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nocompromise-noregrets · 2 months

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five good things

Time for one of these, I think.

I'm now off work for a week, hooray. I have no concrete plans except some studying and hopefully some writing, and a bit of touristing around town, possibly combined with lunch or a coffee with one of my longest-standing colleagues from job number one who retired yesterday and wants to get out of the way of the builders who will be starting to redo her bathroom on Monday, rather than months ago, as planned, when she'd be out of the way at work all day XD

I went in to job number one yesterday to make some hours up and tackle a particularly complicated task that needed some sustained concentration to get it done; I'd been intending to do it over Christmas but then managed to get the plague and didn't feel up to it, then didn't manage to do it on any of the weekends since then, so when Kate announced she was having a retirement do in our function room at the end of her last day I thought it was a good opportunity to get it done since it was on a Friday which is my non-working day these days. I got done everything I needed to do and also had a good long chat with Pauline, one of my other longstanding colleagues who's been volunteering with us since she retired nearly 20 years ago; I never see her any more because she comes in on Fridays when I'm not there, so it was really lovely to see her. I'm really going to miss Kate, as she's the last member of the team I first worked in back in 1997 to retire - but she's going to be coming back in and volunteering so hopefully we won't lose touch. I've known her (and Pauline, and Julie, our erstwhile manager who retired five years ago) more than half my life and they've all been so incredibly supportive over my career, but none more so than Kate. She's incredibly perceptive and understanding, kind to a fault, and I think she knows me better than I know myself (I am not at all self-analytical or perceptive or any of that stuff). We've been meaning to go for lunch for at least six years, since we haven't worked so closely together after the last restructure eight years ago, and never getting round to it, so I rather hope we can sort something out soon.

The retirement do was lovely - Kate's family were there (including her Oscar-winning son, for those of you who remember that particular excitement this time last year) and colleagues past and present, everyone brought some food, Kate gave us a quiz about herself to see how much attention we'd all been paying over the 36 years we'd variously known her (she started working with us in the autumn of 1987 - so ten years before I did) which was huge fun - my table won, enormously satisfyingly XD although we did have a bit of an advantage with both me and my work wife Helen as we both know her pretty well :D - and it was enormous fun, although I'm in huge denial that she's actually left. I went on to the pub with three former colleagues who I don't see nearly enough of, and wended my way home at the end of the night feeling warm and happy and generally rather good. I'll be getting my long-service award next year (25 years!!!) and I do feel rather as though it's about time I stepped into Kate, Pauline and Julie's very supportive shoes for our younger members of staff.

On Thursday I had a very productive online meeting for job number two, for a project that my predecessor handed on to me without really any guidance as to what I was going to do with it or how (he was very much a project manager and I am very much not, and I think he just expected me to be able to take it and run with it) - I'd had it on the back burner for several years as I just did not know what to do with it, but this year I feel like everything's coming together a bit and I got in touch with the academic who'd thought of it in the first place to say I was almost in a position to facilitate something, and she nearly bit my hands off XD we finally managed to get our schedules aligned on Thursday and she and a colleague and I got a bit of a plan together which is likely to involve me facilitating but not doing much else, which suits me absolutely fine.

Also for job number two I had an enquirer at location number two who wanted to come and look at the house's Catholic chapel registers for a history of the neighbouring village where he lives in a monastery because he is a Benedictine monk. I had never met a monk before, so I was completely intrigued, and he was really lovely - quite young, and very nerdy about history, so we hit it off very well, he found what he wanted in the registers, and then we went for a wander in the Anglican churchyard next to the house looking for gravestones for the family he was looking for. Dealing with enquiries and enquirers isn't my favourite part of the job, but it's always rather rewarding when someone finds what they wants and goes away happy.

Since those five were all work-related...I've done a bit of writing this week on two Femslash February prompts and a birthday fic for @lemurious in her Astronomer!Arwen 'verse, and it's been so nice to be back at it. I haven't felt much inspiration just lately and I've really missed it.

We're plotting fun things for Barduil Month in April over at @bi-widower-dads :D

We have a new boiler! We have heating! And a much better thermostat and more economical boiler and better radiator controls and everything is so much more comfortable. :D

It's nearly spring! Our daffodils have been out for weeks, and one of my peach trees has been in full bloom for about two weeks at this point, although the other one is still only thinking about putting buds out, which is a bit weird because normally they flower together - but the later one is in a shadier position so maybe that's got something to do with it.

I had a couple of nice walks round the docks to and from the garage where the TT was having a couple of things fixed, one first thing in the morning when everything was misty and the water was still as a millpond, and one late in the afternoon when the sun was just beginning to head for the horizon, and it reminded me how beautiful our little city is. I don't usually see the pretty bits, but I feel like I should make more effort to go up to the docks more regularly than once a year around my birthday, when we don't usually enjoy it because all the pubs are showing the Six Nations and the horse racing and we have no interest in either of them. Thinking we might go up during the week this year, instead of the weekend, when the rugby at least isn't on, although it's Gold Cup week so there's no escaping the horses. Still, there are a couple of new places opened now so maybe one of those doesn't have a TV. XD

I have some lovely Lumene skincare stuff again, having discovered that John Lewis sells it over here. It's just the nicest stuff, from Finland, all full of Nordic botanicals and things, and after a while where they weren't shipping to the UK, they are again now, plus I can also get it from John Lewis (I have clearly arrived among the middle-aged middle classes, I have a John Lewis online account now XD ), hooray.

It's nearly bike weather again! I might see if I can get him started up this week, as long as it's not too cold and/or wet.

I've been having so much fun with @mihrsuri RPing in-universe fandom drama in her Tudors OT3-'verse :D :D :D <333333

good lord, thirteen things. Not bad :D

As always, if anyone wants to take this idea and run with it, do feel free. Five (or more!) good things, no matter how big or small. A little bit of positivity in the midst of everything else.

#five good things

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commaclear · 2 years

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[she took the kids au] -- so about four to five months after fundy "left",,, a lot changed. wilbur now worked from home. techno came by often, he never really spoke about work, he made sure to leave out fundy especially in conversation. wilbur spends his day either in his bed working, playing a pretty acoustic guitar quackity had bought him for their anniversary. sometimes tommy comes and plays video games with him after school. he likes life now,,, well as much as you can when 4/7 days a week you cry yourself to sleep. quackity always stops by 2 or 3 days to spend the night. sometimes they watch a movie and cuddle,, other times a little more than that. one morning the two wake up, smiling tiredly and exchanging heavenly soft kisses. "mmm,,, wil, its Monday,," "cant you call in a sub?" "I gotta save those days for emergencies,,," quackity kissed wilburs forehead. "slimes over at karls this week,,, so I can come Tuesday night how about that?" wilbur thought for a second like he had an actual schedule, "yeah that sounds nice," he sat up and grabbed quackitys phone to give him, "we can meet at the bar, maybe catch a movie!" he suggested "I love that!" quackity tied his tie and folded up the pajamas he wore last night.

the two walked out the house and over to quackitys car, wilbur missing the concerned look from his brother and phil. Quackity buckled in his car and spoke to wilbur causally about their Wednesday night plans. "so 5 sounds good?" quackity whispered to wilbur

"yeah, thats good with me." wilbur smiled and leaned closer to quackity

"maybe dress up a lil bit, you could wear that shirt I always like,,," quackity drew closer and closer towards wilbur and stared at his lips. "you gonna give me a goodbye kiss or,,,?" wilbur smiled and quackity kissed him lovingly the two pulled away laughing, quackity looked up into wilburs eyes, soon sending a worried look to the eyebags becoming more and more apparent.

wilbur watched quackity drive off. As he headed inside, he noticed techno giving him a strange glance. "what?" "nothing" "do you have something to say?" "nope, you can head upstairs because I'm perfectly fine." wilbur felt that angry feeling creep up, ignoring phils look telling him to go upstairs and sleep in. "no I think you're upset about something," wilbur walked towards what I cant feel a little happy while drowning in a pit of despair?"

"im not against you being happy wilbur, im just making sure this isn't some spiral you're taking quackity for a ride in"

"excuse me?!" "he left four and a half months ago wil, there's no way you've just- completely moved on from that!" techno huffed, " and quackitys got enough stress right now! " "I know that! and were both fine! why cant you just leave me alone and stay out of me and my boyfriends business!" "not when its causing my dad and my family stress!" "techno-" phil pleaded. "wha-" wilbur looked over to phil, "what stress am I causing you?! i work, I eat, I sleep, and do everything I can to help you around!" "wilbur its okay, I'm not stressed over you," phil turned to techno, "please, don't start this now." "what? i cant be a genius or a prodigy so I'm just a stress hazard for everyone!? yeah I know having a 30 year old that still lives with his dad and isn't allowed to have any contact with his kid isn't such a great footnote during interviews!" wilbur yelled "wilbur! you know that's not true!" phil stood up in anger. "yeah I'm sure its not! its definitely not the reason you haven't spoken jack shit about technos new book deal!" wilbur started to starom upstairs "Language! tommy right here" techno yelled "oh fuck you!" wilbur screamed before he slammed his door. techno sat back in his seat and huffed. wilbur grabbed one of his pillows and muffled the biggest scream ever before punching it aggressively. He fell onto his bed and curled up, feeling significantly colder than he did just 30 minutes ago.

*hand trembling with either pain or excitement, I slowly hand you a cheap souvenir mood ring*

#mmmm future plans #anons my beloved #hi thirsty im dad #htid she took the kids au

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leclerc-s · 6 months

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i did something bad - part three

FERRARI MULTI-34

masterlist//previous//next

ABU DHABI 2023

daniel ricciardo PARTY FOR CHECO AFTER THE RACE!!

charles leclerc it's thursday, the race isn't until sunday.

daniel ricciardo i'm planning ahead, checo, we still expect you at races once you leave us.

sergio perez i will try my best to be at races, but no promises.

alex albon AFTER THIS WEEK MY MAN IS FREE!! WAR IS OVER!!

pierre gasly IT'S TIME TO REJOICE!!

charles leclerc i think you two are being dramatic

teagan horner DOUBLE PARTY! ONE ON MONDAY, ONE ON SUNDAY! HE'S FREE!! CHECO WE'RE GONNA MISS YOU!!!

charles leclerc yup, you're all being too dramatic.

liam lawson the fia wants carlos dead. have any of you looked at the press schedule for this week?

daniel ricciardo what were they thinking putting him in same room as charles and max?

teagan horner that one of them is going to snap and get fined and dsq'd for the race this week?

mark webber if it comes down to it, pull a seb, multi-21 style

sebastian vettel oh for fucks sake mark

logan sargeant does anyone know why alex keeps shouting 'war is over' at the top of his lungs? i would like to sleep a few more hours, it's 6am.

max verstappen no clue charles leclerc no idea daniel ricciardo i haven't got a clue pierre gasly isn't alex always doing weird shit? sergio perez i've given up questioning why most of you do half the things you do yuki tsunoda ask george

george russell all of you are acting weird, what do you know?

pierre gasly aren't you basically dating alex? you should know.

george russell first of all, fuck you. second of all, i have a girlfriend. third of all, i don't know why alex does everything he does.

alex albon WAAARRR IIIISSS OVEERR!!!! THE SHACKLES HAVE BEEN BROKEN! THIS IS THE PART WHEN I BREAK FREE!

daniel ricciardo ALEX! HAVE SOME DECENCY MAN!

lewis hamilton i don't think we want to know

oscar piastri this is too much for a thursday morning at 6am. why are any of you up?

pierre gasly scheming with yuki

esteban ocon regretting ever becoming an f1 driver.

fernando alonso GO BACK TO SLEEP YOU BABOONS!!

lando norris sorry father

fernando alonso AND DON'T CALL ME THAT!

teaganhorner monthly dump

view all comments

username ma'am who's that man?

↳ username forget the man, look at the way they're celebrating checo!

username that one picture of max smiling at charles is hilarious, man was plotting world war 3.

maxverstappen1 did you have to include that picture? it’s from like 2020? where did you even find it?

↳ teaganhorner of course i did, people must see how in love you are with charles. i found it in the depths of my camera roll.

↳ landonorris #lestappeninlove #bewhoyouare

username gonna miss seeing checo in teagan's photo dumps

↳ teaganhorner i'm gonna miss checo in my dumps too!

landonorris but has the boyfriend met the dad yet?

↳ teaganhorner he has you know this lando

username teagan baby, what about us? what about everything everything we’ve been through?

username it’s okay guys, i’m their third, they just don’t know it yet.

username HE CARRIES HER SHOES FOR HER!!

gerogerussell63 since when do you have a boyfriend?

lewishamilton you have a boyfriend? why am i just finding out now?

oscarpiastri please tell alex to stop screaming ‘war is over’ it’s been happening periodically for the past 4 hours.

↳ username why the heck is alex screaming ‘war is over?’

↳ alex_albon THE SHACKLES HAVE BEEN BROKEN!

↳ landonorris alex, mate, we still don’t know what that means

danielricciardo wow, never thought i’d live to see teagan horner soft launch her bf

↳ teaganhorner oh shut up, you’ve known from the start

↳ pierregasly it’s been a year and you’re just now soft launching? my man deserves better

↳ georgerussell63 PIERRE KNEW? WHAT ABOUT ME? HOW DID HE KNOW BEFORE ME?! BEFORE LEWIS?!

↳ teaganhorner 😊😊

↳ alex_albon I’VE ALSO KNOWN!!!

↳ oscarpiastri lando spilled the beans one time so now i know.

username so only a few people know who mystery man is.

↳ username from what we’ve gathered, max, lando, oscar, daniel, alex, and pierre know.

↳ username there’s a common thread here and it’s red bull. except the mclaren boys.

¡leclerc-s speaks! it’s so easy to write for this story because i have so many ideas for it. i don’t think i established that every part is going to be a race or two each one. meaning, winter break incoming before we head to preseason testing and the bahrain gp. fret not people, checo is not 100% gone, he’s still going to be mentioned from time to time.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

#leclerc-s #i did something bad series #f1 instagram au #f1 x oc #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 #formula one #f1 fic #formula 1 fic #f1 x female oc #charles leclerc x female oc

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alex-guerin · 6 months

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So. Two weeks ago on a Thursday, my car overheated on my way into work. Annoying, inconvenient, but an easy fix my brother and I were able to take care of on that Saturday. Drove into work on Sunday, no issues. Drove into work Monday, no issues. Driving home from work Monday night, issues. Big issues.

