years and I’m starting to doubt that she did anything wrong #maybe I was just confused. maybe I was feeling cornered and lashed out. maybe I lied to ruin her reputation #I don’t know anymore #whenever I talk about what I think she did outside of my friend group I’m met with ‘so you’re clearly a TERF lol’ #maybe my brain is so poisoned by all my privileges that I’ve become more monster than human #and ruined an innocent woman’s reputation for no reason #actually most people didn’t believe me. most people were on her side. so she’ll be fine probably #but yeah. she’s the reason I refused to date women for years #and I guess somewhere in there I stopped being attracted to women completely

[asmallcafethatslove]

The way I thought I was good at setting my boundaries straight except when it comes to my friends I’m horrible at it

#I’ve become one of those person who’s way too comfortable with going with the flow #people * #and yes it is a good thing to have that kind of mentality but I think if you do it for long periods of time #you become unclear of what you actually want and need #and with things you’re not okay with… you just are and become accustomed to it being okay #and I think I’ve lost myself during this process because I don’t know what I truly want anymore what’s right or wrong #I don’t feel like a complete person and I’m starting to doubt myself way more compared to when I was a teen #like teenager me would not be proud of me becoming like this bc I know she’s strong headed and I’m not her anymore #and it sucks bc being less uptight about life just = less stress and things to care about but at the same time #it’s not me….

[mayonakano-archive]

hm.

#leoposting #vent in tags #i... have come to realize that i am... very lonely #you'd think that wouldn't be so given how many friends and people i have around me. but honestly... as much as i love my online friends #my real life is quite... desolate. #i don't really have a relationship with my parents (not a good one; at least. i tolerate them at best); all my friends graduated #so we barely see each other. my current school friends are just that - school friends. we don't talk outside of our shared classes. #i have my cat but she's getting old and... i probably have to leave her soon which genuinely makes me want to cry. #i doubt i can take her to uni. especially if i go overseas. i wouldn't do that to her. #huh. never thought that'd be the thing that makes me rethink all my plans. guess leaving your life companion is a little difficult... #it's difficult to imagine her not around. we grew up together. i got her as a kitten when i was 4. i don't wanna think about that anymore.. #but. life is lonely. it's not like i have places to be or anything. i barely talk to people. i guess that's my own fault though #i'm basically a shut-in with little interest in the outside world. my optimal life is shut up in some basement somewhere #all i need is a PC and some consoles and some food and i'm content to never be seen again... #it's... whatever. i guess. all i can do is push forward. i don't really expect people to stay in my life long. #i'm just grateful for the time they give me. maybe it's inevitable that people leave me. it's okay. #if i can bring them joy before then; then i'm happy. i hope people look back on me fondly. #i hope they never think of me again.

[goethitee]

hate hate hate when people aks your advice & then ignore it

#i should say beg actually. she begs for my advice on dog stuff #& then ignores me #‘why is he doing this’ ‘how do i deal with this’ ‘ hes sick what do i do’ ‘what should i do about this’ #& then when i give her the answers in the gentlest way i can so she doesnt feel bad (even tho she should) she doesnt listen to me anyways #todays wasnt that bad but i rlly didnt want to answer cuz i didnt want to feel like… too involved ig idk #she asked me what to name her new puppy. obviously im not just gonna tell her what to name her fricken dog thats over stepping #but she cant leave well enough alone. so i said wjat we do (which has also been reinforced for me because freds dog trainers say the same #figure out what kind of vibe you want for your pet. the name helps shape who theyll be so u gatta figure out what u want first #i also said how there doesnt need to be a name rn she can think on it #but does she listen to me? no. ‘hm idk what vibe i want. i want a name now so i can call him’ #why ask. why. #also the fact that she got this dog also rlly ticks me off lol. #because the other one is under a year yet & if anybody reads these… then u know she still hast gotten a vet. since october #now im gonna have to fake being happy even tho this is an awful idea #itd be one thing if she didnt beg for my opinion & then completely ignore it. while pretending like she’s actually listening to what im say #maybe you should have found a fucking vet for the first one & actually work w it before getting another one #& ofc it is a puppy. which are terrible. ik her bf is gonna be so fed up with the two dogs #i dont want to hear it anymore i dont want her to ask me things ive tried & im done #i hope everything works out the way they want but i rlly rlly doubt that

[faust1926]

sometimes for the first few hours of the day I’ll be like, “why do I even call myself ‘insane’, I’m such a try hard. I’m literally normal. why don’t I let myself be normal instead of acting so embarrassing?” and then the moment I hit hour 4 burn out at like 9am I’m vibrating 2′ above this reality.

#Really really itching to make protective sigils rn #(<- not against any of the spirits I talk to hfhfdg I prommy even when I'm mad at them it's not like that) #and honestly I should just let myself that's a harmless outlet I think #but dear. Lord. I really hate that like Only a week ago or so one of my angels was like #frustrated with me for being kinda doubtful/hostile towards them #so she's like. ''ok fine fair how about this: u don't like how vague we are about shit around u so here's some Specific details about - #- something that's supposed to happen within the next two weeks. and if that happens that's proof u can trust us :-)'' #and I (<- perhaps not-smart) was like 🙄 ok sure lets go with this but only cause I know that's complete bullshit #especially in such a short time frame... like it was Not even vague either. and I make a lil note to myself thinking #''oh yeah well cause there's only .01% chance of this being accurate this is just gonna 'disprove' all this if anything lmao'' #thinking what I /actually/ needed to prepare myself for was whatever re-write my brain would pull trying to make sense of it not being true #and yet. Less than a week later and I 😐 am noticing #can't say this is making me ''trust'' them anymore but it's sure as hell making me uncomfortable!