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yunacoeur · 1 year

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when they think you’re breaking up with them

a/n: no one talk about how some are longer or shorter than others 💀 @haesunflower hope u like it!! <3

zb1 x reader, lots of angst with all good endings! food mention kinda in matthew’s, mention of cheating in hanbin’s, reader is hinted to have mental health issues in ricky’s, gyuvin’s is a fake dating au, lots of miscommunication which i’m sure you guys love to see!! it doesn’t annoy anyone at all ever ☺️

kim jiwoong

fighting with jiwoong sucked because he could go for hours without faulting at all. he gets tired, sure, but he never slips or says something wrong.

“and i just think if you cared more, you’d actually put in effort into our relationship!” you said to him, and he rolls his eyes like a drama queen.

he says, his voice laced with a kind of venom you haven’t heard directed at you yet, “well if you think i put no effort into our relationship, even though i am trying my best to prioritize you, if i’m not good enough than we might as well break up!”

it baffles you that he would say that, but you double down, “fine!” you shout as you leave the room.

shit. he did not mean to say that. it just kind of came out. he didn’t even mean it, why would he want to break up? you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, why would he even insinuate that breaking up is wha you should do?

“wait!” he says, chasing after you. he gets a hold of your arm as you’re about to lock yourself in your room. you look up at him with those pretty, teary eyes, and his heart shatters, “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean that. please, let’s just talk like adults.”

after a moment of gathering your thoughts, you respond, “say it again, so i know you didn’t mean it,” you whisper, “tell me you didn’t mean it.”

he nods, biting his lip nervously, “i didn’t mean what i said. i don’t want to break up because i don’t know what i would do without you. so please stay with me.”

zhang hao

“why have you been avoiding me?” he asks, all of a sudden. you weren’t entirely ignoring him, but in truth, you were kind of giving him the cold shoulder.

“what do you mean?” you ask back, playing dumb. it just makes him more nervous and frustrated.

“don’t act like-!” he’s about to start, before sighing and rubbing his temples with his hand, “please, my love, i am so confused, i don’t know what happened and i just want to know what is going on,” he frowns, desperate just to get a decent response.

what happened was that he had forgotten about a date. it was so uncharacteristic of him, but he was busy and tired and he hasn’t even realized even now that he forgot something so important.

still, you don’t answer. he sighs, “fine, if you won’t talk to me, i’ll be in the other room.”

but after an hour, not even that long, he’s coming back out of his room to find you still in the kitchen, making yourself a cup of tea.

“hey,” he starts, “can i just ask you something?”

you hum in response. he gets nervous that you’re still going to ignore him, but then you reach into the cupboard for a second mug, for a second cup of tea. it gives him a glimmer of hope.

“i don’t know what i did, but if it’s serious enough to warrant… this.. i’m sorry, please don’t consider leaving. we can sort it out,” he whispers the last part. it leaves a considerable amount of tension in the air, as he throws out his biggest worries. please don’t go.

you finally respond as you hand him the second mug, talking softly, like you would talk to a toddler, “no more forgetting about our dates,” you murmur, and then it hits him. finally.

“oh my god! oh my god i’m so sorry!! i really didn’t remember! god why am i so dumb that i forgot our date? i’m so, so sorry,” he says exasperatedly, before looking back up at you.

even though it’s small, you’ve got that same adoring smile that makes his stomach do cartwheels and his ears bright red. he really couldn’t afford to lose you.

“make it up to me?” you ask, and he’ll do whatever you say.

sung hanbin

for the record, you were not cheating on hanbin. it was a misunderstanding. it was a text that was not meant for you, sent to you by accident from some unknown number while you were in the shower. he looked at it out of curiosity and now his insecurities have been eating away at him.

why would someone text them that? are they cheating? why? was he not good enough? what had he done wrong?

he hasn’t even brought it up to you, and you had no way of explaining yourself if you don’t know.

he was being extra nice today though. he made dinner for you when you came over to the dorm, he offered to rub your shoulders when you complained they were tense, he did all your dishes and didn’t once say something teasing or anything of the sort. he does all the things you like, being extra attentive and perfect tonight.

but it’s weird. he’s usually not this put together when it’s just you two. his hair is usually messier and his skin is bare and natural, yet tonight he looks particularly nice. he’s pretty all done-up like this, but it’s just so confusing as to why.

so you ask him. and he plays it off, trying to switch the topic, but after enough pressure, he tells you, “i just wanted to prove to you… that i’m good enough for you.”

“what made you think you’re not?”

he frowns, biting his lip anxiously, “i saw the texts on your phone. i’ll be a better boyfriend… so you don’t have to look elsewhere.”

“oh my god, hanbin- no, that’s not what’s happening at all! that was a wrong number. they meant to text someone else,” you say, almost frantically, reaching to grab his hand, “i swear i would never do that!”

and it all suddenly makes him feel so dumb. firstly, for not trusting you. and second, for thinking this whole time it was because he wasn’t good enough.

you cradle him close to you, like you were holding something delicate, and he rests his head in the crook of your neck. his tears stain the collar of your shirt.

seok matthew

“i think i’m gonna end things. it’s just not going very well, you know what i mean?” he hears you say, over the phone, to one of you friends he presumes. it makes him stop dead in his tracks, listening in, “no my partner’s not mean or bad at all! he’s actually really nice, but like… he can’t get anything done! like i can’t do everything, carry both of our weights.”

it makes his heart drop. sure he comes over too much that he should probably help more with chores or help you with whatever you need considering how hard you work. but did you really feel that way? why didn’t you come talk to him? were you really going to leave him?

when you leave your room to tell matthew ‘sorry, just had to call my friend about my partner for the big project-‘ the apartment is spotless. it’s tidy, there’s no dishes in the sink, the trash is taken out. it’s weird because it was not this clean 20 minutes ago. matthew is in the kitchen, cooking something, when you ask him.

“hey, did you clean up the apartment? it looks good,” you watch him out of the corner of your eye. why does he look so nervous?

“yeah, just thought i should pull my weight more around here,” he says. his voice is shaky, but you don’t say anything.

“well that sure is nice of you, but you don’t have to, matthew. i don’t mind cleaning myself,” you say, which contradicts what you had said earlier, but it’s fine. he assumes you’re trying to be nice.

not even a nickname though? you had to call him by his government name? this must be bad.

“really? i heard you talking with your friend on the phone,” he says. it’s almost reverse passive agressiveness, which is weird to think about.

“oh uh, yeah! i was gonna talk to you about that,” you say. oh boy, here it comes, “my partner for the big work project i was talking about is terrible! i gotta talk to my boss about it to see if i can get reassigned.”

he stops cutting vegetables for a moment to think about it all. to really take in what you just said.

you weren’t talking about him, you were talking about your work partner…

he chuckles to himself, smiling at how silly this all was, “oh yeah? that sucks, i hope you can get a new one, babe.”

he doesn’t see you smile because his back is turned to you, but he hears it in your voice, and he’s never been so relieved.

kim taerae

fighting with taerae sucks. he gets emotional so easily and any valid points you want to make go out the window because he’s crying and it doesn’t help to kick him when he’s down. he doesn’t do it intentionally, he just cries easily.

but when, for the fifth time this month, he’s forgotten about your dates because he’s been held up in practice and didn’t even bother to text, you tell him, “you might not be in a place to be in a relationship, taerae. you don’t ever have time for me anymore and i can’t put up with this forever. i don’t think this is working.”

and he sees his life flash before his eyes. he’s mortified of what you’re implying, “wait, no, please- please don’t say that!”

“it might before the best. i don’t want it either, but i can’t keep being let down,” you say.

he wants to respond, say all the things he knows you want to hear, it won’t happen again, i’ll be better, i’ll be the man you deserve. but he can’t promise it won’t happen again.

hours go by, and he knocks on your door. you let him in, and all he does is hug you, tightly. he’s gearing up for it to be the last time, “you know, you should leave me. i deserve it after not prioritizing you, but i love you so, so much,” he wipes the tears forming with his sleeve, “please don’t go. please. i’ll do anything for you to stay.”

and then he looks at you with those darling eyes. red from tears, you wipe them away as you cup his cheeks, “i’m happy that you’re chasing your dreams. i just want to be in them,” you tell him. he smiles sadly, letting out an exhale like he just dodged a bullet, “it’s okay, baby. just breathe.”

ricky

“i think we should break up,” you say. no chance for a miscommunication there. heard loud and clear.

ricky puts down his phone as he looks up at you, still clearly trying to process what you had said so suddenly, “okay.. and why do you want to do that?”

“i just think that i need some space. i’ve been going through so much lately and i think i’m not in a spot to be in a relationship right now. i think you deserve better,” you say.

it had definitely been a difficult few months because of stuff in your personal life and it felt wrong to shove all your problems onto your boyfriends plate when he was also a human being with feelings and emotions.

he stands up as he walks over to you, grabbing your hands in his and kissing your knuckles. you smile softly.

“first off, don’t say that i deserve better, because i only want you. and secondly, if that’s truly what you want, then okay. but if you’re only saying that to try and save me the trouble or the burden of being with you while you’re going through so much… i’m not going to let you do that,” he says, watching the tears start to prick at your eyes.

he pulls you closer so your head rests against him, feeling his pulse radiate through him as kind of like a constant reminder of him being there.

to him, being there for you is his purpose. you can’t push him away the second he has a chance to fulfill his calling.

“i know life is hard, my love, but you can’t push me away. i won’t let you,” he says, wrapping his arms around you, “there’s no going anywhere, you’re stuck with me.”

kim gyuvin

fake dating was supposed to make your life easier. after your last boyfriend (now ex) wouldn’t leave you alone, you did it so you would have a boyfriend to go on dates with so the world would think you were dating and leave you alone. you would have someone to scare off guys you didn’t like.

plus, he was in a similar situation, and wanted his ex to leave him alone. it worked.

until you told gyuvin that you wanted to end it. people weren’t bothering you anymore, and you felt like it was time.

part of it was because you were maybe getting too attached to him and knew if you stayed any longer, your fake relationship would get messy fast.

unfortunately, he was not going down without a fight, “what do you mean you wanna break up? why? what did i do?”

“nothing- but, i think this is getting kind of… weird. aren’t we not supposed to be really dating? our relationship just existed so that people wouldn’t bother us, right? so now no one is bothering us anymore. i think we’re in the clear,” you explain, but he just shakes his head.

“we’re in the clear because we’re in the relationship! it’ll go back to how it was if we break up!” he says. sure, he has a point. you just wish he’d let it go so your feelings didn’t get exposed.

“i just think it’s best if we stop fake dating,” you say, but he rolls his eyes.

“okay fine, you wanna break up our fake relationship? fine, on one condition,” he looks you in the eye, grabbing your hand. all of a sudden, he looks dead serious, “we have a real relationship. no more fake dating. just dating. not pretend anymore.”

it leaves you kind of speechless.

so he continues, “if there’s even a small part of you that likes me back, give me a try… because if i’m being honest, i haven’t been faking it for a while now.”

park gunwook

you and gyuvin were introduced to each other through gunwook, and, if he’s being honest, he regrets introducing you guys. you clicked immediately, in the same way you did not with gunwook.

you and gunwook initially butted heads, an academic rivals to lovers story, but once gunwook started upping the cuteness, you were won over. your personalities clashed a bit at the beginning, but it was worth it because now he is the most adorable, amazing boyfriend ever. his only flaw is that he’s jealous of the fact that you and his close friend are friends.

gyuvin is stupid easy to like, and he’s so naturally charming that gunwook can’t blame you for taking a liking to him. it just stings because, while he knows you’re loyal, gyuvin makes you laugh a little harder than gunwook can. it hurts his ego a bit.

so he asks you about it, “do you like gyuvin more than me?” he’s a little blunt, but he can’t help it.

“no? why would you ask that?” you ask in return, baffled by his sudden question.

“well you always laugh so much when he makes jokes like he’s so funny, you know i can be funny too!” he exclaims, he’s so expressive in all his movements.

but you just laugh at his jealousy, because it’s honestly adorable, “sure, gyuvin’s funny, but does he have your cute face?”

“…no,” gunwook pouts as you ruffle his hair.

“and does he have your cute smile? and is he crazy smart? does he quote philosophers like a nerd?” you ask, watching gunwook’s face go red, especially his ears, “that’s right. that’s why i’m with you, baby. i like you. don’t worry about him. i’m with you for a reason.”

han yujin

“what do you mean you want to break up?” he asks. he’s never had to take the question seriously before. break up? you guys were perfect for each other.

“i just… i think it’s best if we both moved on. you’re getting really busy with training and your debut, what if you get too busy for me?” you say. it’s not that you wanted to, but yujin is already missing school and skipping out on big plans you’ve been wanting to make because he’s got too much going on.

“i guess it’ll be hard, but i’ll make time for you! i promise!” he says.

“you have to put your dream first, yujin. i’ll still be here when you’ve achieved it. maybe in the future we can try again, when you’ve settled into your group more,” you tell him as he reaches for one of your hands, holding it in both of his, “you’ll be able to make time for me. we can be together then.”

“no, i- i want to be with you now because… no matter how much i want to debut..” he whispers, kissing the back of your hand, and holding it tightly, “staying with you is my dream.”

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ilikekidsshows · 3 months

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hey I figure that you’re probably tired of talking about the Sentimonster nonsense but I genuinely still can’t stand that it’s an actual thing. The wildest thing about it is that I JOINED the fandom because of the Sentimonster theory, actually got excited for it and looked forward to hints, not believing the skeptics or the salters bc it didn’t seem like such a big deal—that is until I saw with my own eyes how SO MANY FANS said with their whole chest that, in “Ephemeral” Adrien HAD to be a Sentimonster or there was no other “sympathetic explanation” for why he didn’t de-akumatize himself or fight off Gabriel.