Took my car into the little shop in town, guys were able to determine the valve gasket was leaking oil into the sparkplugs, fried my spark plugs and coil pack, AND a PVC vacuum tube had cracked and that was what was causing my car to shudder. They fixed it up for me, $500 later, I picked it up on Saturday.

Drove it to work yesterday, no issues. Drove it home yesterday, no issues. Started for work today, issues. Big BIG issues. The kind of issues that resulted in me using sick time at work cuz I was sitting on the side of the road for an hour, on the phone with fucking roadside assistance for that whole hour, while some guy who claimed his name was Daniel (...yeeeeah, there's no way it was Daniel) attempted to find me a tow truck that would come out to get me and take me back to my mechanic. Who thankfully was able to get my car into the shop right away, but fears it might be something transmission related...and the fact I haven't heard back from him today makes me worried...

My damn car still has 2.5 years before it's paid off. My dad used me as a co-signer so HE could get a new car that he can't afford and keeps missing payments on so now MY credit score is tanked and fucked, so getting a new vehicle is essentially out of the question.

If it turns out it's my transmission, I honestly don't know what I'll do. I know it's gonna cost well over $1,000 to get those things fixed/replaced and I have a whopping $1200 to my name right now. I literally can't afford to replace my transmission.

Maybe, depending on how much it'll cost, the shop will let me do some kind of payment plan thing? Like, pay them half up front and then X-amount each month (hell, week if I could swing it!).

I just...I don't know what to do. I am out of money and out of ideas. At least I do still have ways to get to work...most of the time... =/

#fuck life #life isn't even giving me lemons right now #and the ones it is giving are rotten and gross

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southbendswimclub · 2 years

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Weekly Announcements for Week of 9/11-9/17

Dear SBSC families,

Practice Schedule

Riley HS

Group 1 Tuesday and Thursday 6:00-7:00

G1 Elite Wednesday September 5:30-7:00

Group 2 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday 5:30-7:00, and Friday 5:00-6:30

Group 3 PM Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, 3:45-5:30 and Friday 3:45-5:15

Group 3 AM Tuesday 5:30-6:45

New Prairie HS

Group 1 Tuesday and Thursday 5:00-6:00 CST

Group 2 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday 5:00-6:30 CST

Group 3 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday 5:00-6:45 CST

Practice Notes:

Riley families please use door #22. This is the door on the northwest corner of the building and faces Fellows Street. If you are planning to stay to watch practice there is a stairwell that is adjacent to this door, and this will lead you to the seating area.

New Prairie families use door N18. New Prairie swimmers are welcome to attend their corresponding group's practice at Riley.

Swim-A-Thon -- Oct. 15 -- Riley High School

Hopefully you received the email yesterday about our upcoming fundraiser. I realized after the email was sent it said we will start at 12:00 AM. No worries, we will be starting at 8:00 AM. You will receive another email later this week with directions on how to set up your swimmer's account. Each swimmer will be required to raise at least $75. Each swimmer who raises $150 or more will earn an embroidered team suit. More details in the coming weeks.

Spirit Wear

During registration you were charged $20. That fee covered a team swim cap and T-shirt. Swimmers, if they haven't already, will receive their caps this week. Please double check the size you listed for your swimmer when you registered. We will be ordering shirts at the end of the month. We are also working with our vendor to have a spirit wear order form for the parents. As soon as that gets put together it will be sent out in the weekly email.

Fall/Winter Season Registration

The on-line registration for the fall/winter is up and running. All athletes will need to register before being allowed back in the water.You can click here to get to that page. If you have any trouble please let me know.

Volunteer Hours For Group 3 Athletes

The job sign-up for volunteering has been set up for Riley. All athlete in this group will be required to volunteer 4 hours between now and the end of the winter season. Due to practices at NP running simultaneously we may not be able to offer volunteer opportunities at that site until high school season begins.

USA Swimming Registration

The registration link can be found by clicking here for the Premium Membership. This is the membership most of our families will use. Here is the link for the Outreach Membership. This is the membership for our athletes who qualify for the free or reduced lunch program at their school. I used the link to register myself and my children and was bounced off the site about a half dozen times before it finally went through. My recommendation is to wait until the end of the week, or even later, to attempt to register. If you do try please be patient and don't be alarmed if takes a few tries

Parent Meetings

We have not set the dates for these but they will most likely be sometime during the last two weeks of the month.

USA Swimming Guidelines - MAAPP/Safe Sport

USA Swimming issued a directive with regards to electronic communication and social media contact between coaches and athletes. Most of what is being implemented is common sense and falls in line with our club's policies. One new requirement we will need to adhere to is how your minor child communicates with me. For several years I have asked swimmers in Group 2 and Group 3 to text/email me if they would be missing practice. Moving forward, swimmers will be instructed to include a parent on all communication with me. 

If you are the parent of a Group 2 or Group 3 swimmer, and have never sent me a text before, please text me so I have your contact info in my phone. This way if I need to contact your swimmer about missing practice I can be sure to include you. My cell phone number is 574-276-6057.  I encourage all parents and swimmers to read the full policy. We are required to keep this policy on our website, here is the link.

Fall and Winter Meet Schedule/Dates of Meet/Location/Deadline to commit

Below is our fall/winter meet schedule. The first date listed is the day(s) of the meet and second date is the deadline to commit. Swimmers wanting to compete will need to commit to those meets. The deadlines are based on deadlines that were set in previous years. They may change once the meet hosts posts the meet information. When committing to multiple day meets if the option to select the days you want is not available, leave a message in the available notes section stating the specific days you would like to attend. Meets marked with an * require swimmers to meet minimum time standards. All pool locations can be found on our website under the "Pools" tab.

Intra-Squad Meet/Riley High School/Tuesday October 4/All athletes expected to attend

Swim-A-Thon/Riley High School/Saturday October 15/All athletes expected to attend

WAR Monster Splash/Warsaw Community High School/Saturday October 29/Sunday October 9

NASA Sprint Meet (10 & Under ONLY)/Northridge High School/Nov. 5 & 6/Sunday October 9

CON Skypoint Invite (11 & Over ONLY)/Elkhart Aquatic Center/Nov 11-13/Sunday October 16

ELK Rudolph Romp/Elkhart Aquatic Center/Dec. 2-4/Sunday November 13

DUNE Rumble IN the Region/Chesterton High School/Saturday Dec. 17/Sunday November 20

IA Tim Welsh Invite/Elkhart Aquatic Center/Jan. 6-8/Sunday November 27

CON IMXtreme Challenge/Concord High School/ Jan. 20-22/Sunday December 18

CON Last Chance Showdown/Concord High School/Feb. 24-26/Sunday January 29

*IN Swimming Divisional Championships/TBD/March 3-5/Sunday February 19

*IN Swimming Senior State Championships/TBD/March 10-12/Sunday February 26

*IN Swimming Age Group State Championships/IUPUI/March 17-19/Sunday March 5

ELK 8 and Under Super Star Championship/Elkhart Aquatic Center/Saturday March 18/Sunday March 5

*USA Swimming Speedo Sectional Championship/IUPUI/March 23-26/Sunday March 5

As always, if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

-- John VanDriessche Head Coach South Bend Swim Club South Bend Riley High School (574)276-6057 www.southbendswimclub.com

#SBSCForLife

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itsabirbthing · 5 years

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Yes, this is birb!

#comic #art #bird #animals #pets #cockatiel #parrot #birb #cheeks the cockatiel #itsabirbthing #i'm taking a leave of grievance right now #but i'll hopefully be back before next week's comic!#i haven't missed a monday in two years and don't plan to start now

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dannobfg · 2 years

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So I had Covid over the Christmas holidays. I was stuck in quarantine for 11 days till my tests were finally negative. Now, just over a week later, my flatmate has tested positive too. He got it from people at his work. He's in his room, quarantining.

I already lost a week of work, and unfortunately, of pay, given my particular situation of employment. I'm currently waiting for my boss to message me back to tell me if I'm allowed to go into work next week. I think it's likely they'll make me do a test daily, and as long as I test negative each time, then everything should continue normally. This is one more thing that adds to everything going on lately. Feels like this new year has come full of bad luck.

This week my shower broke. Our downstairs neighbor came up saying his ceiling was leaking water. It took 4 days to get it fixed. So at least that's out of the way. At least for now. But like, it was just another thing.

This weekend I was supposed to be meeting my sister and brother for lunch and to chill and catch up, since I didn't see them for Christmas. But obviously, due to fucking covid, I'm not able to go. My sister is only here for a few hours as she is going to the airport to catch a flight. It's too risky to meet up really anyway...but, I'm frustrated at the whole situation. I have fucking had it with this pandemic. Idk if pandemic burnout is a thing, but I for sure have it...

Work is also super intense lately, and next week it's getting even busier. I work about 11 hours a day, Monday through Friday. I hardly have time for lunch or to myself. My social life is nonexistent, and even when I have a little more time on Saturday or Sunday, I'm so exhausted that it's hard to make plans. It's also hard to coordinate plans and schedules in adult life. Everyone has their own job and obligations to take care of. Everything takes a lot of effort and planning. It's exhausting. I miss the spontaneous nature of my life back down south.

I moved to Madrid in the last week of August. It's January now. A friend asked me on videocall recently if I'd made any new friends. I said not really. I haven't had that much free time. And when I have had it, I tried to meet the friends I already knew here. All 2 of them...My coworkers are just that, coworkers. We're not friends, but we're not not friends. I don't actually see them that much either since we're all doing individual sessions in individual rooms.

Am I lonely? Sometimes. When I have some time to myself and my brain starts to actually think instead of just do do do, go go go.

I've started this year off more depressed than I have ever been. It feels like I have so many different things happening all at once and I'm simply overwhelmed.

About a year ago almost now, I finally started to come out to people about being gay. My story is a long and difficult one, growing up in a homophobic environment. I recognize still so many homophobic attitudes and ideas in myself. My deconstruction is being hard. But in this aspect, I am happier than I have been.

Back in February 2021, I had my first boyfriend of sorts. It was a lot more in my own head than it was a reality. I caught feelings and I got myself quite hurt. It took me a long time to get over it. And I thought I had. But for at least two months now, there is not a night that goes by where my mind is not back there with him, going over every little detail of what we lived. Recently I've been remembering things that happened with him that I had forgotten. I think it's so present right now because it's coming up to the "anniversary". Almost a year ago now.

I haven't helped myself by seeking out new experiences with new people. For me it's not easy to feel sexual attraction if I don't have feelings already. I've been familiarizing myself with the concept of asexuality, demisexuality and just grey ace I guess. I still don't feel comfortable anywhere tbh.

See, the whole thing is I don't know who I am or what I want. For the longest time I lived a life where every step was planned out. Not every detail, but yes a general direction. Last year I finally decided I had had enough and stepped out of that life. But I haven't quite found my feet yet in this new one.

I've lost so many people. Family too. It's tough. Some people I haven't told, but they'll find out eventually. The truth always finds a way of coming to the surface.

The transition from student life to work life has also been quite hard. Made worse by this whole pandemic which doesn't seem to want to end quite just yet. Idk, there's just a lot of things happening right now.

I was looking for a relationship for a while. I was stuck in the mindset that another person is what I needed to be happy, or at the very least, happier. But no. The whole culture surrounding gay relationships is fucked up. And in general, it's out of fashion to be monogamous and tied down when you're my age.

I went on so many dates the last few months. It was exhausting. Too many talking phases that ended up nowhere. And if they ended up somewhere, it was the friendzone. I guess in a way, it's partly my own fault. I was putting too much pressure on them. And people are generally scared of commitment and being vulnerable with someone else. I understand that it's not easy, but I do still believe that it's worth it and that it's the only way that I know of, of actually getting to know and love someone.

I've always cared too much about other people. In two ways; about what they think of me, and about them / for them. To me, people have intrinsic worth simply because they are. I think because of the way I was brought up, it feels disrespectful to sexualise someone and nothing else. I think that's why I haven't been able to just hook up with people.

So, I deactivated my profiles on dating apps and have decided to stop seeking out a relationship for now. I'm in no position to actually be able to love someone the way they deserve because my head is too far up my own ass, deep in my own miseries...

I've wanted to start therapy for a long time. But it hasn't worked out yet. It's expensive, and I need it to be in person which involves getting from A to B. I don't have time during the week because of work and many shrinks don't work weekends here. Plus, the online option isn't really available to me since I don't feel comfortable in my own home right now either, and the walls are paper thin.

My living situation is that I'm sharing a flat with two other, older guys. I didn't know them before I moved in. They're nice enough, but they are very heterosexual. The type of guy I do not know how to relate well to and don't have much in common with. Plus, the age difference doesn't help much in that sense.

I originally signed a 6 month contract. That ends in February. I could technically ask for it to be extended, and I may yet have to. I'm not sure that they're that happy with me as a flatmate either, so there's a chance that even if I wanted to stay, they wouldn't allow it. But it's really got me quite stressed out right now. Because rent is super expensive here and the area where I live isn't really one where there is much option available to rent with flatmates...I found this place by pure luck, the good kind. And I would need a whole lot more good luck to find somewhere new.

It currently takes me about 30 mins on the metro to get to work and about 30 mins to get to the centre of Madrid, also by metro. This area is kind of ideal between work and social life. Logistically, moving would also be quite complicated. Honestly idk what I'm gonna do in the end...

Anyway, needless to say, I've got a lot on my plate right now and I'm managing it all poorly. Being a young adult is not easy, and honestly, idk how long I can keep this rhythm up for. My next break of 4 days won't be till April...

I constantly have this feeling inside of wanting to stop and breakdown. But I can't. Literally no more tears left to cry. Plus there's nowhere to go. Like, I feel trapped. I have responsibility in my work. Towards people. I work to help people that need it. My absence would create a void not easily replaced. Not to sell myself high, but my particular CV is not common. In fact, they've been looking for someone for this position for ages, and they're still looking if they were to find someone else to add to the team.

Idk...

I've also been thinking a lot about late-blooming lately. Like, I recently got a second ear piercing and though subtle, it feels like the equivalent of a gay person going through the phase of dying their hair different colours. Like, being a bit rebelious and pushing boundaries and exploring self-expression. I feel like I'm finally in a place where I want to be that way but find myself having to conform to social norms and practises of the profesional work environment. Plus I've always been the good kid, so it doesn't come easy.

I think I'm going to quit my job come summer. And if fucking covid allows, travel and work teaching English again for a bit, until I figure life out a bit more. You know? But that's also kinda crazy.

Like, I've come to realise that most people don't have it together. Most people are just going through life as lost as me. We grow up looking up to older people thinking they have it all figured out. But the truth is, rarely is anyone truly at peace. Maybe that's a little too harsh. But my point is, there's no single point one reaches where life magically is fine. No specific age.

Anyway, I feel like I got a lot off my chest with these words. Excuse my ramblings. I'm not looking for answers. I'm just venting my brain to the internet because I literally have no one else to go to right now.

I feel like such a waste. Like, I've always had so much potential to be great. Yet here I am, depressed as fuck, rambling to the internet...what a mess of a human that I am...

#ramblings #personal #vent #it's a lot

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twinkleallnight · 3 years

Text

A Twisted Tale

Chapter 4

Book: The Royal Romance AU

Word count: 2422

Characters: Liam, Drake, Riley, Olivia.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to pixelberry.

Rating: Mature

Warning: None

A/N: We are participating in @wackydrabbles prompt 86: “Have you lost your mind” that appears in bold.

Catch up here

An AU of The Royal Romance paving it's way through mixed emotions of wants, needs and desires, of revenge and regrets, of trust, faith and hope.

A joint venture brought to you with love by @twinkleallnight and @annekebbphotography

Olivia's PoV

Aunt Lucretia stands beside me, looking up at me proudly. She has helped me in preparing for my dinner date with Liam.

"You sure don't want to stay back until I return? You may be interested in all the things that happened around?"

She gives me a loving smile, "You have a nice time, my dear. I somehow can't tolerate the Rhys blood in my vicinity."

"Now you are overreacting aunty."

"I am not." She snarled. "The Rhys dynasty has always been unfair to the Nevrakis clan. From times unknown, they have exploited the strength and valour of our people to rule their land."

"Do you think Liam is any different? They say he is compassionate to his people unlike his father."

"Have you lost your mind? They are all the same. Try taking away the throne from him and he will show his true colours." She fumes in anger but the next moment she speaks to me in a composed tone. "Remember Olivia, what they did to my sister and your mother. They reduced our family line to the extent that we are the only two left to bear the name. Don't let your aim be deterred by this boy's few sugar coated words."

"I will not forget what you have taught me aunt." I reassure her.

"Now I need to leave before your party comes."

It is late in the evening as I stand on the terrace of my Chateau looking at the golden Sun hanging on the horizons. The sequins on my dress shimmer delicately in its fading light. I am ready, waiting for Liam when unknowingly, I leave a cold sigh. The loneliness creeps over at such times and nibbles over my train of thoughts. It brings back the painful memories of the time when I was left alone after my parents assassination.

Aunt Lucretia has already left. I ponder the way she behaved today. It's difficult to understand her sometimes. She visits me often, she is there for me, she tells me stories about my parents. But she never stays around.

The sound of footsteps behind me bring me back to the present. Fiona, my chambermaid comes to inform me of the arrival of the king. I pat my hand on the parapet, as if telling the bricked wall to keep my secrets safe until I return. A quick check in the mirror and then I sway down to the great hall to meet Liam.

I see him staring at the portrait of my forefather, Diavolos Nevrakis in the hall.

"Are you asking some dating tips from Diavolos?"

He turns and smirks at me. "Nope... I don't need it. I have Leo remember."

"They are poles apart. Just to brush up your memory, Diavolos' extraordinary courage swept away your great grandma Kenna's heart. He was loyal, Leo cannot stay with one woman for more than a week. I really doubt what you are going to be if you consider Leo as your teacher.

He chuckles as he turns to look at me completely. "If I remember correctly, Kenna ended up with my great grandpa Dom. But anyway, Leo is not that bad. He has a way with ladies. He might surprise you."

"That's the point. Nevrakis never got a chance to be with Rhys even after all the love, care and loyalty they showed."

I waddle my finger between both of us. "What chances do we have Liam?"

He walks closer to me. "Right now? None!" He looks at me with a stern look on his face. Was he hurt or angry? I have never seen Liam like this. "You have to let me in... Stop pushing me away and I will give you all of me. Only then do we have a chance."

"And it starts with dinner today?"

"Olivia, this is your only chance. I am serious. I care about you, but I need to move on if this isn't what you want." His voice is laced with hurt. "And don't lie to me....." He pauses as if he is trying to find a way to say 'I will always find out the truth.'

I smile and advance to him, holding his arm into my hands. " What has gotten into you Liam. You never were so harsh."

I need to keep this under control. I cannot let him go astray with the new blue eyed beauty he has found.

Liam pours out his feelings. "I just feel like my heart is out there and you don't feel the same. I have to protect myself."

"From me? I say wide eyed.

"From heartbreak. I will be honest. I feel attracted to Riley. I want to see where things can go. I will not lead either of you on, but you need to know that I won't take your hot and cold anymore."

My blood boils at the name of the American brunette but I keep my emotions under control.

Instead I show him that I am hurt, I know the way to soften his heart. I look at him with sad, glossy eyes. "Liam, so much for our years of bonding? You know her since what? Five days? And we have known each other since I was five years old."

I know he will take a U- turn with this

He cannot see me hurt like that.

He reaches out and strokes my cheek with his thumb. "Liv, we have been friends for years and never did you show me any sign that you wanted more than friends. Not until I showed up with Riley....." He moves his hand away and I somehow already miss his touch. "There is something about her that has me captivated and I want to get to know her. Maybe just as friends."

"I understand Li." I use his short name for the first time in years. Now I need to have some excuse. My mind is running out of ideas fast. I just blurt out. "I had my reasons to keep you away Li." I try to develop some intimacy by placing my palm softly over his broad chest. "Let's give this a chance. Seriously this time."

"We can see how it goes." Something in his eyes tells me he is hesitant. What has happened since we got here? I keep my fears aside and curl my hand around his elbow and bean at him. "Take me for our date."

"It would be my pleasure." He gives a meek smile and I feel my heart sinking. Have I already lost this battle? I respond with a brighter smile and we walk out into the cold evening.

He helps me into one of the SUVs, and then instructs the driver. "Let's go have dinner." He is not the same Liam as he always is. I feel like he is distant. I have to fix this or my plan won't work.

At the restaurant, getting out, he walks over to help me out of the car.

I look at the signboard of the restaurant and then I smile at him. "You remembered?"

I feel a knot inside. He remembers my favourite eating place.

"I did." He shrugs. "I remember everything about you." He takes my hand and leads me into the restaurant.

I feel the knot tighten with those words. 'Focus Olivia. Don't fall for the sugar coated words' aunt Lucretia's warning resonates in my mind.

We sit at the table and Liam gives me a sweet smile, but there is something on his mind.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Just admiring the beautiful view."

I turn around to check the view behind me. There is just a wall.. I look back at him puzzled.

He chuckles and raises his brow at me. "What are you looking at? You are my beautiful view..."

I feel the heat rising up my cheeks.

'This is not how it was supposed to be'. "How many times have you used those lines?"

"Wouldn't you like to know. Just take the compliment."

"I am not used to such compliments Liam. Unlike you I have not had a chance to date. My life is like an open book in front of you." I laugh inside at the contrast in the last comment I made. Still to keep up the game I nod politely. "Thank you anyways."

He stares at me silently and I have no idea what to think. It's as if he is looking right through me. "Liv, you need to accept and love yourself then you will see that other people care and love you." He reaches his hand out and cups my cheek. "You don't even realize how beautiful you are." He runs his thumb along my cheek.

I shiver at his touch. I curl my fingers around his hand and gently pull it away from my cheek. I need to breathe. I need to remember why I am here. I cover his hand with both my hands, I cannot let him go. The way he is treating me is cluttering my mind with so many questions. Oh Lord! Help me! I clear my throat and try to stay in the moment. " I will try. From now. " I barely complete a sentence.

This is not going to be easy I realise. I need to speak to keep up the conversation.

"Why me?" I blurt out.

"Why not...." He pulls his hand back and takes a sip of his drink. "I.... I Can't....." the waiter shows up and Liam stops talking giving him his order.

I keep staring at him. Is he really the son of Constantine? How can he be so loving when his father was so cruel? It's like a tug of war playing between my heart and my mind.

'The Rhys blood is all the same' aunt Lucretia's voice echoes again in my mind. I straighten up to be in my character.

He says something and I realise I have been staring at him all this time and missed out on his talk.

"Huh?"

"What would you like to eat." He raises his brow.

"Why? You don't remember what I like to eat?" I tease him and that brings in a sense of satisfaction.

'Okay Olivia try to keep it platonic and you may be able to sail through this successfully.' I make a fresh resolution.

"I was just checking. You seem too far away for a moment." He gives my order to the waiter.

We keep having small casual talk as the food is served. I keep picking myself from falling for his charm all the time.

As we finish our desserts I try to continue normal chit chat. "How are things at work? Now that you have a new…'assistant'." I air quote.

"We haven't started yet. She will only start on Monday. But from what I have heard and seen, she will make my life a lot easier." He smiles as he looks out the window.

I feel a sting of jealousy even if I brought her up in our talks. "Easier? You mean we will be able to spend more time together?"

"I will have a lot of free time on my hand." He doesn't give me a direct answer.

"Hmm. I would like to see what you plan to do with that time."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "You will see soon enough."

"Liam, you do understand that if we are trying to be together, there should not be any hidden plans in between."

I am hiding my true motives and asking him to have a transparent relation. How ironic!

"I am not hiding anything. You will see what I spend my time on. That is me being honest."

"I like where this is going." I give him a sly smile and he grins back at me.

"I knew you would." He gets up holding his hand out to me.

I slip my hand into his as he clasps his other hand over it and pulls me into him. "Care to go on a long drive?"

His calm ocean blue eyes boring into me, I manage to give a slight nod.

He tucks my hand into the crook of his elbow and we walk out to his SUV.

The driver stands there but Liam signals him aside and himself opens the door for me. He then instructs the driver and rounds up to settle down beside me. The SUV wheels through the dark roads of Lythikos.

I feel the touch of Liam's fingers on my hand. I look down at my hand that is now covered with his and then I look up at him. He smiles at me and I reciprocate. As he feels encouraged with my welcoming smile, he entwined his fingers in mine. He makes small circles moving up my arm, causing the tingling on my skin.

"Where are we headed to?" I ask to distract him.

"The palace? I thought we could spend some more time together." I know he is still not convinced and I have to make him believe.

"Sure, why not."

We spend the next hour in each other's company, Liam murmuring sweet nothings and I, accepting his advances.

****************

Liam's POV

We are finally back at the palace. The time I spent with Olivia was very eye opening, she’s still guarded, but for right now I need to figure out what it is I am actually feeling. It has always just been Olivia and then this blue eyed brunette came crashing into my life and now my feelings are all over the place.

I left Olivia at her room even though she wanted me to stay. I just couldn’t. What the hell is wrong with me? I have always wanted Olivia and now I have my chance, but something is just telling me that why did it take me to bring another girl around for Olivia to finally open up to me. Why didn’t she open up to me all those times that I have made my intentions pretty clear.

I fall down on my bed as I stare at the ceiling, every time I close my eyes I see Olivia’s green eyes staring back at me and as I move closer the most dazzling blue eyes replace Olivia's and I can’t help being pulled into her even more.

I shoot up from the bed grabbing a shirt. “I need to talk to Riley. I need to know if it’s just me feeling this way.”

*************

Tags: @anjanettexcordonia @bascmve01 @charlotteg234 @choicesficwriterscreations @cordonia-gothqueen @drakewalker04 @eadanga @gkittylove99 @krsnlove @hopefulmoonobject @hopelessromanticmonie @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful @indiacater @jessiembruno @kingliam2019 @lisha1valecha @mom2000aggie @neotericthemis @ntoraplayschoices @princess-geek @princessleac1 @secretaryunpaid @sirbeepsalot @speedyoperarascalparty @queenrileyrose @texaskitten30 @txemrn @sfb123 @sweatyrysconnoisseur @theroyalheirshadowhunter @aestheticartsx @yourmajesty09 @grsarco-blog @lovelyladyk88

#pixelberry #playchoices #the royal romance #trr fandom #trr #twinkleallnight #olivia nevrakis #king liam #a twisted tale

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fandom-collective-writers · 4 years

Text

Mystery Date

Pairing: Ray Blackwell x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 1,691

Written by : @rikumorimachisgirl

Disclaimer: I do not own Ikemen Revolution and its characters, but this fic is conceptualized and written by me.

It happened on a Monday - that fateful Monday morning, during the Black Army Officers' daily huddle, which you've started attending as part of Sirius's Intelligence Division. Today's meeting was the same as always - nothing uneventful, thank goodness - which meant you could start training with your troop in about ten minutes… At least that's what you thought until Ray asked the magic question.

"Are there any other items you'd like to discuss before we adjourn?" The young King of Spades scanned the room one last time after everyone had given their updates.

"Oh! Oh, I have one! The Festival's on Friday, " your seatmate, Fenrir, cried out.

"Yes, we are all aware and preparations are underway, " Sirius said calmly.

"Oh-ho, but we may have missed out on an item here - a very important item, " the Ace of Spades insisted, as he pulled you to your feet, much to your surprise. "This lady here doesn't have a date to the Lunar New Year Ball yet."

All in attendance gasped. All, that is, except for Ray. The King of Spades sat back at his desk, his gaze lingered at you, as you blushed furiously beside his best friend.

"You should have said so sooner! I would've asked you instead of that Red Army chick that Kyle introduced to me at the bar two nights ago, " Seth whined.

"Why not go with Luka?" Sirius suggested.

"I'm on duty that day, " the Lieutenant tenant General replied, dispassionately.

"See? Told ya we had a problem…"

"You guys don't have to worry about it, " you said, cutting them off before they start giving out suggestions. "It's really not a big deal. I can be on duty on that day, too."