Seeing the victim blaming in real time was such a punch in the gut—and then they just kept on coming!! It finally hit me how damaging the entire thing because for the show as a whole. If even regular fans that weren’t even known for salting could so willingly disregard and ignore genuine abuse coping mechanisms in favor of magical BS… it was such a dark time. Abuse Apologism and victim blaming in a whole package

Sometimes, when I write about Miraculous, I pretend I'm writing about a show that only had three seasons. That's what the "zagulous fandom" tag is for; it's for posts that are about the parts of Miraculous that had Zag's executive control keeping Astruc in check. I also kinda accepted long ago that my blog's kind of a support blog for people who are against the Sentihuman concept.

When I first heard of the expanded Sentimonster theory, the one that went "all the rich kids are Sentimonsters", I instantly went: "You do realize how making victims of child abuse nonhumans with questionable rights minimizes their victimhood and excuses their abusers, right?" people told me I was making stuff up and whoopsie doo, the writers did exactly that.

Neither Gabriel nor Tomoe faced any consequences for abusing Adrien and Kagami because, after all, since they're Sentimonsters, the real abuse was that they didn't have their Amoks so giving them their Amoks resolves all their problems. The only abusive parent who gets acknowledged as such is Félix's dad, who is dead by the time we hear about any of this, because we can't have abusive parents face consequences for their actions because that might upset people or whatever excuses Astruc's giving for Gabriel's vindication now.

This also minimises all the affects of the abuse on the kids, since they can be handwaved away with: "They were just programmed that way." Kagami's bad social skills aren't because her mother isolated her, it's because she forgot to program Kagami with those skills. Félix's villainous behavior isn't because his mother is overly permissive with him, he was just programmed that way (by the eeeeevil Colt). Adrien isn't a people pleaser because he's repeating his abuse coping mechanisms with his overly controlling girlfriend to keep her happy the same way he did to his overly controlling father, he was just programmed to be the perfect doting son and boyfriend.

You'll notice how neatly this ties into the crew denying that Chloé was abused in any way ever by her clearly abusive mother. Chloé wasn't made into a Sentimonster, so we can't have her bad coping with her abuse be excused by "Sentimonster programming", so now the writers are just gaslighting the audience and saying: "Chloé wasn't mistreated by her parents which caused her to act to out to get attention (which she literally stated to be her motive in season 3), in fact, she's the one who's been terrorizing her poor, innocent father and he needs to be protected from this naturally occuring evil hellspawn."

All child abuse in this show gets excused.

Of course, now the writers have an added reason to make sure Adrien's abuse gets excused in particular: because they made Marinette benefit from it. As I said, Adrien is repeating abuse coping mechanisms learned from dealing with his father to keep Marinette happy. He's always prioritizing her feelings and never brings up his own problems, and this is good for Marinette, because she can just enjoy having a perfect boyfriend who caters to her every need and doesn't have problems of his own or with the ways she treats him (for all she knows). She's even maintaining this status quo by lying about Gabriel to Adrien, so Adrien won't get upset (and have emotional needs that she would need to help him with). Either we have to excuse Adrien's abuse, or we have to admit Marinette is benefitting from the fact that Adrien was abused, and even taking advantage with the way she makes no effort to improve their communication on her end, preferring to spy on Adrien and lie to him instead of just talking to him like an equal.

The show writers are also allergic to following through on their creative decisions, is what I think. They put all these different victims of child abuse and neglect in the show, and then dehumanized these children in different ways so that they wouldn't actually need to say anything about that abuse they wrote in and they can instead pretend it was never there. This is why I also think that, no matter how much the show's defenders insist the story isn't over yet, we will never be getting a proper resolution to the Sentinonsense.

#ml critical #ml salt #sentimonster salt #ml writers critical

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multific · 1 year

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A Promise

Aegon II Targaryen x Reader

Summary: The birth of your first child.

You had a bad feeling at the start, you knew you shouldn’t have come, being so close to your due date, it was a risk. But you also knew your cravings were insane as of late. So, when your husband mentioned a trip to a nearby country, one that you knew had that chocolate thing, you just had to go.

You ate so much chocolate, you nearly threw up.

Worth it.

On your way back though, everything went sideways and yours and your husband’s worry came true.

You were in labour and home was weeks away.

You knew better than to panic. You let out long breaths which Aegon noticed.

“I think we should stop for the night.” you said as you looked up at Aegon. “I think your child decided to finally come out.”

“NOW?!” he yelled.

“Yes, stop them. Let them build a tent and I’ll do it here.”

Aegon did as he was told.

Will you really give birth right here? Without a nurse or anyone? Wait, did that mean that he will have to help you?

The King hasn’t heard of anything like that before.

You groaned as Aegon just stood there. Of course, he would have no clue on what to do.

Thankfully, you asked way too many questions and the nurse was happy to answer. So, you had a general idea on what to expect and what to do.

"Ask them for hot water and cloths. Many cloths, I don't care if they have to cut up my dresses." Aegon nodded and soon you heard him bark orders at his men.

You took deep breaths as each wave of pain struck. Each one more and more powerful.

"I will need your help Aegon."

"Okay. What should I do?" he was panicking, shaking and unsure. But he knew he needed to help.

"Remind me to breathe, to push when I need to.” You nodded as he moved over, closer to you. "And please, no matter what happens, do not let go of my hand. And you will have to cut the… thing… I forgot the name but once the baby’s out there will be a… thing to their belly. You will have to tie it off and cut it, you have your knife right?” he nodded once more. ”Okay.” it was your turn to nod as you groaned once. “I’ll be fine, the baby will be fine, you will be fine.” you told him and he made a face.

“I’m supposed to calm you not the other way around.”

“It helps me calm down if I calm you down.”

“Okay.” there was a knock on the carriage as Aegon went and grabbed the water and the cloths.

Everyone just stood outside some of them getting your tent ready so you can sleep after.

You let out a long breath before moving to a crouching position, hands groping the seat while Aegon moved with you like water.

You looked into his eyes.

“You have to promise me you won’t look. Many women told me that men are not allowed to because if they saw… they will never touch their wife again.”

“That’s silly. I love you.” he was just glad at that point that you didn’t mention the worst case scenario. As if you were reading his mind, you spoke up.

“I’m not dying in a carriage while giving birth. You can bet on that Aegon.” he smiled

You laughed a little but then, pain hit and soon, it was time.

“Okay, I’ll start pushing, it will take a while but, you will have to check for me if I’m doing okay.” he kept on nodding. “Remind me to breathe and if I break your hand, I’m sorry.” Aegon nodded once more.

You would be lying if you said you weren’t scared. Aegon knew he should have brought nurses along but now it was too late to think about that. He had to prioritize you and the baby.

“Breathe, Love.”

You moved a bit forward, forehead against Aegon’s shoulder as you pushed.

Your groans and moans of pain could be heard outside, the knights looked at one another. Hoping their Queen was okay. They loved their Queen.

“Love, you have to move a little, I can’t reach.” said Aegon as your hand came to the place between his neck and shoulder. You moved back a little letting Aegon reach down. “Feels… weird but I’m sure you are doing great.”

“How would you know?” you asked as another wave came. “Stupid fucking men, you only know the pleasures while we have to suffer.”

“Whoa, Love.”

“Shut up, please. Just this once.”

“That’s no way of talking to your King.” Aegon joked but then your eyes locked with his and he felt a shiver run down his spine. He never felt this scared before.

“My King can suck his own dick then.”

“Breathe, Love, you are doing well.” Aegon decided to ignore your words. Knowing it was only due to the pain. This was the least he can endure.

“It really hurts.”

“I know. But you are doing really well. Our daughter will be here soon.”

“What if we have a son? Would you be disappointed?”

“Of course not. You could never disappoint me, My Love.” you wanted to laugh but you needed to push once more. “I’m never doing this again. You get one child, take it or leave it Aegon, I will not do this again.” he only smiled. One would be enough for him.

“Breathe, Love.” suddenly you grabbed him by the neck of his shirt, and pulled his face close to yours.

“I know I said to remind me but Aegon, you tell me to breathe one more time and I will kill you.”

“Okay, Love, just br- focus on the baby.” your hand moved back to his shoulder before giving one last big push.

You almost fainted. All pain disappeared all at once. You let out a sigh as you couldn’t focus.

Every noise disappeared as you felt beyond tired. Your legs were shaking, no actually your whole body was shaking.

Then suddenly all noise and light came back to you as you sat down on the floor, you saw the blood but you couldn’t care because then, you saw Aegon trying his best to wash the small child as they cried.

“He is loud.” you said and Aegon looked at you.

“He?” Aegon was so focused on getting the child washed and bundled up he failed to realize he was holding his own son.

“He has great lungs.” you concluded. “He looks healthy too.” you noted as Aegon put the child into the cloths you received.

“Let us move to the tent, they will clean the carriage.” Aegon said as he stood up and opened the door.

“Congratulation, Your Highness.” said the many knights.

“My wife and I will be in our tent, clean the carriage so we can continue tomorrow.” Aegon stood out of the carriage, he failed to notice that you didn’t follow.

A knight came into his view from inside, holding you, or rather helping you.

“My Queen, slow steps.”

Once inside the tent, you were finally able to lie down.

“I want to hold him.” you said as Aegon put the child into your arms. “Thought of a name?”

“We only discussed Lady names.”

“We will not name him after your terrible father.” you said as you looked at Aegon who needed no convincing on the matter.

“What should we name him then?”

“Aegon, third of his name?” You said as a joke and Aegon made a face. “I like the name Aeden.”

“Aeden Targaryen?”

“Son of Aegon the second. I quite like that name.”

“You made that name up.”

“Isn’t all names made up?”

“You have a point, My Love. But you do need to sleep now.” you nodded as Aegon took Aeden and the baby stirred up a little from his sleep.

“Wake me if he cries. I’ll feed him.”

“Great, now I have another man to fight over for your tits. I thought those were only for me?”

“Once they were. But now I have a babe to feed.” you said as you nodded off to sleep.

Aegon watched as you slept, his son in his arms and he did not want to let go of him. Smiling down at the child as he slept.

Aegon admired you, you not only gave birth on the road, but also had the strength to calm him and survive. Aegon was scared he would lose you but you were strong.

Aegon looked down to his son, only to find him looking right up at him.

Aegon felt a tear escape his eyes as he looked down at him. He moved to kiss the baby on his forehead and he giggled, causing Aegon to smile.

“You will be loved, so so loved, I promise you Aeden. I already love you more than anything.”

And this was a promise Aegon will keep until his last breath.

Taglist: imreadinggoaway @fleursirvart @v-2bucky ehsebastiancrunch-time-sports @pxstelrainbow ablogbypeteparker liamssmilersmexylemony @greenarrowhead feelingsareharddd @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @avengers-r-us @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster celebsimagine @capsiclesdoll snoopy3000 @firstangeldragonranch @puknow @crazzyter @alwayshave-faith @soleil-dor @alex12948 scream-kiwi79 @lxdyred @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @liveforkarljacobs @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @paola-carter @stunkbiggu

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS

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urf1lterr · 1 year

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lovesick | pedro pascal [4]

"and on this night and in this light i think im falling, im falling for you."

previous chapter: [3] series masterlist

summary: in which a 1975-obsessed film student accidentally falls in love with an older man she can't have.

pairing: actor!pedro x intern!reader

genre: acting world!au, big age-gap!, strangers to friends- maybe lovers?? au | angst, mature, awkward, love- eventually

word count: 10.6k

status: in progress

author's note: so sorry for the long wait! but i tried making this chapter longggg. i typically have my days off altogether and the rest of the week booked with work/school. i try to post many chapters within my short timeframe (bc im booked af) so pls expect another update soon after this one! sadly, it takes me around 8-10 hours to write one bc its hard to think lol. also, i don't want this to be too long of a series and kinda wanna connect the dots- slowly but surely, ya know? not edited.

"So, he just came knocking on your door at 6am?" Joon questioned, taking a sip of his smoothie soon afterwards. "I can't even wake up that early."

"We had to do that everyday for our last job."

"I woke up ten minutes before I had to be out the door," he shrugged. "Men get ready fast."

"Anyway," you eyed him as he cluelessly did the same, confused as to why you wouldn't look away. "I don't remember him coming."

"Yeah, because you fucking freaked out and hallucinated over Lady Gaga," Jules exclaimed, you automatically cringing just at the horrible memories you've recently faced with that damn cat.

Once she explained what had happened hours after you had woken up, you were disturbingly shocked.

And the fact that your sleepiness was to blame had you going insane- imagine all the other odd things you may had committed while under the covers.

But you will admit you did remember some of that night's events clearly, again like you practically making out with Lady Gaga- although she was the one who licked your face endlessly first.

Mortified just by the thoughts, you will never be able to face Pedro again sanely.

How could you when you recently dreamed about a man 25 years older being intimate with you- that's...confusing. And the worst part of it all was you couldn't say anything to anyone with the fear of being judged or laughed at- maybe both.

The thing was you couldn't quite understand why you had to dream about that. Maybe your time of the month was coming and your hormones targeted the first guy you had nonstop contact with?

No, that would've been Joon.

Attraction may had played a part but Joon definitely had that, Pedro as well but a little different...age-wise at least. There's no way you felt allured for men with bad jokes and rough skin- no offense. Right?

He did text you that same morning he dropped by and commented on how creepy you are half asleep and whether or not you agreed to his 'business' proposal. Not trying to start a conversation you knew you couldn't finish, out of second-hand shame, you just replied a simple:

LOL but busy with school atm to make a final decision- tell ya later

That later still hasn't arrived.