"Or you could get all dressed up and attend the ball with a mystery date, " Ray finally spoke, and silence filled his office once more, as he smiled smugly at you. "And I've got the perfect person in mind for you."

"Well, how about that, " Fenrir turned to you happily. "See? My best bud's getting you a date! What did I tell ya - it ain't a problem, right?"

"Yeah, " you replied, trying to conceal your nerves as you watched Ray leave his office, still smiling smugly. "It's gonna be fine."

***

You lazily crawled out of bed, silently cursing Fenrir and Seth for your lack of sleep. Ray had snuck out of base after dinner and the two officers you were patrolling with did nothing but put ideas in your head. After getting dressed and applying concealer under your eyes to hide the dark circles, you head out to join the team for breakfast.

"'Morning."

You jumped at the greeting and heard a familiar laugh behind you.

"Did I scare you?"

"Not really, " you replied after taking a few calming breaths, as you heard him approach. "Good morning, Ray."

"Rough night?" He peered at your face, as the two of you stood in the hallway just outside the dining room. "Your eyes are red."

"Oh… I… I was up reading, " you started, while watching him cock an eyebrow at you. "I was reading through the applications we received to check for high potentials…"

"If you say so, " he said, but you knew well enough that he didn't buy your excuse. As he made his way to the dining area, you pulled at his sleeve to stop him.

"Hey, Ray -"

"Hmm?"

As his emerald green eyes met yours, you felt your heart pound and your cheeks flush several shades redder. He was so attractive, it just wasn't fair - from his messy dark hair and naughty smile, his lean physique, commanding presence, and his love for books - everything about him was perfect…

Too perfect, you were sure his date to the ball was, too.

"Uh, are you okay?"

"Yes. Sorry, " you said, shaking away your previous thoughts. "I was gonna tell you that you don't have to find me a date -"

"Oh? That's too bad because I already did and he said he's excited about it."

"W-what? You already told him?"

"Yesterday. But you can't find out who he is until the ball. That's how a blind date goes, right?" he smirked, gazing deep into your eyes. "Is there anything else you'd like to ask before we head on to breakfast?"

"Yes, " you said bravely, squaring your shoulders as you met his gaze. "What about you, Ray? Who will you be going to the ball with?"

His eyes twinkled as he smiled wider. "Why so curious?"

"N-no reason."

"I'm going with the prettiest girl in Cradle, " he said, winking at you before he opened the door to the dining area and stepped inside.

You watched his retreating figure, grateful to the gods that he was immediately greeted by the soldiers and the rest of the officers. If he had turned back, he probably would've seen the crestfallen look on your face.

***

"He wanted me to ask you what color your dress is for the ball."

You stared at Ray in disbelief. He had asked you to stay behind after the Officers' morning huddle on Wednesday, and you thought for sure it was because of something urgent. There in his office, with no one else around but the two of you, you thought of all the dresses you currently own.

"Don't tell me you haven't thought of that."

His remark made you wince. "Don't blame me. I wasn't planning to go in the first place, " you retort. "And I haven't even fully absorbed the fact that I have a date, so don't pressure me."

"Well, he has to know to be able to match what you're wearing."

"I know, I know…, " you said, wishing that Seth was there to coach you. "What about the silver dress I wore to the summer ball? Jonah said I looked good in it."

You watched him wrinkle his eyebrows in thought. He seemed to be trying to recall what dress you were referring to. The dress had a modest neckline and a very low back and hugged every curve of your body.

"Too daring, " he frowned. "Do you have other options?"

You sighed and shook your head. "I can't think of any at the moment, " you said. "But why don't you ask him what color he's wearing and I'll shop for a dress to match."

He looked at you briefly and nodded to signal that you could leave. That evening, you received a daintily wrapped package that contained the most beautiful blue dress you've ever seen. Along with the dress came a note that had three words. Three words that made your heart skip a beat.

See you Friday.

***

After the morning huddle the next day, you kept looking for ways to stall leaving the office before Ray did. When you were finally alone, he glanced up from his desk and smiled.

"Is there a reason you're still here?"

"Yes, " you nodded and cleared your throat before walking up to him. "Please tell my date that the dress fits perfectly, and I love the color."

"Good."

"Hm?"

He coughed. "Good. It's good to know you like what he chose."

"But I have a favor to ask, " you blurted out before your nerves got the better of you. "Can you please teach me how to dance?"

"Why me?"

"Well, I figured you'd know what kind of dances he'd like, and I don't want to embarrass him."

He stared at you thoughtfully, and you lowered your gaze as the silence engulfed you.

After several seconds, you heard him exhale. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Meet me here after dinner, " he told you. "But if you step on my feet, we're stopping."

With that promise, you left his office with a spring in your step. He was glad you were distracted, else you would've seen how he smiled tenderly as he watched you bounce out of his room.

And as you swayed to the music in his office that evening, you silently wished your mystery date was as amazing as the man you were dancing with.

***

I'll meet you in the lobby of the Civic center at 8.

You held the note Ray handed you that morning from your mystery date. It was five minutes to eight in the evening, and you had just arrived at the Civic Center in the Central Quarters. You smoothed out the elegantly embroidered blue gown your date had picked out, just as you had stepped out of the carriage.

'This is it, ' you said to yourself. You were five minutes away from meeting your mystery date… and five minutes away from seeing Ray and his beautiful date.

You took a deep breath and tried to shake the thought of the young Black Army Leader off your mind. Tonight should be about you and your mystery date - probably the only guy who took a chance at going on a date with you.

"'Evening."

You jumped at the unexpected greeting, and you once again hear a familiar laugh behind you. You froze on the spot, your heart pounding wildly.

"Somehow this scene seems so familiar, except I was talking to a spaced-out soldier that morning, " you continued to listen to the voice as it grew closer by the second until you finally felt his breath behind you. "And tonight, I'm talking to the prettiest girl in Cradle."

"Ray?"

You turned around and saw him standing right behind you, looking dashing in his crisp black suit and his bowtie that matched the color of your dress.

"Hi, " he said, as he flashed you a dazzling smile.

"Is this some sort of joke?"

"I can tell you it's not, " he said, as he tucked a stray curl behind your neck. "And you are the prettiest girl in Cradle - at least I think you are."

"Then why didn't you just ask me?"

"Because I wanted our first date to be something you'll tell our children about, " he winked and offered his arm. "Well then. Now that we've sorted that out, shall we go in, my lady?"

You smiled and placed your hand in his, playing his words over and over as you danced the night away with your one true love, your mystery date.

The end.

#ikemen revolution #ray blackwell #ray x mc

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cocastyle · 5 years

Text

The In-Between Chapter 3

Stranger Things x It Crossover

with some Bill Denbrough x reader

Word Count - 4,480

Warning - cursing? (if some people don’t like that kind of stuff)

A/N- chapter 3!! I know you all are excited for the Party and the Losers to meet, but that sadly will not happen until after the next chapter. this is because I have a certain plan for everything and right now, they just haven’t appeared yet. however, that does not mean the Party will not make certain appearances before the big meeting (an example being this chapter). anyways, I hope you all are having a great day and thank you for all the love and support!

if you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

T H E I N - B E T W E E N

Intro The Losers’ Club The Party Prologue 1 2

3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Epilogue

“Shit," Y/N muttered in exasperation as she slammed her home phone down in frustration. Running a shaking hand through her hair, Y/N leaned against the kitchen counter as she tried to think of a solution to her problem. Her problem being that not a single member of the Party was picking up their phone.

Y/N stared at the phone hesitantly before picking it up and quickly dialing her friend's number. "Steve Harrington, I swear-" Y/N began to mutter, but she was once again met with no answer. She slammed the phone down even louder than earlier before slumping against the counter, her head falling into her hands.

This couldn't be happening. The Upside Down being back. Pennywise being back. Mike being missing. . .

None of this was real. There was just no way.

For a moment, Y/N felt as if she was about to cry. The stinging feeling in her eyes as her vision began to blur ever so slightly only made her more frustrated, her body shaking out of both fear and stress. Fear for her friend and for anyone else that these two threats could harm and stress over how she was supposed to find a solution.

Without the Party, Y/N was the only one that understood how to fight back against the Upside Down. But much like the Losers had to fight together to be able to defeat Pennywise, Y/N and the Party had to do the same with the Upside Down.

How was she supposed to fight the same creatures that had been haunting her nightmares for years now without the very people who had helped her defeat the place not once but three times?

How was she supposed to save Mike?

"Y/N?" a small voice called out making the girl jump in surprise and turn to see both Eddie and Richie standing in the kitchen doorway. Eddie was looking at her in concern while Richie tried to play it off like he didn't want to be there even though they all knew he was worried for her too.

Y/N quickly wiped her eyes to get rid of the small tears that had started to form and plastered a fake smile on her face. "Oh, hey," she said as she waved ever so slightly at the two.

"Shit, you aren't crying, are you?" Richie asked, the tone in his voice making even him wince at his harshness although Y/N was unaffected.

Eddie whacked the boy and glanced over at the girl. "I think what Richie was trying to do was ask if you are okay."

"I don't know about-" Richie began, but Eddie was stomping on his shoe within a second, the boy stopping mid sentence to mutter a bunch of curse words as he hopped up and down on one foot.

"I'm fine," Y/N said, making both boys glance at each other before looking to her with their eyebrows raised. "Really, guys. I'm fine."

"Well, I'm fucking not. So if I'm able to tell you just how not fine I am, you should be able to do the same without lying to my face," Richie told her in slight annoyance as he walked over to stand closer to her, Eddie following right behind.

"Richie's right. None of us are fine and we all know it. Then we have Bill out there worrying more about if you're okay than if he's okay. We had to stop him from coming in here five times by the way since we knew you were on the phone. So don't give us the whole 'I'm fine' crap cause we know you aren't," Eddie said.

Y/N stared at her two friends in silence before she leaned her back against the counter with a sigh and let her head fall back into her hands. Richie was the first to go over to the girl which wasn't really a surprise to any of them. Richie may try to act like he didn't care about things, but when it came to Y/N or even any of his friends, he cared a lot more than he let on.

The boy's arms wrapped around her and Y/N let her body fall against his as her shoulders began to shake, tears filling her eyes. Eddie smiled sadly and walked over before hugging her from the other side and leaning his head on top of hers. Y/N instantly latched her arm on top of Eddie's and was quick to hold his hand as the three stood there comforting one another.

It took a minute, but Y/N eventually managed to stop crying and sniffles as she wiped her tears away. "I'm not fine," she admitted. "And I haven't been fine since the last night after the arcade."

"Why? What happened?" Eddie asked while Richie took his sleeve and helped wipe the girl's tears away. Eddie and Y/N both glanced at the boy and he rolled his eyes at the two before ruffling Y/N's hair just to mess it up and make a point.

Y/N let a small smile peak through and that was enough to make her realize that she could tell them what had happened, that she wanted to tell them what had happened.

"It was late last night, right before the storm hit. I was taking the trash outside to help my parents out when I heard something in the bushes across the street. I thought it was just the wind, but then something started to walk out of the bushes and the lightning flashed, revealing the one thing I thought I would never see again," Y/N told them. Her face paled slightly and for a moment it was as if she was seeing the events of last night all over again.

"A demogorgon."

"Demogorgon? You mean those things you have mentioned before? The ones you fought in Hawkins?" Eddie asked.

Y/N nodded and let her eyes flicker over to Richie, waiting for a snarky response to come from the boy, but all he did was watch her in silence, waiting for her to finish with her story. She let out a small sigh of relief at that and continued.

"It was like I was paralyzed, but then the thing started to come towards me and I snapped out of it and ran inside. Then came the freaky part cause I looked outside my window and instead of the demogorgon, I saw that thing, that clown," Y/N shuddered.

"You saw It?" Richie asked, his eyes wide.

Y/N nodded. "Yeah. Then the lightning kept flashing and all of a sudden both the demogorgon and It were together and with each flash they got closer and closer until they were just on the other side of the window. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell back, but by the time my father came running in, they were both gone," she finished, her body shaking slightly just from retelling what had happened.

"Well, fuck. No wonder you were acting so weird all day. You were scared shitless," Richie muttered as his eyes flashed with concern.

"That's why you were so concerned about Mike," Eddie concluded causing the girl to nod.

"I wasn't sure if what had happened last night was real or not, so when Mike didn't show up, I got a little scared. It reminded me too much of what had happened to my friend Will back in middle school. Then I saw that portal and fucking clown earlier tonight I knew what I had seen wasn't a dream and that Mike had been taken," Y/N explained.

"So that's why you're trying to call your friends. You're hoping they can help," Eddie realized.

"Exactly," Y/N said.

"Well what did they say?" Richie asked. "Were you crying cause of them? Did they say something?" He was starting to get a little defensive of the girl and for a moment she was reminded of Steve Harrington, the boy who was practically her brother.

"No, they didn't say anything actually because they didn't answer. That's why you found me crying—because I was so stressed about not knowing what to do," Y/N explained.

Eddie and Richie frowned, but they didn't get a chance to respond because there was a knock on the door. The trio turned to see Bill standing in the doorway, concern in his eyes as they flickered over the three before landing on Y/N.

"E-E-Everything okay?" Bill asked, although he was really asking to see if Y/N was alright.

"Not really," Y/N admitted. "No one's answering my calls."

Bill frowned and looked to the ground for a moment before looking back up at the girl. "W-W-Wait, today's M-M-Monday, right?" He asked.

"Yeah," Y/N replied, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Why is that-?" A loud gasp escaped her lips as a lightbulb went off in her head. "Billy boy, you are a genius!"

"What's so fucking special about Monday?" Richie asked as Y/N sped by the boys and out the door, but not before stopping to kiss Bill's cheek in a thank you.

Bill instantly turned red in the face and blinked a few times to get out of his daze before looking over at his friends. "S-S-Since it's Monday, Y-Y-Y/N has another way of c-c-contacting her f-f-friends," Bill explained. "However. . ." He trailed off and looked to the ground as he realized what everyone was going to have to do in order for her to be able to contact the her friends in Hawkins.

"I'm lost," Eddie muttered.

"M-M-Monday is the day Y/N t-t-talks to Dustin," Bill explained. "B-B-But she doesn't exactly c-c-communicate with him over the ph-ph-phone."

"What does she do? Write a letter?" Richie asked sarcastically. Bill just gave the boys a small almost apologetic smile.

"Y-Y-You'll see."

- - -

"You've got to be shitting me," Richie muttered as he stared up at the huge hills in front of them, the rest of the Losers all looking at the view in front of them with wide eyes as they realized they would have to climb it.

Bill and Y/N glanced at each other, both of them knowing how tired their friends would be by the time they reached the top. Y/N often hiked the small mountain, knowing it was easiest to reach her friend from up there, and Bill had even joined her on a few occasions so they both knew how difficult it was and just how much complaining to expect.

"Oh, it's not that bad," Y/N assured them as she tried to keep her voice as optimistic sounding as possible so that the Losers wouldn't give up hope.

"Y-Y-Y/N's right. We w-w-walk it all the t-t-time," Bill said.

The Losers all glanced at each other and Beverly sighed before nodding her head. "Then lets get going. This might take a while," she sighed.

Y/N sent the girl a thankful smile which Beverly returned. "Come on guys," Y/N said as she turned, tightened the straps of her huge backpack, and began to hike up the mountain. Bill quickly followed after her and Beverly began hiking only a few seconds after them.

It was no surprise that Ben went next as he hurried to catch up to Beverly. That left Stan, Richie, and Eddie. "I'm going to have a fucking asthma attack," Eddie muttered with a shake of his head as he took a puff of his inhaler and began to climb after the four.

"I can't believe we are doing this," Stan whispered to Richie, turning his head to look at the boy.

"Me either," Richie said as he looked up at the hills one last time. He took in a deep breath before slapping Stan on the back. "Come on, Stan the Man. Let's start moving or we'll never get up this fucking mountain."

Stan nodded and reluctantly began to walk up the hill with Richie by his side. "I mean, it can't be that bad," Stan pointed out before he glanced over at his friend. "Right?"

- - -

"I'm dying," Richie cried out as he plopped down on the ground on the top of the hill, his breathing fast and shallow. "I think I'm developing asthma cause my lungs fucking hurt. I can't breathe. I'm going to die."

"Shut the hell up," Eddie muttered with a roll of his eyes as he lightly kicked the boy who had laid on the ground by his feet. In Eddie's defense, Richie has been the one to lay there and he was being a bit of a prick.

Richie sent a glare in his friend's direction before reluctantly pulling himself up and turning to see everyone — except for him and Eddie — was watching Y/N as she rummaged through her bag and began to pull out equipment.

"What the hell is that?" Richie asked as he pulled himself up onto his feet. He walked over to where Y/N was, Eddie right behind him, before he scrunched up his nose in disgust and said, "Is that a fucking radio?"

"Yep," Y/N replied, not fazed by the person that was Richie Tozier.

"No offense, Y/N, but how is that supposed to help us?" Stan inquired.

"Yeah, didn't you tell us before that Hawkins is like a little less than a day's car ride away?" Ben questioned, everyone's eyes falling on the girl.

"Well, for starters, this radio is unlike any radio you have ever seen. Not only did I make it myself, but there are only two like it, one of them being this one while the other belongs to my friend Dustin who helped me make the radios. We made them one summer at science camp and they help with long-range communication," Y/N explained.

"So why did we climb this hill?" Eddie asked.

"Because the higher up we are, the better signal we will have," Y/N replied.

"What if Dustin doesn't have his radio on?" Beverly asked.

"That's where the whole it being a Monday thing comes into play. Dustin and I usually try and talk on the radios every Monday if we can. It's the only time I can really talk to my friends without any interruptions. And since it's a Monday, Dustin should be on. However, since we were at the Well House and the back at my house trying to call everyone, I missed the usual time we talk. So right now we are going on pure hope that Dustin is still there," Y/N told them.

"We're going off hope? Hope?" Richie asked, his eyes wide as he looked at his friends as if to confirm that they thought this idea was crazy as well. However, none of them seemed to agree with the boy. Richie rolled his eyes and let out a sigh, "This is fucking stupid."

"You know who else said that? Your mom when she gave birth to you," Y/N retorted before she proceeded to pretend to be the boy and let out a holler as she held a hand out to Eddie. Eddie snickered and high fived the girl while Richie frowned.

He could tell this was going to be a long night.

- - -

The night turned out to be just as long for the Losers as Richie has predicted, each of them so tired that their eyes struggled to stay open. The only thing keeping them awake was their fear for Mike and the sound of Y/N desperately talking into the radio and repeating every five minutes, "Guys? Dustin? This is Y/N. Does anyone copy? I've got a code red situation. I repeat, a code red situation. Over."

Besides Y/N, Bill was the only other person fully awake, both him and Y/N talking about nonsense as they kept each other awake and awaited a response. The others had all walked a little ways away to lay on the mountain-like hill as they talked, leaving Bill and Y/N by themselves.

This led to the two taking about anything they could think of, even going as far as for Y/N to open up to Bill about what had happened the previous night with It and the demogorgon. Bill had been a little upset that she hadn't told him, but understood seeing as she hadn't wanted to cause a panic when not knowing if what had happened was real or not.

But as the time drug on, the two slowly began to grow tired. Before they knew it, Y/N had found herself leaning against Bill and was struggling to keep her eyes open while Bill was resting his head on top of the girl's with an arm wrapped around her and his eyes closed.

Y/N let out a small sigh and spoke into her radio as she let out a tired yawn, "Guys? This is Y/N. . .again. Does anyone copy? This is a code red situation. I repeat, a code red situation. Over."

Just like the other times, she got no response. Y/N huffed and tried again, "This is Y/N. I have a code red situation. I repeat, a code red situation. Is anyone there? Over."

A groan escaped Richie's lips as he looked at the watch on his wrist to see that it was eleven o'clock. "That's it!" He exclaimed as he got up onto his feet, his sudden actions and booming voice startling everyone awake including Eddie who gave Richie a deathly glare.

Bill jumped from beside Y/N and his eyes shot open before he looked down to see just how close he had gotten to the girl while he was asleep. The two blushed slightly and sat up straighter before looking over at Richie.

"This is ridiculous!" Richie yelled. "They obviously aren't going to answer, so why are we wasting time when we could be using it to help Mike?"

The Losers didn't respond, each of them looking down as they realized Richie was right. Y/N, however, shook her head. "You don't get it, Richie," Y/N began, but the boy was quick to shake his head and cut her off.

"No, you don't get it, Y/N! That fucking clown has our friend and the longer It has him, the less likely it is that Mike is even alive!" Richie yelled.

Y/N frowned and got up onto her feet. "You think I don't know that? You have no idea what I've been through, Richie! The Upside Down is not something you want to fuck around with and I'm sure It is not any better!" she argued.

Richie let out a groan of disbelief. "You're seriously still going on about this? You know what, we shouldn't even be arguing right now. We need to save Mike because it's our job as his fucking friends to help him!" Richie yelled.

Y/N was seething at the point, the anger and fear coursing through her body only making her think irrationally. She opened her mouth to yell at her friend, but she felt someone lightly grab her wrist and tug on it.

The girl spun around and instantly softened at the sight of Bill. He gave her a small sad smile before whispering, "Y/N, Richie's right. I'm sorry, but we need to help Mike."

She hesitated at that, her eyes flickering over all of her friends as she realized they all agreed with Richie, that the longer they waited, the more harm that would come to Mike.

A small sigh escaped the girl's mouth and she gently pulled her arm away from Bill before hugging her body. She was just abut to open her mouth and give up when the sound of static filled the air. Y/N instantly turned at that, her eyes landing on her radio as a voice began to fill the air.

"Y/N? This is Dustin. Did I hear you say a code red situation? Over."

Y/N didn't know whether she wanted to cry or yell out in joy, so the sound that escaped her lips was a mix between a squeal and a sob. She rushed over to the radio and quickly picked up the com before pressing a button and spewing out at a hundred words a second, "Dustin! Oh boy, am I glad to hear you! Sorry for not being on earlier. I was a little busy. Yes, this is a code red situation. I repeat, a code red situation! I need you and the gang to get to Derry as quick as possible. Over."

There was a moment of static before Dustin said, "You're messing with me, right? You want us to go to Maine? That's at least a seventeen hour drive! Are you crazy? Over."

Y/N groaned in frustration while the Losers all watched her. "Dustin, listen to me. I wouldn't ask this of you all if I wasn't serious. Over," she insisted.

"Give me one good reason why we should come down there. Over," Dustin said.

The girl paused, her eyes flickering up at the look at the Losers who had all crowded around her before she glanced down and whispered, "They're back."

There was a long silence before Dustin's voice came through sounding both scared and confused, "What?"

"You heard what I said!" Y/N said as she raised her voice. "They're back and now my friend is missing just like what happened to Will all those years ago. I need you guys to come to Maine. Do whatever it takes to get here. Have Nancy or Jonathan or even Steve pile you all in a car and drive you here cause this is unlike anything we have ever seen, Dustin. And I can't. . .we can't do it without you guys. Over."

"Whose we? Over," Dustin said.

Y/N glanced over at her friends and they all looked at her expectantly. "You'll see," Y/N said into her com. "Does this mean you'll get the Party to come or what? Over."

There was a long silence, one that had Y/N practically rocking back and forth anxiously. Then the familiar sound of static filled the air before Dustin said, "Copy that."

Both Y/N and the rest of the Losers all let out a collective sigh of relief. "Hold tight and try and get as much information as you can about what's going on without getting into too much trouble. We're on our way. Over," Dustin said.

"Thank God," Y/N sighed. "See you soon. Over."

"Be careful, Y/N."

"You too, Dustin."

The connection went dead not even a second later and Y/N turned off the radio before turning to look at the Losers who were all watching her in silence. She pulled herself up onto her feet and gave them all a small determined nod, "Now let's go find Mike."

- - -

Loud knocking on his apartment door was not what Steve Harrington wanted to wake up to. Opening the door to see that the knocking belonged to none other than the little shit heads that he had someone frown to care about — he was still unsure how that had happened — well that was when he realized that was even worse than having to wake up when someone else was knocking.

Steve yawned and rubbed his eyes before leaning up against the doorway, his eyes squinting as he looked at the faces of Dustin Henderson, Mike Wheeler, Eleven Hopper, Will Byers, Lucas Sinclair and Max Mayfield.

"You better be here selling Girl Scout cookies or I'm going to shut the door in your face," Steve warned.

"We're not here selling-" Steve didn't even let Lucas finish his sentence before he had slammed the door in the kids' faces. He let out a yawn and turned to walk away when the knocking suddenly came back, only this time more persistent than before.

Steve let out a small groan before opening the door and looking to the seventeen year olds in annoyance. "What could you possibly want at-" Steve paused to glance at the clock on his wall and let out a groan, "-one in the morning? You do realize you have school tomorrow and I have work, right?"

"School and work can wait," Max insisted. "This is more important."

"If it's not Girl Scout cookies then I don't know how it can be any more important than that," Steve sighed as he yawned again.

"It's Y/N," Dustin said, that simple sentence causing the older boy to freeze mid-yawn. Steve let his eyes flicker over to the boy and the look he gave him was one that told him to continue.

Dustin took in a deep breath before beginning his small speech that he had already given to the other members of the Party, "So I was supposed to have my normal conversation with Y/N like I usually do on Monday's, right? Well she wasn't there when I got on tonight which I thought was really weird so I changed frequencies and talked to Susie for a bit before going back to talk to Y/N. When I changed frequencies, Y/N was back on and talking about a code red situation. So basically, she really needs our help because the Upside Down is back and her friend has been taken. She needs us to drive to Derry, Maine like as quick as we can."

"Maine?" Steve asked his eyes wide. "That's like a seventeen hour drive at least!"

"That's what I said! But she really needs us, Steve. All of us," Dustin told him. "Jonathan and Nancy already can't come and Robin is out of town, so you're our last person we decided to come and recruit before we end up driving ourselves all the way to Maine."

"Listen, Dustin, I've got work and-"

"It's Y/N," Dustin said, his voice raising slightly in anger. "Our best friend. She's done anything and everything that she could for us and right now, she needs us to return the favor. Don't act like you aren't sure if you can come because I'm calling bullshit! the two of you were closer than anyone else! You are practically family! She needs you, Steve! So stop being an asshole, go put some clothes on, and get in the fucking car!"

Steve blinked in surprise at Dustin's little outburst before relaxing slightly and nodding. Dustin was right. Y/N needed him. The boy let out a small sigh and turned to walk back into his apartment.

"I'll get the bat."

* * *

Tag List

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stoopsbookstore · 4 years

Text

Physically Wounded and Mentally Drained

"Can you help?"

Johnny stood outside the window of the closest person he knew lived by, the spoiled good-two-shoes, Y/N. His face was bloodied and his shirt had been torn open.

"Why should I?"

Y/N stood at the window, her arms crossed, the TV illuminating her room. The sounnds of sirens startling Johnny until he noticed the movie Y/N had been watching is now on a chase scene.

Johnny flashed Y/N the blood spots in his shirt, his body ready to keel over on her balcony.

"Please, can you just let me in? I did nothing wrong, but I know it's going to be twis-" Johnny's ramblings were cut off by the unlatching of the window, a rush of cool air from the AC hitting him in the face as thunder starts in the distance.

"Hurry up. I'll grab the first aid kit," Y/N pulled on the tall boy's shirt, shutting the window as soon as Johnny got his body inside, "it looks bad, it may be a minute."

"It feels bad," Johnny joked, tapping his chest, the tension in his body still high.

Plopping on the couch, Johnny looked at Y/N's room. A four-poster queen-sized bed with a cream colored canopy. Her desk was neatly organized with her statistics textbook open, signifying that she had been studying before his interruption. Reaching over, he grabbed the textbook.

"That's right," Johnny flipped through a few pages, the highlighted text a slight blur to him, "Douglas's exam is Monday."

"I forgot you're in the same class as me," Y/N took the damp rag in her hand, wiping the dirt off of Johnny's face, taking the textbook from him and throwing it on her bed, "and I'm going to ignore how you know where I live."

"Sorry, I know it's creepy to know where your mortal enemy lives, you can blame that prick, Hendery."

Johnny tried to break the tension, taking his leather jacket and placing it on the window ledge next to the couch. Y/N kept wiping the dirt and blood off where she could find, a need to help someone as awful as Johnny coming over her.