Unfortunately, you forgot to ask him why he made a random visit that morning- but you weren't going to ask him days later. In your mind, you need to avoid him. There's no way you'd be able to act normal after have unholy fascinations about him.

Not that it'll be a problem, you two hadn't seen each other for weeks before your cafe encounter, you're sure you can do it again without him noticing your distance.

It's been about two days since then which meant you didn't have to prioritize so much of your time on homework, you'll just save that for Sunday when it's all due.

"Did you bother to ask him why?" Jules added, turning to you. "He obviously wasn't coming to see me- I barely know the guy."

"You do know him!" you argue as she rolls her eyes. "You literally got mad at me for not recognizing him the first time we met."

"He's a celebrity- everybody knows him," she defends before tilting her head in curiosity. "But you two are oddly close, it's kind of weird."

"No," you shake your head, trying to laugh off her suspicions. "We are casual friends who fan girl over the same things."

People did take notice how close Pedro and you were but it wasn't anybody's fault you two had so much in common. Both of you loved Starbucks, going on hikes- when you weren't lazy, and believe Matt Healy is extremely attractive.

If they have a problem with that they can sue you.

"I see it," Joon adds, jumping up a bit. "Him and I barely talk and we're men- we should be bonding easily!"

"You're...you," Jules cringes, making Joon glare in return. "I can understand why he chooses not to be close to you."

Laughing, you watch as Joon quickly flips her the finger before he continues on with the conversation. "I just feel like he always comes around only to see you, it was pretty obvious since the first time he took us home."

Furrowing your eyebrows, you didn't understand what he meant by that. Pedro offered all three of you a ride home, not just you.

Already feeling done with this topic, you wanted to switch it before things started escalating and freaky theories started unfolding. They had every right to question your friendship, but you were starting to think they might be leading down a road where they may soon develop other impressions as to what your friendship might have been.

Why are you even thinking that? That's so inappropriate to imagine.

"You two are silly, he probably needed my advice on something or wanted to workout," you suggest, their faces showing they weren't fully convinced. "But anywho, did you call Yoongi yet?"

"I don't think that's a great idea," Joon declared, adjusting in your warm sofa. "He's not really a skating kind of guy."

Since it was Friday and you had no plans, you thought it would be a fun idea to be adventurous for once and do something you would never do on a regular basis.

Ice Skate.

Your friends were extremely down with the idea, but you needed a fourth person to make the group complete. Why not a skinny, impatient blonde man who would probably spend the whole night complaining about why this plan was awful?

Right now you could use some other grumpiness in your life.

"Just tell him to go," you beam back, clapping your hands in excitement as you'll soon be able to fall countless of times on the ice. "I'll buy him hot cocoa."

"You better do it or he'll never let that go," Joon states.

After hours of sitting around and blasting random music through your speakers, the three of you were ready to set off on your journey of locating the ice rink.

If it wasn't for Joon's constant whining to stop walking to take pictures of the scenery you probably would've arrived 15 minutes sooner than your actual arrival, but too bad your friend is a nature freak.

"You taking pictures of the pigeons better not be the reason why you're late," you heard Yoongi grumble as the three of you finally found him sitting on a bench near the entrance of the rink, staring directly at Joon who just scoffed.

"I'm sorry if my happiness bothers you," Joon snapped back as Yoongi just stood up from his seat and made his way to your trio.

Grabbing your ice skates wasn't too difficult as the long line seemed to flow by smoothly, but standing on them was a different story.

"I can't do this," you squeal as your hurriedly motion your arms around to find some balance. "I'm falling!"

Yoongi sent you a questionable look as he watched your poor attempts to stay still embarrassing. "We're not even on the ice yet."

Feeling a hand grab a hold on your shoulders and practically drag your feet towards the ice, you glance up to see Jules steadily directing you to face your fears.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Are you going to push her in?!" you hear Joon gasp a few feet behind you but you couldn't turn your head as you rather focused your attention on yanking yourself off of Jules.

"It was her idea so she'll be the one going in first."

"Ahh!" you screech, putting all your pressure on your feet to stop her hard pull. Spiraling your ankles in the most crucial ways, you start to lightly slap her arms off you as she continues to fight them off.

One thing about her was she's going to make sure to remind you that this was your idea.

Feeling an arm gently tug you off her grip, you landed on Yoongi's side as Jules whined in return, offended that he ruined her vicious plan. Respectfully, he kept you stable with an arm wrapped behind your middle back as you gripped his other one, fearful she might snatch you away again.

"Why would you do that?!"

"I don't think watching her fall face first on the hard ice would be a fun sight to see," he bluntly returned as Jules huffed. "The sight of blood gives me the ick."

"I was waiting for that moment all afternoon," Jules sighed, disappointed that she wouldn't be seeing you fall- yet.

Waiting for her to walk away to go on the ice, you see Joon follow her before you released your friend, relieved that she wouldn't be partaking in her scandalous scheme just yet.

"You do know how to skate, right?" Yoongi asked, his uncertain eyes on yours as you crazily wave your arms in front of him to rub off his questionable thoughts.

"Do I? Of course I do!" you argue, making your way towards the ice until you were two feet away from it. Putting your feet on the edge, you hesitate as you could feel the cold breeze wrap around you legs. "I'm gonna go now."

"Yippy," he states, waiting at your poor attempts to convince him.

Giving him a thumbs up, you clap your hands together to try to reassure yourself that you could do this, forgetting that he was right behind you secretly laughing.

Taking one final breath, you placed your right foot on top of the ice steadily, trying your best not to make any harsh movements, until you felt a hard jerk on your upper body, making you lose yourself in an instant.

"God, if you don't know how to skate why would you suggest it?" Yoongi grumbled, gliding both your bodies along the ice as he held tightly onto your arms. You were practically skating like a wet dog in front of him, begging with your eyes for him not to abandon you.

"I always wanted to try."

Sending you an annoyed look, you zipped your mouth as his arms were now securing you, closing any gaps there may have been and giving you the ride of your life.

Shutting your eyes harshly, you didn't dare to witness the environment around as you felt the icy wind slap your face the faster you two- or at least by Yoongi's swaying, got.

There were times where he did pretend to lose his balance, causing you to cry in horror and him immediately placing his hand over your mouth by how loud you weaped.

But other than that, you came to enjoy his help as your two other friends rudely abandoned you guys in order to practice their poor attempts of leaping across the rink.

"Okay," Yoongi started, releasing his left hand from your side and keeping you close with only his other. "Now you try on your own."

Fear creeping up in your face, you rapidly shake your head in disagreement and try catching his recent abandoned arm, which he denied. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" he countered back making you silent.

He did have a point.

"C'mon, it's not that hard. If Joon could do it, you can."

"He's literally on the ground right now," you whine as Yoongi quickly averts his eyes in search of your tall friend, soon finding Joon clutching his knee in pain as Jules records on her phone.

"No."

Sighing, he continues to look around, trying to plan out an idea that would at least convince you to slide a few feet alone without his help until he smirked and met your eyes.

"What would Matt Healy do?"

Widening your eyes, you were taken back by his question.

Only Pedro used that line on you.

And for some reason it felt odd when Yoongi did the same. You shouldn't be bothered by his choice of words...but you were a little.

He wasn't him to be saying it.

"He wouldn't force me to do something I didn't want to do," you reply back, causing him to groan.

"I feel like you just want to be in my arms," he retorted with a grin, immediately making you revolt and fly out of his arms, your bottom hitting the ice hard. "Well that's one way to make you skate."

Feeling immediate pain on the back of your thighs, you just knew you were going to be bruised and swollen the next day. But hey, this technically counts for your workout for the week.

Awkwardly swaying your body around, you couldn't get up off the damn ice. You were sure you looked like a fish out of water by how crazy you were moving.

"Get on your knees," Yoongi commented, causing you to send him a death glare as he lifted his hands up in defense. "It helps you stand."

Or he could just grab your arms and help you himself.

Cautiously following his suggestion, you slowly pull your right leg up and place it firmly on the ice before slowly trying to do so with your left one. As you began to feel satisfied with the weight being supported, you felt your body finally working and lifting up off the ground before he poked your shoulder- making you fall again.

"I'm going to murder you!" you threaten as you stare at him on your back, whole body restlessly laying on the ground in misery as he cackles loudly.

He may have advantage on the ice, but oh man- once you regain your balance off it you were going to end that slender man's life.

"Isn't this just a sight to see," you heard someone exclaim before hands grab your arms and soon lift you back on your feet.

Moving your eyes to the ones in front of you, you burst out in smiles. "Bella! Nico!"

"I take this as my queue to leave,'" you hear Yoongi mumbles but you swiftly grab his arm from his close proximity and halt his plans.

He was not going to desert you now.

"What are you girls doing here?"

Not seeing them for a few weeks didn't make things awkward, but different. It was like catching up with old friends, even though you barely met them less than three months ago.

"Had nothing to do tonight so why not ice skate?" Nico giggled.

Bella examined you up and down before pointing at your head. "My god, your hair grew so long. Has it really been that long?"

Rolling your eyes, you were about to answer her before Yoongi cut in. "No, it's her fake extenstions."

Gasping, you turn your body to him and smack his shoulder as he smacks you back. One thing about him, he's all about equality. You touch him, he touches you- simple.

You don't see the way Nico and Bella exchange smirks to one another before Nico slides in front of you and pulls out her phone. "We should take a selfie! You know, for memories."

Laughing, you agree. You took some pictures with them but never really out of the work environment.

Uncomfortably standing still, Yoongi hastily moves to the side a bit, not wanting to intrude this moment you were having with your friends. He was a pretty sociable person, but only if they had things in common and he fairly knew them.

Yoongi didn't know these two young girls and he sure as hell didn't want to be the one being kicked out of this picture- so why not kick himself out first?

"Where are you going, we need your long arm to get us all in the frame!" Bella exclaimed, motioning Yoongi to move back as he sent her a flustered glance.

"I can just take it with the three of you."

"Nonsense!" Nico argued back, shaking her head as you giggled. "We don't leave people out."

Biting his bottom lip a bit, he scratches the back of his neck swiftly before increasing the speed of his skates to the girl, accepting her phone. "I suppose."

Fixing your posture, you stand behind your friend as he carefully raises his right arm up in the air, positioning the phone that was able to capture all four of you in the frame.

Pulling out the gummiest smile, you bursted out a gigantic grin after seeing the rare radiant expression Yoongi was giving. He was never one to show much emotion so finding him giving in for a picture amused you.

Taking the phone out of his hands, Bella examined the screen before chuckling. "Wow, you've got one adorable smile."

You could've sworn you saw Yoongi blush as he lowered his head while shaking off her compliment, trying to act natural but he wasn't fooling anyone.

He was shy.

Gasping at the sight in front of her, Nico pointed at the concession cart near one of the exits of the ice. "They have hot cocoa! We must get some."

Faking a groan, Bella allowed her friend to drag her away but not before sending you a pout to follow, which you were happy to do. You were freezing to death without even realizing it until you stopped your attempts to skate for the picture.

"I was promised a free cup," Yoongi stated as he was gliding behind you, softly pushing your back as you proceeded to do nothing but allow him to direct you to where your desired hot cocoa was.

Scoffing a little, you shush him as you reached the exit ramp. Jumping off, the two of you slowly waddled to Bella and Nico who were next in line.

"Wait," you start, pausing your footsteps which resulted in him almost falling after slamming to your side. "Shouldn't we ask Joon and Jules if they want one?"

Peeking over your shoulder, Yoongi looks back down to you. "Nah, don't wanna ruin their fun."

Following his recent glance, you could see Joon and Jules in front of one another, both holding hands as they try to catch a faster pace while twirling in big circles.

You were sure they were eventually going to knock a small child over soon.

"Next," you hear the worker call out, sitting behind his register waiting for your arrival.

Quickly walking up, you place your order as nothing else but the hot drinks seemed to interest you. The total came out to be the cost as what four drinks at your local cafe would be, but you shouldn't be surprised since this place was pretty popular to the public.

Pulling out his wallet so fast, you didn't have to process what Yoongi was doing until you caught the view of his credit card as he handed it over to the man in front of you.

"No-" you try intercepting what had just happened by giving your card to the worker who just shrugged as he had already paid for the drinks on Yoongi's card. "Why would you do that?"

"You're too slow," Yoongi bluntly said as he grabbed the two drinks and moved to the side so the next person in line could place their order.

"But it hadn't even been three seconds since he said the total before you handed him the card," you protest.

He handed you your cup, hoping it'll shut you up as he took a small sip from his own. "And?"

Is he being serious? "'And,'" you question as he continued to be unaware as to what you were getting at. "Since the beginning I vowed to buy you hot cocoa."

Yoongi laughed at how stubborn you were becoming. "Vowed? What a great word choice for this scenario, fiance."

Rolling your eyes at his teasing, you hated the fact he was avoiding your question. You knew he did it because he wanted to be a gentleman, but the problem was he didn't want to admit he was one.

Again, he was being shy.

"I see you are kind," you smirk as he gave you a disgusted glance. "Don't worry, I won't tell people you have a heart."

Before he could leave a snarky comeback, Nico and Bella came back in giggles as Yoongi retreated back to his natural state of looking lifeless. "Oh my gosh- we went to get napkins and I kid you not I may have poured my drink on the back of this poor little girl."

Lightly gasping, you widen your eyes as Yoongi confusingly replies back. "May have? You don't know if you did or not?"

Bella makes an accountable face, scrunching her nose in the process. "Okay, I did. But she's the one who ran into me!"

"Well, she was really small and you kind of didn't search your surroundings before kneeing her," Nico exposed, causing Yoongi and you to give each other a concerned look.

"You kneed her?!"

"Only in her side," Bella excused herself, sending Nico a betrayed look. "It wasn't like it was her stomach."

"It practically was...," Nico mumbled but became silent when her co-star eyed her hard.

Coughing uncomfortably, Yoongi caught everyone's attention as he tried to avert the conversation into something that wasn't as horrific as striking a child with hot cocoa and a knee. "We should probably hit the ice again soon before Jules and Joon find out we got these drinks without them."

"Jules is here?!" Bella beamed, searching around for her through the large gatherings of people on the ice. "I missed that crazy lady, she was the only one who would get my coffee order right."

"She told me she would threaten to get the baristas fired if they kept getting it wrong," Nico recalled, chewing her mouth a little. "That's why I stopped letting her take my orders."

Sighing, you looked up in the ceiling in disapproval as you could feel Yoongi laughing his ass off beside you. That was very Jules of her to do.

After another two hours of trying to figure out how to skate, and basically latching onto Yoongi the whole time as Bella and Nico were doing laps around you guys, you finally made it home.

To say you were exhausted would be an understatement- you were drained.

No, seriously. You hadn't worked out this much since Jules and you almost missed the subway two months ago and had to run three blocks to catch it on time.

That day was dreadful, but you were sure if you went to bed you were going to wake up lifeless like a worm.

"I call the shower first!" you hear Jules scream, running to her room in order to grab her belongings but you were faster and instantly made your way to the bathroom, locking the door before she could break in. "You bitch! How dare you steal it with my back turned!"

Grinning evilly to yourself, you wanted to get your night routines over with so you could hit the pillows quickly. Even after taking off all your makeup, taking a very steamy shower, and doing your nightly skin care routine, you were sure you could easily knock out sitting on the toilet if you had the chance.

We all have done it once in our lives.

Opening the door, the steam flows out smoothly as you face your very displeased roommate on the other side, glaring at you. "All yours," you smile, stepping to the side but she roughly pushes you in response, causing you to yelp as you manage to catch your balance midway.

Mental note, burn her eggs next breakfast.

Stepping into your room, you change into an oversized hoodie and sweats before throwing yourself under your covers in excitement.

The moment you've been waiting for all day: sleep.

Closing your eyes, you feel all your senses slowly drifting away from your body as relaxation crept up from all around. It was truly intoxicating how in trance you were.

But of course with your luck, nothing goes as planned- ever.

Wildly jumping up from the loud blaring of your phone, you cover your face in agony as the vibrations and noise cause pain throughout your entire body.

Who the hell was calling you at 10 o'clock at night? This should be illegal.

After taking a minute to control yourself, the ringing stopped. Good, now you won't have to make time to engage in a conversation. Quickly falling back down onto your pillows, it wasn't even ten seconds later before you feel your phone going off like crazy again.

With you eyes shut, you move your hands around your bed until you feel the cool object underneath your pillow. Lazily pressing any button, without batting one eye open, you move the phone to your ear before releasing a groggy, "What?"

"What a lovely way to greet somebody, kiddo."

You instantly freeze, automatically thinking about the vivid dream you had about him, then Lady Gaga, and felt a blush creeping in.

Slowly pulling the phone away, you let out a loud but fast scream before moving it back. How the hell are you going to begin a conversation without thinking about his lips on yours. "What do you want?"

Pausing for a second, you can hear him move around through his end. "Did you just scream?"

It's not like you didn't just dream about him kissing all over your body two nights ago.

"Did you just wake me up to ask me the obvious answer?"

Act like you don't care. Like you are perfectly fine.

He chuckles lightly and you can tell by his tone he was close to passing out too. "Somebody's cranky, is it past your bedtime?" Pedro teased.

You were definitely not in the mood to handle his ridicules at this hour, especially by how nervous he was slowly making you. What did he want?

"Yes," you simply reply before hitting the red button, ending the call and laying your head back on your pillow. Good, just end it before you make a bigger fool out of yourself.

It hadn't even been another ten seconds before your phone was ringing once again. Pulling it up to your face, you let out a huff. What a shocker, it was him again.

"You better have an insanely good reason as to why you chose to wake me up in the middle of my dream," you immediately say as you press the 'accept' button.

Hearing him laugh, you just know he has a sarcastic comment coming any second. "Wake you up? Honey, you're still living your dream talking to me."

Honey.

No, not another nickname for him to call you in future dreams.

Shaking that thought away, you rejected the idea of him being in any more dreams- you forbid it.

Loss at words for a second, you almost let your next words trip over one another before calmly gaining your composure at the incidental choice of your pet name.

"So funny," you reply back, trying your best to sound sane. "Pretty sure I was dreaming of a very shirtless Matt Healy playing 'Please Be Naked' to me."

Why the fuck would you slip that out.

"Are you trying to hint at something?" he smirks, making you press mute and hold your hand over your mouth to hold back the screams you feared would release.

Feeling like your soul was about to leave your body, you couldn't believe he just said that.

Actually, you couldn't believe you would even recommend that song. God, your sleepiness was messing with your mind.

Finding your energy once again, you unmute the call and try to seem unfazed by his last comment. "Yes, that I want to sleep. Goodbye now."

Before you could hit the red button again, you could hear him chanting over the phone to do the exact opposite. "Don't!"

Groaning, you clutch the phone harder in despair. "I am so tired. Don't do this to me, please. I am a girl who values her sleep!" you whine as you hear him continue his light giggles in the background. "If I don't sleep I will die, is this what you want. Are you trying to kill me?"

"I can reassure you I don't plan on keeping you up long," he explains. "And I wouldn't dare wish for your death."

Your heart fluttering, you glare at your chest. "Then what do you want?"

Moving his phone from one ear to the other, he lays in his bed while smiling at his ceiling. "You," he declares, making you widen your eyes as he shuffles around in his blanket. "Tomorrow, let's hang out."

Sitting up against your bed frame, you furrow your brow. "Hang out? For what?" There's no way you will be able to act normal for a long period of time, your weak-self can't do it.

Placing a hand over his chest, he lets out a light hiss in fake hurt by your comeback before continuing. "Can't I hang out with you by choice and not by a work schedule? Unless you're so disgusted by me." That's when he started his fake cries. "I'm so sorry I am not Matt Healy and can't do a great British accent."

Shaking your head, you try to intervene as his ugly cries become louder through the line. "That's not what I meant, stop being dramatic," you complain as he instantly stops while smiling widely. "Is there a specific reason why you want to hang out?"

Taking a deep breath, he fiddles with the fingers on his non-occupied hand. "Does there need to be a reason?"

You pause for a second. He's acting too kind for your liking and it's making you question what his intentions are. In this point of time, you're sure he's going to take that moment to convince you to work with him in Canada.

"With you there's always a reason."

Scoffing lightly, he grumbles. "I just want to go on a hike and need a hiking partner."

Oh hell no, you already did enough working out this evening. You were not about to do that again, that's for sure.

"Yeah, nooo," you exhale lowly. "I already did too much working out with my body if you know what I mean and-"

"I don't know what that means," he cuts you off.

"It means I am going to be sore for days so my body has no strength to walk for more than five minutes," you declare as he falls silent.

After a few seconds that felt like forever, he replies. "Fine," he blankly states. "Have a goodnight, sweetheart."

The warmth as blood began drawing to your face became present as you quickly reply with a simple "night" before ending the call. And for some reason you felt as if you couldn't breathe normally by the pounding on your chest.

What the hell was happening to you. Looking up at the ceiling, you silently pray you don't have a Lady Gaga 2.0 fiasco.

As you were questioning why your heart made you feel as if you were going under cardiac arrest the night before, your body was currently making you feel if you really needed to make that trip to the ER by how tender you were.

It also didn't help that Jules was the one waking you up at the crack of dawn, half asleep with her eye mask clinging onto her forehead.

"W-why are you-" you grumble, rubbing your eyes as you look at the alarm clock near your bedside. "-waking me up at 6:18am? It's Saturday."

She sent you a death glare for assuming she randomly wanted to wake you up for the fun of it as she was the one who was woken up first. "Someone's here for you."

Positioning your body upwards, you squint your eyes up at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you take a look for yourself," she gritted her teeth, swaying her head towards your door.

Slowly standing up, you make your way to it before sneaking a peak of the view of your living room. That's when you see a very annoying man you were sure you both agreed on the phone last night to not go hiking.

Luckily, he didn't notice your wandering eyes as his were glued to his phone, scrolling through his social media.

What was he doing here? You can't face him without thinking about his body wrapped around yours and his lips doing dangerous things.

Oh no, you truly were screwed.

Lightly shutting your door, you nervously turn back to your roommate who looks displeased. "I told him no."

"No means yes, I guess," she replies, snaking her arms around her body for warmth. "I'm going back to bed."

You could hear her walk out of your room as you frantically begin searching for something warm yet comfortable clothes to wear on this undesired hike. You knew if you tried backing out he would stay until you caved, he was very persistent to get what he wanted.

And what he wanted was for you to get your ass up and exercise.

You were also certain you heard Jules let out a "thanks for the invite" to him before hearing her bedroom door shut.

Running out of your room, you made sure not to look in his direction so he wouldn't see your morning appearance clearly- well he already has but why reveal yourself in this state again?

Quickly brushing your hair, teeth, and washing your face, you change into a baggy green sweatshirt and some black workout leggings before slipping on suited running shoes.

Try to act natural. Give him little attention so he won't speculate anything. You aren't into old men and did not vision him smooching you on your sofa.

"You are so buying me breakfast," you deadpan as you walked straight out of your door, not even daring to wait for him to follow.

Good, be straightforward.

Laughing to himself, Pedro promptly jumped off the couch and jogged after you once you shut the door on him and continued down the halls to the elevators.

Finally catching up, he barely made it through the elevator doors as they were closing to find you leaning against the corner, mad and tired. "Good morning to you, too."

You let out a small cry as you lay your head against the wall in pain from how frustratingly exhausted you were. If one cold breeze hit you outside you were sure you were going to burst into tears.

"Oh, come one," he walks over to you and nudged your shoulder to wake up some more. If he unexpectedly touched you again you were sure you were going to rip his arm off. "In a few minutes you'll be wide awake and fine."

"How dare you assume I'm going to be fine!" you whine, trying to hit his side but he manages to capture your arm and that's when you give up and allow your worn out body to fall on him.

He instantly wraps his arms around you as your head falls just beneath his chin, your eyes slowly closing and your thoughts drifting away as his warmth was making you drowsy.

You tried to stay focus, but your poor state was taking over and you suddenly weren't as anxious as you once were. Being sleepy really made your mind roam.

"Hey, now," he whispers and looks down to see you snuggling up against him. "You can't fall asleep on me. I do not want your security guards thinking I drugged you."

Tightening your arms on how lower sides, you ignore him as you feel yourself easing closer to dozing off by the constant beating of his heart. "Stop," you mumble, clutching your ears softly before positioning your head on the other side of his chest.

"What?" he curiously glances down at you.

"You heartbeat's annoying me," you lightly whine. "It's pounding against my ears."

Pedro was extremely glad you were too tired to process his heartbeat and the bright red tint plastered across his face. Your drained-self definitely saved him from embarrassment.

Finally, the elevator doors opened and you still weren't moving. You were too comfortable to make any effort to walk on your own and if he really wanted you to hang out this morning then he was going to have to find a way to make you move.

And to him, dragging you was his best option yet. But with care.

Delicately keeping his arms secured around you, he gradually walked out with you still engulfed by him, eyes shut and only moving your feet with his pace.

Honestly, you were surprised how much rhythm you had.

Stopping to pull out his car keys, he unlocked his car and opened his passenger side door once you two reached the garage complex. Gently, laying you on the seat, you station you head against the headrest as he buckled you in. "God, I really hope security doesn't report me."

And once he made it to his side and hopped in, he laughed at the state you were in, head instantly bent to your side and legs tangled together in hope to create some kind of warmth. "Adorable."

But of course you were too dumb to not catch that.

You were awoken by a small speed bump and the instant hit of warmth through the heat vents, your eyes slowly glancing around your surroundings. Taking a quick peep at the screen indicating the time, you read that it was almost 7am.

Tilting your head and leaning against the headrest, you lazily stare at Pedro as he continues to drive to god knows where.

"Don't I look so handsome in the morning?" he jokes before meeting your eyes, sending you a warm grin.

And handsome on top of you.

Shutting your eyes tightly, you beg your imagination to please shut the fuck up.

"You mean drastic," you mutter, moving your head to the opposite side, against the window to force some sleep again.

Better to make time fly by faster knocking out where you were sure you wouldn't say anything stupid.

"Hey, no..." he whines, moving his right arm across to shake your chin softly to keep you conscious. "Don't pass out on me again, I'm lonely."

"And I'm tired, deal with it."

Shuffling in his seat, he looks over to see you curling yourself up in a ball with your legs to your knees and arms wrapped around. Not thinking things throughly, he hits the brakes hard for a split second and watches as your body jolts forward before swinging back against his seat.

"What the fuck!" you shriek, propping your body up and facing him in pure rage. "Are you trying to irritate me?!"

"I'm lonely and you're not helping," Pedro calmly states, shrugging as you continue your daggers his way.

You were beyond pissed. How could he think you would be energetic and talkative right now? How could he attempt to make you fly out the window? You could feel your nerves slowly fading away by the fury growing inside you.

If he wanted you awake then fine, you were going to be awake.

Doesn't mean you had to talk though.

Silently sitting up, you stare at the windshield in front of you and watch the cars drive as he continues to spare you a glance every once in a while.