"Can you not get blood on the couch please? My parents would kill me," Y/N gave a towel to Johnny, the tall boy throwing it over his shoulders.

Mortal enemies? Awful?

"We're not mortal enemies," Y/N took some antiseptic out of the box of medicine, smearing it on a gash on Johnny's knuckles, "I just find you extremely annoying and vulgar. You and your friends just run amok with no sense of conseq-"

"And you and your friends act like a bunch of prudes, acting like you're better than everyone else because you come from money," Johnny winces when Y/N wiped the clean wound, a sharp inhale as she pulled a sharp piece of gravel from his flesh.

"Did you just forget who's helping you from whatever the fuck happened to you?"

Y/N continued to clean the injuries Johnny had acquired, the silence deafening. Biting his lip, he continued to look around her room. A decently sized TV sat on a 5-drawer dresser, the walls looked like they were painted a similar color to her bed. It looked like a normal room, Johnny can't figure out why that surprises him so much.

"I have to grab some gauze, I'll be back," Y/N kept her head down, walking to the bathroom.

Johnny took the chance to explore, although his body felt like collapsing. Looking in a mirror, he saw that the blood, dirt and gravel had vanished from his skin, but his shirt was still covered.

Y/N did a good job of cleaning me up.

He noticed a picture frame next to her bed. Walking over to it, he picked it up for a closer inspection. His eyes scanned the photo, it had to be a few years old as it looks like it was taken on the last day of their high school career. Y/N's uniform jacket was off, another girl had taken it to the side and Taeyong andbJaehy-

Taeyong? Jaehyun?

"I know I keep saying this, but plesse don't get blood on anything," Y/N took the photo from Johnny, placing it back on her nightstand, "I grabbed some of my dad's clothes you can change into."

"How do you know Taeyong and Jaehyun?" Johnny questioned.

"The normal response to someone giving you clothes is thank you," Y/N took Johnny's hand, wrapping up his knuckles in gauze and taping it closed.

"How do you know them?" Johnny stared at Y/N, towering over her like he did everyone else.

"How do you know Hendery?"

"I'm trying to be nice here. Understand you," Johnny threw his hands up in the air, hitting his thigh and wincing.

"Take your shirt off so I can throw these in the wash," Y/N grabbed the towel from the couch, holding her hand and doing her best to dodge the question.

"Are you ashamed of them?" Johnny took his shirt off, what looked like a shoe print on his skin and a gash on his abs.

Abs?

"N-no," Y/N stammered, taking the shirt from Johnny, wrapping it up in the towel and grabbing the first-aid kit, "I just haven't talked to them in a while."

"I know, they hang around me," Johnny chuckled, a slight smile appearing on Y/N's face.

"I should go put these in the washer," Y/N walked to her door, Johnny following behind her, "what are you doing?"

"I've never been in a place like this, when will I get another chance?" Johnny reached for the doorknob, Y/N reaching for his wrist, "I won't get blood on anything."

"I hope so. The blood should be congealed by now," Y/N quietly opened the door, checking down the hallway like a little kid on Christmas night looking for Santa, "ok, let's go."

Y/N tiptoed down the hallway, every step carefully planned while Johnny basically stomped, his footsteps on the shiny wood vibrating throughout the dark corridor.

"Can you be quieter please?" Y/N quietly yelled at the tall boy, "I don't want to get in trou-"

"Y/N, is that you?" Y/N pushed Johnny into a closet, a grown man standing at the landing of the stairs, "what are you doing?"

"I started my period and accidentally bled on my blankets," Y/N kept her body on the closet door, the handle jiggling, "I was going to throw them in the washer."

"Alright," footsteps could be heard retreating, "get to bed soon though, you have a test and an exam tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you, too."

Y/N cautiously opened the door, Johnny pretended to struggle for air as he walked out. Seeing Y/N's face, Johnny put his head down.

Getting to the laundry room, Y/N drenched the shirt in stain remover, an awkward silence falling over to the two. After Y/N put the shirt in the washer, with the few towels and rags she had used, she tended to the gash on Johnny's chest.

"Arms up."

"I was jumped by those SVT guys," Johnny confessed while Y/N placed a patch and wrapped the large gauze around his chest, "3 of them. I'm surprised it wasn't more. That Mingyu dude has a good kick and Church dude has a punch like I've never seen."

Y/N stayed quiet.

"Are you okay?"

"You're the one wounded, I don't think you should be asking me that," Y/N taped the gauze, putting back the first-aid kid back together.

"I'm sorry for what I said earl-"

"Water under the bri-"

"Y/N, what's goin-"

"I'm fine, I promi-"

"Clearly no-" Johnny's voice grew louder in the small room.

"Will you please keep it down?"

"Will you tell me what's wrong? You've been quiet ever since your dad almost caught us," Y/N kept her mouth shut, cleaning up around the room to avoid the question, "Look. I'm trying to be nice here. Will you please tell what's going on?"

"You wouldn't understand, Mr. I do what I want. I had to stop being friends with Jaehyun and Taeyong because they were quote-unquote bad influences," Y/N finally snapped, throwing a shoe at Johnny, narrowly missing the newly dressed wound, "Mr. I get to do what I please and not have to worry about grades or jobs or maintaining relationships where your parents control every aspect of your life."

Johnny tried to talk, but the floodgates had opened, Y/N let everything out, her eyes watering with every syllable.

"You get to go and be free when I have to be like the perfect child for my parents. I can't even go to any functions on campus like the Spring Fling or the Fall Festival because my parents probably signed me up to watch a booth or volunteer at the snack tables. Do you realize how hard it is to be my age, in classes for a degree, and not have a job because my parents don't want me to get one because I'll just marry my dad's friend's son. I don't even like Minho like that and I'm excepted to just fall in love with someo-"

"Breathe. Ok, please just breathe," Johnny noticed Y/N had started shaking, her body trembling, "are you okay if I hug you?"

Y/N nodded. Johnny's long arms tugged her closer, her sobs muffled by his chest.

"Let's get you back to your room."

"But your shirt."

"I'll pick it up later."

Walking back to her room, Johnny helped Y/N to her couch, her head landing on his shoulder. The TV had begun playing infomercials, Johnny's hand rubbing Y/N's arm in an effort to calm her down.

"I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. I went through the same stuff when I was younger. Finally, Doyoung kicked me in the ass and told me to move in with him. I've been on my own since I was 16. My parents were pissed."

Tilting her chin up, Johnny reassured Y/N with a simple smile.

"You know, I've learned more about you in the hour or so you've been bandaging me up than I have in the years we've known each other."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, I think it gives me a new understanding about you. Hopefully it's the same vice versa."

"Yeah, you're physically wounded and I'm emotionally drained."

The pair laughed, rain tapping on the window.

"I guess I'm stuck here now."

"The couch folds ou-"

"I was joking. Your parents wouldn't be too happy if they discovered a rebel like me in the princess's room."

"They're out of the house by 7am and they don't check on me, just a call around 8 to make sure I'm up," Y/N unwrapped Johnny's arm from her shoulder, wobbly standing up to grab a blanket from her closet, "worse comes to worse, just run in the closet, it's big enough to hide in."

"Thanks, princess."

"Will you be okay?" Y/N flipped through the channels as Johnny got comfortable on the couch, his jacket acting as a pillow.

"Will you?"

#nct #nct 127 #nct au #nct imagines #nct scenarios #johnny #johnny seo #needs to be masterlisted

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glass-expanse · 4 years

Text

This is something like the first time in three weeks I've actually checked my social media. I'll tell you something-- living without social media is liberating.

Nothing ever really changes on these sites. Not really. Popping back on them, it just feels like everything's the same. All the people are making the same sorts of posts, with the minor differences in hyperfixations. All the Instagram stories are still basically the same. No one has anything productive to say on Facebook-- although there was one post that I wish I had the guts to tag my best guy friend in XD it was very much him.

Overall, though, I don't feel like it has added anything to my day. If anything, I think it subtracted from the value of my morning.

Since I dropped social media, my depression has gotten better. I've been reading 4 chapters of the Bible a day and writing in my journal every two or three days. I've begun a search for a second job.

I've been talking more with friends via text and even a couple phone calls. I feel more connected, more in tune with life, than before. And it's not always perfect. Sometimes I feel more zoned out than others. And I still haven't properly cleaned my room. But you know, that's alright.

Some days I still feel stuck. Although I have decided on welding school and have a plan to earn money for the tuition and supplies, I feel a bit in an odd spot. I haven't made any progress on a second job in a couple weeks... The last progress I made was getting the understanding and support of my best guy friend. (He's honestly a financial genius and I have loads of stuff to learn from him so that was a pretty big thing.) I don't feel like I'm actively moving towards a big part of my goal though. I mean sure I'm working most days of the week, but I haven't gone through with further investigation of any job opportunities.

I guess one thing I wish is that I were less exhausted on days off so that I could tackle things more easily. Even eating right is a huge struggle right now. I have essentially dropped the idea of inktober and NaNoWriMo this year in favor of working harder on getting the money I need.

And then we have Sundays. I visited a church near my home for the first time a few weeks ago. I went there two Sundays before work began to start at 10:30 again. It kind of makes me sad to think I can't go to church. I know people who go there, but that's not even the most of the reason I miss going... The sermons are great and really feel spiritually refreshing.

I've begun to question what a Sabbath really means. Because ultimately on my days off I'm only sleeping and struggling to eat well and wishing I could go hang out with my friends (although now that I have a driver's license and a freeway worthy vehicle (2010 RAV4) that should be easier). I'm not devoting those days to worshipping God or anything.

I'd like to start maybe a Monday morning Bible study with my best gal friend, maybe at the Tim Hortons the next city over. But I haven't brought it up or anything yet. At least it would be a start.

But yeah overall I feel like I'm beginning to really desire more time with God even when I feel so washed out that I can barely do my daily Bible reading. So that's a good thing and also a little bit of a bad thing because I haven't really done anything to move closer to ANY sort of goals. Not Jesus goals, not job goals.

So while cutting out social media altogether has definitely had a positive impact, it's not doing all the work haha. If anything, I feel like I've been awakened to a new state of being-- one not trapped to endless scrolling. I may still look up a ton of stuff on Google and read a lot more articles than usual... And I may watch YouTube videos a bit more frequently... But overall I've been quite pleased with the decrease in meaningless time on my phone.

I'm looking forward to whatever my next step in faith will be. I just know that I don't think social media will have a part in it.