Honestly, your silence was terrifying the fuck out of him. Normally, you would have some snarky comeback or violent punch to return to his evil tactics, but you were doing nothing.

Literally nothing.

And he knows damn well the sights of trees and cars did not interest you.

"Hey...," you feel Pedro lightly poke your side, pursing his lips once he saw your non-existent reaction. "You're not mad, right?"

Ignoring him, you continue your deep stare now onto more trees as you two were getting closer to nature than streets. You must've been out for some time as you barely noticed how far away from the city you really were.

Joon would really love this.

Gradually lifting his arm up, his places it on top of your own and gives it a small squeeze while laying it there. "C'mon, don't ignore me."

As if that would make you stop your scheme.

Blinking slowly, you acted like you paid no attention to his puppy dog pleads as the car was making its way towards an almost empty parking lot, all surrounded by a forest that only had one route starting within an old wooden bridge.

Pulling up to a nearby parking spot, Pedro parked the car before turning back to try and capture your attention but nothing was working.

You were so damn frustrating, it was infuriating. But he was still desperate to gain your attention.

"Are you just going to sit in here all day or what?" he questions as he waves a hand over your face to make you blink.

You didn't and that kind of frightened him. Work of the devil.

"I am going to cry," he warned, swatting his hand over his face to prepare for his fake tears.

Yet you showed no mercy. Sitting there patiently, you inhaled and exhaled softly, causing him to internally flip the fuck out because why were you being so aggravating when the two of you should be walking and pointing out the squirrels fighting over nuts.

And sadly, he was slowly giving up.

"Imagine if I really was crying," he began, offended you did not care one bit. "Really means a lot how unconcerned you are."

But when you suddenly started examining your nails and carefully picking at them is when he totally lost it.

Reaching over to you and moving his arm down your arm, he swiftly intertwined your fingers with his before moving you posture to face him.

His hand was huge.

"No, no-" he started, pulling a face as you gave him a blank stare back. Act natural. Pulling your shared hands in front of his chest, he sulks. "-please, for the love of whichever god you believe in, or if you're an atheist- for the love of you, please talk to me."

Watching him beg for forgiveness has always been funny in the past, but his pleading for attention now makes you feel bad.

"If you talk to me I will buy you breakfast and a very delicious milkshake that will make you extremely happy for the rest of the day," he continues, using his free left arm to wrap around you as his right one still clutches onto your palm.

He's so warm.

Pursing your lips a bit, you send him a skeptical glance. "Oreo shake with a lot of whipped cream?"

He instantly nods, a smile breaking out. "Of course, anything you want."

You look at the car's steering wheel before averting your eyes back to his. "And a red cherry?"

"I'll buy you a full jar of cherries if it makes you happy," he declares.

"And fries?"

Agreeing, he lets out a quick nod again. "With extra seasoning."

Biting your lip, you proceed to think about other stuff you may want with your milkshake and fries. "A burger?"

"My goodness, woman" he sighs, letting go of you and jumping out of the car before running around to your side and opening your door. "I'll buy you the whole menu, now let's go!"

With that, he vigorously yet cautiously pulls you out of your seat and throws you over his shoulders.

"Oh no!" you squeal, trying to find something to hold on to as he begins his journey, walking towards the bridge to start the hike. Grabbing a hold of his neck, you try not to choke him as you place your arm around it.

If you were going down, you were sure you were going to break his neck in the process. At least it would be a learning lesson for him.

"If you drop me I am never talking to you again," you threaten as he continues down a path.

"Said that before and just did it half the car ride here," he begins, moving his shoulder to give you a little fright of your life. "Now I just found out that all I have to do is buy you food and you'll yap again."

Glaring, you choke him a little to which he chuckles. "Didn't know you were into that."

Speechless, you couldn't believe his words. What the hell was he on this morning?

"Put me down!" you exclaim, immediately moving your body so he would lose his balance. Once he did so, you scowl as he ruffles your hair, making it tangle around. "Hey!"

"Can you stop being negative for a few minutes and enjoy the environment?" he asks, pulling his arms up to twirl around. "Just take in that fresh air mother nature gifted us."

Scrunching your nose, you frown. "It smells like rotten eggs."

"Because of the ducks," he pointed out before patting his pockets. "Which we will be feeding with the bread I brought."

Examining his pocket, you shoot him a curious glance. "How big are your pockets?"

"Not important," he states, grabbing your arms and dragging you along with him down the long trail. "What's important is finishing this trail to feel accomplished."

Pouting, you allowed him to drag you along as you miserably dreaded the next few hours to come. The energy you had to give off just for some damn breakfast.

Shame on you for loving food so much.

Encountering many frogs, lizards, and pigeons who loved flying right by both of your heads and scaring you to death, you had long forgotten about how anxious you were being around him. Being distracted constantly had you occupied which was a relief.

Eventually, you two finally found the drugs.

Or the ducks.

Walking by a huge pond, there were numerous amounts of ducks leaping around with their families following behind. It was really cute, but the smell wasn't.

"I wonder if they can choke on this?" Pedro muttered as he pulled out a large bread. Slowly nearing one medium-seized one in caution, he rips a piece apart and throws it. "It is kind of thick."

Taking a moment to check the bread out, you sigh. "Are you feeding these ducks bolillo bread?"

He pauses, not sure why you would care to ask. "Yes and?"

"They have thick crusts!" you exclaim. "And why not just feed them normal wheat bread?"

"Who even eats wheat? It's bland." he protests. "Plus, this is leftovers from my dinner last night."

"They're ducks! They don't care," you argue as he shakes his head.

"Just imagine if you were a duck," he began, making you huff in annoyance as you just knew he was going to say something ridiculous. "Wouldn't you love to eat this nice bolillo bread, maybe visualize a torta with some carnitas, onions, avocado, can't forget the refried bean-"

"The duck is choking!" you squeal and stare in fear as the poor duck starts to wheeze sharply.

Pedro's facial expressions drops as he sees the poor duck quacking in agony. Nervously rushing to its side, he looks up at you. "Do we pat its back? CPR? Call 911?!"

Pulling out your phone, you type away to find answers for your current problem. It was indeed true that you aren't supposed to feed ducks bread.

Especially thick Mexican ones.

"Give it mouth to mouth if you want chlamydia," you read aloud, causing Pedro to instantly leap away from the duck as it hastily begins to lay on the ground. "Wait, you get that from birds, not ducks. Silly me."

"Ducks are birds," he discloses, trying his best to softly pat the ducks back, finally giving it one powerful swat to help but instead the duck ends ups being thrown a few feet away by his force.

"Do I look like a fucking duck doctor?" you spit out, making him look up confused.

"You mean a veterarian."

Ignoring his last comment, you continue scrolling through more of google's suggestions, finally finding some information that may help. "You need to press down on its chest with 1-2 fingers or just give them water to drown it down."

Immediately grabbing the duck and placing it on its back, you worriedly watch over the duck from Pedro's shoulder as he works his fingers on the poor animal.

However, no luck was given as the duck was beginning to look weak and drowsy as pressure kept being projected on its chest. "We need water!"

Running towards the pond, you motion for Pedro to follow along with the duck as you look for a safe ramp to lead the duck onto. "Let's just lay him down near the water and splash him with it."

"He?" Pedro asks, stopping his movements. "But it looks like a she-"

"We are not arguing over its gender when its literally dying in your arms!" you exclaim, causing him to quickly nod and follow the ramp you found towards the water.

Gently, Pedro lowered his arms near the water with the poor duck taking over his hands. Trying to move the flow of water towards its face, he calls you over. "He's not accepting it, you need to scoop some up in your hand and pour it over his beak."

Rapidly nodding, you do as he says and take a handful and try not to spill it before gradually pouring it over the duck's beak. This water was not clean, but at least it was something. Nothing was happening until your third scoop once the duck began to actually swallow some of the water slowly.

"I-I think it's working! We did it!" Pedro cheered, trying to give you a high-five, failing incredibly as he somehow managed to lose his grip and dump the poor duck hard in the pond. "Oh shit!"

Squatting down, you try to reach for the duck as its face was buried underneath the water before Pedro's body slams into yours, causing you to fall into the dirty, cold pond.

The feeling of thick, muddy water overtakes your body as you lose all sight of air. Quickly moving your arms up and down, you rise back to the surface to find Pedro with his hands over his mouth and his jaw dropped.

He knew he wasn't going to hear the end of it.

"Fuck," he nervously muttered to himself before reaching out for you. "I am so so so sorry, the leaf made me slip AH!-"

He couldn't finish his sentence as you yanked his arm down with you, pulling with almighty to get him to land in the pond. The weight of the water going down with his body diving harshly against it, you knew he was completely soaked.

And probably pissed, but its okay. It's what he deserves.

Waiting for him to come up, he finally did so in seconds looking very unhappy. It made you delighted.

"You did that on purpose!"

Scoffing, you splash him and watch as he gasps harder. "You do a lot of things on purpose."

Using both hands to release bigger waves, he splashes you back. "Don't splash me!"

Growling, you slap his chest as he clutches your wrist afterwards. "You're so lucky I forgot my phone at home."

Gasping, you feel one of his hands fly underwater. "I didn't!" You hold in your giggles as he shuffles frantically before moving his gaze back up. "Wait, I never removed it from my glove department. Be fortunate I forgot it because if you destroyed it I would've made you walk home."

Furrowing your brows, you push his shoulders and make him move back by the force of it. "You're the one who started it. We're gonna get duck chlamydia now!"

Rolling his eyes, he pushed you back, causing you to fall under the water. Once you caught your breath again you notice the way he glares at you. "That's not even a thing."

"Just another STD to add to your list," you jokingly mumble to yourself, sure he didn't catch it.

You were wrong, again.

Launching himself onto you, the two of you fall underwater as he shoves you body around in revenge. Swimming back up, you gasp for air while slapping his arms off you as he tried blocking all your attempts.

Wrapping his arms around your waist, he clings his face on your shoulder as he proceeds to try and bring you down under but somehow you manage to wrap your leg around his thigh, causing him to lose his strength and fall backwards with you on top of him.

He sure has one strong grip.

Now, not saying you were going to kill him. But this was your chance to kill him with no witnesses.

Well- besides the ducks, but they wouldn't quack a soul.

Regaining his energy, he lifts himself back up and holds you up, about to drag you under again before you crazily oppose while shaking your head, "Don't! We're gonna get sick!"

"That's not a very sincere apology," he tilts his head, his wet hair scattered across his face as he awaits your alibi.

Huffing, you fight back a rude remark. "Do you understand how much poop were swimming in right now? These ducks are probably laughing at us by how much they are quacking."

Swiftly looking around, the two of you check the surrounding ducks around who blankly stare back. The older looking ones hollering nonsense, probably making plans to kill you and Pedro.

"I bet their releasing their chlamydia right now," you cry, hiding your face in his shoulder as he bursts out laughing.

"I don't think that's how it works."

Glancing down on him, you're surprised by his strength. He's been holding you up by your waist for so long you're shocked he hasn't dropped you accidentally yet. "Let's not find out, let's get out."

"You're forgetting something," he smiles, staring innocently at you, knowing damn well you can't leave without his release. "And I wouldn't wait this one out because I am pretty sure I feel toads swimming near my feet."

Instantaneously, you clung onto him tighter in fear as you could imagine the feeling of something swarming around your body. It was like hundred of spiders crawling all over you, you needed to get out of here.

Pulling yourself back up, you place your hands on his shoulders as he impassively stares back at you, waiting. "Fine," you huff. "I'm sorry for claiming you had STD's before."

Pedro just stays there, not moving an inch as if he wants more. Groaning, you knew he wasn't going to give in so easy. "And I am sorry for stimulating the idea that you would get duck chlamydia," you apologize. "But you can get E. coli."

That didn't help as he just helplessly eyed you, not impressed with your poor excuses of your so-called apologies. What more did he want? You can't necessarily beg on your knees, you're in the water!

Whining, you knew you had to pull out your sincere face. You just knew your Oscar-worthy acting was about to award you freedom.

Softly, you move strands of hair stuck near his eyes away from his face and brush his hair back before quivering your lips and looking down upon him in sorrow.

He has really pretty eyes.

"I'm really sorry," you start as you push your face inside his neck and lock him inside your arms. "I know you don't have any infections, you don't even have visible rashes or sores to prove it."

Pedro finds your plead for forgiveness charming as you squeeze him tighter. He begins to release you until he hears the mutter of your "-that are visible."

"You couldn't hold it in for a few more seconds?!" he whined at how fast you went back to insulting him.

Sighing heavily, you slap a hand to your face. "It's hard!"

Suppressing a laugh, he unwrapped his arms around you and let you get back to the sidewalk. But once you were back on your feet, you looked down to find your body filled with random pieces of dirt, sticks, and grass. "Ew!"

"You're not sitting in my car," Pedro states, waving his head side to side to release some water from his ears.

"You're worse than me!"

"My car, my rules."

Frowning, you weren't sure if he was kidding or not. "Well, you almost committed first-degree-murder so if you don't want people to know you must be my personal servant."

His instant glare turned into confusion as he abruptly moved his attention back towards the pond. "Where did the duck go?"

Widening your eyes, you forgot that you had a helpless duck in your hands minutes ago before your splash attack with Pedro. Scanning your eyes from the sidewalks to the ramps to the pond, you noticed a duck floating nearby. "I think that's them."

Pointing at a duck with the closest familiar colors than the rest, you felt Pedro let out of sigh of relief. "Thank goodness, I would have felt extremely guilty if she would have died."

"It could be a he," you snap back.

He was about to protest but honestly, you were done for the day. You just wanted to take a long and hot shower and knock back out. Not only that, but you ruined your cute running shoes you gifted yourself months ago for your work out journey.

You never really wore them, but it's the thought that counts.

"We can get breakfast another day," you plead to which he didn't argue over because he really wanted to remove the unknown substances off his body asap.

He wouldn't admit it, but he was genuinely scared he may have gotten duck chlamydia .

"Okay, but no sleeping in the car," Pedro states as you exhale loudly. All this and you still weren't allowed to doze off, how cruel is life at the moment.

Walking back to the car would've went down smoothly if the two of you weren't given disturbed looks from strangers and your clothes weren't clinging uncomfortably to your bodies, especially your shoes.

Luckily, Pedro had towels in his trunk and set them down on the seats. "God, I am definitely going to need a deep cleaning after this."

Slipping inside, your hands find the heater and turn it on full blast. Not only was it freezing outside, but your drenched state made you feel like an icicle.

Setting off back to the road, your mind begins to wander back to the question that has been flooding your mind lately. Craning you neck towards his presence, you make out his comfort state. Cool, he's calm.

Here goes nothing.

"So," you start, awkwardly playing with your hands as you try to make direct eye-contact with him as he turns his head to you. "Why did you visit the other morning?"

Lifting a brow, he pulls a face. "Other morning?"

Biting the inside of the cheek, you try to sound composed. "Yeah, remember? You dropped by around 6am-"

"-and you thought I was Lady Gaga, slammed the door on my face, and went back to bed?" he finished, grinning while finding your eyes again. "You mean that day?"

"Well if you knew what I was talking about why make me recall those mortifying details?" you grumble, leaning back against your seat. "And I thought you were a cat."

"I figured, I always questioned why Jules would ramble on about buying Lady Gaga a new electric litter box until I connected the dots," he confessed making you let out a small chuckle.

Yeah, you clearly remember how upset Jules became when Lady Gaga neglected the expensive box.

"But if you're curious, it wasn't because I wanted to go hiking," he smiled, referring to the current day.

"Then why?"

He paused for a minute, checking his mirrors before switching lanes. "I'm not really sure."

Tilting your head a bit, you express curiosity as you glance back. "I don't understand?"

Laughing lowly, he slightly shook his head. "I did wake up real fucking early that day," he started. "Maybe around 4am? Which sucked because I must've gotten like 3-4 hours of sleep."

"So you decided to wake me up so I could feel your pain?"

"No," he stifled another chuckle. "To plant trees."

Squinting your eyes, you become very confused. What is he talking about? He noticed your puzzlement immediately. "You know, go early in the morning to different areas in the city and help dig and replace old trees to plant new ones."

This whole time you were flipping out, wondering why he randomly came early in the morning just to find out it was because he's a nature boy who wants to help out the community?

It was very sweet of him to be as helpful as he was, but you were a little disappointment it wasn't something more.

"That's why?" you ask and he nods. "And why no warning?"

"Well, I was going to call but I figured all that studying you had done the evening before may have knocked you out early," he confessed.

Yet he still made you wake up early today knowing damn well you were exhausted last night. Strange.

"Why me?" you giggle. "I'm not your typical nature girl, Joon would've been perfect for the job."

Shrugging, he leaned his elbow on his middle console. "I thought about asking him, but to be honest I didn't want to pay for any damages he may have caused."

That was a very accurate insight of what Joon really was, clumsy. The amount of times he accidentally dropped his coffee cups, tripped over wires backstage, and face-planted against glass doors would be too much to count on both your palms.

You're surprised he hasn't broken his back again- but still glad he hasn't. That would really suck.

"But have you thought things over yet?" Pedro glanced your way before looking back forward. "About Canada?"

Stiffing up a bit, you move your eyes to the dashboard. You weren't dreading this conversation, but you didn't want to talk about it.

This was a situation where it was a win but also a loss.

Win as in gaining incredible experience, loss that your parent's wouldn't be pleased, it was in a different country, and you'd be missing out on your social life for almost a year.

"Not really," you admit and sense from the corner of your eyes his shoulders fall. "Still indecisive, as always," you try joking to lighten the mood.

Sending over a tiny grin, he mirrors your same expression, doubtful. His face turns concentrated again, leaning closer to you before he shuts down again, ultimately rejecting whatever idea he had going on.

The rest of the drive back to your place went by fast. The two of you made little talk about each other's life and how school was going for you, but he already knew so much already from past encounters.

Pulling up to the red curb you loathe, you crack a scowl as he only returns a smirk at his doing. "I will personally send my property manager to you so she can threaten you."

"I do love threats," he beamed, watching as you reach for the handle before stopping you by his voice. "-but I had fun this morning, despite our little uh...catastrophe," he chuckled, looking down at his clothes.

"I totally agree," you grin. "Dirt just looks so good on me."

He sniggers lightly before slightly sobering up. "But seriously, think about the offer," he begins, nipping at his lip a bit, not trying to put too much pressure on you. "It'll be good for you, you know- your future."

Sighing, you nod. You knew where he was coming from since he's been doing this for so long, but you were still young and had a lot on your mind.

"I'll think about it," you smile, reaching for the door handle and swiftly getting out, missing the way his smile slowly vanishes.

Taking your usual step back, you send him a farewell wave but he does his habitual goodbyes as he gets out of his car and grins to you. "See you around." Laughing, you walk inside the doors and make your way to the elevators, his followed soft "beautiful" being muffled by the traffic on the streets.

It seemed like both of you were screwed.

taglist: @thesapphirequeen @floralsightings @wrathofcats @avengersheart @fafik7 @chimchimjiminie16 @adriennemichelle98

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #joel miller #tlou #tlou joel #pascalispunk #joel miller x reader #the last of us #pedro pascal angst #pedro pascal fluff #pedropascaledit #fanfiction

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visibleclosedeyes · 11 months

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⧫︎ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴ ꜰʀᴏɴᴛ ⧫︎

(fem reader)

I can't believe I forgot to upload this one...

Makima has one little secret. No, it has nothing to do with her being the Control Devil—well, maybe it has, just a little. A sweet little quirk she guards dearly and delicately from everybody else. She kind of liked unpredictability which, in essence, made no sense coming from someone like her. Frustrated it made her from time to time as she went out of her way to find out why.

Humans called it ‘Oppositional attraction’ or some sort, an attraction that pulls two entities of opposite qualities to come together. What an idiotic, romantic concept that is. Still, Humans are often proven right on theories—the romantic relationships between humans and devils DID happen in the past. Hm, I should hunt down those couples and question them about what they know about human-devil relationships — Makima ponders as her thumb and index finger touch her chin, a habit that the control devil does without realizing. It went pretty well so far considering all the differences they both held—they were worlds apart. Makima appreciates the quiet time that she shares with her lover when she has the time. Right now, she is struggling with one and only one thing—how to influence her lover in a HEALTHY way, without using her power.

It already sounds hard since the beginning, but now every day Makima feels as if her nature and birthright have constantly reminded her of who she is every second she consumes. Not controlling her partner is so fucking hard, especially since she made easily avoidable mistakes. Makima wants to…just reach her significant other, look at her in the eyes, and just… tell her what to do but that would defeat the promise Makima has with her and Makima’s very own desire—to have someone equal right beside her. After she was done for the day, Makima retrieves her lover from the desk she is currently assigned to.

—-------------------

She has not yet officially moved in with Makima. Both of you concluded that it would be best to take each step slowly. Makima, however, has demanded (although the red-headed would never admit that it was rather controlling–something she swore to not use on her again) that she spends time with Makima at least three times a week–excludes weekends. Tonight is one of those nights–it is only ten minutes past six in the evening and the looming tall figure with an eye-catching red lock in a braid. Wearing a signature long black overcoat on top of her usual uniform, she leans against the door frame. The worst and best feature of Makima is her eyes; a pair of bright and golden eyes–it is the worst because it never fails to give you a quiver down your spine while she stares directly at you, it is the eye that that controls devil ditch out order and manipulate people, but it also the best thing you have ever seen in a while–as it is the first pair of eyes that gazes back at her and give back something closet to love you have ever experience. Makima steps inside and everybody in the vicinity stops what they are doing, and walks away. Those who did not leave in fear whispered to each other and looked.

“Are you for the day now?” Makima, now in front of her lover's desk, questions as the woman in front of her shows no signs of packing her back anytime soon. Makima prioritizes work, she always does, but things have changed now that she is “in a relationship”. Without noticing, her lover has become one of the things she looks forward to spending her time with. It is rather an absurd thing to feel, especially as a devil. Her lover looks up to meet the honey-golden-eyed woman.

“Yes, just…just give me a minute,”

—-------------------

You can tell when Makima is frustrated, takes one hell of a talent to know but you know it anyway. You lean against the window frame of her car gazing at the familiar moving scenery outside. Remembering the first time you arrived in Japan as an exchange student, out of sheer luck. She didn’t even want to be here, at that time she wished she was selected for some other place she would be culturally connected with like Thailand but you don't really get to choose now, don't you? Especially, when you were taking money from someone else for your education. You remembered semi-coerced into a Devil Hunter job when you had to pay back the tuition cost. 3 years have passed since she joined Public safety and met Makima, you would never have thought back then that you would end up dating her. The thought of that makes you laugh. Makima, who concentrates on driving, diverts her attention to you for a split second—her amber eyes reflect the light of the evening sun.

“What are you laughing at?” Makima asks that question could probably kill someone instantly with fear but you know her better. It is light, and her voice has a hint of amusement and curiosity in it.

“ Nothing in particular,”

“ Oh? Has stress rotted your brain already?”

The woman rests her on the headrest, she diverges her from the window beside her to Makima who is driving and can’t reciprocate attention back.

“ Maybe, We should do something this Friday night. Or…maybe on Saturday?” She suggests, Makima listens earnestly while focusing her gaze on the road. Actually, it’s more like she is using her brain to think of something as her eyebrows furrow a little.

“Hm, suggestions?” Makima says in a slightly defeated manner, but you can say in confidence that this is just an act. The red-haired devil can’t feel defeated or apologetic–it’s just not in her nature. Still, she DOES try for her, and for that at least she can say she is tremendously grateful for it.

“How about a movie date? Last time we went to a theme park and you don’t like it, right?

“Well, you seem to know me plenty already…” Makima responds, but this time her voice seems to have no emotion front, just…void. Like back when she reveals to the girl that she is a devil. Yes, she is still a devil, and she has many things to learn but they both are ready to learn together. That’s all that matter…for now.

#chainsaw man fanfiction #chainsaw man makima #makima x reader #makima #chainsaw man #csm x reader #csm makima #chainsawman

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angeliciaaaaaaa · 1 year

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I believe that Rei is dad-coded and Kazuki is mom-coded, not because Kazuki cooks and cleans and Rei rests at home, owns the house, and carries the missions, therefore "doing the work" (although that's part of it, too), but because of the difference in how they value each other and Miri.

I don't know how to explain but there's a quote from a book called "a dangerous silence" that i read several years ago, I don't remember the exact words but I never forgot the message. It was said from a brother to a sister in a conversation about their mother who died young and their complicated father, and went something like: "We [the kids] may have been her [the mom's] world, but she was his [the dad's] world."

Miri is Kazuki's world and Rei's world is Kazuki.

Like Kazuki took to Miri immediately while Rei came around to it after battling with his own childhood issues, issues with his father, his separation from whom he was only able to survive for so long because of Kazuki. The journey to Kazuki's healing began with Miri in the first episode, while Rei's journey to healing began with Kazuki, pre-canon.

Not to say that they don't both love Miri and each other fiercely, it's just a different dynamic with them both much like how it is with a mother and father. Also, initially and throughout the series, what gets Rei to come out of his shell is always Kazuki, even in the moments when it's for Miri. Rei notices when Kazuki feels down and tries, in his own way, to cheer him up. In episode 10 when they were on that last outing, Kazuki spends the entire episode on the verge of tears and Rei spent it worrying for him. It's only on the ferris wheel, when Kazuki makes him acknowledge it, that his lips tremble. I feel like there's also a factor of it being like Rei thinking that Kazuki is the better parent for Miri and therefore by prioritizing Kazuki, he is in fact prioritizing Miri.

And there's a thing where mothers can cope with the death of their spouses on their own while fathers cope by repartnering and that's because they need a life partner. That or they end up like most grumpy widowers we see on tv (obvi 100% accuracy guaranteed). And I have actually seen this in real time in both cases. The mother stays strong for the children, the dad is listless. (Of course not every case is the same, just from my experience and what studies show, but there's also Katniss' mom and whatever this isnt about them)

So, I believe that in the event of a death in the anime (extremely unlikely, but whatevs), Kazuki will be devastated, he will grieve, but he'll survive (not taking into consideration that this is the second time a loved one has died) if only for Miri's sake, he can be strong. And even if Miri didn't exist, he has the capability to carry on because even if he'd blame himself, he's good at ignoring his feelings and compartmentalizing. Rei though does not have that talent. He is self destructive and self depreciative. If Kazuki died, i have a feeling he would blame himself, and always think that he shouldve been the one that died, that Miri deserved the better father. Maybe he'd even punish himself by staying away from Miri, not letting himself be happy, etc. I believe that if Kazuki dies, after securing a home for Miri, Rei will actively try to die. That is until Kyu beats some sense into him but yeah.

Kazuki is mom-coded and Rei is dad-coded.