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

James & Ava

James: I can't see you today Ava: Oh Ava: Well, that's a shame James: it is Ava: What are you up to? James: my dad wants me in the office Ava: Ahh, okay Ava: Well no worries, Monday then James: I won't let anything stop me Ava: I understand Ava: It's cool James: if I can find time to call you later, hearing your voice would make me feel better about a lot of things Ava: That'd be nice Ava: really nice James: missing you is the nicest cliche I think I've experienced James: for a long time Ava: I can't stop thinking about you Ava: so it's good to know you've thought about me too James: of course I have James: I am James: it's what's going to get me through today Ava: Oh James Ava: I'm going to talk to you all day, in my head James: I was going to take you to [insert a cute date location that wouldn't take very long to get to because he wouldn't have had long] so make sure you tell me what you think Ava: Would it be entirely too tragic for me to go alone and pretend you're with me? James: no more tragic than if I ask you to take enough pictures for me to be able to pretend that I'm there Ava: Of course Ava: I owe you for my picture of you 🥰 James: you don't owe me anything James: I'd give you so much more if I could Ava: Me too, I wish I could take pictures just for you Ava: Have to get old school and get a P.O. box James: or keep them on your phone & show me when you can Ava: That I can do James: but will you? Ava: If you tell me how much you want it James: the only thing I want more is to see you in person Ava: I really, really miss you Ava: It, I can feel it James: I'm really sorry, darling Ava: It's not your fault Ava: and it reminds me it's real James: It's my fault James: I could stand up to my dad & say I don't want to work there Ava: If it were that simple, you would've Ava: it's security for your family Ava: you can't just do it without a backup plan in place Ava: least of all for me James: I should have a backup plan James: it's bullshit that I don't Ava: You can make one Ava: you'll have a degree and experience now Ava: you can at least apply to other places with that, get out from under your dad, then think about what you want longterm after that James: Oh Ava Ava: You can, and you will Ava: You're like just finished with Uni now Ava: who knows what they're doing before then, you only have to front you do because children James: I want you to be right Ava: I am Ava: You're smart and driven and good James: how do you know? Ava: Because I said, you can't live like this forever Ava: and you won't Ava: what's the alternative? James: that actually she's right James: everything she says & thinks about me Ava: She's not Ava: She's not right about anything and she knows it Ava: that's why she has to go so hard James: you're right because you said I need you & I do Ava: I'm right because it's true Ava: you're worthy of good things, James James: I'm not a good person, Ava James: I'm barely a person at all Ava: But you are, James Ava: You're a person Ava: whether she wants that or not James: Jay can start boarding school in a year, I've already made that plan Ava: Is that what you want? James: it's what she needs Ava: Okay, so that's a start then James: I don't want to send her away but I don't want her to stay here Ava: Once you've sorted the rest, you can bring her back Ava: She's young, kids are so resilient James: It was so much easier when she was too young to understand what was being said or done Ava: Yeah Ava: I see that, with my family Ava: it's all okay until it needs to be explained Ava: because it can't be explained, or isn't James: exactly James: what words am I ever going to be able to find to make it okay? there aren't any Ava: Actions count Ava: and you love them Ava: that counts for so much James: will it count for enough? James: my actions certainly aren't good enough Ava: Almost definitely Ava: I can't say 100% but a good 99% James: you don't have to say anything James: I'm in my wet clothes today, that's all Ava: You don't have to excuse yourself, ever James: don't I? Ava: Not with me James: that wipes out well over half of my current vocabulary, just so you're aware James: it won't be an excuse that I'm speechless around you Ava: We'll work it out together Ava: I don't mind not talking for a while and just James: I'm going to be here until it's very late but if you can get away, I'll say I'm staying even later Ava: Yes Ava: I can make it happen Ava: People are here but I can get out James: me too then Ava: I don't care if it's five minutes Ava: well, I do Ava: but I'll take it James: I definitely do James: but it won't be James: the girls will be asleep before I'm done, I'm not rushing home for her Ava: Then rush to see me James: I promise James: I know you don't want me to, but I do Ava: As far as promises go Ava: that's a pretty good one Ava: they're like cliches James: I'll work through lunch for the possibility you'll be awake by the time I'm allowed to leave Ava: I can catnap if necessary James: oh, well now that's a mental picture I wish I had Ava: Sadly I can't take photos of myself sleeping Ava: and I don't think I can promise I'll waste any time with you napping Ava: 🤔 James: I'm so very conflicted James: what a dilemma James: but we'll be able to solve it when my dad decides I can be trusted on business trips Ava: 🤤🤤🤤 Ava: Please come through for me J I James: knowing him it'll take a while but I'll come through so he'll have no choice but to do the same Ava: All the faith Ava: and Monday when you come over you can have a preview of what to expect Ava: for motivation James: in order for you to keep it & for him to begin to harbour any, I should go James: but I feel very motivated at the thought, so thank you Ava: You've got this Ava: Later, love James: [let's skip then chicken, come at me drunkenly lol] Ava: You probably can't reply Ava: but I wish you were here James: [a dramatically long pause because imagine how extra weekends would be] James: but you're having fun? Ava: Hey ☺️ James: hi Ava: It's alright Ava: everyone's going a bit hard James: I'm sure your brother would happily throw them all out for you Ava: That may be Ava: but he is not invited James: that wouldn't stop him if he's still anything like I remember Ava: 2 kids and a wife might Ava: ha James: from being a protective older brother? I don't think so James: you either are or you're not Ava: yeah but my cousin is here Ava: so no need for the 'adult' supervision Ava: it's cool James: I'm happy to hear it James: there's no opportunity for me to drag Teddy home if he's there & he wouldn't thank me for it Ava: that's a bummer Ava: though I've already sacrificed him once tonight so rude of me James: to who? Ava: said cousin Ava: he isn't actually who I had in mind but you know Ava: be weird if I ❌ James: it sounds very romantic, I have no doubt he'll be thrilled Ava: Yeah it's like Paris in here tonight James: it's like Venice here, by which I mean flooded Ava: ??? James: 🛁 Ava: ahh Ava: awh Ava: 🐥🧼🧽💙 James: so yes, I'd say I wish you were here too, but I can't Ava: that's fair Ava: someone is in my bath alas James: theirs was meant to be hours ago so the chaos is somewhat relatable Ava: uh-oh Ava: I did think it was more like 💤🛌🌃 James: it's actually really far past that time too Ava: yeah Ava: you must be knackered James: if only I could join you in a drink Ava: There's still plenty 🍾🍾 Ava: I'll leave a full one out on the step Ava: for the milkman, like James: 😂 thank you, Ava Ava: my curtsy is so real James: that reminds me, I like your outfit Ava: 🥰 Ava: you're always nice Ava: are you wet? James: drenched, of course James: but actually not in the metaphorical sense Ava: Yay Ava: I'm happy James: are you smiling? Ava: cheeeeeese James: 📷 Ava: I'll take a real one for you Ava: but not right now James: [the longest pause ever like is he gone or what? but no he's just trying to sort the chaos out of course] James: later is an undeniably tempting prospect Ava: all dry Ava: what are you doing now Ava: a story James: well guessed James: would you like to pick it for us? Ava: You have to make one up Ava: a happy ending, naturally James: & there has to be a dog involved or Jay will be very angry indeed Ava: Frank! James: Oh right, I forgot you have one Ava: He's very angry indeed Ava: 😡 James: about the party? Ava: No Ava: about being forgotten Ava: he isn't actually here he's been dogknapped James: he'll forgive you Ava: me! James: yes Ava: you forgot him Ava: he's devastated James: you haven't taken enough selfies with him Ava: are you questioning my love James: I'm not but he could be, that's what I'm saying Ava: this is a sad story James: I'll do a re-write Ava: good idea Ava: he's on holiday James: working on his tan James: you two are very competitive about it Ava: well we've gotta be summer ready Ava: his diet is going awfully though James: he's lucky he doesn't need to go on one James: it was purely hypothetical Ava: he likes baked beans with the lil sausages in James: what do you like? I can't picture him happily sharing Ava: 🤔 Ava: that's a big question Ava: chinese food James: [when you know he's gonna send her some tomorrow for the hangover bye] James: can you use chopsticks? Ava: yes Ava: v dexterous Ava: shame that's not a sexy skill Ava: like cherry stems James: it could be James: you doing it Ava: 🥢 grab your tongue with that boy Ava: 🤭 James: it could work to shut me up James: but it's only making me laugh right now Ava: I like when you talk Ava: and laugh James: I used to be able to do that cherry stem party trick Ava: you'll have to show me Ava: we'll get some, see if you can do it James: It's been years, I probably can't Ava: you don't lose skills like that James: it's not a real skill, it's a boast Ava: yeah Ava: an implication of other skills, I know James: we all tried it out to mock the girls over how 'easy' it was but only a few of us could do it actually Ava: wink wink nudge nudge is how boys do Ava: 'course Ava: don't always have to back up a boast James: especially when it's one you made in another life Ava: nah Ava: i'll judge you and be so disappointed James: Ava! that's outrageous Ava: that's me James: you're supposed to not even be hypothetically disappointed by me Ava: I'm also not meant to lie to you James: okay, I'm backed into a corner, now what? Ava: what I would do to you if I had you in a dark corner right now is not suitable bedtime story-telling Ava: unless you wanna be up all night James: some stories demand to be told regardless James: & I wouldn't be upset about being kept up for as long as this one takes to be told Ava: You're the storyteller Ava: I'm a journalist, I like to report what happens James: [writes her a very sexy essay right here and right now about the life they should be living in the dark corner, like soz Jimothy you've been usurped as the writer & poet in residence] James: well then, you can tell me what's happening to you Ava: I don't know if I can describe that Ava: how you make me feel Ava: like you're here Ava: the only person here James: I think you've described it perfectly Ava: you are perfect James: no Ava: yes James: Ava Ava: James James: you're not meant to lie to me Ava: I'm not James: it's not true, it can't be Ava: opinion can't be wrong Ava: you can say i'm not well-informed if you wanna Ava: but i'll still think it James: I'm not at your party, I won't ever be able to be there Ava: you don't have to be at my party James: but you wish I was James: that's compromise, it can't be perfection Ava: only 'cos I'd rather be with you Ava: because you're so perfect James: if I don't give you what you want, I'm not perfect Ava: i want you Ava: as you Ava: i can miss you and i can wait Ava: i don't need anything else from you James: I don't know who I am Ava: i see who you are Ava: who you could be James: but I could become someone else James: like my dad wants James: like my wife wants Ava: you can't change who you are Ava: even when you try really hard James: you can lose who you are though James: & I have Ava: I'm telling you, I can see you Ava: even if you can't James: when you stop looking at me, it's going to be really hard Ava: I'll only stop if you tell me to Ava: no other reason James: if I tell you to it'll only be because I have to James: for your own sake Ava: you don't have to worry about me James: it's not the 1st time I've done this or had to stop doing it James: I know I have to worry about you Ava: i don't think i'm special Ava: but i know you like me too James: I think you're very special Ava: but i don't care if you can't be with me Ava: well, i do Ava: but i mean i'll be your friend no matter what Ava: you need me and no one can stop me Ava: not your wife or my brother or anyone James: the problem isn't who my wife is or who your brother is, the problem is that I don't care James: that's dangerous Ava: i said i wouldn't cause trouble Ava: and i won't let you get into any either Ava: not 'til you're ready to face it James: I've never met anyone like you before James: it's the most ridiculous cliche Ava: i know Ava: and I've never felt like this before Ava: so there we go two for two James: it's none of my business & you're under no obligation to answer me, but is that because you've not dated a lot of people before or in spite of everyone that you have dated? Ava: you're so cute Ava: I've dated plenty of people Ava: I liked a lot of them, some of them I thought I loved but then it was easy to be friends with them so I don't know, I think it was just that Ava: this is different, whatever it is and whatever they were James: understood Ava: did you date much James: I wasn't looking for that when I was in school & I'm not allowed to seek it out now James: I had a lot of sex before I got married & after but it's far from the same thing Ava: sure Ava: you weren't getting to know them as well as Ava: that's how lots of people operate James: I didn't intend to get to know you, Ava James: I don't know how it happened Ava: I'm not going to apologize for it James: please don't Ava: can i ask you something though James: of course Ava: did you just wanna sleep with me 'cos you thought i was cute or was it anything to do with who my brother is James: why would it be anything to do with him? Ava: i don't know Ava: 'cept i know him and i know there's history there James: I don't hold any grudges against him, we were all liars & fakes then James: all I cared about was my expensive drug habit & sleeping with as many girls as possible Ava: okay, i just had to ask Ava: things can be confusing enough without worrying about shit that ain't even real James: there's history for you too, it's not about any of that, is it? Ava: no Ava: it isn't James: my wife & your sister have so much history James: honestly more than me & her have Ava: i know Ava: but i'm not gonna exact revenge on her behalf via you James: I doubt she'd want that, she's not Chloé James: I don't believe there's anyone capable of holding onto something for as long & as tightly as she can Ava: I don't know Ava: I'm sure her therapist would tell her grudges are pointless but I don't reckon she can live that truth James: at least she has a therapist Ava: hooray for her James: I should probably get one, instead of talking to you like you are Ava: its what you should do Ava: talk to people Ava: work it out together Ava: nancy can't talk to anyone James: all my adult conversations are carefully overseen & orchestrated, it's only her laziness and the inescapable necessity of my parenting that has stopped the way I talk to my children from being put under the same restrictions James: what she did to Nancy was James: & that's only what I can remember Ava: its fucked James: it's already started with Jay James: if I can't find a way to stop it Ava: you have to James: I know Ava: you know its abuse don't you James: It doesn't matter what I know if nobody else knows it James: believes it Ava: how can they not, everyone knows what a total insane bitch she is Ava: sorry James: you don't need to apologise for telling the truth Ava: i'm not trying to make getting out sound easy though when it so clearly isn't James: it wouldn't be that hard for me to get out Ava: with the kids, or access to, though James: she says Jay's not mine whenever I criticise anything she says or does regarding her James: maybe she isn't James: her sex life was as active & varied as mine was Ava: wait Ava: what James: it's what she says if my bags are packed & nothing else has worked James: because I'd never see her again if she's not biologically my daughter James: but she can't say it about Matty, the dates line up too well Ava: are you on Jay's birth certificate? James: yes Ava: then you either are, and you have rights, or she knowingly lied on an official document but also, gave you full parental rights in the process Ava: if she really is lying then she has to incriminate herself and there's more than a case in your favour James: I don't know Ava: she got you to marry her under false pretenses, she stole years of your life James: it'll just be more of her bullshit James: of course she's my kid Ava: she'd do that? Ava: jesus James: she'll say & do anything to stop me from leaving James: in other circumstances it'd be flattering Ava: does she love you James: does it sound like love? Ava: no think she loves you then James: she thinks she's come this far James: not many of my friends would have agreed to marry her if they'd been put in the same situation James: if any, from the ones I had at the time Ava: i just wanna know what she gets from it Ava: she doesn't work or go to school, right? Ava: you seem to do most of the parenting James: isn't that the answer then? she gets a lifestyle that started out easy financially thanks to my parents & has been made easy by me in every other aspect James: I told you, it's my fault Ava: okay, granted but like she's happy to settle for not being crazy in love, just tolerating her kids and having no ambition of her own? at 22, 23? its not as if her parents would let her starve, Christ.. it'd be sad if she weren't evil and happy to take down you and the kids with her James: as I also told you, I've given up trying to figure her out Ava: sorry James: no, I am James: you don't need to worry about this Ava: yeah i do James: no James: you're a 17 year old at a party, Ava James: you shouldn't be worrying about anything Ava: don't patronize me James: that's not how I mean it James: I like you & she'll take you down too if you aren't careful James: I don't want that Ava: no she won't James: if you think that we shouldn't do this Ava: do what James: see each other as much as we are Ava: why not Ava: because i'm not duly afraid of chloe James: because you don't understand the risks Ava: again, don't patronize me James: do you want to end up like your sister? Ava: that won't happen James: it could happen James: & I'm not worth it Ava: it won't Ava: if you don't want to see me then that's your choice Ava: i think you're making a mistake but you're entitled James: I do want to see you James: I so badly want to Ava: then don't put a stop to us James: just please be careful Ava: I'm not afraid to like you James: Ava Ava: I'm just not, okay Ava: and even if i were, i couldn't stop myself and i won't so there James: you're really gonna age me horrifically, aren't you? James: 👴 Ava: well i do only like you 'cos you're older, obviously James: well, the back cover of the book can be all my worry lines Ava: 😂 Ava: sexy James: I can't make everything I do sexy like you do, darling Ava: don't joke i'm trying so hard to seduce you here 😏 James: I'm not joking James: you are & everything you do is Ava: Monday needs to be here now James: will you dance with me when it is, because we can't now Ava: only if you hold me really close and even tighter James: that I can do Ava: come on Ava: say you will James: of course I will Ava: James James: yes? Ava: I wish I could call you James: I'll go outside to smoke, wait a minute Ava: me too Ava: can't hear myself in here James: [another dramatic pause] James: okay Ava: the perks of being one of the only smokers Ava: and its warm out still Ava: i love summer James: it's a bad habit, but I've had worse James: & I still like winter the most somehow Ava: sorry it looks sexy and I've got a rep to maintain Ava: when were you born are you a winter baby James: January Ava: knew it Ava: awh its not your birthday for ages James: & you only like me because I'm older, I remember James: you must be truly devastated Ava: mhmm Ava: hurry up and hit 30 so we can really make it a moment James: you'll have me looking 30 soon enough James: all these smoke breaks Ava: not if you get to talking please and thank you James: you're supposed to be calling me James: as you wished it Ava: oh Ava: wanna facetime Ava: assuming 🥴 this is not my face James: you could still 'make a moment' I'm sure James: & I probably look better blurry Ava: shut up Ava: you're beautiful James: so you don't want to talk to me, you want to look at me? James: understood Ava: I wanna listen to you talk Ava: [ring him bitch] James: [telling her a story of everything he wants to do on Monday & it's hot & cute & funny & a mood] Ava: you're so so lovely Ava: stick around please James: you're quite drunk Ava: if I was drunk I'd say lots more James: you are so you can James: I'm listening Ava: no Ava: 🙈 James: you're not afraid of my scary wife but you're afraid of me? Ava: no Ava: but I'm scared of feeling crazy, being Ava: a little madness is key but James: I don't think genuinely crazy people are that self-aware typically Ava: maybe James: You're not crazy, Ava Ava: thank you Ava: probably not curtsy worthy but still James: you've devastated me, but I'll hide it expertly Ava: 😞 nooooooo James: I'll dedicate a suitable amount of book pages to it James: but otherwise, be utterly unaffected Ava: as long as that's the only conflict you're planning Ava: know it propels plot but I'll be very sad James: you'll get your happy ending, that means more to me Ava: you too James: that'll require a very long re-write Ava: maybe Ava: the middle can be shit though Ava: think that's writing 101 James: 😂 Ava: come on Ava: reluctant hero is a great trope James: I'm more of an anti-hero James: it's less about reluctance & more that I lack the necessity attributes, like courage or a trustworthy nature Ava: there's plenty different ways to be a hero Ava: there's plenty different ways to be heroes Ava: it isn't all capes and a misplaced sense of authority and vigilante justice James: I'm aware of that, but isn't the advice to write what you know? I'm hardly surrounded by viable examples James: you can't play every role, darling Ava: or write for the life you wanna have, the person you wanna be Ava: usually advice reserved for making you buy shit suits but I think it applies James: that explains why I've never heard it, in that case Ava: 😏 you were born in a tailored three-piece right James: if my parents were authoring the story, absolutely Ava: as much as parents love me Ava: probably not result in my happy ending James: or mine Ava: no Ava: we'll save that meet-cute James: thank you James: though it's unlikely I'll curtsy either Ava: shame James: I can add it to Monday's to-do list if your heart is set Ava: Your Monday sounds very busy as is Ava: I wanna help you relax and feel good not run yourself into the ground with curtsies etc James: you're sweet Ava: come taste me James: your party guests are bound to notice me Ava: I know Ava: I'd make them all leave if you could though Ava: but you can't James: no, I can't Ava: it's not long to wait Ava: just feels it James: it'll go faster for you, half of it spent in bed Ava: ha Ava: actually will have to entertain children too, worst of all my brother Ava: he's as annoying as he is protective etc and will definitely make me spend time with him before he leaves so we can have Monday James: it's a shame a playdate is out of the question Ava: even if I stole his Ava: can imagine your wife's joy to bump into us at the park James: she'll be far too busy shopping or having brunch with her friends Ava: then tell me it's still not feasible before I think it actually is James: it's a bad idea James: isn't it? Ava: it must be Ava: it's too good James: your brother wants to see you, he'd probably invite himself anyway, right? Ava: Probably Ava: but what if I show up really early and annoy him all day Ava: hype the kids up too James: 😈 Ava: there is one problem James: is there? Ava: my cousin will probably wanna come Ava: idk how I'm telling her no James: you said you'd already sacrificed my brother to her once James: how did that go? Ava: I've not been 👀 on 'em Ava: but I see 😈 what you're saying James: if get Jay to insist that he brings himself & a jumper for goalposts, he might Ava: oh Ava: no we can't James: you don't think it'll work? Ava: I told her some stuff Ava: not about you specifically Ava: but she can't meet you, obviously, she's not daft James: why would you do that, Ava? Ava: I didn't tell her anything James: that's obviously not true Ava: well she has no idea who you are James: you can't tell anyone about us James: I shouldn't even have to be saying that Ava: I haven't Ava: I told her about a boy Ava: I'm sorry but it's not going to affect anything Ava: she's not from here, she's not gonna say anything and she's got nothing to say anyway James: if you've told her enough that she could figure out who I am from seeing me at the park, you've told her too much Ava: I'm saying if your brother is there, it's just obvious Ava: I'm trying to be careful James: it doesn't matter, I'll see you Monday as previously arranged Ava: Well it does Ava: I'm sorry Ava: I'm just saying I don't think I can pretend you're just Teddy's brother, there's no point James: I agree Ava: I can tell her it fizzled out soon okay James: like you said, it won't affect anything Ava: you're still angry James: it's a frustrating situation Ava: yes James: I'm not angry at you James: I shouldn't have done this Ava: Be angry at me Ava: it was stupid but I'm not Ava: I won't tell anyone anything James: I know you're not, how smart you are is one of the 1st things I noticed James: but I obviously need to be smarter Ava: You don't want to do this James: I think we should slow down, you won't have to lie to your cousin & I won't get so carried away Ava: okay James: it's for the best Ava: alright, so what does that look like James: I don't know Ava: just let me know then James: I'll call you Ava: 👍 James: okay Ava: later then