#Miri's mom though HAHAHA #the writer really went and eliminated anyone who had a claim to her parentage HAHAHAHAHA #buddy daddies #miri unasaka #rei suwa #rei papa #kazuki papa #kazurei

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olderthannetfic · 6 months

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I know this is only marginally related, but the anon post about dating your boss in the military raising eyebrows and people's prioritization in shipping wars made me immediately think of "In The Navy" by Village People and of "YMCA" (because my brain thinks since YMCA has cheeky subtext and is considered a gay anthem if I'm not misremembering, In The Navy might have some cheeky subtext, too), and it reminded me of the musical Hair and within it of the song "Hair" in which Berger is asked if he's gay (supposedly because of his long hair and homophobic stereotypes IIRC?), which I thought was a reference to fraternization regulations (due to working with a lot of other guys I guess?) and to homophobic regulations (if I haven't misunderstood it, specifically the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy?), and it reminded me of the songs "Black Boys/White Boys" which always seemed a little tongue-in-cheek about attraction between military personnel to me (and only partially subtext, some of it seems to downright be text with no subtlety found, now that I'm rewatching the scene from the film lol). It's been years since I've been to the musical though, so my memory probably forgot 99% of the musical. Gotta watch the film some time.

(BTW I'm not from the USA or an English-speaking country, so I'm not very familiar with US American laws and military culture stuff or with US American LGBT+ history and culture, though I am even more unfamiliar with it in my country apart from a few things because I'm from germany and I know for example that gay people were also targeted and murdered by the nazis - one thing that comes to mind immediately is "Aimée & Jaguar", which is a film based on a book that's about the actual lives of two real people and which I recommend watching very much, though you might want to prepare yourself for seeing horrifying violence and for crying a lot - but I don't know much more about other things in german LGBT+ history, which now makes me pretty sad... Then again, I only realized I was bi less than 10 years ago when I learned about the existence of the term bisexuality, so it's possible that I've just somehow managed to overlook tons of things I've heard and read and that they never registered in my brain, which is very likely TBH.)

Sorry for babbling in your inbox, I shall be off to research more queer history.^^

I guess YMCA doesn't literally say "Stay there to suck cock", but it's still sung by a bunch of dudes in intentional camp stereotype outfits. There's subtext and then there's those pieces of art that are like 99% subtext with one tiny fig leaf of text as cover.

Germany had such an interesting history immediately prior to all that death, Magnus Hirschfeld and his Institut für Sexualwissenschaft being particularly obvious examples. Most of the research materials and art from that era were destroyed, but a few things escaped, including a copy of Anders als die Andern. Good luck researching, nonnie. Germany actually has a lot that was once recorded compared to many countries/societies even if it was systematically purged. It was the birthplace of modern sexology, after all.

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httpknjoon · 1 year

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the scariest thing | kth

plot | You were invited to tell your story about the scariest thing you've ever done.

words | 3.6k

genres | angst, unrequited love au, one sided love au, best friends au

pairing | ceo!taehyung x reader

note | was this fic sitting in my drafts for almost a year now? yes. did i read it over and over again that i eventually forgot about it? yes. but here it is. i apologize it took so long. i hope you'll enjoy reading this. let me know your thoughts!

main masterlist | read the first part here! | series masterlist

“Please tell us something about yourself.”

You sat on a wooden stool chair in a middle of a plain white background. The bright studio lights both stood on each side of the camera, which made you a little blinded at first. But you got used to it since you arrive at this studio almost fifteen minutes ago. Your supposed interviewer, Nayeon, is a friend of a mutual friend who invited you to this project. She seemed like a really organized and creative woman. Earlier, when you arrived, she explained to you about their channel. She concluded that their production group has this YouTube channel where they posted videos about stories or opinions of many people. You found it strange at first but decided to join in since you have free time to spare. For now, only three staffs are in the room. The editor, the interviewer, and the cameraman.

“I am Y/N, currently in my early 30s.” you softly smiled after introducing yourself shortly.

Being the center of attention or staying in front of a camera is something you do not usually do. In fact, you usually avoided any kind of these situations ever since you were young and you don’t really have many photos in your apartment now. The one scrapbook you keep is filled with pictures of places you went to, family, and friends you were close to. Especially those you met in college.

“So you were invited here by our editor, Nina, who is your friend. Right?” Nayeon asked and you nodded in answer. “And she told us that you are commonly shy around cameras, what made you agree to come to join us for today?”

You giggled, “I kind of want to try something new.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, my life’s been pretty boring from childhood to graduate school.” you joked and you spotted Nina chuckling in the background.

You met Nina back in your sophomore year in college and she is well aware of how you prioritized your studies a lot before. She is the ex-girlfriend of one of your close friends from your first two years in college. You two managed to still communicate every now and then even after they broke off their short-lived romantic relationship.

“Oh, let’s see about that.” Nayeon smiled before looking down at her notebook with a black pen in her right hand. “I am going to ask a question and maybe you can tell us a story answering it. Will it be fine?”

“Okay,” you replied before a thought popped in. “Wait, how many questions? Nina told me that there going to be twenty of them, which made me a little freaked out.”

Nayeon laughed, “It’s only one main question! Then, some additional ones along the way just to clarify things.”

You rolled your eyes playfully at Nina, who is covering her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud, “You liar.”

After a few more laughs and shared banter with Nina, which Nayeon joined in, the interview continued. The camera guy, Eunwoo, who you also met earlier was grinning hearing how you and your friend tease each other.

“What’s the main question again?” you asked before any banter start again.

“What is the scariest thing you have ever done?”

You crossed your leg over the other as you think of an answer. Looking back on three decades of your life, you only thought of three things.

“Oh, I have three answers. Probably cutting class one time in high school, opening my social media accounts, and…”

“Wait, opening a social media account?” Nayeon repeated, squinting. “How?”

“Well…” you clasped your hands. “I personally think that it’s a messy and toxic place. Many people can say something to someone just by their posts. They can already judge you a lot. So I am not really active on my socials, I only use them when needed. And I am a really private person, I don’t post a lot unless it’s necessary.”

Nayeon nodded at your explanation, “Okay, I get it. How about your third answer? What is it?”

“Oh, uhm…” you paused as you pursed your lips, having second thoughts if you should answer it. Whatever. You exhaled, “This is really cliché. But it’s when I confessed to a very close friend.”

“Can you tell us more about it?”

“Uhm, yeah. Sure.” you forced a smile. “I have been friends with this guy ever since elementary. He was a really good kid and a social butterfly! I, who was a very shy kid, somehow got to befriend him, who is a very extroverted boy. I remembered those times he would pull me into their playground games every single time. He always made sure I am never left out. That’s how we became close over many years. High school came, and he became really into sports and famous. Like, you know, those overused teen movies characters.”

You see Nayeon chuckled and you continued, “Nonetheless, we remained best of friends at those times. He still hasn’t changed. Me too. Gladly, unlike those nerdy movie characters, I was never bullied by the mean girls for being close with the popular guy.”

You raised your hands to put air quotes on certain words, emphasizing them with sarcasm in your tone.

“He was always invited to these parties and he would ask me to come with him. Then, I would remind him about the school activities we need to do. We were often partners in school projects. I think we balance each other back then. He would be the one focused on having fun while I would concentrate on our academics. It was kinda weird how we remained friends in high school since I know others grew apart.”

Stories of teens growing apart in high school were things you always read or hear from some of your patients as a psychiatrist. Somehow, you felt lucky that you and Taehyung managed to keep your friendship past high school.

“No matter how much I hate loud events, I always made sure to watch him play in his basketball games. Knowing that his scary dad does not really support him in that aspect, I hoped that having my presence there gave him the motivation to continue with his hobby. The first and only time I cut a class in high school was the time their team had a game at another school. I remember sneaking out with a friend and I was so terrified while my friend assured me that it was going to be fine since she was already used to cutting classes. Then fast forward, forty minutes later, we arrived at the other school’s gymnasium. We found an empty spot near their bench so he easily spots us in the middle of that game. He looked surprised but grinned widely that time and I remember my heart skipped a bit. It felt like cutting class was really worth it.” you laughed.

“Did he do that common mischievous wink before shooting the ball in the hoops?” Nayeon asked with a teasing tone.

You laughed again, shaking your head, “Fortunately, no. I would really find it corny if he did that. And I think we were both not a fan of public displays of affection. We prefer doing things in our own little worlds. Nonetheless, I never knew how he really show affection since we both didn’t date anyone back in high school or college, that I know of!”

Nayeon’s eyebrows raised when she heard your statement, “You never dated anyone in those years?”

“No.” you shake your head again. “Me, personally, do not really have plans in dating back in high school. Even though that was where my feelings began for my friend. In college, I set my eyes on doing my best in my course as I want to keep my scholarship. For my best friend, I don’t know if he dated anyone back in college since we lost it.”

“You lost it?” Nayeon pushed her glasses up as she repeated your words.

“Yeah, we kind of drifted apart during the first two years of college. We went to different universities, which includes me moving miles away since I got accepted to this really great school. Maybe this is where the growing apart phase happened. I met new friends, including Nina,” you smiled at your longtime friend. “And really improved my social life then. As I said, I rarely use social media so I do not really have any updates from my best friend. It was two years of just texting each other on phone occasionally. It’s really just a bunch of greetings to one another.”

“Then, what happened?”

You smiled as you can hear the mix of curiosity and excitement in her tone, “Then, junior year happened. Things were getting really pricey. An old roommate of mine moved out and that worsen my expenses for a couple of months. So I was about to look for a roommate on Craiglist– it was what my friends recommended– when I got a call from an old friend. The one I cut classes with before. She studies at the same university and told me that she saw my best friend around the campus. He even chatted with her a bit and shared that he is transferring.”

You remembered how surprised, worried, and a bit angry you were when you heard that from a mutual friend. You took some hours alone before calling Taehyung about it, wondering why he hasn’t told you about his transfer plans. Was he mad at you? Did something happen? Are we still friends?. The questions that all popped into your head were later asked when you called him. You remembered how he defensively denied that he have any negative emotions towards you, claiming that he was just ashamed of the unfortunate path he was walking on.

“So, I called him. I think I was too aggressive that time, throwing questions at him.” you laughed. “But I was really worried about what could possibly happen to him. Then, he shared that he was looking for an apartment near the campus and I immediately asked him to meet. After a quick catch-up, I offered my apartment because I trust that man with my life. So I don’t need any more talking just to get to know him!”

You emphasized how you trust Taehyung with the emotions and tone of your voice. You see Nina smiled. Although you’ve been friends since college, she, herself, never met your best friend. She moved to another country at the same time Taehyung moved in to be your roommate. Up until now, she probably doesn’t know who you were talking about.

“So, what happened?”

“He moved in later. I got to teach him things again just like back in middle school except it’s all about basic living needs. That guy doesn’t even know how to budget his allowance. In his first week, he bought a lot of unnecessary things and junk food with his dad’s money. And it only took him three days to finish it all! Ah, it was really unhealthy.” you shook your head while the image of Taehyung having his fourth donut of that day played inside your mind. “Gladly, he later learned how to cook, which I know helped us both a lot since I know I won’t be doing all the cooking alone and he will learn.”

“Wait, with all of these happening, do you still have the same feelings you had for him back in your high school years?” Nayeon wondered.

Your lips pursed as you think quietly, organizing your thoughts before speaking out.

“The thing is… it was never gone. The feelings are just always there… or here,” you told her as your hand unconsciously landed on your chest while you explained. “Back in high school, I can say that all I felt for him was possibly a tiny, tiny spark of crush. Then we drifted apart for two years and all the feels lie low, I guess. But I knew, it was still there. Because in every important event, I was like a little kid excitedly waiting for his messages.” you giggled at that memory.

“And when we got more time together in our last years in college, I could say that it grew into more than just a crush. Unfortunately.” you grimaced sarcastically. “He’s not hard to like… or even love.”

This time, you looked down as a soft, bitter smile stays on your lips. Your eyes remained on your shoes as you continue to talk, “He is a nice guy even though he said he messed up a lot in his first years in college. He always told me how he wants to be a better person than his dad and I think he is doing well now. He always thinks of himself as a jerk or something bad. But, he’s not... He is always willing to learn and good at accepting change. He is so much friendly with everyone that my college friends became his friends too after just a day of hanging out.”

Your friends first guessed that you two were dating before they visited your apartment and met Taehyung. It took them two months to move on and be convinced that you and your Taehyung are nothing but roommates and best of friends. But it never dies down, since there were times they tried setting you two with different people and without even talking to each other about it, both of you declined. There was a time that they suspected you of keeping your relationship a secret but you and Taehyung just laughed it off, calling it silly.

“So yeah, to make it short, the feelings I had grew. Especially when he began doing things that fed my adoration for him to grow more.”

Nayeon leaned in a bit, still out of the camera shot, “Things? What things?”

“Okay, first was he left these sweet mini chocolates that I really love in my stuff. He would place them near my textbooks on our dining table or even on my study desk. We never talked about it but I knew it was him. One time, he slipped one into my laptop bag. But it was later colonized by these annoying ants and I ranted about it during dinner for hours and it never happened again. I appreciate it nonetheless.” you chuckled. “The second was when he watched movies with me during my down days. There were times I am tired and would just wrap myself in a blanket for the whole day. And then there was this time, months after he moved in, he sat beside me to watch this really funny movie with me. Later on, we ended up cuddling. It ended up being a weekly event until our senior year. There were times we ended up sleeping like that. Just quiet and peaceful. And I swear, it warms my heart every time I think about it.”

“Until now?” Nayeon asked with a little hope and teasing in her voice.

You nodded, “Until now. The last one that I really kept with me is when he gifted me something handmade. I really loved it since I love handmade stuff! That was the most memorable thing I received ever. It was so awesome and beautiful. I think even ended up taking it on the bed with me at some point.”

“So, when or how did you confess?”

“Oh, it was sometime before we part ways after our college graduation.” you smiled as you remembered it like it just happened recently. But in fact, it all happened almost a decade ago. “I actually didn’t plan it, which is very not me. We were just talking alone, looking back to our years. Maybe because of the ambiance during that moment– I don’t know. But I just thought, fuck it! Just say it. So, I gathered courage through alcohol. And just said it right there.”

“And… how was it?” Nayeon asked.

Her tone was in the middle of the curiosity and care scale. A little awkward. She was careful as she don’t want to assume how your confession turned out. Even though, she hoped it headed to a good aftermath. But you inhaled sharply, your chest heaving before you exhaled the answer,

“Heartbreaking.” An awkward laugh follows. Then, you continued, “He rejected me and it was my first time. So yeah, it was heartbreaking and made me feel shit for like months. At the same time, I was also confused why because I thought we felt the same thing. But turns out, he didn’t. Maybe I just misunderstood everything…”

Your voice trailed off as you look back to that time. That rejection really caused you a lot of confusion and questions to yourself. It took you months to finally accept that you probably just misunderstood your best friend and his actions around you. But once in a while, you still wonder about why he rejected you since he never really explained it. Your eyes looked away from the camera for a few seconds before turning it back there again, forming a small smile.

“Guys, guys, guys! Don’t worry, I already moved on. It’s been years!” you lightheartedly laughed as you see the gloomy expression from Nina and Nayeon.

The latter pouted before asking another question, “What happened to you two after that?”

“We did not talk again after that. Even though we still lived in the same apartment for like a few days. But we were already preparing to move out at that time. To avoid awkward moments, I decided to pack early, secretly leave the place– much earlier than we planned, and stay back home in the meantime. I didn’t ghost him. I e-mailed him that I just had to go back home early for a cousin’s wedding. It’s an obvious lie. I know that he knew it. I think that was the only I addressed my confession to him and let him know that we are still friends. But we became acquaintances for years before we finally met again. Our friendship rekindled, I think, sometimes when I was in med school.” you shared.

Nayeon’s eyes widened, “So, you still talk now?”

“Of course, he is still my friend. We still hang out if we can. But due to our conflicting schedules and workloads, we rarely do anything together now except for video chatting or calls. We tried planning a dinner or something but there will always be something that would stop it. So, we just settled in virtual meets.” you chuckled. “So yeah, those are the scariest things I’ve done. The confession is, of course, the highest.”

“Okay… So let’s base it on the scariest one which was the confession. Our last question is… on a scale of 1 to 10, how scary was it?”

You poked your cheek with your tongue as you think of it. And answered, “Probably 10.”

“Why?”

“Other than it was really nerve-wracking…” you paused for a second and bit your lower lip. “I have more than 10 years of friendship with him to risk before making a decision to confess. It was a fun, crazy, decade-long platonic relationship and I love every nanosecond of it. And for me to decide to confess, I was aware that I had to make sure that all of it will not go to waste. So yeah, a big 10 for me.”

“Did I ever meet this guy?”

Nina walked you out of their studio after you finished your appearance for their video and said goodbye to their small team. You chuckled as you two entered the elevator.

“No, I doubt that you met him in college. You probably saw him in pictures though.”

She gasped and immediately pulled out her phone from her back pocket. You laughed.

“Good luck with finding him. You need to scroll back to years of your ex’s posts to spot the guy I talked about.”

It was a useless warning. Nina was unbothered and scrolled as you reached the ground floor for parking spaces. You easily spotted your car. Nina sighed, putting her phone back in her pants.

“I’ll look for him later.” she sneered. You just smiled. Nina spoke again, “But thank you for coming today, Y/N! I’m really happy to see you again after years.”

She hugged you and you hugged her back, “Me too. Thank you for inviting me.”

After more minutes of planning to meet again soon for drinks and bonding, Nina finally lets you go. You waved to her from your car before driving away. You took a glimpse at your phone that sat on the passenger seat, no messages. It was only six in the evening. Here you are heading straight home. You got nothing to do anyway. You don’t have any work schedule anymore, you already did them before the interview. You thought of going to a drive-thru for a burger and fries. But maybe you’ll just order online.

This whole interview thing has worn you out a little but it felt refreshing at the same time. You’re probably from all the talking and limiting the things you could share. Nonetheless, it was nice to talk about the past. You get to relive that part of your life for a short while. High school, college, and all the memories you had with Taehyung.

It’s probably for the best.

That’s what you always thought when you found yourself reminiscing about the time he rejected you. You really had your hopes up before confessing to him, you always thought that there was something. But you had to learn you were wrong the hard way.

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#taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #bts angst #bts fluff #bts friends to lovers #taehyung fanfic #bts au #bts oneshot #taehyung series #bts series #taehyung au #ceo taehyung #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts imagine #taehyung imagine

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arteastica · 9 months

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early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (3)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (8) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters). no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 2k

“Your academic performance was impeccable, indeed” your superior concluded after reviewing your profile for the second time “Your previous instructors all have good things to say about your abilities to manage tasks. Let’s see… aha… it says… displayed talent for organization, scheduling, prioritizing…” the man repeated as he skimmed over the piece of paper he held on the morning the new recruits were being assigned to their respective tasks. “Soldier, it’s been decided that you will work directly with the commander. He always has his hands full, so he could use the extra help. Think of yourself as an assistant. You start tomorrow.”

“Please take a seat” Erwin Smith stood up and offered you a warm smile that contrasted with the glacial hues present in his irises.

Hair, well-groomed. Clothes, well-ironed. Beard, clean-shaven. Oh, and a bolo tie to bring it all together. Yes, he just so happened to look exactly like the last person you would want to disappoint. It looked as if his presence alone would be enough to make incompetence and ineptitude offer to show themselves out. And as sudden as it had come, your previous optimism had started to dissolve. Your brain, however, had started to ask questions. What if I can’t d-

“Now, I would like to apologize in advance for how boring and repetitive your days are about to get. I assume you had slightly more exciting prospects in mind when you decided to join us.”

No, sir. Boring and repetitive are a far better prospect than what I had in mind. You replied in your head, trying your best to pay no mind to the sensation of inadequacy that you could already feel taking over you. What if the expectations he-

“I would also like to apologize for the fact that you happened to arrive in one of my busiest days. This, although unfortunate, was completely coincidental. I promise.” He tried to reassure you, a gentle smile never leaving his lips. And you found it rather comforting, so you smiled back.

“Today, some of the squad leaders will be joining us to discuss next month’s expedition beyond the walls. We’ll be meeting them soon in the room next door.”

As he filled you in on details about both the meeting and your new job, you found yourself growing a little more comfortable in your chair. You noticed that, despite his towering height, in the daylight your new boss looked far less intimidating than you remembered he did a couple nights ago.

“Oh, and I almost forgot to mention” he said while heading towards the door “unless I’m in a meeting, you don’t need to announce yourself before coming in. You first.” He added, making way for you.

“Yes, sir.” you replied, feeling a little lighter than before.

“The support teams will only accompany us to the old city area”

While the commander spoke, you scanned the people in the room. The short man to his right could be none other than the legendary Captain Levi himself. And he was certainly special, not necessarily because they called him ‘humanity’s strongest’, but because he was the only person you had never heard people in the capital bitching about. To his left was a short woman with strawberry blonde hair who had come with him and Captain Zoë, whom you already knew from that one lecture about titan physiology she had given your class a few years prior. And beside you was a man who hadn’t stopped sniffing you since you came in, and you wondered if you had done a poor job of showering that morning.

“Once we’re past that, it’s completely titan territory. And once we’re past here” the commander said pointing at a mark done in red ink “we’ll go into long-range scouting formation”

The Long-Range Scouting Formation, from the little information you had gathered so far, was a strategy devised by the commander himself.

“The vanguard is to spread out in a semi-circle, but staying within visual range from one another” he explained as he pointed to the intricate and rather messy schema of dotted lines and geometrical shapes that had been laid in the table before them. Each geometrical shape had numbers and letters scribbled on them: the peripheral relay, the center command, the center on standby, center communication. This jargon was all too familiar to you from military science class. But one thing was to design questionable battle plans that you knew would end up crumpled up in the dustbin anyways, and another entirely different thing was to actually come face to face with a strategy devised by an expert like Erwin Smith. One, who had so many lives depending on the efficacy of his plan. And it was definitely so much more interesting here than it ever was back in the classroom.

“Hange, how are things with Eren Yeager coming along?” once he was done reviewing the formation, he turned to Captain Zoë.

“Eren is still unable to transform at will, so we’re mainly focusing our efforts on identifying possible triggers” there was a glow in her eyes as she spoke, one that evidenced that she had been waiting all morning for the commander to ask that question. “I have reasons to suspect that in order to transform he needs a clear purpose, but more testing is required” her boss looked pensive, but gave her a nod of approval “In the meantime” she cleared her throat before continuing, and it looked as if she was getting ready to make a big reveal of some sort “the experiments have been providing lots of new information about titan anatomy. You see, the hypothesis I was working under before was that quadrupedal ti-”

“Yesterday he transformed during lunch while trying to pick up a spoon. But luckily no one was hurt” Captain Levi interrupted in a flat voice that contrasted Captain Zoë’s excited tone.

The commander quickly turned his head to the short man, concern gradually taking over his features. He seemed to study the situation for a moment and then said calmly:

“I see. Report to me any new developments. Everyone is doing a great job. Today, we’re one step closer to the truth than yesterday”

When you turned your attention to the others in the room, you only saw trust and reliance in their eyes. They clearly found something reassuring in their leader. And you believed you knew why. He struck you as the type of person to whom no mistake would ever be grave enough. And you didn’t know why, but in that moment, your imagination started to provide you with mental images of yourself getting swallowed whole by a titan, and the commander calmly suggesting to ‘just be careful next time.’ And although terrifying, something about that made you chuckle to yourself.

On your second day as the commander’s assistant, you opened the door to his office to find a giant map spread out on his desk, and next to it, the candle you had personally replaced at the end of your shift the night before, now almost totally spent.

You eyed the map. It was your first time seeing such a comprehensive representation of the territory beyond the walls. It looked rather overwhelming and, truth be told, chaotic. There were several words scribbled all over, intricate lines either tangled with each other or connecting areas marked by symbols that you couldn’t understand at first, but that made sense once your eyes found the small black notebook that was lying beside the paper. It was opened in a page that contained the map legend, written in hasty cursive. And suddenly it occurred to you that the notebook looked like the kind one would use to record one’s personal business, so you quickly turned your attention elsewhere.

Taking advantage of the commander’s absence, you scanned his office. He was an avid reader, there was no doubt, as told by the countless books that decorated the walls. Also, there was an antique looking chessboard situated by the fireplace, and not too far, on a crystal table, a phonograph. You had only seen a few of those before. They were quite rare, even for the wealthy folk in Mitras.

Then, when your curiosity seemed satisfied enough, you decided it was time to get to work. So you refilled the inkwell, disposed of the candle, and after placing a bookmark on the texts he had been consulting, you piled them away neatly in a nearby table, unsure if you could yet return them to their respective homes.

Finally, you rolled the large map carefully, only to uncover another giant piece of paper. This one you knew: the formation plans you had seen in the previous day’s meeting. It was full of scribbles and annotations that you were sure weren’t there the day before. And the sight was enough to take you back to the military science classroom. You, sitting at your desk, trying to come up with some lousy strategy that would please your instructor even just a little, just enough so that she would let you go home for the day. How many nights did it take him to complete such a strategy? Moving all the pieces like playing chess, contemplating all the possible scenarios over and over in order to come up with the optimal structure. All this while carrying the weight of humanity’s survival on his shoulders. And suddenly you understood.

You understood that what rumors called insanity was actually called creativity. What they labeled as absurdity was actually intelligence. And recklessness was, most likely, leadership. And in the presence of such skill, you started to feel small. You realized it: this was not just any man you were working for. It wouldn’t take long for someone like him to figure out someone like you. You looked at the plans once again, he was a seasoned military strategist, years of experience under his belt; you eyed the bookshelves that covered the walls, an individual of high intellect; you remembered yesterday’s meeting and the looks on everyone’s eyes, one who everyone trusted. And you, you weren’t even sure you trusted yourse-

“You’re early” a husky voice pulled you out of your rumination. It sounded raspy, as the first words one says in the morning usually do.

“Commander” you immediately assumed an upright position “I thought I’d come early in case you needed me to clear your desk before y-” you tried to explain “if you find it inconvenient, I-”

“Quite the opposite actually. Thank you.” He gave you another one of those gentle smiles of his “Today we’re taking advantage of the weather to test the visibility of the signal flares under heavy rain like this one. So I’ll be on the field. You’re not required to come.”

“Yes, sir.”

You observed him as he stared out the window. And your insecurities almost brought themselves up, but that was before he started to talk about how pleasant the rain was, and you found that you wanted to hear more about that instead.

The sun had already begun to set when he returned. As he dismounted his white horse and headed towards the entrance where you stood, you couldn’t help but appreciate how fitting the elegant creature was for his owner. And you wondered if that had been intentional.

“Commander, a letter came from the capital while you were gone. Premier Zachary is requesting updates on Eren Yeager” you trailed behind him as he made his way into the castle.

“Send word to Hange and tell her to provide them with the reports.”

“Already did, sir”

He looked back at you briefly before continuing.

“Good. Also tell her not to be too specific about the silverware incident.”

“Already included a footnote suggesting so, sir”

The commander stopped in his tracks and turned his head to the side, just enough so that he could glance back at you. You had remembered the troubled look on his face when Captain Levi had mentioned the accident during the meeting, so you figured it was something the higher-ups didn’t need to know all the details about. Had that been a mistake?

But then he smiled, seemingly satisfied “Good. Very good.” and your chest swelled with something that felt a lot like pride, as you followed him down the halls that led to his office.

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