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quaememinisse · 2 years

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What am I up to?

I periodically take breaks from weed. My tolerance just gets too high, and I have learned that I am slightly allergic to more sativa dominant and sativa strains.

Well, this past Monday, I went to a medical dispensary and picked up Banana Kush, Do Si Do, Nuke 'Em, and some Blueberry strain I haven't tried yet.

Yesterday on 4/20, I used the Banana Kush for the first time in my boyfriend's vaporizer, which is much more heavy duty than my little portable dry herb vape (they're actually the same brand of vaporizer, but my boyfriend's is not a portable one. And the machine is far more powerful.) It was great! But I vaped a bit too much and ate a bit too much and vomited. I should know better by now! Been using cannabis since shortly after I met my boyfriend at the end of the summer two years ago.

Well, I am taking an extended break now. I got into an internship for my career path (the LAST thing I need to complete before I take a licensing exam!) and it doesn't start until the fall, but I don't know if they're planning to do certain orientation things, like drug testing, soon or this summer. And I'm not about to screw myself over on that.

Last I took an extended break from cannabis was when getting my two current jobs last summer. I am not sure what I was doing throughout the two or so months where I wasn't vaping at all...

Probably working out a LOT. I have been doing that again, too. And am loving the progress I've made on my body, but I am going to miss weed for its pain-relieving properties. Especially if I'm going to be working out MORE, that may mean more aches and pains. I'm also going to miss how AMAZING it makes sex feel. My boyfriend is extremely adept at making me come, with or without weed. But with it, I just love how intensely I can feel everything in my body. My orgasms are more earth-shattering when I can feel everything super intensely. But I'll deal with it one way or the other. I'm almost DONE with all the training I need to do to start my career!

As far as the strains I picked up go, I like the Banana Kush the most. Nuke 'Em is blah, and Do Si Do is pretty good. All are indicas or indica hybrids.

So, to deal with weed cravings I might get, I'm going to be focusing more on: working out, caffeine, and writing. Which means that especially when the summer starts, and I have NO classes, I can do this more!

#personal #cannabis #weed

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certainempatheticturkeymuffin · 3 years

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I'm one of the fortunate ones in this whole situation. My mom had a friend that had power when ours went out. We lived in Kentucky for a few years so my mom knew to keep the faucets dripping. When the friend's water went out, our power came back on. My mom stocks up on water bottles religiously because she doesn't like the taste of the tap water here. She gave the friend some water and we went back home. Our pipes are fine, our car is fine, and now all we have to deal with is the Boil Order and our water coming on and going off again.

The first day (Sunday) wasn't too bad. My mom had planned ahead and all was good. She saw the forecast and refused to let me outside to touch the snow. She figured we'd be snowed in for a while and bought a bunch of food so we wouldn't have to leave. The car was completely iced over and it was so cool. I hadn't seen so much snow since I lived in Kentucky, and I was about four or five at the time. My mom had wanted to do some last minute errands to get some more water and an ice scraper. We broke ice off the windows and mirrors, and we got to play in the snow. I found great joy in punching the ice to see it crack, though it was super cool when it just slid off in a large sheet. The doors were completely frozen shut, so we had to let the car heat up a bit. Then we did all except the left back window (because no one sits there) and left. We bought a glass tile remover and used that because they don't sell ice scrapers here, and we went back home, car mostly free of ice. That night, the power flickered, but we figured it would be fine in the morning.

It wasn't.

The next day (Monday) was pretty bad. The power didn't come on, and it was freezing. We all ate a freezing bowl of cereal and took a look at the situation. We had two flashlights, and my mom knew she wouldn't be able to handle the darkness. The only problem was....our fireplace is wood burning. So, she had us bundle up and break the ice off the car (again) and use a dust pan (from a broom) to shovel a path to the car so we wouldn't track any in the house. The snow was about half an inch deeper than it was on Sunday. It was much colder on Monday than it was on Sunday too. My fingers couldn't handle the cold, and my sister and I rotating to shovel the path was horribly inefficient, so we only got about half way before my mom told us to stop because we were going too slow. Initially, I had wanted to scrape ice on the windows, but, since we don't have gloves, my hands were having a hard time gripping the scraper, eventually I begged to switch places with my mom because I hadn't even managed to pluck a single piece of ice off after a minute or so of fumbling. It didn't help. My hands were red and freezing and I'd spent only five minutes outside. I couldn't handle the dust pan very well either, and I wanted to break down and cry in frustration. I rotated with my sister, running hot water over my hands so I could feel them every time we did so. My mom saw how slow I was going and asked if I wanted to freeze, my response was "I'm going this slow because I am freezing." She had finished surprisingly quickly and we all got into the car, giving up on making a path. The roads were more dangerous than they were on Sunday, simply because there was more snow. Eventually, we managed to make it to Walmart. They had no logs. No cold food. No flashlights. So my mom bought about twelve candles. Walmart's gas station was closed, so we went to the Sam's gas station and got stuck. We struggled for about five minutes before a family came over and helped push us out of the snow. My mom was irritated that they wouldn't let her pump gas at the pump she was already at, ignoring the fact that the snow was too deep in that area to even move, and I was the only one that said thank you, but at least we were out. When we got home, my mom placed two candles in each bathroom and placed the rest around the living room/kitchen/dining room area (yes they are all one single room). We used the flames to warm our hands, and I passed out for a good four and a half hours, only waking up because I was overheating in my hoodie. I woke up at about six and my mom asked me to start the car so we could have somewhere warm to sit and eat. Thirty-ish minutes later we were in the car, warm, munching on chips and lunch meat. We were having issues with the internet, so entertainment was hard to come by and it was extremely boring, but at least we were warm. We stayed in the car from seven to eleven and went to sleep cold. The internet was very choppy, so all i have are these tweets, all made on the same day, even if two of them didn't post until the next day. I don't have tweets from any other days, except today, sorry.

The next day (Tuesday) was bad. We were freezing, and my mom had booked us a hotel, knowing that we couldn't stay without heat for too long, especially considering the fact that we didn't have wood and candles could only supply so much heat. We packed up immediately after waking up, leaving around noon to go to the hotel, even though check in wasn't until three. My dad was nagging us, trying to get us to make the two hour drive to San Antonio to stay with him, which was definitely a "No" considering the state of the roads. We told him we were staying at a hotel, I told him which one, and he called them for us. They were overbooked. My mom was not pleased, and, after double checking, tried to find a solution that wouldn't force her to drive two hours to my dad's apartment. All the hotels in the nearest cities were booked. So my mom called her friends and luckily one of them had power and water, and two extra rooms, and she lived five minutes away from the hotel parking lot (though the actual trip was about double that because of the snow). We all decided to stay in one room, because it kept that one room warmer and we didn't want to impose. We went back to the apartment to get a cot, because Miss Sabina had an air mattress, and we got all settled in. The room had carpets, but the pets weren't allowed in, so we were fine. I have a severe allergy to most animals that aren't reptiles or amphibians, fur and feathers are real bad, and Miss Sabina had two cats and a dog. It was fine though. Maybe half an hour after settling in, my mom got a call, the hotel had a booking canceled and offered us the room. We didn't want to go through the trouble of getting everything back in the car, so we declined it. My mom set up her computer to do school work (even though she works from home, the set up is so convoluted that she'd rather use her PTO than have to try taking it apart and setting it up again), and we were all set. The cage thing we put the cot on was really uncomfortable, so I ended up putting the thin cot on the floor, because even though my hips jutting into the ground was uncomfortable, being able to feel all the metal supports of the other thing was way worse. We went to sleep, warm.

The next day (Wednesday), my mom got an email that the apartment complex had shut off the water, but all was fine in Miss Sabina's house. I did learn that we only own one salt truck and only the bridges were salted. We don't own any plows, and the people on the budget committee(i think that's what it's called) don't want to allocate any money to plows or salt trucks because this storm was apparently just a fluke. Miss Sabina works with the city btw.

The next day (Thursday), Miss Sabina's power started flickering, but it was fine. I was apparently on my period, I didn't realize it because I always get a brownish discharge after it ends and theoughout most of the year, even though it's usually in lesser amounts and usually doesn't have drops of red. I definitely noticed when my pants and underwear were stained a dark red the morning of Thursday. It was inconvenient. That would've put me on my period for a straight eleven days. It was annoying.

The next day (Friday), the water was shut off in Miss Sabina's house. We checked our apartment, because finally the roads weren't completely covered in snow, and the water was still off, but the power was back. Twelfth day on my period.

Today (Saturday), we packed up and left Miss Sabina's house. Our water comes and goes, but my mom managed to buy a pack of bottled water that'll last us a while if I control how much water I drink (I usually drink a lot). I took advantage of the water being back and managed to finally take a poo, because one does not poop in another persons house, not when you're me, anyway. My stomach feels better now, and maybe I'll actually manage to eat something more than half a serving. I'm glad the heat's back, even if the boil order is going to be annoying, and the lack of water, but we're doing fine compared to many other people. My dad's fine, my brother and grandparents haven't called, and my best friend lives in Nevada and is unaffected. Thirteenth day on my period.

I'm so happy I was this lucky, but I'm definitely not getting caught dead in this situation again. When I graduate, I don't care if the northern states are better prepared for this, I'm going to hoard everything to make sure I'm not blindsided by this again. And maybe I'll invest in mittens.

I would like to say "fuck you" to both Ted Cruz and my period, because I was so happy to have a lighter period than usual, and it went and fucked up by extending to two weeks (at least) instead of lasting the normal miserably heavy four days.

#texas winter storm #winter storm #how i survived the texas winter storm 2021 #2021 winter storm #texas #my story #winter storm 2021

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